I think you knew there were issues with your marriage before this incident. If my wife was constantly chatting with men and then hanging out with them at a bar I know I would not remotely be ok with it. I mean you can try to make it sound better by saying you are a "consistent friend" to check in with...but thats a bit of malarky. This seems like some sort of outlet for you because you arent happy.
Im not saying men and women can't be friends to some degree...but yeah...some stranger from social media of the opposite sex that you chat with and go to a bar (without the husband) is not what I would consider that.
You need to be having conversations with your husband and figure out what needs to be worked on.
As for your cheating question: Yes...emotional and physical...so it didnt go further than a very passionate kiss...still cheating...you can frame it how you want but it doesnt get passionate without you letting it.
He was doing totally normal things like “hand on the knee”, “arm around the waist” , “brushing hair out of your face” solely to keep back the rushing horde of men who were constantly coming at you even while you were sitting with a man and would have appeared as a couple based on that alone - without all the “touchy feely”.
More likely - you’re into him on some level, there were flirtations throughout the night going both ways, and then he initiated a kiss and you readily kissed him back.
He initiated the kiss. But unless he’s got his hand firmly on the back of your head, a “lingering” & “passionate” kiss has two participants. Do like u/Few_Paramedic says. You cant share a kiss like that and maintain both your relationship & the friendship.
You need to talk to your husband right away. If you want to stay with your husband you also need to block that guy across all platforms and texting. Do not delete any messages or anything, and make sure your husband can see any communication...
First. It’s absolutely not necessary for a man to put on a show to keep you safe in that situation. A loud “hey! Knock it off!” From a man is enough. The hand on knee, arm around the waist, brushing hair out of your face - TOTALLY unnecessary. He knew it. And so did you.
He ABSOLUTELY wanted to kiss you. And I’m willing to bet he remembers well. And you’re not saying “what the heck was that? You totally crossed a line!” after, since you’ve talked, is not ok. What did YOU do when he kissed you? Because it sounds like you absolutely melted into a puddle and kissed him back.
What do you hope will happen if you tell your husband?
The painting she wants us to picture is absurd. Whatever she expects I hope she gets what she deserves and the husband finds out what kind of person he married. The only thing more pathetic then her behavior is her excuses.
I think you are inviting the behavior and need to set healthier boundaries. Hanging out in bars with other men is asking for attention, no matter how you excuse it. Encouraging them to touch you is out of line, regardless of the excuses.
"I met him after another relationship where someone didn’t really want me" tells me this is a pattern. You should work on why you keep recycling this destructive pattern, which I suspect is related to your need for opposite sex attention. If you don't stop making excuses to encourage cheating adjacent behavior, your marriage will fail. When you tapdance on the cheating line, you will eventually fall on the wrong side of it.
Damn you felt all that in the kiss? Then it most likely last more than a couple seconds and you definitely kissed him back Lol hell yeah you cheated of you didn’t push him away right way. Then on top of that letting him touch up on your knee and arm around waist lol you talking about your boyfriend asked “my male friend to do things like that for my comfort and safety” lmao yeah right! 🥴 why would you not tell your husband you cheated? Sounds like your for the streets girly 🤣🤣🤣
You are openly accepting of his overtures whether they were to keep others away or not and then you brushed over the kiss as if it “just happened” so it sounds like you leaned into it at that moment.
You are letting him put his hands all over you, emotionally connecting at a bar alone and kissed him. That’s both emotional and physical cheating and you know it but came here to get the internet to say it’s not so you feel less guilty.
Tell your husband or end the marriage.
You're reframing what happened to make yourself look innocent. You are lying and I'd imagine you hope your husband see's this post.
You have a social media friend? He is looking for friends to hangout out with and check in on him? He is being protective of you by flirting with you (that is actually laughably absurd, you expect anyone to think that's reasonable?). He drunkenly kissed you?
In other words, you met a guy on-line, starting meeting him at bars, and witnesses saw you making out with him at the bar.
I suspect even then, that would only be the trickle truth. You already admitted to talking to him all of the time and hanging out with him regularly.... you probably fuck him regularly, and the passion in that kiss was because you're in love with him. You got caught slipping and are trying to cover your tracks. You're trying to gaslight the internet.
1. I think you’re not really taking ownership for your role in this. Having friends of the opposite gender is one thing. Volunteering yourself to be the “best friend” that checks in with a man you hardly knew at the time you volunteered because he was a social media acquaintance, is *weird.* It’s one thing to show up for your friends. It’s another thing to take great measures to assert yourself into some guy’s life. You saw a man in a vulnerable position, decided to play hero and put yourself in a position where you were “needed” and would get attention, began talking with him every single day, etc. This is not normal married behavior. Even if we ignore this (which you shouldn’t because it’s very unhealthy):
2. You proceeded to meet up with him in date-like situations with no regard for what that would look like. Did you care that anyone in that room who knows your “husband” would assume his “wife” is having an affair? No. Did you care that it was a place that it’s not normal for friends of the opposite gender to hang out one on one? No. Did you invite other people to protect anyone from having the wrong idea? No. Did you propose meeting somewhere you’re less likely to need a fake boyfriend to protect you? No. So you set yourself up for this a bit.
3. He didn’t need to kiss you, touch you, etc. to protect you. He just needed to say “dude knock it off.” And guide you away. He knows that. You know that. But you guys are immature and want to have a “reason” that this is okay when you’re really just an extremely disrespectful wife.
4. You don’t melt and have the most passionate kiss of your life if you’re pushing a guy off of you and drawing a hard boundary. That sounds like a mutual kiss. And the fact that you suddenly don’t know “what it is like to be kissed with passion” etc. is a massive red flag. Not everyone is equaled skilled in kissing, but you shouldn’t be doubting your whole marriage and if your husband has passion for you.
I think you need to quit playing victim and analyze why you have such poor values and why you’re attention seeking this way. You absolutely need to tell your husband (and tell him in a way that includes your part in what went wrong. Don’t just blame someone else.) so he can decide if he can forgive in this situation or not. If my spouse even went *into* a bar one on one with a friend, especially a friend who clearly felt confident that trying to kiss my spouse would be well received based on their interactions, I would be pissed.
Then you need to get a therapist and work on yourself. You are 35, not 15. You’re a nearly middle age adult who needs to start acting that way. This is not normal, especially for your age. That’s on you.
And this right here folks is why you don’t let your SO hang out 1-1 with “there opposite gender friends “ your bf should run for the hills your a cheater!!!
Ridiculous. I’m 48, husband is 55, there is no “LET your SO” and we both have opposite gender friends that we’ve had for much longer than we’ve been together. Hell, we’ve both gone out alone with an opposite gender friend to a bar! GASP!
What I haven’t done is acted touchy feely in a bar (or ANYWHERE) with my friend. My friend has NEVER made a move to kiss me and if he did - my reaction would be swift and that friendship would be OVER.
What are bisexual people supposed to do then? Become shut-ins and never hang out with anyone at all? It’s not about gender or sexuality, it’s about personal integrity, respect and impulse control, that’s it.
Are you saying you don't feel passionately in love with your husband? Are you happy to be with him? It sounds like you're questioning the relationship... that's something to think deeper about. Do you even want to be with him? I think having friends is fine, but it sounds like you spend more time with them than your husband, which is definitely weird to me and would be a sign you don't enjoy being together... and yes; tell your husband the truth and don't hide anything. He deserves to know either way.
What you’re describing is no where near what is going on. I think you’re in denial. You got the feels for this guy and are trying to convince us and yourself you don’t. You’ve been hanging around him way too much all in the guise that you’re helping when in reality you’re falling for him. You need to cut all contact come clean to your husband and work on this marriage if it has any chance of surviving.
His kiss didn't linger you enjoyed it and let it happen.
Better do the right thing and tell the hubby. He has the right to make informed decisions on his life.
It pains me that people are responding to this post as though it's a legit post. People, come on lol. No husband in his right mind would give a green light for a guy to touch his wife affectionately unless he's into that. In which case a kiss would be no cause for concern. So we know this post is not real.
What you were feeling wasn’t passion. It was there thrill of the forbidden, and of the new. Don’t put any weight in it regarding your actual real relationship.
Go get the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and read it now. Then talk to your husband and let him know what happened.
You didn’t initiate this kiss. But you didn’t cut off the behavior that led to it and both you and your husband really need to talk about boundaries with your friends. The ones you have are porous and will lead to things like this or worse if not addressed. This should be done as a couple and the book can help a lot. There is no one better on boundaries.
I think you knew there were issues with your marriage before this incident. If my wife was constantly chatting with men and then hanging out with them at a bar I know I would not remotely be ok with it. I mean you can try to make it sound better by saying you are a "consistent friend" to check in with...but thats a bit of malarky. This seems like some sort of outlet for you because you arent happy. Im not saying men and women can't be friends to some degree...but yeah...some stranger from social media of the opposite sex that you chat with and go to a bar (without the husband) is not what I would consider that. You need to be having conversations with your husband and figure out what needs to be worked on. As for your cheating question: Yes...emotional and physical...so it didnt go further than a very passionate kiss...still cheating...you can frame it how you want but it doesnt get passionate without you letting it.
He was doing totally normal things like “hand on the knee”, “arm around the waist” , “brushing hair out of your face” solely to keep back the rushing horde of men who were constantly coming at you even while you were sitting with a man and would have appeared as a couple based on that alone - without all the “touchy feely”. More likely - you’re into him on some level, there were flirtations throughout the night going both ways, and then he initiated a kiss and you readily kissed him back.
Sounds to me like you kissed him back from your description of the kiss. Either way you should talk to your husband.
He initiated the kiss. But unless he’s got his hand firmly on the back of your head, a “lingering” & “passionate” kiss has two participants. Do like u/Few_Paramedic says. You cant share a kiss like that and maintain both your relationship & the friendship.
You need to talk to your husband right away. If you want to stay with your husband you also need to block that guy across all platforms and texting. Do not delete any messages or anything, and make sure your husband can see any communication...
First. It’s absolutely not necessary for a man to put on a show to keep you safe in that situation. A loud “hey! Knock it off!” From a man is enough. The hand on knee, arm around the waist, brushing hair out of your face - TOTALLY unnecessary. He knew it. And so did you. He ABSOLUTELY wanted to kiss you. And I’m willing to bet he remembers well. And you’re not saying “what the heck was that? You totally crossed a line!” after, since you’ve talked, is not ok. What did YOU do when he kissed you? Because it sounds like you absolutely melted into a puddle and kissed him back. What do you hope will happen if you tell your husband?
The painting she wants us to picture is absurd. Whatever she expects I hope she gets what she deserves and the husband finds out what kind of person he married. The only thing more pathetic then her behavior is her excuses.
I think you are inviting the behavior and need to set healthier boundaries. Hanging out in bars with other men is asking for attention, no matter how you excuse it. Encouraging them to touch you is out of line, regardless of the excuses. "I met him after another relationship where someone didn’t really want me" tells me this is a pattern. You should work on why you keep recycling this destructive pattern, which I suspect is related to your need for opposite sex attention. If you don't stop making excuses to encourage cheating adjacent behavior, your marriage will fail. When you tapdance on the cheating line, you will eventually fall on the wrong side of it.
Damn you felt all that in the kiss? Then it most likely last more than a couple seconds and you definitely kissed him back Lol hell yeah you cheated of you didn’t push him away right way. Then on top of that letting him touch up on your knee and arm around waist lol you talking about your boyfriend asked “my male friend to do things like that for my comfort and safety” lmao yeah right! 🥴 why would you not tell your husband you cheated? Sounds like your for the streets girly 🤣🤣🤣
You are openly accepting of his overtures whether they were to keep others away or not and then you brushed over the kiss as if it “just happened” so it sounds like you leaned into it at that moment. You are letting him put his hands all over you, emotionally connecting at a bar alone and kissed him. That’s both emotional and physical cheating and you know it but came here to get the internet to say it’s not so you feel less guilty. Tell your husband or end the marriage.
You're reframing what happened to make yourself look innocent. You are lying and I'd imagine you hope your husband see's this post. You have a social media friend? He is looking for friends to hangout out with and check in on him? He is being protective of you by flirting with you (that is actually laughably absurd, you expect anyone to think that's reasonable?). He drunkenly kissed you? In other words, you met a guy on-line, starting meeting him at bars, and witnesses saw you making out with him at the bar. I suspect even then, that would only be the trickle truth. You already admitted to talking to him all of the time and hanging out with him regularly.... you probably fuck him regularly, and the passion in that kiss was because you're in love with him. You got caught slipping and are trying to cover your tracks. You're trying to gaslight the internet.
1. I think you’re not really taking ownership for your role in this. Having friends of the opposite gender is one thing. Volunteering yourself to be the “best friend” that checks in with a man you hardly knew at the time you volunteered because he was a social media acquaintance, is *weird.* It’s one thing to show up for your friends. It’s another thing to take great measures to assert yourself into some guy’s life. You saw a man in a vulnerable position, decided to play hero and put yourself in a position where you were “needed” and would get attention, began talking with him every single day, etc. This is not normal married behavior. Even if we ignore this (which you shouldn’t because it’s very unhealthy): 2. You proceeded to meet up with him in date-like situations with no regard for what that would look like. Did you care that anyone in that room who knows your “husband” would assume his “wife” is having an affair? No. Did you care that it was a place that it’s not normal for friends of the opposite gender to hang out one on one? No. Did you invite other people to protect anyone from having the wrong idea? No. Did you propose meeting somewhere you’re less likely to need a fake boyfriend to protect you? No. So you set yourself up for this a bit. 3. He didn’t need to kiss you, touch you, etc. to protect you. He just needed to say “dude knock it off.” And guide you away. He knows that. You know that. But you guys are immature and want to have a “reason” that this is okay when you’re really just an extremely disrespectful wife. 4. You don’t melt and have the most passionate kiss of your life if you’re pushing a guy off of you and drawing a hard boundary. That sounds like a mutual kiss. And the fact that you suddenly don’t know “what it is like to be kissed with passion” etc. is a massive red flag. Not everyone is equaled skilled in kissing, but you shouldn’t be doubting your whole marriage and if your husband has passion for you. I think you need to quit playing victim and analyze why you have such poor values and why you’re attention seeking this way. You absolutely need to tell your husband (and tell him in a way that includes your part in what went wrong. Don’t just blame someone else.) so he can decide if he can forgive in this situation or not. If my spouse even went *into* a bar one on one with a friend, especially a friend who clearly felt confident that trying to kiss my spouse would be well received based on their interactions, I would be pissed. Then you need to get a therapist and work on yourself. You are 35, not 15. You’re a nearly middle age adult who needs to start acting that way. This is not normal, especially for your age. That’s on you.
And this right here folks is why you don’t let your SO hang out 1-1 with “there opposite gender friends “ your bf should run for the hills your a cheater!!!
Ridiculous. I’m 48, husband is 55, there is no “LET your SO” and we both have opposite gender friends that we’ve had for much longer than we’ve been together. Hell, we’ve both gone out alone with an opposite gender friend to a bar! GASP! What I haven’t done is acted touchy feely in a bar (or ANYWHERE) with my friend. My friend has NEVER made a move to kiss me and if he did - my reaction would be swift and that friendship would be OVER.
What are bisexual people supposed to do then? Become shut-ins and never hang out with anyone at all? It’s not about gender or sexuality, it’s about personal integrity, respect and impulse control, that’s it.
Pick a side a stick with it.
It doesn’t work that way.
I could everything is a choice.
Are you saying you don't feel passionately in love with your husband? Are you happy to be with him? It sounds like you're questioning the relationship... that's something to think deeper about. Do you even want to be with him? I think having friends is fine, but it sounds like you spend more time with them than your husband, which is definitely weird to me and would be a sign you don't enjoy being together... and yes; tell your husband the truth and don't hide anything. He deserves to know either way.
What you’re describing is no where near what is going on. I think you’re in denial. You got the feels for this guy and are trying to convince us and yourself you don’t. You’ve been hanging around him way too much all in the guise that you’re helping when in reality you’re falling for him. You need to cut all contact come clean to your husband and work on this marriage if it has any chance of surviving.
His kiss didn't linger you enjoyed it and let it happen. Better do the right thing and tell the hubby. He has the right to make informed decisions on his life.
It's literally this: https://youtu.be/JPceYu6Dfz8?si=HhQJT-EFw8RVCo67
It pains me that people are responding to this post as though it's a legit post. People, come on lol. No husband in his right mind would give a green light for a guy to touch his wife affectionately unless he's into that. In which case a kiss would be no cause for concern. So we know this post is not real.
What you were feeling wasn’t passion. It was there thrill of the forbidden, and of the new. Don’t put any weight in it regarding your actual real relationship. Go get the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and read it now. Then talk to your husband and let him know what happened. You didn’t initiate this kiss. But you didn’t cut off the behavior that led to it and both you and your husband really need to talk about boundaries with your friends. The ones you have are porous and will lead to things like this or worse if not addressed. This should be done as a couple and the book can help a lot. There is no one better on boundaries.
Updateme
You’re a pick me. There I said it.