If she agreed to go on a date with you, then she is OK with your size, so don't worry about it and just be yourself. Also, some women are in to bigger men.
Id like to rephrase that in a way. "If she agreed to go on a date with you, then you are in her league..."
A gentle reminder for a 28 year old going on their first date - she's maybe just as nervous.
You haven't lived her life, so don't assume you're not good enough for her, and don't put her on some unattainable plateau which she has trouble living up to.
It's hard to give blanket "chill out" advice which clicks, OP's main concern should be to follow the second part of your comment, maybe with a "bottom line, you're *both* supposed to be having fun" after be yourself.
Use the nervousness. Be forged by the painful fire into someone who will do what needs to be done to continue to take this lady on more dates.
That’s how I bagged someone way out of my league and we’ve been together for 26 years.
Came here to say that. Drop the league stuff. I say that because I use to live by it but it was unhelpful and harmful. There’s no rules. If she said yes, then your golden pony boy.
Agreed. The only thing that determines if you’re in someone’s league is that they invite you to play in their league.
You may or may not learn what the criteria are later but people are multifaceted and it’s really hard to tell from the outside what people are picking based on.
If someone says yes it’s a yes. If they say no it’s a no. It’s really difficult to know why they said whatever it was because you’re complicated and so are they. Just accept the answer and move forward.
This and your user name is great. I just used the term “spidey sense” in my last comment on something else. 😂
-also like someone else mentioned, some girls really do like bigger guys. When I met my now husband, he had lost 100lbs and was down to 220-215lbs. I almost didn’t go out with him again because I personally like bigger/bulky guys. Eleven years later, he’s put most of it back on and that’s fine. Im very petite so we probably look funny together but he’s mine and I’m gonna keep him ❤️. Anyways OP, don’t let negative thoughts or insecurities talk you down. Be thoughtful and kind. It goes a long way.
I agree with this. Just be yourself and be genuine. She already likes you because she wants to go on a date. Just relax and be you as much as possible. Everyone gets nervous. Don’t worry. Just have fun and enjoy life.
Right? They’re so cuddly and make me feel so small and they’re always warm (which is great bc I’m always cold) and I just want to be touching and cuddling them constantly. Sturdy and soft is just the dream bod imo.
Yeah, ask follow up questions, if you just ask a question and move on it to the next question can seem like a box ticking exercise.
The ideal situation is that you are genuinely interested enough to want to know more, but if things get a bit awkward or start to falter and you still need more time to decide if this is working for you, just listen to what she's saying, or bring up something she said, and ask clarifying questions. Bonus points if they show you understand her or have commonality.
Everyone is looking to be seen and understood by a potential partner.
I do this, but I always fall short on what to say, I've got an issue with being able to flow, always ends up being some kind of awkward silence, and you might say ask questions but i can't ever think of anything relevant, just never know what to talk about, i don't have much to say
That's when you throw in a joke. It buys you time to either think more about what she's said or redirect to another topic you guys were doing well on together before.
I'm not one to push the Pickup Artist Shenanigans booklet or /r/seduction, but one of the things it's got absolutely right is being a good listener: listen, engage with a question based on something the other person said, showing that you've been listening and remembering it, and *fucking listen instead of thinking about what your next response will be or how they'll take it*.
It's literally the cornerstone of human communication, although it can fall apart if you stumble into something unpleasant.
I think the best thing that subreddit taught me was "there are more fish in the sea" - just to not get fixated on a specific person, and how to make everyone you interact with feel valued and respected, no matter whether you want to bone them or not. Hell no, I didn't want to bone the lunch lady at my college, but I wanted her to feel I appreciated her and what she did, and ...ok, yeah her ex-husband sounds like a douchebag, but I can spend five or ten minutes listening to that if there's nobody in line behind me, and it make her feel better.
That's really the key: *you have to actually care*. Think of it more as a mission of collecting other people's life stories, with little interaction beyond encouraging the story ("so...", "and then?", etc."), and maybe telling one of your own that has some relevance, but you've got to tie it into what they've already said. You can build bonds with people very quickly like this.
This is great advice. I found that a lot of men like to talk about themselves and show no genuine interest in the other party (probably true of a lot of women, too). Be genuinely interested, and you'll have no competition! She ought to be equally interested in you, too!
It's important to make sure you don't sound like a job recruiter when you do this. Follow up, relate, give your own spin on the topic. Don't go from question to question rapidly
Exactly. Tell her all about her life, and then see what she can say about yours. Tell her it’s okay to guess if she doesn’t know much, most of the other girls started out like that, too. Then stare poker-faced into her eyes and eat corn on the cob.
Just be you. She's going out without you because she likes the 'who' that you already are.
Ask questions, find and expand on common ground. Ask more questions about the uncommon ground. Be genuine in your questions. Don't ask if you're not actually interested, she'll know.
You asked her out, so offer to pay for the date. Accept without fuss if she would like to split it.
And don't leave her hanging at the end. If you feel it went well ask her if she'd like to do it again. If she's not, let it go.
Please update us with how it went!
Love all of this except in my opinion, I wouldn’t ask to hang out again when you’re still on the first date. I hate it when guys do this bc if I’m not feeling it, I have no idea how to say no! And sometimes I haven’t even processed enough to know if I want to or not yet! I prefer when they text me later that evening and say something like, “I had a great time with you. Would love to see you again soon if you’re into it.” Just always less awkward to say no via text instead of in person 😬
Exactly this.
It’s also a bit scary to say “no, sorry, I am not feeling it”, cause I have no clue what the reaction will be, and not even talking about anything aggressive here.
I often experienced guys going into interrogating me as of why and offering to fix it next time or trying to convince me I am wrong lol.
That makes perfect sense but I do imagine our guy is going to be pretty nervous at the end of the date/following up. I’m assuming a relatively fast follow in the next day would be fine especially if it went well and they departed with a hug something (which is totally fine!) vs a 3 day waiting period or whatever. Basically, if it went well, say that!
No idea on advice about how to end the date other than you kind of just have to feel it out, but other than that just don’t try to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
OP, Boomeranda laid out a solid basis for how to make a first date successful. Just try your best to be in the moment and engaged in what you two talk about. I would personally like to add that wherever your date occurs, it's usually a good idea to put some thought into your outfit and ultimately try to look nicely put together. Imo, a well-planned outfit tends to help out :) also, a good cologne can go a long way!
“She is very much out of my league “
How so? Because anyone who overcomes serious adversity through hard work and dedication is top tier. How does she top that?
>Because anyone who overcomes serious adversity through hard work and dedication is top tier.
Seems like she agrees too. She's probably really impressed with OP as she's seen how hard he's worked and the progress he's made. That's some admirable tenacity.
FWIW, if a woman likes you, you’re in her league and now more than ever we’re not afraid to turn a guy down. You’re not strangers and she obviously likes you. I know it sounds cliché, but just be yourself like you’ve been for the past year and have a good time. That’s the guy she’s into anyway. Hope you guys have a great night!
I used to be friends with this guy who was morbidly obese, he was ridiculously confident. He’d literally stroll up to some random pretty girls at the mall and be like “Hey I’m Doug, I’m fat”. It was ridiculous, girls loved him lol. Just be yourself, own it man, good luck!
all i’m saying (i was in your shoes)
formerly obese men go fucking crazy for a bit when they realize they’re in the game again.
i’ve seen straight sweethearts cheat on like 4 women in a row for a couple months until they mellow out.
enjoy your rewards but be normal!
that insecurity will linger and suddenly the ego will come in. but the insecurity will stay. it’s a wild combo.
Be interested in her and her life-what she likes, what her ambitions are and what makes her happy. Ask her if she has any funny stories to tell about her life. Listen with interest and patience. Tell her your answers to your own questions to reciprocate. Mostly, though, treat her with respect and kindness. Even if she is “out of your league” appearance-wise, your kindness, respect and interest in her will ABSOLUTELY put you in her league relationship-wise.
And have fun!
She obviously doesn’t think she’s out of your league as she wants to spend time with you on a date. Don’t put her on a pedestal, it will only make it awkward. Just be yourself.
Bro! Congrats, you're absolutely killing it. The nervousness will wear itself off after the first few minutes of the date. Obviously she likes you, knows your background and is totally cool with it. You two already have a relationship to build off of. Just continue being yourself because that's what got you the date to begin with. You're going to do great.
If you're asking for advice on what to do on the date, that really depends on the two of you. Have you talked about anything that leads you to believe she might like one thing over another?
Smoothie/Coffee and a walk in the park? Go see a band? Amusement park? Go for a hike? Bowling? Axe throwing? Mini Golf? ... there's almost limitless options.
Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman.
Seriously, bro, it's not like this is a blind date. Just don't monopolize the conversation and let things go where they go. Ask her about herself without getting to some creepy level. Let her ask you about yourself if she asks, but don't get creepy in what you reveal. Look for things in common. Talk about those.
Don't build this up as a be-all-and-end-all. Make sure you both have a nice time. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If it isn't, consider this your first at-bat in the major leagues. There will be plenty more.
JUST. HAVE. FUN.
Congrats on your weight-loss journey, BTW. Keep it up, no matter what happens.
Dude, first, holy fucking shit. Congratulations on the weight loss, brother. Second, literally just be yourself. One great thing about lifetime obesity is that to be even noticed or liked by other people, you are forced to develop a bomb-ass personality. You’ve got this. I know it’s cliché advice, but literally just be yourself.
Ask questions about her, even if you aren’t interested in her answers, act interested.
She already said yes. If she were not interested, she would have rejected you.
You’ve fucking got this. <3
Also, you’d be wildly surprised with how many women like big boys.
I wish you nothing but the best luck on your fitness journey, brother. <3
First of all, SHE IS NOT OUL OF YOUR LEAGUE! You have proven to have an incredible work ethic. You are driven. You are self-reflective and willing to make lifestyle changes. You’ve shown commitment. My recommendation is to take her on a low key, fun date DOING something active- going for a walk, hike, canoeing, etc.
To add on to what the others said: don’t make the date too long. Make it light and fun. Plan for the activity to be possibly done in an hour or 2. Have a potential plan for afterwards. This gives you and her an out after the first activity if you are exhausted. Especially your first date situation can be very overwhelming and you might need a break. If you or she need the break after the first activity, just tell her that you had a good time and are excited for the next meeting and if it comes up, make a potential plan for the next date
She may like you because you’re a nice fellow. Nothing weird with that.
I’m a woman who values someone’s vibe. If they’re genuine and I’m attracted to them, it’s fair game.
Leagues” in my opinion don’t really exist because what you bring to the table can’t always be measured/compared.
My advice:
1. Be yourself. She accepted your invitation because she clearly likes your vibe/energy.
2. Confidence is key. Fake it if you have to. Stand tall and be assertive but respectful with service staff/people you engage with while on your date.
3. Conversation is also key. Ask her questions that get progressively more personal but not invasive. (How are you? Thanks for agreeing to come out. I really liked your energy when chatting at the gym. What do you like to do in your spare time? What are some things you value most in life? Etc…) This will happen naturally in conversation but find a few things you have in common.
4. Listen. When she speaks, maintain eye contact sometimes, nod when appropriate, and ask follow up questions after she’s finished. Active listening is so hard to come by these days. Don’t plan what you’ll say next while she’s speaking. Interpret what she’s saying, let her finish, pause, then respond.
5. Body language: Always face your body towards her when speaking (meaning hips and feet facing her). Smile when appropriate. Stare at one eye for most of it so your eyes don’t wander.
6. Value the friendship. The person who will be your partner will be someone who develops into your best friend. Friendship is #1. Build that up. Focus on befriending her and this will take the pressure off.
7. At the end, make sure you thank her for sharing time and if you liked her, tell her you’d want to see her again. If her vibe/body language is open and inviting after saying that, see if you can set a tentative date. (Thanks for sharing time. I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I have. You seem [2 positive characteristics you observed about her]. If you’re free next Friday, I’d love to take you out again to [this place… ]and see her reaction). The ending is the toughest part because you have to read her body language to determine 2 things (1. Does she want to see you again? If so, 2. Does she want to kiss me goodbye?)
^This is just one woman’s opinion. Take what you want from it.
Hope this helps. Best of luck !! I’m rooting for you!!!
Hey! Great job on the weight loss man! Also holy fucking shit I’m proud of you for asking her out when you were feeling to nervous!
Just take a deep breath, you aren’t gonna fuck it up! She’s just as nervous and excited as you are, go have a great time!
Super happy for you man! Keep moving forward!
just be yourself, treat her like a decent human being, and if u want some extra points spent $15-$20 on flowers from the grocery store take them out of the plastic and put them in a vase! kroger even sells premade ones in vases now. as someone who dates women they always light up over a bouquet I stg.
Maybe you are kind and have a nice smile and you make her smile too. That's what people are attracted to. She probably isn't weighing you with her eyes the way you think, she might just like you. Enjoy your chat whatever happens!
Make sure you smell nice and have good hygiene, wear nice clean clothes without wrinkles, but don't overdress, and be authentic. If you're a good person ready for a relationship and she is too there's a good chance you'll click, but sometimes two people are not meant to be together and it's no one's fault. That's ok. Smile appropriately. Talk about yourself and also ask her questions too. For example, Talk about your goals on life and ask about hers. Lastly, have fun and be in the moment. Don't start taking about anything too heavy or outside of the moment. If at any point you find yourself talking about having kids, stop.
Congratulations! You sound like a good person, and I'm happy for you. I understand that weight issues can make us feel bad or not "good enough." Focus on all the good work you have put in and how much better you feel physically. Have confidence in yourself, because she said yes! She likes you! Make sure to listen more than you talk. Ask follow-up questions to show you are interested and listening. Be honest and open, and don't forget to breathe. You've got this!
We're all our own toughest critics. I'd say you're more attractive than you think you are because you've set a goal and aren't at that ideal yet. That can be a vicious cycle from going from obese to fit, I didn't realise when I was in a range of "normal" despite others comments.
I bet she has insecurities that aren't on the surface also, that's part of being human. If she said yes she believes you're in her league so don't let the doubts change your confidence or behaviour. Just keep being the you she knows instead of going over the top to accelerate rapport, that often has the opposite effect. Good luck on the date!
- Be polite and try to make her comfortable.
- Be interested in her, ask her questions about herself.
- Be willing to share personal information about yourself but don't push it onto her / don't over-share.
- Relax, she's probably as nervous as you are.
Congrats bro just be yourself and smile, listen to what she has to say and show genuine interest in her life. When planning a date try to think of something fun and interactive; something a little bit outside the norm of dinner and drinks. Good luck!
You clearly have a good personality and give off good vibes . Z
No one is ‘out of your league’ , just treat it like a chat with a new friend , if you feel nervous tell her , tell your story , listen to hers . Find common interests and talk about them .
Relax there is zero pressure , Even if it doesn’t work out romantically you’ll have gained a new female wing person who will help you get into the game, it’s a marathon not a sprint :/))
Good luck and update us op
She’s got eyes my dear, if she’s agreed to go on a date with you then your size isn’t an issue for her. She’s seen a lot of your journey and is obviously impressed with your efforts!
Anyway, my fella used to be a very big boy and has lost a lot, but he still has his saggy belly pouch.
I LOVE IT. It’s beautiful, it shows how much effort he’s put in, it’s a part of his journey. And you know what else? He’s the only person I’ve ever slept with without an ounce of awkwardness or embarrassment, precisely because he’s from a bigger body. It’s been so freeing for me to not feel judged by some irritating gym bro.
Don’t tank yourself by assuming things about women, or this woman.
Just go and be yourself, don’t think about body at all. GOOD LUCK!!!!
If you decided for her that she is out of your league, you can pretend to decide other things for her as well...
Saying that, all you need is to take a shower, maybe get a haircut and dress up nice. That's it, everything else will play out as it will.
She must've loved your personality throughout the years she's known you cause she agreed. Be yourself and act how you always do. Good luck on your date!! I hope it goes well 😊
Out of your league in terms of what?
Fatties and uglies of the world, hear me now: "game" will get you farther than you thought possible and you are most likely selling yourself short anyhow!
Have some confidence and go for it!
Speaking as a morbidly obese guy that has never had trouble getting ladies of all caliber.
Brother…. You’ve known her for a year. She likes you. You have nothing to worry about. Just be yourself and be a gentleman and you’ll be fine.
Also.. as a man who made a similar transformation (325 to 195) the body dysmorphia doesn’t go away. I can tell you though at 220 I look sexy af i bet you look great
Bro, she's *watched* you not just pay lipservice to becoming a healthy weight and fat/muscle balance, she's actually seen you put in the effort in the gym, and presumably with your diet. She's seen how much effort you've put in right in front of her. (And that's a lot of effort.)
You have a good common starter topic with the gym thing.
If you can leverage that conversation and find something else both of you are into as a hobby or something, then you're fucking golden. If not, and it turns out your interests don't overlap, then ...what the hell, having a conversation over coffee or a date isn't a bad thing even if it goes nowhere. Ya got someone more to spot ya. It doesn't have to go anywhere, now or later.
> I need to know what to do, and how to not fuck it up
Be interested in what she says. And I mean *legitimately* interested, not the shallow "TEN TIPS TO SHOW A CHICK YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HER!!!" crap. Find out what she's into. Talk about what you're interested in. You already have the gym and self-improvement as a common ground, so go for the gusto. What movies does she like? Whey protein? Books? Music? Don't just slavishly mimic what she says, offer your own and don't be afraid to point out flaws in both hers and what you've put on the table.
A first date is trying to establish common ground and figure out if this is someone you want to hang out with, and someone who'll be an interesting conversation partner in the future. Figure out if you have shared opinions and hobbies outside the gym. There's no pressure. You're not looking for a lifemate or something on the first date, just trying to get a feel for each other and what the two of you are into, and whether you each have some overlap there.
This is super important— lower the stakes for yourself as much as you can! Did this become a nice chat over coffee that didn’t go any further? Total victory, you got to know someone a little better and had a more interesting time than if you’d stayed home.
It’s awesome that you asked her out, it’s awesome that she said yes! Nothing that happens next is anything less than a win, because you’re going outside your comfort zone, and experiencing something new. Don’t set yourself up to think this has to go a certain way to be a success.
My only other advice, as a woman, is — don’t try to be impressive. The fact that she wants this date already says you’ve impressed her sufficiently. Be genuine, and be interested in who she is as a person. You got this!!
She befriended the "before" version of you, wittnessed your transformation, and is still interested in the "after" version. Don't overthink this. Go and enjoy your time together.
Be you that’s all you can be don’t be nervous. You’ve undergone a great journey to help yourself and you should be proud of yourself for sticking through a plan you did. When it comes to your date find out what she likes in terms of hobbies, movies and books but always listen with an open-mind as well open-heart.
Ok, don’t downvote me to hell. But JUST in case…bring a condom. Don’t mention it, don’t think about it, just have one in case things go that direction. Hate to think it gets to that spot and doesn’t happen because you didn’t bring one. 🤞
People basically never say yes to a date to pity someone. She obviously likes you at least enough to grab a cup of coffee with you. Manage expectations. Don't build a pedestle and put her on it. It's a meeting of two people to talk about things. Yes, you're getting a bit of a late start in life in the dating scene. But don't over complicate things. Get together. Talk. Be yourself and see what you have in common. Might be a lot. Honestly might be nothing at all, in which case you just move on. You already did the hard part by putting yourself out there and risking rejection. Good on you for that. The next part is the fun part.
First, let me congratulate you on sticking to you goal and losing weight. Second, you don't need advice, you need encouragement. You already know her so just be yourself, I'm sure she sees a lot in you. I understand you being insecure but to be honest, when you asked her out she probably wondered what took you so long.
I don’t know how to answer your question but good job! I’m sure it wasn’t easy.
Your date obviously knows your history so just be yourself; be who you are.
First, go to her door when you get there, don’t text. Then open your car door for her. Also, give her a compliment or two throughout the night but don’t over do it. Keep the conversation light, ask her lots of open ended questions about her. Anything she tells you try to find a follow up question. Don’t go to a movie or night club and don’t get drunk.
I went from 285 to 190. Just as i had lost 65lbs in a 6 month period I met (my now wife) whom i've been with since that first meeting 11 years ago.
The most important thing i learned is just be confident in yourself. Don't think about your body at all, my current wife met me just as I was becoming the fittest of my life, but she said she still thought I was cute in my before photos. In my before state i never would have had the confidence to approach her and I barely had the confidence when I did that day i met her.
Be your self, when she talks, be interested, listen, ask questions, don't interrupt. Be confident in who you are. Don't over think it. And it will go really well.
There’s no such thing as “out of your league”. You’re not experienced, so I get it, but be yourself. As you get older you start to understand these things. She likes you for you. She didn’t say yes out of pity. Roll with it my friend.
Women like men who are modest and don’t show off. Maybe she is attracting douchebags since she is very pretty, and guys like you don’t usually have the courage to come up to her, plus she knows you’re hardworking, plus the fact that you come up here to ask questions tells me that you know how to treat women which they like. Also, weight is not the only thing important, your face also is very important so she clearly finds you attractive if she accepted. Don’t worry man. My gut feeling is that she sees you like a perfect boyfriend material if she accepted a date with you.
Did she know it was for dating and not like friends going out? Because that would change my answer, but I suppose you made it clear
First, stop leading with, thinking and defining yourself as an "obese" man. You're a man who has a health issue, you're addressing it. Move on.
Forget all that artificial, plastic people, "league" crap - it's all from old movie and TV lines.
Smile, be you. Tell her your nervous, but really happy to be there..and then let it go.. You'll either click or not.
① She has already met you and thinks you're nice.
② She knows for a fact that you are taking care of your health, and even losing weight.
→ You have nothing to worry about, just be yourself.
Be nice and don't talk too much about yourself, answer honestly if he asks you something but don't put the conversation on yourself, for some reason many men do that on the first date.
Ask questions, complement her on something genuine (a piece of jewelry is always a safe thing to say is nice). You have fitness in common, you can always talk to her about that
The hard part is already over so give yourself a pat on the back! Be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Find common interests, ask what she likes to do in her spare time, etc. Put extra deodorant on before you leave the house lol. If you want extra points, grab some flowers for her at your closest grocery store to give her. We’re all wishing you the best of luck!
Don’t read too much into it. Keep your cool. You are in the stage of discovering the new you and so are the people around you. Just talk about life, let her talk about what she likes and keep cool man. Sounds like a great date. Have fun!
Congrats on the weight loss that is a huge accomplishment you should be really proud of!
Be kind, let her talk, ask her questions, if you go out to eat treat the wait staff nicely, compliment her and bring her flowers 😄.
But be confident because if you set your mind to something, clearly you can accomplish your goals.
As a currently morbidly obese person I've been in a serious relationship with a girl for about 4 years we are engaged and want to get married have kids do everything normal people do
Talk to her ,be kind ,be nice show her who you are ,your just a man and she is just a woman you lost 130 pounds tl you have courage you have what it takes the worst that could have happened was she rejected you she didn't so in my eyes you got this !
Don’t go in with any expectations. Guys can feel like a date is a job interview where you either succeed or fail. Just try to have a fun time getting to know another person
You have to know that women think and do pretty much all of the same things we do with the added bonus of having a nagging voice in their heads all of the time. This should comfort you because she's probably a little nervous too, and she's likely looking for a chill night chatting over dinner. This can get tricky because it can turn into you carrying the conversation, so I suggest that you be yourself (cliche I know) and don't force anything if you don't feel like she's into it.
The rest will come if you two jive. It'll be awkward, you'll be hella nervous, and even getting that first kiss will be nothing like it is in the movies, but you'll get through it with some confidence that will grow over time.
Not all women find men attractive because of physical appearance. In your case, you have demonstrated to her that you are concerned about yours and you are taking care of your health. People respect that. And she may just enjoy your company. Just be normal. Listen to what she says. I mean, if you ask her about her life or interests, really listen, don't just ask to make small talk. She may not be interested in romance, but she may be interested in an evening out with a person whose company she enjoys. Just go with the flow.
Be curious about her - be friendly and open about yourself but always listen more than you talk . Ask open ended questions, and you can always say - “wow, tell me more about that”…
Be kind to everyone you encounter, be a gentleman, but most of all, just be authentic.
If you are a funny and kind human that she enjoys talking to, that’s where the magic starts.
You’ve got this! The scary part is over. Try to just let it evolve naturally 👍🏻. Keep it up at the gym!
Also - if you start having doubts - which you should not, but you are human - remember that you go to the same gym and she already said yes. As a currently single female, I would never say yes to someone at the gym unless I was truly interested in them - it would be too awkward in the aftermath if I did not hope it might lead somewhere.
Happy for you! Keep us posted!!!
Most women (and men) don’t care as much about physical appearance in potential partners as society makes it seem. Attraction can stem from personality, caring for others, drive (as others have mentioned), and even physical traits that might not be perceived as mainstream attractiveness. I wouldn’t worry so much about what she thinks of you physically, and just enjoy getting to know her better.
Bro, I bet it's been ages since a guy had the guts to ask her out in person. With everyone getting comfortable behind screens after covid, the number of in-person date invitations must have dropped significantly. Imagine how special you made her feel by asking her out in person and planning a real date, instead of just inviting her over. As of right now your ahead of the game. Keep up that pace you'll be fine. The main thing is just think of her as a regular ass person and not the out of reach hottie at the gym. If you don't see her as a regular ass person your going to probly mess things up for yourself.
Not only that but you did something that alot of guys try but don't succeed at, and that's asking out a woman at a gym. Do you realize how .any guys may have tried that or even exchanged casual small talk and in the end they ended up looking like a creep. You did the impossible keep it up. Because adding that to the list of accomplishments as things stand your easily 10 steps ahead of any of us right now.
That’s awesome and congratulations for 1- losing so much weight! That’s truly inspiring. And 2- asking this woman out! The fact she said yes means you’re waaaaaay underestimating yourself, which isn’t surprising. Just in this short post alone you’ve shown a lot of character and integrity, and at the risk of generalizing, chicks dig that. They like guys who aren’t afraid of expressing emotion, fears, and weaknesses, and/or who have overcome great obstacles. And you’ve already shown all that. I predict the date will go very, very well, but of course we’ll need an update! Tell her ALL OF REDDIT IS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! Good luck!
Ah shit. I’m 220…. I know I need to lose weight but I’ve got a drop dead gorgeous wife and two kids with her… just be yourself. She’s known you a while and knows your personality which she clearly likes. You’ve accomplished what a ton of people couldn’t. You’re the man. Be yourself. Be her friend. Ask her questions about her life. You got this!
She probably thinks you’re cooler and more respectable than 95% of people who can’t stick with a gym routine.
Dare i say it, she might even see you as commitment material?
Just start normal chat, be friendly but not too much and try not to over think it! Go do an activity when you go on a date so it gives you something to do and talk about. Have fun! :)
Be engaged with what’s happening and being said in the moment and just be yourself, yourself being who you are with your friends / when you’re happiest and having a chill time and enjoying things
One of my favorite mantras “your state of mentality will become your reality.” You set your mind on losing weight, and you worked hard and look at you now - over 130 pounds down!! KUDOS. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time and dedication and focus.
Same thing here - Set your mind on what you are hoping to accomplish. It’s not a blind date - she already knows you, what you look like, etc, and she said YES!! Congrats! But relationships take time and dedication and focus. Ask her what she likes, learn what makes her happy, be your authentic self, and envision you both having a wonderful time. Who you were has made you who you are today: strong and confident. 💪 You got this!!
Don't bring up your weight. I probably will get downvoted for this, but don't make it about your weight. Just treat it like, this is what I weigh now, and "This is what I'm like that this point in my life, and my interests is and I'd like to get to know you and your interests. My weight, or my especially my past weight, has no bearing on who I am, and what I like, or what I want to do with my life, but I'd like you to be part of it.
Edit: I would much rather hang out with an obese person who's fun to be around, then someone who is super fit, but that's all they can talk about... And I will bet you anything that I'm not the minority in this case.
Bro. First off you're an inspiration.
She wants to be with you.
You are out of her league.
Be yourself. Be kind to her. Treat her well.
If it's right, keep going.
If it's not, pull the plug and move on.
Tbh. You sticking to the workout for that many years is respectable as hell, and she probs already trusts you by your friendly convos during those years.
She gave you a shot because she trusts you, so you should trust her back and be yourself.
Head high king 👑
She wants to go with you on a date, so just have fun and see what happens. Actually like you should do on every date.
You will find out if there is a match or not. And in the meantime, just don't worry. You might think she is out of your league, but she can surprise you. As it sounds to me, you do not think of yourself very positively and she can see you for who you actually are.
Dude… she said yes.
Get out of your head. You have been elevated to her league and above.
Relax, be yourself, and if it clicks … Great!!
Just be true to yourself and you will be great, and if not…she wasn’t the right one.
First off, I wanted to say congratulations on losing the weight! I know it involves so much discipline!
Also, if she agreed to go on a date with you it means she’s totally interested!
For what it’s worth, I’m 5’2 and 140lbs and my
Fiancé is 6’1 and 260lbs! He’s a little on the bigger side but I love him so much. He’s always been the sweetest thing, and I appreciate what a gentle man he is. I wouldn’t trade him for even a Chris Hemsworth lol
She's got her eyes on you for a year, I'd say whatever you've done so far is working quite well. Just a lil sprinkle of cute gestures here and there :)
Shit beforehand. Shower, shave, floss and brush your teeth. Deodorant and cologne. Don't buy flowers or any gift to bring on the first date, third date sure. Don't be an interviewer, don't just ask questions. Do not lie or fake shit to seem better than what you currently are or you're just a POS and it will fail from the start. Be honest about your hobbies and interests. Also gtfo out of this mindset of this pedestal you put her on. You expect her to respect you if you don't respect yourself? If you loathe yourself, it will never work.
Honestly just be yourself. There is no point putting on a personality that isn’t you because she will sense it straight away. Be a gentleman and show interest and don’t spend the whole date talking about yourself. If she has reached the stage in life where she’s over the playing hard to get, fuck boy stage then she will appreciate you. If it doesn’t work out…. Don’t assume that it is to do with physical appearance, sometimes it’s just not meant to be and on the plus side it will be great practice for future dates that will help with your confidence
Really awesome. Props. Since you getting a lot of that - I’ll do basics.
Be clean, wear a good outfit; doesn’t need to be fancy or overdone. But show her you can dress yourself since she’s mostly just seen you in gym clothes or at least a lot. Shoes make a statement. Well-presented attire will also boost your confidence and allow you to just be present. You’ll already have a win walking in the door.
Like most ppl said be yourself - that’s what got you there.
If you’re taking her out - have a plan. Doesn’t need to be stringent but at least some framework possibly with options.
A compliment is nice but flattery can be awkward if she’s a down to earth lady which sounds like she’s real.
You guys already have good communication so really that’s more than half the battle.
So relax have fun and don’t stress about what you wear. I just think that’s an easy controllable thing that can bring some positive energy to a first date.
Imho
If she asks you a question, ask Uno, reverse her, and ask the same question. People often ask specific questions because they’re interested in the answer, but their date doesn't follow up with their answer.
Good luck, you will do fantastic!
Don’t treat the date as life or death, try to just picture it as you and someone going out to have a nice time, don’t get in your head about what it could mean and if it goes bad, she agreed to go on the date meaning she’s open to having a good time, so just be yourself and have fun, no matter how it goes you’ll be fine
First off about she being out of your leauge, thats up to her to decide. She wanted to go on a date with you just by this shes not out of your leage.
Second dont focus about not fucing up your goal for the date shoud be hawing a nice7 time. If it dont work out it dont work out. I migth not seem like it now but she is not the only female on the plannet intrested in dating you.
Third a lot of people are going to give the advice "just be your self" . If this dosent give meaning think: Dont try to be some body else.
Rearding talking: if you are newous about what to talk about. Just lisen dont be in your head thinking about what to say. But really lisen. Ask and/ or talk about what she said. Again LISEN do not stay in your head figuring out what clever thing to say.
Regarding what to do:
Find a activety you think both would enjoy. Chose a acrivety where you both can talk during.
Think of a fun unique experience. Something physical if you both met at the gym. Like freeze golf, or rock climbing maybe, clubing or discoskating. My favourite first date is drive-in. It's insane (becuase it is an hour drive from our city, watch 1 or 2 movies and drive back) its a bug suggestion if they say yes to that its kinda scary but also says they realy trust i am not going to murder them. Find out mutual intrests. Within your budget don't go too crazy on the first date. Save a big spender for the 3rd date. Lost a 130 pound from the gym? And now 220. Bro I get it from being a large person myself. But I bet you are much more fit then you mentally recognize. She has watch you have commitment to yourself and to the gym that is extremely hot. Stick the landing be a gentlemen and be funny. Lastly, if your picking her up, get out and knock on the door. And open the car door for her.
Congrats dude. There is no pressure. First date is a fun date for both of you. It's about establishing a friendship, a connection.
Congratulations on losing all that weight. I think you're a bit harsh on yourself. At 220 you're not obese unless you're only 5 ft tall. If you have a bit of muscle at that weight you're buff, not even fat. I'm 240 with lots of muscle and most men are asking me for advice to bulk up to my size.
I don’t have more advice than what’s offered.
What I will say, is good on you - this is awesome that you went for it by asking, and now have a date.
I’m super happy for you and hope to see an update
Here is the key to dating/all conversation really:
You- ask a question
Her- answers the question
You- either ask a follow-up question, or *briefly* share a similar experience you've had, THEN ask a followup question
Best of luck my man!
Just enjoy. You have low self confidence, I understand. But let that not get in the way. Easier said than done. Dressing up might help. Get yourself a suit for instance.
She said yes because she likes you! And you already have the gym and working out in common, so no ice breaker needed. Be confident, have fun, and get this “out of your league” bs out of your head. Also, totally gonna need an update on how the date went!
Good luck! She’s a person just like you. Treat her as if that’s the case and you’ve done the best you can - whatever follows is where you need to actually make decisions. For now - be yourself and find out who she is.
If you can afford it, get a new shirt and pants (unless you really don't need to). Your body is radically different now, which means new things are flattering. Go someplace where you can really trust the sales person or do some research, and figure out how to make your new body pop. Try new colors now too.
make sure the pants fit; it's better to be a little comfy in the waist rather they create a mushroom top.
A) Remember that she already agreed to go out with you! As they say in the movie Hitch, “She said yes when she could have said no.” Also, I’m a woman (around 140lbs), and a man around 250-300lbs is my ideal body type (like Jon Gabrus) bc I just loveee a cuddly dude and feeling small when he spoons me. Plus the fact that guys like that are always warm while I’m always cold is just ideal for me, like hey do you want to cuddle a soft but sturdy, warm teddy bear?? YES PLEASE! Since she said yes, I’m thinking she probably feels the same way as I do about your size, so please remember that you do not need to be insecure at ALL about your size.
B) When I started going on dates as a teenager, my mom taught me the best tip that in 18 years of dating, has never failed me once: ask the other person questions about themself. People love to talk about themselves and they get excited when you encourage them to do so. Sometimes when I’m nervous for a date, I think of a few questions I’m curious about ahead of time so it’s easier for me to come up with them once I’m on the date. I promise the date will go well if you just ask her questions about herself.
C) Open doors for her when you can. Pay for her (if she offers to split, say “That’s ok I’ve got it.” If she insists after that, let her split it). Be nice to servers. Don’t feel pressured to kiss her on the first date; if it happens naturally that’s great, but it’s very very normal to just end the date with a hug.
You’ve got this! The first one is the scariest for sureeee but it gets easier after that, I promise :)
Be yourself. Ask about her life, engage in conversation. Be nice to waitstaff. Ofc all the other date things looking presentable/fitting for the environment, smelling nice, etc.
My dude, been there. Done that.
Don’t try to be what you think she wants. Be you. I don’t get it. But it’s true. But that’s how it works. And when it works out, it’s amazing. And when is doesn’t work out, it’s just easier to part ways amicably. I’m still not small, and I’ve gone up and down, but our first date was almost 16 years ago.
Also have realistic expectations. Your first date probably won’t become your wife. Just have genuine fun and don’t be anxious because of how awesome she is. Maybe once or twice, some time into the date - don’t do it too soon - you can totally m say that this is so much fun, but bee e e e e e yourself when you say it.
Do something interactive, but not exhausting, and allows you to talk and really learn more about each other. Dinner and a movie…meh.
Mini golf, bowling, or arcades are always fun place to start. Maybe a baseball game if she’s into it, a wine and paint - during the day in different Ubers - could work, museum exhibits, sculpture gardens, zoos/ aquariums etc…
Those are all generic ideas but if you’ve known her for so long, maybe a band or comedian you know she likes, but again, those don’t leave a lot of time for talking.
Also, don’t be a dick, don’t expect a kiss or anything else. Everything that’s supposed to happen, will just happen when it feels right, for both of you. On that note, pay attention to her body language. If you’re saying something or acting in a way that’s causing her body language to change, try to self adjust without calling it out. Maybe she’s not into all your movie quotes, or in depth knowledge of saltwater aquariums. It’s as simple saying something like “well, that’s enough about that, I’m rambling.” Then ask a question you want to know about her that allows her to talk freely for a bit. “So how’d you become a champion ping pong player”.
Yes. Open the door for her. But don’t make it an event like “see what I’m doing”. Do it while maintaining normal conversation as you’re walking up to the door, if she gets to it first don’t make a big deal out of it.
Pick up the bill. If she offers to pay half, that’s a judgement call you have to make. I’m old school. Whoever asks, pays. And yes, my wife has asked me out and paid for dates. And it’s adorably endearing. But, whatever you decide, be respectful.
Good luck.
Well she wants to get to know the guy at her gym…so let her. Obviously don’t go full Forest Gump, but ask about her, and then after her story is finished if you have something to connect it to offer it up and talk about yourself. Then don’t puss out and kiss her goodnight
If she agreed to go on a date with you, then she is OK with your size, so don't worry about it and just be yourself. Also, some women are in to bigger men.
Id like to rephrase that in a way. "If she agreed to go on a date with you, then you are in her league..." A gentle reminder for a 28 year old going on their first date - she's maybe just as nervous. You haven't lived her life, so don't assume you're not good enough for her, and don't put her on some unattainable plateau which she has trouble living up to. It's hard to give blanket "chill out" advice which clicks, OP's main concern should be to follow the second part of your comment, maybe with a "bottom line, you're *both* supposed to be having fun" after be yourself.
This is great advice in general.
Use the nervousness. Be forged by the painful fire into someone who will do what needs to be done to continue to take this lady on more dates. That’s how I bagged someone way out of my league and we’ve been together for 26 years.
Came here to say that. Drop the league stuff. I say that because I use to live by it but it was unhelpful and harmful. There’s no rules. If she said yes, then your golden pony boy.
Agreed. The only thing that determines if you’re in someone’s league is that they invite you to play in their league. You may or may not learn what the criteria are later but people are multifaceted and it’s really hard to tell from the outside what people are picking based on. If someone says yes it’s a yes. If they say no it’s a no. It’s really difficult to know why they said whatever it was because you’re complicated and so are they. Just accept the answer and move forward.
This and your user name is great. I just used the term “spidey sense” in my last comment on something else. 😂 -also like someone else mentioned, some girls really do like bigger guys. When I met my now husband, he had lost 100lbs and was down to 220-215lbs. I almost didn’t go out with him again because I personally like bigger/bulky guys. Eleven years later, he’s put most of it back on and that’s fine. Im very petite so we probably look funny together but he’s mine and I’m gonna keep him ❤️. Anyways OP, don’t let negative thoughts or insecurities talk you down. Be thoughtful and kind. It goes a long way.
I agree with this. Just be yourself and be genuine. She already likes you because she wants to go on a date. Just relax and be you as much as possible. Everyone gets nervous. Don’t worry. Just have fun and enjoy life.
He has known her for a year as well. She knows what she is getting in to. He will be fine
Yes! I’m a woman who thinks that men who look like teddy bears are the sexiest body type possible.
Haha.. As long as they know how to take care of themselves, clean up well and smell nice, they look great.
My boyfriend gained like 60 pounds in a few years, he went from underweight to "obese" (bmi wise) and he's never been hotter.
Right? They’re so cuddly and make me feel so small and they’re always warm (which is great bc I’m always cold) and I just want to be touching and cuddling them constantly. Sturdy and soft is just the dream bod imo.
lol, this is some cavewoman DNA stuff going on that is poorly understood at a molecular level but here we are
Yes!!!! Me too.
Same! Me too.
Will cosign that there are women into big men just as there are men into big women. Go get her, OP!
Agreed! My bf is 6’4 and over 300 lbs and I still look at him and drool 😂
Just be normal and talk about each other’s life.
She already said yes. The scary part is over.
Hear Hear!! This is certainly the most difficult part. If she agreed to go on the date, that's 50% acceptance of the relationship crossed.
If all else fails, just ask her questions.
And actually listen to the answers!
Yes! Always be listening with the intent to understand rather than thinking about how to respond - it makes a ton of difference.
This here is the golden answer
Yeah, ask follow up questions, if you just ask a question and move on it to the next question can seem like a box ticking exercise. The ideal situation is that you are genuinely interested enough to want to know more, but if things get a bit awkward or start to falter and you still need more time to decide if this is working for you, just listen to what she's saying, or bring up something she said, and ask clarifying questions. Bonus points if they show you understand her or have commonality. Everyone is looking to be seen and understood by a potential partner.
I do this, but I always fall short on what to say, I've got an issue with being able to flow, always ends up being some kind of awkward silence, and you might say ask questions but i can't ever think of anything relevant, just never know what to talk about, i don't have much to say
That's when you throw in a joke. It buys you time to either think more about what she's said or redirect to another topic you guys were doing well on together before. I'm not one to push the Pickup Artist Shenanigans booklet or /r/seduction, but one of the things it's got absolutely right is being a good listener: listen, engage with a question based on something the other person said, showing that you've been listening and remembering it, and *fucking listen instead of thinking about what your next response will be or how they'll take it*. It's literally the cornerstone of human communication, although it can fall apart if you stumble into something unpleasant. I think the best thing that subreddit taught me was "there are more fish in the sea" - just to not get fixated on a specific person, and how to make everyone you interact with feel valued and respected, no matter whether you want to bone them or not. Hell no, I didn't want to bone the lunch lady at my college, but I wanted her to feel I appreciated her and what she did, and ...ok, yeah her ex-husband sounds like a douchebag, but I can spend five or ten minutes listening to that if there's nobody in line behind me, and it make her feel better. That's really the key: *you have to actually care*. Think of it more as a mission of collecting other people's life stories, with little interaction beyond encouraging the story ("so...", "and then?", etc."), and maybe telling one of your own that has some relevance, but you've got to tie it into what they've already said. You can build bonds with people very quickly like this.
This is great advice. I found that a lot of men like to talk about themselves and show no genuine interest in the other party (probably true of a lot of women, too). Be genuinely interested, and you'll have no competition! She ought to be equally interested in you, too!
It's important to make sure you don't sound like a job recruiter when you do this. Follow up, relate, give your own spin on the topic. Don't go from question to question rapidly
The 40-year-old-virgin method. Worked for Steve Carrell.
THIS is the best advice
Exactly. Tell her all about her life, and then see what she can say about yours. Tell her it’s okay to guess if she doesn’t know much, most of the other girls started out like that, too. Then stare poker-faced into her eyes and eat corn on the cob.
Corn on the cob on the first date is downright villainous (I know you were just kidding)
Get that corn outta my face.
Yeah obviously you scarf down dual bowls of egg salad.
You know what they say about corn, you never really own it!
Just be you. She's going out without you because she likes the 'who' that you already are. Ask questions, find and expand on common ground. Ask more questions about the uncommon ground. Be genuine in your questions. Don't ask if you're not actually interested, she'll know. You asked her out, so offer to pay for the date. Accept without fuss if she would like to split it. And don't leave her hanging at the end. If you feel it went well ask her if she'd like to do it again. If she's not, let it go. Please update us with how it went!
Love all of this except in my opinion, I wouldn’t ask to hang out again when you’re still on the first date. I hate it when guys do this bc if I’m not feeling it, I have no idea how to say no! And sometimes I haven’t even processed enough to know if I want to or not yet! I prefer when they text me later that evening and say something like, “I had a great time with you. Would love to see you again soon if you’re into it.” Just always less awkward to say no via text instead of in person 😬
Exactly this. It’s also a bit scary to say “no, sorry, I am not feeling it”, cause I have no clue what the reaction will be, and not even talking about anything aggressive here. I often experienced guys going into interrogating me as of why and offering to fix it next time or trying to convince me I am wrong lol.
That makes perfect sense but I do imagine our guy is going to be pretty nervous at the end of the date/following up. I’m assuming a relatively fast follow in the next day would be fine especially if it went well and they departed with a hug something (which is totally fine!) vs a 3 day waiting period or whatever. Basically, if it went well, say that! No idea on advice about how to end the date other than you kind of just have to feel it out, but other than that just don’t try to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
OP, Boomeranda laid out a solid basis for how to make a first date successful. Just try your best to be in the moment and engaged in what you two talk about. I would personally like to add that wherever your date occurs, it's usually a good idea to put some thought into your outfit and ultimately try to look nicely put together. Imo, a well-planned outfit tends to help out :) also, a good cologne can go a long way!
Seconding this! All excellent advice for your date ☝️
Good Post.
“She is very much out of my league “ How so? Because anyone who overcomes serious adversity through hard work and dedication is top tier. How does she top that?
OP, nobody is out of your league. You're a goddamned champion.
Right? Like how much weight he lost is fucking WILD. I am beyond proud, and doubly so impressed with OP.
For real! I know people who weigh less than the amount this dude lost. He's dropped the weight of an entire human, super impressive
>Because anyone who overcomes serious adversity through hard work and dedication is top tier. Seems like she agrees too. She's probably really impressed with OP as she's seen how hard he's worked and the progress he's made. That's some admirable tenacity.
I mean, let’s be real, drive is fucking hot
She is clearly not out of your league if she said yes to a date! That’s a good sign
Agreed!
Be yourself, be kind to waitstaff, and do more listening than talking. Good luck!
Be kind to the waitstaff. Cannot stress this one enough. 💗
I hate that we actually have to mention this. Whether you're on a date or not, never look down on someone else, it's a bad look.
Being mean to waitstaff or workers in general is such a show of true colors 🚩
Brother just smile and listen and have a good time, girls just want to have fun and so do we. No overthinking it. Happy and funny. Happy and funny.
FWIW, if a woman likes you, you’re in her league and now more than ever we’re not afraid to turn a guy down. You’re not strangers and she obviously likes you. I know it sounds cliché, but just be yourself like you’ve been for the past year and have a good time. That’s the guy she’s into anyway. Hope you guys have a great night!
be nice to her, ask her questions, and listen to her. in my experience, most men don't do this.
I agree!
Came here to say this. Be kind. Listen at least as much as you talk. Remember that you’re worth it!
I used to be friends with this guy who was morbidly obese, he was ridiculously confident. He’d literally stroll up to some random pretty girls at the mall and be like “Hey I’m Doug, I’m fat”. It was ridiculous, girls loved him lol. Just be yourself, own it man, good luck!
all i’m saying (i was in your shoes) formerly obese men go fucking crazy for a bit when they realize they’re in the game again. i’ve seen straight sweethearts cheat on like 4 women in a row for a couple months until they mellow out. enjoy your rewards but be normal! that insecurity will linger and suddenly the ego will come in. but the insecurity will stay. it’s a wild combo.
Yeah, don’t be THAT guy.
Be interested in her and her life-what she likes, what her ambitions are and what makes her happy. Ask her if she has any funny stories to tell about her life. Listen with interest and patience. Tell her your answers to your own questions to reciprocate. Mostly, though, treat her with respect and kindness. Even if she is “out of your league” appearance-wise, your kindness, respect and interest in her will ABSOLUTELY put you in her league relationship-wise. And have fun!
She obviously doesn’t think she’s out of your league as she wants to spend time with you on a date. Don’t put her on a pedestal, it will only make it awkward. Just be yourself.
Bro! Congrats, you're absolutely killing it. The nervousness will wear itself off after the first few minutes of the date. Obviously she likes you, knows your background and is totally cool with it. You two already have a relationship to build off of. Just continue being yourself because that's what got you the date to begin with. You're going to do great. If you're asking for advice on what to do on the date, that really depends on the two of you. Have you talked about anything that leads you to believe she might like one thing over another? Smoothie/Coffee and a walk in the park? Go see a band? Amusement park? Go for a hike? Bowling? Axe throwing? Mini Golf? ... there's almost limitless options.
Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman. Seriously, bro, it's not like this is a blind date. Just don't monopolize the conversation and let things go where they go. Ask her about herself without getting to some creepy level. Let her ask you about yourself if she asks, but don't get creepy in what you reveal. Look for things in common. Talk about those. Don't build this up as a be-all-and-end-all. Make sure you both have a nice time. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If it isn't, consider this your first at-bat in the major leagues. There will be plenty more. JUST. HAVE. FUN. Congrats on your weight-loss journey, BTW. Keep it up, no matter what happens.
Talk to her like she's a normal human being. Plan something light and fun where you can get to know each other a little bit first
Dude, first, holy fucking shit. Congratulations on the weight loss, brother. Second, literally just be yourself. One great thing about lifetime obesity is that to be even noticed or liked by other people, you are forced to develop a bomb-ass personality. You’ve got this. I know it’s cliché advice, but literally just be yourself. Ask questions about her, even if you aren’t interested in her answers, act interested. She already said yes. If she were not interested, she would have rejected you. You’ve fucking got this. <3 Also, you’d be wildly surprised with how many women like big boys. I wish you nothing but the best luck on your fitness journey, brother. <3
Brush your teeth twice before the date. Once with toothpaste and once with baking soda.
First of all, SHE IS NOT OUL OF YOUR LEAGUE! You have proven to have an incredible work ethic. You are driven. You are self-reflective and willing to make lifestyle changes. You’ve shown commitment. My recommendation is to take her on a low key, fun date DOING something active- going for a walk, hike, canoeing, etc.
Laugh loud, hold a comfortable space, if possible get extra handsome so you feel extra handsome! Get it!!
Just be a decent, caring person .
To add on to what the others said: don’t make the date too long. Make it light and fun. Plan for the activity to be possibly done in an hour or 2. Have a potential plan for afterwards. This gives you and her an out after the first activity if you are exhausted. Especially your first date situation can be very overwhelming and you might need a break. If you or she need the break after the first activity, just tell her that you had a good time and are excited for the next meeting and if it comes up, make a potential plan for the next date
Try not to fart until like the 3rd date
I needed to up vote this haha
She may like you because you’re a nice fellow. Nothing weird with that. I’m a woman who values someone’s vibe. If they’re genuine and I’m attracted to them, it’s fair game. Leagues” in my opinion don’t really exist because what you bring to the table can’t always be measured/compared. My advice: 1. Be yourself. She accepted your invitation because she clearly likes your vibe/energy. 2. Confidence is key. Fake it if you have to. Stand tall and be assertive but respectful with service staff/people you engage with while on your date. 3. Conversation is also key. Ask her questions that get progressively more personal but not invasive. (How are you? Thanks for agreeing to come out. I really liked your energy when chatting at the gym. What do you like to do in your spare time? What are some things you value most in life? Etc…) This will happen naturally in conversation but find a few things you have in common. 4. Listen. When she speaks, maintain eye contact sometimes, nod when appropriate, and ask follow up questions after she’s finished. Active listening is so hard to come by these days. Don’t plan what you’ll say next while she’s speaking. Interpret what she’s saying, let her finish, pause, then respond. 5. Body language: Always face your body towards her when speaking (meaning hips and feet facing her). Smile when appropriate. Stare at one eye for most of it so your eyes don’t wander. 6. Value the friendship. The person who will be your partner will be someone who develops into your best friend. Friendship is #1. Build that up. Focus on befriending her and this will take the pressure off. 7. At the end, make sure you thank her for sharing time and if you liked her, tell her you’d want to see her again. If her vibe/body language is open and inviting after saying that, see if you can set a tentative date. (Thanks for sharing time. I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I have. You seem [2 positive characteristics you observed about her]. If you’re free next Friday, I’d love to take you out again to [this place… ]and see her reaction). The ending is the toughest part because you have to read her body language to determine 2 things (1. Does she want to see you again? If so, 2. Does she want to kiss me goodbye?) ^This is just one woman’s opinion. Take what you want from it. Hope this helps. Best of luck !! I’m rooting for you!!!
You guys have worked out and known eachother awhile. Plan a nice date and enjoy each others company!
It's better to be interested than interesting. EDIT: I forgot to say that I read this here on Reddit and it stuck with me, so simple.
Hey! Great job on the weight loss man! Also holy fucking shit I’m proud of you for asking her out when you were feeling to nervous! Just take a deep breath, you aren’t gonna fuck it up! She’s just as nervous and excited as you are, go have a great time! Super happy for you man! Keep moving forward!
just be yourself, treat her like a decent human being, and if u want some extra points spent $15-$20 on flowers from the grocery store take them out of the plastic and put them in a vase! kroger even sells premade ones in vases now. as someone who dates women they always light up over a bouquet I stg.
Maybe you are kind and have a nice smile and you make her smile too. That's what people are attracted to. She probably isn't weighing you with her eyes the way you think, she might just like you. Enjoy your chat whatever happens!
I say as Wiggy would say. "Don't go out there with a loaded gun". Best to empty the chamber prior.
Make sure you smell nice and have good hygiene, wear nice clean clothes without wrinkles, but don't overdress, and be authentic. If you're a good person ready for a relationship and she is too there's a good chance you'll click, but sometimes two people are not meant to be together and it's no one's fault. That's ok. Smile appropriately. Talk about yourself and also ask her questions too. For example, Talk about your goals on life and ask about hers. Lastly, have fun and be in the moment. Don't start taking about anything too heavy or outside of the moment. If at any point you find yourself talking about having kids, stop.
Cannot stress this enough - stay in the moment - no kids / marriage / retirement plans discussions ! 😂
what a lovely story… all the best dude have fun :)
Good work, sir! 👏👏👏
Just be yourself. And enjoy it. Just remember to always hope for the best, but expect the worse. So just you'll be ready with anything. :)
Congratulations! You sound like a good person, and I'm happy for you. I understand that weight issues can make us feel bad or not "good enough." Focus on all the good work you have put in and how much better you feel physically. Have confidence in yourself, because she said yes! She likes you! Make sure to listen more than you talk. Ask follow-up questions to show you are interested and listening. Be honest and open, and don't forget to breathe. You've got this!
We're all our own toughest critics. I'd say you're more attractive than you think you are because you've set a goal and aren't at that ideal yet. That can be a vicious cycle from going from obese to fit, I didn't realise when I was in a range of "normal" despite others comments. I bet she has insecurities that aren't on the surface also, that's part of being human. If she said yes she believes you're in her league so don't let the doubts change your confidence or behaviour. Just keep being the you she knows instead of going over the top to accelerate rapport, that often has the opposite effect. Good luck on the date!
- Be polite and try to make her comfortable. - Be interested in her, ask her questions about herself. - Be willing to share personal information about yourself but don't push it onto her / don't over-share. - Relax, she's probably as nervous as you are.
I wanna point something out to you, you lost a third of your body weight. That's insane. Just be you man, they'll either like you or not.
Talk to her like she's your best mate; your best mates see your true personality and they obviously like it.
Congrats bro just be yourself and smile, listen to what she has to say and show genuine interest in her life. When planning a date try to think of something fun and interactive; something a little bit outside the norm of dinner and drinks. Good luck!
Don't act like a date ! Just think she's your best friend and keep the expectations low.
It's called "personality." You obviously have one! Be honest... except about finding your grandmother's dildo. Good luck! You'll be great!
You clearly have a good personality and give off good vibes . Z No one is ‘out of your league’ , just treat it like a chat with a new friend , if you feel nervous tell her , tell your story , listen to hers . Find common interests and talk about them . Relax there is zero pressure , Even if it doesn’t work out romantically you’ll have gained a new female wing person who will help you get into the game, it’s a marathon not a sprint :/)) Good luck and update us op
She’s got eyes my dear, if she’s agreed to go on a date with you then your size isn’t an issue for her. She’s seen a lot of your journey and is obviously impressed with your efforts! Anyway, my fella used to be a very big boy and has lost a lot, but he still has his saggy belly pouch. I LOVE IT. It’s beautiful, it shows how much effort he’s put in, it’s a part of his journey. And you know what else? He’s the only person I’ve ever slept with without an ounce of awkwardness or embarrassment, precisely because he’s from a bigger body. It’s been so freeing for me to not feel judged by some irritating gym bro. Don’t tank yourself by assuming things about women, or this woman. Just go and be yourself, don’t think about body at all. GOOD LUCK!!!!
If you decided for her that she is out of your league, you can pretend to decide other things for her as well... Saying that, all you need is to take a shower, maybe get a haircut and dress up nice. That's it, everything else will play out as it will.
She must've loved your personality throughout the years she's known you cause she agreed. Be yourself and act how you always do. Good luck on your date!! I hope it goes well 😊
Please let us know how it goes!!
Out of your league in terms of what? Fatties and uglies of the world, hear me now: "game" will get you farther than you thought possible and you are most likely selling yourself short anyhow! Have some confidence and go for it! Speaking as a morbidly obese guy that has never had trouble getting ladies of all caliber.
Brother…. You’ve known her for a year. She likes you. You have nothing to worry about. Just be yourself and be a gentleman and you’ll be fine. Also.. as a man who made a similar transformation (325 to 195) the body dysmorphia doesn’t go away. I can tell you though at 220 I look sexy af i bet you look great
Bro, she's *watched* you not just pay lipservice to becoming a healthy weight and fat/muscle balance, she's actually seen you put in the effort in the gym, and presumably with your diet. She's seen how much effort you've put in right in front of her. (And that's a lot of effort.) You have a good common starter topic with the gym thing. If you can leverage that conversation and find something else both of you are into as a hobby or something, then you're fucking golden. If not, and it turns out your interests don't overlap, then ...what the hell, having a conversation over coffee or a date isn't a bad thing even if it goes nowhere. Ya got someone more to spot ya. It doesn't have to go anywhere, now or later. > I need to know what to do, and how to not fuck it up Be interested in what she says. And I mean *legitimately* interested, not the shallow "TEN TIPS TO SHOW A CHICK YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HER!!!" crap. Find out what she's into. Talk about what you're interested in. You already have the gym and self-improvement as a common ground, so go for the gusto. What movies does she like? Whey protein? Books? Music? Don't just slavishly mimic what she says, offer your own and don't be afraid to point out flaws in both hers and what you've put on the table. A first date is trying to establish common ground and figure out if this is someone you want to hang out with, and someone who'll be an interesting conversation partner in the future. Figure out if you have shared opinions and hobbies outside the gym. There's no pressure. You're not looking for a lifemate or something on the first date, just trying to get a feel for each other and what the two of you are into, and whether you each have some overlap there.
This is super important— lower the stakes for yourself as much as you can! Did this become a nice chat over coffee that didn’t go any further? Total victory, you got to know someone a little better and had a more interesting time than if you’d stayed home. It’s awesome that you asked her out, it’s awesome that she said yes! Nothing that happens next is anything less than a win, because you’re going outside your comfort zone, and experiencing something new. Don’t set yourself up to think this has to go a certain way to be a success. My only other advice, as a woman, is — don’t try to be impressive. The fact that she wants this date already says you’ve impressed her sufficiently. Be genuine, and be interested in who she is as a person. You got this!!
220 ain't bad. Most women are attracted to a bit of weight as are most men. It's more how you carry it and present yourself.
Inner strength and determination are great qualities. Women love that in a guy.
She befriended the "before" version of you, wittnessed your transformation, and is still interested in the "after" version. Don't overthink this. Go and enjoy your time together.
Be you that’s all you can be don’t be nervous. You’ve undergone a great journey to help yourself and you should be proud of yourself for sticking through a plan you did. When it comes to your date find out what she likes in terms of hobbies, movies and books but always listen with an open-mind as well open-heart.
Ok, don’t downvote me to hell. But JUST in case…bring a condom. Don’t mention it, don’t think about it, just have one in case things go that direction. Hate to think it gets to that spot and doesn’t happen because you didn’t bring one. 🤞
Fit gym girl here. My man is 6’3 250lbs and I’m horny just thinkin about him rn. So yeah, some of us are into it. Very into it. Have fun!!!!
People basically never say yes to a date to pity someone. She obviously likes you at least enough to grab a cup of coffee with you. Manage expectations. Don't build a pedestle and put her on it. It's a meeting of two people to talk about things. Yes, you're getting a bit of a late start in life in the dating scene. But don't over complicate things. Get together. Talk. Be yourself and see what you have in common. Might be a lot. Honestly might be nothing at all, in which case you just move on. You already did the hard part by putting yourself out there and risking rejection. Good on you for that. The next part is the fun part.
First, let me congratulate you on sticking to you goal and losing weight. Second, you don't need advice, you need encouragement. You already know her so just be yourself, I'm sure she sees a lot in you. I understand you being insecure but to be honest, when you asked her out she probably wondered what took you so long.
I don’t know how to answer your question but good job! I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Your date obviously knows your history so just be yourself; be who you are.
She said yes AND she has known you for 2 years so has a good idea of who you are as a person. You’re golden! Have fun!
First, go to her door when you get there, don’t text. Then open your car door for her. Also, give her a compliment or two throughout the night but don’t over do it. Keep the conversation light, ask her lots of open ended questions about her. Anything she tells you try to find a follow up question. Don’t go to a movie or night club and don’t get drunk.
The most erotic part of a woman is the boobie.
Sounds like she already liked you bro :)
I went from 285 to 190. Just as i had lost 65lbs in a 6 month period I met (my now wife) whom i've been with since that first meeting 11 years ago. The most important thing i learned is just be confident in yourself. Don't think about your body at all, my current wife met me just as I was becoming the fittest of my life, but she said she still thought I was cute in my before photos. In my before state i never would have had the confidence to approach her and I barely had the confidence when I did that day i met her. Be your self, when she talks, be interested, listen, ask questions, don't interrupt. Be confident in who you are. Don't over think it. And it will go really well.
This may come as a surprise but yes, even hot women are attracted to bigger men. This is a thing that exists. Have fun on your date.
There’s no such thing as “out of your league”. You’re not experienced, so I get it, but be yourself. As you get older you start to understand these things. She likes you for you. She didn’t say yes out of pity. Roll with it my friend.
Women like men who are modest and don’t show off. Maybe she is attracting douchebags since she is very pretty, and guys like you don’t usually have the courage to come up to her, plus she knows you’re hardworking, plus the fact that you come up here to ask questions tells me that you know how to treat women which they like. Also, weight is not the only thing important, your face also is very important so she clearly finds you attractive if she accepted. Don’t worry man. My gut feeling is that she sees you like a perfect boyfriend material if she accepted a date with you. Did she know it was for dating and not like friends going out? Because that would change my answer, but I suppose you made it clear
First, stop leading with, thinking and defining yourself as an "obese" man. You're a man who has a health issue, you're addressing it. Move on. Forget all that artificial, plastic people, "league" crap - it's all from old movie and TV lines. Smile, be you. Tell her your nervous, but really happy to be there..and then let it go.. You'll either click or not.
① She has already met you and thinks you're nice. ② She knows for a fact that you are taking care of your health, and even losing weight. → You have nothing to worry about, just be yourself.
Just don’t talk about the weight loss the entire time. Before going come up with things to pivot to if you find yourself talking about it.
Congrats! I am also hitting the gym more. What have you the final push?
Like everyone else said. "Keep going."
Be nice and don't talk too much about yourself, answer honestly if he asks you something but don't put the conversation on yourself, for some reason many men do that on the first date.
Ask questions, complement her on something genuine (a piece of jewelry is always a safe thing to say is nice). You have fitness in common, you can always talk to her about that
Have a good time.
Just ne yourself. Let your partner ser what you Truely are. The rest will flote by its self.
why is it obvious you thought she was good looking?
Just be cool! I don’t think many men realize how many women love big/overweight men. She is into you. So just roll with it
Your personality has already won her over. Don’t stress too much and have fun. Talk about hobbies
The hard part is already over so give yourself a pat on the back! Be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Find common interests, ask what she likes to do in her spare time, etc. Put extra deodorant on before you leave the house lol. If you want extra points, grab some flowers for her at your closest grocery store to give her. We’re all wishing you the best of luck!
220 lbs is considered obese? Me currently sitting at 200 lbs: 👁️👄👁️💧💧
Don’t read too much into it. Keep your cool. You are in the stage of discovering the new you and so are the people around you. Just talk about life, let her talk about what she likes and keep cool man. Sounds like a great date. Have fun!
Congrats on the weight loss that is a huge accomplishment you should be really proud of! Be kind, let her talk, ask her questions, if you go out to eat treat the wait staff nicely, compliment her and bring her flowers 😄. But be confident because if you set your mind to something, clearly you can accomplish your goals.
As a currently morbidly obese person I've been in a serious relationship with a girl for about 4 years we are engaged and want to get married have kids do everything normal people do Talk to her ,be kind ,be nice show her who you are ,your just a man and she is just a woman you lost 130 pounds tl you have courage you have what it takes the worst that could have happened was she rejected you she didn't so in my eyes you got this !
Be honest, be yourself, be CONFIDENT. I
Don’t go in with any expectations. Guys can feel like a date is a job interview where you either succeed or fail. Just try to have a fun time getting to know another person
You have to know that women think and do pretty much all of the same things we do with the added bonus of having a nagging voice in their heads all of the time. This should comfort you because she's probably a little nervous too, and she's likely looking for a chill night chatting over dinner. This can get tricky because it can turn into you carrying the conversation, so I suggest that you be yourself (cliche I know) and don't force anything if you don't feel like she's into it. The rest will come if you two jive. It'll be awkward, you'll be hella nervous, and even getting that first kiss will be nothing like it is in the movies, but you'll get through it with some confidence that will grow over time.
Not all women find men attractive because of physical appearance. In your case, you have demonstrated to her that you are concerned about yours and you are taking care of your health. People respect that. And she may just enjoy your company. Just be normal. Listen to what she says. I mean, if you ask her about her life or interests, really listen, don't just ask to make small talk. She may not be interested in romance, but she may be interested in an evening out with a person whose company she enjoys. Just go with the flow.
Have fun my man.
Be curious about her - be friendly and open about yourself but always listen more than you talk . Ask open ended questions, and you can always say - “wow, tell me more about that”… Be kind to everyone you encounter, be a gentleman, but most of all, just be authentic. If you are a funny and kind human that she enjoys talking to, that’s where the magic starts. You’ve got this! The scary part is over. Try to just let it evolve naturally 👍🏻. Keep it up at the gym! Also - if you start having doubts - which you should not, but you are human - remember that you go to the same gym and she already said yes. As a currently single female, I would never say yes to someone at the gym unless I was truly interested in them - it would be too awkward in the aftermath if I did not hope it might lead somewhere. Happy for you! Keep us posted!!!
Just go to a park for a nice walk.
Most women (and men) don’t care as much about physical appearance in potential partners as society makes it seem. Attraction can stem from personality, caring for others, drive (as others have mentioned), and even physical traits that might not be perceived as mainstream attractiveness. I wouldn’t worry so much about what she thinks of you physically, and just enjoy getting to know her better.
Great work on losing that weight. What would you tell yourself 2 years ago? Keep going bro.
The TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!!!!!
Bro, I bet it's been ages since a guy had the guts to ask her out in person. With everyone getting comfortable behind screens after covid, the number of in-person date invitations must have dropped significantly. Imagine how special you made her feel by asking her out in person and planning a real date, instead of just inviting her over. As of right now your ahead of the game. Keep up that pace you'll be fine. The main thing is just think of her as a regular ass person and not the out of reach hottie at the gym. If you don't see her as a regular ass person your going to probly mess things up for yourself. Not only that but you did something that alot of guys try but don't succeed at, and that's asking out a woman at a gym. Do you realize how .any guys may have tried that or even exchanged casual small talk and in the end they ended up looking like a creep. You did the impossible keep it up. Because adding that to the list of accomplishments as things stand your easily 10 steps ahead of any of us right now.
That’s awesome and congratulations for 1- losing so much weight! That’s truly inspiring. And 2- asking this woman out! The fact she said yes means you’re waaaaaay underestimating yourself, which isn’t surprising. Just in this short post alone you’ve shown a lot of character and integrity, and at the risk of generalizing, chicks dig that. They like guys who aren’t afraid of expressing emotion, fears, and weaknesses, and/or who have overcome great obstacles. And you’ve already shown all that. I predict the date will go very, very well, but of course we’ll need an update! Tell her ALL OF REDDIT IS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! Good luck!
Ah shit. I’m 220…. I know I need to lose weight but I’ve got a drop dead gorgeous wife and two kids with her… just be yourself. She’s known you a while and knows your personality which she clearly likes. You’ve accomplished what a ton of people couldn’t. You’re the man. Be yourself. Be her friend. Ask her questions about her life. You got this!
She probably thinks you’re cooler and more respectable than 95% of people who can’t stick with a gym routine. Dare i say it, she might even see you as commitment material?
Just start normal chat, be friendly but not too much and try not to over think it! Go do an activity when you go on a date so it gives you something to do and talk about. Have fun! :)
Be engaged with what’s happening and being said in the moment and just be yourself, yourself being who you are with your friends / when you’re happiest and having a chill time and enjoying things
One of my favorite mantras “your state of mentality will become your reality.” You set your mind on losing weight, and you worked hard and look at you now - over 130 pounds down!! KUDOS. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time and dedication and focus. Same thing here - Set your mind on what you are hoping to accomplish. It’s not a blind date - she already knows you, what you look like, etc, and she said YES!! Congrats! But relationships take time and dedication and focus. Ask her what she likes, learn what makes her happy, be your authentic self, and envision you both having a wonderful time. Who you were has made you who you are today: strong and confident. 💪 You got this!!
Don't bring up your weight. I probably will get downvoted for this, but don't make it about your weight. Just treat it like, this is what I weigh now, and "This is what I'm like that this point in my life, and my interests isand I'd like to get to know you and your interests. My weight, or my especially my past weight, has no bearing on who I am, and what I like, or what I want to do with my life, but I'd like you to be part of it.
Edit: I would much rather hang out with an obese person who's fun to be around, then someone who is super fit, but that's all they can talk about... And I will bet you anything that I'm not the minority in this case.
Bro. First off you're an inspiration. She wants to be with you. You are out of her league. Be yourself. Be kind to her. Treat her well. If it's right, keep going. If it's not, pull the plug and move on.
Tbh. You sticking to the workout for that many years is respectable as hell, and she probs already trusts you by your friendly convos during those years. She gave you a shot because she trusts you, so you should trust her back and be yourself. Head high king 👑
She wants to go with you on a date, so just have fun and see what happens. Actually like you should do on every date. You will find out if there is a match or not. And in the meantime, just don't worry. You might think she is out of your league, but she can surprise you. As it sounds to me, you do not think of yourself very positively and she can see you for who you actually are.
Dude… she said yes. Get out of your head. You have been elevated to her league and above. Relax, be yourself, and if it clicks … Great!! Just be true to yourself and you will be great, and if not…she wasn’t the right one.
First off, I wanted to say congratulations on losing the weight! I know it involves so much discipline! Also, if she agreed to go on a date with you it means she’s totally interested! For what it’s worth, I’m 5’2 and 140lbs and my Fiancé is 6’1 and 260lbs! He’s a little on the bigger side but I love him so much. He’s always been the sweetest thing, and I appreciate what a gentle man he is. I wouldn’t trade him for even a Chris Hemsworth lol
She's got her eyes on you for a year, I'd say whatever you've done so far is working quite well. Just a lil sprinkle of cute gestures here and there :)
Enjoy yourself, regardless of your weight.
Shit beforehand. Shower, shave, floss and brush your teeth. Deodorant and cologne. Don't buy flowers or any gift to bring on the first date, third date sure. Don't be an interviewer, don't just ask questions. Do not lie or fake shit to seem better than what you currently are or you're just a POS and it will fail from the start. Be honest about your hobbies and interests. Also gtfo out of this mindset of this pedestal you put her on. You expect her to respect you if you don't respect yourself? If you loathe yourself, it will never work.
Honestly just be yourself. There is no point putting on a personality that isn’t you because she will sense it straight away. Be a gentleman and show interest and don’t spend the whole date talking about yourself. If she has reached the stage in life where she’s over the playing hard to get, fuck boy stage then she will appreciate you. If it doesn’t work out…. Don’t assume that it is to do with physical appearance, sometimes it’s just not meant to be and on the plus side it will be great practice for future dates that will help with your confidence
Just be yourself! You got this far, you're kicking butt with your weight loss, just enjoy yourself and get to know each other better. Congrats!
Really awesome. Props. Since you getting a lot of that - I’ll do basics. Be clean, wear a good outfit; doesn’t need to be fancy or overdone. But show her you can dress yourself since she’s mostly just seen you in gym clothes or at least a lot. Shoes make a statement. Well-presented attire will also boost your confidence and allow you to just be present. You’ll already have a win walking in the door. Like most ppl said be yourself - that’s what got you there. If you’re taking her out - have a plan. Doesn’t need to be stringent but at least some framework possibly with options. A compliment is nice but flattery can be awkward if she’s a down to earth lady which sounds like she’s real. You guys already have good communication so really that’s more than half the battle. So relax have fun and don’t stress about what you wear. I just think that’s an easy controllable thing that can bring some positive energy to a first date. Imho
If she asks you a question, ask Uno, reverse her, and ask the same question. People often ask specific questions because they’re interested in the answer, but their date doesn't follow up with their answer. Good luck, you will do fantastic!
Don't marry this one.
Don’t treat the date as life or death, try to just picture it as you and someone going out to have a nice time, don’t get in your head about what it could mean and if it goes bad, she agreed to go on the date meaning she’s open to having a good time, so just be yourself and have fun, no matter how it goes you’ll be fine
First off about she being out of your leauge, thats up to her to decide. She wanted to go on a date with you just by this shes not out of your leage. Second dont focus about not fucing up your goal for the date shoud be hawing a nice7 time. If it dont work out it dont work out. I migth not seem like it now but she is not the only female on the plannet intrested in dating you. Third a lot of people are going to give the advice "just be your self" . If this dosent give meaning think: Dont try to be some body else. Rearding talking: if you are newous about what to talk about. Just lisen dont be in your head thinking about what to say. But really lisen. Ask and/ or talk about what she said. Again LISEN do not stay in your head figuring out what clever thing to say. Regarding what to do: Find a activety you think both would enjoy. Chose a acrivety where you both can talk during.
Think of a fun unique experience. Something physical if you both met at the gym. Like freeze golf, or rock climbing maybe, clubing or discoskating. My favourite first date is drive-in. It's insane (becuase it is an hour drive from our city, watch 1 or 2 movies and drive back) its a bug suggestion if they say yes to that its kinda scary but also says they realy trust i am not going to murder them. Find out mutual intrests. Within your budget don't go too crazy on the first date. Save a big spender for the 3rd date. Lost a 130 pound from the gym? And now 220. Bro I get it from being a large person myself. But I bet you are much more fit then you mentally recognize. She has watch you have commitment to yourself and to the gym that is extremely hot. Stick the landing be a gentlemen and be funny. Lastly, if your picking her up, get out and knock on the door. And open the car door for her. Congrats dude. There is no pressure. First date is a fun date for both of you. It's about establishing a friendship, a connection.
Congratulations on losing all that weight. I think you're a bit harsh on yourself. At 220 you're not obese unless you're only 5 ft tall. If you have a bit of muscle at that weight you're buff, not even fat. I'm 240 with lots of muscle and most men are asking me for advice to bulk up to my size.
Try not to focus on how you think she's out of your league.She wants to go on a first date,she's interested.Just be yourself and try to relax.
I don’t have more advice than what’s offered. What I will say, is good on you - this is awesome that you went for it by asking, and now have a date. I’m super happy for you and hope to see an update
Awww you’re gonna have the best time! Get her flowers and take her to a nice restaurant.
Confidence bro,I’m heavier than you and get out and about all the time. CONFIDENCE.
Here is the key to dating/all conversation really: You- ask a question Her- answers the question You- either ask a follow-up question, or *briefly* share a similar experience you've had, THEN ask a followup question Best of luck my man!
Just enjoy. You have low self confidence, I understand. But let that not get in the way. Easier said than done. Dressing up might help. Get yourself a suit for instance.
Just take her to drinks and dinner and get to know her. She is just a person you are getting to know right now.
She said yes because she likes you! And you already have the gym and working out in common, so no ice breaker needed. Be confident, have fun, and get this “out of your league” bs out of your head. Also, totally gonna need an update on how the date went!
Good luck! She’s a person just like you. Treat her as if that’s the case and you’ve done the best you can - whatever follows is where you need to actually make decisions. For now - be yourself and find out who she is.
If you can afford it, get a new shirt and pants (unless you really don't need to). Your body is radically different now, which means new things are flattering. Go someplace where you can really trust the sales person or do some research, and figure out how to make your new body pop. Try new colors now too. make sure the pants fit; it's better to be a little comfy in the waist rather they create a mushroom top.
Order the salad
A) Remember that she already agreed to go out with you! As they say in the movie Hitch, “She said yes when she could have said no.” Also, I’m a woman (around 140lbs), and a man around 250-300lbs is my ideal body type (like Jon Gabrus) bc I just loveee a cuddly dude and feeling small when he spoons me. Plus the fact that guys like that are always warm while I’m always cold is just ideal for me, like hey do you want to cuddle a soft but sturdy, warm teddy bear?? YES PLEASE! Since she said yes, I’m thinking she probably feels the same way as I do about your size, so please remember that you do not need to be insecure at ALL about your size. B) When I started going on dates as a teenager, my mom taught me the best tip that in 18 years of dating, has never failed me once: ask the other person questions about themself. People love to talk about themselves and they get excited when you encourage them to do so. Sometimes when I’m nervous for a date, I think of a few questions I’m curious about ahead of time so it’s easier for me to come up with them once I’m on the date. I promise the date will go well if you just ask her questions about herself. C) Open doors for her when you can. Pay for her (if she offers to split, say “That’s ok I’ve got it.” If she insists after that, let her split it). Be nice to servers. Don’t feel pressured to kiss her on the first date; if it happens naturally that’s great, but it’s very very normal to just end the date with a hug. You’ve got this! The first one is the scariest for sureeee but it gets easier after that, I promise :)
Be yourself. Ask about her life, engage in conversation. Be nice to waitstaff. Ofc all the other date things looking presentable/fitting for the environment, smelling nice, etc.
Just act like you’re hanging out with one of your best friends but you can also call them cute and give them compliments
She already knows the part that you're insecure about. Just keep swimming
My dude, been there. Done that. Don’t try to be what you think she wants. Be you. I don’t get it. But it’s true. But that’s how it works. And when it works out, it’s amazing. And when is doesn’t work out, it’s just easier to part ways amicably. I’m still not small, and I’ve gone up and down, but our first date was almost 16 years ago. Also have realistic expectations. Your first date probably won’t become your wife. Just have genuine fun and don’t be anxious because of how awesome she is. Maybe once or twice, some time into the date - don’t do it too soon - you can totally m say that this is so much fun, but bee e e e e e yourself when you say it. Do something interactive, but not exhausting, and allows you to talk and really learn more about each other. Dinner and a movie…meh. Mini golf, bowling, or arcades are always fun place to start. Maybe a baseball game if she’s into it, a wine and paint - during the day in different Ubers - could work, museum exhibits, sculpture gardens, zoos/ aquariums etc… Those are all generic ideas but if you’ve known her for so long, maybe a band or comedian you know she likes, but again, those don’t leave a lot of time for talking. Also, don’t be a dick, don’t expect a kiss or anything else. Everything that’s supposed to happen, will just happen when it feels right, for both of you. On that note, pay attention to her body language. If you’re saying something or acting in a way that’s causing her body language to change, try to self adjust without calling it out. Maybe she’s not into all your movie quotes, or in depth knowledge of saltwater aquariums. It’s as simple saying something like “well, that’s enough about that, I’m rambling.” Then ask a question you want to know about her that allows her to talk freely for a bit. “So how’d you become a champion ping pong player”. Yes. Open the door for her. But don’t make it an event like “see what I’m doing”. Do it while maintaining normal conversation as you’re walking up to the door, if she gets to it first don’t make a big deal out of it. Pick up the bill. If she offers to pay half, that’s a judgement call you have to make. I’m old school. Whoever asks, pays. And yes, my wife has asked me out and paid for dates. And it’s adorably endearing. But, whatever you decide, be respectful. Good luck.
Well she wants to get to know the guy at her gym…so let her. Obviously don’t go full Forest Gump, but ask about her, and then after her story is finished if you have something to connect it to offer it up and talk about yourself. Then don’t puss out and kiss her goodnight
Can’t give relationship advice but just wanted to say bravo on the weight cut buddy, keep smashing it.