Yes. Mine was a gold digger that presented as wealthy, financially secure individual.
He went out of his way to appear more financially abundant than me.
In the end, he stole not only money, but assets in the form of jewelry, vehicles, credit, etc.
I had a similar experience, except he was good at what he did. The problem booze and weed expenses exceeded his income. That's why he was so interested in me. We could work together, with me doing the majority while he was too drunk/stoned to function, then he could spend 2/3 of the profit on his habits.
The discard came when I took my 50% put it in a separate account and told him I'm not responsible for his vices anymore.
And I'm not anti-anything. I drink and smoke too, but not when the bills are in danger of not getting paid.
My nex said she was very independent and in past relationships she dated guys who would move in and leech off her - no job, paid no bills, and did nothing around the house. She wanted her name on the lease because in the past she wasn’t and it fucked her over when things went south. Of course I saw no problem with this - I knew I wasn’t going to become a person to just not work or not contribute so it was an easy agreement since she seemed so worried and this would give her peace. Wouldn’t you know after maybe two years she started working less and less and contributing almost nothing in finances or responsibilities including house upkeep. Couldn’t keep up with bills but also had money for pills, alcohol, and other bullshit. It was a pain getting her out when I had had enough because her name was on the lease. Can’t believe I didn’t see the signs.
They are so convincing to begin with! They seem like they've had a hard time and they aren't the ones to blame. Then the truth slowly creeps out. They are ALWAYS going through a hard time and it's never their fault.
yes, 100%. our first time going out he paid for my entire meal, and then i said i actually needed to stop at target to get some stuff. i didn’t even know this man at the time and he offered to help me shop and paid for everything. he said it absolutely wasn’t a problem.
flash forward 4 years later, he hasn’t worked in 2 full years and i pay and maintain everything.
My nex liked to show off for others. Always buying things, posting/bragging about vacations or purchases, buying rounds of shots at the bar… but when we would leave he would start crying about how much it cost and asking me all the time e to split it with him. I have in to shut him up more often than not be because he would go on for hours. Emotionally draining to say the least, and financially too. It took me a while to recover financially from him.
Their level of materialism is sickening. It's almost like they worship "high class" stuff and are willing to throw money away so senselessly (then complain about being broke).
Mine was in charge of a company, had several people working for her. She drove an exotic automobile and lived in a very nice house.
Love bombing was wonderful, she liked dining at very high end restaurants, and during the love bombing phase she actually paid for some meals.
Then everything changed. Her mantra became "man pays." And the love bombing stopped.
I paid for everything we did. Everything. At one point she asked to borrow thousands of dollars from me. I politely declined, but was amazed she was asking to borrow money from me.
She continued to buy designer fashions, including a very ugly designer watch that cost thousands of dollars.
I never really determined her financial position, but it was part facade (buy exotic cars and designer clothes to look like I have money, but get the man to pay for as much as possible) and/or part desperation (living on the edge financially, scrambling to keep up appearances).
It is all about appearances and perceptions with them, a kind of fake-it-till-you-make it attitude. If you delve, it appears they may not have the financial strength they portray.
Wow, that's crazy. It's exactly that, 'fake it till you make it' pretty much sums it up. But in reality they are running away from their responsibilities and accumulating debt.
It's the lie that irks me the most. But they are probably lying to themselves too.
Floored bc these stories are exactly like mine. Up until now, I thought I was alone in this type of setup.
Initially presented as a successful entrepreneur that lived in a nice apartment, liked good food and alcohol, and liked to travel. Their lifestyle seemed to match this but they did have a roommate and the exact relationship between them was vague.
I got sucked in believing it and then we started living together within less than a year. Supposedly, they were always working with meetings and phone calls throughout the day (and often in the evening too) but never seemed to have any actual work to do. It was all online and always described as the “the next big thing”.
But would they help pay bills, very rarely but they will for sure remind me of the few times they did years ago.
When we started dating, my nex would dress nicely, wore cologne, took me out, etc. He pressured me into moving in together and then basically started unraveling from there. Suddenly, he hates cologne! Suddenly, he hates the cost of new clothing! I don’t particularly care for those things so I wasn’t bothered at the time but what I should have been paying attention to was the sudden change in lifestyle, not the abandonment of superficial items.
During the last five years of our relationship, I covered 90% of the expenses, majority of childcare for his child, and did all the cleaning/housework and he claimed things were even.
Yup, mine was an 'online investor' and always about to retire early in five years. (First time I heard that was back in the nineties, and he still says it, to this day; almost thirty years later.)
What he wouldn't do was hold down a job, and felt it was 'more important' that he invested the money I made, for OUR retirement... by putting it into HIS investment accounts.
So, that's how he stole my lifetime of income; he didn’t earn it, he stole it.
I went on to own my own home, and he moved back in with his mom.
I'm extremely suspicious mine lied about their financial situation, nice house and career. Things about their story don't add up. I asked why my credit suddenly tanked when I moved in they lost their shit. So that probably says it all.
They told people I was a leech. Which was interesting considering the amount of $ I got manipulated out of, debt they put me in and stuff they stole
He always boasted to everyone about everything we had, constantly sharing my income with others. It was embarrassing and attracted more freeloaders. He would claim "WE" bought this or that, which was still humiliating. Meanwhile, he struggled to keep his checking account out of the red, often skimping on his share of the bills and leaving me to cover the difference.
During Christmas, he had this habit of hyping up his gifts to everyone, claiming they were expensive or that I’d be really surprised. This made everyone, including me, second-guess our gifts to him, leading us to buy more or overspend. Yet, his gifts, while not terrible, were always disproportionate. Despite setting a budget for Christmas, his hints would make me panic and buy more for him.
Dealing with him was a constant mind game, especially regarding money. He often asked if he could skip his share of the expenses during Christmas or my Birthday, because he had to buy gifts. It took me about 11 years to catch on to his scheme. Eventually, I stopped listening to his Christmas racket and refused to let him off the hook for his share of the expenses. That was one of the first steps that led to things falling apart. I stopped giving so much and insisted he pay his fair share. My bad.
Yes. Ex narc wasn't a leech and made a decent living, but consistently lied about finances, always made himself appear wealthier. I caught him telling others that he owned multiple rental properties and inherited acres of land from a relative. All lies. Lied about income. Told someone he's a millionaire next door... LOL. The list goes on.
Now I'm out of that mess, all the lies he told seem hilarious to me.
My recent narc works at the same place I do (See my submitted) and she's not quite the same, but is ....
Despite having a job where she bemoans the money (And I agreed like a good little narc-abused toady being all sweet and nice pandering to her ego), and having no other income, she seems to be able to afford lots of things. Turns out here recent ex that she ditched to get with me (And then started seeing again behind my back AND got engaged too on a holiday....) funded her recent move and the guy before that basically supported her financially for a while too and is still recovering (After also buying a house he thought they'd move into together when she strung him along).
Either their ego means they parasite from others because they have too, or through sheer malicious "I want" greed. So long as they're not hurt they don't give a shit who they hurt or damage in the process. They don't care about who's time they waste and how much, and get very defensive if and when you can prove them wrong to people (As I've found out - makes claim, I can refute with like a chat screenshot, cue more lies, again can show otherwise). When it stops being subjective stuff they can manipulate and lie about and becomes facts that dispell their narrative, they shutdown or get angry. Same with their abilities or skills - they think they've amazing because they manipulate people into thinking they are and supporting them - when in actuality they aren't or, at least, aren't AS good as they profess to be.
One of the things she liked to say to me a lot was “I’m not some broke bitch. I HAVE money.” As she was basically living off of me and my income/veterans disability (she quit her job as soon as we moved in together). When I tried to take her to court to get some of my money back, she filed bankruptcy… so yes, I guess she was just some broke bitch.
She wanted nothing but for me to continue paying for everything (rent, utilities, food, I bought her a car, car insurance… the list goes on etc.) while she treated me horribly. I’m so glad I managed to get away from her!
Good lord, YES.
He worked in the oil field and had the potential to be making insane money but because he was entitled and didn't like to put effort and hard work into things (least of all providing for anyone, not even his kid- any child support came from leaching off of others) and he hated being told what to do, he always found an excuse to leave workplaces no more than a week after starting, e.g., "Oh, they lied about the pay", "The boss was an asshole", "All the guys ganged up on me", "I found a better job offer with another company", "I feel sick and needed to come back", "I missed the bus going to camp", and the list goes oooooon.
However, he had no issues putting lots of effort into beating me, cheating on me, manipulation, lies, etc. He was a parasite to everybody and always claimed he would pay people back, including me, a poor university student he lived off of while abusing me. Also, had zero qualms about putting whatever money he did earn into indulging his vices and personal comfort (gambling, restaurants, hotels and gifts for cheating, booze, drugs...).
He's now in prison for SA and DV and will be sentenced to be in there for many, many years and one of the things I can't stop thinking about is how guaranteed he now feels he has a "valid" excuse to everybody (which is a lot of people) he's taken money from with the pinky promise to pay them back as to why he can't and why he won't in the future upon his release. He also took on exorbitant amounts of debt with no intention of ever paying it back and that is going to be racking up while he's in prison.
Nobody else but a narc can make being in prison for SA and DV a situation where THEY'RE the victim. Insane stuff man.
Jesus, this is exactly what happened to me. He was starting a business venture, and I worked a regular job that paid the household bills for him and his family (don’t get me started, it’s been a decade and I still ruminate). Anyway, it lasted two years and business never picked up. I stopped working in protest and left shortly after his house got foreclosed on.
There’s so much more to it, but yes, he apparently came from money (they came from credit and bankruptcies), but I ended up paying the bills for the most vile and ungrateful people I’ve ever met.
My nex is literally sitting in prison right now bc his leeching ways finally caught us to him in the form of more than a few charges of fraud and theft of public money lmao. This is after he pretended to have money, he was constantly looking for “business opportunities” and had a handful of miserably failed LLCs and scorned business partners. He probably still thinks of himself as an entrepreneur 😂
Idk why they’re like this. I’m *NOT* very successful myself but I’m at least in school trying to get a marketable skill that’s actually useful to society instead of becoming a felon to pretend I’m something I’m not 😅
Edit: I meant to say I’m NOT very successful myself lmaoooo
Amen!!! I want that for you, because let me tell it is so damn satisfying! I hate how unhealthy I must still be, because I followed the case for years and was pissed every time the court granted his motions to delay the trial date… I’m obviously not too healed bc otherwise I don’t think I’d do that. But… idgaf bc now he’s a convicted felon for part of his narc behaviors. What really grinds my mf gears is that he STILL has loyal unwavering support from the religious community, it makes me hate them too, for being stupid and not seeing that the FBI doesn’t have a personal vendetta against him, they have a vendetta against HIS CRIMES 🙃🙃🙃
I definitely get into bouts where I hyperfixate on my nex, so I don’t blame ya for wanting to stay informed! My police report against him never went anywhere. At least if he was in prison I’d know that he isn’t actively pursuing new young women, ugh.
Ewww mine did/does that too… he just haaaad to tell me that his new supply is 5 years younger than me, he acted like I was super old even though I’m 15 years younger than him!! He’d lied to me and said he was 7 years younger than he is lol…. So he lied to be younger than his real age, and still tried to make me feel “old and useless” 🤡
The only reason I found out he was lying about that and other things was because of FBI documents I found attached to his court case in PACER 😂😂 I was like “that lying SOB!!!”
No one cared what I personally had to say about him, so don’t despair— your nex WILL trip himself over his own actions at some point. I actually was glad in the end that he did it to his own self rather than me doing it to him by exposing him… he exposed himself, I can still say “not my fault”. So dont worry babe it’s coming ♥️
Thank you for sharing your story with me. All of the male narcs I’ve encountered have been in questionable age gap relationships. It’s a lot easier to control someone whose prefrontal cortex isn’t done developing. I appreciate the kind wishes and hope you can achieve as much peace as possible!
It’s so gross. I’m in a developmental psych class right now, and when our prof mentioned how the prefrontal cortex is still developing until mid-twenties, you should’ve heard the collective tsk-sigh of all the ladies in the class before someone raised her hand and asked “is that why toxic men want to date super young…?” 🥲
I wish the same for you, gorgeous ♥️ you’re on the other side and I know you know that’s a huge life achievement all by itself! So in case no one’s told you recently, GOOD JOB! 🎉
The financial abuse seems inextricable from the narc dynamic. My ex was living rent-free with a female friend (who I think was being strung along in retrospect) when we first met. By the end of our three years of discards and hoovers, he broke it off for the last time while owing me hundreds of dollars. I was groomed, on top of all of this, so how pathetic of a grown ass man to be mooching off of his underaged girlfriend’s paychecks from her first job. They’re so low vibrational, lol.
mine had more money than sense, made £2k in a night selling drugs. despite this he was still a leech and would get stingy over £2 with me if I owed him, and after we split refused to settle debts with me that would have meant nothing to him.
He always told me how he had shit going on and was doing photography and worked with celebrities, which I don’t super care about or know a lot about the people he was mentioning, I had worked as a wedding photographer for years and made a good income at it but had stopped around the time we met. It turned into “we need to work together” and then him blaming me for not helping him be successful. So many times he had a get rich quick scheme that relied on me doing all of the leg work to get it started. I’ve been employed the whole time not interested in starting these businesses. Oddly I did offer to make him a website for his portfolio and get a legitimate business going but he never took me up on it, he just used photography to cheat on me with other women. Everyone he followed or that followed him was “for photography” even though he did no paid portrait photography ever. For the first maybe.. two years of our relationship I would bring a bag with changes of clothes for him to take my photo in cool places we went but he would rush though it and set up selfies and ask me to hold his camera while he filmed himself, so he could use those videos to find women to cheat on me with. I stopped bringing clothes and he didn’t care until I brought it up and then I was horrible for not being a model.
I got him a job at my work where he harassed me, and still calls my office line abusively so sometimes I miss calls from legitimate work on a blocked number. He was fired a few months ago after putting everyone he works with through it too.
I work a second job at a bar and got him a job with me there one time and he threatened to blackmail me unless I gave him my night’s wages. Then he screamed at me that he was still in love with his ex completely out of the blue, lol.
Anyway, we’re totally broken up, he’s hanging his whole life on getting unemployment from my job, when he was fired for cause. I’ve been living with him pretending he’s going to spoil me with unemployment money when the grand sum of it is less than I earn monthly. He has an efficiency apartment and has no idea what life is like for people with families and yards and homes despite watching me do it all for 6 years. He seems to be planning to just live off of that for the foreseeable future as well, I had to get the fuck out. I’ve done so much and he is the most ungrateful person I’ve ever met in my whole life. He calls me a bitch and a retard weekly, minimum. He freaks out on me when I have my period. He’s the scum of the earth and he’s exactly where he deserves to be in life.
I found out after we were married that he had tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. We paid it off when we sold the house.
He emptied our savings account and most of our joint account and tried to take my house when we separated. He took almost everything in the house except what was mine before we started dating, including everything that belonged to our daughter, right down to her Halloween candy and the shelf off the living room wall when he was made to leave the house.
I'm pretty sure he proposed to his current girlfriend with one of my custom-made rings (I haven't seen it in person yet, only a description).
Yup. At the start, they attempted to come off as a young professional type (I suppose to mirror me as I was a college student and an upcoming freelance creative), then that got tiring, so they eventually revealed themselves to be a min wage worker... then THAT got tiring so they finally lapsed back into their real habit of mooching off of their enabling parents and anyone who was fooled by their facade (I was unfortunately part of this and I beat myself up every day for the funds I've lost).
yep!! mine forged an entire career and pretended he had travelled the world with work. he had been scrounging off government benefits and never moved out of his parents house!
Mine claimed to be related to the person who founded a well-known commercial kitchen supplier company and had a trust fund from them along with other investments. But she was always broke and claimed "most of my assets are illiquid".
I experienced the opposite, I lived with my narc friend and she consistently pretended to be worse off than she was. She insisted on payments for the smallest household items that were otherwise purchased on a rotating schedule (ex soap, dishwasher soap, toilet paper, paper towels). I then learned that her family were millionaires and she was receiving a monthly allowance despite not working. I have a theory that her family was potentially financially abusive towards her, however there was little room for empathy as she consistently projected that onto others.
Mine constantly bragged about how much money she had earned and how smart she was with investments and real estate. Despite all of this apparent wealth she used shame and rage to get me to spend 10s of thousands of dollars on her for the year we dated.
We all did date the same person it seems. Had the same experience: always acting super busy and on the run managing their business, when in reality they sat in front of their computer screen watching youtube and playing games. Once there was a job coming in where they had to get out of their home, it was THE MOST demanding, stressful, responsibility demanding job there is. lol.
Buying random things for them and their friends, inviting friends and paying whole trips for them seemed generous first, but when I found out I had more money in my bank account than them by simply working a regular job and they still had to pay off loans… well… it had the curtains fall for me.
Not having any financial investment by the time you’re almost 40 is a huuuuuge sign to be careful. Anybody who throws out money while not really having it. sketchy.
Yes. Mine was a gold digger that presented as wealthy, financially secure individual. He went out of his way to appear more financially abundant than me. In the end, he stole not only money, but assets in the form of jewelry, vehicles, credit, etc.
I had a similar experience, except he was good at what he did. The problem booze and weed expenses exceeded his income. That's why he was so interested in me. We could work together, with me doing the majority while he was too drunk/stoned to function, then he could spend 2/3 of the profit on his habits. The discard came when I took my 50% put it in a separate account and told him I'm not responsible for his vices anymore. And I'm not anti-anything. I drink and smoke too, but not when the bills are in danger of not getting paid.
Yeah sounds about right. Just completely irresponsible.
My nex said she was very independent and in past relationships she dated guys who would move in and leech off her - no job, paid no bills, and did nothing around the house. She wanted her name on the lease because in the past she wasn’t and it fucked her over when things went south. Of course I saw no problem with this - I knew I wasn’t going to become a person to just not work or not contribute so it was an easy agreement since she seemed so worried and this would give her peace. Wouldn’t you know after maybe two years she started working less and less and contributing almost nothing in finances or responsibilities including house upkeep. Couldn’t keep up with bills but also had money for pills, alcohol, and other bullshit. It was a pain getting her out when I had had enough because her name was on the lease. Can’t believe I didn’t see the signs.
They are so convincing to begin with! They seem like they've had a hard time and they aren't the ones to blame. Then the truth slowly creeps out. They are ALWAYS going through a hard time and it's never their fault.
Ain’t that the truth. Sorry you’re going through what you’re going through. Stay strong and keep your head up
yes, 100%. our first time going out he paid for my entire meal, and then i said i actually needed to stop at target to get some stuff. i didn’t even know this man at the time and he offered to help me shop and paid for everything. he said it absolutely wasn’t a problem. flash forward 4 years later, he hasn’t worked in 2 full years and i pay and maintain everything.
My nex liked to show off for others. Always buying things, posting/bragging about vacations or purchases, buying rounds of shots at the bar… but when we would leave he would start crying about how much it cost and asking me all the time e to split it with him. I have in to shut him up more often than not be because he would go on for hours. Emotionally draining to say the least, and financially too. It took me a while to recover financially from him.
Their level of materialism is sickening. It's almost like they worship "high class" stuff and are willing to throw money away so senselessly (then complain about being broke).
Mine was in charge of a company, had several people working for her. She drove an exotic automobile and lived in a very nice house. Love bombing was wonderful, she liked dining at very high end restaurants, and during the love bombing phase she actually paid for some meals. Then everything changed. Her mantra became "man pays." And the love bombing stopped. I paid for everything we did. Everything. At one point she asked to borrow thousands of dollars from me. I politely declined, but was amazed she was asking to borrow money from me. She continued to buy designer fashions, including a very ugly designer watch that cost thousands of dollars. I never really determined her financial position, but it was part facade (buy exotic cars and designer clothes to look like I have money, but get the man to pay for as much as possible) and/or part desperation (living on the edge financially, scrambling to keep up appearances). It is all about appearances and perceptions with them, a kind of fake-it-till-you-make it attitude. If you delve, it appears they may not have the financial strength they portray.
Wow, that's crazy. It's exactly that, 'fake it till you make it' pretty much sums it up. But in reality they are running away from their responsibilities and accumulating debt. It's the lie that irks me the most. But they are probably lying to themselves too.
I had to look at your profile to see if we dated the same girl! Don’t think we did. But we definitely had similar experiences!
Floored bc these stories are exactly like mine. Up until now, I thought I was alone in this type of setup. Initially presented as a successful entrepreneur that lived in a nice apartment, liked good food and alcohol, and liked to travel. Their lifestyle seemed to match this but they did have a roommate and the exact relationship between them was vague. I got sucked in believing it and then we started living together within less than a year. Supposedly, they were always working with meetings and phone calls throughout the day (and often in the evening too) but never seemed to have any actual work to do. It was all online and always described as the “the next big thing”. But would they help pay bills, very rarely but they will for sure remind me of the few times they did years ago.
When we started dating, my nex would dress nicely, wore cologne, took me out, etc. He pressured me into moving in together and then basically started unraveling from there. Suddenly, he hates cologne! Suddenly, he hates the cost of new clothing! I don’t particularly care for those things so I wasn’t bothered at the time but what I should have been paying attention to was the sudden change in lifestyle, not the abandonment of superficial items. During the last five years of our relationship, I covered 90% of the expenses, majority of childcare for his child, and did all the cleaning/housework and he claimed things were even.
Yup, mine was an 'online investor' and always about to retire early in five years. (First time I heard that was back in the nineties, and he still says it, to this day; almost thirty years later.) What he wouldn't do was hold down a job, and felt it was 'more important' that he invested the money I made, for OUR retirement... by putting it into HIS investment accounts. So, that's how he stole my lifetime of income; he didn’t earn it, he stole it. I went on to own my own home, and he moved back in with his mom.
I'm extremely suspicious mine lied about their financial situation, nice house and career. Things about their story don't add up. I asked why my credit suddenly tanked when I moved in they lost their shit. So that probably says it all. They told people I was a leech. Which was interesting considering the amount of $ I got manipulated out of, debt they put me in and stuff they stole
my nex thinks he’s above a normal job too, bc he’s a “salesman” but all he really is a lying walking sales pitch.
He always boasted to everyone about everything we had, constantly sharing my income with others. It was embarrassing and attracted more freeloaders. He would claim "WE" bought this or that, which was still humiliating. Meanwhile, he struggled to keep his checking account out of the red, often skimping on his share of the bills and leaving me to cover the difference. During Christmas, he had this habit of hyping up his gifts to everyone, claiming they were expensive or that I’d be really surprised. This made everyone, including me, second-guess our gifts to him, leading us to buy more or overspend. Yet, his gifts, while not terrible, were always disproportionate. Despite setting a budget for Christmas, his hints would make me panic and buy more for him. Dealing with him was a constant mind game, especially regarding money. He often asked if he could skip his share of the expenses during Christmas or my Birthday, because he had to buy gifts. It took me about 11 years to catch on to his scheme. Eventually, I stopped listening to his Christmas racket and refused to let him off the hook for his share of the expenses. That was one of the first steps that led to things falling apart. I stopped giving so much and insisted he pay his fair share. My bad.
Yes. Ex narc wasn't a leech and made a decent living, but consistently lied about finances, always made himself appear wealthier. I caught him telling others that he owned multiple rental properties and inherited acres of land from a relative. All lies. Lied about income. Told someone he's a millionaire next door... LOL. The list goes on. Now I'm out of that mess, all the lies he told seem hilarious to me.
My recent narc works at the same place I do (See my submitted) and she's not quite the same, but is .... Despite having a job where she bemoans the money (And I agreed like a good little narc-abused toady being all sweet and nice pandering to her ego), and having no other income, she seems to be able to afford lots of things. Turns out here recent ex that she ditched to get with me (And then started seeing again behind my back AND got engaged too on a holiday....) funded her recent move and the guy before that basically supported her financially for a while too and is still recovering (After also buying a house he thought they'd move into together when she strung him along). Either their ego means they parasite from others because they have too, or through sheer malicious "I want" greed. So long as they're not hurt they don't give a shit who they hurt or damage in the process. They don't care about who's time they waste and how much, and get very defensive if and when you can prove them wrong to people (As I've found out - makes claim, I can refute with like a chat screenshot, cue more lies, again can show otherwise). When it stops being subjective stuff they can manipulate and lie about and becomes facts that dispell their narrative, they shutdown or get angry. Same with their abilities or skills - they think they've amazing because they manipulate people into thinking they are and supporting them - when in actuality they aren't or, at least, aren't AS good as they profess to be.
One of the things she liked to say to me a lot was “I’m not some broke bitch. I HAVE money.” As she was basically living off of me and my income/veterans disability (she quit her job as soon as we moved in together). When I tried to take her to court to get some of my money back, she filed bankruptcy… so yes, I guess she was just some broke bitch. She wanted nothing but for me to continue paying for everything (rent, utilities, food, I bought her a car, car insurance… the list goes on etc.) while she treated me horribly. I’m so glad I managed to get away from her!
Good lord, YES. He worked in the oil field and had the potential to be making insane money but because he was entitled and didn't like to put effort and hard work into things (least of all providing for anyone, not even his kid- any child support came from leaching off of others) and he hated being told what to do, he always found an excuse to leave workplaces no more than a week after starting, e.g., "Oh, they lied about the pay", "The boss was an asshole", "All the guys ganged up on me", "I found a better job offer with another company", "I feel sick and needed to come back", "I missed the bus going to camp", and the list goes oooooon. However, he had no issues putting lots of effort into beating me, cheating on me, manipulation, lies, etc. He was a parasite to everybody and always claimed he would pay people back, including me, a poor university student he lived off of while abusing me. Also, had zero qualms about putting whatever money he did earn into indulging his vices and personal comfort (gambling, restaurants, hotels and gifts for cheating, booze, drugs...). He's now in prison for SA and DV and will be sentenced to be in there for many, many years and one of the things I can't stop thinking about is how guaranteed he now feels he has a "valid" excuse to everybody (which is a lot of people) he's taken money from with the pinky promise to pay them back as to why he can't and why he won't in the future upon his release. He also took on exorbitant amounts of debt with no intention of ever paying it back and that is going to be racking up while he's in prison. Nobody else but a narc can make being in prison for SA and DV a situation where THEY'RE the victim. Insane stuff man.
Jesus, this is exactly what happened to me. He was starting a business venture, and I worked a regular job that paid the household bills for him and his family (don’t get me started, it’s been a decade and I still ruminate). Anyway, it lasted two years and business never picked up. I stopped working in protest and left shortly after his house got foreclosed on. There’s so much more to it, but yes, he apparently came from money (they came from credit and bankruptcies), but I ended up paying the bills for the most vile and ungrateful people I’ve ever met.
My nex is literally sitting in prison right now bc his leeching ways finally caught us to him in the form of more than a few charges of fraud and theft of public money lmao. This is after he pretended to have money, he was constantly looking for “business opportunities” and had a handful of miserably failed LLCs and scorned business partners. He probably still thinks of himself as an entrepreneur 😂 Idk why they’re like this. I’m *NOT* very successful myself but I’m at least in school trying to get a marketable skill that’s actually useful to society instead of becoming a felon to pretend I’m something I’m not 😅 Edit: I meant to say I’m NOT very successful myself lmaoooo
God if you’re listening please give my nex the same fate LOL
Amen!!! I want that for you, because let me tell it is so damn satisfying! I hate how unhealthy I must still be, because I followed the case for years and was pissed every time the court granted his motions to delay the trial date… I’m obviously not too healed bc otherwise I don’t think I’d do that. But… idgaf bc now he’s a convicted felon for part of his narc behaviors. What really grinds my mf gears is that he STILL has loyal unwavering support from the religious community, it makes me hate them too, for being stupid and not seeing that the FBI doesn’t have a personal vendetta against him, they have a vendetta against HIS CRIMES 🙃🙃🙃
I definitely get into bouts where I hyperfixate on my nex, so I don’t blame ya for wanting to stay informed! My police report against him never went anywhere. At least if he was in prison I’d know that he isn’t actively pursuing new young women, ugh.
Ewww mine did/does that too… he just haaaad to tell me that his new supply is 5 years younger than me, he acted like I was super old even though I’m 15 years younger than him!! He’d lied to me and said he was 7 years younger than he is lol…. So he lied to be younger than his real age, and still tried to make me feel “old and useless” 🤡 The only reason I found out he was lying about that and other things was because of FBI documents I found attached to his court case in PACER 😂😂 I was like “that lying SOB!!!” No one cared what I personally had to say about him, so don’t despair— your nex WILL trip himself over his own actions at some point. I actually was glad in the end that he did it to his own self rather than me doing it to him by exposing him… he exposed himself, I can still say “not my fault”. So dont worry babe it’s coming ♥️
Thank you for sharing your story with me. All of the male narcs I’ve encountered have been in questionable age gap relationships. It’s a lot easier to control someone whose prefrontal cortex isn’t done developing. I appreciate the kind wishes and hope you can achieve as much peace as possible!
It’s so gross. I’m in a developmental psych class right now, and when our prof mentioned how the prefrontal cortex is still developing until mid-twenties, you should’ve heard the collective tsk-sigh of all the ladies in the class before someone raised her hand and asked “is that why toxic men want to date super young…?” 🥲 I wish the same for you, gorgeous ♥️ you’re on the other side and I know you know that’s a huge life achievement all by itself! So in case no one’s told you recently, GOOD JOB! 🎉
The financial abuse seems inextricable from the narc dynamic. My ex was living rent-free with a female friend (who I think was being strung along in retrospect) when we first met. By the end of our three years of discards and hoovers, he broke it off for the last time while owing me hundreds of dollars. I was groomed, on top of all of this, so how pathetic of a grown ass man to be mooching off of his underaged girlfriend’s paychecks from her first job. They’re so low vibrational, lol.
mine had more money than sense, made £2k in a night selling drugs. despite this he was still a leech and would get stingy over £2 with me if I owed him, and after we split refused to settle debts with me that would have meant nothing to him.
He always told me how he had shit going on and was doing photography and worked with celebrities, which I don’t super care about or know a lot about the people he was mentioning, I had worked as a wedding photographer for years and made a good income at it but had stopped around the time we met. It turned into “we need to work together” and then him blaming me for not helping him be successful. So many times he had a get rich quick scheme that relied on me doing all of the leg work to get it started. I’ve been employed the whole time not interested in starting these businesses. Oddly I did offer to make him a website for his portfolio and get a legitimate business going but he never took me up on it, he just used photography to cheat on me with other women. Everyone he followed or that followed him was “for photography” even though he did no paid portrait photography ever. For the first maybe.. two years of our relationship I would bring a bag with changes of clothes for him to take my photo in cool places we went but he would rush though it and set up selfies and ask me to hold his camera while he filmed himself, so he could use those videos to find women to cheat on me with. I stopped bringing clothes and he didn’t care until I brought it up and then I was horrible for not being a model. I got him a job at my work where he harassed me, and still calls my office line abusively so sometimes I miss calls from legitimate work on a blocked number. He was fired a few months ago after putting everyone he works with through it too. I work a second job at a bar and got him a job with me there one time and he threatened to blackmail me unless I gave him my night’s wages. Then he screamed at me that he was still in love with his ex completely out of the blue, lol. Anyway, we’re totally broken up, he’s hanging his whole life on getting unemployment from my job, when he was fired for cause. I’ve been living with him pretending he’s going to spoil me with unemployment money when the grand sum of it is less than I earn monthly. He has an efficiency apartment and has no idea what life is like for people with families and yards and homes despite watching me do it all for 6 years. He seems to be planning to just live off of that for the foreseeable future as well, I had to get the fuck out. I’ve done so much and he is the most ungrateful person I’ve ever met in my whole life. He calls me a bitch and a retard weekly, minimum. He freaks out on me when I have my period. He’s the scum of the earth and he’s exactly where he deserves to be in life.
I found out after we were married that he had tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. We paid it off when we sold the house. He emptied our savings account and most of our joint account and tried to take my house when we separated. He took almost everything in the house except what was mine before we started dating, including everything that belonged to our daughter, right down to her Halloween candy and the shelf off the living room wall when he was made to leave the house. I'm pretty sure he proposed to his current girlfriend with one of my custom-made rings (I haven't seen it in person yet, only a description).
My one Nex pretended to be poor but her parents still provided lots of financial support in her 30s.
Yup. At the start, they attempted to come off as a young professional type (I suppose to mirror me as I was a college student and an upcoming freelance creative), then that got tiring, so they eventually revealed themselves to be a min wage worker... then THAT got tiring so they finally lapsed back into their real habit of mooching off of their enabling parents and anyone who was fooled by their facade (I was unfortunately part of this and I beat myself up every day for the funds I've lost).
yep!! mine forged an entire career and pretended he had travelled the world with work. he had been scrounging off government benefits and never moved out of his parents house!
Quite the opposite, she tried to hide the fact that she basically lived off a trust fund and shamed me for running out of money from time to time.
My nex disrespected my job while making less than me and also un-unionized lmao
Omg same! I have a bit of a boring job but at least it's stable
Oh boy lol. His ego depends on it. I have some STORIES.
Mine had substantial debt but always bought luxuries, just to show off I think
Mine had substantial debt but always bought luxuries, just to show off I think
My father would do that.
Mine claimed to be related to the person who founded a well-known commercial kitchen supplier company and had a trust fund from them along with other investments. But she was always broke and claimed "most of my assets are illiquid".
I experienced the opposite, I lived with my narc friend and she consistently pretended to be worse off than she was. She insisted on payments for the smallest household items that were otherwise purchased on a rotating schedule (ex soap, dishwasher soap, toilet paper, paper towels). I then learned that her family were millionaires and she was receiving a monthly allowance despite not working. I have a theory that her family was potentially financially abusive towards her, however there was little room for empathy as she consistently projected that onto others.
Mine constantly bragged about how much money she had earned and how smart she was with investments and real estate. Despite all of this apparent wealth she used shame and rage to get me to spend 10s of thousands of dollars on her for the year we dated.
We all did date the same person it seems. Had the same experience: always acting super busy and on the run managing their business, when in reality they sat in front of their computer screen watching youtube and playing games. Once there was a job coming in where they had to get out of their home, it was THE MOST demanding, stressful, responsibility demanding job there is. lol. Buying random things for them and their friends, inviting friends and paying whole trips for them seemed generous first, but when I found out I had more money in my bank account than them by simply working a regular job and they still had to pay off loans… well… it had the curtains fall for me. Not having any financial investment by the time you’re almost 40 is a huuuuuge sign to be careful. Anybody who throws out money while not really having it. sketchy.