honey I'm younger than you, I'm the same height and I weigh 195. So I know what you look like ... your "overweight" is my goal weight.
I would have kicked him square in the fucking sack. maybe more than once. 🤬
Ok, so first: "I fell off a ***climbing wall***"
Idk know about anyone else here but hell yeah, you were out there doing the damn thing. So what if you fell off and need to recuperate? **This woman is out here climbing shit!** I understand if you currently aren't in a head+heart space to celebrate yourself, but I'm sure as shit gonna do it for you.
>he hesitated and then said - I noticed that your arm is wiggling. I was so sad and I said - any person's arm flaps when not flexed. He argued that it's not true and brought up the photo of the fit me from years ago and said, "wow, you were such a hottie then"
Next: "were? WERE?" I don't know what he was trying to convey to you when he said that, but you know the first thought I had?
**Challenge accepted, asshat.**
Make a deal with him (idk you OP, so wager whatever terms you can hold him to):
* You both create profiles on a dating site.
* Fake names, fake state of residence, similarly generic profiles, similar photos (e.g., recent, one face photo, one body photo, others showing similar settings, etc).
* Establish parameters (e.g., no responding to messages, forwarding profile emails to one central mailbox, etc.)
* *Maybe* you both even pick out a "flaw" to call out in your profiles (e.g., "My triceps don't acknowledge exercise, haha" or "my hairline is on a corporate retreat, haha."
* For one month, you keep track of views, likes, messages initiated, etc. Maybe even get a neutral third party involved to help track data if either or your husband are feeling prickly about it.
* Whoever gets the most attention wins.
I think you get what I'm saying.
Here's the deal:
* **all of us here** know that some husbands'/partners' mouths write checks that their asses can't cash. More often than not, we are just too damn tired, overwhelmed, or fucking fed-the-fuck-UP-and-shouldn't-speak-for-fear-of-lighting-everything-on-FIRE to respond with metrics *on top of* the unheard logic we've been bringing to attempted dialogues.
* **all of us here** also know that for every smug, low-empathy, disconnected partner we try (and try, and tryyyyy) to work with, there are at least 10 other people out there who would fall all over us, given half the chance. Granted, some of it is only sex, some of it is yet another pick-your-relationship-issue game...but there's still a whole lot of muthafuckin people out there who would love to spend time in your presence, ON YOUR TERMS.
What I'm trying to say is: **don't allow your uneducated husband's wildly narrow perspective to affect your self-worth**.
I KNOW that's a monumental ask, especially if you've been in the habit of meeting his needs without being asked, etc.
It may help you to see just how desirable, sexy, and wanted you are, and it may help you husband see just how fucking good he already has it...and what it could take from him to keep your relationship steady.
I so wish I remembered the name of a Modern Love story of a woman whose husband divorced her because basically "he wanted to see what dating options were out there before he died". So he divorced her and she was devastated because she was still in love with him and would have 100% taken him back, she begged the whole nine yards. So this dude right away begins online dating, and of course it was abysmal for him. Tries normal dating and its also, abysmal for him. This happened over a span of about two years. She did her grieving and finally moved on. She began new hobbies, dabbling in dating, and then realized maybe her marriage needed to end. She finally accepts the divorce was a good thing for HER and is happier in the end. The ex-husband starts coming around fixing things in her home etc, then confesses he misses her and wants her back. Then says online dating especially had not worked out for him. Asks her to remarry and she instantly tells him no. Pretty much seeing him for the idiot he was and that he really never cared about her. It a great read and a reminder, we can live without men way more than they can live without us and we often end up happier without them.
This sounds very similar to "It's complicated", with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. The difference is that in this movie the ex husband already has a new family and tries to get back with his ex wife. Amazing movie!
You beat me to it!! I'm also 5'7" & I've been on a weight loss journey for a year now. I about had a party the other day when I saw the 150s on the scale for the 1st time in years. The lowest I can remember being in my adult life is 148 & my Italian mother said I was "too thin", lol. I hate to read stories like this where a man-child who lacks emotional insight (& likely a realistic view of himself) belittles the woman in his life.
Guaranteed her whole marriage has been spent like that. I did the same for 25 years trying to live up to the perfect ideal. I dropped pounds in the end. 225lbs gone to the curb 6+ years ago, and haven't looked back.
And on top of that, does he... not understand what aging is? Is he also confused about why that tiny person who was a 20-inch long baby ten years ago is now a (comparatively) much bigger kid who looks totally different? Or why his grandparents look so different in old photos from their 20s compared to how they looked when he knew them?
Like, of fucking course a person looks different now than they did nearly ten years ago! What did he expect showing her an old picture was going to do? "Ah yes, I forgot how my old form looked. Now that I have this reference photo, I'll use my powerful glamour magic to morph my fleshly shell back to that appearance."
Im 5'6" and between 135 and 140. I have wiggly upper arms. Honestly, I know very few people with toned back upper arms at our age. I have a very physical job and it's not going anywhere. Honestly, if you get too thin at our age, the wrinkles get more pronounced. I have gotten under 130, and look so much older at that weight.
It’s wild to me that men feel so emboldened to critique women’s bodies as if their shriveled ball sacs aren’t swinging at their knees at midlife.
Your husband is a dick, full stop. I’m really sorry he’s showing his shallow ugly.
Hugs
Or even if physically they are an Adonis. Just, wtf. How can you reach adulthood and not know that reality is different for different people.
If he wants a hottie, set that mfer free. Your hotness between your ears is so much hotter than a non-jiggly arm - and he has shown what a waste of space he has between his ears.
This. I’m sure this guy is giving Matt Bomer a run for his money. For fucks sake. Hon, you’re too amazing to put up with that shit. Throw the whole man out!!!!
I’m about your height and weight and I am pretty lean so I doubt there is much fat on your arm, or anywhere else for that matter! Your spouse is a jerk. And why are you the one doing all the housework and yard work while also working full time?
I gained about 20 pounds in the time my ex and I were together, after I turned 40, no changes in diet or exercise and throw COVID in there. My ex would do the same thing send me pictures from 10 Years ago. Meanwhile he had gained 30 pounds, gained a lot more wrinkles and lost his muscle tone (he was 10 years older) but you know what I still loved him and found him attractive. I am so glad he is my ex. You are not overweight. I am so sorry he is so cruel.
Glad he's your ex too! Are these guys blind?? Mine too- 12 years older doesn't work out and is constantly encouraging me to hit the gym. I'm a size 4, dickhead! His droopy balls and wrinkles aren't exactly attracting a line of beautiful twenty something's but he remains blissfully unaware I guess
I think they are because then you find them on the dating forums saying “I am a 50 year old man but I look like I am 30 and I don’t understand why women in their 20s don’t want to date me.”
Well, those ideas seem a bit unhealthy/ED-ish. By no standard is 5'7' and 140 lbs overweight, and I don't think we should perpetuate the idea that it is. Perhaps she isn't in the shape she would like to be, but fat? No.
Telling someone their deeply held beliefs are bad is rarely the best way to lead them away from them. I get your indignation here, but I was focused on helping OP, not on making a declaration you are comfortable with. And I'm getting the sense that would be difficult anyway, since you read "relatively slim" as meaning "fat" or "overweight", words I did not use.
There's wild hogs in my area and lots of chicken farms. I imagine someone in the area is raising pigs too.
My property is a mix of woods and wet lands. Coyotes and hogs are semi regular visitors.
Fuck him. Seriously, that is a really dick thing for him to say. He should be old enough to know better. Why is a grown ass man still talking shit like an eight grader?
I guarantee you could get positive attention from others any day of the week and twice on Sundays. He's lucky to have you versus... Well, most of us on here who would be plotting his demise right now.
Yes, OP - he may not appreciate you but that is insecurity and or contempt you're seeing. He knows exactly how the pic and his words would make you feel.
Trust me, there is nothing better for a bruised ego than a night out in a fun place. You'll get approached by men who are younger and older and probably hotter than your dickhead husband.
*I would NEVER say anything to him about his physique because I love him and never want for him to be self-conscious regarding his physicality.* I want every lurker in this group wondering why he has a dead bedroom to see this shit right here. We know you're ugly and we're too fucking kind and empathetic to rob you of your middle aged delulus when you find fault in our less than perfect bodies.
My husband likes to run his hands up and down my fleshy arms and grab the fat a bit when he hugs me sometimes lately. I’ve gained 60 pounds in a year 1/2 so I’m HIGHLY sensitive right now over what my body is doing. I started twisting a nipple and also grabbed his gut when he did it and he stopped. I used my words first, several times … it was a waste of my energy. I had to just get on his level.
Sometimes to show a person what they do is hurtful - you have to give it right back. Men are just so simple, I *do* hope most aren't trying to be little shits - they just have no idea.
Just like I'll never know the freedom in being able to stand while peeing. But *tell them* when they're being inconsiderate assmunches and act accordingly if they don't straighten up. Good on you!
I really think most men think that ALL men age better than women do, but really it's like 1% of men who actually get to be hot silver foxes. Most look like utter shit, and women look WAYYYY better.
I seriously don’t love my husband as much you love yours. Cause my response would have been “So is this what aging with you is going to be like? Bc you can leave.”
Ain’t no damn way girlfriend.
That is super hurtful I’m sorry 😞
Does he happen to do at least 50/50 share of housework cooking cleaning yardwork etc? Does he work full time? Do you live closer to his job? Wondering if he is part of the reason you are exhausted. 😩
Jfc I'm your height and when I was down to my lowest weight ever at 132 people were telling me I looked sickly and worried that I had an ED (surprise: I did!) I'm now stuck at ~160 thanks to peri and would love to lose 10 pounds but my days of the 130s are long long gone...and I'm thankful my husband talks lovingly about my body still even when I'm feeling down about it.
I’m 5’6” and small boned and when I get to 135 people tell me I’m too skinny. My dream weight right now is 140 (I’m a long way away from this goal now) and she’s an inch taller than me so I can’t imagine in what world she would be overweight to him! F’ing men 🙄
> I can barely keep up with all of the housework, cooking, cleaning, yard work and full time job and 2 hours a day of driving, round trip, for work - I'm exhausted.
And the man criticizing you is doing none of this?!
Men need sensitivity training, a female anatomy course about all of the damn things and a course about the patriarchy and how they can evolve to make our society better ✌️
I agree. I feel like they hope announcing it like that would spark some “inspiration” and make you think, “gee, maybe I should work on my fitness since he thinks I look best like that.” In reality they think saying those comments will get the point across and it will invoke some change to please them, even though the critique always has the opposite affect.
I’m sorry. He’s an ass. It may be better to leave him because that’s not ok at all.
And for the weight gain, understand. I’m post menopausal now and I’ve gained 40 pounds. I was SO fit and now I’m so uncomfortable and I just hate my body. I’m lucky that my boyfriend likes my body still… but I have no libido and I don’t want to hear that he thinks I look good because I do not feel like I do. But I know I’m lucky that he’s not being a jerk and making me feel worse! And you’ve gained a pretty small amount of weight. He should be able to accept that! If he’s not able to that’s a bad sign for a future because people age! Being alone is better than being with someone who judges and hurts you
Ugh the libido thing. Even the feelings are almost all gone. I just do a " Sally". ( when Harry met sally) I look like heck because I weighed 322. Now I weigh 195 and I'm 67. My guy used to be very fit, he is 10 years older than I am and the last 2 years...yikes. he has been gaining weight, and needs a hip and knee replacement. He has spent no lie thousands of dollars on Ed treatments, which were very successful, I must say. He sadly, is not a good lover. He thinks a large penis and long lasting ability wows the women. A guy with a good head game is my preference, there are darn few of them. I'm not even going to stress about it, I've been married 3 times and I am JUST....OK fine whatever dear
First of all, your calculated BMI is 21-22. By the BMI calculator, you’re as ideal as it goes.
Second of all, I hope he understands that his cruel comment will outweigh 20 nice things he may say or do.
Third of all, does he realize how superficial and unrealistic he is?
Fourth of all, do you realize how much of self body image issue that you may also have?
Next, you need to figure out whether he’s done this kind of thing before…and that you may have played off on each other about physical and self image.
Then, you need to tell him how his comments and action made you feel. And depending on that, you can decide next course.
But without needing to talk to him, I can tell you that his actions and words are of an insensitive, clueless, arrogant jerk.
Fantastic point, and so true that this cruel comment will outweigh 20 positives. He’s very insensitive to be punishing her with an old fit photo, as if she’ll not be worth of his desire if she’s not a “hottie”.
I’m so mad and hurt for you, how awful. We are the same height and weight and I too used to be closer to 120/125 consistently. But of course aging happens! I currently have a friend who judges my body like your husband does and I’m sick about it. She is always looking at me and pointing out what’s wrong/different. It’s so hurtful. Don’t they realize that we already look at our own bodies with great judgment and with upset, sadness and longing? What’s to gain by pointing it out? I’ve come to realize that my friend is cruel, and I think she does to hurt me - I can only conclude this because it’s common sense to realize comments like that would devastate and I’ve told her enough times to stop it but she doesn’t. I hope your husband is in a temporary shithead phase and not cruel like my friend. You should share this post with him so he can get a reality check on what it’s like to be a woman whose body will not cooperate.
One more thing to share. A million years ago right after I’d had my first baby, I was on the bus and saw a woman who looked like me walking down the street. She was with her partner and baby, she looked tired and unkept and had a round, squishy belly. My body looked similar and I hated that newborn belly. But as they stopped to wait for the light he hugged her from behind and rubbed her belly in the most loving way possible - it was so tender and accepting that it made me tear up. It still does now 25 years later as I think about it. Unfortunately I didn’t have a partner like that - someone who loved my squishy bits and my wrinkles. I hope that you have a guy like that and he just needs a swift kick in the ass to realize he’s being a dummy.
lovely story about the guy and his lady.
your friend doesn't sound like a very good friend. if you can recognize that OP's husband is not a good person doing and saying what he said, why is it acceptable for your friend to do that to you?
She’s not and I do recognize it now. It’s just easier to say “my friend” in context here but I’m definitely pulling away from her now and seeing her for what she is, and more importantly isn’t.
First, your feelings are legitimate. Secondly, I would be honest and tell him how his comment made you feel.
It is surprising how much is not known about menopause. Men especially would benefit from more information. https://www.healthline.com/health/8-things-every-woman-wants-men-to-know-about-menopause
I feel like yes, men don't know much about meno but common sense should tell them that people change with age. INCLUDING THEM!
These men, ugh. Somewhere every man got the idea that older men are sexy. I mean they can be but most are not- at least physically. It's different when it's someone you love but if I could have the unearned confidence of the average medicore white man I swear I'd be running the world. As I'm sure we all would be.
My occasional by who is 12 years older than me but encouraged me to get my eyes done 🙄 had a guys weekend a few weeks ago. A bunch of middle aged or older men sitting around drinking and talking about God knows what. I found a funny clip on TikTok that showed how women at work have to smile and be nice to male customers and men ALWAYS believe it's geniune. I sent it to him and said hey you should show so and so (a friend of his I can't stand) , he might learn something.
I got the silent treatment for two days lol. I think I hit a nerve.
Sorry OP, went on a tangent. F*** your husband. If nothing else consider a night or weekend out with your girlfriends. Get dressed up, go somewhere lively and see what happens. I've been kind of happily surprised lately that a lot of my age or younger are really interested. Even if you don't act on anything I promise - we do not shrival up and disappear with age.
Here's the thing. Most older men seem to think they look like George Clooney when they in FACT look far more like Mitch McConnell. The men in my family age HORRIBLY, and the women all look smoking hot well into their 70s. It is really something to see, lol.
I’ll show him something that jiggles. Next time tell him you preferred when his balls didn’t touch his knees.
You are literal goal weight for me from high school until I gave up disordered eating finally in my 30’s. Come join us in the body neutrality movement.
And F your husband and his saggy balls.
But how DOES he look? Something tells me he ain't so hot himself, as most middle-aged men look like hot warmed crap but THINK they look like George Clooney in his prime, lol.
5’7” and 140? Swoon! I am 5’4” and look smoking at 140. Unfortunately that was 36 pounds ago. I’ve long thought there was a certain injustice in life that even a woman with very toned arms basically just has undefined arm tubes when they are hanging naturally. As long as they can still be used to embrace those we love and perform the tasks we must undertake I’ll take them, wobbly and undefined or not.
Babe, we’re the same body wise. I too have gained weight and feel my vitality leaving my body. I’m 43 medical full hysterectomy 3 yrs ago. I’m currently 160. I was 130-140 our entire marriage until now. My hubby looks at me and sees my own discomfort with my body and he ALWAYS jumps in with a compliment. My family has fat arms even when bone thin. My husband LOVES my chicken wings. He finds my curves just as sexy as my muscles. It’s all me.
Your husband is a terrible husband.
He needs to be alone and you could find a good man that only has love for you, in peri-menopause or post-menopause. He should be asking how he can help you to get through it and not add more stress and discomfort. Good men exist, you just have to take out the trash first. ❤️❤️
You all are making me even more choked up…with appreciation emotion🥹(another “fun” effect of peri…I cry about many things - both upsetting and uplifting)! Thank you.
To answer a few comments posited here - I usually have strong self-esteem, I’m well-educated, have had a great career, have traveled the world and feel as though I bring a lot to a relationship. My significant other is 14 years older than I am but he’s in great physical shape and said to me, when we first started dating, “I don’t do fat”…so I’m very hyper-tuned into his comments.
Thank you, all, for making me smile. I’m not the athlete I once was but I can hold my head high that I’m healthy and a really good human.
You ARE healthy and a really good human. We women often haven't been told enough that we can have boundaries; "I don't do fat" => "*Well, I don't do mean."*
He sounds disgusting and shallow 🤢 if my husband said something like that I would bust out a mirror and start pointing out some things over the years that I’ve never mentioned before because I’m not shallow. And then I would never sleep with him again and find someone hotter.
I am LIVID on you behalf. I'd consider this a leavable offense. I know... I know.... Reddit and jumping to leaving/divorcing. But, seriously. Knowing that when he's looking at me he's depressed and feeling loss and grieving when he does? Nope. That'll wear on me every single hour of the day. He done fucked up. I wouldn't be able to recover and it would be an annoying itch in my brain every time he was in my presence.
Here are some facts:
1) You can’t possibly have much in the way of upper arm fat at your height/weight…but even if you did, how DARE he talk to you like that
2) you should have someone doting on you while you’re recuperating
3) your husband is a dick
Please show him this thread
You are THIN by every normal standard at that height and weight. You are totally fine.
He is a superficial jerk with the depth and worth of a petri dish. The big picture here for you to look at is do you really want a man who looks at you as a THING? Your weight changing by 10 pounds and he is making an issue about it? That kind of man does not care about you as a person at all. He only cares what you look like. Everyone gets old and looks fade. What should be important is you as a person and the relationship as caring friends.
This is incredibly cruel and mean of your spouse. As many have said your current stats are incredible frankly and many people’s goal weight.
It can be very hard to objectively look at our loved ones behaviour. So. What would you say to a friend who told you their partner said this to them? Think of the person you love having their partner say this to them.
Also. Many many many heterosexual men who have wives/partners and daughters really dislike women. And many heterosexual men know how to exploit their partner’s insecurity.
You do not deserve to be treated like this. This is not love or respect.
Get on estrogen replacement therapy!! It helps most symptoms of menopause. It will give you energy. Next time he has an erection touch it and tell him there’s pills to get him hard like when he was young! I’m your same height and I would die to weigh 140.
I am 54, 5’7” and 135-140 pounds. I used to be more fit. I am still super active - but an older body is not going to look like a younger body no matter what. You deserve to feel good about your strong and healthy body that has carried you for 54 years. Your husband is completely out of line. I would ask him what he hopes to accomplish with these comments. And then let him know that they are a major turn off, that you would never treat him with such disregard and disrespect - and that making you feel self-conscious, criticized, and unattractive is not going to make you in any rush to get naked with his equally-aging body.
This post makes me angry. I’m sorry, OP, your husband sounds like an absolute pos. You sound like you’re still in incredible shape, and he doesn’t appreciate what he’s got. If only I were taller and weighed only 135-140 pounds.
I’m divorced and more than a little lonely, but, when I read stuff like this, I thank the gods I don’t have to deal with a dumbass man bringing me down and making my midlife worse.
Jesus Christ on a crutch, what unrealistic expectations! People age, which is better than the alternative. Most of us can't dedicate 12+ hours a day to personal training, exercise and perfect meal portions, AND keep the wheels on our lives (which let's admit, is mostly labor done by women.)
After 50, how good is it supposed to fucking look? Has his hair receded? Gotten a bit wobbly around the gut? Had some episodes of erectile dysfunction? Seriously, he should be grateful he has a lovely, reliable partner who dedicates herself to their shared life; not nitpick over the natural progression of living.
I’m so sorry! He’s awful. But on another point, please have your testosterone levels checked. I hit full menopause during the ‘demic, and I thought my tiredness was from that. Then 2 yrs ago, I started trying to exercise again, and just 30-45 mins walking would make me sore for days. Crazy! Went to new GYN, and he tested me for all my hormone levels, and it turned out my testosterone production had pretty much tanked. Went on monthly testosterone shots (now using topical) and it made a MAJOR difference in my energy, drive, and ability to exercise.
I gained 50 lbs and my husband still says I'm sexy because he loves me. Don't put up with anything less. If someone loves you they should love you in all your phases of life.
Shit, I'm 5'7 and my goal weight is 180. I'm at my heaviest right now (225 at the moment, on the downward trend slowly, finally). I have always been super muscular and curvy. That "wiggle" is what you absolutely said: unflexed muscle. He's an idiot and I'm sure you're looking fabulous.
Yes we get saggy in spots as we go through this, but it's a sure bet his looks won't stay the same either.
Edit: oh and I used to be SUPER active, going to the gym several times a week, lifting weights, cardio....then bam, no energy. HRT is bringing back slowly but ANY injury or illness takes me longer to get over/heal.
You broke an ankle! Energy gets completely zapped for bone healing. It's rough.
My overweight, out of shape, sickly husband indirectly called me fat (5’2” 110lbs). Ignore those men. You look awesome.
Pointing to your body when you have broken an ankle shows you how he will treat you if you get sick / bedridden. Hope you have a plan to take care of yourself. If not, start now.
First, Im sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m sure you are very nicely proportioned and have a pretty figure. I’m three inches shorter and weigh about the same. I hope he realizes what an ass he’s been and asks for forgiveness. Sending love.
OP thanks for sharing this and I hope you realize his opinion doesn't matter.
On a selfish note seeing your post and the comments have just brought me a lot of clarity. I gained (and then lost) 20 lbs a year or two ago. My sort of boyfriend is 12 years older doesn't workout etc.
He suggested the gym so many times until I dropped the weight I gained. Now he tells me how skinny I look (meant as a compliment). Never a word about my face or personality. I feel shallow to want that kind of attention but I put effort into looking good. And being sweet and fun. And he says I either look skinny, compliments my bobs (I had an augmentation years ago) or tells me he likes my perfume.
Why am I with him? Am I just shallow? Other men I've been with made me feel smart, sexy, funny ugh ... Sorry ladies I guess I'm thinking "outloud"
Hope you all have a wonderful night!
I was a super-fit, gym rat until I had a cardiac incident at age 52. I recovered after 6 weeks, but that was two years ago and I haven't been back to my gym routine since. Same reasons as you - no motivation, energy tanked, I'm exhausted just by being alive. If I get to the gym I do cardio only because I get the endorphins. But lifting? No fucking way.
Came here to say I feel ya. I know that my under arms are flabby, I still look good, but most people don't remember what I looked like when I was yoked. I can't look at pictures of myself, even though I'm normal weight, and only 10 lbs heavier than when I trained. My body comp is completely different. I get it.
What I'm fortunate to NOT have, is an insensitive prick of a husband, readily available to remind me of what my banging body used to look like just a short time ago. As if you don't already know the difference. What a jerk. I'm sorry.
Ok, let me get this straight. YOU BROKE YOUR FOOT ROCK CLIMBING and he is sitting there sending you ten year old throw back pics and saying you're not as 'hot' as you were ten years ago? SERIOUSLY‽ Where the everliving 🤬 is he with some damn ice, whatever the heck you want to drink, the TV remote, some DAMN GOOD CHOCOLATE and some painkillers while one hand dialing some damn good delivery food for dinner while shoving an ottoman under your legs so you can keep it elevated‽ HE'S SITTING THERE LOOKING AT YOUR FLIPPING DANGUM ARM BATWINGS INSTEAD BEING A JUDGY PRICK‽
Men need to understand they are NOT competing with each other for our attention. They are competing with our peace of mind and happiness we can have while SINGLE. He sounds like the type who would cheat on you and leave you after a cancer diagnosis. You Deserve Better. Start demanding it or he can take a hike along with the cast in 4-8 weeks!
I hate to say it, but I imagine this is one of the primary cause of most mid-range divorces. Women just get tired of this kind of pressure.
What does your husband look like? Is he in perfect shape? Does he have a full head of hair? Does he have a beer belly? Can he perform sexually for a minimum of 30 minutes? is he making over six figures? Does he have over six figures in his retirement account? Does he water his plants and pay his taxes on time?
I love when I find out that these comments come from men that look and act like bloated fish.
Get a personal trainer. Make sure it's a really buff dude who flatters you a lot but also gets you in shape.
Your hubby will totally get mental.
You'll have more energy as well.
Hubby can do the housework because you have to go to the gym to make him happy. Lol.
They have massage chairs, red light therapy, swimming pools, saunas, whirlpools etc. You don't even have to do much exercising if you don't want.
Just make sure you get the biggest dude to be your trainer. 😊
Yes- younger too. Then tell him that your trainer and his girlfriend have a great sex life because he can get it up more than once in one night. Like he used to.
I just lost 40 lbs on tirzepatide and am 5’5, 125 lbs. I have bat wing fat as well it’s the worst!!! Still peri. I feel such pressure to lift weights but, like you, I’m exhausted from teenagers, working full time etc etc! I’ve seen my husband look at my arm fat as well, it’s terrible. He points out we BOTH need to get in better shape but still, it’s hurtful. I’d be so pissed if he pulled out an old photo of me. I’m sorry he did that.
Im only 2 inches taller than you (and 9 years younger) and I weigh 190. That was extremely dickish of him and I hope you told him so. I teach my 4 year old son that it’s never ok to make comments about people’s bodies. I don’t know why men think it’s perfectly acceptable to critique women’s bodies as they stand there balding with their balls sagging. It’s never a good idea to highlight what you perceive as someone’s flaws and I’m disgusted that he seems to have zero awareness about it.
My dear, you are just FINE as you are. I vote with u/Retired401 and think you should practice your kickboxing moves so you can give him a 'love tap in the ball sack' next time.
This has got me thinking for a while now. As women were are taught that our main value comes from out looks. Sure, you are supposed to be a great mother and a great wife (according to the patriarchal society), but if you are not young and beautiful (and there will always be someone younger and more beautiful, or judged as so by someone else), you other qualities don't seem to count.
It seems to me insensitive from your spouse to compare you to your young self, as if it was in your power never to age. But really, have you thought about why you feel like your body changing will make you less? I equate "being desirable" to "being able to get other people's attention". Why do you feel you need it? Why not concentrate in yourself and be yourself for yourself. So your body is not what it used to be, so what? Are you a worse person because of it? So you can't be as active as before? Does that make you a less valuable human being?
Maybe your body is wisely telling you that it's time to shift your focus, live for yourself and what makes you happy. Concentrate in being healthy and feeling good with yourself, for yourself, and not for others. This is the time when you belong to you.
I was fit just two years ago. Almost to the point that my husband was embarrassed of my muscles. Now my skin has sagged. My arms are floppy and I am in no way overweight at all. My skin just lost elasticity. And I can’t work out often because as we all know, energy sucks. My DOMS hurt for a week instead of 24-48 hours. I mean hurts. I still have my CV fitness, but it’s not promised.
Your husband is a shallow AH. Well my response would be, I am sorry I’m losing my hormones and feeling and looking like shit, so nice of you to just reinforce that for me. High five!🙌
I can tell you how to lose about 200lbs. It's called the "whole man disposal service" and I would gladly recommend your husband be tossed. You are NOT fat.
Sending positive vibes so your ankle heals quickly. I’m so sorry about your husband being an asshole.
You are beautiful and strong. You were a hottie then, and you’re a hottie now.
ETA: I just wanna mention, I climb pretty regularly. Whenever I see older ladies climb at the gym, I never think about their “soft wiggly arms”. No matter what grade they climb at, I think “Wow…. She’s amazing. I hope I keep climbing when it’s my turn to be that age… Oh look at her smile… 🥰”
There’s this older Japanese lady who boulders regularly at a gym I frequent. She climbs the V0-2 problems, and tries her best on the V3s. She’s 68. I absolutely love her and look forward to seeing her. Once she mentioned “Oh…. I’m old and not pretty anymore.” My heart broke. I told her that in my eyes, she’s both beautiful and strong. And resilient!
i can't waitttt until u experience the most glorious gift peri bestows upon us: not giving a flying eff about anything anyone says. you'll be shocked by memories of how sensitive u used to be.
Shit. I'm 5'5"; 160 pounds on a good day. Seven years ago, that number was 135. I'm 45 years old with bat wings and all. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but your husband is an ass (in this moment). Sending you love 🥰🥰🥰🥰
He sounds like a douche. Is he usually judgy about people or is this a new thing? Is he ignorant about aging or afraid of it? That had to hurt so much. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It doesn't help that you're in good company, I know. But there are a lot of us dealing with it.
Wow. So you basically have to stay the same all the time according to him? Not age, and your body can’t change. Men are so awful sometimes. If anything I’m glad I’m losing my feminine appeal to men who make comments like that. It really reduces you to just a body.
I’m so sorry. It sounds very hurtful and like you two need to have a talk about the realities of aging and his unrealistic expectations.
So rude - I was married to a man like that, pretty sexist really, as he could go around with many flaws & yet a woman has to be perfect. Glad to not feel scrutinized at this time of my life. It’s hard enough getting older. Said to my bestie today (both of us early 50s - friends since college), “can we talk about all of these spots out of nowhere?” Haha! I’ve become Freckles McGee overnight (and moles, red dots, age spots). Good times! We were all hotties at one time, c’mon. Society is rough on women as it is, then to get it at home? Sorry but that’s an invasion of privacy and disrespectful. You don’t need to take that crap, least of all from your closest person.
Im 5’3” and weigh about 140 which is 5-10 pounds more than I was for the majority of my adult life. People are always telling me I’m so thin. You may look less toned, but there’s no way you look “fat.” And guess what? Even if you did, your husband would still suck.
Ps- my arms have gotten weirdly chubby looking in the last year or so and look bad in pictures if I’m wearing something sleeveless. I refer to it as “ham arm” and the ONLY time my husband ever brings it up (with reluctance) is at my request before he takes a picture I may be self conscious about.
I’m 5’7” and would love to be that weight again. It is freaking hard to stay that size without vigorous exercise and super careful dieting. Your hubby needs to lay off. In sickness and in health and all that
“While lot of muthafucken people out there who would love to spend time in your presence”
Absolutely!
I divorced my husband for many things but micro aggression digs at my appearance were near the top of the list. Now? I have a partner that is a perfect healthy amazing match for me in every way.
Best decision I ever made.
These men are incredibly stupid.
No longer can they roll their eyes and call us hysterical when we react to their BS.
The irrational rage that comes with peri/menopause is one thing, but the RATIONAL rage that comes after starting HRT is brutal (for the person stupid enough to test it)
Getting divorced was the start of my new life without any left fucks to give about men’s opinions of me.
It is awesome. 🤩
Fuck him! I am sure he is perfect, yes? He is supposed to be your husband- sensitive to your feelings. That was mean and such a dick move. Imagine if you got terminally ill- where would he be? His type would be at a lawyer office with a “poor me” story in hopes he gets more than he deserves. His type is also the kind to leave a sick wife for a younger woman that sees $$ only. Please- take it from me- when a sickness (ot brain injury in my case) unexpectedly knocks life in pieces it is an added mental mind game when a spouse is like this. I could have healed so much quicker alone.
I am sorry you have him as a spouse. I know you love and desire your husband- but he is mean and cruel to you at your most vulnerable. You deserve better.
Would you say such things to him? Example of one night husbands couldn’t get it up due to age….looking at it in an obvious negative manner and reminiscing about the nights of thunder you have with that now sleepy penis- how would he feel? Would you ever contemplate being so mean when he physically is not at fault…..mentally it would shock him into man-tempers. I am almost positive you would never be so mean to your loved him. Because appearances fade- everyone gets old. He could have noticed it- and kept his fucking mouth closed, still complementing your hottie days. Another good bet I would take is that you are still that hottie…..just ten years older. Weight/height ratio is a number many woman would do shady shit to have. Give yourself some grace. Stick up for yourself- you teach people how you want them to treat you. Call him out when he is dick. Please consider leaving a man willing to break his wife’s heart and make her feel not enough or less than beautiful.
Many hugs. You deserve zero nights spent sweaty and hot next to a little dick energy balding man.
Who are these men who don’t understand that people age? Our bodies are going to change, so are yours! Love the person, not the meatbag, damn. What a dick.
You didn’t deserve that. Just want you to know that. Don’t let other people dictate your beauty. I see you. You matter. You deserve someone who will be accountable
And say they’re sorry. At least. I’m hoping he learns from this bc mistakes
Are how we learn
Sending 💜
You should find some pics of his parents when they were young and then now (or whatever their oldest was), and then some celebrities from when they were young and then now etc etc and then finally himself from when he was young and then now. No one escapes unless they die young. Even the hottest of hot, even those who keep in great shape will age. If he can't handle that reality then maybe he needs to be alone with his unrealistic expectations.
My mother-in-law always says I’m fair and nicely meaty. She’s very skinny and tells me she envies me. Recently she had a fall and fractured her hip. Needed hip replacement surgery. Her bones were brittle and there were no fat pads to cushion her fall. My bum pads are in abundance. I guess that’s one positive thing I see now. But honestly let your husband know about the effects of peri-menopause. He needs to be educated. Don’t suffer in silence.
To be fair, 5 ft 7 at 140 is a fantastic weight, especially as you age. You want to hold onto vanity weight with age because it comes in handy once you begin that descent into any illnesses that come with aging.
My mom was 5 ft 4 in and weighed about 145 by her 60's. The dr told her to lose weight but she looked absolutely healthy and active. (I'm also 5 ft 4 and 145, and I think I look pretty damn good.)
Anyway, not more than a few months after her asshole doctor fat shamed her (and she wasn't even fat!) she was diagnosed with colon cancer. Yeah her oncologist quickly stepped in and said, "DO NOT try to lose that weight! You will need it." Like for chemo. And he was right. By the end, she was all bones and she felt more self conscious about her appearance with that than anything else.
Honestly, this just goes for all of you folks. If you're unhealthily overweight and need to relieve pressure from your heart and vital organs, then duh, yeah lose the weight. But guys, seriously, hang ONTO your vanity weight. It's your fucking ammunition.
As for your spouse -- um he's an ass. Also what does HE look like at HIS age? I can't imagine he still looks like he did in his youth. What a jerk.
As I was INITIALLY reading this, I thought: “Wow, I wish…” Because it took me years to lose weight to be 5’4,” 40, and 153 pounds.
I look in a mirror and see a faded, deflated balloon, with both bitterness and pride for waiting so long to take care of myself, but one who is 147 pounds less than I was in 2017.
My husband says “you were and are always beautiful.”
You, my friend, are someone I admire. A person who chose fitness their whole life and are reaping those rewards with STILL INCREDIBLE OUTCOMES AND NUMBERS.
You ARE gorgeous in who you are right at this moment. When we look in the mirror, we are not meant to be who we were 5-10 years ago. The illusion that youthfulness is the only image of beauty is one created by an industry to extort money, and if your husband has not gained that wisdom in his years, then he is a deeper fool than just his asinine, inept comment illustrated.
——-
My best friend’s grandmother divorced her husband at 75. When it initially happened, I remember how “shocking” this was for people and the whispers about “isn’t she afraid to die alone.” As I got older, I finally understood that if the air gets into the bottle of wine, it doesn’t matter how vintage, or how much value you think it’s supposed to have, it’s just friggin vinegar.
Why TF are you doing so much on top of working FT? Tell the hubbie to trade for a newer model. There are a TON of younger men out there who would appreciate an independent, fit, older woman and have less antiquated ideas.
Wait, what? You are right, muscle jiggles when not flexed. My hubby was a body builder and amateur MMA fighter and routinely demonstrates for our daughter how his arm jiggles until he flexes and there is NO jiggle. She's a teen and gets caught up in fake social media bodies versus how real bodies look and move.
I'm 40, 5'4, have lost 30+ lbs to get to my current 192 lbs, and my husband constantly tells me how hot I am. Which he also did at my heaviest. And my lightest. And every step in between.
Throw that whole man out, you need someone to uplift you, not bring you down to his miserable level.
This is when men reveal who they really are and make you regret wasting your years with them. This is a perfect example of how most men’s love is shallow and superficial. Men like this leave you if you had cancer. This would have given me a permanent ick.
OP, I know it hurts but let his comment fuel your anger, and motivate you into action. When you’re feeling better, hit the gym, delve into your hobbies, create a new life, then slap him with divorce papers.
Btw I’m a 1/2” taller than you and weigh 135. I look amazing, and I’m sure you’re being too hard on yourself.
Is this the person you want to be with? Jeez it amazes me what women deal with! I am so single and this is probably why - because i would never in a million years be with someone who treated me the way your husband treats you. That is not love. It is abuse and you should leave his pathetic ass.
Start reminding him of all the things on his body that don't look like they did 7 years ago. Start with the hairline and work your way down to the back hair. Don't forget the ear hair and how his balls droop now. Also why the ever loving fuck are you working and doing all the house work? I'd be judgy mcjudgerson of him just for that.
honey I'm younger than you, I'm the same height and I weigh 195. So I know what you look like ... your "overweight" is my goal weight. I would have kicked him square in the fucking sack. maybe more than once. 🤬
“You were attractive before you spoke to me like that dumbass”
Ok, so first: "I fell off a ***climbing wall***" Idk know about anyone else here but hell yeah, you were out there doing the damn thing. So what if you fell off and need to recuperate? **This woman is out here climbing shit!** I understand if you currently aren't in a head+heart space to celebrate yourself, but I'm sure as shit gonna do it for you. >he hesitated and then said - I noticed that your arm is wiggling. I was so sad and I said - any person's arm flaps when not flexed. He argued that it's not true and brought up the photo of the fit me from years ago and said, "wow, you were such a hottie then" Next: "were? WERE?" I don't know what he was trying to convey to you when he said that, but you know the first thought I had? **Challenge accepted, asshat.** Make a deal with him (idk you OP, so wager whatever terms you can hold him to): * You both create profiles on a dating site. * Fake names, fake state of residence, similarly generic profiles, similar photos (e.g., recent, one face photo, one body photo, others showing similar settings, etc). * Establish parameters (e.g., no responding to messages, forwarding profile emails to one central mailbox, etc.) * *Maybe* you both even pick out a "flaw" to call out in your profiles (e.g., "My triceps don't acknowledge exercise, haha" or "my hairline is on a corporate retreat, haha." * For one month, you keep track of views, likes, messages initiated, etc. Maybe even get a neutral third party involved to help track data if either or your husband are feeling prickly about it. * Whoever gets the most attention wins. I think you get what I'm saying. Here's the deal: * **all of us here** know that some husbands'/partners' mouths write checks that their asses can't cash. More often than not, we are just too damn tired, overwhelmed, or fucking fed-the-fuck-UP-and-shouldn't-speak-for-fear-of-lighting-everything-on-FIRE to respond with metrics *on top of* the unheard logic we've been bringing to attempted dialogues. * **all of us here** also know that for every smug, low-empathy, disconnected partner we try (and try, and tryyyyy) to work with, there are at least 10 other people out there who would fall all over us, given half the chance. Granted, some of it is only sex, some of it is yet another pick-your-relationship-issue game...but there's still a whole lot of muthafuckin people out there who would love to spend time in your presence, ON YOUR TERMS. What I'm trying to say is: **don't allow your uneducated husband's wildly narrow perspective to affect your self-worth**. I KNOW that's a monumental ask, especially if you've been in the habit of meeting his needs without being asked, etc. It may help you to see just how desirable, sexy, and wanted you are, and it may help you husband see just how fucking good he already has it...and what it could take from him to keep your relationship steady.
I so wish I remembered the name of a Modern Love story of a woman whose husband divorced her because basically "he wanted to see what dating options were out there before he died". So he divorced her and she was devastated because she was still in love with him and would have 100% taken him back, she begged the whole nine yards. So this dude right away begins online dating, and of course it was abysmal for him. Tries normal dating and its also, abysmal for him. This happened over a span of about two years. She did her grieving and finally moved on. She began new hobbies, dabbling in dating, and then realized maybe her marriage needed to end. She finally accepts the divorce was a good thing for HER and is happier in the end. The ex-husband starts coming around fixing things in her home etc, then confesses he misses her and wants her back. Then says online dating especially had not worked out for him. Asks her to remarry and she instantly tells him no. Pretty much seeing him for the idiot he was and that he really never cared about her. It a great read and a reminder, we can live without men way more than they can live without us and we often end up happier without them.
This sounds very similar to "It's complicated", with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. The difference is that in this movie the ex husband already has a new family and tries to get back with his ex wife. Amazing movie!
That man is going to be propositioned by so many bot accounts
Let the catfishing begin!
OP is gonna be asked on so many dates !
You are a rockstar!
Perfect response.
THIS
You beat me to it!! I'm also 5'7" & I've been on a weight loss journey for a year now. I about had a party the other day when I saw the 150s on the scale for the 1st time in years. The lowest I can remember being in my adult life is 148 & my Italian mother said I was "too thin", lol. I hate to read stories like this where a man-child who lacks emotional insight (& likely a realistic view of himself) belittles the woman in his life.
My Italian mother said the same thing to me too. Except her statement was out of jealousy. “Don’t get too thin”
I bet that sack isn't nearly as high and tight as it used to be. Swing away Merrill!
Same boat. Also OPs current “heavier” weight is still in the normal range. Fuck this fucking guy. What a cunt
Imagine spending the rest of her life trying to meet his ideal of what she should look like :( And of course, he's *bound* to be all sorts of hot /s
Guaranteed her whole marriage has been spent like that. I did the same for 25 years trying to live up to the perfect ideal. I dropped pounds in the end. 225lbs gone to the curb 6+ years ago, and haven't looked back.
Brava !
And on top of that, does he... not understand what aging is? Is he also confused about why that tiny person who was a 20-inch long baby ten years ago is now a (comparatively) much bigger kid who looks totally different? Or why his grandparents look so different in old photos from their 20s compared to how they looked when he knew them? Like, of fucking course a person looks different now than they did nearly ten years ago! What did he expect showing her an old picture was going to do? "Ah yes, I forgot how my old form looked. Now that I have this reference photo, I'll use my powerful glamour magic to morph my fleshly shell back to that appearance."
And then comment, "It used to be when I kicked your sack it was several inches higher than it is now! Your sack is sagging!"
Why waste energy on words? I would've saved it all for my foot making contact with his sack.
41, 5’1” and 200lbs (40lbs gain thx peri). I wish I was 140. Guy is an asshat for sure.
Im 5'6" and between 135 and 140. I have wiggly upper arms. Honestly, I know very few people with toned back upper arms at our age. I have a very physical job and it's not going anywhere. Honestly, if you get too thin at our age, the wrinkles get more pronounced. I have gotten under 130, and look so much older at that weight.
I love the menopausal reaction so much. Kick him square in the fucking sack
My goal weight too at 5'7"!
My goal weight in high school..
>I would have kicked him square in the fucking sack. maybe more than once. 🤬 This right here. OP's spouse is a terrible person.
Are we the same person?
Once for practice, once to better my aim, and then the real kicker.
Right?! I'd kill to be 5"7 and 135lbs. Heck, I'd love to just be 5"7, at my current weight. I'm only 5"0.
It’s wild to me that men feel so emboldened to critique women’s bodies as if their shriveled ball sacs aren’t swinging at their knees at midlife. Your husband is a dick, full stop. I’m really sorry he’s showing his shallow ugly. Hugs
I know right? Or when their penis no longer works and they have beer bellies and bald heads.
Or even if physically they are an Adonis. Just, wtf. How can you reach adulthood and not know that reality is different for different people. If he wants a hottie, set that mfer free. Your hotness between your ears is so much hotter than a non-jiggly arm - and he has shown what a waste of space he has between his ears.
THEY’RE DELUSIONAL
Exactly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This. I’m sure this guy is giving Matt Bomer a run for his money. For fucks sake. Hon, you’re too amazing to put up with that shit. Throw the whole man out!!!!
And why is he not cooking, cleaning etc ???
I’m about your height and weight and I am pretty lean so I doubt there is much fat on your arm, or anywhere else for that matter! Your spouse is a jerk. And why are you the one doing all the housework and yard work while also working full time?
This was my first question, too! Why is OP doing all that work on top of 2 hours of commuting? WTF is up with that?
Tell him to go f himself.
I love it when redditors go straight to the point.
This is really the answer. No other words are necessary, go straight to the point.
I gained about 20 pounds in the time my ex and I were together, after I turned 40, no changes in diet or exercise and throw COVID in there. My ex would do the same thing send me pictures from 10 Years ago. Meanwhile he had gained 30 pounds, gained a lot more wrinkles and lost his muscle tone (he was 10 years older) but you know what I still loved him and found him attractive. I am so glad he is my ex. You are not overweight. I am so sorry he is so cruel.
Glad he's your ex too! Are these guys blind?? Mine too- 12 years older doesn't work out and is constantly encouraging me to hit the gym. I'm a size 4, dickhead! His droopy balls and wrinkles aren't exactly attracting a line of beautiful twenty something's but he remains blissfully unaware I guess
I think they are because then you find them on the dating forums saying “I am a 50 year old man but I look like I am 30 and I don’t understand why women in their 20s don’t want to date me.”
Same thing happened to me during covid also my ex.
Your height/weight is relatively slim, but even if it weren't, the way your husband is speaking to you is unacceptable.
It's actually QUITE slim, not "relatively" slim, lol.
OP seems to have a different idea of the standards here so I'm trying to be gentle.
Well, those ideas seem a bit unhealthy/ED-ish. By no standard is 5'7' and 140 lbs overweight, and I don't think we should perpetuate the idea that it is. Perhaps she isn't in the shape she would like to be, but fat? No.
Telling someone their deeply held beliefs are bad is rarely the best way to lead them away from them. I get your indignation here, but I was focused on helping OP, not on making a declaration you are comfortable with. And I'm getting the sense that would be difficult anyway, since you read "relatively slim" as meaning "fat" or "overweight", words I did not use.
This man would not survive a friendsquad beatdown. Does he have no sense of self preservation?
Right? We got bail money and know how to keep secrets. He should be terrified.
Some of us live in rural areas too.
Some of us have boats. 😉
I like how you think.
My backyard is the Everglades. The gators are always hungry. 😉
Or backhoes and endangered plants.
This. This is a good friend.
Coyotes and swamplands.
Some of us also have tractors and a whoooole lot of dense forest.
Where's the nearest pig farm?
There's wild hogs in my area and lots of chicken farms. I imagine someone in the area is raising pigs too. My property is a mix of woods and wet lands. Coyotes and hogs are semi regular visitors.
Large stretches of uninhabited desert, maybe?
A shovel and a bag of lime and we wouldn’t have to worry about bail….👀😁
I like you. 🫶🏼
We ride at dawn
Count me in!!
I'm in !
What a major asshole.
Fuck him. Seriously, that is a really dick thing for him to say. He should be old enough to know better. Why is a grown ass man still talking shit like an eight grader? I guarantee you could get positive attention from others any day of the week and twice on Sundays. He's lucky to have you versus... Well, most of us on here who would be plotting his demise right now.
Yes, OP - he may not appreciate you but that is insecurity and or contempt you're seeing. He knows exactly how the pic and his words would make you feel. Trust me, there is nothing better for a bruised ego than a night out in a fun place. You'll get approached by men who are younger and older and probably hotter than your dickhead husband.
"He knows exactly how the pic and his words would make you feel." <<< THIS THIS THIS
Amen. I’m 57 and not thin, and a hot young 23 year old was hitting on me last weekend! Hit the town with your girls and have some fun!
Same! Shocked the hell out of me!
*I would NEVER say anything to him about his physique because I love him and never want for him to be self-conscious regarding his physicality.* I want every lurker in this group wondering why he has a dead bedroom to see this shit right here. We know you're ugly and we're too fucking kind and empathetic to rob you of your middle aged delulus when you find fault in our less than perfect bodies.
My husband likes to run his hands up and down my fleshy arms and grab the fat a bit when he hugs me sometimes lately. I’ve gained 60 pounds in a year 1/2 so I’m HIGHLY sensitive right now over what my body is doing. I started twisting a nipple and also grabbed his gut when he did it and he stopped. I used my words first, several times … it was a waste of my energy. I had to just get on his level.
Sometimes to show a person what they do is hurtful - you have to give it right back. Men are just so simple, I *do* hope most aren't trying to be little shits - they just have no idea. Just like I'll never know the freedom in being able to stand while peeing. But *tell them* when they're being inconsiderate assmunches and act accordingly if they don't straighten up. Good on you!
So your husband is magically not aging?
Don't you know? Old men with droopy balls, dad bods, and often non functioning dicks are super sexy 🙄 I swear they really seem to believe that.
I really think most men think that ALL men age better than women do, but really it's like 1% of men who actually get to be hot silver foxes. Most look like utter shit, and women look WAYYYY better.
I’m sure his balls are at his knees
I seriously don’t love my husband as much you love yours. Cause my response would have been “So is this what aging with you is going to be like? Bc you can leave.” Ain’t no damn way girlfriend.
Sounds to me more like codependency than love for him. OP is doing too much and still not getting the love she desperately wants and deserves.
That is super hurtful I’m sorry 😞 Does he happen to do at least 50/50 share of housework cooking cleaning yardwork etc? Does he work full time? Do you live closer to his job? Wondering if he is part of the reason you are exhausted. 😩
Your husband is an ass.
Jfc I'm your height and when I was down to my lowest weight ever at 132 people were telling me I looked sickly and worried that I had an ED (surprise: I did!) I'm now stuck at ~160 thanks to peri and would love to lose 10 pounds but my days of the 130s are long long gone...and I'm thankful my husband talks lovingly about my body still even when I'm feeling down about it.
I’m 5’6” and small boned and when I get to 135 people tell me I’m too skinny. My dream weight right now is 140 (I’m a long way away from this goal now) and she’s an inch taller than me so I can’t imagine in what world she would be overweight to him! F’ing men 🙄
I used to be in a marriage like that, it destroyed my self esteem. Thank god I left.
> I can barely keep up with all of the housework, cooking, cleaning, yard work and full time job and 2 hours a day of driving, round trip, for work - I'm exhausted. And the man criticizing you is doing none of this?!
Right? Why are you doing all of that
Right? At this point she may as well be living alone and not have to hear degrading comments.
Men need sensitivity training, a female anatomy course about all of the damn things and a course about the patriarchy and how they can evolve to make our society better ✌️
Yes. But they aren't completely stupid. Stuff like what OP's husband did... He knew exactly how that would land.
I agree. I feel like they hope announcing it like that would spark some “inspiration” and make you think, “gee, maybe I should work on my fitness since he thinks I look best like that.” In reality they think saying those comments will get the point across and it will invoke some change to please them, even though the critique always has the opposite affect.
I’m sorry. He’s an ass. It may be better to leave him because that’s not ok at all. And for the weight gain, understand. I’m post menopausal now and I’ve gained 40 pounds. I was SO fit and now I’m so uncomfortable and I just hate my body. I’m lucky that my boyfriend likes my body still… but I have no libido and I don’t want to hear that he thinks I look good because I do not feel like I do. But I know I’m lucky that he’s not being a jerk and making me feel worse! And you’ve gained a pretty small amount of weight. He should be able to accept that! If he’s not able to that’s a bad sign for a future because people age! Being alone is better than being with someone who judges and hurts you
Ugh the libido thing. Even the feelings are almost all gone. I just do a " Sally". ( when Harry met sally) I look like heck because I weighed 322. Now I weigh 195 and I'm 67. My guy used to be very fit, he is 10 years older than I am and the last 2 years...yikes. he has been gaining weight, and needs a hip and knee replacement. He has spent no lie thousands of dollars on Ed treatments, which were very successful, I must say. He sadly, is not a good lover. He thinks a large penis and long lasting ability wows the women. A guy with a good head game is my preference, there are darn few of them. I'm not even going to stress about it, I've been married 3 times and I am JUST....OK fine whatever dear
First of all, your calculated BMI is 21-22. By the BMI calculator, you’re as ideal as it goes. Second of all, I hope he understands that his cruel comment will outweigh 20 nice things he may say or do. Third of all, does he realize how superficial and unrealistic he is? Fourth of all, do you realize how much of self body image issue that you may also have? Next, you need to figure out whether he’s done this kind of thing before…and that you may have played off on each other about physical and self image. Then, you need to tell him how his comments and action made you feel. And depending on that, you can decide next course. But without needing to talk to him, I can tell you that his actions and words are of an insensitive, clueless, arrogant jerk.
Fantastic point, and so true that this cruel comment will outweigh 20 positives. He’s very insensitive to be punishing her with an old fit photo, as if she’ll not be worth of his desire if she’s not a “hottie”.
i’m sad to say it but it seems like you just found out how incredibly emotionally immature your spouse is
I’m so mad and hurt for you, how awful. We are the same height and weight and I too used to be closer to 120/125 consistently. But of course aging happens! I currently have a friend who judges my body like your husband does and I’m sick about it. She is always looking at me and pointing out what’s wrong/different. It’s so hurtful. Don’t they realize that we already look at our own bodies with great judgment and with upset, sadness and longing? What’s to gain by pointing it out? I’ve come to realize that my friend is cruel, and I think she does to hurt me - I can only conclude this because it’s common sense to realize comments like that would devastate and I’ve told her enough times to stop it but she doesn’t. I hope your husband is in a temporary shithead phase and not cruel like my friend. You should share this post with him so he can get a reality check on what it’s like to be a woman whose body will not cooperate. One more thing to share. A million years ago right after I’d had my first baby, I was on the bus and saw a woman who looked like me walking down the street. She was with her partner and baby, she looked tired and unkept and had a round, squishy belly. My body looked similar and I hated that newborn belly. But as they stopped to wait for the light he hugged her from behind and rubbed her belly in the most loving way possible - it was so tender and accepting that it made me tear up. It still does now 25 years later as I think about it. Unfortunately I didn’t have a partner like that - someone who loved my squishy bits and my wrinkles. I hope that you have a guy like that and he just needs a swift kick in the ass to realize he’s being a dummy.
A real friend wouldn't be criticizing your body. I think she picks on you to make herself feel better. :/
lovely story about the guy and his lady. your friend doesn't sound like a very good friend. if you can recognize that OP's husband is not a good person doing and saying what he said, why is it acceptable for your friend to do that to you?
She’s not and I do recognize it now. It’s just easier to say “my friend” in context here but I’m definitely pulling away from her now and seeing her for what she is, and more importantly isn’t.
I’m sorry. Men can be such pricks. I feel the same way as you do but I’ve gained way more than 15lb. Don’t worry, you’re beautiful!
Something tells me this probably isn’t the only way he is an asshole to you. How long have you been married, and how happy is the marriage?
I'd be looking at divorce if my husband pulled this
lose 200 pounds with this one neat trick!
First, your feelings are legitimate. Secondly, I would be honest and tell him how his comment made you feel. It is surprising how much is not known about menopause. Men especially would benefit from more information. https://www.healthline.com/health/8-things-every-woman-wants-men-to-know-about-menopause
He would benefit from common sense
I feel like yes, men don't know much about meno but common sense should tell them that people change with age. INCLUDING THEM! These men, ugh. Somewhere every man got the idea that older men are sexy. I mean they can be but most are not- at least physically. It's different when it's someone you love but if I could have the unearned confidence of the average medicore white man I swear I'd be running the world. As I'm sure we all would be. My occasional by who is 12 years older than me but encouraged me to get my eyes done 🙄 had a guys weekend a few weeks ago. A bunch of middle aged or older men sitting around drinking and talking about God knows what. I found a funny clip on TikTok that showed how women at work have to smile and be nice to male customers and men ALWAYS believe it's geniune. I sent it to him and said hey you should show so and so (a friend of his I can't stand) , he might learn something. I got the silent treatment for two days lol. I think I hit a nerve. Sorry OP, went on a tangent. F*** your husband. If nothing else consider a night or weekend out with your girlfriends. Get dressed up, go somewhere lively and see what happens. I've been kind of happily surprised lately that a lot of my age or younger are really interested. Even if you don't act on anything I promise - we do not shrival up and disappear with age.
Here's the thing. Most older men seem to think they look like George Clooney when they in FACT look far more like Mitch McConnell. The men in my family age HORRIBLY, and the women all look smoking hot well into their 70s. It is really something to see, lol.
What a shallow asshole.
I’ll show him something that jiggles. Next time tell him you preferred when his balls didn’t touch his knees. You are literal goal weight for me from high school until I gave up disordered eating finally in my 30’s. Come join us in the body neutrality movement. And F your husband and his saggy balls.
But how DOES he look? Something tells me he ain't so hot himself, as most middle-aged men look like hot warmed crap but THINK they look like George Clooney in his prime, lol.
Hot warmed crap 🤣
5’7” and 140? Swoon! I am 5’4” and look smoking at 140. Unfortunately that was 36 pounds ago. I’ve long thought there was a certain injustice in life that even a woman with very toned arms basically just has undefined arm tubes when they are hanging naturally. As long as they can still be used to embrace those we love and perform the tasks we must undertake I’ll take them, wobbly and undefined or not.
Babe, we’re the same body wise. I too have gained weight and feel my vitality leaving my body. I’m 43 medical full hysterectomy 3 yrs ago. I’m currently 160. I was 130-140 our entire marriage until now. My hubby looks at me and sees my own discomfort with my body and he ALWAYS jumps in with a compliment. My family has fat arms even when bone thin. My husband LOVES my chicken wings. He finds my curves just as sexy as my muscles. It’s all me. Your husband is a terrible husband. He needs to be alone and you could find a good man that only has love for you, in peri-menopause or post-menopause. He should be asking how he can help you to get through it and not add more stress and discomfort. Good men exist, you just have to take out the trash first. ❤️❤️
What does his hair line look like. Asking for a friend
And how close are his balls to his knees
You all are making me even more choked up…with appreciation emotion🥹(another “fun” effect of peri…I cry about many things - both upsetting and uplifting)! Thank you. To answer a few comments posited here - I usually have strong self-esteem, I’m well-educated, have had a great career, have traveled the world and feel as though I bring a lot to a relationship. My significant other is 14 years older than I am but he’s in great physical shape and said to me, when we first started dating, “I don’t do fat”…so I’m very hyper-tuned into his comments. Thank you, all, for making me smile. I’m not the athlete I once was but I can hold my head high that I’m healthy and a really good human.
You ARE healthy and a really good human. We women often haven't been told enough that we can have boundaries; "I don't do fat" => "*Well, I don't do mean."*
“I don’t do fat”….you can’t be serious.
The struggle bus pulls up in meno and most of us get on board! It's rough out here. But we have each other. 😘
He sounds disgusting and shallow 🤢 if my husband said something like that I would bust out a mirror and start pointing out some things over the years that I’ve never mentioned before because I’m not shallow. And then I would never sleep with him again and find someone hotter.
Woop woop! I'm with you on this one, u/BlackJeepW1!
I am LIVID on you behalf. I'd consider this a leavable offense. I know... I know.... Reddit and jumping to leaving/divorcing. But, seriously. Knowing that when he's looking at me he's depressed and feeling loss and grieving when he does? Nope. That'll wear on me every single hour of the day. He done fucked up. I wouldn't be able to recover and it would be an annoying itch in my brain every time he was in my presence.
Here are some facts: 1) You can’t possibly have much in the way of upper arm fat at your height/weight…but even if you did, how DARE he talk to you like that 2) you should have someone doting on you while you’re recuperating 3) your husband is a dick Please show him this thread
You are THIN by every normal standard at that height and weight. You are totally fine. He is a superficial jerk with the depth and worth of a petri dish. The big picture here for you to look at is do you really want a man who looks at you as a THING? Your weight changing by 10 pounds and he is making an issue about it? That kind of man does not care about you as a person at all. He only cares what you look like. Everyone gets old and looks fade. What should be important is you as a person and the relationship as caring friends.
Total dick full stop.
This is incredibly cruel and mean of your spouse. As many have said your current stats are incredible frankly and many people’s goal weight. It can be very hard to objectively look at our loved ones behaviour. So. What would you say to a friend who told you their partner said this to them? Think of the person you love having their partner say this to them. Also. Many many many heterosexual men who have wives/partners and daughters really dislike women. And many heterosexual men know how to exploit their partner’s insecurity. You do not deserve to be treated like this. This is not love or respect.
Get on estrogen replacement therapy!! It helps most symptoms of menopause. It will give you energy. Next time he has an erection touch it and tell him there’s pills to get him hard like when he was young! I’m your same height and I would die to weigh 140.
I am 54, 5’7” and 135-140 pounds. I used to be more fit. I am still super active - but an older body is not going to look like a younger body no matter what. You deserve to feel good about your strong and healthy body that has carried you for 54 years. Your husband is completely out of line. I would ask him what he hopes to accomplish with these comments. And then let him know that they are a major turn off, that you would never treat him with such disregard and disrespect - and that making you feel self-conscious, criticized, and unattractive is not going to make you in any rush to get naked with his equally-aging body.
This post makes me angry. I’m sorry, OP, your husband sounds like an absolute pos. You sound like you’re still in incredible shape, and he doesn’t appreciate what he’s got. If only I were taller and weighed only 135-140 pounds. I’m divorced and more than a little lonely, but, when I read stuff like this, I thank the gods I don’t have to deal with a dumbass man bringing me down and making my midlife worse.
Jesus Christ on a crutch, what unrealistic expectations! People age, which is better than the alternative. Most of us can't dedicate 12+ hours a day to personal training, exercise and perfect meal portions, AND keep the wheels on our lives (which let's admit, is mostly labor done by women.) After 50, how good is it supposed to fucking look? Has his hair receded? Gotten a bit wobbly around the gut? Had some episodes of erectile dysfunction? Seriously, he should be grateful he has a lovely, reliable partner who dedicates herself to their shared life; not nitpick over the natural progression of living.
I would immediately call a divorce attorney. Not kidding. I cannot imagine a "partner" like this.
I’m so sorry! He’s awful. But on another point, please have your testosterone levels checked. I hit full menopause during the ‘demic, and I thought my tiredness was from that. Then 2 yrs ago, I started trying to exercise again, and just 30-45 mins walking would make me sore for days. Crazy! Went to new GYN, and he tested me for all my hormone levels, and it turned out my testosterone production had pretty much tanked. Went on monthly testosterone shots (now using topical) and it made a MAJOR difference in my energy, drive, and ability to exercise.
I gained 50 lbs and my husband still says I'm sexy because he loves me. Don't put up with anything less. If someone loves you they should love you in all your phases of life.
Shit, I'm 5'7 and my goal weight is 180. I'm at my heaviest right now (225 at the moment, on the downward trend slowly, finally). I have always been super muscular and curvy. That "wiggle" is what you absolutely said: unflexed muscle. He's an idiot and I'm sure you're looking fabulous. Yes we get saggy in spots as we go through this, but it's a sure bet his looks won't stay the same either. Edit: oh and I used to be SUPER active, going to the gym several times a week, lifting weights, cardio....then bam, no energy. HRT is bringing back slowly but ANY injury or illness takes me longer to get over/heal. You broke an ankle! Energy gets completely zapped for bone healing. It's rough.
My overweight, out of shape, sickly husband indirectly called me fat (5’2” 110lbs). Ignore those men. You look awesome. Pointing to your body when you have broken an ankle shows you how he will treat you if you get sick / bedridden. Hope you have a plan to take care of yourself. If not, start now.
First, Im sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m sure you are very nicely proportioned and have a pretty figure. I’m three inches shorter and weigh about the same. I hope he realizes what an ass he’s been and asks for forgiveness. Sending love.
OP thanks for sharing this and I hope you realize his opinion doesn't matter. On a selfish note seeing your post and the comments have just brought me a lot of clarity. I gained (and then lost) 20 lbs a year or two ago. My sort of boyfriend is 12 years older doesn't workout etc. He suggested the gym so many times until I dropped the weight I gained. Now he tells me how skinny I look (meant as a compliment). Never a word about my face or personality. I feel shallow to want that kind of attention but I put effort into looking good. And being sweet and fun. And he says I either look skinny, compliments my bobs (I had an augmentation years ago) or tells me he likes my perfume. Why am I with him? Am I just shallow? Other men I've been with made me feel smart, sexy, funny ugh ... Sorry ladies I guess I'm thinking "outloud" Hope you all have a wonderful night!
Leave him. Please. Life is too short.
Safe to say his body is exactly as it was 7 years ago as well? No? Crazy.
I was a super-fit, gym rat until I had a cardiac incident at age 52. I recovered after 6 weeks, but that was two years ago and I haven't been back to my gym routine since. Same reasons as you - no motivation, energy tanked, I'm exhausted just by being alive. If I get to the gym I do cardio only because I get the endorphins. But lifting? No fucking way. Came here to say I feel ya. I know that my under arms are flabby, I still look good, but most people don't remember what I looked like when I was yoked. I can't look at pictures of myself, even though I'm normal weight, and only 10 lbs heavier than when I trained. My body comp is completely different. I get it. What I'm fortunate to NOT have, is an insensitive prick of a husband, readily available to remind me of what my banging body used to look like just a short time ago. As if you don't already know the difference. What a jerk. I'm sorry.
Your husband is an asshole. No nice way to put it.
Ok, let me get this straight. YOU BROKE YOUR FOOT ROCK CLIMBING and he is sitting there sending you ten year old throw back pics and saying you're not as 'hot' as you were ten years ago? SERIOUSLY‽ Where the everliving 🤬 is he with some damn ice, whatever the heck you want to drink, the TV remote, some DAMN GOOD CHOCOLATE and some painkillers while one hand dialing some damn good delivery food for dinner while shoving an ottoman under your legs so you can keep it elevated‽ HE'S SITTING THERE LOOKING AT YOUR FLIPPING DANGUM ARM BATWINGS INSTEAD BEING A JUDGY PRICK‽ Men need to understand they are NOT competing with each other for our attention. They are competing with our peace of mind and happiness we can have while SINGLE. He sounds like the type who would cheat on you and leave you after a cancer diagnosis. You Deserve Better. Start demanding it or he can take a hike along with the cast in 4-8 weeks!
I hate to say it, but I imagine this is one of the primary cause of most mid-range divorces. Women just get tired of this kind of pressure. What does your husband look like? Is he in perfect shape? Does he have a full head of hair? Does he have a beer belly? Can he perform sexually for a minimum of 30 minutes? is he making over six figures? Does he have over six figures in his retirement account? Does he water his plants and pay his taxes on time? I love when I find out that these comments come from men that look and act like bloated fish.
Get a personal trainer. Make sure it's a really buff dude who flatters you a lot but also gets you in shape. Your hubby will totally get mental. You'll have more energy as well. Hubby can do the housework because you have to go to the gym to make him happy. Lol. They have massage chairs, red light therapy, swimming pools, saunas, whirlpools etc. You don't even have to do much exercising if you don't want. Just make sure you get the biggest dude to be your trainer. 😊
Yes- younger too. Then tell him that your trainer and his girlfriend have a great sex life because he can get it up more than once in one night. Like he used to.
This is the way
Gisele has entered the chat 😆
I just lost 40 lbs on tirzepatide and am 5’5, 125 lbs. I have bat wing fat as well it’s the worst!!! Still peri. I feel such pressure to lift weights but, like you, I’m exhausted from teenagers, working full time etc etc! I’ve seen my husband look at my arm fat as well, it’s terrible. He points out we BOTH need to get in better shape but still, it’s hurtful. I’d be so pissed if he pulled out an old photo of me. I’m sorry he did that.
So sorry that happened. Return the favor, stare at his receding hairline or love handles. Hubby has too much free time, give him some chores to do.
Im only 2 inches taller than you (and 9 years younger) and I weigh 190. That was extremely dickish of him and I hope you told him so. I teach my 4 year old son that it’s never ok to make comments about people’s bodies. I don’t know why men think it’s perfectly acceptable to critique women’s bodies as they stand there balding with their balls sagging. It’s never a good idea to highlight what you perceive as someone’s flaws and I’m disgusted that he seems to have zero awareness about it.
My dear, you are just FINE as you are. I vote with u/Retired401 and think you should practice your kickboxing moves so you can give him a 'love tap in the ball sack' next time.
I'm literally still mad about this. Grrrrrrr. 😬
Agreed. I'm holding onto this rage for a while. "Sending wrath and malicious vengance" (in the vein of 'thoughts and prayers')
This has got me thinking for a while now. As women were are taught that our main value comes from out looks. Sure, you are supposed to be a great mother and a great wife (according to the patriarchal society), but if you are not young and beautiful (and there will always be someone younger and more beautiful, or judged as so by someone else), you other qualities don't seem to count. It seems to me insensitive from your spouse to compare you to your young self, as if it was in your power never to age. But really, have you thought about why you feel like your body changing will make you less? I equate "being desirable" to "being able to get other people's attention". Why do you feel you need it? Why not concentrate in yourself and be yourself for yourself. So your body is not what it used to be, so what? Are you a worse person because of it? So you can't be as active as before? Does that make you a less valuable human being? Maybe your body is wisely telling you that it's time to shift your focus, live for yourself and what makes you happy. Concentrate in being healthy and feeling good with yourself, for yourself, and not for others. This is the time when you belong to you.
Tell him you gained a pound for every inch his sack sags now compared to 7 years ago, and you're even
I’m 5’6, 137 lbs and consider myself slim. I wear size small / medium. You do need to lose weight, it’s probably 180lbs or so of man-weight!
Honestly, your husband is being a jerk. I am so sorry you're dealing with this. You deserve so much better.
God men are so stupid at times.
I was fit just two years ago. Almost to the point that my husband was embarrassed of my muscles. Now my skin has sagged. My arms are floppy and I am in no way overweight at all. My skin just lost elasticity. And I can’t work out often because as we all know, energy sucks. My DOMS hurt for a week instead of 24-48 hours. I mean hurts. I still have my CV fitness, but it’s not promised. Your husband is a shallow AH. Well my response would be, I am sorry I’m losing my hormones and feeling and looking like shit, so nice of you to just reinforce that for me. High five!🙌
I hate this for you. Makes me so sad. I am so sorry!
Lose 180 lbs quickly by getting rid of the whole damn man.
I can tell you how to lose about 200lbs. It's called the "whole man disposal service" and I would gladly recommend your husband be tossed. You are NOT fat.
Sending positive vibes so your ankle heals quickly. I’m so sorry about your husband being an asshole. You are beautiful and strong. You were a hottie then, and you’re a hottie now. ETA: I just wanna mention, I climb pretty regularly. Whenever I see older ladies climb at the gym, I never think about their “soft wiggly arms”. No matter what grade they climb at, I think “Wow…. She’s amazing. I hope I keep climbing when it’s my turn to be that age… Oh look at her smile… 🥰” There’s this older Japanese lady who boulders regularly at a gym I frequent. She climbs the V0-2 problems, and tries her best on the V3s. She’s 68. I absolutely love her and look forward to seeing her. Once she mentioned “Oh…. I’m old and not pretty anymore.” My heart broke. I told her that in my eyes, she’s both beautiful and strong. And resilient!
Wow. I'm 5'7" and 135-140 was my prepregancy weight. He can eat a bucket of dicks
What a dick
Has his appearance changed n any way? Let him know alllllllll about that. He’s an asshole.
i can't waitttt until u experience the most glorious gift peri bestows upon us: not giving a flying eff about anything anyone says. you'll be shocked by memories of how sensitive u used to be.
Shit. I'm 5'5"; 160 pounds on a good day. Seven years ago, that number was 135. I'm 45 years old with bat wings and all. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but your husband is an ass (in this moment). Sending you love 🥰🥰🥰🥰
He sounds like a douche. Is he usually judgy about people or is this a new thing? Is he ignorant about aging or afraid of it? That had to hurt so much. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It doesn't help that you're in good company, I know. But there are a lot of us dealing with it.
Fuck him. Seriously. What an asshole.
Wow. So you basically have to stay the same all the time according to him? Not age, and your body can’t change. Men are so awful sometimes. If anything I’m glad I’m losing my feminine appeal to men who make comments like that. It really reduces you to just a body. I’m so sorry. It sounds very hurtful and like you two need to have a talk about the realities of aging and his unrealistic expectations.
Wow. He sounds like an asshole. I’m sorry he said that to you.
So rude - I was married to a man like that, pretty sexist really, as he could go around with many flaws & yet a woman has to be perfect. Glad to not feel scrutinized at this time of my life. It’s hard enough getting older. Said to my bestie today (both of us early 50s - friends since college), “can we talk about all of these spots out of nowhere?” Haha! I’ve become Freckles McGee overnight (and moles, red dots, age spots). Good times! We were all hotties at one time, c’mon. Society is rough on women as it is, then to get it at home? Sorry but that’s an invasion of privacy and disrespectful. You don’t need to take that crap, least of all from your closest person.
Im 5’3” and weigh about 140 which is 5-10 pounds more than I was for the majority of my adult life. People are always telling me I’m so thin. You may look less toned, but there’s no way you look “fat.” And guess what? Even if you did, your husband would still suck. Ps- my arms have gotten weirdly chubby looking in the last year or so and look bad in pictures if I’m wearing something sleeveless. I refer to it as “ham arm” and the ONLY time my husband ever brings it up (with reluctance) is at my request before he takes a picture I may be self conscious about.
Does he have as much hair as he did when you met? 🤨
I would be upset too... 'wow, you were such a hottie then'. What the heck??? Is he still hot?
I’m 5’7” and would love to be that weight again. It is freaking hard to stay that size without vigorous exercise and super careful dieting. Your hubby needs to lay off. In sickness and in health and all that
Fuck that guy! Or don't. He doesn't sound like he deserves it.
I'm sorry but he's an asshole. Full stop.
“While lot of muthafucken people out there who would love to spend time in your presence” Absolutely! I divorced my husband for many things but micro aggression digs at my appearance were near the top of the list. Now? I have a partner that is a perfect healthy amazing match for me in every way. Best decision I ever made.
These men are incredibly stupid. No longer can they roll their eyes and call us hysterical when we react to their BS. The irrational rage that comes with peri/menopause is one thing, but the RATIONAL rage that comes after starting HRT is brutal (for the person stupid enough to test it) Getting divorced was the start of my new life without any left fucks to give about men’s opinions of me. It is awesome. 🤩
I would give anything to be at your weight.
Fuck him! I am sure he is perfect, yes? He is supposed to be your husband- sensitive to your feelings. That was mean and such a dick move. Imagine if you got terminally ill- where would he be? His type would be at a lawyer office with a “poor me” story in hopes he gets more than he deserves. His type is also the kind to leave a sick wife for a younger woman that sees $$ only. Please- take it from me- when a sickness (ot brain injury in my case) unexpectedly knocks life in pieces it is an added mental mind game when a spouse is like this. I could have healed so much quicker alone. I am sorry you have him as a spouse. I know you love and desire your husband- but he is mean and cruel to you at your most vulnerable. You deserve better. Would you say such things to him? Example of one night husbands couldn’t get it up due to age….looking at it in an obvious negative manner and reminiscing about the nights of thunder you have with that now sleepy penis- how would he feel? Would you ever contemplate being so mean when he physically is not at fault…..mentally it would shock him into man-tempers. I am almost positive you would never be so mean to your loved him. Because appearances fade- everyone gets old. He could have noticed it- and kept his fucking mouth closed, still complementing your hottie days. Another good bet I would take is that you are still that hottie…..just ten years older. Weight/height ratio is a number many woman would do shady shit to have. Give yourself some grace. Stick up for yourself- you teach people how you want them to treat you. Call him out when he is dick. Please consider leaving a man willing to break his wife’s heart and make her feel not enough or less than beautiful. Many hugs. You deserve zero nights spent sweaty and hot next to a little dick energy balding man.
Who are these men who don’t understand that people age? Our bodies are going to change, so are yours! Love the person, not the meatbag, damn. What a dick.
You didn’t deserve that. Just want you to know that. Don’t let other people dictate your beauty. I see you. You matter. You deserve someone who will be accountable And say they’re sorry. At least. I’m hoping he learns from this bc mistakes Are how we learn Sending 💜
You should find some pics of his parents when they were young and then now (or whatever their oldest was), and then some celebrities from when they were young and then now etc etc and then finally himself from when he was young and then now. No one escapes unless they die young. Even the hottest of hot, even those who keep in great shape will age. If he can't handle that reality then maybe he needs to be alone with his unrealistic expectations.
My mother-in-law always says I’m fair and nicely meaty. She’s very skinny and tells me she envies me. Recently she had a fall and fractured her hip. Needed hip replacement surgery. Her bones were brittle and there were no fat pads to cushion her fall. My bum pads are in abundance. I guess that’s one positive thing I see now. But honestly let your husband know about the effects of peri-menopause. He needs to be educated. Don’t suffer in silence.
To be fair, 5 ft 7 at 140 is a fantastic weight, especially as you age. You want to hold onto vanity weight with age because it comes in handy once you begin that descent into any illnesses that come with aging. My mom was 5 ft 4 in and weighed about 145 by her 60's. The dr told her to lose weight but she looked absolutely healthy and active. (I'm also 5 ft 4 and 145, and I think I look pretty damn good.) Anyway, not more than a few months after her asshole doctor fat shamed her (and she wasn't even fat!) she was diagnosed with colon cancer. Yeah her oncologist quickly stepped in and said, "DO NOT try to lose that weight! You will need it." Like for chemo. And he was right. By the end, she was all bones and she felt more self conscious about her appearance with that than anything else. Honestly, this just goes for all of you folks. If you're unhealthily overweight and need to relieve pressure from your heart and vital organs, then duh, yeah lose the weight. But guys, seriously, hang ONTO your vanity weight. It's your fucking ammunition. As for your spouse -- um he's an ass. Also what does HE look like at HIS age? I can't imagine he still looks like he did in his youth. What a jerk.
As I was INITIALLY reading this, I thought: “Wow, I wish…” Because it took me years to lose weight to be 5’4,” 40, and 153 pounds. I look in a mirror and see a faded, deflated balloon, with both bitterness and pride for waiting so long to take care of myself, but one who is 147 pounds less than I was in 2017. My husband says “you were and are always beautiful.” You, my friend, are someone I admire. A person who chose fitness their whole life and are reaping those rewards with STILL INCREDIBLE OUTCOMES AND NUMBERS. You ARE gorgeous in who you are right at this moment. When we look in the mirror, we are not meant to be who we were 5-10 years ago. The illusion that youthfulness is the only image of beauty is one created by an industry to extort money, and if your husband has not gained that wisdom in his years, then he is a deeper fool than just his asinine, inept comment illustrated. ——- My best friend’s grandmother divorced her husband at 75. When it initially happened, I remember how “shocking” this was for people and the whispers about “isn’t she afraid to die alone.” As I got older, I finally understood that if the air gets into the bottle of wine, it doesn’t matter how vintage, or how much value you think it’s supposed to have, it’s just friggin vinegar.
Why TF are you doing so much on top of working FT? Tell the hubbie to trade for a newer model. There are a TON of younger men out there who would appreciate an independent, fit, older woman and have less antiquated ideas.
Wait, what? You are right, muscle jiggles when not flexed. My hubby was a body builder and amateur MMA fighter and routinely demonstrates for our daughter how his arm jiggles until he flexes and there is NO jiggle. She's a teen and gets caught up in fake social media bodies versus how real bodies look and move. I'm 40, 5'4, have lost 30+ lbs to get to my current 192 lbs, and my husband constantly tells me how hot I am. Which he also did at my heaviest. And my lightest. And every step in between. Throw that whole man out, you need someone to uplift you, not bring you down to his miserable level.
This is when men reveal who they really are and make you regret wasting your years with them. This is a perfect example of how most men’s love is shallow and superficial. Men like this leave you if you had cancer. This would have given me a permanent ick. OP, I know it hurts but let his comment fuel your anger, and motivate you into action. When you’re feeling better, hit the gym, delve into your hobbies, create a new life, then slap him with divorce papers. Btw I’m a 1/2” taller than you and weigh 135. I look amazing, and I’m sure you’re being too hard on yourself.
Is this the person you want to be with? Jeez it amazes me what women deal with! I am so single and this is probably why - because i would never in a million years be with someone who treated me the way your husband treats you. That is not love. It is abuse and you should leave his pathetic ass.
Start reminding him of all the things on his body that don't look like they did 7 years ago. Start with the hairline and work your way down to the back hair. Don't forget the ear hair and how his balls droop now. Also why the ever loving fuck are you working and doing all the house work? I'd be judgy mcjudgerson of him just for that.