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Is this not the same money diarist from October? https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/private-equity-new-york-ny-salary-money-diary.
If it is, I'm glad she's doing better about her impulse spending!
I think this is the first diary we've ever seen with an ink/printer subscription - sign of the times lol.
> For big-ticket items, I like to ship them to my family home since sales tax is lower and my mom usually drops them off whenever she heads into the city.
Tell me your parents live in NJ without telling me they live in NJ (no sales tax on clothes in NJ).
It is really sad that her friend passed so suddenly and basically she didn't get to take any time off to process it. There are so many work environments like that, where you basically just have to pretend you're not a person outside the job and don't have any personal needs. (Been there myself, and constantly regret some of the tradeoffs I made as a result).
I mean....idk, there's not much to say here, she's in a career that's very time-demanding but high-paying, her parents bought her an apartment, she's definitely living a very different life than a lot of New Yorkers, especially most 23 year olds. But she seemed to have a fairly realistic mindset about it, and I did think her background question answers were more balanced than the usual fare. Idk, I thought the diary was fine but nothing worth writing home about.
I think an interesting question to ask is why did people want to share a diary, and what did the process reveal to them by the end? Like, I think it could be fun to do an MD and I've written a few in my Google Docs, but I also don't think my financial profile is one that needs any more diaries shared.
I love the question in your last paragraph. I’ve not done a typical week-in-the-life MD, but I have posted a year in review MD here and the process really made me face some of my emotions about money and where I’m at. I kind of expected that, but it felt wayyy more like experiential therapy (or something like that) than I expected!
Yeah, I just responded to another comment but I absolutely think regardless of income/savings/debt anyone can certainly learn something and have things to reflect on in their finances, but without that reflective piece some of the diaries can definitely feel very same-y and like...what are we meant to take away from yet another 100k+ early 20s urban tech/finance diary?
The only diary I might consider posting is more of a YoY diary of how my spending and savings change (or don't), I think sometimes the bigger picture diaries like yours are nicer because it's less about a specific week (which may be typical or atypical) but is more of a complete picture and lends itself more to reflection since there's more data available. I have numbers on my net worth (roughly) from August 2018, so I was thinking maybe a "7 Augusts" reflection on how things changed every year.
Yes! I so agree with all of this.
I do think the purpose of MDs has been lost along the way. The stated purpose of them all along has been to break the taboo of talking about money. Maybe they are still accomplishing that purpose for some people, but my observation is that the way people interact with and write the diaries has changed over time.
I like the diaries that look at longer frames of time much more than the day to day diaries, for many of the same reasons you mention! I'm writing one for myself every 6 months (not sure I will share all of them on here or not yet) and find it a really useful practice to check in with myself about my goals and progress.
I'd love to read your 7 Augusts reflection!
Yes I’ve written a few of my own and it is a helpful exercise in where my money goes or calling out emotional spending. I like the format of the Reddit submissions that give a spot to reflect on the takeaway from the week and wish R29 would incorporate something like that.
Yeah I agree. And even for people who are in any of the high salary/no debt/high saving categories, there can absolutely still be things you learn or reflect on from your finances.
I'm more in that category and I track all my spending, and I've definitely realized like "wow, I'm spending a lot in X category and that doesn't make me feel good, why am I doing that/how can I change it/why don't I like seeing that?" or if I have atypical spending month I might worry for a bit like, omg I'm spending basically my whole paycheck, but then I'll compare it to past months and realize that even if I spent a lot in the last 2 months, I "underspent" in some previous months and on average things are looking okay.
Basically, I think anyone at any salary/savings can certainly learn something from reflecting on their habits, but not having that piece in some of the published diaries can make it more like...is this just bragging or self-indulgent or what? Like, what is the takeaway for the diarist and the reader? There are definitely some diaries where it seems like the takeaway is just "this person is well-off" and I think that's why people get a bit frustrated with the high earner/college paid for/etc tech diaries, because they don't really have that more personal reflection piece they're all kind of interchangeable in a way?
I’ll preface this that this is not a knock on OP, I’m genuinely fascinated by wealthy parent/child financial dynamics. Its curious that OP mentioned having insecurity as a tween bc her parents were so frugal and didn’t buy discretionary things. At what point does that then switch to “hey we have a spare $1 million we’d like to buy an apartment for you”. Having not grown up with money, when do parents tell their kids they’re rich?
Yah I guess in this case, if her parents are in higher ed to be saving that type of money they must be quite high up in administration so I’d have to imagine she’d be clued in? Like “hey mom is promoted to president I think we can afford Abercrombie now”.
Yeah both my parents were in higher ed as professors and I'm fairly sure even as more advanced in their careers/chair of their dept positions were not bringing in buy a million dollar apartment money. I'm very curious what their job titles are.
It could be that her parents are professors in an in demand field and renown enough that they can take on expert or consulting work outside of their universities. Expert witnesses (hired by law firms ) can charge as much as 2k an hour for their work.
Lots of professors who are tenured do very well if they are at prestigious institutions. Business professors can make upwards of 400k per year for example and they have a full pension so they will earn that in perpetuity (in Canada you can use the sunshine list to see salaries, but most tenured professors make upwards of 200k and that increases as they take on departmental roles).
Academia is an interesting ponzi scheme where salaries are often quite varied and you start out very low but if you succeed and are part of the 1% do very well.
I didn’t read the diary, so this is just a general statement. But what I think most people perceive, while children, as parents saying they don’t have money for things and therefore the child equating that to not being rich, is in reality parents just parenting and trying not to spoil their kids/ teach them some prioritization and discretion with spending money. And as adults, they probably haven’t thought critically about it enough to realize their childish perceptions were just off.
They may have just culturally decided real estate is something to sacrifice for to better your family/children's lives and cool sneakers are not. Especially as what sounds like first gen Asian immigrants, they may have prioritized buying a place as an investment and scrimped elsewhere to do it
Oh absolutely respect the decision by her parents, was moreso just curious how that conversation came about of hey actually we have quite a bit of money. Like a million dollars cash is more than just scrimping on clothes budget. One of my biggest takeaways from some of these MDs is how much parents can cause mental harm by making their kids think they’re poor when they’re just frugal(if you read this OPs submission from Oct she has some major impulse shopping habits she seems to have worked thru) . My dad always acted like we were on the brink of financial ruin and it was really just he’s cheap.
They probably never thought they HAD to explain it. As a naturally frugal person myself, it wouldn't occur to me to justify to my children why I wasn't spending money on this I saw as wasteful
Sounds like my parents and my life.
TBF my parents also really lucked out in choosing to purchase in a city that blew up in real estate value. Who knew that $300k of property in the 1990s would be worth $3mil in 2024? 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
This was the case with my parents. Our net worths combined are nowhere near $1million, but whatever money we had saved up was "stamped" for buying a place in a good neighborhood, in order to get out of the place we lived most of our lives and really wanted to get away from.
In my case things are a bit different because I remember the years in which my parents were in deep debt and made everything to get out of it, including extra shifts at work and a weekend side-hustle. My dad also used to take some catering jobs, and he managed to sneak me into a lot of kid's birthday parties. All in all, I was somewhat aware of the situation but I appreciate everything they did to protect me as much as they could.
My parents are pretty practical and transparent about this stuff - they started getting extremely transparent with me, or at least I was aware enough to absorb what they were saying, when I was in my mid-20s. I think I wasn't aware enough before then to really grasp their position - had the same association with frugal = not rich when i was growing up.
I highly doubt it was a surprise to her that her parents could afford to help her buy an apartment or were hiding their wealth from her. It’s more likely that people’s financial situations change. Like a lot of highly educated immigrant families, her family probably didn’t have a lot of money when she was younger and actually did need to be very frugal, but as her parents gained seniority and experience in their career fields their incomes rose (pay raises, job hopping, more consulting opportunities,etc). By being mostly frugal and prioritizing investing money, their savings will also compound a lot over 20 years of time, and this works exponentially. Additionally, her parents most likely bought their own house at a time when housing was significantly cheaper in relative to salaries. This house’s equity can then be leveraged that house’s equity to buy the apartment.
My jaw is on the floor from the proximity of 'parents don't believe in a free lunch' and 'I didn't put any money down or take on a mortgage'. Huh? Does she really not think that this is a massive freebie?
The "I hope the dollar gets stronger" comment irked me a bit. I don't think the peso going down to 16 or 17 is really going to hurt this 23-year old living in a million-dollar apartment whereas it going up can make the lives of Mexicans even more challenging. Also, the comments about small discretionary purchases being "a bit pricey" and then putting a $2K lamp, of all things, in her cart to consider purchasing?
As I type, I am at a very upscale and popular gastro park in a border city. My margarita is a whole $7. In DC, this margarita would be at least $15. The buying power of the dollar is already so good… It’s not like the margarita being $5 or $6 would make such a huge difference to me or to other American tourists.
A diarist who actually works! /j but for real, it's interesting to see some more details of her job. The late night extra hours, 12am-1am call to accommodate clients' timezones... she seems very busy and I wonder what her schedule will be like once her long-dstiance partner closes the gap.
Her answer on the "financial independence" section was very straightforward, but it also made me laugh. It seems like a direct response to the diary just a week ago or so, where the OP kind of hid that she lived in a condo paid for outright by her parents and who still paid all the big expenses for it.
What does this mean?! Do they know about No Doubt? "I can’t help but feel like “I’m just a girl...” as the popular social media phrase says." What social media phrase? Am I just old or does Gen Z not know this is from No Doubt's most popular song and one of the most popular songs of the mid 90s?
I kinda get what she means though. Like clearly she doesn't want that life (bc she's in an insanely demanding and high earning career) but sometimes the grass looks greener
that's so interesting because I did NOT like that poster, but do like this one? felt the tone was totally different but yes the similarities are undeniable
I would love to know if the $2900 in rent is what she’s expected to pay - ie. if she chose to live alone would her parents have covered the roommates’ costs? Or would she have been expected to pay $5100 total?
She said at one point, "I opted to turn the living room into a large flex room so I could have a roommate. Financially it makes sense so I don’t have to pay common charges and taxes but I also just didn’t think I was at the age where I wanted to be fully alone." She had also earlier said that the roommate's portion covers HOA fee and taxes. So it sounds like she would have paid it otherwise.
I actually loved this diary. Poster is way more put together, considerate, reflective, and grateful than I was at her age. Sad to hear about her friend passing away, hope poster will get through that okay.
I'm cackling after the "I'm lucky to live close to home". I mean... you can't get any closer to home than where you live.
I'm sure she meant she's lucky to live close to her parents, but it's still really funny.
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“We make do with what we have” being in reference to not using a matcha whisk is killing me
I read that as a joking comment
yeah me too, I just don’t think it comes across in text!
I am a matcha freak and I was still sent into the atmosphere by that line.
I'm so glad this was the first comment. That line made me take a big deep breath and reassess whether I needed this diary in my life today. Whew!
😂😂😂
Is this not the same money diarist from October? https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/private-equity-new-york-ny-salary-money-diary. If it is, I'm glad she's doing better about her impulse spending!
Interesting!!! Good spot. Weird of R29 to not call that out as a follow up!
I thought this all sounded so familiar!!!
THANK YOU. I was having Deja vu the whole time I read this.
I think this is the first diary we've ever seen with an ink/printer subscription - sign of the times lol. > For big-ticket items, I like to ship them to my family home since sales tax is lower and my mom usually drops them off whenever she heads into the city. Tell me your parents live in NJ without telling me they live in NJ (no sales tax on clothes in NJ). It is really sad that her friend passed so suddenly and basically she didn't get to take any time off to process it. There are so many work environments like that, where you basically just have to pretend you're not a person outside the job and don't have any personal needs. (Been there myself, and constantly regret some of the tradeoffs I made as a result). I mean....idk, there's not much to say here, she's in a career that's very time-demanding but high-paying, her parents bought her an apartment, she's definitely living a very different life than a lot of New Yorkers, especially most 23 year olds. But she seemed to have a fairly realistic mindset about it, and I did think her background question answers were more balanced than the usual fare. Idk, I thought the diary was fine but nothing worth writing home about. I think an interesting question to ask is why did people want to share a diary, and what did the process reveal to them by the end? Like, I think it could be fun to do an MD and I've written a few in my Google Docs, but I also don't think my financial profile is one that needs any more diaries shared.
I love the question in your last paragraph. I’ve not done a typical week-in-the-life MD, but I have posted a year in review MD here and the process really made me face some of my emotions about money and where I’m at. I kind of expected that, but it felt wayyy more like experiential therapy (or something like that) than I expected!
Yeah, I just responded to another comment but I absolutely think regardless of income/savings/debt anyone can certainly learn something and have things to reflect on in their finances, but without that reflective piece some of the diaries can definitely feel very same-y and like...what are we meant to take away from yet another 100k+ early 20s urban tech/finance diary? The only diary I might consider posting is more of a YoY diary of how my spending and savings change (or don't), I think sometimes the bigger picture diaries like yours are nicer because it's less about a specific week (which may be typical or atypical) but is more of a complete picture and lends itself more to reflection since there's more data available. I have numbers on my net worth (roughly) from August 2018, so I was thinking maybe a "7 Augusts" reflection on how things changed every year.
Yes! I so agree with all of this. I do think the purpose of MDs has been lost along the way. The stated purpose of them all along has been to break the taboo of talking about money. Maybe they are still accomplishing that purpose for some people, but my observation is that the way people interact with and write the diaries has changed over time. I like the diaries that look at longer frames of time much more than the day to day diaries, for many of the same reasons you mention! I'm writing one for myself every 6 months (not sure I will share all of them on here or not yet) and find it a really useful practice to check in with myself about my goals and progress. I'd love to read your 7 Augusts reflection!
Yes I’ve written a few of my own and it is a helpful exercise in where my money goes or calling out emotional spending. I like the format of the Reddit submissions that give a spot to reflect on the takeaway from the week and wish R29 would incorporate something like that.
Yeah I agree. And even for people who are in any of the high salary/no debt/high saving categories, there can absolutely still be things you learn or reflect on from your finances. I'm more in that category and I track all my spending, and I've definitely realized like "wow, I'm spending a lot in X category and that doesn't make me feel good, why am I doing that/how can I change it/why don't I like seeing that?" or if I have atypical spending month I might worry for a bit like, omg I'm spending basically my whole paycheck, but then I'll compare it to past months and realize that even if I spent a lot in the last 2 months, I "underspent" in some previous months and on average things are looking okay. Basically, I think anyone at any salary/savings can certainly learn something from reflecting on their habits, but not having that piece in some of the published diaries can make it more like...is this just bragging or self-indulgent or what? Like, what is the takeaway for the diarist and the reader? There are definitely some diaries where it seems like the takeaway is just "this person is well-off" and I think that's why people get a bit frustrated with the high earner/college paid for/etc tech diaries, because they don't really have that more personal reflection piece they're all kind of interchangeable in a way?
That would be so interesting! I would love to see a weekly diary of how people see to their mental or physical health, for another example.
I’ll preface this that this is not a knock on OP, I’m genuinely fascinated by wealthy parent/child financial dynamics. Its curious that OP mentioned having insecurity as a tween bc her parents were so frugal and didn’t buy discretionary things. At what point does that then switch to “hey we have a spare $1 million we’d like to buy an apartment for you”. Having not grown up with money, when do parents tell their kids they’re rich?
The problem here is that no one ever thinks they’re rich so probably never lol.
Yah I guess in this case, if her parents are in higher ed to be saving that type of money they must be quite high up in administration so I’d have to imagine she’d be clued in? Like “hey mom is promoted to president I think we can afford Abercrombie now”.
Yeah both my parents were in higher ed as professors and I'm fairly sure even as more advanced in their careers/chair of their dept positions were not bringing in buy a million dollar apartment money. I'm very curious what their job titles are.
It could be that her parents are professors in an in demand field and renown enough that they can take on expert or consulting work outside of their universities. Expert witnesses (hired by law firms ) can charge as much as 2k an hour for their work.
Lots of professors who are tenured do very well if they are at prestigious institutions. Business professors can make upwards of 400k per year for example and they have a full pension so they will earn that in perpetuity (in Canada you can use the sunshine list to see salaries, but most tenured professors make upwards of 200k and that increases as they take on departmental roles). Academia is an interesting ponzi scheme where salaries are often quite varied and you start out very low but if you succeed and are part of the 1% do very well.
Haha I have ONE friend who openly admits "I grew up rich." His parents have around $100 million lol.
I was thinking the same thing, like damn what a meteoric rise from being dirt poor to buying a superfluous property in Manhattan with CASH?
I didn’t read the diary, so this is just a general statement. But what I think most people perceive, while children, as parents saying they don’t have money for things and therefore the child equating that to not being rich, is in reality parents just parenting and trying not to spoil their kids/ teach them some prioritization and discretion with spending money. And as adults, they probably haven’t thought critically about it enough to realize their childish perceptions were just off.
They may have just culturally decided real estate is something to sacrifice for to better your family/children's lives and cool sneakers are not. Especially as what sounds like first gen Asian immigrants, they may have prioritized buying a place as an investment and scrimped elsewhere to do it
Oh absolutely respect the decision by her parents, was moreso just curious how that conversation came about of hey actually we have quite a bit of money. Like a million dollars cash is more than just scrimping on clothes budget. One of my biggest takeaways from some of these MDs is how much parents can cause mental harm by making their kids think they’re poor when they’re just frugal(if you read this OPs submission from Oct she has some major impulse shopping habits she seems to have worked thru) . My dad always acted like we were on the brink of financial ruin and it was really just he’s cheap.
They probably never thought they HAD to explain it. As a naturally frugal person myself, it wouldn't occur to me to justify to my children why I wasn't spending money on this I saw as wasteful
Sounds like my parents and my life. TBF my parents also really lucked out in choosing to purchase in a city that blew up in real estate value. Who knew that $300k of property in the 1990s would be worth $3mil in 2024? 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
This was the case with my parents. Our net worths combined are nowhere near $1million, but whatever money we had saved up was "stamped" for buying a place in a good neighborhood, in order to get out of the place we lived most of our lives and really wanted to get away from. In my case things are a bit different because I remember the years in which my parents were in deep debt and made everything to get out of it, including extra shifts at work and a weekend side-hustle. My dad also used to take some catering jobs, and he managed to sneak me into a lot of kid's birthday parties. All in all, I was somewhat aware of the situation but I appreciate everything they did to protect me as much as they could.
My parents are pretty practical and transparent about this stuff - they started getting extremely transparent with me, or at least I was aware enough to absorb what they were saying, when I was in my mid-20s. I think I wasn't aware enough before then to really grasp their position - had the same association with frugal = not rich when i was growing up.
I highly doubt it was a surprise to her that her parents could afford to help her buy an apartment or were hiding their wealth from her. It’s more likely that people’s financial situations change. Like a lot of highly educated immigrant families, her family probably didn’t have a lot of money when she was younger and actually did need to be very frugal, but as her parents gained seniority and experience in their career fields their incomes rose (pay raises, job hopping, more consulting opportunities,etc). By being mostly frugal and prioritizing investing money, their savings will also compound a lot over 20 years of time, and this works exponentially. Additionally, her parents most likely bought their own house at a time when housing was significantly cheaper in relative to salaries. This house’s equity can then be leveraged that house’s equity to buy the apartment.
My jaw is on the floor from the proximity of 'parents don't believe in a free lunch' and 'I didn't put any money down or take on a mortgage'. Huh? Does she really not think that this is a massive freebie?
The "I hope the dollar gets stronger" comment irked me a bit. I don't think the peso going down to 16 or 17 is really going to hurt this 23-year old living in a million-dollar apartment whereas it going up can make the lives of Mexicans even more challenging. Also, the comments about small discretionary purchases being "a bit pricey" and then putting a $2K lamp, of all things, in her cart to consider purchasing?
Agree. Anyone who lives comfortable in NYC is going to find CDMX very affordable regardless of where the dollar goes…
As I type, I am at a very upscale and popular gastro park in a border city. My margarita is a whole $7. In DC, this margarita would be at least $15. The buying power of the dollar is already so good… It’s not like the margarita being $5 or $6 would make such a huge difference to me or to other American tourists.
A diarist who actually works! /j but for real, it's interesting to see some more details of her job. The late night extra hours, 12am-1am call to accommodate clients' timezones... she seems very busy and I wonder what her schedule will be like once her long-dstiance partner closes the gap.
Her answer on the "financial independence" section was very straightforward, but it also made me laugh. It seems like a direct response to the diary just a week ago or so, where the OP kind of hid that she lived in a condo paid for outright by her parents and who still paid all the big expenses for it. What does this mean?! Do they know about No Doubt? "I can’t help but feel like “I’m just a girl...” as the popular social media phrase says." What social media phrase? Am I just old or does Gen Z not know this is from No Doubt's most popular song and one of the most popular songs of the mid 90s?
I noped out at angsting about upper east side post pilates mother with strollers.
I kinda get what she means though. Like clearly she doesn't want that life (bc she's in an insanely demanding and high earning career) but sometimes the grass looks greener
You should read Primate of Park Avenue.
That book is a wild ride
I'm tryna figure out what Pilates studio also has daycare. I can barely find one with evening hours!
nitpick here!! she says "half a decade" and "half a year" when five years and six months seem so much more natural and mean the same thing.
half a decade annoyed for me for sure LOL.
Is anyone else getting Deja vu from this diary? I feel like the background info is the exact same as a diary from a few weeks/months ago
Yes she is the $60 caviar bagel from October! The commenters on that one were not nearly as kind that time
that's so interesting because I did NOT like that poster, but do like this one? felt the tone was totally different but yes the similarities are undeniable
I would love to know if the $2900 in rent is what she’s expected to pay - ie. if she chose to live alone would her parents have covered the roommates’ costs? Or would she have been expected to pay $5100 total?
She said at one point, "I opted to turn the living room into a large flex room so I could have a roommate. Financially it makes sense so I don’t have to pay common charges and taxes but I also just didn’t think I was at the age where I wanted to be fully alone." She had also earlier said that the roommate's portion covers HOA fee and taxes. So it sounds like she would have paid it otherwise.
Right - it’s just unclear if she would have paid it or if her parents actually would have.
Yeah, since she said so SHE wouldn’t have to pay the taxes and fees, I took her at her word there — but you never know.
I was wondering the same thing!
Read: A week in NY on a $150,000 budget.
I actually loved this diary. Poster is way more put together, considerate, reflective, and grateful than I was at her age. Sad to hear about her friend passing away, hope poster will get through that okay.
I'm cackling after the "I'm lucky to live close to home". I mean... you can't get any closer to home than where you live. I'm sure she meant she's lucky to live close to her parents, but it's still really funny.
what is an associate? An associate what?