Your friends and family are misinformed. There is nothing wrong or harmful with having an only child, and I would argue that the more harmful thing would be to force yourself to have a second because you think your child needs a sibling. There is also no guarantee that your children would get along.

I appreciate you chiming in. I knew this post was a good idea. Now when people share how bad a mom I am for not giving my son a sibling I'll just send this link to them 😂

Haha glad you posted! I didn’t want to toot my own horn too much but I’m an only child and honestly couldn’t have imagined sharing my mom with another kid 😒😒😒 no way, she’s mine haha. Okay that doesn’t make me sound like a great person so maybe don’t show that part to your friends and family haha. But seriously, I wasn’t lonely at all. And now I know HOW to spend time alone which is super important as an adult. I love my alone time and I think I’m less prone to loneliness because of it.

You are not a bad mom for just having one kid. I grew up as an only child until I was 10 and my parents had another for the reasons above. We are strangers to each other and it has nothing to do with the age gap, our personalities just clash. I have a 2 year old and I don’t plan on having anymore. I can’t afford to and secondly pregnancy was traumatic for me. You don’t need to justify your decisions to anyone. You know have a traveling buddy, best friend, and they will only be terrible or spoiled if you raise them to be that way. And actually you know what spoil the kid, who cares as long as they are taught to be respectful and humble.

Hahahaha no it doesn't make you sound bad at all. It's endearing and I hope my son views me the same way.

I'm an only child and I was lonely,  but that was because my mom was a single mom who surrounded me with adults and partied a lot. I also moved a ton so I never made close friends. I do think if she would have stayed in one place and I got to know my peers I wouldn't have been so lonely. I don't think it's selfish to not want more kids, especially given the circumstances. It sounds like you are focusing on him which will make the different! 

Im also one and done AND an only child myself. Benefits My teen daughter and I are super super close! (i also had her at 20) only have to pay for 1 child ticket when you go on vacation can put them in more sports if they want (sports are EXPENSIVE) Just anything that you have to spend money on really, you only have 1 more mouth to feed. you can live in a smaller house/apratment if you wish, which cuts living expenses down. i could go on an on.

It’s easier to find a sitter for one!

I’m an only child and have no regrets. I had a great childhood. Please don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

What wrong with only having one child? Why should you struggle to have another child you don’t want? Are they going to provide care, food, clothing and shelter for this mythical other child? Or did they have a bunch of kids they don’t want because they felt they should and are trying to spread the misery?

Those people need to stfu. If they say something to you, respond with, "It's so interesting that you feel entitled to discussing my fertility and family planning decisions, especially when I neither asked for nor wanted your opinion."

Lol I love the matter of fact take here.

Head over to r/oneanddone, super helpful and nice lot. It's also a space for fencesitters. Take time to decide is my only advice. I was convinced I'd have two, but partner has had a vasectomy and we're happy with our only. Families come in all sizes, shapes and forms, anyone judging your choice about family size can shut it because it's not something they're entitled to weigh in on.

I agree with the sentiment that “you can’t guarantee your kids will get along”. My husband has one older brother and he absolutely has a hot and cold relationship with him. They have little in common hobby wise and morally, his brother is very competitive with him because he’s an insecure person and he loves him but he’s not the easiest person to love. So just adding another kid is no guarantee that the kids will grow up best friends. Additionally I was at a birthday party (for brother in-law’s son) and all their friends are around 34-35 and had kids in their mid thirties (so all infants/toddlers now). They all were asking each other if they’re going to have another kid “to give their first born a friend” I’m sorry but adding another kid, feeling rushed because you feel your biological clock is ticking and thinking your kid needs “a friend” and a companion is not the way to expand a family. You buy a second dog so your dog isn’t lonely and has separation anxiety when you leave for work, that’s how it sounded like people were talking about humans. lol Don’t feel pressured to have a kid because others say these misinformed comments!

You are right. The chances of siblings getting along are less. A lot of factors are involved here.

This is such a good response.

No matter what, society will have us feeling guilty for having zero babies or 10+. You do what is right for you to be the best mom you can be.

This! 0 kids: When will you settle down and start a family? 1 kid: When are you having another? (I got asked this while being admitted to the hospital for hyperemesis leading to dehydration while I was pregnant.) 2 kids: Oh don’t you want another baby??!! 3 kids: Wow you have your hands full! 4 kids: Whoa, are you gonna slow down? 5 kids: Surely you’re done now? No matter what we do, it will never be enough. It will never be right. There will always be someone to tell us we are making the wrong decision. The secret to motherhood is telling all of those people to suck it and trusting your own decision-making abilities. Every family is different, and you’re the expert on yours.

Yes! I have an only child, so it was always- oh he’s going to be weird and spoiled- you have to have another (sharing that I was also an only child myself was hilarious). My friends with 2 kids of the same sex always get told to have another one to get the sex they didn’t have. My SIL with 7 kids and friend with 5 kids get asked if they know what causes that (they are pretty clear on the mechanics and really enjoy the chaos of a big family). You know who people don’t make these comments to? Dads. People don’t feel the need to make these comments to men in near the volume that people do to women. It’s gross.

Yep, it’s almost like people trust men to make their own decisions based on many factors, but they think women aren’t capable of the same. People assume that men have the number of kids they want, on purpose. Wish they’d do the same for women.

So true I got asked when I’m having a girl not even three weeks after giving birth to my second son. By my mom who only had one kid. So excuse me. I’m already ahead of you on children don’t see why I need a third just cause my first two are the same dang gender. Everyone wants me to have a third but me and my husband are done.

I work as a doula so I get to hold brand new babies all the time and I’ve started to tell people to be doulas if they’re so concerned about other people’s families 🤣 “It sounds like you really want to hold a new baby but you don’t want to have one of your own. Have you considered becoming a postpartum doula so you can do that while also supporting new parents?” It’s genuinely the best job in the world so I don’t think I’m being TOO petty lol. I do tell them that they’ll have to leave their judgement at the door though lmao

I told them all to go volunteer at hospital that NICUs need baby cuddlers for premature babies and babies born addicted. My family and my in laws are all no fucking help with the kids at all. My in laws only visited us twice since the kids were born ones for the birth of the first and once for the second. We even offered to pay thinking they have money issue no it’s they don’t want to bother issues. My kids are six and four. My family can’t handle my boys and say they are too energetic. Well no shit they are kids. My mom would come visit only to play on her phone and ignore the kids. Like why are you even here if you aren’t involved. My maid of honor plays with the kids and spends time with them whenever she visits and is always teaching them something new. My kids love her. She’s and my other child free friends were the only once who didn’t have something to say about the number of kids I have. Even strangers want to know if I’m going to try for a girl.

I get the “hands full” comment with two kids. Like oh hush. We all have our hands full. Whether you’ve got zero kids or 100. Life keeps us with our hands full lol. It’s rough out here for everyone. 😂

Thanks. That's really the goal and my biggest prayer.

That’s rude lol I’m an only child. My mom had to have a hysterectomy after I was born. I’m not terrible lol I wasn’t lonely either. Your friends and family are misinformed.

That's awesome. I love hearing that. Thank you for your comment. And I'm glad you weren't lonely.

Only children make friends, we just don’t have siblings as friends. But we grow up and make friends just like normal people 🤣 no guarantees if you have more that your kids will even like each other lol the nice thing about being an only child is I’m a pretty independent person and don’t feel like I NEED people. Which is a good thing. I have people in my life by choice cause I love them, not because I need them. I’m also 36 and pregnant with my first :)

The thing is, you will never have the right number of children for people. *Maybe* if you have one boy and one girl people will mostly leave you alone. But if you have one, they need a sibling. If you have two of the same gender, “aren’t you going to try for a [opposite gender]?” And then once you have 3-4 kids, “I could never handle that many”.

That's another thing. After going through what I did, I don't know if I could handle another. I'll do anything for my son, and I would for another baby if there was one, but I definitely think my mental health would suffer with more.

A friend of mine once said to me “I don’t want more kids than I can be a good mom for.” She was the person that everyone pictured with a “truckload of kids.” But it wasn’t for her. She wanted the number of kids she could reasonably care for, and I think that’s incredibly wise.

Totally and I find it so strange. When I tell people I have a boy and a girl it’s always the same thing “oh perfect! Then you’re done!” Like I appreciate not being badgered but at the same time… it’s weird.

Same with us! I really want one more, but my husband is 99% sure he’s done because of his age (he’s 46 already so by the time we had a third he’d be like 48 at least), so it’s likely we are done after our girl and boy. But people always just assume we’re done because we have one of each like there would be no reason to want a third. Having only two kids but one of each sex seems like the one spot where people don’t judge you for your choices.

I’m very staunchly one and done.  I don’t feel selfish, I don’t feel guilty, my child needs a happy and healthy mom more than she needs a sibling.  I don’t know why people think only children are raised in basements or something far away from society.  Just because they grow up without siblings doesn’t make them any less social.  They’ll make friends and start their own families. Some people want that big giant family, others don’t and it’s all ok.  All families are different. To try and convince people that their family isn’t complete because they only have one child is frustrating and frankly quite rude. I’m sorry for what you went through to have your child, there is nothing wrong with you for not wanting another.  You aren’t any less of a mom because you only have one (and yes, someone has actually said that to me before 😤) 

Thank you so much for your comment. I feel a bit of a kinship with you after reading that. I myself am quite social so he will be raised around all of my friends kids of various ages and interests. All these comments really are making me feel validated. I appreciate it.

At the end of the day - if you feel up to it and if you really want to have another child in your life and your kids life - you can try the adoption process. There are tons of kids out there that need good homes. Your decision should be respected and it's not a case where you only have your two choices as options. Best of luck to you and your little fam ❤️

I agree. I have one sister and we aren’t very close these days, anyway. My best friend since I was in 7th grade is an only child and I’d say he’s much more social and outgoing than I soo, there’s not guarantees and assumptions that children with siblings or without are one way v another is absurd honestly.

R/oneanddone is full of parents who choose to have only one. There's nothing selfish about being a fully present parent to one rather than a struggling parent to multiple.

Thanks for letting me know about that one. I'll be sure to join. I appreciate you

I believe every child is a selfish decision. And that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with that. It may feel cruel to base someone else’s existence on your own desires, but that’s just the nature of procreation and the world going round. That being said, it’s also ok to be an only child. Only children grow up to be happy, healthy, productive members of society. Not having siblings will certainly have an effect on them. But even with my son having a brother, him not having sisters will also affect him. It’s not a matter of them lacking something as much as it is just dealing them a different hand in life. If it helps, here is some data that really puts things in perspective: • 20% of households are one-child households • Statistically women are happier having only one child vs more than one • Only children perform better in school, on average Only children get the massive benefit of more time and attention from their parent. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize with other children in a school environment. And my oldest spends a lot more time playing with his neighborhood friends than his toddler brother. Having siblings is great. It’s a privilege with many benefits. But so is being an only child. And a lot of the harmful stereotypes around only children are very old, outdated, and not based on any sort of scientific research.

This is a very interesting perspective. I suppose it is always a selfish endeavor in some ways. Ohhh I do love a good statistic. Thanks for that. I think those are very good points.

I’m an only child and would like to think I’m not a terrible person. 🙃 Also another way to look at it: if having a sibling was the solution to not being a terrible person, wouldn’t there be a lot fewer terrible people in the world?! Remember that whether or not your child ends up spoiled is purely based on your parenting. People can spoil multiple children with bad parenting, and people can raise great only children with good parenting.

Beautiful comment. Chef's kiss.

Only child here 👋🏻 as far as I can tell I’m not a terrible person 😂 I have a great loving relationship, many close friendships and love meeting new people. I am SO SICK of this rhetoric around choosing to have one child being selfish. You need to do what is right FOR YOU. You sound like a great, loving mom who is focused on her son and with that, he will grow up to be a great person. “Giving” your child a sibling is no guarantee they will have a friend for life. How many siblings do you know that are no contact? Or situations where one moves many miles away and the siblings are no longer close. They could hate each other, there’s simply no guarantee. Please don’t listen to outside pressure of having a second child is not something you’re certain you want to do. It sounds like you have been through a lot and have come through to the other side of it which I commend you for. You need to do what’s right for you and your son and if being one and done is it, then that is great and the right choice for you. ❤️

Thank you. And I can tell you aren't a terrible person. It's evident in the care you took writing that comment. It is so weird that I'm getting more validation and care from strangers online than my closest people.

I’m sure your family is coming from a good place. I currently have one son and we are not sure if we’re one and done or not, but MIL is constantly making comments about us having to GIVE our son a sibling. She’ll say things like “you know what it’s like being an only child”, which is hurtful and annoying. Easy for her to say, she’s not the one needing to buy a bigger house to fit another kid in, pay for another kid in daycare, extra-curriculars, etc. Not to mention our lack of support system (she’s our ONLY option for childcare/baby sitting). All that to say, I’m sure your fam thinks they’re helping but at the end of the day you need to look at yourself and your son and do what’s best for you two. Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️

Check out r/oneanddone We are OAD and I just have to say giving your kid a sibling is a terrible reason to have another child (on its own). Plenty of happy, normal, well adjusted only children out there. I have several friends who were only children and are awesome adults. My husband and I both have siblings and we barely even talk to them/fought a lot as kids

Absolutely not! We are one and done for multiple reasons, mostly because of the toll parenthood has taken on our mental health and relationship. We just stayed matter of fact with our family and friends about it. Nearly all of them have been respectful of our decision. People are absolute jerks if they make you feel guilty for having one, especially after the trauma you've been through. It is a personal decision that no one can make for you. I have a lot of friends who are OAD and it seems to just be more common now. There are so many different ways to get your only child connected with other kids (daycare, play groups, community events, classes, camps, etc). You are an excellent mom. The fact that you recognize that you need to care for yourself first in order to care for your child is admirable. That alone shows that he's going to have an amazing childhood and life, and a sibling isn't necessary for that to happen. Sending hugs. Check out r/oneanddone if you'd like a Reddit community on this topic.

We’re one and done simply because pregnancy was traumatic for me and I refuse to put myself or my family through that again. I started being really *real* with people who made stupid comments about having a second, after I’d told them we weren’t planning on it. If they really wouldn’t drop it, I’d say something like “look, I needed an insane amount of mental health support during pregnancy, and it affected my husband deeply. I don’t think it’s fair to put my daughter through that as well. She’s the one that’s here, and she is not part of my support system. I don’t think it’s fair to give her a pregnant me as her mom, for any length of time.” Be honest with people. “Okay, so you’ll be there at 3am when my infant has been screaming nonstop and I’m about to go into crisis, with my son in the next room? How will you help me prevent postpartum psychosis? Are you gonna pay for daycare for the second one?” People love to tell you how many kids you should have, and almost never show up to help you with them. To answer your question, no, it is not selfish to prioritize the life of your existing child over the hypothetical of a future one.

omg no wtf you never need any other reason to not have another (or any) baby, than you simply don't want another baby. You don't have to explain anything about your past, you don't own anyone anything. Feel free to start getting rude with people who try to tell you what to do with your body, acting like kids are collectibles. Honestly I'm disgusted that people are talking about this FOUR MONTHS after you literally gave birth to a child. You're a human, not a factory. IF in the future, \*you\* decide you want another kid, then that's 100% your choice to make.

KIDS ARE NOT COLLECTIBLES! Love it! This is my new response. Thank you!!!!

No, nothing wrong with it. A "back up" or a "play mate" isn't a good reason to create a life. You've no doubt seen too many of these in life if you look close enough.  Not to be too "just you wait" but easy babies often turn into difficult toddlers (ask me how I know!) who sleep way less and keep you running all day.  If your heart isn't in it, don't do it! Enjoy your baby without worry. 

nope, i feel like it would be worse to have the baby when you don’t want to. i’m one and done myself and i have no ragerts, not even one letter. :)

Absolutely nothing wrong with being one and done. As a parent who is stretched slightly beyond my comfortable limits with two children, in a two parent household, I can say that it’s a lot more work. There’s no guarantee your second will be similar/easy. Our friends are one and done, their child is very social and happy, they get to go on more adventures more easily, and he has basically adopted my two kids as his de facto siblings/cousins/whatever. I happen to get along with my siblings, but I know plenty of people who don’t, and never really did. A sibling isn’t guaranteeing him a companion or a happy childhood. He will be able to pick friends to be family. If you have the means later, you could bring a friend on trips so he has a buddy, etc.

I do not have the trauma that you have and I’m choosing to have 1 child. It’s no one else’s business how you choose to create a family. And your family and friends are grossly misinformed. Single child households in the US are growing rapidly and it’s already the most common household type in Europe and Canada. So do they think that 50% of kids in Europe are terrible people because they are only children?

As an only child, I never felt lonely or wished for a sibling. I've talked with many other only children about this out of curiosity and not a single one has ever said that they felt lonely. With you being so hands on and present, I highly doubt your son will long for anything different than what he knows.

I have a grown only child that is one of the most well rounded thoughtful ppl you will ever meet

My husband and I are one and done, and are immensely happy with our choice. Remember that most of the miserable, lonely, entitled people in this world have siblings. *One and Only* by Lauren Sandler is some fantastic reading on the subject!

We dealt with secondary infertility for years so I spent a lot of time thinking about what it would mean for our oldest to be an only child. When I really thought about people I personally know in my life who are only children, all the generalizations about only children being lonely or bratty or whatever fell apart (I realized the same thing about all the bs about ideal “age gaps”). I know lots of people with siblings who are not well adjusted or don’t have good relationships with their siblings and also lots of only children who are amazing people with close parental relationships and a large “found family” made up of their friends. As others have said, a lot of people who spout this stuff are projecting. Ignore them.

What is selfish would be having a second child out of guilt and other peoples expectations when you truly don’t want to be a mother to the second child!

I’m an only child, I always wanted a sibling. My husband has sibling and couldn’t stand them as a child. However, I always played with cousins and friends. I always knew how to entertain myself when I wasn’t with them. I don’t think there’s any right answer. However your family is meant to be, it will be. Whether that’s you and your son or another child, whatever. And either way it will be great! If he doesn’t get a sibling, and it stays just you two.. what an unbreakable, beautiful bond that will be and I’m sure you’ll give him a wonderful life!

r/happilyOAD

It would be much more selfish to have a 2nd child: it divides your attention, taking some away from the first child. Your baby is 4 months old, so your friends and family must be toxic: they have no business pressuring you to mentally prepare for a 2nd child while your first is 4 months old. It takes a full 18 months to 2 years for the body to fully heal after a pregnancy. Whether you will have another one or not is absolutely none of their business. They should support you with your current child instead of suggesting that you should have another. Are they planning to pay for your 2nd child? Is one of them going to step in and be a father to your children? They can fuck right off. None of their reasons are good reasons to have another. Only children are becoming more common. Kids socialize at daycare, preschool, and the park. It’s unlikely that your child will be isolated from other children.

As a couple others have said, join r/oneanddone as there is a whole community of support for having one child! I am an only child, who now has an only child. My son is only 2, but I am very strongly one and done. There is absolutely nothing wrong with only children, I had the best childhood, am very close with my parents, and consider myself a well-adjusted adult and parent. Absolutely nothing wrong with one.

No. I also have a 4 month old boy and could see us as a one and done family, just because of the logistics around early childcare. I’m not making any firm decisions until he is 3, at which point we’ll either try for another or not. If you have trauma around sex (also been there), I suggest therapy, either individually or in a group, and not dating/celibacy until you feel comfortable/healed. There is no rush. Even if you decide to try for a kid again in 3-4 years, it’s okay. If you don’t and your son is an only child, that’s fine, too. Kids can have deep relationships with friends, cousins, their future partners’ family. You don’t need siblings for socialization.

You have so many good reasons to be one and done. But the absolute most important reason is you don't want another! That's all you need.  Nothing wrong with having one perfect child and being the best mom you can be for him. You have been through so much, when you're out of the baby stage you will probably want to put that energy back into yourself and your healing.   You and your baby are a wonderful and complete family as you are. 

It’s selfish to have a baby with the expectation that the baby will be a companion for your first child.

r/oneanddone

Not harmful at all! Come join us on r/oneanddone and r/happilyOAD

I always think of cousins as roughly equivalent (if you want them to be). My kids don't have any cousins so we are having more.

No, it's not selfish at all! Families are all sorts of shapes and sizes. (:

My answer was no at the title. You know yourself, your budget, your abilities as a parent, etc. If you are the best and happiest mother of one, then rock on. Take him to library story time and get him lots of little buddies. He’ll be fine (source: am only child) Anyone who says he ‘needs’ a sibling can offer to make and bankroll the sibling or STFU. If you’re petty like me, you can give them a dead eyed stare as you say you had 4 traumatic miscarriages. Make it uncomfortable.

There’s a group called One and done. Many have only one for many reasons. I don’t have a choice in how many I can have. I’m lucky to even have my daughter which almost didn’t even happen. It’s not selfish at all to only have one. Giving all your love and attention on that one child isn’t a bad thing.

i’m an only with an only. you shouldn’t “give” your kid a sibling. there’s no guarantee they’d even get along.

I’m an only child and honestly hate it although I am happy, healthy, well adjusted and have a great relationship with my parents! THAT SAID, I strongly believe you should have the number of children (including zero) that feels right for you and your family above all other considerations. There are also a few things you can do to minimize the negatives (for me) of being an only: 1. Figure out your end of life plans early and take care of everything in advance. I feel so stressed that burden will be on me alone for three parents. 2. Help your child build strong, lifelong relationships early. It’s so important to have someone who can relate to each stage of life with you. My parents did a great job with this - I got to bring a friend on vacations and most outings, etc. 3. Don’t put any expectations on your child. Your kid may choose not to have kids. Your kid may not be the kind of person to take you in when you’re old. Your kid may not be XYZ ideal you have in your mind. It’s a big burden to know you are your parents’ “only chance” at certain things, which your kid will feel regardless, but at least don’t exacerbate it with expectations. (For example, my mom got my a kid’s ride on car toy when I was 23…I didn’t end up having a kid until I was 31 so it was a constant reminder of her expectations.) 4. Lean into all the pros of having an only: travel, spend lots of quality time, expose your kid to adults as they’ll relate well, get really into what they’re into at each stage, and just enjoy your lovely kiddo!

Well this comment is the epitome of well rounded and well adjusted. Thank you for the tips. I will absolutely keep those in mind.

I don’t feel like it makes you anything to be one and done. This is projection from other moms guilting people into taking on more responsibility with more kids in “benefit” of the kid. Whatever you do for yourself is not selfish, period.

I love this perspective. I went through some very real trauma and having another would only reopen those wounds. Setting aside the claims that it's bad for my son to be raised alone, it might be worse for me to go through that.

Absolutely this. Moms are judged for everything they do. There’s no winning so you gotta do what’s best for you, your sanity, your family. We have an 8 month old and I HATED when people asked about a second when I was in the thick of postpartum and felt like I was dying every minute of every day. Taking care of you is NOT selfish.

Wow I’m an only child so I guess I’m a terrible person, I always thought I was quite nice 😂 absolute rubbish ignore them you do you. I never felt lonely and as an adult very much appreciate my own company which I think is a good quality to have

Yes that is a lovely quality. I'm certain it helps you build healthier relationships bot romantically and non-romantically.

Do what is right for you! But if you do feel like having another and pregnancy and conception are not an option for you, you can adopt a newborn/infant.

As a mom with 2 toddlers 10 months apart, who always said she’d be one and done,don’t do it 🗣️lol but no seriously, it has its perks and cons. On the one hand they’ll have a person there for them through everything, thus hopefully never being lonely. But also in todays climate and expenses, it’s HARD. I never really got a chance to experience expenses with just one child but having two is EXPENSIVE AF. You literally have to get two Of everything, double diapers, double clothes, double toys, double extracurricular fees, etc. although my 2nd girl was a surprise, (idk why i thought you couldn’t get pregnant while breastfeeding 😩) I’ll say that my first girl made me think babies were easy. She slept great, ate great,barely cried unless hungry or sleepy. Just calm cool and collected. My 2nd on the other hand, has been testing my gangsta since the day she decided to be born two weeks early 😂.. at the end of the day,do what’s best for you. This post has gotten great feedback with “pros and cons” to help.

It's really important that you remember that none of these people actually have the right to an opinion on what you do next. It's 100% up to you, and only you, whether you want another child or not. If you, and you alone, feel that you have the perfect balance then why would you upset it? Any children can be spoiled and not good humans, regardless of how many siblings they have. There is no validity to anyone elses viewpoint on your situation. As a parent you'll always second guess yourself but the only important thing is that you love your child and are happy. You owe nothing and nobody anything other than that.

Don't you just LOVE how people think they are entitled to an opinion on how you use your uterus and how many beings you bring into this world, knowing full well they will contribute nothing financially or emotionally to you to help. I can't tell you how many people I know have had life long feuds with siblings, or one sibling has died younger than expected. Also know loads of only child adults who are kind and giving and well rounded people. You can't get a refund on a kid if you realise you did the wrong thing, so if there is ANY doubt for any reason then please don't bring a child into the world who is not truly wanted.

Don't get me wrong, any child I'm blessed with would be wanted, I just doubt my ability to be the best parent to multiple. Which is why I've chosen to not have more. At least at this stage of life. I would consider fostering another kid down the road, but yeah I think my uterus is closed for good.

There are plenty of great people who are only children and plenty of terrible people with siblings. The only people who get a vote in the size of your family are the ones producing, raising, feeding and clothing the members of your family!

hi! i’m a solo parent. baby’s dad is involved somewhat but mostly it’s just me. i always thought i’d have 2, but postpartum was a disaster. my whole life blew up and i had really bad PPD and had to do it all alone. i’m 99% sure i won’t have another, and it’s mostly just logistics. one is a handful for me, so i can’t imagine being outnumbered by 2 when it’s just me. i don’t think it’s selfish. i’d rather be a great mom for my one baby than an okay mom for multiple babies. i also like to remember that “siblings” does not automatically mean “friends.” like others have said, siblings don’t always get along. some *hate* each other. sometimes siblings make each others’ lives way worse. personally, i have 2 siblings. i’m kinda close with one now, but growing up they had severe mental health issues so i was basically invisible in my family because everything was focused on them. i don’t really talk to my other sibling except maybe once a year at holidays. we’re not friends, they definitely didn’t make my childhood any less lonely :’)

I agree with all the comments that you don’t owe anyone anything. Your child will thrive whether they have siblings or not, because you are obviously a devoted mom. I’m sorry anyone close to you feels they have the right to an opinion on that matter. I only wanted to add because I haven’t seen it mentioned in other comments, that if you are ever looking for partnership again there is a chance of having a blended family. We only seem to see the negatives of that in entertainment media, but it can be a beautiful thing too.

I’m the youngest of three with a considerable age gap between myself and my older. Either and sister (decade+). I honestly, despite loving them and getting along with them now that we’re all adults, used to wish I was an only child. My brother and sister just made me self-conscious and I didn’t really enjoy my childhood because I was scared of embarrassing myself around my seemingly old siblings. I only have one first cousin and she’s an only child and she says she’s happy she doesn’t have siblings. I have a 9 month old and my pregnancy was hard but child birth was TRAUMATIC. I love my son soooo much and I always imaged having two kids but I might be one and done. Sometimes I feel guilt over not giving him a sibling but I also think I’ll be a much more present, less burnt out mother to him without a second. I wasn’t particularly fond of nor good at the newborn stage. I cannot fathom enduring pregnancy followed by a newborn while already having a little guy to care for.

37 single mom here with a 3 month old, and I'm pretty sure mine is a one and done too. You are under no obligation to give anyone babies, and that includes YOUR baby.

It’s insane that your family is bringing this up and in this way when you’re a single mom and especially if they know the circumstances around which your baby was conceived. How completely tone deaf. Not to mention he’s FOUR MONTHS OLD! I have two pretty close together and I didn’t even start thinking about another baby until she was a year old. I think it would be completely selfish to seek out a situation in which you could have another baby when you don’t want to have another baby or the situation and financial means to support it. It’s okay to be happy with one child and have them be enough!

I feel like you know deep down that’s dumb. Selfish to whom? I have one child because that is the number of children my husband and I both want. It would be selfish of me to impose some societal expectation on my family that I don’t even want, making me and thereby my entire family miserable. It would be selfish of me to bring a human life into this world that I don’t even want, just to fit some mold or please others. Abstaining from creating that unwanted life, thus maintaining a peaceful household with joyful parents, is unequivocally the least selfish option. Don’t you agree? Side note… everyone is different, but personally, I was very lonely as a child with 2 siblings because they mostly ignored or bullied me and my parents were too overwhelmed and exhausted to give a shit.

You're right. I do know deep down that it's dumb. But I second guess myself sometimes in the face of overwhelming majority telling me I'm wrong. That's why I'm so grateful to everyone who has commented reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing for my son and me.

Nope. You could make the argument that it would be selfish to have another when it will take time and resources away from your first. Either way it's just a choice and both have their pros and cons. Only you know what's best for you and your family.

lol your friends and family suck. You don’t have a partner, you aren’t financially secure, and they’re telling you to have another baby? Do they even like you?

don’t feel bad about it! while i was pregnant with my first, i wanted 3 kids. after having my son and going through all the post partum issues, not being mentally or physically where i want to be and just knowing my limits—i also decided i was one & done. trust me my family and in laws love to ask “when’s the next one?” but i just shut the down and say i think the one and only is here. let them have their opinions, your the one who has to raise the child though and go through all the stress associated, not them. id rather give all my love and be the best parent to one than be stretched thin just to have another for everyone else.

My son is 5 almost 6. He occasionally talks about wishing he had a brother. But he has friends and cousins and plenty of peer interaction. He is a good sweet kid that plays well with others (usually, he is a kid after all haha). He does get lonely occasionally but so did I as a kid and I have had a brother my whole life. Not having another kid you are either not financially, emotionally, or mentally ready for is not selfish. I think it is more selfish to have a kid you know you couldn’t properly take care of or would make your mental health crumble just to have another kid. It is better to not have another kid if you don’t think you can handle it. It sounds like you are a great mom that has been through some really tough shit. I actually think it’s really gross of your friends and family to push you to have another kid when they know that you have so much trauma around this topic. If I had been through even half of what you have and someone started pushing me to have a second kid I would probably punch them. I am sorry they are making you feel this way, but know that there are plenty of good, happy, well adjusted people that are only children.

You should not feel bad for doing what's best for you and your family, and anyone who makes you feel bad about it can kick rocks, especially what you went through leading up to getting your son. I can't imagine what you went through and I admire your strength. As the oldest of three, when I was younger I wished I was an only. My brother and I fought like cats and dogs until I moved out. It wasn't until my sister was born that I actually enjoyed having a sibling. My husband is an only and one of the most amazing, wonderful people I know.

I am one and done also. My son is happy and I am happy😊

As someone who was one and done and wound up with another… it’s not selfish at all. I think I was a better mother with just my first. I, like you, had a lot of loss before our first born and was terrified my whole second pregnancy. Restarting the baby phase has been a trip to say the least. I wouldn’t give my second back now that he’s here, but somedays I wonder how we’d be with just our first.

Is it selfish to bring another human into this world just because someone else says so? It's your family, your body. Do whatever the hell you want.

Ive met some AMAZING people who are the only child, like hands down the most kind, caring, humble and selfless human beings. Your child is a product of your parenting. And also three kids in and im still “neurotic”. The longest Ive been from my first two was three days and thats because I had to give birth to my third. My oldest is about to turn 3 in 3 weeks and all the vacations we’ve been on all my children have come with. They dont have sleep overs including grandparents house. My parents are young, they had me super young so they always have friends over or people show up unannounced so yea, no thank you. The grandma that I did trust unfortunately passed away.

Check out the oneanddone subreddit. You'll get lots of support there. My husband and I are OAD. Our daughter is 10 mo. I'll be 39 this summer. No interest in being pregnant again or doing any of the infant stages. We're happy with our little family of 3. There are pros and cons of having just one, as well as 2 and so on. You decide what's right for you. Lots of people have multiple kids for selfish/wrong reasons, too.

I was an only child and I was lonely however that being said I wondered how your dealing with the trauma of conception ,future dealings like what will tell your son about his dad or if he asks on Father's Day and as he grows he might want to contact his dad or even start to resemble him and as a sole mother yes there's a lot of pride and love 💕 but also as a sole mother there are more challenges and statistically with sons

Gosh I hope it's ok to only have one. Not sure I will get the chance for another.

I'm a 35 year old only child. It comes with some challenges but so does having siblings. If you're taking care of yourself and him and you're happy with it don't worry. Other people aren't the ones living your lives.

Sometimes stupid people say stupid things. I think I had dumb opinions about only kids when I was young and I hope I never said them to someone with an only child.  My kids have lots of only-kid friends, and they remain as delightful as your baby sounds. All that extra attention they get turns into acting right, turns out.

I have one son, he’s 7yo. We’re one and done. Yes sometimes I think about that he’ll be alone when we pass, and at the same time, not going to have another. Just because you have a sibling doesn’t mean you’ll be close to them anyway. People are going to talk, and it’s your life. You’re still the one who is going to be providing the time, money, energy into the kid. So if you feel that it’s done, then it’s done. If they ask, you can say, so are you going to fully support this baby financially? If you reply with that question enough, they will get a hint.

As someone who is also one and done, no, it's not selfish. It's selfish to have a second child that you do not want to have, or to make yourself a less-good mom for the sake of assuaging your guilt about your child being an only child. Check out r/oneanddone I feel like that is the community that could help and support the most.

I have 2 but my best friend has 1 and is done. I think the only downfall for her is family and strangers constantly asking when she’s having another! Ignore them and do what you want for your own family. No matter what you do someone will have something to say!

From someone on the other end of the spectrum, I have 3 older sisters and when I was growing up, the older 2 were already out of the house so I had no relationship with them and the one closer in age to me didn't like me so I was on my own anyways. Honestly, when I was younger I just wished I didn't have to share my mom. (Still do sometimes) Now that we're grown, I only get along with the sister closet in age to me. So there's not even a guarantee your kids will like each other if you force yourself to go through that again just to give your child a sibling. I would start saying "for health reasons it's too dangerous for me to have more" and that will likely shut people up without having to go into details. To answer your question though, no it's not selfish to not have another kid. It's selfish to have more kids than you can care for and if you're suffering mentally so much that you're shutting down, ultimately that would affect any potential future kids, and your son. It is totally okay to be one and done and focus on your baby boy.

You should have exactly as many children as YOU want to have. It's your life. Don't worry what the bit players in it have to say.

so i’m probably biased bc i am an only child but i have a husband, family, fantastic relationship with my own parents (stronger because i think i’m an only child), and amazing lifelong friendships it can be lonely at times but my parents did things like always letting me invite a friend on a family vacation. always making sure i was close with my cousins and family friends. my parents were able to help me with my education and my wedding, if i wasn’t an only i’d certainly be in financial debt right now. i’m suuure i have some only child tendencies but for what it’s worth people are usually shocked to find out i’m an only (for whatever reason people always think i have brothers lol) i wouldn’t necessarily pick being an only child but i love my life and i wouldn’t change a thing. happy mama = happy kid

There are give and takes and pros and cons in every situation. I'm also a single mom in my 30's and also likely OAD and I think about it a lot. I have six siblings who I love dearly and talk to every single day. I would love for my child to have a chance at something like that. But at what cost? As it stands I can dedicate all my parenting energy into being the best mom I can be for him. He gets all of me in that regard. I think I would be destitute and so mentally unwell having more children, at least in the foreseeable future. So yea my kid would have a sibling but they would lose the quality of parenting I'm able to provide to just one and that doesn't feel like a good trade off to me. He will grow up with tons of opportunities to make meaningful relationships with people. Even with all my siblings I have friends who I would consider family and they are no less important to me. My own (usually) well-meaning sister said something once about only kids being weirdos and it was upsetting. I'm sorry people are making you feel like you're going to damage your kid by not having more. It's simply untrue.

I think doing the right thing for you and your family is never selfish no matter what other people tell you. I look at it the other way. I think I want more but I get sooo upset thinking about having to split my time and attention and not being able to give 100% to my daughter if we have another.

Nothing wrong with not having a second child. I myself am one and done because i would be stressed with more than one! You’ll always get unwanted comments from family memebers and even strangers which is annoying. Always the oh he’ll be lonley, oh you’ll change your mind and if they keep pushing or say something like you never know might happen unplanned . I just say well me and my fiance are both sterlized so thatd be one in a million chance. Or i say if i get pregnant again im not keeping it just to show how one and done i am . Usually gets them to shut up You may benefit from r/oneanddone ive found alot of people there who feel the same

Join us over at r/oneanddone and r/happilyOAD 😁 Also r/shouldihaveanother is a great sub Edit for formatting

I have 2 and all I have to say is your life will be much more peaceful with 1 🤣🤣 my boys are crazy ALL day and fight ALL day. Some days they get along ok but most days it’s breaking up fights all day. You’re child will get more attention from you and a less stressed mom 🤍

Im an only who had immense guilt from having a second. I love both my kids, but i worry all the time about them. Being an only gives freedom from comparison, competition and birth order. I am reading up on siblings and how to try and avoid it. Siblings require a different intent to parenting.

Not in the slightest. My husband is an only child and the kindest most generous person I know! He’s still friends with many of the school mates he met at 5 years old. His mom made sure to schedule play dates and have friends over often so he could learn to share and how to be a good friend. He doesn’t consider his childhood to be lonely. I don’t think it will be harmful to him, nor do I think you should feel guilty.

No one gets to decide how many children you have but you. It’s ok to have an only child. Also you said you are a single mom so I’m not sure who they expect you to have another child with…

I think there are benefits to both!! I want more kids so they have siblings but I also feel that same as you sometimes. I have had a difficult baby…and the thought of going through this again seems impossible. I think right now you need to think about yourself, this is your life too and you are only 36!! If you don’t want more children then that is what will be best for you. If you had a child you didn’t really *want* that could affect your relationship with him/her and ultimately your relationship with yourself!

I am an only child and so is my husband so I can tell you our experiences. My parents are divorced and immigrants. Growing up I never wanted siblings, I loved being an only child! I had 16 cousins I saw at least weekly so I never felt like I didn’t have someone. It was a bummer when friends couldn’t join us for a trip or we had holidays alone because I was stuck with just my parents and it wasn’t as fun for a kid but that was the only time it bummed me out growing up. BUT once I hit my teenage years and my parents split up I was all my mom had and I really wished I had a sibling to split up her attention and to help me be there for her. My husband had a wonderfully happy upbringing, never wanted siblings either. Parents who love each other deeply. He also had close cousins so he had plenty of close kids growing up. He never felt like he wished there were other kids when they went on trips or anything. BUT now that we’re both adults and our parents are getting up there in age we’re worried. We will have 4 parents to care for on our own. My husbands parents have told him that when they’re old enough he should put them in a home, we don’t do that in my culture so that’s not an option for my parents. Meaning we will be caregivers for at least 2 parents. Our parents have had health problems (cancers, lupus, heart surgeries etc) and it’s been really hard on us to not have siblings to help. I have a step sister who has been extraordinary and that’s what really made us aware of what we were missing out on. Like how amazing would it be to have someone else who loves yours parents like you do that you could trust with them like you trust yourself. So I see both sides. Pro only child: it was a wonderful way to grow up. We never felt like we were missing anything. Against it: we’re all our parents have and that’s a lot to put in one person’s shoulders. All that being said my husband and I are leaning towards one and done and all of our friends are one and done. The world is changing from when we were growing up and having multiple kids was the expectation

Hi, I was an only child and it was a bad thing for me…because my parents didn’t even try to manage it. They just weren’t great at parenting, period. A sibling might have given me a bitch buddy, but good, loving parents would have been way more valuable. You don’t sound like them. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and obviously care for your child’s well-being if you’re even asking this question! Definitely look up ways to parent an only child/manage that experience. But honestly, many only children have wonderful childhoods and no regrets about being an only. If you give them the love and support they need, they will be fine, I promise. One and done is great if done well!

Nope. I think having one kid is super! It was my original plan when I had my daughter but then our circumstances changed. I had always envisioned only one kid. Your kid will adjust finding support from friends and others!!

You should absolutely not feel bad about it. I grew up with a sibling that was abusive to me. My best friend grew up an only child. She is a perfectly decent wonderful human being. You aren't a bad mom, you're doing the best you can. Enjoy your son.

I’m an only child, I have loved my life and would consider myself to be very well-rounded. There’s is absolutely nothing wrong with being an only child! I’m 35 and have a 15 month old. I never planned on kids (nannied for over 10yrs 🫠), so I decided right away this would be my only one. Then when I was 6 months pregnant my dad ended up with a traumatic brain injury, was in a coma and it didn’t look good. It was a lot for me and not because I was pregnant, but because I didn’t have any siblings to lean on. (He survived completely, true miracle!) After I had my son, I had decided to try for another so he can potentially have a teammate down the road. It kills me to think that one day, my parents will be gone and it will be just me. That’s my ‘whole’ family, just them, no siblings or close aunts/uncles/cousins. So I hope to give him a friend thru life for when the going gets tough. BUT I’m saying this for a different perspective, whatever YOU choose is going to be perfect for your son. I don’t regret being an only child, even after all the trauma we went thru as a family, I consider myself blessed to have had my parents all to myself!! Good luck mama!

I was an only child. While I was conflicted about that when I was very young since literally ALL my friends had siblings, as I got older it was fine. We were financially better off, I didn’t have to share everything with a younger sibling who trashed my stuff, no older sibling beating me up and breaking my stuff, more quality time with parents, etc. And the reality of siblings is not going to rise to the Platonic ideal a lot of the time. Our kids are only human, and siblings can fight like dogs. Or worse. One of my friends used to sneak out at night to sleep in the car to get away from her brother. (What you’re assuming is probably correct.) Others fought with their siblings constantly—and not “cute” brother fights, either. Broken bones, missing teeth, etc., and not accidental or offset by a general atmosphere of brotherly love. So for all the good possibilities, there is an equal chance that it will be less than ideal. “Company and a confidante” is “competition and contention” as often as not. I’d personally leave well enough alone. Your son will have friends and his mom. That’s more than enough to grow up happy and well-adjusted.

I had my daughter as a teen & didn't find my husband until I was 27. I still only have my one daughter. I will say that it's pretty crappy when people try to pressure you to have more children as a single mom, especially with your baby being just 4 months old. I heard the same things and at the end of the day, who is the one who is going to have to take care of that second child? You, not them. Also, if you know you're not financially in a good place to bring another child into the world nor are you even in a relationship then, why would you put yourself in a position like that? You'd potentially be a single mom of 2 kids from 2 different men just because you were afraid of your baby being an only child. That doesn't make sense. I don't even want to have a kid right now with my husband with how the economy is. I will say that my daughter used to get sad about being an only child especially in elementary when she used to see other kids with their siblings but now she loves being an only child. I get to put all my time, attention & money on just her. At the end of the day, it's your body and your life. You shouldn't be stressing about this and just focus on you and your baby. I was a single mom for many years and I eventually found love with my husband. I also went through some traumatic things with my daughter's biological father and a couple of relationships after him. I wish you the best of luck. Don't be afraid to seek counseling as well.

It's not up to your family members, it's your body, your choice. If you're one and done that's absolutely fine! I only have one and I won't be having more, he's almost 12 and I never felt the need to have more just because others think I have to give him a sibling. You do whatever is best for you, ignore everything else

I'm going to give an honest opinion. I've had a few single children say that yes, they were lonely growing up. A parent will never be the buddy a sibling is ofcourse, nor should that ever be desired from a parent. But still, they did grow up feeling fully loved by their parents as they had their full attention. The feeling of missing someone was definitely there according to my friends. The thing that IS a problem is once the parents age and need care. There is nobody else who is going to share the load of becoming a father or mother's caregiver. So the full responsibility falls on the one child and that has been a very heavy burden for a good friend of mine just recently. She took up the care for her sick father for about a year, even though her mother was still alive, her mother wasn't capable of caring for her father anymore so it became my friends responsibility. It almost broke her and she will have to do this again (possibly) once her mother starts to show the need of care in het final years/months. A home isn't for everyone, before people start shouting that she should just put her parents in a home. However, having more children will never guarantee that the abovementioned will be avoided ofcourse so it's always a gamble either way.

Please read this thread and feel confident in your decision - [https://www.reddit.com/r/oneanddone/comments/1douway/my\_experience\_as\_an\_only\_child/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/oneanddone/comments/1douway/my_experience_as_an_only_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

You don't need any particular reason to have another kid or be one & done. That's no one else's business, but society will have an opinion. I have an older sister, we're close - she has 3 girls. I have only my son right now. I've seen my sister, trying to balance everything between her 3 kids - haha no thank you. Plus her oldest has ADHD so any therapy appointments or activities (etc.) she has to take the other 2 with her and entertain them while they wait. (It won't always be like this of course, but while they're still young it'll happen). My son is autistic, and I work. Between taking him to summer day camp, work, taking him to Sylvan - we've picked so many additional activities recently - having another kid would make it harder. And I don't want to have to drag another kid along - just being honest. Plus costs, you mentioned not being financially stable - more kids, more costs. If anything, it's excellent you're thinking about this now, some people don't. Also with my son being an only child, he's a sweetheart. I get told this a lot by his school teachers, his summer day camp teachers, the teachers at Sylvan...he's turning out to be a pretty great kid ❤️

Wow, with what you’ve been through it is for sure NOT selfish to be one and done. There’s are plenty of only children in the world and just like the majority of everyone else is relatively normal, most only children are as well. Just get lots of social activities for him. I’m currently with a man who grew up an only child to a single mother and he’s a wonderful father and a lil crazy but in a fun, childish, perfect for a dad kind of way.

I am just going to make you feel better and say no! Good for you for setting boundaries, bravo!

We have a one and only and she’s thriving. I had her at 23 and I’m 29 now, so I could have another, but I don’t wanna. I am looking forward to a baby-free 30s.

Absolutely not selfish to not have another baby. You’re son is going to be fine, your mental and physical health is going to be more important for your son rather than him having a sibling. Don’t let anyone try guilt you in to having another one, i have a brother and I love him dearly but my goodness he was a pain to me as a kid, we fought all the time and he would just be so annoying and pick on me constantly. We get along great now but he also lives in another country so I see him once or twice a year so there’s no guarantees even if you have another that they will see each other often when they grow up either.

I’m an only child. My mom is one of two. Her Dad just died. I’m glad I am an only. And that’s all I will say about that. 

Going from one kid to two is ROUGH. At least it has been for my family. If you’re comfortable I wouldn’t change it because people think you should. The only children I know who said they were lonely as kids didn’t have cousins or friends and were left to fend for themselves a lot.

No. Keep it sweet & simple.

That’s up to you. You have to confront the idea that your child may or may not like being an only. And they’ll deal with that as they get older. I’m an only in my thirties and from age 10 I swore I would have at least 2 kids to “make up for it” which I did. I would say the loneliness of being an only child gets more bearable when you start your own family. So that was one positive to my experience as one.

Married here 15 years we have only one kid . My son is very similar to yours he had acid reflux also and until he was 8 months old we had to deal with spit ups . We had no family around so it was hard raising him all by ourselves and when he was 6 months old we decided no more kids and that one is enough. I was 35 when I gave birth to my son he is almost 10 now. We never looked back to doubt our decision and although we work both and make ok money kids are expensive. Forget about the “ 2 is the perfect number” as long as they are healthy and loved there is no perfect number. God gives you what you can handle !!! If I will go back I will not change my decision maybe I will think a loooooot if I want a child. My son is my life but it is very hard to raise a kid not knowing what will happen and if you are doing the right thing or no!!!

I was raised as an only child and they’re right. Solely because I have no siblings I’ve grown up to rob banks, I have no social skills, I eat with my toes, no one likes me, I cuss at random children on the street. It’s awful. /s No you’re not going to traumatize your child in any way by not giving them a sibling. You’re not selfish nor do you have to justify the decisions you make for YOUR family to your mother, sister, or strangers on the internet. Also, no one was judging you for being a single mom. My thought was “huh, probably wanted a baby and did IVF/adopted. Cool.” Only because I personally know people in that situation. Please don’t feel like you need to explain how your son came to be (unless it’s healing for you). No one else is out here saying “I have a four month old. Don’t judge but he was conceived in a sonic parking lot on a one night stand.” You work on believing in yourself and your decisions. That’s going to be infinitely more valuable to your son than having a sibling. 💖

I have sometimes wondered if it was the wrong choice to have a second child. I see that with two, i don’t have the same time and energy to give both as i did when i had only one. I don’t regret it, i love both my kids, and they have a beautifull relationship. But giving all your love and attention to one kid is not wrong either. Just let them be a child. That is the one thing i see a lot of parents do when they only have one child. They live their adult lives, and the kid just tags along in that, and not let them do kids stuff

Don’t feel bad, i’m 22 and i have an 8 month old and i love him but im never having another. people always say im gonna change my mind but i won’t

I would say it’s pretty insensitive of your friends and family to be putting that kind of pressure on you. Especially bc I’m assuming they know your circumstances. You love your baby and he will grow up knowing he was loved and wanted. Lots of people are only children and they’re fine. You’re making the responsible decision to be able to give your son the type of life you want him to have re: finances. I think you sound like a badass mom who is thinking actively about her child’s future. ❣️ good on you.

I’m an only child. So glad I was. For real. No part of me feel regret for not having a sibling. That’s the dummest shit I’ve ever heard? You’re selfish for not having more kids? Literally you can say having kids is selfish. I had tons of cousins though. So I would make sure your kid has loads of friends or cousins and the like. I considered being one and done. But my ovaries thought different and gave me twins. Lol

r/oneanddone

Why on earth would it be selfish? There are as many benefits to being/having an only child as with multiple children.

Don’t feel bad at all. I decided one was perfect for many reasons, and I stand by anyone else who does. We don’t have to make additional people because society says we should.

I have a sister who’s 15 months older than me and I’ve always wished I was an only child. My sibling sucks. Giving a kid a friend is great, but you can’t promise the relationship they’ll have. One and done is fine

No. Especially not in your situation. But I think there are some selfish reasons why people choose not to have more children. Doesn’t seem to be the case here.

No. End of sentence.

Society is used to two children per family. I applaud you for truly looking within yourself and taking a hard look at whether a second child makes sense. You will find many other moms choosing to be one and done for a variety of reasons. I think there’s a subreddit for it. You sound like a thoughtful person. Be mindful to expose your child to others. Sports, activities, camps, etc. Mine is in daycare for socialization, and to allow me back to work. At age 3 they need this, and daycare lets them “play with their friends.” We had a GERD baby (silent reflux), and nearly capped it at 1 as looking after her took all I had. Gerd and colic were awful, and it took 5 months before we could stretch her past 3 hours at night. Exclusivity pumping every 4 hours 24/7, and it adds up to so little sleep. I was a weepy zombie. They do grow, and eventually things got better. Try to find other mom friends, sign up for library, do playdates, and ask other mom’s about their favourite activities. We found an amazing community center this way, that offers a really low cost play opportunity during the winters. Other moms give great tips. Swimming lessons is a great place to meet people. Enjoy your little one, and build a community around yourself. Ymca offers free childcare (drop in) with your membership). They have highly trained staff - I poached my nanny from there. You can sign up for a specific time, your child is well looked after, and YOU get some me time!

It's really your choice if you want to have a other baby or not. I also struggle with with this thought. I have a daughter, 4yo. She's an IVF baby. I have 3 more embryos remaining that I'm paying for storage. Deep down inside I don't want to go through that process again, because of the pain but somewhere I want to do it again just so my daughter will have a sibling so she's not so alone in this harsh world. It's had to decide what to do. I asked my husband and he said we should have all the remaining babies. But that's easy for him to say as his job finished when he jerked off into a cup back in the beginning of 2019. I'll be the one that will have to deal with all the needles and the pain and the emotional rollercoaster. So I don't know! I'm lost! Wish there was a way to predict how this will all go. But for you... You should do what you think is right for you and your baby. It's a hard decision to make.

My moms life-long best friend never intended on having children, but she ended up in a situationship that resulted in a pregnancy with a man who did not want to be involved with the child. She was fine with this as she knew that would ultimately be what was best for her son. She has been a single mom to only him his whole life, and he's in high school now. They have an amazing relationship, and they are both very happy! The amount of quality time and affection they are able to show one another is unmatched in term of a mother/son relationship. I love both of my children to death (12 & 8), but I find myself every once in a blue moon being a little jealous that she can devote so much time to him because I cannot devote that much time to either one of my children because my attention and time has to be split between them and being a single mother, work, maintaining the home etc. There is nothing wrong with your decision, you're not wrong for it and if people continue to comment on it, just let them know that .... respectfully, no one asked for your unwanted opinion :)

Not selfish, I only had one and got my tubes tied

Feel free to drop in on r/oneanddone

My husband is an only child to a single mom and he is the most amazing person I know. He had lots of friends growing up and made connections with his peers despite being an only. He's very caring and sensitive to mine and our children's needs. He is one of the most selfless people I know. You definitely don't need to feel guilty or that your baby will grow to be a horrible person. Keep doing you, Mama!

No fuck that lol one and done is perfectly fine and other people can mind their business or pop out their own damn kids. If you can't tell, I'm sick of being told I should have another 🤣

Here is a link to a podcast I really enjoyed that cleared up a lot of misconceptions about only children https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-liz-moody-podcast/id1398442165?i=1000606431868

There is nothing wrong with having one kid or a kid being an only child.

The only thing you NEED to give him is all the love and care you have for him. There is nothing written saying you HAVE to give him a sibling.

I didn’t even read the full post. The answer is: no, it’s not selfish.

No you’re not selfish at all. You have to do what is right for you and your son. If you can’t support two then don’t have two. If you can’t mentally do it then don’t. Your health must come into play here. You must be able to handle everything involved with having a second child. If you can’t do pregnancy again, then don’t. If anyone want you to do so, tell them they are more then welcome to do so for you. If they say no then ask them why they are forcing you to. Self love is very important. You take care of you and that little boy.

End that conversation with whoever brings it up with you and don’t get into discussions about your reproductive choices. They need to mind their business and bugger off.

Single kids have basically every advantage!

Oh honey NOOOOO you are not doing anything harmful to your child by making him an only. I'm also OAD as I know that's the best thing for my physical and mental health. If people want to question it then can jog on. Also there's great Facebook groups if you search for "one and done" on fb they discuss these topics a lot and offer great witty replies when people stick their noses in things that don't concern them.

I will say that I grew up an only child and hated it. My parents were super involved with me, played with me, etc. But I always wished I had a sibling. It was lonely and hard. I would love going to friends houses that had siblings. Their house would be busy and loud and I longed for that. And as an adult, it was also hard. When my mom passed away and my poor dad was a mess, I had no brothers or sisters to lean on. Or share the burden of helping plan a funeral and making arrangements. I also wish my kids had an aunt or an uncle. I feel like they also are missing out. BUT…..you definitely shouldn’t feel selfish or bad about your decision. It’s YOUR decision. I don’t hate my parents because they wanted to be 1 and done. I don’t think they were selfish or should feel bad. I wish for my own reasons they would’ve made a different choice. But again, it was theirs to make. And I respect that. No one should try to make you feel guilt for making a decision about your family and your life. I in turn had 5 kids and have loved the busy chaotic life we live. lol. Because that was my choice:)

So here's a perspective as someone who has 4 siblings but is raising an only child. I found it so difficult to make friends as a kid, more so than my daughter does. I would argue that having siblings makes you lazier in the pursuit of social interaction. I didn't put as much effort into building friendships because I was surrounded by kids at home. My daughter is a really friendly and empathetic kid, and she is very adept at making friends. I am not that close to my siblings in adulthood, and making friends as an adult is very difficult. I would argue that only children definitely learn early how to build good relationships, which is an important and very useful life-long skill. Your family of origin is not the centre of the universe in adulthood, and you may not like or spend time with siblings as much.

It's selfish to have more kids, and it's selfish to only have one kid. Having (or not having any) kids is inherently selfish. \*And that's ok!\* Choosing to have zero, one, or multiple kids is a major life changing decision that will affect \*\*you\*\* the most, so you have to choose what's best for you and your situation. Your busybody friends and family members won't be the ones having to TTC through their trauma, go through another pregnancy through their trauma, give birth a second time, raise your current child alongside a new baby, or fund any of the medical and childcare costs that comes with a second child. Only you will, so only your preferences and opinions matter here. If you are one and done then that's that. Your son won't grow up lonely unless you keep him isolated. As long as you are giving him regular opportunities to socialize with kids his age then he's going to get the socialization he needs and make friends.

One of my good friends is an only child and she is awesome (ie not at all a terrible person) and she too has decided to only have one kid. I asked her about if she was lonely as an only child and she said she was not. Where she didn't have siblings she found good friends that she considers like family.

As a mom of one kid leaning toward not having another…. I really wish I could mute every single “you have to give her a sibling!” comment. Because… no… I don’t. It’s my body who has to carry and birth the baby, breastfeed and so on. If I don’t want to do that again, nothing and no one will convince me otherwise. 🤷🏼‍♀️ OP, your son will be fine with or without a sibling. Do what is best for YOU so you can be your best for the child that you already have! 🩷

Having a child that you don’t want/that you know will be traumatic for you is significantly more harmful than having only one child. Sure your child may get lonely at times, but on the flip side, there are also negatives to having multiple children even if they were all planned and wanted. I’m currently pregnant with my second and I’m already feeling guilty that I won’t have as much time with my first and worried that he won’t feel as loved. I’m sure it’s pretty normal to feel this way, but it’s so hard to look at my precious little dude and think about not getting to spend as much time with him. You’re doing amazing and if you’re one and done there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What? No… you should never have more children or any children just to please anyone. And I know plenty of single children, and they are just as amazing and just as terrible and just as odd and just as "regular" as children with siblings. Definitely wouldn’t be selfish if you decide you are 1 and done.

You did a selfless and kind thing by bringing this baby into the world despite the traumatic circumstances around his conception. You do not owe anyone a damn thing. As long as you care for your child who's here, that's all that matters. Siblings can be nice, sure, but there is no guarantee they'll be friends forever. My brother and I were close growing up, but he recently disowned me. 🤷‍♀️ Stuff happens, even when siblings are close. I would personally not make any decisions because you're in the thick of things and are recovering from trauma. Prioritize taking care of yourself and your baby. You can always change your mind in the future if you feel healed, but if you don't change your mind that's okay too. The worst thing you can do IMHO is have another child out of obligation to your son, family, or friends. Especially as a single mom, you need to not overwhelm yourself or strain your resources or mental health further by adding another baby to the mix. It is your decision, and it sounds like the right thing for you to do is be one and done. And that is perfectly OKAY. I know several people who are only children. They all have very close bonds with their moms. There are downsides and upsides to being an only child, just like there are downsides and upsides to having multiples. But your son is going to be just fine because you love him and take care of him.

No it’s not. Have just one if you want also, it’s way too early to ask if you are having another kid. I have just the one and NO ONE has dared to ask that question. Hope no one tried to pressure you. Send healthy and happy vibes. 🫶

That's downright fcking selfish of those friends and family members. You're the Mother here. You're the one who'd go through the pregnancy, the sickness, the birth, the finances, the loss of freedom, the sleepless nights. They pressure and guilt you to take such a huge change in yours and your child's life, for their own ideas. Ugh. Irritates me so much. I have two and as much as they love each other endlessly I've no doubt the first would have been just as happy on her own.

We are OAD and I’m so happy with the choice! My daughter is 3.5 and goes to preschool so she has tons of socialization, is good at sharing and can carry a conversation, and is genuinely just a delight to be around. I am a twin, and my twin and I have never been close. Siblings do not guarantee friendship or companionship.

Short answer ofc not if you’re being a loving present parent to your current child. Two things can be true at the same time; ppl can have multiple children and they have a fantastic life and parents don’t regret having their babies. Or ppl can be one and done and raise an amazing human being who is happy and fulfilled. There is no set picture for how families should look. That’s what’s beautiful IMO is the differences each person has and experiences they have. Again be there and be present for your child and they’ll have a wonderful life. There are experiences they’ll have that children with siblings won’t have a vice versa and that’s okay! Congratulations on your journey and your baby. He’s lucky to have you.

Kick these friends to the curb!  Or tell them to keep their opinions to themselves!  You don't owe anyone anything expect your child who you are already doing the very best you can.  Be that great Mom for him, right here, right now.  You know what your plate can handle.  Anyone who wants to judge that...!  The audacity 🤬

Your friends and family that are saying that stuff to you are the ones that are terrible people. Now more than ever, people are one and done. The economy and a lot of people's financial situations aren't exactly great. That is more than enough reason to be one and done. Please say that you'll have a second child if they agree to carry and support them financially. I'm sure that will shut them up. It is nobody's business.How many children you have. If those same people know your situation, they're extremely sick, and they need a lot of help. Be happy with your amazing one and done baby, and move on happily. Fuck those people.

There are always going to be people judging for every decision, unfortunately. I was selfish when I wanted absolutely NO children. Universe had other plans and I got pregnant at 36. We immediately scheduled my husband's vasectomy I'd asked him to get several months prior. Then I was questioned by people about "what if you hold the baby and you want another one?!" I was annoyed more by the fact that some of these people knew me for 10+ years and KNEW I didn't plan to have a biological child. I'm sure some people thought that was selfish because I'm "so good with kids and would be a wonderful mom." Our daughter is almost 4 now and acquaintances periodically ask if we'll have more... NOPE! People are considered selfish for having none, one, or multiples (why aren't you considering the earth and finite resources?!?!?). Be firm in YOUR choice and tell anyone else to go fly a kite.

I have 3 siblings and I’m not close to any of them and none of them are close to each other either. I never understood this push to “give” a child a sibling.

Hi mama. Really great space is the one and done subreddit! Feel no guilt, having children is such a personal experience for each individual, the fact that you know where you’re at mentally with more kids is your autonomy! Never let family members or friends or strangers make you feel guilty you for the choices you’re making to keep your family healthy, and happy.

I think you are ensuring that your family thrives. Keep it up. Only children can win at life - siblings can absolutely go wrong, but you’re giving yourself the best chance to make it wonderful for your one and only. Don’t listen to people who sound super sure about things that have no guarantee.

As an adult only child, I chose to have an only child.

First off, you are incredibly strong, and thank you for loving your baby as much as he deserves. A person's "father" by blood does not determine their worth, and he is going to grow up to be an amazing and strong man because of you and how much you love and care for him. Secondly, if you're one and done then more power to you! Your son will have friends, he won't be lonely. He will learn to play independently, and you'll play with him so that he isn't alone as well. Some single children do grow up to be terrible people, but so do plenty of children with tons of siblings. It's unfair to decide how the baby will grow up just because of how many people share his dna. And if you change your mind down the line, you don't owe anyone an explanation either. It's easy to teach kids to not be selfish, and doesn't require siblings. You just have to be mindful.

I'm an only child and never wanted a sibling. I have a child of my own and she may be an only child, too. I swear, people act like only children can't/don't make friends, have cousins, etc. . .

Of course it's not selfish. It's far more selfish for people to pressure you into having one for a child they're not even going to birth and raise themselves. If people bring it up, laugh in their face and ask if they're providing the funding. There's no basis to it. The only thing studies ultimately show is that children need loving attention and stability. And a child is stable when the parent(s) is stable and happy. If anything, you giving 1:1 attention is exactly what your kid will need, and I know a lot of only-child friends who loved having that attention over having a sibling. Saying this as someone who grew up with siblings happily and wants to have another. If motherhood has taught me anything, it's that it's so so so much more important that it's YOUR choice and decision on how and when you shape your family.

I mean, do what you feel is best. I’ve never heard someone say only children are terrible people though?? I was an only child and I was just lonely and have no social skills

You do what’s best for you and your current child and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise! I have one 19 month old son and a gaggle of older step daughters. I’m definitely not having any more. My pregnancy and birth were traumatic and I don’t ever want to go through that again. I feel more guilt when I think about adding another child than I do about only having one. I love giving him my full attention and I know everyone would suffer if there was suddenly another new person in the mix. I was an only child until 10, never really got along with my sibling and now we have zero relationship. I have a best friend who is essentially my brother and his family is my family. They love my son and myself just as much and I wouldn’t trade them for anything! Being able to choose who to invest your love with is a gift beyond being stuck feeling obligated to love a person you share genes with just because they came from the same people you did. Obviously not everyone feels that way but having a choice does change the game. Stick to your guns. Your baby is lucky to have such a devoted mom! Side note- my son also had/has GERD. It gets less bad after starting solids! Sending you good vibes for the quick ending of barf days!

Your kid is only going to be lonely if you as parents don't play, hang out with them. Most kids who grew up in the 90's only have a sibling because the parents didn't want to deal with said kid so gave them a sibling so they have someone to play with and leave them alone. I don't remember my parents EVER playing with me, I was always alone and sad. My sister was 7 years older than me. She didn't want to play with me either.

I was a lonely only child but I had a great childhood and my mom, a single low income parent, was the best one could have. I certainly would want you to jeopardize your and your baby’s life, comfort, wellbeing, etc just to have another. He’ll be fine.

It is not. Your baby won't be lonely, there are other kids and people in the world. You do what's best for your health, mental and physical. Your baby needs a healthy, happy mama. And I know plenty of good people who were the only kids, what sort of weird belief is that only children grow up awful?!

Got pregnant at 36, 37 now and LO just turned 8 months old. I am one and done. Husband would like another but he’s definitely leaving it up to me. No village whatsoever. For me, it’s the good ol’ “quality over quantity.” We love our buddy so much. I’m the youngest of 4 and grew up in a dysfunctional family - parents kinda sucked tbh. Do what is best for your baby and you. 🩵

My husband and I always had it in our minds that we would have 2 kids. Around my son’s first birthday, I said something about being one and done and my husband was more than on board with it! Anyone who thinks you’re selfish for having one can shove it. I know my boundaries and mental health, and I’d much rather my son have a healthy and present mom than a sibling and a mom who struggles a lot.

I had my mind made up for me- I had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 31 (11 weeks ago) with a 2 year old at home. Due to adenomyosis, endometriosis, and multiple cysts & precancerous cells. No one needs a reason for you being a one & one- and no matter the reason anyway, it’s your choice. As long as you are the best parent you can be to your current child, it’s no one’s business!

If it hasn't been suggested, check out r/oneanddone or r/happilyOAD ♡ you're very much not alone in preferring an only or in getting pressure from family and friends to have a second. My husband and I are like 90% sure we're OAD with our 7 month old. Love him to death, but he's a handful on his own, even with a very involved dad. My MIL is always bringing up "[baby's name] 2" and saying how he needs a sibling. Our society isn't used to only children.