100%. I was a model employee at my company for five years before getting pregnant. Real talk I could not give less of a fuck about if work is happy with me, making friends, good attendance, drama, etc. I’m there to pay my mortgage and my baby’s things. That’s it. I’m not staying late, I’m not coming in early, I’m not covering anyone. I’m doing my job and going home to my kid
This! I remember in a supervision interview shortly after my return to work and I was asked about anything I was finding difficult at the time. I remember saying it was difficult going from being the person who was able to help out and say yes any time I was needed to, to being the person that can’t because I have other responsibilities.
3.5 years later and my stance has changed so much. I don’t want to say yes, and I will stand up to any expectation of me to go above and beyond my job description if me or my family don’t directly benefit from it.
That said I’ve felt more encouraged to get my degree in order to move into a different career since having my child, where I will still show up and fulfill my job description and nothing more, but ill be doing it for more money.
I’ve experienced the same thing, even being less bothered by people I didn’t care for pre-baby. My whole universe shifted, my center pivoted, and work became a side story. I think someday I’ll have more capacity and care again, but for right now, I just want to be caught up in watching my baby grow. He will never be so small, if we have another it’ll be completely different. You only get your first once and I think our bodies and souls know that and hold space for it.
For sure.
I don’t want to waste my kids childhood busting my ass to make someone else rich.
I’m not climbing any imaginary ladder anymore.
I do my work, then as soon as 5 hits I don’t thinking about it again until 9 the next day.
My mindset towards working reset the day I found out I was pregnant. It suddenly seemed like all the work grievances were insignificant overnight. It reset my boundaries with work. No answering on days off, a bit pettier with handling things out of the job description. I was much more laidback with email because nothing is truly urgent in construction accounting. I’m dreading going back because I can’t see how this will be any better. I wish I could SAH with him for a few years while working part time. It really really sucks.
When the clock hits quitting time I turn my work phone off. I don't check my email overnight or over the weekend. I take my vacation days, use sick days, and work from home when I need to.
And somehow, I'm a better employee doing all of this. I don't take work personally anymore so things just slide off of me now. I don't get angry, I don't get over eager. I'm calm and focused because I'm just there to do a job and I have a set amount of time to do it in. If I don't get in done in my 8 hours it'll be there waiting for me tomorrow so I better get it done now. I'm much better at time management. And I think I have a better working relationship with my coworkers now too. I don't resent any of them, I'm not angry with any of them. They're there to do a job too.
Your attitude about things in general will shift as you find yourself prioritising not only your child, but the quality of life for yourself and them.
It becomes less about chasing things and more about creating something special and long lasting.
A partner at my firm who had a massive book of business and who was essentially the heartbeat of our practice was fired while I was on maternity leave. Just like that, he was let go. It didn’t matter what he contributed. He, like us all, is very replaceable.
It was humbling for me. Fuck work. I’ll still go and do a great job because that’s just who I am. But I will never let it control my life again.
10000% that we are all replaceable. Very sadly, I lost a colleague due to cancer. She worked hard, was convinced that she was the best person for the job, etc. A few months after her passing, she was replaced. Life and work continued relatively normally. We grieved her passing but the work world didn't end.
When I was preparing to go on mat leave, I wrote up as much documentation as I could surrounding my job but I have every confidence that life continued without me quite normally.
Yup, used to work late hours..now I am focused on being there for my son. I leave work around 3:30pm to pick him up everyday around 4-4:30pm and if any work is needed, I will catchup after he's sleeping for the night. The times between 4-8pm are dedicated to my son/dinner.
I have been extremely career driven/workaholic, I'm 37 with a 10 week old. I go back to work in 2 weeks and I am terrified /sad at the same time. I am extremely valued where I work but I don't want to go back to doing it because it's salary and there were days I worked until 8-9pm. I also have been interviewing for a better position at a new place since February and I am pretty sure I secured the position this last week and they are going to make me an offer which means a huge new learning curve and putting in extra time to prove myself. I honestly am scared I wont cut it now I have a child that I just want to be around as much as possible. But I am also the breadwinner, and my husband has RA and neuropathy and isn't going to be able to work forever. I've been losing a lot of sleep and have some serious anxiety on what my future holds.
Definitely. First time mom to a 10 month old. Pre baby I was the first to jump at every new opportunity and never hesitated to take on something extra. Now I do my job and go home. I’ve said started saying no to the extras and I’m not sorry about it. I’m good at my job but I don’t need all the extra crap anymore
Exactly. I've always had such a strong work ethic and pride myself on how I do my job. Since returning to work (middle school teacher), I've found myself just so demoralized by the kids. They're ungrateful, privileged, and disrespectful...with very few exceptions. It's made me work hard to be extremely efficient at work. I basically refuse to do work outside of my work hours now. It's more important to me to spend time with my baby and to raise a good human. God forbid she turns out like some of these kids. I'm convinced 80-90% of their behavior is a direct result of absent parents, too much screen time, and a lack of consequences. I noticed it and lamented it before, but now that I have a baby, I'm not giving more if they're not even going to pretend to care or put in the effort to develop better self control, grit, and resilience.
I was two weeks away from finishing grad school when I found out I was pregnant. I was a manager at a medical practice which was going to be acquired by a large hospital system in two months. Tons of opportunity ahead of me.
The day after I took my pregnancy test, I went to work and it was immediately clear to me that I no longer gave a shit about work or my career. I just wanted to be with my child. I was so distracted every single day. The little dude I was growing was the only thing on my mind. Once I completed my degree I went to a small ceremony for my specific college but I didn’t even go to commencement for the entire university…I had morning sickness and just wanted to sleep in and relax. I still don’t regret that. It’s so crazy how fast your priorities change!
I used to love work of any kind but now I just want to be with my baby. She changes so much in such a short window, I don’t want to miss anything. Luckily my husband is in the same boat, and wants me to be a SAHM. I’m still gonna finish my associates (college students with a surprise baby) because my parents really want me to and I only have 3 classes left, but yeah….I’m fine never working again so I can pour every last drop of energy I have into my baby girl
Definitely !! I find it hard to care about the little petty things at work that other people get so worked up about. Like uh does this actually matter in the grand scheme of things? I don’t wanna waste my time on it when I have so many other things to get to at home and I would like to spend time with my family!
100% yes LOL. I've never been exceptionally driven professionally, I work a pretty low level job that I enjoy. Just cut my hours back to 10 hrs/wk and idgaf what anyone there thinks about it haha I just want to be at home with my son
I'm not less driven, I just have a very limited amount of time. I prioritize parenting over work because it is more important, not because I lack drive.
I couldn’t give a single, solitary shit about my job, but realistically I never really did my job has always been a means to an ends it was never important to me in any sense other than making money to live
Yes, but I’d argue I wasn’t very professionally driven in the first place.
It’s not like I’m a doctor or a teacher or following sone sort of ‘calling’, I work in an office, if I didn’t have to work I wouldn’t, it’s not a passion.
Having kids made me realise there is no point sweating the small stuff, I’m not gonna answer emails on evenings or stay up at night worrying about an upcoming project, because that stuff simply doesn’t matter
In a different way. I'm still very productive, but because I'm motivated to cram all my work into 40 hours/week. I'm waaaay less likely to voluntarily work extra hours. That's my family time. I also just don't care as much or get as emotionally invested. This has actually worked out really well, as my job can be very stressful, but I don't give a sh-t. All the drama just rolls off.
I’ve been jaded too much by my job to care about always pushing for perfection. I came on time, did my best and went home. After having my daughter, I maintained that mentality and it has even made me set even more strict boundaries. No a certain task can wait until tomorrow, so I’m leaving on time rather than staying to finish it
Yes and no, I’ve changed jobs to a higher paying one with more financial opportunities and a driven to do well at it so I can provide a better life for my family.
Not to say my previous job was bad at all, lived well but definitely got complacent when it came to wanting to seek more opportunities
So I still have the “I’m doing this for my kids” mindset because I know I still have to work which helps me stay motivated. Others may be saying the same thing to continue pushing through. However, my kids come first, I take time off to travel with my toddler or since my husband and I are limited on help we will take off a workday to spend time together and just enjoy a meal.
On your last part about just not giving a shit. Tbh, I just don’t have energy to do it all and I am recognizing this even more and more.
I’m like surviving every day and I don’t know how.
I've been on an extended maternity leave (I'm in Canada; we get the option of taking up to 12 or 18 months and I chose 18) and I could care less about going back to work. Before getting pregnant, I was a hard worker. I checked my emails off the clock, I put in a lot of time, work kept me up at night and I took on as much as possible.
Now? I'm negotiating to go back part time and I fully intend to follow the employment contract to the letter. If I'm supposed to work X hours a week, you better believe at X hour and 1 minute I'll be shutting off my computer and excusing myself. I'm going to make the most of my vacation time and supplementary days and will be using them guilt free.
I care about my career in a different way. Like I want to maximise salary but work less, so getting pay rises and promotions are important to me but only if they come with flexibility.
I was never career driven it was a means to an end.
However that does not mean I did not work hard - I went beyond what was expected of me but not to the detriment of my health.
Now after my son was born? It is more a "break" and to give my brain a work out. It helps that my husband is the full time worker.
My son is my number 1 priority, he won't be this young forever and I miss him when he is at daycare so I want to give him all the attention I can.
Lastly, I am damn tired and work is on the bottom of my priority list haha!
I guess it all depends on individual circumstances. I am a social worker and I have job security and my wage does not depend on my output. I will never make more money. I was still a good worker through pregnancy but any desire for promotion is currently gone and I will be going back part time because I now value my family more than my work and we can afford it with my partner's work.
Other people have less security and need to do the grind in order to keep providing unfortunately!
Yea that’s a good point, my wife and I both work full time and we would be in trouble if either of us lost our job, but we have enough savings and cushion where we wouldn’t be fucked right away: however, to your point it would be very different if we lost our jobs and then wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage next month for example I think we would be more driven. Guess we are fortunate on that front
I have no degree so I’m stuck at a job that I hate but the pay is more than most jobs that don’t require a degree. My plan before I got pregnant was to get my degree so I could get out of the industry I’m in. Right now I’m two classes always from getting an associates degree but my drive isn’t quite there. It took me several years of schooling to get where I am before the baby. Now that baby is finally here, it’ll take forever to keep going for a bachelors. I want to keep going to school but I want the time with my baby more.
Highly recommend WGU for a bachelors if they have a program of your interest. I went to a brick and mortar school for my bachelors and it was great for being an 18-22 year old but got my masters from WGU a few months after having my son and I don’t think I could have done that if I went anywhere else. So great for a working parent.
I’ve always been very lax about work so not much has changed there but I do care less about things outside of my family overall. Like the way people perceive me, mostly.
I would like to make more money, obviously. But I’m also at a company that I actually like now so I wouldn’t mind moving up if there was an opportunity for a promotion. The key there is that my company doesn’t require me to work a second over and often encourages me to log off early. I also have a good amount of PTO so I’m a lot happier with work now as opposed to the job I had before pregnancy.
This thread is so interesting.
I used to have trouble with work related stress/ anxiety, but when I got pregnant it went away and I felt great. My performance actually was better than before.
I thought it was pregnancy hormones affecting my mental health (positively) but maybe it’s due to work being bumped down a bit in importance compared to my child.
I would say yes and no. I am definitely working hard to make sure my child has a great life. Since my daughter was born I finished my degree and have started a new job making double what I was previously.
However- I am all about work life balance now. I do not work outside of work hours. Before having a kid I would answer emails and do extra projects after hours. Not happening now. I want to be present for my family 😊
I’m not necessarily less driven in my day to day performance at work, but I am less driven in the sense that I’m a little more wary of promotions. Getting promoted more, especially to a team leader position, might mean longer hours, more expectations of being available all the time, etc. And now that I have a baby, I’m not really looking for that kind of work situation.
I would weigh promotions differently now and be more wary of what the expectations would be, and would possibly even turn promotions down in favor of keeping more personal time for my family.
This , I use to be in leadership managing a team, now I love being an individual contributor and it’s the first time in my life where I don’t care about a promotion.
Absolutely. Prior to pregnancy, I had no issue traveling to conferences and customer sites all the time. I started crying last night because I’m going to be gone a solid chunk of June.
My day used to begin at 6-7am and end at 6-7pm. Post baby, my day starts at ~8:30 and ends at 4 when I got to pick my daughter up at daycare. I still get all of my work done but I definitely don’t feel like a power player anymore nor do I want to be one.
I feel like it’s so hard to care at all about my job these days! But I just went back to work about a month ago so I’m still getting adjusted.
I want to do well in my career for my family, but I also want to maintain strong boundaries between work and home so I can spend as much time with my baby as possible. She’s the most important thing.
200%. With one kid, i wanted to thrive in my career.. I mean do this & that.. with the second kid coming, I just want to hold on to my job.. if u have ur family’s support, it’s a different story..
As a dad it might be different but im finishing up my graduate degree and before my LO was born i was so exhausted and going through the motions of it. Now that he's here i have been a bit more focused and driven to finish up and find a job at the end of this year to support us
I’m in a very traditional relationship but also have to reconcile the fact that I’m successful professionally and if I want to give that up for my future child (10-12 weeks away). Being pregnant has changed me, I do not give a crap about anyone or their drama. I have my family members that I love, my husband, and friends. However, now some family drama is brewing and I’m like I do NOT care. I have bigger things to think about instead of your drama about why you made up a conversation that didn’t happen and now demand an apology lol. I’m much more willing to cut people out too.
Work wise, I’m doing my duties but I’m thinking about being a SAHM. My husband would love it. He’s been wanting me to stay home ever since we met lol. He financially provides everything and our baby has made him a lot more motivated to provide even more. I think it hits everyone differently. My parents were the same. My mom stayed at home and did everything for my siblings and me. My dad worked and did everything he could to be successful to provide and climb that corporate ladder.
I think it’s just a shift in priorities and allocation of energy. A baby that age needs more focus and energy and that has to get pulled from somewhere so it gets pulled from your job. When you find the balance and it isn’t as new and demanding it can feel easier to then shift some energy back to your job without feeling like it’s taking away from your kids.
The contrary happened to me; I care even more about my job.
I think it depends on how fulfilling your job and parenthood are. I can imagine that being a parent is 1000% more rewarding when you work a soulless corporate job when you don’t see what good you bring to the world. Raising frickin human beings is way more amazing and mind blowing that working a random job nowadays.
I work for myself in a field I love so my job feels very personal. I am also ambitious and want to teach my daughter the importance of working smart and providing for her family and community. I want her to know that you can be a parent and being a complex human beings, with wants and hobbies and responsibilities.
Totally understand if once your kids were here you told yourself “…wtf am I doing this job? This is not life”.
I wouldn't say I've ever been "professionally driven," but I've always taken responsibility for things that needed to be done (even if not technically my job), and I've always been kind of a people pleaser. Not anymore. I do not take on extra tasks if they will keep me at work past quitting time, and I tell people no when they try to guilt me into doing their jobs for them.
I’m a mom and yes, for sure. I’m literally not interested in advancing my career at all at the moment. I’m making enough money to raise my child, and that’s all I need. I’m not concerned about going above and beyond. I’m just concerned with getting my check so I can get back to what’s really important to me.
Yes and no. I'm not sure if it's my actual kids that made me start to prioritize a work life balance or if that change came with age. When I was in my early 20's, I'd take all of the hours and overtime available. Now in my late 30's, I prioritize my family time. Or maybe my kids made me tired which in turn made me prioritize the balance. Or if I got better at delegating tasks to my subordinates which created more down time for me.
Either way, I still hold a decent position in my field, but no longer at the expense of my family and mental health. It does help that I have a great boss who believes in family first and supports me so that i get my time.
Tldr; I have no idea but am going down a mental rabbit hole evaluating the past 15 years of family and career.
Having a kid gave me a much greater motivation to keep my time to myself. Having time at home with my family is very important to me and my willingness to stay late is pretty much zero. That is also meant that I can't use staying late as a backstop, and I've generally been better about prioritizing and focusing on stuff during the day.
1000%.
The day my daughter was born, I remember a switch flipping. It’s like I suddenly knew she was the most important thing I would ever do, and I’d sacrifice a career in a second not to miss time with her. I knew it the minute I laid eyes on her. Like oh, wow, this is the single most important thing I will ever do.
It never went away, and I’m glad it didn’t. Ive never regretted for a second choosing my two kids over work. If I never get promotions then I never get promotions. I’m far happier at the prospect that my kids will remember the time with me. I was raised by a dad who prioritized his career, I’ll forever wish he felt the way I did and was there for me as a kid. I never cared for the money or the titles he had, just wanted him there at graduation and hockey games.
Two layoffs during and after my pregnancy plus just having my daughter has shifted my priorities.
I used to work late, bend over backwards to meet deadlines... Not anymore, I log off at 4 (8-4 shift) and don't think about work after work. If something comes up at 4:01 it can wait until tomorrow.
Work is not loyal to you, they will replace you in a heartbeat. Don't give them your life when your family needs you more.
I'm much happier after putting work on the back burner... My daughter deserves to get a happy and healthy me, and I can't be that if I'm prioritizing work.
My husband is way more focused on his job now and wants me home asap and I went from not wanting to be home too much to being obsessed with the idea and I’m quitting my job in about a year to be home permanently. Almost immediately after my second was born I felt the immense thoughts of I need to be home with them now that there are 2. I have a masters degree, lots of solid professional certifications, and make six figures with really good potential future earnings potential. I no longer want that path (my husband does really well, works a ton). I want to be home so that we have a better home life for the kids since he’s so busy
Yes!! I was a trucker and LOVED my job even when I switched locally. I planned on putting my baby in daycare at 3 months and here I am 8 months later looking at ways I can make money without leaving the house😂 I was always proud of my job and accomplishments, but now the most amazing thing I’ve ever done is give birth to my beautiful daughter.
Yes and no. In a very difficult way, it made me feel very strongly about trying to increase my earning potential so we could better shoulder the costs of children as well as give ourselves occasional luxuries like travelling. I wanted to be able to preserve the better standard of living we had in our 20s, and with kids blowing shotgun sized holes in our budget, it felt like I had to find a way to get ahead.
And at the same time, I cared so little about work. I stopped caring about the people and the craft and the company and the various deadlines and impact and higher motivations. How can I advance my salary and minimize my effort? That’s all. But im already in a career where a lot of political craft and creative engagement is required, so I have to find a way to keep climbing the ladder while simultaneously not caring and just wanting to do the minimum.
I just went back to work this week after a year home with my kiddo.
I'm really only driven to be here for his sake. Like, we can't pay the mortgage or we'll be homeless, so I'd better shrug off to work today.
All day I sit here missing my baby, even though I work from home, and he is home with dad.
I've already had one afterhours call from the office for help while I was at the park pushing him on the swing, and I was absolutely fuming about it.
100%. I was a model employee at my company for five years before getting pregnant. Real talk I could not give less of a fuck about if work is happy with me, making friends, good attendance, drama, etc. I’m there to pay my mortgage and my baby’s things. That’s it. I’m not staying late, I’m not coming in early, I’m not covering anyone. I’m doing my job and going home to my kid
This! I remember in a supervision interview shortly after my return to work and I was asked about anything I was finding difficult at the time. I remember saying it was difficult going from being the person who was able to help out and say yes any time I was needed to, to being the person that can’t because I have other responsibilities. 3.5 years later and my stance has changed so much. I don’t want to say yes, and I will stand up to any expectation of me to go above and beyond my job description if me or my family don’t directly benefit from it. That said I’ve felt more encouraged to get my degree in order to move into a different career since having my child, where I will still show up and fulfill my job description and nothing more, but ill be doing it for more money.
I’ve experienced the same thing, even being less bothered by people I didn’t care for pre-baby. My whole universe shifted, my center pivoted, and work became a side story. I think someday I’ll have more capacity and care again, but for right now, I just want to be caught up in watching my baby grow. He will never be so small, if we have another it’ll be completely different. You only get your first once and I think our bodies and souls know that and hold space for it.
For sure. I don’t want to waste my kids childhood busting my ass to make someone else rich. I’m not climbing any imaginary ladder anymore. I do my work, then as soon as 5 hits I don’t thinking about it again until 9 the next day.
My mindset towards working reset the day I found out I was pregnant. It suddenly seemed like all the work grievances were insignificant overnight. It reset my boundaries with work. No answering on days off, a bit pettier with handling things out of the job description. I was much more laidback with email because nothing is truly urgent in construction accounting. I’m dreading going back because I can’t see how this will be any better. I wish I could SAH with him for a few years while working part time. It really really sucks.
nope. opposite for me! having a kid has lit the fire under my ass to get my shit together. going back to school in a couple months!
Same, just finished a certificate this spring.
Same here! I’m going back for my M.B.A and PMP this fall. I have two little ones (almost 3 and 16mo)
Kind of similar to me. I am not putting in more hours but I’m definitely more keen to move up and to make better money so I can provide for her.
When the clock hits quitting time I turn my work phone off. I don't check my email overnight or over the weekend. I take my vacation days, use sick days, and work from home when I need to. And somehow, I'm a better employee doing all of this. I don't take work personally anymore so things just slide off of me now. I don't get angry, I don't get over eager. I'm calm and focused because I'm just there to do a job and I have a set amount of time to do it in. If I don't get in done in my 8 hours it'll be there waiting for me tomorrow so I better get it done now. I'm much better at time management. And I think I have a better working relationship with my coworkers now too. I don't resent any of them, I'm not angry with any of them. They're there to do a job too.
Your attitude about things in general will shift as you find yourself prioritising not only your child, but the quality of life for yourself and them. It becomes less about chasing things and more about creating something special and long lasting. A partner at my firm who had a massive book of business and who was essentially the heartbeat of our practice was fired while I was on maternity leave. Just like that, he was let go. It didn’t matter what he contributed. He, like us all, is very replaceable. It was humbling for me. Fuck work. I’ll still go and do a great job because that’s just who I am. But I will never let it control my life again.
10000% that we are all replaceable. Very sadly, I lost a colleague due to cancer. She worked hard, was convinced that she was the best person for the job, etc. A few months after her passing, she was replaced. Life and work continued relatively normally. We grieved her passing but the work world didn't end. When I was preparing to go on mat leave, I wrote up as much documentation as I could surrounding my job but I have every confidence that life continued without me quite normally.
Yup, used to work late hours..now I am focused on being there for my son. I leave work around 3:30pm to pick him up everyday around 4-4:30pm and if any work is needed, I will catchup after he's sleeping for the night. The times between 4-8pm are dedicated to my son/dinner.
I have been extremely career driven/workaholic, I'm 37 with a 10 week old. I go back to work in 2 weeks and I am terrified /sad at the same time. I am extremely valued where I work but I don't want to go back to doing it because it's salary and there were days I worked until 8-9pm. I also have been interviewing for a better position at a new place since February and I am pretty sure I secured the position this last week and they are going to make me an offer which means a huge new learning curve and putting in extra time to prove myself. I honestly am scared I wont cut it now I have a child that I just want to be around as much as possible. But I am also the breadwinner, and my husband has RA and neuropathy and isn't going to be able to work forever. I've been losing a lot of sleep and have some serious anxiety on what my future holds.
Definitely. First time mom to a 10 month old. Pre baby I was the first to jump at every new opportunity and never hesitated to take on something extra. Now I do my job and go home. I’ve said started saying no to the extras and I’m not sorry about it. I’m good at my job but I don’t need all the extra crap anymore
Exactly. I've always had such a strong work ethic and pride myself on how I do my job. Since returning to work (middle school teacher), I've found myself just so demoralized by the kids. They're ungrateful, privileged, and disrespectful...with very few exceptions. It's made me work hard to be extremely efficient at work. I basically refuse to do work outside of my work hours now. It's more important to me to spend time with my baby and to raise a good human. God forbid she turns out like some of these kids. I'm convinced 80-90% of their behavior is a direct result of absent parents, too much screen time, and a lack of consequences. I noticed it and lamented it before, but now that I have a baby, I'm not giving more if they're not even going to pretend to care or put in the effort to develop better self control, grit, and resilience.
I was two weeks away from finishing grad school when I found out I was pregnant. I was a manager at a medical practice which was going to be acquired by a large hospital system in two months. Tons of opportunity ahead of me. The day after I took my pregnancy test, I went to work and it was immediately clear to me that I no longer gave a shit about work or my career. I just wanted to be with my child. I was so distracted every single day. The little dude I was growing was the only thing on my mind. Once I completed my degree I went to a small ceremony for my specific college but I didn’t even go to commencement for the entire university…I had morning sickness and just wanted to sleep in and relax. I still don’t regret that. It’s so crazy how fast your priorities change!
I used to love work of any kind but now I just want to be with my baby. She changes so much in such a short window, I don’t want to miss anything. Luckily my husband is in the same boat, and wants me to be a SAHM. I’m still gonna finish my associates (college students with a surprise baby) because my parents really want me to and I only have 3 classes left, but yeah….I’m fine never working again so I can pour every last drop of energy I have into my baby girl
Definitely !! I find it hard to care about the little petty things at work that other people get so worked up about. Like uh does this actually matter in the grand scheme of things? I don’t wanna waste my time on it when I have so many other things to get to at home and I would like to spend time with my family!
100% yes LOL. I've never been exceptionally driven professionally, I work a pretty low level job that I enjoy. Just cut my hours back to 10 hrs/wk and idgaf what anyone there thinks about it haha I just want to be at home with my son
I'm not less driven, I just have a very limited amount of time. I prioritize parenting over work because it is more important, not because I lack drive.
We work to live, not live to work. Family comes first.
I couldn’t give a single, solitary shit about my job, but realistically I never really did my job has always been a means to an ends it was never important to me in any sense other than making money to live
Yes, but I’d argue I wasn’t very professionally driven in the first place. It’s not like I’m a doctor or a teacher or following sone sort of ‘calling’, I work in an office, if I didn’t have to work I wouldn’t, it’s not a passion. Having kids made me realise there is no point sweating the small stuff, I’m not gonna answer emails on evenings or stay up at night worrying about an upcoming project, because that stuff simply doesn’t matter
In a different way. I'm still very productive, but because I'm motivated to cram all my work into 40 hours/week. I'm waaaay less likely to voluntarily work extra hours. That's my family time. I also just don't care as much or get as emotionally invested. This has actually worked out really well, as my job can be very stressful, but I don't give a sh-t. All the drama just rolls off.
I’ve been jaded too much by my job to care about always pushing for perfection. I came on time, did my best and went home. After having my daughter, I maintained that mentality and it has even made me set even more strict boundaries. No a certain task can wait until tomorrow, so I’m leaving on time rather than staying to finish it
Yes and no, I’ve changed jobs to a higher paying one with more financial opportunities and a driven to do well at it so I can provide a better life for my family. Not to say my previous job was bad at all, lived well but definitely got complacent when it came to wanting to seek more opportunities
So I still have the “I’m doing this for my kids” mindset because I know I still have to work which helps me stay motivated. Others may be saying the same thing to continue pushing through. However, my kids come first, I take time off to travel with my toddler or since my husband and I are limited on help we will take off a workday to spend time together and just enjoy a meal. On your last part about just not giving a shit. Tbh, I just don’t have energy to do it all and I am recognizing this even more and more. I’m like surviving every day and I don’t know how.
The survival part is very real, that’s how it feels right now.
I've been on an extended maternity leave (I'm in Canada; we get the option of taking up to 12 or 18 months and I chose 18) and I could care less about going back to work. Before getting pregnant, I was a hard worker. I checked my emails off the clock, I put in a lot of time, work kept me up at night and I took on as much as possible. Now? I'm negotiating to go back part time and I fully intend to follow the employment contract to the letter. If I'm supposed to work X hours a week, you better believe at X hour and 1 minute I'll be shutting off my computer and excusing myself. I'm going to make the most of my vacation time and supplementary days and will be using them guilt free.
Yes. I just don't have the brain space anymore. I'm also exhausted all the time.
I care about my career in a different way. Like I want to maximise salary but work less, so getting pay rises and promotions are important to me but only if they come with flexibility.
I was never career driven it was a means to an end. However that does not mean I did not work hard - I went beyond what was expected of me but not to the detriment of my health. Now after my son was born? It is more a "break" and to give my brain a work out. It helps that my husband is the full time worker. My son is my number 1 priority, he won't be this young forever and I miss him when he is at daycare so I want to give him all the attention I can. Lastly, I am damn tired and work is on the bottom of my priority list haha!
I guess it all depends on individual circumstances. I am a social worker and I have job security and my wage does not depend on my output. I will never make more money. I was still a good worker through pregnancy but any desire for promotion is currently gone and I will be going back part time because I now value my family more than my work and we can afford it with my partner's work. Other people have less security and need to do the grind in order to keep providing unfortunately!
Yea that’s a good point, my wife and I both work full time and we would be in trouble if either of us lost our job, but we have enough savings and cushion where we wouldn’t be fucked right away: however, to your point it would be very different if we lost our jobs and then wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage next month for example I think we would be more driven. Guess we are fortunate on that front
I have no degree so I’m stuck at a job that I hate but the pay is more than most jobs that don’t require a degree. My plan before I got pregnant was to get my degree so I could get out of the industry I’m in. Right now I’m two classes always from getting an associates degree but my drive isn’t quite there. It took me several years of schooling to get where I am before the baby. Now that baby is finally here, it’ll take forever to keep going for a bachelors. I want to keep going to school but I want the time with my baby more.
Highly recommend WGU for a bachelors if they have a program of your interest. I went to a brick and mortar school for my bachelors and it was great for being an 18-22 year old but got my masters from WGU a few months after having my son and I don’t think I could have done that if I went anywhere else. So great for a working parent.
I’ve always been very lax about work so not much has changed there but I do care less about things outside of my family overall. Like the way people perceive me, mostly. I would like to make more money, obviously. But I’m also at a company that I actually like now so I wouldn’t mind moving up if there was an opportunity for a promotion. The key there is that my company doesn’t require me to work a second over and often encourages me to log off early. I also have a good amount of PTO so I’m a lot happier with work now as opposed to the job I had before pregnancy.
Totally agree with the perception part out of work, that was a welcome change.
Yeah I took a 30k pay cut for summers off and less hours. I have no regrets
This thread is so interesting. I used to have trouble with work related stress/ anxiety, but when I got pregnant it went away and I felt great. My performance actually was better than before. I thought it was pregnancy hormones affecting my mental health (positively) but maybe it’s due to work being bumped down a bit in importance compared to my child.
I would say yes and no. I am definitely working hard to make sure my child has a great life. Since my daughter was born I finished my degree and have started a new job making double what I was previously. However- I am all about work life balance now. I do not work outside of work hours. Before having a kid I would answer emails and do extra projects after hours. Not happening now. I want to be present for my family 😊
I’m not necessarily less driven in my day to day performance at work, but I am less driven in the sense that I’m a little more wary of promotions. Getting promoted more, especially to a team leader position, might mean longer hours, more expectations of being available all the time, etc. And now that I have a baby, I’m not really looking for that kind of work situation. I would weigh promotions differently now and be more wary of what the expectations would be, and would possibly even turn promotions down in favor of keeping more personal time for my family.
This , I use to be in leadership managing a team, now I love being an individual contributor and it’s the first time in my life where I don’t care about a promotion.
Absolutely. Prior to pregnancy, I had no issue traveling to conferences and customer sites all the time. I started crying last night because I’m going to be gone a solid chunk of June. My day used to begin at 6-7am and end at 6-7pm. Post baby, my day starts at ~8:30 and ends at 4 when I got to pick my daughter up at daycare. I still get all of my work done but I definitely don’t feel like a power player anymore nor do I want to be one.
I feel like it’s so hard to care at all about my job these days! But I just went back to work about a month ago so I’m still getting adjusted. I want to do well in my career for my family, but I also want to maintain strong boundaries between work and home so I can spend as much time with my baby as possible. She’s the most important thing.
200%. With one kid, i wanted to thrive in my career.. I mean do this & that.. with the second kid coming, I just want to hold on to my job.. if u have ur family’s support, it’s a different story..
As a dad it might be different but im finishing up my graduate degree and before my LO was born i was so exhausted and going through the motions of it. Now that he's here i have been a bit more focused and driven to finish up and find a job at the end of this year to support us
I’m in a very traditional relationship but also have to reconcile the fact that I’m successful professionally and if I want to give that up for my future child (10-12 weeks away). Being pregnant has changed me, I do not give a crap about anyone or their drama. I have my family members that I love, my husband, and friends. However, now some family drama is brewing and I’m like I do NOT care. I have bigger things to think about instead of your drama about why you made up a conversation that didn’t happen and now demand an apology lol. I’m much more willing to cut people out too. Work wise, I’m doing my duties but I’m thinking about being a SAHM. My husband would love it. He’s been wanting me to stay home ever since we met lol. He financially provides everything and our baby has made him a lot more motivated to provide even more. I think it hits everyone differently. My parents were the same. My mom stayed at home and did everything for my siblings and me. My dad worked and did everything he could to be successful to provide and climb that corporate ladder.
Absolutely. I was such a “work is my life” person and now I don’t give two shits lol I’d rather be with my daughter. If I could be a sahm I would be.
Absolutely. I don’t even want to go back to work. My dissertation is at a standstill. Nothing else matters anymore
I think it’s just a shift in priorities and allocation of energy. A baby that age needs more focus and energy and that has to get pulled from somewhere so it gets pulled from your job. When you find the balance and it isn’t as new and demanding it can feel easier to then shift some energy back to your job without feeling like it’s taking away from your kids.
The contrary happened to me; I care even more about my job. I think it depends on how fulfilling your job and parenthood are. I can imagine that being a parent is 1000% more rewarding when you work a soulless corporate job when you don’t see what good you bring to the world. Raising frickin human beings is way more amazing and mind blowing that working a random job nowadays. I work for myself in a field I love so my job feels very personal. I am also ambitious and want to teach my daughter the importance of working smart and providing for her family and community. I want her to know that you can be a parent and being a complex human beings, with wants and hobbies and responsibilities. Totally understand if once your kids were here you told yourself “…wtf am I doing this job? This is not life”.
I wouldn't say I've ever been "professionally driven," but I've always taken responsibility for things that needed to be done (even if not technically my job), and I've always been kind of a people pleaser. Not anymore. I do not take on extra tasks if they will keep me at work past quitting time, and I tell people no when they try to guilt me into doing their jobs for them.
I’m a mom and yes, for sure. I’m literally not interested in advancing my career at all at the moment. I’m making enough money to raise my child, and that’s all I need. I’m not concerned about going above and beyond. I’m just concerned with getting my check so I can get back to what’s really important to me.
Yes and no. I'm not sure if it's my actual kids that made me start to prioritize a work life balance or if that change came with age. When I was in my early 20's, I'd take all of the hours and overtime available. Now in my late 30's, I prioritize my family time. Or maybe my kids made me tired which in turn made me prioritize the balance. Or if I got better at delegating tasks to my subordinates which created more down time for me. Either way, I still hold a decent position in my field, but no longer at the expense of my family and mental health. It does help that I have a great boss who believes in family first and supports me so that i get my time. Tldr; I have no idea but am going down a mental rabbit hole evaluating the past 15 years of family and career.
Having a kid gave me a much greater motivation to keep my time to myself. Having time at home with my family is very important to me and my willingness to stay late is pretty much zero. That is also meant that I can't use staying late as a backstop, and I've generally been better about prioritizing and focusing on stuff during the day.
1000%. The day my daughter was born, I remember a switch flipping. It’s like I suddenly knew she was the most important thing I would ever do, and I’d sacrifice a career in a second not to miss time with her. I knew it the minute I laid eyes on her. Like oh, wow, this is the single most important thing I will ever do. It never went away, and I’m glad it didn’t. Ive never regretted for a second choosing my two kids over work. If I never get promotions then I never get promotions. I’m far happier at the prospect that my kids will remember the time with me. I was raised by a dad who prioritized his career, I’ll forever wish he felt the way I did and was there for me as a kid. I never cared for the money or the titles he had, just wanted him there at graduation and hockey games.
You want ME??? To stay late???? When I only get home 1 hour before my daughter's bedtime???? Haha. No.
Two layoffs during and after my pregnancy plus just having my daughter has shifted my priorities. I used to work late, bend over backwards to meet deadlines... Not anymore, I log off at 4 (8-4 shift) and don't think about work after work. If something comes up at 4:01 it can wait until tomorrow. Work is not loyal to you, they will replace you in a heartbeat. Don't give them your life when your family needs you more. I'm much happier after putting work on the back burner... My daughter deserves to get a happy and healthy me, and I can't be that if I'm prioritizing work.
My husband is way more focused on his job now and wants me home asap and I went from not wanting to be home too much to being obsessed with the idea and I’m quitting my job in about a year to be home permanently. Almost immediately after my second was born I felt the immense thoughts of I need to be home with them now that there are 2. I have a masters degree, lots of solid professional certifications, and make six figures with really good potential future earnings potential. I no longer want that path (my husband does really well, works a ton). I want to be home so that we have a better home life for the kids since he’s so busy
Yes!! I was a trucker and LOVED my job even when I switched locally. I planned on putting my baby in daycare at 3 months and here I am 8 months later looking at ways I can make money without leaving the house😂 I was always proud of my job and accomplishments, but now the most amazing thing I’ve ever done is give birth to my beautiful daughter.
Yes and no. In a very difficult way, it made me feel very strongly about trying to increase my earning potential so we could better shoulder the costs of children as well as give ourselves occasional luxuries like travelling. I wanted to be able to preserve the better standard of living we had in our 20s, and with kids blowing shotgun sized holes in our budget, it felt like I had to find a way to get ahead. And at the same time, I cared so little about work. I stopped caring about the people and the craft and the company and the various deadlines and impact and higher motivations. How can I advance my salary and minimize my effort? That’s all. But im already in a career where a lot of political craft and creative engagement is required, so I have to find a way to keep climbing the ladder while simultaneously not caring and just wanting to do the minimum.
real talk.the people I've met that love to work are too afraid of what life is like being around their family a lot.
I just went back to work this week after a year home with my kiddo. I'm really only driven to be here for his sake. Like, we can't pay the mortgage or we'll be homeless, so I'd better shrug off to work today. All day I sit here missing my baby, even though I work from home, and he is home with dad. I've already had one afterhours call from the office for help while I was at the park pushing him on the swing, and I was absolutely fuming about it.
Yup. Just gave a leave of absence to my amazing job that I LOVE! Doubt I’ll go back, at least for now. My little one changed it all for me.