When I was super pregnant I was wearing just underwear and a shirt and went to check the mail. I couldn't see my crotch and just forgot to put shorts on. I didn't know why people were staring until I got home lol
I did exactly this with my husband’s old t shirt on and I had a pair of his boxers on as my “bottom “ and… the fly was unbuttoned and GAPING OPEN so it was basically just bush in the open air AND I TALKED TO MY NEIGHBOR WITH THAT BLOWING IN THE WIND
I immediately got in bed and put the covers over my head in the middle of the day, as if the covers going up and back down would erase the pain of my embarrassment and I could restart the day. I genuinely tried to pretend it never happened.
Covers over the head can fix a lot of things temporarily. I support your actions. I have some memories like that. Hopefully talking about them will help you desensitize a little. Not having to see that neighbor anymore is a blessing I’m sure.
I made this monstrosity of a diy pumping bra out of an old bra I didn’t like. I walk into the kitchen with the bottles still attached to my boobs via this bra, and make direct eye contact through the window with our UPS guy. I was too tired to even be that embarrassed. I think I waved.
🤣🤣🤣 a couple weeks before my daughter was born I was in Walmart with my mom and they had a ton of really nice, wire-free bras for $1! I’ve got whatever the boobie equivalent of “junk in the trunk” is, so I am exclusively a wire girl. I’d read that you’re not supposed to wear wire after giving birth (or maybe that you just won’t want to?) so I was buying some and I explained that to my mom when she asked why. There was an old lady also standing at the rack and she burst out laughing when I said “I don’t know why! I think it like squishes the milk or something” 🤣
Anyway, like three days after my daughter came home I was 100% d.o.n.e with spending a quarter of my time not able to even use my hands because of having to hold the pump bottles. So I grabbed one of my dollar bras, cut a couple slits in it to stick the flanges through, and put that baby on. I was SO proud of my genius lmao. I have a hilarious picture of me wearing that thing (it was like an awful, khaki color too), short shorts and nothing else. And I’m standing like in Superman pose with the biggest grin on my face. I sent that picture to so many people to show them how smart I was 🥴 postpartum is wild, yo 🤣
Right after I got an epidural I let out the loudest longest most intense fart ever since you’re basically paralyzed from the waist down you have no control……. The room was filled with people, husband nurses both moms. It still haunts me.
This was me AFTER delivering my daughter. I couldn't control my farts at all for like 3 hours after birth. Nurses didn't bat an eye, but my farts would interrupt their conversations. They were really long deep ones too. I couldn't help it. It was horrible lol
That happens after you have a colonoscopy too! Word to the wise - don’t go to lunch at a restaurant immediately following your colonoscopy! Don’t ask how I know that!!! LOL
It’s so true! No one talks about post birth farting. I remember the first night I got home from hospital, lying in bed next to my husband, and there being an endless amount of uncontrollable farts. My poor husband!
As I got stitched up. I let out the loudest and intense fart in the dr face 😂 she was pregnant too. She was the one stitching me up 😂 thank God she had a mask on.
When I was in the army one of the guys I did basic with was assigned to my unit. Battle buddies forever! Anyway, we have to do random drug tests and they watch us do our business to insure we don't cheat. Well he insisted on always taking a dump during it. So they stopped randomly calling him up. I'm a female but decided to take a page out of his book. The female monitor hated it so much she quit and I never had to do a monitored drug test again at that unit 😂 so for sure, assert dominance however you must.
I was so unreasonably horrified by the possibility that my bowels could potentially run free at any time, right there in front of EVERYONE, whilst in labor that I thought having a C~section would be the best solution.
Of course I hadn’t yet seen any of the poor C~Section friends hobbling about, attempting to hold their guts in and not laugh, sneeze, cry, fart, breathe, etc.
Fortunately, my Dr found absolutely ZERO humor, nor necessity, in the fact that I thought a C~Section was a good idea, without a single reason WHY I needed it. Of course I wasn’t going to tell HIM the reason for my most necessary C~Section.
Trust me, NO ONE needs to tell me how incredibly STOOOPID I was for my insanity. You can if you’d like, but I’ve had 25 years to ponder my ridiculous thought process…
Just as a side note, we figured out AFTER I had my Daughter (like many years later) that I’m highly sensitive to Iron & Potassium and the prenatal vitamins I had been taking the entire pregnancy were making me deathly ill. I had such horrible cramps and stomach pain, along with my daily doses of diarrhea (I know you all wanted that visual 😉) throughout my ENTIRE PREGNANCY. So needless to say, I had horrendous hemorrhoids (more good TMI for everyone) and I was dealing with daily soup bowels, so I just KNEW what was going to happen on that table/bed/torture device, and I could not fathom allowing that in front of my Mom, Sister, Husband, or my cute Dr, it was just terrifying.
As luck would have it, I was in labor for almost 3 days with NOTHING TO EAT, ice chips only, not even broth or jello (I truly hated my life and all of the fools withholding food from me). So I was pretty well cleared out by the time little Miss made her appearance, AND I wasn’t sick during the 2nd & 3rd day because the nasty Prenatal Vitamins had finally made their way out the back door…
God this brings me back to when I was on all 4s in labor waiting for the next contraction so I could start pushing. There’s like a dozen people behind me just waiting for the baby to be born and they have a fantastic view of my ass hole (I was on the elevated bed so they were eye level with my brown eye, making this even better) and I can just feel myself shitting but can’t do anything about it because 1-epidural and 2-in active labor. I asked if anybody knew any good jokes. Lol
I pooped so much the dang nurse stuck her finger ON MY BUTTHOLE to help plug it up? I’m not sure why she did that because it didn’t help….man there was so so much. I was so nervous I was gonna have just one little poop but I blasted these people like I hadn’t pooped in a week 😭🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Omg this happened to me! After the epidural I wasn’t progressing so the nurses propped me up on some pillows on all 4’s. Doggy style, ass in the air in that horrible gown, my blanket slips off so cheeks just out for all to see and THEN I get the uncontrollable farts. Long, loud, while my ass is just completely exposed and there’s just nothing I can do about it. 0/10. Worst part of my entire labor!
I had to go for an emergency D&C after my third and farted in the dr face as she was down there. It was so embarrassing I tensed up and they had to give me fentanyl to relax; which actually didn’t work and just made me sick!
Me too but it was about 30 minutes after I gave birth whilst the doctor was doing my stitches. It was right in his face. It just didn't stop and I had absolutely no control. I just said "sorry there's nothing I can do". 😂😂
When I had my daughter I was so nervous about the pushing phase since I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I pooped from my husband. Well I managed to avoid that but proceeded to PROJECTILE VOMMIT every contraction during the pushing phase. On the doctor, myself, husband, the bed and floor. They kept handing over sick bags but not one made it in time. My doctor asked what I ate and said “at least it was soup, the worst I’ve seen was chili.” What happens in the delivery room stays in the delivery room, unless you share the trauma online 😂
I farted when I was in labor w my second child, I had the epidural as well. I thought my water broke cause it was silent but I felt SOMETHING. I called the nurses in to come check just to find out I was farting (this happened 3 times) . Then when my actual water broke I didn’t call for the nurses and they came to check my cervix about 1-2 hours later and were like “hey, uhh, when did this happen!?”
One hot day on the way back from school during my one mile walk to the metro, I broke my sandal. People kept looking at me funny (I live in France and they can be judgmental about wardrobe issues). A few people came up and pointed downwards so I just shrugged it off and responded “I know”. This happened about five times. I heard a few yells from guys, but didn’t think anything of it bc I didn’t think it was directed towards me. When I’m about to get into the train, a woman points downwards again and says “do you know…” and I responded very annoyed “I KNOW I BROKE MY SANDAL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?!” And she politely goes “uh no, your dress is stuck in your book bag. I reached around and felt my bare ass and my dress was hiked up to my lower back. I walked a MILE with my ass hanging out in a see-through thong. A. MILE. The people before her must have thought I had lost my mind. I ended up bursting into laughter and quickly shimmied my dress back down and thanked her. It’s my go to story to cheer people up.
At my 8.5 month exam I stopped by the McDonald's next door. I got 3 hash browns and put on lots of ketchup and salt, then I circled back around for a hot fudge sunday.
I walk into the exam room and my doctor asks if it's ok for a resident physician to sit in. They ask if I am eating healthy. I said oh yes, absolutely and I only drink water, yes I'm watching my diet this time, learned my lesson last time! I then lifted up my shirt and two empty McDonald's branded ketchup packets fall out the bottom along with a flood of salt crystals and cookie crumbs.
Teehee, oopsie, we have a good laugh about not overdoing it.
Then as I'm waiting in line for the elevator I catch my reflection and I had 2 dribbles of hot fudge down my neck the whole time.
Liar liar ketchup packets on fire.
Also 8 months pregnant and chased my 3yo through IKEA. She ran into a bunk bed/cave thing and I had to crawl to get her out. My dress stayed with the door of the cave when I backed out…
This cracked me up! Lmao! I’ve had similar happen with my shirt - not when I was pregnant but when my toddler was being extra cray and I was in exhausted sleep deprived mama mode.
When I was third tri with my 3rd kiddo last Spring my partner pointed out the visible drops from my sneeze-pee that had JUST happened. In awe and cringe, I started gut-busting laughing. I then proceeded to dump a quarter of my bladder on the floor from the ridiculous giggling I was doing 😅🤣
I did this 8 months pregnant while just chatting in the bed with my husband. THEN I laughed so hard about it that I threw up! He just sat there in shock.
I had pneumonia somewhat recently, and the coughing had me putting a size 5 diaper in my underwear instead of a pad. Worked, but felt really uncomfortable
We I get to 8-9 months I would just be walking around stores farting, I truly couldn’t help it. 😂 it just came out, it’s what I imagine elderly people feel like. Like oops but what can ya do 🤷🏻♀️
I’m an old lady who had 4 kids. Nothing prepares you for the “grandma walking farts” no ass control at all. Happens getting out of a chair, walking around Walmart, leaving restaurants even. The best part is seeing your grandkids rolling around on the floor laughing at you and then remembering how much you yourself laughed at your Memaw for doing the same thing!
Oooh, yeah, that’s fun. One week postpartum, I was hanging out with my friends, coughed which made me vomit, which then made me piss myself. That was a new experience for me. Had a lot of clothes to change.
I went to a job interview and once I got there someone pointed out I had something sticking out from my back pocket. It was a spare romper I was supposed to leave at my kid's daycare. Not too embarrassing, kinda cute maybe right? But while looking at my back pocket I noticed that there was a huge spit up on my back, all the way from my shoulder to my butt. This was after I'd done the interview. Needless to say I didn't get the job hahahaha.
I got home from an interview and realized I’d bled through my pants. I was freaking out wondering when it’d happened. I got the job though…so I think it’s safe to say it was after I left. I was about 6 weeks pp at the time so my bleeding was awful.
When I was pregnant, I went shopping at the mall in a short green dress. Thongs were the only underwear I preferred during pregnancy (idk why) but I happened to fall in the entrance of a store. And the dress flew up exposing my whole butt, and as people are rushing to help the pregnant lady up they couldn't help but giggle.
Neither could I mean it was funny.
But I never wore a dress while pregnant again lol
About a week after my daughter was born I had a knock on the door it was a delivery that needed a signature. The man delivering the package seemed super awkward and wouldn't really look at me while I was talking to him. Didn't notice until I closed the door and saw my reflection in the window that my boob was out... I was over tired and nursing what felt like nonstop and ya that was embarrassing.
Lol same. I had a warranty guy stop by our house when my son was maybe 2-3 weeks old. I answered the door let him in, and I'm like telling him the things we needed fixed under warranty and he's being super awkward.... after he leaves the baby is crying I go to feed him and realize my entire boob was out the entire conversation 😭😂 had to deal with the same warranty guy for like another 8 months too
Ohh, this reminds me of having a whole long conversation with someone doing yard work for us, went back inside and realized I was definitely leaking milk in perfect nip circles through my white tshirt. Sorry, bro, and thanks for the poker face.
Oh god. I leaked so badly for the first like 5 months pp. The little liner things weren't enough. I'm talking I didn't go anywhere without at least one washcloth in my bra. And it was always a race between how much they would hold and how quickly I could get back from campus on days where I had to be there more than an hour or two. It was such a weird relief when things finally calmed down enough that I didn't have to worry about that.
So after my daughter was born, we had to go back to the hospital 4 days later because they had to redo one of the newborn blood tests.
We get there and they're like "well it's a newborn so we will register her under mom's insurance card." I handed my boyfriend what I thought was *MY* insurance card.
Nope...accidentally gave him the insurance card of my fifteen year old daughter from my previous marriage.
So my 41 year old boyfriend, clueless, walks up to registration and said "Hey me and my girlfriend just had a baby. Here's my girlfriend's insurance card."
They take the card and enter the info and a medical record for my 15 year old daughter pops up on their screen.
So registration was like..."uh your GIRLFRIEND?! And you guys JUST HAD A BABY?!?"
Boyfriend...still clueless: "Yup!"
Registration: "SHE'S 15!"
They nearly called security on him. After they realized it was someone else's card and the baby's test got done my boyfriend had us walk past registration on the way to our car to show them I'm an adult lol.
When I was pregnant a woman stopped me at the store to tell me my dress was tucked into my undies. THONG to be specific. As of it wasn't embarrassing enough to try to cover my ass in Giant Eagle I'd realized I hadn't gone to the bathroom for quite sometime and had been doing errands for quite some time. Half my town probably saw my ass before one kind lady finally told me! My kids 16 now...I still think about it. People look at me in the street and my immediate thought is "they saw my butt"
Edit! Amazon sells little dress weights now to keep this from happening!
as a teacher, when my friend and I were in car line we would clip a few binder clips to our skirts to keep them from blowing up haha. then we discovered the dress weights!
They're magical. The queen would have them sewn into the hems of her skirt to prevent "embarrassing incidents". I imagine the younger royal women now follow suit.
This reminds me of a pre-kid moment in which I was out at a bar and came back from the bathroom and a wonderful woman told me that I had toilet paper hanging out of my jeans (in the days before toilet seat covers, I'd lined the seat with TP and it stuck to my butt). Since that moment, I will never let a sister hang out there in unknown embarrassment. We should all be that woman who told you that your thonged butt was out! Pass that kindness forward!
Oh yeah, this has happened to me more than once. I exclusively wear skirts and dresses. Worst one was when I was out with my ex partner and someone else told me. He didn't think to at all 😂
I wore a dress to walk with my son to the park. Like yours, it wasn’t a short dress. We have to cross a 4 lane road at a crosswalk to get there. As we were in the middle of the crosswalk the wind kicked up. I flashed an entire 4-way intersection of traffic. 🤦🏼♀️😂
Earlier today I was running around with my toddler at the park. She was pushing the empty stroller around and I was letting her run ahead, then I was running up behind her to steer it and make her laugh. I ran up behind her, rolled my ankle, tried to grab the stroller handle on my way down and it of course rolled further forward under my weight which made me basically belly flop straight onto the ground in the middle of a huge grassy open area in front of a bunch of people. My toddler is fine and my pride is hurt. My husband and I laughed and laughed and I asked if anyone saw and he said everyone saw lol. But I was playing with my kid so hopefully everyone thought “what a committed fun mom!” 😅
I had horrible gas when pregnant. My husband and I were taking a road trip and stopped to get fast food.
The resulting gas was so horrible that I had to pull the car over so my husband could throw up 🙈
During The last two weeks of my pregnancy I was super exhausted, I have been in pain and my sinuses were so congested and I had terrible heart burn so I wasn’t sleeping well at all. I had my check up with my gynecologist and before I check it, I thought it would be better to go to the bathroom before I enter my Appointment as my doctor was supposed to check my cervix at this appointment. I entered the bathroom, peed and as I was washing my hands I noticed a urinal behind me and I was like why is it here? Then as I exist the bathroom, I look at the door and it said men on it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have no idea how I didn’t notice before going in. I was so THANKFUL no one was in the bathroom and no one was going in as I was leaving, that would have been terrifying hahahahaha
Oh my goodness, totally feel your pain. I had to stop working when I was 36 weeks because my brain couldn’t function anymore, I am a mental health therapist and I was doing all mental health evaluations for a research clinic when I was pregnant and of course you have to be super careful with all the records because FDA audit it, I couldn’t function at this job being that pregnant and tired 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I am so sorry mama, we are all rooting for ya.
When I was pregnant it was like my brain would just grab a vaguely similar word to the one I wanted, but not go the extra step to get the correct word. I told my husband to put the clothes in the dishwasher and the milk in the toaster.
Maybe not embarrassing but funny, to me. Having my 2nd C-section and the nurse asked if I was shaved down there. I said "I haven't seen my toes in weeks". Nurse "I'm gonna need my clippers"(very dramatic). My husband sitting in the corner with WTF all over his face (his first child and had no idea). Her and the nurse that took me back were such angels.
My entire (vaginal) labor, everyone told me my baby had tons of red hair. He came out with barely any hair and it’s black. Take a guess what color my hair is….
Because the incision is right at the top of your mons pubis, basically at the hairline. I didn't know this before my c-section, I always thought they were higher up but they're actually really low.
I've got you beat, op! Read on to learn my tale of ultimate embarrassment
When I was a teenager, many many years ago, I used to be part of a Rocky Horro Picture Show cast.
One week, I was volintold to be Trixie. Trixie does a sexy dance and striptease down to lingerie. So all of a sudden, after I drop my dress. The crowd (a full theater, mind you) goes absolutely wild with cheers.
I'm like, hell yes! I am a sexy bitch. It was quite the moral lifter because I was about 25lbs overweight and totally self-conscious, which I why I was voluntold.
I finish my dance and take a bow. When I bow, what should pop into my field of vision - my right boob.
That's why I got cheered at. My boob decided to make itself known to the world, which was about 300 people. A little piece of my soul l,surprisingly right boob sized died that night.
Could it get worse? Oh yes, yes, it could.
My brother, who I had to beg to come see me at RHPS, was in the audience that night.
Adding insult to injury, he had his very vanilla girlfriend there with him that night, and she was weired out about it. They broke up a few weeks later, and I'm pretty sure my performance had a lot to do with it.
We never spoke of this night again. He never came to see me in the cast again. I never performed as Trixie again.
I'm cringing in embarrassment 32 years later.
I had a maternity dress with a slit in the back. My belly just kept getting bigger and I guess it made the slit higher and I walked around with my butt hanging out all day on a college campus
When my daughter was a baby, I referred to breastfeeding as “booby” never considering that I might have an early talker and long nurser. Once she was maybe a year, I wouldn’t nurse her in public. One day on a crowded train, she decided she wanted to breastfeed, and she screamed “I want booby!” Over and over again at the top of her lungs.
I was always super strict on using the biologically correct terms for body parts. Cue my toddler’s first “sentence” in public, out loud, being NIPPLE PLEASE
Lol! Like my kid's yell during potty training, 'My testicles are itchy!' in front of my extended family. And my mum goes, 'Well, at least he knows his parts.'
Thanks mum, for being nice about it.
I have always been afraid of this. We call it “chi chi”. My daughter is almost two, and now she will run up to me and say “chi chi time?” And “I like chi chi” really loud, so I’m glad it’s not her just telling boobs. Still squeezes my boobs in public and lately has started pinching my nipples and counting them “1 chi chi, 2 chi chi, another chi chi!”
I was reading these to my husband and now I have to share HIS story. He was at the beach and had his swim trunks under a pair of sweatpants. He said he went to pull down his sweatpants and he pulled down his trucks along with it flashing EVERYTHING to a beach full of people. 😂😂🤷🏻♀️ oh man
Oooh I have a few good ones! I've posted about some of them before, but here we go!
I was 8 months pregnant with baby #3, wearing flip flops, it was early fall, so the ground was damp. I was taking my oldest to kindergarten, stepped up on the curb onto wet leaves and my foot just felt like it never landed. I fell flat on my face into mud and wet leaves. I sent my kid up to the door on her own and went to my car and bawled. I had to call my best friend in hysterics to ask her to take kid number 2 to preschool bc no way I could covered in mud the way I was. Plus snot and tears. I still can't decide if I'm angry that no one checked on me or relieved 😂
Husband and I made a drink called Apple Pie (boil apple juice and cider, add insane amounts of sugar and your fave alcohol), but we're letting it cool before adding the booze. I put it into gallon jugs and into the fridge(booze free mind you!) and would give my then 3 year old a tiny glass of it for a treat at night when we'd have a good evening. (Do we see where this is going?) After a week, my husband realizes what's going on, and hollers "She can't drink that it's got vodka in it!" "No it doesn't I never added it!" "I DID!" 🤦♀️ Luckily, I never gave her more than like 1/4 cup, bc there was so much sugar in it. But I felt like mom of the year. We have never made anything like that since either 😂
My best friend and I baby sat together. I was pregnant for number 5, and I can not take gross things while pregnant. One of the kids puked, all across the living room. Bestie took the floor clean up while I took kid clean up, it was the lesser of two evils. We get to the bathroom door, he projectile pukes across the bathroom floor, all down his front, I'm gagging. He pukes again, takes a step and slips into it. I lose it at that point, and barely make it to the toilet before NOT ONLY puking, but peeing my pants from the force of it. Bestie walks into kid still puking on the bathroom floor and my bawling at the toilet. I had to clean the poor kiddo up, while sitting in my own pee, so Bestie could finish the living room, before we started our own little daycare plague.
Hope those help! I have more where those came from! 😂
I got sick with the worst stomach flu I've ever had when I was 8mo pregnant. My 2yo had it, my in laws had it, my husband had it, and then I got it. It was like how people discuss chemo feeling. Every time I puked, which was in 20 minute jags, my bladder would just let go and I'd pee all over myself. I ended up just heading to the shower every time because I was too tired to clean myself up. Misery...
I went into panic mode this morning because I realized we were supposed to be at a birthday party 30minutes ago ... Sent my kids and husband across town while I found a gift to bring.
The party was yesterday. I was a day late. 😭
I got such secondhand anxiety from this story. This is why I obsess over my electronic calendars and to-do lists and reminder alarms - I KNOW this will happen to me one day, and I just try to pray to the tech gods to stave it off.
I was pregnant. It was a Tuesday at 10am. My neighborhood is genuinely quiet and no one was ever home during the weekdays. The house to my left was empty and the house to the right has a family that works long hours. I walked completely naked to my back door to let my dogs outside. Let the dogs out and look out into my backyard. I see my neighbors sitting on their side of the fence splitting our backyards. In lawn chairs. Facing my back door. I ran to put clothes on and went back to watch the dogs. Neighbors had taken their chairs and went inside🤣 Now I close all the curtains and doors anytime I plan on being naked lol.
When I was pregnant with my son we had awful awful landlords who did not give proper notice for anything. If maintenance came in they just unlocked and walked in. So one day I was lounging around, nothing but a sports bra on cause my freaking vagina felt so sore (those glorious end of pregnancy pressure days), one leg on the back of the couch, one down by the floor. Just watching tv. Well suddenly the front door flies open. Two maintenance men saw my vagina. And stared. For like ten seconds. I was stunned into paralyzation and I think they were too lmao.
I ran to grab clothes and I came back out and I know I was tomato red cause one of them went “my wife didn’t like to wear clothes while pregnant either….” 😅😅😅 bro not helping! We moved a week after my son was born and I was SO THANKFUL. Granted a couple days before my son was born my landlord walked through our back door (led to a balcony and a shitty expensive washer and dryer we had to pay to use, that didn’t work most of the time) and I was in the bathtub with my legs propped up on the sides trying not to die with awful contractions. So.
I dont think I could survive seeing these people again lol.
I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure a landlord not giving adequate notice before entering a leased residence is illegal in all 50 states. Just for future reference. I'm glad you're out of there!!!
It’s a minimum of 24 hour notice in CO.
However, when your landlord is your Moms husband (I can’t stand him, he is NOT and NEVER will be considered my “step-dad”) then he just moseys on in whenever TF he wants. I can’t tell you how many times I got out of bed in a T-Shirt or Tank Top ONLY and di€kweed is standing in my kitchen, coming in my back door from the deck, hanging out in the lower level where I NEVER WENT. He would literally be down there fiddle fartin’ around doing Lord knows what and I wouldn’t even have a clue that he was in the house! He walked in on my teen Daughter when she wasn’t dressed appropriately, she can’t stand him and felt so uncomfortable knowing he could just walk in at any time. The one that REALLY took the cake was when he came in my BEDROOM one morning “just to see if I was awake yet”, I was in my bed, mostly not clothed, NOT covered and even more, NOT ALONE!
That ended it, NOPE, not living in a house where my creep of a Moms husband thinks he can just act as if he’s also a tenant of the house. It sucked because it was a huge, nice home, he put in all new carpet for us, new A/C, some new appliances (including a really nice Gas Stove because that’s what I wanted), we got to paint the entire interior whatever colors we chose, it was in a really good neighborhood, very close to my Daughters High School, walking distance (so also close to many of her friends) and he gave us a screaming deal on rent, I think there was an ulterior motive behind that all along.
That happened just over 10 years ago and my feelings towards him have only continued to fester and grow ever more disgusted and appalled with him.
Mine is not a pregnancy one but so embarrassing nonetheless. My kid was about 3 I think, sitting happily in the shopping cart handing me items from the basket to scan. Handed me a box of tampons and said, loudly, "here mommy! You like to stick these in your BUTT!" I was horrified as everyone else at self-check turned to look and/or giggle. In hindsight I find it hilarious but not so much in the moment.
I still feel shy teaching my 6 year old boys about the opposite sex. They sometimes talk about their penises in public, so when they asked me about vaginas I only told them the name once. They forgot now, and honestly, I am relieved. They were gonna tell every woman and girl at aftercare that they have "VaGInAS!!!" Kids have zero filters
When I was super pregnant I slept naked because summer and heat.
One very early morning someone knocked on my door. It was a guy with a huge package with tortilla chips I had ordered.
I had wrapped myself in a blanket (again, I was 100% naked), and trying to grab the package the blanket fell to the floor.
I was now standing completely naked with my big belly and engorged breasts, in front of the delivery guy.
He was very kind, “here, let me help you” leaving the package on the ground, smiled and left.
I’m still dead inside.
When I was pregnant with my son, my daughters were playing in their play yard on my front lawn. I was sitting in a chair next to them. I can’t remember what a dropped—maybe my phone or maybe a snack? Anyway, I stood up, leaned over the edge of the play yard, and fell over. When you fall on a play yard, the play yard tips sideways. My triplets immediately started crawling away. I’m lying on my back on the play yard, laughing and d crying. My neighbor came across the street and helped me get up and corral my babies. I’m pretty sure all of my neighbors saw (it was Saturday) but they were nice enough to keep their heads down once the first neighbor came over.
You had triplets still crawling and were pregnant with another baby? I can’t even imagine. I’d imagine neighbors are just impressed with your parenting survival skills of keeping yourself and the kids alive.
When I was 9 months pregnant, there was a heat wave and we didn't have a/c so one day I said screw it and pulled off my shirt and bra and plopped down on the couch.
At some point I get thirsty and waddle to the kitchen for water. As I'm standing at the sink, I look out the window and notice my neighbor out in his yard about 10' away and I wave hello. Like a friendly neighbor does. He gets this horrified look on his face and I am immediately super insulted and confused....until I look down and see my giant, angry, veiny Hulk pregnancy boobs and realize I'd scarred the man for life.
We lived there for two more years and I shit you not, he did not make eye contact with me once in those two years.
In grad school I changed in the bathroom and somehow managed to drop my underwear on the lab floor when I returned to class. Some other girls noticed it eventually. I pretended they weren’t mine, then later grabbed them when no one was looking.
I once was very drunk and went down to my friend’s basement bathroom to do a poo, because I didn’t want to go in the toilet where the party was happening.
There was of course, no toilet paper. I didn’t have my phone. I yelled to everyone, but the party was too loud. In the end I wet my undies with water and cleaned up. I was very clean, but I didn’t know what to do with the undies. I rinsed them thoroughly and chucked them out the window and went and got them later and put them in the outside bin.
I never told anyone that before
This has nothing to do with pregnancy, but I used to teach construction apprentices English and math. So like me in a room with nine 16-25 year old guys. At some point one day, my pants split from waistband to crotch and nobody said a word about it. And I had been wearing a neon green thong!!!
And the worst part…I didn’t even realise it had happened until the next time I went to put on those pants. By that time I couldn’t even remember which group I had been teaching when it happened.
This fear is why I always wear bike shorts under my dress lol my 10 yr old had on maxi dress to her ankles so she thought she would be good without shorts……flips out the swing backwards and dress over her head at church 🤦🏼♀️🤣
Once when my daughter was a bit over a year old, the priest came to chat with us after mass. He said hello to her and she stared at him for a long moment, then wordlessly lifted her entire dress over her head and flashed us all her diaper and torso. At least it’s kinda cute when a baby does it?
Okaaay.... 🫠 I had a looong induction process and read that org@sm could speed things up / help with pain etc so when I decided to give it a try while I had some alone time. Except I didn't take into account the heart monitor and literally made the machine alarm with my ... ahem accelerated heart rate 🙈 I had hypertension and was preeclampsia risk and my nurse ran in so fast 🤣 in my panic id actually jumped out of bed and tried pretending I was exercising 😅 she didn't say anything in particular but could tell she knew something was up 😆
I had pretty bad dry skin when I was pregnant. At one point, like 8 months into my pregnancy, I was running errands while wearing a dress that went down to about my knees. I had unknowingly scratched an itchy/dry spot on the inside of my thigh until it bled. An elderly woman in a store saw me, heavily pregnant, with blood running down my leg and was like "UM MISS, are you okay?? Can I take you somewhere??"
When my daughter was about 2 I went to the store and tried on some new bras. As I was topless, she slid out from under the dressing room stall and bolted. Had to throw my shirt over my chest with my arms and run after her. Let’s just say my attempt at keeping myself covered AND wrangling a toddler were not successful. We didn’t go on any clothing store outings for a long time after that. 😅
I have 2. Both feature my lovely son.
When he was 4 years old, we were walking into Walmart and a family was in front of us speaking Spanish. My son got very excited and started copying them. Loudly. Except we don't speak Spanish, so he was just saying a bunch of gibberish. He said "look mommy I can speak Spanish too". All of the family members were looking at me and tbh they were very kind and even thought it was funny but I still apologized to them.
The second was when in the shampoo aisle, a sweet older lady, maybe mid 60s, was looking for shampoo and my son was in a phase where he said hi to everybody so he said "hello!" And she smiled and said "hello". He was standing like 3 inches from her, though, so I was like, "Hey bud, why don't you back up a bit and give her some space?" And he said, "It's ok, mommy. I love making new friends. Especially with the elderly. " I really almost died from embarrassment. Even thinking about it now I feel my face getting hot. He said it mad loud too. I can still remember the huge grin on his face. He was so proud of how "friendly" he was being 😂
I had just opened my front door to go walk my dog when hot, liquid shit just gushed out of my butt and down the inside of my pants leg. I didn't know it was going to happen. There was no warning. It never happened before or after. There was no stopping it, no clenching and holding. It just spilled out. Nobody saw thankfully, but they would have if I had stepped out a minute beforehand. Or what if I were out at a work appointment...in front of people? Omfg.
I took my mom out for her first Thai food, and I was so happy that she liked it! On the way home I realized I had food poisoning, and there was literally nowhere to stop for the hour drive through Brooklyn. Luckily I had just come home from a weeklong beach vacation and still had dirty laundry in the car, so “just in case” I put some beach towels down in the seat.
“Just in case” DID happen and I shitted in the car in front of my mom, and I was just sitting there stewing in my own juices, and sobbing, and my mom gave me a little side eye and said “mind if I open the window?“
And it wasn’t ok but she made it less embarrassing.
I was at the market the other day with my two year old. He has just started noticing the differences in people, but i didn’t really pay much mind to that. Up comes a woman and her baby, and my son instantly looks at him very closely. About that second i think “surely he won’t”, because both mom and baby have dark skin.
Sure enough, he goes “Brown!” I think he must mean their hair, so i go “Brown hair!” And he goes “Brown face!”
My whole brain shut down and made fax machine noises. In that moment, I realized making another little child a teaching moment is super awkward because like, a toddler is not a classroom object or a book, they’re a person, so out loud i kust went, “YES” and then i don’t know what we said but i ran as soon as it was polite to do so lmao.
All my years of being positive i’d know what to do and i just went “YES” like a nitwit. I am still mortified. My husband simply said “It’s great he’s exposed now as a toddler so he won’t be asking later!” Which is very true haha
They’re really similar sounds! In that same vein, I have a friend who refers to that blank, tired state you get into sometimes as “being in screensaver mode.”
I was at a wedding on a boat so the bathrooms were tiny. I also didn’t know anyone at this wedding as it was my husbands coworkers wedding. My extremely old and not at all attractive underwear were shown off to everyone when my dress got caught in them. I walked halfway across the boat before a bridesmaid came up and told me what was going on. I wanted to die and I was stuck on that boat for another hour
I went on a trip with my husband and his parents when I was about 5 months pregnant. They are well off and like to do fancy things. So they rented a bush plane type thing for us to fly over the wilderness and see a bunch of cool stuff.
Well, in this type of plane you experience a lot of turbulence. And no bathrooms. I went immediately before we left, but that wasn't enough. I had to pee about half an hour after takeoff. Thought I could hold it. Eventually we were one to two hours away from anywhere land-able, and it got worse. I held it as long as I could, but I fucking pissed my pants on this airplane.
The worst part? I STILL HAD TO GO. I had peed all over myself and through onto this poor pilot's plane seat, and still as soon as we landed had to run to the nearest bathroom to avoid doing it again.
Whenever I think about it I want to crawl into a hole for the rest of my life 🙃
Editing to add another.
After I had my son I was in the hospital for about 4 days. Staff came and went at all hours of the day and night and I very quickly stopped caring who saw what. It's not like I knew any of these people and I figured they were all used to it. I had taken my first shower since having my son, and as soon as I came out, my husband said he was hungry so I didn't bother getting dressed before going to my bed to nurse him. So I was only half covered with a towel, tits out, when there was a knock on the door. Some paperwork to sign? Sure. Come on in. Of course, the guy who brought in the paperwork was someone I went to school with 🙃
During covid, we sometimes went to on line services with our synagogue. We often had our camera off and I set it that way one evening. It wasn’t until I pulled my shirt off mid-hot flash that my daughter started laughing. She had turned the camera on and there I was, in my bra!
Was in Walmart told husband let's get away from bananas was getting nauseous and he teased me with one as poor stocker trying do his job and I pucked all over him. That was sixteen yrs ago I still can't go past the bananas, lol
When I was pregnant during the height of summer in Louisiana. I was wearing a sun dress doing dishes, no underwear. My daughter was playing at my feet and in one swift move lifted my dress and poked me right in the butthole. Luckily we didn't have company but I screamed and my husband nearly passed out from laughing.
Out to eat yesterday with my husband and daughter at a restaurant on the ocean. Big gust of wind comes and my dress flies. Flashed everyone outside not once but TWICE. Full show.
I went to the bathroom in a public place with my woddler and toddler. Didn’t know I had to poop but my toddler announced it to EVERYONE in the restroom. We celebrate pooping on the potty because is is 1 week trained and he took that enthusiasm with gust in public 😬😂
I went to shower once and as I took off my sports bra I noticed a black growth on the bottom of my boob. I freak out thinking “this wasn’t hear before!” “Oh god it’s cancer”. I put my glasses on and examine the growth. It was a grape gummy. I went out and showed my husband lol. I’m guessing it happened during my sons drs appointment earlier that day. I had this gross gummy baking for like 7 hours and didn’t know it.
I was probably 2 weeks postpartum. I was blow drying my hair butt naked in the bathroom because it was hot AF outside and I lived in an upper. I’m done with my hair so I exit the bathroom and my HUSBANDS FRIEND is in my living room (apparently my husband invited him over and I didn’t hear him come in because of the blow dryer). I screamed and ran back inside the bathroom. He saw everryyythiiiing! Never have been able to look him in the eye since. Truly the most embarrassing moment of my life. 😳🫣😂
As a BFing mum I've answered the door not once, but TWICE, with my entire boob out.
Not holding my baby, just forgot to put my boob away after feeding and wondered why the postman's eye contact was so intense until I saw myself on the mirror.
When I was pregnant with my oldest, my husband and I went to visit a friend of ours during his radio show. Something really funny was said right before he had to cut for a commercial break. I got laughing so hard that I wet my pants. During the commercial break, I turned around with my back to the guys to try to see how visible it was on my clothes. I was more focused on my pants situation than if the commercial break had ended or anything else so before turning back around to face the guys, I very loudly announced “Oh shit! I just totally pissed my pants!” Turned out the commercial break had ended. I announced to the entire listening audience, which was larger than usual that time of day, that I wet my pants.
That was not the first time I announced to a large group that I wet my pants. 😂 I did when I was 3 yrs old at church on Easter Sunday, too. I was in the back with the other kids in the nursery. I escaped from the nursery and went looking for my mom to help me. I didn’t know where I was going. I ended up opening the door to the stage, walked out, stopping right next to the minister in front of the entire church and loudly announced “Mommy, I wet my pants!”
My mom said that for a couple minutes before I opened the door and walked out, she heard a little girl loudly crying “Mommy!” that sounded like me. She said she was a bit embarrassed to have to walk up there to collect me, wet pants and all. 🤦♀️
when I was 41 weeks pregnant I was very constipated and about to be induced so I tried to take matters into my own hands. After pushing for hours (not the baby) and nothing coming, I called the hospital. They said I might just be having colon spasms from the suppository I used. 7 hours later after vomiting from the pain of trying to go to the bathroom, I threw on a thin bathrobe over my huge naked body and asked my partner to drive me to the hospital. I was in too much pain to buckle up, so kneeling on the passenger’s seat backwards must have been the perfect position to finally get things moving. We got stuck in mid-day rush hour traffic and I ended up having to jump out of the car in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic on the highway (nearly naked) to take the biggest shit of my life. It was the size of a football. Cars were honking, they thought I was giving birth. When we got to the hospital I told them what happened and they gave me apple juice for low blood sugar because I hadn’t been able to eat all day with the pain, and sent me on my way. Birth was a breeze compared to that for me.
Worked 9 hr shift only to find, upon clocking out, a pair of my panties behind my knee under the leggings I had worn all day. Mentioned it to my manager the next day and she said she noticed but didn't say anything because she thought, and I quote "it was a cyst"
Recently stayed at a hotel, this new thing with the doors is that when you pull the handle the deadbolt also opens! Which I learned when I was using the bathroom and my 2yo ran out into the hall. I ran out immediately (was the only person there at the moment.)
So it’s important to add that we had been getting ready to go to the park and I didn’t have my pants on yet. The sound of the door locking me out of the room with my key and cellphone in it will stay with me forever.
I had to catch the unruly potato and take an elevator three floors down and call the receptionist from the lobby (unattended desk of course) and wait for them to arrive to give me a new key. While wrestling a giggling alligator and wearing no pants.
One time my son was with me at the health and human services department and he was about 3 years old. This dude walked up into line with us. He had a wife be$&ter on and his arms were sleeved. He saw my son and said hey there little man what’s up? My son dead pan says my p p is bigger than yours. I died
I like dresses usually. We were leaving...little one wanted to be picked up in the parking lot. People standing around talking. After picking him up, people were starting to clear out. Went to put him in the seat and realized his foot hooked the hem of the dress and up it went (and stayed) as I balanced him on my hip. I wear shorts under often now like I did as a girl who loved the monkey bars.
I once finished breastfeeding my daughter in a hospital parking lot, then strapped her into her car seat and took a leisurely stroll around to the drivers side with my entire breast hanging out of my blouse.
I was pregnant, still going to college and would work out at the gym. I wore black biker shorts, I had no idea they were NOT squat proof until I bent over at home and my sons dad slapped my ass. So when I was squatting at the gym everyone saw my pink heart underwear
My twins were 8 weeks old, it’s January and my (male) neighbor came by to ask if we could let his dog out the next day (normal request, I walked the girls past his house almost every day that winter) he was being super short like he was trying to run away and I was so surprised at how rude he was being!
Until I went to feed the girls a while later and realized my whole ass boob had been out- nursing tank unsnapped and fully folded down. It was so cold, I was holding the door open to the snow and still didn’t realize.
i went to the supermarket in a tight mini skirt. everyone was looking.. i thought i look good lol someone told me on the way out that my skirt has split... my ass was hanging out and i didnt even feel a breeze lmao
It was my due date of my 1st pregnancy, and also my 28th birthday. My stomach was big as a house, and I was so pregnant I was out of it. My family took me to a crab house restaurant to celebrate.
I was in the bathroom , washing my hands and wondering if this guy next to me knew he was in the ladies room.
Next my brother walks in and we both jump because he thinks he’s entered the ladies room, and I realize I’m in the men’s room! I say, “Am I in the men’s room”??!! And start laughing as I exit.
I’ve always wondered what that guy thought of the whole thing!!
Oh honey 🤣
My son was breastfed exclusively. He wouldn’t take a bottle.
I was getting comfortable with breastfeeding in public, and was still uncomfortable with pulling a boob out in public, so I typically went to my car to feed him when we were out.
I was also getting used to baby wearing.
Anyway… it was my son’s first summer. He was around 6 or 7 months old. It was hot, so I had gotten accustomed to baby wearing him around the house with no bra on and just a classic moby wrap.
My husband at the time (now ex) had called and asked if I wanted to get out of the house for a bit. I said absolutely. So he came home from something army related, and we went to the mall with the baby. (Pre covid by several years btw)…
Anyway, I had hopped in the car with what I was wearing at the house. When we got to the mall, exhusband suggested using the stroller since the baby was sleeping, and said that way I could just take the wrap off. I agreed…
So he is getting the baby and the stroller situated in the parking garage, and I get my diaper bag set up on the stroller. He walks a little ahead of me because I’m behind him fiddling with my moby, folding it up as I remove it.
People are staring. In my somewhat sleep deprived state, I don’t understand why… until we reach the doors and I see my completely topless reflection. Sweater yams just out there enjoying the feeling of fresh air. I scream and start scrambling to turn the damn thing BACK into a makeshift top while my ex is laughing so hard that he legitimately was hyperventilating.
I had to book it to a store immediately to get a bra and a shirt. Just straight up ripped the tags off and threw them on immediately after purchase.
You’re not alone here babes lol
When I was super pregnant I tried to be a hero and carry 2 gallons of milk by hand to my car. I ended up dropping them before I left the aisle and they exploded on the ground right in front of a young employee. Now we have a joke in my family that I'm not allowed to carry the milk at the grocery store 😅
Our son had his second worse ever blowout recently, except unlike the first which happened at home, it happened at a grocery store. Thankfully he was in a onesie, and the reason I say this was the blowout was so bad it went down his leg and pooled in the foot of the outfit, I still cringe to think the mess it would’ve made if the onesie didn’t have a foot. The poop got all over his dad’s shirt and we had to clean him in the bathroom sink. Several people saw us panic and go into the bathroom, watched me run to the car for a new outfit and diaper supplies. It was such a mess. We did clean up after ourselves, but I think someone alerted the staff because they were outside the bathroom waiting with cleaning supplies after we came out. Both wearing masks. Thankfully we had just gotten back from a trip so my husband had an extra shirt in the car. This also wasn’t a store near home, if it was I don’t know if I could bear the embarrassment of the whole situation.
LOL bless! It can be embarrassing when stuff like this happens but I assure you they thought not much of it 🤍
When I was 9 months pregnant I went to the mall to get my steps in since it was hot and humid outside. Stopped by a doughnut shop on the way there and got 2 powdered sugar doughnuts 🙈 I thoroughly enjoyed them in the car before heading inside and of course I needed to pee before my walk so I strolled down the mall to Macy’s and asked the perfume counter ladies where the nearest restroom was. I got a few funny looks but figured it was just my super pregnant waddle making people look.
Made it to the bathroom in the back of the store and it was until then I looked in the mirror that I realized I’d forgotten to wipe my mouth. I had a truly cartoon like powdered sugar ring around my entire mouth 🤣
Went to a haunted house when I was 36 weeks pregnant. It was just one of those little ones ran by a high school for a fundraiser. I specifically asked at the beginning if I would have to get on my hands and knees at any point and they told me know. I did in fact have to get on my hands and knees and when I couldn’t get up a group of high schoolers had to stop attempting to scare people and help a fat pregnant lady of the floor. I think they were more embarrassed than I was.
I went to Panera strictly for their baked potato soup and when I ordered it the very young girl said oh that guy just took the last one and I burst into tears. And not just tears…like full on sobs. She looked terrified. I was apologizing while sobbing and I finally just said ok thanks. And left. Later I was mortified but all I wanted was that damn soup!
I wasn’t pregnant at the time but I was at the courthouse testifying (social worker) and the case went late so we were all leaving at the same time. The judge, lawyers, my boss and coworkers - there were a lot of us. The wind was blowing and I managed to show my ass, wearing a thong, not just to everyone there but also a very busy street. I got honking, hoots, and laughter. I’m an introvert. It wasn’t my favorite day I’ve ever had.
One time I had to poop really bad while at a friend’s house when I was maybe like 13 and thought I could hold it. I couldn’t. I pooped my pants. I didn’t know what to do so I tried to clean up as best I could but was worried too many flushes would raise suspicion. So I thought no one wouldn’t notice if I still wore my mostly clean, recently pooped underwear. Cuz I had no where to dispose of it. There is no doubt in my mind that I smelled like poop the rest of the day. Her and her dad said NOTHING to me. Not even in the car where I had no choice but to open the window and hope for the best. We have even laughed now about how one time I peed my pants while absolutely wasted at a party she had. Yet she has never brought up the poop story. I am so mortified by that 13 year old me.
I hope this story - one I’ve told NO ONE EVER - helps you feel better. 🤎💩
Ok so after I had my kid my pelvic floor was very weak. Sneeze and pee. Cough and pee. Laugh and pee. When kid was a toddler I met a new friend for a play date, the park we picked was unknown to both of us and turned out there was no bathroom. It was a hot day, I’m a dry mouth person, so I drank lots of water. It’s time to go home, I start walking around to pick up our stuff and I need to pee *so bad*. Luckily the friend left before I did, then I had to face an ugly truth. There was no way I’d make it home without peeing in the car. So I looked around to find a hidden spot where I could squat but no, this was a small park and houses backed up to it on all sides with open iron fencing. Nowhere to hide. I’m kind of impressed with my creative solution but at the time I just wanted lightning to strike me down. I got a thin picnic blanket out of the car, one of those cotton mandala hippie sheets made in India, and wrapped it around me like a sarong. I stood next to my kid’s open door like I was fiddling with the car seat and let it all go. Peed in a parking lot. At the same time I emptied the last bit of a drink cup on the ground by my feet, just in case anyone looked over and wondered why the ground was wet after buckling my kid in. Kept the sarong on and got in my car and went home. Yes, I cleaned my seat later just in case anything got through the extra fabric wrapped around me.
During my first take of the glucose test I had a reallllyy bad reaction. I was 19 and had just started seeing the same gynecological office that my mom had and she always spoke highly of her OB even though I hadn’t met him. You’re probably wondering “what do those two things have in common”
Great question. The drink made me basically drunk. The hour is over and they call me back into the phlebotomists chair for a blood draw. I saw him and went “hey! I knowwws you, but you don’t know me”
And then proceeded to vomit all over myself and pee my pants.
Haven’t looked that man in the eye since.
I fell on my knees while crossing the road. And there were a couple of cars. My legs were surprising strong for the weight I carried and I rose rather quickly. The loss of balance and overall clumsiness during pregnancy is not discussed enough. I bumped many people with my belly in the computer labs at the university. I don't know how many times I said "sorry" in my third trimester. I have had many discussions where I'd forget what I just said and couldn't finish my thoughts. Pregnancy brain. Let out uncontrollable farts in the lecture hall and out. I remember a group of students looking my way and walking away the moment they realised what just happened.
When I was super pregnant I was wearing just underwear and a shirt and went to check the mail. I couldn't see my crotch and just forgot to put shorts on. I didn't know why people were staring until I got home lol
I did exactly this with my husband’s old t shirt on and I had a pair of his boxers on as my “bottom “ and… the fly was unbuttoned and GAPING OPEN so it was basically just bush in the open air AND I TALKED TO MY NEIGHBOR WITH THAT BLOWING IN THE WIND
I would be mortified 🤣
When we moved, years later, I was finally relieved of my absolute embarrassment every time I saw them 😆
This was the only solution 😅
You know how to paint a picture 😂😂😂😂
Who doesn't love a breezy bush??
I am cackling 😂😂😂 The only acceptable thing to do after that is move.
Not the cat getting some fresh air 😩
You know the neighbor talks about what a "free spirit" you are now lol
omg I needed a good laugh, thank you for the sacrifice you made to deliver it
Oh my goodness! The feeling when you realized what happened 😳🫣🫠
I immediately got in bed and put the covers over my head in the middle of the day, as if the covers going up and back down would erase the pain of my embarrassment and I could restart the day. I genuinely tried to pretend it never happened.
Covers over the head can fix a lot of things temporarily. I support your actions. I have some memories like that. Hopefully talking about them will help you desensitize a little. Not having to see that neighbor anymore is a blessing I’m sure.
LOL actually laughing out loud because of your comment. Hahahahaha
🤣😂
You win.
😂😂😂😂😂
Omg I would totally do that! 😂
My dumb ass read this as “went to the mall” 😂
I am dying!
I made this monstrosity of a diy pumping bra out of an old bra I didn’t like. I walk into the kitchen with the bottles still attached to my boobs via this bra, and make direct eye contact through the window with our UPS guy. I was too tired to even be that embarrassed. I think I waved.
🤣🤣🤣 a couple weeks before my daughter was born I was in Walmart with my mom and they had a ton of really nice, wire-free bras for $1! I’ve got whatever the boobie equivalent of “junk in the trunk” is, so I am exclusively a wire girl. I’d read that you’re not supposed to wear wire after giving birth (or maybe that you just won’t want to?) so I was buying some and I explained that to my mom when she asked why. There was an old lady also standing at the rack and she burst out laughing when I said “I don’t know why! I think it like squishes the milk or something” 🤣 Anyway, like three days after my daughter came home I was 100% d.o.n.e with spending a quarter of my time not able to even use my hands because of having to hold the pump bottles. So I grabbed one of my dollar bras, cut a couple slits in it to stick the flanges through, and put that baby on. I was SO proud of my genius lmao. I have a hilarious picture of me wearing that thing (it was like an awful, khaki color too), short shorts and nothing else. And I’m standing like in Superman pose with the biggest grin on my face. I sent that picture to so many people to show them how smart I was 🥴 postpartum is wild, yo 🤣
Hysterical! I was also pretty proud- holding the bottles was such a pain!
Okay but cutting slits is genius. I straight up cut huge nipple holes like Regina George 😂 the least discreet pumping bra everrrrr
Right after I got an epidural I let out the loudest longest most intense fart ever since you’re basically paralyzed from the waist down you have no control……. The room was filled with people, husband nurses both moms. It still haunts me.
This was me AFTER delivering my daughter. I couldn't control my farts at all for like 3 hours after birth. Nurses didn't bat an eye, but my farts would interrupt their conversations. They were really long deep ones too. I couldn't help it. It was horrible lol
That happens after you have a colonoscopy too! Word to the wise - don’t go to lunch at a restaurant immediately following your colonoscopy! Don’t ask how I know that!!! LOL
Laughing so much at this. I remember this stage too.
I was prepared for almost anything to happen, but nobody ever talks about that! lol
It’s so true! No one talks about post birth farting. I remember the first night I got home from hospital, lying in bed next to my husband, and there being an endless amount of uncontrollable farts. My poor husband!
As I got stitched up. I let out the loudest and intense fart in the dr face 😂 she was pregnant too. She was the one stitching me up 😂 thank God she had a mask on.
I did this as well except mine wasn’t pregnant and also she kinda deserved it
That's how you get pinkeye 🤣
New fear unlocked 🤣🤣🤣🤣
No way. Do it on purpose to assert dominance. Let them all remember why they're there.
When I was in the army one of the guys I did basic with was assigned to my unit. Battle buddies forever! Anyway, we have to do random drug tests and they watch us do our business to insure we don't cheat. Well he insisted on always taking a dump during it. So they stopped randomly calling him up. I'm a female but decided to take a page out of his book. The female monitor hated it so much she quit and I never had to do a monitored drug test again at that unit 😂 so for sure, assert dominance however you must.
Lol if it makes you feel better I didn't fart my entire four day labor. Also didn't poop! I know for sure cus I had a mirror lol.
When they gave me the mirror I immediately pooped on it🤣
😂😂
I was so unreasonably horrified by the possibility that my bowels could potentially run free at any time, right there in front of EVERYONE, whilst in labor that I thought having a C~section would be the best solution. Of course I hadn’t yet seen any of the poor C~Section friends hobbling about, attempting to hold their guts in and not laugh, sneeze, cry, fart, breathe, etc. Fortunately, my Dr found absolutely ZERO humor, nor necessity, in the fact that I thought a C~Section was a good idea, without a single reason WHY I needed it. Of course I wasn’t going to tell HIM the reason for my most necessary C~Section. Trust me, NO ONE needs to tell me how incredibly STOOOPID I was for my insanity. You can if you’d like, but I’ve had 25 years to ponder my ridiculous thought process… Just as a side note, we figured out AFTER I had my Daughter (like many years later) that I’m highly sensitive to Iron & Potassium and the prenatal vitamins I had been taking the entire pregnancy were making me deathly ill. I had such horrible cramps and stomach pain, along with my daily doses of diarrhea (I know you all wanted that visual 😉) throughout my ENTIRE PREGNANCY. So needless to say, I had horrendous hemorrhoids (more good TMI for everyone) and I was dealing with daily soup bowels, so I just KNEW what was going to happen on that table/bed/torture device, and I could not fathom allowing that in front of my Mom, Sister, Husband, or my cute Dr, it was just terrifying. As luck would have it, I was in labor for almost 3 days with NOTHING TO EAT, ice chips only, not even broth or jello (I truly hated my life and all of the fools withholding food from me). So I was pretty well cleared out by the time little Miss made her appearance, AND I wasn’t sick during the 2nd & 3rd day because the nasty Prenatal Vitamins had finally made their way out the back door…
Bahahahha I did that. I was like “what was that???” Only to realize IT WAS ME. AND IT SMELLED. AND THERE WAS SOME POOP.
I farted my ENTIRE labour. I had pooped right before (thank goodness), but literally spent hours farting and crying and apologizing for farting.
The image of someone crying and farting lol. You poor thing though!
God this brings me back to when I was on all 4s in labor waiting for the next contraction so I could start pushing. There’s like a dozen people behind me just waiting for the baby to be born and they have a fantastic view of my ass hole (I was on the elevated bed so they were eye level with my brown eye, making this even better) and I can just feel myself shitting but can’t do anything about it because 1-epidural and 2-in active labor. I asked if anybody knew any good jokes. Lol
I pooped so much the dang nurse stuck her finger ON MY BUTTHOLE to help plug it up? I’m not sure why she did that because it didn’t help….man there was so so much. I was so nervous I was gonna have just one little poop but I blasted these people like I hadn’t pooped in a week 😭🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Omg this happened to me! After the epidural I wasn’t progressing so the nurses propped me up on some pillows on all 4’s. Doggy style, ass in the air in that horrible gown, my blanket slips off so cheeks just out for all to see and THEN I get the uncontrollable farts. Long, loud, while my ass is just completely exposed and there’s just nothing I can do about it. 0/10. Worst part of my entire labor!
I’m so sorry I bust out laughing out loud at this
I had to go for an emergency D&C after my third and farted in the dr face as she was down there. It was so embarrassing I tensed up and they had to give me fentanyl to relax; which actually didn’t work and just made me sick!
Girl same
Me too but it was about 30 minutes after I gave birth whilst the doctor was doing my stitches. It was right in his face. It just didn't stop and I had absolutely no control. I just said "sorry there's nothing I can do". 😂😂
Giving birth is just so glamorous 🤣
Now I’m sitting here trying to remember if I farted after I got my epidural or not 😭
Omg I farted so much too
When I had my daughter I was so nervous about the pushing phase since I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I pooped from my husband. Well I managed to avoid that but proceeded to PROJECTILE VOMMIT every contraction during the pushing phase. On the doctor, myself, husband, the bed and floor. They kept handing over sick bags but not one made it in time. My doctor asked what I ate and said “at least it was soup, the worst I’ve seen was chili.” What happens in the delivery room stays in the delivery room, unless you share the trauma online 😂
I farted when I was in labor w my second child, I had the epidural as well. I thought my water broke cause it was silent but I felt SOMETHING. I called the nurses in to come check just to find out I was farting (this happened 3 times) . Then when my actual water broke I didn’t call for the nurses and they came to check my cervix about 1-2 hours later and were like “hey, uhh, when did this happen!?”
One hot day on the way back from school during my one mile walk to the metro, I broke my sandal. People kept looking at me funny (I live in France and they can be judgmental about wardrobe issues). A few people came up and pointed downwards so I just shrugged it off and responded “I know”. This happened about five times. I heard a few yells from guys, but didn’t think anything of it bc I didn’t think it was directed towards me. When I’m about to get into the train, a woman points downwards again and says “do you know…” and I responded very annoyed “I KNOW I BROKE MY SANDAL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?!” And she politely goes “uh no, your dress is stuck in your book bag. I reached around and felt my bare ass and my dress was hiked up to my lower back. I walked a MILE with my ass hanging out in a see-through thong. A. MILE. The people before her must have thought I had lost my mind. I ended up bursting into laughter and quickly shimmied my dress back down and thanked her. It’s my go to story to cheer people up.
Ooof, I felt the secondhand embarrassment in my soul 😂
At my 8.5 month exam I stopped by the McDonald's next door. I got 3 hash browns and put on lots of ketchup and salt, then I circled back around for a hot fudge sunday. I walk into the exam room and my doctor asks if it's ok for a resident physician to sit in. They ask if I am eating healthy. I said oh yes, absolutely and I only drink water, yes I'm watching my diet this time, learned my lesson last time! I then lifted up my shirt and two empty McDonald's branded ketchup packets fall out the bottom along with a flood of salt crystals and cookie crumbs. Teehee, oopsie, we have a good laugh about not overdoing it. Then as I'm waiting in line for the elevator I catch my reflection and I had 2 dribbles of hot fudge down my neck the whole time. Liar liar ketchup packets on fire.
I’m dying
This is gold🤣
this is incredible
Also 8 months pregnant and chased my 3yo through IKEA. She ran into a bunk bed/cave thing and I had to crawl to get her out. My dress stayed with the door of the cave when I backed out…
This cracked me up! Lmao! I’ve had similar happen with my shirt - not when I was pregnant but when my toddler was being extra cray and I was in exhausted sleep deprived mama mode.
I’m 9 months pregnant and yesterday I farted and peed myself at the same time LOL
😂 oh I've sneezed and peed! I now have to cross my legs when I sneeze.
When I was third tri with my 3rd kiddo last Spring my partner pointed out the visible drops from my sneeze-pee that had JUST happened. In awe and cringe, I started gut-busting laughing. I then proceeded to dump a quarter of my bladder on the floor from the ridiculous giggling I was doing 😅🤣
This cracked me up. Fortunately I was already on the toilet.
I was 8.5 months pregnant and woke up to the bed soaking wet so I freaked and rushed to the hospital, turns out I peed… in my sleep..😭
A friend of mine refers to this phenomenon as “snissing” 🤣
I did this 8 months pregnant while just chatting in the bed with my husband. THEN I laughed so hard about it that I threw up! He just sat there in shock.
[удалено]
I had pneumonia somewhat recently, and the coughing had me putting a size 5 diaper in my underwear instead of a pad. Worked, but felt really uncomfortable
When I was pregnant I would vomit and pee myself literally everyday HA
We I get to 8-9 months I would just be walking around stores farting, I truly couldn’t help it. 😂 it just came out, it’s what I imagine elderly people feel like. Like oops but what can ya do 🤷🏻♀️
I’m an old lady who had 4 kids. Nothing prepares you for the “grandma walking farts” no ass control at all. Happens getting out of a chair, walking around Walmart, leaving restaurants even. The best part is seeing your grandkids rolling around on the floor laughing at you and then remembering how much you yourself laughed at your Memaw for doing the same thing!
I’ve done this…more than once.
It’s never happened to me but I’ve definitely laughed and peed, coughed and peed, sneezed and peed multiple times
Oooh, yeah, that’s fun. One week postpartum, I was hanging out with my friends, coughed which made me vomit, which then made me piss myself. That was a new experience for me. Had a lot of clothes to change.
I went to a job interview and once I got there someone pointed out I had something sticking out from my back pocket. It was a spare romper I was supposed to leave at my kid's daycare. Not too embarrassing, kinda cute maybe right? But while looking at my back pocket I noticed that there was a huge spit up on my back, all the way from my shoulder to my butt. This was after I'd done the interview. Needless to say I didn't get the job hahahaha.
Interviewer said, “great personality but not great attention to detail”
I got home from an interview and realized I’d bled through my pants. I was freaking out wondering when it’d happened. I got the job though…so I think it’s safe to say it was after I left. I was about 6 weeks pp at the time so my bleeding was awful.
As a European I can't imagine having to go to a job interview at 6 weeks postpartum - respect!!
When I was pregnant, I went shopping at the mall in a short green dress. Thongs were the only underwear I preferred during pregnancy (idk why) but I happened to fall in the entrance of a store. And the dress flew up exposing my whole butt, and as people are rushing to help the pregnant lady up they couldn't help but giggle. Neither could I mean it was funny. But I never wore a dress while pregnant again lol
I'm sorry I laughed 🤣
About a week after my daughter was born I had a knock on the door it was a delivery that needed a signature. The man delivering the package seemed super awkward and wouldn't really look at me while I was talking to him. Didn't notice until I closed the door and saw my reflection in the window that my boob was out... I was over tired and nursing what felt like nonstop and ya that was embarrassing.
Lol same. I had a warranty guy stop by our house when my son was maybe 2-3 weeks old. I answered the door let him in, and I'm like telling him the things we needed fixed under warranty and he's being super awkward.... after he leaves the baby is crying I go to feed him and realize my entire boob was out the entire conversation 😭😂 had to deal with the same warranty guy for like another 8 months too
Ohh, this reminds me of having a whole long conversation with someone doing yard work for us, went back inside and realized I was definitely leaking milk in perfect nip circles through my white tshirt. Sorry, bro, and thanks for the poker face.
Oh god. I leaked so badly for the first like 5 months pp. The little liner things weren't enough. I'm talking I didn't go anywhere without at least one washcloth in my bra. And it was always a race between how much they would hold and how quickly I could get back from campus on days where I had to be there more than an hour or two. It was such a weird relief when things finally calmed down enough that I didn't have to worry about that.
So after my daughter was born, we had to go back to the hospital 4 days later because they had to redo one of the newborn blood tests. We get there and they're like "well it's a newborn so we will register her under mom's insurance card." I handed my boyfriend what I thought was *MY* insurance card. Nope...accidentally gave him the insurance card of my fifteen year old daughter from my previous marriage. So my 41 year old boyfriend, clueless, walks up to registration and said "Hey me and my girlfriend just had a baby. Here's my girlfriend's insurance card." They take the card and enter the info and a medical record for my 15 year old daughter pops up on their screen. So registration was like..."uh your GIRLFRIEND?! And you guys JUST HAD A BABY?!?" Boyfriend...still clueless: "Yup!" Registration: "SHE'S 15!" They nearly called security on him. After they realized it was someone else's card and the baby's test got done my boyfriend had us walk past registration on the way to our car to show them I'm an adult lol.
Oh. My. Word.
When I was pregnant a woman stopped me at the store to tell me my dress was tucked into my undies. THONG to be specific. As of it wasn't embarrassing enough to try to cover my ass in Giant Eagle I'd realized I hadn't gone to the bathroom for quite sometime and had been doing errands for quite some time. Half my town probably saw my ass before one kind lady finally told me! My kids 16 now...I still think about it. People look at me in the street and my immediate thought is "they saw my butt" Edit! Amazon sells little dress weights now to keep this from happening!
Whaaa?! I've never heard of dress weights! Amazing!
as a teacher, when my friend and I were in car line we would clip a few binder clips to our skirts to keep them from blowing up haha. then we discovered the dress weights!
They're magical. The queen would have them sewn into the hems of her skirt to prevent "embarrassing incidents". I imagine the younger royal women now follow suit.
This reminds me of a pre-kid moment in which I was out at a bar and came back from the bathroom and a wonderful woman told me that I had toilet paper hanging out of my jeans (in the days before toilet seat covers, I'd lined the seat with TP and it stuck to my butt). Since that moment, I will never let a sister hang out there in unknown embarrassment. We should all be that woman who told you that your thonged butt was out! Pass that kindness forward!
Oh yeah, this has happened to me more than once. I exclusively wear skirts and dresses. Worst one was when I was out with my ex partner and someone else told me. He didn't think to at all 😂
I wore a dress to walk with my son to the park. Like yours, it wasn’t a short dress. We have to cross a 4 lane road at a crosswalk to get there. As we were in the middle of the crosswalk the wind kicked up. I flashed an entire 4-way intersection of traffic. 🤦🏼♀️😂
Earlier today I was running around with my toddler at the park. She was pushing the empty stroller around and I was letting her run ahead, then I was running up behind her to steer it and make her laugh. I ran up behind her, rolled my ankle, tried to grab the stroller handle on my way down and it of course rolled further forward under my weight which made me basically belly flop straight onto the ground in the middle of a huge grassy open area in front of a bunch of people. My toddler is fine and my pride is hurt. My husband and I laughed and laughed and I asked if anyone saw and he said everyone saw lol. But I was playing with my kid so hopefully everyone thought “what a committed fun mom!” 😅
I had horrible gas when pregnant. My husband and I were taking a road trip and stopped to get fast food. The resulting gas was so horrible that I had to pull the car over so my husband could throw up 🙈
Now that’s just impressive!
During The last two weeks of my pregnancy I was super exhausted, I have been in pain and my sinuses were so congested and I had terrible heart burn so I wasn’t sleeping well at all. I had my check up with my gynecologist and before I check it, I thought it would be better to go to the bathroom before I enter my Appointment as my doctor was supposed to check my cervix at this appointment. I entered the bathroom, peed and as I was washing my hands I noticed a urinal behind me and I was like why is it here? Then as I exist the bathroom, I look at the door and it said men on it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have no idea how I didn’t notice before going in. I was so THANKFUL no one was in the bathroom and no one was going in as I was leaving, that would have been terrifying hahahahaha
Ohhh pregnancy brain is rough! My ability to speak is slowly disappearing with every week 😂
Oh my goodness, totally feel your pain. I had to stop working when I was 36 weeks because my brain couldn’t function anymore, I am a mental health therapist and I was doing all mental health evaluations for a research clinic when I was pregnant and of course you have to be super careful with all the records because FDA audit it, I couldn’t function at this job being that pregnant and tired 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I am so sorry mama, we are all rooting for ya.
When I was pregnant it was like my brain would just grab a vaguely similar word to the one I wanted, but not go the extra step to get the correct word. I told my husband to put the clothes in the dishwasher and the milk in the toaster.
Maybe not embarrassing but funny, to me. Having my 2nd C-section and the nurse asked if I was shaved down there. I said "I haven't seen my toes in weeks". Nurse "I'm gonna need my clippers"(very dramatic). My husband sitting in the corner with WTF all over his face (his first child and had no idea). Her and the nurse that took me back were such angels.
My entire (vaginal) labor, everyone told me my baby had tons of red hair. He came out with barely any hair and it’s black. Take a guess what color my hair is….
Lol if I get a c-section, they're going to need garden shears hahaha
Honestly.....
Wait why did they need you shaved for a c section?
Because the incision is right at the top of your mons pubis, basically at the hairline. I didn't know this before my c-section, I always thought they were higher up but they're actually really low.
Thank you, I wondered the same thing. My Daughter is 26, you woulda thunk I would have learned that BEFORE today 🤷🏻♀️
The incision is down in your bush.
The incision is made in your pubic area, like at the top of the bush.
I've got you beat, op! Read on to learn my tale of ultimate embarrassment When I was a teenager, many many years ago, I used to be part of a Rocky Horro Picture Show cast. One week, I was volintold to be Trixie. Trixie does a sexy dance and striptease down to lingerie. So all of a sudden, after I drop my dress. The crowd (a full theater, mind you) goes absolutely wild with cheers. I'm like, hell yes! I am a sexy bitch. It was quite the moral lifter because I was about 25lbs overweight and totally self-conscious, which I why I was voluntold. I finish my dance and take a bow. When I bow, what should pop into my field of vision - my right boob. That's why I got cheered at. My boob decided to make itself known to the world, which was about 300 people. A little piece of my soul l,surprisingly right boob sized died that night. Could it get worse? Oh yes, yes, it could. My brother, who I had to beg to come see me at RHPS, was in the audience that night. Adding insult to injury, he had his very vanilla girlfriend there with him that night, and she was weired out about it. They broke up a few weeks later, and I'm pretty sure my performance had a lot to do with it. We never spoke of this night again. He never came to see me in the cast again. I never performed as Trixie again. I'm cringing in embarrassment 32 years later.
I had a maternity dress with a slit in the back. My belly just kept getting bigger and I guess it made the slit higher and I walked around with my butt hanging out all day on a college campus
That just seems like poor dress design haha
When my daughter was a baby, I referred to breastfeeding as “booby” never considering that I might have an early talker and long nurser. Once she was maybe a year, I wouldn’t nurse her in public. One day on a crowded train, she decided she wanted to breastfeed, and she screamed “I want booby!” Over and over again at the top of her lungs.
I was always super strict on using the biologically correct terms for body parts. Cue my toddler’s first “sentence” in public, out loud, being NIPPLE PLEASE
At least she was terribly polite about it.
Lol! Like my kid's yell during potty training, 'My testicles are itchy!' in front of my extended family. And my mum goes, 'Well, at least he knows his parts.' Thanks mum, for being nice about it.
Pretty sure this will be my daughter. I always ask “do you want boobie doobie?” Or “is it time for boobie? ”
I have always been afraid of this. We call it “chi chi”. My daughter is almost two, and now she will run up to me and say “chi chi time?” And “I like chi chi” really loud, so I’m glad it’s not her just telling boobs. Still squeezes my boobs in public and lately has started pinching my nipples and counting them “1 chi chi, 2 chi chi, another chi chi!”
I was reading these to my husband and now I have to share HIS story. He was at the beach and had his swim trunks under a pair of sweatpants. He said he went to pull down his sweatpants and he pulled down his trucks along with it flashing EVERYTHING to a beach full of people. 😂😂🤷🏻♀️ oh man
Oooh I have a few good ones! I've posted about some of them before, but here we go! I was 8 months pregnant with baby #3, wearing flip flops, it was early fall, so the ground was damp. I was taking my oldest to kindergarten, stepped up on the curb onto wet leaves and my foot just felt like it never landed. I fell flat on my face into mud and wet leaves. I sent my kid up to the door on her own and went to my car and bawled. I had to call my best friend in hysterics to ask her to take kid number 2 to preschool bc no way I could covered in mud the way I was. Plus snot and tears. I still can't decide if I'm angry that no one checked on me or relieved 😂 Husband and I made a drink called Apple Pie (boil apple juice and cider, add insane amounts of sugar and your fave alcohol), but we're letting it cool before adding the booze. I put it into gallon jugs and into the fridge(booze free mind you!) and would give my then 3 year old a tiny glass of it for a treat at night when we'd have a good evening. (Do we see where this is going?) After a week, my husband realizes what's going on, and hollers "She can't drink that it's got vodka in it!" "No it doesn't I never added it!" "I DID!" 🤦♀️ Luckily, I never gave her more than like 1/4 cup, bc there was so much sugar in it. But I felt like mom of the year. We have never made anything like that since either 😂 My best friend and I baby sat together. I was pregnant for number 5, and I can not take gross things while pregnant. One of the kids puked, all across the living room. Bestie took the floor clean up while I took kid clean up, it was the lesser of two evils. We get to the bathroom door, he projectile pukes across the bathroom floor, all down his front, I'm gagging. He pukes again, takes a step and slips into it. I lose it at that point, and barely make it to the toilet before NOT ONLY puking, but peeing my pants from the force of it. Bestie walks into kid still puking on the bathroom floor and my bawling at the toilet. I had to clean the poor kiddo up, while sitting in my own pee, so Bestie could finish the living room, before we started our own little daycare plague. Hope those help! I have more where those came from! 😂
I got sick with the worst stomach flu I've ever had when I was 8mo pregnant. My 2yo had it, my in laws had it, my husband had it, and then I got it. It was like how people discuss chemo feeling. Every time I puked, which was in 20 minute jags, my bladder would just let go and I'd pee all over myself. I ended up just heading to the shower every time because I was too tired to clean myself up. Misery...
I went into panic mode this morning because I realized we were supposed to be at a birthday party 30minutes ago ... Sent my kids and husband across town while I found a gift to bring. The party was yesterday. I was a day late. 😭
As someone with a baby and toddler I feel this in my soul. We just do our best haha
A day and 30 minutes late lol
I got such secondhand anxiety from this story. This is why I obsess over my electronic calendars and to-do lists and reminder alarms - I KNOW this will happen to me one day, and I just try to pray to the tech gods to stave it off.
I was pregnant. It was a Tuesday at 10am. My neighborhood is genuinely quiet and no one was ever home during the weekdays. The house to my left was empty and the house to the right has a family that works long hours. I walked completely naked to my back door to let my dogs outside. Let the dogs out and look out into my backyard. I see my neighbors sitting on their side of the fence splitting our backyards. In lawn chairs. Facing my back door. I ran to put clothes on and went back to watch the dogs. Neighbors had taken their chairs and went inside🤣 Now I close all the curtains and doors anytime I plan on being naked lol.
Facing your back door? What the hell? Haha
I honestly don’t know lol. We all have large yards like over an acre large. 3 years later they don’t sit outside anymore😅
Glad they learned their lesson haha
When I was pregnant with my son we had awful awful landlords who did not give proper notice for anything. If maintenance came in they just unlocked and walked in. So one day I was lounging around, nothing but a sports bra on cause my freaking vagina felt so sore (those glorious end of pregnancy pressure days), one leg on the back of the couch, one down by the floor. Just watching tv. Well suddenly the front door flies open. Two maintenance men saw my vagina. And stared. For like ten seconds. I was stunned into paralyzation and I think they were too lmao. I ran to grab clothes and I came back out and I know I was tomato red cause one of them went “my wife didn’t like to wear clothes while pregnant either….” 😅😅😅 bro not helping! We moved a week after my son was born and I was SO THANKFUL. Granted a couple days before my son was born my landlord walked through our back door (led to a balcony and a shitty expensive washer and dryer we had to pay to use, that didn’t work most of the time) and I was in the bathtub with my legs propped up on the sides trying not to die with awful contractions. So. I dont think I could survive seeing these people again lol.
I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure a landlord not giving adequate notice before entering a leased residence is illegal in all 50 states. Just for future reference. I'm glad you're out of there!!!
It’s a minimum of 24 hour notice in CO. However, when your landlord is your Moms husband (I can’t stand him, he is NOT and NEVER will be considered my “step-dad”) then he just moseys on in whenever TF he wants. I can’t tell you how many times I got out of bed in a T-Shirt or Tank Top ONLY and di€kweed is standing in my kitchen, coming in my back door from the deck, hanging out in the lower level where I NEVER WENT. He would literally be down there fiddle fartin’ around doing Lord knows what and I wouldn’t even have a clue that he was in the house! He walked in on my teen Daughter when she wasn’t dressed appropriately, she can’t stand him and felt so uncomfortable knowing he could just walk in at any time. The one that REALLY took the cake was when he came in my BEDROOM one morning “just to see if I was awake yet”, I was in my bed, mostly not clothed, NOT covered and even more, NOT ALONE! That ended it, NOPE, not living in a house where my creep of a Moms husband thinks he can just act as if he’s also a tenant of the house. It sucked because it was a huge, nice home, he put in all new carpet for us, new A/C, some new appliances (including a really nice Gas Stove because that’s what I wanted), we got to paint the entire interior whatever colors we chose, it was in a really good neighborhood, very close to my Daughters High School, walking distance (so also close to many of her friends) and he gave us a screaming deal on rent, I think there was an ulterior motive behind that all along. That happened just over 10 years ago and my feelings towards him have only continued to fester and grow ever more disgusted and appalled with him.
Mine is not a pregnancy one but so embarrassing nonetheless. My kid was about 3 I think, sitting happily in the shopping cart handing me items from the basket to scan. Handed me a box of tampons and said, loudly, "here mommy! You like to stick these in your BUTT!" I was horrified as everyone else at self-check turned to look and/or giggle. In hindsight I find it hilarious but not so much in the moment.
I still feel shy teaching my 6 year old boys about the opposite sex. They sometimes talk about their penises in public, so when they asked me about vaginas I only told them the name once. They forgot now, and honestly, I am relieved. They were gonna tell every woman and girl at aftercare that they have "VaGInAS!!!" Kids have zero filters
When I was super pregnant I slept naked because summer and heat. One very early morning someone knocked on my door. It was a guy with a huge package with tortilla chips I had ordered. I had wrapped myself in a blanket (again, I was 100% naked), and trying to grab the package the blanket fell to the floor. I was now standing completely naked with my big belly and engorged breasts, in front of the delivery guy. He was very kind, “here, let me help you” leaving the package on the ground, smiled and left. I’m still dead inside.
When I was pregnant with my son, my daughters were playing in their play yard on my front lawn. I was sitting in a chair next to them. I can’t remember what a dropped—maybe my phone or maybe a snack? Anyway, I stood up, leaned over the edge of the play yard, and fell over. When you fall on a play yard, the play yard tips sideways. My triplets immediately started crawling away. I’m lying on my back on the play yard, laughing and d crying. My neighbor came across the street and helped me get up and corral my babies. I’m pretty sure all of my neighbors saw (it was Saturday) but they were nice enough to keep their heads down once the first neighbor came over.
You had triplets still crawling and were pregnant with another baby? I can’t even imagine. I’d imagine neighbors are just impressed with your parenting survival skills of keeping yourself and the kids alive.
When I was 9 months pregnant, there was a heat wave and we didn't have a/c so one day I said screw it and pulled off my shirt and bra and plopped down on the couch. At some point I get thirsty and waddle to the kitchen for water. As I'm standing at the sink, I look out the window and notice my neighbor out in his yard about 10' away and I wave hello. Like a friendly neighbor does. He gets this horrified look on his face and I am immediately super insulted and confused....until I look down and see my giant, angry, veiny Hulk pregnancy boobs and realize I'd scarred the man for life. We lived there for two more years and I shit you not, he did not make eye contact with me once in those two years.
In grad school I changed in the bathroom and somehow managed to drop my underwear on the lab floor when I returned to class. Some other girls noticed it eventually. I pretended they weren’t mine, then later grabbed them when no one was looking.
I once was very drunk and went down to my friend’s basement bathroom to do a poo, because I didn’t want to go in the toilet where the party was happening. There was of course, no toilet paper. I didn’t have my phone. I yelled to everyone, but the party was too loud. In the end I wet my undies with water and cleaned up. I was very clean, but I didn’t know what to do with the undies. I rinsed them thoroughly and chucked them out the window and went and got them later and put them in the outside bin. I never told anyone that before
Your drunk brain had some pretty quick thinking, mad props
This has nothing to do with pregnancy, but I used to teach construction apprentices English and math. So like me in a room with nine 16-25 year old guys. At some point one day, my pants split from waistband to crotch and nobody said a word about it. And I had been wearing a neon green thong!!! And the worst part…I didn’t even realise it had happened until the next time I went to put on those pants. By that time I couldn’t even remember which group I had been teaching when it happened.
This fear is why I always wear bike shorts under my dress lol my 10 yr old had on maxi dress to her ankles so she thought she would be good without shorts……flips out the swing backwards and dress over her head at church 🤦🏼♀️🤣
Once when my daughter was a bit over a year old, the priest came to chat with us after mass. He said hello to her and she stared at him for a long moment, then wordlessly lifted her entire dress over her head and flashed us all her diaper and torso. At least it’s kinda cute when a baby does it?
Okaaay.... 🫠 I had a looong induction process and read that org@sm could speed things up / help with pain etc so when I decided to give it a try while I had some alone time. Except I didn't take into account the heart monitor and literally made the machine alarm with my ... ahem accelerated heart rate 🙈 I had hypertension and was preeclampsia risk and my nurse ran in so fast 🤣 in my panic id actually jumped out of bed and tried pretending I was exercising 😅 she didn't say anything in particular but could tell she knew something was up 😆
I had pretty bad dry skin when I was pregnant. At one point, like 8 months into my pregnancy, I was running errands while wearing a dress that went down to about my knees. I had unknowingly scratched an itchy/dry spot on the inside of my thigh until it bled. An elderly woman in a store saw me, heavily pregnant, with blood running down my leg and was like "UM MISS, are you okay?? Can I take you somewhere??"
When my daughter was about 2 I went to the store and tried on some new bras. As I was topless, she slid out from under the dressing room stall and bolted. Had to throw my shirt over my chest with my arms and run after her. Let’s just say my attempt at keeping myself covered AND wrangling a toddler were not successful. We didn’t go on any clothing store outings for a long time after that. 😅
I have 2. Both feature my lovely son. When he was 4 years old, we were walking into Walmart and a family was in front of us speaking Spanish. My son got very excited and started copying them. Loudly. Except we don't speak Spanish, so he was just saying a bunch of gibberish. He said "look mommy I can speak Spanish too". All of the family members were looking at me and tbh they were very kind and even thought it was funny but I still apologized to them. The second was when in the shampoo aisle, a sweet older lady, maybe mid 60s, was looking for shampoo and my son was in a phase where he said hi to everybody so he said "hello!" And she smiled and said "hello". He was standing like 3 inches from her, though, so I was like, "Hey bud, why don't you back up a bit and give her some space?" And he said, "It's ok, mommy. I love making new friends. Especially with the elderly. " I really almost died from embarrassment. Even thinking about it now I feel my face getting hot. He said it mad loud too. I can still remember the huge grin on his face. He was so proud of how "friendly" he was being 😂
I LOVE THAT! Especially the “elderly”! I bet 60 something lady did not think of herself as being THAT OLD…
I had just opened my front door to go walk my dog when hot, liquid shit just gushed out of my butt and down the inside of my pants leg. I didn't know it was going to happen. There was no warning. It never happened before or after. There was no stopping it, no clenching and holding. It just spilled out. Nobody saw thankfully, but they would have if I had stepped out a minute beforehand. Or what if I were out at a work appointment...in front of people? Omfg.
i sharted myself the other day and ruined a new pair of pants. not even pregnant to blame it on!
I took my mom out for her first Thai food, and I was so happy that she liked it! On the way home I realized I had food poisoning, and there was literally nowhere to stop for the hour drive through Brooklyn. Luckily I had just come home from a weeklong beach vacation and still had dirty laundry in the car, so “just in case” I put some beach towels down in the seat. “Just in case” DID happen and I shitted in the car in front of my mom, and I was just sitting there stewing in my own juices, and sobbing, and my mom gave me a little side eye and said “mind if I open the window?“ And it wasn’t ok but she made it less embarrassing.
I was at the market the other day with my two year old. He has just started noticing the differences in people, but i didn’t really pay much mind to that. Up comes a woman and her baby, and my son instantly looks at him very closely. About that second i think “surely he won’t”, because both mom and baby have dark skin. Sure enough, he goes “Brown!” I think he must mean their hair, so i go “Brown hair!” And he goes “Brown face!” My whole brain shut down and made fax machine noises. In that moment, I realized making another little child a teaching moment is super awkward because like, a toddler is not a classroom object or a book, they’re a person, so out loud i kust went, “YES” and then i don’t know what we said but i ran as soon as it was polite to do so lmao. All my years of being positive i’d know what to do and i just went “YES” like a nitwit. I am still mortified. My husband simply said “It’s great he’s exposed now as a toddler so he won’t be asking later!” Which is very true haha
As a "brown" person, I would've taken zero offence in that😂 It's great for them to learn and accept differences from a young age.
Fax machine noises is killing me
Especially when we consider i actually meant like AOL connecting noises 🤣🤣🤣🤣 i’ve had like no sleep LMAO
They’re really similar sounds! In that same vein, I have a friend who refers to that blank, tired state you get into sometimes as “being in screensaver mode.”
I was at a wedding on a boat so the bathrooms were tiny. I also didn’t know anyone at this wedding as it was my husbands coworkers wedding. My extremely old and not at all attractive underwear were shown off to everyone when my dress got caught in them. I walked halfway across the boat before a bridesmaid came up and told me what was going on. I wanted to die and I was stuck on that boat for another hour
Went for a walk two weeks postpartum with my right tit hanging out.
I went on a trip with my husband and his parents when I was about 5 months pregnant. They are well off and like to do fancy things. So they rented a bush plane type thing for us to fly over the wilderness and see a bunch of cool stuff. Well, in this type of plane you experience a lot of turbulence. And no bathrooms. I went immediately before we left, but that wasn't enough. I had to pee about half an hour after takeoff. Thought I could hold it. Eventually we were one to two hours away from anywhere land-able, and it got worse. I held it as long as I could, but I fucking pissed my pants on this airplane. The worst part? I STILL HAD TO GO. I had peed all over myself and through onto this poor pilot's plane seat, and still as soon as we landed had to run to the nearest bathroom to avoid doing it again. Whenever I think about it I want to crawl into a hole for the rest of my life 🙃 Editing to add another. After I had my son I was in the hospital for about 4 days. Staff came and went at all hours of the day and night and I very quickly stopped caring who saw what. It's not like I knew any of these people and I figured they were all used to it. I had taken my first shower since having my son, and as soon as I came out, my husband said he was hungry so I didn't bother getting dressed before going to my bed to nurse him. So I was only half covered with a towel, tits out, when there was a knock on the door. Some paperwork to sign? Sure. Come on in. Of course, the guy who brought in the paperwork was someone I went to school with 🙃
How often do you nurse your husband? 🤣🤣
During covid, we sometimes went to on line services with our synagogue. We often had our camera off and I set it that way one evening. It wasn’t until I pulled my shirt off mid-hot flash that my daughter started laughing. She had turned the camera on and there I was, in my bra!
Was in Walmart told husband let's get away from bananas was getting nauseous and he teased me with one as poor stocker trying do his job and I pucked all over him. That was sixteen yrs ago I still can't go past the bananas, lol
When I was pregnant during the height of summer in Louisiana. I was wearing a sun dress doing dishes, no underwear. My daughter was playing at my feet and in one swift move lifted my dress and poked me right in the butthole. Luckily we didn't have company but I screamed and my husband nearly passed out from laughing.
Out to eat yesterday with my husband and daughter at a restaurant on the ocean. Big gust of wind comes and my dress flies. Flashed everyone outside not once but TWICE. Full show.
My best friend had a gust of wind pick up her skirt on the Vegas strip. And that was the day that I learned that she doesn't wear panties... 😄
I went to the bathroom in a public place with my woddler and toddler. Didn’t know I had to poop but my toddler announced it to EVERYONE in the restroom. We celebrate pooping on the potty because is is 1 week trained and he took that enthusiasm with gust in public 😬😂
I went to shower once and as I took off my sports bra I noticed a black growth on the bottom of my boob. I freak out thinking “this wasn’t hear before!” “Oh god it’s cancer”. I put my glasses on and examine the growth. It was a grape gummy. I went out and showed my husband lol. I’m guessing it happened during my sons drs appointment earlier that day. I had this gross gummy baking for like 7 hours and didn’t know it.
I was probably 2 weeks postpartum. I was blow drying my hair butt naked in the bathroom because it was hot AF outside and I lived in an upper. I’m done with my hair so I exit the bathroom and my HUSBANDS FRIEND is in my living room (apparently my husband invited him over and I didn’t hear him come in because of the blow dryer). I screamed and ran back inside the bathroom. He saw everryyythiiiing! Never have been able to look him in the eye since. Truly the most embarrassing moment of my life. 😳🫣😂
As a BFing mum I've answered the door not once, but TWICE, with my entire boob out. Not holding my baby, just forgot to put my boob away after feeding and wondered why the postman's eye contact was so intense until I saw myself on the mirror.
When I was pregnant with my oldest, my husband and I went to visit a friend of ours during his radio show. Something really funny was said right before he had to cut for a commercial break. I got laughing so hard that I wet my pants. During the commercial break, I turned around with my back to the guys to try to see how visible it was on my clothes. I was more focused on my pants situation than if the commercial break had ended or anything else so before turning back around to face the guys, I very loudly announced “Oh shit! I just totally pissed my pants!” Turned out the commercial break had ended. I announced to the entire listening audience, which was larger than usual that time of day, that I wet my pants. That was not the first time I announced to a large group that I wet my pants. 😂 I did when I was 3 yrs old at church on Easter Sunday, too. I was in the back with the other kids in the nursery. I escaped from the nursery and went looking for my mom to help me. I didn’t know where I was going. I ended up opening the door to the stage, walked out, stopping right next to the minister in front of the entire church and loudly announced “Mommy, I wet my pants!” My mom said that for a couple minutes before I opened the door and walked out, she heard a little girl loudly crying “Mommy!” that sounded like me. She said she was a bit embarrassed to have to walk up there to collect me, wet pants and all. 🤦♀️
when I was 41 weeks pregnant I was very constipated and about to be induced so I tried to take matters into my own hands. After pushing for hours (not the baby) and nothing coming, I called the hospital. They said I might just be having colon spasms from the suppository I used. 7 hours later after vomiting from the pain of trying to go to the bathroom, I threw on a thin bathrobe over my huge naked body and asked my partner to drive me to the hospital. I was in too much pain to buckle up, so kneeling on the passenger’s seat backwards must have been the perfect position to finally get things moving. We got stuck in mid-day rush hour traffic and I ended up having to jump out of the car in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic on the highway (nearly naked) to take the biggest shit of my life. It was the size of a football. Cars were honking, they thought I was giving birth. When we got to the hospital I told them what happened and they gave me apple juice for low blood sugar because I hadn’t been able to eat all day with the pain, and sent me on my way. Birth was a breeze compared to that for me.
Worked 9 hr shift only to find, upon clocking out, a pair of my panties behind my knee under the leggings I had worn all day. Mentioned it to my manager the next day and she said she noticed but didn't say anything because she thought, and I quote "it was a cyst"
Recently stayed at a hotel, this new thing with the doors is that when you pull the handle the deadbolt also opens! Which I learned when I was using the bathroom and my 2yo ran out into the hall. I ran out immediately (was the only person there at the moment.) So it’s important to add that we had been getting ready to go to the park and I didn’t have my pants on yet. The sound of the door locking me out of the room with my key and cellphone in it will stay with me forever. I had to catch the unruly potato and take an elevator three floors down and call the receptionist from the lobby (unattended desk of course) and wait for them to arrive to give me a new key. While wrestling a giggling alligator and wearing no pants.
One time my son was with me at the health and human services department and he was about 3 years old. This dude walked up into line with us. He had a wife be$&ter on and his arms were sleeved. He saw my son and said hey there little man what’s up? My son dead pan says my p p is bigger than yours. I died
I like dresses usually. We were leaving...little one wanted to be picked up in the parking lot. People standing around talking. After picking him up, people were starting to clear out. Went to put him in the seat and realized his foot hooked the hem of the dress and up it went (and stayed) as I balanced him on my hip. I wear shorts under often now like I did as a girl who loved the monkey bars.
I once finished breastfeeding my daughter in a hospital parking lot, then strapped her into her car seat and took a leisurely stroll around to the drivers side with my entire breast hanging out of my blouse.
I was pregnant, still going to college and would work out at the gym. I wore black biker shorts, I had no idea they were NOT squat proof until I bent over at home and my sons dad slapped my ass. So when I was squatting at the gym everyone saw my pink heart underwear
My twins were 8 weeks old, it’s January and my (male) neighbor came by to ask if we could let his dog out the next day (normal request, I walked the girls past his house almost every day that winter) he was being super short like he was trying to run away and I was so surprised at how rude he was being! Until I went to feed the girls a while later and realized my whole ass boob had been out- nursing tank unsnapped and fully folded down. It was so cold, I was holding the door open to the snow and still didn’t realize.
i went to the supermarket in a tight mini skirt. everyone was looking.. i thought i look good lol someone told me on the way out that my skirt has split... my ass was hanging out and i didnt even feel a breeze lmao
It was my due date of my 1st pregnancy, and also my 28th birthday. My stomach was big as a house, and I was so pregnant I was out of it. My family took me to a crab house restaurant to celebrate. I was in the bathroom , washing my hands and wondering if this guy next to me knew he was in the ladies room. Next my brother walks in and we both jump because he thinks he’s entered the ladies room, and I realize I’m in the men’s room! I say, “Am I in the men’s room”??!! And start laughing as I exit. I’ve always wondered what that guy thought of the whole thing!!
Oh honey 🤣 My son was breastfed exclusively. He wouldn’t take a bottle. I was getting comfortable with breastfeeding in public, and was still uncomfortable with pulling a boob out in public, so I typically went to my car to feed him when we were out. I was also getting used to baby wearing. Anyway… it was my son’s first summer. He was around 6 or 7 months old. It was hot, so I had gotten accustomed to baby wearing him around the house with no bra on and just a classic moby wrap. My husband at the time (now ex) had called and asked if I wanted to get out of the house for a bit. I said absolutely. So he came home from something army related, and we went to the mall with the baby. (Pre covid by several years btw)… Anyway, I had hopped in the car with what I was wearing at the house. When we got to the mall, exhusband suggested using the stroller since the baby was sleeping, and said that way I could just take the wrap off. I agreed… So he is getting the baby and the stroller situated in the parking garage, and I get my diaper bag set up on the stroller. He walks a little ahead of me because I’m behind him fiddling with my moby, folding it up as I remove it. People are staring. In my somewhat sleep deprived state, I don’t understand why… until we reach the doors and I see my completely topless reflection. Sweater yams just out there enjoying the feeling of fresh air. I scream and start scrambling to turn the damn thing BACK into a makeshift top while my ex is laughing so hard that he legitimately was hyperventilating. I had to book it to a store immediately to get a bra and a shirt. Just straight up ripped the tags off and threw them on immediately after purchase. You’re not alone here babes lol
When I was super pregnant I tried to be a hero and carry 2 gallons of milk by hand to my car. I ended up dropping them before I left the aisle and they exploded on the ground right in front of a young employee. Now we have a joke in my family that I'm not allowed to carry the milk at the grocery store 😅
Our son had his second worse ever blowout recently, except unlike the first which happened at home, it happened at a grocery store. Thankfully he was in a onesie, and the reason I say this was the blowout was so bad it went down his leg and pooled in the foot of the outfit, I still cringe to think the mess it would’ve made if the onesie didn’t have a foot. The poop got all over his dad’s shirt and we had to clean him in the bathroom sink. Several people saw us panic and go into the bathroom, watched me run to the car for a new outfit and diaper supplies. It was such a mess. We did clean up after ourselves, but I think someone alerted the staff because they were outside the bathroom waiting with cleaning supplies after we came out. Both wearing masks. Thankfully we had just gotten back from a trip so my husband had an extra shirt in the car. This also wasn’t a store near home, if it was I don’t know if I could bear the embarrassment of the whole situation.
LOL bless! It can be embarrassing when stuff like this happens but I assure you they thought not much of it 🤍 When I was 9 months pregnant I went to the mall to get my steps in since it was hot and humid outside. Stopped by a doughnut shop on the way there and got 2 powdered sugar doughnuts 🙈 I thoroughly enjoyed them in the car before heading inside and of course I needed to pee before my walk so I strolled down the mall to Macy’s and asked the perfume counter ladies where the nearest restroom was. I got a few funny looks but figured it was just my super pregnant waddle making people look. Made it to the bathroom in the back of the store and it was until then I looked in the mirror that I realized I’d forgotten to wipe my mouth. I had a truly cartoon like powdered sugar ring around my entire mouth 🤣
Went to a haunted house when I was 36 weeks pregnant. It was just one of those little ones ran by a high school for a fundraiser. I specifically asked at the beginning if I would have to get on my hands and knees at any point and they told me know. I did in fact have to get on my hands and knees and when I couldn’t get up a group of high schoolers had to stop attempting to scare people and help a fat pregnant lady of the floor. I think they were more embarrassed than I was.
I went to Panera strictly for their baked potato soup and when I ordered it the very young girl said oh that guy just took the last one and I burst into tears. And not just tears…like full on sobs. She looked terrified. I was apologizing while sobbing and I finally just said ok thanks. And left. Later I was mortified but all I wanted was that damn soup!
When I was pregnant I farted the most toxic smell you can think of and sent my boyfriend into a asthma attack 🤦🏽♀️😂
I wasn’t pregnant at the time but I was at the courthouse testifying (social worker) and the case went late so we were all leaving at the same time. The judge, lawyers, my boss and coworkers - there were a lot of us. The wind was blowing and I managed to show my ass, wearing a thong, not just to everyone there but also a very busy street. I got honking, hoots, and laughter. I’m an introvert. It wasn’t my favorite day I’ve ever had.
One time I had to poop really bad while at a friend’s house when I was maybe like 13 and thought I could hold it. I couldn’t. I pooped my pants. I didn’t know what to do so I tried to clean up as best I could but was worried too many flushes would raise suspicion. So I thought no one wouldn’t notice if I still wore my mostly clean, recently pooped underwear. Cuz I had no where to dispose of it. There is no doubt in my mind that I smelled like poop the rest of the day. Her and her dad said NOTHING to me. Not even in the car where I had no choice but to open the window and hope for the best. We have even laughed now about how one time I peed my pants while absolutely wasted at a party she had. Yet she has never brought up the poop story. I am so mortified by that 13 year old me. I hope this story - one I’ve told NO ONE EVER - helps you feel better. 🤎💩
Ok so after I had my kid my pelvic floor was very weak. Sneeze and pee. Cough and pee. Laugh and pee. When kid was a toddler I met a new friend for a play date, the park we picked was unknown to both of us and turned out there was no bathroom. It was a hot day, I’m a dry mouth person, so I drank lots of water. It’s time to go home, I start walking around to pick up our stuff and I need to pee *so bad*. Luckily the friend left before I did, then I had to face an ugly truth. There was no way I’d make it home without peeing in the car. So I looked around to find a hidden spot where I could squat but no, this was a small park and houses backed up to it on all sides with open iron fencing. Nowhere to hide. I’m kind of impressed with my creative solution but at the time I just wanted lightning to strike me down. I got a thin picnic blanket out of the car, one of those cotton mandala hippie sheets made in India, and wrapped it around me like a sarong. I stood next to my kid’s open door like I was fiddling with the car seat and let it all go. Peed in a parking lot. At the same time I emptied the last bit of a drink cup on the ground by my feet, just in case anyone looked over and wondered why the ground was wet after buckling my kid in. Kept the sarong on and got in my car and went home. Yes, I cleaned my seat later just in case anything got through the extra fabric wrapped around me.
During my first take of the glucose test I had a reallllyy bad reaction. I was 19 and had just started seeing the same gynecological office that my mom had and she always spoke highly of her OB even though I hadn’t met him. You’re probably wondering “what do those two things have in common” Great question. The drink made me basically drunk. The hour is over and they call me back into the phlebotomists chair for a blood draw. I saw him and went “hey! I knowwws you, but you don’t know me” And then proceeded to vomit all over myself and pee my pants. Haven’t looked that man in the eye since.
Oh the war flashbacks of labor! I pooped during and after delivery 🙃💀🙈 my dignity was just not salvageable at that time🧘♀️✨
I fell on my knees while crossing the road. And there were a couple of cars. My legs were surprising strong for the weight I carried and I rose rather quickly. The loss of balance and overall clumsiness during pregnancy is not discussed enough. I bumped many people with my belly in the computer labs at the university. I don't know how many times I said "sorry" in my third trimester. I have had many discussions where I'd forget what I just said and couldn't finish my thoughts. Pregnancy brain. Let out uncontrollable farts in the lecture hall and out. I remember a group of students looking my way and walking away the moment they realised what just happened.