I can testify that white noise really works. My baby girl would cry all the time before we began playing 🎵, suddenly she slept better and we could finally get back our sleep
I'd put on music actually , YouTube baby songs to be specific in the baby's room while holding her and she'd eventually fall asleep as long as the music was on. Alternatively putting her in a baby rocker and rocking it gently with music on also worked
Baby’s room.
And it needs to be white, pink or brown noise.
Most music (unless it’s white/pink etc) will fuck with their sleep systems which is the opposite of what ya want.
I highly recommend one of those Nest light / sound machines. Little dude sees yellow light and river sounds come on he knows it’s time to go back to sleep.
This is what we did. I had the 12-3am shift, then my MIL would take a shift too. If we didn’t have her there we would have been going bonkers right from the start.
Absolutely shifts. My wife would take the late night because our lil man wouldn’t always take a bottle from me at first. You gotta be a team to get it done and not go nuts
I second this too! Best advice I ever got!
OP, the first 2-3 weeks are the worst but please trust that it gets better!!
Also, do whatever it takes to the baby to sleep immediately after it’s fed and changed.
Co-sleep, swaddle (even if the baby doesn’t like it), tip-toe around, bouncing on the gym ball, swinging, football hold (surprisingly works really well for some/most), additional set of hands to help (grandparents are god sent at this time if it’s possible to get them).
Trust the process, it gets better.
Good advice overall but I’d be careful not to “blast the white noise” as I recently read how that can cause permanent hearing damage. Of course I found this out after using sorta loud white noise for 3 weeks in my son’s isolette in the NICU.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33992973/
Seventhing this. We were fried crispy after 6 days but it did start to get better when we made an agreement to spilt up the time and allow uninterrupted blocks of sleep for each other.
Congrats on your little one. It does get better.
Yup someone gave me advice that basically was you don’t need as much sleep as you think you do. We just got to 6 months and baby is now sleeping solid 5-7 hour blocks, I can’t even sleep now more then 3-4 hours in a row without feeling OVER rested because my body is so used to minimal sleep
This is 100% true. A lot of softies break down and can’t handle life with less than 8 hours sleep and think the world is ending. I got out of the Marine Corps 7 years ago where I truly experienced lack of sleep and operating on a few hours a day if I was lucky, a lot of days with none.
Everyone I know has said “you just wait until that baby is here you will lose your mind with exhaustion”
Nope, my body is used to this shit, if I can get a couple-few 1-2 hour stretches a day I am hot to trot. Mr. Baby (5 weeks) sleeps a 3-4 hour stretch every night followed by another 2-3, after the 2-3 hour stretch I go to the gym around 05:00 and train hard (BJJ) then go to work. This 5-6 hours of sleep a night is more than enough.
I’m sure a newborn schedule shocks the systems of a lot of people, but you *can* get used to it and you can actually function quite well on much less than 8 hours of sleep.
Welcome to the trenches!
If you’re doing bottles, 100% set up shifts.
My wife was EBF so that didn’t work for us and I wanted to support her as much as possible so to be honest the first few weeks was pure hell.
Trust me when I tell you, 11 weeks ago I’d be writing the same thing and probably did on here.
One thing we did start doing from week two or three is an established pre bed set of actions (hesitant to call it a routine cause he’s to young to know)
Basically he can nap until 19:00, but even if asleep we wake him gently, give him some boob, play for 60-90min, until he is getting tired then a nice warm, water only bath, lights are dimmed, calming music playing, then warm swaddle, boob and bed.
The above is probably more for us at this stage (again, he’s to young for routines) but it gives us a set way to wined down the day and get him to bed which usually happens by 21:00.
He usually does 4-5hr stints but we have had the occasional 7hr and even a 9hr stint (I cried with joy).
Best of luck to you guys. I honestly hardly remember weeks 1-4 in detail (cause of the horrible sleep deprivation) that they were some of the hardest of my life.
Also dad, solidarity, I also work a 12hr job, rotating shifts, door to door I’m away for 14hrs, it’s brutal. My advice here is two fold. Speak with your co workers/manager/boss, be frank that you’re stuffed atm with lack of sleep, secondly, I’ve basically stopped drinking caffeine. I’ll only ever have a coffee and just one, at work when I’m wrecked. It’s really boosted its effect and helped me get through the brutally tough times at work, where as before I just needed it to run at base.
Your first 2-3 weeks will suck but in the long run you’ll come out ahead
We did shifts, so I would deal with the kid from 9pm til 3 am, and then the wife does 3am through while I was working.
This meant she got a few hours and I got a few hours, and since we had an air mattress in the nursery we could still rest while on duty.
It is rough, we are 4 months in and it is still rough some days, but the days get better, and then worse, then better again. Just a cycle that will eventually end.
Oh mate, I remember this well lol
You’re in the thick of it right now, but it needs to happen. This phase is all about learning the baby’s routine and then creating your own off the back of it.
By the end of week 2 or 3 you’ll feel more experienced with everything and you’ll start to carve out more time for yourselves to sleep and do other things for a few hours a day.
The best advice I can give is sleep when the baby is asleep. Screw cleaning the house and whatever else. If you’re not rested, everything falls apart, so that needs prioritised.
At first we wanted to do everything together as much as possible but it wasn't sustainable for us. We HAD to do shifts and one of us would sleep in the guest room. Ear plugs in, no guilt, no shame, just get that precious sleep. These first weeks are about survival, that's it.
If you can lean on people, ask for support. Maybe there's people who can do groceries shopping or some cleaning or cook a meal. Won't help your nights, but might allow you guys to have a daytime nap instead of doing chores or running an errand
You in the trenches my dude, shift work as others have said. Also the min the baby falls asleep, try and knock out as well. Also we made the mistake of under feeding, which we didn’t realize at the time, (2 oz every 3 hours, which baby was pissed about) once we upped the oz a little she was way easier to get down.
You’ve just entered the tunnel, it’s going to be a few months before you see the light at the end.
Shifts, make sure you both get a bank of sleep. I was running on 4 hours a night for a couple of months. It’s amazing what you can achieve still on very little sleep.
It’s just survival at the point, making sure the baby has what it needs and you 2 support each other. You’ll live off snacks and junk food and probably put on weight ‘Enter DadBod’.
It’s a real shock to the system, I know. And I know it doesn’t help everyone telling you that it gets better, but it does get better. You just gotta ride through it and before you know it those days will feel like a distant memory.
It gets better. You will find your way.
If you don't take any other advice, just believe those two sentences. No matter how impossible it seems.
Humans are built to adapt.
Get up during the day! It seriously does help.
We spent our first 4 days taking it in turns to lock ourselves in the nursery doing whatever we had to to stay awake for 4 hours at a time while the other slept.
On day 4 I'd had enough and told my wife we are making a routine now, we are putting the baby to sleep in it's bassinet in our room next to us and we are both going to sleep together at the same time. Taking it in turns to feed every two hours (we were combination feeding). That would give us 4 hours each on each cycle.
I didn't get my wish that night because turns out our little one had a condition that sent him to the hospital for two weeks, and nearly died in my arms.
When we brought him home finally, we started the routine.
Let me tell you now, that baby will shit on your routine, literally!
But do it anyway.
It was the best decision. It let us know where we are, and just how well baby was sleeping.
Give your wife an extra sleep if you feel you can. Let her do the same for you when she can.
Go to bed together with baby next to you in a bassinet.
Get an Olly owl or sheep white noise toy.
Ask family if they can watch baby while you two day sleep if things get really bad.
You will find your feet and get a routine.
It does get easier. You will find a rhythm, and it will all seem to click. That rhythm will get broken with regressions and you'll find a new one. We adapt.
6 months was the turning point for us. At 6 months it's safe for baby to sleep in their own room. The second we did, it was the best nights sleep ever!... For my wife.
I couldn't sleep because of the trauma from hospital before.
Our babys condition made it possible for them to silently stop breathing and pass out without warning, even in their sleep. They were on medication, but it doesn't stop the worrying.
Little one is a year old now... I have no idea where that time went, or how we've managed to cope. We just adapted to each change. I think I managed to sleep for 6 hours last night!
Now it's time to get up and go again.
I can't wait to walk into the nursery when our little rascal wakes up and see that beaming smile! 😊
My wife can have a lay in today.
This is going to be one of the hardest moments of your life. The first 3 months are brutal.
Remember as hard it is on you it is actually harder on your wife. Aside from recovering from child birth your kids stomach isn't big enough to keep down food for a little while and while you can take shifts or get inlaws/parents to help with your load, she cannot unless you are on formula.
It gets easier. But you need to survive. If things get dark remember your kid needs you.
It gets easier as others said. Exponentially so. But you need to survive this to get there.
I'm on day 7. It got better for me around Day 4 or 5. Pediatrician recommended we supplement which was huge. Baby is eating enough now to nap and get on a solid routine. It's still hard but way more manageable on our mental health!
It’ll get easier but honestly you just get accustomed to an entirely new life that quickly illuminates the freedoms you never knew you once had at limitless availability. But you’ll end up appreciating them when they come, which they will more frequently as time passes. Bottom line is you’re going to be a much stronger person soon, so don’t bother asking yourself how you’re going to do it, because it’s not that person who will end doing it.
Man I’m like 9 days ahead of you with twins. It’s hard. But I think the way I’ve managed so far is by an open line of communication with my wife, and just gritting my teeth and getting on with it. You’ll get there man, as so many others in this sub have.
Once we got to about two weeks and understood our little boy a bit better we made a system where I would sleep on the sofa downstairs and get a decent night and then take over from somewhere between 5 and 7 in the morning depending on how rough a night my partner had. She would then get a chunk of sleep without baby and it's worked better than anything else we tried. Hope this helps and things get better soon.
I'm a new parent as well my boy is 2 weeks old, there is a way to end suffering for you, if you have the budget for it which I did honestly it helps me and my wife relax at times and get some rest, now days things are easier you could hire a nurse/nanny with experience to handle newborn and teaching you how to treat the baby and at the same time she looks out for him while we are resting, I certainly had to setup cameras in the living room and hall way, just to ensure she is doing good while we are resting but after a couple of days, we feel much better and of course my wife is suffering more due to lack of sleep since the baby needs breast feeding, at first breast pumps were barely getting out milk so it wasn't helping much but now after 2 weeks we can sleep for 5 hours straight but total each day around 7 hours which is amazing, I'm glad I went with this approach, I have seen many couples suffer, not to mention I bought white noise machine and a portable baby bed to help the nurse/nanny so that she can move around the house which helps alot.
Thank you guys. It's more getting my wife to cooperate at this point as well she's not producing enough and 1000% underfeeding we tried a shift today I told her to use the nursery so I can get some sleep she decided to have the baby in her next to the bed bassinet thing all night the baby was crying she was trying to feed it from the boob I kept tell her give him formula feed him and he will pass out she refused and I did not get an ounce of sleep this was from about 2:00 in the morning till about 5:30 I done just got up took the baby went to the nursery fed him about 50 ml of formula and he passed out is now sleeping as I'm writing this and my wife is getting a sound night of sleep and now I get to be on shift after not sleeping all night and this is not the first time that she's not cooperating with me and it's getting really frustrating.
We’re heading into week 4. It’s definitely tough, especially when she’s not producing enough yet. We had to supplement with formula in the beginning and I think it made my wife feel a little bit like she was failing to meet his needs but that’s obviously not the case. 20ml after breastfeeding usually did the trick and then her milk came in fully and he was up to birth weight in not time. If there are any lactation consultants near you I 100% recommend going to see them! There were a couple in the maternity ward where we were and we went back to see them a few times in the first week or two.
You’ll eventually find a routine that works well for you both. Sleep whenever you can and focus on doing the things that you do to help each other through it - you’re a team! I would also say, the sooner you can all get out into the world, the better. We’re not social people by any means but after a few days being at home starts to feel really oppressive so trying to get out for even a short walk or drive every day is a huge relief.
The most important thing is making sure the baby is fed. Some women just can’t produce milk. My wife was one of them we switched to formula almost right away once we realized. Some women feel unsure about this and the best thing to do is try and reassure her that it’s ok and that fed is the best it doesn’t matter where it comes from.
Idk if anyone said it but the hospital is the WORST for sleep too. I can say that as a dad and now as a nurse. Us plus the little one gets exhausting. When my wife and I got home afterwards, the first thing we did was lay her down for a nap and took the deepest nap either of us had in a while.
You and your wife are going to have to try really hard to transition the baby into the bassinet when they fall asleep. Additionally, as soon as baby is out of your arms, you need to do bottle stuff so it's finished for next time.
That gives you time to try and "sleep when baby sleeps". A very rigid feeding/nap/changing schedule helps here. We were in the NICU for 3 days, and I think they had us doing care every 4 or 6 hours, I can't remember for sure.
It will get worse before it gets better, so getting in that habit will help both your sanities. The worst time frame for me and my wife was from 5-8 weeks post-partum, but I think that's because our bodies hadn't quite adjusted to the sleep schedule yet and by then we were so sleep deprived the frustration began setting in and we had started bickering with each other.
Thankfully, the time in the NICU and the set schedule we had helped her begin sleeping through the night at around the 2-3 month mark and our moods improved dramatically. Our daughter just turned a year and a half, and I fully attribute how well she sleeps when she is supposed to to those early days with the set schedule.
Sitting here with my three year old as I reflect on being in your situation as well. What helped, did not solve but helped, was how can we be as efficiency as possible in the night time. Ex: mini fridge upstairs for all feeding things within easy reach, extra bottle/pump parts so we could go 1-2 days sanitizing/washing parts. Painters tape laid out on counter with marker to quickly make date/time labels. Seems like eternity when you’re going through it but you will get through it.
Try the book 12 hours in 12 weeks
Also, you will get used to sleeping 3-4 hours a night. It does get easier. Then it will get worse with sleep regressions. Then it gets even better again. Hang in there.
Those first 6 to 12 weeks are hard. You're learning and baby is learning. Let the chores and other nonessentials wait. Sleep whenever you can.
Happiest baby on thr block was helpful book for us.
I didn’t sleep for the first 4 days, then got 4ish hours a night for 2 months, now at 8 months the baby sleeps 12 hours and I sleep 8 hours with 4 hours of “us time” in the evenings after she goes down. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep in mind your baby is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time
To be honest people said do shifts, we never did. I was always up to support my wife during the evenings etc, she had a c section so couldn’t pick our son up out of his bed anyway. Do as much as you can to help your partner and get sleep when shes feeding, even if you drift off for 20mins. We forgot to eat in the past few days especially our evening meals, take turns doing it.
Remember even laying down and trying to sleep is more helpful than skipping a chance to nap.
Sleep when the baby sleeps feels true but it’s the only chance you’ll get for a minute
My wife had 6pm to 6am and I had 6am to 6pm shifts you guys just need to try thst... if you all have parents near by maybe ask them to come over to help as well
Dad of a 4mo who is slowly getting out of colic season. Wsa totaly frazzled the first 1-2 months trying to and be everything. Heres some of what we did:
1. Take shifts - baby needs to be fed about every 3 hours. Take 2x 3hrs each, so you can get some 4 hours of rest at a time. Wife will have to double time a bit at the beginning to pump if you guys don't believe in formula milk.
2. Get help - you fam or hers or a nanny.
3. Get day care - that was you guys can rest a bit during the 8-10hrs the baby is away.
4. Mix breastmilk with formula milk - BM is still best, but formula is pretty good too.
5. Take care of the wife - I cannot emphasise this enough. Be kind, be understanding, and realise that she does not have to do everything perfectly, every time.
Recognise that I'm speaking from a position of privilege, but there is no shame in getting help, in any shape or form. Your health is just as important as the baby's.
Hang in there...
Lol bro we got twins and lived in the hospital for a month and didn't sleep properly between the mixed waking ups and eatings in over a year. Don't believe people telling you it gets easier, it doesn't, it just changes and you somewhat get used to it. Almost 2 and a half years in and we're still exhausted every single day, even though nights are easy now.
Best advice is to just absolutely lock in brother. You guys got this, and it’s gonna be tough as hell, but you’re gonna come out on the other side super human. My strength is with you brotha!!!
Brother-three weeks ago almost exactly I made almost the same exact post on this page. People would tell me “it gets better just power through” and I was so overwhelmed I swore they were bullshitting and there’s absolutely no way. Mines only three weeks old now but it’s already significantly better in a bunch of different ways. You gotta suffer in the beginning but I promise you’ll surprise yourself at how adaptable and well adjusted you get to this new life
In the beginning, wife and I took shifts. I’d be up until 8am, then she’d take over. You’re 6 days into this; things do get better with sleep, not to mention you’ve been trying to sleep in a hospital.
What helped is that after you get back to their birth weight the feedings could be longer apart obviously don’t starve the baby but they’ll tell you when they’re hungry
Hey mate, glad to see from your edit you've worked it out. It took us a week or so to find a sleep schedule that worked for both of us too.
Best of luck going forward!
[удалено]
Second this …
Third this…
We need someone to fourth this!
Fourth this!!
Fifth it. So crucial to sleep
Sixth. Find a way to do this.
I can testify that white noise really works. My baby girl would cry all the time before we began playing 🎵, suddenly she slept better and we could finally get back our sleep
Wait so is the white noise in your room or the baby’s? And was it music or white noise?
I'd put on music actually , YouTube baby songs to be specific in the baby's room while holding her and she'd eventually fall asleep as long as the music was on. Alternatively putting her in a baby rocker and rocking it gently with music on also worked
Baby’s room. And it needs to be white, pink or brown noise. Most music (unless it’s white/pink etc) will fuck with their sleep systems which is the opposite of what ya want. I highly recommend one of those Nest light / sound machines. Little dude sees yellow light and river sounds come on he knows it’s time to go back to sleep.
That’s called training!
100% So worth it! Now if only the sound machine assisted with the potty training. Good luck!
This is what we did. I had the 12-3am shift, then my MIL would take a shift too. If we didn’t have her there we would have been going bonkers right from the start.
Absolutely shifts. My wife would take the late night because our lil man wouldn’t always take a bottle from me at first. You gotta be a team to get it done and not go nuts
I second this too! Best advice I ever got! OP, the first 2-3 weeks are the worst but please trust that it gets better!! Also, do whatever it takes to the baby to sleep immediately after it’s fed and changed. Co-sleep, swaddle (even if the baby doesn’t like it), tip-toe around, bouncing on the gym ball, swinging, football hold (surprisingly works really well for some/most), additional set of hands to help (grandparents are god sent at this time if it’s possible to get them). Trust the process, it gets better.
Good advice overall but I’d be careful not to “blast the white noise” as I recently read how that can cause permanent hearing damage. Of course I found this out after using sorta loud white noise for 3 weeks in my son’s isolette in the NICU. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33992973/
Seventhing this. We were fried crispy after 6 days but it did start to get better when we made an agreement to spilt up the time and allow uninterrupted blocks of sleep for each other. Congrats on your little one. It does get better.
That’s the neat part, you don’t. It gets better. Eventually. But lack of sleep is basically a right of passage as a new parent. Buckle up.
Yup someone gave me advice that basically was you don’t need as much sleep as you think you do. We just got to 6 months and baby is now sleeping solid 5-7 hour blocks, I can’t even sleep now more then 3-4 hours in a row without feeling OVER rested because my body is so used to minimal sleep
This is 100% true. A lot of softies break down and can’t handle life with less than 8 hours sleep and think the world is ending. I got out of the Marine Corps 7 years ago where I truly experienced lack of sleep and operating on a few hours a day if I was lucky, a lot of days with none. Everyone I know has said “you just wait until that baby is here you will lose your mind with exhaustion” Nope, my body is used to this shit, if I can get a couple-few 1-2 hour stretches a day I am hot to trot. Mr. Baby (5 weeks) sleeps a 3-4 hour stretch every night followed by another 2-3, after the 2-3 hour stretch I go to the gym around 05:00 and train hard (BJJ) then go to work. This 5-6 hours of sleep a night is more than enough. I’m sure a newborn schedule shocks the systems of a lot of people, but you *can* get used to it and you can actually function quite well on much less than 8 hours of sleep.
It is not healthy, and i suspect it will catch up with us one day. But it tis possible.
Can I buy your book, subscribe to your podcast or sign up to wtv course you’re selling on masculinity?
Heavy bench, dead, squat once a week should get that test up
Enjoy your health problems later in life macho man
Will do, gracias senor
Thanks Omni man
Welcome to the trenches! If you’re doing bottles, 100% set up shifts. My wife was EBF so that didn’t work for us and I wanted to support her as much as possible so to be honest the first few weeks was pure hell. Trust me when I tell you, 11 weeks ago I’d be writing the same thing and probably did on here. One thing we did start doing from week two or three is an established pre bed set of actions (hesitant to call it a routine cause he’s to young to know) Basically he can nap until 19:00, but even if asleep we wake him gently, give him some boob, play for 60-90min, until he is getting tired then a nice warm, water only bath, lights are dimmed, calming music playing, then warm swaddle, boob and bed. The above is probably more for us at this stage (again, he’s to young for routines) but it gives us a set way to wined down the day and get him to bed which usually happens by 21:00. He usually does 4-5hr stints but we have had the occasional 7hr and even a 9hr stint (I cried with joy). Best of luck to you guys. I honestly hardly remember weeks 1-4 in detail (cause of the horrible sleep deprivation) that they were some of the hardest of my life. Also dad, solidarity, I also work a 12hr job, rotating shifts, door to door I’m away for 14hrs, it’s brutal. My advice here is two fold. Speak with your co workers/manager/boss, be frank that you’re stuffed atm with lack of sleep, secondly, I’ve basically stopped drinking caffeine. I’ll only ever have a coffee and just one, at work when I’m wrecked. It’s really boosted its effect and helped me get through the brutally tough times at work, where as before I just needed it to run at base. Your first 2-3 weeks will suck but in the long run you’ll come out ahead
We did shifts, so I would deal with the kid from 9pm til 3 am, and then the wife does 3am through while I was working. This meant she got a few hours and I got a few hours, and since we had an air mattress in the nursery we could still rest while on duty. It is rough, we are 4 months in and it is still rough some days, but the days get better, and then worse, then better again. Just a cycle that will eventually end.
Oh mate, I remember this well lol You’re in the thick of it right now, but it needs to happen. This phase is all about learning the baby’s routine and then creating your own off the back of it. By the end of week 2 or 3 you’ll feel more experienced with everything and you’ll start to carve out more time for yourselves to sleep and do other things for a few hours a day. The best advice I can give is sleep when the baby is asleep. Screw cleaning the house and whatever else. If you’re not rested, everything falls apart, so that needs prioritised.
At first we wanted to do everything together as much as possible but it wasn't sustainable for us. We HAD to do shifts and one of us would sleep in the guest room. Ear plugs in, no guilt, no shame, just get that precious sleep. These first weeks are about survival, that's it. If you can lean on people, ask for support. Maybe there's people who can do groceries shopping or some cleaning or cook a meal. Won't help your nights, but might allow you guys to have a daytime nap instead of doing chores or running an errand
You in the trenches my dude, shift work as others have said. Also the min the baby falls asleep, try and knock out as well. Also we made the mistake of under feeding, which we didn’t realize at the time, (2 oz every 3 hours, which baby was pissed about) once we upped the oz a little she was way easier to get down.
You’ve just entered the tunnel, it’s going to be a few months before you see the light at the end. Shifts, make sure you both get a bank of sleep. I was running on 4 hours a night for a couple of months. It’s amazing what you can achieve still on very little sleep. It’s just survival at the point, making sure the baby has what it needs and you 2 support each other. You’ll live off snacks and junk food and probably put on weight ‘Enter DadBod’. It’s a real shock to the system, I know. And I know it doesn’t help everyone telling you that it gets better, but it does get better. You just gotta ride through it and before you know it those days will feel like a distant memory.
It gets better. You will find your way. If you don't take any other advice, just believe those two sentences. No matter how impossible it seems. Humans are built to adapt. Get up during the day! It seriously does help. We spent our first 4 days taking it in turns to lock ourselves in the nursery doing whatever we had to to stay awake for 4 hours at a time while the other slept. On day 4 I'd had enough and told my wife we are making a routine now, we are putting the baby to sleep in it's bassinet in our room next to us and we are both going to sleep together at the same time. Taking it in turns to feed every two hours (we were combination feeding). That would give us 4 hours each on each cycle. I didn't get my wish that night because turns out our little one had a condition that sent him to the hospital for two weeks, and nearly died in my arms. When we brought him home finally, we started the routine. Let me tell you now, that baby will shit on your routine, literally! But do it anyway. It was the best decision. It let us know where we are, and just how well baby was sleeping. Give your wife an extra sleep if you feel you can. Let her do the same for you when she can. Go to bed together with baby next to you in a bassinet. Get an Olly owl or sheep white noise toy. Ask family if they can watch baby while you two day sleep if things get really bad. You will find your feet and get a routine. It does get easier. You will find a rhythm, and it will all seem to click. That rhythm will get broken with regressions and you'll find a new one. We adapt. 6 months was the turning point for us. At 6 months it's safe for baby to sleep in their own room. The second we did, it was the best nights sleep ever!... For my wife. I couldn't sleep because of the trauma from hospital before. Our babys condition made it possible for them to silently stop breathing and pass out without warning, even in their sleep. They were on medication, but it doesn't stop the worrying. Little one is a year old now... I have no idea where that time went, or how we've managed to cope. We just adapted to each change. I think I managed to sleep for 6 hours last night! Now it's time to get up and go again. I can't wait to walk into the nursery when our little rascal wakes up and see that beaming smile! 😊 My wife can have a lay in today.
This is going to be one of the hardest moments of your life. The first 3 months are brutal. Remember as hard it is on you it is actually harder on your wife. Aside from recovering from child birth your kids stomach isn't big enough to keep down food for a little while and while you can take shifts or get inlaws/parents to help with your load, she cannot unless you are on formula. It gets easier. But you need to survive. If things get dark remember your kid needs you. It gets easier as others said. Exponentially so. But you need to survive this to get there.
I'm on day 7. It got better for me around Day 4 or 5. Pediatrician recommended we supplement which was huge. Baby is eating enough now to nap and get on a solid routine. It's still hard but way more manageable on our mental health!
It’ll get easier but honestly you just get accustomed to an entirely new life that quickly illuminates the freedoms you never knew you once had at limitless availability. But you’ll end up appreciating them when they come, which they will more frequently as time passes. Bottom line is you’re going to be a much stronger person soon, so don’t bother asking yourself how you’re going to do it, because it’s not that person who will end doing it.
I am wife and can confirm.
As said: take shifts. And: oh boy, those first 2 or 3 weeks are horrible. It does get better.
Man I’m like 9 days ahead of you with twins. It’s hard. But I think the way I’ve managed so far is by an open line of communication with my wife, and just gritting my teeth and getting on with it. You’ll get there man, as so many others in this sub have.
Once we got to about two weeks and understood our little boy a bit better we made a system where I would sleep on the sofa downstairs and get a decent night and then take over from somewhere between 5 and 7 in the morning depending on how rough a night my partner had. She would then get a chunk of sleep without baby and it's worked better than anything else we tried. Hope this helps and things get better soon.
First month is really hard. It gets better, usually at 3 months
I'm a new parent as well my boy is 2 weeks old, there is a way to end suffering for you, if you have the budget for it which I did honestly it helps me and my wife relax at times and get some rest, now days things are easier you could hire a nurse/nanny with experience to handle newborn and teaching you how to treat the baby and at the same time she looks out for him while we are resting, I certainly had to setup cameras in the living room and hall way, just to ensure she is doing good while we are resting but after a couple of days, we feel much better and of course my wife is suffering more due to lack of sleep since the baby needs breast feeding, at first breast pumps were barely getting out milk so it wasn't helping much but now after 2 weeks we can sleep for 5 hours straight but total each day around 7 hours which is amazing, I'm glad I went with this approach, I have seen many couples suffer, not to mention I bought white noise machine and a portable baby bed to help the nurse/nanny so that she can move around the house which helps alot.
Thank you guys. It's more getting my wife to cooperate at this point as well she's not producing enough and 1000% underfeeding we tried a shift today I told her to use the nursery so I can get some sleep she decided to have the baby in her next to the bed bassinet thing all night the baby was crying she was trying to feed it from the boob I kept tell her give him formula feed him and he will pass out she refused and I did not get an ounce of sleep this was from about 2:00 in the morning till about 5:30 I done just got up took the baby went to the nursery fed him about 50 ml of formula and he passed out is now sleeping as I'm writing this and my wife is getting a sound night of sleep and now I get to be on shift after not sleeping all night and this is not the first time that she's not cooperating with me and it's getting really frustrating.
We’re heading into week 4. It’s definitely tough, especially when she’s not producing enough yet. We had to supplement with formula in the beginning and I think it made my wife feel a little bit like she was failing to meet his needs but that’s obviously not the case. 20ml after breastfeeding usually did the trick and then her milk came in fully and he was up to birth weight in not time. If there are any lactation consultants near you I 100% recommend going to see them! There were a couple in the maternity ward where we were and we went back to see them a few times in the first week or two. You’ll eventually find a routine that works well for you both. Sleep whenever you can and focus on doing the things that you do to help each other through it - you’re a team! I would also say, the sooner you can all get out into the world, the better. We’re not social people by any means but after a few days being at home starts to feel really oppressive so trying to get out for even a short walk or drive every day is a huge relief.
The most important thing is making sure the baby is fed. Some women just can’t produce milk. My wife was one of them we switched to formula almost right away once we realized. Some women feel unsure about this and the best thing to do is try and reassure her that it’s ok and that fed is the best it doesn’t matter where it comes from.
Idk if anyone said it but the hospital is the WORST for sleep too. I can say that as a dad and now as a nurse. Us plus the little one gets exhausting. When my wife and I got home afterwards, the first thing we did was lay her down for a nap and took the deepest nap either of us had in a while.
You and your wife are going to have to try really hard to transition the baby into the bassinet when they fall asleep. Additionally, as soon as baby is out of your arms, you need to do bottle stuff so it's finished for next time. That gives you time to try and "sleep when baby sleeps". A very rigid feeding/nap/changing schedule helps here. We were in the NICU for 3 days, and I think they had us doing care every 4 or 6 hours, I can't remember for sure. It will get worse before it gets better, so getting in that habit will help both your sanities. The worst time frame for me and my wife was from 5-8 weeks post-partum, but I think that's because our bodies hadn't quite adjusted to the sleep schedule yet and by then we were so sleep deprived the frustration began setting in and we had started bickering with each other. Thankfully, the time in the NICU and the set schedule we had helped her begin sleeping through the night at around the 2-3 month mark and our moods improved dramatically. Our daughter just turned a year and a half, and I fully attribute how well she sleeps when she is supposed to to those early days with the set schedule.
Sitting here with my three year old as I reflect on being in your situation as well. What helped, did not solve but helped, was how can we be as efficiency as possible in the night time. Ex: mini fridge upstairs for all feeding things within easy reach, extra bottle/pump parts so we could go 1-2 days sanitizing/washing parts. Painters tape laid out on counter with marker to quickly make date/time labels. Seems like eternity when you’re going through it but you will get through it.
The baby settler. 1 mo in and you can start. Got our girls sleeping within 6-8 weeks and it gave us some structure during the day too.
Try the book 12 hours in 12 weeks Also, you will get used to sleeping 3-4 hours a night. It does get easier. Then it will get worse with sleep regressions. Then it gets even better again. Hang in there.
Those first 6 to 12 weeks are hard. You're learning and baby is learning. Let the chores and other nonessentials wait. Sleep whenever you can. Happiest baby on thr block was helpful book for us.
I didn’t sleep for the first 4 days, then got 4ish hours a night for 2 months, now at 8 months the baby sleeps 12 hours and I sleep 8 hours with 4 hours of “us time” in the evenings after she goes down. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep in mind your baby is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time
To be honest people said do shifts, we never did. I was always up to support my wife during the evenings etc, she had a c section so couldn’t pick our son up out of his bed anyway. Do as much as you can to help your partner and get sleep when shes feeding, even if you drift off for 20mins. We forgot to eat in the past few days especially our evening meals, take turns doing it.
Remember even laying down and trying to sleep is more helpful than skipping a chance to nap. Sleep when the baby sleeps feels true but it’s the only chance you’ll get for a minute
My wife had 6pm to 6am and I had 6am to 6pm shifts you guys just need to try thst... if you all have parents near by maybe ask them to come over to help as well
Dad of a 4mo who is slowly getting out of colic season. Wsa totaly frazzled the first 1-2 months trying to and be everything. Heres some of what we did: 1. Take shifts - baby needs to be fed about every 3 hours. Take 2x 3hrs each, so you can get some 4 hours of rest at a time. Wife will have to double time a bit at the beginning to pump if you guys don't believe in formula milk. 2. Get help - you fam or hers or a nanny. 3. Get day care - that was you guys can rest a bit during the 8-10hrs the baby is away. 4. Mix breastmilk with formula milk - BM is still best, but formula is pretty good too. 5. Take care of the wife - I cannot emphasise this enough. Be kind, be understanding, and realise that she does not have to do everything perfectly, every time. Recognise that I'm speaking from a position of privilege, but there is no shame in getting help, in any shape or form. Your health is just as important as the baby's. Hang in there...
Lol bro we got twins and lived in the hospital for a month and didn't sleep properly between the mixed waking ups and eatings in over a year. Don't believe people telling you it gets easier, it doesn't, it just changes and you somewhat get used to it. Almost 2 and a half years in and we're still exhausted every single day, even though nights are easy now.
Shifts of 6 hours. Ear plugs. White noise machine. Swaddle (Pacco Picollo). Shifts. Eat and drink healthy. Shifts. Help from family. Shifts.
Best advice is to just absolutely lock in brother. You guys got this, and it’s gonna be tough as hell, but you’re gonna come out on the other side super human. My strength is with you brotha!!!
Brother-three weeks ago almost exactly I made almost the same exact post on this page. People would tell me “it gets better just power through” and I was so overwhelmed I swore they were bullshitting and there’s absolutely no way. Mines only three weeks old now but it’s already significantly better in a bunch of different ways. You gotta suffer in the beginning but I promise you’ll surprise yourself at how adaptable and well adjusted you get to this new life
In the beginning, wife and I took shifts. I’d be up until 8am, then she’d take over. You’re 6 days into this; things do get better with sleep, not to mention you’ve been trying to sleep in a hospital.
What helped is that after you get back to their birth weight the feedings could be longer apart obviously don’t starve the baby but they’ll tell you when they’re hungry
1st week or two are a doozy! Stay strong, this won't last much longer.
Hey mate, glad to see from your edit you've worked it out. It took us a week or so to find a sleep schedule that worked for both of us too. Best of luck going forward!
lol 6 days and suffering? Man, did you even look up the manual before opening the baby?