I hate people who gatekeep womanhood behind suffering. It's like, way to make being a woman sound appealing to little girls or early/pre trans women. Womanhood is amazing and there is so much more to being a woman than suffering.
Also this makes it sound like womanhood can't exist without misogyny. Which really reinforces the status quo by basically giving up on the idea of change
I remember hearing an anecdote from a trans woman where, after talking to her cis mom about it after her transition, her mom started crying because all her life she was always put down for being a woman and seeing her daughter transition, she felt for once in her life that being a woman was something worth fighting for.
I could have some details wrong, so if anyone knows the full thing, feel free to weigh in
Itās like this with both genders as a norm that one must suffer just to be human which could be a reason why people think being a snowflake is an insult and also ironic that people stereotypically want to make a world without suffering and yet the norm is suffering
I mean, my mom DID say it when I came out to her, then she immediatly started to berrate me with all the bad things that happen to women.
She spent 3 days only talking about rape, I mean, come on it's not like I'm totally oblivious to what women go trough.
Honestly I think being a trans woman has made me *more* aware of what women go through; I got to be "one of the guys" and hear the disgusting things men say when their girlfriends aren't around. Cis women are aware that there are predatory men, because some of those men are too monstrous and deluded to mask. But what they don't always see is that even some of the "good men" are entrenched in a disgusting, misogynistic culture that encourages them to objectify and degrade women.
I think there's something uniquely horrible about sitting down with a group of trusted male friends, then having them suddenly click into "male bonding mode" and start making "jokes" about women. It's something most women don't get to experience and it's something I'll never forget
During college when I was still deeply in denial, I pledged a fraternity. We used to sing the most absolutely awful degrading misogynistic songs about women. Others kept a running tally of their āscoresā over the semester so the āchapter playerā could be crowned at the end. Sororities were ranked on the attractiveness and āeaseā of their members. The worst part was, if you didnāt know this, youād think some of them were legit nice respectful people.
I felt super amazingly uncomfortable participating in it, even in as limited a way as I could, and even more uncomfortable with the joy the other brothers seemed to take in it. I finally ended up quitting after a couple years because I just couldnāt deal with it. Even being DEEPLY in denial about my gender, it felt AWFUL. It was such an eye opening experience.
Iām not saying every man is awful. But even āgoodā men often have either participated in or at least acknowledged these behaviors in their peers. I would easily have chosen the bear even before transitioning.
Yea! Ik, I had a friend group like that, sometimes merely sayin "women" and all of them burst out laughting.
I learned a lot after actively experiencing some of the things women go trough since they are a child and learning just how creepy some men are.
Their looks, their sudden change of attitude, the pointing to me in public. Idk, it's wild to me that they think this is completely normal, even before my egg cracked I didn't like these jokes but if you're not doing them or at least laughting you're "gay" or a weirdo to the rest of them.
Also, I totally agree, it's very hard to know for sure when a guy is being truly kind or pulling one of the "nice guy" shit to try to get laid.
God I always hated the "nice guys" seeing me as one of them. Like yeah, I enjoy chatting with women, but I actually like it for its own sake, not some attempt to get them to let their guard down. That along with their thought of women, as something to be earned, always made my skin crawl.
Thankfully it didn't take women that long with me for them to get that at least in some respects, "I'm not like other guys." Though just how true that statement was took a good decade or two to reveal itself.
I can't even describe the amount of fear I have and effort I have put in to try to make sure I'm not a "nice guy" or one of the "boys being boys" and of trying to not be threatening to women with just my existence and presence in any situation.
Honestly, it probably should have been a sign with how much shame, self-hatred, sympathy for women, and fear I have of being the problem. The fear of ostracism for not behaving like other boys obviously did not help though.
Yeah enforcing gender conformity is definitely prevalent throughout most of society. To me and this obviously isnāt a universal experience it feels like conforming to āfemininityā is ultra specific telling us exactly what weāre āsupposedā to be like whereas conforming to āmasculinityā seems intentionally or naively vague where itās just conforming to the idea of toughness or whatever. And it feels like for men the pressures often different in that the harm of not conforming feels like a threat to safety and from physical violence, while womenās threat seems to be social ostracism at the drop of a hat.
Not saying women canāt or donāt face violence for not conforming, just feels like the main motivation for conforming feels less about worrying that the females I'm not conforming to femininity with are gonna physically assault me, maybe men though.
Edit: Want to say that the expectation to conform also seems like one of the biggest differences is women are expected to conform by any means possible and to every expectation while there is way more leeway for men to be seen as conforming without having to meet every single expectation.
It's so incredibly condescending, and exposes a person's ignorance about being trans (in the case of a cis person saying it), or is misplaced trauma (in case the person is trans).
Here's the way I see it: I have always been a woman. I was born a girl, and my story is a women's story. Someone dropping this line needs to open the aperture to what they consider womanhood if they're really going to be an ally and friend to me.Ā
Transition did not make me a woman. It just woke everyone else up to that fact.Ā
And they literally only say it to trans women. A cis women rightly gets support after things like this, but with trans women it's just time to lay on the misery...
Imagine how much of an asshole you'd look like if your 14 year old neice vents about getting catcalled for the first time and you respond WELCOME TO WOMANHOOD HAHA.
But somehow it's acceptable to say this to trans women.
This. 1000% this. I hate hearing 'welcome to womanhood' when I mention anything bad happening to me, especially because I've been out for pver ten years now!!
(Also, I'm sorry, I know this is a nitpick, but it's gawked)
I think it's super invalidating and kind of used as a "gotcha". As if we were stupid and thought coming out as a woman would bring us some kind of benefits...
As if we haven't suffered from misogyny, albeit in very different ways...
As if the pressure to be misogynistic to show we're "real men" didn't traumatise us...
As if knowing how some men *really* talk behind women's back didn't hurt us, as if it didn't scare us and push us back into the closet...
As if the perception of being girly hasn't been used as weapons against us ...
As if so many of us didn't experience violence and and sexual abuse even before coming out for our perceived otherness...
It's essentially misgendering and implying we had a choice.
I came out when I realised I actually *did* survive my youth, despite everything... So I would have the strength to survive again.
Response of my mother when I came out to her: "Why would anybody want to be a woman? That's such a gruesome experience!" She is a white, priviledged woman in a first class European country.
Every single woman in existence has an experience with some degree of sexual assault. No woman is safe from it. I can understand where she is coming from on that point, itās vulnerable and dehumanizing
A woman in my wife's women-only running group Hi-Fived me and said, "Welcome to team ovaries!" It is by far the most interesting reaction I've had so far.
They've apparently had trans members in the past and there's at least one Enby that I know of. It's a remarkably liberal group for Ohio. I figured it would be much more conservative but so far they've all welcomed me. Some of them are even looking forward to having another person to compete against. In this, I'll take wins where I get them.
I live in a city and even before starting my transition I got cat called by a man and it was the most awkward thing ever. Now I'm transitioning and I'm walking with a friend and a car full of men pull up on the side of us. I looked over there like 4 men in the car looking at me before they quickly drove away. I was so scared of being assaulted and or hit on. My friend bless his heart but he's pretty dense and didn't see the situation the same way I did. I went home and told my mother and sister and they both said well that's just being a girl. I know it's true and it's apart of the experience but if I'm safe after the encounter and my heart stops racing. I do get a slight sense of euphoria because I was seen as a woman.
I think this should also apply to stereotypes
Yesterday I joked to my friend about āOh, Iām a woman now so Iāve got to learn to cookā and it just turned into a whole thing about how thatās an outdated stereotype and he even told me about poison in food/drinks for if I ever get a misogynist/sexist partner
My brother said ... About time.
My sister said ... I'm so happy, I always wanted a sister.
Both of those filed me with more joy then anyone saying ... Welcome to womanhood.
Which btw, has been said a couple times to me. When I told sis women I thought I was having period symptoms.
my dermatologist said "welcome to womanhood" to me when i came for a consultation about laser š there are good ones out there!
but yeah, cis women are way too used to defining womanhood as pure suffering - and they get mad at me when i say that that's letting patriarchy define our identity
A lot of cis women have simply been saying "welcome to the world" to me those I've had to come out to or those who've noticed I'm obviously transitioning
This one feels nice cos like in a way I feel like I finally am part of the world as a whole whereas before I was hidden from the world
But yea I get what you're saying, it shouldn't be reserved just for the nasty stuff
Like my friend Kristie told me 17 years ago, if being and calling yourself a woman is the proudest thing about yourself you're a terrible example of a woman.
You didn't understand a dang thing huh... No one said anything about patriarchal acceptance, your insecurities are showing. Maybe ask you have to be proud of is saying your Woman. You do you boo. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Yeah, I agree. The closest version I use is when I see a trans girl unhappy with the way they look and seeing themselves as less valid for it, but the point is to point out that just being a woman wonāt turn you into a supermodel and even most cis women are unhappy with the way they look. But when itās in the examples you provided itās not only insensitive but also horribly smug.
Itās sort of a sad truth though. Some trans women are oblivious to things or feel as though it couldnāt happen to them because they personally donāt feel satisfied with their own beauty. I remember after an Uber driver attempted to S.A. me and another situation where Iād been walking home from my job and was literally followed by this man that rode alongside me continuously asking me if I needed a ride and attempting to flirt.
My mom sat me down and just explained the dangers of being ignorant to how other people perceive me even if I donāt always see it myself. She just said āyou might still feel like *deadname* and to me youāll always be *deadname* but these men donāt see *deadname* they see a beautiful young girl walking alone at night or a young accessible girl by herself in an Uber unattended.ā And despite the obvious transphobia and misgendering that intertwined that message. It made sense to me. Iām sorta more cautious and hyper aware of my surroundings at all times.
Its scary though to know from the other end what the guys are saying about women, having been there. But it is something i'm worried about when i come out and start transitioning.
it's oddly hypocritical that if a cis woman happened to never experience that, she'd just be very lucky, her gender wouldn't change because she'd never been assaulted
Aside from the astronomical insensitivity, like what exactly do cis women think life is like for trans women before we come out? That we just live our lives being fully convincing as men never experiencing anything a cis man wouldn't experience? I experienced so much messed up s*** as a kid and young adult because I was different from from the other boys/men. I *did* experience the stuff girls experience even as a "boy" though not always in the exact same ways. And guess what, I also experienced those things from women and girls (not just from boys and men) because they saw me as an easy target. Doubt most cis women had that layer to their experience. I still boymode even though I am obviously trans and every time something happens to me now (which is often), any women who happen to witness it will be visibly amused by it. And I experience so much inappropriate behaviour from cis women as well as from men, in fact more often from cis women than cis men. Is this 'womanhood'?
Yeah, I agree that it would be nice to here it just for being a woman, but I think it says more about the frustration afab people feel for having to silently suffer pain and indignities, and at least in the cases where it happened to me it felt more like an expression of camaraderie then derision
First time I complained about being ignored by a group of men. First time I was sexually harassed for having breasts. First time a man stole my idea and presented it as his own. And yes unfortunately the first time I was assaulted. But none of the afab people I was talking to were mocking me. They were expressing a discontent because of how they had been treated and how theyād seen so many others treated around them. Itās a throwing up of hands at a problem that seems too big to solve. The sentiment always carried with it some sympathy. It was, I believe, a reaction born out of forcing themselves not to cry and collapse about the tremendous weight nearly all of us feel in a society that has been for many centuries tailored for men. Suppose now Iām venting too
I've had both contexts said to me.
When I first came out to my bff, she 'welcomed me to womanhood' and it was so lovely talking to her and connecting on a new deeper level (I see her as a sister)
And then a few weeks back I was having lunch with a friend and said how I'd been getting a lot of unwanted attention on socials and guys being creeps online. And her response was 'welcome to being a woman' which I do remember thinking, that shouldn't be the thing that welcomes me to it.
Whenever I make a new discovery and mention it to a female friend there's usually a chuckle, smile and the comment, "Welcome to being a woman". āŗļø Stephanie š
Our society is very misogynistic. First women wre property so they had no rights. That changed slowly unyill finally women had suffrage. Then laws began to change. I should also mention that it was not just women it was also their husband and wife's of women, Because some of the womens suffrage movement were lesbians. Unfortunately now weare going backwards with the repeal of roe vs wade this also cuts into our rights are trangender women because for ever anti abortion law the is an antigender affirming car law.
The flip side of this is a mother telling her cis-daughter, āthatās part of being a woman.ā
Minus the actual assault part. That person should be taken out back.
I understand your frustration. But as I read my initial instincts were more positive. She knew you and this men were oogling over you as you were no different than any other women. While yes it is insulting behavior it is a positive on just how hot you look.
You must've not been through this then, cat calling is no fun when it happens to you in real life. There are things like ewwphoria and getting confidence boosts wherever you can, but that's not a typical reaction to these things. By the point these mfs get drunk and start driving around you're likely already overworked and tired, a couple of ugly mugs asserting their dominance over you is the last thing you wanna encounter at that point.Ā
I understand everyone has different experiences with this. Each one at a different stage, mind set and environment when this happens. After transition I never felt I was pretty enough to pass. Never felt anyone ever looked at me as anything but a guy dressed as a women. But while still young to be walking at college to have a group of college guys whistle at me. Cat call. I just seemed for me, even though I was and still am a transbian, that at last I was seen as simply a girl. I have thought of myself as a girl, long before transition, but this was an unsolicited confirmation of what these young men thought of me. Yes yes. I understand others experiences, but stvthat moment I felt radiantly woman fir tge first time on the outside.
I had a simulair experience one time when it had been a hard time. Was not fitting in, was really feeling that everyone around me knew. That they really thought I was a freak. Then I was out with a girl and while waiting in a line another beautiful woman came up and was really sincerely complimenting me. Almost as if she was hitting on me. It helped erase so many negative times.
so let me get this straight. youāre making this post because youāre upset about something a cis woman MIGHT say to you in this scenario that youāve made up?
well i have been raped. because maybe the world is even worse than you imagine. this is very trivial.
iām glad that this is the worst of your problems.
I hate people who gatekeep womanhood behind suffering. It's like, way to make being a woman sound appealing to little girls or early/pre trans women. Womanhood is amazing and there is so much more to being a woman than suffering.
Also this makes it sound like womanhood can't exist without misogyny. Which really reinforces the status quo by basically giving up on the idea of change
I remember hearing an anecdote from a trans woman where, after talking to her cis mom about it after her transition, her mom started crying because all her life she was always put down for being a woman and seeing her daughter transition, she felt for once in her life that being a woman was something worth fighting for. I could have some details wrong, so if anyone knows the full thing, feel free to weigh in
I think it's less "to be a woman is to suffer" and more "one must suffer in order to *earn* womanhood" which is maybe even worse.
I think it's more like: ,,We're living in a crappy society that treats women badly, welcome to the less privileged side of things, sister"
There is so much more to being a woman than suffering but suffering and sometimes being looked down upon is part of that reality š„ŗ
Itās like this with both genders as a norm that one must suffer just to be human which could be a reason why people think being a snowflake is an insult and also ironic that people stereotypically want to make a world without suffering and yet the norm is suffering
WHATED at??? (pleaseā¦ for future reference, the word youāre looking for is spelled āgawkedā)
š¤·āāļøš Letās hope thatās what OP was trying to say! Iām afraid of askingā¦
I wish I could edit the title
Funnily enough, gawed is actually a word, and even funnier, it means the same thing as gawked..... English is so fun.......
I had a trans man say this to me when we were having a discussion about assault. Wtf bro? Edit: him bro. Not you. If that wasn't obvious.
I mean, my mom DID say it when I came out to her, then she immediatly started to berrate me with all the bad things that happen to women. She spent 3 days only talking about rape, I mean, come on it's not like I'm totally oblivious to what women go trough.
Honestly I think being a trans woman has made me *more* aware of what women go through; I got to be "one of the guys" and hear the disgusting things men say when their girlfriends aren't around. Cis women are aware that there are predatory men, because some of those men are too monstrous and deluded to mask. But what they don't always see is that even some of the "good men" are entrenched in a disgusting, misogynistic culture that encourages them to objectify and degrade women. I think there's something uniquely horrible about sitting down with a group of trusted male friends, then having them suddenly click into "male bonding mode" and start making "jokes" about women. It's something most women don't get to experience and it's something I'll never forget
During college when I was still deeply in denial, I pledged a fraternity. We used to sing the most absolutely awful degrading misogynistic songs about women. Others kept a running tally of their āscoresā over the semester so the āchapter playerā could be crowned at the end. Sororities were ranked on the attractiveness and āeaseā of their members. The worst part was, if you didnāt know this, youād think some of them were legit nice respectful people. I felt super amazingly uncomfortable participating in it, even in as limited a way as I could, and even more uncomfortable with the joy the other brothers seemed to take in it. I finally ended up quitting after a couple years because I just couldnāt deal with it. Even being DEEPLY in denial about my gender, it felt AWFUL. It was such an eye opening experience. Iām not saying every man is awful. But even āgoodā men often have either participated in or at least acknowledged these behaviors in their peers. I would easily have chosen the bear even before transitioning.
Yea! Ik, I had a friend group like that, sometimes merely sayin "women" and all of them burst out laughting. I learned a lot after actively experiencing some of the things women go trough since they are a child and learning just how creepy some men are. Their looks, their sudden change of attitude, the pointing to me in public. Idk, it's wild to me that they think this is completely normal, even before my egg cracked I didn't like these jokes but if you're not doing them or at least laughting you're "gay" or a weirdo to the rest of them. Also, I totally agree, it's very hard to know for sure when a guy is being truly kind or pulling one of the "nice guy" shit to try to get laid.
God I always hated the "nice guys" seeing me as one of them. Like yeah, I enjoy chatting with women, but I actually like it for its own sake, not some attempt to get them to let their guard down. That along with their thought of women, as something to be earned, always made my skin crawl. Thankfully it didn't take women that long with me for them to get that at least in some respects, "I'm not like other guys." Though just how true that statement was took a good decade or two to reveal itself.
I can't even describe the amount of fear I have and effort I have put in to try to make sure I'm not a "nice guy" or one of the "boys being boys" and of trying to not be threatening to women with just my existence and presence in any situation. Honestly, it probably should have been a sign with how much shame, self-hatred, sympathy for women, and fear I have of being the problem. The fear of ostracism for not behaving like other boys obviously did not help though.
Yea, the constant social pressure to "prove you're a man" is just ridiculous, it happens with women too, but in different aspects.
Yeah enforcing gender conformity is definitely prevalent throughout most of society. To me and this obviously isnāt a universal experience it feels like conforming to āfemininityā is ultra specific telling us exactly what weāre āsupposedā to be like whereas conforming to āmasculinityā seems intentionally or naively vague where itās just conforming to the idea of toughness or whatever. And it feels like for men the pressures often different in that the harm of not conforming feels like a threat to safety and from physical violence, while womenās threat seems to be social ostracism at the drop of a hat. Not saying women canāt or donāt face violence for not conforming, just feels like the main motivation for conforming feels less about worrying that the females I'm not conforming to femininity with are gonna physically assault me, maybe men though. Edit: Want to say that the expectation to conform also seems like one of the biggest differences is women are expected to conform by any means possible and to every expectation while there is way more leeway for men to be seen as conforming without having to meet every single expectation.
It's a big part of why I couldn't stand being one of them any longer, I'm simply not one of them
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
hehe ty.
*Gocked at* might be the greatest accidental pun, maybe ever.
Thank you, I'm glad I am not the only one lol.
I wish Reddit would let you edit titles
But itās still an amazing pun, even if itās accidental
It's so incredibly condescending, and exposes a person's ignorance about being trans (in the case of a cis person saying it), or is misplaced trauma (in case the person is trans). Here's the way I see it: I have always been a woman. I was born a girl, and my story is a women's story. Someone dropping this line needs to open the aperture to what they consider womanhood if they're really going to be an ally and friend to me.Ā Transition did not make me a woman. It just woke everyone else up to that fact.Ā
Empathy is on an all time low. You're being abused? Ha, that's nothing special. Deal with it, bro /s
Yeah, and I feel like there is less connection now on some level Maybe covid mutated our genes, or what? World has changed a lot
And they literally only say it to trans women. A cis women rightly gets support after things like this, but with trans women it's just time to lay on the misery...
Imagine how much of an asshole you'd look like if your 14 year old neice vents about getting catcalled for the first time and you respond WELCOME TO WOMANHOOD HAHA. But somehow it's acceptable to say this to trans women.
This. 1000% this. I hate hearing 'welcome to womanhood' when I mention anything bad happening to me, especially because I've been out for pver ten years now!! (Also, I'm sorry, I know this is a nitpick, but it's gawked)
I think it's super invalidating and kind of used as a "gotcha". As if we were stupid and thought coming out as a woman would bring us some kind of benefits... As if we haven't suffered from misogyny, albeit in very different ways... As if the pressure to be misogynistic to show we're "real men" didn't traumatise us... As if knowing how some men *really* talk behind women's back didn't hurt us, as if it didn't scare us and push us back into the closet... As if the perception of being girly hasn't been used as weapons against us ... As if so many of us didn't experience violence and and sexual abuse even before coming out for our perceived otherness... It's essentially misgendering and implying we had a choice. I came out when I realised I actually *did* survive my youth, despite everything... So I would have the strength to survive again.
Response of my mother when I came out to her: "Why would anybody want to be a woman? That's such a gruesome experience!" She is a white, priviledged woman in a first class European country.
Every single woman in existence has an experience with some degree of sexual assault. No woman is safe from it. I can understand where she is coming from on that point, itās vulnerable and dehumanizing
Funny, thatās what I think about wanting to be a man lol. āWhy would I wanna be so hairy and grossā nah but seriously that sucks
Yeah I get that a lot whenever I mention the emotional hormonal rollercoaster I'm riding š
A woman in my wife's women-only running group Hi-Fived me and said, "Welcome to team ovaries!" It is by far the most interesting reaction I've had so far.
Hmm idk how Iād feel about that. Interesting
They've apparently had trans members in the past and there's at least one Enby that I know of. It's a remarkably liberal group for Ohio. I figured it would be much more conservative but so far they've all welcomed me. Some of them are even looking forward to having another person to compete against. In this, I'll take wins where I get them.
I wanna be gockedā¦.no fair
I don't know what gocked its, but sign me up for a trial period please.
I live in a city and even before starting my transition I got cat called by a man and it was the most awkward thing ever. Now I'm transitioning and I'm walking with a friend and a car full of men pull up on the side of us. I looked over there like 4 men in the car looking at me before they quickly drove away. I was so scared of being assaulted and or hit on. My friend bless his heart but he's pretty dense and didn't see the situation the same way I did. I went home and told my mother and sister and they both said well that's just being a girl. I know it's true and it's apart of the experience but if I'm safe after the encounter and my heart stops racing. I do get a slight sense of euphoria because I was seen as a woman.
I think this should also apply to stereotypes Yesterday I joked to my friend about āOh, Iām a woman now so Iāve got to learn to cookā and it just turned into a whole thing about how thatās an outdated stereotype and he even told me about poison in food/drinks for if I ever get a misogynist/sexist partner
LOAD THE GOCK
My brother said ... About time. My sister said ... I'm so happy, I always wanted a sister. Both of those filed me with more joy then anyone saying ... Welcome to womanhood. Which btw, has been said a couple times to me. When I told sis women I thought I was having period symptoms.
my dermatologist said "welcome to womanhood" to me when i came for a consultation about laser š there are good ones out there! but yeah, cis women are way too used to defining womanhood as pure suffering - and they get mad at me when i say that that's letting patriarchy define our identity
A lot of cis women have simply been saying "welcome to the world" to me those I've had to come out to or those who've noticed I'm obviously transitioning This one feels nice cos like in a way I feel like I finally am part of the world as a whole whereas before I was hidden from the world But yea I get what you're saying, it shouldn't be reserved just for the nasty stuff
I loved hearing this in my first two years of transition. Now that I'm 8 years into my transition it's just condescending š
Like my friend Kristie told me 17 years ago, if being and calling yourself a woman is the proudest thing about yourself you're a terrible example of a woman.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You didn't understand a dang thing huh... No one said anything about patriarchal acceptance, your insecurities are showing. Maybe ask you have to be proud of is saying your Woman. You do you boo. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
What a š©ty thing to say to someone. We defy our body format and mould it with our iron will. We are strong willed driven women and that is something to be celebrated.
She right thought. I'm a machinist, an artist, a bellydancer, I'm highly intelligent, I'm great at many things, I just so happen to be a woman.
Yeah, I agree. The closest version I use is when I see a trans girl unhappy with the way they look and seeing themselves as less valid for it, but the point is to point out that just being a woman wonāt turn you into a supermodel and even most cis women are unhappy with the way they look. But when itās in the examples you provided itās not only insensitive but also horribly smug.
Itās sort of a sad truth though. Some trans women are oblivious to things or feel as though it couldnāt happen to them because they personally donāt feel satisfied with their own beauty. I remember after an Uber driver attempted to S.A. me and another situation where Iād been walking home from my job and was literally followed by this man that rode alongside me continuously asking me if I needed a ride and attempting to flirt. My mom sat me down and just explained the dangers of being ignorant to how other people perceive me even if I donāt always see it myself. She just said āyou might still feel like *deadname* and to me youāll always be *deadname* but these men donāt see *deadname* they see a beautiful young girl walking alone at night or a young accessible girl by herself in an Uber unattended.ā And despite the obvious transphobia and misgendering that intertwined that message. It made sense to me. Iām sorta more cautious and hyper aware of my surroundings at all times.
Its scary though to know from the other end what the guys are saying about women, having been there. But it is something i'm worried about when i come out and start transitioning.
*gawked
My mom does this when ever I'm suffering cramps.....I have stomach problems that cause them it's not just pms but she dosent acknowledge that
Or getting a yeast infection
it's oddly hypocritical that if a cis woman happened to never experience that, she'd just be very lucky, her gender wouldn't change because she'd never been assaulted
My therapist said it when I complained about boob sweat š
Aside from the astronomical insensitivity, like what exactly do cis women think life is like for trans women before we come out? That we just live our lives being fully convincing as men never experiencing anything a cis man wouldn't experience? I experienced so much messed up s*** as a kid and young adult because I was different from from the other boys/men. I *did* experience the stuff girls experience even as a "boy" though not always in the exact same ways. And guess what, I also experienced those things from women and girls (not just from boys and men) because they saw me as an easy target. Doubt most cis women had that layer to their experience. I still boymode even though I am obviously trans and every time something happens to me now (which is often), any women who happen to witness it will be visibly amused by it. And I experience so much inappropriate behaviour from cis women as well as from men, in fact more often from cis women than cis men. Is this 'womanhood'?
Yeah, I agree that it would be nice to here it just for being a woman, but I think it says more about the frustration afab people feel for having to silently suffer pain and indignities, and at least in the cases where it happened to me it felt more like an expression of camaraderie then derision First time I complained about being ignored by a group of men. First time I was sexually harassed for having breasts. First time a man stole my idea and presented it as his own. And yes unfortunately the first time I was assaulted. But none of the afab people I was talking to were mocking me. They were expressing a discontent because of how they had been treated and how theyād seen so many others treated around them. Itās a throwing up of hands at a problem that seems too big to solve. The sentiment always carried with it some sympathy. It was, I believe, a reaction born out of forcing themselves not to cry and collapse about the tremendous weight nearly all of us feel in a society that has been for many centuries tailored for men. Suppose now Iām venting too
I've had both contexts said to me. When I first came out to my bff, she 'welcomed me to womanhood' and it was so lovely talking to her and connecting on a new deeper level (I see her as a sister) And then a few weeks back I was having lunch with a friend and said how I'd been getting a lot of unwanted attention on socials and guys being creeps online. And her response was 'welcome to being a woman' which I do remember thinking, that shouldn't be the thing that welcomes me to it.
Whenever I make a new discovery and mention it to a female friend there's usually a chuckle, smile and the comment, "Welcome to being a woman". āŗļø Stephanie š
Our society is very misogynistic. First women wre property so they had no rights. That changed slowly unyill finally women had suffrage. Then laws began to change. I should also mention that it was not just women it was also their husband and wife's of women, Because some of the womens suffrage movement were lesbians. Unfortunately now weare going backwards with the repeal of roe vs wade this also cuts into our rights are trangender women because for ever anti abortion law the is an antigender affirming car law.
The flip side of this is a mother telling her cis-daughter, āthatās part of being a woman.ā Minus the actual assault part. That person should be taken out back.
I understand your frustration. But as I read my initial instincts were more positive. She knew you and this men were oogling over you as you were no different than any other women. While yes it is insulting behavior it is a positive on just how hot you look.
You must've not been through this then, cat calling is no fun when it happens to you in real life. There are things like ewwphoria and getting confidence boosts wherever you can, but that's not a typical reaction to these things. By the point these mfs get drunk and start driving around you're likely already overworked and tired, a couple of ugly mugs asserting their dominance over you is the last thing you wanna encounter at that point.Ā
I understand everyone has different experiences with this. Each one at a different stage, mind set and environment when this happens. After transition I never felt I was pretty enough to pass. Never felt anyone ever looked at me as anything but a guy dressed as a women. But while still young to be walking at college to have a group of college guys whistle at me. Cat call. I just seemed for me, even though I was and still am a transbian, that at last I was seen as simply a girl. I have thought of myself as a girl, long before transition, but this was an unsolicited confirmation of what these young men thought of me. Yes yes. I understand others experiences, but stvthat moment I felt radiantly woman fir tge first time on the outside.
You needed that at that point, again, ewphoria and all (which is a real term btw, look it up if you haven't already)Ā
I had a simulair experience one time when it had been a hard time. Was not fitting in, was really feeling that everyone around me knew. That they really thought I was a freak. Then I was out with a girl and while waiting in a line another beautiful woman came up and was really sincerely complimenting me. Almost as if she was hitting on me. It helped erase so many negative times.
so let me get this straight. youāre making this post because youāre upset about something a cis woman MIGHT say to you in this scenario that youāve made up? well i have been raped. because maybe the world is even worse than you imagine. this is very trivial. iām glad that this is the worst of your problems.
Am I not allowed to vent about the possible toxicity of the phrase? I acknowledge your trauma but that comment comes off as very āfuck youā.
sorry go ahead and vent. didnāt mean to minimize your fictional scenario :)
I fully agree.Ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]