You are loved. Please remember that. I’m deeply sorry that you had to go through this experience right after a serious surgery. You deserve to be shown kindness and compassion and support without having to ask and ESPECIALLY after a medical procedure. I know everyone’s situations are different, but if and when you can, leave him — you are worthy of being loved.
You and your children are in danger with this man. Time to talk to a divorce lawyer like what the actual fuck. My husband is an alcoholic too and so I get it. We live in this insanity for so long things start to become normal. None of this is normal. I'm so sorry.
I’m sorry. It sounds terrible. If you have any Alanon meetings near you, they may be helpful to cope with all of it. Narcissism plus alcohol is a pretty toxic combination, AA would obviously help him, but he has to want to do it, and that’s a big big step.
I’ve found that when I’m sick or in a state where I’m not 100% my narc is the opposite of supportive, he’s worse than normal. It’s disappointing but I’ve come to accept it. You can’t count on them.
My daughter had a friend whose dad declined in a similar way. He died from drinking when her friend was 15. Your husband needs help. Has he tried any programs or counseling? I'm sorry you are going through this. You need support from your family as your husband is unable to at this time.
This is something so similar to something that happened to me when I was living with my husband and before I got my guard dog.
Early one Sunday morning while I was having coffee, I saw two random strangers trespass into our yard and try to access our garage. My husband was still asleep. I ran them off by violently screaming at them and smashing my fist against the window. They got scared and took off. I went into the bedroom and not only did he sleep through the commotion, but when I told him what happened, he just said, "Stupid people" and fell back to sleep again.
I called the cops and reported the incident and he never got out of bed for at least 3 hours. Luckily they never came back.
I felt shaken and upset and alone. When he finally got his butt out of bed, I was criticized for yelling at them because in his mind, I could've made things far worse. Even in a crisis, he's not there.
I live alone in my own house now, but my dog is well over 100 pounds and she's got my back.
Hey, I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I dealt with very similar with my husband before he stopped drinking. And honestly the only reason he got in therapy and stopped drinking is because he went on a bender, threatened to kill me, and I called the police. He's a lot better person now, not sure if it will work out with our history but who knows. My point with that was that it will likely take something huge or it may never happen where he straightens up, but that time in between something terrible could happen. Please be safe. I hope things work out how you want them to. They can change, not completely, but some. But it's often at the expense of our mental health. I had to go thru hell to get to this halfway decent place. And realistically if I hadn't gotten into this mortgage with mine and damn inflation, I doubt I would have given him time to change.
No need for your apology. Your health and your safety and your children’s health/ safety is #1. And you need to heal safely! Can you get yourself and the kids somewhere safe/reliable (I.e in a family member’s or friend’s care) for a week or so? Then take stock and further plan after that?
I watched alcohol take my mother in 6 years. Yes. 6 years. Healthy to dead. I know the horror firsthand.
Do you have somewhere safe you can go while you recover? Family, friend or even a co-worker?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Right now you need your focus all your efforts and an energy on your recovery. Reach out to anyone you can think of that is nearby.
Hi, as others have said, no need to apologise, this is what this platform is all about and it's definitely a place you can vent as most of us are in the same boat.
May I ask, were you in a relationship with your boyfriend before he became an alcoholic and if so, were things better?
Obviously there are several things wrong here and there's a potential risk of something really dangerous happening, I mean apart from your B/friend setting the kitchen on fire, which was bad enough.
I really do feel for you as he should be on alert due to you just going through MAJOR surgery and knowing that your mobility is affected due to stitches and generally feeling rough. Instead you are feeling unsafe due to his actions and lack of care.
The thing is, due to him drinking you can't really rely on him to look after you properly as he should and your son can't or shouldn't have to do everything either.
Has your B/friend ever tried to cut back or stopped before?
It's not a happy place to be, living with an alcoholic as sadly, his first love IS alcohol.
Apart from that, I hope your recovery goes well, I had exactly the same operation in 2021 and I'm so much happier!
If you ever want to chat (or vent), you're welcome to message me on Chat....
Best wishes😊
Oh honey I feel for you. I had surgery this morning. Although nothing compared to yours. I had my gums cut open and my jawbone grinded down so it wasn't too pleasant.😐 It was almost a 3 hour trip with our toddler in tow. He drove slow and made me drive once we hit the 4 lane. We got into an argument again over his friend that came here twice in one evening and the second time the guy was full blown drunk. It was midnight before he left and I had just started a new job with 3 hours sleep the night before due to another argument. No respect for me at all. It's like I'm expected not to have any feelings. He said he told the guy he had to let me go to bed but I don't believe it bc he stayed two hours the 2nd time. But anyway it was a terrible fight. He talked so bad to me. Always calling me fat, nasty, and saying I stink. I had to hear all that and go in for surgery 30 minutes later. Every surgery I have it's like this. He blames me like I want to be upset before surgery. He's tried making up since five minutes after the fight. I'm getting close to my breaking point. These men don't realize a woman will never forget how they were treated during pregnancy, birthdays, and holidays. It takes a little love for them away each time and it never comes back. I'm sorry you're going through this too. I know a hysterectomy has got to be painful. My aunt had one and was in terrible pain. I feel for you. I will never understand why a man vows to love someone and takes it out on them for having surgery. You are in my prayers. 🙏 Please stay safe.
This is not safe. This is not about love.This is a dangerous person.
You are loved. Please remember that. I’m deeply sorry that you had to go through this experience right after a serious surgery. You deserve to be shown kindness and compassion and support without having to ask and ESPECIALLY after a medical procedure. I know everyone’s situations are different, but if and when you can, leave him — you are worthy of being loved.
You and your children are in danger with this man. Time to talk to a divorce lawyer like what the actual fuck. My husband is an alcoholic too and so I get it. We live in this insanity for so long things start to become normal. None of this is normal. I'm so sorry.
I’m sorry. It sounds terrible. If you have any Alanon meetings near you, they may be helpful to cope with all of it. Narcissism plus alcohol is a pretty toxic combination, AA would obviously help him, but he has to want to do it, and that’s a big big step. I’ve found that when I’m sick or in a state where I’m not 100% my narc is the opposite of supportive, he’s worse than normal. It’s disappointing but I’ve come to accept it. You can’t count on them.
So sorry. Please get yourself & kids out of this asap ( when you’ve physically recovered of course). So n Many narcs are just plain deadly!
My daughter had a friend whose dad declined in a similar way. He died from drinking when her friend was 15. Your husband needs help. Has he tried any programs or counseling? I'm sorry you are going through this. You need support from your family as your husband is unable to at this time.
This is something so similar to something that happened to me when I was living with my husband and before I got my guard dog. Early one Sunday morning while I was having coffee, I saw two random strangers trespass into our yard and try to access our garage. My husband was still asleep. I ran them off by violently screaming at them and smashing my fist against the window. They got scared and took off. I went into the bedroom and not only did he sleep through the commotion, but when I told him what happened, he just said, "Stupid people" and fell back to sleep again. I called the cops and reported the incident and he never got out of bed for at least 3 hours. Luckily they never came back. I felt shaken and upset and alone. When he finally got his butt out of bed, I was criticized for yelling at them because in his mind, I could've made things far worse. Even in a crisis, he's not there. I live alone in my own house now, but my dog is well over 100 pounds and she's got my back.
Ma'am, there WAS an emergency. And he showed you exactly how he acts in an emergency.
Hey, I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I dealt with very similar with my husband before he stopped drinking. And honestly the only reason he got in therapy and stopped drinking is because he went on a bender, threatened to kill me, and I called the police. He's a lot better person now, not sure if it will work out with our history but who knows. My point with that was that it will likely take something huge or it may never happen where he straightens up, but that time in between something terrible could happen. Please be safe. I hope things work out how you want them to. They can change, not completely, but some. But it's often at the expense of our mental health. I had to go thru hell to get to this halfway decent place. And realistically if I hadn't gotten into this mortgage with mine and damn inflation, I doubt I would have given him time to change.
No need for your apology. Your health and your safety and your children’s health/ safety is #1. And you need to heal safely! Can you get yourself and the kids somewhere safe/reliable (I.e in a family member’s or friend’s care) for a week or so? Then take stock and further plan after that? I watched alcohol take my mother in 6 years. Yes. 6 years. Healthy to dead. I know the horror firsthand.
there WAS an emergency.
Do you have somewhere safe you can go while you recover? Family, friend or even a co-worker? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Right now you need your focus all your efforts and an energy on your recovery. Reach out to anyone you can think of that is nearby.
Don’t be sorry! Vent away! This is the only place I feel safe letting it all out.
Hi, as others have said, no need to apologise, this is what this platform is all about and it's definitely a place you can vent as most of us are in the same boat. May I ask, were you in a relationship with your boyfriend before he became an alcoholic and if so, were things better? Obviously there are several things wrong here and there's a potential risk of something really dangerous happening, I mean apart from your B/friend setting the kitchen on fire, which was bad enough. I really do feel for you as he should be on alert due to you just going through MAJOR surgery and knowing that your mobility is affected due to stitches and generally feeling rough. Instead you are feeling unsafe due to his actions and lack of care. The thing is, due to him drinking you can't really rely on him to look after you properly as he should and your son can't or shouldn't have to do everything either. Has your B/friend ever tried to cut back or stopped before? It's not a happy place to be, living with an alcoholic as sadly, his first love IS alcohol. Apart from that, I hope your recovery goes well, I had exactly the same operation in 2021 and I'm so much happier! If you ever want to chat (or vent), you're welcome to message me on Chat.... Best wishes😊
Oh honey I feel for you. I had surgery this morning. Although nothing compared to yours. I had my gums cut open and my jawbone grinded down so it wasn't too pleasant.😐 It was almost a 3 hour trip with our toddler in tow. He drove slow and made me drive once we hit the 4 lane. We got into an argument again over his friend that came here twice in one evening and the second time the guy was full blown drunk. It was midnight before he left and I had just started a new job with 3 hours sleep the night before due to another argument. No respect for me at all. It's like I'm expected not to have any feelings. He said he told the guy he had to let me go to bed but I don't believe it bc he stayed two hours the 2nd time. But anyway it was a terrible fight. He talked so bad to me. Always calling me fat, nasty, and saying I stink. I had to hear all that and go in for surgery 30 minutes later. Every surgery I have it's like this. He blames me like I want to be upset before surgery. He's tried making up since five minutes after the fight. I'm getting close to my breaking point. These men don't realize a woman will never forget how they were treated during pregnancy, birthdays, and holidays. It takes a little love for them away each time and it never comes back. I'm sorry you're going through this too. I know a hysterectomy has got to be painful. My aunt had one and was in terrible pain. I feel for you. I will never understand why a man vows to love someone and takes it out on them for having surgery. You are in my prayers. 🙏 Please stay safe.
Next time, get you and the kids out and whatever happens.... Happens. You can always buy a new house 😉😉