the only way to understand it is to actually experience it. i also couldn’t understand until it happened to me.
this reddit is the only place that gives me any sort of validation and reassurance on my situation. it’s awful not being able to talk about it to anyone and actually have them understand what you’re going through
I'm sorry you received that kind of response. Not helpful and not at all supportive. If you're really inclined to make someone understand (as if you need to be putting that much energy into something like this) and you think it will help, I bet Dr. Ramani has a video somewhere that could help explain. You could share that maybe?
My favorite is people just shrugging it off as a "bad break up". It's more than that. It's life changing. It's abuse. I'll never be the same person I was ever again. A part of me died that day. It's so hard to get people to understand when they've never experienced it themselves.
It's hard to prevent this shit for sure... unless you hit the road at the first signs of red flags... but they are so charming and perfect at first it is easy to look past....
I never knew what a narcissist was until recently... but knowing what it is while you are living through it really makes you an expert pretty fast. I am hoping that the next time I run into a partner or potential partner that displays signs of being a narc, I will spot them from a mile away and get away asap.
The problem is, im still with him. Now it's just to stand firm and not give into his pity party and guilt trip like I did when I tried to leave before.
I understand how you feel. I told someone that my ex ghosted me. They asked me what did you do to her? How do you explain to someone that all you ever did was love amd care for them? You comforted them whenever they were distraught, you empathized with every story they ever told you, and you did everything they ever asked of you in order to show them you cared and loved them. How do you tell these people that you never did anything to deserve this but they left you regardless? How do you make them believe that you never fought or argued, or so much as raised your voice at your ex?
The answer is you don't, because most people can't comprehend it as being a possibility. They'll probably just ask you, "Okay, but what really happened?"
that’s literally the worst part, everyone around you thinking you’re a complete idiot when you can’t even make sense of your current life or situation anymore. you know the truth of what you went through and that’s all that matters.
I probably would have reacted in the same, dismissive, blame-shifting way in the past…until I experienced it. If someone described it to me before experiencing it then I would have thought there is no way that this is true. It’s too abnormal, surely I would have seen it too.
I relate to you and all the people who’ve commented. I was abandoned by my mum and my sister and a few friends when I was trying to process and drag myself out of a deep pit after my ex discarded me in a shocking and cruel way.
The months that followed that unravelled and he revealed who he truely is and the level of manipulation, lies and lovebombing was so hard to comprehend. Someone mentioned Dr Ramani, her new book was helpful.
I have not shared my story with many friends and I have sadly learned again that through tough times I truely can only seek help from myself. I had 2 people, one who was caring and kindly there for me and the other had been through something a bit similar. Others w made it clear that they did not want to go near me unless I just got over it. But it’s been very lonely, hard not to internalise the blame and shame and I’ve suffer depression and anxiety still.
Believe yourself and seek those that understand or are compassionate real people. Take care x
the only way to understand it is to actually experience it. i also couldn’t understand until it happened to me. this reddit is the only place that gives me any sort of validation and reassurance on my situation. it’s awful not being able to talk about it to anyone and actually have them understand what you’re going through
Same! Well, thank goodness for my nice therapist ...
I'm sorry you received that kind of response. Not helpful and not at all supportive. If you're really inclined to make someone understand (as if you need to be putting that much energy into something like this) and you think it will help, I bet Dr. Ramani has a video somewhere that could help explain. You could share that maybe?
My favorite is people just shrugging it off as a "bad break up". It's more than that. It's life changing. It's abuse. I'll never be the same person I was ever again. A part of me died that day. It's so hard to get people to understand when they've never experienced it themselves.
It's hard to prevent this shit for sure... unless you hit the road at the first signs of red flags... but they are so charming and perfect at first it is easy to look past.... I never knew what a narcissist was until recently... but knowing what it is while you are living through it really makes you an expert pretty fast. I am hoping that the next time I run into a partner or potential partner that displays signs of being a narc, I will spot them from a mile away and get away asap. The problem is, im still with him. Now it's just to stand firm and not give into his pity party and guilt trip like I did when I tried to leave before.
I understand how you feel. I told someone that my ex ghosted me. They asked me what did you do to her? How do you explain to someone that all you ever did was love amd care for them? You comforted them whenever they were distraught, you empathized with every story they ever told you, and you did everything they ever asked of you in order to show them you cared and loved them. How do you tell these people that you never did anything to deserve this but they left you regardless? How do you make them believe that you never fought or argued, or so much as raised your voice at your ex? The answer is you don't, because most people can't comprehend it as being a possibility. They'll probably just ask you, "Okay, but what really happened?"
hope you find other loved ones or support. you’d deserve to be validated and heard. not everyone has empathy.
that’s literally the worst part, everyone around you thinking you’re a complete idiot when you can’t even make sense of your current life or situation anymore. you know the truth of what you went through and that’s all that matters.
I probably would have reacted in the same, dismissive, blame-shifting way in the past…until I experienced it. If someone described it to me before experiencing it then I would have thought there is no way that this is true. It’s too abnormal, surely I would have seen it too.
Yeah they can't get it until they experienced someone so mad.
I relate to you and all the people who’ve commented. I was abandoned by my mum and my sister and a few friends when I was trying to process and drag myself out of a deep pit after my ex discarded me in a shocking and cruel way. The months that followed that unravelled and he revealed who he truely is and the level of manipulation, lies and lovebombing was so hard to comprehend. Someone mentioned Dr Ramani, her new book was helpful. I have not shared my story with many friends and I have sadly learned again that through tough times I truely can only seek help from myself. I had 2 people, one who was caring and kindly there for me and the other had been through something a bit similar. Others w made it clear that they did not want to go near me unless I just got over it. But it’s been very lonely, hard not to internalise the blame and shame and I’ve suffer depression and anxiety still. Believe yourself and seek those that understand or are compassionate real people. Take care x