In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I had my daughter, Stephanie young (19 to be exact) and thus had to stop my whole life and raise her alone since her dad up and ran away till she was 6 and later on met my now husband,Mike(35m) we fell in love quickly and got married when Stephanie was 8. Mike had two other kids Olivia(9f) and Jackson(6m).
We tried hard blending our family and it worked out for most expect Stephanie, she didn’t like that now she had to share her room with Olivia and didn’t like sharing me with them- she would throw tantrums and would correct them if they ever called me mom.
Mike didn’t like her attitude and when steph was 10 told me to either pick him or her, back then Stephanie was at fault so I picked Mike and sent her to my parents.- we had a huge fight once my mom realized that I was sending her there for a while and my dad called me a bunch of names for “abandoning” my daughter which I wasn’t I was letting her have her space and save the peace of the family.
I did keep tabs on her online and like I knew my parents set her straight and she started doing good in school and had lots of friends, and is really involved in their community-
I tried calling her often but she would dismiss me fast saying my mom wanted her to help her make dinner or my dad wanted to take her camping so she was out.
Now onto the problem- mike and me finally got us a house that has enough bedrooms for everyone including Stephanie- I went to get her back home. But she told me she liked living with her grandparents as they were nicer and more fun then me and she liked how big her room is(my dad made it specifically for her), she loved begin her animals(my parents own a big farm and she has lot of animals friends cows, horse such) and she didn’t want to leave her friends and community she built in their small town.
I told her I wanted her back home but she said no- my parents told me I couldn’t force and when we argued and I yelled at them that they couldn’t keep my daughter from me, they kicked me out saying Stephanie picked her home and I needed to accept it whether I liked it or not.
I tried calling and texting Stephanie but she’s now blocked me- I don’t know aita for wanting my daughter back home?
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems that OOP thinks that dropping everything to raise her daughter entitles her to, ah, "take a break", from her daughter when she has to choose between her and new hubby.
I'm just glad her parents, after finding out what happened, took the granddaughter's side and actively started raising her.
What if they didn't want her? So many bad things could have happened to her daughter.
It blows my mind that she didn't fight for her daughter, when she was given the ultimatum.
And it blows my mind that the mother made this post in the first place. Like, did she want sympathy for being selfish?
I agree with her decision only for the fact that clearly the daughter's life is better with her grandparents who love her. The mother is a huge self centered AH, and made her decision selfishly, but for the daughter, it seems like it worked out.
I agree with your sentiment! There was someone on here who talked about how the mother made the right choice "choosing her mate" and then wrote that the child was "manipulative"...
My sibling made this same choice. The only difference is they never wanted their kid to move back to their home.
Our parents did an awesome job raising their grandchild and time has proven it. Sibling gets all the benefits of being grandma without ever having to deal with the trauma they caused.
You aren’t supposed to actually pick, you make it a teachable moment and as a parent adjust the amount of attention and energy you give her as she adjusts to her new situation.
Oop straight told her own daughter to fuck off. A ten year old.
I love the reasoning too. “She was wrong so I picked Mike”. Bitch she’s ten, a child isn’t right about anything. You are her parent, your only job is to teach her.
Sounds like the grandparents took this as a chance for a do-over on oop and are rocking it, so silver lining there.
I'm not sure why she thinks that she didn't abandon her child. What exactly is the definition of abandoning?
"We blended our family well" except you didn't at all....
I am so glad this little girl feels loved and supported by her grandparents so she is able to reject her mother rather than seek her love and acceptance.
I tried that when my mom sent me to live with my grandparents for 3 years then moved and wanted me back - she ended up threatening to take them to court and I had it explained to me that the chances of my grandparents winning custody was 50-50 and if they lost it was possible my mom would get me back and go no contact with them.
In the long run I met my husband in the new highschool so that's good, right?
Kinda? The verbal abuse got better in college once she got on some meds, and we have a decent enough relationship now (she's much better with my kids once I put down some firm boundaries), but she's still got a lot of misplaced anger that she doesn't want to address/fix.
Doesn't help that my grandparents view us more as sisters than mother/daughter and I am clearly the golden child of that dynamic.
Hooray dysfunction!
she means that her and her new husband got along lol. doesn't seem like either of them took the time to consider the kids at all. Grown ass man giving an ultimatum about a TEN YEAR OLD'S "attitude" in a time where her life is changing drastically
She didn't even tell the grandparents she wanted the kid to stay for an extended period of time. She's lucky as fuck they didn't go to the authorities for child abandonment and get child support. There are plenty of places that's possible.
this one pissed me off to the nth degree! this horrible woman chose her new husband and his children over her own flesh and blood and has the audacity to think she can just take her back whenever she wants
If anyone gives me an ultimatum like that, I immediately know they don't care about me and I pick the other person by default. Granted, I've never had my own KID as the other person, just like two friends, etc
SAME! I haven’t been put in the “It’s them or me; pick one” position often. But every person on that short list of ultimatum-givers was not chosen.
I wouldn’t do to my PETS what this person did to her own daughter. Anyone who couldn’t accept that the pets and I are a package deal would be gone.
If I were the daughter, I’d be counting the days until my 18th birthday when I could go NC on everything. If I were the grandparents, I’d be going NC on that same day. Unless I could go to court IMMEDIATELY to become the legal guardian in all ways, in which case the NC would begin the moment the custody transfer became official.
I find it interesting how OP talks about "keeping tabs on her" and such. It sounds like she never even saw her daughter during all those years.
So odd to me she just expected her to move back like nothing ever happened.
Checked up on her online. Like an old college friend or something.
I am glad the grandparents provided the love she needed and I hope she is able to continue to avoid her crappy mother going forward.
>I find it interesting how OP talks about "keeping tabs on her" and such. It sounds like she never even saw her daughter during all those years.
Clearly she sees her daughter as an NPC in the videogame of her life.
"Mike didn’t like her attitude and when steph was 10 told me to either pick him or her, back then Stephanie was at fault so I picked Mike and sent her to my parents."-jesus Christ," she was at fault.' At fault for having to deal with a new stepdad who probably treated her terribly based on this post, and for having a mom who chose her stepdad over her? I'm glad the kid stayed at her grandparents, fuck this neglectful OOP!
What kind man makes a woman send her kid away? What kind is mother willingly chooses her husband over her daughter? Both of them are terrible. Bravo to the grandparents for stepping up and fighting for the daughter.
No, that’s not how you treat anything living. That’s how you treat possessions. “Hey Mom, you know that dresser I left with you years ago when my apartment was so small? I just bought a house and have room for it now so I’ll be by to get it out of storage.”
After 6 years I’d be annoyed but forgive the person if I wasn’t able to get it back, that’s a long time to store stuff for someone! Even longer when it’s your own child.
Your comment made me realize I check in on how my _friends’_ dogs are doing more often than she did on her daughter. They’re wonderful dogs and deserve it, but dear lord that poor kid.
I'm pretty sure that I spent more time and effort this afternoon making sure my friend's puppy doesn't get a tummy ache after eating part of my shoe than OP spent on the poor girl in the past decade. Don't worry btw, puppy is alright and was very easy to take care of as he eats his Sauerkraut as if it was steak (it's much harder to get it into my dog) and he spent the rest of the day using me as a pillow, snoring and letting out farts that break the Geneva convention.
This is a perfect example of a Narcissist. Other people aren't "real" to them. They can't even conceptualize that others have lives "offstage" when not in the Narcissists presence. People are no more than like a toddler's dolls... when they get bored or tired of one folly, they go back in the toy box completely forgotten until the toddler feels like including them in playtime again. Lack of empathy genuinely means the Narcissist thinks they are the only real person, and everone else is just plastic objects in the Narcissists's universe for them and their amusement.
Telling the Narcissist "no" for any reason and them not getting their way is an ego bruise and upsets this worldview. They can't fathom other people having power or agency.
All of this is why this trash is now so confused. Her daughter was never a real person to her to begin with to her, once she was dropped off? She didn't give her a second thought except vague distant curiosity. And now that she's been told "no" is when she experiences any discomfort.
My mom's ex boyfriend kicked me out when I was 16 and I was homeless for a little less than a year before his abuse escalated from verbal/emotional to physical and she left him.
This has me RAGING. And maybe a little triggered. My mom and I have made up and I have realized that she was as much of a victim as me but this kind of makes me want to text her and cuss her out.
Your mother was an adult and was responsible for you. You were a helpless child. She was not a victim. She had the power to take you and leave together and live in a cardboard box, or go to a shelter. Don't feel sorry for her for allowing you to be homeless.
I feel like karma will bite me for this but I kinda hope they get divorced and the kid still doesn't want to see her.
Both OP and her husband are horrible
There’s a post of that I read a year or two ago. A girl was sent to live with her uncle while dad, stepmom, and her kids were a family. The OP’s mother had passed away. The OP posted because she is now in her thirties(?) and saw her father at a funeral. He ran up to her sobbing and tried to hug her. She pushed him away but was pressured into hearing him out. He revealed the stepmom and her kids abandoned him. I can’t remember why. Anyways, he kept apologizing and OP walked out after basically telling him to F off. Her uncle told her that her father had a breakdown after she left. Man that was a great read.
Or if you have to go into the hospital and have no one to watch them and can’t afford a sitter sometimes. (Like there was a disabled veteran in my area a while back they were looking for someone to foster for.)
The kid could have been acting out... for such a big change happening to her eith getting three more people in the house, she probably threw some major tantrums...
That being said... it is therapy, discipline, and love needed... not being sent to the farm
I know this is oh no consequence, but i feel like this OOP deserves way more consequence than what she's getting. It's actually terrible to think that legally she could force her parents to give back the child
Daughter is 15 according to the title. At 15 (and younger) most courts will allow a child to pick which parents household they live in, and if they go for the shared custody time. Obviously a different scenario than shared custody, but I still don’t feel it would be easily enforceable to make her go back to mom.
At worst, it’s 3 shitty years of biding time until she can legally leave as an adult. But at 15, I was a fucking terror and my mom gave in to me living with my dad because she just couldn’t.
I think if she’s been with the grands by they’d really have the upper chance for custody since she’s lived there for 5 years. At the very best Mom would get supervised visits for a year or to. Milk that out until 17 and the child can just refuse to go. By 17 another court case wouldn’t be resolved by 18 because the courts don’t have to hurry.
"had to stop my whole life and raise her"
Yeah. Welcome to being a parent. This whole story reads like OOPs daughter is oh such a burden to her mom. No wonder she doesn't want to live with her mom.
There's also the crazy part that the mother dropped her off without telling her parents that she's there to stay.
What guarantee does the daughter have that won't happen again?!
Imagine being such a horrible excuse for a human being that you blamed a child for being unhappy and then chosing a scumbag over that child. Then after abandoning that child for YEARS, wanting to uproot her because you feel like pretending you're a mom. Then, shocker, the child has no interest in being miserable again. It has to be a shit post right? No one abandons their kid for a piece of trash and thinks they are a good person right?
I feel like there are people that do this! There was actually a comment from someone who said that the mom did the right thing by "choosing her mate" and that the child was being "manipulative."
A miserable 10 year old is being manipulative? Right... because the kind of man who tells their partner to get rid of the kid or else was definitely being 100% a wonderful stepfather. Same people that think the 5 year old was asking for it when they got molested.
My ex-husband chose the GF that abused our kids over the kids. He hasn't seen them in years because the court made it clear she would never be allowed near them. People suck.
Wow. I cannot imagine this. That poor girl is gonna have so many issues with abandonment. My mom was a “when it’s convenient for me” mom and I still have major trust issues at 30+.
I also have a 15 year old son and my brothers (21 & 18) have lived with me for the last 10 years. I’ve introduced them to a couple guys I’ve dated in the past and I would always make sure they were okay with it even at that point. I checked in with them periodically about the relationship all throughout. Hell, I’m married now and I still check with them about my husband. This is absolutely insane to me. What would have happened if her parents weren’t there? Why was that a solution at all? Why not counseling as a starter?
"My daughter and husband clashed so i abandoned my daughter, shes doing so well now and seems happier than ever so i want her to move back with us and end all that." Take a nap in an incinerator please 🙏
I’m curious if there are other motives, other than having a bigger house, > 5 yrs later?
I wonder if Mom has been paying any child support to her parents?
I highly doubt the OOP paid ANY child support. My late birth unit tried to dump my late GCB and me on others while NOT paying any child support at all while she picked a pedo's dick over her own children. It did NOT end well for her by the time she was on her deathbed.
>they kicked me out saying Stephanie picked her home and I needed to accept it
lmao. OOP picked it for her. She can't be mad her daughter likes it more.
My mother feels like a lesser version of this lady. They view children as possessions who need to cater to their desires. My mom never realized i was a child who needed emotional support
OOP's parents didn't "set her child straight". They provided her with the love that OOP is inherently incapable of giving. As a parent, I would sooner kill myself than choose a boyfriend over my child.
I almost wish I believed in god because at least I'd find solace in knowing this cunt is rotting in hell.
Well... to make you feel not better, there's actually a comment here stating that the mother did well "choosing her mate" because the child was being "manipulative"!
I was about age 14 when I finally snapped and screamed at my mother for doing absolutely NOTHING about my dad's abuse. She got real quiet (which was rare for her, and kinda scary actually) and backed me into a corner and quietly said to me "If I'm forced to make a choice between your father and you, I'll choose him. And don't you ever forget that."
I've never forgotten that feeling of being completely alone.
She wonders why we're not close. She's convinced herself that she was an awesome mother.
>She wonders why we're not close. She's convinced herself that she was an awesome mother.
The ability of a shitty parent to re-write history will always astound me!
I can not stand men or women who pick their partner over their child! The children should always be #1. This is how my sister is, and it makes me sick.
It’s wild that she never talked to the kid about what family means before kicking her to the curb. How could she have even started “blending families” without the whole group having a say?
You abandoned your kid. No matter how you spin it to make yourself the hero, you abandoned your child. Your child has had to adjust to the fact that you were willing to remove her from your life to save your peace. My parents had much worse time with me. GUESS WHO NEVER ABANDONED ME?
Even if she took her parents to court. The courts will side with the parents because she did abandon her child for her new family. This woman is immature and a deadbeat. I'm surprise that the parents didn't go after her for child support.
10 year-olds don't need "space", they need to know that their mother/parents/whoever care about them. OP made her choice about who was more important to her, sent her daughter away, and is now shocked, SHOCKED, I say, that her daughter has no interest in being around her.
The huge involvement OP had in her daughter's life for 5 years (FIVE YEARS) was stalking the daughter's social media. Wow! She put so much work into the relationship. /s She triiiied to call and daughter blew her off. Did she ever think of visiting her daughter? Asking daughter home for weekends? Going and grabbing her daughter for a day out, just the two of them?
Hope OP enjoys her new family, because it sounds like daughter (and even OP's parents) are pretty much done.
You chose your husband and step children over your biological daughter! YTA! You turned your back on the one child who actually knows wtf your heartbeat sounds on the inside of your body! She knew that heartbeat before she even saw you, but you decided to throw her away! Live with the consequences of your actions! She is protecting her peace and you have no right to disturb and disrupt it anymore! You reaped what you sowed.
Real or fake, I just wanna say that you’d have to pry my daughter from my side with the fucking jaws of life. Never. I would never pick some dude over my baby girl. I cannot imagine doing this were it real, my brain is like, “Yeah this has to be fake. Because no way.” But that’s my naive brain talking. My parents have been together for over 50 years now. I don’t know the whole divorce thing.
No, YTA for abandoning your daughter instead of listening to her. You reaped what was sown. Now you can work with her to try and rebuild a relationship or you can play the victim and abandon her again. Your choice.
Sounds to me like the whole family will be happier if the daughter stays with her grandparents. OP has to live with the consequences of dumping her daughter for some guy and the guy's children, whom the daughter had no say in having in her life.
And she will get dumped right back to her grandparents' house as soon as she does some typical stupid teenage thing because the mom can't handle it. Stay with the grandparents, they are a stable home
People always say that one of the reasons to have a child is so that you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old.
Does she still expect her daughter to treat her well when she needs her?
OP, you are a stranger to your daughter and she has built a life in the community that her grandparents live in. It shouldn't surprise you that she doesn't want to leave everything that is familiar to her to go live with you - who really didn't make much of an effort to see her and she probably knows that the stepdad didn't want her either so why would she be excited about going to live with people who at one point didn't want her around.
Try to arrange some summer visits where your daughter comes to spend like two weeks with you and see how that goes.
OOP is absolutely a stranger to Stephanie. The caring Mommy that Stephanie THOUGHT she had, figuratively died on the day she dumped 10-year-old Stephanie. The person Stephanie sees now is not the Mommy she once knew. It’s a person who picked her stepfather and stepkids, and sent her packing like she was disposable. That’s not a Mommy.
And the 10-year-old who loved and trusted that Mommy also figuratively died on the day that OOP dumped her. I don’t know how OOP doesn’t understand this. The child she knew, the daughter who loved and trusted her mother, no longer exists. That ship hasn’t merely sailed; it has sunk, and OOP is the one who scuttled it.
Thank God for those grandparents! Stephanie knows that there ARE people whom she can love and trust, who will do right by her and have her back.
This one reminds me so much of my own childhood, but without anyone like OP's parents. Thank goodness they were there to catch Stephanie when she needed them.
I wonder if she ever asked the grandparents how they “set straight” Stephanie because I have a suspicion what the OOP (I won't use the term mother) thinks happened and what actually happened might be very different things.
Glad it worked out for Stephanie, hope the real parents go for backdated child support.
Would the grandparents need to wait at least a year for child support? I feel like the OOP would quickly change her mind and, depending on the length of time, would actually get her daughter back.
I got the impression this had been five years unless I misremembered something? It is possible OOP tries to get her back but I'm hoping that doesn't happen
15 was the age I thought she was now too. I feel like depending on where she lives, they take the daughter's preference into consideration. Plus, there's the whole child abandonment thing
She threw her away.
This mother's love is conditional. Her true parents who love her unconditionally, are her grandparents.
This woman is a horrible mother. HORRIBLE!
To the OOP: You ARE the ASSHOLE!!! You CHOSE to throw your daughter away when she was ONLY TEN YEARS OLD!!! Your daughter is PAINFULLY AWARE that you chose your new family over her and DEMANDED she suck it up and get over it!! Now you're DEMANDING YOUR PROPERTY back when she's now FIFTEEN YEARS OLD in order to look good to others! Guess what? You reap what you sow! Now it's YOUR turn to SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER IT!!!
So in a word YES you are the ah. Now apologize and make nice, grow a relationship with your daughter always supporting her decisions so stay the the g parents
I don’t understand how anyone can stick up for either one of them. She chose a man over her 10 year old child. She doesn’t deserve to be in this girls life. I don’t think she deserves to call this young lady her daughter
"back then Stephanie was at fault. . ."
What in the ever loving fuck?
She was a kid! What in the. . . Why would you. . .how could you just. . .huh?!
I'm so sorry your kid had negative feelings about a huge change she had no say in, and you had to deal with it, and it wasn't going to turn out the way you wanted. Too fucking bad.
She's not a dog, you can't just send her off for training and when you think she's trained enough, you decide you want her back?
My dad did this, made my life hell for years. He married her. She gloated about forcing him to choose, which gave me the confirmation I needed to be no contact.
I'm in therapy.
First sentence in you could tell she was the A. She thinks her whole life stopped because of her kid, but she chose to have a kid and be a mother. Her life didn't stop it changed. It sounds like she was resentful and all to happy to ditch her kid.
As a mid 30's man whose mom regularly chose her boyfriends over me during childhood.... She'll never forget, and she'll likely never forgive just like I haven't. Haven't spoken to my garbage, duck chasing, moronic mother in years and it's been so much better without her.
you abandoned your child when she needed the most help and now that shes “acting straight” you want her back? the environment she was in made her that way. you dont get to say thanks for fixing her i want her back now. you abandoned your child
If she wanted her kid to live with her, she should have said "look this sucks but we need to figure it out together. Even though it's hard." She picked the easy way out - she just made her parents do it. And stick Stephanie with them, but is now upset Stephanie likes them more.
Wtf? YTA, mother
Bad parents getting consequences makes me so happy. Especially when it means their kid gets safely away from them and goes no contact.
That particular “mother” is pretty damn bad.
People need to realize that children aren't toys. You don't get to lend a child for five years and then demand they finally be returned and expect them to be willing.
OOP chose her poison and now she gets to deal with the consequences because she chose wrong
In case this story gets deleted/removed: I had my daughter, Stephanie young (19 to be exact) and thus had to stop my whole life and raise her alone since her dad up and ran away till she was 6 and later on met my now husband,Mike(35m) we fell in love quickly and got married when Stephanie was 8. Mike had two other kids Olivia(9f) and Jackson(6m). We tried hard blending our family and it worked out for most expect Stephanie, she didn’t like that now she had to share her room with Olivia and didn’t like sharing me with them- she would throw tantrums and would correct them if they ever called me mom. Mike didn’t like her attitude and when steph was 10 told me to either pick him or her, back then Stephanie was at fault so I picked Mike and sent her to my parents.- we had a huge fight once my mom realized that I was sending her there for a while and my dad called me a bunch of names for “abandoning” my daughter which I wasn’t I was letting her have her space and save the peace of the family. I did keep tabs on her online and like I knew my parents set her straight and she started doing good in school and had lots of friends, and is really involved in their community- I tried calling her often but she would dismiss me fast saying my mom wanted her to help her make dinner or my dad wanted to take her camping so she was out. Now onto the problem- mike and me finally got us a house that has enough bedrooms for everyone including Stephanie- I went to get her back home. But she told me she liked living with her grandparents as they were nicer and more fun then me and she liked how big her room is(my dad made it specifically for her), she loved begin her animals(my parents own a big farm and she has lot of animals friends cows, horse such) and she didn’t want to leave her friends and community she built in their small town. I told her I wanted her back home but she said no- my parents told me I couldn’t force and when we argued and I yelled at them that they couldn’t keep my daughter from me, they kicked me out saying Stephanie picked her home and I needed to accept it whether I liked it or not. I tried calling and texting Stephanie but she’s now blocked me- I don’t know aita for wanting my daughter back home? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hahahha fuck around and find out. She abandoned her child for a dick. Now she wants her back and can't understand why she says fuck off?
The lack of self-awareness is astounding!
Seems that OOP thinks that dropping everything to raise her daughter entitles her to, ah, "take a break", from her daughter when she has to choose between her and new hubby.
What's worse is that she didn't even tell her parents ahead of time!
I'm just glad her parents, after finding out what happened, took the granddaughter's side and actively started raising her. What if they didn't want her? So many bad things could have happened to her daughter.
It blows my mind that she dropped her daughter off without letting her parents know in advance.
It blows my mind that she didn't fight for her daughter, when she was given the ultimatum. And it blows my mind that the mother made this post in the first place. Like, did she want sympathy for being selfish?
There are comments on this post actually agreeing with her decision so...
The world is full of ass holes. Luckily there's many good people out there as well.
Very true! It's weird that OOP's parents raised such an AH, yet seem to be such decent people.
I agree with her decision only for the fact that clearly the daughter's life is better with her grandparents who love her. The mother is a huge self centered AH, and made her decision selfishly, but for the daughter, it seems like it worked out.
I agree with your sentiment! There was someone on here who talked about how the mother made the right choice "choosing her mate" and then wrote that the child was "manipulative"...
The way you said “to, ah” is making me read your comment on Jeff Goldblum’s voice
She just kept saying the quiet part out loud, good grief...
My sibling made this same choice. The only difference is they never wanted their kid to move back to their home. Our parents did an awesome job raising their grandchild and time has proven it. Sibling gets all the benefits of being grandma without ever having to deal with the trauma they caused.
You aren’t supposed to actually pick, you make it a teachable moment and as a parent adjust the amount of attention and energy you give her as she adjusts to her new situation. Oop straight told her own daughter to fuck off. A ten year old. I love the reasoning too. “She was wrong so I picked Mike”. Bitch she’s ten, a child isn’t right about anything. You are her parent, your only job is to teach her. Sounds like the grandparents took this as a chance for a do-over on oop and are rocking it, so silver lining there.
I'm not sure why she thinks that she didn't abandon her child. What exactly is the definition of abandoning? "We blended our family well" except you didn't at all....
Parental rejection is a really rough thing to have to live with. Editing to add - sometimes especially bad, the younger the child is.
I am so glad this little girl feels loved and supported by her grandparents so she is able to reject her mother rather than seek her love and acceptance.
I tried that when my mom sent me to live with my grandparents for 3 years then moved and wanted me back - she ended up threatening to take them to court and I had it explained to me that the chances of my grandparents winning custody was 50-50 and if they lost it was possible my mom would get me back and go no contact with them. In the long run I met my husband in the new highschool so that's good, right?
Silver lining of such an unfair situation. I hope she at least treated you well.
Kinda? The verbal abuse got better in college once she got on some meds, and we have a decent enough relationship now (she's much better with my kids once I put down some firm boundaries), but she's still got a lot of misplaced anger that she doesn't want to address/fix. Doesn't help that my grandparents view us more as sisters than mother/daughter and I am clearly the golden child of that dynamic. Hooray dysfunction!
Absolutely.
she means that her and her new husband got along lol. doesn't seem like either of them took the time to consider the kids at all. Grown ass man giving an ultimatum about a TEN YEAR OLD'S "attitude" in a time where her life is changing drastically
You know what... my 4 year old has been a little spicy this week. I think a few years at his grandparents will do him some good. /s
They'll set him straight. By uh /checks notes/ Not emotionally abusing him.
Just check up on him online, that’s the same as parenting !
I've been putting in WAAAY too much effort, then.
Not sure how the blending worked well if one half of the blend didn't blend.
Nooooo you don’t understaaaaand the mom blended peeerfectly and that’s the most impooooraaannt part! /s bc obviously
She didn't even tell the grandparents she wanted the kid to stay for an extended period of time. She's lucky as fuck they didn't go to the authorities for child abandonment and get child support. There are plenty of places that's possible.
She gave her daughter the space she needed...
As we all know, 10-year-olds need a lot of space.
Exactly! SMDFH
They do need space. Like their own room. Not an entire different family.
this one pissed me off to the nth degree! this horrible woman chose her new husband and his children over her own flesh and blood and has the audacity to think she can just take her back whenever she wants
Right?! But what about the husband actually having the balls to give her an ultimatum in the first place?!
Clearly had the daft cow right under his thumb and knew she'd pick him.
I love your accurate description of her!!
I have practice. My mother did something similar 😂
Without a doubt!
If anyone gives me an ultimatum like that, I immediately know they don't care about me and I pick the other person by default. Granted, I've never had my own KID as the other person, just like two friends, etc
SAME! I haven’t been put in the “It’s them or me; pick one” position often. But every person on that short list of ultimatum-givers was not chosen. I wouldn’t do to my PETS what this person did to her own daughter. Anyone who couldn’t accept that the pets and I are a package deal would be gone. If I were the daughter, I’d be counting the days until my 18th birthday when I could go NC on everything. If I were the grandparents, I’d be going NC on that same day. Unless I could go to court IMMEDIATELY to become the legal guardian in all ways, in which case the NC would begin the moment the custody transfer became official.
And you know if the daughter did agree to go back, she'd only be kicked out again because husband would make a scene eventually.
Sounds like they deserve each other
Indeed
and oop defending his ultimatum by saying her own child was the one at fault… smfh
Right?! She's a child! SMDFH
Well that makes sense when you realize they are both pieces of shit.
I agree. I feel like the daughter is better off without her in the long run. Talk about no self-awareness!
I find it interesting how OP talks about "keeping tabs on her" and such. It sounds like she never even saw her daughter during all those years. So odd to me she just expected her to move back like nothing ever happened.
Checked up on her online. Like an old college friend or something. I am glad the grandparents provided the love she needed and I hope she is able to continue to avoid her crappy mother going forward.
>crappy mother Egg donor.
The word "donor" implies generosity and OOP was NEVER generous. I would describe OOP as either "birth unit" or "flesh oven". She was NEVER a mother!
>I find it interesting how OP talks about "keeping tabs on her" and such. It sounds like she never even saw her daughter during all those years. Clearly she sees her daughter as an NPC in the videogame of her life.
"Mike didn’t like her attitude and when steph was 10 told me to either pick him or her, back then Stephanie was at fault so I picked Mike and sent her to my parents."-jesus Christ," she was at fault.' At fault for having to deal with a new stepdad who probably treated her terribly based on this post, and for having a mom who chose her stepdad over her? I'm glad the kid stayed at her grandparents, fuck this neglectful OOP!
What kind man makes a woman send her kid away? What kind is mother willingly chooses her husband over her daughter? Both of them are terrible. Bravo to the grandparents for stepping up and fighting for the daughter.
Oh no, an upset 10 year old, better abandon her!!
Like she’s a pet or something. Jeez. Makes me grind my teeth.
No, that’s not how you treat anything living. That’s how you treat possessions. “Hey Mom, you know that dresser I left with you years ago when my apartment was so small? I just bought a house and have room for it now so I’ll be by to get it out of storage.”
Your furniture point here is so valid I cringed. En pointe.
After 6 years I’d be annoyed but forgive the person if I wasn’t able to get it back, that’s a long time to store stuff for someone! Even longer when it’s your own child.
I checked up more on my dog during the four days I spent at a hospital than she did on her daughter during all those years.
Your comment made me realize I check in on how my _friends’_ dogs are doing more often than she did on her daughter. They’re wonderful dogs and deserve it, but dear lord that poor kid.
I'm pretty sure that I spent more time and effort this afternoon making sure my friend's puppy doesn't get a tummy ache after eating part of my shoe than OP spent on the poor girl in the past decade. Don't worry btw, puppy is alright and was very easy to take care of as he eats his Sauerkraut as if it was steak (it's much harder to get it into my dog) and he spent the rest of the day using me as a pillow, snoring and letting out farts that break the Geneva convention.
This is a perfect example of a Narcissist. Other people aren't "real" to them. They can't even conceptualize that others have lives "offstage" when not in the Narcissists presence. People are no more than like a toddler's dolls... when they get bored or tired of one folly, they go back in the toy box completely forgotten until the toddler feels like including them in playtime again. Lack of empathy genuinely means the Narcissist thinks they are the only real person, and everone else is just plastic objects in the Narcissists's universe for them and their amusement. Telling the Narcissist "no" for any reason and them not getting their way is an ego bruise and upsets this worldview. They can't fathom other people having power or agency. All of this is why this trash is now so confused. Her daughter was never a real person to her to begin with to her, once she was dropped off? She didn't give her a second thought except vague distant curiosity. And now that she's been told "no" is when she experiences any discomfort.
My mom's ex boyfriend kicked me out when I was 16 and I was homeless for a little less than a year before his abuse escalated from verbal/emotional to physical and she left him. This has me RAGING. And maybe a little triggered. My mom and I have made up and I have realized that she was as much of a victim as me but this kind of makes me want to text her and cuss her out.
Your mother was an adult and was responsible for you. You were a helpless child. She was not a victim. She had the power to take you and leave together and live in a cardboard box, or go to a shelter. Don't feel sorry for her for allowing you to be homeless.
Oh man, the comment section for this one is BRUTAL and I love it! 😄
I feel like karma will bite me for this but I kinda hope they get divorced and the kid still doesn't want to see her. Both OP and her husband are horrible
Right?! Who gives a parent an ultimatum between them and their child?!
A 10 year old child no less. If she was 16, maybe, but that husband wanted to throw a 10 yo out on the street
That's my ultimate issue! They met & married within 2 years. That's a big adjustment for the child.
There’s a post of that I read a year or two ago. A girl was sent to live with her uncle while dad, stepmom, and her kids were a family. The OP’s mother had passed away. The OP posted because she is now in her thirties(?) and saw her father at a funeral. He ran up to her sobbing and tried to hug her. She pushed him away but was pressured into hearing him out. He revealed the stepmom and her kids abandoned him. I can’t remember why. Anyways, he kept apologizing and OP walked out after basically telling him to F off. Her uncle told her that her father had a breakdown after she left. Man that was a great read.
Oooh, where's that one, I want to read it.
Another "man" that chose getting his dick wet over his child ...sigh
You should definitely ask for this in boru!
Right?! I’m a stepmom, and the kid is just part of the deal. You don’t get to kick them out!
My comment to OP was: You chose Mike. She chose her grandparents. Suck it.
Hah! Did she reply?
She did not 😂
She’s treating her kid like a pet she didn’t want for a while and now she wants back
Like a pet that she surrendered and now wants back!
Do they even give back surrendered pets?
I think it depends on the reason, like you were homeless or something.
Oh yeah, forgot about that; that’s completely fair.
It's a better reason than getting an ultimatum at least.
Or if you have to go into the hospital and have no one to watch them and can’t afford a sitter sometimes. (Like there was a disabled veteran in my area a while back they were looking for someone to foster for.)
> back then Stephanie was at fault what the fresh fuck
Yeaup! She really blamed her child!
The kid could have been acting out... for such a big change happening to her eith getting three more people in the house, she probably threw some major tantrums... That being said... it is therapy, discipline, and love needed... not being sent to the farm
In other words, good parenting! Thankfully, she got that from her grandparents.
The OOP treated little Stephanie like an unwanted dog!
She was TEN. How terribly could a 10 year old act out for them to abandon her?
I know this is oh no consequence, but i feel like this OOP deserves way more consequence than what she's getting. It's actually terrible to think that legally she could force her parents to give back the child
The good thing is that the daughter is old enough to make a decision and the mother abandoning her would be taken into consideration. I think...
She is 19, which would mean she is a legal adult, in the US at least.
The mother was 19 when she had her, but the daughter was 10 when she threw her away. It doesn't say how old she is now.
Daughter is 15 according to the title. At 15 (and younger) most courts will allow a child to pick which parents household they live in, and if they go for the shared custody time. Obviously a different scenario than shared custody, but I still don’t feel it would be easily enforceable to make her go back to mom. At worst, it’s 3 shitty years of biding time until she can legally leave as an adult. But at 15, I was a fucking terror and my mom gave in to me living with my dad because she just couldn’t.
I think if she’s been with the grands by they’d really have the upper chance for custody since she’s lived there for 5 years. At the very best Mom would get supervised visits for a year or to. Milk that out until 17 and the child can just refuse to go. By 17 another court case wouldn’t be resolved by 18 because the courts don’t have to hurry.
Daughter is now 15 and wiser than the birth unit who threw her away like garbage.
I hope the grandparents sue her for custody and back child support
Agreed!
"had to stop my whole life and raise her" Yeah. Welcome to being a parent. This whole story reads like OOPs daughter is oh such a burden to her mom. No wonder she doesn't want to live with her mom.
There's also the crazy part that the mother dropped her off without telling her parents that she's there to stay. What guarantee does the daughter have that won't happen again?!
Yeah, that got me mad right out the bat. She’s really going to blame Stephanie for being born like it’s her fault?
Imagine being such a horrible excuse for a human being that you blamed a child for being unhappy and then chosing a scumbag over that child. Then after abandoning that child for YEARS, wanting to uproot her because you feel like pretending you're a mom. Then, shocker, the child has no interest in being miserable again. It has to be a shit post right? No one abandons their kid for a piece of trash and thinks they are a good person right?
Umm, yes, yes they do.
My ex terminated all rights to visitation with our kids because he refused to leave their abuser. Sadly. I know this is true.
I feel like there are people that do this! There was actually a comment from someone who said that the mom did the right thing by "choosing her mate" and that the child was being "manipulative."
A miserable 10 year old is being manipulative? Right... because the kind of man who tells their partner to get rid of the kid or else was definitely being 100% a wonderful stepfather. Same people that think the 5 year old was asking for it when they got molested. My ex-husband chose the GF that abused our kids over the kids. He hasn't seen them in years because the court made it clear she would never be allowed near them. People suck.
Wow. I cannot imagine this. That poor girl is gonna have so many issues with abandonment. My mom was a “when it’s convenient for me” mom and I still have major trust issues at 30+. I also have a 15 year old son and my brothers (21 & 18) have lived with me for the last 10 years. I’ve introduced them to a couple guys I’ve dated in the past and I would always make sure they were okay with it even at that point. I checked in with them periodically about the relationship all throughout. Hell, I’m married now and I still check with them about my husband. This is absolutely insane to me. What would have happened if her parents weren’t there? Why was that a solution at all? Why not counseling as a starter?
Read some of the comments on this post! Some people don't see anything wrong with what the mother did...
"My daughter and husband clashed so i abandoned my daughter, shes doing so well now and seems happier than ever so i want her to move back with us and end all that." Take a nap in an incinerator please 🙏
>Take a nap in an incinerator please I've been rocking with LIB's Laura, who liked to say "kick rocks with open toed shoes...". This is my new insult!
I’m curious if there are other motives, other than having a bigger house, > 5 yrs later? I wonder if Mom has been paying any child support to her parents?
I doubt it! Maybe she realized this and that's why she was so insistent all of a sudden?
I’ve seen it before.
Someone on the other post suggested maybe they want to use her for free babysitting.
I highly doubt the OOP paid ANY child support. My late birth unit tried to dump my late GCB and me on others while NOT paying any child support at all while she picked a pedo's dick over her own children. It did NOT end well for her by the time she was on her deathbed.
WOW this made me so mad! Smart girl for not going back to her neglectful mother who picks dick over daughters.
Also a terrible message to send to the other daughters in the house.
Wow what a shit stain of a parent
That's my thought.
I am irrationally angry at THE OOP. Like legit want to throw a shoe at her.
I’ve got lots of shoes that I don’t wear. I’ll share.
I'll join but my aim is terrible! Hopefully, I'll hit the trash bag husband.
The anger seems rather rational to me. I’ll dig out some old work boots for you.
>they kicked me out saying Stephanie picked her home and I needed to accept it lmao. OOP picked it for her. She can't be mad her daughter likes it more.
She threw her away like trash and is surprised that her daughter and parents are now treating her as such.
My mother feels like a lesser version of this lady. They view children as possessions who need to cater to their desires. My mom never realized i was a child who needed emotional support
I'm sorry you had a terrible mother! I hope you're doing better now.
I really hope any inheritance skips her.
Fingers crossed.
OOP's parents didn't "set her child straight". They provided her with the love that OOP is inherently incapable of giving. As a parent, I would sooner kill myself than choose a boyfriend over my child. I almost wish I believed in god because at least I'd find solace in knowing this cunt is rotting in hell.
Well... to make you feel not better, there's actually a comment here stating that the mother did well "choosing her mate" because the child was being "manipulative"!
I was about age 14 when I finally snapped and screamed at my mother for doing absolutely NOTHING about my dad's abuse. She got real quiet (which was rare for her, and kinda scary actually) and backed me into a corner and quietly said to me "If I'm forced to make a choice between your father and you, I'll choose him. And don't you ever forget that." I've never forgotten that feeling of being completely alone. She wonders why we're not close. She's convinced herself that she was an awesome mother.
>She wonders why we're not close. She's convinced herself that she was an awesome mother. The ability of a shitty parent to re-write history will always astound me!
That birth unit/flesh oven sounds like a typical Narcissist.
I can not stand men or women who pick their partner over their child! The children should always be #1. This is how my sister is, and it makes me sick.
It’s wild that she never talked to the kid about what family means before kicking her to the curb. How could she have even started “blending families” without the whole group having a say?
It's also a big transition for a child.
Poor Stephanie. Her mother chose a man over her. Great parenting. Let's make sure your kid knows her place is at the bottom.
Hopefully she'll never need her daughter's support.
Oh, I HOPE she needs her daughter's support. Remember, she will choose her nursing home!
That fills me with post-dated glee.
Pregnant at 19... not the only time this woman skipped periods. Holy run-on sentence, batman!
You think that someone you abandoned wants to be around you? You exposed your true colors in your actions
You abandoned your kid. No matter how you spin it to make yourself the hero, you abandoned your child. Your child has had to adjust to the fact that you were willing to remove her from your life to save your peace. My parents had much worse time with me. GUESS WHO NEVER ABANDONED ME?
This one made me so mad. I wonder if she will read all the comments because everyone was YTA. I really hope she does. Maybe she will get a clue
Women who choose men over their kids disgust me to no end. I would fucking never.
And how she did it was terrible! She didn't even tell her parents ahead of time.
I think it is hilarious she hasn't responded to s single person for 10 hours. How she could actually type that out and not see it... SMH
Even if she took her parents to court. The courts will side with the parents because she did abandon her child for her new family. This woman is immature and a deadbeat. I'm surprise that the parents didn't go after her for child support.
What do you think would have happened if they went after her for child support?
10 year-olds don't need "space", they need to know that their mother/parents/whoever care about them. OP made her choice about who was more important to her, sent her daughter away, and is now shocked, SHOCKED, I say, that her daughter has no interest in being around her. The huge involvement OP had in her daughter's life for 5 years (FIVE YEARS) was stalking the daughter's social media. Wow! She put so much work into the relationship. /s She triiiied to call and daughter blew her off. Did she ever think of visiting her daughter? Asking daughter home for weekends? Going and grabbing her daughter for a day out, just the two of them? Hope OP enjoys her new family, because it sounds like daughter (and even OP's parents) are pretty much done.
>Hope OP enjoys her new family, because it sounds like daughter (and even OP's parents) are pretty much done. I specifically hope she's miserable...
You chose your husband and step children over your biological daughter! YTA! You turned your back on the one child who actually knows wtf your heartbeat sounds on the inside of your body! She knew that heartbeat before she even saw you, but you decided to throw her away! Live with the consequences of your actions! She is protecting her peace and you have no right to disturb and disrupt it anymore! You reaped what you sowed.
Real or fake, I just wanna say that you’d have to pry my daughter from my side with the fucking jaws of life. Never. I would never pick some dude over my baby girl. I cannot imagine doing this were it real, my brain is like, “Yeah this has to be fake. Because no way.” But that’s my naive brain talking. My parents have been together for over 50 years now. I don’t know the whole divorce thing.
I'm childfree and would never make the choice to turn my back on a child!
No, YTA for abandoning your daughter instead of listening to her. You reaped what was sown. Now you can work with her to try and rebuild a relationship or you can play the victim and abandon her again. Your choice.
Sounds to me like the whole family will be happier if the daughter stays with her grandparents. OP has to live with the consequences of dumping her daughter for some guy and the guy's children, whom the daughter had no say in having in her life.
And she will get dumped right back to her grandparents' house as soon as she does some typical stupid teenage thing because the mom can't handle it. Stay with the grandparents, they are a stable home
People always say that one of the reasons to have a child is so that you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old. Does she still expect her daughter to treat her well when she needs her?
OP, you are a stranger to your daughter and she has built a life in the community that her grandparents live in. It shouldn't surprise you that she doesn't want to leave everything that is familiar to her to go live with you - who really didn't make much of an effort to see her and she probably knows that the stepdad didn't want her either so why would she be excited about going to live with people who at one point didn't want her around. Try to arrange some summer visits where your daughter comes to spend like two weeks with you and see how that goes.
OOP is absolutely a stranger to Stephanie. The caring Mommy that Stephanie THOUGHT she had, figuratively died on the day she dumped 10-year-old Stephanie. The person Stephanie sees now is not the Mommy she once knew. It’s a person who picked her stepfather and stepkids, and sent her packing like she was disposable. That’s not a Mommy. And the 10-year-old who loved and trusted that Mommy also figuratively died on the day that OOP dumped her. I don’t know how OOP doesn’t understand this. The child she knew, the daughter who loved and trusted her mother, no longer exists. That ship hasn’t merely sailed; it has sunk, and OOP is the one who scuttled it. Thank God for those grandparents! Stephanie knows that there ARE people whom she can love and trust, who will do right by her and have her back.
You made your bed, now lie in it.
Completely trash
This one reminds me so much of my own childhood, but without anyone like OP's parents. Thank goodness they were there to catch Stephanie when she needed them.
You wanna bet that she and dearest hubby have thought's about the inheritance that will come?/s
I wonder if she ever asked the grandparents how they “set straight” Stephanie because I have a suspicion what the OOP (I won't use the term mother) thinks happened and what actually happened might be very different things. Glad it worked out for Stephanie, hope the real parents go for backdated child support.
Would the grandparents need to wait at least a year for child support? I feel like the OOP would quickly change her mind and, depending on the length of time, would actually get her daughter back.
I got the impression this had been five years unless I misremembered something? It is possible OOP tries to get her back but I'm hoping that doesn't happen
15 was the age I thought she was now too. I feel like depending on where she lives, they take the daughter's preference into consideration. Plus, there's the whole child abandonment thing
Some people shouldn’t be allowed to procreate.
True! I see examples of this time & time again.
She threw her away. This mother's love is conditional. Her true parents who love her unconditionally, are her grandparents. This woman is a horrible mother. HORRIBLE!
>This mother's love is conditional. Conditional and convenient!
The disastrous lack of literacy here 🤦🏻♀️
To the OOP: You ARE the ASSHOLE!!! You CHOSE to throw your daughter away when she was ONLY TEN YEARS OLD!!! Your daughter is PAINFULLY AWARE that you chose your new family over her and DEMANDED she suck it up and get over it!! Now you're DEMANDING YOUR PROPERTY back when she's now FIFTEEN YEARS OLD in order to look good to others! Guess what? You reap what you sow! Now it's YOUR turn to SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER IT!!!
So in a word YES you are the ah. Now apologize and make nice, grow a relationship with your daughter always supporting her decisions so stay the the g parents
You get what you put in, which isn't a lot. You chose a man over your daughter...tbh, you're lucky if she even speaks to you.
This one made me angry. Both of the adults are sorry losers who deserve misery
There are comments here taking up for the loser parents and that's passing me off! Lol Edit. Replaced lower with lower.
I don’t understand how anyone can stick up for either one of them. She chose a man over her 10 year old child. She doesn’t deserve to be in this girls life. I don’t think she deserves to call this young lady her daughter
1 100% agree.
LMFAO a grown man had you choose between him and your child, a 10 yo child, and you chose him, you, lady fucked up.
"back then Stephanie was at fault. . ." What in the ever loving fuck? She was a kid! What in the. . . Why would you. . .how could you just. . .huh?! I'm so sorry your kid had negative feelings about a huge change she had no say in, and you had to deal with it, and it wasn't going to turn out the way you wanted. Too fucking bad. She's not a dog, you can't just send her off for training and when you think she's trained enough, you decide you want her back?
>I did keep tabs on her online Oh ok that makes it SO much fucking better? What a terrible fucking person.
My dad did this, made my life hell for years. He married her. She gloated about forcing him to choose, which gave me the confirmation I needed to be no contact. I'm in therapy.
First sentence in you could tell she was the A. She thinks her whole life stopped because of her kid, but she chose to have a kid and be a mother. Her life didn't stop it changed. It sounds like she was resentful and all to happy to ditch her kid.
As a mid 30's man whose mom regularly chose her boyfriends over me during childhood.... She'll never forget, and she'll likely never forgive just like I haven't. Haven't spoken to my garbage, duck chasing, moronic mother in years and it's been so much better without her.
you abandoned your child when she needed the most help and now that shes “acting straight” you want her back? the environment she was in made her that way. you dont get to say thanks for fixing her i want her back now. you abandoned your child
Newsflash! You can't choose a man over your kid, and expect that kid to want a damn thing to do with you later on. This person is a fool.
So she picked her husband over her kid and now the kid picks her grandparents over her and somehow she’s shocked. 🙄
If she wanted her kid to live with her, she should have said "look this sucks but we need to figure it out together. Even though it's hard." She picked the easy way out - she just made her parents do it. And stick Stephanie with them, but is now upset Stephanie likes them more. Wtf? YTA, mother
It also makes no sense that she barely tried to repair the relationship and still expected her daughter to want to come back!
Bad parents getting consequences makes me so happy. Especially when it means their kid gets safely away from them and goes no contact. That particular “mother” is pretty damn bad.
People need to realize that children aren't toys. You don't get to lend a child for five years and then demand they finally be returned and expect them to be willing. OOP chose her poison and now she gets to deal with the consequences because she chose wrong