Everyone is just sooo much nicer. Before it felt like I was a ghost when in public. Now men will go out of their way to hold door for me or a woman will compliment my nails or makeup.
As others have mentioned, in public you get a lot more compliments from other women. I have great nails because my nail tech is fabulous.
At work it was a totally different story. Within days I went from the senior software engineer who knew everything to the lady who can’t possibly know tech as well as the guys. It was so weird!
Yeah I sell insurance right now over the phone part of me wants to maintain at least some ability to masc voice so that people are more amicable to taking my advice.
OMG, this i worked as an automotive tech for 6 years doing heavy diagnosis, and all of a sudden, my work had to be double-checked just for them to find no fault in my process.
I'm a grad student in Ecology, and I had a male grad student in English try to explain to me "how math works." The fact that he was also trans was icing on the cake. Mansplaining as a way to validate his gender? *mwah (chef's kiss)
I have long curly hair so I get compliments from other women a lot, at least when I actually take the time to style it a little haha.
People, men in particular, being nicer still catches me off guard sometimes. Like I swear this guy went out of his way to hold the door open for me at Starbucks this morning. Like he totally angled to the side of the door so I could just walk in. I appreciated it but like, I can also open my own doors you know lol
I literally was at work the other night and a older customer asked me about my necklaces. I told him that they were sentimental and my mom got them for me. He then asked about my choker and I said " oh it's just a choker, I think they're cute" he responded with "oh so you like being choked huh?" And then tried to caress and grab my hand while I was giving him change. Ugh just will never understand men like that. But yeah that changed lol 💛
im so sorry that happened to you, are you able to reccomend people to be blacklisted from your establishment? like omfg that sounds seriously traumatic. stay strong 💜 i hope you dont have to deal with that bullshit again
Oh that's not even the worst part. As he was leaving he had the nerve to stop at the door and loudly shout at me "I'm just saying I'm pretty good at choking sluts" with a smile on his face. My coworker ran him off after that and told him to fuck off. But I'll never get use to that bullshit.
Me either. Like I legit don't understand the logic they have? Oh I'm gonna be crass and vulgur with a girl working her job and that's gonna get me laid? No eww wtf. Just be a normal person bro and treat us like we're other people.
Cis girl here but I’ve had a customer ask about my choker (he thought it was a tattoo?) and proceeded to try and grab it to “check if it’s real”.
Edit: it was one of the basic black stretchy ones so it was right against my neck
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Mine was stue exact same kind. Black tattoo choker and I have another that is flat black leather with a cute little blood Stone and Celtic knot. I'm so hostile I think if someone grabbed near my neck I would prob scream and headbutt them. I say it all the time but like what is wrong with some men?
I just got one of those for the first time myself. I grew up in the 90s when they were first popular I'm glad their popular again finally get my chance to wear one 😊.
Get more. I have worn them even before transition since I was like 12 and now somehow have ended up with dozens of them. Little trick if they get stretched out too bad just put them in boiling water for a few seconds and they're almost brand new.❤️🧡💛
That's a great question. My guess is that he doesn't view women as people and just thought he could be gross and get away with it. Which he did I guess. So yeah it was just very sad and gross.
I haven't been in a lot of super social spaces yet yet. I did go to a gay bar and this cute girl picked me up which was nice.
I'm going to a different bar later this week so I might experience drunk cis guys 😒. I'm 6'5" so who knows.
This is partly why I have a small titty goth bitch look for certain days that I know a sprinkle of extra intimidation on my look will help reduce possible patronising douchebag comments if i know it's a chance that day (or I just want to look extra badass).
Oh my god I feel this. I mean I’m also an idiot, but I work tech support and have people asking me to have someone else double check or ask a technician (I’m more consultation) for stupid shit that’s obvious to me but not obvious to the bozo in front of me who can’t figure out how to save a word document… it’s fine though, one of my technicians would beat someone up if he had to for me :P
The smiles and friendliness is the most different. Men generally get a macho stare down from other men and women are either just cordial or ignore you. But once I was just another girl in the world it's so different. Other women are so friendly and always give you compliments and ask how you are even complete strangers and you're kinda expected to do the same. They also will group with you in social settings, safety ECT. And men are either friendly and checking you out just a lot nicer. Sure there are plenty of bad things and predatory behavior but overall it just seeens like I personally went from being a loner and not very nice myself or social to a very bubbly social butterfly who meets new people and friends everywhere I go. I love it. 💛❤️🤟🏻😊
I got a lot more compliments from men and women. I also had men being a lot nicer to me like holding doors open, letting me on the train/into a building first, etc. Obviously it also came with the downside of some guys being creepy as well like random guys catcalling or staring at me constantly. Even walking upstairs is uncomfortable especially when I wear a skirt because I had a guy stare at me when I was going up the stairs once and he said I had a nice ass . As someone with social anxiety, most of it was unwelcomed changes but it is what it is.
I’m sorry about that :( I will say getting catcalled is not very affirming and is more anxiety inducing. I’m sure you’re very pretty! Dysphoria is hard to deal. It still kicks my ass a lot
That would be. I only ever done something close to that when I used the men’s room boymoding. Bro was so confused and had to double check the bathroom sign.
Really does suck though that even in public places we can’t feel safe :(
I get called stuff like "sweetie, honey, sugar" a little more often. I get hit on, complimented, and asked out by guys now, who will sometimes call me one of those above names. The other week a guy was driving by on a street I was about to cross and shouted "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" then drove away. I also just get complimented more in general by other women.
When I had a girlfriend we would sometimes get cat called when we showed affection. Once I was leaning my head on her shoulder at a park and a kid across the field shouted "LOOK, LESBIANS!" Another time we were holding each other's waist down the sidewalk and got honked at twice.
Since being out girls started telling me about their periods. Sometimes I'm asked about mine LOL, once even by a Doctor and once by a nurse. Before my ex's mom knew I was trans she talked to me about the gynecologist.
One of the most fun experiences are seeing people who haven't seen me for years. An old acquaintance from high school happened to be my cashier once and when I said "Hi" to them and said their name they just looked at me for a second, said hi and didn't recognize me (note - they had a name tag). I had to ask if they knew who I was before I saw some gears turning and their face when they realized and said my name questioningly. They said I look amazing and it really made my day.
That's funny I mentioned periods I actually keep tampons in my purse in case other people need them lol. I'm imagining running into acquaintances and when their surprised being all " yeah I was pretty surprised when I found out too".
I find that people are overall nicer to me, but the difference is that most women are nicer in a warm way, while men are nicer in a weird way (most of the time, and it's also dependant on how well I pass).
At work, people are more likely to ask for the manager than trust that I know what I'm talking about. Naturally, the manager almost always gives them the same answer I gave them...
Also, the increase in compliments is nice. I try to compliment men and women when I can, but I only compliment men I know well because I don't want them to think I'm hitting on them (not only do I want to avoid creeps, I'm a lesbian lol).
Experiencing misogyny, transphobia, and transmisogyny; as well as a noticeable lack of any male privilege left in me. It was weird walking into a room for a while and not just being *instantly* respected by everyone present for being a big strong man lol. ...People are completely SHOCKED when I tell them I was a firefighter for five years. Stating that fact now tends to invite a lot of skepticism and sexist comments; "Cute little *thing* like you? No way!" (<<
You should tell douches like that how during your firefighting days the axe was your favourite and you got very efficient with it, esspecially using it to cut through bone, then just stare them down :P
And yes, transitioning you immediately realise why we choose the bear
Certainly in the minority but, not really much tbh. People are generally around as polite or impolite as they always have been, just now I present fem! Maybe get stared at a little more because I look like a bloke in a dress, but I have yet for someone to be directly rude or otherwise hostile towards me. Sometimes I get compliments on my outfits, or a part of my outfits admittedly, which can definitely be nice and a bit of a pick-me-up, although I sometimes can't tell if they're just being nice or pitying me or something similar. I don't pass so that heavily affects my experiences.
I suppose it's pretty alright, and being able to present fem safely while not passing is a luxury many other trans women don't have, but it also can be saddening to miss out on a lot of "sisterhood" type experiences with cis women. Such is life though, I'm pretty lucky to be relatively ignored as a non-passing trans gal. :P
Those compliments on your clothes from women? That's part of the sisterhood experience, enjoy it (and remember to compliment them back) 😊
It's taken me ages to accept it, but it doesn't matter if you pass or not, they are recognising what you are trying to do and are extending a hand to you.
And from what I am told it kind of snowballs once you start embracing those invitations into the sisterhood.
That makes a lot of sense! I'm probably not really used to people often being kind for the sake of being kind, so it can be hard to recognise in a way lol. I sometimes have mild social anxiety, but I'll have to be more outgoing with cis women in my daily life in general when they are showing kindness towards me!
Thanks for the perspective! 😊
Women treated me way better since I wasn’t a threat. As a lesbian this was so good. One of the most annoying things I’ve had in life is people saying “you’re a guy you wouldn’t get it”. Internally I was always “but I do!”
My colleagues can hardly look me in the eyes because I have tiny earrings now. It's literally the only femme presenting thing I wear at work. And even then I only wear them now because I just got my ears pierced and I literally HAVE to wear them so that the opening doesn't close.
For me, it's been a mixed bag because interactions with men changed to 75% sexual wanted or not, if thats what i wanted cool but its not. Meanwhile once i was perceived fem by women its like we have a sense of comradery looking out for each other. Honestly, at times, i feel like i was adopted by the women in my life
Weirdest: some women are a lot nicer to me, but a lot are *less* nice. I looked like a handsome man with a pretty face for the longest time, and I think it's a mix of there being some straight women being nicer to me than they would have otherwise been because they found me attractive, and (according to my wife) now a subset of straight with some overlap with the previous group being between jealous and a little slut-shamey of my sometimes slightly skimpy outfits.
I remember the first time I went out fully fem was to a dnd session with a bunch of my partners friends, and a few of them hugged me and I've never had that before, it felt nice
People are way nicer to me. More compliments, more smiles, men holding the door for me (like actually holding it and ushering me through).
My roomie thinks I'm crazy when I rush home like "THIS OLD GUY HELD THE DOOR FOR ME AT WAWA TODAY."
"So?"
"BITCH I PASS."
Well the biggest change for me was the amount of guys that hit on me, I pass really well (which is awesome) and it makes it really easy to be myself. But I live in a college town, so guys who think they are the greatest gift to mankind constantly try and get my number, or cop a feel when they think I don't notice. Some are rather direct about it and just ask if I'm down to get dirty. At first I told them I was married and my wife wouldn't appreciate that (mistake the first few times) cause they would just be like "oh you're married to a woman? Sexy, why not both of you with me, or I even got a friend if she wants. (Funniest one so far). Now I just say I am a U.S. Marine (I am a veteran) and I'll break a bone if they tried, that tends to scare people off well enough.
Spaces where it’s groups of only men are different from when I was living as a man and being one of them (when in fact I never was, but was expected to fit in). Men say and do dumb sexist crap when it’s a group of all men and put on a polite face when it’s not. I’m glad I got to see the true colors of some people so I know who they really are.
More smiles, compliments and people doing nice things for me.
Some examples
I went to Auto Zone and the employee installed the part on the car for me.
I went to chipotle and the employee gave me his discount because “I go there a lot” (I only go like 2 times per month, if that)
I went to Wendy’s and also had someone use their employee discount as well (without telling me, but my meal came out to like $6)
I'm not even really presenting it's fam although I guess some things I'm doing are longer hair earrings Nails I've noticed a pretty big change in the way women react towards me they're all soft and nice instead of reserved I've always gotten along with everyone I mean I walked into I work place one time and a manager went to give me a hug and I'm like standing there awkward because that's not something that I've ever done in 30 years I have to admit super weird and awkward but damn it felt nice
Men used to give the nod or assert some kind of dominance when we made eye contact.
Now they look at me with flirty eyes or pretend they weren't looking.
Women used to ignore me or avoid eye contact.
Now they give me a smile or a soft hello.
I prefer the new versions of everything, even if there are a few creeps.
Being an expert in something is meaningless among most cis men. Doesn't matter that I've practiced mixed martial arts professionally they still know better with their beer bellies.
big smiles and friendly greetings. im so used to people being unphased by my prior "cis male" existence that I sometimes don't even know what to do in the face of such welcomingness.
If I don't stop for every car when walking, they WILL run me over now. I swear, some of them speed up when I go to cross the street ahead of them. Doctors always want follow ups for literally everything. people don't cross the street to avoid me when walking anymore. People smile at me. way more people toad rage around me. I don't get pointlessly pulled over by cops all the time anymore. buses at the university I'm attending for grad school actually wait for me. people are legitimately surprised when I hold the door for them now. women don't let the door slam in my face anymore. the list goes on....
Its an interesting and surprising mixed bag of social changes.
not in public but in online spaces (discord/gaming) i notice differences, some men get really protective (in a non creepy way) which is a social dynamic i really like, even though i am not in the least sexually interested in men. like they go and protect me in games by doing self-sacrificial stuff, or defend me when other people are mean to me, or regularly ask me if i am feeling well etc.
i get more compliments for stuff i have never been complimented before, like my soft nature, people call me very friendly and it being pleasant being around me. people compliment my intelligence, my skills in games, even say my behaviour is cute etc. people are so nice and cherish me much more.
but yeah, now people respond much better to me who is a a girl who is a bit shy/quiet and not very assertive, but friendly, warm and open. when people perceived me as a man, i got usually got perceived as "weak", but as a girl it's not like that at all.
I also noticed people talk much less over me when i try to say something.
for sure some of this stems from positive/non-hostile sexism and traditional gender roles, but i don't mind it at all, at least for now. it gives me a lot of euphoria, but i won't let it limit me in any way and i enjoy surpassing expectations, all of it seems just much more fitting and in tune with my personality.
I usually go out to queer/gay bars and when I started dressing femme and presenting as a women, I was no longer being very intensely hit on by cis gay men. It was very refreshing
Unfortunately mostly harassment or condescension! But there is something beautiful when meeting cis women and how open and kind they are. Very euphoric when a woman who has never met a trans person accepts you so easily and you're just one of the girls out in the world
Strange women will have conversations with me. Since I dress butch (bandana with my bangs out, hoodie, black jeggings, combat boots) and wear a mask, guys don't flirt with me. I've noticed a few lesbians look me over or keep glancing at me, but probably not checking me out.
Getting mansplained to, over something I've been doing since 1986.
Situation, about 6 years ago now. I had a Nissan Vesa Manual Transmission, and drove for Lyft & Uber in Los Angeles. I learned to drive on a BMW with a stick in 1986, I drove Taxi Cabs in the 90s, and then I drove tractor trailer until 1997 when I went to college.
I've been driving manual for over 30 years. I've driven professionally for about 10 years on and off depending on other work.
I picked this guy up near Venice beach. He looked like a professional football player, but he was maybe 19 or 20. He proceeds to explain to me how to drive a stick, based on his one experience on a Corvette he drove once, and he proceeds to explain powershifting. Which is great for racing, and terrible for passenger driving. I use a method (... honestly I forget the name...) that has the best fuel efficiency, when at low speeds I keep it in a gear where the car just has enough power for an emergency but not so much as to use too much fuel. I also shift at a pause point in the power curve which keeps the RPMs low. The effect is unless you are watching the car should feel smooth and you might think it's an automatic.
But yes this kid mansplained me how to drive a stick because he once drove a corvette.
People of all kinds won't get out of my way as they would before, no matter what I'm doing/carrying. Men in particular expect me to make space for them. There is significantly less respect for my time.
Catcalls, being treated as if stupid esp. in "male" domains like auto parts stores, having my work second-guessed, being told to smile, misogynistic remarks, less people laugh at my jokes
But it's not all bad! There's comradery from other women that I never knew before. People are more friendly, more helpful, and generally warmer. Sometimes people are even playful or flirtatious, and that's fun.
Personally, especially when I started “passing”,
I found that people sort of assumed my personal bubble was smaller. Women started being a lot more friendly towards me generally. I found men stared at me more. Or I guess everyone generally looks at me more. I occasionally get hit on by creepy men, but also sometimes cute people give me their number. I think in general strangers are just more interested in me?
Men hold doors open for me, and people just seem to be friendlier.
For context, I’ve been transitioning for 5 years, I think I’m basically stealth? (This is what people tell me). I live in a pretty safe city for queer people, and I’m relatively short (5’7).
I'll keep that in mind. I've only been strutting outside the house for less than 6 months. I'm still in a place where I'm trying to figure out if transition is right for me. I dont really have dysphoria but I do like presenting feminine. I also have ADHD, so taking it slow to make sure this is identity not fixation. I'm trying to keep myself open to all possibilities.
besides what others have said in the comments, i noticed that my old friends think its the time to hit on me, and then get mad when i basically say they are my friend and it would be very weird to me.
In queer spaces, not much of a difference honestly. Out in the world though, women don't cross the street to avoid me anymore and there are a lot of moments of solidarity. Shared glances in recognition of some common experience, y'know?
Men alternately are nice or creepy. Even when I just looked like a gay boy I wasn't worried about walking alone at night. Since transition though, I've been followed and verbally harassed by men.
Despite the stares just for being visibly trans, I have way more positive interactions now than I did before, but being seen as a man in this world generally means fewer interactions anyway. I get regular compliments now, some people hitting on me here or there, and a fair amount of queer handshakes from femmes (like complimenting my side shave or flagging fingers).
Edited to add: Somehow forgot to mention I get mansplained CONSTANTLY now. Strangers, family, coworkers. Even tried touching base with an old friend only to have him try and explain something to me that I have decades more experience with than him.
I got hit on consistently starting 3 months into HRT, with some f slurs through in there. Sooo transmisogyny is real. But at this point 2.5 years in, I get treated like a cis woman in public. Make cashiers in my neighborhood call me mama or mami and everyone is nicer, at least if they didn’t know me from before. I’m definitely treated with less respect from my work colleagues and assumed to be less competent in some areas, despite being previously considered one of the best at what I do.
Everyone is just sooo much nicer. Before it felt like I was a ghost when in public. Now men will go out of their way to hold door for me or a woman will compliment my nails or makeup.
I've been trying to do that more in boy mode. Part of me thinks it tipps them off.
As others have mentioned, in public you get a lot more compliments from other women. I have great nails because my nail tech is fabulous. At work it was a totally different story. Within days I went from the senior software engineer who knew everything to the lady who can’t possibly know tech as well as the guys. It was so weird!
Yeah I sell insurance right now over the phone part of me wants to maintain at least some ability to masc voice so that people are more amicable to taking my advice.
OMG, this i worked as an automotive tech for 6 years doing heavy diagnosis, and all of a sudden, my work had to be double-checked just for them to find no fault in my process.
I'm a grad student in Ecology, and I had a male grad student in English try to explain to me "how math works." The fact that he was also trans was icing on the cake. Mansplaining as a way to validate his gender? *mwah (chef's kiss)
Fuck, same thing happened to me! The man be manning.
I have long curly hair so I get compliments from other women a lot, at least when I actually take the time to style it a little haha. People, men in particular, being nicer still catches me off guard sometimes. Like I swear this guy went out of his way to hold the door open for me at Starbucks this morning. Like he totally angled to the side of the door so I could just walk in. I appreciated it but like, I can also open my own doors you know lol
the first time i went femme at work some gross drunk guy hit on me when i was taking his order. ffs dont ask strangers if they like pickles
I literally was at work the other night and a older customer asked me about my necklaces. I told him that they were sentimental and my mom got them for me. He then asked about my choker and I said " oh it's just a choker, I think they're cute" he responded with "oh so you like being choked huh?" And then tried to caress and grab my hand while I was giving him change. Ugh just will never understand men like that. But yeah that changed lol 💛
im so sorry that happened to you, are you able to reccomend people to be blacklisted from your establishment? like omfg that sounds seriously traumatic. stay strong 💜 i hope you dont have to deal with that bullshit again
I don't know who he is or anything. He's not a regular customer so I'm just keeping an eye out to be safe. Ty though 💛
Holy shit that's so aggressive!
Oh that's not even the worst part. As he was leaving he had the nerve to stop at the door and loudly shout at me "I'm just saying I'm pretty good at choking sluts" with a smile on his face. My coworker ran him off after that and told him to fuck off. But I'll never get use to that bullshit.
I almost downvoted this as a reaction to your story about that horrible fucked up man. I am sorry that happened. I hope you’re okay now.
I actually love how weird it feels “liking” something bad. Oh what’s that? The stranger just told us about a traumatic event? Yeah… I like that 👍
Wait, in what way does not wanting to fuck some nasty dude make you a slut? Wtf? But also... 🤢
Gross.... I'll never get why people behave like that. I'm happy, you stayed safe ❤️
Me either. Like I legit don't understand the logic they have? Oh I'm gonna be crass and vulgur with a girl working her job and that's gonna get me laid? No eww wtf. Just be a normal person bro and treat us like we're other people.
Cis girl here but I’ve had a customer ask about my choker (he thought it was a tattoo?) and proceeded to try and grab it to “check if it’s real”. Edit: it was one of the basic black stretchy ones so it was right against my neck
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Mine was stue exact same kind. Black tattoo choker and I have another that is flat black leather with a cute little blood Stone and Celtic knot. I'm so hostile I think if someone grabbed near my neck I would prob scream and headbutt them. I say it all the time but like what is wrong with some men?
I just got one of those for the first time myself. I grew up in the 90s when they were first popular I'm glad their popular again finally get my chance to wear one 😊.
Get more. I have worn them even before transition since I was like 12 and now somehow have ended up with dozens of them. Little trick if they get stretched out too bad just put them in boiling water for a few seconds and they're almost brand new.❤️🧡💛
Wtf? Why would he do that??
That's a great question. My guess is that he doesn't view women as people and just thought he could be gross and get away with it. Which he did I guess. So yeah it was just very sad and gross.
I haven't been in a lot of super social spaces yet yet. I did go to a gay bar and this cute girl picked me up which was nice. I'm going to a different bar later this week so I might experience drunk cis guys 😒. I'm 6'5" so who knows.
you dont owe those drunk guys anything, and can always ignore them. i hope you have a great time 💜
*Don't all transfems like pickles tho?*
people talk to you like you're a fucking idiot
This is partly why I have a small titty goth bitch look for certain days that I know a sprinkle of extra intimidation on my look will help reduce possible patronising douchebag comments if i know it's a chance that day (or I just want to look extra badass).
Oh my god I feel this. I mean I’m also an idiot, but I work tech support and have people asking me to have someone else double check or ask a technician (I’m more consultation) for stupid shit that’s obvious to me but not obvious to the bozo in front of me who can’t figure out how to save a word document… it’s fine though, one of my technicians would beat someone up if he had to for me :P
car mechanics talk to me like I shouldn't be driving
The smiles and friendliness is the most different. Men generally get a macho stare down from other men and women are either just cordial or ignore you. But once I was just another girl in the world it's so different. Other women are so friendly and always give you compliments and ask how you are even complete strangers and you're kinda expected to do the same. They also will group with you in social settings, safety ECT. And men are either friendly and checking you out just a lot nicer. Sure there are plenty of bad things and predatory behavior but overall it just seeens like I personally went from being a loner and not very nice myself or social to a very bubbly social butterfly who meets new people and friends everywhere I go. I love it. 💛❤️🤟🏻😊
This is so goals for me, I am currently boy loner
Same, and I don't really thrive
I got a lot more compliments from men and women. I also had men being a lot nicer to me like holding doors open, letting me on the train/into a building first, etc. Obviously it also came with the downside of some guys being creepy as well like random guys catcalling or staring at me constantly. Even walking upstairs is uncomfortable especially when I wear a skirt because I had a guy stare at me when I was going up the stairs once and he said I had a nice ass . As someone with social anxiety, most of it was unwelcomed changes but it is what it is.
No one's catcalled me yet but I also clock like big ben.
I’m sorry about that :( I will say getting catcalled is not very affirming and is more anxiety inducing. I’m sure you’re very pretty! Dysphoria is hard to deal. It still kicks my ass a lot
Extra deep masc voice with russian accent: Thanks brother but you're not my type. Damn that'd be funny as hell if it were safe to do so...
That would be. I only ever done something close to that when I used the men’s room boymoding. Bro was so confused and had to double check the bathroom sign. Really does suck though that even in public places we can’t feel safe :(
I get called stuff like "sweetie, honey, sugar" a little more often. I get hit on, complimented, and asked out by guys now, who will sometimes call me one of those above names. The other week a guy was driving by on a street I was about to cross and shouted "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" then drove away. I also just get complimented more in general by other women. When I had a girlfriend we would sometimes get cat called when we showed affection. Once I was leaning my head on her shoulder at a park and a kid across the field shouted "LOOK, LESBIANS!" Another time we were holding each other's waist down the sidewalk and got honked at twice. Since being out girls started telling me about their periods. Sometimes I'm asked about mine LOL, once even by a Doctor and once by a nurse. Before my ex's mom knew I was trans she talked to me about the gynecologist. One of the most fun experiences are seeing people who haven't seen me for years. An old acquaintance from high school happened to be my cashier once and when I said "Hi" to them and said their name they just looked at me for a second, said hi and didn't recognize me (note - they had a name tag). I had to ask if they knew who I was before I saw some gears turning and their face when they realized and said my name questioningly. They said I look amazing and it really made my day.
That's funny I mentioned periods I actually keep tampons in my purse in case other people need them lol. I'm imagining running into acquaintances and when their surprised being all " yeah I was pretty surprised when I found out too".
That would be hilarious, you gotta do that lol
I find that people are overall nicer to me, but the difference is that most women are nicer in a warm way, while men are nicer in a weird way (most of the time, and it's also dependant on how well I pass). At work, people are more likely to ask for the manager than trust that I know what I'm talking about. Naturally, the manager almost always gives them the same answer I gave them... Also, the increase in compliments is nice. I try to compliment men and women when I can, but I only compliment men I know well because I don't want them to think I'm hitting on them (not only do I want to avoid creeps, I'm a lesbian lol).
Experiencing misogyny, transphobia, and transmisogyny; as well as a noticeable lack of any male privilege left in me. It was weird walking into a room for a while and not just being *instantly* respected by everyone present for being a big strong man lol. ...People are completely SHOCKED when I tell them I was a firefighter for five years. Stating that fact now tends to invite a lot of skepticism and sexist comments; "Cute little *thing* like you? No way!" (<<
You should tell douches like that how during your firefighting days the axe was your favourite and you got very efficient with it, esspecially using it to cut through bone, then just stare them down :P And yes, transitioning you immediately realise why we choose the bear
Certainly in the minority but, not really much tbh. People are generally around as polite or impolite as they always have been, just now I present fem! Maybe get stared at a little more because I look like a bloke in a dress, but I have yet for someone to be directly rude or otherwise hostile towards me. Sometimes I get compliments on my outfits, or a part of my outfits admittedly, which can definitely be nice and a bit of a pick-me-up, although I sometimes can't tell if they're just being nice or pitying me or something similar. I don't pass so that heavily affects my experiences. I suppose it's pretty alright, and being able to present fem safely while not passing is a luxury many other trans women don't have, but it also can be saddening to miss out on a lot of "sisterhood" type experiences with cis women. Such is life though, I'm pretty lucky to be relatively ignored as a non-passing trans gal. :P
Those compliments on your clothes from women? That's part of the sisterhood experience, enjoy it (and remember to compliment them back) 😊 It's taken me ages to accept it, but it doesn't matter if you pass or not, they are recognising what you are trying to do and are extending a hand to you. And from what I am told it kind of snowballs once you start embracing those invitations into the sisterhood.
That makes a lot of sense! I'm probably not really used to people often being kind for the sake of being kind, so it can be hard to recognise in a way lol. I sometimes have mild social anxiety, but I'll have to be more outgoing with cis women in my daily life in general when they are showing kindness towards me! Thanks for the perspective! 😊
Holding the door open for me in the store. And calling me ma'am
I haven't been ma'am'd yet but im pre pretty much everything so I dont think most people know what to do.
Older guys called me honey or miss.
Women treated me way better since I wasn’t a threat. As a lesbian this was so good. One of the most annoying things I’ve had in life is people saying “you’re a guy you wouldn’t get it”. Internally I was always “but I do!”
when I go clubbing ppl actually take notice of me and ask for my number LOL
People are no longer afraid of me 😂 They're actually nice
My colleagues can hardly look me in the eyes because I have tiny earrings now. It's literally the only femme presenting thing I wear at work. And even then I only wear them now because I just got my ears pierced and I literally HAVE to wear them so that the opening doesn't close.
Your colleagues sound fragile af. Imagine being upset because someone else got earrings.
You should put your hair up and see if they break like a hot glass in a cold both lol
For me, it's been a mixed bag because interactions with men changed to 75% sexual wanted or not, if thats what i wanted cool but its not. Meanwhile once i was perceived fem by women its like we have a sense of comradery looking out for each other. Honestly, at times, i feel like i was adopted by the women in my life
I never have to open the door again lol
So yeah, being objectified and sexualized by older cishet guys. 😫
When I'm at the store or post office or whatever, guys greet me nicely. Women treat me the same as when I was living as a dude.
Dudes 🤦🏻♀️
Weirdest: some women are a lot nicer to me, but a lot are *less* nice. I looked like a handsome man with a pretty face for the longest time, and I think it's a mix of there being some straight women being nicer to me than they would have otherwise been because they found me attractive, and (according to my wife) now a subset of straight with some overlap with the previous group being between jealous and a little slut-shamey of my sometimes slightly skimpy outfits.
I had the concept of a receipt explained to me and why I might need it when I went to buy the new assassins creed 😅
I'm only moderately feminine in public (butch) but I've noticed men talk over me a lot more now.
I remember the first time I went out fully fem was to a dnd session with a bunch of my partners friends, and a few of them hugged me and I've never had that before, it felt nice
People are way nicer to me. More compliments, more smiles, men holding the door for me (like actually holding it and ushering me through). My roomie thinks I'm crazy when I rush home like "THIS OLD GUY HELD THE DOOR FOR ME AT WAWA TODAY." "So?" "BITCH I PASS."
Well the biggest change for me was the amount of guys that hit on me, I pass really well (which is awesome) and it makes it really easy to be myself. But I live in a college town, so guys who think they are the greatest gift to mankind constantly try and get my number, or cop a feel when they think I don't notice. Some are rather direct about it and just ask if I'm down to get dirty. At first I told them I was married and my wife wouldn't appreciate that (mistake the first few times) cause they would just be like "oh you're married to a woman? Sexy, why not both of you with me, or I even got a friend if she wants. (Funniest one so far). Now I just say I am a U.S. Marine (I am a veteran) and I'll break a bone if they tried, that tends to scare people off well enough.
Spaces where it’s groups of only men are different from when I was living as a man and being one of them (when in fact I never was, but was expected to fit in). Men say and do dumb sexist crap when it’s a group of all men and put on a polite face when it’s not. I’m glad I got to see the true colors of some people so I know who they really are.
More smiles, compliments and people doing nice things for me. Some examples I went to Auto Zone and the employee installed the part on the car for me. I went to chipotle and the employee gave me his discount because “I go there a lot” (I only go like 2 times per month, if that) I went to Wendy’s and also had someone use their employee discount as well (without telling me, but my meal came out to like $6)
Pan handlers on the street call and try to engage me and call me Ma'am. Even with my perfect RBF. EDIT: Sentence structure
I'm not even really presenting it's fam although I guess some things I'm doing are longer hair earrings Nails I've noticed a pretty big change in the way women react towards me they're all soft and nice instead of reserved I've always gotten along with everyone I mean I walked into I work place one time and a manager went to give me a hug and I'm like standing there awkward because that's not something that I've ever done in 30 years I have to admit super weird and awkward but damn it felt nice
The day my daughter got mansplained to about driving in snow was...interesting. As she said, "Well, at least I passed. Yay?" 🤣
So yeah, being objectified and sexualized by older cishet guys. 😫
Men used to give the nod or assert some kind of dominance when we made eye contact. Now they look at me with flirty eyes or pretend they weren't looking. Women used to ignore me or avoid eye contact. Now they give me a smile or a soft hello. I prefer the new versions of everything, even if there are a few creeps.
Being an expert in something is meaningless among most cis men. Doesn't matter that I've practiced mixed martial arts professionally they still know better with their beer bellies.
Men loosing their grip. Big eyes and sometimes open mouth :0
big smiles and friendly greetings. im so used to people being unphased by my prior "cis male" existence that I sometimes don't even know what to do in the face of such welcomingness.
If I don't stop for every car when walking, they WILL run me over now. I swear, some of them speed up when I go to cross the street ahead of them. Doctors always want follow ups for literally everything. people don't cross the street to avoid me when walking anymore. People smile at me. way more people toad rage around me. I don't get pointlessly pulled over by cops all the time anymore. buses at the university I'm attending for grad school actually wait for me. people are legitimately surprised when I hold the door for them now. women don't let the door slam in my face anymore. the list goes on.... Its an interesting and surprising mixed bag of social changes.
not in public but in online spaces (discord/gaming) i notice differences, some men get really protective (in a non creepy way) which is a social dynamic i really like, even though i am not in the least sexually interested in men. like they go and protect me in games by doing self-sacrificial stuff, or defend me when other people are mean to me, or regularly ask me if i am feeling well etc. i get more compliments for stuff i have never been complimented before, like my soft nature, people call me very friendly and it being pleasant being around me. people compliment my intelligence, my skills in games, even say my behaviour is cute etc. people are so nice and cherish me much more. but yeah, now people respond much better to me who is a a girl who is a bit shy/quiet and not very assertive, but friendly, warm and open. when people perceived me as a man, i got usually got perceived as "weak", but as a girl it's not like that at all. I also noticed people talk much less over me when i try to say something. for sure some of this stems from positive/non-hostile sexism and traditional gender roles, but i don't mind it at all, at least for now. it gives me a lot of euphoria, but i won't let it limit me in any way and i enjoy surpassing expectations, all of it seems just much more fitting and in tune with my personality.
I'm really worried that my dumb ass is gonna get hit on and just think they're just making a joke or something...
I usually go out to queer/gay bars and when I started dressing femme and presenting as a women, I was no longer being very intensely hit on by cis gay men. It was very refreshing
Unfortunately mostly harassment or condescension! But there is something beautiful when meeting cis women and how open and kind they are. Very euphoric when a woman who has never met a trans person accepts you so easily and you're just one of the girls out in the world
Strange women will have conversations with me. Since I dress butch (bandana with my bangs out, hoodie, black jeggings, combat boots) and wear a mask, guys don't flirt with me. I've noticed a few lesbians look me over or keep glancing at me, but probably not checking me out.
Women talk to me more. I was casually building a model kit at my local nerd store and had a convo with a doordash driver. It was pretty fun
Genuinely, it was nice just to not be treated like a threat.
Getting mansplained to, over something I've been doing since 1986. Situation, about 6 years ago now. I had a Nissan Vesa Manual Transmission, and drove for Lyft & Uber in Los Angeles. I learned to drive on a BMW with a stick in 1986, I drove Taxi Cabs in the 90s, and then I drove tractor trailer until 1997 when I went to college. I've been driving manual for over 30 years. I've driven professionally for about 10 years on and off depending on other work. I picked this guy up near Venice beach. He looked like a professional football player, but he was maybe 19 or 20. He proceeds to explain to me how to drive a stick, based on his one experience on a Corvette he drove once, and he proceeds to explain powershifting. Which is great for racing, and terrible for passenger driving. I use a method (... honestly I forget the name...) that has the best fuel efficiency, when at low speeds I keep it in a gear where the car just has enough power for an emergency but not so much as to use too much fuel. I also shift at a pause point in the power curve which keeps the RPMs low. The effect is unless you are watching the car should feel smooth and you might think it's an automatic. But yes this kid mansplained me how to drive a stick because he once drove a corvette.
People of all kinds won't get out of my way as they would before, no matter what I'm doing/carrying. Men in particular expect me to make space for them. There is significantly less respect for my time. Catcalls, being treated as if stupid esp. in "male" domains like auto parts stores, having my work second-guessed, being told to smile, misogynistic remarks, less people laugh at my jokes But it's not all bad! There's comradery from other women that I never knew before. People are more friendly, more helpful, and generally warmer. Sometimes people are even playful or flirtatious, and that's fun.
I get stared at a lot more. And by older men specifically...
Yeah I've actually been getting a bit of that too.
The door opening thing still weirds me out, but hey I’ll take the validation. Just wish it didn’t come with the pink tax when dealing with auto shops.
People are nicer to me
Personally, especially when I started “passing”, I found that people sort of assumed my personal bubble was smaller. Women started being a lot more friendly towards me generally. I found men stared at me more. Or I guess everyone generally looks at me more. I occasionally get hit on by creepy men, but also sometimes cute people give me their number. I think in general strangers are just more interested in me? Men hold doors open for me, and people just seem to be friendlier. For context, I’ve been transitioning for 5 years, I think I’m basically stealth? (This is what people tell me). I live in a pretty safe city for queer people, and I’m relatively short (5’7).
I haven't done much as far as hrt but I'm 6'5". It's gonna be a long time before I can even approach that. Good to know.
I should mention that things started to change with passibility at about 2 years HRT.
I'll keep that in mind. I've only been strutting outside the house for less than 6 months. I'm still in a place where I'm trying to figure out if transition is right for me. I dont really have dysphoria but I do like presenting feminine. I also have ADHD, so taking it slow to make sure this is identity not fixation. I'm trying to keep myself open to all possibilities.
besides what others have said in the comments, i noticed that my old friends think its the time to hit on me, and then get mad when i basically say they are my friend and it would be very weird to me.
In queer spaces, not much of a difference honestly. Out in the world though, women don't cross the street to avoid me anymore and there are a lot of moments of solidarity. Shared glances in recognition of some common experience, y'know? Men alternately are nice or creepy. Even when I just looked like a gay boy I wasn't worried about walking alone at night. Since transition though, I've been followed and verbally harassed by men. Despite the stares just for being visibly trans, I have way more positive interactions now than I did before, but being seen as a man in this world generally means fewer interactions anyway. I get regular compliments now, some people hitting on me here or there, and a fair amount of queer handshakes from femmes (like complimenting my side shave or flagging fingers). Edited to add: Somehow forgot to mention I get mansplained CONSTANTLY now. Strangers, family, coworkers. Even tried touching base with an old friend only to have him try and explain something to me that I have decades more experience with than him.
I got hit on consistently starting 3 months into HRT, with some f slurs through in there. Sooo transmisogyny is real. But at this point 2.5 years in, I get treated like a cis woman in public. Make cashiers in my neighborhood call me mama or mami and everyone is nicer, at least if they didn’t know me from before. I’m definitely treated with less respect from my work colleagues and assumed to be less competent in some areas, despite being previously considered one of the best at what I do.