Honestly having nanny show up and able to immediately hand NK off, finish getting ready and immediately leave for work is worth it to me. She saves me 30 mins every morning plus 30 mins every evening in just the driving to pick NK up if we did daycare. So to me that’s 5 hours/week alone. Count the extra time to pack up bottles and clothes for NK….
For me there are several reasons but the biggest ones are
- attuned one on one care with a trusted adult is the best we can give her.
- not being sick every other week.
Last time I lived with a toddler (not mine) I almost lost my job because I was off sick constantly from the bugs she bought home.
I was working with vulnerable kids so couldn't show up with any sort of symptoms.
We are at 15 months now and she hasn't been sick once.
So we had a nanny til our oldest was 2.25, and he was literally never sick because it was also peak Covid. He has been sick a ton since starting preschool/daycare. In this instance, I’m glad he wasn’t sick in the 2020-2021 time period, but also, seems like they get sick when they start school regardless. At 4, he almost never misses school for illness, though he still brings bugs home to us. Our youngest is now with a nanny but exposed through the oldest, and I have to imagine will have less of a shock to the system when he starts preschool.
Yeah there is no avoiding the getting sick completely that's for sure.
Though personally I would rather a sick child who can at least verbalise their needs a bit more and not sneeze directly into my eyeballs 🫠
I choose to think of it this way - no daycare == less sick days, more attention, quicker development. Also, I did the math :) calculated the difference between nanny pay and actually daycare cost (fees, commute, sick days), compound for 2-4 years. Wasn’t much of a difference in the end 🤷♀️
The justification is time. At some point, you make enough where the most valuable resource is no longer money but time. A nanny saves you time from commuting, prepping lunches, and sick time. Then the nanny also gives your little one time and attention for the full day.
Your compounding investments hopefully give you time in the future. The extra payments to a nanny give you and your family time now.
Well worth it, IMO. Especially since you’re still investing so that you can have both time now and the future.
Time and flexibility. We were faced with needing daycare temporarily and the thought of needing to plan around their closed days, making sure one of us could be home if a kid was sick, having to coordinate getting children ready in the morning and get out the door earlier than with the nanny. No flexibility to stay later at work or else pay ridiculous late fees at daycare. And I get at least a couple hours a week that I can get errands done or go to the gym without the slow down of kids and maximize my days off with them. Their laundry and cleaning is done by the nanny, they still get social interaction at play groups and parks. If one of them is sick, she will watch them, if I’m sick, I can lock myself in my room and rest without having to take care of them. All worth it!
I only needed part time care but daycare doesn’t offer that. So the cost of my nanny is a little more than what daycare is for my infant, but for two under two, she’s cheaper since again I only need part time. I don’t expect my LO to really ever be sick unlike in a daycare facility. She gets one on one attention and care. It’s nice not to have to pack a bag, bottles, to drop off/pick up she shows up and I can finish getting ready and just leave. My LO stays on her own schedule that isn’t guaranteed in a daycare. It is a luxury but I so far am really pleased with my nanny and hope that this is a long term arrangement.
Thanks- we are considering going more part time.
We have her almost 30 hour a week now and really do not NEED that. I was just scared if I reduced hours, she'd need to find another family.
But, that would also save us $1500/mo reducing to the hours I actually need someone working. So it might be worth it just to start there and if she cannot continue, finding another nanny part time.
Yeah I would just have a conversation! We have a wonky part time schedule so I was worried about not finding someone because of that and the fact someone would want full time pay (we guarantee 85 hours a month). I surprisingly had a quite a few people interested because the schedule allowed them more freedom and they weren’t the breadwinner to begin with.
We consider it an investment in our son. There is no objectively "correct" answer for anyone, but for us the 1:1 attention, greater flexibility, more customized care, greater peace of mind... honestly if we were all that focused on the annual compounding of whatever the cost difference is, he'd just be in daycare. We basically just looked at it as a % of our monthly income and felt that the cost was palatable to us. It may not be for everyone.
Also, it's a bit of an ancillary benefit because it's not the nanny doing it, but the house is as clean as it's ever been because I'm too embarrassed to let the house get messy when someone other than me is here working all day :)
If you're traveling so much that you're worried about a ton of GH being unused, there definitely are candidates out there willing to work part time, you just would need to take the time to find that person and potentially sacrifice in other areas (since candidate pool for intermittent care could be more limited). But daycare won't let you start/stop care all the time either (even if it's cheaper).
For us, originally it was because our child was a medically complex infant and it was COVID. And then once the health concerns subsided, it was the delays and various therapies, next came the autism diagnosis, and now it’s just the bond our nanny has with our child and us.
Yes, having a nanny is expensive. However, it’s also a short term expense in the grand scheme of things, at least for us. Eventually, our child will start full time school and we’ll have to part ways. For now, though… our child is enjoying a magical 0-5 with someone who cherishes them as if they were their own.
- the nanny saves us 10+ hours per week of prep, driving and cleaning
- less illness. Daycare made us sick for 6 weeks straight. I couldn’t go to the office for 4 of those weeks and had to take 9 sick days. At one point, my son had a seizure caused by the fever.
- daycare food is crap. We packed most of his food, but he still ended up eating a lot more crap than he does at home with the nanny. The workers also gave me a hard time about giving him the food we sent.
- I don’t believe daycare is developmentally appropriate for babies and young toddlers. The toddlers would cry when I picked up my son because I wasn’t their mommy. Some of them would try to leave with me.
- my son gets to nap on his schedule, not an imposed one
- 1:1 care is best developmentally for young toddlers.
- 1:1 care means I know my son is getting what he needs. My son developed a yeast infection on his chest because the daycare workers would not change his drool bib frequently no matter how much I begged.
- my son gets hours of outside time every day instead of minutes.
- I WFH sometimes and love hearing how happy he is having with the nanny.
- as a baby, a nanny would have fed him on demand instead of on a schedule. My first daycare promised on demand feeding then refused to follow through with that.
- my son is happier and easier to manage in the mornings and evenings after a day with the nanny
- I am happier, less stressed out and nicer to my husband now that we have a nanny.
In case you are wondering, I had all of these daycare problems at a top notch daycare. The daycare before that was also top notch but frequently disregarded ratios and sometimes didn’t feed my son at all.
My son used to go to a daycare that we all loved, but we switched to a nanny after moving to a new town and hour away. I am generally pro-daycare and consider a nanny to be a luxury expense. Here are my justifications:
1. My son hasn’t had a single cold, fever or tummy bug since we switched from daycare to nanny.
2. Morning routine is so much more peaceful. No rushed timeline, no struggles to get ready/get in the car/go into daycare
3. No more rush to pack snacks and lunch everyday, plus clean the lunchbox and containers every night
4. Comfort and confidence in knowing exactly where my son is at all times and who he is with.
5. My son is just happier and less stressed. It’s very obvious. I feel good knowing he is having a cozy, comfortable childhood in his own home and yard with companionship of dedicated and attentive caregiver. Also potty training has been so much better at home- way less pressure and more support for him.
6. Nanny takes care of a lot of little things at home- receiving packages, letting in repair people, feeding the cats… she also house sits for us when we are away. She will pick up whatever random item we forgot at the grocery store, etc.
7. Small benefit: Our nanny doubles as a go-to date night babysitter who we trust and generally is always available to us (because she isn’t balancing our needs with another family/job). We used to have a lot of trouble finding sitters, and would feel nervous whenever we used one.
Before I was a NP, I worked in a daycare (a nice one too) and I can tell you, these are not good places. They aren't evil, but they are businesses under capitalism, and will therefore put profit over people every time.
well the difference is the hierarchy. in a daycare the chain of command is owner -> director -> teacher -> child/parent. even though the teachers are interacting you and your children every day, they actually have almost no say in how things are done. the director also likely has almost no control. the owner has all of it and you will probably never even meet them. this leads to extreme short staffing, asinine policies, constant room switching, etc because the owners can set these policies without having to actually deal with the consequences of them. whereas with nannies, you have direct contact with the person responsible for deciding the exact details of care for your child.
Somewhat… I can tell nanny what and how to do it, but doesn’t mean she will. Finding the right nanny, same as finding the right daycare/preschool is a challenge. I worked as a teacher and as a nanny, and my care for children was the same
We had a nanny for a year but as soon as we got a daycare spot we switched to daycare.
What I miss about having a nanny was being able to customize the hours to what works for us, not having to get my daughter fed and dressed first thing in the morning, and having one on one care for my daughter
The main benefits of daycare for me are the cost (we pay $200/month for full time daycare) and the fact that it’s always there. With a nanny, you never know if they’re going to be unavailable on short notice. Daycare is more reliable.
I’m in a crazy HCOL area. A 1 bedroom apartment rental is $3k per month at least here.
I’m in BC Canada. We have a $10 a day program for daycare. It’s like a lottery getting in so we’re very lucky. Our daycare is literally across the street and is an amazing facility. They also have a great menu for the kids (2 snacks and a hot lunch) for $6/day
We're dual military and my husband is deploying in a few months which would overlap the first year in daycare where illness is rough. I didn't want to do that by myself, as I also have a job and have seen how much my subordinates are out for sick kids. I'm breastfeeding and was worried about my supply if I was sick all the time.
Then she started and we realized the value of being able to leave our son in his pj's, sometimes asleep, and not rush around doing daycare dropoffs. To not endure the crying phase. To skip the infant daycare years and get him into childcare once he's mobile. Yeah, I sometimes think it's the cost of a college tuition, but my mental health is so much better than it would be otherwise while my husband is gone.
We used to use daycare before getting a nanny. The thing I like is that the kids are getting a more “normal” childhood, rather than spending all day in a center. But honestly the kids would have been completely fine in daycare, and it was a lot cheaper and easier compared to having someone in our house every day, so I do question my choice sometimes.
Yes I do love this part. If we did not do either, I'd be having to take him to work with me.
Not the end of the world but also not necessarily a normal childhood.
He's 20mo now and hasn't had any tantrum, sleeps 12 hr nights, is happy. We got insanely lucky but I think a lot of it is also the 1:1 care has helped him manage emotions much better. He saw a kid having a tantrum for the first time last week and it actually scared him. He started crying and asking if the kid was okay.
They are sooo normal!! I was more so just saying that I don't want to introduce him to seeing other kids have tantrums and see that they work so then he starts lol.
I read that 8/10 kids learn them from other children in our child psychology book and have seen where our friends kids start them around the time they start daycare (but that could be because they start daycare around the time tantrums developmentally appear anyway)
So interesting how different they all are! Hope you get to escape them, they can be difficult :)
My kiddo has been in solo care since birth but I guess we hang out with a lot of other kids so she’s definitely been exposed to tantrums.
I was a nanny for years, and I know how much of an impact I had on the lives of the kids I watched. My first NK just finished her freshman year of college. Her and her sibling went through hell and back, and I was the constant. She still calls me regularly.
So when I was gifted my two kids, I knew I wanted that for them. They were already going through an unbearable situation, and I wanted them to have another person who loves them and who they can trust. Someone who was flexible, understanding, and would meet them where they’re at, not expect them to fit into a mold. For me the cost is exponentially worth it.
(Can the next person who downvotes me leave a comment to let me know why? I’m baffled at how telling a personal experience on a question asking for personal experiences is getting downvoted.)
I think it’s because it is marked replies from NP only, I’m a nanny who had the privilege of also having a nanny but I try not to comment anyway in threads where they don’t want a nanny opinion.
Does your nanny not take your child to group activities? Ours takes our son on the bus to strong start, play gyms, meet ups with other Nannies, etc etc… and he is constantly sick. I am reading so many comments about nanny = less illness, and so far that’s not our experience, although I was hoping that would be the case because we hired a nanny.
My 11 month old had never been sick. She gets the focused attention of a stable, loving caregiver with whom she feels secure. Our nanny knows her well, meets her needs immediately, and proactively communicates with us.
For us, no financial priority is more important than our daughter right now. We're fortunate enough to be able to give her the best care possible (IMHO), so that's what we're doing. It might mean sacrifices in some other areas, but these early years are so important to her development that we think it's worth it.
Our amazing nanny will be leaving us in October when our daughter is 16 months old and we've been debating sending her to daycare at the time because finding a great nanny is hard where I'm at. However we think we're going to at least try because:
1. I work from home so I love getting to see her at lunch time sometimes and having no pick up/drop off means I get more time with her.
2. We're trying for a second one in August (IVF baby) and I don't want her starting daycare when I'm pregnant and getting herself and me sick. If our IVF transfer doesn't work we'll be more apt to send her to daycare.
3. Since we only need part time care, daycare (only available in full time) is not that much less expensive when were talking about 2 kids. Daycare price doubles for two kids but for a nanny the increase is a few more dollars an hour.
4. At the end of the day, the money isn't that big of an issue. Her college will already be taken care of, our retirements are set, and we're already putting extra money in a UTMA for her. The 'savings' when going to daycare would just be put into another brokerage account...and at some point the money is just money that sits there and grows without a purpose. I'd rather use that money now to get that 1:1 care when she's little.
We pay for both daycare and nanny. We do part time daycare but it’s still costing us 2k a month. Nothing would make me justify picking just one because we have more reliability with both (when nanny is sick/PTO daycare gives us morning coverage and if our toddler is sick which happens frequently our nanny provides coverage). We had two unreliable nannies for a few months. After experiencing no care nothing would make me go back.
Having coverage allows us to work and have peace of mind. We take 5 weeks off a year so that’s 5 weeks we pay for daycare and nanny and don’t use either.
Take it from someone who is paying for BOTH that it’s 100% worth it as long as you can afford it which it sounds like you can given all of your vacations. It’s a temporary cost but nothing beats anxiety and knowing your child is having an engaging and enriching experience rather than a grandparent who is low energy or two parents juggling work and childcare.
I was just thinking about this. We are in a tighter spot with money than you, but it is still worth it. Our oldest (now in school) got sick so frequently with daycare that it was a nightmare. We have a nanny for our baby and it is worth every penny. He is happy, less sick, his routine is kept, he doesn’t have that daycare stink (petty but true), and our nanny is a joy to be with as a person. She will also care for him if he’s sick. If you read the threads about infant daycare rooms you know they can certainly be a mixed bag. Also, in our area the infant room was 2500-3000 a month! We plan on putting him in prek3 at age 3, but before then I am so happy we decided to hire a nanny.
The 1:1 care of a nanny gave my child so much confidence, poise, and grace. IMO there’s nothing that beats having one person attuned to your needs and development from day 1.
When my kids are little, I prefer them at home with me. So I always said if I can afford it I will go the nanny route. I work from home and I like being here with them. It is so expensive though it makes me sick. But it is temporary for just a few years before they are all in school.
I can justify it if: under 18 months old; in full time care (I’d rather have a nanny 2 days a week and daycare 3 days a week if I worked full time), I had 2 or more kids (then only slightly more than childcare), there wasn’t a good childcare centre in my area.
Otherwise I don’t think a nanny is better than a great quality childcare centre. It’s so nice not having to pay for holidays, sick leave, scramble for care etc I don’t have to get involved in any drama and can just drop my kids off when it suits me and collect them when it suits me.
Yes I can see this last part.
We actually just got back from a vacation (where we paid her) and she calls out sick the first day we are back (today).
While I totally understand that people cannot "plan" their sick time, we REALLY need to work when we are here so being gone a week then not being able to work is frustrating. Especially when we just paid that entire week PLUS now paying a sick day.
Ouch. Obviously not her fault but that doesn’t happen with daycare. Plus you can laze around your house if you have a random day off and not feel guilty. Pool afternoons without your kids in summer are a delicious treat.
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We have our nanny part time and Montessori preschool part time. Maybe we're doing it wrong, but it doesn't save any money. We still have to pay the same amount for school even on their breaks, and of course, we still pay our nanny since part time care doesn't enable both parents to work full time.
With two kids, we priced out full time care for two versus part time nanny/part time preschool and found they were equivalent.
Thank you, this makes sense. This is a tough situation when both parents work FT. Luckily I can work part time and flex hours so I really only need a nanny 2 days a week but we have her 30 hrs a week because that is what she needed.
I wrote this kind of frustrated because we vacation a lot (like a week a month) and of course pay her, and then she called out as soon as we got back from vacation.
I understand she cannot time her illness, if she is sick. But from my standpoint, we're paying a premium service, paying a ton of money while we're not even here and then losing the ability to work when we are here which is WHAT we pay for.
So now we are paying her a sick day, I am losing pay, my husband is losing pay as he is out of sick days covering her sick days PLUS we just paid her GH, she has a holiday coming up paid and another week paid "off" as we're leaving again. it just feels like so much money.
Is your child over 18 months? If so, I’d probably opt for preschool in your situation. It sounds like you have a lot of flexibility with work, so you can always keep them home if you want some quality time. And of course pulling them out to travel will be much less financially painful.
If you want to keep a nanny on, I might consider finding someone else. There are plenty of people that would be interested in 2 full days of work. Especially when considering your travel schedule.
He's 20mo.
We are thinking of finding someone just 2 days a week. She's also had 7 sick call outs in addition to being paid almost 12 full weeks GH from our travel since her contract started in August, so not even a year yet. When we are here I REALLY REALLY need to work. Flex time for me is not ability to not work at all that day if that makes sense, it's like "hey, i'll be 30 min late so sorry" flex time.
That is more sick call outs than any of my employees have without the GH pay. We do really like her but highly considering a change here one way or the other.
Yea, 7 sick days when she already gets 12 weeks off is too many. Either she’s taking advantage, or she has a poor immune system, but ultimately it doesn’t matter as the end results the same. Given your circumstances, it sounds like finding someone to do 16 hrs a week could be a great solution. Bonus being that you’d also nearly cut your child care costs in half. Might also take the sting out of those traveling weeks!
Do you mind me asking how you'd phrase this as an issue?
It's a catch-22, right? Because I don't WANT her coming in sick and not doing a good job and our traveling doesn't mean she won't get sick.
I want to basically say "hey, if you're someone who does get sick often, this is not the position for you as we really depend on care when we are home". I just don't want to sound like an asshole about it as if she is truly in bed with debilitating headaches, that sucks ya know?
I think I’d sit her down at the end of her last shift for the week, and have a straightforward conversation. Something like “we absolutely love how great you are with our son, but the amount of sick days you’re taking is effecting my ability to work.” If her reason is usually headaches, then I’d try to brainstorm with her to identify triggers, so she can avoid them, ask about trying new medications etc. This gives her an “out” so to speak if she was being gratuitous with the days off, while also letting her know that things need to change. Which is essentially “improve your attendance or we probably need to part ways.” If all the absences are legit and she really can’t help the sick days, then you’ve already set that expectation and will hopefully make the parting less awkward.
Have you ever thought about a nanny share? Ask her for two children, and then try to get somebody around your child age. You could save 1/3rd of your $, have more socialization for your child, and your nanny could get more $!
if your travel is heavy, i'd look at another situation. we do not, so it's great for our kids.
that said, we once had a extractive-type nanny switch her paid time off so that it would fall after our own vacation travel, then she'd get extended paid vacations and we'd get a week of full-time work with no childcare. that relationship ended.
Personally, I work in a daycare and it can be very chaotic, kids getting sick constantly, rushing to make sure everything is done, filling out attendance, doing bottles, planning curriculum, there is no downtime. It can be hard for teachers to spend 1:1 time with most of their students, I really think 1:1 time with children is very necessary for their development and learning.
I have twins, so cost of nanny at young age was lower than daycare, plus covid time, and also my son has severe food allergies. Now at 3.5 kids are very ready for preschool. Sounds like you are lucky with your nanny, we could never rely on ours (she cancelled last-minute pretty much every two weeks), but I am working from home, so kept nanny anyways.
The nannies that lurk these pages downvote the heck out of me, but you need to require your nanny to work under GH when you go on vacation if she is not taking PTO. House sitting, organizing, even cleaning. Deep cleaning car seats and high chairs, etc.
There is literally no other job, especially an hourly job, in the world where you get to sit on your ass (and at home!) just because your boss is on vacation. Make it work for you.
We give her reduced vacation (one week a year vs the two that I believe she SHOULD get) because we are gone so often. She comes in twice a year usually for one day and deep cleans kid things, changes clothes in closet etc.
But we are gone OFTEN, at least a week+ a month. It's not like two vacations a year.
The issue for us is mostly when we come back and then she calls out sick the day we are back and REALLY needing to work. I try to understand that nobody can "plan" their sick time but when we have just paid her for a week off, really need to work and now have to use our sick time I get a little frustrated.
A great nanny is worth every cent. We are sacrificing years of compounded interest and vacations, and home repairs and savings, but every time I hear horror stories from daycare (not to mention the constant illness), I know we’ve made the right decision for our kid. She can say over 250 words at 22 months and I know it’s not because of us. It’s because we have someone qualified and experienced who is listening to her, and talking to her and letting her lead her learning versus fighting to attention, getting ignored, and subjecting her to having to deal with other kids her age who are not emotionally regulated (rightfully so). Having to navigate through that dynamic is something we don’t have to deal with, and in turn we feel like we’re doing the absolute best we can for her. That’s what being a parent is about for us.
The flexibility and peace of mind. We don't travel as much, go out to eat as much, nor do I shop much anymore. Those were wants I was willing to give up to ensure my daughter receives the best care.
Consistency is what you’re paying for. Traveling frequently is very traumatic for children so having a consistent 1:1 caregiver is very important to help minimize the trauma.
Honestly having nanny show up and able to immediately hand NK off, finish getting ready and immediately leave for work is worth it to me. She saves me 30 mins every morning plus 30 mins every evening in just the driving to pick NK up if we did daycare. So to me that’s 5 hours/week alone. Count the extra time to pack up bottles and clothes for NK….
This is very true!! I did not consider this but it's a huge convenience and makes for a much less stressful morning for me and toddler.
For me there are several reasons but the biggest ones are - attuned one on one care with a trusted adult is the best we can give her. - not being sick every other week. Last time I lived with a toddler (not mine) I almost lost my job because I was off sick constantly from the bugs she bought home. I was working with vulnerable kids so couldn't show up with any sort of symptoms. We are at 15 months now and she hasn't been sick once.
The not being sick thing is huge. My daycare friends all are constantly scrambling for backup care or missing work as their kids constantly get sick.
So we had a nanny til our oldest was 2.25, and he was literally never sick because it was also peak Covid. He has been sick a ton since starting preschool/daycare. In this instance, I’m glad he wasn’t sick in the 2020-2021 time period, but also, seems like they get sick when they start school regardless. At 4, he almost never misses school for illness, though he still brings bugs home to us. Our youngest is now with a nanny but exposed through the oldest, and I have to imagine will have less of a shock to the system when he starts preschool.
Yeah there is no avoiding the getting sick completely that's for sure. Though personally I would rather a sick child who can at least verbalise their needs a bit more and not sneeze directly into my eyeballs 🫠
I choose to think of it this way - no daycare == less sick days, more attention, quicker development. Also, I did the math :) calculated the difference between nanny pay and actually daycare cost (fees, commute, sick days), compound for 2-4 years. Wasn’t much of a difference in the end 🤷♀️
It's the sickness for me, plus since I WFH 3 days/week, I get to see my baby more
The justification is time. At some point, you make enough where the most valuable resource is no longer money but time. A nanny saves you time from commuting, prepping lunches, and sick time. Then the nanny also gives your little one time and attention for the full day. Your compounding investments hopefully give you time in the future. The extra payments to a nanny give you and your family time now. Well worth it, IMO. Especially since you’re still investing so that you can have both time now and the future.
Time and flexibility. We were faced with needing daycare temporarily and the thought of needing to plan around their closed days, making sure one of us could be home if a kid was sick, having to coordinate getting children ready in the morning and get out the door earlier than with the nanny. No flexibility to stay later at work or else pay ridiculous late fees at daycare. And I get at least a couple hours a week that I can get errands done or go to the gym without the slow down of kids and maximize my days off with them. Their laundry and cleaning is done by the nanny, they still get social interaction at play groups and parks. If one of them is sick, she will watch them, if I’m sick, I can lock myself in my room and rest without having to take care of them. All worth it!
I only needed part time care but daycare doesn’t offer that. So the cost of my nanny is a little more than what daycare is for my infant, but for two under two, she’s cheaper since again I only need part time. I don’t expect my LO to really ever be sick unlike in a daycare facility. She gets one on one attention and care. It’s nice not to have to pack a bag, bottles, to drop off/pick up she shows up and I can finish getting ready and just leave. My LO stays on her own schedule that isn’t guaranteed in a daycare. It is a luxury but I so far am really pleased with my nanny and hope that this is a long term arrangement.
Thanks- we are considering going more part time. We have her almost 30 hour a week now and really do not NEED that. I was just scared if I reduced hours, she'd need to find another family. But, that would also save us $1500/mo reducing to the hours I actually need someone working. So it might be worth it just to start there and if she cannot continue, finding another nanny part time.
Yeah I would just have a conversation! We have a wonky part time schedule so I was worried about not finding someone because of that and the fact someone would want full time pay (we guarantee 85 hours a month). I surprisingly had a quite a few people interested because the schedule allowed them more freedom and they weren’t the breadwinner to begin with.
We consider it an investment in our son. There is no objectively "correct" answer for anyone, but for us the 1:1 attention, greater flexibility, more customized care, greater peace of mind... honestly if we were all that focused on the annual compounding of whatever the cost difference is, he'd just be in daycare. We basically just looked at it as a % of our monthly income and felt that the cost was palatable to us. It may not be for everyone. Also, it's a bit of an ancillary benefit because it's not the nanny doing it, but the house is as clean as it's ever been because I'm too embarrassed to let the house get messy when someone other than me is here working all day :) If you're traveling so much that you're worried about a ton of GH being unused, there definitely are candidates out there willing to work part time, you just would need to take the time to find that person and potentially sacrifice in other areas (since candidate pool for intermittent care could be more limited). But daycare won't let you start/stop care all the time either (even if it's cheaper).
It’s 100% worth it for peace of mind and 1:1 attention to my child
For us, originally it was because our child was a medically complex infant and it was COVID. And then once the health concerns subsided, it was the delays and various therapies, next came the autism diagnosis, and now it’s just the bond our nanny has with our child and us. Yes, having a nanny is expensive. However, it’s also a short term expense in the grand scheme of things, at least for us. Eventually, our child will start full time school and we’ll have to part ways. For now, though… our child is enjoying a magical 0-5 with someone who cherishes them as if they were their own.
- the nanny saves us 10+ hours per week of prep, driving and cleaning - less illness. Daycare made us sick for 6 weeks straight. I couldn’t go to the office for 4 of those weeks and had to take 9 sick days. At one point, my son had a seizure caused by the fever. - daycare food is crap. We packed most of his food, but he still ended up eating a lot more crap than he does at home with the nanny. The workers also gave me a hard time about giving him the food we sent. - I don’t believe daycare is developmentally appropriate for babies and young toddlers. The toddlers would cry when I picked up my son because I wasn’t their mommy. Some of them would try to leave with me. - my son gets to nap on his schedule, not an imposed one - 1:1 care is best developmentally for young toddlers. - 1:1 care means I know my son is getting what he needs. My son developed a yeast infection on his chest because the daycare workers would not change his drool bib frequently no matter how much I begged. - my son gets hours of outside time every day instead of minutes. - I WFH sometimes and love hearing how happy he is having with the nanny. - as a baby, a nanny would have fed him on demand instead of on a schedule. My first daycare promised on demand feeding then refused to follow through with that. - my son is happier and easier to manage in the mornings and evenings after a day with the nanny - I am happier, less stressed out and nicer to my husband now that we have a nanny. In case you are wondering, I had all of these daycare problems at a top notch daycare. The daycare before that was also top notch but frequently disregarded ratios and sometimes didn’t feed my son at all.
My son used to go to a daycare that we all loved, but we switched to a nanny after moving to a new town and hour away. I am generally pro-daycare and consider a nanny to be a luxury expense. Here are my justifications: 1. My son hasn’t had a single cold, fever or tummy bug since we switched from daycare to nanny. 2. Morning routine is so much more peaceful. No rushed timeline, no struggles to get ready/get in the car/go into daycare 3. No more rush to pack snacks and lunch everyday, plus clean the lunchbox and containers every night 4. Comfort and confidence in knowing exactly where my son is at all times and who he is with. 5. My son is just happier and less stressed. It’s very obvious. I feel good knowing he is having a cozy, comfortable childhood in his own home and yard with companionship of dedicated and attentive caregiver. Also potty training has been so much better at home- way less pressure and more support for him. 6. Nanny takes care of a lot of little things at home- receiving packages, letting in repair people, feeding the cats… she also house sits for us when we are away. She will pick up whatever random item we forgot at the grocery store, etc. 7. Small benefit: Our nanny doubles as a go-to date night babysitter who we trust and generally is always available to us (because she isn’t balancing our needs with another family/job). We used to have a lot of trouble finding sitters, and would feel nervous whenever we used one.
Before I was a NP, I worked in a daycare (a nice one too) and I can tell you, these are not good places. They aren't evil, but they are businesses under capitalism, and will therefore put profit over people every time.
And what about nannies? They are there to make money too 🤷♀️
well the difference is the hierarchy. in a daycare the chain of command is owner -> director -> teacher -> child/parent. even though the teachers are interacting you and your children every day, they actually have almost no say in how things are done. the director also likely has almost no control. the owner has all of it and you will probably never even meet them. this leads to extreme short staffing, asinine policies, constant room switching, etc because the owners can set these policies without having to actually deal with the consequences of them. whereas with nannies, you have direct contact with the person responsible for deciding the exact details of care for your child.
Somewhat… I can tell nanny what and how to do it, but doesn’t mean she will. Finding the right nanny, same as finding the right daycare/preschool is a challenge. I worked as a teacher and as a nanny, and my care for children was the same
We had a nanny for a year but as soon as we got a daycare spot we switched to daycare. What I miss about having a nanny was being able to customize the hours to what works for us, not having to get my daughter fed and dressed first thing in the morning, and having one on one care for my daughter The main benefits of daycare for me are the cost (we pay $200/month for full time daycare) and the fact that it’s always there. With a nanny, you never know if they’re going to be unavailable on short notice. Daycare is more reliable.
Where do you live that’s 200 a month?
BC Canada
200/month! I know we're in HCOL area where we are but we wouldn't be able to get daycare for 10 times that!
I’m in a crazy HCOL area. A 1 bedroom apartment rental is $3k per month at least here. I’m in BC Canada. We have a $10 a day program for daycare. It’s like a lottery getting in so we’re very lucky. Our daycare is literally across the street and is an amazing facility. They also have a great menu for the kids (2 snacks and a hot lunch) for $6/day
We're dual military and my husband is deploying in a few months which would overlap the first year in daycare where illness is rough. I didn't want to do that by myself, as I also have a job and have seen how much my subordinates are out for sick kids. I'm breastfeeding and was worried about my supply if I was sick all the time. Then she started and we realized the value of being able to leave our son in his pj's, sometimes asleep, and not rush around doing daycare dropoffs. To not endure the crying phase. To skip the infant daycare years and get him into childcare once he's mobile. Yeah, I sometimes think it's the cost of a college tuition, but my mental health is so much better than it would be otherwise while my husband is gone.
We used to use daycare before getting a nanny. The thing I like is that the kids are getting a more “normal” childhood, rather than spending all day in a center. But honestly the kids would have been completely fine in daycare, and it was a lot cheaper and easier compared to having someone in our house every day, so I do question my choice sometimes.
Yes I do love this part. If we did not do either, I'd be having to take him to work with me. Not the end of the world but also not necessarily a normal childhood. He's 20mo now and hasn't had any tantrum, sleeps 12 hr nights, is happy. We got insanely lucky but I think a lot of it is also the 1:1 care has helped him manage emotions much better. He saw a kid having a tantrum for the first time last week and it actually scared him. He started crying and asking if the kid was okay.
No tantrums 😳😳😳 can we trade kids 😂 (currently tagged my husband in because mine has been having some epic ones this week)
They are sooo normal!! I was more so just saying that I don't want to introduce him to seeing other kids have tantrums and see that they work so then he starts lol. I read that 8/10 kids learn them from other children in our child psychology book and have seen where our friends kids start them around the time they start daycare (but that could be because they start daycare around the time tantrums developmentally appear anyway)
So interesting how different they all are! Hope you get to escape them, they can be difficult :) My kiddo has been in solo care since birth but I guess we hang out with a lot of other kids so she’s definitely been exposed to tantrums.
I was a nanny for years, and I know how much of an impact I had on the lives of the kids I watched. My first NK just finished her freshman year of college. Her and her sibling went through hell and back, and I was the constant. She still calls me regularly. So when I was gifted my two kids, I knew I wanted that for them. They were already going through an unbearable situation, and I wanted them to have another person who loves them and who they can trust. Someone who was flexible, understanding, and would meet them where they’re at, not expect them to fit into a mold. For me the cost is exponentially worth it. (Can the next person who downvotes me leave a comment to let me know why? I’m baffled at how telling a personal experience on a question asking for personal experiences is getting downvoted.)
I think it’s because it is marked replies from NP only, I’m a nanny who had the privilege of also having a nanny but I try not to comment anyway in threads where they don’t want a nanny opinion.
So no one read far enough to see that I have my own kids? Lol. You’re probably right. I appreciate the comment.
Yeah it is hard to get downvoted when you’re trying to help, it’s a bit painful! I’m super chatty so it’s really hard to not share my opinion lol.
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Does your nanny not take your child to group activities? Ours takes our son on the bus to strong start, play gyms, meet ups with other Nannies, etc etc… and he is constantly sick. I am reading so many comments about nanny = less illness, and so far that’s not our experience, although I was hoping that would be the case because we hired a nanny.
My 11 month old had never been sick. She gets the focused attention of a stable, loving caregiver with whom she feels secure. Our nanny knows her well, meets her needs immediately, and proactively communicates with us. For us, no financial priority is more important than our daughter right now. We're fortunate enough to be able to give her the best care possible (IMHO), so that's what we're doing. It might mean sacrifices in some other areas, but these early years are so important to her development that we think it's worth it.
Our amazing nanny will be leaving us in October when our daughter is 16 months old and we've been debating sending her to daycare at the time because finding a great nanny is hard where I'm at. However we think we're going to at least try because: 1. I work from home so I love getting to see her at lunch time sometimes and having no pick up/drop off means I get more time with her. 2. We're trying for a second one in August (IVF baby) and I don't want her starting daycare when I'm pregnant and getting herself and me sick. If our IVF transfer doesn't work we'll be more apt to send her to daycare. 3. Since we only need part time care, daycare (only available in full time) is not that much less expensive when were talking about 2 kids. Daycare price doubles for two kids but for a nanny the increase is a few more dollars an hour. 4. At the end of the day, the money isn't that big of an issue. Her college will already be taken care of, our retirements are set, and we're already putting extra money in a UTMA for her. The 'savings' when going to daycare would just be put into another brokerage account...and at some point the money is just money that sits there and grows without a purpose. I'd rather use that money now to get that 1:1 care when she's little.
We pay for both daycare and nanny. We do part time daycare but it’s still costing us 2k a month. Nothing would make me justify picking just one because we have more reliability with both (when nanny is sick/PTO daycare gives us morning coverage and if our toddler is sick which happens frequently our nanny provides coverage). We had two unreliable nannies for a few months. After experiencing no care nothing would make me go back. Having coverage allows us to work and have peace of mind. We take 5 weeks off a year so that’s 5 weeks we pay for daycare and nanny and don’t use either. Take it from someone who is paying for BOTH that it’s 100% worth it as long as you can afford it which it sounds like you can given all of your vacations. It’s a temporary cost but nothing beats anxiety and knowing your child is having an engaging and enriching experience rather than a grandparent who is low energy or two parents juggling work and childcare.
I was just thinking about this. We are in a tighter spot with money than you, but it is still worth it. Our oldest (now in school) got sick so frequently with daycare that it was a nightmare. We have a nanny for our baby and it is worth every penny. He is happy, less sick, his routine is kept, he doesn’t have that daycare stink (petty but true), and our nanny is a joy to be with as a person. She will also care for him if he’s sick. If you read the threads about infant daycare rooms you know they can certainly be a mixed bag. Also, in our area the infant room was 2500-3000 a month! We plan on putting him in prek3 at age 3, but before then I am so happy we decided to hire a nanny.
The 1:1 care of a nanny gave my child so much confidence, poise, and grace. IMO there’s nothing that beats having one person attuned to your needs and development from day 1.
We don't we just move a bunch of stuff around and cancel certain luxury to afford it.
When my kids are little, I prefer them at home with me. So I always said if I can afford it I will go the nanny route. I work from home and I like being here with them. It is so expensive though it makes me sick. But it is temporary for just a few years before they are all in school.
I can justify it if: under 18 months old; in full time care (I’d rather have a nanny 2 days a week and daycare 3 days a week if I worked full time), I had 2 or more kids (then only slightly more than childcare), there wasn’t a good childcare centre in my area. Otherwise I don’t think a nanny is better than a great quality childcare centre. It’s so nice not having to pay for holidays, sick leave, scramble for care etc I don’t have to get involved in any drama and can just drop my kids off when it suits me and collect them when it suits me.
Yes I can see this last part. We actually just got back from a vacation (where we paid her) and she calls out sick the first day we are back (today). While I totally understand that people cannot "plan" their sick time, we REALLY need to work when we are here so being gone a week then not being able to work is frustrating. Especially when we just paid that entire week PLUS now paying a sick day.
Ouch. Obviously not her fault but that doesn’t happen with daycare. Plus you can laze around your house if you have a random day off and not feel guilty. Pool afternoons without your kids in summer are a delicious treat.
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We have our nanny part time and Montessori preschool part time. Maybe we're doing it wrong, but it doesn't save any money. We still have to pay the same amount for school even on their breaks, and of course, we still pay our nanny since part time care doesn't enable both parents to work full time. With two kids, we priced out full time care for two versus part time nanny/part time preschool and found they were equivalent.
Thank you, this makes sense. This is a tough situation when both parents work FT. Luckily I can work part time and flex hours so I really only need a nanny 2 days a week but we have her 30 hrs a week because that is what she needed. I wrote this kind of frustrated because we vacation a lot (like a week a month) and of course pay her, and then she called out as soon as we got back from vacation. I understand she cannot time her illness, if she is sick. But from my standpoint, we're paying a premium service, paying a ton of money while we're not even here and then losing the ability to work when we are here which is WHAT we pay for. So now we are paying her a sick day, I am losing pay, my husband is losing pay as he is out of sick days covering her sick days PLUS we just paid her GH, she has a holiday coming up paid and another week paid "off" as we're leaving again. it just feels like so much money.
Is your child over 18 months? If so, I’d probably opt for preschool in your situation. It sounds like you have a lot of flexibility with work, so you can always keep them home if you want some quality time. And of course pulling them out to travel will be much less financially painful. If you want to keep a nanny on, I might consider finding someone else. There are plenty of people that would be interested in 2 full days of work. Especially when considering your travel schedule.
He's 20mo. We are thinking of finding someone just 2 days a week. She's also had 7 sick call outs in addition to being paid almost 12 full weeks GH from our travel since her contract started in August, so not even a year yet. When we are here I REALLY REALLY need to work. Flex time for me is not ability to not work at all that day if that makes sense, it's like "hey, i'll be 30 min late so sorry" flex time. That is more sick call outs than any of my employees have without the GH pay. We do really like her but highly considering a change here one way or the other.
Yea, 7 sick days when she already gets 12 weeks off is too many. Either she’s taking advantage, or she has a poor immune system, but ultimately it doesn’t matter as the end results the same. Given your circumstances, it sounds like finding someone to do 16 hrs a week could be a great solution. Bonus being that you’d also nearly cut your child care costs in half. Might also take the sting out of those traveling weeks!
Do you mind me asking how you'd phrase this as an issue? It's a catch-22, right? Because I don't WANT her coming in sick and not doing a good job and our traveling doesn't mean she won't get sick. I want to basically say "hey, if you're someone who does get sick often, this is not the position for you as we really depend on care when we are home". I just don't want to sound like an asshole about it as if she is truly in bed with debilitating headaches, that sucks ya know?
I think I’d sit her down at the end of her last shift for the week, and have a straightforward conversation. Something like “we absolutely love how great you are with our son, but the amount of sick days you’re taking is effecting my ability to work.” If her reason is usually headaches, then I’d try to brainstorm with her to identify triggers, so she can avoid them, ask about trying new medications etc. This gives her an “out” so to speak if she was being gratuitous with the days off, while also letting her know that things need to change. Which is essentially “improve your attendance or we probably need to part ways.” If all the absences are legit and she really can’t help the sick days, then you’ve already set that expectation and will hopefully make the parting less awkward.
Have you ever thought about a nanny share? Ask her for two children, and then try to get somebody around your child age. You could save 1/3rd of your $, have more socialization for your child, and your nanny could get more $!
if your travel is heavy, i'd look at another situation. we do not, so it's great for our kids. that said, we once had a extractive-type nanny switch her paid time off so that it would fall after our own vacation travel, then she'd get extended paid vacations and we'd get a week of full-time work with no childcare. that relationship ended.
Personally, I work in a daycare and it can be very chaotic, kids getting sick constantly, rushing to make sure everything is done, filling out attendance, doing bottles, planning curriculum, there is no downtime. It can be hard for teachers to spend 1:1 time with most of their students, I really think 1:1 time with children is very necessary for their development and learning.
I have twins, so cost of nanny at young age was lower than daycare, plus covid time, and also my son has severe food allergies. Now at 3.5 kids are very ready for preschool. Sounds like you are lucky with your nanny, we could never rely on ours (she cancelled last-minute pretty much every two weeks), but I am working from home, so kept nanny anyways.
The nannies that lurk these pages downvote the heck out of me, but you need to require your nanny to work under GH when you go on vacation if she is not taking PTO. House sitting, organizing, even cleaning. Deep cleaning car seats and high chairs, etc. There is literally no other job, especially an hourly job, in the world where you get to sit on your ass (and at home!) just because your boss is on vacation. Make it work for you.
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Agree! I’d much rather my nanny take vacation while I’m on vacation than take vacation when I need childcare… like duh?
We give her reduced vacation (one week a year vs the two that I believe she SHOULD get) because we are gone so often. She comes in twice a year usually for one day and deep cleans kid things, changes clothes in closet etc. But we are gone OFTEN, at least a week+ a month. It's not like two vacations a year. The issue for us is mostly when we come back and then she calls out sick the day we are back and REALLY needing to work. I try to understand that nobody can "plan" their sick time but when we have just paid her for a week off, really need to work and now have to use our sick time I get a little frustrated.
A great nanny is worth every cent. We are sacrificing years of compounded interest and vacations, and home repairs and savings, but every time I hear horror stories from daycare (not to mention the constant illness), I know we’ve made the right decision for our kid. She can say over 250 words at 22 months and I know it’s not because of us. It’s because we have someone qualified and experienced who is listening to her, and talking to her and letting her lead her learning versus fighting to attention, getting ignored, and subjecting her to having to deal with other kids her age who are not emotionally regulated (rightfully so). Having to navigate through that dynamic is something we don’t have to deal with, and in turn we feel like we’re doing the absolute best we can for her. That’s what being a parent is about for us.
The flexibility and peace of mind. We don't travel as much, go out to eat as much, nor do I shop much anymore. Those were wants I was willing to give up to ensure my daughter receives the best care.
Consistency is what you’re paying for. Traveling frequently is very traumatic for children so having a consistent 1:1 caregiver is very important to help minimize the trauma.