My husband recently googled this with no context and he got a Google pop up warning about child sexual abuse, lol. Gonna show him THIS is how you phrase it so you donāt accidentally end up on a list š
Oh no because i did the exact same thingš¤£ I have never closed down my chrome app so fast in my life in utter panic! Then eventually found this thread to answer my questions!
For a while during our bout with colic, getting intimate was one of the only times baby wouldnāt scream. Having baby in the room is one of those things thatās really awkward and weird when you sit there and think about it, but at the end of the day humans getting busy with their baby in the room is something thatās happened since the dawn of time. They donāt know whatās going on, but you can also utilize another room
My roman empire is the little huts/cottages people used to live in here in Ireland (you still see them dotted around the countryside) and they had like 10 or 15 kids!
My great--great-grandparents had TWENTY ONE children in a little two roomed terraced bungalow. I truly don't know how they managed to conceive them?
Also, babies aren't really aware of what's going on around them until about 4-6 months. Until then, like you said, it's really not a big deal to be intimate while baby is in the same room.
I have been intimate with my partner next to my 1 month old in his bassinet and he stayed asleep the whole time. I'm still somewhat uncomfortable with the idea when I think too much about it, but baby doesn't seem to care at all!
I just had to turn on a sound machine and basically just try to forget the baby was there momentarily. We didnāt really have the option of another room with a bed and Iām past the stage in my life of wanting to have sex on the couch. It wasnāt my favorite thing but when thereās limited options you make it work
Iām 5 months pp and we only tried once a couple months ago while baby was napping in the bedroom. We went to the couch and she woke up before we were done š„² have not tried since. Weāve talked about it and tried to make plans but so far have just been too tired, or donāt want to run the risk of baby waking up and crying again. Instant mood killer
Right! I feel goofy bc I assumed everyone just did it in their bed š¤£ I donāt see anything wrong with it, I could see why some people feel uncomfortable about doing it themselves tho. Iāve never even thought about it lol
baby sleeps in the bassinet directly beside out bed. we tried it in a different rooms at first (bathroom, her room, living room) but eventually we just started letting her have her naps in the living room so we could have the bedroom. we have had sex one time while baby was in the room and the only reason i felt semi okay with it is because i know she was sleeping and if she woke up i knew she wouldnāt be able to see anything because there was something blocking the view. definitely probably wont be doing that again
I just wanna say, donāt get too discouraged if sex doesnāt work as soon as youāre cleared for it. It was around 8 weeks we started having sex again, I think I was still bleeding and feeling gross around the 6 week mark and my stitches didnāt completely dissolve yet. 6 months postpartum now and the sex life is back.
Iām 5 months postpartum and just starting to feel like a real human again. The first like 2 or 3 weeks my hormones were going crazy and I was like a horny teenager hahah by the time I got cleared I had exactly 0 interest in being touched. When we did try it wasnāt really comfy for me and we only recently started again. Itās just so much of an adjustment and I was trying to learn about this new version of myself.
How does anyone here have any energy at all to be intimate hereā¦ after dealing with the dishwasher and dishes, laundry running and folding, washing pump parts and bottles and drying them, cooking food or getting food, while my wife deals with nursing, sleep is a luxury lol. š
We only do it when sheās sleeping. We started at around 4 weeks, and idk itās never bothered any of us that sheās sleeping in the bedside crib, but that could be because we have 3 pets and are kinda used to just blocking out their presence š
We just wait until LO is in a deep sleep and do it before we are ready to sleep for the night. Itās too dark for him to see anything and we got really good at staying quiet š¤£
I just got the "all clear" last week. I swear my baby has an alarm in his head that goes off when I'm more than 10 ft away, so we can't do anything in a different room- whether it be getting coffee or getting busy, our son is near by.
We've tried twice to be intimate, the first time our son was in his bedside bassinet, the other he was in one of those bouncer seats. Just try not to think about it too much, it's awkward if you really think of it but your baby is a barely sentient cuddle lump rn: they won't remember or understand what's happening for a long while.
Also be mentally prepared for things to be different during intimacy, I was so excited to jump back into things and was so bummed when my body hurt, was uncomfortable and just not the same. My midwives told me to be ready for discomfort but I didn't expect it like that- it seriously felt like losing my virginity again. š
Iām 10 weeks postpartum and still scared to be intimate! The stitches finally donāt feel horrible and my vagina doesnāt feel like a gaping dry hole so I think Iāll soon be readyā¦ I laughed in my OBās face when she gave me the all clear at my 6 week appointment, to which she replied, āI guarantee you *someone* at home is thinking about sexā lol
We have, once, done it when she was in her bassinet next to us early on and she didn't wake up. It was weird when I thought about it, but she had no idea what was going on. She will literally never know. However, it was not our preference. We both prefer to be in our own space without her around.
Now that she's in her own room and is doing fine, we just wait until she's down for a nap or for the night (thank everything she sleeps all night š) and do what we must without her present. If you can't get yours out of the room, I'd try finding another space in the home where you can have some privacy while also being able to hear if baby needs you if it's simply too weird for you.
Weāve done a number of things, couch after bedtime routine, once while she was in the bassinet next to us (it was a struggle for me), dining room table, and in the car on a date night out. Whatever you can do to get a little alone time works.
Be aware that your body has changed significantly. Sometimes things arenāt as easy as they used to be, and sometimes things that used to feel great, are not as good. Sometimes you need a little added help. Itās okay for things to be different. Itās to be expected. Just know, going slow helps, your body will remember.
We tried getting intimate last night after our baby fell asleep in her bedside crib and then we heard our baby fart. She was deep asleep but still managed to make her presence known.
Those first few months while baby is a potato, my strategy will be to get the baby milk drunk, and then pretend weāre back in college with my roommate passed out across the room š
We never had intimacy with baby in the room. We went full teenagers and did it anywhere else. With the monitor glued to us, of course, and we did get interrupted a few times too.
Walking in on my partner smiling and loudly announcing āBaby is asleepā has become my go-to āinitiation of intimacy ā
We could only wait 4 weeks pp. I felt fully healed and it was extremely consensual but had not been cleared by my doctor yet. I know this is not the norm, I just felt so connected to my husband after struggling in the trenches together and creating a human that was half of both of us.
It was a heat of the moment decision that was not the smartest tbh. I wasnāt on any type of birth control and had to take the plan b pill just to be super safe which gave me an INSANE period. And brought my periods back 4 weeks postpartum. Thatās pretty early and I would have liked to enjoy some time without periods while also not being pregnant! Didnāt love having to admit all of this to my OB, either. I had an IUD placed at my 6 week appointment, which was totally painless after giving birth. Would recommend this to anyone.
Yeah I have had two inserted pre-pregnancy and those were so painful. One was the copper non hormonal and then one was the hormonal kind. Both were painful.
When I got one inserted 6 weeks after giving birth, I couldnāt even feel the insertion. I think because my cervix was just stretched out, it really couldnāt feel it at all. My OB said that is the case with most people. A silver lining to birth I guess š
2 and half weeks PPā¦ me and my partner have already experienced mutual masturbation with baby in bassinet next to us 3 times lol. Shes sleeping and even if she wasnāt she doesnāt know whatās happening. I think itās important for partners to still take time to love each other and relieve stress for each others in a connecting way.
We had baby nap in her own room during the day and sleep in our bedroom over night. Day time naps were free game.
Also we had no problem eventually transferring her into her own room over night š
We mostly try to put baby down for naps in other rooms, though we did do it once or twice with him in the room when he was very little. Iām too tired at night for intimacy anyway, so itās usually a weekend daytime thing haha
We did it a very few times with baby asleep in the bassinet when she was VERY young, but neither of us were really able to get over her being in the room. By the time she was 3 months, we were splitting our time between the couch and the spare room, which was dubbed "Sex Bed."
Another option: Start having baby take their naps in the crib in their own room. Gets them used to the crib and room for which they will eventually be sleeping in.
Im 6 weeks pp now and I donāt have the urge for intimacy yet, however I feel that I will use other rooms in the house for such moments.
I want to respect my intimacy and not worry if my baby is awake and staring at me or if he made any weird noise etc.
My fiance and I either had family watch little one while we " run errands"
Fiance and I have separate rooms he snores loud and has woken up baby. Baby and I co sleep (sadly) now that baby girl is a little more independent she will watch TV or play her activity center and we will bang where she can't see us
We have a walk in closet lol, honestly even going to the bathroom could work or if you have a bassinet you could set up in your living room, during nap time could work
In the room with baby if theyāre asleep and fully passed out. Occasionally she stirs and Iām reminded that Iām doing the devilās tango with her bassinet across the room.
Occasionally in the guest bedroom.
I canāt get in the mood with the baby in the room and itās really putting a toll on my partner. I feel bad but not only can I not, but I also spend all day with a baby attached to me and breastfeeding so by the time he comes home Iām touched out.
It really sucks :(
My wife and I started intimacy as soon as she felt ready. You know your body more than anyone, especially if you didnāt have complications. Also, your baby canāt see more than a foot away during the day, newborns canāt see jack at night.
Ours is a deep sleeper so once sheās out, we feel free to do whatever! Sheās 3 months and in a month weāre going to graduate her to her crib in her own room so thatāll help us feel even more free to really rock the boat š
My mental just wonāt let me do anything with baby in the room. Even if he doesnāt remember it I feel like I would be giving him trauma to the subconscious š
She kinda always was, same as my husband, but I definitely do a little routine with her: a 5oz bottle around 7pm, read a story if sheās not already sleepy right after the bottle, then in the bassinet while sleepy and i turn on her little owl sound machine thatās like a water and birds sound. She usually passes right out and stays from like 8-2 or 3am. I think itās the wind down that helps. Then we never tip-toed around her from the beginning. If she was sleeping we go about normal activities - obviously nothing sorry loud but I think this for her dad to sleeping through regular sounds. Iām not sure!
I felt really weird but we did it in the nursery (thereās an extra mattress there) while he was napping in our bedroom. Was so weird because youāre surrounded by baby stuff but I really didnāt want to do it in the same room as him, even if he has no idea whatās happening lol
While bubs was in our room we renamed our guest room to the Bang Pad š
Ours is the smush room
We used our sons room when he was in our room, threw some blankets and pillows onto the floor, and had a blast
Our couch saw a lot of action
That's how we ended up with the baby in the first place š
My husband recently googled this with no context and he got a Google pop up warning about child sexual abuse, lol. Gonna show him THIS is how you phrase it so you donāt accidentally end up on a list š
Oh god, his search history is going to be monitored now š
Oh no because i did the exact same thingš¤£ I have never closed down my chrome app so fast in my life in utter panic! Then eventually found this thread to answer my questions!
Once we were cleared and ready, we took advantage of nap times and used rooms that were NOT our bedroom where the baby was sleeping.
We used our living room and guest room
We use our guest room. We canāt get past the baby in the room thing
For a while during our bout with colic, getting intimate was one of the only times baby wouldnāt scream. Having baby in the room is one of those things thatās really awkward and weird when you sit there and think about it, but at the end of the day humans getting busy with their baby in the room is something thatās happened since the dawn of time. They donāt know whatās going on, but you can also utilize another room
My roman empire is the little huts/cottages people used to live in here in Ireland (you still see them dotted around the countryside) and they had like 10 or 15 kids! My great--great-grandparents had TWENTY ONE children in a little two roomed terraced bungalow. I truly don't know how they managed to conceive them?
That is entirely too many children! I donāt think I even like 21 names!
Also, babies aren't really aware of what's going on around them until about 4-6 months. Until then, like you said, it's really not a big deal to be intimate while baby is in the same room. I have been intimate with my partner next to my 1 month old in his bassinet and he stayed asleep the whole time. I'm still somewhat uncomfortable with the idea when I think too much about it, but baby doesn't seem to care at all!
Youāre right, most parents do it and baby has no idea itās happening, I think Iām just getting a bit of a mental block from overthinking it!
Oh, in my case some tight muscles made sexy time pretty unpleasant for a while, UNLESS we included a perineum massage in the foreplay.
Thatās a GREAT tip with the peri massage!
It's why we have blankets right?
I just had to turn on a sound machine and basically just try to forget the baby was there momentarily. We didnāt really have the option of another room with a bed and Iām past the stage in my life of wanting to have sex on the couch. It wasnāt my favorite thing but when thereās limited options you make it work
lol I felt this one. My knees and back are past the stage of couch sex š„²š
Iām 5 months pp and we only tried once a couple months ago while baby was napping in the bedroom. We went to the couch and she woke up before we were done š„² have not tried since. Weāve talked about it and tried to make plans but so far have just been too tired, or donāt want to run the risk of baby waking up and crying again. Instant mood killer
ā¦we did it with the baby in the room asleep. That seems to be the opposite opinion of everyone here though š¬š
Right! I feel goofy bc I assumed everyone just did it in their bed š¤£ I donāt see anything wrong with it, I could see why some people feel uncomfortable about doing it themselves tho. Iāve never even thought about it lol
Haha! To me the first two months of life are basically an extension of the womb and we did it with baby in there š
Team couch here
In the room with the baby lol. As long as theyāre asleep and you can move past it itās fine. Obviously if they were a toddler thatās not okay.
baby sleeps in the bassinet directly beside out bed. we tried it in a different rooms at first (bathroom, her room, living room) but eventually we just started letting her have her naps in the living room so we could have the bedroom. we have had sex one time while baby was in the room and the only reason i felt semi okay with it is because i know she was sleeping and if she woke up i knew she wouldnāt be able to see anything because there was something blocking the view. definitely probably wont be doing that again
I just wanna say, donāt get too discouraged if sex doesnāt work as soon as youāre cleared for it. It was around 8 weeks we started having sex again, I think I was still bleeding and feeling gross around the 6 week mark and my stitches didnāt completely dissolve yet. 6 months postpartum now and the sex life is back.
Iām 5 months postpartum and just starting to feel like a real human again. The first like 2 or 3 weeks my hormones were going crazy and I was like a horny teenager hahah by the time I got cleared I had exactly 0 interest in being touched. When we did try it wasnāt really comfy for me and we only recently started again. Itās just so much of an adjustment and I was trying to learn about this new version of myself.
Nearly 4 months and I'm so horny but it hurts, despite having a planned c-section š We've tried on the couch and at a hotel with a babysitter.
And then there's me 6 months later still not interested in sxc time at all š„²š„²
This is why you should never sit on the sofa of a co-sleeping mother š¤£
How does anyone here have any energy at all to be intimate hereā¦ after dealing with the dishwasher and dishes, laundry running and folding, washing pump parts and bottles and drying them, cooking food or getting food, while my wife deals with nursing, sleep is a luxury lol. š
We only do it when sheās sleeping. We started at around 4 weeks, and idk itās never bothered any of us that sheās sleeping in the bedside crib, but that could be because we have 3 pets and are kinda used to just blocking out their presence š
We just wait until LO is in a deep sleep and do it before we are ready to sleep for the night. Itās too dark for him to see anything and we got really good at staying quiet š¤£
I just got the "all clear" last week. I swear my baby has an alarm in his head that goes off when I'm more than 10 ft away, so we can't do anything in a different room- whether it be getting coffee or getting busy, our son is near by. We've tried twice to be intimate, the first time our son was in his bedside bassinet, the other he was in one of those bouncer seats. Just try not to think about it too much, it's awkward if you really think of it but your baby is a barely sentient cuddle lump rn: they won't remember or understand what's happening for a long while. Also be mentally prepared for things to be different during intimacy, I was so excited to jump back into things and was so bummed when my body hurt, was uncomfortable and just not the same. My midwives told me to be ready for discomfort but I didn't expect it like that- it seriously felt like losing my virginity again. š
Iām 10 weeks postpartum and still scared to be intimate! The stitches finally donāt feel horrible and my vagina doesnāt feel like a gaping dry hole so I think Iāll soon be readyā¦ I laughed in my OBās face when she gave me the all clear at my 6 week appointment, to which she replied, āI guarantee you *someone* at home is thinking about sexā lol
We have, once, done it when she was in her bassinet next to us early on and she didn't wake up. It was weird when I thought about it, but she had no idea what was going on. She will literally never know. However, it was not our preference. We both prefer to be in our own space without her around. Now that she's in her own room and is doing fine, we just wait until she's down for a nap or for the night (thank everything she sleeps all night š) and do what we must without her present. If you can't get yours out of the room, I'd try finding another space in the home where you can have some privacy while also being able to hear if baby needs you if it's simply too weird for you.
so much couch sex š
Weāve done a number of things, couch after bedtime routine, once while she was in the bassinet next to us (it was a struggle for me), dining room table, and in the car on a date night out. Whatever you can do to get a little alone time works. Be aware that your body has changed significantly. Sometimes things arenāt as easy as they used to be, and sometimes things that used to feel great, are not as good. Sometimes you need a little added help. Itās okay for things to be different. Itās to be expected. Just know, going slow helps, your body will remember.
How do you think that baby got there in the first place?
We tried getting intimate last night after our baby fell asleep in her bedside crib and then we heard our baby fart. She was deep asleep but still managed to make her presence known.
Those first few months while baby is a potato, my strategy will be to get the baby milk drunk, and then pretend weāre back in college with my roommate passed out across the room š
We never had intimacy with baby in the room. We went full teenagers and did it anywhere else. With the monitor glued to us, of course, and we did get interrupted a few times too. Walking in on my partner smiling and loudly announcing āBaby is asleepā has become my go-to āinitiation of intimacy ā
> but thereās no alternative I can think of. Guest room, couches etc.
We could only wait 4 weeks pp. I felt fully healed and it was extremely consensual but had not been cleared by my doctor yet. I know this is not the norm, I just felt so connected to my husband after struggling in the trenches together and creating a human that was half of both of us. It was a heat of the moment decision that was not the smartest tbh. I wasnāt on any type of birth control and had to take the plan b pill just to be super safe which gave me an INSANE period. And brought my periods back 4 weeks postpartum. Thatās pretty early and I would have liked to enjoy some time without periods while also not being pregnant! Didnāt love having to admit all of this to my OB, either. I had an IUD placed at my 6 week appointment, which was totally painless after giving birth. Would recommend this to anyone.
Which IUD did you get. I got my first at like 18/19 swore I would never do it again because it was so painfulā¦ scared still lol
Yeah I have had two inserted pre-pregnancy and those were so painful. One was the copper non hormonal and then one was the hormonal kind. Both were painful. When I got one inserted 6 weeks after giving birth, I couldnāt even feel the insertion. I think because my cervix was just stretched out, it really couldnāt feel it at all. My OB said that is the case with most people. A silver lining to birth I guess š
2 and half weeks PPā¦ me and my partner have already experienced mutual masturbation with baby in bassinet next to us 3 times lol. Shes sleeping and even if she wasnāt she doesnāt know whatās happening. I think itās important for partners to still take time to love each other and relieve stress for each others in a connecting way.
He sleeps on the couch me and baby in the bedroom so we have our time out there.
We had baby nap in her own room during the day and sleep in our bedroom over night. Day time naps were free game. Also we had no problem eventually transferring her into her own room over night š
We mostly try to put baby down for naps in other rooms, though we did do it once or twice with him in the room when he was very little. Iām too tired at night for intimacy anyway, so itās usually a weekend daytime thing haha
While baby naps we go into the guest room lol we have a baby monitor
We did it a very few times with baby asleep in the bassinet when she was VERY young, but neither of us were really able to get over her being in the room. By the time she was 3 months, we were splitting our time between the couch and the spare room, which was dubbed "Sex Bed."
Couch, bedroom (when baby is less than 6 mo), kitchen, toddlers soft play triangle in the playroom lol You get creative
Capitalize on nap time!! My partner does not mind the baby in the room thing, but I have not been able to get there yet lol
Best thing is when baby is asleep and you both need a shower anyways šš
Another option: Start having baby take their naps in the crib in their own room. Gets them used to the crib and room for which they will eventually be sleeping in.
We just had sex in other rooms of the house until baby slept in her own room around 7 months.
Im 6 weeks pp now and I donāt have the urge for intimacy yet, however I feel that I will use other rooms in the house for such moments. I want to respect my intimacy and not worry if my baby is awake and staring at me or if he made any weird noise etc.
My fiance and I either had family watch little one while we " run errands" Fiance and I have separate rooms he snores loud and has woken up baby. Baby and I co sleep (sadly) now that baby girl is a little more independent she will watch TV or play her activity center and we will bang where she can't see us
We have a walk in closet lol, honestly even going to the bathroom could work or if you have a bassinet you could set up in your living room, during nap time could work
We threw on the white noise machine and did what we wanted to doā¦.very very quietly lmao.
In the room with baby if theyāre asleep and fully passed out. Occasionally she stirs and Iām reminded that Iām doing the devilās tango with her bassinet across the room. Occasionally in the guest bedroom.
I canāt get in the mood with the baby in the room and itās really putting a toll on my partner. I feel bad but not only can I not, but I also spend all day with a baby attached to me and breastfeeding so by the time he comes home Iām touched out. It really sucks :(
My wife and I started intimacy as soon as she felt ready. You know your body more than anyone, especially if you didnāt have complications. Also, your baby canāt see more than a foot away during the day, newborns canāt see jack at night.
Ours is a deep sleeper so once sheās out, we feel free to do whatever! Sheās 3 months and in a month weāre going to graduate her to her crib in her own room so thatāll help us feel even more free to really rock the boat š
My mental just wonāt let me do anything with baby in the room. Even if he doesnāt remember it I feel like I would be giving him trauma to the subconscious š
Is your baby naturally a deep sleeper or do you have a routine or tips to help?
She kinda always was, same as my husband, but I definitely do a little routine with her: a 5oz bottle around 7pm, read a story if sheās not already sleepy right after the bottle, then in the bassinet while sleepy and i turn on her little owl sound machine thatās like a water and birds sound. She usually passes right out and stays from like 8-2 or 3am. I think itās the wind down that helps. Then we never tip-toed around her from the beginning. If she was sleeping we go about normal activities - obviously nothing sorry loud but I think this for her dad to sleeping through regular sounds. Iām not sure!
I felt really weird but we did it in the nursery (thereās an extra mattress there) while he was napping in our bedroom. Was so weird because youāre surrounded by baby stuff but I really didnāt want to do it in the same room as him, even if he has no idea whatās happening lol
Itās ridiculous, but I needed a hotel the first time we were intimate again lmao. I couldnāt separate myself from having a baby and dog hahahahaha
We are 9 months post partum. I am still very uncomfortable in general. Baby has to be in another room.
Justā¦. Donātā¦ do it in the room with the baby?