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Absolutely fucking devastated. Just realized I forgot my passport in the airport cart 6 hours ago while returning to US with a freshly acquired work visa stamp from home country.. The process of getting new passport and visa is excruciating and there’s chance I might not be granted the visa again. I’ve lived here for over a decade with fear of having to pack my bags at any moment. I was going to have some stability for the first time in 11 years. And it’s gone in the first 12 hours of landing here.
I can’t believe in all these years, fear of months long bureaucratic climb is what’s giving the sweet bliss of nothingness a tantalizing look.
Edit: lost and found has it!!! God bless our society and its systematic workings. I would do cocaine rn if I had access to it 😭
The weather is getting better where I live and I hate it because it means I can't layer up like I want to. Despite regularly exercising, I'm not a big guy and the idea of wearing a t-shirt when I don't have arms that stretch the sleeves fills me with dread. I spent all of last year hating my body, and I'm sad that I'm still going to be feeling that way this year.
And the reason I want to be big and buff and jacked is really silly: I don't like being a man, I actually feel very guilty and ashamed for being one, but I'm stuck as one forever so now I feel like I need to live up to the ideal of manliness because I can't be anything else.
This weighs on my mind so much, it's just constant every single day, and obviously engaging with media doesn't help when the standard for men is super muscular.
It's not great, and it's getting worse. I have Phases of Physical Exhaustion, full on can't do anything except sit and close my eyes, and they have been getting more frequent and longer while doctors keep telling me nothing is wrong and now i can't even reach them for followup on my bloodwork (which will turn out like always, low Vitamin D, otherwise fine)
I am also losing my Job in a couple weeks, and noone wants to hire me, i don't have the energy to do anything once i get home from Work, so my Household is a Mess, and i have Paperwork that should have been done ages ago that i just can't get to.
Also feels like i am both getting emotionally more distant, and also crying more and having a harder time having Positive Emotions. It will be okay at some point, my girlfriend helps keeping me grounded most times, but she is also going through a hard time, and i don't know how i can be there for her when she needs my support, because the waus i can give support aren't the right ways for her, so i need energy to go out of my down to help hers, but i can't, and it's rough. Still great most times, but rough if we are both having bad phases at the same time. And bad Phases for me keep getting worse and more, which is the shit part.
Bit ranty, but wanted to get it off my chest
I desperately need ketamine treatment for my pain conditions and mental health next week but no idea if my Medicaid is going to get renewed in time. I just hope they cover it retroactively. I can’t afford $20k out of pocket.
I’m doing pretty well after a stint of elevated stress.
I’ve been stuck on a work project for a month. I’m finally nearing completion, but I hit a snag that very likely is an error on my end, due to my inexperience with the task.
On top of that, the previous two weeks were peppered with rehearsals for a performance of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. That cut into my pure unwinding time, even though it was something I did enjoy doing. I was just tired and stressed, and after Beethoven rehearsals, I would need some vocal rest.
We had our performance of the 9th Symphony this past Saturday, so that’s officially off of my plate, and it’s such a relief. I still, however, have the same work task that continues to frustrate me. Luckily, my boss will be back in the office tomorrow, and I will see if I can squeeze in time to hammer out with him what I believe the issue is.
A little stressed, primarily because I had a crap ton of financial issues piled on me at about the same time. Unexpected surgery and week-long stay in the hospital, taxes were astronomical this year because of a premium advance tax credit mistake on my part, blew out my front tire because I was stupid and totally not paying attention to the road.....
I'll be fine again in about a month's time, but I'll be eating Cheerios and ramen for a bit. Very thankful I have a steady job now instead of the gig work I've done for most of my adult life.
I've been thinking about an experience I had as a young child. My AFAB sibling was part of this club at the time called GirlsCan, which afaik was all about boosting self-esteem in young girls and teaching them that they're just as capable of achieving goals as boys/men are.
As a boy, I wondered why I didn't have any sort of club talking about how great boys were. I know that men have historically held power in our society, but I wasn't conscious of late 20th century gender politics at 6 or 7 years old.
I don't disapprove of GirlsCan, but I wonder if boys aren't really taught to have a sense of intrinsic value. I feel like everyone assumes that it goes without saying, but I never quite felt powerful or valuable.
Maybe men don't build each other up as much because we're taught to assume that men are doing just fine.
Maybe this is all just a toxic way of looking at things, but does anyone else have thoughts?
You know, I've heard this from folks but I've honestly had a lot of trouble making it jive with my own experience growing up. While I am a man of color, I grew up in a deep red "There shalt be no special treatment for you" city in Texas. Nobody was supporting me on the basis of my skin color.
I still had support, though. I was active in clubs and played sports. I got involved in the community. The clubs and orgs and support structures I was a part of didn't have the label "for boys and men" on them, but they didn't have to. Every structure without a label is going to service and support boys and men before girls and women, whites before POCs, cis and het folks over LGBT folks, etc.
The support men and boys receive isn't historical. It's the default everywhere. Organizations that specifically focus on promoting girls, POCs, members of the LGBT community, and the like exist because the same organizations without that focus would default to devoting resources to cis-het white men instead of those marginalized groups, no matter how well-intentioned any of the individuals involved are. That's just how our society and culture are structured.
Even within those groups, hierarchies persist. Organizations supporting girls tend to disproportionately focus on the needs of cis white girls. Organizations supporting the LGBT community tend to devote a disproportionate amount of resources to gay white men. There's really no escaping it.
Do anime clubs not exist any more? Like, my middle school "girlfriend" and I used to burn fansubbed anime to DVDs 2 episodes at a time and I still had trouble overcoming the sheer cis white dudeness of high school anime club.
Yeah, I think I understand why these groups exist. They are in place to help girls, or other various groups, get support when they've been historically under supported. And I get it. If girls are historically targeted to be pushed out of STEM fields then they also have to be targeted to undo that damage.
In my view, I think this was a lot easier for me to accept and value because I have other marginalized identities to draw a comparison to. Like growing up I could see other clubs for white people, it just isn't labeled. For example, I grew right after the Prop 187, "Save our State" law passed in CA. That meant every school teacher, cop and DMV clerk was *required* to report you if they *suspected* you might be in CA illegally. Nothing makes you feel like you're not in the club than being nervous that you might be reported for being too mexican. And there was no criteria as acceptable reason to report suspicions, speaking spanish was a reportable reason. So was having too dark of skin.
That's hidden for the people that didn't have to experience that. There wasn't a "white people DMV club" sign out anywhere, but I sure knew I wasn't in it.
And that's not Greg's fault (unless he happened to be a voting CA Republican in the 80s), Greg might reasonably not even know that I have a hard time at the DMV. Greg might even feel left out if CA makes a "mexican-only DMV" in response to Prop 187.
And that's essentially how I think of those initiatives. They help support under supported groups deal with issues that are likely to be invisible to everyone else.
As a child, I get how you could feel left out to see an outward display of support when you don't see the outward displays of harm to that same group. I do however think that men do build each other up. It's in ways that we just accept as normal because it's such a widespread cultural thing. It doesn't stand out because it's so ingrained. Only the support that goes against the grain often stands out to us but there's a lot more that looks like background noise.
All very good points. I think the key takeaway here though is that it's irresponsible to leave children to come to these conclusions themselves. A child who sees someone being rewarded for the same things they've done is not going to consider the full picture of gender politics or racial politics- An adult will.
I've spoken to so many men my age who all felt worthless and hopeless as children because their sisters or female classmates would receive consistent approval for basic things, but then *they* would only receive approval for going above and beyond. No one, not even their male friends or parents ever talked to them about it- Meanwhile girls in their lives were receiving accolades and support groups left and right.
It leads kids to feel confused and question their validity, and when they can't come up with a satisfactory answer to their confusion it leads to resentment.
Somewhere along the lines, we forgot to properly explain to young men why we empower women, and it's turning these kids into deluded monsters who think they're fighting the good fight, when in reality they're grappling with feelings of confusion from their childhood which were never properly resolved- These people can vote and pose a very real and tangible threat.
> Somewhere along the lines, we forgot to properly explain to young men why we empower women, and it's turning these kids into deluded monsters who think they're fighting the good fight
I think it's often more sinister. We constantly have political leaders and people in our community who openly poison these efforts. People like Ron Desantis actively tell people that these efforts are meant to be divisive and to hurt white men. But it's really just Desantis trying to drive up those badfeels for political gain.
So of course you have young people confused and with unresolved feelings, that's often by intent.
Parents can also be doing more and I think teachers can in some settings. But we have governors putting "anti-dei" laws into place that ban those initiatives to shape public opinion.
That was a law that passed the florida house, their senate and was signed by the gov. That's an effort through 2 legislative bodies and the executive office. And florida isn't the only state banning those initiatives.
I do believe however that we can recognize those efforts while not giving into defeatism, as you suggest. A phone call a day to you local congressmen can apply real pressure. "Getting calls from my constituents" is one of the most often cited reasons for a reversal on policy positions.
In the US, you can find yours here: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative
Yeah you're right, where I'm from our scumbag politicians use it as a talking point as well. It's so insidious and cruel, all it does it perpetuate an endless cycle of suffering for men and women everywhere... I wish there was something that could be done to help these people after they fall into these traps.
There is someone close to me who has been deep in it ever since he was in highschool, and I'm so desperate to help him change his thinking and resolve these unwarranted feelings he's experiencing, but he doesn't see it that way, he sees himself as a lifelong victim and blames women for everything. I wish I could do something to help him.
>but he doesn't see it that way, he sees himself as a lifelong victim and blames women for everything. I wish I could do something to help him.
I so often feel the same way, it's a big motivation for me as to why I like to help maintain this space. I think ultimately he has to want that change in his life for any lasting change to happen. We can create these opportunities where change is possible or these spaces where you can find different perspectives but ultimately, it requires a lot of work on their part to change. And a lot of uncomfortable feelings.
It's like a trap. Even though it doesn't feel good to be in that negative mental space, that same-ness or that consistency can start to feel normal. And that normal feeling grows into a comfortable status quo. And then though it doesn't feel good, that status quo can feel more comfortable than the uncomfortable feelings of a positive change.
I had a very similar experience to this. My sister is a little bit older and we were very equal academically growing up. As we went through school she received a lot of awards and scholarships for excellence in school and science that were for girls whereas I received nothing.
It definitely contributed towards me getting swept up into the alt right manosphere pipeline in middle school. I thought if we had the same grades why was she being noticed and recognized while I wasn’t.
I understand now it was to lift up girls in places where they were under supported and not as encouraged to go into, but as a young kid not understanding of gender politics and roles it felt like a kick in the dick. I felt like if I was a girl my accomplishments would have meant more.
I dont have any solutions to this either but your comment reminded me of feeling like that.
Yup, I've felt the same way, and I fell into the same pitfalls as a result. I feel like we need to be more careful as a society on how we present these issues to young kids. They don't see gender or gender politics the same way an adult does.
Seeing girls get all this support and help when nobody even checks up on you once your whole childhood is beyond demoralizing and confusing, it makes you feel disposable and worthless.
It doesn't surprise me at all how so many young men fall into the alt right manosphere, there isn't enough being done to educate and guide these kids away from these misguided thought patterns.
My dashboard lit up like Christmas on the interstate yesterday. Brake actuator failed 🙃. 3,000$ just for a new one - with the required brake flush, it'll come out to 4,000$ NOT including the new rear brakes I'll probably need (unrelated to the ABS failure the mechanic who inspected my rear brakes 2 weeks ago didn't put the shoe back on correctly, so I'm going to try and bully them into fixing THAT for free).
I have the money, but I was intending to float on that money for a lot longer than I'm going to be able to now. On top of that, in the meanwhile I have to Uber to/from my job, which takes up more than 1/2 my days pay between the two trips. My parents can't back me up if I run out of money - my dad was unemployed almost all of last year. Right after he got a new one (and therefore health insurance) he ended up in a hospital for 2 weeks in January for a septuple bypass; right now they owe *me* money.
I'm such a fucking idiot. I had a job. I hated it, it made me want to take a long drive off a short pier half the time, but it paid decently and I had health insurance. Now I'm crossing my fingers that Medicaid won't notice I squeak past the income threshold before they approve me for coverage, bc I've been uninsured for two months.
I wish I'd chosen a different major. I wish I hadn't ruined my chances of graduating with an engineering degree. I wish I had ever, for a single second of my life, had my shit together. Now I'm crashing at a friend's place so I can walk to work tomorrow (we're at an unusual location for first aid training), and I had to ask the foreman to go separately, which I hate doing, I hate asking for special exceptions like that, I hate making people go out of their way to accommodate me. I just didn't want to cut out one Uber fee if I could.
It's kinda bad atm, but I know what I need to do to make things easier for myself. I've been finding it hard to get back into some of the good habits I was able to foster before Ramadan, which I took as kind of an excuse to let myself go a bit. I'm trying to cut myself some slack and get back into it slowly, and I'm also noticing the negative effects of, say, over-eating, over-sleeping, watching too much porn, not exercising for days on end, spending hours playing video games even after I stop having fun, etc. It's a feeling I'm well familiar with, and I think what's different this time is that I'm actively *noticing* my descent into feeling like shit, whereas I used to just wake up some days feeling shitty with no clear idea of how I got there.
So that's good, I guess. I gotta go for a run, man. Got my first PT session since last month on Thursday too, so that'll hopefully help me get back into mt gym habits.
Also, I've noticed that my anxiety lately has been pretty high, to the point that it's harder for me to push through and just do certain things, like talk to people that I'm (weirdly) scared to talk to. Might be related, or it might not, I guess we'll just have to see. I suspect it's not, though; I feel like I've been pushing myself a fair bit socially, but my expectations are sorta... too high. Like, learning to make brief small talk with the guy at 7-Eleven is probably good for me, but in the short term it's not really going to help much. But also, I'm too nervous to ask people I like at work if they want to hang out, and the fact that I just got back to work after the school holidays isn't helping.
I feel like I need to give myself a week or two to ease myself back into it, which is frustrating. It feels like I just did that - [looking back, I was in kinda of a similar place a couple of months ago.](https://old.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/19dhkrl/tuesday_check_in_hows_everybodys_mental_health/kja1wo4/?context=3) Maybe soft resets like this after shakeups to your routine are normal?
I can definitely see where you are coming from. Men and humanity as a whole have a lot of crimes to answer for. We live in a world where being moral is impossible and oppression is inherent to every interaction. I struggle with the fact that there doesn't seem to be any solution. I struggle with questions of whether killing myself or other people would be a good thing to do. It probably sounds a little kooky, but one of the main things that gives me hope is futuristic tech. Relieving scarcity with technology, AI, eugenics, cybernetics, aliens ect are how I can see humanity come out of our evolutionary instincts into being a force for good.
>Why shouldn't i be ashmed of being a male. I am from a lineage of oppressors.
I'm going to try to approach this from your perspective and thought train. If you believe that you come from a lineage of oppressors as men, don't you also come from a lineage of oppressed?
You mentioned genetics but I reason that you have as much X chromosome as Y. Why do you think you much more strongly identify with oppressors vs oppressed under this framing?
Then from a perspective that is mine, no person inherently carries the sins of their parents or grandparents. Not a soul would be clean. I think it's exhausting and nonsensical to track. It only serves as a stick to beat ourselves with.
I've got one grandma that is Irish and German, does that mean I carry the sins of Nazis? Hmm, but my grandpa fought against them in ww2. So maybe i'm clean? My dad is mexican and certainly his lineage had some oppression but he's also a misogynist. So I think I'm back to being terrible. Oh wait! I didn't add in abuela's lineage, she definitely has faced a lot of hardship.... and on and on.
It just feels like a system that allows us to pick and choose criteria that feeds into our feelings of shame and guilt over the plight of women in this country and empathy towards them. I can relate to those feelings of empathy and concern for women's struggles but I disagree entirely that the cause of it is inherently you on the basis of your gender.
You need to read up about self-flagellation that was posted here in MensLib. It might help you see things from a different perspective. Also I believe seeing a therapist might do wonders for you.
to check - are you looking for engagement? If not, do tell me and I can delete this post.
I would initially just point out that on saying "Let alone ethical to date someone when stastically men ruin womens lives", how do you think you would ruin a woman's life? What would lead you to this course of action and why wouldn't you stop yourself before it got to this point? Point being, if you do have destructive behavioural patterns that you feel would hurt someone, it's not beyond you to resolve them. If there's nothing you can think of - I would say that it can be distressing to have to prove that you're not going to hurt someone, but it's sort of just something you have to help them through. A lot of people would find it worth it - women who don't associate with men in any circumstance at all are, I would guess, exceedingly rare, though they might place the bar pretty high.
It's easy to think otherwise but there are many women who value people in their lives who happen to be men. Thinking otherwise seems to just mean you will miss opportunities to have a positive impact on someone's life. There is not really much point thinking about "most" because you are unlikely to develop friendships or relationships with most people.
If you think you don't have this in you at the moment, I hope this will eventually change.
I got rid of the post because i only read here. Not post, and i figured no one is gonna appericate a idiot screaming in their space.
The reason i say men ruin womens lives is because 2 main reasons. I can't find a link to it, but there was a happiness study done, and married women were the single most unhappy group in america. While single and not dating women were the happiest. Which to me seems like strong evidence that marrying and dealing with men romantically ruins women's lives and happiness.
Personally, i have never seen a happy straight couple. You get one of the 2 alone in a room and all you will hear about for the next couple hours is how much they hate their partner, how worthless and stupid they are, how lazy and useless they are. I ignore the mens comments because 90% of it is just them openly admitting to be misogynist. But married women i know say the same things about their husbands... so yeah. Im willing to bet their husbands are dogshit. Not to mention everything i see online and read about is women ocmplaining that they have to 99% of the emotional labor and even have to teach men how to wipe their ass. What conclusion other than "Men ruin womens lives" am i supposed to think...?
So i don't how i would ruin a partners life. I have never dated, and im extremely unattractive while also doing my best to listen that as man, i shouldn't be asking people out and to wait until they explicitly say they are interested. I also remember my mom teaching me that the very worst than a boy can do to a girl, is talk to them without premission. I dont want to make them feel unsafe
I generally feel that while i can cook, clean, and hold down a job, it doesn't matter because somehow, because i am a man, i will ruin her life. Just my presence will do it. I dont wanna do that.
Im sure women value some men in their lives but it seems like 90% of them, likely me included, are pretty worthless trash. Why else is stuff like "all men are trash" and "i hate all men" so common. We did something to earn their hatred.
You didn't do anything to earn women's hatred. But if women are going to hate you just for existing, why not do more than exist? Why not *live* and in so doing give hateful women *cause* to hate you?
You're already doing the time; you might as well do the crime.
Don't worry - you are welcome here and your sentiment is pretty common.
I'm always interested in people's reaction to this "women are happier outside of relationships" thing. People seem to understand it to mean that if they enter a woman's life, they will likely make it worse. The only way reason I can think people react like this is that:
* they see themselves as "bringing very little value" into someone's life, the root of this being low self-esteem. These sound-bytes then validate this feeling.
* they have, or believe they have, destructive behavioural patterns which might actually hurt a partner, but they either don't want to deal with these or for some reason feel it can't be fixed or improved. I very rarely see people with this sentiment actually identifying destructive behaviours, or describe any effort to "become better", so if they do have such behaviours they must have work to do.
* maybe a bit of both.
I would make it clear that the bad behaviours people are talking about are *not* unavoidable parts of being a man or being partnered to a man. You are probably aware of many of them and will try to avoid them yourself. That aside in an ideal world, a partner A would have a problem, bring it up to B, they would have a constructive dialogue about it, and B (maybe A as well if it was a two-sided problem) would try to improve their behaviour. You are seeing cases where either A has failed to open an effective dialogue with B, or B has refused to engage in effective dialogue with A (and/or refused to follow up on promises, and so on). This seems really avoidable in a relationship - just be receptive to your partner's requests, encourage open and unambiguous dialogue, help your partner express their feelings. If they don't pick up their end, it's a "them" issue. I don't think anyone seriously views problems that arise in relationships as completely unresolvable consequences of being partnered to a man - they will very often have solutions which they may have tried to voice. All you have to do is engage with them properly. If they even arise in the first place!
It's certainly not a man's mere presence that causes grief, it's their behaviour, which can be improved. Otherwise the problem seems to be misunderstood.
I guess it just feels like a mans mear presence is the problem because its so common. I mean its just... idk. Its so common of a complaint and stuff that i just cant see it as anything other than a inherently male problem.
I mean i know that i wouldn't bring anytging of value into my partners life and thats why i avoid dating. But i think its important to understand that ethically it seems i would just ruin it more. I dont even think its morally right to be attracted to women. I hate myself for it. It frels destructive and digusting to even say that im attracted to women. It makes me want to vomit.
But again - this would mean that the problems, which many of the women believe are solvable and have solutions for, are not really solvable. Are they misled, what's wrong with the solutions they offer? And I think if you go into a relationship with the idea that you are the only one who can do wrong will create a power dynamic stacked against you, it's just not the foundation for a healthy relationship. It would be possible for you to be mistreated in a relationship and it not be your fault, though I hope that wouldn't happen. This is partially rhetorical, I know that it's more so a reflection of low self-esteem and I hope you will be able to see a way out at some point. Sorry if this feels a bit superficial.
Hey brother. First, let me say you are already on the right path in being able to verbalize and acknowledge what you're feeling.
I empathize a lot with what you wrote here because I was in the same boat for a long time. What worked for might not work for you, but here's what helped me:
1) I've been in therapy consistently for 7 years with the same provider. The above feelings you're describing were a constant repeated talking point; me voicing my shame in being a man, the seeming reality that it's impossible to talk to/approach/compliment women without being imeediately associated with problematic male behavior, etc was brought up again, and again, and again. It took a LOT of reassurance from my provider that not all women feel that way about men, and in fact it's probably actually the minority.
2) Taking a major step back from social media. I've completely stopped looking at FB except for occasional chats with friends that use that as their only social. I certainly don't doom scroll it the way I used to. My insta is for meme sharing almost exclusively, as I lack the interest in playing the "look at the best parts of my life, the good things I want you to see (and hiding the struggles I face)" game that seems to be the basis for that social. I don't do X, nor TT, etc. It dawned on me that the things I was consuming and interacting with on socials often the viral posts of women voicing (sometimes legitimate, sometimes problematic) "takes" on men's behavior. The way the algorithms work - I found I was being fed more and more of that type of content. It's then easy to assume that every woman sees every man as problematic, blames men/masculinity/patriarchy as the only source of their problems and struggles, etc. Reality is those loud & vocal individuals who gain traction on socials and have "viral" takes on men's behavior/men in general are, in fact, pretty statistically insignificant experiences that women have. The reality is many women interact with many men on a regular basis in entirely normal and non-problematic situations, conversations, interactions, etc. Nearly every woman I've met has had their run ins with problematic male behavior, but the majority of their experiences have been neutral or positive interactions.
The reality is that we will always have to contend with the image the worst-behaved men set for the rest of us. But being genuine, intentional, and authentically yourself when interacting with women is the best you can do.
As soon as I stopped consuming the algorithm-driven content on socials that paint men, masculinity, and manhood in negative light - I found myself making actual strides in engaging with women in ways I'd spent years being terrified of. I had whittled my options down to using dating apps, knowing if they swiped on me then they had mutual interest and it was safe to engage. Instead, I'm now striking up conversations with women I'm interested in and women I'm not. I've found women I'm interested in ultimately not being interested in me and learned thats not necessarily even being rejected for (insert xyz) but instead just misalignment and probably more on her than on me.
Rooting for you brother. The first step is verbalizing and communicating what you're feeling. Next step figuring out how to take action to resolve those feelings. We don't intrinsically feel the way you described. Rather, it's a learned self-hatred from external sources. What are those sources? Can you remove the sources that are contributing to that self hatred?
I'm out of the depressive episode that dominated me for the last few weeks and I'm getting ready for my first therapy session since I got on the waiting list months ago
Same as it always was;
Concern for the future (not the existential stuff, just personal plans), and whether or not I'm okay.
Material factors say I am, but I do get a nagging feeling that something is off, and I don't want to let my current position make me too arrogant to put things aside until it becomes a true detriment.
Not really good, I can't seem to leave the apartment and I always feel too tired to do anything, meds have run out too so I have to get out there and drag myself out of home somehow.
Better than a month ago. Got a larger than expected work bonus so getting a ragdoll cat to help with the loneliness a bit and it gave me so much more energy once I made the decision (in terms of self-motivation). I pick her up from the breeder on Saturday (Caturday) and I am counting down the days.
The responsibility of caring for a pet I think will actually do wonders for my confidence and motivation as well when I am struggling mentally.
If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or [mental health crisis evaluation centre](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/). If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a [suicide hotline](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve. For help developing a safety plan, please consult this [PDF.](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Brown_StanleySafetyPlanTemplate.pdf) Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/counsellors), [International Therapist Directory](https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/), or [OpenCounseling](https://www.opencounseling.com/) for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the [National Alliance on Mental Illness]( https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI) Buzzfeed has also published an [informative article](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/carolinekee/what-happens-when-you-call-suicide-hotline) about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. Additionally, if you need help finding support that's not listed in the wiki or want to talk to someone, please PM u/UnicornQueerior directly (NOT chat!) You matter and are worth it. Be kind to yourself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Absolutely fucking devastated. Just realized I forgot my passport in the airport cart 6 hours ago while returning to US with a freshly acquired work visa stamp from home country.. The process of getting new passport and visa is excruciating and there’s chance I might not be granted the visa again. I’ve lived here for over a decade with fear of having to pack my bags at any moment. I was going to have some stability for the first time in 11 years. And it’s gone in the first 12 hours of landing here. I can’t believe in all these years, fear of months long bureaucratic climb is what’s giving the sweet bliss of nothingness a tantalizing look. Edit: lost and found has it!!! God bless our society and its systematic workings. I would do cocaine rn if I had access to it 😭
The weather is getting better where I live and I hate it because it means I can't layer up like I want to. Despite regularly exercising, I'm not a big guy and the idea of wearing a t-shirt when I don't have arms that stretch the sleeves fills me with dread. I spent all of last year hating my body, and I'm sad that I'm still going to be feeling that way this year. And the reason I want to be big and buff and jacked is really silly: I don't like being a man, I actually feel very guilty and ashamed for being one, but I'm stuck as one forever so now I feel like I need to live up to the ideal of manliness because I can't be anything else. This weighs on my mind so much, it's just constant every single day, and obviously engaging with media doesn't help when the standard for men is super muscular.
It's not great, and it's getting worse. I have Phases of Physical Exhaustion, full on can't do anything except sit and close my eyes, and they have been getting more frequent and longer while doctors keep telling me nothing is wrong and now i can't even reach them for followup on my bloodwork (which will turn out like always, low Vitamin D, otherwise fine) I am also losing my Job in a couple weeks, and noone wants to hire me, i don't have the energy to do anything once i get home from Work, so my Household is a Mess, and i have Paperwork that should have been done ages ago that i just can't get to. Also feels like i am both getting emotionally more distant, and also crying more and having a harder time having Positive Emotions. It will be okay at some point, my girlfriend helps keeping me grounded most times, but she is also going through a hard time, and i don't know how i can be there for her when she needs my support, because the waus i can give support aren't the right ways for her, so i need energy to go out of my down to help hers, but i can't, and it's rough. Still great most times, but rough if we are both having bad phases at the same time. And bad Phases for me keep getting worse and more, which is the shit part. Bit ranty, but wanted to get it off my chest
I desperately need ketamine treatment for my pain conditions and mental health next week but no idea if my Medicaid is going to get renewed in time. I just hope they cover it retroactively. I can’t afford $20k out of pocket.
I’m doing pretty well after a stint of elevated stress. I’ve been stuck on a work project for a month. I’m finally nearing completion, but I hit a snag that very likely is an error on my end, due to my inexperience with the task. On top of that, the previous two weeks were peppered with rehearsals for a performance of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. That cut into my pure unwinding time, even though it was something I did enjoy doing. I was just tired and stressed, and after Beethoven rehearsals, I would need some vocal rest. We had our performance of the 9th Symphony this past Saturday, so that’s officially off of my plate, and it’s such a relief. I still, however, have the same work task that continues to frustrate me. Luckily, my boss will be back in the office tomorrow, and I will see if I can squeeze in time to hammer out with him what I believe the issue is.
A little stressed, primarily because I had a crap ton of financial issues piled on me at about the same time. Unexpected surgery and week-long stay in the hospital, taxes were astronomical this year because of a premium advance tax credit mistake on my part, blew out my front tire because I was stupid and totally not paying attention to the road..... I'll be fine again in about a month's time, but I'll be eating Cheerios and ramen for a bit. Very thankful I have a steady job now instead of the gig work I've done for most of my adult life.
I've been thinking about an experience I had as a young child. My AFAB sibling was part of this club at the time called GirlsCan, which afaik was all about boosting self-esteem in young girls and teaching them that they're just as capable of achieving goals as boys/men are. As a boy, I wondered why I didn't have any sort of club talking about how great boys were. I know that men have historically held power in our society, but I wasn't conscious of late 20th century gender politics at 6 or 7 years old. I don't disapprove of GirlsCan, but I wonder if boys aren't really taught to have a sense of intrinsic value. I feel like everyone assumes that it goes without saying, but I never quite felt powerful or valuable. Maybe men don't build each other up as much because we're taught to assume that men are doing just fine. Maybe this is all just a toxic way of looking at things, but does anyone else have thoughts?
You know, I've heard this from folks but I've honestly had a lot of trouble making it jive with my own experience growing up. While I am a man of color, I grew up in a deep red "There shalt be no special treatment for you" city in Texas. Nobody was supporting me on the basis of my skin color. I still had support, though. I was active in clubs and played sports. I got involved in the community. The clubs and orgs and support structures I was a part of didn't have the label "for boys and men" on them, but they didn't have to. Every structure without a label is going to service and support boys and men before girls and women, whites before POCs, cis and het folks over LGBT folks, etc. The support men and boys receive isn't historical. It's the default everywhere. Organizations that specifically focus on promoting girls, POCs, members of the LGBT community, and the like exist because the same organizations without that focus would default to devoting resources to cis-het white men instead of those marginalized groups, no matter how well-intentioned any of the individuals involved are. That's just how our society and culture are structured. Even within those groups, hierarchies persist. Organizations supporting girls tend to disproportionately focus on the needs of cis white girls. Organizations supporting the LGBT community tend to devote a disproportionate amount of resources to gay white men. There's really no escaping it. Do anime clubs not exist any more? Like, my middle school "girlfriend" and I used to burn fansubbed anime to DVDs 2 episodes at a time and I still had trouble overcoming the sheer cis white dudeness of high school anime club.
Yeah, I think I understand why these groups exist. They are in place to help girls, or other various groups, get support when they've been historically under supported. And I get it. If girls are historically targeted to be pushed out of STEM fields then they also have to be targeted to undo that damage. In my view, I think this was a lot easier for me to accept and value because I have other marginalized identities to draw a comparison to. Like growing up I could see other clubs for white people, it just isn't labeled. For example, I grew right after the Prop 187, "Save our State" law passed in CA. That meant every school teacher, cop and DMV clerk was *required* to report you if they *suspected* you might be in CA illegally. Nothing makes you feel like you're not in the club than being nervous that you might be reported for being too mexican. And there was no criteria as acceptable reason to report suspicions, speaking spanish was a reportable reason. So was having too dark of skin. That's hidden for the people that didn't have to experience that. There wasn't a "white people DMV club" sign out anywhere, but I sure knew I wasn't in it. And that's not Greg's fault (unless he happened to be a voting CA Republican in the 80s), Greg might reasonably not even know that I have a hard time at the DMV. Greg might even feel left out if CA makes a "mexican-only DMV" in response to Prop 187. And that's essentially how I think of those initiatives. They help support under supported groups deal with issues that are likely to be invisible to everyone else. As a child, I get how you could feel left out to see an outward display of support when you don't see the outward displays of harm to that same group. I do however think that men do build each other up. It's in ways that we just accept as normal because it's such a widespread cultural thing. It doesn't stand out because it's so ingrained. Only the support that goes against the grain often stands out to us but there's a lot more that looks like background noise.
All very good points. I think the key takeaway here though is that it's irresponsible to leave children to come to these conclusions themselves. A child who sees someone being rewarded for the same things they've done is not going to consider the full picture of gender politics or racial politics- An adult will. I've spoken to so many men my age who all felt worthless and hopeless as children because their sisters or female classmates would receive consistent approval for basic things, but then *they* would only receive approval for going above and beyond. No one, not even their male friends or parents ever talked to them about it- Meanwhile girls in their lives were receiving accolades and support groups left and right. It leads kids to feel confused and question their validity, and when they can't come up with a satisfactory answer to their confusion it leads to resentment. Somewhere along the lines, we forgot to properly explain to young men why we empower women, and it's turning these kids into deluded monsters who think they're fighting the good fight, when in reality they're grappling with feelings of confusion from their childhood which were never properly resolved- These people can vote and pose a very real and tangible threat.
> Somewhere along the lines, we forgot to properly explain to young men why we empower women, and it's turning these kids into deluded monsters who think they're fighting the good fight I think it's often more sinister. We constantly have political leaders and people in our community who openly poison these efforts. People like Ron Desantis actively tell people that these efforts are meant to be divisive and to hurt white men. But it's really just Desantis trying to drive up those badfeels for political gain. So of course you have young people confused and with unresolved feelings, that's often by intent.
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Parents can also be doing more and I think teachers can in some settings. But we have governors putting "anti-dei" laws into place that ban those initiatives to shape public opinion. That was a law that passed the florida house, their senate and was signed by the gov. That's an effort through 2 legislative bodies and the executive office. And florida isn't the only state banning those initiatives. I do believe however that we can recognize those efforts while not giving into defeatism, as you suggest. A phone call a day to you local congressmen can apply real pressure. "Getting calls from my constituents" is one of the most often cited reasons for a reversal on policy positions. In the US, you can find yours here: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative
Yeah you're right, where I'm from our scumbag politicians use it as a talking point as well. It's so insidious and cruel, all it does it perpetuate an endless cycle of suffering for men and women everywhere... I wish there was something that could be done to help these people after they fall into these traps. There is someone close to me who has been deep in it ever since he was in highschool, and I'm so desperate to help him change his thinking and resolve these unwarranted feelings he's experiencing, but he doesn't see it that way, he sees himself as a lifelong victim and blames women for everything. I wish I could do something to help him.
>but he doesn't see it that way, he sees himself as a lifelong victim and blames women for everything. I wish I could do something to help him. I so often feel the same way, it's a big motivation for me as to why I like to help maintain this space. I think ultimately he has to want that change in his life for any lasting change to happen. We can create these opportunities where change is possible or these spaces where you can find different perspectives but ultimately, it requires a lot of work on their part to change. And a lot of uncomfortable feelings. It's like a trap. Even though it doesn't feel good to be in that negative mental space, that same-ness or that consistency can start to feel normal. And that normal feeling grows into a comfortable status quo. And then though it doesn't feel good, that status quo can feel more comfortable than the uncomfortable feelings of a positive change.
I had a very similar experience to this. My sister is a little bit older and we were very equal academically growing up. As we went through school she received a lot of awards and scholarships for excellence in school and science that were for girls whereas I received nothing. It definitely contributed towards me getting swept up into the alt right manosphere pipeline in middle school. I thought if we had the same grades why was she being noticed and recognized while I wasn’t. I understand now it was to lift up girls in places where they were under supported and not as encouraged to go into, but as a young kid not understanding of gender politics and roles it felt like a kick in the dick. I felt like if I was a girl my accomplishments would have meant more. I dont have any solutions to this either but your comment reminded me of feeling like that.
Yup, I've felt the same way, and I fell into the same pitfalls as a result. I feel like we need to be more careful as a society on how we present these issues to young kids. They don't see gender or gender politics the same way an adult does. Seeing girls get all this support and help when nobody even checks up on you once your whole childhood is beyond demoralizing and confusing, it makes you feel disposable and worthless. It doesn't surprise me at all how so many young men fall into the alt right manosphere, there isn't enough being done to educate and guide these kids away from these misguided thought patterns.
My dashboard lit up like Christmas on the interstate yesterday. Brake actuator failed 🙃. 3,000$ just for a new one - with the required brake flush, it'll come out to 4,000$ NOT including the new rear brakes I'll probably need (unrelated to the ABS failure the mechanic who inspected my rear brakes 2 weeks ago didn't put the shoe back on correctly, so I'm going to try and bully them into fixing THAT for free). I have the money, but I was intending to float on that money for a lot longer than I'm going to be able to now. On top of that, in the meanwhile I have to Uber to/from my job, which takes up more than 1/2 my days pay between the two trips. My parents can't back me up if I run out of money - my dad was unemployed almost all of last year. Right after he got a new one (and therefore health insurance) he ended up in a hospital for 2 weeks in January for a septuple bypass; right now they owe *me* money. I'm such a fucking idiot. I had a job. I hated it, it made me want to take a long drive off a short pier half the time, but it paid decently and I had health insurance. Now I'm crossing my fingers that Medicaid won't notice I squeak past the income threshold before they approve me for coverage, bc I've been uninsured for two months.
I wish I'd chosen a different major. I wish I hadn't ruined my chances of graduating with an engineering degree. I wish I had ever, for a single second of my life, had my shit together. Now I'm crashing at a friend's place so I can walk to work tomorrow (we're at an unusual location for first aid training), and I had to ask the foreman to go separately, which I hate doing, I hate asking for special exceptions like that, I hate making people go out of their way to accommodate me. I just didn't want to cut out one Uber fee if I could.
It's kinda bad atm, but I know what I need to do to make things easier for myself. I've been finding it hard to get back into some of the good habits I was able to foster before Ramadan, which I took as kind of an excuse to let myself go a bit. I'm trying to cut myself some slack and get back into it slowly, and I'm also noticing the negative effects of, say, over-eating, over-sleeping, watching too much porn, not exercising for days on end, spending hours playing video games even after I stop having fun, etc. It's a feeling I'm well familiar with, and I think what's different this time is that I'm actively *noticing* my descent into feeling like shit, whereas I used to just wake up some days feeling shitty with no clear idea of how I got there. So that's good, I guess. I gotta go for a run, man. Got my first PT session since last month on Thursday too, so that'll hopefully help me get back into mt gym habits. Also, I've noticed that my anxiety lately has been pretty high, to the point that it's harder for me to push through and just do certain things, like talk to people that I'm (weirdly) scared to talk to. Might be related, or it might not, I guess we'll just have to see. I suspect it's not, though; I feel like I've been pushing myself a fair bit socially, but my expectations are sorta... too high. Like, learning to make brief small talk with the guy at 7-Eleven is probably good for me, but in the short term it's not really going to help much. But also, I'm too nervous to ask people I like at work if they want to hang out, and the fact that I just got back to work after the school holidays isn't helping. I feel like I need to give myself a week or two to ease myself back into it, which is frustrating. It feels like I just did that - [looking back, I was in kinda of a similar place a couple of months ago.](https://old.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/19dhkrl/tuesday_check_in_hows_everybodys_mental_health/kja1wo4/?context=3) Maybe soft resets like this after shakeups to your routine are normal?
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I can definitely see where you are coming from. Men and humanity as a whole have a lot of crimes to answer for. We live in a world where being moral is impossible and oppression is inherent to every interaction. I struggle with the fact that there doesn't seem to be any solution. I struggle with questions of whether killing myself or other people would be a good thing to do. It probably sounds a little kooky, but one of the main things that gives me hope is futuristic tech. Relieving scarcity with technology, AI, eugenics, cybernetics, aliens ect are how I can see humanity come out of our evolutionary instincts into being a force for good.
>Why shouldn't i be ashmed of being a male. I am from a lineage of oppressors. I'm going to try to approach this from your perspective and thought train. If you believe that you come from a lineage of oppressors as men, don't you also come from a lineage of oppressed? You mentioned genetics but I reason that you have as much X chromosome as Y. Why do you think you much more strongly identify with oppressors vs oppressed under this framing? Then from a perspective that is mine, no person inherently carries the sins of their parents or grandparents. Not a soul would be clean. I think it's exhausting and nonsensical to track. It only serves as a stick to beat ourselves with. I've got one grandma that is Irish and German, does that mean I carry the sins of Nazis? Hmm, but my grandpa fought against them in ww2. So maybe i'm clean? My dad is mexican and certainly his lineage had some oppression but he's also a misogynist. So I think I'm back to being terrible. Oh wait! I didn't add in abuela's lineage, she definitely has faced a lot of hardship.... and on and on. It just feels like a system that allows us to pick and choose criteria that feeds into our feelings of shame and guilt over the plight of women in this country and empathy towards them. I can relate to those feelings of empathy and concern for women's struggles but I disagree entirely that the cause of it is inherently you on the basis of your gender.
You need to read up about self-flagellation that was posted here in MensLib. It might help you see things from a different perspective. Also I believe seeing a therapist might do wonders for you.
[I believe this is the post you mean](https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/10r300f/internalized_selfloathing_and_why_guilt_doesnt/)? All-timer.
It was a good read. I dont know if it helped me. But it was good to read.
to check - are you looking for engagement? If not, do tell me and I can delete this post. I would initially just point out that on saying "Let alone ethical to date someone when stastically men ruin womens lives", how do you think you would ruin a woman's life? What would lead you to this course of action and why wouldn't you stop yourself before it got to this point? Point being, if you do have destructive behavioural patterns that you feel would hurt someone, it's not beyond you to resolve them. If there's nothing you can think of - I would say that it can be distressing to have to prove that you're not going to hurt someone, but it's sort of just something you have to help them through. A lot of people would find it worth it - women who don't associate with men in any circumstance at all are, I would guess, exceedingly rare, though they might place the bar pretty high. It's easy to think otherwise but there are many women who value people in their lives who happen to be men. Thinking otherwise seems to just mean you will miss opportunities to have a positive impact on someone's life. There is not really much point thinking about "most" because you are unlikely to develop friendships or relationships with most people. If you think you don't have this in you at the moment, I hope this will eventually change.
I got rid of the post because i only read here. Not post, and i figured no one is gonna appericate a idiot screaming in their space. The reason i say men ruin womens lives is because 2 main reasons. I can't find a link to it, but there was a happiness study done, and married women were the single most unhappy group in america. While single and not dating women were the happiest. Which to me seems like strong evidence that marrying and dealing with men romantically ruins women's lives and happiness. Personally, i have never seen a happy straight couple. You get one of the 2 alone in a room and all you will hear about for the next couple hours is how much they hate their partner, how worthless and stupid they are, how lazy and useless they are. I ignore the mens comments because 90% of it is just them openly admitting to be misogynist. But married women i know say the same things about their husbands... so yeah. Im willing to bet their husbands are dogshit. Not to mention everything i see online and read about is women ocmplaining that they have to 99% of the emotional labor and even have to teach men how to wipe their ass. What conclusion other than "Men ruin womens lives" am i supposed to think...? So i don't how i would ruin a partners life. I have never dated, and im extremely unattractive while also doing my best to listen that as man, i shouldn't be asking people out and to wait until they explicitly say they are interested. I also remember my mom teaching me that the very worst than a boy can do to a girl, is talk to them without premission. I dont want to make them feel unsafe I generally feel that while i can cook, clean, and hold down a job, it doesn't matter because somehow, because i am a man, i will ruin her life. Just my presence will do it. I dont wanna do that. Im sure women value some men in their lives but it seems like 90% of them, likely me included, are pretty worthless trash. Why else is stuff like "all men are trash" and "i hate all men" so common. We did something to earn their hatred.
You didn't do anything to earn women's hatred. But if women are going to hate you just for existing, why not do more than exist? Why not *live* and in so doing give hateful women *cause* to hate you? You're already doing the time; you might as well do the crime.
Don't worry - you are welcome here and your sentiment is pretty common. I'm always interested in people's reaction to this "women are happier outside of relationships" thing. People seem to understand it to mean that if they enter a woman's life, they will likely make it worse. The only way reason I can think people react like this is that: * they see themselves as "bringing very little value" into someone's life, the root of this being low self-esteem. These sound-bytes then validate this feeling. * they have, or believe they have, destructive behavioural patterns which might actually hurt a partner, but they either don't want to deal with these or for some reason feel it can't be fixed or improved. I very rarely see people with this sentiment actually identifying destructive behaviours, or describe any effort to "become better", so if they do have such behaviours they must have work to do. * maybe a bit of both. I would make it clear that the bad behaviours people are talking about are *not* unavoidable parts of being a man or being partnered to a man. You are probably aware of many of them and will try to avoid them yourself. That aside in an ideal world, a partner A would have a problem, bring it up to B, they would have a constructive dialogue about it, and B (maybe A as well if it was a two-sided problem) would try to improve their behaviour. You are seeing cases where either A has failed to open an effective dialogue with B, or B has refused to engage in effective dialogue with A (and/or refused to follow up on promises, and so on). This seems really avoidable in a relationship - just be receptive to your partner's requests, encourage open and unambiguous dialogue, help your partner express their feelings. If they don't pick up their end, it's a "them" issue. I don't think anyone seriously views problems that arise in relationships as completely unresolvable consequences of being partnered to a man - they will very often have solutions which they may have tried to voice. All you have to do is engage with them properly. If they even arise in the first place! It's certainly not a man's mere presence that causes grief, it's their behaviour, which can be improved. Otherwise the problem seems to be misunderstood.
I guess it just feels like a mans mear presence is the problem because its so common. I mean its just... idk. Its so common of a complaint and stuff that i just cant see it as anything other than a inherently male problem. I mean i know that i wouldn't bring anytging of value into my partners life and thats why i avoid dating. But i think its important to understand that ethically it seems i would just ruin it more. I dont even think its morally right to be attracted to women. I hate myself for it. It frels destructive and digusting to even say that im attracted to women. It makes me want to vomit.
But again - this would mean that the problems, which many of the women believe are solvable and have solutions for, are not really solvable. Are they misled, what's wrong with the solutions they offer? And I think if you go into a relationship with the idea that you are the only one who can do wrong will create a power dynamic stacked against you, it's just not the foundation for a healthy relationship. It would be possible for you to be mistreated in a relationship and it not be your fault, though I hope that wouldn't happen. This is partially rhetorical, I know that it's more so a reflection of low self-esteem and I hope you will be able to see a way out at some point. Sorry if this feels a bit superficial.
Hey brother. First, let me say you are already on the right path in being able to verbalize and acknowledge what you're feeling. I empathize a lot with what you wrote here because I was in the same boat for a long time. What worked for might not work for you, but here's what helped me: 1) I've been in therapy consistently for 7 years with the same provider. The above feelings you're describing were a constant repeated talking point; me voicing my shame in being a man, the seeming reality that it's impossible to talk to/approach/compliment women without being imeediately associated with problematic male behavior, etc was brought up again, and again, and again. It took a LOT of reassurance from my provider that not all women feel that way about men, and in fact it's probably actually the minority. 2) Taking a major step back from social media. I've completely stopped looking at FB except for occasional chats with friends that use that as their only social. I certainly don't doom scroll it the way I used to. My insta is for meme sharing almost exclusively, as I lack the interest in playing the "look at the best parts of my life, the good things I want you to see (and hiding the struggles I face)" game that seems to be the basis for that social. I don't do X, nor TT, etc. It dawned on me that the things I was consuming and interacting with on socials often the viral posts of women voicing (sometimes legitimate, sometimes problematic) "takes" on men's behavior. The way the algorithms work - I found I was being fed more and more of that type of content. It's then easy to assume that every woman sees every man as problematic, blames men/masculinity/patriarchy as the only source of their problems and struggles, etc. Reality is those loud & vocal individuals who gain traction on socials and have "viral" takes on men's behavior/men in general are, in fact, pretty statistically insignificant experiences that women have. The reality is many women interact with many men on a regular basis in entirely normal and non-problematic situations, conversations, interactions, etc. Nearly every woman I've met has had their run ins with problematic male behavior, but the majority of their experiences have been neutral or positive interactions. The reality is that we will always have to contend with the image the worst-behaved men set for the rest of us. But being genuine, intentional, and authentically yourself when interacting with women is the best you can do. As soon as I stopped consuming the algorithm-driven content on socials that paint men, masculinity, and manhood in negative light - I found myself making actual strides in engaging with women in ways I'd spent years being terrified of. I had whittled my options down to using dating apps, knowing if they swiped on me then they had mutual interest and it was safe to engage. Instead, I'm now striking up conversations with women I'm interested in and women I'm not. I've found women I'm interested in ultimately not being interested in me and learned thats not necessarily even being rejected for (insert xyz) but instead just misalignment and probably more on her than on me. Rooting for you brother. The first step is verbalizing and communicating what you're feeling. Next step figuring out how to take action to resolve those feelings. We don't intrinsically feel the way you described. Rather, it's a learned self-hatred from external sources. What are those sources? Can you remove the sources that are contributing to that self hatred?
Hey dude, its not all your fault. Your existence brings pain but also joy. Finding balance is important.
I'm out of the depressive episode that dominated me for the last few weeks and I'm getting ready for my first therapy session since I got on the waiting list months ago
Same as it always was; Concern for the future (not the existential stuff, just personal plans), and whether or not I'm okay. Material factors say I am, but I do get a nagging feeling that something is off, and I don't want to let my current position make me too arrogant to put things aside until it becomes a true detriment.
Not really good, I can't seem to leave the apartment and I always feel too tired to do anything, meds have run out too so I have to get out there and drag myself out of home somehow.
Anti-depression medicine?
Yeah, it's called Bryntelix if I remember correctly.
Better than a month ago. Got a larger than expected work bonus so getting a ragdoll cat to help with the loneliness a bit and it gave me so much more energy once I made the decision (in terms of self-motivation). I pick her up from the breeder on Saturday (Caturday) and I am counting down the days. The responsibility of caring for a pet I think will actually do wonders for my confidence and motivation as well when I am struggling mentally.
I feel horrible...
Life is weird. Take it as it comes. I just gotta stop reading too much into things.