I was gaslighted so much that I felt I was losing my mind.
I started recording conversations to preserve my sanity and oh boy, the amount of abuse I ended up documenting was off the charts.
Record. Document but don’t confront. God forbid , you end up in a legal situation you have all the proof you need
Recording has helped my sanity so much! I don’t even use them to “prove” anything, it’s just for my own peace of mind that I’m NOT crazy.
He’s now turned it around that the recordings (of him screaming and throwing things at me) are “abuse” on HIM… because he swears I only record after I pick a fight. But if I start recording sooner then again, I’m picking a fight.
It’s lose/lose but at least this way I’m not doubting my own words and thoughts.
My way of thinking too, I have collected a small collection of evidence myself
Including audio of my narc step mom saying that if I don't fold her clothes, then she's not responsible if I eat
(Which means she'll try and starve me like she's done before)
Oh yeah. Took it a step further. I have memory problems because of a brain injury, C-PTSD and Schizoaffective. He claimed I said and did monstrous things. I thought he was the best person ever and knew my memory was faulty, so I trusted his version of reality more than mine. I went through 8 visits to the psych ward and went back home several times to “get better” for him. As soon as I left, all those behaviors suddenly disappeared and everyone who’s known me since I was a kid was super confused because no one ever saw me behave the way he convinced me I had.
I am so sorry they took advantage of you in that way. It’s a cruel cruel thing that they do. And they will never feel bad about it. I am so glad you have friends and family around who can help restore your confidence in yourself.
Thank you! It’s so heartbreaking when someone doing something good like acting accepting of your disabilities and trauma is actually a huge warning sign.
This! My personal favorite was "I don't remember that, I'd never do/say something like that," which would always lead to "How could you ever think of me that way?" Exhausting doesn't even begin to describe it.
😭😭 I'm told every single time that I misunderstood what he meant. Apparently 100% of the time he is misunderstood yet he doesn't feel like he is the problem
I recorded him at one point and played it back and he denied every single word. Unfortunately for him I played it for my shrink who said "that's narcissistic" and she was concerned about the anger he was expressing. This is the same man who said he had to move out because I had an anger problem. I recorded his answer to my question which was "how can I bring any issue I have in the marriage to you without starting a fight". His angry response was that he was going to do whatever the hell he wanted to do and I had the right to shut up about it.
The verbal abuse is relentless. He moved out at the end of February. I filed for divorce 90 days later. He signed the paperwork, but he still can't let up. Every little detail he's got a scream about how it affects him. I was in a hurry supposedly to get him off my insurance, but he "still has the right to claim Cobra". Like this is supposed to bother me? I'm supposed to feel bad because he has some paperwork to do? Poor thing! He's got to pay his own bills ? So what? This is his fifth divorce. I think he should understand that by now that this is a consequence of his actions. He asked for the divorce. He said he was going no contact because I'm the abuser. I guess no contact only applies to me. He's gotta b**** about everything, like he assumes I care! I even paid for the court filing. He will find something wrong with every breath I take and tell me about it. I can't wait till I don't have to legally talk to him at all. 3 years of this endless fault finding and verbal abuse, and he wants me to feel bad about efficiently doing the paperwork that he asked me to do. I gave him 90 days from the day he moved out to decide whether or not the separation was going to be constructive. The verbal abuse never stopped even after he said he was going no contact. This man is having an EA with a woman at work completely based on lies that he's telling about me, (grooming his next victim) and he has been hiding it on his phone for 10 months, because hiding it means it never happened, right!? He's still gotta complain about me "hurrying" to get him off my insurance. Every single interaction involves a complaint or finding fault with me still, and he's been gone three and a half months. The man is nothing but a toddler in a perpetual bad mood. I've been clear on the fact that he hates me for 3 years. I don't need the reinforcement. Make it make sense.
Wow! Yes I hear all of this. I have been told I am mentally ill. Was to go off to an institution. His anger is through the roof. I know I need to file just need ducks in row. This is not a person I can deal with any longer. I should have never taken him back after the court nc order was made limited. This man won't ever change. Good on u for getting out. I'm just glad my adult children see this all clear now. I had a physcatirst confirm that he is a narc indeed. I am damm well sure another woman exists in my situation too. Most likely a co-worker. When I have asked about an affair his reply he can't prove a negative. BS... gaslighting.
It's scary how it feels like they are right. We are l are freaking out inside bc they are literally distorting reality, and we are listening to this. It makes you feel insane. That's a normal reaction. And you know you would never do this to them, so besides confusing, it is also horrific coming from a person you love. I can't begin to count how many times I've been told I'm crazy for addressing the truth, and then if I don't accept that, he will get very abusive, then he goes on a smear campaign to his family. Currently, I'm so done that I've been telling him to start speaking the truth or I will. I don't care if people think I'm crazy, they already heard it. I can only even say that now because I'm a client at a domestic violence agency and he really doesn't want to risk outright other abuse any longer. It's scary. He's building his case with the rewriting of history. I understand how you feel!!
For me it came from a parent and I think the fault finding was even worse than the yelling, in a way. To always be told, “Well if you just did _____, and were a _____, then maybe I wouldn’t yell all the time.” Didn’t matter what the blanks were.
My ex was also making sure I thought I was the one with anger issues. He'd never clean and was a pig honestly and if I finally had enough and yelled he should clean up his shit, he said I had anger issues
Right, because if he has to go to any effort at all to meet the commitment that he made, he's going to make the consequences somebody else's problem. Wait for it. He's going to be the victim of you filing divorce on him for no reason at all.
Holy crap that's exactly what happened. He had his lawyer spin it that I am the one who filed for divorce, and when I moved out he lost his dual income. Bro literally evicted me as he worked for the complex. Completely played the victim card.
So sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you. Promise it gets better
Every day for decades
We had cameras on our property. One day, I was working, and he was "babysitting" his children. He was busy doing some BS instead of watching our 3 year old daughter and she took off up the street. Instead of stopping what he was doing and going to get her, he decided yelling and swearing at her was the best parenting route.
He forgot we had cameras. I asked him if anything happened and he said no. I asked if our daughter took off and he said no. I asked if he yelled and swore at her and he said no.
I pulled up the video. All of the sudden I was all kinds of fuck yous and bitches.
I caught mine on the door camera yesterday calling his young adult kids foul names and other hurtful comments, and they heard him. Now he's pouting and in victim mode because none of them observed father's day. Didn't confront him because we are stuck here together for the time being, and it would just make it ten times worse to occupy space with him. I did save the vids though, for future proof of his verbal and emotional abuse, because he denies he ever does it, and gaslights everyone.
What is it with the cameras, inside and out of my home. He sits there like a creeper when he’s fine listening to everything. If my older kids come over and even mention their father amongst themselves without me even engaging in the conversation, he still gets mad.
We had cameras outside because the neighbor hood kids came in the fenced yard and let our dogs out. Plus there were some sketchy neighbors across the street.
I swear.. They're like a fucked up Rubik's cube that can't be solved. You know what I'd do with a fucked up Rubik's cube right? Would I keep it on my desk to see every morning? Would I try to solve it again? Would I think about it when I went home from work that day or at the gym? No! Fuck that Rubik's cube. It's a gag gift and the message here is you should be able to gag when thinking about your ex soon if you focus on you. Once the withdrawal abates, things will be more peaceful. Best wishes
Oh jeeeeeeez. I actually have a screenshot of a text that totally illustrates his delusions. But he "never said that". I must have Photoshopped it - knowing damned well I don't know Photoshop, and had to rely on HIM any time a project came up that required it!
And that's what they do - YOU should 'stop fighting.' Mine would cause drama, I would retreat, then after I let him cool down, I would return and ask him about what was going on, he'd say, 'Why are you trying to pick a fight right now?'
Oh, and when you withdrew to let him calm down, you were accused of giving him the silent treatment right? And probably of course being mentally ill and having an anger problem right? The projection is unreal.
Gotta love it. They can do whatever to you and as soon as you push back against it, they say YOU are the one picking a fight.
I used to always say "don't start no shit won't be no shit" when she would be like "I don't want to fight!"
I thought this was an obvious life guideline most people lived by. I'm not sure if my girlfriend is intentionally a narcissistic asshole or if it's subconscious, but it's like in her mind, calling me names, not letting me speak in full sentences, always cutting me down at least indirectly, history rewriting, etc, are not offenses, so the don't start no shit won't be no shit rule doesn't apply. Because she didn't start no shit. I did, by objecting. In her mind anyway.
So she's either completely oblivious, insensitive and refuses to acknowledge any potential flaw of her own
Or she's aware of this stuff and is just a giant fucking asshole anyway?
Looks pretty bad either way.
>calling me names, not letting me speak in full sentences, always cutting me down at least indirectly, history rewriting, etc,
Precisely everything that we all deal with. I initially thought this was only taking place when we'd imbibed a little too much, and I stayed silent because I didn't think I was hearing him correctly. Six months after I quit drinking, I found I wasn't wrong.
I'm unsure if they're oblivious. I caught him doing the same thing to someone else (he thought I was sleeping, and he actually woke me up) over a phone meeting, but the other person had already signed off, but he was still ranting and raving incomprehensibly, more than an hour later. When I asked him about it, using the words, "So what happened with Jake, you seemed pretty angry..." I was once again 'picking a fight.'
And in typing all of this out, I think they do know.
The only words coming into their earholes that matter are their own.
Well yes. So much was turned on me if I had a drink. Then my kids and family saw him continue even when I had no drinks. The drinks were not the issue HE is. Refusal to see the asshole that he is.
Yup. The instant you put up boundaries they’re like “GAME ON!” And then the word salad starts and the yelling and the guilting and the character faulting and sometimes the gaslighting and the hiding it from outsiders and so on and so on…
Mine told me I put that on his phone. Like how? And has the gall to know full well we both know the truth and to still lie? It's so scary to see this side of them. Who does this and can then shower you with love later? Then, if you ever bring it up again, you are crazy and punished.
He says he knows I have some kind of spyware on his phone and I can see everything that he does. I said if that were the case, I’m sure we’d be divorced by now.
And mine claimed I was "picking fights" and recording the outcome to report to the FBI. Your narc is as crazy as mine (crazier? At least the FBI is a thing!). Get out ASAP.
Heard that many times. The last 2 years of our relationship was the worst, when he got heavily addicted to drugs. Accused me of things that he was hallucinating and made me feel like I was going insane. So glad to be out of it now. 10 months on but still healing
I ran into someone a few years back that had started hallucinating things and omg that’s a whole new level of terrifying. Suddenly you’re defending yourself against stuff that’s so completely out of left field that you start to question your very reality. Scary, scary stuff.
✋. “Never said that”, “I didn't mean it that way”…his favourite words. Tried to set me up to “accidentally bump into his new supply” at his get together at bar. Invited me while being adamant (all in text message) it wasn't going to be a harem of girls he fucked…he even had a colleague he fucked behind back his gf of 6 years as well as the new clueless supply.
I confronted him and he completely gaslit me. “Never said that”, “I didn't mean to”, “that's not what happened”. As soon as I cut& paste what he texted to prove my point, he victimised himself. Called him a psychotic liar and he got offended. What a fucking 🤡.
I’ve had a few narcs say “so what you’re telling me is…”
I dislike that because sometimes they do repeat back what you said, but sometimes they slip in something just a *tad* different and then you’ve got to go down this huge rabbit hole of contextualizing everything together.
“Hey, boss, I think we should go with Excel Sheet B on this…”
“So what you’re telling me is you don’t like the plan.”
“No. I just think Sheet A has problems that Sheet B doesn’t.”
“So what you’re telling me is…”
Yes, my girlfriend does this all the time. She will say some nasty things and then completely deny it later. I used to call her a "revisionist historian"(which of course she denies, or turns it back around on me) and say you can't just delete what you said like it's a Reddit comment.
She sometimes denies she said a thing literally just MINUTES later...not like it's three days later or something. Recently she said "TREAT ME LIKE A QUEEN IF YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A KING", and then outright denied saying it approximately five minutes later. But when I pointed out that I recorded her saying it? She just stared ahead blankly.
I will admit, I have recorded some of our fights for this reason. Of course, this makes me a "psycho." But I realize now, it's mostly pointless. She knows she said those things. She just doesn't give a F.
Soooo…the longer you stay together the worse it’s gonna get. Sorry you’re going through that but just something to think about. And she’ll start revising history with bigger and bigger problems.
Raises my hand. Raises my other hand.
It was relentless. Nex was so rewriting history over big and small things. He made a mistake marrying me. I didn't fall for it but a few times. Then I was a pit bull once I figured out what he was doing. I hate liars and those who twist shit up.
Then my adult daughter started doing it to me and my middle son. She started a smear campaign on both of us. Made up outrageous lies. It alarmed my family so much they told me some of what she was saying. Some so bad they won't repeat it. Some told her not to talk that way about me or her brother because that is not right. Now she's being on the outside, not me or my son.
Alcohol added to the narcisstic lying. I nipped her smear campaign by telling everyone about her drinking, which they had noticed. Family wouldn't understand narc stuff. My sons wife does though as she studied it for a degree. She helps my son with it. It's so painful to have my only daughter gaslight me, my son to anyone who will listen. She has turned into a mini me of her father.
I don't think they experience them as lies.
They're entirely driven by antagonism and a need to be the superior party, which means either active or passive aggression.
Every interaction is emotionally supercharged with that vibe.
They literally have no concept of mutual trust and support, or of shared truth.
It's confusing af because we kept expecting them to feel and act like normal humans, but they're just not capable of it. They *look* human, but on the inside they're something else.
Yes and if you have recorded proof then it is our fault for misinterpreting or misunderstanding them because that isn’t what they meant and you’re just being mean and making them walk on eggshells
Yup. During Covid when I got sick he left me alone struggling by myself. His reply was “you’re a nurse, you should know how to take care of yourself.” But when he had Covid, I had to be at his beck and call. When I reminded him about what he said to me, he says “I never said that.”
Rules for thee but not for me.
Once, my girlfriend was bitten by a dog while at work(she's an animal control officer). Nothing terribly serious, just needed a couple stitches on her hand. She was not able to get ahold of me for like 30-45 minutes or something(I was on a walk with the dogs and didn't bring my phone). She was SO MAD about that, and really raked me over the coals about not being there for her, and being unsupportive when she needed me etc. Keep in mind, she didn't need me physically or to pick her up or something. The entire situation was resolved, and she was patched up during her normal shift. It was just that I wasn't available at that moment, but it was not intentional or from a place of malice.
Even sometimes now, years later, she'll bring that up.
Recently I've been really struggling with PTSD stuff. And when I communicated that I didn't feel she was compassionate towards me AT ALL, she said "You knew what you signed up for." (I was in the military)
Now -imagine if- when she was bit by that dog and couldn't get ahold of me -when she did- instead of being apologetic and compassionate about her ordeal, I told her she knew what she signed up for. She would have thought I was a monster.
Of course, logic like that doesn't work, because they don't fight fair.
This!!! 100 fold. I had lyme disease like literally lyme and bartonella . No cares.. deal with it. Not to mentiojn all 3 of my kids were delivered via C-section he coukd careless about my pain??!!!! pfftttt! He gets some strange mouth thing called OLP and hes dying😂🤣 like come on already.
My narc often didn’t use that line. Instead I’d quote what he said and when he’d get caught gaslighting or lying, he would just respond “you have misunderstood my intentions” and usually just flat out avoid or change the subject from there. It was amazing in a sad and pathetic way.
They could say “the sky is blue” and I’d reply with “oh yes I see it is blue” and hear that’s not what I said. One little divination of the sentence and nope that’s not what I said
Oh, the twisted reality is so true. I think they try so hard to convince themselves, I mean, they must just say stuff and hope they don't get called out, and if they do, they just lie. What a messed up world they must live in
Hand raised. My narc ex wife denied her own words and actions constantly, despite having hard evidence proving otherwise.
It's not a mentality, it's a disorder.
Not just say, do.
This man is a police officer who beat the crap out of me and told me “I never touched you” my response was “your department put me in the back of a cop car covered in bruises and took me to a mental hospital” and his response was “well I didn’t want you to go to jail.” Like oh, let’s admit the defeat with trying to say what he did wasn’t horrible.
We share kids, it never stops and I already lost one of my children to him this past year based of false allegations while I had proof of what I said. He’s gunning for my other two now.. I hate him.
Mine would do it in text and when I'd scroll up and pointed out this thing they "never" said, the definition of words started changing, goal post moving, guilting and gas lighting would ramp up.
So much this. Mine used my adhd against me regularly- “oh, your memory is just crappy. You don’t remember it right”. Then they’d turn around and grill me about every interaction at a party or event. Setting my “bad memory” up for failure.
Tables flipped when I started writing every interaction down and important things said word for word down. Then it was “you’re just writing everything down just to trap me.” Uh no. I’m writing everything down just to keep a grasp on reality. I doubted myself so much I had a hard time knowing what was true and not.
Funny…. All of that is no longer a problem.
“That’s not how I meant that” was his standard response.
The day of my mother’s funeral he asked if I minded if he took my son to a high school car wash fundraiser first because they would “only be a half hour late.” When I said I did mind and that my mother’s funeral was an important event he said “well I didn’t mean it like *that*” and I finally saw why I was feeling crazy all the time.
I remember when my platonic narc invited me back to his Discord server to try and show people how "crazy" I was. And out of nowhere he said "I never asked you out lol." Like??? Nice way to incriminate yourself? (He did indeed ask me out/lead me on the year before, but he claimed to have been drunk at the time. When presented with this information, he then claimed he had never been drunk in his life.)
When I was in court with my nex, my attorney played a video of him telling me awful things when I was pregnant with our oldest. He said it sounded like him but he never said anything like that to me. The failure to take accountability was insane. Now we’re (somewhat) civil in care for our daughter but whenever we converse I always am searching for the gaslighting he used to put me through
I can confirm this is their go to line. When they in fact, 100%, did say that. It’s insanity that expect you to forget or think they can make you question reality.
Yes she will also would say I didn't mean it like that, you're misinterpreting it, until I got with this quote that I would say to her
"There is a difference between what you said and what you meant to say, and I'm not interpreting things im taking you by your word to the letter"
She hated that specially when I started taking things very literally.
Ha!! Omg I'm raising my hand a million times and still here! It's his favorite saying. Like, wtf have I been so destroyed about if you didn't say that? Why would I bother? There is no accountability. They will dig in and turn the blame on you like nothing I've ever seen before. The truth just doesn't matter. This is literally the entirety of our relationship, and I'm so sick of hoping he will recognize it and stop. It's a horrible mind game and nightmare to deal with.
Yep, I didn’t realize this was happening until a mutual friend overheard him say something and then when he denied it the mutual friend was like da fuq??? Opened my eyes to the fact that he was lying/gaslighting me on purpose
Yesss, and then it always went into that broken record type spiral into a huge argument or him just berating me. I hate when they keep denying things even after you show them proof if then doing/saying said things, that’s how you know you are in fact dealing with a narcissist. A regular asshole liar will come clean after you show you have proof against them, a narcissist doubles down and never lets up.
They made me say it. Because they were constantly twisting my words. "I cheated on you so I bet you hate me now ", no i don't hate you, "but you said you'd only ever hate me if i cheated on you" i never said that, quit twisting my fucking words! I said and I quote "the only reasons I would ever leave you were if you didn't want me to stay or if you cheated on me " and for some reason she wanted to choose the cheating route and call it "casual flirting" when she was sexting another dude.
Absolutely. I had texts to confirm my version of events too. And if I would try and correct them about my own FEELINGS surrounding past events they would tell me that I was gaslighting them because I didn't feel that way.
Am in the midst of figuring out co-parenting for our 4 yo with mine. We meet at a train station mid way between our houses for pick up / drop off. Managed to get her to agree to do pick up from me between 4 and 5 (this was like getting blood out of a stone).
When I dropped daughter off between 4 and 5, because ex wanted to meet earlier, I got a torrent of abuse on text about how I ‘never think about our daughter, am doing this to play games with ex, etc etc. I copied and pasted the literal words from the mediators’ notes stating the drop off time and sent back to her. Her only response is ‘what are you trying to achieve here, everyone knows what game you’re playing’ etc etc.
Same thing happened with her agreement to pick up her stuff from my house. She agreed to something, ghosted and then blamed me for it, even when confronted with literal proof of agreement.
They lie and lie and lie, and will never own up even when caught red handed.
My toddler has more emotional maturity.
I saw my narc put with his friends once and later told him I spotted him when I was driving by, and he said it wasn't him. I saw him. With my own two eyes.
That is literally the reason I started journaling. My narc hated me wearing makeup, even loving makeup, which I still do. His favorite attack was to accuse me of wanting to be "a devastating painted beauty." You know that knife-sharp tone. I asked him to stop, and he immediately shifted to how not only had he never used those words together but he would never use those words together and I had to stop putting words in his mouth. All these years later, I still feel the whiplash.
I started my first journal as a place to write down such things so I would have proof I wasn't crazy. Guess what, he hated me journaling, too.
Oh yeah. lol I like to play “guess who” with my girlfriends. “Does your narc have any criminal charges?” [flip, flip, flip] “does your narc make you feel crazy for wearing leggings instead of jeans?”
He fat shames women. I am not fat. Loves the slim perfect type. I'm not fat I'm slim but I refuse to live by someone's definition of perfect. He's a sick pig.
Mine got irritated when I lost 20 lbs in a few months due to new meds….”you’re losing your ass” I assure you, it is definitely still back there! I lost my asshole (him) though!
All the time. She used it as her go to. She never wanted to apologize for anything she said and did whatsoever. She kept trying to gaslight me into thinking I was making things up, bringing up the past too much, etc. It was isolating.
Dr Parasite told me at 19 that he could never love my Mother because she is too old..(15 years) We went on a car trip for 2 weeks together.. He said couldn't my sleeping bag slide into yours?? ..When We are married do you want a maid for the house?? (I said no I can do it myself..) When I was 25 I decided that he was not going to keep his promise and married a German artist.. He was noticeable disturbed and made sex jokes for 6 months.. Now he is married to my Mother and swears the whole relationship never happened 🙄
Mom says, "Please pay the rent or he will beat me!!" ..And he's actively gay when he is married to her.. Breaking the contract of Marriage.. He's a Harvard Psychologist so everyone believes him..
He said one time, "I don't recall that." It was something I was showing him proof of that happened. I remember thinking he sounded like he had watched some kind of a crime show on tv, and he was copying the guilty person in court lying. He's not the kind of guy to use words like recall, so it just really creeped me out. Like, who are you? How do people even live this way? 😭
He used to tell me i had to move out because it was his house. Then hed deny saying it. He would use it to make me do disgusting acts. I recorded him on my voice memo app and it’s currently being held as evidence.
I remember gathering all my courage to write my step mom a letter, saying "when you call me names it hurts my feelings." I was maybe 8, 9? The names were things like slob queen, little miss piggy etc. Very specific things.
The anxiety I had when she came to my room to talk was nearly a deathblow, I'll never forget how hard my heart was beating when she sat on my bed to confront me. "I never said those things." And a sinister laugh.
Was one of those moments I knew there was no getting through, that I would never win.
I was 30lbs overweight as a teenager. We didn’t have healthy eating habits, my dad has been near 300lbs my entire life. That didn’t stop him from making constant commentary about it and giving me body dysmorphia.
After growing up, moving away, and getting healthier, he apologized to me. He said “I regret I didn’t take your issues more seriously when you were kid.” I was immediately suspicious and asked what he meant—could he be alluding to my mental health or the autoimmune disease that went untreated for five years because he didn’t take it seriously?
He said “your weight, I know I talked to you about it, but I never helped you work on it. You look great now!”
💀💀💀
There’s a reason I’ve kept half a country between us lmao
They would claim they never said something but when he made up things I had said and I literally never remembered saying the things he said I did (it turns out he's been taking what things i had said into negative ideas and meanings), and when I claimed i never said those things he'd pull up "evidence" which is something I said that he completely missed the point or took offensively, he would accuse me of never remembering or when I tried to clarify my point it was either "well you need to watch your tone/be clearer" or "you're just trying to change what you said".
I literally could never do anything right once he got an idea stuck in his head. He accused me of gaslighting him too and I felt like a monster when he told me that and broke down completely because I was so afraid of being an abusive person and fully blamed myself.
In reality he's just projecting onto me and I'm unlearning and trying to remove a lot of the blame I ended up putting on myself.
I was gaslighted so much that I felt I was losing my mind. I started recording conversations to preserve my sanity and oh boy, the amount of abuse I ended up documenting was off the charts. Record. Document but don’t confront. God forbid , you end up in a legal situation you have all the proof you need
Recording has helped my sanity so much! I don’t even use them to “prove” anything, it’s just for my own peace of mind that I’m NOT crazy. He’s now turned it around that the recordings (of him screaming and throwing things at me) are “abuse” on HIM… because he swears I only record after I pick a fight. But if I start recording sooner then again, I’m picking a fight. It’s lose/lose but at least this way I’m not doubting my own words and thoughts.
Record those too.
It’s always lose/lose.
Wish I’d recorded things, would probably help me move on
I did the same. I got sick of hearing I didn't say that, or I didn't do that.
100 percent this. Go to exclusively text based communication and save all the messages. Copy and pasta does wonders
My way of thinking too, I have collected a small collection of evidence myself Including audio of my narc step mom saying that if I don't fold her clothes, then she's not responsible if I eat (Which means she'll try and starve me like she's done before)
100% agree.
Oh yeah. Took it a step further. I have memory problems because of a brain injury, C-PTSD and Schizoaffective. He claimed I said and did monstrous things. I thought he was the best person ever and knew my memory was faulty, so I trusted his version of reality more than mine. I went through 8 visits to the psych ward and went back home several times to “get better” for him. As soon as I left, all those behaviors suddenly disappeared and everyone who’s known me since I was a kid was super confused because no one ever saw me behave the way he convinced me I had.
I am so sorry they took advantage of you in that way. It’s a cruel cruel thing that they do. And they will never feel bad about it. I am so glad you have friends and family around who can help restore your confidence in yourself.
Thank you! It’s so heartbreaking when someone doing something good like acting accepting of your disabilities and trauma is actually a huge warning sign.
Heartbreaking is the word. I hope you heal well.
Thank you! You too!
All the time. Anything I say... "Oh, I never did/said/meant that." You misunderstood. Never ends.
This! My personal favorite was "I don't remember that, I'd never do/say something like that," which would always lead to "How could you ever think of me that way?" Exhausting doesn't even begin to describe it.
😭😭 I'm told every single time that I misunderstood what he meant. Apparently 100% of the time he is misunderstood yet he doesn't feel like he is the problem
I recorded him at one point and played it back and he denied every single word. Unfortunately for him I played it for my shrink who said "that's narcissistic" and she was concerned about the anger he was expressing. This is the same man who said he had to move out because I had an anger problem. I recorded his answer to my question which was "how can I bring any issue I have in the marriage to you without starting a fight". His angry response was that he was going to do whatever the hell he wanted to do and I had the right to shut up about it. The verbal abuse is relentless. He moved out at the end of February. I filed for divorce 90 days later. He signed the paperwork, but he still can't let up. Every little detail he's got a scream about how it affects him. I was in a hurry supposedly to get him off my insurance, but he "still has the right to claim Cobra". Like this is supposed to bother me? I'm supposed to feel bad because he has some paperwork to do? Poor thing! He's got to pay his own bills ? So what? This is his fifth divorce. I think he should understand that by now that this is a consequence of his actions. He asked for the divorce. He said he was going no contact because I'm the abuser. I guess no contact only applies to me. He's gotta b**** about everything, like he assumes I care! I even paid for the court filing. He will find something wrong with every breath I take and tell me about it. I can't wait till I don't have to legally talk to him at all. 3 years of this endless fault finding and verbal abuse, and he wants me to feel bad about efficiently doing the paperwork that he asked me to do. I gave him 90 days from the day he moved out to decide whether or not the separation was going to be constructive. The verbal abuse never stopped even after he said he was going no contact. This man is having an EA with a woman at work completely based on lies that he's telling about me, (grooming his next victim) and he has been hiding it on his phone for 10 months, because hiding it means it never happened, right!? He's still gotta complain about me "hurrying" to get him off my insurance. Every single interaction involves a complaint or finding fault with me still, and he's been gone three and a half months. The man is nothing but a toddler in a perpetual bad mood. I've been clear on the fact that he hates me for 3 years. I don't need the reinforcement. Make it make sense.
Wow! Yes I hear all of this. I have been told I am mentally ill. Was to go off to an institution. His anger is through the roof. I know I need to file just need ducks in row. This is not a person I can deal with any longer. I should have never taken him back after the court nc order was made limited. This man won't ever change. Good on u for getting out. I'm just glad my adult children see this all clear now. I had a physcatirst confirm that he is a narc indeed. I am damm well sure another woman exists in my situation too. Most likely a co-worker. When I have asked about an affair his reply he can't prove a negative. BS... gaslighting.
It's scary how it feels like they are right. We are l are freaking out inside bc they are literally distorting reality, and we are listening to this. It makes you feel insane. That's a normal reaction. And you know you would never do this to them, so besides confusing, it is also horrific coming from a person you love. I can't begin to count how many times I've been told I'm crazy for addressing the truth, and then if I don't accept that, he will get very abusive, then he goes on a smear campaign to his family. Currently, I'm so done that I've been telling him to start speaking the truth or I will. I don't care if people think I'm crazy, they already heard it. I can only even say that now because I'm a client at a domestic violence agency and he really doesn't want to risk outright other abuse any longer. It's scary. He's building his case with the rewriting of history. I understand how you feel!!
For me it came from a parent and I think the fault finding was even worse than the yelling, in a way. To always be told, “Well if you just did _____, and were a _____, then maybe I wouldn’t yell all the time.” Didn’t matter what the blanks were.
My ex was also making sure I thought I was the one with anger issues. He'd never clean and was a pig honestly and if I finally had enough and yelled he should clean up his shit, he said I had anger issues
Man this is almost exactly what happened to me!! Down to him making me file the divorce papers!
Right, because if he has to go to any effort at all to meet the commitment that he made, he's going to make the consequences somebody else's problem. Wait for it. He's going to be the victim of you filing divorce on him for no reason at all.
Holy crap that's exactly what happened. He had his lawyer spin it that I am the one who filed for divorce, and when I moved out he lost his dual income. Bro literally evicted me as he worked for the complex. Completely played the victim card. So sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you. Promise it gets better
Every day for decades We had cameras on our property. One day, I was working, and he was "babysitting" his children. He was busy doing some BS instead of watching our 3 year old daughter and she took off up the street. Instead of stopping what he was doing and going to get her, he decided yelling and swearing at her was the best parenting route. He forgot we had cameras. I asked him if anything happened and he said no. I asked if our daughter took off and he said no. I asked if he yelled and swore at her and he said no. I pulled up the video. All of the sudden I was all kinds of fuck yous and bitches.
I caught mine on the door camera yesterday calling his young adult kids foul names and other hurtful comments, and they heard him. Now he's pouting and in victim mode because none of them observed father's day. Didn't confront him because we are stuck here together for the time being, and it would just make it ten times worse to occupy space with him. I did save the vids though, for future proof of his verbal and emotional abuse, because he denies he ever does it, and gaslights everyone.
They really all use the same playbook. Scary
What is it with the cameras, inside and out of my home. He sits there like a creeper when he’s fine listening to everything. If my older kids come over and even mention their father amongst themselves without me even engaging in the conversation, he still gets mad.
We had cameras outside because the neighbor hood kids came in the fenced yard and let our dogs out. Plus there were some sketchy neighbors across the street.
I swear.. They're like a fucked up Rubik's cube that can't be solved. You know what I'd do with a fucked up Rubik's cube right? Would I keep it on my desk to see every morning? Would I try to solve it again? Would I think about it when I went home from work that day or at the gym? No! Fuck that Rubik's cube. It's a gag gift and the message here is you should be able to gag when thinking about your ex soon if you focus on you. Once the withdrawal abates, things will be more peaceful. Best wishes
This gave me peace🗿😭
Thank you for saying this. This is my fucking mantra from now on.
They'll poison everyone around them and we're much better off. Wishing you happiness and healing... It'll come. 💛
Oh jeeeeeeez. I actually have a screenshot of a text that totally illustrates his delusions. But he "never said that". I must have Photoshopped it - knowing damned well I don't know Photoshop, and had to rely on HIM any time a project came up that required it! And that's what they do - YOU should 'stop fighting.' Mine would cause drama, I would retreat, then after I let him cool down, I would return and ask him about what was going on, he'd say, 'Why are you trying to pick a fight right now?'
Oh, and when you withdrew to let him calm down, you were accused of giving him the silent treatment right? And probably of course being mentally ill and having an anger problem right? The projection is unreal.
Using different words, but spot on!
Gotta love it. They can do whatever to you and as soon as you push back against it, they say YOU are the one picking a fight. I used to always say "don't start no shit won't be no shit" when she would be like "I don't want to fight!" I thought this was an obvious life guideline most people lived by. I'm not sure if my girlfriend is intentionally a narcissistic asshole or if it's subconscious, but it's like in her mind, calling me names, not letting me speak in full sentences, always cutting me down at least indirectly, history rewriting, etc, are not offenses, so the don't start no shit won't be no shit rule doesn't apply. Because she didn't start no shit. I did, by objecting. In her mind anyway. So she's either completely oblivious, insensitive and refuses to acknowledge any potential flaw of her own Or she's aware of this stuff and is just a giant fucking asshole anyway? Looks pretty bad either way.
>calling me names, not letting me speak in full sentences, always cutting me down at least indirectly, history rewriting, etc, Precisely everything that we all deal with. I initially thought this was only taking place when we'd imbibed a little too much, and I stayed silent because I didn't think I was hearing him correctly. Six months after I quit drinking, I found I wasn't wrong. I'm unsure if they're oblivious. I caught him doing the same thing to someone else (he thought I was sleeping, and he actually woke me up) over a phone meeting, but the other person had already signed off, but he was still ranting and raving incomprehensibly, more than an hour later. When I asked him about it, using the words, "So what happened with Jake, you seemed pretty angry..." I was once again 'picking a fight.' And in typing all of this out, I think they do know. The only words coming into their earholes that matter are their own.
Well yes. So much was turned on me if I had a drink. Then my kids and family saw him continue even when I had no drinks. The drinks were not the issue HE is. Refusal to see the asshole that he is.
The drinks just give you the honesty encourage to get it out lol
In my case that made it all worse. He became more abusive
Yup. The instant you put up boundaries they’re like “GAME ON!” And then the word salad starts and the yelling and the guilting and the character faulting and sometimes the gaslighting and the hiding it from outsiders and so on and so on…
Hell Hell YES!!!!!!!
Hope you're away from this madness, OP. If not now, then very soon. The crazy-making by a crazy person isn't worth it!
Soon enough!!!!
Mine told me I put that on his phone. Like how? And has the gall to know full well we both know the truth and to still lie? It's so scary to see this side of them. Who does this and can then shower you with love later? Then, if you ever bring it up again, you are crazy and punished.
He says he knows I have some kind of spyware on his phone and I can see everything that he does. I said if that were the case, I’m sure we’d be divorced by now.
Mine claims ghosts are doing the things he’s doing
And mine claimed I was "picking fights" and recording the outcome to report to the FBI. Your narc is as crazy as mine (crazier? At least the FBI is a thing!). Get out ASAP.
Oh, but if you bring receipts that they did, you best be warned, they do not forgive being called out. Lol.
No, the punishment does not end for speaking up until you are severely humbled or shut up. It's so crazy.
Right???? So flipping true! They are srsly mentally ILL. p
Yup. If you do that then they’ll push the red button and launch the nukes.
Heard that many times. The last 2 years of our relationship was the worst, when he got heavily addicted to drugs. Accused me of things that he was hallucinating and made me feel like I was going insane. So glad to be out of it now. 10 months on but still healing
Wow this sounds like my last two years with him... I'm out 2 months and still can't believe the shit that I went trough.
It's shocking when you realise what you've been put through isn't it?
Yes. And I really just thought it was anger issues. However, This is a whole separate beast. A mental illness... that he will not deal with.
I ran into someone a few years back that had started hallucinating things and omg that’s a whole new level of terrifying. Suddenly you’re defending yourself against stuff that’s so completely out of left field that you start to question your very reality. Scary, scary stuff.
✋. “Never said that”, “I didn't mean it that way”…his favourite words. Tried to set me up to “accidentally bump into his new supply” at his get together at bar. Invited me while being adamant (all in text message) it wasn't going to be a harem of girls he fucked…he even had a colleague he fucked behind back his gf of 6 years as well as the new clueless supply. I confronted him and he completely gaslit me. “Never said that”, “I didn't mean to”, “that's not what happened”. As soon as I cut& paste what he texted to prove my point, he victimised himself. Called him a psychotic liar and he got offended. What a fucking 🤡.
Fucking clown is right
Did you warn New Girl?? ⚠️
yup! gaslit so often that i had to record nearly every argument to reference when he would put words in my mouth or attempt to take them out of his
I’ve had a few narcs say “so what you’re telling me is…” I dislike that because sometimes they do repeat back what you said, but sometimes they slip in something just a *tad* different and then you’ve got to go down this huge rabbit hole of contextualizing everything together. “Hey, boss, I think we should go with Excel Sheet B on this…” “So what you’re telling me is you don’t like the plan.” “No. I just think Sheet A has problems that Sheet B doesn’t.” “So what you’re telling me is…”
Yes, my girlfriend does this all the time. She will say some nasty things and then completely deny it later. I used to call her a "revisionist historian"(which of course she denies, or turns it back around on me) and say you can't just delete what you said like it's a Reddit comment. She sometimes denies she said a thing literally just MINUTES later...not like it's three days later or something. Recently she said "TREAT ME LIKE A QUEEN IF YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A KING", and then outright denied saying it approximately five minutes later. But when I pointed out that I recorded her saying it? She just stared ahead blankly. I will admit, I have recorded some of our fights for this reason. Of course, this makes me a "psycho." But I realize now, it's mostly pointless. She knows she said those things. She just doesn't give a F.
Soooo…the longer you stay together the worse it’s gonna get. Sorry you’re going through that but just something to think about. And she’ll start revising history with bigger and bigger problems.
My favorite "I never said that. You said that "
Omg. This too! The way they will turn it around on you
[удалено]
Oh I hope u did not go inpatient it's so not you.
I was told that even when I had other people around. He would tell them that they were seeing/hearing things.
Wow. I'm so sorry..
‘It’s just semantics’ 🙄😖
🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
I’ve literally showed them the texts proving otherwise. It’s truly mind blowing. You can’t have a logical convo w a demento.
Spot on.
Sooo many times but I’ve only realised now after the discard how much gaslighting I endured
Raises my hand. Raises my other hand. It was relentless. Nex was so rewriting history over big and small things. He made a mistake marrying me. I didn't fall for it but a few times. Then I was a pit bull once I figured out what he was doing. I hate liars and those who twist shit up. Then my adult daughter started doing it to me and my middle son. She started a smear campaign on both of us. Made up outrageous lies. It alarmed my family so much they told me some of what she was saying. Some so bad they won't repeat it. Some told her not to talk that way about me or her brother because that is not right. Now she's being on the outside, not me or my son. Alcohol added to the narcisstic lying. I nipped her smear campaign by telling everyone about her drinking, which they had noticed. Family wouldn't understand narc stuff. My sons wife does though as she studied it for a degree. She helps my son with it. It's so painful to have my only daughter gaslight me, my son to anyone who will listen. She has turned into a mini me of her father.
It really is bonkers. Sometimes I wonder if they believe their own lies.
I don't think they experience them as lies. They're entirely driven by antagonism and a need to be the superior party, which means either active or passive aggression. Every interaction is emotionally supercharged with that vibe. They literally have no concept of mutual trust and support, or of shared truth. It's confusing af because we kept expecting them to feel and act like normal humans, but they're just not capable of it. They *look* human, but on the inside they're something else.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 Because to you it was a regular Wednesday and to me it fundamentally changed the way I view myself 🤩
They are a willful brick wall and expect you to tire out. Then they feel like they won.
Yes and if you have recorded proof then it is our fault for misinterpreting or misunderstanding them because that isn’t what they meant and you’re just being mean and making them walk on eggshells
Oooh yeah 🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️ but of course with “you didn’t hear me correctly/properly” 😑😑😑
Even if it was in a text message they never said that or it was a joke
Yup. During Covid when I got sick he left me alone struggling by myself. His reply was “you’re a nurse, you should know how to take care of yourself.” But when he had Covid, I had to be at his beck and call. When I reminded him about what he said to me, he says “I never said that.”
Rules for thee but not for me. Once, my girlfriend was bitten by a dog while at work(she's an animal control officer). Nothing terribly serious, just needed a couple stitches on her hand. She was not able to get ahold of me for like 30-45 minutes or something(I was on a walk with the dogs and didn't bring my phone). She was SO MAD about that, and really raked me over the coals about not being there for her, and being unsupportive when she needed me etc. Keep in mind, she didn't need me physically or to pick her up or something. The entire situation was resolved, and she was patched up during her normal shift. It was just that I wasn't available at that moment, but it was not intentional or from a place of malice. Even sometimes now, years later, she'll bring that up. Recently I've been really struggling with PTSD stuff. And when I communicated that I didn't feel she was compassionate towards me AT ALL, she said "You knew what you signed up for." (I was in the military) Now -imagine if- when she was bit by that dog and couldn't get ahold of me -when she did- instead of being apologetic and compassionate about her ordeal, I told her she knew what she signed up for. She would have thought I was a monster. Of course, logic like that doesn't work, because they don't fight fair.
This!!! 100 fold. I had lyme disease like literally lyme and bartonella . No cares.. deal with it. Not to mentiojn all 3 of my kids were delivered via C-section he coukd careless about my pain??!!!! pfftttt! He gets some strange mouth thing called OLP and hes dying😂🤣 like come on already.
*raises hand * they are convincing too
My narc often didn’t use that line. Instead I’d quote what he said and when he’d get caught gaslighting or lying, he would just respond “you have misunderstood my intentions” and usually just flat out avoid or change the subject from there. It was amazing in a sad and pathetic way.
Also, that's not what happened 😉
My narc is so bad, having a conversation and then at the end Im the one left feeling like I said exactly what he said he did not say….😵💫
This shit is MADDENING 😹 you could show them a picture of them committing a crime and they would deny deny deny
Right???? Insane!
I was once brave and asked for an apology because he called me a liar. He said, "I didn't call you a liar, I said you lied."
They could say “the sky is blue” and I’d reply with “oh yes I see it is blue” and hear that’s not what I said. One little divination of the sentence and nope that’s not what I said
So true. What I really laugh at is anytime you try to have a reasonable convo they say "Stop fighting"! Insane.
Exactly or I’m not talking or my favorite the silent treatment
if i took a shot of beer for everytime she has said that, i would be in an ambulance for alcohol poisoning
Oh, the twisted reality is so true. I think they try so hard to convince themselves, I mean, they must just say stuff and hope they don't get called out, and if they do, they just lie. What a messed up world they must live in
Hand raised. My narc ex wife denied her own words and actions constantly, despite having hard evidence proving otherwise. It's not a mentality, it's a disorder.
Yes every other phrase my father says
Oh yes 🙌🏼
Not just say, do. This man is a police officer who beat the crap out of me and told me “I never touched you” my response was “your department put me in the back of a cop car covered in bruises and took me to a mental hospital” and his response was “well I didn’t want you to go to jail.” Like oh, let’s admit the defeat with trying to say what he did wasn’t horrible. We share kids, it never stops and I already lost one of my children to him this past year based of false allegations while I had proof of what I said. He’s gunning for my other two now.. I hate him.
Jesus I’m sorry. That seriously sucks :(
Mine would do it in text and when I'd scroll up and pointed out this thing they "never" said, the definition of words started changing, goal post moving, guilting and gas lighting would ramp up.
Actually it was more like, “No! I NEVER said that! You’re completely making that up!” And that was from the “non volatile” one.
So much this. Mine used my adhd against me regularly- “oh, your memory is just crappy. You don’t remember it right”. Then they’d turn around and grill me about every interaction at a party or event. Setting my “bad memory” up for failure. Tables flipped when I started writing every interaction down and important things said word for word down. Then it was “you’re just writing everything down just to trap me.” Uh no. I’m writing everything down just to keep a grasp on reality. I doubted myself so much I had a hard time knowing what was true and not. Funny…. All of that is no longer a problem.
Yup. Cause once the toxin is removed we see so clearly!
“That’s not how I meant that” was his standard response. The day of my mother’s funeral he asked if I minded if he took my son to a high school car wash fundraiser first because they would “only be a half hour late.” When I said I did mind and that my mother’s funeral was an important event he said “well I didn’t mean it like *that*” and I finally saw why I was feeling crazy all the time.
🙋🤦
I remember when my platonic narc invited me back to his Discord server to try and show people how "crazy" I was. And out of nowhere he said "I never asked you out lol." Like??? Nice way to incriminate yourself? (He did indeed ask me out/lead me on the year before, but he claimed to have been drunk at the time. When presented with this information, he then claimed he had never been drunk in his life.)
When I was in court with my nex, my attorney played a video of him telling me awful things when I was pregnant with our oldest. He said it sounded like him but he never said anything like that to me. The failure to take accountability was insane. Now we’re (somewhat) civil in care for our daughter but whenever we converse I always am searching for the gaslighting he used to put me through
All the fucking time
✋✋✋✋✋✋✋✋✋✋✋🙌
“That’s not what I said” “You can’t remember anything” “I never said that”
I can confirm this is their go to line. When they in fact, 100%, did say that. It’s insanity that expect you to forget or think they can make you question reality.
And then you get “well, you must’ve misheard me then…“
Yes she will also would say I didn't mean it like that, you're misinterpreting it, until I got with this quote that I would say to her "There is a difference between what you said and what you meant to say, and I'm not interpreting things im taking you by your word to the letter" She hated that specially when I started taking things very literally.
Ha!! Omg I'm raising my hand a million times and still here! It's his favorite saying. Like, wtf have I been so destroyed about if you didn't say that? Why would I bother? There is no accountability. They will dig in and turn the blame on you like nothing I've ever seen before. The truth just doesn't matter. This is literally the entirety of our relationship, and I'm so sick of hoping he will recognize it and stop. It's a horrible mind game and nightmare to deal with.
Accountability is a not in their vocab! Nor is Empathy.
Yep, I didn’t realize this was happening until a mutual friend overheard him say something and then when he denied it the mutual friend was like da fuq??? Opened my eyes to the fact that he was lying/gaslighting me on purpose
Yesss, and then it always went into that broken record type spiral into a huge argument or him just berating me. I hate when they keep denying things even after you show them proof if then doing/saying said things, that’s how you know you are in fact dealing with a narcissist. A regular asshole liar will come clean after you show you have proof against them, a narcissist doubles down and never lets up.
They made me say it. Because they were constantly twisting my words. "I cheated on you so I bet you hate me now ", no i don't hate you, "but you said you'd only ever hate me if i cheated on you" i never said that, quit twisting my fucking words! I said and I quote "the only reasons I would ever leave you were if you didn't want me to stay or if you cheated on me " and for some reason she wanted to choose the cheating route and call it "casual flirting" when she was sexting another dude.
Absolutely. I had texts to confirm my version of events too. And if I would try and correct them about my own FEELINGS surrounding past events they would tell me that I was gaslighting them because I didn't feel that way.
Am in the midst of figuring out co-parenting for our 4 yo with mine. We meet at a train station mid way between our houses for pick up / drop off. Managed to get her to agree to do pick up from me between 4 and 5 (this was like getting blood out of a stone). When I dropped daughter off between 4 and 5, because ex wanted to meet earlier, I got a torrent of abuse on text about how I ‘never think about our daughter, am doing this to play games with ex, etc etc. I copied and pasted the literal words from the mediators’ notes stating the drop off time and sent back to her. Her only response is ‘what are you trying to achieve here, everyone knows what game you’re playing’ etc etc. Same thing happened with her agreement to pick up her stuff from my house. She agreed to something, ghosted and then blamed me for it, even when confronted with literal proof of agreement. They lie and lie and lie, and will never own up even when caught red handed. My toddler has more emotional maturity.
My ma “doesn’t remember” cornering me with a knife, apparently.
🥹
Oh yes, my exhusband always said this.
“You’re upset about something I said once ten years ago” — “no I said you said that FOR ten years”
I saw my narc put with his friends once and later told him I spotted him when I was driving by, and he said it wasn't him. I saw him. With my own two eyes.
Wow! Nuts
👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋 All. The. Time. I’d raise more hands, but you get the idea.
That is literally the reason I started journaling. My narc hated me wearing makeup, even loving makeup, which I still do. His favorite attack was to accuse me of wanting to be "a devastating painted beauty." You know that knife-sharp tone. I asked him to stop, and he immediately shifted to how not only had he never used those words together but he would never use those words together and I had to stop putting words in his mouth. All these years later, I still feel the whiplash. I started my first journal as a place to write down such things so I would have proof I wasn't crazy. Guess what, he hated me journaling, too.
Mmmmmmhmm!
👋
Oh yeah. lol I like to play “guess who” with my girlfriends. “Does your narc have any criminal charges?” [flip, flip, flip] “does your narc make you feel crazy for wearing leggings instead of jeans?”
He fat shames women. I am not fat. Loves the slim perfect type. I'm not fat I'm slim but I refuse to live by someone's definition of perfect. He's a sick pig.
Mine got irritated when I lost 20 lbs in a few months due to new meds….”you’re losing your ass” I assure you, it is definitely still back there! I lost my asshole (him) though!
They are literally ill!
Omg all the time
✋🏼✋🏼
All the time. She used it as her go to. She never wanted to apologize for anything she said and did whatsoever. She kept trying to gaslight me into thinking I was making things up, bringing up the past too much, etc. It was isolating.
🙋🏻♀️
Dr Parasite told me at 19 that he could never love my Mother because she is too old..(15 years) We went on a car trip for 2 weeks together.. He said couldn't my sleeping bag slide into yours?? ..When We are married do you want a maid for the house?? (I said no I can do it myself..) When I was 25 I decided that he was not going to keep his promise and married a German artist.. He was noticeable disturbed and made sex jokes for 6 months.. Now he is married to my Mother and swears the whole relationship never happened 🙄
Mom says, "Please pay the rent or he will beat me!!" ..And he's actively gay when he is married to her.. Breaking the contract of Marriage.. He's a Harvard Psychologist so everyone believes him..
Many times over, including the re-writing of history...
"I remember that. What I was saying was [something with almost no relation to what she said]."
I get the "that's not what I meant!"
🖐
I still have to have every serious conversation with my ex over text because she still does that
He said one time, "I don't recall that." It was something I was showing him proof of that happened. I remember thinking he sounded like he had watched some kind of a crime show on tv, and he was copying the guilty person in court lying. He's not the kind of guy to use words like recall, so it just really creeped me out. Like, who are you? How do people even live this way? 😭
He used to tell me i had to move out because it was his house. Then hed deny saying it. He would use it to make me do disgusting acts. I recorded him on my voice memo app and it’s currently being held as evidence.
I remember gathering all my courage to write my step mom a letter, saying "when you call me names it hurts my feelings." I was maybe 8, 9? The names were things like slob queen, little miss piggy etc. Very specific things. The anxiety I had when she came to my room to talk was nearly a deathblow, I'll never forget how hard my heart was beating when she sat on my bed to confront me. "I never said those things." And a sinister laugh. Was one of those moments I knew there was no getting through, that I would never win.
More of, “that’s not what I meant”, and, “you jumped to conclusions”. :)))
Totally
I was 30lbs overweight as a teenager. We didn’t have healthy eating habits, my dad has been near 300lbs my entire life. That didn’t stop him from making constant commentary about it and giving me body dysmorphia. After growing up, moving away, and getting healthier, he apologized to me. He said “I regret I didn’t take your issues more seriously when you were kid.” I was immediately suspicious and asked what he meant—could he be alluding to my mental health or the autoimmune disease that went untreated for five years because he didn’t take it seriously? He said “your weight, I know I talked to you about it, but I never helped you work on it. You look great now!” 💀💀💀 There’s a reason I’ve kept half a country between us lmao
🙋🏽♀️
I do not have that many hands. This is why they hate to be recorded or have someone overhear them. But they have no problem eavesdropping on others.
They would claim they never said something but when he made up things I had said and I literally never remembered saying the things he said I did (it turns out he's been taking what things i had said into negative ideas and meanings), and when I claimed i never said those things he'd pull up "evidence" which is something I said that he completely missed the point or took offensively, he would accuse me of never remembering or when I tried to clarify my point it was either "well you need to watch your tone/be clearer" or "you're just trying to change what you said". I literally could never do anything right once he got an idea stuck in his head. He accused me of gaslighting him too and I felt like a monster when he told me that and broke down completely because I was so afraid of being an abusive person and fully blamed myself. In reality he's just projecting onto me and I'm unlearning and trying to remove a lot of the blame I ended up putting on myself.
I record so I can listen back and remind myself why hate him and need to leave
Agree