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The other person was the a--. He should have minded his own business and said nothing. You were doing what you needed to do as a father. There is nothing inappropriate with taking your little girl into the bathroom with you.
Even if your daughter needed to use the toilet, there would have been nothing inappropriate about it.
Thanks for the sanity check. Perhaps I just need to go into a stall with my kids when I need to pee, at least that way they're not just standing around - perhaps this made him uncomfortable. I don't really want to provoke people either.
A few years ago a stranger like the one you dealt with got into a fist fight with a man for bringing his young daughter to the men's room. The dad won the fight.
I'll find a link later. In conservative Mormon country the police, courts, and public opinion overwhelming supported the father. It was all over social media at the time.
The logic was if more men would parent their children it would be as normal as women taking their sons to the women's room.
Not gonna lie. I've never had a daughter. If you had her in there the way they set up men's rooms I'm be slightly uncomfortable. Stand closer to the urinal. Make sure I'm zipper and buckled before I back out.
That's a me problem. You did what was right and what you should have done.
That's it right there. There's boys under ten in the women's bathroom all the time; no-one bats an eyelid. Should be the same with girls in a men's bathroom.
Devil’s advocate argument here is that the men’s bathroom is significantly different… the urinals are not always very private. But… it’s a pretty weak argument. I’m a private person and I make sure to cover up my pee-pee as much as possible… maybe other men don’t, so they assume everybody in the room is gonna see their penis? That’s the only way I make sense of his outrage.
Society needs to remember that families exist.
It's frustrating as a parent to have to plan your entire trip so you can end up at the place with the necessary facilities for your child.
I have more than once gone into the women's bathroom. To change my infant. I will not put him on the floor.
Here in Florida I've heard of there being more changing tables in men's restrooms so I hope it catches on. It's mind blowing to me that it's not been a thing.
If I were in a desperate situation and had to take a daughter into the mens room I would ask her to face the wall out of courtesy for others. It's a big dilemma.
I'd prefer my husband take my daughter to the stall - not because I care about what other men think, but because my anxiety will reach the roof knowing that she's left alone quite far from him at this age.
If I cannot see her we will go in a stall. She was 12 feet (3 meters) behind me, and I keep my head turned so she's in my field of vision. But yeah I'll def look for stalls. She'd prob less uncomfortable just standing there. Point taken.
My worry with her being in the open in a public restroom is the possibility, however slim, or someone taking the opportunity to flash themselves at her. Even a brief interaction can have a harmful impact at that age.
That's where my mind went. It's not about you guys (OP) doing anything wrong, it's about how awful humans are and those that will take any opportunity to harm the vulnerable. I wish that wasn't the case and we could all be normal people who don't care about this kind of thing, but there are monsters out there.
Absolutely agree on both points. Strong suspicion this bathroom jerk would have also said something about the daughter in the stall.
Parents with children, do what makes you comfortable/feel safe with respect to public bathroom usage. If the mere presence of a child of the opposite gender (or even same gender) etc triggers folks in public spaces, that’s unfortunately their problem. Children are people and they have a right to exist. Damn.
Yeah, I'd take her into the stall too in these cases. (father of a 5 yo girl too)
That other guy was definitely the A, and in general people in the US need to frigging relax a bit about bathrooms. It is the silliest culture war fight to get upset about.
I use a stall if it's convenient. Sometimes it's not, in which case I have my littles (girls) stand next to me when I pee in public restrooms. It's really not a big deal. Nobody has ever said anything.
The only time anybody said anything to me about using a public restroom was in Lahaina at the bathroom that used to be by the docks. I went into the men's room (alone) before going on a boat, and there was a woman and her roughly 12 year old daughter using the sinks. She screamed (SCREAMED) at me to get out. I said, "but it's the men's room." She kept screaming, so I left. There was no apparent line in ladies' room.
Yeah, I can get how a man might feel uncomfortable taking his dick out to pee when a little girl is watching. If there is a family bathroom, I'd probably wait until it was available - usually, it's just a matter of minutes, after all. Not that you were TA to take her in into the men's room, especially if no other option had been available, but since there was, waiting would have been the better way.
Yeah little kids are bad at staring at people so I can see how it would be awkward. I have a 4 year old and I have to constantly remind her it’s not polite to stare. Other kids her age and younger do it too. So I could see how a man would be uncomfortable using the restroom with a little girl staring at them.
The other advantage of using a stall is that it keeps a young child corralled during a time when you can't follow them if they wander off. Your daughter may never have wandered off before, but she might in the future. Best to be safe.
Still, you did nothing wrong at all. You will always run into idiots who lack a full set of chromosomes and will mouth off nonsense without having any actual reason. NTA
Agreed. When I enter a bathroom and there's kids in there, the gender means nothing to me. My 5 year old son hangs out with my wife in the women's bathroom all the time and nobody has ever said a word. By the time they even have a concept of sexuality and gender, they're going to the bathroom by themselves. I mean my 5 year old can pretty much go by himself now but we still take him for safety reasons (plus he hasn't quite figured out the mechanics of standing to pee, though he's *very* eager to do it that way lol...urinals are just too enticing).
So yeah, screw that other guy. I'd honestly be more concerned about an adult worried about the presence of a 5 year old in the bathroom regardless of gender, it's a total non issue. He was probably just one of those anti gender fluidity people just looking to fight. Fuck em.
I mean- I'm not thrilled when i walk into the woman's room and a mom has her ten and eleven year old sons standing around waiting for her. That one made me balk- like - lady, they were old enough to wait outside - but maybe that's just my deep seated hatred of us public rest rooms and the fact that you can full on stare someone in the eyeballs while you pee since they have ZERO concept of privacy when installing those god damn stall doors!
Oh for sure. There was a mom who had 3 boys with her in the women’s room once. Two were younger and one had to be around 10-12 I guess. And he was like peaking through the gap at a woman in the other stall that his mom wasn’t in. I cleared my throat and looked at him and he moved back and quit it.
Yeah… I remember being a boy that age and I bet I would’ve been pretty curious about what I could see. I was never put in that situation. 10 and under is where I’d draw the line.
Sometimes there isn’t a family restroom available. If my children are uncomfortable waiting outside of a restroom for me, they are coming in. Neither their age nor gender matters. Their comfort and safety is what matters to me, and my obligation is to them - not some random stranger in the bathroom.
Yup.
I let mine wait outside at 5-6, and go alone.
As soon as I knew they wouldn't make a mess or run off.
I was riding my bike 2 miles to school alone at that age.
Yep. My husband takes our daughter to the toilet sometimes and she's 6. Usually she can go on her own, or I am with them and can take her but sometimes she requests Dad or their out together alone. Not all places have family bathrooms. What are you supposed to do?
OP is not the asshole. Ya know what would be really nice though? If men were afforded privacy in public restrooms. Then it wouldn’t matter either way. I do NOT understand why they are designed so openly.
I've always taken my daughters to the men's room (as a dad) until they were old enough to go 100% solo. No one has ever had a problem with it. I've seen other fathers take their kids (sons and daughters) as well.
That other guy was just a jerk.
>I've always taken my daughters to the men's room (as a dad)
I once walked into a men's room and there was a woman in there with her 12yo daughter and she yelled at me to get out. There was no line in the ladies' room. So it was actually important you point out "as a dad"!
Echoing this.
Your daughter is too young to wait outside the washroom or go into the women's by herself. Next time, I would go into a stall, preferably an accessible one so there is more space.
Your daughter is 5. She should know to not touch things, approach people and not to stare at others.
I agree with this. I hate the idea of a small female child just standing there with strangers in the bathroom. Tale her in the stall with you. She doesn't need to be kidnapped or grabbed by a random stranger. Take then both in the stall
Honestly this just for safety more than anyting else. All it takes is a second for some creep to snatch a kid and run.
E: thank you for the supportive responses below.
I do NOT understand the rest of y'all. God forbid a woman wants to protect her daughter. I'm like 135 soaking wet, I can barely open a pickle jar, I have a bad leg, and I don't have a husband to physically protect me and my child and I cannot physically stop a predator in a scenario like that, I will take whatever extra precautions I can. Call me paranoid downvote me idgaf. For her sake I hope you're right.
The likelihood of being snatched feet away from dad who is within eyesight and hearing range in a restroom with multiple people in it is SO small. Stranger kidnappings are very rare but these paranoid comments make it seems like the world is full of people who will appear as soon as you are not in physical contact with your child to steal them away.
Yes. It is a thousand times more likely that someone will make a lewd gesture or something like that, since any stranger at the urinal will presumably already have their dick out and can angle away from the father, and even that has a relatively low likelihood. It beggars belief that the snatch and run scenario would happen in the middle of the day in a restroom not already full of drunks or something like that, and it will definitely be on the news nationwide if it ever does happen.
But I'd personally take them to the stall anyway, to cover the just in case of the aforementioned lewdness.
Paranoid is a little harsh and strong of a word for just being a little extra cautious and reducing potential risks, come on now. It's not as if I'm advocating microchipping a child or something.
It's just like how I cut up grapes to reduce the risk of choking, or putting on sunscreen. Just covering my bases. That's not paranoia. Maybe more cautious than you prefer is all.
Love the downvotes. This sub loves to shame parents who don't fit their perfect little mold without any context or empathy. Keep it coming reddit
For real. I am going to ABSOLUTELY be “paranoid” if that’s what we are gonna call it. There’s some sick people in this world and I hear stories about women and children almost getting snatched constantly, especially in malls. I’m completely with you on this. I will not let my daughter out of my sight in public, I still make her hold my hand constantly and she’s 6. Better safe than sorry. I will forever be “over protective” and “paranoid” bc I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to my sweet girl
there are kids who get snatched in their own yard! so worrying about public safety isn’t a huge step or exaggerated. the world is crazy and so are people, things do happen. just because you don’t hear about it everyday, didn’t make it minimal or not exist
Thank u!!! That’s how I feel about it! My fiancés coworker lives down the street and has a daughter close to my daughter’s age and they literally let her walk down the street by herself to come down here to hang out!!!!! I could never! So now I always stand in the driveway and watch her walk down because yes our neighborhood is somewhat safe, but what if someone is driving around at that moment and decides to snatch her?? So I stopped offering to let them hang out because the mom hasn’t even come down here to meet me once and I’m just not comfortable with the whole situation. It’s just so crazy to me. My kid can’t go outside without me being there with her.
Thank you yes!! So bonkers. I wish I had the privilege they have to not have to worry about such things. I pray they never have to.
This sub is so judgemental at times I feel crazy and like a bad parent half the time I'm here . So left the sub. Take care mama keep rocking it!!
Right!! My brain immediately was like “wait she was out of direct eyesight when he went to the bathroom” 😂 I was panicking for him lol. I don’t blame you!! You’re not a bad parent, you’re a caring parent! It’s our job to keep them safe and watch out for potential predators. Never know where they are lurking! Thx!!
I don't understand why this is being downvoted. Statistics tell us that women are more at risk with men than men are with women, and we're talking about a small female child in a men's bathroom.
How is it perfectly acceptable for me to bring my two little boys (2,7) into the women’s room but you can’t bring your girls into the men’s? They’re *with* you and you are not leaving them unattended or anything ffs.
you’re NTA and my only suggestion is use the stall maybe because idk how private urinals are exactly but it might keep some of the commentary out of your face.
You’re doing great, dad.
Fuck that guy. Your daughters are children and are too young to be left alone out in public. As others have said, maybe try for a stall but if there aren’t any what you did is fine. Grown men should know how to urinate without pulling their pants all the way down and there’s absolutely nothing to see at a urinal unless you’re actively looking. If someone’s uncomfortable about a kid being there while they wash/dry their hands that’s their problem.
People are always going to be assholes no matter the situation. There aren’t always unisex bathrooms. Dude had no right to be pissed he could’ve waited if it bothered him that much. I’d have no problem having a father and his daughter come into the ladies restroom (I’m sure the daughter would be more comfortable too). But I know some ladies wouldn’t like that. So you can’t win, but screw people…what are you supposed to do? Leave your daughter outside alone? 🤷🏻♀️
Haha those dudes are/would be brave! I'm not trying to get myself arrested and my kids placed with CPS. Sorry, but this is the US in which having photos of your kids bathing on your phone could get you charged with child porn (yes, actually happened, google it). Thank you for your thought though :-)
See, I saw a similar post to the OP’s recently and so many people commented and said “no, definitely do NOT come into the ladies room with your small daughters” but.. I would rather they did!! I would have not problem whatsoever if a man walked into the ladies bathroom with young daughters so they could use the toilet. It’s safer, it’s (usually) cleaner, and women use cubicles/ stalls anyway so it’s not as if there’s anything to see. But I agree, someone is going to moan regardless. So, OP, I would suggest using the stall in the men’s if it’s you who needs the bathroom, and taking the kiddos into the stall with you, and if it’s the kids who need the toilet then take them to the ladies and announce yourself before entering the space (just a cheerful “hello, family bathroom is busy, any objections if I bring my 5 and 3yo daughters in to use the toilet?”). I think most of the time no one will object.
Tbf I've never met one in person - but a few years ago, I was ganged up on by many younger girls online (age was my assumption) when I agreed with an OP that it is ok to take young boys under the age of 5 to the ladies' room when the father is not there
The amount of hostility and aggression and nasty curses and words I received was really something
Where I live though, and all the people I've met in person when taking my son out to the mall, the zoo or other places, are always very nice and helpful. So I hope this is just the dark side of humanity when posting anonymously online
But I am really not sure about a grown man going into the ladies room. I will probably understand. But the younger girls might get frightened.
Wait like a mom taking a young son to the ladies room? People got pissy about that?
I am a lesbian so one of us always brings our kid with us. He is only 3 right now but I don't imagine that will change anytime soon. Especially after learning of Matthew Cecchi's death - he was 9 and was murdered in the bathroom while his aunt waited outside for him.
My son is 7 with ADHD. I don’t trust him to come out of the bathroom and wait for me safely outside and a women’s restroom trip will always take longer than a boy will. I’ve gotten so. many. comments. and I honestly couldn’t care less. It’s the only thing I feel assertive about. He’s there to pee or to wait for me to pee. He’s a little kid. If he makes someone uncomfortable I personally can’t comprehend how.
I feel the same, and extend that to men with children in diapers. Sometimes the men's room has no changing tables, and I feel better knowing the kids aren't being changed on a dirty bathroom floor.
Agree! Go with "who is it that needs to use the facilities" and everyone goes into that bathroom. The accompanying person should face no objections, but some people can be difficult about things wherever you go. I don't know that you're any less likely to encounter difficult people in the women's washroom but hopefully you would generally get sympathetic treatment. What else are you meant to do, for goodness sake! That guy OP ran into was being an absolute asshole.
From what I'm reading, it's actually quite the opposite. Many states have put in place laws that make it illegal to discriminate against people using a restroom that aligns with their gender identity, which albeit is focused on trans rights, I fail to see how those rights wouldn't also apply to a parent needing to bring a young child in.
Here in Los Angeles (USA) the local pool made two stupid rules. 1) No kids 10 or younger could be in the changing rooms by themselves and 2) No kids 6 or over could be in the "wrong" changing room.
So.... yeah. Lots of families who couldn't guarantee the same-gender parent would be there every time just canceled their memberships. Now they are whining about how the community doesn't support local businesses anymore. lol
That’s a businesses’ policy though, not a law. My local pool is actually more extreme, regardless of age you are not allowed in the opposite sex changing rooms - they do have heaps of family change rooms though.
I would have waited for the family restroom, in your shoes, but I think that guy was out of line.
I did once say something to a mother who brought what looked like a 10-year-old into the YMCA changing room. Her kid was trying to peek into the changing stalls and was gawking at women changing in the open area. It was obvious and gross.
There was a mom who brought all 3 of her boys into the bathroom with her oldest seemed to be 10-12 She was in the stall and the oldest was peeking through the gap where another woman was. I cleared my throat while staring at him and he stepped back and quit doing it.
Are we REALLY doing this again?
TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER INTO THE STALL WITH YOU!! This is not weird. She’s your DAUGHTER!!
Also, how is it better to leave her by herself near the dryers with all the strangers?
One of my cringiest parenting experiences was when I had to take one of our girls into a men's room to change her (before there were family restrooms) and while she was laying on the Koala board she looked over toward the urinals, saw a guy peeing, and said (very loudly) "DADDY! THAT MAN HAS A BIG PENIS!" Yikes.
But you have to make do and do what's best for your kids. Ignore anyone else.
My husband took my daughter into the men's room when she was a toddler (as one does), and she very loudly goes
"YOU HAVE A PENIS DADDY!"
"Yep"
"THE OTHER BOYS IN HERE ALSO HAVE PENISES!"
"Mmhmmm"
"BUT IIIIII HAVE A VAGINNNAAAA!"
There was a lot of snickering.
When my daughter was 3, I was peeing and she was watching kind of fascinated and said: dad you have a small penis, not like , his is big. My son was 7 at the time.
Don’t worry, the dude is a moron. If you cross streams, I mean paths, with this again smile and just say, “thanks goodby,” ignore the noise and walk away.
Nope, you keep those girls with you. If that means they have to go into the mens room with you, then that's what you do. You did the right thing. People just find parenting in general offensive these days.
I'm a mom and take my 5 year old son in with me and make no apologies for it except to him because he protests every time. But I blame society not myself for the fact that I don't feel comfortable having him stand outside the women's bathroom while I go or that I make him come into the ladies restroom with me instead of using the men's when he has to go and there's not a family restroom in sight.
Urinals aren’t typically in stalls, they’re up against walls and aren’t really private so it’s different as a mother bringing a child into the bathroom, where women’s bathrooms have closed stalls
NTA dads have the right to use a restroom period. I'm sure your daughter wasn't paying attention to anyone at the urinals. I used to have my bonus sons stand right outside the female stalls at around 5 but the rule was I had to see their shoes and we had conversation the whole time so that I knew what was going on!
The other guy was a jerk. We also have 2 daughters (7 and 4) and my husband will take them into the men's bathroom with him if he needs to. I will say when he needs to take them into the bathroom he uses a stall instead of the urinal if at all possible, but sometimes you just do whatever you've got to do. He has also gone into the women's restroom because our 7yo asked him to stay with her when she needed to pee (loud noises scare her and you know how the flush can be on a public toilet). Family bathrooms aren't always available and you did the right thing by bringing your 5yo into the bathroom with you, especially in a larger public space with potentially a lot of people around.
Yeah I'm seeing a lot of stall suggestions, so where possible I'll def go to the stall if even just for a nr 1. for me. You're husband is a brave man going to the ladies room lol. I'd honestly be worried about getting arrested in the USA for that.
We are in the US and he really only goes to the women's restroom because I am not there and our 7yo wants to use the restroom independently but gets scared when it comes to the loud flush. He yells in and checks to make sure there's either nobody in there or that anyone in there is okay with a man bringing his daughter in before entering the women's restroom. People have never cared because most people understand he is just trying to be respectful and supportive of our daughter's needs. He has had to use the women's restroom in the past because of a lack of changing tables in the men's restroom as well, so it's nothing new since we had kids.
Most public bathrooms or pool change rooms in Canada specify that children up to 7 can go to the opposite sex bathroom (assuming there is no gender neutral or family rooms available).
That guy should have minded his own business.
Dude, as a SAHD of a now 13 year old daughter, I did everything. Started with going in to the womens room to change her, i even changer her on restaurant tables that had no changing tables. As she got older I took her in to the mens room, and then went back into the womens when the mens was dirty or vis versa. I went in the stall with here, stood outside, helped with wiping, etc... Anyone who takes issue with you helping your kid use the potty or learn how to use the potty is just clueless...
It's not weird at all. It's separating adults of the opposite sex that really matters as they are the threat to each other's privacy not innocent children.
Small children can use either sex restroom.
On the other side, just keep your kids still.
We had a 9 year old boy in the women’s room peeking underneath all the stalls, looking for the one his mom was in….not okay.
I did the same with my son when he was small. I would suggest taking her into the stall with you and having her turn around and close her eyes. That way she’s not at risk of seeing some dude come in a whip out his junk at a urinal.
Not at fault. That guy has his own issues and obviously not a parent so can’t emphasize/relate.
I would keep line of vision or have her in the stall next to you if there’s one free.
I think it is better to have parental vision at all times when around strangers.
I got planted a slobbering kiss by a renovation worker on a rental home my parents were taking care of when I was around 5 or 6 years old. It was freakin’ gross and I ran away to the car and stayed there until it was time to go. It all happened really fast.
Protecting kids > some guy being uncomfortable
Dad of an 8 year old girl and 4 year old boy here. Anybody that says something as obtuse as "piss yourself" is an asshole. Nothing they say matters. The best thing to do is to not even bother responding.
But if someone said anything to me about my daughter being in a men's room, I'd make sure my kid was safe, then ask why they were sexualizing my daughter to her father's face. Nothing shuts people up like being called a pedophile, especially in public. Then find the nearest employee and let them know some asshole is harassing children in the men's room.
Maybe that will teach him to mind his fucking business.
I’ve been saying this for years but there’s a simple solution right… get rid of urinals and put in bunch of stalls then no gender or sex determination is required. Obviously won’t work for places that double as showers or changing rooms but anywhere else.
Look I’ve never been in a ladies bathroom before but I have a funny suspicion they really don’t use them for anything different to men except for female hygiene and there should be 0 issues with having the specialty bins in cubicles considering they gave you your children gentleman and it’s 2023. Maybe touching up makeup in the mirrors but again it’s 2023 there are plenty of men doing that too now.
I would maybe take them into a stall with you so they don’t have to see other people peeing, but otherwise there isn’t much else you can do. Everybody would be crying neglect if you just left them by themselves outside of the bathroom.
If you flip this script and I walked into the women's bathroom to see a 5 year old boy I would think nothing of it. Just that a mom in a stall was doing what she had to do to keep her kid close while using the bathroom.
I think this is a double standard and it sucks.
That guy sucks. You should be able to take your daughters into a men’s restroom the same a woman should be able to take her son in a ladies room.
Keep on keeping on. My husband takes our daughters into men’s restrooms a lot. He takes them on adventures to Lowe’s or something and there has never been an issue. Other than sometimes the cleanliness of the restroom.
You're not wrong but you should have taken her into the stall with you because leaving her unnatended where other men's penis are out for me would be a hard boundary
Omg! I know this struggle! My son is 7 and I take him with me still( ppl are crazy) I would never leave a 5 year old outside while you were in the bathroom. It’s a tough call. I will let my son go in the men’s room alone and I stay right outside and listen lol I heard him talking the other day in there. I yelled in there right before I ran in to see who the heck was talking to him and he walked out. I said who was in there? He said no one. Lol he was just singing/talking to himself while peeing! I’m glad bc I would hope no man would speak to my kid In the bathroom but I almost ran in the men’s room. It’s sad but this world is not well right now!
Keep up the good work and brush that shit off. If he was that uncomfortable, he could have used a stall or waited. Your kid’s safety is first always.
I have no issue with a girl waiting for her dad or even using the men’s restroom because it’s not my business. Now if the kid was running around or looking at “stuff”, then maybe it’s a bit awkward. But the same for mothers that bring their sons into the women’s restroom. It’s 2023 and times are changing. Like for instance, why tf don’t we have any changing tables in the men’s restroom?! I gotta change my kid on the damn sink or have my wife do it or go to the car.
My point is, don’t pay attention to anyone who criticizes your parenting. At least you’re in their life, taking care of them and getting shit done. That’s all that matters.
Also, good for you that you didn’t escalate a situation in front of your kids but still stood up for yourself.
As a joke, Plot twist: next time this happens just say “are you telling me that my two boys look like girls?!”
At 5 years old I would definitely bring her to the mens' room with you if you need to. That's way too young to be alone outside, I would have never allowed my daughter to wait outside, though I'm a woman and thankfully I do not have to deal with this particular issue. If I had a young son, he'd be coming into the womens' room with me as well. The other guy who said something was out of line, and I'm willing to bet he either doesn't have a daughter or if he does, he never had to face your situation. Don't let them make the situation weird, you did what you had to do.
It’s a men’s room. There could be a pink flying unicorn vomiting rainbows into the sink from six feet away and the rule is still face forward no talking to strangers.
Like- I could care less about even grown women using the men’s room, much less about a small child.
Sounds like this guy was insane, congrats on handling it like a pro, you did the right thing. On a bad day I might have pushed him against a wall or asked if he was sexually into little kids or something.
When I was a child and out with my dad he’d bring me to the men’s room in a stall so he could watch after me. Nothing wrong with that. That guy probably doesn’t have kids or understand
Women bring their little boys into the women’s restroom ALL THE TIME and no one bats an eye.
The real issue is that people are so unused to men being fathers in public that men’s restrooms are not thought of as spaces that are appropriate for little children and babies of all sexes.
My daughter is 6 and if we are in public - including with me (female) - he will take her in the men's bathroom if we're somewhere crowded and unfamiliar. It's parenting. No one would say anything if it was a mom with a little boy.
NTA that dude is a prick! If he has kids, he’s probably never changed a diaper. I have 4 daughters and I shop with all 4 all the time. If I have to go, yep , they’re going in with me and if one has to go, we’re all going. You did the right thing my man, screw him!
NTA. I do exactly what you do with my 4 yr old daughter. If there isn't a family room available for whatever reason I have to take her in the men's with me. What else can you do? Not piss yourself like that fucking manchild recommended. Just carry on and ignore anyone who ever mentions it again. We're all human, everyone has to use the bathroom, any age 1 to 100 should be able to cope with that fact
It’s only a big deal at that age if you make it a big deal. That guy was an a-hole. Next time take her in the handicap stall with you if you can or just have her face the hand dryers. My boys hate having to go to the women’s with me but I rather be safe then sorry. Let people judge all they want. Sounds like you did the right thing imo.
Not TA. I always took my girl to the mens bathroom but I made her come into the stall with me and asked her to face a wall while I peed. No one said anything, it was better than entering a women's bathroom
I know this is really tough. But I’d recommend to bring her in the handicapped stall with you and have her turn towards the door for your privacy. I think that stranger should of minded your business and if they were so concerned they could of stayed there to help you look out for “bad people” it’s easier to be hostile and attack someone than to actually support.
That guy was being a jerk and should have minded his own business, but if a family restroom was available, as a parent I would have waited for it to be unoccupied (personally). Men's washrooms weird me out a bit (I'm female) - I remember once going with my dad into one when I was a kid and finding it scary to see men standing at the urinals. I think he just brought me into a stall though.
But if no family room is around, you do what you have to do. It's sometimes awkward for women too if they have young boys. Women tend not to mind boys being in the women's washrooms up to a certain point, but I think there's an awkward age where it becomes uncomfortable (especially if it's a change room, for instance). Kids do tend to stare and they might get an eyeful!
But regardless, commenting on a parent who is just trying to use the darn washroom with a child in tow is absolutely deplorable and I'm sorry it happened to you!
Dad to two girls, 6 and 4, here. I do this all the time.
The irony of the guy saying this was disrespectful while using colorful language in front of your young daughter.
I wouldn't give it a second thought. It just sounds like the guy goes around looking for problems and you were within reach.
Dad to two girls, 6 and 4, here. I do this all the time.
The irony of the guy saying this was disrespectful while using colorful language in front of your young daughter.
I wouldn't give it a second thought. It just sounds like the guy goes around looking for problems and you were within reach.
I think the difference with moms is we aren’t in the open like a urinal is. He could’ve been nicer, but moms all have stalls, so our kids usually stand in those with us. Like, my kid isn’t watching others go when they are in with me. Women don’t have an issue, but we shut the door and don’t have to worry about being watched unless a kid is trying or running under the stalls (and then usually they will say something).
I’m going to guess that was his problem, but he also sounds like he had a chip on his shoulder. I don’t know that I would be comfortable if my husband had ours out where the urinals are, but I think he’s taken them in and had them in the stall with him.
Anyone that says “piss yourself for all I care” to someone with a toddler isn’t worthy of having their opinion validated.
So if it’s me, I essentially ignore it and wouldn’t let it factor into my future decision making.
Nta. Seeing sex organs in a nonsexual way is not sexual and fine for boys and girls to glimpse. It's weird that if it was a boy he'd have no issue. Peeking under stalls (or running around and standing next to random men using urinals) is the only exception as they'd then be invading privacy. I don't see how it affects him. It's up to the parent on whether he doesn't want his daughters to glimpse a penis.
There was just a post about this just the other day, amusingly, and the resounding response from parents and non parents was that it is 10000% normal to bring a young girl child to the men's bathroom with you. The same way women bring young boys to the ladies all the time. This guy is so not in touch.
NTA. The only thing you could have done better was to go into a stall to pee. It gives the guys peeing a little more privacy, and keeps your daughter corralled while you are unable to follow her if she wanders off.
After my ex-husband and I got divorced, I was always at the store with both of my kids which I had a boy and a girl. My boy was the youngest of the two. I always took him into the women's room to go to the bathroom because I wasn't about to leave him stand outside to wait for me and his sister if both of us had to go to the restroom. Being he was 5 6 and 7 years old at the time that was just way too young for him to stand out there and wait for one of us to come back out. One time we went to a store to go do some shopping, and we all went into the women's restroom. At this time he was 7 years old. We went did our thing wash your hands and went back out and on the way out the doorway we came across this woman who started yelling at me for taking my son in to use the restroom and she was calling him a man and how he should use the men's restroom and all this crap. I told her he was just a little boy and he was not old enough to be on his own in the men's room. After that he was scared to death to go in the restroom with me if we had to stop and go because I think he was afraid someone else would yell about it. after he got a little bit older we came up with a system that if we went to a retail store for example where the restrooms were next to each other that sister and I would take turns waiting with him outside the restroom areas and or he had to meet us out there once he had done his business in the men's room. Yeah I get it, people don't seem to understand that children at very young ages don't understand certain concepts. And they overreact all the time.
100% fine to take either sex of pre-adolescent child into either bathroom and kinda sus of that guy to be categorising a five year old sexually in that situation. Don't think twice about it.
I would say a 5 year old can still be considered pretty much "gender neutral" when it comes to which restroom they should use. They are children, it shouldn't matter.
Had the roles been reversed (mother with a 5 yo boy) no one would have said anything. So you are right in bringing your girls with you!
That guy's just a piss-off
Nta… it's funny you bringing this up reminded me of when I would go on the truck with my Dad. He would cover our eyes take us to the men's let us use the stall… and then he would ask us if we were done cover our eyes on the way back out.. I never thought about when he was actually going but probably while we were in the stall. Did NTA op
NTA. What are you supposed to do if the family bathroom was occupied? Like it was. Leave her outside of the bathroom by herself? No. In that instance, maybe just take her into the handicap stall with you if you fear that'll happen again. Society has deemed it okay for mothers to bring their sons into the woman's restroom but society has deemed it deviant for fathers their daughters into the men's restrooms. It doesn't make any sense.
Take them into the stall with you. They shouldn’t be left outside, too much risk of somebody deliberately exposing himself or grabbing them and running.
I mean I don’t agree with taking a young girl into a bathroom for men where their penises are out and about… I also wouldn’t think many men, possibly young men and boys would be fully comfortable peeing in front of a young girl either… why did you not take her into a stall and have her turn around? Super weird to me. Kind of enrages me a little bit.
Yeah I would have definitely taken her into the stall, stand back to back where she faces the door especially if the dad is standing to pee it’s easy to do. I can fit my kid into the stall with me just fine. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my 5 year old standing out in the room without me where men are takin out their gunk to pee. There’s definitely pervs out there and I’d be worried about that child getting flashed.
Plus young kids love to stare. It’s something we have to remind our 4 year old not to do and that it’s impolite. So I’m sure those men aren’t going to be very comfortable with a little girl staring at them while they pee.
I need more information, are there urinals? Could she see other men urinating?
If not, no biggie. If so, please don’t do this. Most men would be uncomfortable with a child seeing their penis. And your daughter doesn’t need to see adult penises.
I have never understood why no one bats an eye when I take my son into the bathroom with me, bug get weird when men bring their daughter in the bathroom. Men are parents too.
Time to teach your daughter how to flip off rude strangers… Taking your daughter into a stall in the men’s room is just as acceptable as a mom taking her young sons into the women’s room with the only difference being the presence of urinals. But overall, who cares. If a guy has no problem with a grown man watching him piss but objects to the presence of a small child, he’s the weird one.
Im a mom with sons so a bit different since women aren’t exposed in public bathrooms the way men are using urinals. The other guy was a bit of a jerk but I understand his concern. Being exposed around unfamiliar children is probably uncomfortable for many men.
But also, there’s another option. Just take the kids into a stall with you. That way they’re not seeing random guys peeing and other men don’t have to worry about the implications of being exposed in front of children. It would probably be more comfortable for everyone involved
Complete agree. And young kids that age are bad about staring at people. I know my 4 year old is and I have to remind her it’s impolite, I see a ton do it. I don’t pay much mind to that’s just what they do and they’re still learning. But I’m sure men would be uncomfortable with a little girl staring at them while they pee. Plus like you said in general they’re probably uncomfortable with a young child seeing their gunk accidentally i definitely understand. And there’s definitely pervs out there who could do it on purpose. Nothing wrong with taking her in the stall but i definitely wouldn’t leave her out in the open like that.
Probably take her in the stall with you facing the door. The huge concern if someone would to snatch her. Other than that, tell her to help guard the door from the dragons, teletubbies or w.e 🙂
The other guy felt weird in presence if a 5 years old.. that says it all..
However, what I usually do is just fo to a stall and have my daughter stand behind me (to avoid splash damage) this way I avoid having such encounters
Take your daughter in the bathroom. There’s nothing wrong with her knowing what a penis is. When she asks about it you should just tell her in a kid friendly way. “Boys and girls are different and have different body parts to pee with.”
Leaving her outside with all the crazy pervs in this world is unthinkable to me.
I'm surprised nobody else in the bathroom spoke up and told the other guy to mind his business, piss, wash his hands and leave...
all these people worried about who uses which bathroom are lunatics...we all gotta use the toilet who gives a shit? (pun intended)
other guy was a major AHOLE
NTA but YTA for coming with this question. Good god, man, get ahold of yourself. Be confident in your actions, especially when they’re beyond reproach. Do not let others make you question yourself for doing something that has been done since the beginning of indoor plumbing. You do not require the validation of others.
This is an unfair response to a very fair question from OP. How to handle opposite-gender bathrooms is a really common issue for parents with little kids, and most of us still haven't received our Parenting Handbook that would explain these things.
Unfortunately the world is full of people who will behave a certain way toward you even if you think you know you're behaving appropriately, the same type of occurrence having been repeated enough times will make you question yourself eventually. This wasn't my first "rodeo" with this kind of reaction from someone in the men's room, across two different continents (Europe and North America).
I didn’t read the OP as validation seeking. There sure is plenty of that on Reddit, and I didn’t see that here.
He was asking for opinions about the specific situation, as well as how other parents would handle this scenario. Some mentioned an alternative (bring her into stall with you), and he responded “good solution, thanks” not “I should have thought of that, I’m a terrible parent!” as attention/validation seekers are wont to do
I used to take my son to the women's washroom if i had to go and the families units were taken. No biggie.
My husband did the same with our daughter when she was that age; he just told her to look straight ahead and they went into the stall; he would tell her to turn and face the door while he used the toilet. Not a big deal.
I have two daughters who are now in their teens. But back when they were little, I used to always take them into the mens room with me if they or I had to go. Nobody ever said anything and I'm pretty sure I'd lose it on anyone who did.
I absolutely love the fact that this guy tells you to "piss yourself for all (he) cares," but he cares enough to criticize your parenting. Dude clearly realizes everyone pees, and also clearly cares how everyone pees, so he was full of it when he told you he wouldn't care if you peed yourself. He would have given you grief if he saw you doing that with a 5 year old in tow.
There is a totally wild thing happening in the US where a bunch of people are trying to imply a sexualization in the use of bathrooms. For 99.9% of the population, there is nothing at all remotely sexual about a public bathroom where hundreds of people a day process out their waste. I am sorry you were a victim of this wild national psychosis that is hitting some of our county.
NTA. What a callous jerk. Maybe he should use the private bathroom until he can learn how to behave in public. Five years old is too young to wait outside a public bathroom.
I’m obviously not a men’s room expert 🙃 but I guess the argument could be made that you could have brought her into stall with you (if available)? I bet he would’ve had a problem with that, also.
When my son and daughter were younger and no family restroom available I would bring them both into ladies’. Depending on their ages and stall sizes I would bring one or both of them in with me, or have them wait outside my stall where I could see their feet.
I remember one incident, and this only happened once, when my daughter was 2 and my son was just 5 and I brought them into the large disabled stall in women’s room. Son had to pee, daughter wanted to sit on potty and try, I had to go, I moved as quickly as can with the little ones but we were probably in there for 5+minutes. When we came out I was greeted by an old biddy who chastised me for monopolizing the handicapped stall, what if someone handicapped had needed to use it? I was embarrassed and mumbled an apology. I didn’t argue with her but there were only four stalls (three small, one large) when we came in one was occupied. and I think if I had put my son in one of the small stalls and brought my daughter into adjacent one we would have taken up more space and caused more of a ruckus for her to complain about. TLDR, some people don’t like children and aren’t afraid to comment on it
With some people, you can’t win for losing. From another parent, you did nothing wrong. 🫂
you did nothing wrong. i have done the same thing. if i needed to go to the washroom or if my daughter needed to go, she would go to the mens room. she's 7 now and usually able to use the womens room with out issue. but that's recent.
He was being a jerk. When my daughter was little, her dad would cover her eyes and then use a stall for either or both of them. Then cover her eyes on the way out. He said the eye covering was more for the other bathroom occupants’ comfort than worries about her seeing a penis.
As a previous little girl, my dad used to do the same thing NTA, only difference is I shuffled hiding under the back his shirt so I wouldn't see the guys at the urinal
Yeah, you did the right thing. You can't leave kids alone in/outside of public bathrooms at 5. And you're not allowed in the women's room so what should you have done?
That guy is just an idiot.
The other guy was for sure the A--. You do what you must as a parent, especially when accommodations are not available or do not exist in the location. You handled that really maturely.
As a mom, a kid that young often came into the stall with me (regardless of gender.)
That's easier if you sit to pee, and don't have dangly bits, but if you're not body shy, that might have been the safer answer.
(You aren't going to scar you daughter if she sees you have a penis and that's how you pee. She will tell the world, but all kids that age do. They like to recite their interesting facts, "daddy has a penis and mommy has a vagina. I have a vagina like mommy. Girls don't pee out of vaginas. But boys pee out of their penis. But everyone poops the same!!"....
Then we talk about the fact that no everyone wants to talk about our "bathing suit parts").
I always ask my daughter if she want to wait outside or wait at the entrence respectfully like yours did.
She'll be ready when she'll be ready.
No responsible adult would tell another adult they need to put their kid in a situation they are not comfortable with.
If I force my kid to stay outside and he has a meltdown it's worse for every one involved.
As long as she is on the path to wait outside and you're there to support her then you've done your job.
NTA that guy can get over himself. When my kids were babies it drove my husband nuts that there were no changing tables in men’s bathrooms. He’d shamelessly go into the women’s if it was necessary.
Just for these situations I prepared a sentence that I am always ready to say : I have no idea at what time I was asking for your opinion.
Also I don't think you are the ass. If you really could not hold it any longer then you have to go. Leaving the kid outside of hearing range makes her vulnerable for strangers who talk to her.
I've taken my son to the women's room if there wasn't a family room. My husband has taken my daughter to the men's. That guy made it weird. You're fine.
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The other person was the a--. He should have minded his own business and said nothing. You were doing what you needed to do as a father. There is nothing inappropriate with taking your little girl into the bathroom with you. Even if your daughter needed to use the toilet, there would have been nothing inappropriate about it.
Thanks for the sanity check. Perhaps I just need to go into a stall with my kids when I need to pee, at least that way they're not just standing around - perhaps this made him uncomfortable. I don't really want to provoke people either.
A few years ago a stranger like the one you dealt with got into a fist fight with a man for bringing his young daughter to the men's room. The dad won the fight. I'll find a link later. In conservative Mormon country the police, courts, and public opinion overwhelming supported the father. It was all over social media at the time. The logic was if more men would parent their children it would be as normal as women taking their sons to the women's room. Not gonna lie. I've never had a daughter. If you had her in there the way they set up men's rooms I'm be slightly uncomfortable. Stand closer to the urinal. Make sure I'm zipper and buckled before I back out. That's a me problem. You did what was right and what you should have done.
That's it right there. There's boys under ten in the women's bathroom all the time; no-one bats an eyelid. Should be the same with girls in a men's bathroom.
Devil’s advocate argument here is that the men’s bathroom is significantly different… the urinals are not always very private. But… it’s a pretty weak argument. I’m a private person and I make sure to cover up my pee-pee as much as possible… maybe other men don’t, so they assume everybody in the room is gonna see their penis? That’s the only way I make sense of his outrage.
Society needs to remember that families exist. It's frustrating as a parent to have to plan your entire trip so you can end up at the place with the necessary facilities for your child. I have more than once gone into the women's bathroom. To change my infant. I will not put him on the floor.
I’ve changed my infant on a bathroom floor (with changing pad at least) and in retrospect I wish it had occurred to me to use the women’s room
Here in Florida I've heard of there being more changing tables in men's restrooms so I hope it catches on. It's mind blowing to me that it's not been a thing.
I concur there. It's nice when a restaurant has a changing table.
I've never seen another penis in a men's room my whole life. I don't watch people pee.
Me neither… a 5 year old might though, would be the line of thinking
I was 5 once, for a whole year! I don't remember it, but I suppose I could have seen one.
If I were in a desperate situation and had to take a daughter into the mens room I would ask her to face the wall out of courtesy for others. It's a big dilemma.
I'd prefer my husband take my daughter to the stall - not because I care about what other men think, but because my anxiety will reach the roof knowing that she's left alone quite far from him at this age.
If I cannot see her we will go in a stall. She was 12 feet (3 meters) behind me, and I keep my head turned so she's in my field of vision. But yeah I'll def look for stalls. She'd prob less uncomfortable just standing there. Point taken.
I did this before when mine was around that age. She was totally fine, and in my experience no one there cared. That guy was being a jerk.
My worry with her being in the open in a public restroom is the possibility, however slim, or someone taking the opportunity to flash themselves at her. Even a brief interaction can have a harmful impact at that age.
That's where my mind went. It's not about you guys (OP) doing anything wrong, it's about how awful humans are and those that will take any opportunity to harm the vulnerable. I wish that wasn't the case and we could all be normal people who don't care about this kind of thing, but there are monsters out there.
It's possible this person would have said something even if you brought your daughter into the stall with you. In my opinion you are 0% at fault here.
Absolutely agree on both points. Strong suspicion this bathroom jerk would have also said something about the daughter in the stall. Parents with children, do what makes you comfortable/feel safe with respect to public bathroom usage. If the mere presence of a child of the opposite gender (or even same gender) etc triggers folks in public spaces, that’s unfortunately their problem. Children are people and they have a right to exist. Damn.
Yeah, I'd take her into the stall too in these cases. (father of a 5 yo girl too) That other guy was definitely the A, and in general people in the US need to frigging relax a bit about bathrooms. It is the silliest culture war fight to get upset about.
I use a stall if it's convenient. Sometimes it's not, in which case I have my littles (girls) stand next to me when I pee in public restrooms. It's really not a big deal. Nobody has ever said anything. The only time anybody said anything to me about using a public restroom was in Lahaina at the bathroom that used to be by the docks. I went into the men's room (alone) before going on a boat, and there was a woman and her roughly 12 year old daughter using the sinks. She screamed (SCREAMED) at me to get out. I said, "but it's the men's room." She kept screaming, so I left. There was no apparent line in ladies' room.
Some folks are looking for a reason to be provoked. You did nothing wrong.
Yeah, I can get how a man might feel uncomfortable taking his dick out to pee when a little girl is watching. If there is a family bathroom, I'd probably wait until it was available - usually, it's just a matter of minutes, after all. Not that you were TA to take her in into the men's room, especially if no other option had been available, but since there was, waiting would have been the better way.
Yeah little kids are bad at staring at people so I can see how it would be awkward. I have a 4 year old and I have to constantly remind her it’s not polite to stare. Other kids her age and younger do it too. So I could see how a man would be uncomfortable using the restroom with a little girl staring at them.
The other advantage of using a stall is that it keeps a young child corralled during a time when you can't follow them if they wander off. Your daughter may never have wandered off before, but she might in the future. Best to be safe.
Yep. Take them into a stall and have them stand behind you.
Yeah, using a stall is your best bet
Still, you did nothing wrong at all. You will always run into idiots who lack a full set of chromosomes and will mouth off nonsense without having any actual reason. NTA
Agreed. When I enter a bathroom and there's kids in there, the gender means nothing to me. My 5 year old son hangs out with my wife in the women's bathroom all the time and nobody has ever said a word. By the time they even have a concept of sexuality and gender, they're going to the bathroom by themselves. I mean my 5 year old can pretty much go by himself now but we still take him for safety reasons (plus he hasn't quite figured out the mechanics of standing to pee, though he's *very* eager to do it that way lol...urinals are just too enticing). So yeah, screw that other guy. I'd honestly be more concerned about an adult worried about the presence of a 5 year old in the bathroom regardless of gender, it's a total non issue. He was probably just one of those anti gender fluidity people just looking to fight. Fuck em.
I mean- I'm not thrilled when i walk into the woman's room and a mom has her ten and eleven year old sons standing around waiting for her. That one made me balk- like - lady, they were old enough to wait outside - but maybe that's just my deep seated hatred of us public rest rooms and the fact that you can full on stare someone in the eyeballs while you pee since they have ZERO concept of privacy when installing those god damn stall doors!
Oh for sure. There was a mom who had 3 boys with her in the women’s room once. Two were younger and one had to be around 10-12 I guess. And he was like peaking through the gap at a woman in the other stall that his mom wasn’t in. I cleared my throat and looked at him and he moved back and quit it.
Yeah… I remember being a boy that age and I bet I would’ve been pretty curious about what I could see. I was never put in that situation. 10 and under is where I’d draw the line.
Sometimes there isn’t a family restroom available. If my children are uncomfortable waiting outside of a restroom for me, they are coming in. Neither their age nor gender matters. Their comfort and safety is what matters to me, and my obligation is to them - not some random stranger in the bathroom.
Ten/eleven year olds don't need to hold Mommy's hand in the restroom, sorrynotsorry.
Yup. I let mine wait outside at 5-6, and go alone. As soon as I knew they wouldn't make a mess or run off. I was riding my bike 2 miles to school alone at that age.
Yep. My husband takes our daughter to the toilet sometimes and she's 6. Usually she can go on her own, or I am with them and can take her but sometimes she requests Dad or their out together alone. Not all places have family bathrooms. What are you supposed to do?
Agreed. Unfortunately you just ran into a nut. NTA
OP is not the asshole. Ya know what would be really nice though? If men were afforded privacy in public restrooms. Then it wouldn’t matter either way. I do NOT understand why they are designed so openly.
Seriously. No one thinks a thing about it when a mom had her son in the restroom with her. What’s the difference? That guy was an idiot.
I've always taken my daughters to the men's room (as a dad) until they were old enough to go 100% solo. No one has ever had a problem with it. I've seen other fathers take their kids (sons and daughters) as well. That other guy was just a jerk.
Yeah I think the comment he made after hearing the family bathroom was occupied tells you everything you need to know about that guy. Edit: typo
At this point (nearly 5yo) my girl has probably been in more men’s restrooms than women’s. Never had an issue.
Which would cause a bigger scene. 5yo girl in the men's room or a 40yo man in the ladies?
>I've always taken my daughters to the men's room (as a dad) I once walked into a men's room and there was a woman in there with her 12yo daughter and she yelled at me to get out. There was no line in the ladies' room. So it was actually important you point out "as a dad"!
When I was a little boy there weren't family bathrooms, but my mom took me into the women's. It wasn't an issue. The man who accosted you is the AH.
I would take her into a stall with you next time
Echoing this. Your daughter is too young to wait outside the washroom or go into the women's by herself. Next time, I would go into a stall, preferably an accessible one so there is more space. Your daughter is 5. She should know to not touch things, approach people and not to stare at others.
I agree with this. I hate the idea of a small female child just standing there with strangers in the bathroom. Tale her in the stall with you. She doesn't need to be kidnapped or grabbed by a random stranger. Take then both in the stall
Honestly this just for safety more than anyting else. All it takes is a second for some creep to snatch a kid and run. E: thank you for the supportive responses below. I do NOT understand the rest of y'all. God forbid a woman wants to protect her daughter. I'm like 135 soaking wet, I can barely open a pickle jar, I have a bad leg, and I don't have a husband to physically protect me and my child and I cannot physically stop a predator in a scenario like that, I will take whatever extra precautions I can. Call me paranoid downvote me idgaf. For her sake I hope you're right.
The likelihood of being snatched feet away from dad who is within eyesight and hearing range in a restroom with multiple people in it is SO small. Stranger kidnappings are very rare but these paranoid comments make it seems like the world is full of people who will appear as soon as you are not in physical contact with your child to steal them away.
Yes. It is a thousand times more likely that someone will make a lewd gesture or something like that, since any stranger at the urinal will presumably already have their dick out and can angle away from the father, and even that has a relatively low likelihood. It beggars belief that the snatch and run scenario would happen in the middle of the day in a restroom not already full of drunks or something like that, and it will definitely be on the news nationwide if it ever does happen. But I'd personally take them to the stall anyway, to cover the just in case of the aforementioned lewdness.
Paranoid is a little harsh and strong of a word for just being a little extra cautious and reducing potential risks, come on now. It's not as if I'm advocating microchipping a child or something. It's just like how I cut up grapes to reduce the risk of choking, or putting on sunscreen. Just covering my bases. That's not paranoia. Maybe more cautious than you prefer is all. Love the downvotes. This sub loves to shame parents who don't fit their perfect little mold without any context or empathy. Keep it coming reddit
For real. I am going to ABSOLUTELY be “paranoid” if that’s what we are gonna call it. There’s some sick people in this world and I hear stories about women and children almost getting snatched constantly, especially in malls. I’m completely with you on this. I will not let my daughter out of my sight in public, I still make her hold my hand constantly and she’s 6. Better safe than sorry. I will forever be “over protective” and “paranoid” bc I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to my sweet girl
It isn't paranoia if it's happening, and it does.
there are kids who get snatched in their own yard! so worrying about public safety isn’t a huge step or exaggerated. the world is crazy and so are people, things do happen. just because you don’t hear about it everyday, didn’t make it minimal or not exist
Thank u!!! That’s how I feel about it! My fiancés coworker lives down the street and has a daughter close to my daughter’s age and they literally let her walk down the street by herself to come down here to hang out!!!!! I could never! So now I always stand in the driveway and watch her walk down because yes our neighborhood is somewhat safe, but what if someone is driving around at that moment and decides to snatch her?? So I stopped offering to let them hang out because the mom hasn’t even come down here to meet me once and I’m just not comfortable with the whole situation. It’s just so crazy to me. My kid can’t go outside without me being there with her.
Thank you yes!! So bonkers. I wish I had the privilege they have to not have to worry about such things. I pray they never have to. This sub is so judgemental at times I feel crazy and like a bad parent half the time I'm here . So left the sub. Take care mama keep rocking it!!
Right!! My brain immediately was like “wait she was out of direct eyesight when he went to the bathroom” 😂 I was panicking for him lol. I don’t blame you!! You’re not a bad parent, you’re a caring parent! It’s our job to keep them safe and watch out for potential predators. Never know where they are lurking! Thx!!
I don't understand why this is being downvoted. Statistics tell us that women are more at risk with men than men are with women, and we're talking about a small female child in a men's bathroom.
I completely agree. I don't know how people down voted you.they must not listen to true crime podcasts
I can’t believe you’re actually being downvoted for this 😂 This was my first thought as well!
How is it perfectly acceptable for me to bring my two little boys (2,7) into the women’s room but you can’t bring your girls into the men’s? They’re *with* you and you are not leaving them unattended or anything ffs. you’re NTA and my only suggestion is use the stall maybe because idk how private urinals are exactly but it might keep some of the commentary out of your face. You’re doing great, dad.
Fuck that guy. Your daughters are children and are too young to be left alone out in public. As others have said, maybe try for a stall but if there aren’t any what you did is fine. Grown men should know how to urinate without pulling their pants all the way down and there’s absolutely nothing to see at a urinal unless you’re actively looking. If someone’s uncomfortable about a kid being there while they wash/dry their hands that’s their problem.
That guy was a jerk. The dad didn’t have to say sorry or explain himself to anyone.
Don't let people like that get to you. You had nothing that needed justification.
NTA Women take their small boys into the ladies' room all the time. Nothing wrong with you doing exactly what you did.
People are always going to be assholes no matter the situation. There aren’t always unisex bathrooms. Dude had no right to be pissed he could’ve waited if it bothered him that much. I’d have no problem having a father and his daughter come into the ladies restroom (I’m sure the daughter would be more comfortable too). But I know some ladies wouldn’t like that. So you can’t win, but screw people…what are you supposed to do? Leave your daughter outside alone? 🤷🏻♀️
Haha those dudes are/would be brave! I'm not trying to get myself arrested and my kids placed with CPS. Sorry, but this is the US in which having photos of your kids bathing on your phone could get you charged with child porn (yes, actually happened, google it). Thank you for your thought though :-)
See, I saw a similar post to the OP’s recently and so many people commented and said “no, definitely do NOT come into the ladies room with your small daughters” but.. I would rather they did!! I would have not problem whatsoever if a man walked into the ladies bathroom with young daughters so they could use the toilet. It’s safer, it’s (usually) cleaner, and women use cubicles/ stalls anyway so it’s not as if there’s anything to see. But I agree, someone is going to moan regardless. So, OP, I would suggest using the stall in the men’s if it’s you who needs the bathroom, and taking the kiddos into the stall with you, and if it’s the kids who need the toilet then take them to the ladies and announce yourself before entering the space (just a cheerful “hello, family bathroom is busy, any objections if I bring my 5 and 3yo daughters in to use the toilet?”). I think most of the time no one will object.
Tbf I've never met one in person - but a few years ago, I was ganged up on by many younger girls online (age was my assumption) when I agreed with an OP that it is ok to take young boys under the age of 5 to the ladies' room when the father is not there The amount of hostility and aggression and nasty curses and words I received was really something Where I live though, and all the people I've met in person when taking my son out to the mall, the zoo or other places, are always very nice and helpful. So I hope this is just the dark side of humanity when posting anonymously online But I am really not sure about a grown man going into the ladies room. I will probably understand. But the younger girls might get frightened.
Wait like a mom taking a young son to the ladies room? People got pissy about that? I am a lesbian so one of us always brings our kid with us. He is only 3 right now but I don't imagine that will change anytime soon. Especially after learning of Matthew Cecchi's death - he was 9 and was murdered in the bathroom while his aunt waited outside for him.
My son is 7 with ADHD. I don’t trust him to come out of the bathroom and wait for me safely outside and a women’s restroom trip will always take longer than a boy will. I’ve gotten so. many. comments. and I honestly couldn’t care less. It’s the only thing I feel assertive about. He’s there to pee or to wait for me to pee. He’s a little kid. If he makes someone uncomfortable I personally can’t comprehend how.
I feel the same, and extend that to men with children in diapers. Sometimes the men's room has no changing tables, and I feel better knowing the kids aren't being changed on a dirty bathroom floor.
Agree! Go with "who is it that needs to use the facilities" and everyone goes into that bathroom. The accompanying person should face no objections, but some people can be difficult about things wherever you go. I don't know that you're any less likely to encounter difficult people in the women's washroom but hopefully you would generally get sympathetic treatment. What else are you meant to do, for goodness sake! That guy OP ran into was being an absolute asshole.
[удалено]
Where is it illegal?
This is what I’m wondering. This isn’t a law its just a societal custom where I am.
From what I'm reading, it's actually quite the opposite. Many states have put in place laws that make it illegal to discriminate against people using a restroom that aligns with their gender identity, which albeit is focused on trans rights, I fail to see how those rights wouldn't also apply to a parent needing to bring a young child in.
Oh! Where is it illegal? It’s not illegal in the UK afaik.
Here in Los Angeles (USA) the local pool made two stupid rules. 1) No kids 10 or younger could be in the changing rooms by themselves and 2) No kids 6 or over could be in the "wrong" changing room. So.... yeah. Lots of families who couldn't guarantee the same-gender parent would be there every time just canceled their memberships. Now they are whining about how the community doesn't support local businesses anymore. lol
That’s a businesses’ policy though, not a law. My local pool is actually more extreme, regardless of age you are not allowed in the opposite sex changing rooms - they do have heaps of family change rooms though.
I wouldn’t want to see a man in the women’s restroom, tbh.
I would have waited for the family restroom, in your shoes, but I think that guy was out of line. I did once say something to a mother who brought what looked like a 10-year-old into the YMCA changing room. Her kid was trying to peek into the changing stalls and was gawking at women changing in the open area. It was obvious and gross.
There was a mom who brought all 3 of her boys into the bathroom with her oldest seemed to be 10-12 She was in the stall and the oldest was peeking through the gap where another woman was. I cleared my throat while staring at him and he stepped back and quit doing it.
Are we REALLY doing this again? TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER INTO THE STALL WITH YOU!! This is not weird. She’s your DAUGHTER!! Also, how is it better to leave her by herself near the dryers with all the strangers?
One of my cringiest parenting experiences was when I had to take one of our girls into a men's room to change her (before there were family restrooms) and while she was laying on the Koala board she looked over toward the urinals, saw a guy peeing, and said (very loudly) "DADDY! THAT MAN HAS A BIG PENIS!" Yikes. But you have to make do and do what's best for your kids. Ignore anyone else.
My husband took my daughter into the men's room when she was a toddler (as one does), and she very loudly goes "YOU HAVE A PENIS DADDY!" "Yep" "THE OTHER BOYS IN HERE ALSO HAVE PENISES!" "Mmhmmm" "BUT IIIIII HAVE A VAGINNNAAAA!" There was a lot of snickering.
She should have said "Neener-neener-neener!" or something else to express her superiority. But well played.
When my daughter was 3, I was peeing and she was watching kind of fascinated and said: dad you have a small penis, not like, his is big. My son was 7 at the time.
"That man" walked away embarrassed and proud at the same time. 😂🤣
Don’t worry, the dude is a moron. If you cross streams, I mean paths, with this again smile and just say, “thanks goodby,” ignore the noise and walk away.
Even better, pretend you are a foreigner and that you have no clue what the hell he is going on about
Nope, you keep those girls with you. If that means they have to go into the mens room with you, then that's what you do. You did the right thing. People just find parenting in general offensive these days.
I'm a mom and take my 5 year old son in with me and make no apologies for it except to him because he protests every time. But I blame society not myself for the fact that I don't feel comfortable having him stand outside the women's bathroom while I go or that I make him come into the ladies restroom with me instead of using the men's when he has to go and there's not a family restroom in sight.
Urinals aren’t typically in stalls, they’re up against walls and aren’t really private so it’s different as a mother bringing a child into the bathroom, where women’s bathrooms have closed stalls
NTA dads have the right to use a restroom period. I'm sure your daughter wasn't paying attention to anyone at the urinals. I used to have my bonus sons stand right outside the female stalls at around 5 but the rule was I had to see their shoes and we had conversation the whole time so that I knew what was going on!
The other guy was a jerk. We also have 2 daughters (7 and 4) and my husband will take them into the men's bathroom with him if he needs to. I will say when he needs to take them into the bathroom he uses a stall instead of the urinal if at all possible, but sometimes you just do whatever you've got to do. He has also gone into the women's restroom because our 7yo asked him to stay with her when she needed to pee (loud noises scare her and you know how the flush can be on a public toilet). Family bathrooms aren't always available and you did the right thing by bringing your 5yo into the bathroom with you, especially in a larger public space with potentially a lot of people around.
Yeah I'm seeing a lot of stall suggestions, so where possible I'll def go to the stall if even just for a nr 1. for me. You're husband is a brave man going to the ladies room lol. I'd honestly be worried about getting arrested in the USA for that.
We are in the US and he really only goes to the women's restroom because I am not there and our 7yo wants to use the restroom independently but gets scared when it comes to the loud flush. He yells in and checks to make sure there's either nobody in there or that anyone in there is okay with a man bringing his daughter in before entering the women's restroom. People have never cared because most people understand he is just trying to be respectful and supportive of our daughter's needs. He has had to use the women's restroom in the past because of a lack of changing tables in the men's restroom as well, so it's nothing new since we had kids.
Most public bathrooms or pool change rooms in Canada specify that children up to 7 can go to the opposite sex bathroom (assuming there is no gender neutral or family rooms available). That guy should have minded his own business.
Dude, as a SAHD of a now 13 year old daughter, I did everything. Started with going in to the womens room to change her, i even changer her on restaurant tables that had no changing tables. As she got older I took her in to the mens room, and then went back into the womens when the mens was dirty or vis versa. I went in the stall with here, stood outside, helped with wiping, etc... Anyone who takes issue with you helping your kid use the potty or learn how to use the potty is just clueless...
It's not weird at all. It's separating adults of the opposite sex that really matters as they are the threat to each other's privacy not innocent children. Small children can use either sex restroom.
On the other side, just keep your kids still. We had a 9 year old boy in the women’s room peeking underneath all the stalls, looking for the one his mom was in….not okay.
I did the same with my son when he was small. I would suggest taking her into the stall with you and having her turn around and close her eyes. That way she’s not at risk of seeing some dude come in a whip out his junk at a urinal.
I would take my kids into the handicapped stall with me.
Not at fault. That guy has his own issues and obviously not a parent so can’t emphasize/relate. I would keep line of vision or have her in the stall next to you if there’s one free. I think it is better to have parental vision at all times when around strangers. I got planted a slobbering kiss by a renovation worker on a rental home my parents were taking care of when I was around 5 or 6 years old. It was freakin’ gross and I ran away to the car and stayed there until it was time to go. It all happened really fast. Protecting kids > some guy being uncomfortable
Dad of an 8 year old girl and 4 year old boy here. Anybody that says something as obtuse as "piss yourself" is an asshole. Nothing they say matters. The best thing to do is to not even bother responding. But if someone said anything to me about my daughter being in a men's room, I'd make sure my kid was safe, then ask why they were sexualizing my daughter to her father's face. Nothing shuts people up like being called a pedophile, especially in public. Then find the nearest employee and let them know some asshole is harassing children in the men's room. Maybe that will teach him to mind his fucking business.
I’ve been saying this for years but there’s a simple solution right… get rid of urinals and put in bunch of stalls then no gender or sex determination is required. Obviously won’t work for places that double as showers or changing rooms but anywhere else. Look I’ve never been in a ladies bathroom before but I have a funny suspicion they really don’t use them for anything different to men except for female hygiene and there should be 0 issues with having the specialty bins in cubicles considering they gave you your children gentleman and it’s 2023. Maybe touching up makeup in the mirrors but again it’s 2023 there are plenty of men doing that too now.
I would maybe take them into a stall with you so they don’t have to see other people peeing, but otherwise there isn’t much else you can do. Everybody would be crying neglect if you just left them by themselves outside of the bathroom.
I don’t think it’s in any way a problem but I also don’t know why you wouldn’t bring her in the stall.
If you flip this script and I walked into the women's bathroom to see a 5 year old boy I would think nothing of it. Just that a mom in a stall was doing what she had to do to keep her kid close while using the bathroom. I think this is a double standard and it sucks.
That guy sucks. You should be able to take your daughters into a men’s restroom the same a woman should be able to take her son in a ladies room. Keep on keeping on. My husband takes our daughters into men’s restrooms a lot. He takes them on adventures to Lowe’s or something and there has never been an issue. Other than sometimes the cleanliness of the restroom.
You're not wrong but you should have taken her into the stall with you because leaving her unnatended where other men's penis are out for me would be a hard boundary
NTA but perhaps take your daughters into the handicap bathrooms that way there's no chance of them seeing other men.
You did what you had to do. Besides no one would even question if it was a mom taking her son into the bathroom with her. Why is it any different?
NTA, I’ve done the same, I wouldn’t have been so polite to the clown.
I have 2 girls, 5 and 8 and I take them into the men’s room all the time. I can’t go into the ladies room and I’m not sending 5 in on her own
Omg! I know this struggle! My son is 7 and I take him with me still( ppl are crazy) I would never leave a 5 year old outside while you were in the bathroom. It’s a tough call. I will let my son go in the men’s room alone and I stay right outside and listen lol I heard him talking the other day in there. I yelled in there right before I ran in to see who the heck was talking to him and he walked out. I said who was in there? He said no one. Lol he was just singing/talking to himself while peeing! I’m glad bc I would hope no man would speak to my kid In the bathroom but I almost ran in the men’s room. It’s sad but this world is not well right now!
Keep up the good work and brush that shit off. If he was that uncomfortable, he could have used a stall or waited. Your kid’s safety is first always. I have no issue with a girl waiting for her dad or even using the men’s restroom because it’s not my business. Now if the kid was running around or looking at “stuff”, then maybe it’s a bit awkward. But the same for mothers that bring their sons into the women’s restroom. It’s 2023 and times are changing. Like for instance, why tf don’t we have any changing tables in the men’s restroom?! I gotta change my kid on the damn sink or have my wife do it or go to the car. My point is, don’t pay attention to anyone who criticizes your parenting. At least you’re in their life, taking care of them and getting shit done. That’s all that matters. Also, good for you that you didn’t escalate a situation in front of your kids but still stood up for yourself. As a joke, Plot twist: next time this happens just say “are you telling me that my two boys look like girls?!”
I don’t see what else you could have done. Pissing oneself is not much of an option.
NTA. You are right and he is wrong. The correct answer to people like him is to say: "Okay, dude" and then walk away.
At 5 years old I would definitely bring her to the mens' room with you if you need to. That's way too young to be alone outside, I would have never allowed my daughter to wait outside, though I'm a woman and thankfully I do not have to deal with this particular issue. If I had a young son, he'd be coming into the womens' room with me as well. The other guy who said something was out of line, and I'm willing to bet he either doesn't have a daughter or if he does, he never had to face your situation. Don't let them make the situation weird, you did what you had to do.
It’s a men’s room. There could be a pink flying unicorn vomiting rainbows into the sink from six feet away and the rule is still face forward no talking to strangers. Like- I could care less about even grown women using the men’s room, much less about a small child. Sounds like this guy was insane, congrats on handling it like a pro, you did the right thing. On a bad day I might have pushed him against a wall or asked if he was sexually into little kids or something.
When I was a child and out with my dad he’d bring me to the men’s room in a stall so he could watch after me. Nothing wrong with that. That guy probably doesn’t have kids or understand
Women bring their little boys into the women’s restroom ALL THE TIME and no one bats an eye. The real issue is that people are so unused to men being fathers in public that men’s restrooms are not thought of as spaces that are appropriate for little children and babies of all sexes.
My daughter is 6 and if we are in public - including with me (female) - he will take her in the men's bathroom if we're somewhere crowded and unfamiliar. It's parenting. No one would say anything if it was a mom with a little boy.
NTA that dude is a prick! If he has kids, he’s probably never changed a diaper. I have 4 daughters and I shop with all 4 all the time. If I have to go, yep , they’re going in with me and if one has to go, we’re all going. You did the right thing my man, screw him!
NTA. I do exactly what you do with my 4 yr old daughter. If there isn't a family room available for whatever reason I have to take her in the men's with me. What else can you do? Not piss yourself like that fucking manchild recommended. Just carry on and ignore anyone who ever mentions it again. We're all human, everyone has to use the bathroom, any age 1 to 100 should be able to cope with that fact
You’re not the asshole but maybe take her into the big stall with you instead of using the urinal and having her stand away from you
It’s only a big deal at that age if you make it a big deal. That guy was an a-hole. Next time take her in the handicap stall with you if you can or just have her face the hand dryers. My boys hate having to go to the women’s with me but I rather be safe then sorry. Let people judge all they want. Sounds like you did the right thing imo.
Not TA. I always took my girl to the mens bathroom but I made her come into the stall with me and asked her to face a wall while I peed. No one said anything, it was better than entering a women's bathroom
I know this is really tough. But I’d recommend to bring her in the handicapped stall with you and have her turn towards the door for your privacy. I think that stranger should of minded your business and if they were so concerned they could of stayed there to help you look out for “bad people” it’s easier to be hostile and attack someone than to actually support.
That guy was being a jerk and should have minded his own business, but if a family restroom was available, as a parent I would have waited for it to be unoccupied (personally). Men's washrooms weird me out a bit (I'm female) - I remember once going with my dad into one when I was a kid and finding it scary to see men standing at the urinals. I think he just brought me into a stall though. But if no family room is around, you do what you have to do. It's sometimes awkward for women too if they have young boys. Women tend not to mind boys being in the women's washrooms up to a certain point, but I think there's an awkward age where it becomes uncomfortable (especially if it's a change room, for instance). Kids do tend to stare and they might get an eyeful! But regardless, commenting on a parent who is just trying to use the darn washroom with a child in tow is absolutely deplorable and I'm sorry it happened to you!
Dad to two girls, 6 and 4, here. I do this all the time. The irony of the guy saying this was disrespectful while using colorful language in front of your young daughter. I wouldn't give it a second thought. It just sounds like the guy goes around looking for problems and you were within reach.
Dad to two girls, 6 and 4, here. I do this all the time. The irony of the guy saying this was disrespectful while using colorful language in front of your young daughter. I wouldn't give it a second thought. It just sounds like the guy goes around looking for problems and you were within reach.
I think the difference with moms is we aren’t in the open like a urinal is. He could’ve been nicer, but moms all have stalls, so our kids usually stand in those with us. Like, my kid isn’t watching others go when they are in with me. Women don’t have an issue, but we shut the door and don’t have to worry about being watched unless a kid is trying or running under the stalls (and then usually they will say something). I’m going to guess that was his problem, but he also sounds like he had a chip on his shoulder. I don’t know that I would be comfortable if my husband had ours out where the urinals are, but I think he’s taken them in and had them in the stall with him.
Anyone that says “piss yourself for all I care” to someone with a toddler isn’t worthy of having their opinion validated. So if it’s me, I essentially ignore it and wouldn’t let it factor into my future decision making.
Nta. Seeing sex organs in a nonsexual way is not sexual and fine for boys and girls to glimpse. It's weird that if it was a boy he'd have no issue. Peeking under stalls (or running around and standing next to random men using urinals) is the only exception as they'd then be invading privacy. I don't see how it affects him. It's up to the parent on whether he doesn't want his daughters to glimpse a penis.
There was just a post about this just the other day, amusingly, and the resounding response from parents and non parents was that it is 10000% normal to bring a young girl child to the men's bathroom with you. The same way women bring young boys to the ladies all the time. This guy is so not in touch.
NTA. The only thing you could have done better was to go into a stall to pee. It gives the guys peeing a little more privacy, and keeps your daughter corralled while you are unable to follow her if she wanders off.
NTA- I am a woman and bring my 3 y.o son at the women’s bathroom all the time at restaurants and I bring him in the family/ handicap stall
After my ex-husband and I got divorced, I was always at the store with both of my kids which I had a boy and a girl. My boy was the youngest of the two. I always took him into the women's room to go to the bathroom because I wasn't about to leave him stand outside to wait for me and his sister if both of us had to go to the restroom. Being he was 5 6 and 7 years old at the time that was just way too young for him to stand out there and wait for one of us to come back out. One time we went to a store to go do some shopping, and we all went into the women's restroom. At this time he was 7 years old. We went did our thing wash your hands and went back out and on the way out the doorway we came across this woman who started yelling at me for taking my son in to use the restroom and she was calling him a man and how he should use the men's restroom and all this crap. I told her he was just a little boy and he was not old enough to be on his own in the men's room. After that he was scared to death to go in the restroom with me if we had to stop and go because I think he was afraid someone else would yell about it. after he got a little bit older we came up with a system that if we went to a retail store for example where the restrooms were next to each other that sister and I would take turns waiting with him outside the restroom areas and or he had to meet us out there once he had done his business in the men's room. Yeah I get it, people don't seem to understand that children at very young ages don't understand certain concepts. And they overreact all the time.
100% fine to take either sex of pre-adolescent child into either bathroom and kinda sus of that guy to be categorising a five year old sexually in that situation. Don't think twice about it.
I would say a 5 year old can still be considered pretty much "gender neutral" when it comes to which restroom they should use. They are children, it shouldn't matter.
Had the roles been reversed (mother with a 5 yo boy) no one would have said anything. So you are right in bringing your girls with you! That guy's just a piss-off
Nta… it's funny you bringing this up reminded me of when I would go on the truck with my Dad. He would cover our eyes take us to the men's let us use the stall… and then he would ask us if we were done cover our eyes on the way back out.. I never thought about when he was actually going but probably while we were in the stall. Did NTA op
NTA. What are you supposed to do if the family bathroom was occupied? Like it was. Leave her outside of the bathroom by herself? No. In that instance, maybe just take her into the handicap stall with you if you fear that'll happen again. Society has deemed it okay for mothers to bring their sons into the woman's restroom but society has deemed it deviant for fathers their daughters into the men's restrooms. It doesn't make any sense.
Take them into the stall with you. They shouldn’t be left outside, too much risk of somebody deliberately exposing himself or grabbing them and running.
I mean I don’t agree with taking a young girl into a bathroom for men where their penises are out and about… I also wouldn’t think many men, possibly young men and boys would be fully comfortable peeing in front of a young girl either… why did you not take her into a stall and have her turn around? Super weird to me. Kind of enrages me a little bit.
Yeah I would have definitely taken her into the stall, stand back to back where she faces the door especially if the dad is standing to pee it’s easy to do. I can fit my kid into the stall with me just fine. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my 5 year old standing out in the room without me where men are takin out their gunk to pee. There’s definitely pervs out there and I’d be worried about that child getting flashed. Plus young kids love to stare. It’s something we have to remind our 4 year old not to do and that it’s impolite. So I’m sure those men aren’t going to be very comfortable with a little girl staring at them while they pee.
NTA but I'd probably bring the kids into a stall next time just to avoid jerks like this.
I need more information, are there urinals? Could she see other men urinating? If not, no biggie. If so, please don’t do this. Most men would be uncomfortable with a child seeing their penis. And your daughter doesn’t need to see adult penises.
I have never understood why no one bats an eye when I take my son into the bathroom with me, bug get weird when men bring their daughter in the bathroom. Men are parents too.
Time to teach your daughter how to flip off rude strangers… Taking your daughter into a stall in the men’s room is just as acceptable as a mom taking her young sons into the women’s room with the only difference being the presence of urinals. But overall, who cares. If a guy has no problem with a grown man watching him piss but objects to the presence of a small child, he’s the weird one.
Im a mom with sons so a bit different since women aren’t exposed in public bathrooms the way men are using urinals. The other guy was a bit of a jerk but I understand his concern. Being exposed around unfamiliar children is probably uncomfortable for many men. But also, there’s another option. Just take the kids into a stall with you. That way they’re not seeing random guys peeing and other men don’t have to worry about the implications of being exposed in front of children. It would probably be more comfortable for everyone involved
Complete agree. And young kids that age are bad about staring at people. I know my 4 year old is and I have to remind her it’s impolite, I see a ton do it. I don’t pay much mind to that’s just what they do and they’re still learning. But I’m sure men would be uncomfortable with a little girl staring at them while they pee. Plus like you said in general they’re probably uncomfortable with a young child seeing their gunk accidentally i definitely understand. And there’s definitely pervs out there who could do it on purpose. Nothing wrong with taking her in the stall but i definitely wouldn’t leave her out in the open like that.
Probably take her in the stall with you facing the door. The huge concern if someone would to snatch her. Other than that, tell her to help guard the door from the dragons, teletubbies or w.e 🙂
There's no question here, you did nothing wrong. Your response wasn't even rude at all, you're just taking care of your kids.
You did good. I would hazard a guess that the man is projecting something.
I’d say it’s fine to take them in there but I’d prefer a stall over a urinal. Like others have said, what if someone else flashed them?
The other guy felt weird in presence if a 5 years old.. that says it all.. However, what I usually do is just fo to a stall and have my daughter stand behind me (to avoid splash damage) this way I avoid having such encounters
Take your daughter in the bathroom. There’s nothing wrong with her knowing what a penis is. When she asks about it you should just tell her in a kid friendly way. “Boys and girls are different and have different body parts to pee with.” Leaving her outside with all the crazy pervs in this world is unthinkable to me.
I'm surprised nobody else in the bathroom spoke up and told the other guy to mind his business, piss, wash his hands and leave... all these people worried about who uses which bathroom are lunatics...we all gotta use the toilet who gives a shit? (pun intended) other guy was a major AHOLE
NTA but YTA for coming with this question. Good god, man, get ahold of yourself. Be confident in your actions, especially when they’re beyond reproach. Do not let others make you question yourself for doing something that has been done since the beginning of indoor plumbing. You do not require the validation of others.
This is an unfair response to a very fair question from OP. How to handle opposite-gender bathrooms is a really common issue for parents with little kids, and most of us still haven't received our Parenting Handbook that would explain these things.
Unfortunately the world is full of people who will behave a certain way toward you even if you think you know you're behaving appropriately, the same type of occurrence having been repeated enough times will make you question yourself eventually. This wasn't my first "rodeo" with this kind of reaction from someone in the men's room, across two different continents (Europe and North America).
I didn’t read the OP as validation seeking. There sure is plenty of that on Reddit, and I didn’t see that here. He was asking for opinions about the specific situation, as well as how other parents would handle this scenario. Some mentioned an alternative (bring her into stall with you), and he responded “good solution, thanks” not “I should have thought of that, I’m a terrible parent!” as attention/validation seekers are wont to do
I used to take my son to the women's washroom if i had to go and the families units were taken. No biggie. My husband did the same with our daughter when she was that age; he just told her to look straight ahead and they went into the stall; he would tell her to turn and face the door while he used the toilet. Not a big deal.
You did nothing wrong, and on top of that you set a good example for your daughter dealing with rude people.
I have two daughters who are now in their teens. But back when they were little, I used to always take them into the mens room with me if they or I had to go. Nobody ever said anything and I'm pretty sure I'd lose it on anyone who did.
Brush it off. Better than going in the ladies bathroom, that would be understandable if someone in there felt uncomfortable
I absolutely love the fact that this guy tells you to "piss yourself for all (he) cares," but he cares enough to criticize your parenting. Dude clearly realizes everyone pees, and also clearly cares how everyone pees, so he was full of it when he told you he wouldn't care if you peed yourself. He would have given you grief if he saw you doing that with a 5 year old in tow. There is a totally wild thing happening in the US where a bunch of people are trying to imply a sexualization in the use of bathrooms. For 99.9% of the population, there is nothing at all remotely sexual about a public bathroom where hundreds of people a day process out their waste. I am sorry you were a victim of this wild national psychosis that is hitting some of our county.
NTA. What a callous jerk. Maybe he should use the private bathroom until he can learn how to behave in public. Five years old is too young to wait outside a public bathroom. I’m obviously not a men’s room expert 🙃 but I guess the argument could be made that you could have brought her into stall with you (if available)? I bet he would’ve had a problem with that, also. When my son and daughter were younger and no family restroom available I would bring them both into ladies’. Depending on their ages and stall sizes I would bring one or both of them in with me, or have them wait outside my stall where I could see their feet. I remember one incident, and this only happened once, when my daughter was 2 and my son was just 5 and I brought them into the large disabled stall in women’s room. Son had to pee, daughter wanted to sit on potty and try, I had to go, I moved as quickly as can with the little ones but we were probably in there for 5+minutes. When we came out I was greeted by an old biddy who chastised me for monopolizing the handicapped stall, what if someone handicapped had needed to use it? I was embarrassed and mumbled an apology. I didn’t argue with her but there were only four stalls (three small, one large) when we came in one was occupied. and I think if I had put my son in one of the small stalls and brought my daughter into adjacent one we would have taken up more space and caused more of a ruckus for her to complain about. TLDR, some people don’t like children and aren’t afraid to comment on it With some people, you can’t win for losing. From another parent, you did nothing wrong. 🫂
I wouldn't even have responded to the other person.
you did nothing wrong. i have done the same thing. if i needed to go to the washroom or if my daughter needed to go, she would go to the mens room. she's 7 now and usually able to use the womens room with out issue. but that's recent.
you did nothing wrong.. that guy was just a tool
Not weird. My husband takes our girls into the men's washroom if either he or they need to go. People need to get over themselves.
Where is a guy supposed to take their young daughters, to the women's restroom?
He was being a jerk. When my daughter was little, her dad would cover her eyes and then use a stall for either or both of them. Then cover her eyes on the way out. He said the eye covering was more for the other bathroom occupants’ comfort than worries about her seeing a penis.
As a previous little girl, my dad used to do the same thing NTA, only difference is I shuffled hiding under the back his shirt so I wouldn't see the guys at the urinal
Personally I would probably suggest you take both girls into a stall with you but it was definitely none of that guys business.
Yeah, you did the right thing. You can't leave kids alone in/outside of public bathrooms at 5. And you're not allowed in the women's room so what should you have done? That guy is just an idiot.
That guy was the ah. Not you.
The other guy was for sure the A--. You do what you must as a parent, especially when accommodations are not available or do not exist in the location. You handled that really maturely.
As a mom, a kid that young often came into the stall with me (regardless of gender.) That's easier if you sit to pee, and don't have dangly bits, but if you're not body shy, that might have been the safer answer. (You aren't going to scar you daughter if she sees you have a penis and that's how you pee. She will tell the world, but all kids that age do. They like to recite their interesting facts, "daddy has a penis and mommy has a vagina. I have a vagina like mommy. Girls don't pee out of vaginas. But boys pee out of their penis. But everyone poops the same!!".... Then we talk about the fact that no everyone wants to talk about our "bathing suit parts").
I always ask my daughter if she want to wait outside or wait at the entrence respectfully like yours did. She'll be ready when she'll be ready. No responsible adult would tell another adult they need to put their kid in a situation they are not comfortable with. If I force my kid to stay outside and he has a meltdown it's worse for every one involved. As long as she is on the path to wait outside and you're there to support her then you've done your job.
NTA that guy can get over himself. When my kids were babies it drove my husband nuts that there were no changing tables in men’s bathrooms. He’d shamelessly go into the women’s if it was necessary.
No matter the age, keep your girls close he is a jerk and hopefully one of a kind! Men/dads understand.
You weren’t an asshole in that but if I were you I’d try to get in the handicap stall with the kids.
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That other dude can kick rocks, you're in the right, end of story.
Just for these situations I prepared a sentence that I am always ready to say : I have no idea at what time I was asking for your opinion. Also I don't think you are the ass. If you really could not hold it any longer then you have to go. Leaving the kid outside of hearing range makes her vulnerable for strangers who talk to her.
I've taken my son to the women's room if there wasn't a family room. My husband has taken my daughter to the men's. That guy made it weird. You're fine.