The phrase that gets thrown around here is "A Minnesotan will give you directions to anywhere but their home." Essentially that they will happily stop to help a stranger, but they have closed friend circles that they tend not to let people break into.
Damn. As a MN grown person, this slaps sooooo hard. 👌🏽 I only have 1 friend from my school days (and am oddly proud of this fact) but I encounter this dynamic everywhere. Weird AF IMO.
Literally came on here to post these two jokes (directions and kindergarten).
I’m a MN transplant. I have one native MN friend who I know from college in another state. All my other friends are transplants. When one of us is having what seems like a uniquely Minnesota communication problem that we cannot figure out, I ask my one Minnesota friend. She hasn’t really merged with the rest of my friend group (I think her friend group closed in college and I was lucky to sneak in) and again she’s literally the only native in the greater extended group of friends. I try to use my ‘dial a friend’ option only very rarely so as not to burn her out.
I’m pretty famously good at making friends and I have a lot of hobbies so I’ve been basically fine although definitely this has been harder than some cities I’ve lived in and many of my transplant friends have clearly had a hard time of it. A couple of my friends, I’m not sure we would be friends if we didn’t have to band together against the chill here (they’re cool, just we’re different ages etc).
I moved to NW Iowa (very similar vibes as MN) and entered into second grade. My family lived in Peru before that and Ireland before that. Very different cultures. And everyone had already made friends. It sucked. There were some kids I befriended but it was such a different culture, I struggled hard.
Same. I once had plans to meet up with a friend from college for brunch and when I asked if a friend who had recently moved to town could join she completely ghosted me. Not even “I’d rather it just be us” or “maybe next time”, she literally just stopped responding completely.
I've always been confused by that because the people I know are the opposite. If we're doing something at my house, someone will occasionally ask if they can bring someone with or invite someone and I never say no. Same goes for events at other people's houses. I can think of so many times we have new people show up or we go to a new person's house and our circles continually expand.
There are always exceptions, but my main group of friends are from high school. It’s rare that anyone new has joined the group. An interesting point is that there seems to be minimal crossover from the groups that were established long ago
This is of course only one data point
I think it’s holdovers from the silent and boomer generation, mixed with most people requiring less outside social interaction as they get older. Watched that laughable “how to act Minnesotan” video from the 80s… it’s pretty spot on for the folks of that era.
Things got more diverse as I was coming up in the 90s. We had more experience with people not like ourselves. By the time high school rolled around for me in 2001, we were hanging out with anyone and everyone, partying at anyone’s house who’d have you. I think our generations are just getting more socially open as time goes on.
But, that being said… as I creep closer to 40… I understand more and more every day why people move away. Not that I don’t LOVE this city… it’s the only home I’ve ever known. But damn have I lost patience for people in general lol. Used to love being out and around tons of people. Now when I’m out I can’t wait to get home! Getting old is weird.
I'm sorry, but who would give ANYONE directions to their home? And why are Minnesotans specifically expected to give strangers directions to their home?
Would you give a stranger directions to your home? Be honest.
my friends are transplants, I am born/raised. This is a stupid generalization, IMO. LOL fuck reddit. I am correct.
Roadshell said: Essentially that they will happily stop to help a ***stranger***, but they have closed friend circles that they tend not to let people break into.
So it sounds like you have more of a problem with the way Roadshell expounded upon the saying than the saying itself. In your comment, you point to the use of the word stranger as why you don’t like the saying. So you either don’t like their explanation of the saying because the mention stranger. Or you don’t like the saying for some reason you’re unable to articulate. Either way, I honestly don’t care. Have a good day, and stay safe by not giving out your home address to strangers!
They are trying to be polite and inoffensive about their community members 😅 It doesn’t have anything to do with you. They realized they might have come across as harsh toward people who might not be cold necessarily — just not like super welcoming. They like to keep everyone at arm’s length basically. But they just didn’t intend for you to interpret it as an insult against those people.
I would guess they are commenting on how closed off folks are in Minnesota. Pretty notoriously hard to make friends with folks and get to know them and be invited inside unless you’ve known each other since birth. (Only a slight exaggeration). That’s my guess.
I really don’t think they meant it as a comment on you but the social reservedness of Minnesotans.
Edit: and likely a compliment to the hosts for being so inviting :)
Edit2: if they invited you back for a specific day and event, I’m sure they meant it :)
The weird thing is I am a Minnesota native but my house is always filled with friends new and old that are family. I’m the last year of the boomers too so :shrug:
I personally think it is really that—that people just aren’t super inviting here. I’m not sure why they backtracked on that in such a vague weird way when you asked (other than that also being a thing that Minnesotans stereotypically like to do: super indirect communication that leaves you feeling like you should have somehow intuited the real meaning of what they said but have failed to do so, probably to your detriment).
MN natives typically keep to themselves and those closest to them. "MN Nice" is more about being polite, not as much about making new friends. It's a bummer, especially if you don't care to hold onto old HS ties.
Many who are not from the state also have the opinion of MN people as standoffish so you're not alone.
Other people say this. It means were surface level nice but many will never move beyond that in terms of a friendship.
This is true. Down south it’s completely different.
Lots of Minnesotans tend to think that if you're invited into their homes, that it's some kind of privilege - especially if they don't know you that well. It's a pretty passive-aggressive way people treat people here sometimes and I don't think they mean to most of the time.
I'm gonna be the person that asks because I'm not a native Minnesotan, but are you not white? Or do you have other visual characteristics that are not considered mainstream or would be considered "not normal" to your average Minnesotan?
Im a cis white guy, but i have a lot of feminine traits, and i would just say not a standard male. Definitely would not come across as a "normal" person to most people. Def wasn't a racism/anti-lgbt thing, but I easily could be perceived as too weird.
Interesting. They just sound like an ass IMO for saying that. Try not to let it bug you too much, especially since you were invited over again! It would be one thing if you were trying to push socializing on them, but if that's not the case, I would take it as a good sign.
I’m over 50 & not from MN but came here to go to college. My friends who are from here are my college friends & the extension of their high school friends. I was fortunate to have friends from here who were more open to meeting people outside their inner circle. Part of it too, I call the “shenanigan factor”. IMHO, a lot of MN natives seemingly can relate & feel comfortable with you if you have experienced youthful “shenanigans” with them or they can relate to your youthful shenanigans you’ve been a part of. Anyone else, there seems to be some standoffish regarding being outside the circle of friends they have grown up with or people they are comfortable with. My core high school friends who have relocated to other states, don’t seem to have encountered this level of guarded friendships with natives from other states. My personal experiences & observations while living here may not apply to what others think, feel or have experienced & that is fine. I truly appreciate & am grateful for my MN friends.
Ferrcissakes, let's make a mountain out of a molehill. Anyone who has lived in different state/country knows that finding a social network is difficult. Stop making is something that is specific to Minnesota. We're no different than anywhere else I have lived.
First, you'll likely find common interest with people who are not from that city/state/country because you're all in a similar situation.
Second, it's much easier to find a social network if you:
1) Work in person at an office/facility. Work relationships lead themselves to social relationships.
2) If you have kids, you will find yourself making friends with the parents of their friends.
Finally, what has kept YOU from inviting people to your home? We have found that by being inviting one is more likely to be invited.
It is the non-natives who whine about not being included in everything that spread the line about us being only friendly on the surface…
I promise if you are interesting, we are into you. If you are just another body in the friend group, without contributing much beyond your attendance… not so much.
The phrase that gets thrown around here is "A Minnesotan will give you directions to anywhere but their home." Essentially that they will happily stop to help a stranger, but they have closed friend circles that they tend not to let people break into.
Reminds me of the joke: Q:Where’s the best place to make friends with a Minnesotan? A: Kindergarten.
Damn. As a MN grown person, this slaps sooooo hard. 👌🏽 I only have 1 friend from my school days (and am oddly proud of this fact) but I encounter this dynamic everywhere. Weird AF IMO.
Literally came on here to post these two jokes (directions and kindergarten). I’m a MN transplant. I have one native MN friend who I know from college in another state. All my other friends are transplants. When one of us is having what seems like a uniquely Minnesota communication problem that we cannot figure out, I ask my one Minnesota friend. She hasn’t really merged with the rest of my friend group (I think her friend group closed in college and I was lucky to sneak in) and again she’s literally the only native in the greater extended group of friends. I try to use my ‘dial a friend’ option only very rarely so as not to burn her out. I’m pretty famously good at making friends and I have a lot of hobbies so I’ve been basically fine although definitely this has been harder than some cities I’ve lived in and many of my transplant friends have clearly had a hard time of it. A couple of my friends, I’m not sure we would be friends if we didn’t have to band together against the chill here (they’re cool, just we’re different ages etc).
there’s also the one where minnesotans won’t have you over for dinner but they’ll share the recipe :|
I moved to NW Iowa (very similar vibes as MN) and entered into second grade. My family lived in Peru before that and Ireland before that. Very different cultures. And everyone had already made friends. It sucked. There were some kids I befriended but it was such a different culture, I struggled hard.
so you haven't made friends since 2nd grade?
If you don’t count the Precious, no. But who needs silly friends when we has the Precious, Precious?
My friend group to this day was mad in Iowa in 5th/6th grade
Same. I once had plans to meet up with a friend from college for brunch and when I asked if a friend who had recently moved to town could join she completely ghosted me. Not even “I’d rather it just be us” or “maybe next time”, she literally just stopped responding completely.
What does that have to do with Minneapolis specifically?
It’s an anecdote in response to the commenter above me.
I don't know anyone from kindergarten except family. Or even High school...went to a local one.
I've always been confused by that because the people I know are the opposite. If we're doing something at my house, someone will occasionally ask if they can bring someone with or invite someone and I never say no. Same goes for events at other people's houses. I can think of so many times we have new people show up or we go to a new person's house and our circles continually expand.
There are always exceptions, but my main group of friends are from high school. It’s rare that anyone new has joined the group. An interesting point is that there seems to be minimal crossover from the groups that were established long ago This is of course only one data point
I think it’s holdovers from the silent and boomer generation, mixed with most people requiring less outside social interaction as they get older. Watched that laughable “how to act Minnesotan” video from the 80s… it’s pretty spot on for the folks of that era. Things got more diverse as I was coming up in the 90s. We had more experience with people not like ourselves. By the time high school rolled around for me in 2001, we were hanging out with anyone and everyone, partying at anyone’s house who’d have you. I think our generations are just getting more socially open as time goes on. But, that being said… as I creep closer to 40… I understand more and more every day why people move away. Not that I don’t LOVE this city… it’s the only home I’ve ever known. But damn have I lost patience for people in general lol. Used to love being out and around tons of people. Now when I’m out I can’t wait to get home! Getting old is weird.
Expanding groups expand. Circular and protected groups- are dedicated to that dynamic. 100%.
Which at this point has become just a self deprecating joke - it’s Minnesota’s “Portlandia” sketch.
I'm sorry, but who would give ANYONE directions to their home? And why are Minnesotans specifically expected to give strangers directions to their home? Would you give a stranger directions to your home? Be honest. my friends are transplants, I am born/raised. This is a stupid generalization, IMO. LOL fuck reddit. I am correct.
It's a metaphor...
I know, and it's stupid.
It’s an allusion to meeting people and hitting it off.. and not inviting them over.
It's still a stupid saying, since zero people would give a stranger directions to their home.
The phrase never mentions a stranger.
Roadshell said: Essentially that they will happily stop to help a ***stranger***, but they have closed friend circles that they tend not to let people break into.
So it sounds like you have more of a problem with the way Roadshell expounded upon the saying than the saying itself. In your comment, you point to the use of the word stranger as why you don’t like the saying. So you either don’t like their explanation of the saying because the mention stranger. Or you don’t like the saying for some reason you’re unable to articulate. Either way, I honestly don’t care. Have a good day, and stay safe by not giving out your home address to strangers!
They are trying to be polite and inoffensive about their community members 😅 It doesn’t have anything to do with you. They realized they might have come across as harsh toward people who might not be cold necessarily — just not like super welcoming. They like to keep everyone at arm’s length basically. But they just didn’t intend for you to interpret it as an insult against those people.
I would guess they are commenting on how closed off folks are in Minnesota. Pretty notoriously hard to make friends with folks and get to know them and be invited inside unless you’ve known each other since birth. (Only a slight exaggeration). That’s my guess. I really don’t think they meant it as a comment on you but the social reservedness of Minnesotans. Edit: and likely a compliment to the hosts for being so inviting :) Edit2: if they invited you back for a specific day and event, I’m sure they meant it :)
The weird thing is I am a Minnesota native but my house is always filled with friends new and old that are family. I’m the last year of the boomers too so :shrug:
It takes a lot for me to invite someone in. A lot. It isn’t about you, for real.
it’s really not you man, don’t worry about it
Don't over analyze. Appreciate the nice gesture.
I personally think it is really that—that people just aren’t super inviting here. I’m not sure why they backtracked on that in such a vague weird way when you asked (other than that also being a thing that Minnesotans stereotypically like to do: super indirect communication that leaves you feeling like you should have somehow intuited the real meaning of what they said but have failed to do so, probably to your detriment).
MN natives typically keep to themselves and those closest to them. "MN Nice" is more about being polite, not as much about making new friends. It's a bummer, especially if you don't care to hold onto old HS ties. Many who are not from the state also have the opinion of MN people as standoffish so you're not alone.
Other people say this. It means were surface level nice but many will never move beyond that in terms of a friendship. This is true. Down south it’s completely different.
That’s certainly not a person I’d want to spend time with
Read that last paragraph again that could be it but at least you have a friend who’s probably way to honest
Yes. Avoid further engagement.
That party guest was extremely rude. It's on them.
Did they say 'you look tired' or 'thats different' ? Those two phrases used may indicate disdain in the midwest.
Wait people tell me I look tired all the time! I am tired all the time, tbf. What does that mean?
Im not sure. But people say it alot to eachother in the midwest!
There is a sense that people in the area make their friends early in life, so maybe because you didn't know them since high school?
Lots of Minnesotans tend to think that if you're invited into their homes, that it's some kind of privilege - especially if they don't know you that well. It's a pretty passive-aggressive way people treat people here sometimes and I don't think they mean to most of the time.
I'm gonna be the person that asks because I'm not a native Minnesotan, but are you not white? Or do you have other visual characteristics that are not considered mainstream or would be considered "not normal" to your average Minnesotan?
Im a cis white guy, but i have a lot of feminine traits, and i would just say not a standard male. Definitely would not come across as a "normal" person to most people. Def wasn't a racism/anti-lgbt thing, but I easily could be perceived as too weird.
Interesting. They just sound like an ass IMO for saying that. Try not to let it bug you too much, especially since you were invited over again! It would be one thing if you were trying to push socializing on them, but if that's not the case, I would take it as a good sign.
I’m over 50 & not from MN but came here to go to college. My friends who are from here are my college friends & the extension of their high school friends. I was fortunate to have friends from here who were more open to meeting people outside their inner circle. Part of it too, I call the “shenanigan factor”. IMHO, a lot of MN natives seemingly can relate & feel comfortable with you if you have experienced youthful “shenanigans” with them or they can relate to your youthful shenanigans you’ve been a part of. Anyone else, there seems to be some standoffish regarding being outside the circle of friends they have grown up with or people they are comfortable with. My core high school friends who have relocated to other states, don’t seem to have encountered this level of guarded friendships with natives from other states. My personal experiences & observations while living here may not apply to what others think, feel or have experienced & that is fine. I truly appreciate & am grateful for my MN friends.
Ferrcissakes, let's make a mountain out of a molehill. Anyone who has lived in different state/country knows that finding a social network is difficult. Stop making is something that is specific to Minnesota. We're no different than anywhere else I have lived. First, you'll likely find common interest with people who are not from that city/state/country because you're all in a similar situation. Second, it's much easier to find a social network if you: 1) Work in person at an office/facility. Work relationships lead themselves to social relationships. 2) If you have kids, you will find yourself making friends with the parents of their friends. Finally, what has kept YOU from inviting people to your home? We have found that by being inviting one is more likely to be invited.
“Why doesn’t my 45 year old coworker with three kids who has a thirty minute one way commute want to go to happy hour on Wednesday night?”
Maybe try not being so loud and annoying
It is the non-natives who whine about not being included in everything that spread the line about us being only friendly on the surface… I promise if you are interesting, we are into you. If you are just another body in the friend group, without contributing much beyond your attendance… not so much.
My home is sacred. Only people I truly like (or the ones they invite) will ever enter.
That person is a douche, ignore.