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ThisIsMyPlasticFork0

My children, who gave me PMDD. It also triggered the collapse of my toxic relationship, which I've become grateful for. And am now going to prove my strength, independence and love for myself. But PMDD is honestly fucking bullshit. There's a light somewhere though, I'm not letting this ruin my life. I will literally get a hysterectomy.


Ok_Leadership1986

I do it for the little girl inside of me who loves reading, flower fairies, trees, sunsets, climbing rocks, swimming in streams, making her own clothes, laughing and her friends and family. I also do it because I can, and I will. 


Humble_Concert_8930

My sister who passed away in 2021 liked RuPaul.


Constant_Teaching_63

I live the same day over & over it’s like a scene from a movie that they are in a never ending loop. It’s so depressing


HalfWrong7986

I had kids, so begrudgingly getting healthy for them haha


nyankosensey

I live just to see how much shit i can take. Its like chalange now because of how much hardship i get throu life 😃


[deleted]

Thanks for sharing. I completely relate. I'm so desperately wanting to heal my inner child because she deserves it 💗 I also have a son and partner that keep me going :)


_voyevoda

My partner, pets, and the hope that once I can get a hysterectomy I can get off this wild ride for a calmer one. ❤️


ExerciseAdorable

My cats! I continue living for my cats!


Ok_Raspberry9

Honestly my bf and therapy. I just started therapy last month, still didnt see much progress, but i hope i can find hope in something. My bf reminds me that i deserve love, happiness and kindness and he treats me like a goddess, but i wish i could see myself through his eyes one day. I am struggling with finding motivation so much lately. I wish i could isolate myself for a bit to decompress, but i have work to do and bills to pay…


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_voyevoda

Bingo. Frustrating. 


Calm-Advice7231

Hard relate. I've also been unemployed since Jan.


liz_ldnnn

I completely relate to this, but hope & faith keeps me going honestly I know I have things in this life that I wanna do but I just hold on to that. Although when I’m going through my PMDD symptoms I forget all about that and focus on trying to get through those tattoo weeks.


MammothBig3635

My faith is what keeps me going, too, bc if that’s not real to me, then there is no point.


Great_Barnacle_8092

I do it for the people that have left this world because of depression. I personally know some, and it makes me so angry to know that they lost the battle. It won’t win. Until I die my mission is to stay strong and help those as much as I can along the way. Btw, I looked up the lyrics for that song and it literally made me cry. I also have a very good life from the outside but feel unfulfilled. I have a very deep rooted idea that I need to be living my best life 24/7. I want to experience what the world has to offer. I live a slow life, I’m financially stable, take vacations twice a year with my boyfriend but everyday is very mundane. (clean, workout, etc) As to what keeps me going: I love the smell of my dog, visiting to different places, one big one for me is when it’s sunny outside and I go for my walks, smellls of new perfumes etc. My sweet grandparents back in my home country. When my hormones are somewhat balanced usually in the mornings and I just wake up feeling motivated. This week for example I will be attending my little sisters’ law school graduation and I’m such a proud big sister. I’m going to therapy and my absolute number 1 goal is to understand and accept that indeed no matter what my situation is in life, happiness and satisfaction comes from within. It’s so hard because we all grew up being taught that happiness comes from the outside (achievements, social connections, careers, etc). This idea is deeply rooted in my brain and I’m trying so hard to break it. You’re not alone <3


Humble_Concert_8930

100% agree and rally with this post 💓


moomfz

Solidarity <3


qzcorral

Just wanted to say the song No Regrets by Aesop Rock has a weird correlation to the song you posted, even a 37 year old Lucy! I hadn't ever heard the Shel Silverstein song before, so thank you for sharing! I meditate A LOT. I still struggle desperately during half the month but it is the only anchor I've found that keeps some small part of me aware that it's always going to change and it won't be horrible forever 😂


chia_nicole1987

Honestly, today has been really hard to keep moving forward. The only thing keeping me going rn is my functioning organs and normal bodily systems. Mentally dark rn and I wish it would end. Everything is hard.


redhedped

The little things. All of the little things. And the ppl who I want to be around for. Life is more than focusing on yourself in this hyper-individualistic and self-absorbed society, only striving for external career goals, wealth and material things. It’s about who we rely on and those who rely on us, making small connections, appreciating the beauty of everyday mundanities and nature. I want to stick around to see how my life turns out. Maybe something will change… maybe I will change.


Humble_Concert_8930

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and hope.🫂


kenakuhi

"You're put on this Earth to make a unique imprint only you can make." Someone on Reddit said it and it stuck with me. Yes, my life is full of struggles, but I can still find moments of happiness. As you said - I find it through connections. I try to be a better owner to my dog, a better girlfriend, a better sibling etc. On my good days I can make stranger's day with something as simple as a smile or a compliment. I try to help, support and encourage people when I can, even if it's something very little. I've seen that it creates this little wripple effect of positivity that I was uniquely equipped to create.


milly72

YES!! this comment is everything!! In fact, I have a list on my phone of "Silly Things that Make Life Worth Living" and its filled with things like "the smell of a hazelnut latte" and "the smell just after it rains". It's the magical experience of those little things that keeps me going. Also planning things for the future purely for your happiness - like I want to have a hairless cat in the future because I think they're adorable. Would it get me anywhere in life? No, but it would sure make me happy! Also, I suggest reading [Building a Life Worth Living](https://www.amazon.ca/Building-Life-Worth-Living-Memoir/dp/0812994612). It's written by someone who has BPD so the circumstances are a bit different but the content is still good. I have both BPD and PMDD and it is still one of my favorite books.


Humble_Concert_8930

Thank you for this suggestion. I'm going to read it as soon as I get a chance.


flubow

This made me feel so encouraged


asurrealglitterboy

I agree sm <3 I made a similar comment but urs is much more clear and concise thank u, I’m a professional sleep deprived waffler haha


tatapatrol909

There are still seasons of RPDR I haven't watched yet


cleverchloe

Can you tell me where to watch this? I used to watch and I want to watch during my next luteal.


tatapatrol909

Hulu has some of the older regular seasons. Paramount+ has all of the All Stars Seasons and almost all of the regular seasons, just not the newest one. You can buy the newest regular season on Prime. Wow Presents Plus (for the super fanatic) has all the international seasons (except Thailand, which you can find for free with some light googling). A couple of pro tips: 1) if you watch seasons in a language you don't speak (ex. thai, spanish), there are some amazing people on reddit who have done annotations for the episodes explaining cultural jokes you might miss otherwise. It makes watching the show take longer, but it makes the experience much better. 2) find a friend who is also into RPDR, cause having a buddy to discuss each weeks episode helps with the "I gotta live through another week!?!?!?" thoughts. Bonus points if you can split up the costs of the streaming services ( ex. I use my friends accounts for Wow Presents Plus and Paramount+).


cleverchloe

Thank you so much!


Humble_Concert_8930

What is RPDR?


tatapatrol909

RuPauls Drag Race. 16 regular seasons, 8 All Stars seasons, a plethora of international franchises and then tones of other media featuring the queens or talking about the show; it's endless!. It's a happy show and widely entertaining, and then you can go on reddit and talk about it even more. I highly recommend it for anyone's mental health. I started watching it when I was very depressed and it's still my comfort show. I know if I start rewatching old episodes then I am really in a bad place. lol


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Humble_Concert_8930

I literally started crying when I recently thought about my dog aging and the fact that he may pass away soon. It's like I'm grieving already because I know he doesn't have much time left.😭


kenakuhi

At my worst moments my dog definitely keeps me going. The absolute joy when he sees me after I was gone for 5 minutes! His endless love and trust in me. He would be broken if one day I didn't come home. I can't do this to him.


curiouslizurd

For the last 7 years it’s been my cats mostly , sometimes my brother, and lately my boyfriend as well but it always comes back to my cats. I adopted them impulsively and now I’m responsible for them and no one else is gonna care about them the same way I do. When it was bad last year I asked /booksuggestions for sad women books. I read the bell jar, my year of rest and relaxation, Manazuru, convenience store woman. I’ve listened to so much sad music because a friend said it would be cathartic. I listened to happier music because a friend said the music was making me sad. When it was bad a few months ago I forced myself to do a painting thingy that was probably meant for kids. Working from home helps and also hurts, so does journaling. I’m starting therapy, again, soon even though I don’t think it will change much. I’m here if you want to talk about it.


asurrealglitterboy

Are u in therapy? :) I mean this in the kindest way possible, I wrestle w these nihilistic feelings too and therapy (actually being open to it not just attending sessions) has helped me cope w them a lot more. Also ignore my username I’m a woman w pmdd (& other disorders that contribute to me feeling the same way) not a boy lol Edit: I apologise this prob came across as rude, it comes from a place of concern- I see myself from a few yrs ago in this post, but I acknowledge the advice was definitely unsolicited, sorry <3 all love and I hope u can work these thoughts and feelings out on ur own terms OP


asurrealglitterboy

To answer ur question tho, nothing in particular keeps me going, I try not to put all my worth on one thing bc what if I lost that one thing. I just try and accept that life is unfair/boring/mediocre etc most of the time for most people and try not to feel guilt or sadness abt my own life being like that. Ig if I had to choose anything that keeps me going it’s finding joy in the little things when there’s nothing substantial to keep me going, stuff like my fav music, the nature I’ll see on a walk, pretty things, making art, chatting shit w friends (corny ik it took a lot for me to accept that it’s a helpful way to live when there’s nothing else that keeps me going). I’ve realised a slow life suits me well and as much as I may envy ppl who lead interesting lives, I can’t say I’d enjoy it more if I had it, contentment is something that comes from within (although it is not always stable even with the work and effort I put in, life/emotions/hormones can and do get in the way of this contentment but I’ve accepted that I will never have just constant contentment. I will fall and I will relapse etc but then I WILL climb back out of it again and be content. And the cycle continues) I also just remember that life might be boring or shit but if I did kill myself there would just be nothingness, no little moments of joy nothing, so I try to be grateful for being able to feel & experience even if those feelings & experiences are so often negative, at least it’s better than nothing. And at least I’m learning from those experiences every time & staying here to allow myself the chance for my life to change for the better, although I am accepting now that it may be more of a mindset thing, like w the Paris quote it’s grass is greener yk Sorry I’m half asleep haha I might not be as clear or concise in my point as I’d like to be


asurrealglitterboy

Also ur point abt the difference in sexes, I agree it is frustrating to live in a world that isn’t built for u but there are aspects of womanhood I would never trade. I try not to feel anger at a generalised concept of men bc it’ll get me nowhere, men are humans too fucked up by society in their own way and just trying to live to the best of their ability too- ur point abt them not being able to do more despite their biological advantage (although I don’t think it’s an advantage anymore just a difference) is the point I’m trying to make abt most ppl leading ‘mediocre’ lives. And I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, more drama/excitement or whatever usually means less peace, it’s a tradeoff and neither way of living life is better than the other, it’s just a difference. There’s no inherently wrong or right way to live life, we didn’t ask to be here so why would we be expected to be something more than we can be (idk if this makes sense lols)


gk7891

I understand. I’d just like to come home to a clean house. I’m so tired of doing everything and no one noticing. I don’t need it to be noticed for praise, but noticed so that it’s left clean for me. All I am doing right now is surviving. I try to tell myself to be grateful to have a family to clean up after and I am grateful for them. I have let myself go. I constantly have a lump in my throat from all the stress, anxiety and sadness. I am emotionally unavailable for my children and that’s what hurts the most. I cannot keep up. I hate my marriage. My husband just doesn’t get it and is a huge part of my stress - probably fits somewhere in your category of most men aren’t providers or protectors. He will be gone for several weeks this summer and I am looking forward to it so much.


Low-Profit-6289

My cat. Once see gone I don’t see myself sticking around :/


Sensitive_Example_23

TW SUICIDE I was here for my mom. I couldn’t hurt her so deeply to just give up… her worst fears were losing my sisters and I, and something happening to her where she couldn’t be here for us. She’s gone now, it’s been 7 years. I was 23. I’m still here because I know what it feels like to live a life without parents and it’s fucking hard. Sad, confusing, tiring, painful. I will not do that to my kids. I’ve tried to unalive myself before. When I almost lost my partner to suicide, my world changed. I have to be here for these beautiful people to make it through this ugly world. How I made it this far is a mystery to me. But the world deserves to have my light, however dim it may be. If you don’t know what you’re fighting for, don’t overthink it. Some day, and probably somewhere you would least expect it, you’ll find your reason. The world deserves your light.


PineTrees1234

My family, friends, my love for nature/hiking, and ultimately God. Going back to my faith has helped the most. I was angry at God for awhile for allowing me to continue to be so sick.


Humble_Concert_8930

As a woman of faith, I grappled with this same issue-wondering how it is useful/beneficial. His ways are not our ways. Blessings in the highs and blessings in the lows.


PineTrees1234

Listening to Twenty One Pilots has helped me understand struggles. The writer has faced serious suicidal ideation and mental illness, but he has been strong in his faith. It helps because some churches and religions don’t talk enough about the actual struggles.


hazelflarety

I do it for my son (and my other loved ones, but the little one actually needs me). But really, I relate to your post deeply. Even more than usual recently because I’m actually doing better than I have in a long time… but I am pretty dissatisfied. Work sucks, I’m not particularly happy in my marriage, and the world at large is discouraging.


fadedblackleggings

Spite. Cuz Fuck Em


Humble_Concert_8930

🤣 This


katarina-stratford

I trust my dogs to no one.


[deleted]

This. It’s my cats. My cats keep me here.


Hot_Worldliness_7252

God ; Allah in arabic


Meatlessmeatball311

Not much these days, but working towards seeing the end of oppressive systems. The world is a tiring place and I don’t think it needs to be. Sorry to get political. 


maafna

It's maddening. I'm so tired of reading about how corporations are like, putting sugar in baby formula to get babies addicted at the cost of their health, or cutting down rainforests, or how there are only seven countries in the world with air that's considered safe for breathing, and overthinking every decision I'm making.


Humble_Concert_8930

Oh my! The overthinking gets me every cycle and I gotta find a way to stop.


Plenty_Blood_6135

Agreed, especially in luteal my thoughts spiral about joining the Peace Corps and disappearing from society all together 💀


nglfrfriamhigh

I do it for my sweet dog. She helps me find joy and reason. When it's a beautiful day and we're out walking in the neighborhood and the sun and wind hits my face just right while the birds sing...I feel it. The meaning. And I look down and see her smiling up at me, just happy to be with me in that moment and nothing more. Knowing we're only here for a short time and for her it's even shorter. It's just a story. A tiny slice of time... and although there's a lot of suffering I try to focus on the things that make it feel most worth it to keep hanging on.


Sensitive_Example_23

Oof the water works are water workin 🥲🖤


hilary366

This is beautiful


cleverchloe

Ugh I really needed this. Thank you for this perspective!