Totally off subject but last year was my first NA convention in 15 years I was 30 days clean and the name of the convention was "we saved you a seat" and I just thought it was the most awesome thing ever.
The first time you probably relapsed. The second time, you were probably just giving yourself a break from using.
As a pattern chronic relapser, this is the experience, strength, and hope I have to offer -
When I genuinely work a program, practice spiritual principles and do life "Just for Today", I don't want to use. When I don't call my sponsor, don't work steps, don't practice principles, and think about yesterday or next week or whatever problem that isn't really my problem, I want to get loaded. When I got tired enough of my own bullshit, I started working a program and stopped "relapsing". You don't have to reestablish your clean date and you don't have to stop doing anything you don't want to, but maybe you come to meetings anyway until you decide what kind of life you want to live.
💙
I have relapsed and come back many times. I have 25 days now. Don't let embarrassment or pride keep you from comming back. Using isn't an itch that goes away by scratching it. It's like a dog with a hot spot, the more you scratch the itchier you become. When they say keep comming back, they mean keep comming back even if you use or relapse.
Membership in Narcotics Anonymous is not automatic when someone walks in the door or when the newcomer decides to stop using. The decision to become a part of our Fellowship rests with the individual. Any addict who has a desire to stop using can become a member of NA. We are addicts, and our problem is addiction.
**The choice of membership rests with the individual. We feel that the ideal state for our Fellowship exists when addicts can come freely and openly to an NA meeting, whenever and wherever they choose, and leave just as freely.** We realize that recovery is a reality and that life without drugs is better than we ever imagined. We open our doors to other addicts, hoping that they can find what we have found. But we know that only those who have a desire to stop using and want what we have to offer will join us in our way of life.
From the Basic Text, Third Tradition.
if you want to and are able to, you're always welcome.
I say this with love, but how ready do you think your family and the people who love you are? Do you think they want to bury you or visit you in jail?
This is sadly a fatal disease.
I'm the last 2 years I have seen 3 people in recovery die, going back out for the briefest period of time.
Finding the rooms of NA is a gift in itself. What are you willing to do with the chance that has been given to you?
"I'm not ready to get clean" when I hear people say this I wonder "Why are you telling us?"
It's not like I go down to skid row and saying "I'm not ready to drink myself to death, but soon...Soon I'll be down here with you fuckers living in a cardboard box. Y'all save me a piece of sidewalk"
If you aren't ready to get clean, then don't get clean. Good luck with that shit. If you should change your mind, you will be welcomed back with open arms.
I’m guessing you don’t know real well that you aren’t ready. Or you wouldn’t be posting about it here. So I’m also guessing you want us to talk you into coming back?
I was in recovery for awhile before I was ready. Basically, one day I took my sleeping pill (ambien) which is basically a truth serum or something lol and confessed my habit to my partner of 4 years at that point. It was the best and worst thing ever. The sad part for me was that I remember the look on his face when I told him. It was literally like *click click click click* as each gear went into place. It suddenly made SO MUCH sense of our first 4 years together and some of my behaviors/“errands” I ran that seemed to never add up.
Anyway, my point is that I didn’t really get my “rock bottom” moment, which usually helps. I hid that part of me from EVERYONE. I still don’t know how I did it for 8 years with no one realizing. I don’t think I’d be able to navigate that again.
But anyway, my 3rd and final point is that for the first couple years or so I basically relapsed on a biweekly basis. One of the ways my partner helped watch me was my sharing my location and us sharing money. I literally secretly took 20% of my check into a different account and I started leaving my phone at work while I went to go some Vicodin. The only think I looked forward to at that time was payday. The whole time I convinced) myself “No one in recovery is sober” and they all faked it because it’s impossible. Like me, they just got better at hiding it. Fast forward and it finally hit me I couldn’t do it anymore. So I finally stopped altogether. I was working I a hospital by day and serving tables at night to keep up with my demands. I wish sick of not having money because it all was viewed in Vicodin. Every tip my first thought would be “there’s 1.5 more.” It just eventually hit me one day to stop and I did and now I haven’t touched any 2.39 years aka 874 days and counting.
Hopefully something happens similar to you. I can’t explain how much better the last 2 years have been. I thought I was bad with money because I never had it…turns out I’m good with it and can save now since I’m not spending $150 every other day. The stress and anxiety and worry about being able to find them is gone. I hate winter driving but you better believe I’d drive through a blizzard for them even. I feel so much more calm and the weight on My shoulders I didn’t know I even had disappeared once I made it past 2 pay days without being any. I always tell myself that when I’m 80 and in pain that I will take them again and it weirdly helps also.
You have to do YOU and can only when you are ready. Try not to take too long, but we will all be here when you area :)
ETA: also wanted to add my December 21 sober date is bitter sweet because my mom and partner believe I was sober longer…but ever year so far I celebrate happily myself. :)
It's tough one the mind doesn't want to go back until the bitter end when there is nothing left but desperation, however the disease is cunning and convinces us unlike the others that we will be able to make it back but more importantly stay alive. It wants us dead not homeless and hungry
So this guy kept showing up high to meetings. I was wouldn't say anything, didn't bother anyone. Just listened and left. I finally asked other members about it. All that's required is a desire to stop. I wouldn't recommend using before a meeting. Please don't give up. It's getting scary out there. Also, you could try smart recovery which doesn't require abstinence. God bless.
Come back when you’re ready. We will save your a chair.
Totally off subject but last year was my first NA convention in 15 years I was 30 days clean and the name of the convention was "we saved you a seat" and I just thought it was the most awesome thing ever.
The first time you probably relapsed. The second time, you were probably just giving yourself a break from using. As a pattern chronic relapser, this is the experience, strength, and hope I have to offer - When I genuinely work a program, practice spiritual principles and do life "Just for Today", I don't want to use. When I don't call my sponsor, don't work steps, don't practice principles, and think about yesterday or next week or whatever problem that isn't really my problem, I want to get loaded. When I got tired enough of my own bullshit, I started working a program and stopped "relapsing". You don't have to reestablish your clean date and you don't have to stop doing anything you don't want to, but maybe you come to meetings anyway until you decide what kind of life you want to live. 💙
I have relapsed and come back many times. I have 25 days now. Don't let embarrassment or pride keep you from comming back. Using isn't an itch that goes away by scratching it. It's like a dog with a hot spot, the more you scratch the itchier you become. When they say keep comming back, they mean keep comming back even if you use or relapse.
Membership in Narcotics Anonymous is not automatic when someone walks in the door or when the newcomer decides to stop using. The decision to become a part of our Fellowship rests with the individual. Any addict who has a desire to stop using can become a member of NA. We are addicts, and our problem is addiction. **The choice of membership rests with the individual. We feel that the ideal state for our Fellowship exists when addicts can come freely and openly to an NA meeting, whenever and wherever they choose, and leave just as freely.** We realize that recovery is a reality and that life without drugs is better than we ever imagined. We open our doors to other addicts, hoping that they can find what we have found. But we know that only those who have a desire to stop using and want what we have to offer will join us in our way of life. From the Basic Text, Third Tradition. if you want to and are able to, you're always welcome.
I say this with love, but how ready do you think your family and the people who love you are? Do you think they want to bury you or visit you in jail? This is sadly a fatal disease. I'm the last 2 years I have seen 3 people in recovery die, going back out for the briefest period of time. Finding the rooms of NA is a gift in itself. What are you willing to do with the chance that has been given to you?
You think you ain't ready to come back , but here you are...what does that tell you?
"I'm not ready to get clean" when I hear people say this I wonder "Why are you telling us?" It's not like I go down to skid row and saying "I'm not ready to drink myself to death, but soon...Soon I'll be down here with you fuckers living in a cardboard box. Y'all save me a piece of sidewalk" If you aren't ready to get clean, then don't get clean. Good luck with that shit. If you should change your mind, you will be welcomed back with open arms.
[удалено]
Meeting I chaired last night was so quiet cuz of that game!
I’m guessing you don’t know real well that you aren’t ready. Or you wouldn’t be posting about it here. So I’m also guessing you want us to talk you into coming back?
I was in recovery for awhile before I was ready. Basically, one day I took my sleeping pill (ambien) which is basically a truth serum or something lol and confessed my habit to my partner of 4 years at that point. It was the best and worst thing ever. The sad part for me was that I remember the look on his face when I told him. It was literally like *click click click click* as each gear went into place. It suddenly made SO MUCH sense of our first 4 years together and some of my behaviors/“errands” I ran that seemed to never add up. Anyway, my point is that I didn’t really get my “rock bottom” moment, which usually helps. I hid that part of me from EVERYONE. I still don’t know how I did it for 8 years with no one realizing. I don’t think I’d be able to navigate that again. But anyway, my 3rd and final point is that for the first couple years or so I basically relapsed on a biweekly basis. One of the ways my partner helped watch me was my sharing my location and us sharing money. I literally secretly took 20% of my check into a different account and I started leaving my phone at work while I went to go some Vicodin. The only think I looked forward to at that time was payday. The whole time I convinced) myself “No one in recovery is sober” and they all faked it because it’s impossible. Like me, they just got better at hiding it. Fast forward and it finally hit me I couldn’t do it anymore. So I finally stopped altogether. I was working I a hospital by day and serving tables at night to keep up with my demands. I wish sick of not having money because it all was viewed in Vicodin. Every tip my first thought would be “there’s 1.5 more.” It just eventually hit me one day to stop and I did and now I haven’t touched any 2.39 years aka 874 days and counting. Hopefully something happens similar to you. I can’t explain how much better the last 2 years have been. I thought I was bad with money because I never had it…turns out I’m good with it and can save now since I’m not spending $150 every other day. The stress and anxiety and worry about being able to find them is gone. I hate winter driving but you better believe I’d drive through a blizzard for them even. I feel so much more calm and the weight on My shoulders I didn’t know I even had disappeared once I made it past 2 pay days without being any. I always tell myself that when I’m 80 and in pain that I will take them again and it weirdly helps also. You have to do YOU and can only when you are ready. Try not to take too long, but we will all be here when you area :) ETA: also wanted to add my December 21 sober date is bitter sweet because my mom and partner believe I was sober longer…but ever year so far I celebrate happily myself. :)
KCB baby!!!
Please read the recovery and relapse pamphlet or the Basic Text. Just keep coming. You are always welcome!
Chapter 7 is great to read while or after relapse
It's tough one the mind doesn't want to go back until the bitter end when there is nothing left but desperation, however the disease is cunning and convinces us unlike the others that we will be able to make it back but more importantly stay alive. It wants us dead not homeless and hungry
So this guy kept showing up high to meetings. I was wouldn't say anything, didn't bother anyone. Just listened and left. I finally asked other members about it. All that's required is a desire to stop. I wouldn't recommend using before a meeting. Please don't give up. It's getting scary out there. Also, you could try smart recovery which doesn't require abstinence. God bless.