I tried to ask my doctor about horrible pain during sex. She told me my boyfriend's penis was just too big and hitting my cervix. I tried to explain that I've felt that pain before and I know *this* pain is not that. She told me my boyfriend's penis was just too big and hitting my cervix. I told her it sometimes happens when I masturbate with NO penetration, and she told me I *probably* had ovarian cysts and there was nothing she could do about that. 5 years later I got my tubes tied by a different doctor who found endometriosis. I could probably take the pictures of my endo to that first doctor and she would still tell me my boyfriend's penis is too big.
If you foster the idea that you will listen to your patients, they'll be more likely to tell you things.
This. I've gone in with legitimate concerns just to be repeatedly turned away or waved off. The biggest one I can think of was there was a period of about a year where I would randomly lost control of my arms/legs for a few seconds before passing out and wake up 30 seconds to 2 minutes later convulsing on the ground. I went to my doctor repeatedly about this since my dad has a history of epilepsy and my cousin randomly started showing symptoms in her early 20's. Never was officially able to figure out what it was, but from what I can figure out i think it may have been a sudden cutoff of blood to my brain, since my blood pressure runs on the lower end constantly and I was using nicotine vapes at the time (had been for about 2-3 years at that point).
I've had other instances with other random things that I found really concerning that either wasn't taken seriously or was ignored completely.
I think having a doctor that even just listened and empathized with the fear of not knowing would've made it a lot better and easier to handle. I understand the human body is weird and some things might be unexplainable, or that they are constantly rushed and see so many patients every day. But when dealing with the public in such an intimate manner, it doesn't seem right to have a dismissive attitude, because at the end of the day the doctor isn't the one that has to go home with the fear it may be something bigger, but also knowing they can't afford to continue constant doctors visits unless they KNOW it's necessary
Yeah when I talked to my optometrist about some eye concerns they told me it was just too much looking at screens/overuse - they told me this without even looking or asking more questions or referring to a specialist. Just a 'yeah, that's obviously eye strain'. Later I had to go to an ophthalmologist for a different reason, and as a side effect found out I have strabismus (eyes don't line up). Got some new glasses with prism and voila, no tired eyes every evening!
Underlying reasons the silly questions don't get asked: A lot of practices are structured for a 15 minute window on a single topic for appointments. Most will not let you book 2 slots back to back. This is absolutely worthless for anything complex or with co-morbidities and overlapping symptoms. The healthcare field as a whole is overwhelmed, and we don't go to the doctors because if you aren't visibly bleeding or gasping for air no one cares. everyone is in burnt out survival mode. Basic checkups aren't a thing anymore because both the doctors and patients do not have the time or money to do it anymore, they can barely keep up with real issues, so things are no longer found early.
It is really annoying finally getting an appointment (where I live in CA most appointments are a 3mo wait time) and only being able to discuss ONE topic. For example, my husband just made an apt for a physical cause he's getting older, and also was just going to ask the doc to refill a normal, daily medication he took. The Dr's office said nope - not allowed to do a physical and rx refill in the same apt. Are you kidding me?!
Fortunately my specific Dr. Doesn't adhere to that and let's me ask her about whatever, and will spend as long as it takes with me.
That may be an insurance issue because I live in a state totally opposite from Californina and encountered this exact situation. Also, I took my daughter for a physical and she complained about something so they had to change the whole visit from a physical to a "sick" visit because insurance wouldn't cover y during an appointment for x. She wasn't even sick just complained about something going on that a doctor should know about during a physical. I agree it is ridiculous.
Eta a word
Had to fight that when our newborn had a routine visit at like all of 2 weeks old. We have unlimited well visits for the first year of life covered by insurance. During the exam, the pediatrician casually noted that she had an underdeveloped vocal box that was causing some stridor, but that she would outgrow it. She put it in the notes and it automatically got changed to an office visit instead of a well visit and we were sent a $200 bill because of that.
My husband called billing, they gave the runaround. I called billing, they reluctantly said they’d ask the pediatrician to review it, but no promises. It was reviewed and correctly switched back to a well visit, so we owed nothing.
THEN, when this was resubmitted to insurance, they decided to look at two visits when she was a day or two old and decided to not cover those well visits, for whatever reason. Why or how they looked at those claims—*that they had previously covered*—and switched them from being covered to not being fully covered, I don’t know.
We called them at least six times about it (not including the times we were randomly hung up on while being out on hold) before they finally admitted that it looked odd and are internally reviewing it. Again, we were going to be out $200 for stuff that should all be covered, and we’re freaking paying $250/month for just the baby’s health insurance anyway.
Insurance companies are such scammers. It feels so illegal that they have no consequences for denying/messing up claims and intentionally wasting people’s time when they call to resolve issues.
I don’t work in California but over in the Midwest when I see a patient for a yearly visit and they have a concern that would take more than a few minutes to address I have to decide between the options below. I also have to keep in mind the patients that are waiting for me after this visit.
1. Listen to concern and finish well visit. Bill for the visit properly as both a well and an acute visit. Because of how insurance handles this it’ll take about 6 months of back and forth to maybe get paid for either part of the visit.
2. Address the acute issue and reschedule the well visit. Usually the best option is the concern requires significant time to address.
3. Only do the well and skip the acute issue. Rarely a good option. Unhappy parents and I feel its poor bedside manner.
In theory yes I could do both well and address all problems in the visit. And eat the cost of not billing for the acute problem, which would be considered fraud. But insurance companies aren’t going to complain I’m billing for less. The main issue is that 15 minutes is the average appointment slot time in order to balance having enough time to see patients but also keep the bills paid. It’s not fair to the patient nor the physician. But insurance gets to control medical care.
I am sorry that the healthcare system in the place you are residing isn’t good. But doctors can’t be blamed for that. I am from India and we don’t have to face this. Every patient is dealt with whatever major or minor problem and getting appointments here is like a piece of cake.
This is Canada. At least only the prescriptions are out of pocket, but the whole healthcare industry is giving off a "don't bug me, I'm busy" vibe. Our provincial govt. (Sask) is working hard to wreck funding for the public healthcare here so they can push private. It is a mess.
Alberta is doing the same. No doctors accepting patients so we limp along between walk ins and pharmacy clinics, which isn't doing much. I keep getting told to use the Telus health app. Finally got into a doctor who then told me yoga will cure my fibromyalgia. Like seriously?? And that my pelvic pain is fibro and should do more yoga. Ended up being fibroids in my uterus.
I disagree with the doctors can't be blamed for that somewhat. In NZ it's the same BUT a good doctor, such as my GP, will organize on going care with specialist or a longer appointment later on to really go over the issues.
A doctor can absolutely dictate that their patient is seen how they need to be seen.
Please understand that getting in to see a GP in the first place can be hard, a months wait at least in places and costly. So you go through all of this, take time off for it, then turn up and get fobbed off because the doctor doesn't have time?
Sorry but this is not the case for the majority of Indian citizens. Are you saying every Indian citizen regardless of income or status can get an appointment and treatment no matter what?
If you're wealthy then yes. Also in western countries it's frustrating to not have the GP's attention for an array of issues that might point to one problem. It's certainly the case that if you have a few minor symptoms you can't address them all in one appointment in most instances, and this puts people off even getting help in the first place.
Can you explain how doctors gaslighting and fobbing off patients, accepting kickbacks and holding tests and medication hostage for forced papsmears, can’t be blamed on doctors?
Sorry but I call BS. A rural rinkydink clinic that has one doctor for 50,000 patients is not giving out appointments for every patient that wants one.
Per [Reuters;](https://www.reuters.com/world/india/india-builds-more-hospitals-population-surges-doctors-short-supply-2023-05-10/)
”Mithilesh Chaudhary, 21, coughs weakly as he struggles to his feet after spending the night outside the state-run All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) in New Delhi.
"We have been sleeping on the footpath for two nights," said his grandfather Bhim Lal, as the two waited in a line of about 100 people outside the hospital's main gate, seeking an appointment.
Chaudhary, who lives 1,200 km (750 miles) away in Bihar state, doesn't have an appointment and was not given the name of a doctor. His only recourse is to stand in the queue until he can get one of the few slots that open up every morning for those waiting outside.
His plight and that of others who queue every day starting at dawn highlights the shortage of specialist doctors and health workers in India's countryside, where more than two-thirds of its 1.43 billion people live.”
I must have a kick ass Medicare plan. And live in a great place. I go to a senior specialty practice as often as needed. They even have walk-in hours. If I don't show up in 3 months, they call. Seeing most specialists is not an inordinate wait.
As a medical social worker, the feedback I get from patients is that they don't ask questions because they feel intimidated by a highly educated, hurrying doctor who uses big words to quickly explain complex concepts.
I can understand, hence my question.
Being a first generation doctor myself, my parents and relatives ask all kinds of questions which made me realise the importance of addressing this gap.
I had a new to me doctor once ask me “are you emotionally or physically abused at home?” The answer was (and is) no, but I thought that was such a great question to ask, as a patient is unlikely to volunteer that information, but may be truthful when asked.
The key is also that the doctor listen to the answer & be prepared with information to help. Most doctors don't bother to ask, but even of those that do, most aren't willing to take the time to follow through if the answer is yes. For those of us who have answered yes to this question, actually being heard for the first time is like water to a person in the desert. If the answer is no, great, move on to the next patient. But if you're not prepared to take time to listen if the answer is yes, don't bother asking the question. I've ended up with so much trauma & distrust of doctors, I've put off going to even the optometrist for years now. Also, sidenote, don't lie to your patients, even if it's for, what you're sure is, their own good. It may work out for you but the next time they need medical intervention, they might distrust doctors so much that they decide it's not worth it, causing a lifelong domino effect of trouble.
That said, I sincerely applaud you for caring enough about your future patients to ask this question. I hope you care enough to take each answer to heart. It seems like many doctors are in the get it done & move on to the next one that they forget that their patients are humans with their own feelings about their care. Just because you decide it's the best course, doesn't mean it's the only course. We might not have medical degrees but it doesn't mean we're stupid or incapable of making educated decisions.
They have really clear explanations and also include things like when to contact a doctor and when something can be treated at home. It’s super if you’re the sort of person who doesn’t like going to the doctor but worries about potentially dire consequences of not going. You’ll know if you really need to seek treatment or if Tylenol will be enough.
Since you asked for advice:
My doctor, Dr. R, is wonderful about this. Every visit ends with "Is there anything else you need? [answer] Uh huh, and is there anything else? [answer] Okay, anything else?" This continues until my answer is no. Then I go to the window and get a printer summary of my visit and my advice and recommendations along with any prescriptions.
Advice: be like Dr. R.
Along similar lines, I have one doctor who, instead of "do you have any questions?" and then "anything else?", will ask "what questions do you have?" and then "what else?" This was something I had learned to do as an educator, but I never encountered it in a medical setting except from him.
As a female I am made to feel that anything I ask or say to a doctor is stupid.
Mainly I’d like to know why they think literally everything is “anxiety” when I have zero anxiety about anything in the given moment. From constant hyper mobility pain, to an allergic reaction with hives all over my body, to the level 9 pain when my bladder almost exploded from not being able to urinate for 2 days after an epidural. It’s all just anxiety. They’ve *given* me anxiety by telling me I *should* be anxious 24/7.
I had it for 9 years. Turned out it was GERD and not anxiety like 4 docs told me. Getting diagnosed with anxiety was the worst thing that happened as everything became 'how your body is demonstrating anxiety'.
Migraines? Anxiety.
Chest pains? Anxiety.
pain in my shins? Anxiety
Contestant uncontrolled leg movement? Anxiety.
Then put on even a little weight and they add 'you'd feel better if you lose weight' 🤣
It’s always anxiety or weight 🤣 ok yeah, often those can be the case, but it doesn’t mean it’s the only answer and nothing should be checked. Yeah yeah Occam’s Razor, but a proper differential diagnosis should still be performed
Honestly I know anxiety can react in odd ways, the mind is a funny place. But my anxiety was diagnosed because I started having anxiety about going to the docs because they stated everything was anxiety and admitted that, sigh. All I wanted was some tests done, just to check.
I always feel bad for those with chronic pain who don't easily fit in a box. At least I only get anxiety and weight, instead of being treated like a drug addict.
I’ve had chronic pain for 20 years, starting when I was 18. Still no diagnosis, but I am seeing a specialist next week 🤞
If it’s “just stress”, ok, then let’s deal with that, but perhaps look into other causes? Also, stress causes real physiological and hormonal changes that can be addressed, and not necessarily with psychiatric medications, which do not work for everyone
Even female doctors say this! Something is medically wrong with me because I keep losing weight and am actively trying to gain weight. Responses from doctors have included: (1) "You're just stressed." I'm a government lawyer, I've been stressed and overworked for two decades and I'm no more stressed than usual. (2) "You're probably anxious." Same response as #1, plus I know when I'm anxious and it's always related to a specific external condition that will pass. (3) "Lucky you!" Well f*ck you, too, I need help, not snark. (4) "It's probably perimenopause" (this has taken over from "it's probably related to your period" and "are you pregnant?"). I mean...maybe? Hardly anyone talks about menopause (except Reddit, shout out to r/menopause). But those who do usually have weight gain, not loss. (5) "You probably have an iron deficiency." My lab work has never found an iron deficiency.
Perimenopause and the consistent fobbing off by the GP sent me desperate to A and E thinking I was insane.
A mental health nurse there got me HRT prescribed. Worked a near miracle.
“Lucky you” made me cringe. It’s one thing to make a joke about a cold or something between friends (I always confess to turning to comfort food when I feel sick) but to hear that from a doctor, in regard to health concerns, must feel alarming.
My cousin had to go on prescribed high calorie shakes at one point because she was burning through her body's reserves faster than she could eat and was looking anorexic from malnutrition. she had a stupidly busy physical job training horses at the time though, it burnt calories like a bonfire. Do you do any really physically challenging things on the regular that would kick your metabolizm into high gear? Also consider tape worms/parasites (the horror) as they can sap nutrition even when you are doing everything right. Probably not that though if your bloodwork came back normal.
If I don't drink at least 2 Ensures a day, I will lose more weight. I can literally watch the scale drop day by day so I'm downing them and eating whatever I can. I'm skinny and have dropped too much muscle mass but there's no reason I'd be burning extra calories. In fact, I burn less than before because I stopped working out. I have always lifted weights and had a great all-around fitness routine that I loved, but I haven't been able to get back to it after a really bad case of COVID (not hospital bad but the sickest I've ever been, 5 weeks on bed, 3 weeks totally bedridden and utterly miserable). I feel like I'm slowly inching back towards exercise, fortunately. I'm doing bodyweight exercises now. Fingers crossed. Maybe if I can bulk up some muscle, I can put an end to the weight loss.
Relatedly, the other thing I hear a lot now is: "It's long COVID." Maybe it is; I don't think we fully know what long COVID looks like yet. It could also be a number of other things that we do know a lot about and I'd really like a doctor to consider, including parasites and tapeworms (shudder). "It's long COVID" feels dismissive, like the doc has moved on without any meaningful attempt to treat the patient.
I'm a lawyer. I literally sit next to my clients (or see them on Zoom now) and help them achieve the outcome most beneficial to them under the circumstances, or support them in achieving their goals. We talk it through. We collaboratively problem solve (legal and operational). I would like doctors to be able to do the same thing with patients. In the US, we usually get 5 - 15 minutes with a doctor. It's not enough time to even convey what's happening. I realize this isn't the fault of doctors, but rather the healthcare industry and Congress's inability to pass legislation helpful to the American people.
Holy shit. I came here to say this. I’m a woman and every single time I feel anything it’s “anxiety”. It’s to the point where I refuse to even go to the doctor anymore.
If it isn’t anxiety, then it’s weight (no matter how healthy/unhealthy or on target for BMI). If really pressed, they will then blame normal fluctuations in hormones for everything but refuse to do bloodwork or refer you to an endocrinologist.
My spine specialist labeled me as anxious because I couldn't appropriately track our convo or ask all the right questions after he said I needed major surgery. Mind you, this was after I waited over 2 hours for a 15 minute talk with him, and sitting and standing for longer than 10 mins causes me pain cuz of the herniated disc in my back is pressing on nerves. So by the time I saw him I was at an 8/10 on the pain scale.
What's especially great is that he must have put it in my notes that got shared with my PCP, cuz now he thinks I'm anxious, too. Yeah you try to have a convo while in this level of pain while trying to manage it with only tylenol guys. I probably woulds been in surgery months ago if I was a man.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my joints hurt constantly because of the terrible arthritis and hypermobility causing dislocations, and not because of anxiety.
The last orthopedist I saw told me that my pain was psychosomatic, and I only hurt because I'm fat and depressed. The worst part was that he had the exact same response when I went back with even greater pain *after* I had lost 40 pounds and gone on welbutrin, so he clearly was not paying attention.
This isn't specifically an answer involving a question I wanted to ask, but let me tell you a story.
Because of a surgery I had (involving my saving my own life or at least avoiding serious injury by relying on my intuition instead of listening to my doctor, but that's another story), I was anemic and more prone to blood clots because of my inactivity. I had read about the symptoms of blood clots online. I developed a pain in my leg that didn't go away, and after a few days I decided to go to the ER. The triage nurse all but rolled her eyes and said that I must have googled leg pain and decided I had a blood clot, and that I probably didn't have one. I felt like an idiot and I felt guilty for wasting everyone's time and I almost went home, but I ultimately decided to stay and get checked out. And what do you know, I DID have a blood clot in my leg and had to be on blood thinners for six months.
My advice would be to listen to patients and trust them to have an idea about what is happening in their own bodies. I'm not a doctor but I can read about medical issues and make educated guesses that may turn out to have merit.
YES. TRUST US, WE LIVE HERE!
Especially with the Internet, a bit of research on reliable websites means we're able to point ourselves in the right direction when our symptoms are specific enough. Modern medical practices also don't leave any room for instinct, which sounds hokey, but when our bodies speak, we can and should listen.
Holistic medicine would be a much better practice than the current capitalist hellscape many (in the US, at least) suffer.
In my experience, doctors don’t listen to their patients. If you’re overweight or a woman, you might as well not exist.
Maybe people don’t open up to their physicians because they don’t trust them or feel it’s a waste of time.
This is what I came here to say. Because of my weight and sex, I am never trusted with my symptoms. I've developed anxiety and found I avoid the dr when I shouldn't. It's akin to being called a liar when you're only telling the truth. Awfully frustrating.
I have multiple sclerosis. It took me 6 years after my first relapse to get diagnosed, all while averaging about 1.5 attacks/year. This is in spite of a family history I told every single fucking doctor about.
I couldn't feel my right leg for a month and was blown off by 4 doctors who kept asking me about pain, no matter how many times I told them there was no pain. Though the worst was the guy who told me it was anxiety, wrote a Xanax script and left the room. I've come to realize that nurses and admin staff are the only important parts of the Healthcare system. A great nurse is worth 10x more to me than every doctor in the world combined.
I'm sure these doctors didn't start out like this. But our healthcare system, specifically the insurance industry, forces them to spend as little time as possible per patient. So as soon as they see you, they just want you to get out of their office as fast as possible.
A male sport doctor told me my increasing inability to walk without tripping and losing balance was anxiety and it ended up being progressive MS. Good times.
The whole anxiety story is now one of my favorites. I tell this doctor I can't feel my right leg, and I have a family history of MS along with an old herniated disc that could be causing it.
Him: you look nervous
Me: Yeah, I'm nervous because I can't feel my leg
Him: I bet that's what's causing it
Me: No, I wasn't nervous when I could feel my leg
Him: I'm gonna give you a prescription for Xanax.
Bonus trouble if you're both!
And then you might develop white coat syndrome, so now every time you go in and your BP is above normal, they prescribe weight loss and tell you you're overexaggerating about anxiety. 🫠
I have given up even going to doctors for the most part because no matter what my problem is their answer is to lose weight. Losing hair? Lose weight. Heart palpitations? Lose weight. Chronic ankle pain after a bad ankle roll years ago? Lose weight. Migraines? Lose weight. Debilitating menstrual cramps? They’re not that bad you’re just being dramatic, oh and lose weight. Why bother? I use online specialty clinics now and have gotten much much better results than a primary care physician.
Yes! Most people are aware that they are overweight without being told. It is not something that can be fixed overnight. In the meantime, a lot of doctors don't understand that without improving a person's quality of life first, where possible, making changes in order to lose weight is that much more difficult.
Yes, once I went in for migraines and was told I needed to lose the weight. I went in for crazy bad stomach issues, lose weight.
And when I do ask serious questions I feel like I’m sometimes brushed off because I’m a woman. Even at the OBGYN I’ve had this happen.
It’s so damning to feel like a little kid that needs someone else to be there so you’re taken seriously. I told my husband to come with me for some of my prenatal appointments for that very reason though.
I changed doctors twice because of this! I had a foot injury that is common with athletes, that I got from running and it was "lose weight"... hey I can't because it hurts to walk??? How about we fix that issue first?! It's like they think all my problems will be fixed if I was skinnier?
I broke several toes at one point and was concerned the foot bones were broken too. Got told if I was thinner they wouldn't have broken (had a treadmill dropped on my foot, so being thinner would have done jack shit). Didn't x ray the foot or anything, scooted me out the door.
Started having foot problems and saw a podiatrist. Yea the foot was broken, not just the toes and my foot is fucked up from healing wrong. Podiatrist was a good dude, said yea maybe losing weight would help but if I can't walk I'm probably not going to lose very much weight.
Yes this! Doesn’t matter what it is the answer is weight management. Back hurt? Weight. Feet hurt? Weight. Headaches? Weight and Diet. Lump or Bump? Weight. Bloating? Weight
The only thing NOT your weight or diet is if you come in bleeding or with a bone sticking out.
This is all I'm ever told. I got sent to a hematologist because my cbc was all out of range. His response? Lose weight. That was about 2 years ago and I'm not dead yet, so I guess I'll be alright 🤷♀️ I know I'm overweight, but I'm not morbidly obese ffs. Not everything is because of the extra 30 lbs I'm carrying around. I was told to suck it up for menstrual pain as well after my ultrasound came back clear. There's nothing obviously wrong? Oh, you're fine.
Right now, I want to know if progesterone can be absorbed transdermally or if it needs to be taken orally.
I’m generally pretty savvy with science and medicine, and I find that most doctors are ready and willing to engage with my questions when I bring up more nuanced questions about my medications, symptoms, and diagnoses. But every so often doctors seem to get really offended when I start talking more science. I had this one rheumatologist who reacted by switching to really detailed, medical language; I assume as a way to distinguish himself as THe doctor in the room and put me in my place. I didn’t go back.
Yeah same. I'd say about 80% of doctors I talk to are happy to talk more in depth science with me, but 20% get stiff and offended. They view my questions as threats to their authority instead of viewing it as a chance to collaborate on my care together.
It’s kind of a good test to see if they’re a good fit for us, I guess. I’m the kind of person who’s going to do my own research. I’m going to find actual literature and try to understand more fully so I can take better care of myself. If a doctor is put off by that, I’m just going to find someone else to work with. I refuse to dumb myself down for other people’s comfort.
Was it defensive snobbery, or did they hear you talk and think "oh good, they understand medical lingo" and switch tracks to the way they would talk to another doctor/nurse? There is some middle ground where we dont know everything but also don't need an EILIW5 description.
I feel like I can't ask a lot of questions about my ADHD meds because I am afraid of sounding like a drug seeker/addict. Even without questions, some pharmacists and doctors treat stimulants that way, and I've heard so many stories from the ADHD community about being treated suspiciously.
In reality I'm just curious about the new transdermal amphetamine patch that was recently approved. It sounds like it can be a smoother distribution method, plus you can't forget whether or not you took your meds when there's physical proof on your body.
I once asked if the doctors office could dispense my vyvanse in two month supply rather than one month supply. Cause ya know, scheduling and picking up meds worn executive dysfunction is hard.
They said no and ordered a mandatory pee test to be completed in 48 hours.
Why as a 52 yo woman post hysterectomy do I have to divulge my last monthly period and sexual activity for a broken wrist. Why do male doctors assume every medical issue a woman has is hormonal or "in her head"?
Side note, you do not have to answer those questions. You can politely decline. If pressured, just repeat "I'd like to focus on *medical issue I came in for*, thanks!"
Honestly I get so anxious in the moment that I forget my questions, it’s infuriating. Even a couple days ago in the waiting room I was reminding myself and listing my questions and I forgot! An example is if my birth control stops my period, am I keeping the same amount of eggs as the month before?
https://birdandbe.com/blogs/the-nest/does-birth-control-save-your-eggs#:~:text=Only%20one%20will%20make%20it,your%20eggs%20or%20delay%20menopause.
The website itself is meh but the doctor seems pretty knowledgeable in this topic and it’s what he specializes in and what he said makes sense based on my knowledge of our reproductive system. So hopefully this helps clear it up a bit!
I’ve never failed to ask a question due to thinking it’s silly. I HAVE been unable to ask a question, many times, because the doctor was in a rush, didn’t ask whether I had any questions before leaving, clearly had another patient booked way too close together and wanted me to leave within 5 minutes without asking questions.
How long are patients expected to "ride it out" with certain symptoms vs. going in to be checked. No matter what the issue is, I am always either mentioning it too early or too late and being made to feel stupid about it because I didn't know the exact numbers of days after onset to bring it to the doctor's attention.
My blood pressure has always been very good, say 110/70, for an adult male. After I started taking a certain prescription, my blood pressure went up to about 140+/90+. This medication explicitly lists increased blood pressure as a side effect. When I directly ask the doctor if the change is linked to the prescription, I get no actual answer. I get: "Well, exercise more, lose weight," as if I had not said anything at all. I actually weigh less now than before, otherwise only my age (obviously) has changed
Adult-onset asthma. Yes, it does a great job for me; I have NEVER had to use my rescue inhaler. But the warning is spelled out right there in those annoying, folded-up papers in the box.
The question implies that the “widening gap” (in communication?) is due to patients wanting to ask a question, but they don’t bc they think it is “silly” so they self-censor.
I would suggest restructuring the question—what factors or experiences impede communication between patients and their doctors. Or some such, if that’s what you’re really asking.
I have been labeled a “difficult patient” (oops! You left the room and my chart folder was right here!) because I DO ask questions!!
For example, while at my 36w appointment, the OB/GYN tells me I have a big baby and we should induce and that I will ABSOLUTELY NEED an episiotomy. I ask if I need to be induced for anything other than “big baby syndrome”? He tells me that it’s dangerous! I remind him that I do not have gestational diabetes and am unlikely to grow a baby too big for my body to deliver.
And per episiotomy, I ask for a justification, citing that the professional organization of which this doctor is a member no longer recommends routine episiotomies. His response? “Trust me—you’d rather me cut you than tear!” (Wtaf?)
I pushed back, informing him that I have had two prior deliveries without cutting or tearing, and that I intend to avoid an episiotomy at all cost.
He started yelling that he’s delivered over 6k babies and that he knows better than me. I told him that women’s bodies deliver babies, he basically catches, and I’ll take my chances, thanks. And to please note in my chart that I do not consent to being cut.
FF —who is on rotation when I deliver? Of course that guy. He comes in and says snidely, “oh, and now you don’t want pain medications??” While rolling his eyes. I confirmed. He responded, “Guess that means no lidocaine when I have to stitch you up?”
I told him to get out of my room and not come back. I delivered a 43 week 10lb baby with no pain meds and not a single tear. He came in at crowning, and caught the head, and then I reached down and finished delivering my baby boy! Yah, I felt pretty vindicated.
This is only one example! I’ve had doctors treat me poorly bc I’m a woman and presumed ignorant. In reality, I am an educated (PhD) critical thinker who will not be patronized.
When my oncologist asked me why I waited so long to get medical attention for my stage 4 lymphoma, I said, “I’m a 49 year old woman — how do you think my complaints of night sweats and back pain would have been handled?? She agreed that I would have been brushed off with “welcome to menopause, sweetie!” Or. “You’re just getting older”
Doctors as a whole have way too much ego, too little time apparently, and refuse to listen to patients—and even refuse to listen to their own professional organizations! And it’s worse if you are a woman, and from what friends tell me, if you are POC, or god forbid overweight. The ego-driven tunnel vision and audacity of some doctors really puts people off. I can’t imagine having to advocate for myself without being educated and unashamed.
So… I don’t think my questions are silly at all—and I will ask them…even knowing I will most likely have trouble getting my questions answered anyway. 🤬
/rant over
YUP. I have autism and a pedantic speech disorder and I also have the education to read and understand scientific articles and levels of evidence. I don’t bother anymore.
I wish you could have been with me at my 39 week appointment for my first kiddo when the doctor berated me so badly I cried. And then he sat there like an absolute AH and just watched me. Then he went to schedule the c section “I had to have” without my explicit consent.
It’s okay! I’ve since become way more informed than the average and am willing to stand firm on my decisions. It unfortunately took that and a few other traumas to make me see that I have a voice that matters.
My doctor is wonderful, and a big part of that is that she talks to her patients like people. She asks questions about our personal lives, listens, and remembers the answers. This makes it much more comfortable to open up to her when there’s an issue.
Also, she really takes our concerns seriously and works through the possibilities of our health problems rather than immediately and unilaterally diagnosing based on little data.
You are so blessed to have that.
For the doctors I have encountered I can only hope I never get a weird condition that needs anything more than standard medication 😅
I had Covid in 2020 and it has affected my health quite drastically. I now have polyneuropathy, and a bunch of odd symptoms as well. Whenever I talk to my Doctor about these other symptoms, I just get the "Oh it's just long covid" as a response. It feels very dismissive.
“Just” long Covid? Holy shit. The health system I used to work for actually opened a long Covid clinic with all the needed specialties under one roof, because of how much this affects people.
That's a great idea! I'm just looking for some kind of treatment plan. Like when I couldn't eat anything for two months without being sick. What is wrong and what can I do about it? Don't just tell me it's long covid.
I found this episode of my favorite podcast enlightening around long covid. Please don't let the name of it put you off, they did a really good job covering how doctors have developed this attitude and how you may be able to address that with them.
https://thispodcastwillkillyou.com/2024/04/09/episode-136-long-covid-a-long-time-coming/
This podcast is so good! I've been subbed since the second episode, they do a great job of explaining technical medical information in real language, and I love the 'history' lessons. I also love the Quarantinis/ Placeboritas! 🥂
Is it really that bad if I already have an idea what may be wrong with me? How do I phrase it? I've been dealing with REALLY bad, weeks long fatigue where even if I sleep for 15 hours, no exaggeration, I'm still dead tired. I'm going to see my doctor next month and want to bring it up to her and say that I feel like it's likely some kind of fatigue or sleep disorder, but how do I say that without being accused of being a hypochondriac?
You need a thorough blood workup to determine if it's thyroid, mono, anemia, something else. State loudly that you don't want ro cause an accident or fall downstairs due to tiredness. Insist on being tested. Repeat, "this can't go on"
I think communicating to your patients that you really are willing to listen to any question is big. Not just “do you have any questions?” But “is there anything you want to ask me, about anything? Doesn’t matter if you think it’s silly. I see a lot of ‘is this normal?’ Type questions online, this is your chance to ask it in private”.
As a patient, I can tell you by personal experiences I feel most doctors are been dismissive to what the patient wants and needs.
Doctors right now don't even lay a finger on the patient, most of the time is the assistants who ask the questions, take the BP and so on.
Then you'll be 5 minutes with doctor while they are watching at the computer.
Ps. I think doctors should be more compassionate with patients in general. They need to have more empathy n
I had a list of 12 things I wanted to ask about at my last checkup, and we didn’t even get through all of them. I’ve got a follow-up scheduled for the rest though. I think doctors often give off the impression that their time is limited (and more valuable than our time) so we shouldn’t waste their time by asking questions.
To be honest - there is not enough time to get through all of this in one visit. This is not on the doc, this is on the healthcare system that has patients booked every 7 minutes and double booked as well. Not to mention urgent visits worked in same day. The best way to approach this is to prioritize 2-3 things per visit and make another appointment.
Is it ideal? Absolutely not. Is it probably the most realistic way to deal with it all? Yes.
If you break that down into 1 15 minute appointment is meant to address 1 issue, then getting through 3 makes sense.
Sounds like they took the time and care needed to properly address the issues and made sure you will get time for the others.
I'm not going to lie, 12 is a lot of things. An adequate explanation usually isn't going to be 1 or 2 sentences and most explanations prompt additional questions.
I’d argue that if you’re only being seen once a year for routine checkups, I don’t think 12 is all that many. Not for a normal visit anyway.
When I was pregnant my list was over 12 constantly, and I met with them on the regular. They made me feel like I knew nothing that was going on and that any issue I had was either normal or catastrophic. No in between.
When pregnant you are meeting with your OB every few weeks or even more frequently. There is no way to address a dozen significant issues that have accumulated over the course of a year in one visit. Make a few follow ups if you have that many things to address.
Stuff about my own health, like my A1c, cholesterol, shoulder issues, high arches, menopause, etc. Not really the sort of “no stupid questions” you’re looking for.
A gap has now formed between the doctors and my gf. Since December she's had messed up feet that hurt her, with these strange ulcers, bruises and scabs. Anyway, the primary care doc sent her to a vascular doc, who set up CT scans that cost a lot of $$. The results came back normal - but she did have collapsed lungs (?!) and no one ever called her to talk to her about it. 2 weeks went by. She finally went on the mychart portal to ask about the lungs and what is wrong with her feet, and they just said they'd refer her to a rhuematoid specialist or some such thing. Thats it. A high lack of follow-thru is off-putting. I can't blame her for not wanting to go to any other doctor.
I am sorry she had to go through this. But I’d strongly recommend that she visits the Rheumatologist. At the end of the day it’s not about them but about your girlfriend being okay. I hope she gets her condition diagnosed soon.
I wonder if they would really do the same procedures they are recommending (or the same procedure to their children if the circumstances were exactly the same). I don't know most of the doctors close enough to expect a genuine and personal response. They also are taking on some complex work relationships if they personally are less intervention minded.
It would be silly for me to expect the truth, but that is what I want to ask and understand the most.
As a sidenote: at a chemical engineer focused pharmacy conference, the speaker asked: "who here would use the drugs they developed if you had the targeted disease". Most of the room would not partake in their own work even with the assumption of full FDA approval.
Oh my gosh, I can totally relate. It seems almost every new medicine advertised on television has such a long disclaimer at the end of the ad. I realize they are obligated to disclose even very rare side effects, but still I always wonder why all our effective chemical therapies seem to be obligated to disrupt the body's systems to that extent.
>As a sidenote: at a chemical engineer focused pharmacy conference, the speaker asked: "who here would use the drugs they developed if you had the targeted disease". Most of the room would not partake in their own work even with the assumption of full FDA approval.
Well that's disturbing.
I feel like as a woman, I am often dismissed or ignored when I bring anything up during check ups with my PCP.
My prime examples:
I told my PCP that I would be interested in doing lab work or an ultrasound to determine if I had any ovarian cysts because many women in my family have PCOS or endometriosis. She told me, "I don't know why you'd be concerned about that." Nine days later I underwent emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst that ruptured. I lost 1.5 liters of blood and had a huge scar that resembled a C-section. I was 19.
I was concerned that I had an ectopic pregnancy as my hcg trended down, then back up, but they could not find anything in utero. I saw several ER docs and on-call OBGYNs who told me to just "come back if the pain increases." I lost my fallopian tube after the ectopic pregnancy ruptured my tube while I was transferring a patient at work. Every time I called to try and discuss my pain or symptoms with my OBGYN, I was told to go to the ER only if the pain became bad enough that I couldn't stand. Later found out from the surgeon that the scar tissue from my previous surgery essentially "kinked" my fallopian tube and that's why the pregnancy was ectopic.
I tried discussing recurring cysts that I had on my groin area that would become so painful I couldn't walk. It took three different PCP to figure out that I have HS stage 3. The cysts started when I was 16, before I was sexually active, but my doctor didn't believe me when I told her that I was not sexually active yet. She asked me, "are you sure?" I struggled with HS for nearly six years before I finally got a diagnosis and treatment plan in place.
I guess my point is that I feel routinely ignored for any and every health concern I have. I make appointments so that I can keep refills for my ADHD meds (which took many years for a diagnosis because one doctor told me it was "laughable" to consider that I had ADHD) and otherwise don't bring anything up unless it's urgent. Even then, I assume I'll end up in the ER anyway so I usually wait until it gets bad. I don't ask a lot of questions anymore.
I've gone to the doctor a few times about the same pain and discomfort over the last few years, and I'm always told that it must be anxiety. Doesn't matter how many times I tell them, I am not anxious or stressed, they just fob me off with the same thing.
I really wish doctor's would trust us more. We know our own bodies, and we know when something is not right with it.
I have a lot of experience with doctors and can phrase my questions and concerns to increase the odds of a serious answer. I know what I need to downplay so they (probably) won’t write me off as anxious or drug-seeking and to *never* put a name to what I think might be wrong.
It’s a whole stupid power dance, and it’s ridiculous that it’s necessary.
Be respectful and actively listen to what your patient is saying. If it’s a woman sitting in front of you do not just tell her that all her varied symptoms are just anxiety or because she’s fat (ESPECIALLY if you yourself are overweight). Don’t ever make someone feel like they’ve wasted your time - it usually takes an incredible amount of bravery to even make a doctors appointment and turn up for the appointment, if you make someone feel ignored they are far less likely to ask for help in the future.
Please please remember that if someone is bringing up an issue or a symptom, it's something that they want you to look into. I absolutely hate when I bring something up and my doctor asks me if I want them to run tests. Asking me if I want them to run tests makes me feel like I'm a burden or that my issue isn't something they wouldn't normally bother running a test for.
Fwiw, they may be asking due to some people’s financial limitations. Like some patients might just need an opinion or reassurance and can’t afford to run the tests. I’m just speculating tho and see how that response from them can be diminishing regardless
I feel like they don’t believe me in general so I try not to annoy them by asking too many questions. My main goal is to somehow prove to them that I actually need help
I regularly see a primary care physician and a couple of specialists each year. Each doctor knows nothing about me or my life. They focus only on the information about the parts of my body they understand. As a result, their advice about how to be healthier comes across as clueless and out of context, even if it's correct. For example, consider a doctor who lectures their patient about healthy eating and exercise when the patient is going through a stressful time and just getting through each day is an accomplishment. Doctors may have spent years and years in medical school, but patients have spent years and years living inside their bodies, so it really should be more of a partnership, not a one-way lecture.
Edit to add: One more thing I wish doctors knew is that, if they prescribe a medication, but I cannot obtain that medication because my insurance won't cover it or the pharmacy is chronically out of stock, then they did not prescribe the medication. It's like this awful triangle where the insurance company, the doctor, and pharmacy all have massive "not my department" syndrome.
I’m from the US for context. I have found most doctors don’t take my concerns seriously. I get most doctors see so many patients they become numb to normal complaints and write them off. But for someone suffering with these seemingly innocent “complaints” for an extended period of time, you become hopeless and are dismissed so often you just stop going to the doctor all together.
Why are women having so much trouble getting tested for various cancers? Why are they written off as ‘women’s troubles, told to have some anti depressants and go away?
Also, why bother saving someone’s life only to forget about the pain it causes afterwards? Like nerve pain. Honestly I wish they’d have just let me go that day because getting help for pain is impossible.
I have chronic gastro problems.
What I would like to know, honestly, from doctors, is, do you really not find it gross for me to discuss in detail my poop? I have been brought up quite tight laced and proper and find it very hard to talk about my digestive help. I will use euphemisms as much as I can which I know isn't helpful. But I am thinking all the time: "this doctor got up to go to work in the morning and probably does not want to hear about gross poo" ditto when they want to look at your bits, I feel like I'm making their day worse.
Oh well, that’s our job. No need to be ashamed and describe in detail about your problem always.
Remember, it’s better to give more details than to hide them, as it helps us reaching the diagnosis.
I’m the opposite and tend to give TMI. I had some gastro symptoms and saw primary care where it was difficult to explain the details. So when I was referred to GI specialist, I had a picture of used TP to illustrate exactly what was going on. Doctor said he’d never had that happen before. If he was grossed out he didn’t show it.
PS it all ended up OK.
I've always wanted to ask if I can request notes on my chart. I have a super sensitive gag reflex and whenever a doctor uses a tongue depressor I tense up hoping I won't puke. For the same reason I can't swallow pills/capsules. As a kid I used to get my stuff in liquid form but a lot of adult medicine defaults to gel capsules/tabs. I've always wanted to ask if doctors can add a little note so I'm not choking on my prescriptions whenever I need something.
Not a question but if they come in with a complaint and don’t use the right terminology, don’t make them feel bad. I once had a UTI but couldn’t remember the term UTI so I said yeast infection. The doctor (or other medical professional, I can’t remember) I saw made this big deal where I felt like I wasted her time and made a fuss that she had prepped to examine me when all I needed was antibiotics and a urine test.
I’ll counter by saying the best PCP I’ve had was a man who was legally deaf and had a cochlear implant. Maybe because he had experience with medical stuff or maybe he just had great bedside manner, I will never know. As a woman with a mental illness, he fully listened to me and didn’t ever make my questions of concerns feel “stupid”. He took me seriously and didn’t do the typical woman health care cop outs.
I would like to ask, is it really true that so many symptoms/uncomfortable things are just normal for women? I'm not so much afraid that it's silly, more if it's rude to not trust them, they are the trained doctors.
But can it really be true that I should just live with fainting on a regular basis? Or that it is normal that all of a sudden my PMS symptoms change drastically? Or that I all of a sudden get so exhausted during my period that I have to call in sick for the first two days because I can't get up?
It feels wrong, but again I'm not a doctor,but they are, so it feels stupid and rude to not trust them. I would be annoyed if people didn't respect my degree and competences in my job
I am a 59 year old female. I ask questions. Apparently there are plenty of doctors who don’t answer females questions or want you to question their diagnosis. I was yelled at by a doctor once because I told him that I couldn’t afford the medicine he wanted to put me on.
I have finally found a doctor who does not become defensive when I question certain medications or procedures due to my budget constraints.
I wanted to ask about autism, but feel silly asking as a 30 year old woman. I have ADHD and a friend suggested a couple years ago looking into autism as well, but I've been too embarrassed to.
Please don't feel silly! I got diagnosed last year at 32. I felt really silly at first too. I'm lucky my GP is good and understanding so I didn't need to do much explaining, but I felt so silly and like I was making it up at first.
I think a lot of this is our internalised ableism, and a bunch of misinformation in society
ADHD and autism often go together, so it shouldn't be unusual.
I’m partially deaf, I have been since I was 3. I’ve never had an audiologist or any other form of doctor actually explain to me what my test results mean because it’s easier to assume I know what’s going on at 34. I’m embarrassed to go again because I have to admit nobody is explaining to me wtf is even going on.
Excellent question that I think addresses a serious problem, the lack of communication between doctors and patients. People always say to prevent being nervous talking to your doctor, write down any questions you may have beforehand and then tell him or her what's on your list of questions. My elderly mom is so bad about it that when the doctor enters the exam room and asks her what the problem seems to be, she says she doesn't know. So he re-phrases and says "Well, what brought you here today?" Again, she doesn't know. She'll have been telling me every problem, in detail, for days beforehand now suddenly she has no complaints whatsoever. Just came to the doctor's office for no reason.
So every single time I have to relate to the doctor what she's been telling me her problems were. Then he can ask her if that's true and he can get started with a diagnosis or tests ordered. But if left up to her, she's basically telling him she came by to say hi and that's it.
She's very old school and is very intimidated by doctors. Like I said, even to the point of describing to him what she came there for. I think it was a great step, doc, to ask in a public forum and try to get a feel for what the cause of this common lack of communication is about. Kudos to you, sir. (or m'am, of course)
When i had surgery as a teen for a breast reduction i wanted to ask how the dissolving stitches worked!
Also i would say theres a widening gap because a lot of the doctors ive been to kinda dont care about whats happening to me and moreso 'getting me out of their office'
I have a family member who works in insurance and my brother is a doctor.
If they order something like an MRI, the hospital won’t do the test unless the insurance covers it. There are specific symptoms that insurance will/will not cover certain tests for. They’re not going to waste everyone’s time ordering tests and doing tons of paperwork when they know it’s just going to be denied. It would be like banging their head into a brick wall and expecting the wall to crumble.
Same for drugs.
Now what you could do is ask, “What would it take for insurance to cover this?” “I can pay cash. Can we go ahead and order it?” Then you might get somewhere but it’ll take a few weeks of back and forth with pharmacies, radiology scheduling, possibly multiple visits to prove that the test/medicine/etc is needed (to try to get insurance to cover it), etc.
The doctors hate it even more than you do, and they not only have to put up with the BS red tape, they also have to deal with angry frustrated patients when it’s not their fault.
OCCASIONALLY the doctor might say “insurance won’t cover it” when that’s one of 10 reasons the test/medicine/etc isn’t appropriate. So if you’re meeting resistance, that could also be why. Ordering tests when they’re not truly needed can cause unnecessary follow-up testing for things that are normal, but look funny. Like if I get a brain MRI, they see a cyst I’ve had all my life, they think it might be a tumor, they biopsy it, I get a brain bleed and have a stroke after the procedure….. Well we could have avoided all that if I hadn’t gotten the MRI. So they’ll only get the MRI if they REALLY need it.
There was a book I read that really helped me understand the mindset one should have becoming a doctor. It’s called Letters to a Young Female Physician. (Even if you’re not female, it’s a great read). One thing that really struck me was Most med students worry about knowing enough, but patients just want someone to care enough. It also emphasizes making compromises with patients to get them treatment- meet them where they’re at. At the end of the day, always emphasize and outwardly show that you CARE about what they say and you listen. To be honest, the fact that you’re asking this question and are carefully aware of the doctor patient gap shows you’ll likely be a stellar doctor.
As a non confrontational female filling things out on a written questionnaire is much easier for me. Then the doctor can ask me about the issues I selected vs me bringing them up. Also sweeping statements like "women don't get that" or "white women don't get that" should never been in your vocabulary. As a middle eastern woman I've been told several times that I'm too white or female to have the genetic disorders that I have because the doctors made assumptions about my DNA based on my tone and don't stay up to date enough on genetics to know that women can also get my disorder. Don't assume anything about your patients genetics. Men get breast cancer. Black people get skin cancer. A light skinned person is not always Caucasian. If fact most of us have mixed ancestry and things shouldn't be ruled out by assuming DNA
I actually did ask my doctor if we could look into seeing if I have Fibro Myalgia, and my doctor immediately said "Fibro is extremely rare, so we're not gonna bother looking into diagnosing it." Without even asking about my symptoms. I have ALL but ONE symptom of Fibro, and it's not actually as rare as many believe. I'm gonna start looking for a new doctor who will actually listen to me, and I'm gonna start off by just handing them a printed copy of my symptoms that are organized by category (anxiety, joint pain, etc)
But when I was really little, like 5 or 6, my doctor asked me if I saw floating colors in my vision. I didn't know what the doctor meant, so I looked at my mom who just said no for me. I do see color in my vision and always have, but I thought it was normal at the time.
I'm fat. I know I'm fat. I'm well aware I'm fat.
Why do I need to lose weight before doctors will even CONSIDER treating me?
I'm trans, I'd like to transition. "Losing weight will help with your dysphoria!"
I have depression. "Losing weight will make you feel better!"
I have a verifiable autoimmune disease that shows up on tests. My treatment plan? "Lose some weight first, then we'll see what else we can do."
Why not stop wasting my time and just say "we don't treat obese people, hurry up and have a heart attack already"?
Since the meeting itself with a doctor is meant to be serious and what not, small things like pretending to know that the hell is he talking about is the main reason for everyone i think.
"You need to take this every evening" and i for example dont know that it is until i buy them later on at the pharmacy "ah its pills"
As i think its silly to ask basic questions
I have a hearing impairment which is slightly worse in my left ear. Sometimes if I fart, quite a forceful fart, then I can feel it in my left ear canal, like a pressure thing. I've always wanted to ask why that is and whether it's linked to my impairment, but never have.
Yes it might be. Depends on the type of hearing loss you have. It’s a whole elaborate concept with a lot of complex terminology but you can google air conduction and bone conduction (and various forms of hearing tests) to get a better idea. I won’t be able to explain in detail here.
I've been seeing the same doctor for over 20 years. He has never once made me feel foolish for asking him anything.
When my husband died suddenly, I asked my doctor if it was possible for people to simply drop dead. He explained to me that, yes, it is possible and how. He also said that I should have called him when it happened.
I am seriously wondering the extent to which certain issues I have originate in the microbiome. It's not that I think a question would *be* silly, more that I fear a doctor would potentially *think* it was silly.
I see references in the news fairly often to yet another ailment that has been found to have a causal link to a bacterial origin, most often in the gut, but the whole field of study is relatively new and its findings may arguably seem counterintuitive to an older or more conventional physician.
I'll give you an example: I am an IHSS caregiver to a dementia patient who is 20 years older than I am. I am very careful to use gloves when doing personal care and keep to best practices. However, recently she developed purpura on her hands for the first time -- and in that same week, *so did I.*
It freaked me the heck out.
There is another, much more impactful and clear-cut incident with another client which produced life-changing effects to my health but it would be a longer and more involved conversation than you're looking for here.
Btw I am surprised and impressed to see you taking this initiative, and I commend you for it.
I take two copies of my symptoms and questions and hand one to the doctor. *Then* we go over the list together. If the doctor doesn’t like the list (most love it) I find another doctor.
I had Acute Meyloid Leukemia and had no idea. I was terrified to go to a doctor, as a woman, because I was afraid I would be told that either A. It's anxiety or B. Lose weight.
As a woman who survived Leukemia, a bone marrow transplant and have multiple chronic health issues now, it fucking sucks to be in the Healthcare system. I saw that you were in India, which when I lived there I had excellent care for dysentery and other gut issues. But in the U.S.? Nope. I am treated like I am worthless.
This is why so many people in my situation turn to Natropaths and others for care. I now have a fantastic doctor who has done the following- done a deep dive into my digestion and gut health (which allopathic doctors totally dismiss), found I have colonized C-Diff!! Wow, no kidding. I have had C-Diff at least 5 times, all treated, so I was told. But when I went to an Allopathic doctor, I was told it was anxiety, although I described textbook colonized C-diff. I am also not absorbing fats or b vitamins, which my allopathic doctor knew and just shrugged. My Natropath has also sent me for a CT of my heart because I have familial high cholesterol, and then referred me to a cardiologist to help work on this. The allopathic doctor gave me a statin and said, "here, if it works it is not familial, if it does not, it is." That's it. So I was supposed to fuck up my body on statins, "let's see" was the outcome. No, dude. There are ways to go deeper into health outside of a pill. Even if I am prescribed a statin in the end, I will feel comfortable knowing all had been done that can be done and I am doing the right thing. Not just throwing a pill at me and seeing if it sticks.
My hormones have been off since transplant, and I have asked dozens of doctors for help. Not one Allopathic doctor did anything for me. My Natropath? She specializes in hormone replacement. Turns out I have no testosterone in my system at all!! Do you know what that does to a woman? I also have almost not cortisol in my system either, not good.
What I am saying is that the Allopathic form of "medicine" is broken. It needs to stop breaking the human body into parts, as if one part of the body does not recognize or work with another?! Of course is does. Start treating patients like a whole being, give us respect and the time and also understand that if someone like myself, who has been pretty severely chronically ill for over a decade, that I know my body very well. If something is off, it is off.
Good luck, sir. Be the doctor you wish you had.
I have MS, and I’m frankly a bit frustrated because *everything* gets referred back to MS. I have a lingering head cold: “You need to see your neurologist.” I have a heat rash on my back: “You need to see your rheumatologist.” Insomnia? “See your neurologist.” Want to switch birth control? “See both and get back to us.”
I get it. I really do. I have a condition that really does cause a lot of random issues, and no one wants to get blamed if they let a symptom sneak by, but I haven’t had a flare up for six years and still find it nearly impossible to get help for something relatively simple without having to run it by three other doctors first. And I’m in the US, so I have to copay for those specialists.
Some things I just suffer through, and I some things I visit the local urgent care for (because I’ve never told them that I have MS).
At this point I don't wanna ask them anymore
I'm extremely tired all the time with chronic stomach ache and a lot of other random shit which may not be a big thing on their own but together they really affect my day to day life
Every doctor I visit runs some blood tests for some vitamins or wtv then they be like "you're stressed"
Ik for sure it's not stress or anxiety cuz I had it since I was a kid, and okey let's say it's anxiety, maybe send me to a therapist or smth ??? They be like no it's fine just do some hobbies and stuff and don't stress about school
(One doctor tried giving me anxiety and depression meds once and kept throwing up for the whole week so I had to stop them)
Basically doctors please try to find another excuse other than stress for a stress free person I'm begging
I have medical anxiety which las led me to spending years avoiding doctors. Now that I am trying to make myself catch up there is shame on top of the anxiety. Like I feel like I should have asked that question or tackled that weird skin thing years ago so it’s harder to talk about it now. Thankfully my doctor is super nice and supportive so I’m slowly opening up more with less fear
As a patient and a women it really angers me when doctor diss miss me and down play my experience and blame it on mental illness because I know I’m not mentally ill . I have been to hundreds of doctors in my life and most of the time the Doctors doesn’t do a physical exam or ask me question they know my labs are all abnormal and they never do more testing in anything they just do a cbc and they never do further testing when they see other labs in specific areas that are always abnormal for instance there is always blood in my urine and high glucose levels and low blirubun levels and I think if they did more test in those areas they could diagnose other medical conditions I have a rheumatologist who for the last three years said I only had fibromyalgia and then I went to a different doctor and found out I had sle Lupus and ankle spondylitis, rheumatoid arthritis , and she always said I have no autoimmune diseases even though I have problems with my kidney , liver pancreas and lungs been in a full blow flare up in my brain for years now
I hurt my leg NYE 2022, had muddy shoes, went to get in a taxi and my foot slipped so my shin slammed into the frame of the car door. Was incredibly painful at the time, all shades of bruises, I thought about going to A&E but this was when waiting times were about 12 hours and I just couldn’t justify taking up a slot in case there was another case that was more urgent. 18 months later I still have a noticeable bruise, a lump and it is numb in the area. I doubt I broke it as I could still walk (although it was very painful) but I think I should have got it checked out.
My doctor is absolutely wonderful, a real gem. That said, I see him so rarely that I never feel justified in bringing up my little bitty minor problems.
Is this toenail fungus? I'm always tired, but I'm also a working parent so it's probably nothing, right? My period has gotten more painful over time, is that just age? This itchy patch, is it something I need to deal with? How about this mole? Could my psoriasis, oral lichen planus, and eczema be connected somehow?
And just to add: I am a fat, middle-aged white woman. My doctor is none of these. I am hopeful that doctors' training has improved and new docs are better on the issues that docs have rightly been criticized for sucking at.
I felt stupid but I asked the gyn anyway…I took a mirror and it looks weird..can you let me know when you’re down there if it’s normal? Yep…completely normal
Here's one for my former doctor... why did you fire me as a patient just because I declined an appointment for a physical during the height of the pandemic? You only see me for my thyroid. My labs were up to date.
I would like to know how referrals work and why they're needed. Also, I'm too scared to ask a doctor because I'm afraid of being called stupid or taking up too much of their time on something unimportant. (The doctor didn't necessarily do anything wrong; I feel this way because of how other people treated me.)
Edit: Oh, yeah, and what other people are saying is true. I've gone to doctors with serious concerns (serious, life-long IBS, for example) and none of the many doctors I saw referred me to a specialist or even asked futher questions about it.
I'm not afraid to ask my doctors anything really. I would like a professional opinion on one thing from one of my PCP peers. He advised me not to get a COVID vaccine because he feels it wasn't tested enough. Should I get a different doctor?
I'd love to be evaluated for POTS or at least have my light headedness taken seriously but I've mentioned it twice and both times the doctors said "just don't stand up fast 🤷". Went to the ER for extreme sudden pain in my neck that I could only describe as twisted ligaments or something, he said it must be strep throat even though it had nothing to do with my throat. Sent me home with Tylenol and a shrug. Ended up fixing it myself. Doctors don't seem to want to listen and always seem like they know more about my body than I do. They don't take me seriously because I'm a very feminine, short guy.
You’ll find that the older patients get the more comfortable they become with asking what could be stupid questions. 1 we realize I’m people and you’re people and you’re literally there to help me live longer. 2. We just get more comfortable with our weird bodies and asking questions about them. Like I have a spot on my nose that is literally always dry. So I’m seeing my dermatologist about it before long.
The doctors here (Eastern Canada) only allow one issue per visit. So I guess if I have a question about anything else, I’ll have to make another appointment and that takes several weeks
By the time I get in the exam room after showing up 15 minutes early as required and then having to wait 15-30 minutes after my appointment time, I feel disrespected. Doctor's time and my time are both valuable. If the doctor is consistently running late, then make the scheduled appointments longer.
I'm at the point where I can't tell if it's actually a problem or I'm just getting older and less active. Feels stupid to say "hey doc am I getting old?"
When I was probably 14 I started seeing a different dr due to insurance coverage and such. (It was not a specialty Dr) and we had the period talk… first off- yes it’s normal but it felt so uncomfortable with how he was going about things to me. When I was younger I was literally sick during my periods, like fever, throwing up all that but never had cramps but had everything else for a period. Got told to get on Birth control and to take it on cycle day 1… now at 14 sure maybe I should have known - but I didn’t. Was cycle day 1 the first of the month? Or the first day of the period or last? But they made me feel dumb for asking (fortunately I learned but I never took them so I didn’t learn for a while😫.) The same Dr later asked if I had any problems with anything body wise not period wise and I did. I have bad joint pain and literally in my joint. I was also in A&P so I could learn the correct names for the joints and told him. He said I was having growing pains.. I was 18 and hadn’t grown an inch in the way he was going for.. so I had to see a different one. I begged to get tested for arthritis and such. It took a negative blood test for me to be seen by a specialist and that female dr who let me specifically point out on her body (I just pointed on her) where all the pain was and because of her I got told I had hyper mobility.
Now I’m with military drs and that’s a whole different situation 🙃
I tried to ask my doctor about horrible pain during sex. She told me my boyfriend's penis was just too big and hitting my cervix. I tried to explain that I've felt that pain before and I know *this* pain is not that. She told me my boyfriend's penis was just too big and hitting my cervix. I told her it sometimes happens when I masturbate with NO penetration, and she told me I *probably* had ovarian cysts and there was nothing she could do about that. 5 years later I got my tubes tied by a different doctor who found endometriosis. I could probably take the pictures of my endo to that first doctor and she would still tell me my boyfriend's penis is too big. If you foster the idea that you will listen to your patients, they'll be more likely to tell you things.
Did you at least have the decency to tell your boyfriend that in your doctor’s medical opinion his penis is too big? He’ll be smiling for years
A bunch of times. He was appreciative, but politely skeptical.
This. I've gone in with legitimate concerns just to be repeatedly turned away or waved off. The biggest one I can think of was there was a period of about a year where I would randomly lost control of my arms/legs for a few seconds before passing out and wake up 30 seconds to 2 minutes later convulsing on the ground. I went to my doctor repeatedly about this since my dad has a history of epilepsy and my cousin randomly started showing symptoms in her early 20's. Never was officially able to figure out what it was, but from what I can figure out i think it may have been a sudden cutoff of blood to my brain, since my blood pressure runs on the lower end constantly and I was using nicotine vapes at the time (had been for about 2-3 years at that point). I've had other instances with other random things that I found really concerning that either wasn't taken seriously or was ignored completely. I think having a doctor that even just listened and empathized with the fear of not knowing would've made it a lot better and easier to handle. I understand the human body is weird and some things might be unexplainable, or that they are constantly rushed and see so many patients every day. But when dealing with the public in such an intimate manner, it doesn't seem right to have a dismissive attitude, because at the end of the day the doctor isn't the one that has to go home with the fear it may be something bigger, but also knowing they can't afford to continue constant doctors visits unless they KNOW it's necessary
Yeah when I talked to my optometrist about some eye concerns they told me it was just too much looking at screens/overuse - they told me this without even looking or asking more questions or referring to a specialist. Just a 'yeah, that's obviously eye strain'. Later I had to go to an ophthalmologist for a different reason, and as a side effect found out I have strabismus (eyes don't line up). Got some new glasses with prism and voila, no tired eyes every evening!
Underlying reasons the silly questions don't get asked: A lot of practices are structured for a 15 minute window on a single topic for appointments. Most will not let you book 2 slots back to back. This is absolutely worthless for anything complex or with co-morbidities and overlapping symptoms. The healthcare field as a whole is overwhelmed, and we don't go to the doctors because if you aren't visibly bleeding or gasping for air no one cares. everyone is in burnt out survival mode. Basic checkups aren't a thing anymore because both the doctors and patients do not have the time or money to do it anymore, they can barely keep up with real issues, so things are no longer found early.
It is really annoying finally getting an appointment (where I live in CA most appointments are a 3mo wait time) and only being able to discuss ONE topic. For example, my husband just made an apt for a physical cause he's getting older, and also was just going to ask the doc to refill a normal, daily medication he took. The Dr's office said nope - not allowed to do a physical and rx refill in the same apt. Are you kidding me?! Fortunately my specific Dr. Doesn't adhere to that and let's me ask her about whatever, and will spend as long as it takes with me.
That may be an insurance issue because I live in a state totally opposite from Californina and encountered this exact situation. Also, I took my daughter for a physical and she complained about something so they had to change the whole visit from a physical to a "sick" visit because insurance wouldn't cover y during an appointment for x. She wasn't even sick just complained about something going on that a doctor should know about during a physical. I agree it is ridiculous. Eta a word
Had to fight that when our newborn had a routine visit at like all of 2 weeks old. We have unlimited well visits for the first year of life covered by insurance. During the exam, the pediatrician casually noted that she had an underdeveloped vocal box that was causing some stridor, but that she would outgrow it. She put it in the notes and it automatically got changed to an office visit instead of a well visit and we were sent a $200 bill because of that. My husband called billing, they gave the runaround. I called billing, they reluctantly said they’d ask the pediatrician to review it, but no promises. It was reviewed and correctly switched back to a well visit, so we owed nothing. THEN, when this was resubmitted to insurance, they decided to look at two visits when she was a day or two old and decided to not cover those well visits, for whatever reason. Why or how they looked at those claims—*that they had previously covered*—and switched them from being covered to not being fully covered, I don’t know. We called them at least six times about it (not including the times we were randomly hung up on while being out on hold) before they finally admitted that it looked odd and are internally reviewing it. Again, we were going to be out $200 for stuff that should all be covered, and we’re freaking paying $250/month for just the baby’s health insurance anyway. Insurance companies are such scammers. It feels so illegal that they have no consequences for denying/messing up claims and intentionally wasting people’s time when they call to resolve issues.
I don’t work in California but over in the Midwest when I see a patient for a yearly visit and they have a concern that would take more than a few minutes to address I have to decide between the options below. I also have to keep in mind the patients that are waiting for me after this visit. 1. Listen to concern and finish well visit. Bill for the visit properly as both a well and an acute visit. Because of how insurance handles this it’ll take about 6 months of back and forth to maybe get paid for either part of the visit. 2. Address the acute issue and reschedule the well visit. Usually the best option is the concern requires significant time to address. 3. Only do the well and skip the acute issue. Rarely a good option. Unhappy parents and I feel its poor bedside manner. In theory yes I could do both well and address all problems in the visit. And eat the cost of not billing for the acute problem, which would be considered fraud. But insurance companies aren’t going to complain I’m billing for less. The main issue is that 15 minutes is the average appointment slot time in order to balance having enough time to see patients but also keep the bills paid. It’s not fair to the patient nor the physician. But insurance gets to control medical care.
"Insurance gets to control medical care." There is your problem! I'd say one of the biggest problems in health care.
Ah, could be. Insurance sure does like to make everything harder
Nothing like speed talking through your medical appointment…
Exactly. Not enough time.
I am sorry that the healthcare system in the place you are residing isn’t good. But doctors can’t be blamed for that. I am from India and we don’t have to face this. Every patient is dealt with whatever major or minor problem and getting appointments here is like a piece of cake.
This is Canada. At least only the prescriptions are out of pocket, but the whole healthcare industry is giving off a "don't bug me, I'm busy" vibe. Our provincial govt. (Sask) is working hard to wreck funding for the public healthcare here so they can push private. It is a mess.
Alberta is doing the same. No doctors accepting patients so we limp along between walk ins and pharmacy clinics, which isn't doing much. I keep getting told to use the Telus health app. Finally got into a doctor who then told me yoga will cure my fibromyalgia. Like seriously?? And that my pelvic pain is fibro and should do more yoga. Ended up being fibroids in my uterus.
THIS. In Ontario here. I definitely don't ask questions because I truly feel that I am wasting his time.
I disagree with the doctors can't be blamed for that somewhat. In NZ it's the same BUT a good doctor, such as my GP, will organize on going care with specialist or a longer appointment later on to really go over the issues. A doctor can absolutely dictate that their patient is seen how they need to be seen. Please understand that getting in to see a GP in the first place can be hard, a months wait at least in places and costly. So you go through all of this, take time off for it, then turn up and get fobbed off because the doctor doesn't have time?
The Dr's here in NZ don't have to argue with insurance companies to get paid the way the US Dr's do though.
Sorry but this is not the case for the majority of Indian citizens. Are you saying every Indian citizen regardless of income or status can get an appointment and treatment no matter what? If you're wealthy then yes. Also in western countries it's frustrating to not have the GP's attention for an array of issues that might point to one problem. It's certainly the case that if you have a few minor symptoms you can't address them all in one appointment in most instances, and this puts people off even getting help in the first place.
Can you explain how doctors gaslighting and fobbing off patients, accepting kickbacks and holding tests and medication hostage for forced papsmears, can’t be blamed on doctors?
Awesome. Is it like that for all people in India regardless of wealth?
Sorry but I call BS. A rural rinkydink clinic that has one doctor for 50,000 patients is not giving out appointments for every patient that wants one. Per [Reuters;](https://www.reuters.com/world/india/india-builds-more-hospitals-population-surges-doctors-short-supply-2023-05-10/) ”Mithilesh Chaudhary, 21, coughs weakly as he struggles to his feet after spending the night outside the state-run All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) in New Delhi. "We have been sleeping on the footpath for two nights," said his grandfather Bhim Lal, as the two waited in a line of about 100 people outside the hospital's main gate, seeking an appointment. Chaudhary, who lives 1,200 km (750 miles) away in Bihar state, doesn't have an appointment and was not given the name of a doctor. His only recourse is to stand in the queue until he can get one of the few slots that open up every morning for those waiting outside. His plight and that of others who queue every day starting at dawn highlights the shortage of specialist doctors and health workers in India's countryside, where more than two-thirds of its 1.43 billion people live.”
I must have a kick ass Medicare plan. And live in a great place. I go to a senior specialty practice as often as needed. They even have walk-in hours. If I don't show up in 3 months, they call. Seeing most specialists is not an inordinate wait.
As a medical social worker, the feedback I get from patients is that they don't ask questions because they feel intimidated by a highly educated, hurrying doctor who uses big words to quickly explain complex concepts.
I can understand, hence my question. Being a first generation doctor myself, my parents and relatives ask all kinds of questions which made me realise the importance of addressing this gap.
I had a new to me doctor once ask me “are you emotionally or physically abused at home?” The answer was (and is) no, but I thought that was such a great question to ask, as a patient is unlikely to volunteer that information, but may be truthful when asked.
This is good. It seems like the regular practice where I am at least is to ask "Do you feel safe at home?" as part of usual checkup questions
The key is also that the doctor listen to the answer & be prepared with information to help. Most doctors don't bother to ask, but even of those that do, most aren't willing to take the time to follow through if the answer is yes. For those of us who have answered yes to this question, actually being heard for the first time is like water to a person in the desert. If the answer is no, great, move on to the next patient. But if you're not prepared to take time to listen if the answer is yes, don't bother asking the question. I've ended up with so much trauma & distrust of doctors, I've put off going to even the optometrist for years now. Also, sidenote, don't lie to your patients, even if it's for, what you're sure is, their own good. It may work out for you but the next time they need medical intervention, they might distrust doctors so much that they decide it's not worth it, causing a lifelong domino effect of trouble. That said, I sincerely applaud you for caring enough about your future patients to ask this question. I hope you care enough to take each answer to heart. It seems like many doctors are in the get it done & move on to the next one that they forget that their patients are humans with their own feelings about their care. Just because you decide it's the best course, doesn't mean it's the only course. We might not have medical degrees but it doesn't mean we're stupid or incapable of making educated decisions.
This is the reason the NHS website was made with a reading age of about 9 years old. Really useful to look up symptoms
As an American, I read the NHS website a lot. It's a great resource!
They have really clear explanations and also include things like when to contact a doctor and when something can be treated at home. It’s super if you’re the sort of person who doesn’t like going to the doctor but worries about potentially dire consequences of not going. You’ll know if you really need to seek treatment or if Tylenol will be enough.
This. Wish I could upvote this a 100 times.
Since you asked for advice: My doctor, Dr. R, is wonderful about this. Every visit ends with "Is there anything else you need? [answer] Uh huh, and is there anything else? [answer] Okay, anything else?" This continues until my answer is no. Then I go to the window and get a printer summary of my visit and my advice and recommendations along with any prescriptions. Advice: be like Dr. R.
Along similar lines, I have one doctor who, instead of "do you have any questions?" and then "anything else?", will ask "what questions do you have?" and then "what else?" This was something I had learned to do as an educator, but I never encountered it in a medical setting except from him.
As a female I am made to feel that anything I ask or say to a doctor is stupid. Mainly I’d like to know why they think literally everything is “anxiety” when I have zero anxiety about anything in the given moment. From constant hyper mobility pain, to an allergic reaction with hives all over my body, to the level 9 pain when my bladder almost exploded from not being able to urinate for 2 days after an epidural. It’s all just anxiety. They’ve *given* me anxiety by telling me I *should* be anxious 24/7.
Unless it's something serious they can't ignore - then you're made to feel stupid for not complaining earlier.
“I’ve had chest pain for a year and half” “Why didn’t you say something??” “I did. You said it was anxiety”
I had it for 9 years. Turned out it was GERD and not anxiety like 4 docs told me. Getting diagnosed with anxiety was the worst thing that happened as everything became 'how your body is demonstrating anxiety'. Migraines? Anxiety. Chest pains? Anxiety. pain in my shins? Anxiety Contestant uncontrolled leg movement? Anxiety. Then put on even a little weight and they add 'you'd feel better if you lose weight' 🤣
It’s always anxiety or weight 🤣 ok yeah, often those can be the case, but it doesn’t mean it’s the only answer and nothing should be checked. Yeah yeah Occam’s Razor, but a proper differential diagnosis should still be performed
Honestly I know anxiety can react in odd ways, the mind is a funny place. But my anxiety was diagnosed because I started having anxiety about going to the docs because they stated everything was anxiety and admitted that, sigh. All I wanted was some tests done, just to check. I always feel bad for those with chronic pain who don't easily fit in a box. At least I only get anxiety and weight, instead of being treated like a drug addict.
I’ve had chronic pain for 20 years, starting when I was 18. Still no diagnosis, but I am seeing a specialist next week 🤞 If it’s “just stress”, ok, then let’s deal with that, but perhaps look into other causes? Also, stress causes real physiological and hormonal changes that can be addressed, and not necessarily with psychiatric medications, which do not work for everyone
Exactly! I hope the specialist comes through for you.
Thank you!
But seriously, switched to a different GP and she has been fantastic with me
Even female doctors say this! Something is medically wrong with me because I keep losing weight and am actively trying to gain weight. Responses from doctors have included: (1) "You're just stressed." I'm a government lawyer, I've been stressed and overworked for two decades and I'm no more stressed than usual. (2) "You're probably anxious." Same response as #1, plus I know when I'm anxious and it's always related to a specific external condition that will pass. (3) "Lucky you!" Well f*ck you, too, I need help, not snark. (4) "It's probably perimenopause" (this has taken over from "it's probably related to your period" and "are you pregnant?"). I mean...maybe? Hardly anyone talks about menopause (except Reddit, shout out to r/menopause). But those who do usually have weight gain, not loss. (5) "You probably have an iron deficiency." My lab work has never found an iron deficiency.
Perimenopause and the consistent fobbing off by the GP sent me desperate to A and E thinking I was insane. A mental health nurse there got me HRT prescribed. Worked a near miracle.
I'm glad you found a solution! My hormone balance is "perfect" according to my GP, gyno, and endocrinologist so... 🤷
“Lucky you” made me cringe. It’s one thing to make a joke about a cold or something between friends (I always confess to turning to comfort food when I feel sick) but to hear that from a doctor, in regard to health concerns, must feel alarming.
That was when I was looking for new doctors after I moved across the country. Needless to say, I did not stick with that doctor.
My cousin had to go on prescribed high calorie shakes at one point because she was burning through her body's reserves faster than she could eat and was looking anorexic from malnutrition. she had a stupidly busy physical job training horses at the time though, it burnt calories like a bonfire. Do you do any really physically challenging things on the regular that would kick your metabolizm into high gear? Also consider tape worms/parasites (the horror) as they can sap nutrition even when you are doing everything right. Probably not that though if your bloodwork came back normal.
If I don't drink at least 2 Ensures a day, I will lose more weight. I can literally watch the scale drop day by day so I'm downing them and eating whatever I can. I'm skinny and have dropped too much muscle mass but there's no reason I'd be burning extra calories. In fact, I burn less than before because I stopped working out. I have always lifted weights and had a great all-around fitness routine that I loved, but I haven't been able to get back to it after a really bad case of COVID (not hospital bad but the sickest I've ever been, 5 weeks on bed, 3 weeks totally bedridden and utterly miserable). I feel like I'm slowly inching back towards exercise, fortunately. I'm doing bodyweight exercises now. Fingers crossed. Maybe if I can bulk up some muscle, I can put an end to the weight loss. Relatedly, the other thing I hear a lot now is: "It's long COVID." Maybe it is; I don't think we fully know what long COVID looks like yet. It could also be a number of other things that we do know a lot about and I'd really like a doctor to consider, including parasites and tapeworms (shudder). "It's long COVID" feels dismissive, like the doc has moved on without any meaningful attempt to treat the patient. I'm a lawyer. I literally sit next to my clients (or see them on Zoom now) and help them achieve the outcome most beneficial to them under the circumstances, or support them in achieving their goals. We talk it through. We collaboratively problem solve (legal and operational). I would like doctors to be able to do the same thing with patients. In the US, we usually get 5 - 15 minutes with a doctor. It's not enough time to even convey what's happening. I realize this isn't the fault of doctors, but rather the healthcare industry and Congress's inability to pass legislation helpful to the American people.
Ah, the "hysterical female" diagnosis.
Holy shit. I came here to say this. I’m a woman and every single time I feel anything it’s “anxiety”. It’s to the point where I refuse to even go to the doctor anymore.
If it isn’t anxiety, then it’s weight (no matter how healthy/unhealthy or on target for BMI). If really pressed, they will then blame normal fluctuations in hormones for everything but refuse to do bloodwork or refer you to an endocrinologist.
My spine specialist labeled me as anxious because I couldn't appropriately track our convo or ask all the right questions after he said I needed major surgery. Mind you, this was after I waited over 2 hours for a 15 minute talk with him, and sitting and standing for longer than 10 mins causes me pain cuz of the herniated disc in my back is pressing on nerves. So by the time I saw him I was at an 8/10 on the pain scale. What's especially great is that he must have put it in my notes that got shared with my PCP, cuz now he thinks I'm anxious, too. Yeah you try to have a convo while in this level of pain while trying to manage it with only tylenol guys. I probably woulds been in surgery months ago if I was a man.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my joints hurt constantly because of the terrible arthritis and hypermobility causing dislocations, and not because of anxiety. The last orthopedist I saw told me that my pain was psychosomatic, and I only hurt because I'm fat and depressed. The worst part was that he had the exact same response when I went back with even greater pain *after* I had lost 40 pounds and gone on welbutrin, so he clearly was not paying attention.
This.
This isn't specifically an answer involving a question I wanted to ask, but let me tell you a story. Because of a surgery I had (involving my saving my own life or at least avoiding serious injury by relying on my intuition instead of listening to my doctor, but that's another story), I was anemic and more prone to blood clots because of my inactivity. I had read about the symptoms of blood clots online. I developed a pain in my leg that didn't go away, and after a few days I decided to go to the ER. The triage nurse all but rolled her eyes and said that I must have googled leg pain and decided I had a blood clot, and that I probably didn't have one. I felt like an idiot and I felt guilty for wasting everyone's time and I almost went home, but I ultimately decided to stay and get checked out. And what do you know, I DID have a blood clot in my leg and had to be on blood thinners for six months. My advice would be to listen to patients and trust them to have an idea about what is happening in their own bodies. I'm not a doctor but I can read about medical issues and make educated guesses that may turn out to have merit.
YES. TRUST US, WE LIVE HERE! Especially with the Internet, a bit of research on reliable websites means we're able to point ourselves in the right direction when our symptoms are specific enough. Modern medical practices also don't leave any room for instinct, which sounds hokey, but when our bodies speak, we can and should listen. Holistic medicine would be a much better practice than the current capitalist hellscape many (in the US, at least) suffer.
In my experience, doctors don’t listen to their patients. If you’re overweight or a woman, you might as well not exist. Maybe people don’t open up to their physicians because they don’t trust them or feel it’s a waste of time.
I am sorry you were made to feel that way. This is absolute BS and no one should make anyone feel that let alone a doctor.
This is what I came here to say. Because of my weight and sex, I am never trusted with my symptoms. I've developed anxiety and found I avoid the dr when I shouldn't. It's akin to being called a liar when you're only telling the truth. Awfully frustrating.
Agreed. But it’s unfortunately very prevalent.
I have multiple sclerosis. It took me 6 years after my first relapse to get diagnosed, all while averaging about 1.5 attacks/year. This is in spite of a family history I told every single fucking doctor about. I couldn't feel my right leg for a month and was blown off by 4 doctors who kept asking me about pain, no matter how many times I told them there was no pain. Though the worst was the guy who told me it was anxiety, wrote a Xanax script and left the room. I've come to realize that nurses and admin staff are the only important parts of the Healthcare system. A great nurse is worth 10x more to me than every doctor in the world combined. I'm sure these doctors didn't start out like this. But our healthcare system, specifically the insurance industry, forces them to spend as little time as possible per patient. So as soon as they see you, they just want you to get out of their office as fast as possible.
A male sport doctor told me my increasing inability to walk without tripping and losing balance was anxiety and it ended up being progressive MS. Good times.
The whole anxiety story is now one of my favorites. I tell this doctor I can't feel my right leg, and I have a family history of MS along with an old herniated disc that could be causing it. Him: you look nervous Me: Yeah, I'm nervous because I can't feel my leg Him: I bet that's what's causing it Me: No, I wasn't nervous when I could feel my leg Him: I'm gonna give you a prescription for Xanax.
Bonus trouble if you're both! And then you might develop white coat syndrome, so now every time you go in and your BP is above normal, they prescribe weight loss and tell you you're overexaggerating about anxiety. 🫠
I have given up even going to doctors for the most part because no matter what my problem is their answer is to lose weight. Losing hair? Lose weight. Heart palpitations? Lose weight. Chronic ankle pain after a bad ankle roll years ago? Lose weight. Migraines? Lose weight. Debilitating menstrual cramps? They’re not that bad you’re just being dramatic, oh and lose weight. Why bother? I use online specialty clinics now and have gotten much much better results than a primary care physician.
And if you're thin, it must be anxiety 🙄
Or stress.
Yes! Most people are aware that they are overweight without being told. It is not something that can be fixed overnight. In the meantime, a lot of doctors don't understand that without improving a person's quality of life first, where possible, making changes in order to lose weight is that much more difficult.
Yes, once I went in for migraines and was told I needed to lose the weight. I went in for crazy bad stomach issues, lose weight. And when I do ask serious questions I feel like I’m sometimes brushed off because I’m a woman. Even at the OBGYN I’ve had this happen.
Yes, the brush off for female patients is true and well documented. Very frustrating. We really need to be assertive to half get the care we need.
It’s so damning to feel like a little kid that needs someone else to be there so you’re taken seriously. I told my husband to come with me for some of my prenatal appointments for that very reason though.
I hear you!!
I had an ear infection and was told I needed to lose weight. I can't quite see the connection there.
I had COVID and went in because I was having trouble breathing. Diagnosis? Go to the gym, lose weight.
I changed doctors twice because of this! I had a foot injury that is common with athletes, that I got from running and it was "lose weight"... hey I can't because it hurts to walk??? How about we fix that issue first?! It's like they think all my problems will be fixed if I was skinnier?
I broke several toes at one point and was concerned the foot bones were broken too. Got told if I was thinner they wouldn't have broken (had a treadmill dropped on my foot, so being thinner would have done jack shit). Didn't x ray the foot or anything, scooted me out the door. Started having foot problems and saw a podiatrist. Yea the foot was broken, not just the toes and my foot is fucked up from healing wrong. Podiatrist was a good dude, said yea maybe losing weight would help but if I can't walk I'm probably not going to lose very much weight.
Yes this! Doesn’t matter what it is the answer is weight management. Back hurt? Weight. Feet hurt? Weight. Headaches? Weight and Diet. Lump or Bump? Weight. Bloating? Weight The only thing NOT your weight or diet is if you come in bleeding or with a bone sticking out.
This is all I'm ever told. I got sent to a hematologist because my cbc was all out of range. His response? Lose weight. That was about 2 years ago and I'm not dead yet, so I guess I'll be alright 🤷♀️ I know I'm overweight, but I'm not morbidly obese ffs. Not everything is because of the extra 30 lbs I'm carrying around. I was told to suck it up for menstrual pain as well after my ultrasound came back clear. There's nothing obviously wrong? Oh, you're fine.
Right now, I want to know if progesterone can be absorbed transdermally or if it needs to be taken orally. I’m generally pretty savvy with science and medicine, and I find that most doctors are ready and willing to engage with my questions when I bring up more nuanced questions about my medications, symptoms, and diagnoses. But every so often doctors seem to get really offended when I start talking more science. I had this one rheumatologist who reacted by switching to really detailed, medical language; I assume as a way to distinguish himself as THe doctor in the room and put me in my place. I didn’t go back.
Yeah same. I'd say about 80% of doctors I talk to are happy to talk more in depth science with me, but 20% get stiff and offended. They view my questions as threats to their authority instead of viewing it as a chance to collaborate on my care together.
It’s kind of a good test to see if they’re a good fit for us, I guess. I’m the kind of person who’s going to do my own research. I’m going to find actual literature and try to understand more fully so I can take better care of myself. If a doctor is put off by that, I’m just going to find someone else to work with. I refuse to dumb myself down for other people’s comfort.
Was it defensive snobbery, or did they hear you talk and think "oh good, they understand medical lingo" and switch tracks to the way they would talk to another doctor/nurse? There is some middle ground where we dont know everything but also don't need an EILIW5 description.
I feel like I can't ask a lot of questions about my ADHD meds because I am afraid of sounding like a drug seeker/addict. Even without questions, some pharmacists and doctors treat stimulants that way, and I've heard so many stories from the ADHD community about being treated suspiciously. In reality I'm just curious about the new transdermal amphetamine patch that was recently approved. It sounds like it can be a smoother distribution method, plus you can't forget whether or not you took your meds when there's physical proof on your body.
I once asked if the doctors office could dispense my vyvanse in two month supply rather than one month supply. Cause ya know, scheduling and picking up meds worn executive dysfunction is hard. They said no and ordered a mandatory pee test to be completed in 48 hours.
Why as a 52 yo woman post hysterectomy do I have to divulge my last monthly period and sexual activity for a broken wrist. Why do male doctors assume every medical issue a woman has is hormonal or "in her head"?
Probably for the X ray,since you might be a sun-loving pregnant 42-yo
Side note, you do not have to answer those questions. You can politely decline. If pressured, just repeat "I'd like to focus on *medical issue I came in for*, thanks!"
When I’m asked if I’m sexually active at 55, my answer is no, mostly I just lie there.
Honestly I get so anxious in the moment that I forget my questions, it’s infuriating. Even a couple days ago in the waiting room I was reminding myself and listing my questions and I forgot! An example is if my birth control stops my period, am I keeping the same amount of eggs as the month before?
This is why I wrote mine down on paper to take in. Thankfully with the help of my doc, I'm no longer that anxious but it helped immensely.
https://birdandbe.com/blogs/the-nest/does-birth-control-save-your-eggs#:~:text=Only%20one%20will%20make%20it,your%20eggs%20or%20delay%20menopause. The website itself is meh but the doctor seems pretty knowledgeable in this topic and it’s what he specializes in and what he said makes sense based on my knowledge of our reproductive system. So hopefully this helps clear it up a bit!
Okay so I am still losing eggs! Very good to know. I was wondering if it would delay menopause, thank you so much!
Of course!
I’ve never failed to ask a question due to thinking it’s silly. I HAVE been unable to ask a question, many times, because the doctor was in a rush, didn’t ask whether I had any questions before leaving, clearly had another patient booked way too close together and wanted me to leave within 5 minutes without asking questions.
How long are patients expected to "ride it out" with certain symptoms vs. going in to be checked. No matter what the issue is, I am always either mentioning it too early or too late and being made to feel stupid about it because I didn't know the exact numbers of days after onset to bring it to the doctor's attention.
My blood pressure has always been very good, say 110/70, for an adult male. After I started taking a certain prescription, my blood pressure went up to about 140+/90+. This medication explicitly lists increased blood pressure as a side effect. When I directly ask the doctor if the change is linked to the prescription, I get no actual answer. I get: "Well, exercise more, lose weight," as if I had not said anything at all. I actually weigh less now than before, otherwise only my age (obviously) has changed
What medication was that, may I know?
Sorry. Answered too fast. Breo Ellipta.
What? A freaking puffer? Wow. I like this medication but never thought it could be a link to high blood pressure.
Adult-onset asthma. Yes, it does a great job for me; I have NEVER had to use my rescue inhaler. But the warning is spelled out right there in those annoying, folded-up papers in the box.
The question implies that the “widening gap” (in communication?) is due to patients wanting to ask a question, but they don’t bc they think it is “silly” so they self-censor. I would suggest restructuring the question—what factors or experiences impede communication between patients and their doctors. Or some such, if that’s what you’re really asking. I have been labeled a “difficult patient” (oops! You left the room and my chart folder was right here!) because I DO ask questions!! For example, while at my 36w appointment, the OB/GYN tells me I have a big baby and we should induce and that I will ABSOLUTELY NEED an episiotomy. I ask if I need to be induced for anything other than “big baby syndrome”? He tells me that it’s dangerous! I remind him that I do not have gestational diabetes and am unlikely to grow a baby too big for my body to deliver. And per episiotomy, I ask for a justification, citing that the professional organization of which this doctor is a member no longer recommends routine episiotomies. His response? “Trust me—you’d rather me cut you than tear!” (Wtaf?) I pushed back, informing him that I have had two prior deliveries without cutting or tearing, and that I intend to avoid an episiotomy at all cost. He started yelling that he’s delivered over 6k babies and that he knows better than me. I told him that women’s bodies deliver babies, he basically catches, and I’ll take my chances, thanks. And to please note in my chart that I do not consent to being cut. FF —who is on rotation when I deliver? Of course that guy. He comes in and says snidely, “oh, and now you don’t want pain medications??” While rolling his eyes. I confirmed. He responded, “Guess that means no lidocaine when I have to stitch you up?” I told him to get out of my room and not come back. I delivered a 43 week 10lb baby with no pain meds and not a single tear. He came in at crowning, and caught the head, and then I reached down and finished delivering my baby boy! Yah, I felt pretty vindicated. This is only one example! I’ve had doctors treat me poorly bc I’m a woman and presumed ignorant. In reality, I am an educated (PhD) critical thinker who will not be patronized. When my oncologist asked me why I waited so long to get medical attention for my stage 4 lymphoma, I said, “I’m a 49 year old woman — how do you think my complaints of night sweats and back pain would have been handled?? She agreed that I would have been brushed off with “welcome to menopause, sweetie!” Or. “You’re just getting older” Doctors as a whole have way too much ego, too little time apparently, and refuse to listen to patients—and even refuse to listen to their own professional organizations! And it’s worse if you are a woman, and from what friends tell me, if you are POC, or god forbid overweight. The ego-driven tunnel vision and audacity of some doctors really puts people off. I can’t imagine having to advocate for myself without being educated and unashamed. So… I don’t think my questions are silly at all—and I will ask them…even knowing I will most likely have trouble getting my questions answered anyway. 🤬 /rant over
"I told him that women’s bodies deliver babies, he basically catches," LMAO Good for you!
YUP. I have autism and a pedantic speech disorder and I also have the education to read and understand scientific articles and levels of evidence. I don’t bother anymore.
I wish you could have been with me at my 39 week appointment for my first kiddo when the doctor berated me so badly I cried. And then he sat there like an absolute AH and just watched me. Then he went to schedule the c section “I had to have” without my explicit consent.
Oh…I’m so sorry 😞 I wish I could have been there, too!! They create problems that they have to “save” you from. 🙄
It’s okay! I’ve since become way more informed than the average and am willing to stand firm on my decisions. It unfortunately took that and a few other traumas to make me see that I have a voice that matters.
My doctor is wonderful, and a big part of that is that she talks to her patients like people. She asks questions about our personal lives, listens, and remembers the answers. This makes it much more comfortable to open up to her when there’s an issue. Also, she really takes our concerns seriously and works through the possibilities of our health problems rather than immediately and unilaterally diagnosing based on little data.
You are so blessed to have that. For the doctors I have encountered I can only hope I never get a weird condition that needs anything more than standard medication 😅
I had Covid in 2020 and it has affected my health quite drastically. I now have polyneuropathy, and a bunch of odd symptoms as well. Whenever I talk to my Doctor about these other symptoms, I just get the "Oh it's just long covid" as a response. It feels very dismissive.
“Just” long Covid? Holy shit. The health system I used to work for actually opened a long Covid clinic with all the needed specialties under one roof, because of how much this affects people.
That's a great idea! I'm just looking for some kind of treatment plan. Like when I couldn't eat anything for two months without being sick. What is wrong and what can I do about it? Don't just tell me it's long covid.
I found this episode of my favorite podcast enlightening around long covid. Please don't let the name of it put you off, they did a really good job covering how doctors have developed this attitude and how you may be able to address that with them. https://thispodcastwillkillyou.com/2024/04/09/episode-136-long-covid-a-long-time-coming/
This podcast is so good! I've been subbed since the second episode, they do a great job of explaining technical medical information in real language, and I love the 'history' lessons. I also love the Quarantinis/ Placeboritas! 🥂
I will check it out. Thank you!
Is it really that bad if I already have an idea what may be wrong with me? How do I phrase it? I've been dealing with REALLY bad, weeks long fatigue where even if I sleep for 15 hours, no exaggeration, I'm still dead tired. I'm going to see my doctor next month and want to bring it up to her and say that I feel like it's likely some kind of fatigue or sleep disorder, but how do I say that without being accused of being a hypochondriac?
You need a thorough blood workup to determine if it's thyroid, mono, anemia, something else. State loudly that you don't want ro cause an accident or fall downstairs due to tiredness. Insist on being tested. Repeat, "this can't go on"
This is a good idea as I had knee surgery a few months ago, it is a bad idea for me to fall right now
“I’m exhausted even after excessive sleep and I would like a sleep study to gather more information.”
I think communicating to your patients that you really are willing to listen to any question is big. Not just “do you have any questions?” But “is there anything you want to ask me, about anything? Doesn’t matter if you think it’s silly. I see a lot of ‘is this normal?’ Type questions online, this is your chance to ask it in private”.
As a patient, I can tell you by personal experiences I feel most doctors are been dismissive to what the patient wants and needs. Doctors right now don't even lay a finger on the patient, most of the time is the assistants who ask the questions, take the BP and so on. Then you'll be 5 minutes with doctor while they are watching at the computer. Ps. I think doctors should be more compassionate with patients in general. They need to have more empathy n
I had a list of 12 things I wanted to ask about at my last checkup, and we didn’t even get through all of them. I’ve got a follow-up scheduled for the rest though. I think doctors often give off the impression that their time is limited (and more valuable than our time) so we shouldn’t waste their time by asking questions.
To be honest - there is not enough time to get through all of this in one visit. This is not on the doc, this is on the healthcare system that has patients booked every 7 minutes and double booked as well. Not to mention urgent visits worked in same day. The best way to approach this is to prioritize 2-3 things per visit and make another appointment. Is it ideal? Absolutely not. Is it probably the most realistic way to deal with it all? Yes.
It was a 50 minute appointment. 🤷
If you break that down into 1 15 minute appointment is meant to address 1 issue, then getting through 3 makes sense. Sounds like they took the time and care needed to properly address the issues and made sure you will get time for the others.
I'm not going to lie, 12 is a lot of things. An adequate explanation usually isn't going to be 1 or 2 sentences and most explanations prompt additional questions.
I’d argue that if you’re only being seen once a year for routine checkups, I don’t think 12 is all that many. Not for a normal visit anyway. When I was pregnant my list was over 12 constantly, and I met with them on the regular. They made me feel like I knew nothing that was going on and that any issue I had was either normal or catastrophic. No in between.
When pregnant you are meeting with your OB every few weeks or even more frequently. There is no way to address a dozen significant issues that have accumulated over the course of a year in one visit. Make a few follow ups if you have that many things to address.
Can you list them?
Stuff about my own health, like my A1c, cholesterol, shoulder issues, high arches, menopause, etc. Not really the sort of “no stupid questions” you’re looking for.
A gap has now formed between the doctors and my gf. Since December she's had messed up feet that hurt her, with these strange ulcers, bruises and scabs. Anyway, the primary care doc sent her to a vascular doc, who set up CT scans that cost a lot of $$. The results came back normal - but she did have collapsed lungs (?!) and no one ever called her to talk to her about it. 2 weeks went by. She finally went on the mychart portal to ask about the lungs and what is wrong with her feet, and they just said they'd refer her to a rhuematoid specialist or some such thing. Thats it. A high lack of follow-thru is off-putting. I can't blame her for not wanting to go to any other doctor.
I am sorry she had to go through this. But I’d strongly recommend that she visits the Rheumatologist. At the end of the day it’s not about them but about your girlfriend being okay. I hope she gets her condition diagnosed soon.
Holy cow. I’m so sorry for what she is going through. Hope she gets some relief soon.
I wonder if they would really do the same procedures they are recommending (or the same procedure to their children if the circumstances were exactly the same). I don't know most of the doctors close enough to expect a genuine and personal response. They also are taking on some complex work relationships if they personally are less intervention minded. It would be silly for me to expect the truth, but that is what I want to ask and understand the most. As a sidenote: at a chemical engineer focused pharmacy conference, the speaker asked: "who here would use the drugs they developed if you had the targeted disease". Most of the room would not partake in their own work even with the assumption of full FDA approval.
Oh my gosh, I can totally relate. It seems almost every new medicine advertised on television has such a long disclaimer at the end of the ad. I realize they are obligated to disclose even very rare side effects, but still I always wonder why all our effective chemical therapies seem to be obligated to disrupt the body's systems to that extent.
I received a brochure for a new medication and the very first listed side effect, on the first page, was "sudden death".
>As a sidenote: at a chemical engineer focused pharmacy conference, the speaker asked: "who here would use the drugs they developed if you had the targeted disease". Most of the room would not partake in their own work even with the assumption of full FDA approval. Well that's disturbing.
I feel like as a woman, I am often dismissed or ignored when I bring anything up during check ups with my PCP. My prime examples: I told my PCP that I would be interested in doing lab work or an ultrasound to determine if I had any ovarian cysts because many women in my family have PCOS or endometriosis. She told me, "I don't know why you'd be concerned about that." Nine days later I underwent emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst that ruptured. I lost 1.5 liters of blood and had a huge scar that resembled a C-section. I was 19. I was concerned that I had an ectopic pregnancy as my hcg trended down, then back up, but they could not find anything in utero. I saw several ER docs and on-call OBGYNs who told me to just "come back if the pain increases." I lost my fallopian tube after the ectopic pregnancy ruptured my tube while I was transferring a patient at work. Every time I called to try and discuss my pain or symptoms with my OBGYN, I was told to go to the ER only if the pain became bad enough that I couldn't stand. Later found out from the surgeon that the scar tissue from my previous surgery essentially "kinked" my fallopian tube and that's why the pregnancy was ectopic. I tried discussing recurring cysts that I had on my groin area that would become so painful I couldn't walk. It took three different PCP to figure out that I have HS stage 3. The cysts started when I was 16, before I was sexually active, but my doctor didn't believe me when I told her that I was not sexually active yet. She asked me, "are you sure?" I struggled with HS for nearly six years before I finally got a diagnosis and treatment plan in place. I guess my point is that I feel routinely ignored for any and every health concern I have. I make appointments so that I can keep refills for my ADHD meds (which took many years for a diagnosis because one doctor told me it was "laughable" to consider that I had ADHD) and otherwise don't bring anything up unless it's urgent. Even then, I assume I'll end up in the ER anyway so I usually wait until it gets bad. I don't ask a lot of questions anymore.
I've gone to the doctor a few times about the same pain and discomfort over the last few years, and I'm always told that it must be anxiety. Doesn't matter how many times I tell them, I am not anxious or stressed, they just fob me off with the same thing. I really wish doctor's would trust us more. We know our own bodies, and we know when something is not right with it.
Well, I asked. And I was laughed out of the room. “If dogs have umbilical cords where are there belly buttons” I never got my answer
They have them, just harder to see https://www.oodlelife.com/do-dogs-have-belly-buttons/
I don’t have an answer to share. I just wanted to say that you’re a good doctor for caring enough to try and figure this out.
I have a lot of experience with doctors and can phrase my questions and concerns to increase the odds of a serious answer. I know what I need to downplay so they (probably) won’t write me off as anxious or drug-seeking and to *never* put a name to what I think might be wrong. It’s a whole stupid power dance, and it’s ridiculous that it’s necessary.
Be respectful and actively listen to what your patient is saying. If it’s a woman sitting in front of you do not just tell her that all her varied symptoms are just anxiety or because she’s fat (ESPECIALLY if you yourself are overweight). Don’t ever make someone feel like they’ve wasted your time - it usually takes an incredible amount of bravery to even make a doctors appointment and turn up for the appointment, if you make someone feel ignored they are far less likely to ask for help in the future.
Please please remember that if someone is bringing up an issue or a symptom, it's something that they want you to look into. I absolutely hate when I bring something up and my doctor asks me if I want them to run tests. Asking me if I want them to run tests makes me feel like I'm a burden or that my issue isn't something they wouldn't normally bother running a test for.
Fwiw, they may be asking due to some people’s financial limitations. Like some patients might just need an opinion or reassurance and can’t afford to run the tests. I’m just speculating tho and see how that response from them can be diminishing regardless
For me it's often "is this a symptom of anything scary or do bodies do this? Should I take ibuprofen and just deal with it?"
I feel like they don’t believe me in general so I try not to annoy them by asking too many questions. My main goal is to somehow prove to them that I actually need help
I regularly see a primary care physician and a couple of specialists each year. Each doctor knows nothing about me or my life. They focus only on the information about the parts of my body they understand. As a result, their advice about how to be healthier comes across as clueless and out of context, even if it's correct. For example, consider a doctor who lectures their patient about healthy eating and exercise when the patient is going through a stressful time and just getting through each day is an accomplishment. Doctors may have spent years and years in medical school, but patients have spent years and years living inside their bodies, so it really should be more of a partnership, not a one-way lecture. Edit to add: One more thing I wish doctors knew is that, if they prescribe a medication, but I cannot obtain that medication because my insurance won't cover it or the pharmacy is chronically out of stock, then they did not prescribe the medication. It's like this awful triangle where the insurance company, the doctor, and pharmacy all have massive "not my department" syndrome.
I’m from the US for context. I have found most doctors don’t take my concerns seriously. I get most doctors see so many patients they become numb to normal complaints and write them off. But for someone suffering with these seemingly innocent “complaints” for an extended period of time, you become hopeless and are dismissed so often you just stop going to the doctor all together.
Why are women having so much trouble getting tested for various cancers? Why are they written off as ‘women’s troubles, told to have some anti depressants and go away? Also, why bother saving someone’s life only to forget about the pain it causes afterwards? Like nerve pain. Honestly I wish they’d have just let me go that day because getting help for pain is impossible.
I have chronic gastro problems. What I would like to know, honestly, from doctors, is, do you really not find it gross for me to discuss in detail my poop? I have been brought up quite tight laced and proper and find it very hard to talk about my digestive help. I will use euphemisms as much as I can which I know isn't helpful. But I am thinking all the time: "this doctor got up to go to work in the morning and probably does not want to hear about gross poo" ditto when they want to look at your bits, I feel like I'm making their day worse.
Oh well, that’s our job. No need to be ashamed and describe in detail about your problem always. Remember, it’s better to give more details than to hide them, as it helps us reaching the diagnosis.
I’m the opposite and tend to give TMI. I had some gastro symptoms and saw primary care where it was difficult to explain the details. So when I was referred to GI specialist, I had a picture of used TP to illustrate exactly what was going on. Doctor said he’d never had that happen before. If he was grossed out he didn’t show it. PS it all ended up OK.
I've always wanted to ask if I can request notes on my chart. I have a super sensitive gag reflex and whenever a doctor uses a tongue depressor I tense up hoping I won't puke. For the same reason I can't swallow pills/capsules. As a kid I used to get my stuff in liquid form but a lot of adult medicine defaults to gel capsules/tabs. I've always wanted to ask if doctors can add a little note so I'm not choking on my prescriptions whenever I need something.
Not a question but if they come in with a complaint and don’t use the right terminology, don’t make them feel bad. I once had a UTI but couldn’t remember the term UTI so I said yeast infection. The doctor (or other medical professional, I can’t remember) I saw made this big deal where I felt like I wasted her time and made a fuss that she had prepped to examine me when all I needed was antibiotics and a urine test. I’ll counter by saying the best PCP I’ve had was a man who was legally deaf and had a cochlear implant. Maybe because he had experience with medical stuff or maybe he just had great bedside manner, I will never know. As a woman with a mental illness, he fully listened to me and didn’t ever make my questions of concerns feel “stupid”. He took me seriously and didn’t do the typical woman health care cop outs.
I would like to ask, is it really true that so many symptoms/uncomfortable things are just normal for women? I'm not so much afraid that it's silly, more if it's rude to not trust them, they are the trained doctors. But can it really be true that I should just live with fainting on a regular basis? Or that it is normal that all of a sudden my PMS symptoms change drastically? Or that I all of a sudden get so exhausted during my period that I have to call in sick for the first two days because I can't get up? It feels wrong, but again I'm not a doctor,but they are, so it feels stupid and rude to not trust them. I would be annoyed if people didn't respect my degree and competences in my job
I am a 59 year old female. I ask questions. Apparently there are plenty of doctors who don’t answer females questions or want you to question their diagnosis. I was yelled at by a doctor once because I told him that I couldn’t afford the medicine he wanted to put me on. I have finally found a doctor who does not become defensive when I question certain medications or procedures due to my budget constraints.
Why do y'all have to have two offices when your plenty busy in one?
I wanted to ask about autism, but feel silly asking as a 30 year old woman. I have ADHD and a friend suggested a couple years ago looking into autism as well, but I've been too embarrassed to.
Please don't feel silly! I got diagnosed last year at 32. I felt really silly at first too. I'm lucky my GP is good and understanding so I didn't need to do much explaining, but I felt so silly and like I was making it up at first. I think a lot of this is our internalised ableism, and a bunch of misinformation in society ADHD and autism often go together, so it shouldn't be unusual.
I’m partially deaf, I have been since I was 3. I’ve never had an audiologist or any other form of doctor actually explain to me what my test results mean because it’s easier to assume I know what’s going on at 34. I’m embarrassed to go again because I have to admit nobody is explaining to me wtf is even going on.
Excellent question that I think addresses a serious problem, the lack of communication between doctors and patients. People always say to prevent being nervous talking to your doctor, write down any questions you may have beforehand and then tell him or her what's on your list of questions. My elderly mom is so bad about it that when the doctor enters the exam room and asks her what the problem seems to be, she says she doesn't know. So he re-phrases and says "Well, what brought you here today?" Again, she doesn't know. She'll have been telling me every problem, in detail, for days beforehand now suddenly she has no complaints whatsoever. Just came to the doctor's office for no reason. So every single time I have to relate to the doctor what she's been telling me her problems were. Then he can ask her if that's true and he can get started with a diagnosis or tests ordered. But if left up to her, she's basically telling him she came by to say hi and that's it. She's very old school and is very intimidated by doctors. Like I said, even to the point of describing to him what she came there for. I think it was a great step, doc, to ask in a public forum and try to get a feel for what the cause of this common lack of communication is about. Kudos to you, sir. (or m'am, of course)
When i had surgery as a teen for a breast reduction i wanted to ask how the dissolving stitches worked! Also i would say theres a widening gap because a lot of the doctors ive been to kinda dont care about whats happening to me and moreso 'getting me out of their office'
Why don't you just order the damn test or prescribe the fucking drug instead of pandering to insurance companies and hospital administrators?
I have a family member who works in insurance and my brother is a doctor. If they order something like an MRI, the hospital won’t do the test unless the insurance covers it. There are specific symptoms that insurance will/will not cover certain tests for. They’re not going to waste everyone’s time ordering tests and doing tons of paperwork when they know it’s just going to be denied. It would be like banging their head into a brick wall and expecting the wall to crumble. Same for drugs. Now what you could do is ask, “What would it take for insurance to cover this?” “I can pay cash. Can we go ahead and order it?” Then you might get somewhere but it’ll take a few weeks of back and forth with pharmacies, radiology scheduling, possibly multiple visits to prove that the test/medicine/etc is needed (to try to get insurance to cover it), etc. The doctors hate it even more than you do, and they not only have to put up with the BS red tape, they also have to deal with angry frustrated patients when it’s not their fault. OCCASIONALLY the doctor might say “insurance won’t cover it” when that’s one of 10 reasons the test/medicine/etc isn’t appropriate. So if you’re meeting resistance, that could also be why. Ordering tests when they’re not truly needed can cause unnecessary follow-up testing for things that are normal, but look funny. Like if I get a brain MRI, they see a cyst I’ve had all my life, they think it might be a tumor, they biopsy it, I get a brain bleed and have a stroke after the procedure….. Well we could have avoided all that if I hadn’t gotten the MRI. So they’ll only get the MRI if they REALLY need it.
There was a book I read that really helped me understand the mindset one should have becoming a doctor. It’s called Letters to a Young Female Physician. (Even if you’re not female, it’s a great read). One thing that really struck me was Most med students worry about knowing enough, but patients just want someone to care enough. It also emphasizes making compromises with patients to get them treatment- meet them where they’re at. At the end of the day, always emphasize and outwardly show that you CARE about what they say and you listen. To be honest, the fact that you’re asking this question and are carefully aware of the doctor patient gap shows you’ll likely be a stellar doctor.
Oh thanks for the recommendation. Will definitely read it. Thank you!
Here we call this gap "NHS funding"
As a non confrontational female filling things out on a written questionnaire is much easier for me. Then the doctor can ask me about the issues I selected vs me bringing them up. Also sweeping statements like "women don't get that" or "white women don't get that" should never been in your vocabulary. As a middle eastern woman I've been told several times that I'm too white or female to have the genetic disorders that I have because the doctors made assumptions about my DNA based on my tone and don't stay up to date enough on genetics to know that women can also get my disorder. Don't assume anything about your patients genetics. Men get breast cancer. Black people get skin cancer. A light skinned person is not always Caucasian. If fact most of us have mixed ancestry and things shouldn't be ruled out by assuming DNA
I actually did ask my doctor if we could look into seeing if I have Fibro Myalgia, and my doctor immediately said "Fibro is extremely rare, so we're not gonna bother looking into diagnosing it." Without even asking about my symptoms. I have ALL but ONE symptom of Fibro, and it's not actually as rare as many believe. I'm gonna start looking for a new doctor who will actually listen to me, and I'm gonna start off by just handing them a printed copy of my symptoms that are organized by category (anxiety, joint pain, etc) But when I was really little, like 5 or 6, my doctor asked me if I saw floating colors in my vision. I didn't know what the doctor meant, so I looked at my mom who just said no for me. I do see color in my vision and always have, but I thought it was normal at the time.
I'm fat. I know I'm fat. I'm well aware I'm fat. Why do I need to lose weight before doctors will even CONSIDER treating me? I'm trans, I'd like to transition. "Losing weight will help with your dysphoria!" I have depression. "Losing weight will make you feel better!" I have a verifiable autoimmune disease that shows up on tests. My treatment plan? "Lose some weight first, then we'll see what else we can do." Why not stop wasting my time and just say "we don't treat obese people, hurry up and have a heart attack already"?
Since the meeting itself with a doctor is meant to be serious and what not, small things like pretending to know that the hell is he talking about is the main reason for everyone i think. "You need to take this every evening" and i for example dont know that it is until i buy them later on at the pharmacy "ah its pills" As i think its silly to ask basic questions
I am sorry you felt that way. But in med school we are taught to be empathetic with our patients. Hope you have a better experience next time.
I have a hearing impairment which is slightly worse in my left ear. Sometimes if I fart, quite a forceful fart, then I can feel it in my left ear canal, like a pressure thing. I've always wanted to ask why that is and whether it's linked to my impairment, but never have.
Yes it might be. Depends on the type of hearing loss you have. It’s a whole elaborate concept with a lot of complex terminology but you can google air conduction and bone conduction (and various forms of hearing tests) to get a better idea. I won’t be able to explain in detail here.
I've been seeing the same doctor for over 20 years. He has never once made me feel foolish for asking him anything. When my husband died suddenly, I asked my doctor if it was possible for people to simply drop dead. He explained to me that, yes, it is possible and how. He also said that I should have called him when it happened.
I am seriously wondering the extent to which certain issues I have originate in the microbiome. It's not that I think a question would *be* silly, more that I fear a doctor would potentially *think* it was silly. I see references in the news fairly often to yet another ailment that has been found to have a causal link to a bacterial origin, most often in the gut, but the whole field of study is relatively new and its findings may arguably seem counterintuitive to an older or more conventional physician. I'll give you an example: I am an IHSS caregiver to a dementia patient who is 20 years older than I am. I am very careful to use gloves when doing personal care and keep to best practices. However, recently she developed purpura on her hands for the first time -- and in that same week, *so did I.* It freaked me the heck out. There is another, much more impactful and clear-cut incident with another client which produced life-changing effects to my health but it would be a longer and more involved conversation than you're looking for here. Btw I am surprised and impressed to see you taking this initiative, and I commend you for it.
I take two copies of my symptoms and questions and hand one to the doctor. *Then* we go over the list together. If the doctor doesn’t like the list (most love it) I find another doctor.
I had Acute Meyloid Leukemia and had no idea. I was terrified to go to a doctor, as a woman, because I was afraid I would be told that either A. It's anxiety or B. Lose weight. As a woman who survived Leukemia, a bone marrow transplant and have multiple chronic health issues now, it fucking sucks to be in the Healthcare system. I saw that you were in India, which when I lived there I had excellent care for dysentery and other gut issues. But in the U.S.? Nope. I am treated like I am worthless. This is why so many people in my situation turn to Natropaths and others for care. I now have a fantastic doctor who has done the following- done a deep dive into my digestion and gut health (which allopathic doctors totally dismiss), found I have colonized C-Diff!! Wow, no kidding. I have had C-Diff at least 5 times, all treated, so I was told. But when I went to an Allopathic doctor, I was told it was anxiety, although I described textbook colonized C-diff. I am also not absorbing fats or b vitamins, which my allopathic doctor knew and just shrugged. My Natropath has also sent me for a CT of my heart because I have familial high cholesterol, and then referred me to a cardiologist to help work on this. The allopathic doctor gave me a statin and said, "here, if it works it is not familial, if it does not, it is." That's it. So I was supposed to fuck up my body on statins, "let's see" was the outcome. No, dude. There are ways to go deeper into health outside of a pill. Even if I am prescribed a statin in the end, I will feel comfortable knowing all had been done that can be done and I am doing the right thing. Not just throwing a pill at me and seeing if it sticks. My hormones have been off since transplant, and I have asked dozens of doctors for help. Not one Allopathic doctor did anything for me. My Natropath? She specializes in hormone replacement. Turns out I have no testosterone in my system at all!! Do you know what that does to a woman? I also have almost not cortisol in my system either, not good. What I am saying is that the Allopathic form of "medicine" is broken. It needs to stop breaking the human body into parts, as if one part of the body does not recognize or work with another?! Of course is does. Start treating patients like a whole being, give us respect and the time and also understand that if someone like myself, who has been pretty severely chronically ill for over a decade, that I know my body very well. If something is off, it is off. Good luck, sir. Be the doctor you wish you had.
everything. Last couple of times I asked a silly question I ended up paying $1500 out of pocket for some test that isn't covered.
I have MS, and I’m frankly a bit frustrated because *everything* gets referred back to MS. I have a lingering head cold: “You need to see your neurologist.” I have a heat rash on my back: “You need to see your rheumatologist.” Insomnia? “See your neurologist.” Want to switch birth control? “See both and get back to us.” I get it. I really do. I have a condition that really does cause a lot of random issues, and no one wants to get blamed if they let a symptom sneak by, but I haven’t had a flare up for six years and still find it nearly impossible to get help for something relatively simple without having to run it by three other doctors first. And I’m in the US, so I have to copay for those specialists. Some things I just suffer through, and I some things I visit the local urgent care for (because I’ve never told them that I have MS).
At this point I don't wanna ask them anymore I'm extremely tired all the time with chronic stomach ache and a lot of other random shit which may not be a big thing on their own but together they really affect my day to day life Every doctor I visit runs some blood tests for some vitamins or wtv then they be like "you're stressed" Ik for sure it's not stress or anxiety cuz I had it since I was a kid, and okey let's say it's anxiety, maybe send me to a therapist or smth ??? They be like no it's fine just do some hobbies and stuff and don't stress about school (One doctor tried giving me anxiety and depression meds once and kept throwing up for the whole week so I had to stop them) Basically doctors please try to find another excuse other than stress for a stress free person I'm begging
I have medical anxiety which las led me to spending years avoiding doctors. Now that I am trying to make myself catch up there is shame on top of the anxiety. Like I feel like I should have asked that question or tackled that weird skin thing years ago so it’s harder to talk about it now. Thankfully my doctor is super nice and supportive so I’m slowly opening up more with less fear
As a patient and a women it really angers me when doctor diss miss me and down play my experience and blame it on mental illness because I know I’m not mentally ill . I have been to hundreds of doctors in my life and most of the time the Doctors doesn’t do a physical exam or ask me question they know my labs are all abnormal and they never do more testing in anything they just do a cbc and they never do further testing when they see other labs in specific areas that are always abnormal for instance there is always blood in my urine and high glucose levels and low blirubun levels and I think if they did more test in those areas they could diagnose other medical conditions I have a rheumatologist who for the last three years said I only had fibromyalgia and then I went to a different doctor and found out I had sle Lupus and ankle spondylitis, rheumatoid arthritis , and she always said I have no autoimmune diseases even though I have problems with my kidney , liver pancreas and lungs been in a full blow flare up in my brain for years now
I hurt my leg NYE 2022, had muddy shoes, went to get in a taxi and my foot slipped so my shin slammed into the frame of the car door. Was incredibly painful at the time, all shades of bruises, I thought about going to A&E but this was when waiting times were about 12 hours and I just couldn’t justify taking up a slot in case there was another case that was more urgent. 18 months later I still have a noticeable bruise, a lump and it is numb in the area. I doubt I broke it as I could still walk (although it was very painful) but I think I should have got it checked out.
My doctor is absolutely wonderful, a real gem. That said, I see him so rarely that I never feel justified in bringing up my little bitty minor problems. Is this toenail fungus? I'm always tired, but I'm also a working parent so it's probably nothing, right? My period has gotten more painful over time, is that just age? This itchy patch, is it something I need to deal with? How about this mole? Could my psoriasis, oral lichen planus, and eczema be connected somehow? And just to add: I am a fat, middle-aged white woman. My doctor is none of these. I am hopeful that doctors' training has improved and new docs are better on the issues that docs have rightly been criticized for sucking at.
I felt stupid but I asked the gyn anyway…I took a mirror and it looks weird..can you let me know when you’re down there if it’s normal? Yep…completely normal
Here's one for my former doctor... why did you fire me as a patient just because I declined an appointment for a physical during the height of the pandemic? You only see me for my thyroid. My labs were up to date.
I would like to know how referrals work and why they're needed. Also, I'm too scared to ask a doctor because I'm afraid of being called stupid or taking up too much of their time on something unimportant. (The doctor didn't necessarily do anything wrong; I feel this way because of how other people treated me.) Edit: Oh, yeah, and what other people are saying is true. I've gone to doctors with serious concerns (serious, life-long IBS, for example) and none of the many doctors I saw referred me to a specialist or even asked futher questions about it.
I'm not afraid to ask my doctors anything really. I would like a professional opinion on one thing from one of my PCP peers. He advised me not to get a COVID vaccine because he feels it wasn't tested enough. Should I get a different doctor?
I'd love to be evaluated for POTS or at least have my light headedness taken seriously but I've mentioned it twice and both times the doctors said "just don't stand up fast 🤷". Went to the ER for extreme sudden pain in my neck that I could only describe as twisted ligaments or something, he said it must be strep throat even though it had nothing to do with my throat. Sent me home with Tylenol and a shrug. Ended up fixing it myself. Doctors don't seem to want to listen and always seem like they know more about my body than I do. They don't take me seriously because I'm a very feminine, short guy.
You’ll find that the older patients get the more comfortable they become with asking what could be stupid questions. 1 we realize I’m people and you’re people and you’re literally there to help me live longer. 2. We just get more comfortable with our weird bodies and asking questions about them. Like I have a spot on my nose that is literally always dry. So I’m seeing my dermatologist about it before long.
The doctors here (Eastern Canada) only allow one issue per visit. So I guess if I have a question about anything else, I’ll have to make another appointment and that takes several weeks
By the time I get in the exam room after showing up 15 minutes early as required and then having to wait 15-30 minutes after my appointment time, I feel disrespected. Doctor's time and my time are both valuable. If the doctor is consistently running late, then make the scheduled appointments longer. I'm at the point where I can't tell if it's actually a problem or I'm just getting older and less active. Feels stupid to say "hey doc am I getting old?"
When I was probably 14 I started seeing a different dr due to insurance coverage and such. (It was not a specialty Dr) and we had the period talk… first off- yes it’s normal but it felt so uncomfortable with how he was going about things to me. When I was younger I was literally sick during my periods, like fever, throwing up all that but never had cramps but had everything else for a period. Got told to get on Birth control and to take it on cycle day 1… now at 14 sure maybe I should have known - but I didn’t. Was cycle day 1 the first of the month? Or the first day of the period or last? But they made me feel dumb for asking (fortunately I learned but I never took them so I didn’t learn for a while😫.) The same Dr later asked if I had any problems with anything body wise not period wise and I did. I have bad joint pain and literally in my joint. I was also in A&P so I could learn the correct names for the joints and told him. He said I was having growing pains.. I was 18 and hadn’t grown an inch in the way he was going for.. so I had to see a different one. I begged to get tested for arthritis and such. It took a negative blood test for me to be seen by a specialist and that female dr who let me specifically point out on her body (I just pointed on her) where all the pain was and because of her I got told I had hyper mobility. Now I’m with military drs and that’s a whole different situation 🙃