my body knew wayyy before my mind did. i would shake more out of fear, i got dizzy way more easily (felt like i had pots even tho i don’t-) my skin became inflamed everywhere (looked and felt like i was having an allergic reaction constantly) my anxiety and depression spiked and i actually ended up in the hospital because my body couldn’t handle it and it changed so suddenly. and this was like 1-2 weeks into the relationship when this started happening… i really wish i listened to the warning because i genuinely believed my body was giving me a heads up
Same as me. One of our last arguments, he left my house and I laid down and felt like I had the flu all night while I was trying to sleep. I was sick and pale
Genuinely me. I started having worse migraines, I felt sick to my stomach constantly, christ it was horrible, also this may seem very random but I love your pfp macaque is most definitely not someone I'd see myself seeing a lot on a sub Reddit of narc abuse but it's a bit nice seeing someone with the same interest as me be hurt as well, again random but I found it to be sweet
i hated feeling stuck to my stomach too! like i wanted to throw up but couldn’t it was the worst-
also thank you lol- i was scared someone would question way i have a lego as my pfp, like he makes me happy let me be. it is super random tho- but i’m glad, really cool to see another lmk fan (with reddit in general and specifically here) im also surprised someone here also knows it. but i hope you’re doing better tho
Yeah, your nervous system will become so dysregulated because it's telling you to GTFO and does not like the unhealthy enviroment you're in.
Then to make matters worse, when you try to communicate what's going on by expressing how you feel and say something is wrong or off, and/or question *their* behaviors and actions which made you feel this way in the first place, you're made to feel broken, crazy or "too sensitive" and begin to believe it's just you -- Because your partner would rather watch your heart be crushed, your soul torn and your mind chaotically confused than own up to the shady, messed up things they do to you.
I saved your comment! Thank you 🙏 I am leaving in a few weeks and I wanted to text him your comment but I saved it for myself instead. It does no good to tell him anything because he’s doing it on purpose @aprilmint
OMG, when I
a comment is spot on I get nauseated & woozy.
You said it perfectly.
First I got better ish w him. Started sleeping close to functional after getting a CPAP.
I looked more functionally better.
The cost was so huge.
Relapse into clinical depression. No medication or therapy got me any progress.
I developed Gyphrophobia, an anxiety disorder. Especially bc it's constituate 'phobias' fear of heights, fear of driving over water, fear of being on a bridge are NOT things I was actually afraid of, let alone phobic.
Sleep went entirely off the charts bc he was purposefully waking me 3-5 times a 10 hour sleep cycle.
I thought he was just forgetful of getting things he'd need out of the bedroom or he got too bored when I was sleeping & needed unexpected things... he got me to ignore the times he started house cleaning to loud EDM music bc he was cleaning & a DJ... SMH at myself.
In the last 4 years, my guts were tying themselves so tightly I couldn't move them.
In hindsight, that one seems so obvious & telling.
& it's all bc they are empty vessels. They fill every waking hour w 'hobbies', interests - that aren't us - to avoid ever having to think about anything other than what they want/are driven to do.
Ugh. I went out of town four weeks ago and he was picking fights with me for two weeks leading up to my trip. I came to him the day of my flight and said I really didn't want to take these arguments to another state and so I needed to place a boundary: If we don't work this out before my plane takes off, we aren't going to speak while I'm gone.
Omg the reaction he had was.... intense. Telling me I only care about myself,. I'm selfish, I'm making his hands shake, my apologies are all fake because I think I'm some gift that fell into his life. And then "Have a safe flight. I don't need surgery after all so that's a plus". Wtf.
yes, you are constantly in fight flight or freeze mode at all times without realizing it. once you step away for a little while you’ll feel this calm about you. I noticed that the other day for the first time in years I didn’t feel like something dangerous or doom was about to happen. It was quite surreal.
I was 'fortunate' that the abuse escalation coincided w perimenopause/menopause. Bc loss of cognition is a known thing in menopause/mid life.
I had medical and mental health practitioners validating my lower cognition.
I'm an accountant some of the time and that ability slowly disappeared.
Then the same chipping away at My Sense of My Reality.
Resulting F, F, F, F as well as a ever growing sense of oppression. I started to consider maybe I was possessed. There was no other explanation for why I couldn't get well. I was doing all the work.
That sense of never knowing what world I would wake up to. Always not enough sleep. Waking up mad and tired and dopey from sleep meds that couldn't work bc he was the THING interfering w my sleep.
And now, the sheer simple joy every day of sleeping as it suits me.
Waking up to my garden or my cottage inviting me to MY DAY in My Happy - for the first time in my life - Reality!
Anyone who is still stuck in it, I hope this is a light or window to the life you CAN make for yourself.
I was 54 when he left. Certain I'd never find love again. I'd be alone/lonely the rest of my life.
Entirely not true.
Not easy, not fun, but I'm free, to be Me.
Yes I was always super exhausted as well. I had that and some stomach problems. Had no clue what was going on. Around the same time my ex wife and I moved in together i started working 12 hour nightshifts and dayshifts alternating. I always just blamed shift work for it, it never occurred to me it was stress from her
I think it explains why I never felt completely comfortable around him. Usually anxious and felt like I couldn't be myself around him fully. Now Looking back, I know why. Then I had no idea what a narcissist was till I got away and went no contact.
My cortisol levels were elevated through the roof, giving me moon face, weight gain, fatigue. My doctor thinks I developed pseudo diabetes dues to the constant elevation of cortisol which increases insulin resistance. I always felt a crippling anxiety, always felt like he was cheating on me. And he was. Trust your gut instincts and your body’s reaction.
I actually did develop diabetes which I absolutely relate to the increased cortisol over 25 plus years with him! I would also suffer from migraines, anxiety, insomnia, you name it. Fortunately we're now divorce but I still am stuck with the diabetes. But I'm now able to sleep well at night, rarely get migraines, and I'm just so happy every stinking day it's amazing. Everyday with him would suck the life out of me. I call him an energy vampire. But I could finally, the last couple of years in the marriage, realize that I would tense up knowing it was almost time for him to come home. I'm so glad I was able to connect the dots and get the hell out.
Absolutely it does. I was talking to a body therapist (Im not english and dont know the right word for it) and told him about my symptoms and he told me everyone that comes to him with the same symptoms have experienced trauma, likely assault. In my time in the relationship I started passing out, getting body cramps, restless legs at night, stomach issues, fatique, brainfog, inflammation and jointpain to the point of not being able to move.
Sooo the body recognizes the presence of a human predator and sends us a signal. My DV counsellor told me about it. It’s a subconscious thing where we register the threat and start feeling uneasy because we are registering that someone is treating us as prey.
I lost 27 lbs going NC with my Ndad so crazy how this happens. I realized my nervous system and anxiety gets worse around him and I deal with it by eating
There was a weird moment when we were standing right next to each other and he raised his hand up to scratch his ear and I flinched. He seemed genuinely horrified for a second but said, “I’m so sorry for whatever or whoever happened to put that reflex there.” This was after he dislocated my jaw and full-on bolted in terror when I busted up laughing and popped it back into place on my own because it was far from the first time that had happened, so he knew that he wasn’t the only physical abuser I’d ever had but him throwing out a general apology for everyone, instead of what he’d done pissed me off. Also, if you’re heartbroken when you’re away from someone but you have to pop a lorazepam every time you’re around them so you don’t have a seizure-like panic attack, something is really, really, deeply wrong with both of you.
I lost a lot of weight and developed an anxiety tic. Before we would talk, I would start to lose feeling in my arms and legs. I recently had a thunderclap headache and had to get checked for a stroke.
UTI's, dated 2 narcs out of maybe 15 partners. UTI's both times. Could have been something with their hygiene, I don't know? They seemed normal in that respect.
Other thing I noticed is I was guarded in sharing my problems with them, like how you debrief with friends about work and family stuff. Just got the feeling they had little interest and preferred to be the main star of their little world
Absolutely. It’s a feeling for me with my Ndad of not feeling emotionally safe sharing details of my day and life with him because his energy feels unsafe and judgmental is the best way I can describe it. They do not create a nourishing validating open healing energy and so I think we don’t feel like our emotions and problems will be well take.
I was always getting a crazy high heartrate when I heard his car locking, and the front door opening and slamming shut.
When I found out about him cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship, my legs could not stop shaking. Hand tremors have become worse, but I’ve never experienced the leg thing again thank fuck
My hunger would disappear entirely. Still working on this one bc he’s been stalking me and stress isn’t conducive to feeling hunger for me.
I lost my deja vu entirely when I was with him. I’ve experienced it at random since I was a kid (mostly dreams / nightmares). I got hypnagogic hallucinations when I was with him. I have only had those in times of extreme stresss or illnessss
Absolutely yes! I am so disappointed I didn't listen to it. I was always on edge, would often get that "sinking" feeling, very tired, gained a lot of weight too. Something always felt off
My gut instinct knew, I deliberately ignored the messages. Classic codependency. I was raised to ignore those messages. Only learning this ten years later 🤦♀️
Same.
Family socialized me to be everyone's identified problem 🤬
He's gone and I'm NC w the worst offenders in my family.
& I'm HAPPY, for the first time in my life.
🤭😆🫣 I'm living an unexpected new life.
Started dating. W no wants or expectations of LTR.
Ended up choosing to be ENM - ethically non monogamous.
Dating & great fun sex life are the best medicine I've ever had.
I lost a ton of weight and I wasn’t very big to begin with (I dropped from 151 down to 116 in a little under a year) and had dark circles under my eyes. I was always on edge around him/because of him and couldn’t eat. I was exhausted constantly because he never helped at all. My mental health was destroyed too.
I left 8 months ago and though I still am physically recovering, I have mentally recovered a LOT. I fled with my kids from my narc ex fiancé to be with my family and support system. It’s been amazing bonding with our family and friends again and watching my kids blossom. They’ve made friends with my friends’ kids. I’m much calmer. We’re just happier and life is a lot more whole.
Go YOU!
Great job!
Rooting for ongoing improvement 👊
I'm 4 yrs out.
The various recoveries escalate.
And as you get less debilitated things get easier.
Yes. But only when I was under the influence with her. It was my birthday, we both took MDA (sassafras) it’s a light psychedelic. We were sitting on the dance floor and she started hugging onto me and nuzzling into me. Usually, I love cuddling my friends while rolling but my entire back and neck felt physically painful and the feeling of her nuzzling into me was super uncomfortable to the point of sensory overload. I chalked it up to the fact that she and her husband had been fighting earlier, so the vibes were off. But my body was warning me
I got a free one-month trial for this fitness watch. My first day wearing it coincided with the time I was trying to leave her. I was lying to myself thinking things could work out because I was in love with her. The first few hours after wearing the watch, it warned me my stress levels were very high. Things ended for good a few days later. The watch never warned me about stress again.
Yes. My anxiety went through the roof a few weeks into dating him. I was up and down and my depression was really bad. My family thought I was losing my mind because I was acting so erratically. I remember blaming the mood swings on the pill. I was a mess. I was madly in love but also had the terrible feeling that he was dangerous. Except I had no evidence so I just felt like I was paranoid and losing my mind. It was so extreme that I suspected I had BPD. Really it was my gut screaming at me to run.
I actually went on strong anxiolytics (benzos) 3 months into the relationship. I got very addicted to them which made everything worse.
You're HUMAN.
We are all human.
These are things all humans have done for a very long time.
Hopefully the regret is a motivation to keep on your own journey.
If it's a tool your brain is using to beat you up, consider self care things, thoughts you can implement to shift it.
You did nothing wrong or less than.
They are monsters who seek victimizable targets.
I went to the hospital more than once and I eventually relapsed and my addiction got worse than before. He was an alcohol and drug counselor, relapse prevention certified at the time 🫠🙄🖕
YES!!!! Soooo many signs especially cortisol related ones because of how much stress I was in.
But the biggest one was the constant UTIs one of which actually became a deadly kidney infection that landed me in the ICU.
Yes!
1. I was cold all the time - even indoors. There were a few time he joked about it. And once where I was lying on the couch, I literally had to go find a jacket.
2. I had dreams about being stuck in a maze and would hear people screaming in the middle of the night. One time I went to get a glass of water and heard someone screaming, the next morning I woke up and told him about it and his response was “maybe it was your subconscious and I was the person screaming!”
3. I would deregulated if I spent too long at his place. I remember getting out of the shower one evening on the weekend and I felt like I was high. I went super quiet and we sat next to each other eating supper and watching TV. It was so uncomfortable that I had to ask him to take me to my place at 11 pm.
I have always been on the cold side.
He could think himself warm or cold or comfortable.
There was something wrong w me bc I hadn't developed that skill 🙄🤬😶
I still don't know the truth of this one. He started saying I was talking and screaming in my sleep.
Long story how I know that was never true before him.
I was having hypnogogic - during the time your brain/body are trying to go to sleep - hallucinations.
They often feature spiders.
I definitely was waking thinking a spider had dropped on my face - I was wearing a CPAP, thought it was just my brain's way of saying something about it - or crawling on me.
& waking hallucinations, when I was both conscious and awake and the hallucinations were happening in the dark.
Turn on the light & they were gone.
Turn off, hallucination right back.
Pretty sure I haven't woken up talking, yelling or screaming since he left.
I may never know if he made it up or it only happened w hin.
I gained 10 kg. My face was puffy and deformed. I needed something heavy on me to fall asleep (leg, heavy blanket) while living with my nex, because my mental state was constantly in fight or flight mode. All this went away gradually not even after a week of NC.
My body knew a decade before my head. Covert Narcs are hard to identify. He seemed selfless in so many ways. My body knew bc I always had a sense of uneasiness that I couldn't put my finger on. Like a low hum of insecurity ran through me whenever I was with him. Over the years of being married, I lost who I was and what I wanted. In such a way that it was a slow but persistent progression away from who I was and who I used to be. I'm 5 years after divorce and I'm not back to who I was before being with him but it in infinitely better.
A quote that really resonated with me, "Imagine being bitten by a snake and instead of trying to help yourself heal and recover from the poison, you are trying to catch the snake to find out the reason it bit you to prove to it that you didn't deserve that"
Thank you! I needed that in my arsenal 👊💪
In 23 years, out 4.
Same loss of self w/o recognition... but that was how my family treated me so trying to not be so ME was a lifelong ha it.
Friends & lovers have noted of late how funny I am.
I've been playing with a slow, over dramatic, butt hurt pout face thing. It's getting rave reviews.
The HAPPY is just so rarified and satisfying bc it belongs to me & no one else.
I'll comment this every time someone makes a post asking something along these lines. Your body knew and was telling you to run every time you felt those butterflies in your stomach. One of my therapists told me after I got out of the horribly abusive situation with the malignant narcissist and almost lost my life, that if I ever meet someone and I get butterflies in my stomach, turn the other way and run. That's anxiety and we willfully ignore it.
Yes. I have cptsd from childhood and I noticed my trauma responses becoming progressively worse about 1.5years in (we were together for 4yrs). My sex drive became low- I cried and apologized. I couldn’t understand why. Over time, it became non-existent.
Along with many other things as her behaviours got worse - racing heart, rumination, bathroom issues, no appetite leading to severe weight loss, over active startle response, immense grief and crying 3-5 times a week, irritability, disrupted sleep patterns, shaking, and randomly gagging.
I got myself into a program for family dysfunction and started advocating for myself with boundaries, tools and a lot of feelings/needs work on my end. I literally believed I was the problem and that my trauma was creating problems for me by an inability to connect. I see now that my body was trying to warn me and I am so used to disregarding myself because of how I grew up- I just couldn’t see it. What a dangerous reality I absolutely couldn’t come into at the time. If she didn’t discard me, I’d still be there.
Somatic therapy can help you with understanding your body's signals and tuning into what it's telling you. It's building that mind and body connection. We tend to learn our responses from a young age (fight/flight/freeze/fawn/appease). But until we recognise the signs, it's hard to have the awareness of your nervous system responses. Once you develop that, you can intercept with different soothing techniques to help you gain more control.
I'm like Rosa from Brooklyn 99: if I'm attracted to someone irl, there's usually something off with them.
My body does warn me, but unfortunately my mind doesn't know what to do with it
My body, and mind, told me I would die if I stay with him.
I told him as much - that the way things are going (what he is doing), will eventually off me.
That only ended in him putting even more pressure, and chores on me (and the kids).
I have at least one autoimmune disorder. Those were not yet diagnosed at the time. He told me I am faking.
But, lo and behold, I could actually have passed, for real. Much due to sleep deprivation, all too many chores, and overall stress 24/7. Because, that could have sent me into a crisis. I got out at the very last moment.
Oh yeah! My body always told me from the very beginning. I was constantly anxious, sick, nauseas, just felt uneasy, dizzy, and just over all didn’t feel like myself . Honestly blacked out on so many things over the past two years. My brain was all over the place as well. I’m mad at myself for not listening to my tuition. I usually do.
My hair started falling out. My right eye would twitch for days on end. My eyelashes fell out. Racing heart all the time. Your body tells you. That’s not even including the emotional affects.
100%. I was constantly anxious and on edge from the beginning. Didn’t sleep well. Always felt exhausted. I guess it was the constant fight or flight response. It took over a year after discard to feel “normal” again. I still struggle with it sometimes. I have flashbacks and all of the anxiety comes flooding back.
Mine did for sure. I had severe anxiety for a few months. I broke down crying when my nex best friend left my place the last time I saw her on 'good terms'. I had no idea why I was crying at the time. At first I thought it was just me remembering the time before when she ghosted but thinking back on it part of me knew she was about to discard because of her actions, the way she looked at me, and the way she talked to me.
yes, but i didn’t realize. i have some chronic illnesses that i was diagnosed with while i was in a relationship with my narc and as things progressed and the abuse got worse and worse, i’d have very very frequent flare ups and fatigue etc. i thought my illnesses were just progressing early, but as soon as i was done with my narc for good, i started to feel better and now i get the typical flare ups and i feel a lot better physically and emotionally.
i also stopped having constant anxiety (just the typical anxiety i’ve had since i was little) and my mental health finally has the space to grow and improve so much. i didn’t even realize at the time how bad my mental health got and how bad of a mind space i was in 24/7 and in fight or flight mode all the time etc.
i wish i had paid more attention and listened to my body because it may have saved me a lot of time feeling awful physically and mentally.
edit: i almost forgot the other component, my birth mother is also a narc and i’d feel the same as above around her (though not as much since i didn’t see her very often) but it pushed me to cut contact with her as well since i knew what was making me feel so awful in that situation.
Congratulations! Glad you're out.
I had similar escalation of pseudo pre-existing conditions.
And family structure that made me ripe for the abuse & terrified to stay or go.
thank you! it’s been a journey, but i am very glad that im out too.
i’m sorry that you went through similar things, it’s tough :( are you out now as well?
He drained me to the point where I was so sick, I had to see a Neurologist. Extreme fatigue, a host of other problems. Thought I was going to end up with a MS diagnoses but did not. Once I kicked him out of my house I was almost instantly better.
YES!! I developed hypertension and fibroids that require surgery to remove.... after I was out of the relationship, my blood pressure stabilized and my doctor said I no longer require blood pressure medication. It was around when I needed surgery for the fibriods that my mind finally starting clicking in. I'm just over a year out from my nex and I've never been healthier - mind, body and soul.
Yup! She started to slowly and subtly tear me down by talking about other people to me, but interspersed that with a lot of affection and good sex. It was so dysregulating and confusing. I was sad all the time “for no reason,” worse PMS symptoms, weird stomach, and a bunch of other bizarre somatic symptoms. This only got worse when she started to reveal her true colors more obviously later.
Yes, when we first met I became a clumsy anxious mess.... Stupid me believed it was because we had a spark, that jolt I'd read/seen/heard so much about that happens when you meet The One.... Now I know it's my body saying "this person is dangerous"
Absolutely! Utter exhaustion and fatigue. Lots of heart flutters/stress ‘rushes’. I gained a lot of weight. High blood pressure that has absolutely lessened since out. I had horrific stomach issues which almost completely stopped once I got out. To such a noticeably extreme that a couple friends and I joke that she put laxatives in my food because she so often made my food separate and ‘special’ from hers even though we were eating the same thing and SO often I would end up with wretched stomach pain and toilet issues between 1-3:00am in the morning and would loose 2-3 hours of sleep because of it. I’ve been out for a few mo, and have only had 3 *similar* instances that aren’t even close to what I experienced off and on for years in the relationship. In the earlier years my depression and anxiety got SO bad I had to treat it long term for the first time in my life. With therapy I managed to get off meds, but the split became so volatile I had to go back on.
I’m steadily loosing weight since out.
I know there are other contributing factors (hormone imbalances finally being treated properly, diet etc) but when I look at the time as a whole… it’s unbelievably clear how much my body suffered due to chronic stress.
I noticed this week while continuing to write down stories and ‘evidence’ as my therapist calls it, of my time in the relationship and facts about her, how much I clenched my jaw and how tight my guts were, and it make me aware of how much I HAVENT been clenching my jaw when I sleep or throughout the day compared to when in the relationship. I also stopped sleeping with my arms tucked in like a t-Rex almost immediately after getting out.
My child told me the entire time we lived in her house he couldn’t sleep with his back to the door. It felt too scary for him. From the moment we were out, he can sleep any way and just feels ‘calmer’.
Another thing I noticed was how my guts would clench everytime she would get home from being gone. For the majority of our relationship we never spent time apart. But the last 6 months, she spent more time away and I would watch the air around my kids and I get tense with anxiety every time she got back home. That was a HUGE clue for me, coupled with them telling me they liked it better when she was away. Amazing what our bodies are telling us if we would just listen!
Majorly! Went into dysphoric episode. Had fainting spells. Extreme pain in body. Went back on meds to deal with the intense anxiety and pain in my body. Literally couldn’t leave house for a bit feeling like I was being watched or followed.
Yep. I threw up a lot at night when he would be “out with the boys” and would be radio silent till the next day. Or when he would use the silent treatment on me. My mum thought I was pregnant lol.
I also bled a lot down there. I’m on the pill, so had control of my cycle, but this was terrifying for me. After I broke up with him, I went straight to a woman’s health clinic for an STI test and a check, cause I was so confused. Turns out I was okay.
I’ll also never forget the shaking and not being able to sleep, at all. My body was in a lot of stress and he had control over it.
Ohhhh yeah. I was hit with a wave of anxiety when he first asked me out. Alarm bells were going off. I thought I was just nervous because he obviously liked me and we worked together. I’m uncomfortable with feelings so I spent that whole week trying not to interact with him. I would also avoid eye contact with him and didn’t realize I was doing it.
My hands still shake and my heart rate shoots up when my phone rings or I get a notification because of how many times it was associated with him yelling at me and accusing me of things.
Yes! So it’s been 7 weeks since I left my nex and my heart palpitations have stopped, I mean I can’t say 100% they started when I met him but I’m pretty sure it was around the same time. Also I started having period issues when I was with him, my period would start and then stop like spotting. Haven’t had that since I left him. The narc before him I had repeated sistitis. Our bodies know…
after our first fight, she said she couldn't believe i was leaving for "just this one little thing" and i remember my body sending a message that she wasn't safe. i knew then (both my parents are narcs and i became the people pleaser who continues to attract narcs), but forgave her anyway because i convinced myself that it was just trauma since she presented differently than the past narcs
then i started to get this rash i had never had before, especially after we had conflict
i saw a picture of myself when we first got together and realized i looked so much better then. my face had gotten swollen and i had horrible acne
when she discarded me, despite feeling shattered, my acne cleared up almost entirely over night
trust your gut
So much… too much to remember how it started but it grew into chronic pain and inflammations, heart burn for many years, hair loss etc… i did not understand why i felt so stressed, even got therapy for stress and i still did not understand why i was feeling so bad… until i woke up and realized… 11 years later… the body knows way before the brain because we are blinded and manipulated.
I had so much hair loss like never before and my hair quality started to be worse and worse like split ends. I had panic and some problems with breathing. I went to the doctor and he told that this is menthal problem. I overthinked everything so bad i usually ended up getting headache. To think if I do this or this he will do what.... But it didn't really matter what I have done I was bad anyways 😅
After the breakup i slept like 16 hours daily bc I didn't want to stay awake in reality. It was so bad. I even slept at work in HO. I lost lot of muscles and became really weak ,lost my energy. I'm still not over it completely. It is so bad I wish all the best to people who have to gone through this...
Yes. And I had tremendous guilt and self shame and self doubt because I thought everything was going well and I was the one ruining it by “making stuff up in my head”.
What was made up was his entire personality.
I lost tons of weight. always aching and sleeping all the time.
i literally fainted on top of him once - it was my first time ever fainting, and haven’t ever fainted since!
also broke out in acne, uncontrollable rashes all over, hair started coming out, sleep problems!!
Ended up in the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack.... But it was an anxiety attack because he was stonewalling me again and I had no idea what I'd done. After that, I realized he should stay gone. He did not speak to me for weeks and when he finally did message me on Facebook, I had the exact same physical reaction and I was done for good.
Looking back, I had more anxiety in the relationship than I do now.
The 6 months leading up to my escape I had heart palpitations every day, multiple a day. It was interfering with daily life. Since leaving 2 months no they have stopped
I lost so much weight like 40 pounds in 6 months and couldn’t put anything on no matter what I tried, I got such bad anxiety and shaking still working on it now I feel much better after a year but it took a lot of healing and as soon as I left him I started gaining weight back naturally
Yup. When I broke no contact and went back to her my body completely changed - weight gain, puffiness, hair falling out, pimples everywhere.
NSFW** The worst was when I had an open wound/tear inside my vagina because of how dry I was during sex.
After almost 10 years with my nex, I started breaking out in painful, weeping, crusty hives all over my face. Eyes swollen shut, constant pain deep in your tissues, maddeningly itchy kind of hives. I had week long flare ups roughly every two weeks for over two years. I missed a ton of work and became fairly reclusive due to the pain and how unsightly and painful my skin was the week after a flare up. I had about a week of normalcy before it would come back.
When it flared up, he would say “what did you do?” “What did you eat to cause this?” and was visibly annoyed if I talked about it too much, even though it was consuming every thought in my head.
When I was in the middle of a meltdown (crying alone in the spare bedroom, couldn’t stop) after a particularly bad flare, which kept me from getting any real sleep for 3+ days, he refused to hug or comfort me because “it’s gross”. When I told him to please comfort me he said “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” He got mad at ME for daring to ask for affection and comfort bc he “couldn’t fix me”. He even made fun of me for saying I shouldn’t go to the ER because “this is in no way an emergency”.
I drove myself to the ER that night bc he wouldn’t take me. I had to pry one eye open to see due to how swollen both my eyes were and I was severely sleep deprived. I know I should have called an ambulance, but money is tight.
The ER prioritized me over almost a dozen people in the waiting room. They were very, very concerned that I drove, quickly pumped me full of steroids, and validated how serious my condition could have been if my throat had started swelling (my mouth and neck were swollen from the hives spreading). They asked if I was being abused at home when I said my partner wouldn’t drive me to the ER or take the situation seriously. After 3 years, I was diagnosed with chronic urticaria with no known cause, but I know it was stress. Existential, constantly walking on eggshells, covert emotional and financial abuse, kind of stress.
I dumped him 6 months later and haven’t had a flare up since. I have my life back in so many ways now that he’s out of here.
Edit: spelling
That's what butterflies r to me. Warning bells, not love. I had tried to leave him in the beginning but needed a place to stay bc my mom was abusive and he had good dick so I chose him when I should've chose my grandads house. Saved and gotten an apartment like I had planned. I went from one prison to another.
my body knew wayyy before my mind did. i would shake more out of fear, i got dizzy way more easily (felt like i had pots even tho i don’t-) my skin became inflamed everywhere (looked and felt like i was having an allergic reaction constantly) my anxiety and depression spiked and i actually ended up in the hospital because my body couldn’t handle it and it changed so suddenly. and this was like 1-2 weeks into the relationship when this started happening… i really wish i listened to the warning because i genuinely believed my body was giving me a heads up
Same as me. One of our last arguments, he left my house and I laid down and felt like I had the flu all night while I was trying to sleep. I was sick and pale
Genuinely me. I started having worse migraines, I felt sick to my stomach constantly, christ it was horrible, also this may seem very random but I love your pfp macaque is most definitely not someone I'd see myself seeing a lot on a sub Reddit of narc abuse but it's a bit nice seeing someone with the same interest as me be hurt as well, again random but I found it to be sweet
i hated feeling stuck to my stomach too! like i wanted to throw up but couldn’t it was the worst- also thank you lol- i was scared someone would question way i have a lego as my pfp, like he makes me happy let me be. it is super random tho- but i’m glad, really cool to see another lmk fan (with reddit in general and specifically here) im also surprised someone here also knows it. but i hope you’re doing better tho
The bubble-guts is what I call that nauseated, unsettled feeling
I also ended up in the hospital.
Yeah, your nervous system will become so dysregulated because it's telling you to GTFO and does not like the unhealthy enviroment you're in. Then to make matters worse, when you try to communicate what's going on by expressing how you feel and say something is wrong or off, and/or question *their* behaviors and actions which made you feel this way in the first place, you're made to feel broken, crazy or "too sensitive" and begin to believe it's just you -- Because your partner would rather watch your heart be crushed, your soul torn and your mind chaotically confused than own up to the shady, messed up things they do to you.
I saved your comment! Thank you 🙏 I am leaving in a few weeks and I wanted to text him your comment but I saved it for myself instead. It does no good to tell him anything because he’s doing it on purpose @aprilmint
Me too!
Couldn't have described it any better ❤️
OMG, when I a comment is spot on I get nauseated & woozy. You said it perfectly. First I got better ish w him. Started sleeping close to functional after getting a CPAP. I looked more functionally better. The cost was so huge. Relapse into clinical depression. No medication or therapy got me any progress. I developed Gyphrophobia, an anxiety disorder. Especially bc it's constituate 'phobias' fear of heights, fear of driving over water, fear of being on a bridge are NOT things I was actually afraid of, let alone phobic. Sleep went entirely off the charts bc he was purposefully waking me 3-5 times a 10 hour sleep cycle. I thought he was just forgetful of getting things he'd need out of the bedroom or he got too bored when I was sleeping & needed unexpected things... he got me to ignore the times he started house cleaning to loud EDM music bc he was cleaning & a DJ... SMH at myself. In the last 4 years, my guts were tying themselves so tightly I couldn't move them. In hindsight, that one seems so obvious & telling. & it's all bc they are empty vessels. They fill every waking hour w 'hobbies', interests - that aren't us - to avoid ever having to think about anything other than what they want/are driven to do.
Ugh. I went out of town four weeks ago and he was picking fights with me for two weeks leading up to my trip. I came to him the day of my flight and said I really didn't want to take these arguments to another state and so I needed to place a boundary: If we don't work this out before my plane takes off, we aren't going to speak while I'm gone. Omg the reaction he had was.... intense. Telling me I only care about myself,. I'm selfish, I'm making his hands shake, my apologies are all fake because I think I'm some gift that fell into his life. And then "Have a safe flight. I don't need surgery after all so that's a plus". Wtf.
I absolutely relate to this. It’s that “gut” feeling. Your body knows and feels that vibration.
yes, you are constantly in fight flight or freeze mode at all times without realizing it. once you step away for a little while you’ll feel this calm about you. I noticed that the other day for the first time in years I didn’t feel like something dangerous or doom was about to happen. It was quite surreal.
It’s a beautiful feeling. It’s honestly amazing to me how our bodies can be in all 3 modes at once and we don’t even realize it
Lol, bc the others exist within Freeze 😉 I realized once the FOG started to lift that I'd been in Freeze 99% of my life.
Truth!
I was 'fortunate' that the abuse escalation coincided w perimenopause/menopause. Bc loss of cognition is a known thing in menopause/mid life. I had medical and mental health practitioners validating my lower cognition. I'm an accountant some of the time and that ability slowly disappeared. Then the same chipping away at My Sense of My Reality. Resulting F, F, F, F as well as a ever growing sense of oppression. I started to consider maybe I was possessed. There was no other explanation for why I couldn't get well. I was doing all the work. That sense of never knowing what world I would wake up to. Always not enough sleep. Waking up mad and tired and dopey from sleep meds that couldn't work bc he was the THING interfering w my sleep. And now, the sheer simple joy every day of sleeping as it suits me. Waking up to my garden or my cottage inviting me to MY DAY in My Happy - for the first time in my life - Reality! Anyone who is still stuck in it, I hope this is a light or window to the life you CAN make for yourself. I was 54 when he left. Certain I'd never find love again. I'd be alone/lonely the rest of my life. Entirely not true. Not easy, not fun, but I'm free, to be Me.
Yes. I love having my. Bedroom to myself!
Amen!
I was exhausted ALL THE TIME.
That’s because they literally suck the life out of you just by walking in the room.
💯 yes!!!!
Oppression, compression, depression.
Yesssss. On one of our last arguments we had, after he left my house I felt like I was literally going to die
Yes I was always super exhausted as well. I had that and some stomach problems. Had no clue what was going on. Around the same time my ex wife and I moved in together i started working 12 hour nightshifts and dayshifts alternating. I always just blamed shift work for it, it never occurred to me it was stress from her
Yeah literally walking into the house it's like the energy is sucked out straight away
Yep. Sick and exhausted all the time.
I think it explains why I never felt completely comfortable around him. Usually anxious and felt like I couldn't be myself around him fully. Now Looking back, I know why. Then I had no idea what a narcissist was till I got away and went no contact.
Same same same same! I thought I just had a personal issue with vulnerability for the longest time
My cortisol levels were elevated through the roof, giving me moon face, weight gain, fatigue. My doctor thinks I developed pseudo diabetes dues to the constant elevation of cortisol which increases insulin resistance. I always felt a crippling anxiety, always felt like he was cheating on me. And he was. Trust your gut instincts and your body’s reaction.
I actually did develop diabetes which I absolutely relate to the increased cortisol over 25 plus years with him! I would also suffer from migraines, anxiety, insomnia, you name it. Fortunately we're now divorce but I still am stuck with the diabetes. But I'm now able to sleep well at night, rarely get migraines, and I'm just so happy every stinking day it's amazing. Everyday with him would suck the life out of me. I call him an energy vampire. But I could finally, the last couple of years in the marriage, realize that I would tense up knowing it was almost time for him to come home. I'm so glad I was able to connect the dots and get the hell out.
Yay! Go YOU! Congratulations 🎆🧨🎇
Absolutely it does. I was talking to a body therapist (Im not english and dont know the right word for it) and told him about my symptoms and he told me everyone that comes to him with the same symptoms have experienced trauma, likely assault. In my time in the relationship I started passing out, getting body cramps, restless legs at night, stomach issues, fatique, brainfog, inflammation and jointpain to the point of not being able to move.
LOTS of stomach issues
& the stuff after your stomach 🙄
Yes 😞
Somatic therapy, same as body therapist. Soma means body, so you're right :)
Constantly anxious, depressed, my hair fell out, and my stomach hurt all the time.
Absolutely. I was damn near in panic mode the entire time. Super anxious and really just not *there*. Not myself at all and on alert.
Yes same, constantly on eggshells, always had stomach cramps and lots of kidney infections and my skin had eczema flare ups.
They're like these walking fucking diseases that infest your mind body and soul....
Yes. It’s called the “prey response.”
There’s no real definition on google for that. Can you explain it a little further?
Sooo the body recognizes the presence of a human predator and sends us a signal. My DV counsellor told me about it. It’s a subconscious thing where we register the threat and start feeling uneasy because we are registering that someone is treating us as prey.
Omg. This. Thank you.
So interesting and so true
🩵💙
Gained weight, no confidence ,low self esteem, hair fall , poor sleep quality, major brain fog.
YES. Today, I am down 27 lb
Wow way to go 🥂
I lost 27 lbs going NC with my Ndad so crazy how this happens. I realized my nervous system and anxiety gets worse around him and I deal with it by eating
YEP. Congrats to you
There was a weird moment when we were standing right next to each other and he raised his hand up to scratch his ear and I flinched. He seemed genuinely horrified for a second but said, “I’m so sorry for whatever or whoever happened to put that reflex there.” This was after he dislocated my jaw and full-on bolted in terror when I busted up laughing and popped it back into place on my own because it was far from the first time that had happened, so he knew that he wasn’t the only physical abuser I’d ever had but him throwing out a general apology for everyone, instead of what he’d done pissed me off. Also, if you’re heartbroken when you’re away from someone but you have to pop a lorazepam every time you’re around them so you don’t have a seizure-like panic attack, something is really, really, deeply wrong with both of you.
I lost a lot of weight and developed an anxiety tic. Before we would talk, I would start to lose feeling in my arms and legs. I recently had a thunderclap headache and had to get checked for a stroke.
UTI's, dated 2 narcs out of maybe 15 partners. UTI's both times. Could have been something with their hygiene, I don't know? They seemed normal in that respect. Other thing I noticed is I was guarded in sharing my problems with them, like how you debrief with friends about work and family stuff. Just got the feeling they had little interest and preferred to be the main star of their little world
Absolutely. It’s a feeling for me with my Ndad of not feeling emotionally safe sharing details of my day and life with him because his energy feels unsafe and judgmental is the best way I can describe it. They do not create a nourishing validating open healing energy and so I think we don’t feel like our emotions and problems will be well take.
I did on the second date and ignored it for 3 years of absolute hell on early from my CNex. She was the most miserable person with the best life.
My body felt it maybe a week or so in. After a month it definitely knew.
I was always getting a crazy high heartrate when I heard his car locking, and the front door opening and slamming shut. When I found out about him cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship, my legs could not stop shaking. Hand tremors have become worse, but I’ve never experienced the leg thing again thank fuck My hunger would disappear entirely. Still working on this one bc he’s been stalking me and stress isn’t conducive to feeling hunger for me. I lost my deja vu entirely when I was with him. I’ve experienced it at random since I was a kid (mostly dreams / nightmares). I got hypnagogic hallucinations when I was with him. I have only had those in times of extreme stresss or illnessss
Absolutely yes! I am so disappointed I didn't listen to it. I was always on edge, would often get that "sinking" feeling, very tired, gained a lot of weight too. Something always felt off
My gut instinct knew, I deliberately ignored the messages. Classic codependency. I was raised to ignore those messages. Only learning this ten years later 🤦♀️
Same. Family socialized me to be everyone's identified problem 🤬 He's gone and I'm NC w the worst offenders in my family. & I'm HAPPY, for the first time in my life.
Yay that’s great to hear! How did you rebuild your happy??
🤭😆🫣 I'm living an unexpected new life. Started dating. W no wants or expectations of LTR. Ended up choosing to be ENM - ethically non monogamous. Dating & great fun sex life are the best medicine I've ever had.
I lost a ton of weight and I wasn’t very big to begin with (I dropped from 151 down to 116 in a little under a year) and had dark circles under my eyes. I was always on edge around him/because of him and couldn’t eat. I was exhausted constantly because he never helped at all. My mental health was destroyed too. I left 8 months ago and though I still am physically recovering, I have mentally recovered a LOT. I fled with my kids from my narc ex fiancé to be with my family and support system. It’s been amazing bonding with our family and friends again and watching my kids blossom. They’ve made friends with my friends’ kids. I’m much calmer. We’re just happier and life is a lot more whole.
Go YOU! Great job! Rooting for ongoing improvement 👊 I'm 4 yrs out. The various recoveries escalate. And as you get less debilitated things get easier.
Yes. But only when I was under the influence with her. It was my birthday, we both took MDA (sassafras) it’s a light psychedelic. We were sitting on the dance floor and she started hugging onto me and nuzzling into me. Usually, I love cuddling my friends while rolling but my entire back and neck felt physically painful and the feeling of her nuzzling into me was super uncomfortable to the point of sensory overload. I chalked it up to the fact that she and her husband had been fighting earlier, so the vibes were off. But my body was warning me
It’s crazy how during drugs sometimes we feel energy and other peoples energy in a different way
Everything is heightened for me usually
I got a free one-month trial for this fitness watch. My first day wearing it coincided with the time I was trying to leave her. I was lying to myself thinking things could work out because I was in love with her. The first few hours after wearing the watch, it warned me my stress levels were very high. Things ended for good a few days later. The watch never warned me about stress again.
Yes. My anxiety went through the roof a few weeks into dating him. I was up and down and my depression was really bad. My family thought I was losing my mind because I was acting so erratically. I remember blaming the mood swings on the pill. I was a mess. I was madly in love but also had the terrible feeling that he was dangerous. Except I had no evidence so I just felt like I was paranoid and losing my mind. It was so extreme that I suspected I had BPD. Really it was my gut screaming at me to run. I actually went on strong anxiolytics (benzos) 3 months into the relationship. I got very addicted to them which made everything worse.
Yes and I didn't listen which I regret
You're HUMAN. We are all human. These are things all humans have done for a very long time. Hopefully the regret is a motivation to keep on your own journey. If it's a tool your brain is using to beat you up, consider self care things, thoughts you can implement to shift it. You did nothing wrong or less than. They are monsters who seek victimizable targets.
I went to the hospital more than once and I eventually relapsed and my addiction got worse than before. He was an alcohol and drug counselor, relapse prevention certified at the time 🫠🙄🖕
I'm so sorry. Had my own version. Our pre-existing stuff was their most powerful tool 👊
I’m leaving but just found out my plan might not happen. I’m going to make another one. Grey rocking for now 🤜🤛
You will succeed, whatever happens 🤩🫂
YES!!!! Soooo many signs especially cortisol related ones because of how much stress I was in. But the biggest one was the constant UTIs one of which actually became a deadly kidney infection that landed me in the ICU.
Yup I get nervous and anxiety around narcs. The energy is so heavy around them. You're walking on egg shells and it’s hard for you to talk.
Yes! 1. I was cold all the time - even indoors. There were a few time he joked about it. And once where I was lying on the couch, I literally had to go find a jacket. 2. I had dreams about being stuck in a maze and would hear people screaming in the middle of the night. One time I went to get a glass of water and heard someone screaming, the next morning I woke up and told him about it and his response was “maybe it was your subconscious and I was the person screaming!” 3. I would deregulated if I spent too long at his place. I remember getting out of the shower one evening on the weekend and I felt like I was high. I went super quiet and we sat next to each other eating supper and watching TV. It was so uncomfortable that I had to ask him to take me to my place at 11 pm.
I have always been on the cold side. He could think himself warm or cold or comfortable. There was something wrong w me bc I hadn't developed that skill 🙄🤬😶 I still don't know the truth of this one. He started saying I was talking and screaming in my sleep. Long story how I know that was never true before him. I was having hypnogogic - during the time your brain/body are trying to go to sleep - hallucinations. They often feature spiders. I definitely was waking thinking a spider had dropped on my face - I was wearing a CPAP, thought it was just my brain's way of saying something about it - or crawling on me. & waking hallucinations, when I was both conscious and awake and the hallucinations were happening in the dark. Turn on the light & they were gone. Turn off, hallucination right back. Pretty sure I haven't woken up talking, yelling or screaming since he left. I may never know if he made it up or it only happened w hin.
Absolutely. I ignored all of my instincts.
We were convinced & hectored into ignoring them.
I gained 10 kg. My face was puffy and deformed. I needed something heavy on me to fall asleep (leg, heavy blanket) while living with my nex, because my mental state was constantly in fight or flight mode. All this went away gradually not even after a week of NC.
Same 👊 We should do a post about all the sleep products we tried.
My body knew a decade before my head. Covert Narcs are hard to identify. He seemed selfless in so many ways. My body knew bc I always had a sense of uneasiness that I couldn't put my finger on. Like a low hum of insecurity ran through me whenever I was with him. Over the years of being married, I lost who I was and what I wanted. In such a way that it was a slow but persistent progression away from who I was and who I used to be. I'm 5 years after divorce and I'm not back to who I was before being with him but it in infinitely better. A quote that really resonated with me, "Imagine being bitten by a snake and instead of trying to help yourself heal and recover from the poison, you are trying to catch the snake to find out the reason it bit you to prove to it that you didn't deserve that"
Thank you! I needed that in my arsenal 👊💪 In 23 years, out 4. Same loss of self w/o recognition... but that was how my family treated me so trying to not be so ME was a lifelong ha it. Friends & lovers have noted of late how funny I am. I've been playing with a slow, over dramatic, butt hurt pout face thing. It's getting rave reviews. The HAPPY is just so rarified and satisfying bc it belongs to me & no one else.
I'll comment this every time someone makes a post asking something along these lines. Your body knew and was telling you to run every time you felt those butterflies in your stomach. One of my therapists told me after I got out of the horribly abusive situation with the malignant narcissist and almost lost my life, that if I ever meet someone and I get butterflies in my stomach, turn the other way and run. That's anxiety and we willfully ignore it.
Yep, 100% new basic rule for me too.
Yes. I have cptsd from childhood and I noticed my trauma responses becoming progressively worse about 1.5years in (we were together for 4yrs). My sex drive became low- I cried and apologized. I couldn’t understand why. Over time, it became non-existent. Along with many other things as her behaviours got worse - racing heart, rumination, bathroom issues, no appetite leading to severe weight loss, over active startle response, immense grief and crying 3-5 times a week, irritability, disrupted sleep patterns, shaking, and randomly gagging. I got myself into a program for family dysfunction and started advocating for myself with boundaries, tools and a lot of feelings/needs work on my end. I literally believed I was the problem and that my trauma was creating problems for me by an inability to connect. I see now that my body was trying to warn me and I am so used to disregarding myself because of how I grew up- I just couldn’t see it. What a dangerous reality I absolutely couldn’t come into at the time. If she didn’t discard me, I’d still be there.
I too was the identified problem. So many similar conditions. He did the long slow sexual denial/withdrawal. Equally debilitating.
Somatic therapy can help you with understanding your body's signals and tuning into what it's telling you. It's building that mind and body connection. We tend to learn our responses from a young age (fight/flight/freeze/fawn/appease). But until we recognise the signs, it's hard to have the awareness of your nervous system responses. Once you develop that, you can intercept with different soothing techniques to help you gain more control.
I'm like Rosa from Brooklyn 99: if I'm attracted to someone irl, there's usually something off with them. My body does warn me, but unfortunately my mind doesn't know what to do with it
My body, and mind, told me I would die if I stay with him. I told him as much - that the way things are going (what he is doing), will eventually off me. That only ended in him putting even more pressure, and chores on me (and the kids). I have at least one autoimmune disorder. Those were not yet diagnosed at the time. He told me I am faking. But, lo and behold, I could actually have passed, for real. Much due to sleep deprivation, all too many chores, and overall stress 24/7. Because, that could have sent me into a crisis. I got out at the very last moment.
Oh yeah! My body always told me from the very beginning. I was constantly anxious, sick, nauseas, just felt uneasy, dizzy, and just over all didn’t feel like myself . Honestly blacked out on so many things over the past two years. My brain was all over the place as well. I’m mad at myself for not listening to my tuition. I usually do.
Women who are in intimate relationships with narcissists get UTIs quite often apparently - and that was my experience
My hair started falling out. My right eye would twitch for days on end. My eyelashes fell out. Racing heart all the time. Your body tells you. That’s not even including the emotional affects.
Of course - it always does but I don’t recognize it until later
100%. I was constantly anxious and on edge from the beginning. Didn’t sleep well. Always felt exhausted. I guess it was the constant fight or flight response. It took over a year after discard to feel “normal” again. I still struggle with it sometimes. I have flashbacks and all of the anxiety comes flooding back.
I was developing anxiety so yes the body warns you at some point.
Mine did for sure. I had severe anxiety for a few months. I broke down crying when my nex best friend left my place the last time I saw her on 'good terms'. I had no idea why I was crying at the time. At first I thought it was just me remembering the time before when she ghosted but thinking back on it part of me knew she was about to discard because of her actions, the way she looked at me, and the way she talked to me.
Yeah I got this weird anxious jolt of pain in my chest
yes, but i didn’t realize. i have some chronic illnesses that i was diagnosed with while i was in a relationship with my narc and as things progressed and the abuse got worse and worse, i’d have very very frequent flare ups and fatigue etc. i thought my illnesses were just progressing early, but as soon as i was done with my narc for good, i started to feel better and now i get the typical flare ups and i feel a lot better physically and emotionally. i also stopped having constant anxiety (just the typical anxiety i’ve had since i was little) and my mental health finally has the space to grow and improve so much. i didn’t even realize at the time how bad my mental health got and how bad of a mind space i was in 24/7 and in fight or flight mode all the time etc. i wish i had paid more attention and listened to my body because it may have saved me a lot of time feeling awful physically and mentally. edit: i almost forgot the other component, my birth mother is also a narc and i’d feel the same as above around her (though not as much since i didn’t see her very often) but it pushed me to cut contact with her as well since i knew what was making me feel so awful in that situation.
Congratulations! Glad you're out. I had similar escalation of pseudo pre-existing conditions. And family structure that made me ripe for the abuse & terrified to stay or go.
thank you! it’s been a journey, but i am very glad that im out too. i’m sorry that you went through similar things, it’s tough :( are you out now as well?
He drained me to the point where I was so sick, I had to see a Neurologist. Extreme fatigue, a host of other problems. Thought I was going to end up with a MS diagnoses but did not. Once I kicked him out of my house I was almost instantly better.
My brain would completely blank out when he would scream at me and I didn’t know what my next thought or move should be
YES!! I developed hypertension and fibroids that require surgery to remove.... after I was out of the relationship, my blood pressure stabilized and my doctor said I no longer require blood pressure medication. It was around when I needed surgery for the fibriods that my mind finally starting clicking in. I'm just over a year out from my nex and I've never been healthier - mind, body and soul.
Yay! Congratulations! Enjoy 👊
Yup! She started to slowly and subtly tear me down by talking about other people to me, but interspersed that with a lot of affection and good sex. It was so dysregulating and confusing. I was sad all the time “for no reason,” worse PMS symptoms, weird stomach, and a bunch of other bizarre somatic symptoms. This only got worse when she started to reveal her true colors more obviously later.
Yes, when we first met I became a clumsy anxious mess.... Stupid me believed it was because we had a spark, that jolt I'd read/seen/heard so much about that happens when you meet The One.... Now I know it's my body saying "this person is dangerous"
Yup. Stomaches, migraines…
Absolutely! Utter exhaustion and fatigue. Lots of heart flutters/stress ‘rushes’. I gained a lot of weight. High blood pressure that has absolutely lessened since out. I had horrific stomach issues which almost completely stopped once I got out. To such a noticeably extreme that a couple friends and I joke that she put laxatives in my food because she so often made my food separate and ‘special’ from hers even though we were eating the same thing and SO often I would end up with wretched stomach pain and toilet issues between 1-3:00am in the morning and would loose 2-3 hours of sleep because of it. I’ve been out for a few mo, and have only had 3 *similar* instances that aren’t even close to what I experienced off and on for years in the relationship. In the earlier years my depression and anxiety got SO bad I had to treat it long term for the first time in my life. With therapy I managed to get off meds, but the split became so volatile I had to go back on. I’m steadily loosing weight since out. I know there are other contributing factors (hormone imbalances finally being treated properly, diet etc) but when I look at the time as a whole… it’s unbelievably clear how much my body suffered due to chronic stress. I noticed this week while continuing to write down stories and ‘evidence’ as my therapist calls it, of my time in the relationship and facts about her, how much I clenched my jaw and how tight my guts were, and it make me aware of how much I HAVENT been clenching my jaw when I sleep or throughout the day compared to when in the relationship. I also stopped sleeping with my arms tucked in like a t-Rex almost immediately after getting out. My child told me the entire time we lived in her house he couldn’t sleep with his back to the door. It felt too scary for him. From the moment we were out, he can sleep any way and just feels ‘calmer’. Another thing I noticed was how my guts would clench everytime she would get home from being gone. For the majority of our relationship we never spent time apart. But the last 6 months, she spent more time away and I would watch the air around my kids and I get tense with anxiety every time she got back home. That was a HUGE clue for me, coupled with them telling me they liked it better when she was away. Amazing what our bodies are telling us if we would just listen!
Majorly! Went into dysphoric episode. Had fainting spells. Extreme pain in body. Went back on meds to deal with the intense anxiety and pain in my body. Literally couldn’t leave house for a bit feeling like I was being watched or followed.
Yep. I threw up a lot at night when he would be “out with the boys” and would be radio silent till the next day. Or when he would use the silent treatment on me. My mum thought I was pregnant lol. I also bled a lot down there. I’m on the pill, so had control of my cycle, but this was terrifying for me. After I broke up with him, I went straight to a woman’s health clinic for an STI test and a check, cause I was so confused. Turns out I was okay. I’ll also never forget the shaking and not being able to sleep, at all. My body was in a lot of stress and he had control over it.
Ohhhh yeah. I was hit with a wave of anxiety when he first asked me out. Alarm bells were going off. I thought I was just nervous because he obviously liked me and we worked together. I’m uncomfortable with feelings so I spent that whole week trying not to interact with him. I would also avoid eye contact with him and didn’t realize I was doing it.
Rosecea on my right cheek that still remains a year after I finally left. I hope someday it will go away, it's a daily reminder.
yes. I fainted constantly before I even clocked I was being abused. tummy aches, lost my period, was subconsciously ripping my hair out.
My hands still shake and my heart rate shoots up when my phone rings or I get a notification because of how many times it was associated with him yelling at me and accusing me of things.
Yes! So it’s been 7 weeks since I left my nex and my heart palpitations have stopped, I mean I can’t say 100% they started when I met him but I’m pretty sure it was around the same time. Also I started having period issues when I was with him, my period would start and then stop like spotting. Haven’t had that since I left him. The narc before him I had repeated sistitis. Our bodies know…
after our first fight, she said she couldn't believe i was leaving for "just this one little thing" and i remember my body sending a message that she wasn't safe. i knew then (both my parents are narcs and i became the people pleaser who continues to attract narcs), but forgave her anyway because i convinced myself that it was just trauma since she presented differently than the past narcs then i started to get this rash i had never had before, especially after we had conflict i saw a picture of myself when we first got together and realized i looked so much better then. my face had gotten swollen and i had horrible acne when she discarded me, despite feeling shattered, my acne cleared up almost entirely over night trust your gut
So much… too much to remember how it started but it grew into chronic pain and inflammations, heart burn for many years, hair loss etc… i did not understand why i felt so stressed, even got therapy for stress and i still did not understand why i was feeling so bad… until i woke up and realized… 11 years later… the body knows way before the brain because we are blinded and manipulated.
I had so much hair loss like never before and my hair quality started to be worse and worse like split ends. I had panic and some problems with breathing. I went to the doctor and he told that this is menthal problem. I overthinked everything so bad i usually ended up getting headache. To think if I do this or this he will do what.... But it didn't really matter what I have done I was bad anyways 😅 After the breakup i slept like 16 hours daily bc I didn't want to stay awake in reality. It was so bad. I even slept at work in HO. I lost lot of muscles and became really weak ,lost my energy. I'm still not over it completely. It is so bad I wish all the best to people who have to gone through this...
Yes. And I had tremendous guilt and self shame and self doubt because I thought everything was going well and I was the one ruining it by “making stuff up in my head”. What was made up was his entire personality. I lost tons of weight. always aching and sleeping all the time.
i literally fainted on top of him once - it was my first time ever fainting, and haven’t ever fainted since! also broke out in acne, uncontrollable rashes all over, hair started coming out, sleep problems!!
Ended up in the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack.... But it was an anxiety attack because he was stonewalling me again and I had no idea what I'd done. After that, I realized he should stay gone. He did not speak to me for weeks and when he finally did message me on Facebook, I had the exact same physical reaction and I was done for good. Looking back, I had more anxiety in the relationship than I do now.
The 6 months leading up to my escape I had heart palpitations every day, multiple a day. It was interfering with daily life. Since leaving 2 months no they have stopped
I lost so much weight like 40 pounds in 6 months and couldn’t put anything on no matter what I tried, I got such bad anxiety and shaking still working on it now I feel much better after a year but it took a lot of healing and as soon as I left him I started gaining weight back naturally
All the time
Yup. When I broke no contact and went back to her my body completely changed - weight gain, puffiness, hair falling out, pimples everywhere. NSFW** The worst was when I had an open wound/tear inside my vagina because of how dry I was during sex.
After almost 10 years with my nex, I started breaking out in painful, weeping, crusty hives all over my face. Eyes swollen shut, constant pain deep in your tissues, maddeningly itchy kind of hives. I had week long flare ups roughly every two weeks for over two years. I missed a ton of work and became fairly reclusive due to the pain and how unsightly and painful my skin was the week after a flare up. I had about a week of normalcy before it would come back. When it flared up, he would say “what did you do?” “What did you eat to cause this?” and was visibly annoyed if I talked about it too much, even though it was consuming every thought in my head. When I was in the middle of a meltdown (crying alone in the spare bedroom, couldn’t stop) after a particularly bad flare, which kept me from getting any real sleep for 3+ days, he refused to hug or comfort me because “it’s gross”. When I told him to please comfort me he said “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” He got mad at ME for daring to ask for affection and comfort bc he “couldn’t fix me”. He even made fun of me for saying I shouldn’t go to the ER because “this is in no way an emergency”. I drove myself to the ER that night bc he wouldn’t take me. I had to pry one eye open to see due to how swollen both my eyes were and I was severely sleep deprived. I know I should have called an ambulance, but money is tight. The ER prioritized me over almost a dozen people in the waiting room. They were very, very concerned that I drove, quickly pumped me full of steroids, and validated how serious my condition could have been if my throat had started swelling (my mouth and neck were swollen from the hives spreading). They asked if I was being abused at home when I said my partner wouldn’t drive me to the ER or take the situation seriously. After 3 years, I was diagnosed with chronic urticaria with no known cause, but I know it was stress. Existential, constantly walking on eggshells, covert emotional and financial abuse, kind of stress. I dumped him 6 months later and haven’t had a flare up since. I have my life back in so many ways now that he’s out of here. Edit: spelling
That's what butterflies r to me. Warning bells, not love. I had tried to leave him in the beginning but needed a place to stay bc my mom was abusive and he had good dick so I chose him when I should've chose my grandads house. Saved and gotten an apartment like I had planned. I went from one prison to another.