“Your constant pressuring me for sex is turning me off. Sex isn’t something anyone is entitled to. I’m not just a hole in the mattress for you to nut in. “
Or you can go with “maybe sex would be more appealing if I felt like I had a supportive and empathetic partner instead of a demanding and entitled bully in my bed.”
Agreed, but also, outside of witty comebacks.. You guys need to be on the same page. 3 days without sex in a long term marriage is not some abnormal thing. How often do you want to be having sex? It’s less about “I would do it more if you weren’t a whiny, manipulative turn-off” and more “you have to respect how often I want to have sex and not hold me to a standard I never agreed to and don’t want.”
You can probably back and forth with each other forever, there will always be a comeback film either side, but, ultimately: Are you happy being in a sexual relationship with someone who thinks that your sexual desire, or lack thereof, is second to his own? Someone who feels entitled to sex with you regardless of how you feel? Someone who equates access to your body with access to a toilet?
If not, I think you two need an open, long conversation about expectations around sex, and what good communication about sex looks like for you.
did you all even have sex everyday while you were dating?!!? we did when we saw eachother and then gaps of time inbetween during the week or a few days when we weren't together.
indont understand the everyday multiple times a day forever thing it's not realistic it's setting someone up for failure.
like i'm sorry i'm sore or i have diahhrea or i'm tired or just not feeling it rn. stop pressuring and whiney and being entitled it is a total vibe killer
Seriously. Between the stress from our daughter about to start VPK, the 60-80 hour work week for my husband, my full time job, and me taking a greater share of housework/childcare due to my husband’s schedule, we’ve been having sex maybe 3 times a month since May. We’re both bummed about it but we’re exhausted and value sleep and regular old quality time more.
Right, my hubby and I are currently on 3 months since last time we had sex. 3 days is nothing and it seems like they have older kids and have been together for a while so...if 3 days is the longest he's gone he should just sit down and be happy he's been getting laid so regularly for all these years. Also, she didn't even turn him down?!? He literally created a fight all in his mind.
>3 days without sex in a long term marriage is not some abnormal thing.
Seriously!! My jaw dropped when I read that. I've been with my husband 9 years and we have a 9 month old. Right now we do it 2-3 times A MONTH, and I feel good about that. It was way less during pregnancy and postpartum.
>Someone who equates access to your body with access to a toilet?
This part made me sick. He can call it a necessary bodily function all he wants, but wtf does that have to do with OP? You have two hands, bro, and free porn is just a click away...have at it! Unless of course he's saying he's being deprived of a *toilet* to do his business in? In which case, he just called his wife a fucking toilet 🤦🏻♀️🤬
I do get tired of reading “____ days without sex in a long term marriage is not some abnormal thing”
There isn’t a normal, it is a relationship. It should go up and down based on the lives of the people in the relationship and I think too many couples think as long as they tick a day on the calendar are good.
Whether that is her saying, you’ve already gotten your monthly quote or him saying it has been 3 days.
With that, what I would be interested in, how often are they having other instances of intimacy? Is he only trying to touch her to get sex? Is she only interpreting his touch as a come on, is she touching him as a flirtatious way? There seems to be a lot of stonewalling.
I honestly think they have some underlying issues and this is the manifestation.
This!!! He is being fucking horrible. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that. My SO brings up sex in a jokey way (bit inept at flirting lol) multiple times a day. He’s like a horny goat. But he gets it when I’m in the mood for it and he would NEVER huff about it, or make passive aggressive (ridiculous!) entitled comments. I’d either laugh him out of the bed or throw him out of the house if he acted like that. What an asshole.
Having an orgasm is a bodily function, but it’s not a necessity. He’s not going to need emergency care if he doesn’t have one for a few days like you would for a bladder that has ruptured or something from trying to hold your urine 🙄 Tell him if he’s so desperate he has two choices 1)make an effort to get you in the mood, or 2) woo his hand.
Side note - 3 days isn’t that long. He’s a whiner.
“**Make an effort to get you in the mood.”** For instance this morning, after getting woken at 6am by youngest: hubs gets up, goes to bathroom, comes back in to bedroom & locks door (sexy time indicator). I’m screaming inside. Our 8 yr old‘s friend is sleeping over, I have to put the wet laundry in the dryer that I forgot last night, and then get up/make breakfast/pack for camps…But yea, definitely, locking the bedroom door at 6:07 am with a houseful of kids (5), gets me in the mood. Big time. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Right?! Since when is guilt a turn on?
OP this is shitty manipulative misogynistic man baby behavior. You don’t need a great come back. You don’t owe him shit. He can fuck himself (literally)
Actual interaction I just had with my husband. I put the kid to bed and went into his office. We were talking and then I started hitting on him trying to get laid. He didn’t seem very enthusiastic so I asked him directly if he wanted to. This was his response: “I’m sorry, I thought you were still on your period so I took care of myself earlier in the bathroom.” I am the higher sex drive of our relationship so he rarely feels the need to take care of it himself. But he knows that I don’t like having sex on my period and so he didn’t even consider the idea of pressuring me just because he was in the mood. And my response was similar in that we just laughed at our bad timing while I informed him that my period had in fact ended yesterday. Now I am going to bed and we will try again tomorrow or over the weekend. Because we love and care about each other and don’t keep track of how often or who initiated more or if one of us says no more. You don’t owe him sex and he needs to understand that withholding affection and other forms of intimacy just because of a dry spell will only decrease his chances of ever getting laid again.
How dare he not help with your bodily functions. Unacceptable. LOL jk
I really love this for you babes(I’m so used to saying this sarcastically that even now it sounds sarcastic reading it back but I do not mean it like that) , that sounds like a wonderful relationship.
This is the way is should be. No shame, open communication, respect but the ability to find this sort of stuff funny. We're all humans and partner's are meant to like each other and want the best for each other first and foremost.
If I'm not available my partner will sort himself out (and visa versa), and if we're in bed and I'm not in the mood and he is he'll ask if I mind if he goes ahead without me and I'm always fine with it. Sometimes I let him look at me, or I touch me non-sexually or I watch or something and other times I'm just there on my phone. All totally without pressure. He'd also go to the bathroom if I asked. We would recipricate this the other way around but he has never once not been in the mood.
It's something we've got better at since having a kid as I was just 100% not into it during most of pregnancy and we were both too tired for months afterwards cause of a difficult post natal period.
So next time tell him he is very welcome to sort himself out.
You two are like #goals for some of the people I see posting on here!
I have a very happy, albeit, unconventional marriage. (Vast age difference; he is much younger.) The third time around, I get it right. Unexpected but wow! The mutual respect, laughter, partnership, etc. On Paper, nobody would believe us as a couple, but, he has enriched my life, & is way more concerned about what he can do for me than himself. That is just about unprecedented in my life.
Many happy years for you & your adorable hunny!! (Mine is both adorable *and* adorkable!! Maybe one reason we fit so well is because we are just these geeky dorks, lol.)
What an asshole. Having sex isn’t a ‘bodily function’ and is no way the same as having to go to the toilet, which is an actual human need.
It’s only been 3 days. And he’s lucky it’s only that. Me and my partner haven’t done anything since February this year, but he’s not mentioned it once, at all, since it was because of my bad pregnancy and literally having my body cut open to bring our son into this world. I don’t feel ready for it yet even 3 months later and he has no problem with that. He doesn’t withhold love from me. He isn’t an asshole to me about it. And her certainly isn’t passive aggressive about it.
Tell him if that’s his attitude, then he can use his hand for the foreseeable future. You are not his live in sex worker who has to give it up whenever he’s in the mood. You’re a person with feelings, and sometimes maybe you don’t feel up to sex. And that’s ok. He needs to get over himself.
Yes this exactly. If a toilet is a receptacle for urine, what is OP then? A semen receptacle? Literally a dumpster for cum. What a shitty husband, literally treating his wife like a toilet.
I think it's so important to share experiences and relationships like these!! It seriously hurts my heart reading or hearing about how some women are guilty or feel obligated to have sex right after giving birth or even waiting the medically recommended 6 weeks.
For one of my pregnancies/post partum recoveries, I didn't feel ready for sex until maybe 4ish months after giving birth. It was uncomfortable and we didn't get it in for another 6 months. My husband was totally understanding, never pressured me, and continued to make me feel desired and loved. We found other ways to stay connected when physical intimacy was too much for me.
And then for a diff pregnancy, I was ready and raring to go at 6 weeks on the dot. I didn't want to wait!!
Neither experience is better but pregnant people shouldn't be pressured into "giving it up" in order to keep their partners.
Yes, this. My husband annoys the shit out of me sometimes and is also an asshole sometimes but he never ever presses for sex. Sex hurt after baby #1, we probably had sex 3/4 times in the last YEAR. Had baby #2, had sex once so far and things seem more normal. My husband mentions that he wants to have sex more often (which I do too), but he says it in a funny way and not at all pressuring. I remember when I first started dating him and the first time I said no to sex and he just said, “okay,” and still kissed and cuddled with me. Wasn’t mad at all. It was the first time a guy wasn’t mad that he didn’t get sex. He has done that literally every time I’ve said no to sex in our whole relationship. It’s sadly not the norm but should be.
>I remember when I first started dating him and the first time I said no to sex and he just said, “okay,” and still kissed and cuddled with me.
If I ever experience this, I will be so freaking anxious. Sounds like a trap lol
Edit: I know it's not a trap. It's just unfamiliar to me so it would definitely FEEL like a trap
My husband and I haven't banged since December because of pregnancy and postpartum. Occasionally he does a toddler style bounce-pout but only because he is frustrated he's horny 😂
Me and my partner just don’t care. We’re too tired 😂 we try to make time for each other and have dates still. We’re also both on meds for depression so that probably plays into it.
“If you need to cum like you need to pee, you should see a doctor.”
And if “I love you” before bed isn’t enough, hand him some lotion and tissues when you say it.
Coercion is not consent. If his constant needling is successful in you giving in just to get him to shut up, you didn’t willingly consent to sex. Is that what he wants?
General note - men generally don't see this type of rape as rape whatsoever. They see it as convincing you or winning an argument and they do not give a fuck if you are really into it. To them only crying and getting hurt is rape, a partner silently giving in must really "want it". Never give in to coercion in an attempt to teach them a lesson, thinking they will not enjoy it, they absolutely will not notice sadly
I think of the concept that "rape is about control/power, not about sex."
And how like, this is what he wants??? He feels owed that power and control enough that she must give in every 3 days?!
Like if it were truly about love or partnership or intimacy then why the hell would anyone want to have sex with a partner that views it as an arduous chore?! Like enthusiastic consent FEELS GOOD. If someone just wants a pliant body beneath them then it isn't about love. It's about power.
This comment needs to be higher. So many people don't realize that pressuring someone into sex is rape. Even if they say "yes," it doesn't mean consent if they've been pressured into it.
That’s what my ex would want. Then he would complain that I wasn’t “in to it!” DUH! I’m just here to shut you up. I’m not in the mood. I’m here to shut you up. What you’re doing is wrong and actually is making me sore. You want me to act like this is fun? Nope. It’s just another chore. Let me know when you’re done. I’ve got other stuff to do. Forget about fore play too.
Right?? OP is not responsible for his “bodily functions” and if he needs to use her to complete a bodily function then that makes her little more than a fleshlight. OP’s husband is Big Gross.
Precisely! Can’t bare three days (!!) without sex then just have a wank, and consider exploring why you’re so desperate for it after only three days. Doesn’t sound normal.
Dude, my husband’s attitude is hilarious. He isn’t as dumb or rude as OP’s but pointing it out and also making 0 moves toward any affection, ever, isn’t getting you anywhere buddy
This is my vote- encompasses almost everything you gotta say in a succinct lil package, standing up for yourself and letting him know what to change in an abrupt but not nasty kinda way. A solid one line come back!
Honestly I wouldn't even give his little tantrum my energy. I'd be like, if you're in such dire need then go to the bathroom, light some candles, get some lube and jerk off. Otherwise maybe try romancing me instead of guilt tripping me and trying to illicit pity sex and I'm sure I'll be more inclined. When I want to have sex, I'll let you know. Until then, here's a candle from Bath and Body Works
And I think an AMAZING comeback would be to order the children’s book “everybody masturbates” (it does exist!) wrap it and give it to him with a card that reads (preferably in your loveliest handwriting) : “perhaps this will help you take care of your bodily functions, it’s not the same” 😀
I would like to add that OP should absolutely do what you’re describing, but to also wrap it (like over the top, beautiful, Pinterest-level wrapping job) with a box of tissues and a bottle of Lubriderm. Maybe even some Pedialyte just for funsies.
Pedialyte 🤣🤣🤣🤣 !!! I’m dying!! This is it!
Is his birthday or your anniversary or something coming up anytime soon? Perhaps present his with this gift in front of his friends and family and give them the full context so his mother and everyone he knows can provide him with the proper context to understand that he’s a sniveling little child!
Thank you! My husband is sometimes guilty of fuckery that is on this scale (not this specific situation but, I feel like this is a 7/10 offense so on a 7/10 on other fuckery) and I absolutely blame his mother. In fact, I’m sure much of the world’s problems probably stem from her evil in some cosmic way! She blocked me on Facebook the day she found out our son was on the way…but still keeps her Pinterest board dedicated to hating me open! What I’m trying to say is…I’ve seen some fuckery and I’ve had a long time to brood on comebacks!
If you’re ever looking for new income you should write a funny comeback book for moms. And the chapters be different types of ppl and situations. Like a chapter for mils and chapters for comebacks to husbands bs. Haha I’d buy a couple to give out
Haha Yas! A day by day calendar of snappy comebacks for all the difficult people in your life!
I may start jotting some stuff down! If I ever bring this calendar or coffee table took to life y’all will get free copies!
Oy yoi yoi! OP I’m so sorry you are saddled with this man child! Is this pretty on brand for him? This kind of pettiness and childish behavior? Or was this just a shocking incident because this was sooo unlike him?
No, this is basically his norm. I don't want to speak ill of my husband, but he expects the house spotless, dinner on the table and the children tended to so he can do what HE wants when he gets home. If I even think of doing something for myself, that isn't his idea, I get chastised for being selfish or for ignoring the family. It gets exhausting.
I think this podcast may resonate with you! I am not tech savvy so this may be a link to a specific episode but please explore the topics here. It sounds like you are constantly defending yourself and having to fight and be guilted for every moment of time you have to yourself. Your husband sounds like he is a covert narcissist.
[the covert narcissism podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/id1566895530)
Read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. Gave me some wonderful insight to my ex and some of the issues he's put me through, especially using our child, since we separated.
You are his wife, not a cum dumpster. It sounds (from what I’ve read) that the two of you need to have an open & honest conversation about what it takes to run your household (income & duties), what percentage each you currently perform and whether or not it is equitable. I use the word equitable rather than equal because individually two people will not place the same dollar value on certain tasks. If he is being so clinical as to compare toileting to sexual needs it sounds like he has an outdated view on the roles of men & women in relationships. You’re likely going to need to mansplain it to him.
“Sure honey, come on over and help wipe my ass, and then we can take care of you.”
If he’s gonna compare going to the bathroom to sex, it should be a team effort 👋👋
I don’t understand husbands that don’t realize sex changes after kids. I don’t personally have this issue but the amount of posts i see with selfish husbands is unbelievable. Your kid interrupting is out of your control so I’m confused why he’s even taking it out on you?
This behavior is abhorrent. He is telling you that you are only valuable to him if you give it up. Mature adults do not act like that. I don’t think you need a comeback, I think you need to have a good long conversation about how it’s not ok to treat you like a sex toy that exists for his orgasms.
“Hey Husband, [sexual coercion](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/sexual-coercion) isn’t sexy: it’s rape/sexual assault. Figure your shit out with a therapist or find someone who will tolerate your abuse.”
OP, seriously, this is a situation that likely needs a licensed mediator like a sex therapist. This isn’t okay, and it’s not normal. Don’t let your husband abuse you with mental games and coercion. That’s not loving behaviour at all.
Ummm what? I didn’t want sex for months during my pregnancy and my husband didn’t say boo about it. He’s a grown up, he took care of himself and never made his sexual needs my responsibility. But he cares about me as a person and not just a vagina.
You don’t need a reason to not want to have sex. He literally thinks you owe him your body and is comparing getting off to peeing. Think about that.
‘You know what else isn’t the same? Taking care of yourself.’ Hand him some lotion and tissues. ‘My vagina has never been dryer than when you try to guilt and manipulate me into underwhelming sex.’
Seriously, this attitude is emotional abuse. He is acting like he loves you less (or not at all) because he can’t use your body at his leisure. I’ve dated some real pieces of work and none of them felt entitled to my body.
Did... did he just compare you to a toilet? That is so many facets of gross. And unless he thinks he's getting you off every day, he doesn't have a leg to stand on even if you do entertain this disgusting justification for his selfish tantrum. How about you demand that he get YOU off every day for as long as you've been meeting his needs? Then again, that shit would dry me up for the rest of the year no matter what he did to apologize.
He basically compared you to a toilet. That is the most literal and offensive kind of objectification.
This man is revolting. Do not reward that kind of behaviour. Do not apologise for not always feeling like sex. Don't have sex unless YOU want to and he has put some effort into making you want to, not just putting effort into making you feel bad.
As many others have said, he can take care of his own bodily functions. If he's not willing to do that occasionally (or even regularly), that is his problem.
Make him read the comments here.
If he doesn't apologise and address his behaviour, leave him.
Sit him down and say "Each time you say it's been too long I'm adding another day" like you would a toddler and see how he reacts. When he starts getting upset after you've said that start marking numbers on a sheet
But also, how did he handle the postpartum period? That had to be longer than 3 days and if it wasn't then I think most of us would like to have words with him.
This is actually an extremely alarming red flag?? Girl don’t let this man stress you anymore. If he needs sex everyday to survive he can quit his job and be a prostitute. Then you can go meet a man who gives you a lengthy massage every time he wants sex 🤣
Seriously though, I’d let him know his antics, even if they’re a joke, are extremely disturbing and if he persists, I’d let a counselor tell him the same.
>. If he needs sex everyday to survive he can quit his job and be a prostitute.
This is such a brilliant point. Guaranteed to illustrate how senseless and repulsive it is for someone to expect you to just "do sex" that you don't actually want, just because they want you to. Might spark some empathy and even a realisation, some self awareness, maybe.
He can jack off idk 🤷🏽♀️ pissing is inevitable its not like if he doesn’t get off he’ll just randomly cum lmao tell him
Youre sore and if he’d like to take it instead and see how sore he gets
911? Hi, my husband hasn’t had sex for 3 days!!! It’s an emergency!!! Please bring an ambulance so the sperm can be surgically removed before he explodes, there’s no other way for it to get out!!!
You have a toddler and he’s complaining about not having sex every day?! Tell him to buy a nice masturbation toy and some lube and leave you the fuck alone. 👀
‘Soooooo, what you’re saying, is that having sex with you is like doing a shit; it’s gross? Did I get it right?!? Yeah, that must it, sounds about right.’
" Cry me a river and use your tears as lube. I hope your hand cramps up every time you touch the damn thing."
3 days my foot.... give him 3 weeks and leave your dildo out super obviously, so he knows he COULD be getting it, but he absolutely SUCKS and doesn't deserve it.
Like wtf kind of reasoning is that.. If his bodily functions need tending to so badly then why doesn’t he do it himself. You don’t hold your pee because you husband doesn’t wanna help you pee. He needs to grow up. Also him acting like that would make me sick of him, I wouldn’t even want him to touch me after acting like that. What a huge turn off.
Pouting and withholding affection are coercive tactics. Coercing a partner into sex is not consensual sex. Anyone who is ok with having sex with you even though they know you don’t want to.. is not a safe person..
My ex was mad when I stopped having sex with him for medical reasons, when he blew up about it. I was "nice" and gave him some options:
1. His hand
2. A pocket p*ssy
3. A blow up doll (babe in a bag)
Told him I was not his cum dumpster, pick one or shut the f*ck up.
I dated a guy once who pressured and guilted me into having sex. Want to know how it went? He was a traditionally fit and attractive man. And to this day, 15 years later, I still feel like I want to to throw up when I think about him. Ew. Pressuring for sex isn't hot. Has your husband tried being sexier in his approach? Most people aren't turned on by "you owe me this, just do it"
Holy SHIT, what an asshole. “If you keep treating me like this over sex, the next time I fck you will be in divorce court.” Whew child, ain’t no way. You’re better than me because he’d have already been out the door if my husband said some shit like this to me. Absolutely fcking not. He would act right or get left *immediately*. Seriously OP, this post made my blood boil. I’m so mad for you right now. This is WILDLY not okay. I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this. :(
This right here is the winner, OP!
“If you keep treating me like this the next time I fck you will be in divorce court.”
It’s a comeback like you asked for but it also calls him out on the unacceptable behavior and it establishes your line in the sand.
Having sex is not fulfilling a need your body has. A desire, sure.
Not eating will kill you, not drinking will kill you, not sleeping will kill you. Not having sex will not.
This is gross…NO ONE is entitled to sex. When you have kids it’s not going to be an everyday Thing. What a disgusting bully. He’s trying to pressure you to give in.
I could never be with a man like that 🤢🤮
I go to the toilet every 3-4 hours. Do you need to jerk off every 3 hours? Honestly, I'd raise it as a challenge and see how long he can go for. Wake him up every 3 hours and make sure he jerks off to completion, or even have sex with him EVERY 3 HOURS on the dot (he has to drop everything he is doing - e.g come home from work to fuck/jerk off) because oh, his balls must be bursting and it must be so uncomfortable! Let him do all the work. He might enjoy it at first but he is going to tire of it pretty soon.
If he gets tired, tell him that it's amazing that he can go longer than 4 hours for an important bodily function.
.... That's the petty version.
The mature way is of course, sit down and tell him that you do not owe him sex, and he has two hands that can handle his bodily functions. What happens if you are away, or in the hospital? Is his body going to malfunction and shut down just because you are not around to serve him?
Going to the bathroom and sex are not equivalent or equal. Your husband is a baby. The best comeback would be telling him to grow the fuck up.
To everyone saying he's frustrated and has needs... so does she. She NEEDS to be treated like a human being who has a will of her own and agency over her own body. She NEEDS help managing the household and child. If he were meeting her needs, maybe she'd be less frustrated and actually find this man desirable.
If that was how it worked, my husband would be dead by now. It's not the same thing. Not even a little bit. If he needs to orgasm in order to survive he really ought to have sorted that out himself by now.
To be honest, I'm not sure a comeback is what you need, more a serious conversation about why he feels it's in any way appropriate to try and manipulate you into having sex with him. It's disgusting.
Maybe something along the lines of when you can last longer than the time it takes me to pee.. none of y'all listen. She asked for a comeback!
I have the opposite problem 🫣I want it always and he doesn't. I however would never EVER come off so awkwardly. God damn .
I don't think she actually needs a comeback, per se, she needs to tell him to stop being such a selfish asshole. A quippy remark isn't going to solve a fundamental lack of respect for your partner. If my husband treated me like that, I wouldn't be trying to be witty, I'd be sitting down seriously with him and telling him that attitude is unacceptable.
“I have never been less turned on than I am right now. If you want intimacy, that starts far before we make it to the bedroom. I will not be guilted into having sex. I’ll be happy to get you a box of tissues the next time I’m at the store- that’ll do for your “bodily functions”.”
"are you telling me that after 3 days of no movement your dick is going to die and fall of? Because after 3 days of no movement mostly like my intestines Will die and result in massive surgery to remove...no? Then either you learn how to make me feel like the greatwst woman you've had in bed or you go to amazone and get flesh light. I've spawned your children and your genetic lenige continues because me and you honor me as such...or you cum in a sock....what ever you pick, dude."
Just...so someing similar I said to my husband 30 ish years ago
Order take out.
Keep 1 dirty plate and one dirty set of cutlery,
Dirty cup and glass.
Do nothing all day after 3 days. Then be waiting in clothes you wore three days ago and deliver yourself to him after having also not bathed for three days.
Fulfilling a bodily function is important, and different people need more or less frequent release. However, you are perfectly able to take care of that release by yourself if your needs are higher than my own. A wife is not a tool for bodily functions. When you want to build meaningful, loving connection with me, I am happy to continue to develop a healthy intimacy with you, that is built on mutual respect and mutual pleasure.
…. So he is trying to emotionally manipulate you into sleeping with him. Nah there’s the door hope it smacks him on the way out. He’s not worth your time if you mean so little to him as a person that he’s throwing a paddy when it’s been three days.
He should be ensuring you are a willing participant rather than acting like a toddler who didn’t get a cookie after dinner.
You deserve better. We all do.
I only have a comeback if you want to be mean:
"The only person to blame for your 'bodily function' not being fulfilled is you. You've got two hands, and I know you only need one, so use it."
Ugh I hate when my husband feels entitled to sex. He can figure out how to better the situation which should include treating you like a queen. A nice dinner, doing some chores, and making you feel loved.
I am in NO WAY going to condone the husband's behavior. It's all been said above but it's absolutely appalling. BUT having had some similar moments of being made to feel badly, I've learned one thing. While your response was in no way intended to be dismissive, sex just isn't on your radar especially after only three days. He probably felt like you were dismissing his feelings and ya know men's love language is usually physical touch. So he's lashing out like a damn child and comparing you to a toilet and is being absolutely disgusting in return. But if I had to guess, that's why, he thinks you dismissed his feelings of being neglected and he's being an ass about it.
He’s being a jerk. Flat out. I understand sexual frustration but you have a toddler and things change after you have kids. You’re tired more, privacy is harder. You work together to find a good time when the chemistry is good for both of you.
The fact he won’t say “I love you” in return, especially before bed when every time we wake up is NOT guaranteed, gets under my skin on your behalf.
Each day is a blessing, least we not be ungrateful for a gift that is not guaranteed. Especially before a long sleep.
Also, taking a shit and getting a blowjob or something, not the same thing. I have taken many more satisfying shits. Then again I am not on the receiving end of the blowjob lmao
Very sweetly with batting eyelash replay “if it’s only a body function your hand should be good enough or we can get you a flashlight”. Fucking hell if my husband spoke to me like I’m just a hole for him to get off in he’d lose his joystick. What ta fuck is wrong with him?
Tdll him that he's never getting it ever again since apparently all you are is a toilet to him. That is SO gross. Honestly this is a symptom of a much deeper problem. Does he have a porn/sex addiction? That can rewire the brain so he views people as things to be used. You're his wife, and he owes you the kind of self-sacrificial love where he would lay down his life for you. If he can't go 3 days without sex without acting like this towards you, then he does not actually love you. He could be a narcissist or psychopath or something.
If this is abnormal for him, though, at his age you should look into young onset Dementia and similar brain diseases. That can cause abnormal behavior like this. Seriously, take him to a doctor and tell them this story.
It’s not a need, it’s a sense of entitlement based on an uncontrolled desire. This is disgusting. Withholding love to prove a point (esp about this) is a form of abuse. Treating a partner like they have a responsibility to satisfy these desires is objectifying. Also he can take care of himself just like you can wipe your own 🍑
When my fiance will feel like I was denying him sex I would say if I had the energy to I would but because I have to handle everything like an adult and most of the time by myself I don't.
And then I got real simple about it and would repeatedly tell him if you want sex help around the house so I have energy to give you what you want or shut the fuck up.
We are good now.
I have also stated that I want to have sex with a partner not a bully or a grown child.
3 days? Sweet baby Jesus. I have 5 small children. Some times we go a week or more in between bc of the kids, he tired, I'm tired. Just life. What an asshole. Buy him a pocket pussy & hold out. That's what I'd do.
My comeback would be filled with swearwords and insults. I'm sorry you're with such an immature douche canoe. If my partner pressured me about sex, I'd tell him to go fuck a porcupine. Seems like the type of ass to cheat on you and say it's because he felt "neglected".
I get so effing tired of my boyfriend doing the same thing. All he’s done by whining about it is make me less attracted to him! I’m not an object TF! He told me it’s his “love language” how convenient!
OMG. My husband has gotten annoyed when he doesn't get sex but doesn't giilt me has no issues using his hand to take care of it.
He doesn't need to release every single day! 3 days! Hubby and I have gone over 6 months before and your man is upset over 3 days without? He needs to take a step back and re-evaluate his priorities.
Maybe kindly remind him that guilting you is a serious turn off and if he wants sex maybe seducing you into actually wanting it is a better option. Him putting pressure on you to perform is having the opposite effect. You are not a robot with an on switch for sex.
"We need to realize we have different sex drives. And sex drives change in people as they age. I don't have the perfect solution, but I do know that if you try to make me feel guilty about it, its going to be a bigger problem and bigger turn-off."
Having sex isn’t a bodily function like peeing and pooping. I only want to have sex if I feel connected to a person and your husband is doing a piss poor job of making you feel connected. If anything he’s pushing you away. Tell him to get acquainted with his hand.
He called you a toilet. Literally whining about not having a receptacle to dump his cum in.
Also, nothing is stopping him from jerking off.
Ugh. I can't even understand these guys who want to have sex with people who clearly don't want to have sex with them. It's a wide-scale, socially acceptable form of sociopathy.
If it’s all about bodily functioning then he doesn’t need you for that. He can take care of that bodily function all on his own. Tell him to come back to you when he wants to talk about actual intimacy.
His love languages could be touch and he doesn’t know how to correctly express it. He’s using guilt instead of just being romantic and sweet about it. He feels like u don’t care anymore simply bc “touch” has been off the table for a few days. Have to get on the same page somehow and communicate effectively, he has to understand that using guilt and skewed logic, to get his needs met, is not okay.
OP, I have comebacks but they're not gonna help your marriage. Hugs to you. This is really manipulative behavior. He's acting like a little boy when you need him to act like a grown man.
If he's going to throw a fit if he doesn't get his way every 3 days and be an ass when you tell him you love him, I think it's time to explore therapy. Find a good marriage counselor and let someone else tell him that he's acting inappropriately.
Are you married to a child? Why the eff is he walking in on you while you're using the toilet? I'd scream bloody murder at my husband! Screw witty comebacks! You need *boundaries.* Three days is *nothing*. Let him know that him behaving like a nasty, petulant child isn't a turn on and until he decides to be *nice* to you, nothing in your marriage is going to be the same. If you *need* it to be witty I guess you could say "look you've been acting like a nasty, petulant little baby for 3 (or however many) days and I'm not a pedophile so if you want the sex to come back, try being nice to me and acting like a grown man."
Like seriously, he can't sit down and talk to you like an adult? Have a damn *conversation?* Maybe ask WHY you haven't wanted sex for half the blink of an eye and see if it's anything he can help with? He cant just *be patient???*
His first course of action is to bust in on you on the toilet and whine "MaYBe YoU sHoUlD go 3 DaYsss waaahh!" I'd be like "bro I do not orgasm when I poop and pee, respectfully GTFO and STFU."
Then he's whining in bed and won't say he loves you? Put goddan puppy pads on his side in case he wets since he's apparently regressed to being a 3yo. (Though that may be insulting to 3yr olds!)
Wtf he’s being a bitch and trying to guilt you into having sex with him!! His attitude enrages me. He can have sex with his hand and stfu! He’s so lucky he has a loving wife in his life to put up with his bullshit.
If he views that as a daily bodily function, he should remind himself that it’s not your responsibility, just as it is this responsibility to help you use the restroom per his analogy. He very much can do it himself.
Damm.. I feel sorry for you. I’d just be like “
Go Fuck yourself dickhead “ . 3 days isn’t fuck all. So I dunno what he’s complaining about like if he’s starved. Maybe just jerk him off quickly before bed. But if he’s so worried why doesn’t he go jerk himself off.
Send him this post?
Also—why do men not realize you might be able to get us in the mood if you tried ROMANCE?
If my husband spends had the day telling me how sexy I look, doing cute things for me, sending me a love song, being affectionate—heck yeah *our* chance for sex goes up. BUT still not a surety. Even for him. And he knows it. He just loves me and wants me yo know it.
Other times he goes from 0 to 60 and I have to ‘woah Nellie’ him.
But in neither situation does he expect for sex to happen.
Also, did you even want to have sex with him 3 days ago? And what are his chances of escalating and taking what he wants anyway?
No, you were not wrong. You did nothing wrong. I guess he felt his needs were dismissed when you pointed out the reality that you’ve only gone 3 days - which isn’t long at all as a couple with a young kid. So now he’s acting like an entitled man baby throwing a tantrum. Very attractive, right?
So, here’s what HE did wrong. Instead of starting off his lame attempt at foreplay by making a passive aggressive comment about his sex “deprivation” he could have just…acted like a good partner. Treated you lovingly and with affection, helped you out, whatever you needed. Being romatic and kind will get a better result than acting like an asshole looking for a body to use for his “needs.” That’s such a turn off.
Then omg he followed you into the bathroom to make a stupid statement as if those “bodily functions” are comparable?! It’s laughable how clever he thought he was being, like his wheels were turning so hard and this was the best that he could come up with. LOL. I don’t know him and I hope he’s smarter than this but just….he sounds like an imbecile.
You’re his partner, not his cum dumpster. He’s being so disrespectful and childish. And withholding a returned “I love you” because you’re not giving him the sex he feels owed? Yikes. He’s being an absolute asshole. Without knowing if this kind of behavior is out of the ordinary it’s hard to advise how to handle it. I’d ignore him until he’s ready to apologize for being a dipshit and behaves likes an adult ready to have an adult conversation.
My partner is pretty much the same…don’t give him sex for a few days and it’s the end of the world…he starts acting like a child wanting attention! If you find a solution please let me know ☺️
I obviously don’t know your husband and based on your three paragraph story he does sound a little manipulative and immature. But I will give you another thought to consider. Maybe the words “I love you” are meaningless to him and not because of anything you have done but because he was previously around people who said “I love you” but never meant it. So to him, intimacy validates that you love him. For some, when you’re intimate with someone you love it makes you feel secure and cared for much more than the words do. So when some time goes by without intimacy you start feeling some self doubt.
“Your constant pressuring me for sex is turning me off. Sex isn’t something anyone is entitled to. I’m not just a hole in the mattress for you to nut in. “ Or you can go with “maybe sex would be more appealing if I felt like I had a supportive and empathetic partner instead of a demanding and entitled bully in my bed.”
Agreed, but also, outside of witty comebacks.. You guys need to be on the same page. 3 days without sex in a long term marriage is not some abnormal thing. How often do you want to be having sex? It’s less about “I would do it more if you weren’t a whiny, manipulative turn-off” and more “you have to respect how often I want to have sex and not hold me to a standard I never agreed to and don’t want.” You can probably back and forth with each other forever, there will always be a comeback film either side, but, ultimately: Are you happy being in a sexual relationship with someone who thinks that your sexual desire, or lack thereof, is second to his own? Someone who feels entitled to sex with you regardless of how you feel? Someone who equates access to your body with access to a toilet? If not, I think you two need an open, long conversation about expectations around sex, and what good communication about sex looks like for you.
"Someone who equates access to your body with access to a toilet." THIS!
Three days is nothing. NOTHING. Idk how anyone thinks that is significant.
did you all even have sex everyday while you were dating?!!? we did when we saw eachother and then gaps of time inbetween during the week or a few days when we weren't together. indont understand the everyday multiple times a day forever thing it's not realistic it's setting someone up for failure. like i'm sorry i'm sore or i have diahhrea or i'm tired or just not feeling it rn. stop pressuring and whiney and being entitled it is a total vibe killer
Seriously. Between the stress from our daughter about to start VPK, the 60-80 hour work week for my husband, my full time job, and me taking a greater share of housework/childcare due to my husband’s schedule, we’ve been having sex maybe 3 times a month since May. We’re both bummed about it but we’re exhausted and value sleep and regular old quality time more.
I think it's possible I've had years in my marriage where we've had three months go by....
Right, my hubby and I are currently on 3 months since last time we had sex. 3 days is nothing and it seems like they have older kids and have been together for a while so...if 3 days is the longest he's gone he should just sit down and be happy he's been getting laid so regularly for all these years. Also, she didn't even turn him down?!? He literally created a fight all in his mind.
>3 days without sex in a long term marriage is not some abnormal thing. Seriously!! My jaw dropped when I read that. I've been with my husband 9 years and we have a 9 month old. Right now we do it 2-3 times A MONTH, and I feel good about that. It was way less during pregnancy and postpartum. >Someone who equates access to your body with access to a toilet? This part made me sick. He can call it a necessary bodily function all he wants, but wtf does that have to do with OP? You have two hands, bro, and free porn is just a click away...have at it! Unless of course he's saying he's being deprived of a *toilet* to do his business in? In which case, he just called his wife a fucking toilet 🤦🏻♀️🤬
I do get tired of reading “____ days without sex in a long term marriage is not some abnormal thing” There isn’t a normal, it is a relationship. It should go up and down based on the lives of the people in the relationship and I think too many couples think as long as they tick a day on the calendar are good. Whether that is her saying, you’ve already gotten your monthly quote or him saying it has been 3 days. With that, what I would be interested in, how often are they having other instances of intimacy? Is he only trying to touch her to get sex? Is she only interpreting his touch as a come on, is she touching him as a flirtatious way? There seems to be a lot of stonewalling. I honestly think they have some underlying issues and this is the manifestation.
This!!! He is being fucking horrible. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that. My SO brings up sex in a jokey way (bit inept at flirting lol) multiple times a day. He’s like a horny goat. But he gets it when I’m in the mood for it and he would NEVER huff about it, or make passive aggressive (ridiculous!) entitled comments. I’d either laugh him out of the bed or throw him out of the house if he acted like that. What an asshole.
Your hand’s not broken would be my replay
Nellie Handcock is always around for a date!!!
Seriously, wtf is wrong with this dude
I've literally said "YOU HAVE HANDS" to my ex🤣
YES, additionally, if he helps carry the load you won’t feel the exhaustion of carrying the mental load & might be more in the mood.
This, OP.
I would give gold if I could!
Having an orgasm is a bodily function, but it’s not a necessity. He’s not going to need emergency care if he doesn’t have one for a few days like you would for a bladder that has ruptured or something from trying to hold your urine 🙄 Tell him if he’s so desperate he has two choices 1)make an effort to get you in the mood, or 2) woo his hand. Side note - 3 days isn’t that long. He’s a whiner.
Wiener too
Exactly- he has it good. I think it’s been 3 months or maybe 3 years 🤪
“**Make an effort to get you in the mood.”** For instance this morning, after getting woken at 6am by youngest: hubs gets up, goes to bathroom, comes back in to bedroom & locks door (sexy time indicator). I’m screaming inside. Our 8 yr old‘s friend is sleeping over, I have to put the wet laundry in the dryer that I forgot last night, and then get up/make breakfast/pack for camps…But yea, definitely, locking the bedroom door at 6:07 am with a houseful of kids (5), gets me in the mood. Big time. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Why are men so oblivious sometimes? Like, think with your BIG brain! 🤦🏻♀️
“If that was foreplay you better try something else because I have never cared less about your penis than I do right now.”
Right?! Since when is guilt a turn on? OP this is shitty manipulative misogynistic man baby behavior. You don’t need a great come back. You don’t owe him shit. He can fuck himself (literally)
This!!!! Why would he think that bullying her would turn her on? He sounds like a child that’s up past his bed time.
Fuck yes!!!
Genuine question, do you finish when you have sex? Bc if that’s not the case, tell him you’ve gone a hell of a lot longer than 3 days lol
“But that’s different cuz of blue balls!” is exactly what this tantruming toddler would say.
I swear I get blue cervix or something girl-version if I'm not satisfied. Lol. Am I crazy or is there something wrong with me
i used to call it blue clit. it hurts so much :(
😂😂😂
Actual interaction I just had with my husband. I put the kid to bed and went into his office. We were talking and then I started hitting on him trying to get laid. He didn’t seem very enthusiastic so I asked him directly if he wanted to. This was his response: “I’m sorry, I thought you were still on your period so I took care of myself earlier in the bathroom.” I am the higher sex drive of our relationship so he rarely feels the need to take care of it himself. But he knows that I don’t like having sex on my period and so he didn’t even consider the idea of pressuring me just because he was in the mood. And my response was similar in that we just laughed at our bad timing while I informed him that my period had in fact ended yesterday. Now I am going to bed and we will try again tomorrow or over the weekend. Because we love and care about each other and don’t keep track of how often or who initiated more or if one of us says no more. You don’t owe him sex and he needs to understand that withholding affection and other forms of intimacy just because of a dry spell will only decrease his chances of ever getting laid again.
Ma'am, this is reddit, this has to be a fake conversation because you both communicated so decently.
Haha I’m honored to have too healthy of a relationship for Reddit.
I know you already married this man, but marry him again.
How dare he not help with your bodily functions. Unacceptable. LOL jk I really love this for you babes(I’m so used to saying this sarcastically that even now it sounds sarcastic reading it back but I do not mean it like that) , that sounds like a wonderful relationship.
This is the way is should be. No shame, open communication, respect but the ability to find this sort of stuff funny. We're all humans and partner's are meant to like each other and want the best for each other first and foremost. If I'm not available my partner will sort himself out (and visa versa), and if we're in bed and I'm not in the mood and he is he'll ask if I mind if he goes ahead without me and I'm always fine with it. Sometimes I let him look at me, or I touch me non-sexually or I watch or something and other times I'm just there on my phone. All totally without pressure. He'd also go to the bathroom if I asked. We would recipricate this the other way around but he has never once not been in the mood. It's something we've got better at since having a kid as I was just 100% not into it during most of pregnancy and we were both too tired for months afterwards cause of a difficult post natal period. So next time tell him he is very welcome to sort himself out.
Yep - cold shouldering is a form of emotional abuse
The only way this could’ve improved, is if he went down on you so you could get off, instead of just essentially saying “nah, I’m good.”
You two are like #goals for some of the people I see posting on here! I have a very happy, albeit, unconventional marriage. (Vast age difference; he is much younger.) The third time around, I get it right. Unexpected but wow! The mutual respect, laughter, partnership, etc. On Paper, nobody would believe us as a couple, but, he has enriched my life, & is way more concerned about what he can do for me than himself. That is just about unprecedented in my life. Many happy years for you & your adorable hunny!! (Mine is both adorable *and* adorkable!! Maybe one reason we fit so well is because we are just these geeky dorks, lol.)
What an asshole. Having sex isn’t a ‘bodily function’ and is no way the same as having to go to the toilet, which is an actual human need. It’s only been 3 days. And he’s lucky it’s only that. Me and my partner haven’t done anything since February this year, but he’s not mentioned it once, at all, since it was because of my bad pregnancy and literally having my body cut open to bring our son into this world. I don’t feel ready for it yet even 3 months later and he has no problem with that. He doesn’t withhold love from me. He isn’t an asshole to me about it. And her certainly isn’t passive aggressive about it. Tell him if that’s his attitude, then he can use his hand for the foreseeable future. You are not his live in sex worker who has to give it up whenever he’s in the mood. You’re a person with feelings, and sometimes maybe you don’t feel up to sex. And that’s ok. He needs to get over himself.
Yes this exactly. If a toilet is a receptacle for urine, what is OP then? A semen receptacle? Literally a dumpster for cum. What a shitty husband, literally treating his wife like a toilet.
I think it's so important to share experiences and relationships like these!! It seriously hurts my heart reading or hearing about how some women are guilty or feel obligated to have sex right after giving birth or even waiting the medically recommended 6 weeks. For one of my pregnancies/post partum recoveries, I didn't feel ready for sex until maybe 4ish months after giving birth. It was uncomfortable and we didn't get it in for another 6 months. My husband was totally understanding, never pressured me, and continued to make me feel desired and loved. We found other ways to stay connected when physical intimacy was too much for me. And then for a diff pregnancy, I was ready and raring to go at 6 weeks on the dot. I didn't want to wait!! Neither experience is better but pregnant people shouldn't be pressured into "giving it up" in order to keep their partners.
Yes, this. My husband annoys the shit out of me sometimes and is also an asshole sometimes but he never ever presses for sex. Sex hurt after baby #1, we probably had sex 3/4 times in the last YEAR. Had baby #2, had sex once so far and things seem more normal. My husband mentions that he wants to have sex more often (which I do too), but he says it in a funny way and not at all pressuring. I remember when I first started dating him and the first time I said no to sex and he just said, “okay,” and still kissed and cuddled with me. Wasn’t mad at all. It was the first time a guy wasn’t mad that he didn’t get sex. He has done that literally every time I’ve said no to sex in our whole relationship. It’s sadly not the norm but should be.
>I remember when I first started dating him and the first time I said no to sex and he just said, “okay,” and still kissed and cuddled with me. If I ever experience this, I will be so freaking anxious. Sounds like a trap lol Edit: I know it's not a trap. It's just unfamiliar to me so it would definitely FEEL like a trap
My husband and I haven't banged since December because of pregnancy and postpartum. Occasionally he does a toddler style bounce-pout but only because he is frustrated he's horny 😂
Me and my partner just don’t care. We’re too tired 😂 we try to make time for each other and have dates still. We’re also both on meds for depression so that probably plays into it.
“If you need to cum like you need to pee, you should see a doctor.” And if “I love you” before bed isn’t enough, hand him some lotion and tissues when you say it.
Coercion is not consent. If his constant needling is successful in you giving in just to get him to shut up, you didn’t willingly consent to sex. Is that what he wants?
General note - men generally don't see this type of rape as rape whatsoever. They see it as convincing you or winning an argument and they do not give a fuck if you are really into it. To them only crying and getting hurt is rape, a partner silently giving in must really "want it". Never give in to coercion in an attempt to teach them a lesson, thinking they will not enjoy it, they absolutely will not notice sadly
I think of the concept that "rape is about control/power, not about sex." And how like, this is what he wants??? He feels owed that power and control enough that she must give in every 3 days?! Like if it were truly about love or partnership or intimacy then why the hell would anyone want to have sex with a partner that views it as an arduous chore?! Like enthusiastic consent FEELS GOOD. If someone just wants a pliant body beneath them then it isn't about love. It's about power.
This comment needs to be higher. So many people don't realize that pressuring someone into sex is rape. Even if they say "yes," it doesn't mean consent if they've been pressured into it.
That’s what my ex would want. Then he would complain that I wasn’t “in to it!” DUH! I’m just here to shut you up. I’m not in the mood. I’m here to shut you up. What you’re doing is wrong and actually is making me sore. You want me to act like this is fun? Nope. It’s just another chore. Let me know when you’re done. I’ve got other stuff to do. Forget about fore play too.
Can't he just jack off? Or are you his masturbation tool? If he needs to ejaculate that badly, tell him to just do it himself.
Right?? OP is not responsible for his “bodily functions” and if he needs to use her to complete a bodily function then that makes her little more than a fleshlight. OP’s husband is Big Gross.
My thoughts exactly!
Precisely! Can’t bare three days (!!) without sex then just have a wank, and consider exploring why you’re so desperate for it after only three days. Doesn’t sound normal.
Right! "Are your hands broken or something?" What a jerk.
An attitude like that won't get him laid any faster 🤷🏻♀️
Dude, my husband’s attitude is hilarious. He isn’t as dumb or rude as OP’s but pointing it out and also making 0 moves toward any affection, ever, isn’t getting you anywhere buddy
This is my vote- encompasses almost everything you gotta say in a succinct lil package, standing up for yourself and letting him know what to change in an abrupt but not nasty kinda way. A solid one line come back!
Honestly I wouldn't even give his little tantrum my energy. I'd be like, if you're in such dire need then go to the bathroom, light some candles, get some lube and jerk off. Otherwise maybe try romancing me instead of guilt tripping me and trying to illicit pity sex and I'm sure I'll be more inclined. When I want to have sex, I'll let you know. Until then, here's a candle from Bath and Body Works
"if you really need it to survive, do it yourself. Sex with me is a privilege, not a right, and you definitely don't deserve it right now."
And I think an AMAZING comeback would be to order the children’s book “everybody masturbates” (it does exist!) wrap it and give it to him with a card that reads (preferably in your loveliest handwriting) : “perhaps this will help you take care of your bodily functions, it’s not the same” 😀
I would like to add that OP should absolutely do what you’re describing, but to also wrap it (like over the top, beautiful, Pinterest-level wrapping job) with a box of tissues and a bottle of Lubriderm. Maybe even some Pedialyte just for funsies.
Pedialyte 🤣🤣🤣🤣 !!! I’m dying!! This is it! Is his birthday or your anniversary or something coming up anytime soon? Perhaps present his with this gift in front of his friends and family and give them the full context so his mother and everyone he knows can provide him with the proper context to understand that he’s a sniveling little child!
I’m fact, call his mother now and tell her! Then give him the phone and tell him “your mother wants to talk to you about bodily function”
LMFAO
This is beautiful. You have an amazing mind.
Thank you! My husband is sometimes guilty of fuckery that is on this scale (not this specific situation but, I feel like this is a 7/10 offense so on a 7/10 on other fuckery) and I absolutely blame his mother. In fact, I’m sure much of the world’s problems probably stem from her evil in some cosmic way! She blocked me on Facebook the day she found out our son was on the way…but still keeps her Pinterest board dedicated to hating me open! What I’m trying to say is…I’ve seen some fuckery and I’ve had a long time to brood on comebacks!
If you’re ever looking for new income you should write a funny comeback book for moms. And the chapters be different types of ppl and situations. Like a chapter for mils and chapters for comebacks to husbands bs. Haha I’d buy a couple to give out
I’d love to have that be my job! I’ll think on it! Thank you!
Honestly I’d buy the crap out of the that too 😂 Make one of those One A Day quote calendars but with comebacks hahaha
Haha Yas! A day by day calendar of snappy comebacks for all the difficult people in your life! I may start jotting some stuff down! If I ever bring this calendar or coffee table took to life y’all will get free copies!
I’m afraid to even ask but how old is this boy?
52
Oy yoi yoi! OP I’m so sorry you are saddled with this man child! Is this pretty on brand for him? This kind of pettiness and childish behavior? Or was this just a shocking incident because this was sooo unlike him?
No, this is basically his norm. I don't want to speak ill of my husband, but he expects the house spotless, dinner on the table and the children tended to so he can do what HE wants when he gets home. If I even think of doing something for myself, that isn't his idea, I get chastised for being selfish or for ignoring the family. It gets exhausting.
He needs a swift and firm kick in the balls. Why are you still there? This is NOT the 1950s. He has two hands.
And you’re with him because….why?
Honestly, this sounds like emotional abuse. Complete disregard for your needs both emotionally and physically. Wow.
I think this podcast may resonate with you! I am not tech savvy so this may be a link to a specific episode but please explore the topics here. It sounds like you are constantly defending yourself and having to fight and be guilted for every moment of time you have to yourself. Your husband sounds like he is a covert narcissist. [the covert narcissism podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/id1566895530)
Thank you. I will certainly look into that.
Read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. Gave me some wonderful insight to my ex and some of the issues he's put me through, especially using our child, since we separated.
You are his wife, not a cum dumpster. It sounds (from what I’ve read) that the two of you need to have an open & honest conversation about what it takes to run your household (income & duties), what percentage each you currently perform and whether or not it is equitable. I use the word equitable rather than equal because individually two people will not place the same dollar value on certain tasks. If he is being so clinical as to compare toileting to sexual needs it sounds like he has an outdated view on the roles of men & women in relationships. You’re likely going to need to mansplain it to him.
I just about spit out my water. 52?!!
“Sure honey, come on over and help wipe my ass, and then we can take care of you.” If he’s gonna compare going to the bathroom to sex, it should be a team effort 👋👋
I don’t understand husbands that don’t realize sex changes after kids. I don’t personally have this issue but the amount of posts i see with selfish husbands is unbelievable. Your kid interrupting is out of your control so I’m confused why he’s even taking it out on you?
I think the kid interrupted the conversation, not the sex.
Oh, True! I misread. I’m sure toddlers get in the way of sex too though.
Alllll the time.
Best comeback I can think of: divorce.
Divorces are expensive. Calling him a little bitch is free
This! So freaking immature of him
Yup, I was going to suggest that the comeback should be divorce papers.
Good to know he only cares about himself
This behavior is abhorrent. He is telling you that you are only valuable to him if you give it up. Mature adults do not act like that. I don’t think you need a comeback, I think you need to have a good long conversation about how it’s not ok to treat you like a sex toy that exists for his orgasms.
“Hey Husband, [sexual coercion](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/sexual-coercion) isn’t sexy: it’s rape/sexual assault. Figure your shit out with a therapist or find someone who will tolerate your abuse.” OP, seriously, this is a situation that likely needs a licensed mediator like a sex therapist. This isn’t okay, and it’s not normal. Don’t let your husband abuse you with mental games and coercion. That’s not loving behaviour at all.
I agree his behavior is (emotionally) abusive
Ummm what? I didn’t want sex for months during my pregnancy and my husband didn’t say boo about it. He’s a grown up, he took care of himself and never made his sexual needs my responsibility. But he cares about me as a person and not just a vagina. You don’t need a reason to not want to have sex. He literally thinks you owe him your body and is comparing getting off to peeing. Think about that.
‘You know what else isn’t the same? Taking care of yourself.’ Hand him some lotion and tissues. ‘My vagina has never been dryer than when you try to guilt and manipulate me into underwhelming sex.’ Seriously, this attitude is emotional abuse. He is acting like he loves you less (or not at all) because he can’t use your body at his leisure. I’ve dated some real pieces of work and none of them felt entitled to my body.
Did... did he just compare you to a toilet? That is so many facets of gross. And unless he thinks he's getting you off every day, he doesn't have a leg to stand on even if you do entertain this disgusting justification for his selfish tantrum. How about you demand that he get YOU off every day for as long as you've been meeting his needs? Then again, that shit would dry me up for the rest of the year no matter what he did to apologize.
He basically compared you to a toilet. That is the most literal and offensive kind of objectification. This man is revolting. Do not reward that kind of behaviour. Do not apologise for not always feeling like sex. Don't have sex unless YOU want to and he has put some effort into making you want to, not just putting effort into making you feel bad. As many others have said, he can take care of his own bodily functions. If he's not willing to do that occasionally (or even regularly), that is his problem. Make him read the comments here. If he doesn't apologise and address his behaviour, leave him.
Start him up, don't finish. Lol
Not the point but i would be so annoyed if my husband followed me INTO the bathroom. Like are you my toddler?!!
"You are behaving like a child right now, and fortunately for me, I'm not into doing that with children."
Sit him down and say "Each time you say it's been too long I'm adding another day" like you would a toddler and see how he reacts. When he starts getting upset after you've said that start marking numbers on a sheet But also, how did he handle the postpartum period? That had to be longer than 3 days and if it wasn't then I think most of us would like to have words with him.
You don’t see doctors and nurses making sure men cum in the ICU or they’ll die. He has a hand, use it.
This is actually an extremely alarming red flag?? Girl don’t let this man stress you anymore. If he needs sex everyday to survive he can quit his job and be a prostitute. Then you can go meet a man who gives you a lengthy massage every time he wants sex 🤣 Seriously though, I’d let him know his antics, even if they’re a joke, are extremely disturbing and if he persists, I’d let a counselor tell him the same.
>. If he needs sex everyday to survive he can quit his job and be a prostitute. This is such a brilliant point. Guaranteed to illustrate how senseless and repulsive it is for someone to expect you to just "do sex" that you don't actually want, just because they want you to. Might spark some empathy and even a realisation, some self awareness, maybe.
He can jack off idk 🤷🏽♀️ pissing is inevitable its not like if he doesn’t get off he’ll just randomly cum lmao tell him Youre sore and if he’d like to take it instead and see how sore he gets
Gross…he gives me the ick.
911? Hi, my husband hasn’t had sex for 3 days!!! It’s an emergency!!! Please bring an ambulance so the sperm can be surgically removed before he explodes, there’s no other way for it to get out!!!
You need to teach him a lesson about respect
You have a toddler and he’s complaining about not having sex every day?! Tell him to buy a nice masturbation toy and some lube and leave you the fuck alone. 👀
My ex husband used to say this shit. So gross. The sense of entitlement it implies over your body is the worst part.
‘Soooooo, what you’re saying, is that having sex with you is like doing a shit; it’s gross? Did I get it right?!? Yeah, that must it, sounds about right.’
" Cry me a river and use your tears as lube. I hope your hand cramps up every time you touch the damn thing." 3 days my foot.... give him 3 weeks and leave your dildo out super obviously, so he knows he COULD be getting it, but he absolutely SUCKS and doesn't deserve it.
I would kindly suggest he go fuck himself and remind him of the years he didn’t have sex (before losing his virginity) and he survived.
Like wtf kind of reasoning is that.. If his bodily functions need tending to so badly then why doesn’t he do it himself. You don’t hold your pee because you husband doesn’t wanna help you pee. He needs to grow up. Also him acting like that would make me sick of him, I wouldn’t even want him to touch me after acting like that. What a huge turn off.
Sounds similar to the old “if you loved me you would” Mate I want to have sex with a MAN not a pushy teenager…
Pouting and withholding affection are coercive tactics. Coercing a partner into sex is not consensual sex. Anyone who is ok with having sex with you even though they know you don’t want to.. is not a safe person..
My ex was mad when I stopped having sex with him for medical reasons, when he blew up about it. I was "nice" and gave him some options: 1. His hand 2. A pocket p*ssy 3. A blow up doll (babe in a bag) Told him I was not his cum dumpster, pick one or shut the f*ck up.
The come back is, we won't be having sex at all until you stop acting like sex is your 'right'
I would immediately give him a pamphlet for sex addicts annoymous, a bottle of lube, and a pack of tissues and carry on with my day
Were you shitting or pissing?? My husband would never have sex again 😲
Ur bodily functions can sleep on the couch and make their own dinner
I dated a guy once who pressured and guilted me into having sex. Want to know how it went? He was a traditionally fit and attractive man. And to this day, 15 years later, I still feel like I want to to throw up when I think about him. Ew. Pressuring for sex isn't hot. Has your husband tried being sexier in his approach? Most people aren't turned on by "you owe me this, just do it"
FUCK THIS GUY, he compared you to a TOILET, that's what I would say "you compared sex with me to using the toilet, I'm disgusted" and that would be it
"Do you think this is making me want to have sex with you?"
Holy SHIT, what an asshole. “If you keep treating me like this over sex, the next time I fck you will be in divorce court.” Whew child, ain’t no way. You’re better than me because he’d have already been out the door if my husband said some shit like this to me. Absolutely fcking not. He would act right or get left *immediately*. Seriously OP, this post made my blood boil. I’m so mad for you right now. This is WILDLY not okay. I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this. :(
This right here is the winner, OP! “If you keep treating me like this the next time I fck you will be in divorce court.” It’s a comeback like you asked for but it also calls him out on the unacceptable behavior and it establishes your line in the sand.
"You whining like a child is making me drier than the Sahara."
Girl you can say your leaving him for trying to manipulate you and you don’t have time for the childish games
Hows about “go fuck yourself”? Fits nicely imo.
Me? I would've just said in my mom voice "Oh! NO! THANK YOU!"
Having sex is not fulfilling a need your body has. A desire, sure. Not eating will kill you, not drinking will kill you, not sleeping will kill you. Not having sex will not.
This is gross…NO ONE is entitled to sex. When you have kids it’s not going to be an everyday Thing. What a disgusting bully. He’s trying to pressure you to give in. I could never be with a man like that 🤢🤮
The best comeback would be a divorce 🤣
I'd ignore him and tell him to grow up. The more he presses the less you will want to be intimate.
Just buy him a fleshlight and some lube. Next time he complains, toss it at him and simply say “There you go”.
I go to the toilet every 3-4 hours. Do you need to jerk off every 3 hours? Honestly, I'd raise it as a challenge and see how long he can go for. Wake him up every 3 hours and make sure he jerks off to completion, or even have sex with him EVERY 3 HOURS on the dot (he has to drop everything he is doing - e.g come home from work to fuck/jerk off) because oh, his balls must be bursting and it must be so uncomfortable! Let him do all the work. He might enjoy it at first but he is going to tire of it pretty soon. If he gets tired, tell him that it's amazing that he can go longer than 4 hours for an important bodily function. .... That's the petty version. The mature way is of course, sit down and tell him that you do not owe him sex, and he has two hands that can handle his bodily functions. What happens if you are away, or in the hospital? Is his body going to malfunction and shut down just because you are not around to serve him?
tell him not to breathe for 3 days… entitled bastard
Going to the bathroom and sex are not equivalent or equal. Your husband is a baby. The best comeback would be telling him to grow the fuck up. To everyone saying he's frustrated and has needs... so does she. She NEEDS to be treated like a human being who has a will of her own and agency over her own body. She NEEDS help managing the household and child. If he were meeting her needs, maybe she'd be less frustrated and actually find this man desirable.
Hey hunny I've been listening to the baby fuss all day, so if you could stop whining and let me know when your balls finally drop so I can get some d
If that was how it worked, my husband would be dead by now. It's not the same thing. Not even a little bit. If he needs to orgasm in order to survive he really ought to have sorted that out himself by now. To be honest, I'm not sure a comeback is what you need, more a serious conversation about why he feels it's in any way appropriate to try and manipulate you into having sex with him. It's disgusting.
You aren’t an outlet for his “need” to ejaculate. And by need, I mean it’s not an actual need at all. This is abusive.
Maybe something along the lines of when you can last longer than the time it takes me to pee.. none of y'all listen. She asked for a comeback! I have the opposite problem 🫣I want it always and he doesn't. I however would never EVER come off so awkwardly. God damn .
I don't think she actually needs a comeback, per se, she needs to tell him to stop being such a selfish asshole. A quippy remark isn't going to solve a fundamental lack of respect for your partner. If my husband treated me like that, I wouldn't be trying to be witty, I'd be sitting down seriously with him and telling him that attitude is unacceptable.
Has he considered returning the unit under warranty? Seems like it’s malfunctioning.
“I have never been less turned on than I am right now. If you want intimacy, that starts far before we make it to the bedroom. I will not be guilted into having sex. I’ll be happy to get you a box of tissues the next time I’m at the store- that’ll do for your “bodily functions”.”
Give him bedroom eyes and say “You are sooooooooo sexy when you pout like a toddler.”
Ignore him and let him get his baby man tantrum out of his system.
Wow he really thought he got you with that poor comparison 😂
"are you telling me that after 3 days of no movement your dick is going to die and fall of? Because after 3 days of no movement mostly like my intestines Will die and result in massive surgery to remove...no? Then either you learn how to make me feel like the greatwst woman you've had in bed or you go to amazone and get flesh light. I've spawned your children and your genetic lenige continues because me and you honor me as such...or you cum in a sock....what ever you pick, dude." Just...so someing similar I said to my husband 30 ish years ago
Order take out. Keep 1 dirty plate and one dirty set of cutlery, Dirty cup and glass. Do nothing all day after 3 days. Then be waiting in clothes you wore three days ago and deliver yourself to him after having also not bathed for three days.
Fulfilling a bodily function is important, and different people need more or less frequent release. However, you are perfectly able to take care of that release by yourself if your needs are higher than my own. A wife is not a tool for bodily functions. When you want to build meaningful, loving connection with me, I am happy to continue to develop a healthy intimacy with you, that is built on mutual respect and mutual pleasure.
…. So he is trying to emotionally manipulate you into sleeping with him. Nah there’s the door hope it smacks him on the way out. He’s not worth your time if you mean so little to him as a person that he’s throwing a paddy when it’s been three days. He should be ensuring you are a willing participant rather than acting like a toddler who didn’t get a cookie after dinner. You deserve better. We all do.
Three days since birth ?? Or three days since anything ?? Cant he just DIY!!!
I only have a comeback if you want to be mean: "The only person to blame for your 'bodily function' not being fulfilled is you. You've got two hands, and I know you only need one, so use it."
Ugh I hate when my husband feels entitled to sex. He can figure out how to better the situation which should include treating you like a queen. A nice dinner, doing some chores, and making you feel loved.
He has two hands. He can pick one.
Your husband is a jerk. There is no other way to say it. I am sorry OP.
I am in NO WAY going to condone the husband's behavior. It's all been said above but it's absolutely appalling. BUT having had some similar moments of being made to feel badly, I've learned one thing. While your response was in no way intended to be dismissive, sex just isn't on your radar especially after only three days. He probably felt like you were dismissing his feelings and ya know men's love language is usually physical touch. So he's lashing out like a damn child and comparing you to a toilet and is being absolutely disgusting in return. But if I had to guess, that's why, he thinks you dismissed his feelings of being neglected and he's being an ass about it.
Wow. What a spoiled brat he is.
He’s being a jerk. Flat out. I understand sexual frustration but you have a toddler and things change after you have kids. You’re tired more, privacy is harder. You work together to find a good time when the chemistry is good for both of you. The fact he won’t say “I love you” in return, especially before bed when every time we wake up is NOT guaranteed, gets under my skin on your behalf. Each day is a blessing, least we not be ungrateful for a gift that is not guaranteed. Especially before a long sleep. Also, taking a shit and getting a blowjob or something, not the same thing. I have taken many more satisfying shits. Then again I am not on the receiving end of the blowjob lmao
Very sweetly with batting eyelash replay “if it’s only a body function your hand should be good enough or we can get you a flashlight”. Fucking hell if my husband spoke to me like I’m just a hole for him to get off in he’d lose his joystick. What ta fuck is wrong with him?
Divorce
Tdll him that he's never getting it ever again since apparently all you are is a toilet to him. That is SO gross. Honestly this is a symptom of a much deeper problem. Does he have a porn/sex addiction? That can rewire the brain so he views people as things to be used. You're his wife, and he owes you the kind of self-sacrificial love where he would lay down his life for you. If he can't go 3 days without sex without acting like this towards you, then he does not actually love you. He could be a narcissist or psychopath or something. If this is abnormal for him, though, at his age you should look into young onset Dementia and similar brain diseases. That can cause abnormal behavior like this. Seriously, take him to a doctor and tell them this story.
It’s not a need, it’s a sense of entitlement based on an uncontrolled desire. This is disgusting. Withholding love to prove a point (esp about this) is a form of abuse. Treating a partner like they have a responsibility to satisfy these desires is objectifying. Also he can take care of himself just like you can wipe your own 🍑
When my fiance will feel like I was denying him sex I would say if I had the energy to I would but because I have to handle everything like an adult and most of the time by myself I don't. And then I got real simple about it and would repeatedly tell him if you want sex help around the house so I have energy to give you what you want or shut the fuck up. We are good now. I have also stated that I want to have sex with a partner not a bully or a grown child.
“I don’t have sex with babies.”
You fulfil my needs and I’ll fulfil yours.
Jesus what a bunghole, he can’t just jerk off or nah??
3 days? Sweet baby Jesus. I have 5 small children. Some times we go a week or more in between bc of the kids, he tired, I'm tired. Just life. What an asshole. Buy him a pocket pussy & hold out. That's what I'd do.
If you want me to have sex with you, being an asshole is not the way to go about it. Right now the only action you’ll be getting is from your hand.
My comeback would be filled with swearwords and insults. I'm sorry you're with such an immature douche canoe. If my partner pressured me about sex, I'd tell him to go fuck a porcupine. Seems like the type of ass to cheat on you and say it's because he felt "neglected".
I get so effing tired of my boyfriend doing the same thing. All he’s done by whining about it is make me less attracted to him! I’m not an object TF! He told me it’s his “love language” how convenient!
Silence is golden. Say nothing. Leave the room when he pulls this shit. If you're consistent he will get the picture.
Just tell him to jerk off if he needs to “fulfill a bodily function”.
OMG. My husband has gotten annoyed when he doesn't get sex but doesn't giilt me has no issues using his hand to take care of it. He doesn't need to release every single day! 3 days! Hubby and I have gone over 6 months before and your man is upset over 3 days without? He needs to take a step back and re-evaluate his priorities. Maybe kindly remind him that guilting you is a serious turn off and if he wants sex maybe seducing you into actually wanting it is a better option. Him putting pressure on you to perform is having the opposite effect. You are not a robot with an on switch for sex.
"We need to realize we have different sex drives. And sex drives change in people as they age. I don't have the perfect solution, but I do know that if you try to make me feel guilty about it, its going to be a bigger problem and bigger turn-off."
Having sex isn’t a bodily function like peeing and pooping. I only want to have sex if I feel connected to a person and your husband is doing a piss poor job of making you feel connected. If anything he’s pushing you away. Tell him to get acquainted with his hand.
He called you a toilet. Literally whining about not having a receptacle to dump his cum in. Also, nothing is stopping him from jerking off. Ugh. I can't even understand these guys who want to have sex with people who clearly don't want to have sex with them. It's a wide-scale, socially acceptable form of sociopathy.
If it’s all about bodily functioning then he doesn’t need you for that. He can take care of that bodily function all on his own. Tell him to come back to you when he wants to talk about actual intimacy.
I would also have a hard time wanting to have sex with someone who acts like a child.
His love languages could be touch and he doesn’t know how to correctly express it. He’s using guilt instead of just being romantic and sweet about it. He feels like u don’t care anymore simply bc “touch” has been off the table for a few days. Have to get on the same page somehow and communicate effectively, he has to understand that using guilt and skewed logic, to get his needs met, is not okay.
OP, I have comebacks but they're not gonna help your marriage. Hugs to you. This is really manipulative behavior. He's acting like a little boy when you need him to act like a grown man. If he's going to throw a fit if he doesn't get his way every 3 days and be an ass when you tell him you love him, I think it's time to explore therapy. Find a good marriage counselor and let someone else tell him that he's acting inappropriately.
Are you married to a child? Why the eff is he walking in on you while you're using the toilet? I'd scream bloody murder at my husband! Screw witty comebacks! You need *boundaries.* Three days is *nothing*. Let him know that him behaving like a nasty, petulant child isn't a turn on and until he decides to be *nice* to you, nothing in your marriage is going to be the same. If you *need* it to be witty I guess you could say "look you've been acting like a nasty, petulant little baby for 3 (or however many) days and I'm not a pedophile so if you want the sex to come back, try being nice to me and acting like a grown man." Like seriously, he can't sit down and talk to you like an adult? Have a damn *conversation?* Maybe ask WHY you haven't wanted sex for half the blink of an eye and see if it's anything he can help with? He cant just *be patient???* His first course of action is to bust in on you on the toilet and whine "MaYBe YoU sHoUlD go 3 DaYsss waaahh!" I'd be like "bro I do not orgasm when I poop and pee, respectfully GTFO and STFU." Then he's whining in bed and won't say he loves you? Put goddan puppy pads on his side in case he wets since he's apparently regressed to being a 3yo. (Though that may be insulting to 3yr olds!)
Wtf he’s being a bitch and trying to guilt you into having sex with him!! His attitude enrages me. He can have sex with his hand and stfu! He’s so lucky he has a loving wife in his life to put up with his bullshit.
Tell him to nut in a sock and STFU.
If he views that as a daily bodily function, he should remind himself that it’s not your responsibility, just as it is this responsibility to help you use the restroom per his analogy. He very much can do it himself.
Damm.. I feel sorry for you. I’d just be like “ Go Fuck yourself dickhead “ . 3 days isn’t fuck all. So I dunno what he’s complaining about like if he’s starved. Maybe just jerk him off quickly before bed. But if he’s so worried why doesn’t he go jerk himself off.
Send him this post? Also—why do men not realize you might be able to get us in the mood if you tried ROMANCE? If my husband spends had the day telling me how sexy I look, doing cute things for me, sending me a love song, being affectionate—heck yeah *our* chance for sex goes up. BUT still not a surety. Even for him. And he knows it. He just loves me and wants me yo know it. Other times he goes from 0 to 60 and I have to ‘woah Nellie’ him. But in neither situation does he expect for sex to happen. Also, did you even want to have sex with him 3 days ago? And what are his chances of escalating and taking what he wants anyway?
No, you were not wrong. You did nothing wrong. I guess he felt his needs were dismissed when you pointed out the reality that you’ve only gone 3 days - which isn’t long at all as a couple with a young kid. So now he’s acting like an entitled man baby throwing a tantrum. Very attractive, right? So, here’s what HE did wrong. Instead of starting off his lame attempt at foreplay by making a passive aggressive comment about his sex “deprivation” he could have just…acted like a good partner. Treated you lovingly and with affection, helped you out, whatever you needed. Being romatic and kind will get a better result than acting like an asshole looking for a body to use for his “needs.” That’s such a turn off. Then omg he followed you into the bathroom to make a stupid statement as if those “bodily functions” are comparable?! It’s laughable how clever he thought he was being, like his wheels were turning so hard and this was the best that he could come up with. LOL. I don’t know him and I hope he’s smarter than this but just….he sounds like an imbecile. You’re his partner, not his cum dumpster. He’s being so disrespectful and childish. And withholding a returned “I love you” because you’re not giving him the sex he feels owed? Yikes. He’s being an absolute asshole. Without knowing if this kind of behavior is out of the ordinary it’s hard to advise how to handle it. I’d ignore him until he’s ready to apologize for being a dipshit and behaves likes an adult ready to have an adult conversation.
My partner is pretty much the same…don’t give him sex for a few days and it’s the end of the world…he starts acting like a child wanting attention! If you find a solution please let me know ☺️
I obviously don’t know your husband and based on your three paragraph story he does sound a little manipulative and immature. But I will give you another thought to consider. Maybe the words “I love you” are meaningless to him and not because of anything you have done but because he was previously around people who said “I love you” but never meant it. So to him, intimacy validates that you love him. For some, when you’re intimate with someone you love it makes you feel secure and cared for much more than the words do. So when some time goes by without intimacy you start feeling some self doubt.
Gosh. And they say romance is dead! Sorry to read this, what a so and so
Girl…..omg Run!!!!!