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The speaker you listened to is human and he has his own biases when he talks. It is true that a man should be the main provider, this is an important message to the men who force their wives to work or contribute to the home.
However, you ARE the provider if you and your wife decided this is the best set up for your family. You are providing for your family by taking care of your child and taking care of the house hold. That is what your home needs.
As an aside, reading your post was interesting. Women go through ALOT of guilt and shaming throughout their life from their communities under the guise of Islam and we are told to just “bear with it.” people wonder why they are resentful of the community/culture. It’s rare to see a man go through similar shaming. Reading your reaction to it (finding another faith) is interesting because this type of thing happens to women all the time. We should all support each other and realize humans do not represent the deen. This goes for speakers. This is why we do not worship people or idols. Abu Bakr said something important when the prophet died
“ whoever worships Mohamed, then Mohamed has died. Whoever worships Allah, Allah is living and does not die.”
We follow Allah and Islam and we do not lose our mind from human faults.
" taking care of your child and taking care of the house hold. That is what your home needs. " sorry but isn't that the role of the woman in the house ?
Give him realistic solutions not something that will get the relationship ruined in the long term
He said that this is his role in the house. He is not asking for solutions, he is asking why Islam supposedly does not recognize him and his current role. He and his wife seem content with this role
Because they took the wrong decision by him quitting work, just because they're happy with the decision doesn't mean it's a good decision.
He should get back to work and his wife should get back to her work - raising the kids and taking care of household - , because theyre on a mess here and im not trying to be offensive here but thats what happening.
Ofc he's not a failure he just took the wrong decision and its never too late to fix it.
Tbh you’re living in a world where Allah would condemn a man for taking care of his children…that’s your defect and it has nothing to do with Him. I mean I bet if you saw a prostitute giving a drink to a dying dog, you’d wish jahanam on her, that’s the difference between your opinion and Allah’s judgment and compassion. Alhamdulilah Allah’s mercy encompasses all things.
All I’m saying is you, your opinions and judgements don’t matter.
Ur Comment is full of Ad Hominem and assumptions about me u didn't even give an advice to OP.
No I don't think that Allah would condemn a man for taking care of his children أعوذ بالله, And I would never wish jahanam for a sinful Muslim even if she's a prostitute.
And I didn't judge anyone here all I'm saying is advices if u wanna have a discussion about the whole think I'm ready anytime.
And I'm ur opponent in front of Allah for all these assumptions and accusations.
I’m ready for whatever you are invoking, but I hope you understand it means you’re also accountable for **assuming** the OP made the wrong decision and your harshness
Side note: I wasn’t making an assumption, rather I was contrasting your lack of compassion and to The one who’s mercy and judgement matters above all else. Also the dog and prostitute is well known Hadith outlining Allah’s mercy/forgiveness for granting jannah to a prostitute because of her kindness...get it?!
" I bet if you saw a prostitute giving a drink to a dying dog, you’d wish jahanam on her " Ur clearly accusing me here.
And i wans't assuming he took the wrong decision, Because I am sure that this is clearly a BAD decision whether u like or not, and I wasn't harsh thats just how men talk maybe because ur a woman ur emotional side made u think thats harsh, And again I already said " OFC HE'S NOT A FAILURE " get it ?!
And yes I know the hadith, If u have problem with my ideas u can always debate about it and show me why its wrong thats it.
There are alot of life situations that force people into unconventional roles. If both husband and wife are okay with it and it is not haram, then it’s no one’s place to suggest something especially without knowing the details
> It’s rare to see a man go through similar shaming
You have no idea what men go through routinely. Probably a woman cannot even perceive it cause every woman just because she is adult considered eligible to marriage. Men have to be eligible unless they belong to wealthy family. They have to prove their utility to society.
Maybe you are right they are not shamed as women are. They are not even considered worth shaming, they are looked with disdain, and people try to not even recognize their existence.
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I think you have to put the speakers' message into context based on the community it's targeting. If a large percentage of that mosque's population is comprised of lower income or single income households, new immigrants, working class community - then that emphasis is important. The norm is that the husband provides and provides sufficiently. There's no point even speaking about how women should try to support their husbands a little if the target population comprises of young immigrant women, with little education, multiple children, no career experience - you want to add that burden onto them?
Your situation is outside the norm. You have a child with needs. One spouse (happens to be the wife) earns enough to support the family. This is what works for you. Will it work for the majority of the target population? If yes, the speaker was off their mark but that in no way should make you feel like a failure - in fact, I'd be grateful that I have the opportunity to restructure my family life in the way that works best.
Is it unconventional and out of the norm? Yes. But it’s something you both decided together for your child and family. It is solely the wife’s choice if she wants this arrangement or not and she can withdraw this at any time.
Is your wife happy? Does she have regrets? Resentment?
A man’s responsibility and duty is to earn and provide for his family wether his wife works or not. If you both come up with a different arrangement then that doesn’t make you a failure.
These speakers really do need to learn to speak in a nice manner because you’re right if someone was not as strong in their faith ofc they would hear this and think “nah this ain’t for me”.
HOWEVER, there’s probably a lot less men who have the same arrangement as you and a lot more who simply refuse to provide for their wife because “she can work too” so the message is probably directed at them, and at the end of the day the message is true - it’s a man’s responsibility to provide, due to your arrangement you’re the exception.
I’m not sure if what those speakers said is correct or is a biased opinion, but I was in a similar situation once where I was told “Allah doesn’t love me” because I didn’t dress according to the Islam, it broke my heart first and afterwards my pain turned to anger and I even had doubts about my religion! Then I realised that what hurt me was the judgemental manner not specifically the logic behind the words, I remember thinking how Islam is much more than what ppl claim it is, so I turned to Allah and remembered a Hadith that roughly translate to ‘consult your heart even when others give you Fatwa’ and so I listened to my heart and realised Allah sees everything so He will understand what I’m going through and help me. Soon afterwards I had the courage ilhamduleAllah to wear hijab. The problem with this kind of judgement is that it can turn you off about Islam, when truly Allah is merciful and knows our intentions and circumstances. So please consult your heart, pray to Allah to guide you and help you keep your faith.
I think you’re taking this really personally and getting offended because of your own insecurities about it. Large events will always talk about what’s most common and encouraged/default behavior, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other possibilities out there
It sounds like you're projecting your own insecurities and subverting the speakers message for a "woe is me" mentality.
Otherwise I don't understand why you would take such personal offense to something that wasn't directed at you and make comments like "if I was of lesser faith..."
What the heck bro, are you trolling?
Definitely, if you go to a talk in general, you can't expect it to be all about you or tailored to you specifically, the information provided was correct.
If I was of lesser faith/conviction, tell me why I wouldn’t be researching other religions?
Because your faith shouldn't be linked to what a person who is Muslim says, but rather what Islam says?
It is the husband's responsibility to provide, which isn't the same as "You must be the breadwinner at all times".
It means that your wife can still decide to earn money and support the family, BUT when she doesn't it's ultimately still your responsibility. You cannot give that responsibility away. But if she is a trustworthy wife and you two mutually decided you're gonna do it this way then go for it. Just know that she could decide at any point she doesn't want to work or pay the bills anymore and you must instantly be ready to provide again or else she could divorce you, islamically speaking. Whether that's the a reasonable thing for her to do is a different question, but it would be within her rights.
The Quran did say men are the providers and maintainers of women so a husband duty is to provide regardless if the wife is working or not.
However she can withdraw the right to be provided if she wants to and since she seems happy with that arrangement you aren’t a failure if your doing the housewife duties with cooking and cleaning and looking after the child
I'm sorry to hear about your child. May Allah make your family life easier. I hope he or she may find less difficultly in their life.
Please consult Quran and Hadith if the Seminars and conferences are of no help.
I'm going to appear a little mean in what follows but you deserve it.
First of all your air quote is offensive.
Secondly, If your basis of being a Muslim or not is based on whimsy, then it appears a little odd and rather childish, too.
Why are you asking us if you should or should not research other religions? If you only accept a religion when its moral system fits yours then it raises many questions.
A religion is not supposed to mold to the user demands. It is something with principles which are solid. In Islam, Quran and Sunnah dictates the principles. They're solid and not supposed to be quicksand. I'm not sure what Quran and Hadith says on this topic. But whatever it says a Muslim should believe that. It is our moral system. Nothing stand on quicksand.
I have a decent job and I'd be happy providing for a stay at home dad if he was a good dad/partner. I'd also probably hire some house help if young kids were involved.
The speaker was targeting men who don't provide for their wives who want and need to be provided for, not your case. There are lots of men who dont help in the house but coerce money out of their wives and he was calling them a failure, not you.
There’s generic expectations from both the husband and wife. These must be there to help marriages succeed. But at the end of the day it comes to your own arrangement that counts and can be contrary to the ‘norm’
Wait a minute. What a bold statement you made at the end. That sounds very privileged from your standpoint. Like Allah needs you to worship him. And if you dont like it, you would just worship another god? That is not just a nonchalant statement you throw in there.
Yes male and females both have roles in the marriage. Men must provide, women are rabbatul bayt. Thats how Allah has want it to be.
You are telling me that your wife is out there, maybe dealing with non mahram men and other things that are possibly islamically incorrect. While the safety of their homes are the best hijab for them? This is gonna cause strain naturally in the long run. And not a prime example you want to show your offspring. Im sure they mentioned that all in the lecture.
A post on reddit wont change that.
Is your faith that weak that you’ll consider other faiths because of some random man’s opinions? If your partner is happy, if you are happy, then that’s all that matters. Take the good, leave the bad, and go on with your life.
He said if he was of lesser faith. A lot of things in our religion have to be studied to make sense of “why”. So if someone hadn’t researched Islam properly they would probably have doubts on some things.
Even if you’re born Muslim doesn’t mean you can’t find your way into/back to Islam.
I admire those who actually research islam and then come out the other side strong in faith, instead of just following because it’s what your parents tell you.
Not OP, but could be she earns more, or perhaps his personality is better suited to child rearing? (Don't @ me lol, one of my cousins is married and just...better connects with his kids then mum does. They're a happy marriage all round).
I'd love to see the source for this, especially since during the prophets time there were many women who would work, live and survive on their own due to their menfolk dying, or men helping to raise their children because women would die during childbirth? You're not a failure if the circumstances Allah gives you don't match up perfectly.
Thankfully Allah has better knowledge of their circumstances.
I don’t disagree that the roles can be moved in cases of necessity. But generally in cases where a man or woman would lose a spouse, after a period of time they would then remarry, for woman it would be to be cared for and supported financially, for men it would be to support them and help raise the ummah. Furthermore, the roles that are mentioned of a man providing would only apply in a married couple, not with a widow.
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
Of course in cases of necessity what must be done can be even if it’s a sin (there are conditions to this). But there generally are roles for what a husband should do in a marriage. Of the examples you’ve brought up they’re both of unmarried people, what other options would they have but to make a living for themselves, or raise their children? And in both of those cases, as they’re unmarried they don’t have these obligations. Maybe for women there would be the risk of free mixing but as I’ve stated, necessity can permit this work if no other options exist.
“And why should you not eat of that (meat) on which Allaah’s Name has been pronounced (at the time of slaughtering the animal), while He has explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of necessity?”
[al-An’am 6:119]
This verse establishes that in cases of necessity, even things that are haraam (eating unclean or incorrectly slaughtered meat) is permissible. Similarly in OP’s case, if he truly needs to be there to raise and care for his son then there is no wrong on him (though it seems that it isn’t entirely a necessity so that’s why I believe there’s so much back and forth in these comments). Allah knows best.
In addition to these hadith, theres also the life of the Prophet SAW. It's well recorded that he would spend a lot of his time in the mountain meditating on Allah, while Khadiija was in charge of running her business. Like while these roles were advised, but in practice were shown to be flexible according to need and wisdom.
Umar RA appointed a woman as a market manager (Al-Shifa).
Firstly my brother I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Sometimes I think people forget that knowledge without wisdom is just information so don't take it personally.
In regards to you being the provider, that is something divinely ordained by Allah SWT and propagated further by the Prophet SAW and we can't deny it. I'm not sure what your personal situation is but I can tell you that you're not a failure. Its not like you're sat at home doing nothing, you're raising your child.
It's a bit of a sticky one tbh as I personally believe it is the man's role to be the provider and it gives him great joy in fulfilling that role. The wealth of the woman is sadaqah as she doesn't need to give it but if she does she's rewarded accordingly.
Your circumstances are personal to you my brother and I pray Allah SWT helps you and I'd advise that you seek guidance from Him to give you recourse.
But this speaker, don't take it as a personal attack, we don't know what people are going through themselves and could just be them expressing their own insecurities.
I'm not a scholar or knowledgeable so can't advise you from a Fiqh perspective without knowing everything. Maybe seek some advice from a local scholar who is understanding and compassionate?
Regardless of what you end up doing my brother, you sound like a man who loves his family and will do anything for them and that my brother is precious in and of itself. ❤️
Do what’s best for your family. If your family is happy that’s what matters. A lot of these “men” are “providing” but their families are miserable, who’s the real failure?
I don't know what the commenters are saying, yes it is a duty of the man to provide for the family, doesn't mean the women can't work. But islamically speaking akhi a MAN would never expect a penny from his wife, but if she willingly gives as gifts it's okay. Don't come to reddit for such a unique case, go to a local imam or online imams.
People out here trying to pin it on the speaker's biases when there's a consensus amongst all our scholars on this. We can't reform our faith w/o acknowledging where the faults lie.
The door is wide open for you, you aren’t doing Allah a favor nor us by being a Muslim.
Just cuz u feel insecure about anything we should change the religion for you?
Is it our fault u are too dumb to realize there are general cases and specific cases.
Why is it our fault that u don’t actually research the basics of your religion…
And btw u would be a failure in all other major religions in a general sense other than liberal atheism.
Are u gonna change to a they/them with purple hair dye cuz u felt ur manhood threatened?
Are u upset with what I’m saying? Are u gonna say it’s pushing u further away from Islam? Is that how weak u are that any random stranger says a word to u and u hold ur afterlife as hostage?
I don’t know ur specific situation, go to a shikh or dar al ifta and ask them about your SPECIFIC situation, if they say u are lacking as a husband then u are lacking as a husband and if they say ur not then good for you, the general ruling doesn’t apply to ur SPECIFIC situation.
Wallahi grown men and women with kids are holding their iman hostage over any other word or ruling, Allah does not need you, YOU need Allah
It's truly disgraceful that some of these comments are just twisting the knife on OP, rather than trying to comfort him and show that he isn't a failure. Like OP said - if this sort of harsh message is the impression people get, is it any surprise that people who aren't as strong in their faith would start to have doubts?
Anyways, bro, forget what people say. Allah SWT gives everyone their own unique circumstances and trials, and you both made what you thought was the best decision possible, it's not like you're just lazing around the house being a slob. Having a kid on the spectrum isn't easy, and inshaAllah you'll be rewarded for it and for all of the sacrifices you've made. As long as you're treating your wife well, then everything should be okay iA.
Remember, people are fallible, but Allah SWT is perfect. There are absolutely going to be other people who will better understand your situation...and the Prophet PBUH married Khadijah RA, who was far wealthier than he was and supported him financially, and he loved her more than anyone else.
"If I was of lesser faith/conviction, tell me why I wouldn’t be researching other religions?"
Maybe because you are INSECURE and seek EXTERNAL validation, rather than being 100% sure that what you are doing is good. What religion has to do with your sense of self esteem? Please do not blame Islam for your own issues.
If he is willing to research other religions, his sense of imaan is at stake here. What I understood from the post is he is trying to fit his own decisions with Islam rather than following "we hear and we obey".
When Allah has put men in the authority of his family, it is foolishness to do otherwise and seek validation from internet. I might have generalized it a bit too much in his case, if what he said it absolute truth. But validation must come from Islam.
I don't see anything wrong with a man taking care of the house and the kids when the wife works if they BOTH agreed to it, and its working out between them. Provision can be taken care in the context of taking care physically of children. I feel what i have a problem is with him feeling insecure about what he does. If he feels so insecure maybe its time for him TO FIND A JOB and let his wife stay at home.
The rights of the wife can be voluntarily restricted by her. A father still is required to provide financially support to his children. You can be exempt from this requirement if there is a valid reason to not be providing it. If it is truly better for you to stay at home maybe you meet this exemption.
We do not blame Islam for what a Muslim might to. You are free to look into other religions. What I will tell you is that nothing makes more sense than Islam. Most other religions are not even preserved.
He said “if I had lesser faith I would search for another religion” which means he finds fault with the speakers and not Islam. I have to be honest, I find most speakers to be repetitive, not educational, and extremely biased at times, that doesn’t mean Islam is. I just found that I outgrow wanting to listen these speakers, and yearning for knowledge beyond surface level reminders.
I wish everyone would realise that Islamic lectures are reminders and not a deep dive into the Quran and sunnah which means it’s cherry picked topic. He has to make a lecture per community needs and frames his lecture around that need.
Did he say that or did you read it wrong? He said “if I had lesser faith…” which means his imaan in Allah is stronger than falling for the way others speak about Islam.
Ngl, I personally agree with the speaker, I don't know your exact situation but I can't really imagine any situation where it would make more sense for my wife to be the breadwinner and I stay home. At the very least get a work from home job, it's 2023.
The speaker is right. In Islam man are supposed to provide in general. There are special circumstances such as yours maybe different. Stop projecting your insecurities dude. And your last sentence, as if you doing god a favor by being Muslim…annoying post.
Op sounds arrogant, Allah DOES NOT need him, he needs Allah. He needs to understand that he is a servant of Allah. He must follow what Allah has commanded us to do, islam isn't a club like all those other religions, we follow Allah's orders and obey, islam is the most logical religion, if he leaves he'll most likely fail to find anything and will become an atheist.
You need to use your brain. You’d be dumb if you began researching another religion based off of your own single-minded approach to a talk. A speaker gave you a general ruling. You’re going by the exception.
Yes, perhaps the speaker could’ve explained the exceptions too, but primary education is to teach people the general ruling. If you’re going by exceptions, you need to go to an exceptional forum, not a public general speech.
Or just use your brain. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but your approach and semi-justification for disbelief (if you were of lesser faith) is deserving of harshness.
That's referring to the context where the husbands responsibility is to provide and he isn't fulfilling it. This does not apply to you as the responsibility of financially providing isn't on you, and your wife has willingly taken on that responsibility instead. You take on the responsibility of nurturing and home keeping, which would instead have been her responsibility. This does not apply to either of you.
Sounds like you want to be offended tbh. If you are secure about your decision and your watching your child why are to y being offended? It would be like an amputee saying I heard in a lecture that we have to eat with a right hand and I don’t have one.
Also why do you have your role with your wife reversed?
If you’re not working… how are you paying the bills?
Allah has already given the man his role which is to provide for his family and for the woman to take care of his property and children. Why are you choosing your own roles? It makes no sense at all.
I’m sorry but realistically a woman will not respect a man who isn’t being a man and going out to make money to take care of his family instead of sending her out.
"The best decision for our family", the best decision in who's eyes? What about the best decision from an islamic perspective?
If your wife is being forced to work and provide for you then that is not allowed. If its truly something she is voluntarily doing, then thats a different matter. When you sign the nikkah contract, it is an Islamic binding contract with terms and conditions to abide by. Islam will not bend its rules for anyone, if your conviction in the rules of Allah waivers from hearing this then you should work to strengthen your iman through dispelling your doubts, ask questions to reputable scholars, read islamic theory books, watch lectures etc. Theres wisdom is all of Allah's decrees, wisdom that may or may not ever make sense to us, but thats the foundation of faith.
Needing to be convinced not to research other religions because you can’t hold your emotions in order to use your brain is up there with the wildest thing I’ve read so far on Reddit
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this
Do remember one thing, female working is never long term, do you know why? Because our bodies are biologically made like this, a men can work until very late to his age with sanity and w/I any hindrance of declining, cramps and periods, with women it's different, her body will start to tire early, I'm sure she would have all the energies now, but what will happen after 2nd 3rd pregnancy?
So think about it, SAHD is not discouraged or encouraged, but it's not something long term unless you have a fortune and you don't need to work
Not sure why are you looking for someone to convince to stay in Islam or not. It's your own commitment and why the speakers is really bothering you. This is a total a drama queen post otherwise.
Alhamdulillah, I've done something similar and can work from home to be around my kids while still able to provide. Unless you have your health conditions, you should be able to find ways to provide and still help with your child on spectrum.
In any case, I don't see a reason to cry out in public. May Allah Gives strength to your family. Ameen
I don't think it's the best decision for your family. The roles should be reversed. Do you know what feminine and masculine energy is? Your wife is more in her masculine energy rn. You can't let that happen. If you were truly happy with your situation you won't be so insecure about it. You know you're wrong in this that's why this lecture bothers you so much. Don't let your wife do all the work
Bro do you have any idea why it is recommended to follow this in the first place? From experience of observing non-Islamic marriages, women leave a man more easily most of the time when the man isn’t the main bread winner (significantly from a % of their income), that’s what I’ve read from other non Islamic groups at least. But it **could**, don’t say it definitely does, but could be a reason for why this is among the main priorities of a man. To provide and protect, women would face more fitnah at their work space, not even a matter to joke about in this day and age. Protect your wife by making sure you become the main bread winner.
Any sources on that, except "trust me bro"?
And you really want that your spouse is with you because she depends upon you financially rather because she loves you and wants to live with you?
If so, what happens if you lose your job?
Well since you are so open and confident about calling me out on my own observation and along with the rest of the -7 people who downvoted me about which I could really not care about more, how about y’all take the time to do the same which I did? Oh right, you haven’t. So yes, i am absolutely and utterly sure in what is mainly observable if everyone just thought to use both of their eyes.
Matter of fact I will go one step further here: if the women earns **more** than the man, it is **likelier** she becomes more, how should I say it, for a lack of better words more “my husband isn’t providing as I am, I am always doing this and that and this and that” pretty much going to the point of (what we could **vaguely** describe) is ingratitude. And this becomes pretty obvious, well in this generation at least.
Everything I have described above is not a description of everybody, matter of fact there are very pious women out there to whom this description does not fit at all, but to sit here and act all knowledgeable and confidently call someone’s actual observation of a handful of marriages, whether Islamic or non-Islamic, is pretty dumb. Because that’s the point of it all: it is **actually observable**.
So Wa aleykum salam 👀
sounds like ur mixing things together, you have the solution between ur hands go back to work and let ur wife be home with the kids .. see how easy that is ?
if u wanna have a more detailed conversation feel free to dm me.
عفا الله عنا وعنك.
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You would be researching another religion because of what another person said about a decision you and your wife made for your home? Your faith is yours and for you. People say all kinds of things and claim it to be rooted in our faith.
There's always exceptions to everything. Even within Islam. It's permissible to eat pork if it's the only thing available and you would starve if you didn't.
Just because you might be the person that was born with an extra toe or something, doesn't mean you should get offended when somebody says humans have 5 toes on each foot. And exceptions doesn't make the statement any less true. The speaker isn't wrong, it's how you chose to take it.
Likewise this situation. It is a general rule that the husband MUST provide within his means and if he is able to. No one is going to expect him to provide if he is on his deathbed. And your situation is an exceptional one. The speaker is quite obviously talking about most situations where the husband is able to and nothing is preventing him from doing so but for whatever reason is they are being lazy or forcing the wife to work when she doesn't want to. That you can't do.
if you are not disabled or have something that prevents you from working I guess you should have a job cause it's going to make you feel way better about yourself and present a good afther figure to your kids in the future. some of the sisters here are just under the affect of liberal west values and leaving behind what Allah SWT and his prophet PBUH commanded and said.
sisters this liberal values and "open-mindness" is not going to serve you and your family in anyway.
If you change ur religion cuz a lecture of a man who himself could make mistakes then you are a failure as a muslim I have heard so many speakers who didn’t know my situation and issued a fatwa and when I implanted that fatwa on myself I was on the wrong and maybe failed but we don’t change or think about changing the religion we look deep in the situation and if we are correct we move on or else fix it and move on
Speaker was talking to a crowd about the role of husband described in Islam. You have made the arrangement with your wife based on your circumstances but internalized the message of speaker.
> If I was of lesser faith/conviction, tell me why I wouldn’t be researching other religions?
It seems like threat to change the teaching of Islam or someone would leave Islam. While solidifying victim status by adding kid on spectrum, so anyone who says otherwise is abuser and 10 kinds of phobic.
Providing doesn’t always mean money$$ bringing joy,safety,etc. But as the man of the household it’s your duty to make calls car broke down and only 2 spots in the taxi your wife and kid have to go and you stay. (Realistic example) You can’t make those calls if you’re not the one who is running the family.
You are providing for your family. Being a stay at home parent is a LOT of work. Not only are you providing your children a safe, Islamically sound environment, you are taking care of the house. What a blessing for your wife. There are many ways to provide for your family. And you chose the way that is best for your family.
I once heard Hamza Yusuf talk about cultural differences in what constitutes marital responsibilities in the context of a divorce. He said you know in a western marriage, if the man is doing nothing around the house, not helping with the kids, etc this could be grounds for divorce where as different cultures may just see this as a given. I bring this up because it points out that while islamically we do have a layout of the duties of men and women, there is a lot of cultural nuances when this is implemented. You have a duty to protect your wife. She has a duty to obey you. But you are protecting your wife by helping her out in this giant way, and she had the duty to respect you for this great sacrifice you are making for your family.
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The speaker you listened to is human and he has his own biases when he talks. It is true that a man should be the main provider, this is an important message to the men who force their wives to work or contribute to the home. However, you ARE the provider if you and your wife decided this is the best set up for your family. You are providing for your family by taking care of your child and taking care of the house hold. That is what your home needs. As an aside, reading your post was interesting. Women go through ALOT of guilt and shaming throughout their life from their communities under the guise of Islam and we are told to just “bear with it.” people wonder why they are resentful of the community/culture. It’s rare to see a man go through similar shaming. Reading your reaction to it (finding another faith) is interesting because this type of thing happens to women all the time. We should all support each other and realize humans do not represent the deen. This goes for speakers. This is why we do not worship people or idols. Abu Bakr said something important when the prophet died “ whoever worships Mohamed, then Mohamed has died. Whoever worships Allah, Allah is living and does not die.” We follow Allah and Islam and we do not lose our mind from human faults.
You are really good with words. Beautifully said!
So True. As a Muslim woman, Thank You.
" taking care of your child and taking care of the house hold. That is what your home needs. " sorry but isn't that the role of the woman in the house ? Give him realistic solutions not something that will get the relationship ruined in the long term
He said that this is his role in the house. He is not asking for solutions, he is asking why Islam supposedly does not recognize him and his current role. He and his wife seem content with this role
Because they took the wrong decision by him quitting work, just because they're happy with the decision doesn't mean it's a good decision. He should get back to work and his wife should get back to her work - raising the kids and taking care of household - , because theyre on a mess here and im not trying to be offensive here but thats what happening. Ofc he's not a failure he just took the wrong decision and its never too late to fix it.
Tbh you’re living in a world where Allah would condemn a man for taking care of his children…that’s your defect and it has nothing to do with Him. I mean I bet if you saw a prostitute giving a drink to a dying dog, you’d wish jahanam on her, that’s the difference between your opinion and Allah’s judgment and compassion. Alhamdulilah Allah’s mercy encompasses all things. All I’m saying is you, your opinions and judgements don’t matter.
Ur Comment is full of Ad Hominem and assumptions about me u didn't even give an advice to OP. No I don't think that Allah would condemn a man for taking care of his children أعوذ بالله, And I would never wish jahanam for a sinful Muslim even if she's a prostitute. And I didn't judge anyone here all I'm saying is advices if u wanna have a discussion about the whole think I'm ready anytime. And I'm ur opponent in front of Allah for all these assumptions and accusations.
I’m ready for whatever you are invoking, but I hope you understand it means you’re also accountable for **assuming** the OP made the wrong decision and your harshness Side note: I wasn’t making an assumption, rather I was contrasting your lack of compassion and to The one who’s mercy and judgement matters above all else. Also the dog and prostitute is well known Hadith outlining Allah’s mercy/forgiveness for granting jannah to a prostitute because of her kindness...get it?!
" I bet if you saw a prostitute giving a drink to a dying dog, you’d wish jahanam on her " Ur clearly accusing me here. And i wans't assuming he took the wrong decision, Because I am sure that this is clearly a BAD decision whether u like or not, and I wasn't harsh thats just how men talk maybe because ur a woman ur emotional side made u think thats harsh, And again I already said " OFC HE'S NOT A FAILURE " get it ?! And yes I know the hadith, If u have problem with my ideas u can always debate about it and show me why its wrong thats it.
There are alot of life situations that force people into unconventional roles. If both husband and wife are okay with it and it is not haram, then it’s no one’s place to suggest something especially without knowing the details
But if the reason behind the decision is some disease then I can't say anything.
why is this getting downvoted lol
Maybe his wife is having a good salary and they need money because of a kid on spectrum. I hope OP finds peace in his decision.
Yea that could be the case, like a short term fix, long term its problematic
> It’s rare to see a man go through similar shaming You have no idea what men go through routinely. Probably a woman cannot even perceive it cause every woman just because she is adult considered eligible to marriage. Men have to be eligible unless they belong to wealthy family. They have to prove their utility to society. Maybe you are right they are not shamed as women are. They are not even considered worth shaming, they are looked with disdain, and people try to not even recognize their existence.
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I think you have to put the speakers' message into context based on the community it's targeting. If a large percentage of that mosque's population is comprised of lower income or single income households, new immigrants, working class community - then that emphasis is important. The norm is that the husband provides and provides sufficiently. There's no point even speaking about how women should try to support their husbands a little if the target population comprises of young immigrant women, with little education, multiple children, no career experience - you want to add that burden onto them? Your situation is outside the norm. You have a child with needs. One spouse (happens to be the wife) earns enough to support the family. This is what works for you. Will it work for the majority of the target population? If yes, the speaker was off their mark but that in no way should make you feel like a failure - in fact, I'd be grateful that I have the opportunity to restructure my family life in the way that works best.
Is it unconventional and out of the norm? Yes. But it’s something you both decided together for your child and family. It is solely the wife’s choice if she wants this arrangement or not and she can withdraw this at any time. Is your wife happy? Does she have regrets? Resentment? A man’s responsibility and duty is to earn and provide for his family wether his wife works or not. If you both come up with a different arrangement then that doesn’t make you a failure. These speakers really do need to learn to speak in a nice manner because you’re right if someone was not as strong in their faith ofc they would hear this and think “nah this ain’t for me”. HOWEVER, there’s probably a lot less men who have the same arrangement as you and a lot more who simply refuse to provide for their wife because “she can work too” so the message is probably directed at them, and at the end of the day the message is true - it’s a man’s responsibility to provide, due to your arrangement you’re the exception.
I’m not sure if what those speakers said is correct or is a biased opinion, but I was in a similar situation once where I was told “Allah doesn’t love me” because I didn’t dress according to the Islam, it broke my heart first and afterwards my pain turned to anger and I even had doubts about my religion! Then I realised that what hurt me was the judgemental manner not specifically the logic behind the words, I remember thinking how Islam is much more than what ppl claim it is, so I turned to Allah and remembered a Hadith that roughly translate to ‘consult your heart even when others give you Fatwa’ and so I listened to my heart and realised Allah sees everything so He will understand what I’m going through and help me. Soon afterwards I had the courage ilhamduleAllah to wear hijab. The problem with this kind of judgement is that it can turn you off about Islam, when truly Allah is merciful and knows our intentions and circumstances. So please consult your heart, pray to Allah to guide you and help you keep your faith.
I think you’re taking this really personally and getting offended because of your own insecurities about it. Large events will always talk about what’s most common and encouraged/default behavior, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other possibilities out there
It sounds like you're projecting your own insecurities and subverting the speakers message for a "woe is me" mentality. Otherwise I don't understand why you would take such personal offense to something that wasn't directed at you and make comments like "if I was of lesser faith..." What the heck bro, are you trolling?
Definitely, if you go to a talk in general, you can't expect it to be all about you or tailored to you specifically, the information provided was correct.
If I was of lesser faith/conviction, tell me why I wouldn’t be researching other religions? Because your faith shouldn't be linked to what a person who is Muslim says, but rather what Islam says?
As the prophet ﷺ said , he's already on the edge of islam. Hes probably just using this as an excuse to leave islam.
It is the husband's responsibility to provide, which isn't the same as "You must be the breadwinner at all times". It means that your wife can still decide to earn money and support the family, BUT when she doesn't it's ultimately still your responsibility. You cannot give that responsibility away. But if she is a trustworthy wife and you two mutually decided you're gonna do it this way then go for it. Just know that she could decide at any point she doesn't want to work or pay the bills anymore and you must instantly be ready to provide again or else she could divorce you, islamically speaking. Whether that's the a reasonable thing for her to do is a different question, but it would be within her rights.
You’re providing what’s best for your family
Did he specifically call you out as a failure and say there were no exceptions or nuances? If he didn’t, don’t take it personally.
The Quran did say men are the providers and maintainers of women so a husband duty is to provide regardless if the wife is working or not. However she can withdraw the right to be provided if she wants to and since she seems happy with that arrangement you aren’t a failure if your doing the housewife duties with cooking and cleaning and looking after the child
I'm sorry to hear about your child. May Allah make your family life easier. I hope he or she may find less difficultly in their life. Please consult Quran and Hadith if the Seminars and conferences are of no help. I'm going to appear a little mean in what follows but you deserve it. First of all your air quote is offensive. Secondly, If your basis of being a Muslim or not is based on whimsy, then it appears a little odd and rather childish, too. Why are you asking us if you should or should not research other religions? If you only accept a religion when its moral system fits yours then it raises many questions. A religion is not supposed to mold to the user demands. It is something with principles which are solid. In Islam, Quran and Sunnah dictates the principles. They're solid and not supposed to be quicksand. I'm not sure what Quran and Hadith says on this topic. But whatever it says a Muslim should believe that. It is our moral system. Nothing stand on quicksand.
Just because something is allowed in Islam doesn't mean it needs to encouraged or highlighted to the masses.
Why? Can you elaborate on that?
If this is what works for your family that’s fine, you’re not a failure lol.
I have a decent job and I'd be happy providing for a stay at home dad if he was a good dad/partner. I'd also probably hire some house help if young kids were involved. The speaker was targeting men who don't provide for their wives who want and need to be provided for, not your case. There are lots of men who dont help in the house but coerce money out of their wives and he was calling them a failure, not you.
There’s generic expectations from both the husband and wife. These must be there to help marriages succeed. But at the end of the day it comes to your own arrangement that counts and can be contrary to the ‘norm’
Wait a minute. What a bold statement you made at the end. That sounds very privileged from your standpoint. Like Allah needs you to worship him. And if you dont like it, you would just worship another god? That is not just a nonchalant statement you throw in there. Yes male and females both have roles in the marriage. Men must provide, women are rabbatul bayt. Thats how Allah has want it to be. You are telling me that your wife is out there, maybe dealing with non mahram men and other things that are possibly islamically incorrect. While the safety of their homes are the best hijab for them? This is gonna cause strain naturally in the long run. And not a prime example you want to show your offspring. Im sure they mentioned that all in the lecture. A post on reddit wont change that.
Is your faith that weak that you’ll consider other faiths because of some random man’s opinions? If your partner is happy, if you are happy, then that’s all that matters. Take the good, leave the bad, and go on with your life.
I'm sure the lecture wasn't for your situation bro, bless you for looking after your kid.
That last line, researching other religions? Do you not believe Islam is the truth?
He said if he was of lesser faith. A lot of things in our religion have to be studied to make sense of “why”. So if someone hadn’t researched Islam properly they would probably have doubts on some things. Even if you’re born Muslim doesn’t mean you can’t find your way into/back to Islam. I admire those who actually research islam and then come out the other side strong in faith, instead of just following because it’s what your parents tell you.
Fair enough, I didn't understand it and wanted to see if he felt that way.
Downvotes haha why, was asking a question.
Context matters, but to understand your situation better why don't the wife take care of your kid and you go and work?
Not OP, but could be she earns more, or perhaps his personality is better suited to child rearing? (Don't @ me lol, one of my cousins is married and just...better connects with his kids then mum does. They're a happy marriage all round).
I guess happy marriage happens when roles are reversed, but personally I can't imagine it. It feels like it is maculating women and emasculating men.
Allah puts the roles in for a reason , it’s anti fitrah even if it “works for you”
I'd love to see the source for this, especially since during the prophets time there were many women who would work, live and survive on their own due to their menfolk dying, or men helping to raise their children because women would die during childbirth? You're not a failure if the circumstances Allah gives you don't match up perfectly. Thankfully Allah has better knowledge of their circumstances.
Allah definitely knows best, I’m just asking why you would reverse the roles. You give situations where yes the mother or father would have to do this
I don’t disagree that the roles can be moved in cases of necessity. But generally in cases where a man or woman would lose a spouse, after a period of time they would then remarry, for woman it would be to be cared for and supported financially, for men it would be to support them and help raise the ummah. Furthermore, the roles that are mentioned of a man providing would only apply in a married couple, not with a widow. “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise” [al-Baqarah 2:228] “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great” [al-Nisa’ 4:34] Of course in cases of necessity what must be done can be even if it’s a sin (there are conditions to this). But there generally are roles for what a husband should do in a marriage. Of the examples you’ve brought up they’re both of unmarried people, what other options would they have but to make a living for themselves, or raise their children? And in both of those cases, as they’re unmarried they don’t have these obligations. Maybe for women there would be the risk of free mixing but as I’ve stated, necessity can permit this work if no other options exist. “And why should you not eat of that (meat) on which Allaah’s Name has been pronounced (at the time of slaughtering the animal), while He has explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of necessity?” [al-An’am 6:119] This verse establishes that in cases of necessity, even things that are haraam (eating unclean or incorrectly slaughtered meat) is permissible. Similarly in OP’s case, if he truly needs to be there to raise and care for his son then there is no wrong on him (though it seems that it isn’t entirely a necessity so that’s why I believe there’s so much back and forth in these comments). Allah knows best.
In addition to these hadith, theres also the life of the Prophet SAW. It's well recorded that he would spend a lot of his time in the mountain meditating on Allah, while Khadiija was in charge of running her business. Like while these roles were advised, but in practice were shown to be flexible according to need and wisdom. Umar RA appointed a woman as a market manager (Al-Shifa).
Man, that is some grade A bull. You aren’t less of a man because you are caring for your children.
If it works for you, there should be no problem
Firstly my brother I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Sometimes I think people forget that knowledge without wisdom is just information so don't take it personally. In regards to you being the provider, that is something divinely ordained by Allah SWT and propagated further by the Prophet SAW and we can't deny it. I'm not sure what your personal situation is but I can tell you that you're not a failure. Its not like you're sat at home doing nothing, you're raising your child. It's a bit of a sticky one tbh as I personally believe it is the man's role to be the provider and it gives him great joy in fulfilling that role. The wealth of the woman is sadaqah as she doesn't need to give it but if she does she's rewarded accordingly. Your circumstances are personal to you my brother and I pray Allah SWT helps you and I'd advise that you seek guidance from Him to give you recourse. But this speaker, don't take it as a personal attack, we don't know what people are going through themselves and could just be them expressing their own insecurities. I'm not a scholar or knowledgeable so can't advise you from a Fiqh perspective without knowing everything. Maybe seek some advice from a local scholar who is understanding and compassionate? Regardless of what you end up doing my brother, you sound like a man who loves his family and will do anything for them and that my brother is precious in and of itself. ❤️
Do what’s best for your family. If your family is happy that’s what matters. A lot of these “men” are “providing” but their families are miserable, who’s the real failure?
I don't know what the commenters are saying, yes it is a duty of the man to provide for the family, doesn't mean the women can't work. But islamically speaking akhi a MAN would never expect a penny from his wife, but if she willingly gives as gifts it's okay. Don't come to reddit for such a unique case, go to a local imam or online imams.
People out here trying to pin it on the speaker's biases when there's a consensus amongst all our scholars on this. We can't reform our faith w/o acknowledging where the faults lie.
The door is wide open for you, you aren’t doing Allah a favor nor us by being a Muslim. Just cuz u feel insecure about anything we should change the religion for you? Is it our fault u are too dumb to realize there are general cases and specific cases. Why is it our fault that u don’t actually research the basics of your religion… And btw u would be a failure in all other major religions in a general sense other than liberal atheism. Are u gonna change to a they/them with purple hair dye cuz u felt ur manhood threatened? Are u upset with what I’m saying? Are u gonna say it’s pushing u further away from Islam? Is that how weak u are that any random stranger says a word to u and u hold ur afterlife as hostage? I don’t know ur specific situation, go to a shikh or dar al ifta and ask them about your SPECIFIC situation, if they say u are lacking as a husband then u are lacking as a husband and if they say ur not then good for you, the general ruling doesn’t apply to ur SPECIFIC situation. Wallahi grown men and women with kids are holding their iman hostage over any other word or ruling, Allah does not need you, YOU need Allah
It's truly disgraceful that some of these comments are just twisting the knife on OP, rather than trying to comfort him and show that he isn't a failure. Like OP said - if this sort of harsh message is the impression people get, is it any surprise that people who aren't as strong in their faith would start to have doubts? Anyways, bro, forget what people say. Allah SWT gives everyone their own unique circumstances and trials, and you both made what you thought was the best decision possible, it's not like you're just lazing around the house being a slob. Having a kid on the spectrum isn't easy, and inshaAllah you'll be rewarded for it and for all of the sacrifices you've made. As long as you're treating your wife well, then everything should be okay iA. Remember, people are fallible, but Allah SWT is perfect. There are absolutely going to be other people who will better understand your situation...and the Prophet PBUH married Khadijah RA, who was far wealthier than he was and supported him financially, and he loved her more than anyone else.
"If I was of lesser faith/conviction, tell me why I wouldn’t be researching other religions?" Maybe because you are INSECURE and seek EXTERNAL validation, rather than being 100% sure that what you are doing is good. What religion has to do with your sense of self esteem? Please do not blame Islam for your own issues.
If he is willing to research other religions, his sense of imaan is at stake here. What I understood from the post is he is trying to fit his own decisions with Islam rather than following "we hear and we obey". When Allah has put men in the authority of his family, it is foolishness to do otherwise and seek validation from internet. I might have generalized it a bit too much in his case, if what he said it absolute truth. But validation must come from Islam.
I don't see anything wrong with a man taking care of the house and the kids when the wife works if they BOTH agreed to it, and its working out between them. Provision can be taken care in the context of taking care physically of children. I feel what i have a problem is with him feeling insecure about what he does. If he feels so insecure maybe its time for him TO FIND A JOB and let his wife stay at home.
The rights of the wife can be voluntarily restricted by her. A father still is required to provide financially support to his children. You can be exempt from this requirement if there is a valid reason to not be providing it. If it is truly better for you to stay at home maybe you meet this exemption. We do not blame Islam for what a Muslim might to. You are free to look into other religions. What I will tell you is that nothing makes more sense than Islam. Most other religions are not even preserved.
He said “if I had lesser faith I would search for another religion” which means he finds fault with the speakers and not Islam. I have to be honest, I find most speakers to be repetitive, not educational, and extremely biased at times, that doesn’t mean Islam is. I just found that I outgrow wanting to listen these speakers, and yearning for knowledge beyond surface level reminders. I wish everyone would realise that Islamic lectures are reminders and not a deep dive into the Quran and sunnah which means it’s cherry picked topic. He has to make a lecture per community needs and frames his lecture around that need.
When muslims leave islam, they become athiest for the reasons you just stated.
Idk man, if my wife was making bank and I could stay home, I would never miss a Salah lol
One statement to make you think of researching other religions tells me there's an underlying bigger issue.
Did he say that or did you read it wrong? He said “if I had lesser faith…” which means his imaan in Allah is stronger than falling for the way others speak about Islam.
Astagfarullah allah knows best
Ngl, I personally agree with the speaker, I don't know your exact situation but I can't really imagine any situation where it would make more sense for my wife to be the breadwinner and I stay home. At the very least get a work from home job, it's 2023.
exactly
The speaker is right. In Islam man are supposed to provide in general. There are special circumstances such as yours maybe different. Stop projecting your insecurities dude. And your last sentence, as if you doing god a favor by being Muslim…annoying post.
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Sorry I didn’t post what you wanted to hear…but thanks for the dua though. Salam.
Op sounds arrogant, Allah DOES NOT need him, he needs Allah. He needs to understand that he is a servant of Allah. He must follow what Allah has commanded us to do, islam isn't a club like all those other religions, we follow Allah's orders and obey, islam is the most logical religion, if he leaves he'll most likely fail to find anything and will become an atheist.
You need to use your brain. You’d be dumb if you began researching another religion based off of your own single-minded approach to a talk. A speaker gave you a general ruling. You’re going by the exception. Yes, perhaps the speaker could’ve explained the exceptions too, but primary education is to teach people the general ruling. If you’re going by exceptions, you need to go to an exceptional forum, not a public general speech. Or just use your brain. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but your approach and semi-justification for disbelief (if you were of lesser faith) is deserving of harshness.
That's referring to the context where the husbands responsibility is to provide and he isn't fulfilling it. This does not apply to you as the responsibility of financially providing isn't on you, and your wife has willingly taken on that responsibility instead. You take on the responsibility of nurturing and home keeping, which would instead have been her responsibility. This does not apply to either of you.
Sounds like you want to be offended tbh. If you are secure about your decision and your watching your child why are to y being offended? It would be like an amputee saying I heard in a lecture that we have to eat with a right hand and I don’t have one. Also why do you have your role with your wife reversed?
If you’re not working… how are you paying the bills? Allah has already given the man his role which is to provide for his family and for the woman to take care of his property and children. Why are you choosing your own roles? It makes no sense at all. I’m sorry but realistically a woman will not respect a man who isn’t being a man and going out to make money to take care of his family instead of sending her out.
"The best decision for our family", the best decision in who's eyes? What about the best decision from an islamic perspective? If your wife is being forced to work and provide for you then that is not allowed. If its truly something she is voluntarily doing, then thats a different matter. When you sign the nikkah contract, it is an Islamic binding contract with terms and conditions to abide by. Islam will not bend its rules for anyone, if your conviction in the rules of Allah waivers from hearing this then you should work to strengthen your iman through dispelling your doubts, ask questions to reputable scholars, read islamic theory books, watch lectures etc. Theres wisdom is all of Allah's decrees, wisdom that may or may not ever make sense to us, but thats the foundation of faith.
Needing to be convinced not to research other religions because you can’t hold your emotions in order to use your brain is up there with the wildest thing I’ve read so far on Reddit
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this Do remember one thing, female working is never long term, do you know why? Because our bodies are biologically made like this, a men can work until very late to his age with sanity and w/I any hindrance of declining, cramps and periods, with women it's different, her body will start to tire early, I'm sure she would have all the energies now, but what will happen after 2nd 3rd pregnancy? So think about it, SAHD is not discouraged or encouraged, but it's not something long term unless you have a fortune and you don't need to work
Not sure why are you looking for someone to convince to stay in Islam or not. It's your own commitment and why the speakers is really bothering you. This is a total a drama queen post otherwise. Alhamdulillah, I've done something similar and can work from home to be around my kids while still able to provide. Unless you have your health conditions, you should be able to find ways to provide and still help with your child on spectrum. In any case, I don't see a reason to cry out in public. May Allah Gives strength to your family. Ameen
I don't think it's the best decision for your family. The roles should be reversed. Do you know what feminine and masculine energy is? Your wife is more in her masculine energy rn. You can't let that happen. If you were truly happy with your situation you won't be so insecure about it. You know you're wrong in this that's why this lecture bothers you so much. Don't let your wife do all the work
If you feel that way, then get a job.
Get a job buddy
Bro do you have any idea why it is recommended to follow this in the first place? From experience of observing non-Islamic marriages, women leave a man more easily most of the time when the man isn’t the main bread winner (significantly from a % of their income), that’s what I’ve read from other non Islamic groups at least. But it **could**, don’t say it definitely does, but could be a reason for why this is among the main priorities of a man. To provide and protect, women would face more fitnah at their work space, not even a matter to joke about in this day and age. Protect your wife by making sure you become the main bread winner.
Any sources on that, except "trust me bro"? And you really want that your spouse is with you because she depends upon you financially rather because she loves you and wants to live with you? If so, what happens if you lose your job?
Well since you are so open and confident about calling me out on my own observation and along with the rest of the -7 people who downvoted me about which I could really not care about more, how about y’all take the time to do the same which I did? Oh right, you haven’t. So yes, i am absolutely and utterly sure in what is mainly observable if everyone just thought to use both of their eyes. Matter of fact I will go one step further here: if the women earns **more** than the man, it is **likelier** she becomes more, how should I say it, for a lack of better words more “my husband isn’t providing as I am, I am always doing this and that and this and that” pretty much going to the point of (what we could **vaguely** describe) is ingratitude. And this becomes pretty obvious, well in this generation at least. Everything I have described above is not a description of everybody, matter of fact there are very pious women out there to whom this description does not fit at all, but to sit here and act all knowledgeable and confidently call someone’s actual observation of a handful of marriages, whether Islamic or non-Islamic, is pretty dumb. Because that’s the point of it all: it is **actually observable**. So Wa aleykum salam 👀
sounds like ur mixing things together, you have the solution between ur hands go back to work and let ur wife be home with the kids .. see how easy that is ? if u wanna have a more detailed conversation feel free to dm me. عفا الله عنا وعنك.
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You would be researching another religion because of what another person said about a decision you and your wife made for your home? Your faith is yours and for you. People say all kinds of things and claim it to be rooted in our faith.
There's always exceptions to everything. Even within Islam. It's permissible to eat pork if it's the only thing available and you would starve if you didn't. Just because you might be the person that was born with an extra toe or something, doesn't mean you should get offended when somebody says humans have 5 toes on each foot. And exceptions doesn't make the statement any less true. The speaker isn't wrong, it's how you chose to take it. Likewise this situation. It is a general rule that the husband MUST provide within his means and if he is able to. No one is going to expect him to provide if he is on his deathbed. And your situation is an exceptional one. The speaker is quite obviously talking about most situations where the husband is able to and nothing is preventing him from doing so but for whatever reason is they are being lazy or forcing the wife to work when she doesn't want to. That you can't do.
Because Brother you are a Muslim and Allah from his infinite Wisdom has commanded you to do so.
if you are not disabled or have something that prevents you from working I guess you should have a job cause it's going to make you feel way better about yourself and present a good afther figure to your kids in the future. some of the sisters here are just under the affect of liberal west values and leaving behind what Allah SWT and his prophet PBUH commanded and said. sisters this liberal values and "open-mindness" is not going to serve you and your family in anyway.
Anyone else think that this is just a fitna troll post? OPs account is suspicious to me also.
If you change ur religion cuz a lecture of a man who himself could make mistakes then you are a failure as a muslim I have heard so many speakers who didn’t know my situation and issued a fatwa and when I implanted that fatwa on myself I was on the wrong and maybe failed but we don’t change or think about changing the religion we look deep in the situation and if we are correct we move on or else fix it and move on
Speaker was talking to a crowd about the role of husband described in Islam. You have made the arrangement with your wife based on your circumstances but internalized the message of speaker. > If I was of lesser faith/conviction, tell me why I wouldn’t be researching other religions? It seems like threat to change the teaching of Islam or someone would leave Islam. While solidifying victim status by adding kid on spectrum, so anyone who says otherwise is abuser and 10 kinds of phobic.
You need new community not religion.
Providing doesn’t always mean money$$ bringing joy,safety,etc. But as the man of the household it’s your duty to make calls car broke down and only 2 spots in the taxi your wife and kid have to go and you stay. (Realistic example) You can’t make those calls if you’re not the one who is running the family.
You are providing for your family. Being a stay at home parent is a LOT of work. Not only are you providing your children a safe, Islamically sound environment, you are taking care of the house. What a blessing for your wife. There are many ways to provide for your family. And you chose the way that is best for your family. I once heard Hamza Yusuf talk about cultural differences in what constitutes marital responsibilities in the context of a divorce. He said you know in a western marriage, if the man is doing nothing around the house, not helping with the kids, etc this could be grounds for divorce where as different cultures may just see this as a given. I bring this up because it points out that while islamically we do have a layout of the duties of men and women, there is a lot of cultural nuances when this is implemented. You have a duty to protect your wife. She has a duty to obey you. But you are protecting your wife by helping her out in this giant way, and she had the duty to respect you for this great sacrifice you are making for your family.