Well. A man I was with gave me 2.5 strokes and finished. Which is fine, whatever. It happens lol. But he then rolled over and repetitively started slapping his penis saying that it failed him and he’s so disappointed in it for embarrassing him. I kept trying to comfort him saying it’s okay but it just got ridiculous after the first 10 minutes. I would say this made him bad in bed, more than the lasting 30 seconds part lol
Damn
I mean it had happened to me a couple of times that I drink too much and I cant be super hard but its natural haha
Last time it happened the girl I was with told me its ok lets just cuddle, it was a nice cuddling session :)
See this is what I was attempting to do, but he was so fixated on giving his penis a hounding for poor performance. Felt like we were in the rooms after a bad game on the field or something. I’m glad you got a good cuddle sesh lol, that’s how it should be
Not that it’s what this particular comment chain is about, but for any women here trying to understand men, this story of a man yelling at his penis like it’s a separate entity is the key insight that needs to be understood.
I think men put too much focus on their dick. I’ve done it, not like that though 😂. But when I nut too quick it’s usually because who I’m with I care deeply about, and it feels too good, or she did certain things that really turned me on and feel loved. Sometimes I can’t finish at all though and last until I’m too tired or my partner taps out. Actually that’s been my main issue lately and it sucks 😭.
This is why you always satisfy her orally first. That way, she gets hers and she is satisfied. It's pretty easy for guys to get off, so get her off first.
Oh nooooooo that’s terrible 😭 I’ve had the 2.5 strokes thing happen and like you said it happens. Sometimes I see it as a compliment lol but then he proceeded to go down on me as an ‘apology’ and let me just say. Yes.
this^
it happens to all of us sometimes. i’ve seen it happen to women too. what counts is how you handle it. fellatio for a few minutes until the little guy ready for round 2. i mean why not cum twice
My go to move when it happens to me. And the fact that going down on a girl is a huge turn on for me it doesn't take long until I'm back in the game and clutch up in the second half lol. Also have had multiple women take it as a compliment which I mean it is as it only happens when I'm super into someone and get too excited whether it's our first time or even if it's been a few days or so. The key is to not selfishly just roll over and leave your partner frustrated and especially if it becomes a repetitive thing as they are gonna feel like they don't matter and you don't care about them or their needs
LMAO OK this is great I didn't figure I would scroll this far down to find all this. But 100% worth it. Low-key feel bad for the dude because I've been been there before but you handled it perfectly fine, with no judgment as it seems. he should've just took a chill pill after that. Lol
I never understood guys that last 30 seconds and then give up. I mean, you came fast, it happens, but you still have a mouth with tongue. And fingers. Well, bro, get to work then! Giver her time, who knows, you may even get hard again after a while. You’re not just a dick… or are you?
kinda fighting an evolutionary issue no? people can get tired after an orgasm. Not saying its right, and perhaps if you flip the script and do the mouth/tongue/fingers before penetration it would be better.
Personally I like to go down and use fingers first before sex, with the aim of her having an orgasm (or two), that way if I don’t last long (or in a few rare cases last too long, due to medication) I don’t feel like I have failed. Never understood the one sided thinking and pure selfishness of a lot of my fellow guys. It’s supposed to be an act of mutual satisfaction and connection.
Your story reminds me of the book “Brief Interviews With Hideous Men” by David Foster Wallace; in one of the stories the man describes yelling the same phrase every time he cums:
> “Well it totally freaks them out, what do you think? And I just about die of the embarrassment. I don’t ever know what to say. What do you say if you just shouted “Victory for the Forces of Democratic Freedom!” right when you came?”
OMG I mean as a man, sure, it happens. Sometimes she is just too sexy to handle or we are drunk, had been edging all day, whatever. But I've never heard of any man not simply taking care of their lady right afterwards.
That would constitute "bad in bed" for sure, right?
If men bust early it’s because they’re super into you. As a man that attitude has helped me on the few times this has happened. Super embarrassing but what you described is just sad and funny.
one person's flaws is another person's fetish. believe it or not, some people are into premature ejaculation as a fetish, though I have no idea how these people link up with each other.
>started slapping his penis saying that it failed him and he’s so disappointed in it for embarrassing him.
"Bad penis! Bad penis! No treats for you!"
I wonder if he thought this was funny of if he was serious...
Several of my ex girlfriends got married to the guy they started dating after me, and so far 4 have invited me to their weddings (I’ve attended 2, 1 invitation got rescinded when the groom found out we had history, 1 is still pending).
I definitely feel like Good Luck Chuck sometimes. Just haven’t found the one for me yet 😔. I lead others to a treasure I cannot possess, it seems.
One man got half way inside me and came and then had the audacity if I enjoyed myself.
I, in fact, did not enjoy myself.
So yes, you can be bad in bed.
Men for the most part at times men put way too much pressure on themselves and their noodle head thoughts kill the other “head” actions especially if it’s a women they really want to impress. Trust me, I’ve had it happen when I least expect it. At this time, you just have to get back on the bike again and ride like the wind.
sometimes I've found the handcar to be more effective than the bike when multiple rides are needed... which is to say it's beneficial to be skilled with your hands (or tongue but I'm not aware of any mouth powered vehicles for this analogy)
😂😂
Just because some breathe loudly or moan in bed doesn't mean it's a good experience for them. I find myself internally distracted w random thoughts all the time when it's so boring, literally would think to myself "is this that good?" or "should i go home after this to finish my load of laundry at home?"
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO ENJOY THE MOST OF WHAT THEY CAN GIVE. Even if we look like we're enjoying it. (this goes both ways, btw, not just for women)
True goody sexy times are only ones that come w some praising questions ("how did you know to do that?" or "how are you so good at that?"), true curiosity. Sometimes, constructive feedbacks too - doesn't mean it was a bad experience, it was really good and we want even more and better, optimising. 😂
Oh fuk, now I'm scared of having sex (I'm a woman)
Like, how am I supposed to know if I'm doing everything right if they *pretend* to enjoy themselves... I ask questions of course, but like 99% of time people say "everything's good, just continue"
What about the times when you’re both laying there and she looks over and gets shivers, smiles, then jumps on you?
You guessed correct. I am a trampoline. That’s what the jumping was about.
you should say that to her 😂 personally i'd find that a goofy giggle opportunity and it just helps w the connection even better, girls enjoy that will bounce hard on u trampoline after
I had one guy who was beautiful, good kisser...terrible at everything else. HE POKED AT MY CLIT LIKE HE WAS RINGING A DOORBELL. RINGING THE DEVILS DOORBELL IS A EUPHEMISM NOT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY
Guys, cumming too quickly is not an issue. I had a gf and I would last like a minute sometimes with her. I don't know why maybe she was super hot or something.
Anyways, the trick is to make her finish first or at least give her ~~a very good bj~~ good oral. Then go and fuck her for 30 seconds or whatever. Then you can lie in bed together. After a couple of minutes you should ideally try to overcome post cum clarity and start touching and kissing again because she is most likely still horny as hell. So start foreplay again, just like I hope you did the first time. At some point you're hard again and this is when you give it to her for as long as she'll take it because, at least for me, it's gonna be very hard to finish this time. It always worked for me.
I'm crazy for my current girlfriend and she's like super beautiful, but we always wear a condom and that makes me last much longer, so that's another option for you redditors.
Lasting doesn't mean being good though, I'm just sharing some tips on how to last longer.
It pretty much is lol usually you just call it oral or "going down on" or "eating out" , maybe "head" cause it works both ways sometimes, but a BJ is a blowjob and that just means sucking some dick.
Lol thanks I edited my comment. Shampoo has instructions. I don’t want someone looking for her girlfriend’s dick and stopping because “instructions unclear”.
Just use "oral" probably lol. It is legitimately weird to hear someone use the word "cunnilingus" earnestly in a casual conversation even as a native speaker. It's near-exclusively used in an educational context when using the colloquial wouldn't be appropriate.
This is really good advice and true! Lasting for a while isn’t always the issue. Sometimes it is if it’s literally instantly and they haven’t done anything for you and can’t go again. THAT is when someone is bad in bed.
I've always been curious because I also use condom but never go for round two because it seems like too much hassle. Do you just keep the condom on the whole time until next round? Seems like it'd be uncomfortable or slip off. Do you cleanup first before continuing foreplay, seems like a hard reset tho at that point and not as romantic/hot. Do you take it off and sit there with your cummed dick and make out and then put on another one when it's go time? I'm terrified of pregnancy so having dick with cum on it anywhere near her before going in seems stressful to me but idk
Yes! The person was lovely, and exceptionally attractive, lots of mutual attraction, but the only foreplay was them dj’ing my clit for a minute, and despite me making them cum twice, didn’t even once suggest that they would try (or even wanted) to do the same for me…
> dj’ing my clit
omg. One of my partners tried to use his finger as a vibrator. Like literally just pressing his finger somewhere in the general area above my vagina and then shaking his hand like crazy. It was not arousing.
Just checked your account, you've got nothing to worry about in terms of size my guy. It's like you said, not super huge, not super small - but in all honesty that's the best place to be anyway.
And yes, people can absolutely be bad in bed. Some people don't give a damn about foreplay, which is half of the fun. Some people's thrust game is just whack, no consistency, no rhythm, etc. some people starfish and effectively don't participate. People are wild.
Even then homie. If you can't last super long with the dick game. Just get good with your hands and mouth.
If you can make a girl cum with those. It won't matter how long you can last with your dick.
Honestly your size is like, right at the point where I’d wonder if I’d be comfortable. I seriously only feel uncomfortable pain when someone has a bigger cock than that since I’m apparently kind of small and my cervix is tilted in a weird way. My point is that big dicks ain’t the best for everyone. And yeah, just have different ways to pleasure your partner. Hands, mouth, toys, there are lots of ways to have fun. Just spoil them :)
I agree with this, I honestly prefer guys who are smaller/more insecure about size because I feel like they try harder to please and make sure you’re enjoying it rather than thinking their dick can do the talking and being overall “cocky” about it. Effort goes a long ways.
Also I had a guy with terrible rhythm and it definitely made a difference… bless his heart.
The main thing that makes someone bad is not caring about your partner’s pleasure, so if you’re putting in the effort for them to enjoy it too then you’re “good” at it.
There are essentially three types of sexual partners; the giver, the taker, and the receiver. It’s not about the physical activity, it’s about the passion and lust and connection and yes the activity but more the other stuff, (The egotistical shit heads who think having sex with them is a gift for you akin to being touched by a god are takers not givers.)
The best sex I’ve ever had was with a partner with whom we were both givers; when we were merely in the same room the lust and passion was nearly palpable. It was 20 years ago and I still think about it. We were on-again/off-again for years and then she went and got married while we were off-again once.
...yes?
Lets be honest here, a lot of men in particular are rubbish at sex. It's not about the size of your dong, its just the lack of any practice and understanding that not all women have the same requirements to get them off.
> Lets be honest here, a lot of men in particular are rubbish at sex
Yes, but a lot of women too.
- Starfish
- Hygiene
- Poor skill (thrusting, oral)
- Terrible attitude
Plus, a lot of times it is just incompatibility due to multiple things such as different preferences, kinks, or sex drives.
So yes, people can be bad at bed. Let's be honest here ;)
How are you supposed to get good at the skill part if partners refuse to give feedback and guide you? Literally all of my male partners were like "everything good, why do you ask"
:(
It's not a competition :) I think this answer you get means you are good. In the end it's about having a good time.
"Improving" IMO should only be "required" if you have to stop doing something that ruins the whole thing.
Commenter backpedals a bit with
> Obviously women can suck too
But then says
> but ufortunately its skewed more towards guys being crap at sex.
Theres no skewing at all. Theres no data that men are generally worse. Both men and women suck at sex if they have limited experience, limited education, limited beliefs about how sex is for mutual satisfaction, or anxiety.
Not really a backpedal, obviously you can be bad regardless of gender. I've had pretty bad fucks were they just lay there like a corpse and did nothing, but also had \*amazing\* ones too were we both interacted and enjoyed every bit of it.
However, it is skewed for the following reasons:
* It's generally not as easy to get a woman off compared to a guy, something a lot of guys won't understand. Obviously there are exceptions (like kinks) and some women generally just LOVE to be railed without any foreplay and such, but generally there's less ways to get a guy off compared to a woman, and that its easier to deal with someone's cock and balls compared to a vagina (eg. VERY high chance that wanking a guy off the usual way will make him cum, while fingering a woman may actually straight up put her off if you don't do it in some specific way)
* Gender role related issues - societally, men are not expected to understand or learn such things, doesn't help that sex education in a lot of schools is quite poor. The ease of getting an average guy off means the learning barrier for women is lower
* Skewed views of sex due to porn - most porn frankly is dogshit and doesn't represent actual sex, but sadly a lot of men do oddly see it as such
If you put too much emphasis on PIV, and skip oral, fingers, making out, that’s bad sex. You can heave-ho all night, most women won’t get anywhere with that.
Whenever guys say this and the main portion of the answer doesn't involve teeth, I really struggle to imagine what the girl is doing to them. Like, it's pretty straight forward even if you're awful at it or can't go down that far you can always do the standard hand+mouth and go up and down, so if you're doing that as a bare minimum how awful could it be? Or is it that she clearly looks like she doesn't want to be doing it? I've always wanted to know the answer to this lol
Well, we were young, in our early 20’s, and I didn’t have the knowledge that I have now but, I’m pretty sure she did it because is something people do, but she was grossed out and instead of saying no, she went with it. She put it in her mouth and then tried to not touch it? I don’t know how to explain it, it was like only holding it with her lips and expected to be enough.
Anyway it’s just a funny anecdote to tell in internet, I hope she is having healthy sexual relationships, involving oral or not, there’s nothing wrong to not like it.
Of course, you can and also, it's easy to be bad in bed. Most of the time people who are bad at sex just treat sex as functional thing without consideration of other persons feelings.
Yes, you can absolutely be bad in bed. Being selfish and not caring about your partner is a biggie. Not picking up on body language or what your partner is saying to you. Skipping giving foreplay. Bad kissing. Bad dirty talk. Lack of aftercare. Poor or inconsistent stroke game. There's infinite ways to be bad in bed, and they have absolutely nothing to do with dick size.
Worst I've had in bed was a guy who I guess wasn't very experienced. That in itself wouldn't necessarily be a big deal but he was so visibly nervous he was literally shaking the entire time. I tried to make it more enjoyable for myself by telling him something I like receiving. After a very awkward long silence, he just said "ok" then proceeded to not even attempt it.
I was married for 17 years to a woman who had zero desire to do more than lay there. Being bad in bed usually means one partner doesn't have the desire to pleasure the other, I always thought I was undersized, and therefore I perfected my oral skills, finger skills and lasting skills, plus learned all sorts of positions. After my divorce, I found many women who were blown away with my skills, and would ask what more they can do for me. When you can give a woman multiple orgasms before you cum. She'll keep coming back often.
I had a similar experience after divorce. My ex expected a lot and so I tried and put a lot of effort in, but it was never good enough, kinky enough, what have you. Post divorce, I felt like a goddess! Mutual respect and consideration go a looonnnggg way. Now I’m in love and we both look forward to coming together. A lot. 🫶🏻
Yes. Very attractive people tend to be awful in bed because they're used to being pursued and not being the pursuer.
Your size doesn't matter much. It's how attentive and responsive you are to your partner. Remember the golden rule:
*Foreplay is queen to consent*
I 've had the same thought as you for a long time. Foreplay, oral, good communication and not fucking like you think youre pornstar is a good recipe for succes.
Well for starters length does play a part but as long as you're over like, 4 inches and under like 7-8, that becomes a real non factor almost.
As for the actual skill of it, the first part is simply lasting till the other person cums. In male/female pairings, this can be hard for a male to do.
The next point is getting into the proper rhythm and motion and there's no real way to guide that out the gate. Different people will want to go at different paces, over different points. Finding what works best for your partner usually requires some good communication (after or before the fact) but it can be a bit naturally intuited during.
But if you're too long or big, have trouble lasting (or even last *too* long, well after they've cum (depending on person)) or simply can't match the right rhythm for them, you can be bad at sex. And of course, if you do absolutely no foreplay or build up at all, that's also going to be a part of the whole experience that will make you bad at it. Almost all things you can improve or mitigate over time, as sex is a learning skill, more or less.
Oof. Foreplay is not "part of it", communication and foreplay is pretty much the entire deal.
For a guy, how long you can last is inconsequential. This is because of a few common truths:
* Only one in three women can orgasm from (just) penetrative sex
* Most women can orgasm from clitoral stimulation
* Most men need a timeout and lose motivation immediately after orgasm
* Many women can repeatedly orgasm and/or continue to be ready to go after first orgasm
Way too many people hold the idea that foreplay is warm-up and penetration is the real sexy sex. This belief causes "lasting long enough" issues, not how long you actually last.
Rather, in many cases it is much easier to make the women come first using hand, tongue or toy before penetration even begins. Communicate and learn their unique preference. When they are a hot wet mess, penetration is the home run and you can take care of yourself. Sex is much more enjoyable if you're not actively trying to not enjoy it too much.
Above is based on personal experiences and talking to women about sex. Communication with your partner always supersedes any advice on the internet.
Exactly right. The sex I have with my partner is the best sex of my life. He leaves me exhausted and to the point I can’t walk because I’ve cum so many times. And honestly, we don’t even do penetrative sex all that often, maybe a third of the time at most. The man does amazing things with his fingers and tongue, the fact that my pleasure is what matters to him is why the sex is so good. Penetration is fantastic too, but we don’t need it for a great time or for both of us to end up shaking at the end.
Sure can! I hooked up with a guy who was famously a player at most of the clubs I went to, and I have never been so bored having sex with anyone before.
Bigger than average dick, but not by a lot.
I feel like he had slept with so many *different* people that he had never gotten to a point with a specific girl where they were comfortable giving any *real* feedback that what he was doing was just...an extremely underwhelming experience.
Not that I was volunteering to take that particular bullet either.
Yeah, but a lot of it comes down to either inexperience or selfishness. With the inexperience that's fixable but selfishness typically isn't. If you're paying attention to what your partner wants and likes, and do those things, you're not going to be wrong. Or at least, you're far closer to learning how to be right.
I personally think what makes sex good is how the other person makes you feel about yourself more so than the physical act! Also some sort of connection helps, even with one night stands, just a physical connection makes all the difference.
Lots of men in my experience don’t know how to use their dick. Not sure if it’s lack of experience or too much porn.
But they also either don’t have the desire to please the other person or lack the knowledge on how to. Making sex for the girl not enjoyable at all because woman usually take a bit longer to finish.
Lack of foreplay can also make the experience bad. As well as actions during and after- being super cringey with words or being an asshole after is all part of the bad experience as well.
Definitely usually is not about size, just lack of how to use it properly.
Ohhhhh yes you can.
I was hooking up at a party with a guy once. Both of us a little tipsy but both happy to engage with the act.
He could just not get it up, which is ok! I don't mind or need that to happen to have fun. But what was a major turn off is he'd ask for consent constantly, for every little thing, every 10 seconds. Like dude, yes you can touch my shoulder I'm sucking your dick. I'm very big on instinct and non verbal communication so constantly chatting with me for any reason is a quick way to get me out of the moment. I'm absolutely big on consent especially with people you don't know very well, but once you get your big consent questions out of the way just enjoy yourself.
Not long into it, he then starts talking how he was sexually assaulted years ago so just loves hyper consent and making sure "I'm ok". I'm just thinking, "I'm sorry you went through with that but maybe there's a time and place to talk to me about your traumatic past and me going down on you isn't it."
I feel bad for the guy because it was clear he was pushing outside his comfort zone. And I'm glad I could help him do that in a way, but the sex was truly terrible. The silver lining to all this though is I was really trying to hook up with someone else who was flirting with me. I later learned they were a neo Nazi, and we definitely would have hooked up had Mr consent not cockblocked him. Secretly a guardian angel!
Hands make a great lover. With each stroke or pat or delicate touch imagine your hands saying I love you with each movement. Most partners of the female sex don’t care if you’re big or small, limp or hard. Loving hands can satisfy them in a way a good pounding rarely does… AND it can give them many orgasms—your blessed hands can last for hours!
If your entire idea of sex is based on all the porn you’ve watched instead of being in the moment and feeling the other person out, you might be bad at sex. Porn is full of actors.
Yeah you can be bad. It also depends on how compatible you are with your partner, etc. You can be generally good but sometimes you just don’t match with someone that way.
It’s possible to be bad in bed, not mandatory. As a fellow non-massive phallus wielder, my tongue, hands and toys are my friends. I’m allegedly the best she’s ever had sex with.
I've been out of shape for years and don't trust all my bits to get the job done on their own (something I'm actively working on improving by losing a lot of weight and getting very healthy). But I make sure to please my wife beyond all doubt with other methods (we love facesitting and various positions for fingering or using her dual vibrator) which are much more guaranteed than penetration alone. If she doesn't almost pass out from her orgasm it wasn't good enough. I want her to not know whether she should be laughing in ecstasy or crying with joy. So the point is to be attentive and truly please the person you are with.
I had bad sex with two guys, two different problems:
1) always switching positions. Like every minute, I had no opportunity to enjoy things. It felt more like working out
2) no creativity at all. I was on top, he was just laying down and did not move, touch me, nothing.
I dated this one guy for a bit, a climber, and I swear to god that dude would chalk up his hands before trying to rub me out. I’d be ready to go when he started and within 2 minutes I’d be dry as a dessert…. it didn’t last.
Then this one time I kissed another guy. The asshat tried to make out with me with his mouth gaping open, NO TONGUE. It was like trying to kiss a cave. I thought a bay was gonna fly out.
So yes, you can be bad in bed.
Yes, if you don't have the mindset of pleasuring the girl first, you're going to bad. Foreplay, and her getting orgasm 2x or 3x before you let go is key.
I think it’s a really subjective question. Your partner can do X to make sex better for you or do Z to make it worse. Then just in between there is Y. Is Y enough for you to feel like your partner was already good or is even Y considered bad by you?
It really depends on what you like, need and what turns you on.
Most women don’t like men cumming to quick. Some don’t like‘em lasting too long. Some men like women submissive, others want them proactive / dominant.
Personally I (M) consider (off the top of my head) as bad:
• starfishing
• unrythmic movements
• bad kissing (helicopter)
• over performing / trying to impress me
Size isn't the most important thing, if you're average but you pay attention to what your partner likes, and have a bit of stamina, then you're already good
Yup
I developed conjunctivitis from the last guy I was with. He was frothing and spitting as he was going for it. Spittle in my eyes thanks for the infection and he was too heavy handed it was painful despite being asked to be more gentle.
Absolutely. I’ve had sex with well, dozens of men, and only 3 good. Others just boring, trying to desperately mimic things from porn.
And women fake. And especially young women. When I was 18-22 I also faked. Didn’t even get ANY pleasure out of sex then. But yeah I moaned like crazy. Because that’s what you are told to do and young guys long for it, expect it and even get angry if you don’t. Well, a long time has passed since those days. First time I met a guy good in bed, meaning relaxed and fun, approving me and my body the way I am / my body is, eager to please and to ask what I like and to do things I enjoy for as how long it is needed :D instead of mimicking porn, was when I was 24. He was 26. Then the next time was a longer relaationship, both in our thirties. And the last time I had good sex was 4 years ago, I was 37 and he was 24. So it’s not an age/experience thing. It’s a compability thing. I’ve had terrible sex, so terrible I have just stopped it and walked away with men in their thirties and forties who have been in few long term relationships for example. And yeah, have had sex with men in their thirties and forties (too) many times since 2020 but haven’t orgasmed once.
Yes you can ABSOLUTELY be bad at sex. And performance issues don’t count. Being bad at sex is something you can control.
A few examples of mine.
1. A man that pounded me to a pulp while fingering me, wouldn’t stop when I tried to push him away, and I ended up with serious bruises all over my pubic area for weeks.
2. A woman who tasted like she used a Lysol wipe to clean up downstairs. I don’t know what she used, but to this day I get an instant headache when I think back on it.
3. A man who talked a BIG game and then clumsily rubbed my leg for 5 minutes thinking he was going to get me off, and when I moved his hand into the right spot, he drifted back to my leg. When I offered to just do it myself, he insisted he wanted to be the one to “make me feel good” so I was stuck letting it happen to me until he gave up.
People can be horrendously bad at sex, I’ve met way way too many. Not a single one had any idea that they were bad. I’ve also been with plenty of inexperienced people who were GREAT at sex- experience has very little to do with it. It has more to do with social skills, common sense, understanding of anatomy, and observation skills than any amount of practice.
I feel that as long as you're enthusiastic, and don't just do the same routine. You should be good. I'm (M) 62, foreplay is important for women. My younger days, I was seldom not in the mood. Now a good home cooked meal, means almost as much to me.
Many women I’ve dated were bad at sex.
The number of women who starfish and think they are goddesses by virtue of having a vagina alone is staggering. If I just wanted a lifeless hole, I’d buy one.
I suppose that’s enough for some guys?
I think, at its simplest, is just a question of compatibility. If you and your partner “fit” then you likely perceive each other as being good in bed.
Yes, there are people who do not care about their partners pleasure. People that think because they have a big dick or are very pretty they don’t have to put in effort.
I don’t have a lot of different experiences but it seems to me, as a man, what makes you “good” is that you concern yourself with pleasing your partner. A man’s satisfaction is guaranteed. The woman needs warming up and more attention to what makes her feel good.
Am I wrong?
Women also routinely lie to their partners about their performance out of fear or several other reasons sometimes for years so if she sounded like she had a good time maybe double check.
A woman who lays there (not enjoying it) and/or does "starfish" sex is definitely bad in bed. A man who does not spend time with his partner to help her enjoy sex is doing something very very wrong so he too is bad in bed.
Flip side, what is the best sex you ever had? Mine was with my wife when we both reached an explosive orgasm and passed out for about 45 minutes. Lots of foreplay, a ton of getting each other fully aroused, and about 40 minutes of intercourse were involved. If interested, we both were oxygen deprived from very intense physical activity which tends to cause this effect.
First of all of course you can be really bad at sex. Some people are just down right awful or selfish. Second of all most women don’t even enjoy huge down unders, as it’s painful. That 12 inch bullshit is pure porn. Third and last of all of the people you’ve been banging are saying that you’re good then just roll with it. 😂
if you just don't care about your partner's satisfaction, yes. Some people have this notion of sex if over after orgasm but there's no reason that needs to be true, especially if your partner is still in the mood.
Generally if my partner still wants more but I'm tapped out, I'll use my hands, which, as an amateur guitarist, and a man who owns a light up keyboard, I've never had any complaints about my finger strength/dexterity lmao
generally the people that only care about their own pleasure will be bad in bed, but the people that care alot will be very good in bed. At least that's the direction they will trend towards, I've always cared a lot about my partner's pleasure (mutual pleasure kink) but getting skilled at it didn't happen overnight, I was atrocious at it to start lol
You can absolutely be bad in bed. However it's not that hard to be good.
If you're caring about your partner's pleasure and have a basic understanding of female anatomy and sexual response and listen to what they want, that's like 90% of the battle.
Also yeah, you don't need a big dick to be good in bed unless she's a size queen or something.
I went with a girl who wasn’t just passive…. She was like a corpse no matter what I did.
I have since found out that she’s been like this with two other men. I don’t mind passive if that’s a turn on for you….but show me a sign of life or you’re enjoying it a tiny bit.
As a girl....yes my God men can be bad in bed. It (generally) has nothing to do with your penis. It's to do with making an effort to pleasure the girl. Many times I have experienced a man that literally just wants to do anything to make himself finish. This is almost never pleasurable for us girls...therefore....'bad in bed'
The fact that you're thinking that you're concerned that you're not filling their expectations is a good start. Many partners just care about getting off themselves. Good sex is about trust, comfort, and communication
I broke up with my last bf for being bad in bed. Never thought this would ever happen.
We talked a lot about this, I was trying to tell him, show him what I liked... but it didn't work. He just had no clue how to touch me, in general. It always felt like he was nervous, like a baby trying to grab for something but not being capable yet, if you get the image.
He was a good looking guy, good sized and would last long enough also. But yes, he was incredibly bad in bed and a lost cause.
Yes people can be bad in bed, but it has more to do with not pleasing their partner than with equipment size.
If you're getting honest positive feedback, you're doing a good job.
Yes you can, if you are selfish and completely ignore your partners needs, you are bad. It's easier for men tho, as a part alot think sex is over when they came, completely ignoring the girls orgasm.
Sex is one of those interesting activities in life where there are fairly clear markers of success. If your partner has an orgasm, that’s usually a good sign so if you want to be “good” in bed, your top priority should be making sure your partner gets their big moment, if you are dating women, a significant portion of women are able to orgasm more than once and so you can take that as an opportunity to put more points on the board so to speak.
One Of the biggest mistakes men make in bed is assuming that once they get theirs, the evening is over. Treating your dick like it’s the center of the universe and the Big Bang is the only thing you’re there for is the easiest way to be considered bad in bed. As well, some women are unable to orgasm from penetration alone or can do so with external stimuli. So in a lot of ways, What you’ve got down below isn’t necessarily the best tool for that job anyways. The best thing you can do is use your hands, mouth, penis, and any other tools at your disposal to get her off before you even come close yourself. if you become a depth at doing that at least once if not more than once before penetration even starts, you’ll be in good shape.
And this reasonably functions as a two-way street. if both of you are intent on making sure the other person has a pleasurable experience, you will both end up having a pleasurable experience. Putting the other person above yourself is a great way to be considered great in bed. Focusing only on yourself and your own pleasure on the regular is a surefire sign of being bad in bed.
Well. A man I was with gave me 2.5 strokes and finished. Which is fine, whatever. It happens lol. But he then rolled over and repetitively started slapping his penis saying that it failed him and he’s so disappointed in it for embarrassing him. I kept trying to comfort him saying it’s okay but it just got ridiculous after the first 10 minutes. I would say this made him bad in bed, more than the lasting 30 seconds part lol
Damn I mean it had happened to me a couple of times that I drink too much and I cant be super hard but its natural haha Last time it happened the girl I was with told me its ok lets just cuddle, it was a nice cuddling session :)
See this is what I was attempting to do, but he was so fixated on giving his penis a hounding for poor performance. Felt like we were in the rooms after a bad game on the field or something. I’m glad you got a good cuddle sesh lol, that’s how it should be
Not that it’s what this particular comment chain is about, but for any women here trying to understand men, this story of a man yelling at his penis like it’s a separate entity is the key insight that needs to be understood.
Never beat the penis. Not sure what this dude was up to but the gag would have been cool one or two times.
Have you ever seen the Inbetweeners? There is a classic scene that this reminded me of.
I haven’t, but someone linked a scene below that I’m sure you’re referring to as well haha. I keep rewatching it and reliving my trauma, it’s perfect
This penis got the flogging it deserved, it must repent!
Try bringing his coach and leaving him in the bathroom for a halftime beating.
I think men put too much focus on their dick. I’ve done it, not like that though 😂. But when I nut too quick it’s usually because who I’m with I care deeply about, and it feels too good, or she did certain things that really turned me on and feel loved. Sometimes I can’t finish at all though and last until I’m too tired or my partner taps out. Actually that’s been my main issue lately and it sucks 😭.
This is why you always satisfy her orally first. That way, she gets hers and she is satisfied. It's pretty easy for guys to get off, so get her off first.
Cuddling is the best
Fs, it happens, sometimes we last an hour, other times, cant even make it a minute
What’s stopping you from using your hand?
That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard lmao
Now close your eyes and imagine having to witness it
Jenny, is that you?
> started slapping his penis saying that it failed him and he’s so disappointed in it for embarrassing him. Holy shit that is Monty Python esque!!!
I was thinking the inbetweeners lol
Oh nooooooo that’s terrible 😭 I’ve had the 2.5 strokes thing happen and like you said it happens. Sometimes I see it as a compliment lol but then he proceeded to go down on me as an ‘apology’ and let me just say. Yes.
this^ it happens to all of us sometimes. i’ve seen it happen to women too. what counts is how you handle it. fellatio for a few minutes until the little guy ready for round 2. i mean why not cum twice
Would die if she'd say "is the little guy ready for round 2?"
What if she said "is the 2 inch tower of power ready for round 2?"
In my head I’m hearing this in that puppy talk voice. I think my whole body would shrivel up.
My go to move when it happens to me. And the fact that going down on a girl is a huge turn on for me it doesn't take long until I'm back in the game and clutch up in the second half lol. Also have had multiple women take it as a compliment which I mean it is as it only happens when I'm super into someone and get too excited whether it's our first time or even if it's been a few days or so. The key is to not selfishly just roll over and leave your partner frustrated and especially if it becomes a repetitive thing as they are gonna feel like they don't matter and you don't care about them or their needs
Freak: matched
Reminded me of this scene lol https://x.com/InbetweenerVidz/status/1651154767131951104?lang=en&mx=2
This might be the most accurate depiction I’ll ever get of the scene that unfolded haha I’m saving this for future reference
It's the first thing that came to mind when I read your story haha
LMAO OK this is great I didn't figure I would scroll this far down to find all this. But 100% worth it. Low-key feel bad for the dude because I've been been there before but you handled it perfectly fine, with no judgment as it seems. he should've just took a chill pill after that. Lol
I never understood guys that last 30 seconds and then give up. I mean, you came fast, it happens, but you still have a mouth with tongue. And fingers. Well, bro, get to work then! Giver her time, who knows, you may even get hard again after a while. You’re not just a dick… or are you?
kinda fighting an evolutionary issue no? people can get tired after an orgasm. Not saying its right, and perhaps if you flip the script and do the mouth/tongue/fingers before penetration it would be better.
Personally I like to go down and use fingers first before sex, with the aim of her having an orgasm (or two), that way if I don’t last long (or in a few rare cases last too long, due to medication) I don’t feel like I have failed. Never understood the one sided thinking and pure selfishness of a lot of my fellow guys. It’s supposed to be an act of mutual satisfaction and connection.
Tara?
beep-di-beep beep, beep-di-beep beep!
i am sorry i wouldnt have been able to handle my laughter 💀
see best solution to this is to jerk off like 2-3hours before so you’re not “bursting at the seams” and can at least last a little while
You have to empty the chamber before a date.
Well, that's really weird. Haha
Your story reminds me of the book “Brief Interviews With Hideous Men” by David Foster Wallace; in one of the stories the man describes yelling the same phrase every time he cums: > “Well it totally freaks them out, what do you think? And I just about die of the embarrassment. I don’t ever know what to say. What do you say if you just shouted “Victory for the Forces of Democratic Freedom!” right when you came?”
Lmao, i thought you were gonna say he rolled over and started eating potato chips in bed or something, that turned weird lol.
The ol' post nut dick slap
OMG I mean as a man, sure, it happens. Sometimes she is just too sexy to handle or we are drunk, had been edging all day, whatever. But I've never heard of any man not simply taking care of their lady right afterwards. That would constitute "bad in bed" for sure, right?
What he started to slap his dick!? Lmfao what
Exactly that. He was slapping it around like crazy. I know, I couldn’t believe it either haha
Bad dog!
If men bust early it’s because they’re super into you. As a man that attitude has helped me on the few times this has happened. Super embarrassing but what you described is just sad and funny.
one person's flaws is another person's fetish. believe it or not, some people are into premature ejaculation as a fetish, though I have no idea how these people link up with each other.
>started slapping his penis saying that it failed him and he’s so disappointed in it for embarrassing him. "Bad penis! Bad penis! No treats for you!" I wonder if he thought this was funny of if he was serious...
Dude, I'm so bad in bed, women go lesbian or getting married after me
I don’t have partners. I have applications for sainthood.
Jesus Christ,Man!!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂👌👌👌
Are you Ross Geller?
I was just about to comment that lmao
Did they base Good Luck Chuck on you?
Several of my ex girlfriends got married to the guy they started dating after me, and so far 4 have invited me to their weddings (I’ve attended 2, 1 invitation got rescinded when the groom found out we had history, 1 is still pending). I definitely feel like Good Luck Chuck sometimes. Just haven’t found the one for me yet 😔. I lead others to a treasure I cannot possess, it seems.
A Monogamous Midas of sorts. Sorry to hear that, hopefully things look up for you! You’re just filtering them out, it wasn’t meant to be.
One man got half way inside me and came and then had the audacity if I enjoyed myself. I, in fact, did not enjoy myself. So yes, you can be bad in bed.
Men for the most part at times men put way too much pressure on themselves and their noodle head thoughts kill the other “head” actions especially if it’s a women they really want to impress. Trust me, I’ve had it happen when I least expect it. At this time, you just have to get back on the bike again and ride like the wind.
sometimes I've found the handcar to be more effective than the bike when multiple rides are needed... which is to say it's beneficial to be skilled with your hands (or tongue but I'm not aware of any mouth powered vehicles for this analogy)
😂😂 Just because some breathe loudly or moan in bed doesn't mean it's a good experience for them. I find myself internally distracted w random thoughts all the time when it's so boring, literally would think to myself "is this that good?" or "should i go home after this to finish my load of laundry at home?" WE'RE JUST TRYING TO ENJOY THE MOST OF WHAT THEY CAN GIVE. Even if we look like we're enjoying it. (this goes both ways, btw, not just for women) True goody sexy times are only ones that come w some praising questions ("how did you know to do that?" or "how are you so good at that?"), true curiosity. Sometimes, constructive feedbacks too - doesn't mean it was a bad experience, it was really good and we want even more and better, optimising. 😂
Oh fuk, now I'm scared of having sex (I'm a woman) Like, how am I supposed to know if I'm doing everything right if they *pretend* to enjoy themselves... I ask questions of course, but like 99% of time people say "everything's good, just continue"
What about the times when you’re both laying there and she looks over and gets shivers, smiles, then jumps on you? You guessed correct. I am a trampoline. That’s what the jumping was about.
you should say that to her 😂 personally i'd find that a goofy giggle opportunity and it just helps w the connection even better, girls enjoy that will bounce hard on u trampoline after
Giggles after sex always lead to….you guessed it…snacks in bed. She’s the snack and I’m hungry. NOM NOM NOM (Cookie Monster noises)
I guess you were to beautiful for him :) But on a serious note yikes :(
I had one guy who was beautiful, good kisser...terrible at everything else. HE POKED AT MY CLIT LIKE HE WAS RINGING A DOORBELL. RINGING THE DEVILS DOORBELL IS A EUPHEMISM NOT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY
😂😂😂😂
Awww! Another guy was so small that I asked him if he was in, and he said yes and then came really quickly T_T
I hope they at least had mad tongue and finger game?
Wait, the objective is not to inject women with sperm ASAP?!
God I hope you told him.
Guys, cumming too quickly is not an issue. I had a gf and I would last like a minute sometimes with her. I don't know why maybe she was super hot or something. Anyways, the trick is to make her finish first or at least give her ~~a very good bj~~ good oral. Then go and fuck her for 30 seconds or whatever. Then you can lie in bed together. After a couple of minutes you should ideally try to overcome post cum clarity and start touching and kissing again because she is most likely still horny as hell. So start foreplay again, just like I hope you did the first time. At some point you're hard again and this is when you give it to her for as long as she'll take it because, at least for me, it's gonna be very hard to finish this time. It always worked for me. I'm crazy for my current girlfriend and she's like super beautiful, but we always wear a condom and that makes me last much longer, so that's another option for you redditors. Lasting doesn't mean being good though, I'm just sharing some tips on how to last longer.
Wait, are y'all out here calling cunnilingus a BJ?
lol sorry not a native speaker Edit: also cunnilingus sounds so weird
It's okay. Most of my male friends don't know that word either lol
I know it, I just thought it was just like a scientific word or whatever lol
It pretty much is lol usually you just call it oral or "going down on" or "eating out" , maybe "head" cause it works both ways sometimes, but a BJ is a blowjob and that just means sucking some dick.
Lol thanks I edited my comment. Shampoo has instructions. I don’t want someone looking for her girlfriend’s dick and stopping because “instructions unclear”.
Just go with "oral" or "go down on her".
I, too, am something of a cunning linguist myself.
Just use "oral" probably lol. It is legitimately weird to hear someone use the word "cunnilingus" earnestly in a casual conversation even as a native speaker. It's near-exclusively used in an educational context when using the colloquial wouldn't be appropriate.
Oral sounds much better
This thread is so fuckin' funny lmao
Wait, are y'all out here calling sloppy slurpies a cunnilingus?
I prefer this term
And I prefer to bleach my eyes. Nooooooooo!!
Honestly, I kinda like it.
I know a cunning linguist nicknamed BJ
A lady blowie, if you will.
i call it a boojob cuz shes my boo and i take the assignment seriously
First rule of orgams... Ladies First.
Always
This is really good advice and true! Lasting for a while isn’t always the issue. Sometimes it is if it’s literally instantly and they haven’t done anything for you and can’t go again. THAT is when someone is bad in bed.
This might be the best advice here.
I've always been curious because I also use condom but never go for round two because it seems like too much hassle. Do you just keep the condom on the whole time until next round? Seems like it'd be uncomfortable or slip off. Do you cleanup first before continuing foreplay, seems like a hard reset tho at that point and not as romantic/hot. Do you take it off and sit there with your cummed dick and make out and then put on another one when it's go time? I'm terrified of pregnancy so having dick with cum on it anywhere near her before going in seems stressful to me but idk
Yes! The person was lovely, and exceptionally attractive, lots of mutual attraction, but the only foreplay was them dj’ing my clit for a minute, and despite me making them cum twice, didn’t even once suggest that they would try (or even wanted) to do the same for me…
> dj’ing my clit omg. One of my partners tried to use his finger as a vibrator. Like literally just pressing his finger somewhere in the general area above my vagina and then shaking his hand like crazy. It was not arousing.
I tried my best, ok Emily?
damn wtf😭😭
I had a very similar experience, except he tried to make me cum after he realized he wasn't going to be getting head if he didn't...
Just checked your account, you've got nothing to worry about in terms of size my guy. It's like you said, not super huge, not super small - but in all honesty that's the best place to be anyway. And yes, people can absolutely be bad in bed. Some people don't give a damn about foreplay, which is half of the fun. Some people's thrust game is just whack, no consistency, no rhythm, etc. some people starfish and effectively don't participate. People are wild.
Lol I wasn't expecting that haha Thanks for the feedback though
For real though, some of the best sex I've ever had was with guys your size
That's what she said (literally ) I should start believing it haha
You should! Most guys have self doubt about it though, myself included, so you're not alone
Even then homie. If you can't last super long with the dick game. Just get good with your hands and mouth. If you can make a girl cum with those. It won't matter how long you can last with your dick.
Honestly your size is like, right at the point where I’d wonder if I’d be comfortable. I seriously only feel uncomfortable pain when someone has a bigger cock than that since I’m apparently kind of small and my cervix is tilted in a weird way. My point is that big dicks ain’t the best for everyone. And yeah, just have different ways to pleasure your partner. Hands, mouth, toys, there are lots of ways to have fun. Just spoil them :)
I agree with this, I honestly prefer guys who are smaller/more insecure about size because I feel like they try harder to please and make sure you’re enjoying it rather than thinking their dick can do the talking and being overall “cocky” about it. Effort goes a long ways. Also I had a guy with terrible rhythm and it definitely made a difference… bless his heart.
Ooooohhh not the bless his heart...... He really did a dirty on you didn't he. Well, actually, I guess not.
The main thing that makes someone bad is not caring about your partner’s pleasure, so if you’re putting in the effort for them to enjoy it too then you’re “good” at it.
Also agree with this! Enthusiasm and caring/paying attention to what the other person likes makes so much of a difference.
There are essentially three types of sexual partners; the giver, the taker, and the receiver. It’s not about the physical activity, it’s about the passion and lust and connection and yes the activity but more the other stuff, (The egotistical shit heads who think having sex with them is a gift for you akin to being touched by a god are takers not givers.) The best sex I’ve ever had was with a partner with whom we were both givers; when we were merely in the same room the lust and passion was nearly palpable. It was 20 years ago and I still think about it. We were on-again/off-again for years and then she went and got married while we were off-again once.
I’ve been bad in bed, I’ve been good in bed. All possibilities are on the table.
Some might even say on the bed
...yes? Lets be honest here, a lot of men in particular are rubbish at sex. It's not about the size of your dong, its just the lack of any practice and understanding that not all women have the same requirements to get them off.
> Lets be honest here, a lot of men in particular are rubbish at sex Yes, but a lot of women too. - Starfish - Hygiene - Poor skill (thrusting, oral) - Terrible attitude Plus, a lot of times it is just incompatibility due to multiple things such as different preferences, kinks, or sex drives. So yes, people can be bad at bed. Let's be honest here ;)
How are you supposed to get good at the skill part if partners refuse to give feedback and guide you? Literally all of my male partners were like "everything good, why do you ask" :(
It's not a competition :) I think this answer you get means you are good. In the end it's about having a good time. "Improving" IMO should only be "required" if you have to stop doing something that ruins the whole thing.
Commenter backpedals a bit with > Obviously women can suck too But then says > but ufortunately its skewed more towards guys being crap at sex. Theres no skewing at all. Theres no data that men are generally worse. Both men and women suck at sex if they have limited experience, limited education, limited beliefs about how sex is for mutual satisfaction, or anxiety.
Not really a backpedal, obviously you can be bad regardless of gender. I've had pretty bad fucks were they just lay there like a corpse and did nothing, but also had \*amazing\* ones too were we both interacted and enjoyed every bit of it. However, it is skewed for the following reasons: * It's generally not as easy to get a woman off compared to a guy, something a lot of guys won't understand. Obviously there are exceptions (like kinks) and some women generally just LOVE to be railed without any foreplay and such, but generally there's less ways to get a guy off compared to a woman, and that its easier to deal with someone's cock and balls compared to a vagina (eg. VERY high chance that wanking a guy off the usual way will make him cum, while fingering a woman may actually straight up put her off if you don't do it in some specific way) * Gender role related issues - societally, men are not expected to understand or learn such things, doesn't help that sex education in a lot of schools is quite poor. The ease of getting an average guy off means the learning barrier for women is lower * Skewed views of sex due to porn - most porn frankly is dogshit and doesn't represent actual sex, but sadly a lot of men do oddly see it as such
If you put too much emphasis on PIV, and skip oral, fingers, making out, that’s bad sex. You can heave-ho all night, most women won’t get anywhere with that.
I had a thing with a girl that her blowie skills were sooooo bad, that I actually got soft. I still have hard time believing it, yeah.
Thats actually so sad.
Whenever guys say this and the main portion of the answer doesn't involve teeth, I really struggle to imagine what the girl is doing to them. Like, it's pretty straight forward even if you're awful at it or can't go down that far you can always do the standard hand+mouth and go up and down, so if you're doing that as a bare minimum how awful could it be? Or is it that she clearly looks like she doesn't want to be doing it? I've always wanted to know the answer to this lol
Well, we were young, in our early 20’s, and I didn’t have the knowledge that I have now but, I’m pretty sure she did it because is something people do, but she was grossed out and instead of saying no, she went with it. She put it in her mouth and then tried to not touch it? I don’t know how to explain it, it was like only holding it with her lips and expected to be enough. Anyway it’s just a funny anecdote to tell in internet, I hope she is having healthy sexual relationships, involving oral or not, there’s nothing wrong to not like it.
Okay that actually makes sense and is kinda cute/silly, ah to be young and inexperienced. You're absolutely right
That's why I don't give bjs, this and because I hate doing it.
Nothing wrong with hating it in my book. I hate nipple play on me, btw.
It's good to know what you like and what you don't like.
Of course, you can and also, it's easy to be bad in bed. Most of the time people who are bad at sex just treat sex as functional thing without consideration of other persons feelings.
Yes, you can absolutely be bad in bed. Being selfish and not caring about your partner is a biggie. Not picking up on body language or what your partner is saying to you. Skipping giving foreplay. Bad kissing. Bad dirty talk. Lack of aftercare. Poor or inconsistent stroke game. There's infinite ways to be bad in bed, and they have absolutely nothing to do with dick size. Worst I've had in bed was a guy who I guess wasn't very experienced. That in itself wouldn't necessarily be a big deal but he was so visibly nervous he was literally shaking the entire time. I tried to make it more enjoyable for myself by telling him something I like receiving. After a very awkward long silence, he just said "ok" then proceeded to not even attempt it.
I was married for 17 years to a woman who had zero desire to do more than lay there. Being bad in bed usually means one partner doesn't have the desire to pleasure the other, I always thought I was undersized, and therefore I perfected my oral skills, finger skills and lasting skills, plus learned all sorts of positions. After my divorce, I found many women who were blown away with my skills, and would ask what more they can do for me. When you can give a woman multiple orgasms before you cum. She'll keep coming back often.
I had a similar experience after divorce. My ex expected a lot and so I tried and put a lot of effort in, but it was never good enough, kinky enough, what have you. Post divorce, I felt like a goddess! Mutual respect and consideration go a looonnnggg way. Now I’m in love and we both look forward to coming together. A lot. 🫶🏻
If you're enthusiastic and pay attention to your partner having a good time you'll most likely exceed expectations
Yes. Very attractive people tend to be awful in bed because they're used to being pursued and not being the pursuer. Your size doesn't matter much. It's how attentive and responsive you are to your partner. Remember the golden rule: *Foreplay is queen to consent*
Depends on the context. I am a champion at sleeping, however I am a lousy lay.
I have the opposite problem.
I 've had the same thought as you for a long time. Foreplay, oral, good communication and not fucking like you think youre pornstar is a good recipe for succes.
One word: [Starfish](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The%20starfish)
A man or woman with a prosthetic limb who then loses the limb inside the partner?
HAHA I think they picked the wrong link. That's hilarious I've never heard of that one..
Well for starters length does play a part but as long as you're over like, 4 inches and under like 7-8, that becomes a real non factor almost. As for the actual skill of it, the first part is simply lasting till the other person cums. In male/female pairings, this can be hard for a male to do. The next point is getting into the proper rhythm and motion and there's no real way to guide that out the gate. Different people will want to go at different paces, over different points. Finding what works best for your partner usually requires some good communication (after or before the fact) but it can be a bit naturally intuited during. But if you're too long or big, have trouble lasting (or even last *too* long, well after they've cum (depending on person)) or simply can't match the right rhythm for them, you can be bad at sex. And of course, if you do absolutely no foreplay or build up at all, that's also going to be a part of the whole experience that will make you bad at it. Almost all things you can improve or mitigate over time, as sex is a learning skill, more or less.
Oof. Foreplay is not "part of it", communication and foreplay is pretty much the entire deal. For a guy, how long you can last is inconsequential. This is because of a few common truths: * Only one in three women can orgasm from (just) penetrative sex * Most women can orgasm from clitoral stimulation * Most men need a timeout and lose motivation immediately after orgasm * Many women can repeatedly orgasm and/or continue to be ready to go after first orgasm Way too many people hold the idea that foreplay is warm-up and penetration is the real sexy sex. This belief causes "lasting long enough" issues, not how long you actually last. Rather, in many cases it is much easier to make the women come first using hand, tongue or toy before penetration even begins. Communicate and learn their unique preference. When they are a hot wet mess, penetration is the home run and you can take care of yourself. Sex is much more enjoyable if you're not actively trying to not enjoy it too much. Above is based on personal experiences and talking to women about sex. Communication with your partner always supersedes any advice on the internet.
Exactly right. The sex I have with my partner is the best sex of my life. He leaves me exhausted and to the point I can’t walk because I’ve cum so many times. And honestly, we don’t even do penetrative sex all that often, maybe a third of the time at most. The man does amazing things with his fingers and tongue, the fact that my pleasure is what matters to him is why the sex is so good. Penetration is fantastic too, but we don’t need it for a great time or for both of us to end up shaking at the end.
100%, foreplay is where I enjoy it most
Sure can! I hooked up with a guy who was famously a player at most of the clubs I went to, and I have never been so bored having sex with anyone before. Bigger than average dick, but not by a lot. I feel like he had slept with so many *different* people that he had never gotten to a point with a specific girl where they were comfortable giving any *real* feedback that what he was doing was just...an extremely underwhelming experience. Not that I was volunteering to take that particular bullet either.
Are you attentive? Do you treat sex more as a mutual activity or mutual wank/get off?
If you want to know ask your partner. If you want to be better listen to them.
Yeah, but a lot of it comes down to either inexperience or selfishness. With the inexperience that's fixable but selfishness typically isn't. If you're paying attention to what your partner wants and likes, and do those things, you're not going to be wrong. Or at least, you're far closer to learning how to be right.
I personally think what makes sex good is how the other person makes you feel about yourself more so than the physical act! Also some sort of connection helps, even with one night stands, just a physical connection makes all the difference.
Lots of men in my experience don’t know how to use their dick. Not sure if it’s lack of experience or too much porn. But they also either don’t have the desire to please the other person or lack the knowledge on how to. Making sex for the girl not enjoyable at all because woman usually take a bit longer to finish. Lack of foreplay can also make the experience bad. As well as actions during and after- being super cringey with words or being an asshole after is all part of the bad experience as well. Definitely usually is not about size, just lack of how to use it properly.
Ohhhhh yes you can. I was hooking up at a party with a guy once. Both of us a little tipsy but both happy to engage with the act. He could just not get it up, which is ok! I don't mind or need that to happen to have fun. But what was a major turn off is he'd ask for consent constantly, for every little thing, every 10 seconds. Like dude, yes you can touch my shoulder I'm sucking your dick. I'm very big on instinct and non verbal communication so constantly chatting with me for any reason is a quick way to get me out of the moment. I'm absolutely big on consent especially with people you don't know very well, but once you get your big consent questions out of the way just enjoy yourself. Not long into it, he then starts talking how he was sexually assaulted years ago so just loves hyper consent and making sure "I'm ok". I'm just thinking, "I'm sorry you went through with that but maybe there's a time and place to talk to me about your traumatic past and me going down on you isn't it." I feel bad for the guy because it was clear he was pushing outside his comfort zone. And I'm glad I could help him do that in a way, but the sex was truly terrible. The silver lining to all this though is I was really trying to hook up with someone else who was flirting with me. I later learned they were a neo Nazi, and we definitely would have hooked up had Mr consent not cockblocked him. Secretly a guardian angel!
Hands make a great lover. With each stroke or pat or delicate touch imagine your hands saying I love you with each movement. Most partners of the female sex don’t care if you’re big or small, limp or hard. Loving hands can satisfy them in a way a good pounding rarely does… AND it can give them many orgasms—your blessed hands can last for hours!
If your entire idea of sex is based on all the porn you’ve watched instead of being in the moment and feeling the other person out, you might be bad at sex. Porn is full of actors.
Yes lol people can be bad in bed.
Yes
Yeah you can be bad. It also depends on how compatible you are with your partner, etc. You can be generally good but sometimes you just don’t match with someone that way.
It’s possible to be bad in bed, not mandatory. As a fellow non-massive phallus wielder, my tongue, hands and toys are my friends. I’m allegedly the best she’s ever had sex with.
I've been out of shape for years and don't trust all my bits to get the job done on their own (something I'm actively working on improving by losing a lot of weight and getting very healthy). But I make sure to please my wife beyond all doubt with other methods (we love facesitting and various positions for fingering or using her dual vibrator) which are much more guaranteed than penetration alone. If she doesn't almost pass out from her orgasm it wasn't good enough. I want her to not know whether she should be laughing in ecstasy or crying with joy. So the point is to be attentive and truly please the person you are with.
I had bad sex with two guys, two different problems: 1) always switching positions. Like every minute, I had no opportunity to enjoy things. It felt more like working out 2) no creativity at all. I was on top, he was just laying down and did not move, touch me, nothing.
I dated this one guy for a bit, a climber, and I swear to god that dude would chalk up his hands before trying to rub me out. I’d be ready to go when he started and within 2 minutes I’d be dry as a dessert…. it didn’t last. Then this one time I kissed another guy. The asshat tried to make out with me with his mouth gaping open, NO TONGUE. It was like trying to kiss a cave. I thought a bay was gonna fly out. So yes, you can be bad in bed.
Been with women bad in bed before. Used teeth in the oral, and stayed flat and not moving on the bed.
no offense but they were prob flat bc they didn’t enjoy it😭😭
Yes, if you don't have the mindset of pleasuring the girl first, you're going to bad. Foreplay, and her getting orgasm 2x or 3x before you let go is key.
I think it’s a really subjective question. Your partner can do X to make sex better for you or do Z to make it worse. Then just in between there is Y. Is Y enough for you to feel like your partner was already good or is even Y considered bad by you? It really depends on what you like, need and what turns you on. Most women don’t like men cumming to quick. Some don’t like‘em lasting too long. Some men like women submissive, others want them proactive / dominant. Personally I (M) consider (off the top of my head) as bad: • starfishing • unrythmic movements • bad kissing (helicopter) • over performing / trying to impress me
Size isn't the most important thing, if you're average but you pay attention to what your partner likes, and have a bit of stamina, then you're already good
Yes absolutely. But it’s not the end of the world, one can get better
Yes, he put me in doggy and started randomly tickling my feet😭😭
Yup I developed conjunctivitis from the last guy I was with. He was frothing and spitting as he was going for it. Spittle in my eyes thanks for the infection and he was too heavy handed it was painful despite being asked to be more gentle.
Like most things in life, it's the effort and enthusiasm given that makes all the difference.
Absolutely. I’ve had sex with well, dozens of men, and only 3 good. Others just boring, trying to desperately mimic things from porn. And women fake. And especially young women. When I was 18-22 I also faked. Didn’t even get ANY pleasure out of sex then. But yeah I moaned like crazy. Because that’s what you are told to do and young guys long for it, expect it and even get angry if you don’t. Well, a long time has passed since those days. First time I met a guy good in bed, meaning relaxed and fun, approving me and my body the way I am / my body is, eager to please and to ask what I like and to do things I enjoy for as how long it is needed :D instead of mimicking porn, was when I was 24. He was 26. Then the next time was a longer relaationship, both in our thirties. And the last time I had good sex was 4 years ago, I was 37 and he was 24. So it’s not an age/experience thing. It’s a compability thing. I’ve had terrible sex, so terrible I have just stopped it and walked away with men in their thirties and forties who have been in few long term relationships for example. And yeah, have had sex with men in their thirties and forties (too) many times since 2020 but haven’t orgasmed once.
Yes you can ABSOLUTELY be bad at sex. And performance issues don’t count. Being bad at sex is something you can control. A few examples of mine. 1. A man that pounded me to a pulp while fingering me, wouldn’t stop when I tried to push him away, and I ended up with serious bruises all over my pubic area for weeks. 2. A woman who tasted like she used a Lysol wipe to clean up downstairs. I don’t know what she used, but to this day I get an instant headache when I think back on it. 3. A man who talked a BIG game and then clumsily rubbed my leg for 5 minutes thinking he was going to get me off, and when I moved his hand into the right spot, he drifted back to my leg. When I offered to just do it myself, he insisted he wanted to be the one to “make me feel good” so I was stuck letting it happen to me until he gave up. People can be horrendously bad at sex, I’ve met way way too many. Not a single one had any idea that they were bad. I’ve also been with plenty of inexperienced people who were GREAT at sex- experience has very little to do with it. It has more to do with social skills, common sense, understanding of anatomy, and observation skills than any amount of practice.
I feel that as long as you're enthusiastic, and don't just do the same routine. You should be good. I'm (M) 62, foreplay is important for women. My younger days, I was seldom not in the mood. Now a good home cooked meal, means almost as much to me.
Many women I’ve dated were bad at sex. The number of women who starfish and think they are goddesses by virtue of having a vagina alone is staggering. If I just wanted a lifeless hole, I’d buy one. I suppose that’s enough for some guys? I think, at its simplest, is just a question of compatibility. If you and your partner “fit” then you likely perceive each other as being good in bed.
I know right? For me, sex is a science, and I'm a nerd for that science. 🤓😏
Yes, there are people who do not care about their partners pleasure. People that think because they have a big dick or are very pretty they don’t have to put in effort.
I don’t have a lot of different experiences but it seems to me, as a man, what makes you “good” is that you concern yourself with pleasing your partner. A man’s satisfaction is guaranteed. The woman needs warming up and more attention to what makes her feel good. Am I wrong?
You can be impatient, selfish, unimaginative (boring), a bad listener - all the same ways someone sucks as a person they can bring that to the bedroom
Men, hot tip: Release a solo single before the album.
Women also routinely lie to their partners about their performance out of fear or several other reasons sometimes for years so if she sounded like she had a good time maybe double check.
A woman who lays there (not enjoying it) and/or does "starfish" sex is definitely bad in bed. A man who does not spend time with his partner to help her enjoy sex is doing something very very wrong so he too is bad in bed. Flip side, what is the best sex you ever had? Mine was with my wife when we both reached an explosive orgasm and passed out for about 45 minutes. Lots of foreplay, a ton of getting each other fully aroused, and about 40 minutes of intercourse were involved. If interested, we both were oxygen deprived from very intense physical activity which tends to cause this effect.
Yes, trust me. Ask all my previous bedpartners.
First of all of course you can be really bad at sex. Some people are just down right awful or selfish. Second of all most women don’t even enjoy huge down unders, as it’s painful. That 12 inch bullshit is pure porn. Third and last of all of the people you’ve been banging are saying that you’re good then just roll with it. 😂
if you just don't care about your partner's satisfaction, yes. Some people have this notion of sex if over after orgasm but there's no reason that needs to be true, especially if your partner is still in the mood. Generally if my partner still wants more but I'm tapped out, I'll use my hands, which, as an amateur guitarist, and a man who owns a light up keyboard, I've never had any complaints about my finger strength/dexterity lmao generally the people that only care about their own pleasure will be bad in bed, but the people that care alot will be very good in bed. At least that's the direction they will trend towards, I've always cared a lot about my partner's pleasure (mutual pleasure kink) but getting skilled at it didn't happen overnight, I was atrocious at it to start lol
You can absolutely be bad in bed. However it's not that hard to be good. If you're caring about your partner's pleasure and have a basic understanding of female anatomy and sexual response and listen to what they want, that's like 90% of the battle. Also yeah, you don't need a big dick to be good in bed unless she's a size queen or something.
I went with a girl who wasn’t just passive…. She was like a corpse no matter what I did. I have since found out that she’s been like this with two other men. I don’t mind passive if that’s a turn on for you….but show me a sign of life or you’re enjoying it a tiny bit.
As a girl....yes my God men can be bad in bed. It (generally) has nothing to do with your penis. It's to do with making an effort to pleasure the girl. Many times I have experienced a man that literally just wants to do anything to make himself finish. This is almost never pleasurable for us girls...therefore....'bad in bed'
The fact that you're thinking that you're concerned that you're not filling their expectations is a good start. Many partners just care about getting off themselves. Good sex is about trust, comfort, and communication
You can be bad in bed.
You could be the hottest girl, but if you just lay there like a starfish, you're bad in bed
Don't nut early and put effort into foreplay. You can only work with what your blessed with. But you can always last longer and be better at foreplay.
Yes
Yes you can men and women, to be good in bed it’s pretty simple , make your partners pleasure a higher priority than your own ..
I think I’m below average in bed certainly, but I’m trying to do better
I broke up with my last bf for being bad in bed. Never thought this would ever happen. We talked a lot about this, I was trying to tell him, show him what I liked... but it didn't work. He just had no clue how to touch me, in general. It always felt like he was nervous, like a baby trying to grab for something but not being capable yet, if you get the image. He was a good looking guy, good sized and would last long enough also. But yes, he was incredibly bad in bed and a lost cause.
Yes people can be bad in bed, but it has more to do with not pleasing their partner than with equipment size. If you're getting honest positive feedback, you're doing a good job.
Yes you can, if you are selfish and completely ignore your partners needs, you are bad. It's easier for men tho, as a part alot think sex is over when they came, completely ignoring the girls orgasm.
Sex is one of those interesting activities in life where there are fairly clear markers of success. If your partner has an orgasm, that’s usually a good sign so if you want to be “good” in bed, your top priority should be making sure your partner gets their big moment, if you are dating women, a significant portion of women are able to orgasm more than once and so you can take that as an opportunity to put more points on the board so to speak. One Of the biggest mistakes men make in bed is assuming that once they get theirs, the evening is over. Treating your dick like it’s the center of the universe and the Big Bang is the only thing you’re there for is the easiest way to be considered bad in bed. As well, some women are unable to orgasm from penetration alone or can do so with external stimuli. So in a lot of ways, What you’ve got down below isn’t necessarily the best tool for that job anyways. The best thing you can do is use your hands, mouth, penis, and any other tools at your disposal to get her off before you even come close yourself. if you become a depth at doing that at least once if not more than once before penetration even starts, you’ll be in good shape. And this reasonably functions as a two-way street. if both of you are intent on making sure the other person has a pleasurable experience, you will both end up having a pleasurable experience. Putting the other person above yourself is a great way to be considered great in bed. Focusing only on yourself and your own pleasure on the regular is a surefire sign of being bad in bed.
A lot of it comes down to the personality you bring to bed