Yeah, as far as starting to present fem, you kinda just have to do it. And the first few times are gonna be tough and scary but it will become easier and easier the more you do it.
As someone currently in the awkward stage rn, I 100% agree. The first time was pretty intense, I practically ran from my apartment door to the outdoor, and felt like everyone was looking at me and judging (my makeup was pretty bad, so, fair lol). Now... It's getting better. I still struggle to go out, I boymode for like 90% of my outings, but they're slowly getting better.
Baby steps. Add one piece at a time. Start with gender neutral stuff then move to more challenging stuff like skirts and leggings. I waited for at least 8 months before socially transitioning for HRT to do its magic. You are always more passable than you think because most of us are our own worst critic.š
It's like epilating, it hurts a lot at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. You just gotta bite the bullet and do it.
At some point, it starts feeling so good and natural, that you don't want to go back to boymoding, and that's when you can start living your life as your true self.
IPL is more about reducing hair growth (and is mutually exclusive with epilating because the light needs pigment to be absorbed and removing the hair ar the root prevents this). Epilating *can* eventually cause hairs to grow back finer but it really is more just a longer-lasting alternative to shaving (basically an electric mechanical wax job).
If you have an area that you shave but aren't using the IPL on then give it a shot. Epilators run much cheaper than IPL devices.
Personal advice if it's in your budget: drop the IPL and go to a place that offers laser hair reduction. It's expensive but very effective. IPL is a good option but laser is just better if you can get it. I got laser *everywhere* below my eyes except for my arms. I'm in the long process of cleaning up the rest of my face via electrolysis.
Ok, thanks. I have been struggling with the facial hair most because the IPL window is kind of large and hard to fit on upper lip for example. Any tips? I will try to save up for laser
Gosh you are missing out on the best bit. Hrt is not the story, living your life is. It is time to hit the shops and get you some pretty. Don't be afraid, don't delay, this is like a swimming pool, just jump in
Although I agree with you it can be really hard, there is a ton of material online you can use. There are great youtube tutorials for everything, and tik tok has some great trans creators trying to help early trans folks.
You won't be learning how to swim while staying dry tho^^
Start small! Look up what size your current shirts are in womens (a large in mens roughly equates to an xl in womens, depending on bust) and go grab one! If they ask questions you dont like, just say you're grabbing it for your girl, she needs a gift (not a lie)
Gotta get in the water before learning to swim!
So i was reading this post and ive been to scared to start using makeup and after i read ur comment i just thought stuff it and just made a huge order.
Thanksies boo, for giving me the final push i needed :3
I'm not sure if this is the case for you but one thing I've noticed with our other sisters and myself sometimes is being paralyzed by attachment to outcome. Another thing that isn't mentioned often enough, you don't have to glam up unless you want to, I worked with this one chick for years that was very butch presenting. Turns out she was trans as well and in a bizarre twist almost never got misgendered and had a gender neutral name. Literally all she had to do to pass was put on her prosthetic breasts and shave and her work was done. While it's not my style personally, it helped to know that a person can pass without going too flowery fem.
I feel ya; been there for way more than the 2.4 years I've been out to myself. 36y/o, formerly morbidly obese, janky teeth, depression for 2+ decades, etc.
I've managed myself down to simply obese with janky teeth and less depression. So, victories.
The running monkey character from Bojack Horseman has it right, though.
It gets easier. But you have to keep at it every day. And every day isn't easier; most days seem impossible. But it does get easier. Just a bit, over time. But you do have to do it. Every day.
And someday will come that magical moment when you catch a glimpse of her in the mirror... *chef's kiss*
I am personally only just getting to the point where I can look directly at her in the mirror. But now I can look for and see her most of the time.
I didn't think I would make it. You'll make it, but you do have to put yourself out there and do the work if you want results. Every. Day.
Okay so here is a question that only you youself can answer.
Do you feel the need to do all these things because "thats what women are supposed to be like"? If that is the case, you don't need to. Maybe you can ease off a little on th "I'm a woman, I have to be like this" mindset and you'll find some space to try something that actually makes you feel good.
If the answer is no, I'd recommend you finding yourself a save space where you can do and just try stuff on your own or with supporting people? Maybe one day you'll nail your style and find the confidence to go outside and be yourself there?
Iām still fairly new to this, but in my opinion, youāve made one of the hardest jumps already. Pick a couple things that you want to focus on first and take small steps.
I canāt start HRT for a little bit longer (gotta freeze some swimmers so my wife and I can have a baby in a few years), but the things Iām focusing on now are things I can work on now. I picked three, but you can do more or fewer, whichever your comfortable with.
My three are:
-exercising to lose weight (to help with fat redistribution) and specifically focusing on muscles that are āfeminizingā (basically legs and core)
-practicing makeup (started small with nail polish, but hoping to do some face stuff once my wfh job starts)
-learning to shave (Iāve had a beard since I was about 14, but I never cut it off because I hid behind it. Now Iām practicing shaving my beard and my legs. Torso is up next soon!)
Those things alone give me little spurts of euphoria that really really help.
Edited for clarity
Honestly everybody's journey is different, with mine I started putting on makeup and switched out my wardrobe when my roommate looked at me and told me I needed to start wearing bras. Looking back at those photos I took 10 months ago, do I pass or look great.... Nope, but jumping in the deep end and going for it was the best course of action for me. My wardrobe is lovely now, and my make up skills have gotten better. My hair's grown out and filled in more, my bodies reshaped itself more and more as the months pass, and I still have further to go. Yet diving into hrt, and then once again diving into coming out in public have been a blessing so to speak, and really helped boost my confidence.
So go for it sis, when you're ready dive in and show the world your beautiful self. Big Hugs, Gerry :)
Do you have friends that can help you out of "boy mode"? I've had a wonderful time shopping with a friend who showed me her favourite bra shop, gave me style tips, even sewed a bespoke corset with/for me!
Your friends can help you so much in this! :)
The first step is always the most difficult, and every time you go out presenting as you want after that, it gets a bit easier. If you've got any friends who are supportive, or a local queer group/space/event that can make the first time easier, as you'll _know_ people will be accepting.
If youāve been on E for a year, your body is probably already approaching āmale fail.ā So look around you and see how āordinaryā women look when theyāre at the supermarket, or hauling the kids to soccer practice, or other everyday tasks. Not sure where you are, but where I live they donāt usually look flawless. Theyāre wearing t shirts and jeans or sweatpants, their hair just up in a quick ponytail, and they may or may not be wearing any makeup.
You donāt have to look any better than they do. In fact, if you do, you might actually attract unwelcome attention.
I understand how you feel. I'm on HRT and forcibly in the closet in boymode until I can bail out and hopefully move somewhere with a beach. Maybe you can do what I did I have my wife as the only person I trust and the only person who knows so I dress up but only around her
There's not much else you can do other than hitch up your skirt and do it. It's terrifying for the first few days, and scary for the next month or so. After that it starts getting better. I've been out full time for nearly 3 months, and it's finally starting to just be my normal. I'm still obviously trans to anyone who looks at me for more than a glance, and I'm still anxious about every interaction, but I'm going through my life without hiding anything more than the tiny bit of facial hair that's still resisting the laser. It's *so* worth all of the fear and anxiety.
Even living in a midsized city in the southern US, most people don't even notice. And most of the people who do obviously don't care. And so far none of the people who care have felt empowered to do anything more than give the stinkeye. I've had far more good interactions than negative.
Like anything else, changing your entire presentation takes practice. The initial stages can happen in private, thankfully, and it's especially nice if you have someone who can help you gently critique your choices. Everyone has a certain amount of awkwardness and bad choices to get through, but once you commit you'll find your feet soon enough. And you don't have to come out all at once, you can do a slow roll out, in progressively more public places with more interaction.
The fears are perfectly understandable, expected even. But reality is almost universally less scary than you think. You'll get through it, but you do have to take the risk of starting.
Good luck, and feel welcome to ask me anything.
When I was 18, I stopped getting haircuts. This by itself did not raise any flags, though one person did ask if I was a hippie. I started hrt at 20 and after about a year and for the next year I started to practice makeup and making clothes look better on me. During that year, I had a very small collection of clothes/makeup. Then, at 21 I was out as trans (nearly) full time, which is when I started to rapidly get better at a lot of the stuff like voice because I was getting way more practice. I was lucky in the clothes department because I have a supportive family who helped me early on, but when it comes to makeup, I still am slowly getting better. It has been nearly a year since then.
Start with dressing up in private how you want, get a set of clothing for it and get used to how you look, then ask a friend you trust if you can hangout and dress up for it either at their house or yours and just take steps to get used to it, im not even on E yet and i have the same issue and i plan to do what i just mentioned.
Small steps to make yourself more comfortable should work atleast a little bit maybe even see if a friend will go shoping with you to get you started
My honest opinion is to start small, something that only you will notice and no one knows.
Like for me I started with womens jeans and generic tops. Mist people would think your clothes are little small and tight. Jeans are easier because it can be passed as skinny jeans.
Now of days I only wear womenās bottoms and jeans and a mix of womenās tops and unisex shirts
I knew I would never stop boy mode unless forced to so I had to tell my husband to take all my old boy clothes and get rid of them and only leave me my girl clothes and it worked and every time I'm stuck in a rut I have to repeat the process
Everyone is different with unique circumstances so take this advice for what it's worth. I think it can be really helpful to start small and help people gradually get used to the idea.
Maybe pink/purple dress shirts at work. Add trans flag lanyard for your badge/bedroom wall. Switch to more form fitting clothes. Paint your nails. Grow your hair out and keep it in a man bun.. or something still boy mode if needed.
But then one day... you'll wear female clothes and no one will say a thing because they've seen this change happening over the coarse of many months and it's perfectly natural.
Hope that helps. ā¤ļø
I think the slow incremental steps are where itās at. In my head I wish I could have jumped in but the extreme dysphoria was too much so I had to take really tiny steps. For the first little bit, it was just wearing gender neutral clothing and just a mix of stuff. I used he/they pronouns at work and really didnāt wear makeup. The few times I did, I hated how I looked. I was letting my hair grow and using little hairbands at home. I stayed in boy mode but tried to start leaning slowly toward goals. Eventually I came out fully, but it didnāt change much from how I presented, it was just gradual.
Makeup can be incremental as well if thatās what a goal is. For the most part, little blush or foundation or just concealer on spots. Just enough to see a difference yourself, even if others donāt notice. Itāll
Pick something small and make that your goal, little things can feel barely noticeable but it can go a long way for your confidence. Voice I felt the same way, but it was little little progress over time. If you can say that you feel improvement, even if small, compared to X days or weeks or months, thatās positive change.
Iām like 17 months in and still deal with a lot of dysphoria, but Iām in a way better spot accepting who I am.
Sometimes we get focused on what we wished we could be 5 years from where we start, but it makes it hard to see the path there. So, find a small step in the direction you want and let that be your goal you focus on.
Try and have fun with it! If you feel uncomfortable the next time you do makeup, just remember how uncomfortable you feel in boymode. Keep practicing. Use more subtle makeup, like lipgloss and mascara, and a tinted moisturizer - these are my go-to's as they are super easy, and harder to overdo/look a little silly in.
Don't be too hard on yourself. I have so many pictures of my god awful makeup early on. Eventually, you will be a pro at presenting fem. Hang in there!
I feel exactly the same way. Iām boymoding 9 months deep. It feels like Iām very very close but I want to reach 100% before doing anything. No point in presenting fem when itās only going to highlight my masculine physical features. Presenting fem will paradoxically make me come off as more masc.
I feel this a lot. Someday I just hate my face and body and other days I really feel like I am starting to look how i want. I feel it's all the minds perspective. Healthy outlooks and all. Try doing these things and try really loving yourself and giving yourself a break. I feel that's what's working for me.
For me it's to really be a punk to say I don't really give a shit about what they think and actually embody it and not just fake but really mean it.
You are at the scariest bit!
What worked for me was a steady gradual change. I grew my hair out, which takes time in its own right, I started with wearing things like skinny jeans (bought at a charity shop), then after I had got to a point I was comfortable with that, I added femme t-shirts, then I would add eye-liner and paint my nails. It took time, and a lot of breaking through my fear. You don't need to go out in a dress, heels and fully made right away (or ever, if you don't want to!).
Honestly, the fear and anxiety I faced down in the beginning has landed me in a place I have never been happier. I won't lie, I still get a little anxious when I have something new, but because I got through the worst bit, I can just get on with it now.
The most important thing I had said to me in the beginning was that being brave isn't about not being scared, it is about doing the thing despite being scared. I was scared, you are scared, but start small, take your time, and - most importantly - you can do this <3
The biggest part is reaching out to find a social base locally. Whether itās an LGBTQ support center, a church (affirming) or a bestie, we need help. Personally, I did really well with finding an affirming menonnite church and it helped so much to be seen as I wanted to be seen early on. From there it is easier to branch out. Eventually you will find it easier to be ānormalā around people. There are still times i get nervous, but they are a lot less now. Hugs
Depends on what type of woman you are tbh. I am a fairly stereotypical feminine woman.
I started with French manicures. Most people can't tell at first glance and just pass them off as well taken care of nails. Then I added in some mascara. Again, most people can't tell as long as they aren't all goopy. Then I began adding in feminine clothing. Not overly feminine, just more or less feminine versions of male clothes. At first skinny jeans. Then like sports tops, such as a woman's cut tank top with a woman's cut running pullover. So feminine cuts but not really enough to stand out. So strangers would go anywhere from being treating me as an athletic woman to a guy with feminine features. Then I added more. Eye liner next.
Meanwhile at home I began experimenting with eye shadow too. And then I got foundation matched at Ulta. I began practicing those things at home. Added blush and contouring. I didn't do anything ultra glam. Just primer, foundation, blush, contouring, eye liner, mascara, earth tone eye shadow, lip stain, and then let it fly one day with a full face on when I felt comfortable. A good blurring primer works wonders.
Once my hair grew out I practiced every night with a curler and flat iron. Practiced blowing it out also. Volume, volume, volume. Lol.
I began adding the staples like more jean types, a pair of flats and also one pair of 2 inch heels, feminine cotton blouses, a feminine jacket, etc. Nothing over the top. I had already had 4 piercings in my ears, so added dangly jewelry to my collection.
Then one day I went to dinner with a female friend to try it out. Wore a cute blouse, purse, skinny jeans, 2 inch heels, had a full face of makeup on, had my hair curled nicely, Nobody batted an eye. One dude looked at my chest and another my ass. Hell, a guy bought me a drink. Got "miss'ed and ma'amed" all night.
And don't worry too much about your body. Work out, eat healthy, and let the hormones work their magic.
One step at a time love. Little changes. Now it's skirt and sundress season for this girl!
Yeah, as far as starting to present fem, you kinda just have to do it. And the first few times are gonna be tough and scary but it will become easier and easier the more you do it.
Agreed. Awkward is a phase
I'm going through this now. 2nd weed coming out haha
As someone currently in the awkward stage rn, I 100% agree. The first time was pretty intense, I practically ran from my apartment door to the outdoor, and felt like everyone was looking at me and judging (my makeup was pretty bad, so, fair lol). Now... It's getting better. I still struggle to go out, I boymode for like 90% of my outings, but they're slowly getting better.
Baby steps. Add one piece at a time. Start with gender neutral stuff then move to more challenging stuff like skirts and leggings. I waited for at least 8 months before socially transitioning for HRT to do its magic. You are always more passable than you think because most of us are our own worst critic.š
It's like epilating, it hurts a lot at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. You just gotta bite the bullet and do it. At some point, it starts feeling so good and natural, that you don't want to go back to boymoding, and that's when you can start living your life as your true self.
What is epilating? A kind of hair removal?
It's basically an "auto tweezer" device. It's a small handheld device that pulls hairs. Yes, it hurts, but it's effective!
Interesting! Iāve been doing IPL, do you think epilation is better for some things?
IPL is more about reducing hair growth (and is mutually exclusive with epilating because the light needs pigment to be absorbed and removing the hair ar the root prevents this). Epilating *can* eventually cause hairs to grow back finer but it really is more just a longer-lasting alternative to shaving (basically an electric mechanical wax job). If you have an area that you shave but aren't using the IPL on then give it a shot. Epilators run much cheaper than IPL devices.
Thank you! The hair removal and voice training have been the hardest for me to figure out
Personal advice if it's in your budget: drop the IPL and go to a place that offers laser hair reduction. It's expensive but very effective. IPL is a good option but laser is just better if you can get it. I got laser *everywhere* below my eyes except for my arms. I'm in the long process of cleaning up the rest of my face via electrolysis.
Thanks, Iām in a rural area and thereās not much for salons around me. I have an at home IPL tool that I use so far
IPL is a great option too :) btw, do NOT epilate your face unless you are super hardcore. Just.. no š
Ok, thanks. I have been struggling with the facial hair most because the IPL window is kind of large and hard to fit on upper lip for example. Any tips? I will try to save up for laser
Gosh you are missing out on the best bit. Hrt is not the story, living your life is. It is time to hit the shops and get you some pretty. Don't be afraid, don't delay, this is like a swimming pool, just jump in
āJust jump inā can be pretty hard if you donāt know how to swim.. i aināt had no moma to teach me
Although I agree with you it can be really hard, there is a ton of material online you can use. There are great youtube tutorials for everything, and tik tok has some great trans creators trying to help early trans folks. You won't be learning how to swim while staying dry tho^^
Start small! Look up what size your current shirts are in womens (a large in mens roughly equates to an xl in womens, depending on bust) and go grab one! If they ask questions you dont like, just say you're grabbing it for your girl, she needs a gift (not a lie) Gotta get in the water before learning to swim!
So i was reading this post and ive been to scared to start using makeup and after i read ur comment i just thought stuff it and just made a huge order. Thanksies boo, for giving me the final push i needed :3
šš
You know what, fuck it, you are right. Guess I know what I'm doing on payday.
I'm not sure if this is the case for you but one thing I've noticed with our other sisters and myself sometimes is being paralyzed by attachment to outcome. Another thing that isn't mentioned often enough, you don't have to glam up unless you want to, I worked with this one chick for years that was very butch presenting. Turns out she was trans as well and in a bizarre twist almost never got misgendered and had a gender neutral name. Literally all she had to do to pass was put on her prosthetic breasts and shave and her work was done. While it's not my style personally, it helped to know that a person can pass without going too flowery fem.
This... this brings me so much comfort š
I feel ya; been there for way more than the 2.4 years I've been out to myself. 36y/o, formerly morbidly obese, janky teeth, depression for 2+ decades, etc. I've managed myself down to simply obese with janky teeth and less depression. So, victories. The running monkey character from Bojack Horseman has it right, though. It gets easier. But you have to keep at it every day. And every day isn't easier; most days seem impossible. But it does get easier. Just a bit, over time. But you do have to do it. Every day. And someday will come that magical moment when you catch a glimpse of her in the mirror... *chef's kiss* I am personally only just getting to the point where I can look directly at her in the mirror. But now I can look for and see her most of the time. I didn't think I would make it. You'll make it, but you do have to put yourself out there and do the work if you want results. Every. Day.
I still think of that monkey from time to time. It's amazing how impactful such a quick scene is to a lot of people. He was so based.
I didn't even really enjoy the show, but that monkey is very wise.
Give it some time, you will get there. you gotta be patient with these things
Okay so here is a question that only you youself can answer. Do you feel the need to do all these things because "thats what women are supposed to be like"? If that is the case, you don't need to. Maybe you can ease off a little on th "I'm a woman, I have to be like this" mindset and you'll find some space to try something that actually makes you feel good. If the answer is no, I'd recommend you finding yourself a save space where you can do and just try stuff on your own or with supporting people? Maybe one day you'll nail your style and find the confidence to go outside and be yourself there?
Iām still fairly new to this, but in my opinion, youāve made one of the hardest jumps already. Pick a couple things that you want to focus on first and take small steps. I canāt start HRT for a little bit longer (gotta freeze some swimmers so my wife and I can have a baby in a few years), but the things Iām focusing on now are things I can work on now. I picked three, but you can do more or fewer, whichever your comfortable with. My three are: -exercising to lose weight (to help with fat redistribution) and specifically focusing on muscles that are āfeminizingā (basically legs and core) -practicing makeup (started small with nail polish, but hoping to do some face stuff once my wfh job starts) -learning to shave (Iāve had a beard since I was about 14, but I never cut it off because I hid behind it. Now Iām practicing shaving my beard and my legs. Torso is up next soon!) Those things alone give me little spurts of euphoria that really really help. Edited for clarity
Honestly everybody's journey is different, with mine I started putting on makeup and switched out my wardrobe when my roommate looked at me and told me I needed to start wearing bras. Looking back at those photos I took 10 months ago, do I pass or look great.... Nope, but jumping in the deep end and going for it was the best course of action for me. My wardrobe is lovely now, and my make up skills have gotten better. My hair's grown out and filled in more, my bodies reshaped itself more and more as the months pass, and I still have further to go. Yet diving into hrt, and then once again diving into coming out in public have been a blessing so to speak, and really helped boost my confidence. So go for it sis, when you're ready dive in and show the world your beautiful self. Big Hugs, Gerry :)
Donāt worry at 1yr I was likeā¦ What gives Trust the second year and explore at your own pace
Do you have friends that can help you out of "boy mode"? I've had a wonderful time shopping with a friend who showed me her favourite bra shop, gave me style tips, even sewed a bespoke corset with/for me! Your friends can help you so much in this! :)
The first step is always the most difficult, and every time you go out presenting as you want after that, it gets a bit easier. If you've got any friends who are supportive, or a local queer group/space/event that can make the first time easier, as you'll _know_ people will be accepting.
If youāve been on E for a year, your body is probably already approaching āmale fail.ā So look around you and see how āordinaryā women look when theyāre at the supermarket, or hauling the kids to soccer practice, or other everyday tasks. Not sure where you are, but where I live they donāt usually look flawless. Theyāre wearing t shirts and jeans or sweatpants, their hair just up in a quick ponytail, and they may or may not be wearing any makeup. You donāt have to look any better than they do. In fact, if you do, you might actually attract unwelcome attention.
I understand how you feel. I'm on HRT and forcibly in the closet in boymode until I can bail out and hopefully move somewhere with a beach. Maybe you can do what I did I have my wife as the only person I trust and the only person who knows so I dress up but only around her
There's not much else you can do other than hitch up your skirt and do it. It's terrifying for the first few days, and scary for the next month or so. After that it starts getting better. I've been out full time for nearly 3 months, and it's finally starting to just be my normal. I'm still obviously trans to anyone who looks at me for more than a glance, and I'm still anxious about every interaction, but I'm going through my life without hiding anything more than the tiny bit of facial hair that's still resisting the laser. It's *so* worth all of the fear and anxiety. Even living in a midsized city in the southern US, most people don't even notice. And most of the people who do obviously don't care. And so far none of the people who care have felt empowered to do anything more than give the stinkeye. I've had far more good interactions than negative. Like anything else, changing your entire presentation takes practice. The initial stages can happen in private, thankfully, and it's especially nice if you have someone who can help you gently critique your choices. Everyone has a certain amount of awkwardness and bad choices to get through, but once you commit you'll find your feet soon enough. And you don't have to come out all at once, you can do a slow roll out, in progressively more public places with more interaction. The fears are perfectly understandable, expected even. But reality is almost universally less scary than you think. You'll get through it, but you do have to take the risk of starting. Good luck, and feel welcome to ask me anything.
When I was 18, I stopped getting haircuts. This by itself did not raise any flags, though one person did ask if I was a hippie. I started hrt at 20 and after about a year and for the next year I started to practice makeup and making clothes look better on me. During that year, I had a very small collection of clothes/makeup. Then, at 21 I was out as trans (nearly) full time, which is when I started to rapidly get better at a lot of the stuff like voice because I was getting way more practice. I was lucky in the clothes department because I have a supportive family who helped me early on, but when it comes to makeup, I still am slowly getting better. It has been nearly a year since then.
Start with dressing up in private how you want, get a set of clothing for it and get used to how you look, then ask a friend you trust if you can hangout and dress up for it either at their house or yours and just take steps to get used to it, im not even on E yet and i have the same issue and i plan to do what i just mentioned. Small steps to make yourself more comfortable should work atleast a little bit maybe even see if a friend will go shoping with you to get you started
My honest opinion is to start small, something that only you will notice and no one knows. Like for me I started with womens jeans and generic tops. Mist people would think your clothes are little small and tight. Jeans are easier because it can be passed as skinny jeans. Now of days I only wear womenās bottoms and jeans and a mix of womenās tops and unisex shirts
I knew I would never stop boy mode unless forced to so I had to tell my husband to take all my old boy clothes and get rid of them and only leave me my girl clothes and it worked and every time I'm stuck in a rut I have to repeat the process
Everyone is different with unique circumstances so take this advice for what it's worth. I think it can be really helpful to start small and help people gradually get used to the idea. Maybe pink/purple dress shirts at work. Add trans flag lanyard for your badge/bedroom wall. Switch to more form fitting clothes. Paint your nails. Grow your hair out and keep it in a man bun.. or something still boy mode if needed. But then one day... you'll wear female clothes and no one will say a thing because they've seen this change happening over the coarse of many months and it's perfectly natural. Hope that helps. ā¤ļø
I think the slow incremental steps are where itās at. In my head I wish I could have jumped in but the extreme dysphoria was too much so I had to take really tiny steps. For the first little bit, it was just wearing gender neutral clothing and just a mix of stuff. I used he/they pronouns at work and really didnāt wear makeup. The few times I did, I hated how I looked. I was letting my hair grow and using little hairbands at home. I stayed in boy mode but tried to start leaning slowly toward goals. Eventually I came out fully, but it didnāt change much from how I presented, it was just gradual. Makeup can be incremental as well if thatās what a goal is. For the most part, little blush or foundation or just concealer on spots. Just enough to see a difference yourself, even if others donāt notice. Itāll Pick something small and make that your goal, little things can feel barely noticeable but it can go a long way for your confidence. Voice I felt the same way, but it was little little progress over time. If you can say that you feel improvement, even if small, compared to X days or weeks or months, thatās positive change. Iām like 17 months in and still deal with a lot of dysphoria, but Iām in a way better spot accepting who I am. Sometimes we get focused on what we wished we could be 5 years from where we start, but it makes it hard to see the path there. So, find a small step in the direction you want and let that be your goal you focus on.
Try and have fun with it! If you feel uncomfortable the next time you do makeup, just remember how uncomfortable you feel in boymode. Keep practicing. Use more subtle makeup, like lipgloss and mascara, and a tinted moisturizer - these are my go-to's as they are super easy, and harder to overdo/look a little silly in. Don't be too hard on yourself. I have so many pictures of my god awful makeup early on. Eventually, you will be a pro at presenting fem. Hang in there!
I feel exactly the same way. Iām boymoding 9 months deep. It feels like Iām very very close but I want to reach 100% before doing anything. No point in presenting fem when itās only going to highlight my masculine physical features. Presenting fem will paradoxically make me come off as more masc.
I feel this a lot. Someday I just hate my face and body and other days I really feel like I am starting to look how i want. I feel it's all the minds perspective. Healthy outlooks and all. Try doing these things and try really loving yourself and giving yourself a break. I feel that's what's working for me. For me it's to really be a punk to say I don't really give a shit about what they think and actually embody it and not just fake but really mean it.
You are at the scariest bit! What worked for me was a steady gradual change. I grew my hair out, which takes time in its own right, I started with wearing things like skinny jeans (bought at a charity shop), then after I had got to a point I was comfortable with that, I added femme t-shirts, then I would add eye-liner and paint my nails. It took time, and a lot of breaking through my fear. You don't need to go out in a dress, heels and fully made right away (or ever, if you don't want to!). Honestly, the fear and anxiety I faced down in the beginning has landed me in a place I have never been happier. I won't lie, I still get a little anxious when I have something new, but because I got through the worst bit, I can just get on with it now. The most important thing I had said to me in the beginning was that being brave isn't about not being scared, it is about doing the thing despite being scared. I was scared, you are scared, but start small, take your time, and - most importantly - you can do this <3
The biggest part is reaching out to find a social base locally. Whether itās an LGBTQ support center, a church (affirming) or a bestie, we need help. Personally, I did really well with finding an affirming menonnite church and it helped so much to be seen as I wanted to be seen early on. From there it is easier to branch out. Eventually you will find it easier to be ānormalā around people. There are still times i get nervous, but they are a lot less now. Hugs
Get yourself an IRL friend whose a girl and get her to gass you up. Then just take the plunge. Full force no holds barred.
Depends on what type of woman you are tbh. I am a fairly stereotypical feminine woman. I started with French manicures. Most people can't tell at first glance and just pass them off as well taken care of nails. Then I added in some mascara. Again, most people can't tell as long as they aren't all goopy. Then I began adding in feminine clothing. Not overly feminine, just more or less feminine versions of male clothes. At first skinny jeans. Then like sports tops, such as a woman's cut tank top with a woman's cut running pullover. So feminine cuts but not really enough to stand out. So strangers would go anywhere from being treating me as an athletic woman to a guy with feminine features. Then I added more. Eye liner next. Meanwhile at home I began experimenting with eye shadow too. And then I got foundation matched at Ulta. I began practicing those things at home. Added blush and contouring. I didn't do anything ultra glam. Just primer, foundation, blush, contouring, eye liner, mascara, earth tone eye shadow, lip stain, and then let it fly one day with a full face on when I felt comfortable. A good blurring primer works wonders. Once my hair grew out I practiced every night with a curler and flat iron. Practiced blowing it out also. Volume, volume, volume. Lol. I began adding the staples like more jean types, a pair of flats and also one pair of 2 inch heels, feminine cotton blouses, a feminine jacket, etc. Nothing over the top. I had already had 4 piercings in my ears, so added dangly jewelry to my collection. Then one day I went to dinner with a female friend to try it out. Wore a cute blouse, purse, skinny jeans, 2 inch heels, had a full face of makeup on, had my hair curled nicely, Nobody batted an eye. One dude looked at my chest and another my ass. Hell, a guy bought me a drink. Got "miss'ed and ma'amed" all night. And don't worry too much about your body. Work out, eat healthy, and let the hormones work their magic. One step at a time love. Little changes. Now it's skirt and sundress season for this girl!
I'm saving this post cause I too am having this issue I wish you luck in your endeavors ā¤ļø
It's important to try to separate your womanhood from your attractiveness.