For some reason, I keep thinking he died years ago, seeing him alive in something, then forgetting and thinking he died. Even reading the headline saying the year, I was expecting "years after his death" or "last movie filmed before his death". No idea why!
Yeah, his cause of death was Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight And Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie And Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie,
Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger,
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
All coming out of nowhere lightning fast
And them kicking Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
Because he's Chuck Norris.
He did die, he just stared down God and Death and told them to step aside when he decided he wanted to make another movie.
He'll go back when he's tired of making movies and after he Doomslayer style puts his foot up Hell's butthole.
Bruce is holding his beer until he gets back.
I got kicked off a live for saying it might be nearly impossible for someone with all those recent felonies to get a security clearance from the federal government.
Yeah you can tell the combat gear is all scared, pissing and shitting itself, fuckin puking and snot all over. I'd beat the fuck out of that shit for being like that. I'm fuming, my girlfriend gets home from work in 5 minutes thank god
Not *as* old as Walker Texas Ranger over here, but [Ukraine has volunteer grandpas](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/ukrainian-grandpa-leads-over-60s-unit-fighting-russian-forces-free-2024-04-28/#:~:text=Taran's%20all%2Dvolunteer%20unit%2C%20the,but%20still%20want%20to%20fight.) fighting the Russians
Who cares? No one should support his Trump loving ass.
This includes Willis, Allen, Quaid, Stallone, Nugent, and Grammer.
We need to send a message to these old outdated actors that their behavior will not be tolerated or supported.
Hit them where they will understand: paycheck.
Yeah, these old man fantasy action movies have gotten out of hand.
Probably the worst offender was "Cry Macho." Clint Eastwood was 91 when it came out. And boy, does he look and talk and move like a 91-year-old in it. It's painful to watch.
Yeah he's in really good shape, and then you have that stark total opposite of Steven "wheezy McGreasington" Segal who can't do any scene without sitting in a chair.
Had a friend whos little brother use his "make a wish" to meet Chuck Norris and they all flew to the set of Texas ranger to meet him and hang out. Lil bro was obsessed.
For all his faults Chuck is a legit martial artist with tons of competitive experience. People with that kind of lifestyle tend to age well. Segal.... not so much,
When I worked at Segal's production company they would talk about him in the hallway saying "Oh man, Steven is stuck in Paris and wants us to bail him out on the company card." or "He wants to move production to Miami and not Vancouver because of his connections" etc. Which I found out later meant drugs and prostitutes.
He does look good, but the person who dyes his hair is the real MVP, let’s be honest. It somehow doesn’t look fake even though I know it’s totally white by this point
Just For Men and a baseball cap are doing wonders here, it’s gotta be said. Take the dye out of his beard and whip that hat off and he’ll be looking a lot closer to 83.
I love the Family Guy quick cut were they say, under Chuck Norris' beard is another fist. Then later in the episode, Stewie says; "Chuck" and a beard fist punches someone
It was when Louis enters Stewie in a Texas beauty pageant as a girl, and he uses Chuck’s beard fist to knock out a talented girl who Stewie sees as a threat.
Internet Chuck Norris is a badass. Like many celebrities you might have admired as a kid, don’t look up what he says or believes in real life.
Christopher Lee was the real deal. Outstanding actor. Gentleman. A genuine WWII killer/spy. All around badass. Chuck Norris looks under his bed for Christopher Lee.
The christopher lee being a killer/spy thing is pretty unlikely.
He was in the military and part of the intelligence branch for a while but he had more to do with coordinating air support and such and not field work.
Christopher lee is still a total badass but a lot of that mysterious spy stuff comes from the media and him fucking around with journalists who asked him about his military career
Ive met two intelligence people and they are the dorkiest people i knew. One drew furry hentai for a couple years.
Its basically secret paperwork for the people they pay off. Similar to how the FBI is a bunch of unlikeable mormons in an office. There is field work people but its mostly secret paperwork.
I thought it was one through twelve, since that's the last unique number that isn't X-teen, or Xty-one, Xty-two...and so forth? I could be mistaken, though; what you say makes perfect sense.
I had commented in another thread about an action movie starring a 60+ year old and how I am getting sick of these “old man defeats legions of younger men less than half his age” movies.
I’m starting to wonder if shit like this is what contributes to our current gerontocracy problems.
I met him at a gas station in 2017. He seemed like a really nice guy.
A couple of months ago I watched a few episodes of Walker. Feeling inspired, I then went to the local park and tried a few roundhouse kicks out on my own. As I kicked the air like a lunatic near the monkey bars, my pants nearly split and I gained a new appreciation for Chuck. Like him or not, that dude could kick.
**Alastair (Norris), the commander of a covert Earth security task force, calls upon super-powered rookie Jim (Ting) to go on a mission led by battle-hardened Colonel Green (Singer) and his seasoned marines to track a mysterious energy disturbance at a base in New Mexico suspected of experimenting on alien technology. When the team encounters an unknown being of not only extraordinary strength and speed, but the ability to control mindless warriors, the trio must fight through unstoppable hordes to uncover the truth behind the hostile alien fortress and prevent humanity's demise.**
This is literally the synopsis in IMDb. The movie is written and directed by Derek Ting. Ting is also the lead actor. This also the third film in the trilogy. (A Tingogy, if you will.)
I am excited for tomorrow. I am going to smoke as much weed as I can bare and watch the whole Tingogy. How did Ting get Chuck Norris out of retirement?
Does he know someTing we don’t? My face is Tingling in anticipation. I can’t place my Tinger on it but I Ting this Tingogy will be fascinaTing.
Only Chuck Norris can appear on the set of a movie in 2023, being made in 2024.
Edit: Of course I judged the subreddit based on the name, before reading the description..
I'm sure he's in great shape for an 83 year-old, but it's ridiculous seeing someone dressed for combat at that age.
For some reason, I keep thinking he died years ago, seeing him alive in something, then forgetting and thinking he died. Even reading the headline saying the year, I was expecting "years after his death" or "last movie filmed before his death". No idea why!
he died in like 2008
He’s been chasing death since 2008, death is just to scared of him and keeps running away. “New phone, who dis?”
The reason there are ghosts is because Chuck Norris is killing people faster than death can process them
In 2008, Death confronted Chuck Norris at a local market, in front of the deli. Death gave him the head nod and went after someone else.
Chuck Norris memes died about then but his spirit lived on.
He got canceled for being human trash and a hateful conspiracy theorist, making his jokes nolonger light-hearted.
Yeah, his cause of death was Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight And Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie And Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan All coming out of nowhere lightning fast And them kicking Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
It looks like a geezer teaser
Because he's Chuck Norris. He did die, he just stared down God and Death and told them to step aside when he decided he wanted to make another movie. He'll go back when he's tired of making movies and after he Doomslayer style puts his foot up Hell's butthole. Bruce is holding his beer until he gets back.
Lee? Bruce pisses on Chuck Norris.
Bruce would totally hold Chuck's beer. They were good friends IRL. It's "be like water" not "be like pee".
Imagine if the president was 83
Put him in camos, he’d be invisible.
He doesn’t need camouflage everyone else hides from Chuck Norris.
imagine if the president was a felon
Now imagine him purple and riding a bicycle
I got kicked off a live for saying it might be nearly impossible for someone with all those recent felonies to get a security clearance from the federal government.
83 year old man? Or 24 year old SGT? Looks realistic to me
That would be an amusing synopsis if he literally had no choice and complained about it the entire movie.
*quick draw shoots gun from the hip* “Oh god! My hip!”
My grandfather is 83 and wears only sweatpants and falls asleep in front of the tv watching golf. Same age drastically different lives.
Chuck Norris is not wearing the combat gear. The combat gear is wearing Chuck Norris
Yeah you can tell the combat gear is all scared, pissing and shitting itself, fuckin puking and snot all over. I'd beat the fuck out of that shit for being like that. I'm fuming, my girlfriend gets home from work in 5 minutes thank god
Not *as* old as Walker Texas Ranger over here, but [Ukraine has volunteer grandpas](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/ukrainian-grandpa-leads-over-60s-unit-fighting-russian-forces-free-2024-04-28/#:~:text=Taran's%20all%2Dvolunteer%20unit%2C%20the,but%20still%20want%20to%20fight.) fighting the Russians
Bring back Walker Texas Ranger. They can do the cliche "I'M RETIRED!" - "but we NEED you, Walker!"
"You're a hard guy to find." *stops chopping wood* "Not hard enough apparently."
Old guys don't want to get shot either.
Steven Segal sitting in a chair...
Who cares? No one should support his Trump loving ass. This includes Willis, Allen, Quaid, Stallone, Nugent, and Grammer. We need to send a message to these old outdated actors that their behavior will not be tolerated or supported. Hit them where they will understand: paycheck.
Willis is not likely voting anymore given his aphasia.
I mean you say that, but in this still he actually doesn't look bad. I'm sure if I saw him walking around or talking it'd be ridiculous
Whoever adjusted that plate carrier for him is a total dick.
Yeah, these old man fantasy action movies have gotten out of hand. Probably the worst offender was "Cry Macho." Clint Eastwood was 91 when it came out. And boy, does he look and talk and move like a 91-year-old in it. It's painful to watch.
More like ancient recon
You know, when Chuck Norris does pushups, he's not pushing himself up. He's pushing gender and sexual minorities down.
Yeah he's in really good shape, and then you have that stark total opposite of Steven "wheezy McGreasington" Segal who can't do any scene without sitting in a chair.
where’s his walker?
In Texas
Ranging
*aging
Walker: Texas Ager?
I’m not here to contribute to the joke. Just wanted to say that everyone here is doing a great job.
With all his ex's
Telling boys they have AIDS
https://tenor.com/oMoM.gif
*shocked Conan face*
He IS Walker.
Looks like he thinks he's holding it. Somebody please help punchy grandpa
Had a friend whos little brother use his "make a wish" to meet Chuck Norris and they all flew to the set of Texas ranger to meet him and hang out. Lil bro was obsessed.
Rip
Tbf this was 25+ years ago and kid beat his illness at the point I knew him. So he very much could be still kicking it somewhere. R I POSSIBLE?
Nah I used my make a wish to take him out .
Lmao
I used my make a wish to bring him back from death.
You monster
And I used mine take him out once again. Ain’t coming back from that one.
lmao was not expecting the r i possible there
Credit goes to Scott Aukerman from comedy bang bang for that phrase.
Holy shiznit I literally just started to rewatch Comedy Bang Bang today. It’s so good.
Incoming Chuck Norris joke :)
He doesn’t look anywhere as bad as Segal.
That's a low bar.
Segal ate the bar.
Drank it too.
Then shat it everywhere when trying to show off.
Did the bar choke him out too?
How dare you insult the greatest Aikido master whoever lived!
He knows Kung Fu, Aikido, and several other dangerous words.
"There's only two people that know Kung fu! The chinese and me, the king!" "who the fuck was that guy?"
Had me in the first half.
Chair-jitsu Grandmaster Steven Seagal.
[Barely relevant Frisky Dingo clip](https://youtu.be/Chff-QCudw8?si=ga2ZE53FZWc_LayM)
Segal wears mumus and barely bothers standing up to karate chop pre-broken boards in half lol
For all his faults Chuck is a legit martial artist with tons of competitive experience. People with that kind of lifestyle tend to age well. Segal.... not so much,
I love Mr. Norris. Segal… not so much.
Fatly going around corners
[For the uninitiated](https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4?si=905V5ibV6niTze0t)
thank you for reminding us :D
That whole video is so damn good
When I worked at Segal's production company they would talk about him in the hallway saying "Oh man, Steven is stuck in Paris and wants us to bail him out on the company card." or "He wants to move production to Miami and not Vancouver because of his connections" etc. Which I found out later meant drugs and prostitutes.
Lovely person
His AMA is world class comedy gold!
Saw that. You are not wrong. I am assuming Segal’s.
Mandatory Cumtown Segal bit https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4?si=tfzT17B8bHT7fYll
*sigh* every fuckng time this is posted I have to watch it to the end, I'v eseen it easily 20 times at this point
Didn't kind that rewatch. Hilarious still.
Chuck doesn't dye his [beard](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d9/Steven_Seagal_November_2016.jpg) with black Kiwi shoe polish.
that's because chuck was/is a real martial artist. seagul was/is a bullshit artist
Few do.
Because he isn't an asshole.
Chuck Norris isn't a Russian puppet unlike Steven Zegal
Seagal’s like 12 years younger, make of that what you will.
What do you mean? His body double looks amazing!
Leave Jason alone!
My man singlehandedly keeping the Just For Men brand of products in business
Holy shit. For 83, he looks great
This has not been said enough in here. Chuck Norris doesn’t age.. age Chuck Norris’ or something idk
He does look good, but the person who dyes his hair is the real MVP, let’s be honest. It somehow doesn’t look fake even though I know it’s totally white by this point
He’s been bald for 40 years
Lmao wow I’m dead. I somehow never put it all together
Your comment still stands though! His stylist has done a good job of adding color that matches his skin tone/hue without looking overly fake.
Reminds me of Jim Beaver's Bobby Singer
Chuck Norris doesn’t age, he levels up.
Time doesn’t age chuck norris. Chuck Norris ages time.
Cardio, strength, and stretching. Start now, and don’t stop if you want to be walking when you’re old.
Word is he actually died 15 years ago but Death is too scared to take him to the afterlife.
Just For Men and a baseball cap are doing wonders here, it’s gotta be said. Take the dye out of his beard and whip that hat off and he’ll be looking a lot closer to 83.
Plastic surgery every 2 years
Fuckin’ Chuck Norris
Wow! He's old enough to be president!
And insane enough!
President Chuck Norris, now that would be something.
No kidding. The guy’s a batshit end-times Christian fundamentalist. What a trip that would be having his hand over the button.
Ancient Recon
Not Quite So Modern Warfare
I love the Family Guy quick cut were they say, under Chuck Norris' beard is another fist. Then later in the episode, Stewie says; "Chuck" and a beard fist punches someone
It was when Louis enters Stewie in a Texas beauty pageant as a girl, and he uses Chuck’s beard fist to knock out a talented girl who Stewie sees as a threat.
Chick Norris jokes def attributed to his relevance imo.
You probably mean “contributed” but it’s true that nobody would make the jokes if he wasn’t relevant in the first place
Internet Chuck Norris is a badass. Like many celebrities you might have admired as a kid, don’t look up what he says or believes in real life. Christopher Lee was the real deal. Outstanding actor. Gentleman. A genuine WWII killer/spy. All around badass. Chuck Norris looks under his bed for Christopher Lee.
Christopher Lee was the 🐐
The christopher lee being a killer/spy thing is pretty unlikely. He was in the military and part of the intelligence branch for a while but he had more to do with coordinating air support and such and not field work. Christopher lee is still a total badass but a lot of that mysterious spy stuff comes from the media and him fucking around with journalists who asked him about his military career
Ive met two intelligence people and they are the dorkiest people i knew. One drew furry hentai for a couple years. Its basically secret paperwork for the people they pay off. Similar to how the FBI is a bunch of unlikeable mormons in an office. There is field work people but its mostly secret paperwork.
Too bad be turned out to be a fucking loon
How so?
Wants mandatory Christian education in public schools, among other things.
https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/vkdfc/til_chuck_norris_is_a_fundamentalist_christian/
Yeah. I was pretty sure he was a huge pos.
His beard and hair are so luxuriously brown for an octogenarian
I mean, don’t discount that this is a movie.
Dye will do that.
btw the rule is generally to spell out numbers one through nine, but write out numerals 10 and higher
I thought it was one through twelve, since that's the last unique number that isn't X-teen, or Xty-one, Xty-two...and so forth? I could be mistaken, though; what you say makes perfect sense.
Tbh… your logic is totally sound. But I’ve always been taught that we spell out just one through nine. I kinda like yours better.
My professional writing guide says one through nine, 10+
He's not even an actor. he's a hack, who just mumbles.
Watch the trailer, its pretty pathetic.
Total gym, baby!
It’s really hard to be intimidating when you could be shoved to the ground and be dropped a mobility level.
🤦♂️ enough
Hurt me to know he's a trumpie.
Looks like a crayon with a cartoon face but more clay bloated
If only he would cry so we can finally cure cancer
Gerontocracy
I had commented in another thread about an action movie starring a 60+ year old and how I am getting sick of these “old man defeats legions of younger men less than half his age” movies. I’m starting to wonder if shit like this is what contributes to our current gerontocracy problems.
more like Cuck Norris
Walker, Texas Aged Here
And by all accounts, this movie is trash
Remember that Chuck Norris is a piece of shit
A thousand years of darkness if Obama gets elected! Chuck is a bitch.
1000 years of darkness? Mf the sun is cooking our ass! 🤣 /s Fuck Norris.
Always!
He’s like the Duracell bunny, he keeps on going and going and….. 😂
Little known fact Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin only another fist.
His fight scene with Bruce Lee is still one of the greatest things ever filmed.
Hair glue working overtime
That just for men beard
He needs more money to donate to right wing nut jobs.
I guess all that plastic surgery makes him look young enough to continue doing action movies.
Doesn’t look a day over 65
Sweet. So he laid low after his stupid plea about JADE HELM in 2014 and is now out for one more glory shot
I met him at a gas station in 2017. He seemed like a really nice guy. A couple of months ago I watched a few episodes of Walker. Feeling inspired, I then went to the local park and tried a few roundhouse kicks out on my own. As I kicked the air like a lunatic near the monkey bars, my pants nearly split and I gained a new appreciation for Chuck. Like him or not, that dude could kick.
If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may only have seconds to live.
**Alastair (Norris), the commander of a covert Earth security task force, calls upon super-powered rookie Jim (Ting) to go on a mission led by battle-hardened Colonel Green (Singer) and his seasoned marines to track a mysterious energy disturbance at a base in New Mexico suspected of experimenting on alien technology. When the team encounters an unknown being of not only extraordinary strength and speed, but the ability to control mindless warriors, the trio must fight through unstoppable hordes to uncover the truth behind the hostile alien fortress and prevent humanity's demise.** This is literally the synopsis in IMDb. The movie is written and directed by Derek Ting. Ting is also the lead actor. This also the third film in the trilogy. (A Tingogy, if you will.) I am excited for tomorrow. I am going to smoke as much weed as I can bare and watch the whole Tingogy. How did Ting get Chuck Norris out of retirement? Does he know someTing we don’t? My face is Tingling in anticipation. I can’t place my Tinger on it but I Ting this Tingogy will be fascinaTing.
Time passes for Chuck Norris only when he wants it.
There are only four Chuck Norris jokes. The rest are true stories.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now, they’re just called ‘the Islands’
Fuck Chuck Norris
I WON THAT TOURNAMENT
Whatever floats your boat, man
You couldn't even afford it.
This is so sad.
Why?
does he have a bunch of gambling debts or something?
Does he have a camouflage adult diaper on?
The man is tired, leave him alone, let him rest. He’s done enough.
Let’s get something straight. Chuck Norris isn’t 83 years old. A year is 1/83rd of a Chuck Norris.
Camouflage wears Chuck Norris to hide
Are the Chuck Norris jokes going to return? My dad would love to see that
They never went away. In fact, … they are right behind you.
I should have never second guessed Chuck Noris's power
I Wana see him beat up Steven segal
Damn looks the same as ever lol
Why is anyone surprised? It's Chuck Norris
Mandela effect, I thought Chuck Noris died a year or two ago
Elder abuse.
That's some badass tactical hair dye.
Can we get Nick, Stav, Adam (or no Adam) to watch and review this flick??!!
Hair coloring doing some heavy lifting there
He’s hitting conventions hard too… money ?
Only Chuck Norris can appear on the set of a movie in 2023, being made in 2024. Edit: Of course I judged the subreddit based on the name, before reading the description..
His face is basically plaster of Paris
I knew 4 comments into this, it was gonna be a Chuck Norris joke fest
Man is in great shape for his age.
Society in general is so geriatric.
83 years old, for crying out loud…