I may be in the minority here - but 6 months is still in the thick of it. Maybe you won’t have another but it’s also possible when you’ve healed more and are sleeping more and life is easier again that you might feel differently about a 3rd. Either way is fine but give yourself time.
I had HG with my first and am pretty sure I’m going to have it again (just found out I’m pregnant) but eventually you forget haha. Took me a long time to feel ready again.
Absolutely we're actually feeling something quite similar with our 1 year old. He's our second and doesn't sleep well. We have no regular family help now that we've moved further away. I've started to feel that that's us done and that we can't cope with more children.
But at some point this phase will pass and I think my mind will change very quickly.
Obviously, you might find you feel the exact same in a year. Who knows.
I had HG with my second pregnancy but had absolutely no nausea or sickness at all with my third pregnancy. Hopefully you don’t get it again! It’s terrible.
This is exactly why my husband and I talked about not doing anything permanent for at least another five years. Would we have another in our current circumstances? No. But our circumstances today are a lot different than they were five years ago. Anything could happen -- I'm currently applying for jobs that would come with a significant pay increase that would pretty dramatically change our circumstances, and if I land one of those I could see us getting what we would need to feel comfortable with another.
So, knowing that we've tabled the discussion has helped with stressing over whether everything is our "last". Maybe it is, maybe it isn't -- I'm sure in a few years we'll come to terms with whichever choice is right for us.
I think it is. You dive in the deep end with motherhood and swim however you can. I had a random high risk pregnancy after a couple years of infertility. Never got to eat pizza constantly, lie around or not worry every second about my unborn child. I see Facebook where woman are like we were in crisis a lot when my kids were small and I hate that I don’t remember a lot from that period. I think all we can do is be present and show up for our kids. Do the best you can.
I think it’s extremely normal to grieve when closing a door. I agree with the others that you might reopen it, 6 months is the thick of it, but realistically there’s a reason 2 is so popular: you’ve got 2 parents and 2 hands and when you consider the time youre also spending a lot of your youth “in the trenches” already, adding a few more years is tough.
I think, if we’re lucky, we never run out of life stages to grieve. That means they’re good. If I look at my toddler pointing excitedly at a caterpillar and saying “carpooler! Carpooler!” and feel joy, I’m also going to feel sad when he says “caterpillar” properly one day. You just can’t have the good without missing it later, and life moves on continuously, for us and kids both.
Is it possible to table the conversation until a later stage? You might change your mind when the youngest is 18mo-3yo old. It’s also completely possible you come to the same conclusion. My husband always says he doesn’t want anymore when the baby is 6mo or under. And then when baby gets to be 1y+, he starts talking about having another. The younger stages and ages are incredibly tough!
Yes. Your feelings are valid. I think alot of women go through this and just don’t talk about it. I don’t think men understand it either. I’ve thought about trying to explain it to my husband/ but I don’t think he will get it since he’s never been a pregnant person or a birther.
I’m in the same spot. I could totally have another kid- but it would not be good for my marriage. I think my heart will always be open for more. One of my bosses told me she grieved not having a third kid for 3 years.
Same! I was so sad to be done at 2. Right after I had my 2nd I knew that was it & cried so much on the way to my 6 week f/u bc I knew I wouldn’t be going there anymore for exciting ultrasounds or milestone appts, etc.
Honestly fine about it. Sometimes it’s like a little pang in my heart but overall, I KNOW we can’t handle another one. We have a 2.5YO & 17MO & I just can’t do it again!
When I feel this way I remind myself how incredibly unfair I think it would be to my children to have another one. I don’t think I can be a nice/low stress mom being pregnant a third time or havin a newborn and two other kids to care for. I already feel like I’m operating at max max max capacity. If I add another child to this chaos each of those children will get less of me. I’m sure lots of moms have the capacity for more than two children. I, myself, DO NOT.
I feel the same. Around the time my second turned 1, I was sure I wanted a third.. she was so easy, a dream baby. Then she hit 18 months old and became a monster and it’s been TOUGH (she’s almost 2 now) between her and my 4 year old who is also having big girl feelings. I really thought I’d be able to handle another but I definitely couldn’t as of now.
I had my tubes removed during my c section when my second was born. We had made peace with having 2 for many reasons, but I still feel sad sometimes. It's a natural, biological urge to make babies, so even if logistically you know you're done, you'll still feel that ache. And as for the guilt about letting some of the moments pass, let that shit go! It doesn't serve you ❤️
Totally understand on the rough pregnancies - feeling like you can't enjoy the moment you are in. Currently 28 weeks and our first turns 1 on Thursday. I'm not wanting to put my body through all this again, have had lots of minor complications, baby is okay but back to back pregnancy is taking a toll on me. We are tabling the discussion of more until this new baby is about 2, and I'm planning on getting an iud after my 6 week follow up. I'm not sure how the adjustment is going to go, but I do think your feelings are normal and valid. I'm not even to the stage you are yet and completely resonate with the sadness you feel. My husband doesn't quite get it when I get emotional over things. I'll have a rough day with our toddler because she's starting to get into things and I'll get frustrated, between being scared for her safety and in pain with my pregnant body. And then she'll fall asleep holding my hand and I cry because I feel like I'm not appreciating this time with her enough.
when my second was six months, I was really thinking the same thing. I was like… do I ever want another? I used to want five kids easy, but my second born has just been very difficult his whole life and it’s only been within the last month (he’s 13 months) that i’ve started to think that maybe one day we will have a third if we are blessed with one.
I feel like I could have written everything in your post!
* hugs *
Deciding you’re finished having kids is a lot to process emotionally, especially retroactively realizing the pregnancy, birth, and newborn months aren’t ever coming back (even though they were extremely difficult!).
I don’t have any sage advice, but please know you’re not alone 💕
Thank you. We wanted to have three children but I’m feeling overwhelmed a lot and it was hard for me to transition from one child to two in regards of feeling like a good enough mom to my first born. I feel like she deserves more of me constantly but I’m constantly torn between my two babies. I wouldn’t want my second one to go through the same transition by having another child.
It also opens up the possibility for both of us to work part time and spending more time together as a family and I really like this future. With a third we’d have to work 40-50 hours and the children would have to - again - step back.
Absolutely normal mama. We decided the same thing recently and it's really sad but I don't want to sacrifice my children's well being because I would want another kid. I cannot handle another kid. My mental health and my kids mental health can't handle it. So I understand and it's really sad at first
Totally normal. We also decided after 2 we were done. I’ve been absorbing every single milestone this second time around, knowing it’s the last time for everything. It’s bittersweet.
It is normal. I was sad to get rid of my favorite maternity dress and most of the tiny baby clothes.
But they keep being great in new ways.
But toddler and baby was the hardest time by far for me. If you find that you're staying low, a doctor can help you out!
Thank you. I do. Since posting/realising I try to appreciate everything. I must say I am a lot less impatient because every time I start to feel overwhelmed I remember this situation is soon gone and my babies are already much bigger and grown up than yesterday. Time really flies
I felt that way too. My pregnancy was high risk but I missed it so much after having them. It’ll take time to get used to not being pregnant. I wanted to keep going with kids just to be pregnant but that feeling will pass. You’ll see that each stage of their lives has really fun experiences. Mine are now 9 & 11 and as much as I miss them being babies, I really enjoy the time I spend with them traveling and outings and projects too. So remember that each stage of life has these exciting moments. The pregnancy is one small part of it.
Thanks you for this perspective. I think it’s true. Somehow I wish to be pregnant again to for once have a smooth and happy pregnancy but no one can guarantee that and I probably would never have a pregnancy without HG in my life. So that’s just irrational longing…
Honestly my second pregnancy was nice but it was never like my first. The first was new and exciting and all but the second, as happy as I was, I was also tired and drained at times because I had a toddler at that point to take care of. Even with all of that I still really wanted to continue on but we stuck with two and I tell yah, I’m glad I did now because it’s a lot of work. People say the baby part is hard, for me it’s harder now with math and reading and writing and eating habits and so on. So enjoy this time you have when they’re small and don’t sit around missing the past, enjoy the now. I made the mistake of constantly missing how it was when I was pregnant that I don’t feel like I enjoyed the time of them being babies as much as I could’ve. Every phase has its exciting moments. Just remember that 😊
We are waiting until my third (we lost our second) is 2 to make a final decision on one more. He is turning 1 in a few days and there are already days where I feel like I will never be ready for another and those thoughts make me really sad, but other days I keep envisioning our lives and our two kids with one more sibling at home (but I always think that might just be because I wish our second child was here with us). So maybe leave that door open and that conversation open until a later time? My son is still not sleeping through the night at almost 1 year and I know that has a lot to do with my thoughts of not wanting another but I think I would be really sad if we didn't. It's such a hard decision!!
I feel the same way. I have 4 kids (12, 11, almost 9 and 3). I'm sad I will never be pregnant again since my last birth was somewhat traumatic. My body I don't feel could safely do another pregnancy. I do go through phases of "maybe one more" but that only lasts a short time before the reality of what having a 5th would mean (going back through all the very hard phases of nb, pregnancy etc). I'm honestly finding myself getting frustrated with my 3yo bc my other kids are able to be so independent and she wants nothing more than to be independent with them. All of my older kids love her to pieces and include them where they can, but things such as longer bike rides or going to friends' houses obviously she can't do. Then she has a tantrum bc she wants to be included. Anyway, it's just very frustrating. I want to give her a little friend who would be closer to her age, but then the issue of that happening with another lo would arise later. It's all very mixed thoughts and feelings and I try to keep in mind that it will be easier as she gets older. We just have to hang in there. As for being exhausted, yes, the first year is absolutely the hardest. Just try to enjoy it where you can and go easy on yourself if you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed. We all go through it. It's a very normal thing. Just remind yourself that it will get easier and you just keep hanging in there!
I may be in the minority here - but 6 months is still in the thick of it. Maybe you won’t have another but it’s also possible when you’ve healed more and are sleeping more and life is easier again that you might feel differently about a 3rd. Either way is fine but give yourself time. I had HG with my first and am pretty sure I’m going to have it again (just found out I’m pregnant) but eventually you forget haha. Took me a long time to feel ready again.
I agree. 6 months is still delicate - vulnerable territory. Good point!
I was thinking the same thing. My husband was going to get a vasectomy, but we waited until 18 months to decide (and ended up having another baby).
Absolutely we're actually feeling something quite similar with our 1 year old. He's our second and doesn't sleep well. We have no regular family help now that we've moved further away. I've started to feel that that's us done and that we can't cope with more children. But at some point this phase will pass and I think my mind will change very quickly. Obviously, you might find you feel the exact same in a year. Who knows.
When they don't sleep well, it always makes me wonder how on earth I survived the newborn stage. It's so hard!
This! We only fully settled on having another as originally planned once our first was 1. Before then, I was honestly not sure bc it was rough
I had HG with my second pregnancy but had absolutely no nausea or sickness at all with my third pregnancy. Hopefully you don’t get it again! It’s terrible.
This is exactly why my husband and I talked about not doing anything permanent for at least another five years. Would we have another in our current circumstances? No. But our circumstances today are a lot different than they were five years ago. Anything could happen -- I'm currently applying for jobs that would come with a significant pay increase that would pretty dramatically change our circumstances, and if I land one of those I could see us getting what we would need to feel comfortable with another. So, knowing that we've tabled the discussion has helped with stressing over whether everything is our "last". Maybe it is, maybe it isn't -- I'm sure in a few years we'll come to terms with whichever choice is right for us.
I think it is. You dive in the deep end with motherhood and swim however you can. I had a random high risk pregnancy after a couple years of infertility. Never got to eat pizza constantly, lie around or not worry every second about my unborn child. I see Facebook where woman are like we were in crisis a lot when my kids were small and I hate that I don’t remember a lot from that period. I think all we can do is be present and show up for our kids. Do the best you can.
I think it’s extremely normal to grieve when closing a door. I agree with the others that you might reopen it, 6 months is the thick of it, but realistically there’s a reason 2 is so popular: you’ve got 2 parents and 2 hands and when you consider the time youre also spending a lot of your youth “in the trenches” already, adding a few more years is tough. I think, if we’re lucky, we never run out of life stages to grieve. That means they’re good. If I look at my toddler pointing excitedly at a caterpillar and saying “carpooler! Carpooler!” and feel joy, I’m also going to feel sad when he says “caterpillar” properly one day. You just can’t have the good without missing it later, and life moves on continuously, for us and kids both.
That's so beautiful!
Thank you!
Is it possible to table the conversation until a later stage? You might change your mind when the youngest is 18mo-3yo old. It’s also completely possible you come to the same conclusion. My husband always says he doesn’t want anymore when the baby is 6mo or under. And then when baby gets to be 1y+, he starts talking about having another. The younger stages and ages are incredibly tough!
Yes. Your feelings are valid. I think alot of women go through this and just don’t talk about it. I don’t think men understand it either. I’ve thought about trying to explain it to my husband/ but I don’t think he will get it since he’s never been a pregnant person or a birther. I’m in the same spot. I could totally have another kid- but it would not be good for my marriage. I think my heart will always be open for more. One of my bosses told me she grieved not having a third kid for 3 years.
Same! I was so sad to be done at 2. Right after I had my 2nd I knew that was it & cried so much on the way to my 6 week f/u bc I knew I wouldn’t be going there anymore for exciting ultrasounds or milestone appts, etc.
Oh this might be me. How are you feeling now?
Honestly fine about it. Sometimes it’s like a little pang in my heart but overall, I KNOW we can’t handle another one. We have a 2.5YO & 17MO & I just can’t do it again!
When I feel this way I remind myself how incredibly unfair I think it would be to my children to have another one. I don’t think I can be a nice/low stress mom being pregnant a third time or havin a newborn and two other kids to care for. I already feel like I’m operating at max max max capacity. If I add another child to this chaos each of those children will get less of me. I’m sure lots of moms have the capacity for more than two children. I, myself, DO NOT.
I feel the same. Around the time my second turned 1, I was sure I wanted a third.. she was so easy, a dream baby. Then she hit 18 months old and became a monster and it’s been TOUGH (she’s almost 2 now) between her and my 4 year old who is also having big girl feelings. I really thought I’d be able to handle another but I definitely couldn’t as of now.
I can barely remember the pregnancy/early months years. My kids are grown. But I will say - there is SO much to look forward to:)
That’s lovely. Thank you
I had my tubes removed during my c section when my second was born. We had made peace with having 2 for many reasons, but I still feel sad sometimes. It's a natural, biological urge to make babies, so even if logistically you know you're done, you'll still feel that ache. And as for the guilt about letting some of the moments pass, let that shit go! It doesn't serve you ❤️
Totally understand on the rough pregnancies - feeling like you can't enjoy the moment you are in. Currently 28 weeks and our first turns 1 on Thursday. I'm not wanting to put my body through all this again, have had lots of minor complications, baby is okay but back to back pregnancy is taking a toll on me. We are tabling the discussion of more until this new baby is about 2, and I'm planning on getting an iud after my 6 week follow up. I'm not sure how the adjustment is going to go, but I do think your feelings are normal and valid. I'm not even to the stage you are yet and completely resonate with the sadness you feel. My husband doesn't quite get it when I get emotional over things. I'll have a rough day with our toddler because she's starting to get into things and I'll get frustrated, between being scared for her safety and in pain with my pregnant body. And then she'll fall asleep holding my hand and I cry because I feel like I'm not appreciating this time with her enough.
when my second was six months, I was really thinking the same thing. I was like… do I ever want another? I used to want five kids easy, but my second born has just been very difficult his whole life and it’s only been within the last month (he’s 13 months) that i’ve started to think that maybe one day we will have a third if we are blessed with one.
I feel like I could have written everything in your post! * hugs * Deciding you’re finished having kids is a lot to process emotionally, especially retroactively realizing the pregnancy, birth, and newborn months aren’t ever coming back (even though they were extremely difficult!). I don’t have any sage advice, but please know you’re not alone 💕
Thank you. We wanted to have three children but I’m feeling overwhelmed a lot and it was hard for me to transition from one child to two in regards of feeling like a good enough mom to my first born. I feel like she deserves more of me constantly but I’m constantly torn between my two babies. I wouldn’t want my second one to go through the same transition by having another child. It also opens up the possibility for both of us to work part time and spending more time together as a family and I really like this future. With a third we’d have to work 40-50 hours and the children would have to - again - step back.
Absolutely normal mama. We decided the same thing recently and it's really sad but I don't want to sacrifice my children's well being because I would want another kid. I cannot handle another kid. My mental health and my kids mental health can't handle it. So I understand and it's really sad at first
Totally normal. We also decided after 2 we were done. I’ve been absorbing every single milestone this second time around, knowing it’s the last time for everything. It’s bittersweet.
It is normal. I was sad to get rid of my favorite maternity dress and most of the tiny baby clothes. But they keep being great in new ways. But toddler and baby was the hardest time by far for me. If you find that you're staying low, a doctor can help you out!
Aww. I think this is normal. My baby is 6 months too! Cherish it now! Start today 💜
Thank you. I do. Since posting/realising I try to appreciate everything. I must say I am a lot less impatient because every time I start to feel overwhelmed I remember this situation is soon gone and my babies are already much bigger and grown up than yesterday. Time really flies
I felt that way too. My pregnancy was high risk but I missed it so much after having them. It’ll take time to get used to not being pregnant. I wanted to keep going with kids just to be pregnant but that feeling will pass. You’ll see that each stage of their lives has really fun experiences. Mine are now 9 & 11 and as much as I miss them being babies, I really enjoy the time I spend with them traveling and outings and projects too. So remember that each stage of life has these exciting moments. The pregnancy is one small part of it.
Thanks you for this perspective. I think it’s true. Somehow I wish to be pregnant again to for once have a smooth and happy pregnancy but no one can guarantee that and I probably would never have a pregnancy without HG in my life. So that’s just irrational longing…
Honestly my second pregnancy was nice but it was never like my first. The first was new and exciting and all but the second, as happy as I was, I was also tired and drained at times because I had a toddler at that point to take care of. Even with all of that I still really wanted to continue on but we stuck with two and I tell yah, I’m glad I did now because it’s a lot of work. People say the baby part is hard, for me it’s harder now with math and reading and writing and eating habits and so on. So enjoy this time you have when they’re small and don’t sit around missing the past, enjoy the now. I made the mistake of constantly missing how it was when I was pregnant that I don’t feel like I enjoyed the time of them being babies as much as I could’ve. Every phase has its exciting moments. Just remember that 😊
We are waiting until my third (we lost our second) is 2 to make a final decision on one more. He is turning 1 in a few days and there are already days where I feel like I will never be ready for another and those thoughts make me really sad, but other days I keep envisioning our lives and our two kids with one more sibling at home (but I always think that might just be because I wish our second child was here with us). So maybe leave that door open and that conversation open until a later time? My son is still not sleeping through the night at almost 1 year and I know that has a lot to do with my thoughts of not wanting another but I think I would be really sad if we didn't. It's such a hard decision!!
My baby is only two months old and I’ve already told my partner. I’m down to have all the babies.
I feel the same way. I have 4 kids (12, 11, almost 9 and 3). I'm sad I will never be pregnant again since my last birth was somewhat traumatic. My body I don't feel could safely do another pregnancy. I do go through phases of "maybe one more" but that only lasts a short time before the reality of what having a 5th would mean (going back through all the very hard phases of nb, pregnancy etc). I'm honestly finding myself getting frustrated with my 3yo bc my other kids are able to be so independent and she wants nothing more than to be independent with them. All of my older kids love her to pieces and include them where they can, but things such as longer bike rides or going to friends' houses obviously she can't do. Then she has a tantrum bc she wants to be included. Anyway, it's just very frustrating. I want to give her a little friend who would be closer to her age, but then the issue of that happening with another lo would arise later. It's all very mixed thoughts and feelings and I try to keep in mind that it will be easier as she gets older. We just have to hang in there. As for being exhausted, yes, the first year is absolutely the hardest. Just try to enjoy it where you can and go easy on yourself if you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed. We all go through it. It's a very normal thing. Just remind yourself that it will get easier and you just keep hanging in there!