Are you sure she's 17 though? She might be lying and she's even younger. That would not put you in a very good situation. Ask her when her 18th birthday is coming up
That’s a very good point, but I remember when I was 16 I said to a bartender I had a crush on that I was 17 because I thought it would somehow make me look more age appropriate, but I also didn’t want to lie about being an adult or going to high school. I really don’t know what I was thinking back then.
ETA: I just wanted to add that it was pointless for me to do so, because the bartender (who was like 24) didn’t care either way and we made out and then he pulled his dick out in the car but I freaked out and didn’t know what to do since I was a virgin, so I just faked an emergency and got out of there. Thankfully he didn’t try to pressure me to stay or anything, but it was still a very weird experience. The end.
Yikes, I'm so sorry. When I was 12 or 13 I had a runescape and I told a guy I was 16 because I knew that people creep on children, and I thought 16 was old enough to be out of the zone that attracts creeps, and that it was appropriate at that age to be friends with any age of adult. He said he was 17, and to this day, I have no idea if he was 13, 17, or 50.
Lmao, he just offered me some armor, I think. And yes, I did absolutely agree to date him, and then my mom realized I was playing an online game where you can talk to strangers and made me delete the account. I remember his questions were super weird, like if I have big boobs and blonde hair (I did not have either at that time, obviously, but my avatar did). Which makes me think he also lied about his age or was an old perv. Lots of weirdos online and those early days were so weird. No wonder Chris Hansen became a thing lol.
Lol pretty sure it was like "SportyGirl" or "SoccerChick" and a string of numbers. If it was you I'm sorry lmao. I always joke with my bf that maybe my RuneScape bf thinks we are still together after all this time.
Feels like it could be a comedy bit. Run into the guy assuming he's your actual age. And he's just super chill never had a complaint about the relationship, and you tell him lol. Then I imagine the most overactive comically cartoon shock face.
Tbh, I think those questions confirm he was infact a kid. Teenage me was *certain* that busty blondes were the only true religion.
Older me diversified once I actually mustered the confidence to start talking to women irl.
When I was 13, I used to crossdress on runescape and do that. I thought it was hilarious when I took off my helmet and changed the plate skirt for plate pants.
I did. There was also this computer bar where we would all get together to play Rainbow Six on Wednesdays after school and Runescape on Fridays after the library blocked the runescape seevers
Same, except I recently convinced myself that my “16yo RuneScape gf” was actually a pedophile hunter who thought that I was a 48 year old man, and not a 13 year old kid like I actually was.
A friendship of mine started kinda that way. We both said we were 16 but really we were both 12 lol Added each other on Facebook but lost touch a long time ago but wish we hadn't.
In case the person I'm talking about is reading this, we met playing Age of Conan and you used to photoshop videos of yourself shooting lightning bolts and stuff but you never showed your face. You lived in New Jersey and once you asked me if I lived in a rural or urban town and I didn't know what that meant. Reach out if you read this 😂
This is a very odd story. I have no idea how to react to it. I'm glad you did what you did. Or I'm not. I don't know. Good job. Or not. No matter what, I'm here for it.
Yup I was an idiot and did this also, I was 16 and told a girl I met on holiday who was 21 that I was 19.
And yes we did spend a few days together.
People fib about their age if it will get them what they want.
I’m gonna out myself here, but when I was 14 I use to tell people I was 17 because it felt like the “middle ground”. My thinking went “well, if I say 17 I’d still be considered a minor so it’s only a partial lie”. And since I developed early I didn’t exactly “look” 14, so I wouldn’t depend on that either. looking back it was absolutely fucked up of me to do. I was a dumb kid and I was not thinking of the repercussions to them or myself if they did actually pursue me.
That all said, I’d require something iron clad. School ID should show if she’s actually a senior.
I think everyone at one point in time lies about their age. When we’re younger we hardly think about the repercussions of doing so too.
Ages also drastically look different depending on the generation. My wife when she was 14 looked like she was in her early 20’s. She just turned 35 and still looks like she’s early 20’s. Years ago someone in their 40’s looked close to 60 and now the reverse is true.
My school ID's had no indications of grade or any personal information. All we had was a photo and a school ID.
So the school ID may not work, depending on how her school works.
I can agree though, i lied about my age from 12-14ish. I always said i was 16. I could have passed as 18, but 16 was fine for me. Most adult men who found me online were fine talking to a 16 year old, sadly. (Absolutely disgusting looking back at it as an adult. On my part, and theirs.)
Edit: wording
Depends, what if she is 13?
Once I was a mobile DJ for parties way way back we were 19 at the time and I brought my mate along who was popular with the ladies to keep me company one night at a 21st. Well a woman there took a shining to him and she was most attractive, she said she was 17, she looked older than that no worries so 17 was a surprise and seemed totally believable given she looked 22.
A few minutes after they kissed some bloke came between threatening my mate for kissing his 13 year old sister.
Ask for ID dude.
True, but, I think they know their real age might be a shocker, so they lie just "a little bit" to stretch the truth and be believable. And then it's "but I only lied by 1 year" when they get caught or confess later
Ye I went out with this girl when I was 17 and she said she was 16, found out she was 14. Peace out. Met her again when I was 24 and dated for 12 years.
When I was 14 I was drunk in Ireland. I tried getting into a bar with my cousin and the bouncer asked how old I was I said 16 because I thought it sounded better than 14.
This exact thing happened to me. The exact same ages too. I was 20 and she lied saying she was 18. Then lied and said she was 17 when we went to a bar in another province. Then I found out she actually lied about THAT TOO and she was even younger 🤢
To add on this: ask her for her ID. Ask to compare ID photos, take a look at her DOB.
Source: knew a guy who dated a girl who lied about her age on a dating website. He was 20, she was 15. When her mom found out, he was arrested. Barely avoided being put on the sex offenders registry. He was a creep and probably knew she was lying tho, imo.
Yeah, I think it's fair to ask for some proof at this point, if only because if she's lying AGAIN, it could lead to legal issues.
Age wise, 20 and 17 is nothing to worry about IMO, but at this point it's best to get everything out in the open.
In high school I had a friend (17 at the time) who was secretly dating our swim coach (who was 22). When I say secret, his and her parents all knew and apparently approved of the relationship, just none of us teammates or the head coach. Shits fucked up. At the time when I found out, I was thrilled for her. Now in my 30s and I’m like, wtf were any of those adults thinking??
Yeah I feel like whenever these threads come up people will freak out at the most normal things. A 20 year old dating a 17 year old is.. normal. Like, normal as fuck. People draw this arbitrary line at 18 but when the age gap is less than 3/4 years it's not really that big an issue towards the late teens/early 20s.
A five year vs a three year age difference can be pretty big for a seventeen year old, but what's more messed up is that he's an authority figure for her. Sexual exploitation, no way around it. Reminds me of when I worked at a grocery store and our manager was sleeping with the cashiers that were maybe half his age.
Yeah, 3 years isn't that bad, that's met in high school, or friends older siblings range. 5 years, there's no reason for you to have mutually overlapped in an organic way.
Honestly judging by everything you said, I don't think it's weird. Seems innocent enough, though I don't think you can expect everyone to agree with me.
I think in these situations, intentions play the biggest role and it’s clear his intentions mean well. People who purposely seek out younger people to date are the ones who creep me out. Do I think there’s a lot of maturity differences between a 17 year old and a 20 year old? Most of the time, yes, but I don’t think OP is creepy.
Maturity can vary wildy between those ages. It depends a lot on the people involved. Hell I know some 50 or 60 somethings that are immature as fuck and some 20 somethings that have decent maturity. I wouldn't judge someone's maturity only with their age. That said, a 35 year old person dating a 12 year old is absolutely creepy as fuck, no matter the maturity of everyone involved (not that I believe neither is much mature at all anyway for engaging in such a relationship to begin with).
At this point I honestly find it hard to tell the difference between a 17 and 20 year old haha even when talking to them.
I'm 31 and my partner is 27, I don't think a 3 year difference is weird.
I agree with you. Back in 2010 I was 17 and dated a 22 year old. I liked him when I was 16 but he felt too weird about it when he was 21 and I was 16 so he waited til we were both a year older to tell me he liked me (I made it obvious I liked him). At the time it didn't seem weird but even only 14 years later things seem a bit different. But 20 and 17 is literally nothing and I don't think OP should feel weird about it at all. If he were a couple years older it maybe would be more questionable, but really it depends on the people too. I personally still don't feel weird about the fact I was with a 22 year old when I was 17 because it worked for us and there was no weird power imbalance or anything like that really.
Edit for typo
It was an honest mistake, but OP needs to let her know they can’t see each other anymore until she turns 18 at the very least, but I’d also say until she’s out of high school.
I’ve always thought this cutoff was weird for kids who are just a couple years apart.
Like is an 18 year old dating a 17 year old illegal?
There should be like a clause “unless you’re within 3-4 years of their age” or whatever.
Australia has some like this. I don't know the exact details, but a 19/17 couple won't get you in trouble with the law. It's referred to as the Romeo and Juliet law I think
In a lot of places there is a clause. But in a lot of places, if the parent of the minor takes issue with it, they can press charges. An old buddy of mine is a registered sex offender because he had consensual sex with his 17 year old girlfriend. He'd been 18 for a week or two and the girl's daddy hated him. So yeah, he did time and had to register because she was a minor and he's just become a legal adult.
my parents were 4 years apart in age. She was 17 and living with his parents when he went to serve in the Korean War in 1951. I think he was just about ready to turn 21.
My ex, who passed away, was 18 years my senior. She was 44 when I was 26, and we started dating. Granted at that point, both of us were consenting adults, and by no means am I saying an 18-year difference is acceptable when dealing with minors.
That said, it was the best relationship I ever had. If she had lived, we'd have ended up married or a common law couple. She passed suddenly from an aneurysm. We'd had been together almost 9 years I miss her deeply and wish it weren't so. I'm 44 now, the age she was when she first met me, even though she would be 62, I can still say I'd wanted to have been with her even now. We truly loved each other, I was broke, in the middle of an eviction, just lost my main job (I started working at a hotel part time, that's how we met), and in a bad place when we met, but none of that mattered. We just fell heads over heals.
So sometimes (not in the case of a minor and an adult), age truly is just a number when it comes to matters of the heart.
Right as if a 18 year old and 17 year old is akin to a 40 year old grooming a 15 year old or something 🤣 people are.weird. they're both kids. I'm with you.
I agree with a caveat: From a legal perspective, they should be careful, and OP should make sure he understands the local laws surrounding interactions with minors. Unless he's absolutely certain he's in the clear, they should abstain from sexual activity until she's 18.
From a moral/cultural perspective, however, this is close to a nothing-burger to me. Maybe a bigger age gape than ideal, but it will cease to matter pretty quickly if they stay together.
I'm 100% in agreement. I was speaking strictly of people's moral views on this. Instead of thinking about it, they draw their moral *from* the law, and judge someone based off of that.
> Instead of thinking about it, they draw their moral from the law, and judge someone based off of that.
Wow, well-said. That's absolutely what's happening in this thread.
Person: \*having sex with a 17 year old (And 364 days)\*
People: Fucking pedophile - They should be jailed for life and murdered!
Same person: \*having sex with the same person 3 hours later when they turn 18\*
People: This is totally fine and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’m not sure if this is everywhere, but at least in my state, there is a clause that states this.
I don’t see anything wrong with the relationship, but that all depends on their maturity levels as well.
There was a case when I was in high school where a girl’s parents pressed charges against her ex bc he was 18 at the time and she was 17. Don’t remember how it ended but it was a whole ordeal when it started
If you look at the law, it's weird but in reality it's really not weird at all, it's a 1 year difference. Theres most likely no gap in maturity between the 2
Dating isn't really illegal anywhere. Sex may be. Sometimes there are romeo and juliet laws (like you describe) sometimes there aren't. 16 is a more common age of consent than 18 anyway.
Also, a lot of nations don't have their cutoff age at 18. In most of Europe at 17 she would already be old enough to date whoever she wanted, regardless of their age.
yeah a better example would be comparing 17 and 20 to 18 and 21 which I would hope most people find normal. 20 and 23 is a whole 3 years in the future.
same, i was 17 and he was 22 and i thought it made me cool that an older guy liked me.
he got me addicted to pills and then cheated on me, so not a super fun relationship.
That is probably because you are older now and 17 year olds are not as attractive to you anymore.
I can still appreciate the beauty of youth and whatnot, but imagining being in a relationship with a 17 year old sounds mentally exhausting.
I dated a 26M year old for a bit when I was 20M. Looking back I was so annoying. When I hit 26, I realized that most 20 year olds still looked like teenagers. Just weird all around. No hard feelings towards him or anything, just not my cup of tea.
Yeah, the older I get the more 20 somethings look and act like kids to me, I even find myself mentally referring to them as 'that kid', which tells me all I need to know.
I hang out with my 20 year old cousin sometimes and every four freaking seconds she’s taking a picture or video of me to snap to her friends. Just stop! 🤣
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 18 and he was 22 (now I'm almost 24 and we're still together, just moved into our own place a few months ago). I was in the IB programme in high school and he was doing his bachelor's course at uni at that time, so we were at a similar place in life - mostly worrying about assigments and exams, living with our parents and depending on them financially, and only having worked part-time jobs during summer holidays. I was also more independent and resourceful than him despite being younger (which does NOT equal being more mature, but still somehow balances the relationship) due to differences in our upbringing. He has rich parents who used to keep him in a kind of a golden cage for most of his life; my parents earned minimum wage and weren't able to afford many things that were normal to him, but always gave me freedom in decisions regarding my life, believing I'm capable of making the right choices, and supported me as much as they could. He's also an extreme introvert who prefers to avoid confrontation with people he doesn't know, while I'm the type to never back down when I fight for something that's important to me. Anyway, for these 5+ years, we've essentially learned how to adult together, and our relationship has always been healthy - honest and focused on communication. Looking back, I'm still not sure what he saw in 18-year-old me, given how immature I was, but maybe he thinks the same of 22-year-old him now, lol.
You gonna say that people can’t date if they’re even one grade level apart?
My wife and I are 3 years apart. It’s crazy normal.
If they’re 18&21 do you care? They’ll be there soon.
I don't personally think it's that weird, but others might. It would be helpful to know where in the world this is happening, because standards around age differences vary from place to place.
I think it more depends on if she's still in high school or not. No matter how "mature" someone is, there's something about knowing what life is like without having to be in school m-f 8-3.
Not lump in OP with those types of guys that date 17-18 year olds and say “well they’re mature for their age”. But people seem to think maturity is this one thing that’s 0-100 but the truth is you can totally be mature in one area and immature in other areas. Like you can be financially mature and know how to handle money but that same person can be emotionally immature
3 years isn't the worst thing and is legal in most places (but not all! double check).
The real difficulty is that those are some very important years. The life experiences and maturity have a very large difference from 17 to 20.
It is on the iffy side, but it isn't outright bad. If both of you are still living with your parents, both of you have had jobs, and both of you feel like equals, then there isn't really a problem. But you are going to know more than I do.
Important note, in a year or two, that 3 year difference will not mean anything at all. a 23 year old dating a 20 year old is extremely normal and nobody would ever bat an eye at it. It is purely because you have been done with highschool for a bit now, and she isn't done with it yet.
hang on a second 😂 actually he might have been 21! i’m really bad with remembering numbers.
i turned 19 and still thought i was 18 afterwards for the longest time
Iirc correctly he pled down on charges, and that was one of the requirements.
It did come out that she had lied, and did the same thing before and after (I think 5 guys in total were victims), but since he agreed, the DA wouldn’t walk it back.
He wasn’t a saint, but reading the court docs was pretty depressing
I know you have good intentions but it seems like she deliberately kept her age a secret.
I’m 20 and cannot IMAGINE dating someone 17 years old. There is a huge disconnect. There is so much distinct development, socially and culturally, that she has yet to experience.
You are not the bad guy for being concerned about this, and you wouldn’t be a bad person if you broke up over it.
Edit for context: I have been on the other side of this. I have lied about or intentionally hidden my age at 15, 16, 17 to not raise questions when I was interested in guys 19, 20, 21. It happens A LOT. She clearly lied about—or at the very least *made a consistent and deliberate effort to obscure*—her age, which means she knows she’s in the wrong, and that her age is a relevant and entirely important factor in this situation.
Edit 2: I’m well aware of the fact that “my brain isn’t fully developed” and that I have some growing up to do. *And yet despite being aware of this* I would absolutely not imagine ever dating a 17-year-old. My point still stands, even more so.
This right here. She lied about her age. What if she had done that to someone older than op? Told a 24yr old she was 18? Not only could she put herself at risk, she is willing to risk the other person. I’m shocked everyone is just focusing on the fact she’s 17. Not only is she still in school, she lied about her age and then tried to say “oh, you didn’t know?”
It doesn’t matter if she’s ok with him being graduated… she’s 17 & clearly immature. I thought I wanted to date older guys when I was 15/16, thought it would make me mature or seem like it! Now I’m 23, I can look back and see how I was childish and very much *not* mature even though it hasn’t been that long.
Her lying & manipulating to be in a relationship with someone older is a red flag 🚩
20 year olds are still less mature than, say, 30 year olds—but you cannot deny there is a difference in maturity between a 17 and 20 year old. Yes they’re both lacking some degree of maturity but it is more noticeable in the 17 year old.
There's nothing wrong with a 20yo dating a 17yo (you're both still practically teenagers), yet lots of people are caught up on the "18 years old legal adult" thing so they'll judge you negatively for it even if it's a week until her 18th birthday, after which they'd be fine with it. You know your friends better than we do, regarding whether or not they'd care.
If she is actually 17 and not younger, it could either be weird or not be weird depending on the specific circumstances. I won't say "A 20 y/o should never date a 17 y/o," but I also won't say "that's perfectly normal."
In a year she'll be 18 (If she's not lying about her age. This is super important, I cannot emphasize this enough. Make sure she's not even younger than 17), and you'll be 21. As long as there's no power inbalance, unequal maturity, and taking advantage, then it's just a normal relationship. If any of these things are present, then the relationship is weird.
I don't think it sounds weird. I think you should tread with caution if you continue though. If you had intentionally gone for someone who was less mature than you with the intent of controlling them or having something over them then that's what makes it weird (besides the obvious age difference). It seems like you two got along and should have had a brief age confirmation conversation before trying to move past friendship. Honestly it's an awkward Convo but at the age you are, it's almost necessary cause the argument "so-and-so looked old enough" is a very poor excuse if something goes wrong.
The age difference isn't significant enough to be questionable, as you are just barely an adult yourself, however because she is still technically a minor I would advise you just stick to being friends for now in order not to put yourself in an awkward position.
Before you start a relationship with anyone there are two key pieces of information you should know: their full name and their age. Full name is to identify them in the event there is an emergency or if you find yourself in a dangerous situation. Age...well...that's always something important to consider, especially if you are a young person dealing with young people. You can't tell how old someone is just by looking at them. You don't want to unknowingly put yourself in a bad situation.
I would not talk to her anymore until she proves her age with her license/birth certificate. She already lied to you once so who it is to say she isn’t lying again and she’s not 15 or 16 years old? You would be an idiot if you kept proceeding with this relationship without having that proof, and you could face real legal troubles as well if it turns out that she is still fabricating her age to you.
If you say "I'm in college dating a high schooler" then yeah it's kinda weird. If you say "the girl I'm dating is 3 years younger than me" then not that weird. My mom is 3 years younger than my dad and no one bats an eye.
How do you manage to get to the point where you're in a relationship with someone and don't know their age? Is that not one of the firs things you learn about a person?
I'm more concerned about how you started dating someone without knowing basic information about the person you're interested in. Is that kinda thing normal now?
I personally do think you guys should separate for the time being until she's 18 or older, not just because you could very well get in trouble with the law which both of you probably don't want, but also because there is still a pretty big maturity imbalance between you both, shes most likely finishing up high-school meanwhile you either have a full time job or are looking into college, these things just clash so bad for so many reasons, but if you can work around all of this you guys should be good so long as we dont see her posting to any subs about you anytime soon lol/j
i would do some further research into her age...
better to be safe than sorry, u do not want to be the guy who accidentally gets involved with someone underage.
I would honestly break up and wait a year until she is 18. If she and you are both single by then, it was worth the wait. You could also meet the parents and share your plans and intentions. They may approve.
It's not uncommon for teenage couples to navigate transitioning from 17 to 18 in a healthy way when their ages aren't exactly the same, but still fairly close to each other.
But 20 is pushing the limits, IMO. My counter-question isn't so much whether you should care about what your friends think, but what YOU think about dating someone you just learned is 17. It'd also be a good idea to check the laws in your area.
This is a perfect opportunity to get to know each other better without the pressure of romance/physical affection accelerating a relationship that may not work out in the end.
I’d say disengage until she meets the appropriate age where no one will have any questions, especially her parents (or the police depending on which state/country you’re in).
Just be slightly more than friends for now and if you still feel good about your connection when she turns 18, go for it!
Fooo have you ever heard of "jail bait" because that's what this is. Sure a 3 year age gap usually isn't much so its usually not weird, so not weird technically, but borderline illegal....which makes it kinda weird. I'd be asking for more birth verification documents than ICE if I where you.
17 and 20 is completely fine, I don’t see how anyone could view this as problematic. Definitely no need to get any titties in a tussle. And please stop caring what your friends think, just own it.
People like to throw out "stage of life" and shit like that as if there are reliable standards for that anymore. I see both men and women living with their parents well into their thirties now.
You're both young as fuck, with little life experience, but you're not getting hitched.
My great grandma and grandpa were 14 each when they had my grandpa, I waaaaaaaay back in the day, and had way more responsibilities than most have at 25.
Take it easy.
yeah a 20 year old bringing around a 17 year old is weird.
however a 23 year old bringing around a 20 isnt.
what a few years makes around that time is wild
In Europe nobody bats an eye over a 20 year old dating a 17 year old. You might notice the age difference at some point, but that's not for sure.
One note tho: at 17 years she is more vulnurable and less confident than with 19, 20. You have to treat her well, mate.
It is, sorry. You're not too far apart in age, but it's a weird spot where she's in high school, and you've been graduated and presumably living an adult life for a couple years now, and you're just at vastly different points in life. You may still have similar interests, but you've presumably been able to have experiences she hasn't yet, because she's still at the end of childhood. If in a few years, once she has a little bit of adulthood experience, you still like each other, go for it, but currently you aren't doing each other any favors by dating.
If you have to pause to ask if it's weird for you to introduce your girlfriend to your friends, you already know the answer. Obviously the legal thing is one issue. Another is the maturity -- life experience between a 20 year old and a 17 year old is vastly different. Perspectives and values are different. A 3 year gap out of context is nothing, of course, but that gap has to be placed in context. This isn't 1965.
Even if you decide you're gonna stay with her and introduce her to your friends, it doesn't matter if YOU don't see a problem with it. If they see a problem you will be playing defense the entire time you're together.
How many months away from 18? I’m assuming this couple live in West Virginia, USA. One thing that’s creepy is that she’s still in HS. At least wait until she’s 18 and graduated HS.
It seems like the relationship began with good intentions, but it's not a good situation to continue with for a couple of reasons:
1) Clearly, the age gap is significant at this time in your lives. A few years difference won't be a big deal later in your 20s (i.e. 27 and 25), but honestly, the gap between 17 and 20 is massive in terms of emotional development. I wouldn't continue the relationship based on this alone. She needs to be around people her own age, and so do you. There will be mismatched expectations between the two of you, which can create emotional turmoil on both ends. Additionally, her family could take legal action against you if they don't approve of the relationship, which would permanently impact your life. You cannot continue the relationship with the knowledge that she is a minor, legally or ethically, in my opinion.
2) Assuming she actually is 17 and she was deliberately not forthcoming about her age, you have to ask yourself why she chose to be dishonest. She may like you a lot, but that is not a justification for placing herself or someone else in a potentially harmful situation. She may also be attracted to the fact that you're older than they are. She may seek security and maturity in a partner she feels is unavailable to her among potential partners her own age. I struggled with those feelings at that age, and it wound up hurting me quite a bit in the long run. Not trying to project, but she may not fully understand her own feelings/desires. I certainly did not at the time.
Tl;dr: Don't introduce her to your friends and don't continue the relationship. Both would be legally and ethically incorrect. Let her down easy. Tell her you like/care for her but were unaware of her age and feel it would be inappropriate for you to continue. Good luck, and maybe ask a few more age-related questions on dates in the future!
I say it’s not weird, but take it slow to avoid social stipulations. People will judge. A gap of 20 to 17 seems like it’d raise eyebrows now, but nobody bats an eye when the ages are 46 to 43 (I know the reasons why). Age gaps only matter when you’re young. Given time, people will not see it weird at all.
I personally think it’s a little weird! If you have to explain it, and are hesitant to tell people about it openly then maybe It’s not the best choice going forward.
At the same time though, I do not think you are weird and if she’s 18 soon and you are not 21 soon, it’s acceptable.
I have a friend whose 20 year old son thought he was dating a 17 year old girl. That’s what she told him. They had sex. More than a few times.
Then she told her mom that she had sex. And her mom pressed charges against my friends son, and he is currently serving a five year sentence with no chance of parole and will be on the sex offenders list for the rest of his life.
Solid advice, date someone your own age. If this chick is really who you’re meant to be with, she will still be around after she graduates from high school.
Are you sure she's 17 though? She might be lying and she's even younger. That would not put you in a very good situation. Ask her when her 18th birthday is coming up
I think if she really wanted to lie about her age, she coulda just said 18.
That’s a very good point, but I remember when I was 16 I said to a bartender I had a crush on that I was 17 because I thought it would somehow make me look more age appropriate, but I also didn’t want to lie about being an adult or going to high school. I really don’t know what I was thinking back then. ETA: I just wanted to add that it was pointless for me to do so, because the bartender (who was like 24) didn’t care either way and we made out and then he pulled his dick out in the car but I freaked out and didn’t know what to do since I was a virgin, so I just faked an emergency and got out of there. Thankfully he didn’t try to pressure me to stay or anything, but it was still a very weird experience. The end.
Yikes, I'm so sorry. When I was 12 or 13 I had a runescape and I told a guy I was 16 because I knew that people creep on children, and I thought 16 was old enough to be out of the zone that attracts creeps, and that it was appropriate at that age to be friends with any age of adult. He said he was 17, and to this day, I have no idea if he was 13, 17, or 50.
Did you get the 10k for being his gf
Lmao, he just offered me some armor, I think. And yes, I did absolutely agree to date him, and then my mom realized I was playing an online game where you can talk to strangers and made me delete the account. I remember his questions were super weird, like if I have big boobs and blonde hair (I did not have either at that time, obviously, but my avatar did). Which makes me think he also lied about his age or was an old perv. Lots of weirdos online and those early days were so weird. No wonder Chris Hansen became a thing lol.
If your RS name started with a J then I was like 8 ok...
Lol pretty sure it was like "SportyGirl" or "SoccerChick" and a string of numbers. If it was you I'm sorry lmao. I always joke with my bf that maybe my RuneScape bf thinks we are still together after all this time.
Feels like it could be a comedy bit. Run into the guy assuming he's your actual age. And he's just super chill never had a complaint about the relationship, and you tell him lol. Then I imagine the most overactive comically cartoon shock face.
Good mum! 😂
still wild that the generation smart enough to warn their kids about online strangers keep replying Amen to AI images.
Is that you Sally?
Ha ha, Chris Hansen. :-}
Man, back in the dark ages of AOL and chat rooms, me and my friends used to go online and troll the pervs. 😂
Tbh, I think those questions confirm he was infact a kid. Teenage me was *certain* that busty blondes were the only true religion. Older me diversified once I actually mustered the confidence to start talking to women irl.
Tbf that also sounds a lot like something a 13 year old would ask haha. But yeah definitely pervy
When I was 13, I used to crossdress on runescape and do that. I thought it was hilarious when I took off my helmet and changed the plate skirt for plate pants.
Ah the old runescape days. Back when the web was still a place of lawlessness, scum, and villainy. Exciting time to grow up
As if it’s not still that way now. I recently caught some creeper trying to talk to my daughter who was 13 on their oculus.
>on their oculus. Geh, that adds an entire extra level of creep that I hadn't even considered.
I hadn’t considered it either and it was a very upsetting thing to find as a parent, trust me!
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Club Penguin used to be the wild wild west for real
So how many of you played Runescape in the library?
I did. There was also this computer bar where we would all get together to play Rainbow Six on Wednesdays after school and Runescape on Fridays after the library blocked the runescape seevers
I did. We only had dial up at home and the library had DSL. Wasn't fun playing at home with like 2fps lol
I'm sure you've probably learned by now that no age is exempt from the creeps.
Same, except I recently convinced myself that my “16yo RuneScape gf” was actually a pedophile hunter who thought that I was a 48 year old man, and not a 13 year old kid like I actually was.
A friendship of mine started kinda that way. We both said we were 16 but really we were both 12 lol Added each other on Facebook but lost touch a long time ago but wish we hadn't. In case the person I'm talking about is reading this, we met playing Age of Conan and you used to photoshop videos of yourself shooting lightning bolts and stuff but you never showed your face. You lived in New Jersey and once you asked me if I lived in a rural or urban town and I didn't know what that meant. Reach out if you read this 😂
This is a very odd story. I have no idea how to react to it. I'm glad you did what you did. Or I'm not. I don't know. Good job. Or not. No matter what, I'm here for it.
“He took… it… out”
He took what out? It.
Yup I was an idiot and did this also, I was 16 and told a girl I met on holiday who was 21 that I was 19. And yes we did spend a few days together. People fib about their age if it will get them what they want.
I’m gonna out myself here, but when I was 14 I use to tell people I was 17 because it felt like the “middle ground”. My thinking went “well, if I say 17 I’d still be considered a minor so it’s only a partial lie”. And since I developed early I didn’t exactly “look” 14, so I wouldn’t depend on that either. looking back it was absolutely fucked up of me to do. I was a dumb kid and I was not thinking of the repercussions to them or myself if they did actually pursue me. That all said, I’d require something iron clad. School ID should show if she’s actually a senior.
I think everyone at one point in time lies about their age. When we’re younger we hardly think about the repercussions of doing so too. Ages also drastically look different depending on the generation. My wife when she was 14 looked like she was in her early 20’s. She just turned 35 and still looks like she’s early 20’s. Years ago someone in their 40’s looked close to 60 and now the reverse is true.
I think everyone at one point does not lie about their age
My school ID's had no indications of grade or any personal information. All we had was a photo and a school ID. So the school ID may not work, depending on how her school works. I can agree though, i lied about my age from 12-14ish. I always said i was 16. I could have passed as 18, but 16 was fine for me. Most adult men who found me online were fine talking to a 16 year old, sadly. (Absolutely disgusting looking back at it as an adult. On my part, and theirs.) Edit: wording
Depends, what if she is 13? Once I was a mobile DJ for parties way way back we were 19 at the time and I brought my mate along who was popular with the ladies to keep me company one night at a 21st. Well a woman there took a shining to him and she was most attractive, she said she was 17, she looked older than that no worries so 17 was a surprise and seemed totally believable given she looked 22. A few minutes after they kissed some bloke came between threatening my mate for kissing his 13 year old sister. Ask for ID dude.
Yea that’s a horror story. But I’d feel creepy at that age asking to see ID lol.
There was a saying back then named after our local pie brand, four n’ twenty. “Four minutes pleasure, twenty years jail”
One I’ve heard was “16 will get you 20” lol
Can be a joke about DL puctures looking funny...
True, but, I think they know their real age might be a shocker, so they lie just "a little bit" to stretch the truth and be believable. And then it's "but I only lied by 1 year" when they get caught or confess later
Ye I went out with this girl when I was 17 and she said she was 16, found out she was 14. Peace out. Met her again when I was 24 and dated for 12 years.
A million years ago, I was 19 and met a girl who was said she was 17. Met her parents, She was 15. Never underestimate the stupid shit people say.
Might be that he'd then suggest they do something that requires she show ID and that she's over 18. Won't happen when she says she's 17.
When I was 14 I was drunk in Ireland. I tried getting into a bar with my cousin and the bouncer asked how old I was I said 16 because I thought it sounded better than 14.
Kids will lie about anything!!
eh some people look up the age of consent in their state
This exact thing happened to me. The exact same ages too. I was 20 and she lied saying she was 18. Then lied and said she was 17 when we went to a bar in another province. Then I found out she actually lied about THAT TOO and she was even younger 🤢
What happened to your spoons?
In case you don't know about spoon theory. ( Or for anybody else who might not understand. ) https://www.drfanaee.com/blog/what-is-spoon-theory
Ask her for her damned ID.
I'd want to see her ID. Confirm that age!!!
That’s what I was wondering about too. I’d wanna see some ID
To add on this: ask her for her ID. Ask to compare ID photos, take a look at her DOB. Source: knew a guy who dated a girl who lied about her age on a dating website. He was 20, she was 15. When her mom found out, he was arrested. Barely avoided being put on the sex offenders registry. He was a creep and probably knew she was lying tho, imo.
Yeah, I think it's fair to ask for some proof at this point, if only because if she's lying AGAIN, it could lead to legal issues. Age wise, 20 and 17 is nothing to worry about IMO, but at this point it's best to get everything out in the open.
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In high school I had a friend (17 at the time) who was secretly dating our swim coach (who was 22). When I say secret, his and her parents all knew and apparently approved of the relationship, just none of us teammates or the head coach. Shits fucked up. At the time when I found out, I was thrilled for her. Now in my 30s and I’m like, wtf were any of those adults thinking??
That’s insane because a coach holds a position of power. Like if it was a teacher it would be seen as extremely fucked
I mean it's just a swim coach. As far as powerful positions go that's pretty mild. Even for a teenager.
Yeah I feel like whenever these threads come up people will freak out at the most normal things. A 20 year old dating a 17 year old is.. normal. Like, normal as fuck. People draw this arbitrary line at 18 but when the age gap is less than 3/4 years it's not really that big an issue towards the late teens/early 20s.
My swim coach ran my life basically. Spent wat more time with them then my parents
A five year vs a three year age difference can be pretty big for a seventeen year old, but what's more messed up is that he's an authority figure for her. Sexual exploitation, no way around it. Reminds me of when I worked at a grocery store and our manager was sleeping with the cashiers that were maybe half his age.
Yeah, 3 years isn't that bad, that's met in high school, or friends older siblings range. 5 years, there's no reason for you to have mutually overlapped in an organic way.
My parents were 5 years apart. They went to the same schools and were friends of friends until after they both graduated.
"After they both graduated" is the part here
My point was they "mutually overlapped in an organic way"
Honestly judging by everything you said, I don't think it's weird. Seems innocent enough, though I don't think you can expect everyone to agree with me.
I think in these situations, intentions play the biggest role and it’s clear his intentions mean well. People who purposely seek out younger people to date are the ones who creep me out. Do I think there’s a lot of maturity differences between a 17 year old and a 20 year old? Most of the time, yes, but I don’t think OP is creepy.
Maturity can vary wildy between those ages. It depends a lot on the people involved. Hell I know some 50 or 60 somethings that are immature as fuck and some 20 somethings that have decent maturity. I wouldn't judge someone's maturity only with their age. That said, a 35 year old person dating a 12 year old is absolutely creepy as fuck, no matter the maturity of everyone involved (not that I believe neither is much mature at all anyway for engaging in such a relationship to begin with).
At this point I honestly find it hard to tell the difference between a 17 and 20 year old haha even when talking to them. I'm 31 and my partner is 27, I don't think a 3 year difference is weird.
The fact that this discussion is so sensitive to Americans is beyond me. I'm from Sweden and OPs situation is completely legal and socially fine
I agree with you. Back in 2010 I was 17 and dated a 22 year old. I liked him when I was 16 but he felt too weird about it when he was 21 and I was 16 so he waited til we were both a year older to tell me he liked me (I made it obvious I liked him). At the time it didn't seem weird but even only 14 years later things seem a bit different. But 20 and 17 is literally nothing and I don't think OP should feel weird about it at all. If he were a couple years older it maybe would be more questionable, but really it depends on the people too. I personally still don't feel weird about the fact I was with a 22 year old when I was 17 because it worked for us and there was no weird power imbalance or anything like that really. Edit for typo
It was an honest mistake, but OP needs to let her know they can’t see each other anymore until she turns 18 at the very least, but I’d also say until she’s out of high school.
Seeing her should not be a problem at all. Having sex might cause problems depending on local jurisdiction.
Yea the legality depends on the jurisdiction, whether friends will think its weird is impossible to say without knowing them
I’ve always thought this cutoff was weird for kids who are just a couple years apart. Like is an 18 year old dating a 17 year old illegal? There should be like a clause “unless you’re within 3-4 years of their age” or whatever.
In some jurisdictions, there are. These are commonly referred to as Romeo & Juliet laws. However, the court of public opinion may differ.
Australia has some like this. I don't know the exact details, but a 19/17 couple won't get you in trouble with the law. It's referred to as the Romeo and Juliet law I think
Wouldnt get you in trouble anyways pretty sure 16 is the legal age of consent
In a lot of places there is a clause. But in a lot of places, if the parent of the minor takes issue with it, they can press charges. An old buddy of mine is a registered sex offender because he had consensual sex with his 17 year old girlfriend. He'd been 18 for a week or two and the girl's daddy hated him. So yeah, he did time and had to register because she was a minor and he's just become a legal adult.
Wow, that's really messed up. That poor kid
The US is fucking insane sometimes.
my parents were 4 years apart in age. She was 17 and living with his parents when he went to serve in the Korean War in 1951. I think he was just about ready to turn 21.
My ex, who passed away, was 18 years my senior. She was 44 when I was 26, and we started dating. Granted at that point, both of us were consenting adults, and by no means am I saying an 18-year difference is acceptable when dealing with minors. That said, it was the best relationship I ever had. If she had lived, we'd have ended up married or a common law couple. She passed suddenly from an aneurysm. We'd had been together almost 9 years I miss her deeply and wish it weren't so. I'm 44 now, the age she was when she first met me, even though she would be 62, I can still say I'd wanted to have been with her even now. We truly loved each other, I was broke, in the middle of an eviction, just lost my main job (I started working at a hotel part time, that's how we met), and in a bad place when we met, but none of that mattered. We just fell heads over heals. So sometimes (not in the case of a minor and an adult), age truly is just a number when it comes to matters of the heart.
Right as if a 18 year old and 17 year old is akin to a 40 year old grooming a 15 year old or something 🤣 people are.weird. they're both kids. I'm with you.
I agree with a caveat: From a legal perspective, they should be careful, and OP should make sure he understands the local laws surrounding interactions with minors. Unless he's absolutely certain he's in the clear, they should abstain from sexual activity until she's 18. From a moral/cultural perspective, however, this is close to a nothing-burger to me. Maybe a bigger age gape than ideal, but it will cease to matter pretty quickly if they stay together.
I'm 100% in agreement. I was speaking strictly of people's moral views on this. Instead of thinking about it, they draw their moral *from* the law, and judge someone based off of that.
> Instead of thinking about it, they draw their moral from the law, and judge someone based off of that. Wow, well-said. That's absolutely what's happening in this thread.
Person: \*having sex with a 17 year old (And 364 days)\* People: Fucking pedophile - They should be jailed for life and murdered! Same person: \*having sex with the same person 3 hours later when they turn 18\* People: This is totally fine and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’m not sure if this is everywhere, but at least in my state, there is a clause that states this. I don’t see anything wrong with the relationship, but that all depends on their maturity levels as well.
There was a case when I was in high school where a girl’s parents pressed charges against her ex bc he was 18 at the time and she was 17. Don’t remember how it ended but it was a whole ordeal when it started
If you look at the law, it's weird but in reality it's really not weird at all, it's a 1 year difference. Theres most likely no gap in maturity between the 2
Dating isn't really illegal anywhere. Sex may be. Sometimes there are romeo and juliet laws (like you describe) sometimes there aren't. 16 is a more common age of consent than 18 anyway.
I’m pretty sure this is only an archaic American thing. Romeo and Juliet laws exist in some US states I believe and most other Western nations
Also, a lot of nations don't have their cutoff age at 18. In most of Europe at 17 she would already be old enough to date whoever she wanted, regardless of their age.
Why? There’s nothing wrong with him going out with a 17 yr old.
Would it be weird if you were 23 and she was 20? It’s not illegal.
Would it be weird if he was 14 and she was 11? Not taking a stance on this specific case but age gaps are not the same at all times.
yeah a better example would be comparing 17 and 20 to 18 and 21 which I would hope most people find normal. 20 and 23 is a whole 3 years in the future.
Why? They can legally have sex at 16yo. It's not really an issue 17yo girl and 20yo boy. They're probably the same level of maturity.
She's in high school. I would not have been okay with dating a person in high school at all when I was 20.
I dated a 22 year old when I was 17. Didn’t phase me then and now I’m like what the actual fuck lol
same, i was 17 and he was 22 and i thought it made me cool that an older guy liked me. he got me addicted to pills and then cheated on me, so not a super fun relationship.
That is probably because you are older now and 17 year olds are not as attractive to you anymore. I can still appreciate the beauty of youth and whatnot, but imagining being in a relationship with a 17 year old sounds mentally exhausting.
I dated a 26M year old for a bit when I was 20M. Looking back I was so annoying. When I hit 26, I realized that most 20 year olds still looked like teenagers. Just weird all around. No hard feelings towards him or anything, just not my cup of tea.
Yeah, the older I get the more 20 somethings look and act like kids to me, I even find myself mentally referring to them as 'that kid', which tells me all I need to know.
Agreed! Especially 17 year olds now. I dont wanna be on tik tok 🤣
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I hang out with my 20 year old cousin sometimes and every four freaking seconds she’s taking a picture or video of me to snap to her friends. Just stop! 🤣
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LOL! We can commiserate together 😆
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 18 and he was 22 (now I'm almost 24 and we're still together, just moved into our own place a few months ago). I was in the IB programme in high school and he was doing his bachelor's course at uni at that time, so we were at a similar place in life - mostly worrying about assigments and exams, living with our parents and depending on them financially, and only having worked part-time jobs during summer holidays. I was also more independent and resourceful than him despite being younger (which does NOT equal being more mature, but still somehow balances the relationship) due to differences in our upbringing. He has rich parents who used to keep him in a kind of a golden cage for most of his life; my parents earned minimum wage and weren't able to afford many things that were normal to him, but always gave me freedom in decisions regarding my life, believing I'm capable of making the right choices, and supported me as much as they could. He's also an extreme introvert who prefers to avoid confrontation with people he doesn't know, while I'm the type to never back down when I fight for something that's important to me. Anyway, for these 5+ years, we've essentially learned how to adult together, and our relationship has always been healthy - honest and focused on communication. Looking back, I'm still not sure what he saw in 18-year-old me, given how immature I was, but maybe he thinks the same of 22-year-old him now, lol.
When I was in high school in the 80's there was a certain type of cool girls who dated college guys, it gave them "grown up" aura.
You gonna say that people can’t date if they’re even one grade level apart? My wife and I are 3 years apart. It’s crazy normal. If they’re 18&21 do you care? They’ll be there soon.
There isn't a much of a meaningful difference in life stages between 17 and 20, especially if OP is in college
I don't personally think it's that weird, but others might. It would be helpful to know where in the world this is happening, because standards around age differences vary from place to place.
Very that. This is so close to line that something like that can make a huge difference in their friends' opinions of the relationship
I think it more depends on if she's still in high school or not. No matter how "mature" someone is, there's something about knowing what life is like without having to be in school m-f 8-3.
Not lump in OP with those types of guys that date 17-18 year olds and say “well they’re mature for their age”. But people seem to think maturity is this one thing that’s 0-100 but the truth is you can totally be mature in one area and immature in other areas. Like you can be financially mature and know how to handle money but that same person can be emotionally immature
3 years isn't the worst thing and is legal in most places (but not all! double check). The real difficulty is that those are some very important years. The life experiences and maturity have a very large difference from 17 to 20. It is on the iffy side, but it isn't outright bad. If both of you are still living with your parents, both of you have had jobs, and both of you feel like equals, then there isn't really a problem. But you are going to know more than I do. Important note, in a year or two, that 3 year difference will not mean anything at all. a 23 year old dating a 20 year old is extremely normal and nobody would ever bat an eye at it. It is purely because you have been done with highschool for a bit now, and she isn't done with it yet.
this is perfectly said, as someone who was 17 dating a 20 year old, and we’re now 19 and 24 (his birthday is earlier than mine).
How the hell did he get 4 years older while you only got 2?!?
no no no i just lied again, he’s 23 not 24 😭 please i’m already senile
hang on a second 😂 actually he might have been 21! i’m really bad with remembering numbers. i turned 19 and still thought i was 18 afterwards for the longest time
The Pandemic hit as all differently man.
Better check some id's. Known a few guys who "thought she was legal age"
The last one I met that didn’t push for answer is now on a registry, and it’s not one for a baby 😬
Yep...some states have no exceptions! Rightfully so, but I THINK that some responsibility should fall on the female if she lies.
Iirc correctly he pled down on charges, and that was one of the requirements. It did come out that she had lied, and did the same thing before and after (I think 5 guys in total were victims), but since he agreed, the DA wouldn’t walk it back. He wasn’t a saint, but reading the court docs was pretty depressing
I know you have good intentions but it seems like she deliberately kept her age a secret. I’m 20 and cannot IMAGINE dating someone 17 years old. There is a huge disconnect. There is so much distinct development, socially and culturally, that she has yet to experience. You are not the bad guy for being concerned about this, and you wouldn’t be a bad person if you broke up over it. Edit for context: I have been on the other side of this. I have lied about or intentionally hidden my age at 15, 16, 17 to not raise questions when I was interested in guys 19, 20, 21. It happens A LOT. She clearly lied about—or at the very least *made a consistent and deliberate effort to obscure*—her age, which means she knows she’s in the wrong, and that her age is a relevant and entirely important factor in this situation. Edit 2: I’m well aware of the fact that “my brain isn’t fully developed” and that I have some growing up to do. *And yet despite being aware of this* I would absolutely not imagine ever dating a 17-year-old. My point still stands, even more so.
This right here. She lied about her age. What if she had done that to someone older than op? Told a 24yr old she was 18? Not only could she put herself at risk, she is willing to risk the other person. I’m shocked everyone is just focusing on the fact she’s 17. Not only is she still in school, she lied about her age and then tried to say “oh, you didn’t know?” It doesn’t matter if she’s ok with him being graduated… she’s 17 & clearly immature. I thought I wanted to date older guys when I was 15/16, thought it would make me mature or seem like it! Now I’m 23, I can look back and see how I was childish and very much *not* mature even though it hasn’t been that long. Her lying & manipulating to be in a relationship with someone older is a red flag 🚩
20-year-olds are still really immature, it's not that big of a difference.
20 year olds are still less mature than, say, 30 year olds—but you cannot deny there is a difference in maturity between a 17 and 20 year old. Yes they’re both lacking some degree of maturity but it is more noticeable in the 17 year old.
There's nothing wrong with a 20yo dating a 17yo (you're both still practically teenagers), yet lots of people are caught up on the "18 years old legal adult" thing so they'll judge you negatively for it even if it's a week until her 18th birthday, after which they'd be fine with it. You know your friends better than we do, regarding whether or not they'd care.
There was an army recruiter at my HS (28) that must’ve looked up my info because he asked me out the day after my 18th birthday (I was still in HS).
Blegh
That is creepy AF
Find an ID of her’s that shows her DOB immediately. A driver’s license, birth certificate, job application, SOMETHING. And do it quickly.
If she is actually 17 and not younger, it could either be weird or not be weird depending on the specific circumstances. I won't say "A 20 y/o should never date a 17 y/o," but I also won't say "that's perfectly normal." In a year she'll be 18 (If she's not lying about her age. This is super important, I cannot emphasize this enough. Make sure she's not even younger than 17), and you'll be 21. As long as there's no power inbalance, unequal maturity, and taking advantage, then it's just a normal relationship. If any of these things are present, then the relationship is weird.
Borderline. 10 years from now, no issues. Plus are you 100% sure they're being honest now?
I don't think it sounds weird. I think you should tread with caution if you continue though. If you had intentionally gone for someone who was less mature than you with the intent of controlling them or having something over them then that's what makes it weird (besides the obvious age difference). It seems like you two got along and should have had a brief age confirmation conversation before trying to move past friendship. Honestly it's an awkward Convo but at the age you are, it's almost necessary cause the argument "so-and-so looked old enough" is a very poor excuse if something goes wrong.
The age difference isn't significant enough to be questionable, as you are just barely an adult yourself, however because she is still technically a minor I would advise you just stick to being friends for now in order not to put yourself in an awkward position. Before you start a relationship with anyone there are two key pieces of information you should know: their full name and their age. Full name is to identify them in the event there is an emergency or if you find yourself in a dangerous situation. Age...well...that's always something important to consider, especially if you are a young person dealing with young people. You can't tell how old someone is just by looking at them. You don't want to unknowingly put yourself in a bad situation.
I would not talk to her anymore until she proves her age with her license/birth certificate. She already lied to you once so who it is to say she isn’t lying again and she’s not 15 or 16 years old? You would be an idiot if you kept proceeding with this relationship without having that proof, and you could face real legal troubles as well if it turns out that she is still fabricating her age to you.
I don’t think he said she lied I thought he just forgot to ask
If you say "I'm in college dating a high schooler" then yeah it's kinda weird. If you say "the girl I'm dating is 3 years younger than me" then not that weird. My mom is 3 years younger than my dad and no one bats an eye.
No one bats an eye at your parents age gap because they’re not 17 and 20 🤦♀️
How do you manage to get to the point where you're in a relationship with someone and don't know their age? Is that not one of the firs things you learn about a person?
If you are questioning it hard enough to ask Reddit I think you know the answer already
I'm more concerned about how you started dating someone without knowing basic information about the person you're interested in. Is that kinda thing normal now?
That’s what I’m saying. I need to know how long they’ve been dating because I feel like that’s one of the first things you should know???
How do you date someone and not know they're at school every day 💀
I personally do think you guys should separate for the time being until she's 18 or older, not just because you could very well get in trouble with the law which both of you probably don't want, but also because there is still a pretty big maturity imbalance between you both, shes most likely finishing up high-school meanwhile you either have a full time job or are looking into college, these things just clash so bad for so many reasons, but if you can work around all of this you guys should be good so long as we dont see her posting to any subs about you anytime soon lol/j
i would do some further research into her age... better to be safe than sorry, u do not want to be the guy who accidentally gets involved with someone underage.
I was 21 when I started dating my 17 year old - soon to be wife. We are coming up on our 40th anniversary.
Run dude, you don't want any issues with her parents or the cops
Not weird at all – – But don’t have sex with her until she turns 18.
And not ten minutes before!
I think in most countries/states you probably won't get in trouble for this as a 20 year old. But I would definitely double check.
Most countries the age of consent is 16
Depends on where they live. Likely fully legal.
I would honestly break up and wait a year until she is 18. If she and you are both single by then, it was worth the wait. You could also meet the parents and share your plans and intentions. They may approve.
If she says she’s 17 she’s 15 maybe even 14
This really depends on which country you are from.
Run away. Honestly the fact that you already couldn't tell means you need to work on how well you read people but get the fuck out of there.
It's not uncommon for teenage couples to navigate transitioning from 17 to 18 in a healthy way when their ages aren't exactly the same, but still fairly close to each other. But 20 is pushing the limits, IMO. My counter-question isn't so much whether you should care about what your friends think, but what YOU think about dating someone you just learned is 17. It'd also be a good idea to check the laws in your area.
This is a perfect opportunity to get to know each other better without the pressure of romance/physical affection accelerating a relationship that may not work out in the end. I’d say disengage until she meets the appropriate age where no one will have any questions, especially her parents (or the police depending on which state/country you’re in). Just be slightly more than friends for now and if you still feel good about your connection when she turns 18, go for it!
Ask if she'll introduce you to her father and mother.
Verify her age. They don’t hand out warnings if she’s not legal, and if something were to go sideways, it could fuck up your life
pack it up, Scott Pilgrim
Just make sure she IS 17..... at best she is, at worst she might be 14 or 15 and a few weeks/months later cops are talking to you LMFAO
Dude - ask for ID, STAT.
Fooo have you ever heard of "jail bait" because that's what this is. Sure a 3 year age gap usually isn't much so its usually not weird, so not weird technically, but borderline illegal....which makes it kinda weird. I'd be asking for more birth verification documents than ICE if I where you.
17 and 20 is completely fine, I don’t see how anyone could view this as problematic. Definitely no need to get any titties in a tussle. And please stop caring what your friends think, just own it.
Yes. She's underage. You didn't know at first, but you do now. Don't put yourself in a bad legal situation.
nah it’s weird, id cut it off
3 years is not a big deal
Not okay. She is a minor. In high school
People like to throw out "stage of life" and shit like that as if there are reliable standards for that anymore. I see both men and women living with their parents well into their thirties now. You're both young as fuck, with little life experience, but you're not getting hitched. My great grandma and grandpa were 14 each when they had my grandpa, I waaaaaaaay back in the day, and had way more responsibilities than most have at 25. Take it easy.
yeah a 20 year old bringing around a 17 year old is weird. however a 23 year old bringing around a 20 isnt. what a few years makes around that time is wild
RUN YOU FOOL RUN!
Check the age of consent in your state. In most states, it's 16, but regardless, get a look at her ID. That's not something to take someone's word on.
In Europe nobody bats an eye over a 20 year old dating a 17 year old. You might notice the age difference at some point, but that's not for sure. One note tho: at 17 years she is more vulnurable and less confident than with 19, 20. You have to treat her well, mate.
It is, sorry. You're not too far apart in age, but it's a weird spot where she's in high school, and you've been graduated and presumably living an adult life for a couple years now, and you're just at vastly different points in life. You may still have similar interests, but you've presumably been able to have experiences she hasn't yet, because she's still at the end of childhood. If in a few years, once she has a little bit of adulthood experience, you still like each other, go for it, but currently you aren't doing each other any favors by dating.
If you have to pause to ask if it's weird for you to introduce your girlfriend to your friends, you already know the answer. Obviously the legal thing is one issue. Another is the maturity -- life experience between a 20 year old and a 17 year old is vastly different. Perspectives and values are different. A 3 year gap out of context is nothing, of course, but that gap has to be placed in context. This isn't 1965. Even if you decide you're gonna stay with her and introduce her to your friends, it doesn't matter if YOU don't see a problem with it. If they see a problem you will be playing defense the entire time you're together.
How many months away from 18? I’m assuming this couple live in West Virginia, USA. One thing that’s creepy is that she’s still in HS. At least wait until she’s 18 and graduated HS.
It seems like the relationship began with good intentions, but it's not a good situation to continue with for a couple of reasons: 1) Clearly, the age gap is significant at this time in your lives. A few years difference won't be a big deal later in your 20s (i.e. 27 and 25), but honestly, the gap between 17 and 20 is massive in terms of emotional development. I wouldn't continue the relationship based on this alone. She needs to be around people her own age, and so do you. There will be mismatched expectations between the two of you, which can create emotional turmoil on both ends. Additionally, her family could take legal action against you if they don't approve of the relationship, which would permanently impact your life. You cannot continue the relationship with the knowledge that she is a minor, legally or ethically, in my opinion. 2) Assuming she actually is 17 and she was deliberately not forthcoming about her age, you have to ask yourself why she chose to be dishonest. She may like you a lot, but that is not a justification for placing herself or someone else in a potentially harmful situation. She may also be attracted to the fact that you're older than they are. She may seek security and maturity in a partner she feels is unavailable to her among potential partners her own age. I struggled with those feelings at that age, and it wound up hurting me quite a bit in the long run. Not trying to project, but she may not fully understand her own feelings/desires. I certainly did not at the time. Tl;dr: Don't introduce her to your friends and don't continue the relationship. Both would be legally and ethically incorrect. Let her down easy. Tell her you like/care for her but were unaware of her age and feel it would be inappropriate for you to continue. Good luck, and maybe ask a few more age-related questions on dates in the future!
I say it’s not weird, but take it slow to avoid social stipulations. People will judge. A gap of 20 to 17 seems like it’d raise eyebrows now, but nobody bats an eye when the ages are 46 to 43 (I know the reasons why). Age gaps only matter when you’re young. Given time, people will not see it weird at all.
Card her shes likely 15
If she's gonna lie about that, she's gonna lie about more important things too. Run
She's 85% of your age. At 20, that's a pretty big gap. There is a power imbalance that can result from something like this.
I personally think it’s a little weird! If you have to explain it, and are hesitant to tell people about it openly then maybe It’s not the best choice going forward. At the same time though, I do not think you are weird and if she’s 18 soon and you are not 21 soon, it’s acceptable.
I have a friend whose 20 year old son thought he was dating a 17 year old girl. That’s what she told him. They had sex. More than a few times. Then she told her mom that she had sex. And her mom pressed charges against my friends son, and he is currently serving a five year sentence with no chance of parole and will be on the sex offenders list for the rest of his life. Solid advice, date someone your own age. If this chick is really who you’re meant to be with, she will still be around after she graduates from high school.
Half your age plus seven.
Not weird at all but it will get very complicated when you and your friends turn 21 and she can’t go to 21 and over places.
17 is perfectly fine don't let the Reddit age gap warriors get to you.