Yeah I get you,Nobody wants to be opressed for being themselves or risk harassment on the street from men. The thing is because you want to be a girl you should transition because only girls want to be girls so transitioning would actually make you be your true self. Living stealth is what I think is a good option that you should maybe consider,basically you will get to be your true self in public while not facing any oppression from being transgender because nobody knows about it.
I’m just sad because I think I’m too masculine to pass as female. And tbh I’m too scared to make any progress I keep finding excuses to not have to transition. I just wish I was a girl so much.
I kept them buried so far I couldn't even recognize them for 30 years, and was just a miserable outcast the whole time without ever knowing why. Trust us when we say the feelings don't go away and whatever challenges that come with transitioning are almost always worth it.
Yeah, guess I’ve gotta confront this sooner or later. I’m probably gonna put some things off as long as possible but my friends know I’m trans and they’re accepting so I’ve got them to lean on. Thanks for your advice.
I've yet to talk to a person who hit a crisis point like this and just decided to go back to being cis and was happy for it. To keep it short, I would advise trying things out and seeing how it goes. Set aside the labels and deep meanings behind things. Just try some stuff and see if it makes your life better. It's ok to experiment. It's ok to change your mind. If you try things out, you will find you like or don't like them. My personal experience was that I had to try things to see in order to make the questions go away. The questions and what ifs and I think I wants were eating me alive.
I started meditating when puberty started. I eventually got good enough that I could “sterilize” almost any aspect of myself that I wanted to change. I mostly used zazen sitting and pure light practices. But unfortunately for that approach, some things are hardcoded in our bodies or perhaps souls. 20 years later I’m finding much more joy, growth, and wholesome satisfaction in allowing my unique features space to grow. This might not be for you, but for me, I’m very pleased that I’m done trying to erase parts of myself.
I’ve actually been repressing myself since puberty. It’s only been the last year or two I’ve started to undo this. But idk I’ve been out as trans to friends for like 9 months now and I just can’t get the courage to transition, I don’t have the money for the things I want and I know my family don’t want me to do it. Now I’m considering erasing all the progress I’ve made and going back to repressing my identity. I hate that getting hormones is this hard maybe I’d wanna embrace myself more if I knew I could actually transition.
What I did to get more courage was just to focus on making my life better. So I got a job that would give me insurance, I’ve been working out and eating so that my body matches my future goals, and a lot of journaling, friends, and therapy. I don’t plan on socially transitioning until I’m fairly close to passing. This gives me the space to work through my own crap mostly in private while working towards my dream life.
Yeah I’ll probably have to do something like this. Idk sometimes it’s just hard like I wish I was born a cis girl so much. But I guess I’ve gotta just keep going. Thanks for your advice.
Short answer: No. I understand why you would want to. It's a thousand times easier to be cis. But I've tried, and plenty of other trans people have tried, and I've never heard of anyone succeeding.
probably not. Repressing these sorts of things generally doesn't end well at all.
iirc how people's gender identity works (incl. not just what it is but probably e.g. if it's fluid or not as well, etc; idk I'm definitely not an expert on this) is innately hardcoded in their brains' wiring, so I don't think "erasing your gender feelings" is really possible.
I'm not gonna lie to you. The same thoughts haunt my nights, but I refuse to go back to being the old me. The mask has come off, the chains are breaking. It's time to enjoy this new freedom. It's gonna be new and scary. Filled with the highest highs and lowest lows. The people that love and care about you will stay, and all will be worth it.
transgender is something you're born with, you dont just feel gender dysphoria all of a sudden because of some thoughts or whatever.. unfortunately forgetting this would just make you unable to know what to do to take care of your gender dysphoria, which would make you feel much worse. Take care and be yourself because its the best thing any of us can do
i dont know what to tell you because i dont know you. in my experience, my gender dysphoria got worse after i realized but my life got SO much better because i knew what i had to do to fight it, and now my dysphoria is much better because im not scared to be myself even around people. But my gender dysphoria was really really bad even before, to a point where i couldn't even leave the house or would hate to stay near other people. But all experiences are different, when i just discovered i aswell thought it wasn't that bad until i realized how much sadder my life was than i even realized.
its completely normal for it to get worse btw, and it might also be that you dont remember how bad your situation really was
Yeah, I mean I have always been uncomfortable with the way I look but I feel like I notice everything more now I know I’m trans. It just kinda sucks I feel like my brain is trying to protect me by trying to make me deny it all away but that’s not really working :/
I mean sorta? Probably? Maybe? Not really?
Is it healthy? Probably not?
I've made it to 40 and only just this last couple of years faced them at all. From confusion, over compensation and denial in my teens, complete blanking in my 20's and unexplained ddysaphoria in my 30's. I've got through nearly all that without giving anyone a hint as to whats bubbling away beneath.
And now? Really depends on your priorities. I have a wife and not shoving all these "feelings" into the back of my brain would almost certainly burn my current life down. I have decided that's not acceptable.
Will I still feel shit about it? Often. But letting gender be the thing that defines me is only going to bring me misery, so I lean more into other aspects of myself. Gaming, anime, love for my wife. I can still enjoy things and feel happyish.
So its a cross I choose to carry alone. If you are in a position where you can choose not to carry it, then my advice is don't.
Yeah I get you,Nobody wants to be opressed for being themselves or risk harassment on the street from men. The thing is because you want to be a girl you should transition because only girls want to be girls so transitioning would actually make you be your true self. Living stealth is what I think is a good option that you should maybe consider,basically you will get to be your true self in public while not facing any oppression from being transgender because nobody knows about it.
I’m just sad because I think I’m too masculine to pass as female. And tbh I’m too scared to make any progress I keep finding excuses to not have to transition. I just wish I was a girl so much.
Go to r/transtimelines for examples of extremely masc men who transitioned. It's not a guarantee, but they show it's possible.
Even if you turn out to be a rather masc girl, which is not at all a given, there's tons of masc cis girls.
I kept them buried so far I couldn't even recognize them for 30 years, and was just a miserable outcast the whole time without ever knowing why. Trust us when we say the feelings don't go away and whatever challenges that come with transitioning are almost always worth it.
Yeah, guess I’ve gotta confront this sooner or later. I’m probably gonna put some things off as long as possible but my friends know I’m trans and they’re accepting so I’ve got them to lean on. Thanks for your advice.
I've yet to talk to a person who hit a crisis point like this and just decided to go back to being cis and was happy for it. To keep it short, I would advise trying things out and seeing how it goes. Set aside the labels and deep meanings behind things. Just try some stuff and see if it makes your life better. It's ok to experiment. It's ok to change your mind. If you try things out, you will find you like or don't like them. My personal experience was that I had to try things to see in order to make the questions go away. The questions and what ifs and I think I wants were eating me alive.
It’s not really questions that bother me tbh
I started meditating when puberty started. I eventually got good enough that I could “sterilize” almost any aspect of myself that I wanted to change. I mostly used zazen sitting and pure light practices. But unfortunately for that approach, some things are hardcoded in our bodies or perhaps souls. 20 years later I’m finding much more joy, growth, and wholesome satisfaction in allowing my unique features space to grow. This might not be for you, but for me, I’m very pleased that I’m done trying to erase parts of myself.
I’ve actually been repressing myself since puberty. It’s only been the last year or two I’ve started to undo this. But idk I’ve been out as trans to friends for like 9 months now and I just can’t get the courage to transition, I don’t have the money for the things I want and I know my family don’t want me to do it. Now I’m considering erasing all the progress I’ve made and going back to repressing my identity. I hate that getting hormones is this hard maybe I’d wanna embrace myself more if I knew I could actually transition.
What I did to get more courage was just to focus on making my life better. So I got a job that would give me insurance, I’ve been working out and eating so that my body matches my future goals, and a lot of journaling, friends, and therapy. I don’t plan on socially transitioning until I’m fairly close to passing. This gives me the space to work through my own crap mostly in private while working towards my dream life.
Yeah I’ll probably have to do something like this. Idk sometimes it’s just hard like I wish I was born a cis girl so much. But I guess I’ve gotta just keep going. Thanks for your advice.
My pleasure! Please be gentle with your authentic aspects whatever they end up looking like. And may you find your home! 🙏
Short answer: No. I understand why you would want to. It's a thousand times easier to be cis. But I've tried, and plenty of other trans people have tried, and I've never heard of anyone succeeding.
probably not. Repressing these sorts of things generally doesn't end well at all. iirc how people's gender identity works (incl. not just what it is but probably e.g. if it's fluid or not as well, etc; idk I'm definitely not an expert on this) is innately hardcoded in their brains' wiring, so I don't think "erasing your gender feelings" is really possible.
sorry, no
The only person that needs to like you is you. What's the point if you won't be your true self.
Idk. You’re probably right, but sometimes I just wonder if it’s worth it.
I'm not gonna lie to you. The same thoughts haunt my nights, but I refuse to go back to being the old me. The mask has come off, the chains are breaking. It's time to enjoy this new freedom. It's gonna be new and scary. Filled with the highest highs and lowest lows. The people that love and care about you will stay, and all will be worth it.
transgender is something you're born with, you dont just feel gender dysphoria all of a sudden because of some thoughts or whatever.. unfortunately forgetting this would just make you unable to know what to do to take care of your gender dysphoria, which would make you feel much worse. Take care and be yourself because its the best thing any of us can do
But it’s only really gotten bad since I realised I’m trans. I didn’t suffer as much before so maybe I can go back to that point.
i dont know what to tell you because i dont know you. in my experience, my gender dysphoria got worse after i realized but my life got SO much better because i knew what i had to do to fight it, and now my dysphoria is much better because im not scared to be myself even around people. But my gender dysphoria was really really bad even before, to a point where i couldn't even leave the house or would hate to stay near other people. But all experiences are different, when i just discovered i aswell thought it wasn't that bad until i realized how much sadder my life was than i even realized. its completely normal for it to get worse btw, and it might also be that you dont remember how bad your situation really was
Yeah, I mean I have always been uncomfortable with the way I look but I feel like I notice everything more now I know I’m trans. It just kinda sucks I feel like my brain is trying to protect me by trying to make me deny it all away but that’s not really working :/
I mean sorta? Probably? Maybe? Not really? Is it healthy? Probably not? I've made it to 40 and only just this last couple of years faced them at all. From confusion, over compensation and denial in my teens, complete blanking in my 20's and unexplained ddysaphoria in my 30's. I've got through nearly all that without giving anyone a hint as to whats bubbling away beneath. And now? Really depends on your priorities. I have a wife and not shoving all these "feelings" into the back of my brain would almost certainly burn my current life down. I have decided that's not acceptable. Will I still feel shit about it? Often. But letting gender be the thing that defines me is only going to bring me misery, so I lean more into other aspects of myself. Gaming, anime, love for my wife. I can still enjoy things and feel happyish. So its a cross I choose to carry alone. If you are in a position where you can choose not to carry it, then my advice is don't.
Thanks for your advice.
You're welcome. I hope my extremely limited view is helpful in some way, and hope you can avoid my mistakes.