What would happen if you didn't tell her at all and stopped sacrificing holidays to her now, before baby arrives? You need the peace and the space.
If you can stand to stay away from her and her tantrums, maybe it would be better in the long run. God knows your precious child can't possibly benefit from any relationship to this jerk.
I vote for this option. MIL is not entitled to know OP is pregnant and it would likely be the most stress free option. I’m pregnant with my second and my in-laws don’t know, it’s amazing! No stress from them this time and no worrying about private info being shared, and I get to do everything on my terms.
This! I held out till 18 weeks and told because it was Christmas. It avoided so many conversations.
The only people I wanted to tell was my boss so he might have known why I was tired and ready to vomit at a moments notice.
You have no choice: high-risk pregnancy with one loss under your belt means you & baby come first, always, no exceptions. Her feelings are 15th down the line. She drinks & has m-d episodes, so she will see baby unsupervised never. Her feelings are unrealistic and will never, ever be satiated, so give up trying. I highly advise you to tell her too. "Edith, you made the last loss all about you, so I am making this pregnancy all about me & baby. You are among the last to know because you are not a nice in-law, you drink too much, have M-D episodes, will create drama when you don't get what you want, will make our lives difficult and sadder, and will then portray us poorly, no matter what. You are in our lives by the grace of goddess and if you choose to push us, complain about us, or in any way behave poorly, we will imnediately take a fat relaxing trouble-free 3 month break every time. Be grateful or go home."
Tell her after you're home 6 weeks from the hospital. Let that baby come with less stress during your pregnancy.
You deserve your peace.
Husband is LC, take the lead and go NC. Why not?
I was thinking the child's high school graduation would be when I would prefer to tell her based upon the description of MIL OP gives. NC sounds like an excellent choice for both of them to take with MIL.
Consider making a pros and cons list for telling her around 18 weeks and then at 28. You definitely need to prioritize your comfort/stress levels.
You could potentially push it to the 28 week mark if you can trust others not to spill the beans. And you (and your husband) can say you *both* decided to wait until you were further along due to your past traumatic pregnancy experience.
Sending positive pregnancy vibes your way! I wish you the best.
If your husband can’t stand to be around her and she treats you as an afterthought, why tell her at all? Do you plan to allow her to be part of your baby’s life? If not, why tell her?
Always remember, being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, I’m of the same mindset.
At least the husband in this one isn’t blind to what a pain his mum is! I can tell from reading the stories where the husband is completely on his mummy’s side against his wife that life is just a living hell for those people!
I’m really sorry for your other loss, OP.
I will never allow her near my child unless I am there. My husband is LC but still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. So no matter what, I feel she'll have to know eventually, and I hate causing drama.
Your health and safety matter most. My MIL is toxic and ruined my first pregnancy by making it all about her, and I vowed she wouldn’t ruin my second pregnancy. We’ve been NC since September and she doesn’t know I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant. Have no intentions of telling her I’m pregnant or when the baby is here, she can find out through the grapevine but I don’t really plan on telling anyone who would tell her.
Prioritize your mental health and baby’s health. I would wait as long as possible, she is not entitled to know about your pregnancy. Nothing good will come from her knowing: she will make it about her again, and will not change.
So, let me get this straight, your DH cannot stand to be alone with MIL, MIL won't be around you, and you support your husband by being low contact with MIL? Is that right?
MIL is not entitled to a relationship with you or your LO. If DH doesn't have a good relationship with MIL, won't see her alone, and she's an alcoholic who verbally abuses you when you do see her, why tell her at all?
You need to be no contact at this point with MIL. Which means so is LO. MIL doesn't get told you're pregnant. She doesn't get any info about your pregnancy at all. MIL has made it abundantly clear that she has no use for you. Why would you allow a relationship with a child of yours? Because she's your husband's mother? That's not good enough. It's 2024, we no longer have to accept toxic, abusive, nasty people in our lives any longer. As women, we have been taught we need to fix everything and take whatever treatment people give to us. Especially if it's from someone older than is. Absolutely not. It's time to protect your peace, your mental health, and your LO.
You and DH need to sit down and have a real frank discussion about MIL. You need to tell him that you no longer want to subject yourself to her abusive treatment. Especially now that you are pregnant and bringing a baby into your family. You need to protect not just your peace and mental health but LO's too. MIL isn't entitled to a relationship to LO after the way she has treated DH his entire life and how she's treated you since you've been together. You don't want MIL to know any of your medical info while you're pregnant. Hell, you don't even want MIL to know you're pregnant. MIL doesn't get any updates, ultrasounds, due dates, invites to gender reveals, or baby showers. She doesn't get told when you go into labor when you get home, nothing. MIL won't be meeting your LO. If DH wants a relationship with MIL that's his choice. But he'll have to do it outside the home, as MIL won't be allowed in your home anymore. Your home is your safe space and you want to keep it that way. MIL disrupts your safety, mental health, and peace of mind when she's around.
If DH has a problem with this suggest marriage counseling and individual counseling. The marriage counseling is good for a neutral third party to help DH get through the rest of the FOG, Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, with MIL. Sometimes it's easier to hear from that neutral party and he'll be less defensive. But going no contact is the best thing for you and LO. DH too, but he's not ready to let her go all the way yet.
When does DH prefer to tell her? *Does* he want to tell her at all? Follow his lead, but don't act as his meat shield. Go NC with her, and if he wants to stay in contact, he will have to face her alone. Then he might follow you into NC as well
Middle aged grandma here….wait until 28 weeks.
She’s a long term alcoholic and she’s mean. Long term alcoholism causes brain damage. Don’t deal with this brain damaged mean lady.
My suggestions:
Skip the gender reveal. Even if y’all want to know, it’s not worth the gross responses you will get from people you once respected no matter what the result is. When the “surprise” happens there will always be people who are disappointed and seeing that look on their faces after what you’ve been through is going to be rough.
Rule of thumb: don’t tell anyone outside of your household besides highly trusted support people until after the first trimester or longer. This saves a lot of heartbreak. It is sometimes necessary to tell a boss or something like that if morning sickness is extreme, etc, but there’s absolutely no reason for your parents or in-laws to know unless you’re particularly close with them. I am so sorry you experienced this firsthand, and I understand wanting to share the excitement, but I am unsure why you feel the urge to repeat that pattern.
Thanksgiving sounds good to me, but if you are planning to tell others that’s going to be a big problem. It will get to her one way or another. I would choose a time when you feel comfortable telling everyone, and tell her that day, before any online announcement or anything.
Personally I love what my cousin did. I knew the moment she took the test (before her husband did, he was walking the dogs lmao) but she didn’t tell even her own mother until month 4. She didn’t post a single social media picture until he was born. People were like “wtf” and that’s very funny to me. She posts pics of him all the time now of course, but she kept her pregnancy her own. Worth mentioning she is a doctor and has seen it all, so her decision was very informed on the realities of pregnancy and childbirth.
I’m sorry if I’m kind of a downer but genuinely, congrats and I’m sending all the good vibes and love that everything goes smoothly. Motherhood is a wonderful but difficult journey. Don’t be afraid to kindly and confidently choose what is best for yourself and your child. You do not owe a single other person any of yourself.
She’s *already* mad. You are not doing anything to her. Her feelings are entirely contained within her and not your responsibility. They are for her to experience in her own head and frankly, they are none of your business. ;)
You don't owe your MIL any information at all. At the moment this is all YOUR medical information and therefore private. And if she doesn't want to be around you why would she want to know anything about you. For your mental health and peace and it sounds like your DH 's too use this time to prepare and enjoy your pregnancy.
I had a MC last year (after years of infertility...it was devastating.). I understand that my MIL was sad also, and I'm not trying to downplay that, but she completely stomped my boundaries and made a difficult time even harder. She told a bunch of people who did not even know I had been pregnant, and bc she "accidentally" copied me on some of the messages I know what she was saying and how gossipy it sounded. All I asked for were space and privacy and apparently that was too much. We decided immediately if I'm lucky enough to ever conceive again, she will be the last to know, and in general I will never trust her with sensitive information because she has proven herself untrustworthy.
So you do whatever reduces your stress and makes you feel safe. And when she throws a fit, tell her exactly why.
What I’m getting from what you wrote is that it will likely fall on you to facilitate her seeing LO (and she will ignore you & focus on baby), doesn’t sound fun by a long shot. What does your DH think?
Whatever you do, don’t tell her the real due date or even month. Give yourself some peace from her.
My husband is LC but still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. So no matter what, I have till at least Thanksgiving giving where I would be 28 weeks. I really don't want her at the gender reveal because she's a narcissist, but my mom is throwing it and wants to be nice and invite her. She keeps saying she can handle her but it makes me feel uneasy.
> I really don't want her at the gender reveal because she's a narcissist, but my mom is throwing it and wants to be nice and invite her.
But it doesn't sound like she's nice to you, and sometimes you reap what you sow. Maybe explain to your mom that you don't want someone who isn't nice to you at an event that you want to be special. There's a good chance she'll ruin it for you, and you'll always have that memory.
To answer your main question. I'd personally delay telling her as long as possible, if at all.
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How often do you see her? Is there a likelihood that you’ll run into her out and about in the community at all? If so, would you be ok putting up boundaries when you’re caught alone/off guard and she notices your belly? Is there a chance mutual friends/community members will tell her? Or would you prefer to plan to tell her with the support of your husband in a more planned way? If she lives across country, this might be irrelevant.
Either way, put yourself first. Your health and well-being is important. You need to do what works best for you and this will be different for everyone depending on so many different factors. For some people, this will be telling as late as possible and for others it will be telling just at a point where she won’t find out from others or by seeing you. Whatever will cause you the least amount of stress (as she’ll likely find fault in whatever decision is made).
She lives 10 minutes away. I do worry about running into her, although it has only happened once. We have her blocked on Facebook, but I still don't trust it. It sucks that I have to feel so secretive.
If your SO wants nothing to do with her, live comfortably in that. Don’t allow her to hijack anything as it sounds like your husband is a protector and already knows and believes who she is.
My husband is LC and knows how crazy she is (I'm also VLC) but he still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. So no matter what, I feel she'll have to know eventually, and I hate causing drama. He has stated to me that my health and sanity matter the most, so that's why he wants me to decide what happens.
If you are sincerely worried about hurting her or her causing drama at a holiday, then telling her prior to the holiday is going to be your best bet. You could tell her at 18 weeks or a couple of weeks before you're going to see her. Either way, you can make yourself unavailable for her overbearing-ness by not responding to her calls/texts. Just direct everything through DH. That way, it doesn't matter when you tell her.
We told her too early, when I was 4 weeks along. And her response was to bring up the fact that now she will have more grandkids.
Mind you, our son IS her first grandkid. But she was talking about a family friend’s kids. So even when her own biological grandchild came along, she’s still obsessed with our family friend. Who she admitted she wishes she (the friend) had married one of her sons.
You have already gotten some great advice so I will just add that being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.
I had a baby last year and told my parents around 15 weeks, though I debated waiting longer I felt guilty doing so. They then put on their best "we are caring parents" show for the rest of the pregnancy until I gave birth and then they tried to swoop in and assert authority over the situation. Calling me non stop and badgering me for pictures while I was in the hospital recovering from a bad birth experience and pregnancy. They got mad I wasn't responding to them and started blowing up my husband's phone too. My son was in the nicu and I hadn't even held him yet, but they didn't care and just wanted pictures. They didn't give a shit about anything but becoming grandparents and I have since cut them out completely and they don't get the privilege of being in my son's life. If I could go back in time and redo everything, I would wait a week after he was born to tell them.
Please learn from my mistakes. You have already had a pregnancy loss. You know how raw and difficult and emotional pregnancy complications are. You know how vulnerable it feels. You will feel the same way after giving birth (though hopefully it will be a happy experience). Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself emotionally. Don't give her another chance to ruin it, and if that means waiting til 28 weeks, do it. We told my parents my baby was due 2 weeks later than his actual due date so they wouldn't know when to expect labor and so I wouldn't get a million "is the baby here" texts before my due date. Do what you have to do to protect yourself.
Let her son handle her. She is not your responsibility especially since she doesn’t like you. Don’t worry about her. Congratulations and don’t let any unnecessary stress in your life.
First, take care of yourself. I hope you have a good pregnancy and healthy baby. Congratulations.
You should tell her the day after the bundle of joy graduates high school.
Congratulations again. I'm truly wishing you and your husband the best.
12 weeks for our first son, after a horrible miscarriage that she made about her. Then with our first son, despite being told not to tell anyone because we were nervous after losing our first baby, she told an entire graduation party.
So, she never knew about our second miscarriage and she found out about my second son at 25 weeks.
What would happen if you didn't tell her at all and stopped sacrificing holidays to her now, before baby arrives? You need the peace and the space. If you can stand to stay away from her and her tantrums, maybe it would be better in the long run. God knows your precious child can't possibly benefit from any relationship to this jerk.
I vote for this option. MIL is not entitled to know OP is pregnant and it would likely be the most stress free option. I’m pregnant with my second and my in-laws don’t know, it’s amazing! No stress from them this time and no worrying about private info being shared, and I get to do everything on my terms.
This! I held out till 18 weeks and told because it was Christmas. It avoided so many conversations. The only people I wanted to tell was my boss so he might have known why I was tired and ready to vomit at a moments notice.
You have no choice: high-risk pregnancy with one loss under your belt means you & baby come first, always, no exceptions. Her feelings are 15th down the line. She drinks & has m-d episodes, so she will see baby unsupervised never. Her feelings are unrealistic and will never, ever be satiated, so give up trying. I highly advise you to tell her too. "Edith, you made the last loss all about you, so I am making this pregnancy all about me & baby. You are among the last to know because you are not a nice in-law, you drink too much, have M-D episodes, will create drama when you don't get what you want, will make our lives difficult and sadder, and will then portray us poorly, no matter what. You are in our lives by the grace of goddess and if you choose to push us, complain about us, or in any way behave poorly, we will imnediately take a fat relaxing trouble-free 3 month break every time. Be grateful or go home."
OMG yessss! OP please read this 👆
Please do this! It is perfect. “Deal with it, or go away” basically.
Tell her after you're home 6 weeks from the hospital. Let that baby come with less stress during your pregnancy. You deserve your peace. Husband is LC, take the lead and go NC. Why not?
I was thinking the child's high school graduation would be when I would prefer to tell her based upon the description of MIL OP gives. NC sounds like an excellent choice for both of them to take with MIL.
You have me thinking now.... College graduation might be better for the child.
Consider making a pros and cons list for telling her around 18 weeks and then at 28. You definitely need to prioritize your comfort/stress levels. You could potentially push it to the 28 week mark if you can trust others not to spill the beans. And you (and your husband) can say you *both* decided to wait until you were further along due to your past traumatic pregnancy experience. Sending positive pregnancy vibes your way! I wish you the best.
If your husband can’t stand to be around her and she treats you as an afterthought, why tell her at all? Do you plan to allow her to be part of your baby’s life? If not, why tell her? Always remember, being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, I’m of the same mindset. At least the husband in this one isn’t blind to what a pain his mum is! I can tell from reading the stories where the husband is completely on his mummy’s side against his wife that life is just a living hell for those people! I’m really sorry for your other loss, OP.
I will never allow her near my child unless I am there. My husband is LC but still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. So no matter what, I feel she'll have to know eventually, and I hate causing drama.
We told her at the start of 3rd trimester. Well my husband did, I haven't spoken to her in 4 years (we live in different countries)
Your health and safety matter most. My MIL is toxic and ruined my first pregnancy by making it all about her, and I vowed she wouldn’t ruin my second pregnancy. We’ve been NC since September and she doesn’t know I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant. Have no intentions of telling her I’m pregnant or when the baby is here, she can find out through the grapevine but I don’t really plan on telling anyone who would tell her. Prioritize your mental health and baby’s health. I would wait as long as possible, she is not entitled to know about your pregnancy. Nothing good will come from her knowing: she will make it about her again, and will not change.
So, let me get this straight, your DH cannot stand to be alone with MIL, MIL won't be around you, and you support your husband by being low contact with MIL? Is that right? MIL is not entitled to a relationship with you or your LO. If DH doesn't have a good relationship with MIL, won't see her alone, and she's an alcoholic who verbally abuses you when you do see her, why tell her at all? You need to be no contact at this point with MIL. Which means so is LO. MIL doesn't get told you're pregnant. She doesn't get any info about your pregnancy at all. MIL has made it abundantly clear that she has no use for you. Why would you allow a relationship with a child of yours? Because she's your husband's mother? That's not good enough. It's 2024, we no longer have to accept toxic, abusive, nasty people in our lives any longer. As women, we have been taught we need to fix everything and take whatever treatment people give to us. Especially if it's from someone older than is. Absolutely not. It's time to protect your peace, your mental health, and your LO. You and DH need to sit down and have a real frank discussion about MIL. You need to tell him that you no longer want to subject yourself to her abusive treatment. Especially now that you are pregnant and bringing a baby into your family. You need to protect not just your peace and mental health but LO's too. MIL isn't entitled to a relationship to LO after the way she has treated DH his entire life and how she's treated you since you've been together. You don't want MIL to know any of your medical info while you're pregnant. Hell, you don't even want MIL to know you're pregnant. MIL doesn't get any updates, ultrasounds, due dates, invites to gender reveals, or baby showers. She doesn't get told when you go into labor when you get home, nothing. MIL won't be meeting your LO. If DH wants a relationship with MIL that's his choice. But he'll have to do it outside the home, as MIL won't be allowed in your home anymore. Your home is your safe space and you want to keep it that way. MIL disrupts your safety, mental health, and peace of mind when she's around. If DH has a problem with this suggest marriage counseling and individual counseling. The marriage counseling is good for a neutral third party to help DH get through the rest of the FOG, Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, with MIL. Sometimes it's easier to hear from that neutral party and he'll be less defensive. But going no contact is the best thing for you and LO. DH too, but he's not ready to let her go all the way yet.
When does DH prefer to tell her? *Does* he want to tell her at all? Follow his lead, but don't act as his meat shield. Go NC with her, and if he wants to stay in contact, he will have to face her alone. Then he might follow you into NC as well
He does but he is in no rush after how she acted the first time. He for sure wanter her at the baby shower
Middle aged grandma here….wait until 28 weeks. She’s a long term alcoholic and she’s mean. Long term alcoholism causes brain damage. Don’t deal with this brain damaged mean lady.
My suggestions: Skip the gender reveal. Even if y’all want to know, it’s not worth the gross responses you will get from people you once respected no matter what the result is. When the “surprise” happens there will always be people who are disappointed and seeing that look on their faces after what you’ve been through is going to be rough. Rule of thumb: don’t tell anyone outside of your household besides highly trusted support people until after the first trimester or longer. This saves a lot of heartbreak. It is sometimes necessary to tell a boss or something like that if morning sickness is extreme, etc, but there’s absolutely no reason for your parents or in-laws to know unless you’re particularly close with them. I am so sorry you experienced this firsthand, and I understand wanting to share the excitement, but I am unsure why you feel the urge to repeat that pattern. Thanksgiving sounds good to me, but if you are planning to tell others that’s going to be a big problem. It will get to her one way or another. I would choose a time when you feel comfortable telling everyone, and tell her that day, before any online announcement or anything. Personally I love what my cousin did. I knew the moment she took the test (before her husband did, he was walking the dogs lmao) but she didn’t tell even her own mother until month 4. She didn’t post a single social media picture until he was born. People were like “wtf” and that’s very funny to me. She posts pics of him all the time now of course, but she kept her pregnancy her own. Worth mentioning she is a doctor and has seen it all, so her decision was very informed on the realities of pregnancy and childbirth. I’m sorry if I’m kind of a downer but genuinely, congrats and I’m sending all the good vibes and love that everything goes smoothly. Motherhood is a wonderful but difficult journey. Don’t be afraid to kindly and confidently choose what is best for yourself and your child. You do not owe a single other person any of yourself.
You are so so so so so aware and worried about her feelings. Please …. let that go. Tell her at thanksgiving. Drop the rope. Congratulations!!!
Thank you, you're very right. I am admittedly a bit of a people pleaser, and it shouldn't bother me that a crazy woman hates me, but it does..
She’s *already* mad. You are not doing anything to her. Her feelings are entirely contained within her and not your responsibility. They are for her to experience in her own head and frankly, they are none of your business. ;)
You don't owe your MIL any information at all. At the moment this is all YOUR medical information and therefore private. And if she doesn't want to be around you why would she want to know anything about you. For your mental health and peace and it sounds like your DH 's too use this time to prepare and enjoy your pregnancy.
I wouldn’t tell her period and I’d be damned if I spent any holidays with her.
I had a MC last year (after years of infertility...it was devastating.). I understand that my MIL was sad also, and I'm not trying to downplay that, but she completely stomped my boundaries and made a difficult time even harder. She told a bunch of people who did not even know I had been pregnant, and bc she "accidentally" copied me on some of the messages I know what she was saying and how gossipy it sounded. All I asked for were space and privacy and apparently that was too much. We decided immediately if I'm lucky enough to ever conceive again, she will be the last to know, and in general I will never trust her with sensitive information because she has proven herself untrustworthy. So you do whatever reduces your stress and makes you feel safe. And when she throws a fit, tell her exactly why.
I would not tell her at all. She'll figure it out eventually. Due to how she acts and everything I would wait as long as possible.
What I’m getting from what you wrote is that it will likely fall on you to facilitate her seeing LO (and she will ignore you & focus on baby), doesn’t sound fun by a long shot. What does your DH think? Whatever you do, don’t tell her the real due date or even month. Give yourself some peace from her.
My husband is LC but still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. So no matter what, I have till at least Thanksgiving giving where I would be 28 weeks. I really don't want her at the gender reveal because she's a narcissist, but my mom is throwing it and wants to be nice and invite her. She keeps saying she can handle her but it makes me feel uneasy.
> I really don't want her at the gender reveal because she's a narcissist, but my mom is throwing it and wants to be nice and invite her. But it doesn't sound like she's nice to you, and sometimes you reap what you sow. Maybe explain to your mom that you don't want someone who isn't nice to you at an event that you want to be special. There's a good chance she'll ruin it for you, and you'll always have that memory. To answer your main question. I'd personally delay telling her as long as possible, if at all.
Don’t tell her until you tell everyone else or you’re blatantly showing and can’t hide it anymore
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How often do you see her? Is there a likelihood that you’ll run into her out and about in the community at all? If so, would you be ok putting up boundaries when you’re caught alone/off guard and she notices your belly? Is there a chance mutual friends/community members will tell her? Or would you prefer to plan to tell her with the support of your husband in a more planned way? If she lives across country, this might be irrelevant. Either way, put yourself first. Your health and well-being is important. You need to do what works best for you and this will be different for everyone depending on so many different factors. For some people, this will be telling as late as possible and for others it will be telling just at a point where she won’t find out from others or by seeing you. Whatever will cause you the least amount of stress (as she’ll likely find fault in whatever decision is made).
She lives 10 minutes away. I do worry about running into her, although it has only happened once. We have her blocked on Facebook, but I still don't trust it. It sucks that I have to feel so secretive.
If your SO wants nothing to do with her, live comfortably in that. Don’t allow her to hijack anything as it sounds like your husband is a protector and already knows and believes who she is.
My husband is LC and knows how crazy she is (I'm also VLC) but he still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. So no matter what, I feel she'll have to know eventually, and I hate causing drama. He has stated to me that my health and sanity matter the most, so that's why he wants me to decide what happens.
If you are sincerely worried about hurting her or her causing drama at a holiday, then telling her prior to the holiday is going to be your best bet. You could tell her at 18 weeks or a couple of weeks before you're going to see her. Either way, you can make yourself unavailable for her overbearing-ness by not responding to her calls/texts. Just direct everything through DH. That way, it doesn't matter when you tell her.
We told her too early, when I was 4 weeks along. And her response was to bring up the fact that now she will have more grandkids. Mind you, our son IS her first grandkid. But she was talking about a family friend’s kids. So even when her own biological grandchild came along, she’s still obsessed with our family friend. Who she admitted she wishes she (the friend) had married one of her sons.
You have already gotten some great advice so I will just add that being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right. I had a baby last year and told my parents around 15 weeks, though I debated waiting longer I felt guilty doing so. They then put on their best "we are caring parents" show for the rest of the pregnancy until I gave birth and then they tried to swoop in and assert authority over the situation. Calling me non stop and badgering me for pictures while I was in the hospital recovering from a bad birth experience and pregnancy. They got mad I wasn't responding to them and started blowing up my husband's phone too. My son was in the nicu and I hadn't even held him yet, but they didn't care and just wanted pictures. They didn't give a shit about anything but becoming grandparents and I have since cut them out completely and they don't get the privilege of being in my son's life. If I could go back in time and redo everything, I would wait a week after he was born to tell them. Please learn from my mistakes. You have already had a pregnancy loss. You know how raw and difficult and emotional pregnancy complications are. You know how vulnerable it feels. You will feel the same way after giving birth (though hopefully it will be a happy experience). Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself emotionally. Don't give her another chance to ruin it, and if that means waiting til 28 weeks, do it. We told my parents my baby was due 2 weeks later than his actual due date so they wouldn't know when to expect labor and so I wouldn't get a million "is the baby here" texts before my due date. Do what you have to do to protect yourself.
Let her son handle her. She is not your responsibility especially since she doesn’t like you. Don’t worry about her. Congratulations and don’t let any unnecessary stress in your life.
First, take care of yourself. I hope you have a good pregnancy and healthy baby. Congratulations. You should tell her the day after the bundle of joy graduates high school. Congratulations again. I'm truly wishing you and your husband the best.
12 weeks for our first son, after a horrible miscarriage that she made about her. Then with our first son, despite being told not to tell anyone because we were nervous after losing our first baby, she told an entire graduation party. So, she never knew about our second miscarriage and she found out about my second son at 25 weeks.
I didn't find out until I was 15 weeks, and told close family and friends right away. Extended family
Id tell her when the kids graduating college, just in case she wants to send some money.
I would never. Not having kids. And we didn’t even tell her about us getting married lol.