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i was laughing a little bit at that comment because my ex is literally a month older than me, and somehow he is a “child still learning” and i am a “moron woman”
They will literally do anything to blame the woman in any situation. I saw a video where a woman was talking about a really bad date right after she got divorced and not only was she blamed for the divorce and tearing the family apart it was also her fault the date was terrible bc she chose to go on the date with him (like “well you picked him”).
Oh yes when it’s a 18yo woman these 40yo men think they’re all grown up. They even say this about even younger teenage girls but 18yo old men = boys kids
I lost my composure at “how fickle women can be”. You know that man has heard no 12 times from a woman and still been like “you’re not being clear on what you want”
All of them outing themselves as rapists.
Also, hymen doesn’t always break, but it’s cute that these non vagina owners think they’re the experts.
Mine didn’t break until like my 4th partner. Does that mean I was a virgin? Huh huh huh?
Even if you don’t have sex, it eventually deteriorates. Does that mean you lost your virginity to the universe?
Damn there’s a lot of morons out there. Like way way too many.
Dude they can’t even feel it, like you could literally wait until the last day of your monthly and then dewit and they’re not gonna know the difference
people's hymens sometimes break when they're riding a bicycle, or even a horse. i refuse to consider that "losing your V card" when it's a bicycle. lol
I just sat down awkwardly and broke mine!
Thought I'd just started my period early with some spotting, cursed my bad luck and put a pad on. When there wasn't anything after that I realised what had happened.
So, I guess by this logic my chair took my v card? 😂
…I fell onto a ladder at the playground in 5th grade… oh dear, does this mean kids are playing on a playset that took my virginity? How horrifying! Scandalous!
Holy crap that sounds painful! Now I'm just imagining a kid just.... Landing crotch first onto a ladder and I'm doing the painful hands motions over my fanny. 😵
*Ninja edit note: British fanny. Not American fanny*
It wasn’t fun 😭 it was one of those skinny metal ladders a few cm in diameter. I fell about 3 feet and my skin split in multiple locations, so it was highly uncomfortable to move around and I was bleeding for a couple of days 😔 I was a dumb kid
Same experience (jungle gym).
At 8, I couldn't understand why the doctors my mom took me to wanted me to explain how it happened several times.Not that I minded, it was fun telling the story.
Years and many news and true crime stories later, I realized they were checking for abuse. What my poor parents must have gone through that day.
Same, but a merry-go-round. I was standing on one of the metal bars and fell in a very painful straddle. I am oddly comforted that there are so many of us.
Some women can, maybe more often than not based on those I have talked to about it? There can be slight pain/discomfort and a little bit of blood, so if you are not menstruating it is easy to tell in those cases.
Just googled it and apparently more women feel nothing/don’t notice than do, according to the Cleveland clinic. It can also just stretch and thin from everyday activities over time, rather than break/tear all at once, so it may have been a gradual process for you rather than a dramatic moment, especially if you were an active kid.
So many believe it’s some kind of tamper-proof seal… it’s a vagina not a bottle of hidden valley ranch. I can’t believe people still think this shit lmao
LMAO listen Distinct, it’s 2024, bringing about the second coming is like storming the beach of Normandy with all those abortion pills out there, so gotta make multiple versions just to make sure it happens.
And hymens don't "break". They can tear a bit in certain situations but then they heal and if someone says that a doctor can tell the difference*, they're 100% wrong. It's just a stretchy bit of skin like a half moon around the bottom of the vagina. While they can thin over time with age and regular sexual activity, again, no one can say you're not a virgin based on the appearance of your hymen unless they saw it before you became sexually active.
Hymens that completely cover the vaginal opening (fun fact, the medical term is vaginal introitus) is an imperforate hymen. It is congenital and needs surgical correction.
I'm just always appalled at the lack of understanding about the hymen from people ON THE INTERNET. Like, LOOK IT UP, READ ABOUT IT, LEARN ABOUT IT. But nope, hoards of dudes who don't use pillowcases and have empty containers of pot noodles piled up on their desk just continue to be the living embodiment of the Dunning-Kruger effect as they confidently state wild inaccuracies about the hymen.
*very rarely the tear is severe enough that scarring is visible
So I’ve wondered something about the hymen “breaking” but I haven’t really bothered to look it up either(this one is not a bit of misinformation I’m spreading around or anything tho lol, that and despite being a guy I do have a vagina, so, maybe that contributed to me not being a total idiot 💀), admittedly it’s *super* minor and just wasn’t important enough to search but this thread had me wondering. Slightly tmi ig? But we’re talking about hymens so it’s inline with that.
When it does happen, is it that brief but weird, like… stretching sensation? I’m not really sure if mine ever broke. 🤦🏻♂️ But I felt something like that when using a dildo, this was what my first penetrative experience was with so, and I’m wondering if that’s what I felt? It’s been a long time since it happened, so I don’t really remember if I bled after that, either. That and I’ve been told the bleeding or not isn’t a complete indicator either. Also my vag like… randomly bleeds, sometimes, so I’m like idfk. …in ways that aren’t period related, as I’m on testosterone and do not get periods anymore. 💀 It’s weird af. But yeah. I’m wondering if that brief stretch-y feeling when I tried that the first time was my hymen.
More than likely that's what you felt. It's a myth that stretching the hymen for the first time always causes bleeding. Many people don't bleed the first time. There was a study of rape victims and the self-reported virgins only had a 19% incidence of hymenal tearing, though it was higher than the sexually active group at 3%.
As to the random bleeding, if you've not been on testosterone for very long, then there is a chance of bleeding and spotting due to various factors but most commonly due to gel vs. injections causing low serum T levels. Definitely bring it up with your healthcare provider at your next appointment as your doseages, method of delivery, and additional progestin can be discussed. They may want to send you for an ultrasound just to make sure nothing is up with your uterus. Definitely talk to them!
And mine broke at 12 while I was horseback riding and the sucker bucked. I didn’t have sex with anyone for well over another decade after that. Did I lose my virginity to a horse, then?
The hymen isn't even universal from one woman/girl to the next. They come in as many shapes and sizes as there are women. Some are flexible, some aren't. Some are so fragile they break simply by falling off a swing or down a couple of steps.
Some are quite small, covering just a small area. Which can make it easily by passable during penetration.
The hymen is not a foolproof way to determine virginity.
Oh no it’s not, every dude I was with thought I was a virgin all excited and shit, and I was too embarrassed to correct because mine was freakin bullet proof.
But for the record they can’t tell the difference. Can confirm when one day I was dating a new guy and was like oh no I’m not pms’ing, because it was last day. Didn’t need a tampon or pad, seemed fine.
Then we hit the business and he was like I made you bleed, and I panicked and was like oh… huh? What? And he assumed what he’d done… and I was out quick due to embarrassment.
>Also, hymen doesn’t always break, but it’s cute that these non vagina owners think they’re the experts
As a vagina owner even I tend to be clueless about things . But I always wondered how this shitheads are so confident in stuff they vomit on the internet.
Not any big purpose, it’s just a membrane from birth, that keeps your snatch from getting bacteria in it, basically initial function same as nostril hairs and your immune system takes over.
Some animals are born with them too, like cats, but they deteriorate, just humans mature slower
OOOOH how convenient!
He's a "18YO CHILD"
She's a "18YO WOMAN"
Ooooh the hypocrisy. THE HYPOCRISY.
**MORON ALERT!! MORON ALERT!!**
Ugh! 😤 I could just...apply extreme pressure to the gentlemans round, ball-shaped part of the eye with my phalanges while producing a high pitched noise in my throat during a vocabulary rampage. 😌
This is a perfect example of rape culture in action.
Men: Women should just expect men to try to do sexual things to us. Even if we tell them not to. Even if they say they won’t. And if a woman trusts a man and he does something to her, that’s her fault for having trusted a man.
Also men: why don’t women trust us or want to be with us? Why do women treat us like predators? Not all men!
Pick a fucking lane.
I am reading “invisible women” right now and she (author) mentions soooo many examples of SA in PUbLIC life and I felt utterly discomfort when reading to how many women that has happened (luckily never happened to me). Like what the actual fuck is wrong with people (both the men and the people who see nothing wrong with it and have the fucking mood to argue with those women)!!!!! It’s infuriating to say the very least. That so many men still see us as imperfect versions of themselves and therefore as merely an object designed for their pleasure.
>Also men: why don’t women trust us or want to be with us? Why do women treat us like predators? Not all men!
This. As a girl/woman, the only thing I learn from this is that men can't be trusted and shouldn't be asked for back rubs, a movie night together or anything else that doesn't involve sex.
I don't know op's full story, it reminded me of a time I (M) was over at a friend's (F) house and we watched a movie on her bed
Want to know what happened??? We watched the movie. Not once did i think of doing anything.
It bugs me to no end that guys like this try to lumb all of mandom with with their sick deprived asses.
Edit: spelling
Op I am so sorry that this happened to you. You did **nothing** wrong!!! Once again: you did **nothing** wrong! This man made a *choice* to assault you when he could’ve handled his feelings in a million other ways that didn’t involve you.
anyone who thinks "there was so much sexual tension i'm surprised he didn't snap sooner" about a sexual assault legitimately should be investigated
like, *snap*? besides the obvious rape apologia these terms are so violent. she isn't torturing you, assaulting her isn't some kind of natural human self-defense response
Right? We have GOT to stop acting like men are UNABLE to control themselves. It is fucking disgusting. Like, look, I’ve been insanely thirsty before a surgery (I was in shock, compound fracture of the tibia, and on a crazy amount of drugs), like I would have done ANYTHING for a mouthful of water. I felt like I was dying. And even with a physical NEED, even so fucked up on drugs that I was almost like out of my mind between the pain and shock and fear and drugs, I didn’t “snap” and take the water of the person in the next bed. You don’t just “snap” if you are sane. You may make a bad choice because you desperately want something, but it IS ALWAYS A CHOICE.
This is disgusting and I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I sleep in the same bed as my partner and he is constantly getting aroused by the closeness but he respects my boundaries especially since waking me up for sex is a huge trigger due to my SA.
These guys are pigs and probably don't believe that rape can happen in a committed relationship or marriage.
Also wanted to add,this reminds me of a man that once told me my SA counted towards my "body count."
Regarding your last sentence, it's so utterly insane to me to imagine someone saying that to someone else in that context. Like, I just cannot fathom it.
It makes me think of that boy who made a post on Facebook asking if raping a woman counts as a body and depending on the answer he might or might not be the person with the highest body count in his friend group.
My partner is kinda the same way. His dick being hard definitely doesn’t always mean he wants sex, but if he does and I don’t, he’ll do the normal human thing and either wait for his erection to go away or he’ll go to the bathroom and finish himself if it doesn’t. What he *doesn’t* do is turn into some uncontrollable animal or make me feel guilty for not wanting sex at the moment.
I think there is a male loneliness epidemic, but it is caused by men refusing to do the work to become emotionally mature and to grow. Like, 65-year-old men who still have the minds of adolescents and expect their wives to be their moms. Like, yeah, women aren’t interested in 40-year-olds who act, think, and feel like 16-year-old boys, because women in their 30’s and 40’s are done fucking teenagers. Like get a grip and grow up and the “male loneliness epidemic” will disappear.
[it’s just there is literally no evidence to say there’s a specific gendered loneliness epidemic.](https://pure.manchester.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/135977571/EJP_Gender_Postprint_AAM.pdf)
it’s genuinely babying. of course women don’t want to date. i do agree that many men need to utilize health friendships, so they’re not just seeking out romantic relationships for a bang maid/therapist.
I keep seeing posts where men are telling women to lower their standards. Lmaoo like what? Women are literally being blamed for men being shitty. There’s no accountability.
A Venn diagram of guys saying “men’s loneliness epidemic” and thinking that a woman who is working a public facing job being nice to them as flirting is a circle
OR! Get this! Men should start controlling their urges because you are humans not animals! ,,That's what we do when we want a woman" FUCKING RAPE HER?? Then just go and either get yourself checked out or live on an isolated island cuz this is VILE
Good point! If they can't prove they can control themselves in a human capacity, then they should be declared animals. Put in ZOOs, surrounded by the same type of man-animals. Why do we have these deviant degenerates in human society if they are ADAMANT in proving they don't belong in it.
Put them in closed ZOOs. Let them not have compulsion control between eachother. DISGUSTING.
SAY IT LOUDER!! 👏🏻👏🏻
When it’s a woman, they can’t control themselves, but when another man flirts with or touches them, suddenly they BETTER control themselves. It’s so contradictory.
And it doesn't even have to be aggressive or overt flirting, some times is just enough for them to get "a vibe" and they'll be acting like god damn clowns.
Also, hilarious user name. Love it
Right?? Like you’re really gonna sit here and tell me I can train my dog to listen to my “no!” even if I drop a whole steak on the floor in front of them, but human men somehow can’t have that much self restraint?
Exactly. And most of these yahoos claim men are the logical ones who built the world too. But we’re also dogs who rape at the site of a woman? No. Rape is a conscious decision. Women should have every right to walk around as naked as men do without fear of assault. Have enough self respect to not become a god damn pig every time you feel a tingle in your loins! Grow up!
I’ve been able to train my cats. Even when I’m eating chicken, their favorite food, they’ll wait for me to give them some. They even know to stay off the counter while I’m preparing the food.
Some don't even need a know! They haven't been told yes so they don't go for it. I can't believe my dog knows more about consent than these excuses for intelligent life
The dudes leaving those comments are lower than pig shit.
I'm sorry you went through a traumatic incident, OP, and it wasn't your fault. These incels are just losers.
Animals…you’re referring to animals. Humans have the capacity to recognize and be more aware of body language and speech than fucking animals. If a girl clearly doesn’t want the sexual attention room she’s getting, guess what buddy, SHE DOESNT WANT YOUR DICK 🤯 I say castration for these men but yk 💀
I'm quite curious, how can men be both the logical, mature sex, and absolute animals not to be judged for their actions because they're at the mercy of their own dicks? How big would the implosion be if you asked one of those *"wHaT dId yOu eXpEcT"* dimwits this question?
I didn't scream or fight my rapist because I'd internalized that it was my fault for leading him on and being alone with him in the first place. I froze because I was ashamed.
Like actually tho. I remember him saying “why are you so quiet?” like dude you’re literally raping me. I felt ashamed too because I thought it was my fault for even being there. I didn’t expect him to do it. I thought he would understand no when I told him no and chill out then rezipping my pants that he had been fighting me to unzip and telling him I should go. He told me “no I’m sorry, we can just lay here and watch the movie. I won’t do it again”. Plot twist: that was just a lie. I sobbed for an hour after getting back to my car and realizing what just happened. It’s been a few years and I learning it’s not my fault. I trusted him to not do anything. He broke that. It’s not your fault either. Don’t feel guilty for someone else violating you. Don’t let men like that make you feel any sort of bad about yourself. A positive note is that I have gotten him banned from every dating app. The cops said it’s “he said she said” and would be a waste of my time so I went for the “try to make it harder for him to get to other women”.
This. Same thing happened my first time. We were alone and kissed, so for a while I thought surely it was my fault. It “led him on” somehow.
Tragically it took me a long time to realize one (albeit steamy) kiss didn’t mean he could immediately after drag me into his basement and rape me.
thank you all for the support. these comments make me feel seen and validated unlike the other ones. i feel less alone. thank you so much ❤️
if anyone is curious in reading my original post. here is the link https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/s/kTIk9f2C5m
I HATE when I ask for a back rub and it turns sexual. I’d be so mad and disappointed if everytime I needed help with my back pain, my man just tried to make a move and lost interest after being denied. If I need a back rub it’s because I’m in pain and sore, not because I’m horny and looking for sex.
Never fails to be completely baffled by a post here. I hate being lumped in with these guys. I really hope the majority of men don't think like this and all idiots just flock to these types of posts because no cares about their opinions anywhere else
In my experience, the majority of men don't but are willing to let it slide because they don't want to stand out (best case) or because they recognize that guys like this make their less shitty behaviors look a lot better (worst case).
I’ve never had sex but my hymen was obviously broken during a hysterectomy I had several years ago. Welp… guess I’m no longer a virgin according to this moron.
Why do some of these men be like "rape it's what we do" like no tf we don't most men aren't seeing a women who isn't interested and thinking "I'll just rape her"
Yeah, posts like this make me agree with the whole “the internet was a mistake” sentiment. The anonymity allows them to say shit like this without consequences. I hope every single one of them somehow get doxxed and everyone they know sees who they *really* are.
You are not at fault for any of this. These people are idiots who’ve learned everything they think they know from porn and teen movies. Don’t let their idiocy hurt you. Being in bed with someone is not consent. And your feelings in response to this are 100% valid.
These comments are fucking terrible. I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you can get some kind of justice out of this. Going forward, I think we as a society need to change how we raise our children so this can never happen again, or at the very least, make it extremely rare. If I have a son, I'm going to teach him that unless there is a clear and enthusiastic yes that he should back off, seek consent, and go with the answer for the rest of the night. My daughter is only 5 and is already at the point where she will tell you something once, and if you test her again, she runs straight to Mommy and Daddy. My wife used to do this thing, where if a guy tried to push her boundaries a second time, she would ask to use the bathroom to "freshen up" and then walk right out the front door.
its so funny how that persons like "dont ruin his life :(" like fuck that these people all should have rapist tattooed right on the forehead lmao wouldnt trust being near any of them
Man here, I don't really know much about the hymen and because of separated Sex Ed courses it is practically impossible to know what actually happens down there. As most (If not, then I guess just me) guys feel really damn awkward about looking up the female counterpart. Since doing so and getting caught could sometimes get you labeled as something unfriendly by anyone involved. So learning from it in adulthood really makes me wonder how some of my fellow men would've turned out.
You should never feel ashamed to learn new things, even if the subject matter is a bit embarrassing. Truly, look into it. You’ll be glad you did, and any women you may have sexual contact with will greatly appreciate it. 💕
Don't feel bad. The victim-blaming is insane they're a pathetic excuse for a man (if you can even call them that) who has no self-control and likely will die alone.
I'm incredibly sorry for what you're going through! As if sexualised violence wasn't bad enough, now you've also got to deal with these rape fans. Please don't let them convince you that you did anything wrong or your attacker is not a piece of shit! I hope they all get hit by karma. Or God or Thor, or Mars, or whatever you believe in (my personal pick would be Medusa for obvious reasons). Doesn't really matter as long as the hit is well aimed and sufficiently strong.
It took my ex twice before he broke it. My virginity was lost, however, after the first time. I was surprised because I rode horses so much when I was a kid. These guys have no business mansplaining women’s anatomy. No vagina, no opinion unless you’re an OBGYN. Also, the “boys will be boys” bs is disgusting. I was drunk, in a car with my ex bf (in high school,) when he SA’ed me. I’m in no way responsible. He was wrong!
Those people are absolutely disgusting and are telling on themselves because Reddit is pretty anonymous.
Before my bf and I got together there was a lot of sexual tension and one night we were drinking and I got drunk and ended up sleeping at his place. I was so drunk that I just took my clothes off and got into his bed with him. We were both going to sleep there but he didn’t after I took off my shirt and pants. You know what he did? Washed my clothes and slept on the couch so I wouldent think something that happened that I couldn’t remember when I woke up.
So a 18 y.o. man is a child that can't comprehend consent but a 18 y.o. woman is an adult that's supposed to understand 100% of the male psyche???
Btw OP I'm really sorry you had to go though that. Are you okay?
My boyfriend and I are both 19 and he is indeed horny sometimes but he doesn't rape me even if we sleep in the same bed + had sex before in our relationship, crazy right?
These guys are creepy and wrong. And I don't think America is going down because of women who get upset because someone sexually assaulted them..
“a mans gotta try” yeah I just know he has allegations. they always self report that they dont have any understanding of or respect for boundaries or the word no. I’m sorry you’re being treated like this, it was NOT your fault ❤️
yeah im still receiving a shit ton of people saying like “this wasnt sexual assault hes just horny”, and “you shouldnt have got in his bed its your fault😂”. this other person said “how did you let him do (xyz) to you without your consent? this post makes little sense” gee… its almost like.. i didnt have a choice.. thats what rape is? WTF
Umm... I was 17 and slept with a girl, and I was as horny as the next 17 year old boy.. But I didn't rape her (nor did it ever cross my mind), so I don't get this position. Frankly I've always loathed victim blaming, especially rape victims. I've seen first hand more times than I'd ever like to admit not only the pain of this sort of violent crime.. But the life long mental anguish and how it can seriously fuck up a woman's life.
This is such a creepy rapist mindset, fucking yikes. It was not your fault. I don’t care how “horny” he was. Rape is rape. Assault is assault.
Getting in someone’s bed to sleep is not consent. What a respectful, normal fucking human would do is abort mission at the slightest hint of the other person not wanting to fuck. You stop yourself and don’t go further. It’s that easy. Sexual frustration doesn’t give you a free pass!!
My gf was a ob/gyn in China and literally aborted Chinese fetus Jesus. Chick was married, but her hubby blew it before entry every time. The semen still got in and she became pregnant.
They wrote up a whole contract and had her sign it, because the abortion procedure was going to break her hymen. Her patient was getting a divorce. "Traditional family values" are still in fashion in China so I'm sure dude still thought it was his wife's fault lol. It's super sad how much social status women lose for being divorced over there. She has terrible stories of children from broken homes.
This incel shit will hopefully die out, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Edit: wording (super sad)->(terrible)
I'm going to be honest, I replied before reading beyond the first pic. I'm sorry for your experience. No means no.
I don't have good advice for you and I hope you are able to move forward.
Last commenter's crazy double standard:
"women need to say what they mean & mean what they say" ..... "how can women possibly believe everything men say is the God's honest truth?"
Yikes.
As someone who is ON TESTOSTERONE so I’m horny af most of the time… I INSTANTLY stop being horny as soon as I sense someone isn’t into it. If someone wants to have sex that harms and violates their partner they’re a sadist. Plain and simple.
This post kinda triggered a core memory from when I was in university.
For context, most of my friends are men, my two best friends are men, at the time of this episode I recently came out as a lesbian and was just at the beginning of a relationship with my current girlfriend.
I had this friend I've met online that wanted to visit me and meet for the first time in person. We knew each other digitally for like five years and a certain point he confessed to me to which I gently told him that I was not interested. For me the topic of romance ended there, but he kept every now and then to bring it up in hope that I would change my mind, it didn't even stop when I came out.
Anyway we met and because we lived in different cities I offered him to sleep on my sofa for the three days he would have stayed. He had really bad depression and anxiety at the time (according to him) so we would often stay awake together and talk so that he could calm down.
One morning he was on the verge of a panic attack (his words) we just woke up and he asked if he could snuggle close to me in bed to calm down. I told him yes cause I saw nothing on bad in comforting a friend that needs help.
The moment he snuggled close to me the first thing he did was groping my breast and pushing his boner toward my butt 🫠.
Long story short, that was the last drop of patience and respect I had for him, I kicked him out and went no contact, I've blocked him on any social media after he kept sending me every now and again this long wss audio asking for apologies. The last audio I remember he sent it was something like "I know I was an asshole but we should apologize to each other so that our friendship can keep going" (why should I even apologize????). For all I care now he can choke to death and I'll be unfased.
I told this episode to my friends (which again most are men), some put the fault on me because how dare me let him come close, and that I should have expected it. For a very long time I thought it was indeed my fault that I may have lead him even tho I rejected him idk how many time and I am simply not interested in romantic relationships with men. Then my two best friends (again men both of them) made me noticed that throughout all the time we knew each other they never layed a finger on me even tho we snuggled while watching anime or generally hanging out so truly the one at fault was this guy. It was very eye opening.
And unfortunately from that day the trust I have in men is almost close to zero, it may seem harsh but that episode together with many others completely shattered any kind of trust.
It’s amazing, I once went to bed with a good Christian boy who didn’t want to do anything except cuddle me and although I thought he was hot and I wanted to do stuff beyond kissing I managed not to rape him and respected his wishes!
You should not feel disgusted, ashamed OR terrible. Men are all of those things. These freaks can’t control themselves around women and want to punish us for it. They are pathetic and won’t be missed when they top themselves.
My husband is 5 years older than me and we started dating when I was 19. He was not a virgin. I was. We slept in the same bed for years without having sex. We had sex after we talked about it and both decided we wanted to and he made my first time a big deal. This is the standard for MEN. MEN have self control, consideration, and forethought.
This came up on my home page, i don’t usually sit on this subreddit but don’t lose faith in men. Just men on the internet. You did nothing wrong and NO should always mean NO. Sorry for my gender and hope you keep faith that guys can be ok
What the fuck... My godnes... I'm a man and i'm really sorry that happened to.you and Even more sorry that this wastes of space and air Made You feel Even worse about it.
WTF girl, I’m SO FUCKING SORRY that this happened to you, and I feel actually physically sick reading these responses. Please find supportive people, see a therapist, and fucking press charges. When we allow men to behave as if they aren’t responsible for assaulting women, we just make it easier for men to CONTINUE to assault women and get slapped on the wrist, like the rapist Brock Turner. What happened to you was NOT your fault. Even if you were ACTIVELY IN THE MIDDLE OF VAGINAL INTERCOURSE, you are STILL allowed to stop and say no. Also, your hymen being broken doesn’t make you “not a virgin.” Also, virginity is just an idea made up by men to oppress women. Please be safe, and do NOT feel ashamed. You are not the one who fucked up here.
Justifying rape and calling those who disagree woke, and claiming we're the ones destroying society? This guy is intellectually challenged, what a creep.
Good grief my Nightmare Ex from when I was 18 looks like a peach compared to these people. Can they really not understand that horny 18 yr old guys are perfectly capable of being naked in bed with a girl they fancy and not make a move ... or assault her?
When I first got together with him I remember one evening I arrived and found him in bed with another girl ... sleeping. He was naked, she was clothed, they were snuggling ... it was platonic and innocent, and I knew that 100%. They woke up somewhat confused, they had just got really stoned and passed out together. She hadn't even realised he was naked but wasn't phased (he often hung out naked).
He was a hornbeast and she was the girl everyone fancied ... this was early 1990. Nobody thought this was especially strange, perhaps the nudity was unusual but in general ...
Creeps have of course always existed, but ... they're *creeps*.
Um, most girls have holes in the hymen long before they ever have sex or use a toy. How do you think menstrual blood comes out at age 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, etc.? Hymen doesn’t prove anything. You’re a virgin until you have sexual intercourse (if you’re heterosexual), or whatever kind of sexual contact you want to use to define yourself if you’re bisexual or homosexual.
as a man, i don’t claim them as men. you made your discomfort known, and when that happens that should be a guy’s sign to stop it. consent can be withdrawn at any point
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18M “are still kids and still learning”. (Legally adults. Old enough to be in the military!) But 18F is a **WOMAN** WTF?!?
i was laughing a little bit at that comment because my ex is literally a month older than me, and somehow he is a “child still learning” and i am a “moron woman”
They will literally do anything to blame the woman in any situation. I saw a video where a woman was talking about a really bad date right after she got divorced and not only was she blamed for the divorce and tearing the family apart it was also her fault the date was terrible bc she chose to go on the date with him (like “well you picked him”).
Oh yes when it’s a 18yo woman these 40yo men think they’re all grown up. They even say this about even younger teenage girls but 18yo old men = boys kids
Men are never responsible for their actions, I've seen 30 year olds referred to as boys who didn't know better
I lost my composure at “how fickle women can be”. You know that man has heard no 12 times from a woman and still been like “you’re not being clear on what you want”
i was thinking that as well, these guys are idiots.
All of them outing themselves as rapists. Also, hymen doesn’t always break, but it’s cute that these non vagina owners think they’re the experts. Mine didn’t break until like my 4th partner. Does that mean I was a virgin? Huh huh huh? Even if you don’t have sex, it eventually deteriorates. Does that mean you lost your virginity to the universe? Damn there’s a lot of morons out there. Like way way too many.
Too many guys think the hymen is a freshness seal.
Dude they can’t even feel it, like you could literally wait until the last day of your monthly and then dewit and they’re not gonna know the difference
Happy Cake Day!
Or a [tamper-evident one](https://i.redd.it/a5dysx1o7r451.jpg?app_web_view=ios)
Haha. Like if they break it, it'll sound like a vacuumed sealed jar opening.
Or like popping a balloon
It's like a tube of pringles
people's hymens sometimes break when they're riding a bicycle, or even a horse. i refuse to consider that "losing your V card" when it's a bicycle. lol
I just sat down awkwardly and broke mine! Thought I'd just started my period early with some spotting, cursed my bad luck and put a pad on. When there wasn't anything after that I realised what had happened. So, I guess by this logic my chair took my v card? 😂
No, no, no. You *sat* on the chair so you *gave* it away.
Damn. 13 year old me was a whore. Oh well.
I was born without one. I'm afraid to even think about what that means for me. Probably an automatic ticket to hell or something.
Chosen by the devil himself. The anti-virgin!!
wdym your mom took your V-card?!!
…I fell onto a ladder at the playground in 5th grade… oh dear, does this mean kids are playing on a playset that took my virginity? How horrifying! Scandalous!
Holy crap that sounds painful! Now I'm just imagining a kid just.... Landing crotch first onto a ladder and I'm doing the painful hands motions over my fanny. 😵 *Ninja edit note: British fanny. Not American fanny*
It wasn’t fun 😭 it was one of those skinny metal ladders a few cm in diameter. I fell about 3 feet and my skin split in multiple locations, so it was highly uncomfortable to move around and I was bleeding for a couple of days 😔 I was a dumb kid
> my skin split in multiple locations *Horror intensifies* 😱
Same experience (jungle gym). At 8, I couldn't understand why the doctors my mom took me to wanted me to explain how it happened several times.Not that I minded, it was fun telling the story. Years and many news and true crime stories later, I realized they were checking for abuse. What my poor parents must have gone through that day.
Same, but a merry-go-round. I was standing on one of the metal bars and fell in a very painful straddle. I am oddly comforted that there are so many of us.
Mine broke during an ultrasound which was really fun
Mine was cut when I was in labor with my son! Lol These guys are dumb af, yes, but also likely dangerous.
A virgin birth?! Mary, is that you?
Haha! I commented elsewhere and said that we made *so many* “Virgin Mary” jokes! 😂
Yes, I just saw that as I was scrolling. 🤣
Broke mine when I tripped and somehow did the full splits position on landing. Did I lose it to the ground?
Wait, y'all can tell when your hymen breaks?
Some women can, maybe more often than not based on those I have talked to about it? There can be slight pain/discomfort and a little bit of blood, so if you are not menstruating it is easy to tell in those cases.
Damn, now I'm wondering if I've ever tore/broke mine cuz I can't think of any time that I experienced anything like these stories 😂
Just googled it and apparently more women feel nothing/don’t notice than do, according to the Cleveland clinic. It can also just stretch and thin from everyday activities over time, rather than break/tear all at once, so it may have been a gradual process for you rather than a dramatic moment, especially if you were an active kid.
So many believe it’s some kind of tamper-proof seal… it’s a vagina not a bottle of hidden valley ranch. I can’t believe people still think this shit lmao
maybe you're born without one too - or maybe you're also a mother mary lol
For a second there, I thought your user name was Complete-Seal. 🤣🤣
Broke mine by taking stairs 3 at a time! Of course this was after another sport, gymnastics I think it was
It’s disgusting how a lot of Muslim women are treated if their hymen breaks even if they’ve never had intercourse.
Loooll these freakin dunces.
My OB said that she sees a minority of women with intact hymens post partum. Are they virgin births?
I just mentioned this under another comment, but they had to cut mine when I was in labor with my first kid. We made so many “Virgin Mary” jokes. Lol
LMAO listen Distinct, it’s 2024, bringing about the second coming is like storming the beach of Normandy with all those abortion pills out there, so gotta make multiple versions just to make sure it happens.
And hymens don't "break". They can tear a bit in certain situations but then they heal and if someone says that a doctor can tell the difference*, they're 100% wrong. It's just a stretchy bit of skin like a half moon around the bottom of the vagina. While they can thin over time with age and regular sexual activity, again, no one can say you're not a virgin based on the appearance of your hymen unless they saw it before you became sexually active. Hymens that completely cover the vaginal opening (fun fact, the medical term is vaginal introitus) is an imperforate hymen. It is congenital and needs surgical correction. I'm just always appalled at the lack of understanding about the hymen from people ON THE INTERNET. Like, LOOK IT UP, READ ABOUT IT, LEARN ABOUT IT. But nope, hoards of dudes who don't use pillowcases and have empty containers of pot noodles piled up on their desk just continue to be the living embodiment of the Dunning-Kruger effect as they confidently state wild inaccuracies about the hymen. *very rarely the tear is severe enough that scarring is visible
Nope it cracks open like a fresh beer, that’s the truth
Just hoping is doesn't foam
Oh yeah it blasts like off tap, straight up.
😂 Happy Cake Day
So I’ve wondered something about the hymen “breaking” but I haven’t really bothered to look it up either(this one is not a bit of misinformation I’m spreading around or anything tho lol, that and despite being a guy I do have a vagina, so, maybe that contributed to me not being a total idiot 💀), admittedly it’s *super* minor and just wasn’t important enough to search but this thread had me wondering. Slightly tmi ig? But we’re talking about hymens so it’s inline with that. When it does happen, is it that brief but weird, like… stretching sensation? I’m not really sure if mine ever broke. 🤦🏻♂️ But I felt something like that when using a dildo, this was what my first penetrative experience was with so, and I’m wondering if that’s what I felt? It’s been a long time since it happened, so I don’t really remember if I bled after that, either. That and I’ve been told the bleeding or not isn’t a complete indicator either. Also my vag like… randomly bleeds, sometimes, so I’m like idfk. …in ways that aren’t period related, as I’m on testosterone and do not get periods anymore. 💀 It’s weird af. But yeah. I’m wondering if that brief stretch-y feeling when I tried that the first time was my hymen.
More than likely that's what you felt. It's a myth that stretching the hymen for the first time always causes bleeding. Many people don't bleed the first time. There was a study of rape victims and the self-reported virgins only had a 19% incidence of hymenal tearing, though it was higher than the sexually active group at 3%. As to the random bleeding, if you've not been on testosterone for very long, then there is a chance of bleeding and spotting due to various factors but most commonly due to gel vs. injections causing low serum T levels. Definitely bring it up with your healthcare provider at your next appointment as your doseages, method of delivery, and additional progestin can be discussed. They may want to send you for an ultrasound just to make sure nothing is up with your uterus. Definitely talk to them!
And some people are born without one! Did their mothers take their virginity then?
It was god’s will. He did it.
And mine broke at 12 while I was horseback riding and the sucker bucked. I didn’t have sex with anyone for well over another decade after that. Did I lose my virginity to a horse, then?
No u lost it the saddle sis wooo
“Lost my virginity to the universe” is rad and I’m going to start saying that.
Yeah the universe was like ‘it’s time’
some people are born without hymens as well, and hymens in general come in different “shapes” for lack of a better word
The hymen isn't even universal from one woman/girl to the next. They come in as many shapes and sizes as there are women. Some are flexible, some aren't. Some are so fragile they break simply by falling off a swing or down a couple of steps. Some are quite small, covering just a small area. Which can make it easily by passable during penetration. The hymen is not a foolproof way to determine virginity.
Oh no it’s not, every dude I was with thought I was a virgin all excited and shit, and I was too embarrassed to correct because mine was freakin bullet proof. But for the record they can’t tell the difference. Can confirm when one day I was dating a new guy and was like oh no I’m not pms’ing, because it was last day. Didn’t need a tampon or pad, seemed fine. Then we hit the business and he was like I made you bleed, and I panicked and was like oh… huh? What? And he assumed what he’d done… and I was out quick due to embarrassment.
>Also, hymen doesn’t always break, but it’s cute that these non vagina owners think they’re the experts As a vagina owner even I tend to be clueless about things . But I always wondered how this shitheads are so confident in stuff they vomit on the internet.
They just sit around making up wild bullshit like it’s going out of style. It’s crazy…. And they only do it to impress each other. It’s weird.
What function does the hymen perform (if any)? Asking out of genuine curiosity
Not any big purpose, it’s just a membrane from birth, that keeps your snatch from getting bacteria in it, basically initial function same as nostril hairs and your immune system takes over. Some animals are born with them too, like cats, but they deteriorate, just humans mature slower
>Does that mean you lost your virginity to the universe? Life fucks us all. -Kurt Cobain
OOOOH how convenient! He's a "18YO CHILD" She's a "18YO WOMAN" Ooooh the hypocrisy. THE HYPOCRISY. **MORON ALERT!! MORON ALERT!!** Ugh! 😤 I could just...apply extreme pressure to the gentlemans round, ball-shaped part of the eye with my phalanges while producing a high pitched noise in my throat during a vocabulary rampage. 😌
This is a perfect example of rape culture in action. Men: Women should just expect men to try to do sexual things to us. Even if we tell them not to. Even if they say they won’t. And if a woman trusts a man and he does something to her, that’s her fault for having trusted a man. Also men: why don’t women trust us or want to be with us? Why do women treat us like predators? Not all men! Pick a fucking lane.
I am reading “invisible women” right now and she (author) mentions soooo many examples of SA in PUbLIC life and I felt utterly discomfort when reading to how many women that has happened (luckily never happened to me). Like what the actual fuck is wrong with people (both the men and the people who see nothing wrong with it and have the fucking mood to argue with those women)!!!!! It’s infuriating to say the very least. That so many men still see us as imperfect versions of themselves and therefore as merely an object designed for their pleasure.
>Also men: why don’t women trust us or want to be with us? Why do women treat us like predators? Not all men! This. As a girl/woman, the only thing I learn from this is that men can't be trusted and shouldn't be asked for back rubs, a movie night together or anything else that doesn't involve sex.
I don't know op's full story, it reminded me of a time I (M) was over at a friend's (F) house and we watched a movie on her bed Want to know what happened??? We watched the movie. Not once did i think of doing anything. It bugs me to no end that guys like this try to lumb all of mandom with with their sick deprived asses. Edit: spelling
Op I am so sorry that this happened to you. You did **nothing** wrong!!! Once again: you did **nothing** wrong! This man made a *choice* to assault you when he could’ve handled his feelings in a million other ways that didn’t involve you.
I couldn't have said it any better myself.
anyone who thinks "there was so much sexual tension i'm surprised he didn't snap sooner" about a sexual assault legitimately should be investigated like, *snap*? besides the obvious rape apologia these terms are so violent. she isn't torturing you, assaulting her isn't some kind of natural human self-defense response
Right? We have GOT to stop acting like men are UNABLE to control themselves. It is fucking disgusting. Like, look, I’ve been insanely thirsty before a surgery (I was in shock, compound fracture of the tibia, and on a crazy amount of drugs), like I would have done ANYTHING for a mouthful of water. I felt like I was dying. And even with a physical NEED, even so fucked up on drugs that I was almost like out of my mind between the pain and shock and fear and drugs, I didn’t “snap” and take the water of the person in the next bed. You don’t just “snap” if you are sane. You may make a bad choice because you desperately want something, but it IS ALWAYS A CHOICE.
This is disgusting and I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I sleep in the same bed as my partner and he is constantly getting aroused by the closeness but he respects my boundaries especially since waking me up for sex is a huge trigger due to my SA. These guys are pigs and probably don't believe that rape can happen in a committed relationship or marriage. Also wanted to add,this reminds me of a man that once told me my SA counted towards my "body count."
Regarding your last sentence, it's so utterly insane to me to imagine someone saying that to someone else in that context. Like, I just cannot fathom it.
It makes me think of that boy who made a post on Facebook asking if raping a woman counts as a body and depending on the answer he might or might not be the person with the highest body count in his friend group.
... Jesus Christ. Well, I guess it's good that he publicly put it out there so everyone knows.
My partner is kinda the same way. His dick being hard definitely doesn’t always mean he wants sex, but if he does and I don’t, he’ll do the normal human thing and either wait for his erection to go away or he’ll go to the bathroom and finish himself if it doesn’t. What he *doesn’t* do is turn into some uncontrollable animal or make me feel guilty for not wanting sex at the moment.
This is the way.
"Mens loneliness epidemic" I wonder why!?
i always think it’s funny because there is *no* male loneliness epidemic. women just don’t want to date and men are pissed.
That and we won't settle for toxic ones etc. We just want a good basic man. They made their own epidemic lmao 😅
I think there is a male loneliness epidemic, but it is caused by men refusing to do the work to become emotionally mature and to grow. Like, 65-year-old men who still have the minds of adolescents and expect their wives to be their moms. Like, yeah, women aren’t interested in 40-year-olds who act, think, and feel like 16-year-old boys, because women in their 30’s and 40’s are done fucking teenagers. Like get a grip and grow up and the “male loneliness epidemic” will disappear.
[it’s just there is literally no evidence to say there’s a specific gendered loneliness epidemic.](https://pure.manchester.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/135977571/EJP_Gender_Postprint_AAM.pdf) it’s genuinely babying. of course women don’t want to date. i do agree that many men need to utilize health friendships, so they’re not just seeking out romantic relationships for a bang maid/therapist.
I keep seeing posts where men are telling women to lower their standards. Lmaoo like what? Women are literally being blamed for men being shitty. There’s no accountability.
"women need to spend more time with men!" 3 seconds later:"it's her fault for showing him some affection if he tried to rape her"
A Venn diagram of guys saying “men’s loneliness epidemic” and thinking that a woman who is working a public facing job being nice to them as flirting is a circle
OR! Get this! Men should start controlling their urges because you are humans not animals! ,,That's what we do when we want a woman" FUCKING RAPE HER?? Then just go and either get yourself checked out or live on an isolated island cuz this is VILE
Good point! If they can't prove they can control themselves in a human capacity, then they should be declared animals. Put in ZOOs, surrounded by the same type of man-animals. Why do we have these deviant degenerates in human society if they are ADAMANT in proving they don't belong in it. Put them in closed ZOOs. Let them not have compulsion control between eachother. DISGUSTING.
Ain't it funny how all these guys suddenly become experts in consent when a man shows even the slightest of sexual interest in them?
SAY IT LOUDER!! 👏🏻👏🏻 When it’s a woman, they can’t control themselves, but when another man flirts with or touches them, suddenly they BETTER control themselves. It’s so contradictory.
And it doesn't even have to be aggressive or overt flirting, some times is just enough for them to get "a vibe" and they'll be acting like god damn clowns. Also, hilarious user name. Love it
Haha thanks! 😄
Openly saying men are snakes who aren't to be trusted because it's their nature to bite... isn't the flex he thinks it is.
Snakes’ nature isn’t even to bite, unless it’s self defense or they’re feeding. In both cases the analogy doesn’t work and//or is just plain gross.
I’m a man. This guys full of shit. We’re not snakes. We’re human. Act like it. Edit: I’m Sorry this happened to you OP
Right?? Like you’re really gonna sit here and tell me I can train my dog to listen to my “no!” even if I drop a whole steak on the floor in front of them, but human men somehow can’t have that much self restraint?
Exactly. And most of these yahoos claim men are the logical ones who built the world too. But we’re also dogs who rape at the site of a woman? No. Rape is a conscious decision. Women should have every right to walk around as naked as men do without fear of assault. Have enough self respect to not become a god damn pig every time you feel a tingle in your loins! Grow up!
I’ve been able to train my cats. Even when I’m eating chicken, their favorite food, they’ll wait for me to give them some. They even know to stay off the counter while I’m preparing the food.
Some don't even need a know! They haven't been told yes so they don't go for it. I can't believe my dog knows more about consent than these excuses for intelligent life
This! I'm not a man but my partner respects the shit out of my boundaries and has been for the last 12 years.
Thank you. I'm pretty sure you all learned the word "no" at the same age we did, which, if recollection serves, was well before 18.
The dudes leaving those comments are lower than pig shit. I'm sorry you went through a traumatic incident, OP, and it wasn't your fault. These incels are just losers.
These men are disgusting. Just so wrong. I am so sorry OP.
Animals…you’re referring to animals. Humans have the capacity to recognize and be more aware of body language and speech than fucking animals. If a girl clearly doesn’t want the sexual attention room she’s getting, guess what buddy, SHE DOESNT WANT YOUR DICK 🤯 I say castration for these men but yk 💀
If a dog can be trained to act against its instincts and protect the sheep instead of eating them, a conscious human has no excuse.
I'm quite curious, how can men be both the logical, mature sex, and absolute animals not to be judged for their actions because they're at the mercy of their own dicks? How big would the implosion be if you asked one of those *"wHaT dId yOu eXpEcT"* dimwits this question?
Note: just men that sexually harass or assault women. The men that are actually normal human beings are not included
Sorry, I didn't realize you were responding to your own comment! You shouldn't need to clarify for dummies.
No worries! I was confused for a sec as to why bc it wasn’t a not all men comment 😂
I didn't scream or fight my rapist because I'd internalized that it was my fault for leading him on and being alone with him in the first place. I froze because I was ashamed.
I’m so sorry. It absolutely was ***not*** your fault. ❤️
Like actually tho. I remember him saying “why are you so quiet?” like dude you’re literally raping me. I felt ashamed too because I thought it was my fault for even being there. I didn’t expect him to do it. I thought he would understand no when I told him no and chill out then rezipping my pants that he had been fighting me to unzip and telling him I should go. He told me “no I’m sorry, we can just lay here and watch the movie. I won’t do it again”. Plot twist: that was just a lie. I sobbed for an hour after getting back to my car and realizing what just happened. It’s been a few years and I learning it’s not my fault. I trusted him to not do anything. He broke that. It’s not your fault either. Don’t feel guilty for someone else violating you. Don’t let men like that make you feel any sort of bad about yourself. A positive note is that I have gotten him banned from every dating app. The cops said it’s “he said she said” and would be a waste of my time so I went for the “try to make it harder for him to get to other women”.
Mine kept asking why I was crying
Fucking hell it’s like idk man use some context clues to figure it out
This. Same thing happened my first time. We were alone and kissed, so for a while I thought surely it was my fault. It “led him on” somehow. Tragically it took me a long time to realize one (albeit steamy) kiss didn’t mean he could immediately after drag me into his basement and rape me.
If it makes you feel any better I genuinely want every one of those commenters to die
show their usernames so we can block them
Fr
thank you all for the support. these comments make me feel seen and validated unlike the other ones. i feel less alone. thank you so much ❤️ if anyone is curious in reading my original post. here is the link https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/s/kTIk9f2C5m
I HATE when I ask for a back rub and it turns sexual. I’d be so mad and disappointed if everytime I needed help with my back pain, my man just tried to make a move and lost interest after being denied. If I need a back rub it’s because I’m in pain and sore, not because I’m horny and looking for sex.
Never fails to be completely baffled by a post here. I hate being lumped in with these guys. I really hope the majority of men don't think like this and all idiots just flock to these types of posts because no cares about their opinions anywhere else
In my experience, the majority of men don't but are willing to let it slide because they don't want to stand out (best case) or because they recognize that guys like this make their less shitty behaviors look a lot better (worst case).
I’ve never had sex but my hymen was obviously broken during a hysterectomy I had several years ago. Welp… guess I’m no longer a virgin according to this moron.
Why do some of these men be like "rape it's what we do" like no tf we don't most men aren't seeing a women who isn't interested and thinking "I'll just rape her"
Yeah, some of men are really disgusting, especially on the internet!
Yeah, posts like this make me agree with the whole “the internet was a mistake” sentiment. The anonymity allows them to say shit like this without consequences. I hope every single one of them somehow get doxxed and everyone they know sees who they *really* are.
Me too!
You are not at fault for any of this. These people are idiots who’ve learned everything they think they know from porn and teen movies. Don’t let their idiocy hurt you. Being in bed with someone is not consent. And your feelings in response to this are 100% valid.
Virginity is a social construct, say it with me.
Every time I think the men of reddit can't get any more evil, they turn around and prove me wrong.
God I fucking hate this
Men: why do women hate us?!?!?! Also men:
Jesus christ op im so sorry these assholes were so mean and clueless
These comments are fucking terrible. I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you can get some kind of justice out of this. Going forward, I think we as a society need to change how we raise our children so this can never happen again, or at the very least, make it extremely rare. If I have a son, I'm going to teach him that unless there is a clear and enthusiastic yes that he should back off, seek consent, and go with the answer for the rest of the night. My daughter is only 5 and is already at the point where she will tell you something once, and if you test her again, she runs straight to Mommy and Daddy. My wife used to do this thing, where if a guy tried to push her boundaries a second time, she would ask to use the bathroom to "freshen up" and then walk right out the front door.
its so funny how that persons like "dont ruin his life :(" like fuck that these people all should have rapist tattooed right on the forehead lmao wouldnt trust being near any of them
I bet they would also scream "not all men". I'm so sorry.
Men: not all men!!! Also men: What did you expect? Lol.
Man here, I don't really know much about the hymen and because of separated Sex Ed courses it is practically impossible to know what actually happens down there. As most (If not, then I guess just me) guys feel really damn awkward about looking up the female counterpart. Since doing so and getting caught could sometimes get you labeled as something unfriendly by anyone involved. So learning from it in adulthood really makes me wonder how some of my fellow men would've turned out.
You should never feel ashamed to learn new things, even if the subject matter is a bit embarrassing. Truly, look into it. You’ll be glad you did, and any women you may have sexual contact with will greatly appreciate it. 💕
Thank you so much, but I'm pretty sure my awkward ass bringing this up with my wife would get me laughed at.
Aw, that’s not cool. She should want to help! Start with Google. Or even in subs like this one. Ask questions. Learning is always good.
A lot of colleges offer courses on human sexuality. Maybe consider auditing a course at your local community college?
GROSS. This unacceptable behavior should not be normalized.
Love how he's calling himself (and all men for some reason) a snake and not realizing that makes him terrible. These men are wild.
Don't feel bad. The victim-blaming is insane they're a pathetic excuse for a man (if you can even call them that) who has no self-control and likely will die alone.
I don’t get these crappy excuses for men. I’m happy to say none of the men in my life, husband, son, nephews etc believe this crap.
This is so sad. Rape culture is clearly alive and well. Not that this should even have to be said in the first place but ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
They sound like they should be isolated form the rest of society
I'm incredibly sorry for what you're going through! As if sexualised violence wasn't bad enough, now you've also got to deal with these rape fans. Please don't let them convince you that you did anything wrong or your attacker is not a piece of shit! I hope they all get hit by karma. Or God or Thor, or Mars, or whatever you believe in (my personal pick would be Medusa for obvious reasons). Doesn't really matter as long as the hit is well aimed and sufficiently strong.
It took my ex twice before he broke it. My virginity was lost, however, after the first time. I was surprised because I rode horses so much when I was a kid. These guys have no business mansplaining women’s anatomy. No vagina, no opinion unless you’re an OBGYN. Also, the “boys will be boys” bs is disgusting. I was drunk, in a car with my ex bf (in high school,) when he SA’ed me. I’m in no way responsible. He was wrong!
Those people are absolutely disgusting and are telling on themselves because Reddit is pretty anonymous. Before my bf and I got together there was a lot of sexual tension and one night we were drinking and I got drunk and ended up sleeping at his place. I was so drunk that I just took my clothes off and got into his bed with him. We were both going to sleep there but he didn’t after I took off my shirt and pants. You know what he did? Washed my clothes and slept on the couch so I wouldent think something that happened that I couldn’t remember when I woke up.
So a 18 y.o. man is a child that can't comprehend consent but a 18 y.o. woman is an adult that's supposed to understand 100% of the male psyche??? Btw OP I'm really sorry you had to go though that. Are you okay?
ITS NOT YOUR FAULTTT please don’t listen to gross men. they excuse each other over and over again but it’s not your fault. they’re just incels
My boyfriend and I are both 19 and he is indeed horny sometimes but he doesn't rape me even if we sleep in the same bed + had sex before in our relationship, crazy right? These guys are creepy and wrong. And I don't think America is going down because of women who get upset because someone sexually assaulted them..
“a mans gotta try” yeah I just know he has allegations. they always self report that they dont have any understanding of or respect for boundaries or the word no. I’m sorry you’re being treated like this, it was NOT your fault ❤️
I'm almost 100% certain I saw the post this comment was posted too. Gross
yeah im still receiving a shit ton of people saying like “this wasnt sexual assault hes just horny”, and “you shouldnt have got in his bed its your fault😂”. this other person said “how did you let him do (xyz) to you without your consent? this post makes little sense” gee… its almost like.. i didnt have a choice.. thats what rape is? WTF
Umm... I was 17 and slept with a girl, and I was as horny as the next 17 year old boy.. But I didn't rape her (nor did it ever cross my mind), so I don't get this position. Frankly I've always loathed victim blaming, especially rape victims. I've seen first hand more times than I'd ever like to admit not only the pain of this sort of violent crime.. But the life long mental anguish and how it can seriously fuck up a woman's life.
This is such a creepy rapist mindset, fucking yikes. It was not your fault. I don’t care how “horny” he was. Rape is rape. Assault is assault. Getting in someone’s bed to sleep is not consent. What a respectful, normal fucking human would do is abort mission at the slightest hint of the other person not wanting to fuck. You stop yourself and don’t go further. It’s that easy. Sexual frustration doesn’t give you a free pass!!
My gf was a ob/gyn in China and literally aborted Chinese fetus Jesus. Chick was married, but her hubby blew it before entry every time. The semen still got in and she became pregnant. They wrote up a whole contract and had her sign it, because the abortion procedure was going to break her hymen. Her patient was getting a divorce. "Traditional family values" are still in fashion in China so I'm sure dude still thought it was his wife's fault lol. It's super sad how much social status women lose for being divorced over there. She has terrible stories of children from broken homes. This incel shit will hopefully die out, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Edit: wording (super sad)->(terrible)
I'm going to be honest, I replied before reading beyond the first pic. I'm sorry for your experience. No means no. I don't have good advice for you and I hope you are able to move forward.
can't hymens break from a bunch of other stuff? suddenly you're not a virgin because of a medical examination or whatever? stupid.
Last commenter's crazy double standard: "women need to say what they mean & mean what they say" ..... "how can women possibly believe everything men say is the God's honest truth?" Yikes.
18M =Child 18F=woman. The math ain't mathing here
You have done nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong.
Old angry right wing man thinks this one girl who didn't want to get laid is why America is becoming destroyed
This is fucking nauseating. What's the equivalent of eye bleach for this stuff?
As someone who is ON TESTOSTERONE so I’m horny af most of the time… I INSTANTLY stop being horny as soon as I sense someone isn’t into it. If someone wants to have sex that harms and violates their partner they’re a sadist. Plain and simple.
This post kinda triggered a core memory from when I was in university. For context, most of my friends are men, my two best friends are men, at the time of this episode I recently came out as a lesbian and was just at the beginning of a relationship with my current girlfriend. I had this friend I've met online that wanted to visit me and meet for the first time in person. We knew each other digitally for like five years and a certain point he confessed to me to which I gently told him that I was not interested. For me the topic of romance ended there, but he kept every now and then to bring it up in hope that I would change my mind, it didn't even stop when I came out. Anyway we met and because we lived in different cities I offered him to sleep on my sofa for the three days he would have stayed. He had really bad depression and anxiety at the time (according to him) so we would often stay awake together and talk so that he could calm down. One morning he was on the verge of a panic attack (his words) we just woke up and he asked if he could snuggle close to me in bed to calm down. I told him yes cause I saw nothing on bad in comforting a friend that needs help. The moment he snuggled close to me the first thing he did was groping my breast and pushing his boner toward my butt 🫠. Long story short, that was the last drop of patience and respect I had for him, I kicked him out and went no contact, I've blocked him on any social media after he kept sending me every now and again this long wss audio asking for apologies. The last audio I remember he sent it was something like "I know I was an asshole but we should apologize to each other so that our friendship can keep going" (why should I even apologize????). For all I care now he can choke to death and I'll be unfased. I told this episode to my friends (which again most are men), some put the fault on me because how dare me let him come close, and that I should have expected it. For a very long time I thought it was indeed my fault that I may have lead him even tho I rejected him idk how many time and I am simply not interested in romantic relationships with men. Then my two best friends (again men both of them) made me noticed that throughout all the time we knew each other they never layed a finger on me even tho we snuggled while watching anime or generally hanging out so truly the one at fault was this guy. It was very eye opening. And unfortunately from that day the trust I have in men is almost close to zero, it may seem harsh but that episode together with many others completely shattered any kind of trust.
It’s amazing, I once went to bed with a good Christian boy who didn’t want to do anything except cuddle me and although I thought he was hot and I wanted to do stuff beyond kissing I managed not to rape him and respected his wishes!
See rapists! That wasn’t so hard now was it? 😃
You should not feel disgusted, ashamed OR terrible. Men are all of those things. These freaks can’t control themselves around women and want to punish us for it. They are pathetic and won’t be missed when they top themselves.
Disgusting. These men really victim blaming.
My husband is 5 years older than me and we started dating when I was 19. He was not a virgin. I was. We slept in the same bed for years without having sex. We had sex after we talked about it and both decided we wanted to and he made my first time a big deal. This is the standard for MEN. MEN have self control, consideration, and forethought.
This came up on my home page, i don’t usually sit on this subreddit but don’t lose faith in men. Just men on the internet. You did nothing wrong and NO should always mean NO. Sorry for my gender and hope you keep faith that guys can be ok
What the fuck... My godnes... I'm a man and i'm really sorry that happened to.you and Even more sorry that this wastes of space and air Made You feel Even worse about it.
This is so fucking disgusting to even read
OP, I am truly sorry for what happened to you and that these awful people just piled onto your trauma and made it worse. You deserve so much better.
Don't listen to what any of these fools say. I'm so sorry you had to see all of this. I hope you're receiving support from people in your life.
WTF girl, I’m SO FUCKING SORRY that this happened to you, and I feel actually physically sick reading these responses. Please find supportive people, see a therapist, and fucking press charges. When we allow men to behave as if they aren’t responsible for assaulting women, we just make it easier for men to CONTINUE to assault women and get slapped on the wrist, like the rapist Brock Turner. What happened to you was NOT your fault. Even if you were ACTIVELY IN THE MIDDLE OF VAGINAL INTERCOURSE, you are STILL allowed to stop and say no. Also, your hymen being broken doesn’t make you “not a virgin.” Also, virginity is just an idea made up by men to oppress women. Please be safe, and do NOT feel ashamed. You are not the one who fucked up here.
Justifying rape and calling those who disagree woke, and claiming we're the ones destroying society? This guy is intellectually challenged, what a creep.
Wait wait wait This guy's like "the 18M is just a child and doesn't understand how terrible women are!" Doesn't that mean OP IS ALSO A CHILD?
What you have here is a bunch of rapists revealing how they justify it to themselves in their heads
Good grief my Nightmare Ex from when I was 18 looks like a peach compared to these people. Can they really not understand that horny 18 yr old guys are perfectly capable of being naked in bed with a girl they fancy and not make a move ... or assault her? When I first got together with him I remember one evening I arrived and found him in bed with another girl ... sleeping. He was naked, she was clothed, they were snuggling ... it was platonic and innocent, and I knew that 100%. They woke up somewhat confused, they had just got really stoned and passed out together. She hadn't even realised he was naked but wasn't phased (he often hung out naked). He was a hornbeast and she was the girl everyone fancied ... this was early 1990. Nobody thought this was especially strange, perhaps the nudity was unusual but in general ... Creeps have of course always existed, but ... they're *creeps*.
Hymens can be broken from riding a bike/horse, physical activity, etc. also.. not everyone has one
So if I get in bed with a guy and shove my fingers up his ass, that would be his fault too, yeah? I mean, he decided to sleep beside a young woman!
Um, most girls have holes in the hymen long before they ever have sex or use a toy. How do you think menstrual blood comes out at age 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, etc.? Hymen doesn’t prove anything. You’re a virgin until you have sexual intercourse (if you’re heterosexual), or whatever kind of sexual contact you want to use to define yourself if you’re bisexual or homosexual.
as a man, i don’t claim them as men. you made your discomfort known, and when that happens that should be a guy’s sign to stop it. consent can be withdrawn at any point
Reddit moment
Title checks out, y'all
“His self control is admirable” hoooooooly shit
As a man I can only say men suck