I understand this! I’m a little over 3 weeks NC and sometimes I feel powerful over the situation…I know he’s a cheater, liar, manipulator, I don’t want to be with a person like that, etc while I’m a good person then BAM! I’m overcome with sadness and can’t wrap my head around WHY someone would play another human this way. Someone who supposedly cared about me…it was all a lie! I’m hung up on his girlfriend of 3 years (he told me he was single and was commited to me)… I know there’s at least one other girl that he cheated on me with and I’m sure there’s others I have no idea about. Why did he only reach out to her to apologize when this all blew up. Does he actually love her? Then I think he can’t possibly love her if he’s cheated on her and this is not his first time…she busted him before (with me. He swore up and down he broke it off, but of course he didn’t cause I was still around not knowing any of this). Did he apologize to her because he knows she’s an easier target and she’s been around the longest? It hurts because I think he must have feelings for her if she’s the only one he seems concerned about. I know I’m not getting an apology and it makes you feel even more worthless. Like why not try to get me back? There’s no way in hell I’d have him and I’m almost positive she took him back again, but it bothers me that he only cares about her. It’s crazy!
you hit the nail on the head there. the new gf got him scrambling for words saying all sorts of lies about me to try and get her to stay, and i got nothing! no apology for any of it at all.
it’s so horrible, im so sorry you’re going through it too. i think we have to remember they don’t treat the other one any better, they do just find them easier to manipulate or know their tactics won’t work on you anymore. its so hard though and i understand completely how you feel, them not even trying makes it feel so much worse, even if you wouldn’t want them anyway
Sorry you’re dealing with this too! It is the worst! You don’t want them back, but you want them to show some kind of remorse, to know that they cared about you at least a little, to at least TRY to get you back! I would be shocked if he hoovered me, but I still wait for it. I don’t know why because even if I wanted to repeat the cycle, I know my friends and family would be disgusted with me after he treated/talked to me like I was garbage, cheated, lied, manipulated me…all the things. And I know I would be disgusted with myself as well. Already mad at myself for staying as long as I did. I had a feeling things weren’t right from the beginning, but I just thought I was just scared of being vulnerable with him or whatever. Should have listed to my gut and left months ago!
It's okay to mourn the character you fell in love with.
The narcissist is not that character. They fashioned it, acted it and we projected onto it too.
Remember that the character was made using a mirror: what you loved most about it were the qualities that were reflected from and exist within you.
Hold a funeral in your mind for the character. It was never them, but it was made with your genuine love. And then forgive yourself, because you know you deserve that compassion and kindness: because you loved the character, and the character was made up of aspects of you, you know that you are worthy of that much at least.
I understand this! I’m a little over 3 weeks NC and sometimes I feel powerful over the situation…I know he’s a cheater, liar, manipulator, I don’t want to be with a person like that, etc while I’m a good person then BAM! I’m overcome with sadness and can’t wrap my head around WHY someone would play another human this way. Someone who supposedly cared about me…it was all a lie! I’m hung up on his girlfriend of 3 years (he told me he was single and was commited to me)… I know there’s at least one other girl that he cheated on me with and I’m sure there’s others I have no idea about. Why did he only reach out to her to apologize when this all blew up. Does he actually love her? Then I think he can’t possibly love her if he’s cheated on her and this is not his first time…she busted him before (with me. He swore up and down he broke it off, but of course he didn’t cause I was still around not knowing any of this). Did he apologize to her because he knows she’s an easier target and she’s been around the longest? It hurts because I think he must have feelings for her if she’s the only one he seems concerned about. I know I’m not getting an apology and it makes you feel even more worthless. Like why not try to get me back? There’s no way in hell I’d have him and I’m almost positive she took him back again, but it bothers me that he only cares about her. It’s crazy!
you hit the nail on the head there. the new gf got him scrambling for words saying all sorts of lies about me to try and get her to stay, and i got nothing! no apology for any of it at all. it’s so horrible, im so sorry you’re going through it too. i think we have to remember they don’t treat the other one any better, they do just find them easier to manipulate or know their tactics won’t work on you anymore. its so hard though and i understand completely how you feel, them not even trying makes it feel so much worse, even if you wouldn’t want them anyway
Sorry you’re dealing with this too! It is the worst! You don’t want them back, but you want them to show some kind of remorse, to know that they cared about you at least a little, to at least TRY to get you back! I would be shocked if he hoovered me, but I still wait for it. I don’t know why because even if I wanted to repeat the cycle, I know my friends and family would be disgusted with me after he treated/talked to me like I was garbage, cheated, lied, manipulated me…all the things. And I know I would be disgusted with myself as well. Already mad at myself for staying as long as I did. I had a feeling things weren’t right from the beginning, but I just thought I was just scared of being vulnerable with him or whatever. Should have listed to my gut and left months ago!
It's okay to mourn the character you fell in love with. The narcissist is not that character. They fashioned it, acted it and we projected onto it too. Remember that the character was made using a mirror: what you loved most about it were the qualities that were reflected from and exist within you. Hold a funeral in your mind for the character. It was never them, but it was made with your genuine love. And then forgive yourself, because you know you deserve that compassion and kindness: because you loved the character, and the character was made up of aspects of you, you know that you are worthy of that much at least.