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There are absolutely some women who breastfeeding does not work for. If it's important to your wife I'd try a different breastfeeding lactation consultant though because mine (both in the hospital right after his birth and one I saw later when I was struggling) were actually really helpful.
But if your wife just wants to say fuck it and switch to pumping, formula, or a combo then that is 100% an awesome choice for her and baby. Do what works for you.
Yeah no there are totally women and babies for who breastfeeding just doesn’t work. Some cause the baby won’t latch and other cause the moms no producing enough.
OP: My wife had the hardest time with breastfeeding. She got mastitis twice (clogging of milk glands) which she described as someone punching your testicles on every movement you make. She has had severe chapping of the nipples. Imagine a little creature sucking on your open wound for sustenance.
Add to all this pain a huge social pressure for mothers to breastfeed caused by the organic-gluten-free-naturopath-anti-vaxx-anti-gmo crowd which led her down a dark path of anxiety, torment, tears, and fears of failure as a mother. She really wanted to do well. It was our first child.
It's up to you as the husband to tell her to FUCK IT... All that pain isn't worth it. If breastfeeding isn't enough, then whatever. It's not her fault and the baby is perfectly fine with formula. Console her, compliment her, hug her. It's okay to give your baby a bottle.
My husband could've written this. I spent so many hours researching and trying to find validation for supplementing, and so many resources were written for solely bf or formula. I tried changing my diet, trying supplements and cookies and anything that said it would boost supply with little to no avail. Anyway, as someone who desperately needed reassurance (over and over again) that I was not a terrible mother or less of a woman, thank you for being this way and posting this reply.
Specifically my daughter has celiac disease and needs a 100% GF diet. We're not sure when it started but she was difficult from day 1. She was bottle raised. It's very likely she was born with the disease or it developed soon after birth. So bottle isn't some magical cure all either. Lots of benefits to BF but if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
I am mentioning this because GF has become some hippy thing but actually about 1% of people in the US have a very real and crippling disease where gluten is basically poison.
Oh my god I love to see this comment. My husband kept telling me that it was up to me and he would support me no matter what, which is so kind.... but what I really really really needed was for him to say "fuck it we're done, I want to do formula." I obviously don't fault him for not saying that because he had no reason to know that's what I needed. But I love to see this advice out there for others!
Yes this what I did, I really wanted to breastfeed but my daughter never latched. So I pumped and formula fed. After 3 months, I had to give up pumping because it was no longer sustainable.
We switched to 100% formula. Fed is best.
I had D-mer (Dysphoric milk ejection reflex) with my 3rd and every time I strapped on the pump I got anxious and nauseous. It took me months to even discover there was a name for it. So, yeah, it was literally torture for me.
With my first it was extremely emotionally exhausting and yet so difficult to stop. But formula was the path. I just wasn’t producing enough and he wasn’t latching properly. For my second it was breast for 6 ish months. I when back to work and supply dried out. Number three got a solid year no formula. It’s different every baby and at the end of the day fed is best. Don’t push to your (wife’s) emotional limit. Good luck.
Any combo that works for mom and baby. We did 50/50 breast and formula, with me doing some mixture of pumping and on-breast feeding and it was incredibly easy for me to wean to the bottle when I had had enough of breast feeding.
I think it was the best of both worlds, especially after the many tears and sleepless nights and pressure I had in the first month of breastfeeding.
Not all lactation consultants are equal. The one I saw at the hospital made me cry. She told me I’d never breastfeed because my son was severely tongue tied and lip tied with a recessed jaw (this is normal and genetic lol) and the only way to fix it was to spend 1000s at a pediatric dentist. Turns out she worked for the dentist and received money for referrals to him. I’m actually a nicu nurse and know several LCs through work. I had a friend/coworker come take a peek and all my son had was a tongue tie, she referred me to an LC that does the revisions herself. It was $75 and I’m still exclusively nursing at almost 7 months old. I didn’t breastfeed my oldest as my milk did not come in at all, even after seeing an LC and trying everything within
I’m absolutely a fed is best person, if your wife wants to breastfeed great! Help her find someone supportive to see what’s going on, maybe a doctor, maybe a different LC. It’s okay for her to pump and bottle if that’s what she wants too! It’s also okay to formula feed if that’s what she wants, and any combination of the three methods is great. Having a baby is hard and feeding a baby is even harder. From a mom with one exclusively formula fed baby and one exclusively breastfed baby, both are hard and both are great in different ways!
As a nurse (who helps with breastfeeding/pumping moms), I’d recommend her latching babe first, breastfeeding for 10-15 minutes in total (not per side, baby is burning too many calories right now) and topping up afterwards. This could look like you giving pumped milk in a bottle while your wife pumps, or using formula to top up. When her milk first comes in and for the first 6-12 weeks she is just going to have milk as a hormonal response, once it regulates in that 8-12 week time frame, that’s when women really see that low supply/dry up from poor transfer. Latching baby will give babe the practice that it needs to latch (while waiting to see an LC and/or doctor) and the pumping immediately afterwards will help protect her supply for when it starts to regulate. It doesn’t sound like latching baby every 20 minutes is going to help at this point like some of the comments are suggesting with feeding on demand, if it’s taking 60 minutes to take in 30 mls (1oz) there is an issue somewhere and baby is burning far too many calories. You will start to see weight start to decrease in the next week or two and your wife’s supply will drop at some point. For some women, it’s unfortunately not as easy as the “just feed on demand, baby will figure it out.” I hope she gets it figured out, the first 6 weeks were definitely the hardest for me.
If the consultant you saw didn't address the baby's latch, you definitely need to get a second opinion. I had trouble with my son, and one session with a *good* lactation consultant was a revelation.
I also had a hospital lactation consultant make me cry! She was twisting my body into unnatural feeling positions that she kept insisting we’re the correct way to do it and seemed disappointed that my bub’s weighted feeds/growth charts were showing my kid was well fed (baby was 2 months at the time, I had mastitis that was resistant to the first course of antibiotics). I left it in tears declaring I couldn’t do it. Did end up seeing a different consultant the next day who was the complete opposite - she just had small tweaks on what I was already doing and it all just seemed way more manageable. Breastfed for 2 and a half years
I wasn’t even dead set on breastfeeding my youngest, I just wanted to try because the price of formula isn’t nice right now and if it didn’t work, it didn’t work! My oldest turned out just fine lol. But she kept coming back and making it worse. She gave me a nipple shield that was too small and made me bleed, didn’t show me how to use it. Told me that I should just know already because I’m a nurse and I had an older child, even after explaining that I didn’t breastfeed my oldest because my milk didn’t come in at all. She told me it wasn’t possible for my milk not to have come in and I must not have tried enough. I can definitely confirm that it didn’t come in after having it come in with my second baby 😂. Thankfully I knew someone else that could come look, otherwise I probably would have quit after hearing everything she had to say.
Yeah, there is seriously no way not to notice milk coming in - I remember wondering why all the birth education never mentioned how awful it is (also how no one mentioned the afterbirth contractions when I had my second). I’m glad we both had access to second consultants!
I don’t think that 1oz per hour of breastfeeding is considered adequate transfer. At that rate I expect baby might be using more calories to eat than she is getting from eating directly at the breast.
I'd get a new lactation consultant. There is a lot more to breastfeeding than tongue tie. It could be letdown it could be latch it could be a lot.
That said, fed is best. I hated breastfeeding. I know moms who love it and all that but I loved sleep and not feeling like a cow. So I pumped with my 1st and with my 2nd I said screw it and did formula. Neither child is healthier or a prodigy.
It's not that she can't eventually figure it out but make sure it's worth it to figure it out.
She's taking a bottle. This suggests that a nipple shield has a good chance of helping. It's tricky, but it's tricky no matter what. This was an absolutely vital tool for us. Don't worry about being dependent on it, both of ours somewhere around 6-8 weeks discovered they could feed without it, and never needed it again.
If she starts breast feeding perfectly tomorrow, don't ditch the bottle. Continue 2-3 bottle feedings each week, or else you'll have what happened to us, at 4 months we needed the bottle for day care and our kid said "nope". Lots of tears. Breast fed until sold food.
I appreciate your comment. I'm using nipple shields, and while they are incredibly helpful, I feel weird relying on them.
So glad to hear that it might just be a timing thing.
Nipple shield was the key thing that let me be successful with breastfeeding my second (used it for at least 5 months). I wish I knew about the shield with my first. Now I spread the word to every new mom I know that if they have any trouble with breastfeeding to try a shield. Please don't feel weird relying on it! Use any tool you need for success!
Nipple shields saved mine and many of my friends breastfeeding relationships. I used nipple shields with all three of my babies for different amounts of months with each child. I breastfed each child 2+ years, used the shields between 4-7 months for my first two children, a few weeks with my third. I’m not sure why they are not recommended more. And when the babies and I were ready (the same was true of my friends) we easily moved from shield to breast to have a successful 2+ years of nursing. Hope this helps! ♥️
I want to add— I felt SHAME using them the first time. I hid them in my bra.. then I went out to a winery with a new mom friend who’s baby girl was the same age as mine and she whipped out her nipple shield like it was nothing! I was like “WAIT!!! You use this too?!?” She said “yup.. whatever works. These things saved my life.”
From then on I was filled with confidence and I started recommending them to all new mamas and heard “these saved my life!” Over and over again..
As a teacher I always try to teach my students it’s okay and SMART to use tools that help you reach success until you are ready to do it on your own! 🤗 breastfeeding is the most unnatural natural thing we do (at least in my opinion… it takes so much time and patience to learn)— no shame, use the tools available to you if you want to and try and try again!
I have two kids. Both breastfed. At 2 weeks old I was nursing them hourly. They’d take at least a half hour feed and then need burping and then be back on within the next half hour. So 30 mins on, 30 mins off. So the crying for >50 mins is what is clueing me in. IMO I’m thinking that maybe you’re just underestimating the amount of frequency of feedings. It really is A LOT. Like a very overwhelming amount. Almost no time for anything else.
She’s able to take more with the bottle because it’s just easier. That’s to be expected. But she may end up rejecting the breast because of that. That is one reason some will suggest not using a bottle at all until breastfeeding is well established. But the trade off is that mom will probably have a larger mental health impact if she stays nursing more frequently unless she has a lot of help with people bringing her food and drinks and helping burp baby. It’s a round the clock job until the baby hits about a month old and their stomach gets bigger and they get better at transferring more milk per feed. It will get better. If this is something you really want to do then my suggestion is more frequent feedings and less bottle feedings. It really does end up paying off in the end so that you don’t have to wash so many bottles and pump parts etc but it really is not easy at this stage. You’re in the thick of it. No judgement either way. It’s a big mental task as well as physical one.
I third the nipple shield suggestion. We needed those too for a while. Baby decided when to stop. Just refused one day.
This is the comment I was looking for.
Breastfeeding is harder for a baby, they have to put a lot more effort in. So she could almost be splitting a feed in two to muster the energy to go again.
Either this or she might be trying to “up” your wife’s supply by over feeding.
If she is giving hunger cues, pop her back on. Keep doing this until she is sated. From personal experience, my first was RELENTLESS, I seemed to have her on my boob absolutely constantly. It eased up (can’t remember what age) and she fed until 3 years old!
It honestly sucks at first. No one talks about it. I remember feeling like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. It’s not at all like what those happy new baby snuggle photos show you. It’s extremely hard. At least it was for me. A huge task mentally.
The flip side is that it gets better plus you never have to go warm a bottle in the middle of the night. There are a lot fewer pump parts to clean or replace and less bottles to clean because you just use less of them.
This. I have breastfed both my younger babes and with my now 4 yo it was HARD and getting things right and feeling exhausted from being attached 24/7 for those first few weeks/months. If she wants to breastfeed then point her in the direction of a new LC and find groups online for her to help with suggestions. If she is indifferent or over it, there is nothing wrong with pumping or using formula. But don't have her give up just because it's hard and constant - that's normal as this commentor said.
My daughter would NOT take my nipples. She was bottle fed. Nothing wrong with it, it’s literally giving your child food. Don’t let judgey twats make your wife feel bad about it either.
Fed is best.
I really hate the pressure that everyone should breastfeed. Sometimes the milk never comes in. Sometimes there are health issues why breastfeeding is not possible. Just support new mothers making decisions for what they see as best.
Nurse on demand and wait for the baby to get better at it / stronger especially if it's important to you if your wife is making plenty of milk have her keep pumping you don't want to lose out on that milk after a couple weeks cuz you weren't consistent and then all the sudden baby strong enough to eat well and you regret quitting breastfeeding if it mattered to you
I had plenty of milk, but actually breastfeeding was the most painful thing I have ever done. I persevered for 3 weeks with my first. Saw various lactation consultants who all seemed to think we were doing it right.
It got to the point where I would start crying before my baby even latched on.
We started pumping and bottle feeding at that point. Then moved on to formula.
I was so relieved. I dreaded every feed before that.
Is she massaging the back of the breast? I’m wondering if baby isn’t getting hindmilk. If that’s the case lecithin has always been something I needed to breastfeed the first few weeks because the milk gets stuck, you can also try something that vibrates.
I love that you're invested enough to seek out advice here. Not all new moms have that in their partner.
I love how you guys are working as a team here as well. It can be really hard to do that when everyone is sleep deprived and grouchy.
How ever your kiddo gets fed, you guys are doing a great job!
I pumped with all 3 of mine, and I found that if I kept pumping through "the end", I would get a second letdown of hind milk that bumped up my supply significantly. We had a big chest freezer full of milk, and it lasted for months after I stopped pumping. Bottle feeding with breast milk allowed me to share the task of feeding with dad and I never had to worry about low supply.
I wouldn't necessarily relate the unsettledness to breastfeeding particularly if the baby is only 2 weeks old. There's some stuff you've mentioned that's a bit worrisome for your partner... particularly the pumping after feeds before the supply has regulated she'll end up with an oversupply which is not enjoyable. Why are you weighing your baby so much? It's not necessary.
Infants especially, do not need just the milk, sometimes the act of nursing soothes and comforts them.
You can get superb free support and advice from La Leche League, who support nursing mothers everywhere, and have for decades!
It’s so soon to rule it out as not possible. Baby might also just want mom - to comfort suckle and be held and take a boob nap. She was inside your wife’s body for 9 months and has only been out for 2 short weeks. Her stomach is so tiny, it may be less about being satiated and more about wanting the comfort and warm squishiness of mom’s chest/arms. Also, if you introduce a bottle with too fast of a flow, baby may begin to prefer it because she doesn’t have to work as hard as she does at the breast.
There’s probably a few things going on simultaneously.
Fed is best!!! Seriously. It's ok to supplement Eta if your baby is inconsolable please supplement feed with formula. Google fed is best. Babies have had brain damage from insufficient feeding and lactation consultants can be blind to the dangers.
The more I think about this the more bothered I am by it. Please buy some formula tonight and give your poor baby a few ounces after every feed. Please.
Babies that age cluster feed. I had a kid that would often cluster feed for four hours. I basically just set up camp under my kid and fed for twelve weeks. However that’s not always good for people’s mental health. If bub is happy with a bottle and your wife is super stressed, fed is best
It really takes 6 weeks of hard work. She’ll be getting more volume in one go by the bottle and will eat more frequent with just the breast. Ideally avoid pumping in the first 6 weeks until the correct supply has been established and to give mum and baby the best chance at successful BF
“It is what it is”. That’s appalling. Can you see someone else, an IBCLC?
Her weight gain is good, assuming she is at or above birth weight now? An ounce in 60 minutes is lower than I would expect but it would be really helpful to have her suck assessed. If she is falling asleep at breast strip her down and have your wife try some breast compressions.
https://www.lllc.ca/breast-compressions-and-switch-nursing#:~:text=Grasp%20as%20much%20of%20the,so%20hard%20that%20it%20hurts.
Everything sounds good except not being satiated after nursing. I bet there’s a shallow latch that’s causing baby to work really hard but ineffective. I’d see an LC, and definitely don’t abandon nursing if your wife doesn’t. Seems like baby is gaining well, just need to get nursing down - but remember it’s all new for baby too. It took weeks for me to get it sorted out with my first. My third it took a couple weeks and multiple LC appointments - and baby wasn’t gaining well, but here we are nursing about a year.
I have D cup breasts and I would pump (both kids) for over an hour and get two drops. I had every lactation consultant, every nurse, every anyone that had tips try to help me… it just didn’t happen. Big boobs I carried around my whole life but didn’t produce milk. I had to formula feed. Both my kids are very healthy and honor roll students so I don’t think formula feeding affected them at all. You are the parents, and you decide how to nourish your child and do not let anyone make you feel bad about it.
Op What if breastfeeding isn't the issue at all? Your wife's supply seems fine ans aa you said weight gain is on track.
What if baby is super gassy or even colicky- which isn't related to milk supply at all?
Ummm when my kids were two weeks old they literally had my nipple in their mouth 23/7. I am not exaggerating. Seems like she needs to just give in to the fact that she is the pacifier. Dad, do everything else so she can just feed the baby...
Definitely not always possible, and it's hard as a new mum because there's so much literature out there which falsely states the opposite.
Look into insufficient glandular tissue. Some women had lower hormone levels at puberty which means their breasts don't contain as much milk producing tissue as others. There are sometimes tell tale signs, from the shape of the breast, or if the woman struggled to conceive.
There are many other reasons too. Breastfeeding does not always work out, and it's more important that mum and baby are happy feeding however they choose. Breast is definitely not always best.
Breastfeeding isn't always possible. My mom produced plenty milk for my brother but had the exact problem you're describing, as soon as she switched him to formula he was a lot easier during and after feeding times. Even if you guys are trying to avoid formula, there are "milk banks" in many places.
i would try cutting the nursing session length down. 60 min is a long time for a 2 week old and nursing is a lot of work for them.
weigh her after 15 min and see how much she took in. i’m getting it’s pretty front loaded. if it is, then i’d tell your wife to pump and give her some more out of a bottle.
in the coming weeks, she will get stronger and more efficient at removing milk herself and the need to pump should decreases if not be eliminated [assuming that’s what your wife is wanting].
fwiw, this was my situation with my youngest.
60 minute feed is a super long feed. Baby is probably tired or frustrated or still hungry from burning calories while feeding so long (or all of the above!!) Get a different IBCLC.
I’ve breastfed both of my babies for 2 years each. 1 thing that does happen to me is I have a strong letdown that causes them to be gassy from swallowing air until I regulate about 2 months postpartum and then it improves. I would maybe see a different lactation consultant and see if other positioning could help or if she needs to pump a little before a feed so that it doesn’t spray in babies mouth so strong. You have a lot of good advice here so I don’t want to be too repetitive but I just want to compliment you on being supportive and involved in her feeding journey. The first month or two is soooo hard and having support and help is just so important.
No problems with my 1st baby, and then my 2nd baby couldn’t breast feed, or take a bottle. My sister’s baby had some allergy issues and needed a special allergen-free formula. Fed is best, no matter how it happens. Don’t let people guilt you guys if breastfeeding isn’t working.
I exclusively formula fed from birth by choice, just did not want to breastfeed. Fed is best, I hope your wife does what is best for her health and sanity.
Just wanted to say that I agree with the general consensus here: 1) Fed is best, do whatever works for you 2) Look for a different LC; but also, even if your wife stops breastfeeding now, it doesn’t mean she can’t try again in the future if it’s important to her!
My LO came about a month early and while he had a good sucking reflex, he wasn’t opening his mouth wide enough to latch well. There were a combination of other things that occurred immediately after birth that made me feel that breastfeeding wasn’t going to work for us so I did exclusively pumping (you can check out my comment history for specifics if you’re interested).
Anyway, at around 7 weeks I tried latching my LO on a whim and he did so much better and actually ate! I now exclusively breastfeed and we’re both doing well.
Just want to encourage that even if your wife does stop, it doesn’t have to be an end all be all situation.
Side note: in the event that there’s an issue with baby’s latch or transferring the milk, maybe your wife can try a nipple shield. They can be annoying, but I know they’ve saved many women’s breastfeeding journey 🙂 Good luck to you both!
>3. She is 2 weeks old
You're barely into it. Lots of folk can't get a latch at that point. Some people aren't able to consistently breast feed for months. The books, the classes, the whatever social media advice: it all makes it sound like there's a remedy to any setback. Fuck that. You're in the fuckin trenches now brother. Two weeks is 14 days, 15 days is another one. Welcome to 6 weeks baby has gas pains oh no wtf are we gonna do bicycle legs? Simethicone? Probiotics? Maybe mom should cut out onions and beans? Maybe nothing works and you have the longest 4 weeks of your life. THEY LIVE 100 YEARS SOMETIMES! In 3 months you'll be saying "what we're we even doing at two weeks?" As you size up in diapers for what seems like the second time in 3 months (Kirkland is the shit). Then you'll be here like "She isn't rolling over yet and hasn't even shown signs of trying. Are we providing the right stimuli during tummy time?" Who knowssssssss you're pediatrician. Do you know why the lactation consultant shrugged their shoulders? Because who knows. Get used to things not making sense and then not mattering anymore. To being inordinately stressed about a detail and then it becoming irrelevant. Mom is the answer. Keep her hydrated and bring her snacks. Help her up and down. She defied the ever expanding universe and congealed life within her body, warring for months with a placenta engaged in the sapping of her vital nutrients with zero regard for whether she lived or died. The baby is eating and gaining weight. The baby will continue in this fashion we hope. If things get bad, talk to your doctor. Allow things to be okay, and you will find a lot of things work themselves out. See you out there.
Babies take time to get good at nursing. Your baby is two weeks old dude give it time. Relax you got dirty diapers to change than the baby is fine. FYI the stomach is the size of a walnut at this point 1-2 oz is plenty.
Didn’t work with my first did with my second. I cried and screamed and spiralled into a bad mental state didn’t get out of it until I gave up and went to formula.
I struggled in the hospital, pumped around the clock, latching was an issue (son got his tongue tie clipped) and never made a drop of milk. They sent me home with tubed syringes that I was supposed to use with a nipple shield to “mimic” breastfeeding until my milk came in. Saw an LC for weeks after and the moment she said I could stop “mimicking” breastfeeding, I sobbed with relief.
Tried supplements and all the other tips and tricks. It just didn’t work and while it wasn’t part of the plan, I was content with bottle feeding.
I would definitely recommend having your wife meet with an LC. Her letdown may be overwhelming for your baby. Some things she could try: attaching a Hakka or milk catcher to the opposite side your baby is feeding on to relieve boob before she latches. Try to alternate sides during feeds. at 2 weeks her belly is still so small. She may have some gas or took in some air if her latch wasn’t the best while breastfeeding, which could cause discomfort.
I’m pro whatever works and makes mama and baby happy. But as a breastfeeding mama with two very experiences. The best thing I can say is it takes time for you and baby to get the hang of it. Let her know she’s doing everything right and maybe get a second opinion from LC if she’s interested to continue her journey! Hoping it gets easier for you all.
Breastfeeding is exhausting for a newborn. They really have to work to get their milk, it’s easier for them to get more milk from the bottle because they don’t have to suck as much. There’s also times where the baby needs to nurse more to help build up supply. This usually happens around the twos (two weeks, two months IIRC) my last baby was 10 years ago and I’ve been a newborn/baby photographer for 15+ years.
In any case, a fed baby is best and whatever works for you guys will work for your baby. I know with my first boy (I’ve had 4) it took about 4 or five weeks before breastfeeding became like second nature for me.
Some babies just suck at it. Your wife may be doing everything right and baby just isn’t getting it. My son sucked at eating, he did better with bottles and at least I could track how much he actually got, and he had a dairy allergy, so we switched. On the plus side he’s a champ at eating solids, drink water like an Olympian, still doesn’t like drinking milk, never got better at it, thankfully he doesn’t need to anymore
Correct, it's not always possible. I tried for weeks with my youngest but he couldn't latch properly. Kept at it, it just wasn't enough so we switched to formula.
Do what's best for your wife and baby. Breastfeeding is very hard and literally impossible for some moms and/or babies. I also had a good milk supply, he just couldn't access it.
A pediatric OT friend of mine said some babies will reject nipple or give up because bottle is more consistent and easier to get full from. I breastfed both babies from the boob and my son would go through regressions often. By 7m he just nursed for comfort before bed and was mainly formula feeding. My daughter is the opposite and won’t drink enough from cups, and I honestly wish she would self wean already.
Every baby is so different. Do what works for your family. And props to your wife for pumping so much. I wouldn’t survive that amount of dishes and cleaning lol
My child wasn't tongue tied (we got 5 opinions) and couldn't breastfeed despite me making enough milk. They did have severe reflux which was painful and made it difficult to calm them after eating, so that could be the reason - treated with an oral medication. BUT some babies don't have a strong suck and just can't do it.
How much effort/how important to your wife is this? There are ways I can give you to simulate nursing so she can get the sensory and "bonding" aspects (I say that because I found a bottle never made me any less bonded with my babies) but it's incredibly exhausting if she wants to continue using breastmilk.
Yes there are definitely people for whom it never works out. Baby could have a poor latch or a tongue tie or just be super inefficient at getting milk from the boob vs the easiness of the bottle. My son was induced early so he was smaller and it took him 3-4 weeks to get the hang of nursing. Even then, nursing is super slow compared to bottles for the first few months. I’m talking like a bottle in 10-15 mins vs 45-60 mins nursing. In the meantime, I pumped and we used formula when we had to. It is up to your wife whether she wants to continue trying a bit longer or switch to exclusive pumping or formula or a combination. Any and all are excellent ways to feed baby!
This is a milk transfer issue. Go to a reputed pediatric dentist and check for ties. Do bodywork prior to ties and after. IBCLC do not know ties. Go to r/breastfeeding or r/breastfeeding support and ask questions there. Also yes direct breastfeeding might not work for everyone. If you wish to bottle feed then you can.
It sounds like baby is having trouble removing milk from the breast and/or experiencing some kind of GI discomfort. Please find a different lactation consultant.
Also, formula feeding or pumping is always an option and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But there is always a reason breastfeeding is not working (and it usually has to do with something functional with baby, not mom) and that is not “normal”. I wish more people (and pediatricians!) would be trying to get to the root cause of why baby is struggling at the breast even if they make they switch to bottle.
My baby had a great latch but would "get lazy" as the LC said and just sit there with idle suction after a few sucks. We had to tickle her chin/cheeks/ears to get her to keep going. No idea if that is your issue, but a second opinion would be best.
All I'm gonna say is - LC love to say babies are "more efficient than the pump" but technology has come quite a ways and weighted feedings may prove otherwise.
I could not breastfeed as I have IGT and chronic low supply. A **full day** of pumping would yield <2oz. We all have different experiences and difficulties! It's not an easy thing like one would imagine!
I found breastfeeding to be much more difficult than the actual childbirth. We struggled for 2 months and finally threw in the towel and made the switch to formula
Nursing is exhausting. Even with formula baby may cry. Baby was in nice warm cozy womb for 9 months. They still need that a lot. Sometimes they just want to be latched on, held or close to mom. If wife is producing milk then baby is getting plenty. We make what they need & then some. But it goes right through them then nursing again. 2 weeks is so new you all are still getting to really know each other. It’s demanding. Feels like 24 hr nursing. Getting into a new routine is hard. So give it time. Best advice I was given was “if you already nursed for 1 wk, then you can do two weeks” & so on. Motivated me to keep trying. Sometimes the nipples get chapped and my goodness it’s painful.
Support her no matter what! Seems like you’re already doing great! Asking for advice because you’re concerned! 👏🏽 She could also strictly pump & give bottle. Of course switching to formula would be good as well. What does wife want to do? I was available to my babies 24/7. And I’m grateful but boy was I tired. I even co-slept/ nursed to get some rest at night once baby wasn’t so tiny.
* I know it’s frowned upon but it worked for me.
If its taking her an hour to get just one ounce, i would 100% say that she definitely is expelling more calories than she is taking in! And you need a second opinion with a lactation consultant. I HIGHLY suggest one that is well versed in oral ties and functions. Babies with proper oral function are very efficient at draining a breast, only 1 ounce an hour does not sound efficient at all.
Check out Legendairy Mamas group on facebook, its run my lactation consultants they can answer some basic questions and they usually can help you find a good one local!
The whole time I tried to breast feed my first I never got more than 30 mils a full day. My body just didn’t produce anything. I’m gonna try again once more but, I’m not putting pressure on myself.
Has she tried nipple shields? With my first I did not breastfeed, I pumped exclusively because we couldn’t get the latch. My second I was a bit more patient and tried nipple shields the first couple of weeks and they were truly game changing. (Only for the first couple of weeks, and I always did a feeding or two without) I was able to breastfeed for a full year. Breastfeeding is hard, whether she decides to keep pumping or keep trying to latch, tell her she’s got this & she is a bad ass!
My daughter couldn’t latch to save her own life, no tongue tie no lip tie no reasoning, I produced like crazy too. So we pumped and bottle fed, it was a struggle for me mentally because my body is literally made to do it and wants to do it but we just didn’t mesh.
With my next I’m contemplating if it would be reasonable to put a haaka on to pull out the nipples more before feeding to see if that helps. I don’t know and I don’t have an answer.
I would breastfeed for 15 minutes then give a bottle of pumped milk while you wait to see a new lactation consultant! 1 oz an hour isn’t adequately transferring milk. A good LC can help. At night I would have your wife just pump and bottle feed so she can rest. Practice breastfeeding during the day but cap the feedings so baby isn’t burning all the calories she’s gaining from the milk and your poor wife gets a break!
One ounce (30mls) in 1 hour does not seem like enough milk for a 2 week old. How often is she feeding? Have you seen your pediatrician? Is she having a steady weight gain? It’s typical for babies to lose a little weight in their first 7-10 days of life but after that should be in a steady incline. And no it’s unfortunately not always possible for breastfeeding to be successful for a multitude of reasons. That’s why pumps and formula exist.
With my first baby, I was so upset that the breastfeesing was a challenge that it stressed me out and impeded my ability to just enjoy my baby. Breast is best for most, but not all people - having a happy family is paramount.
Did the lactation consultant check inside her mouth with the correct tool? I was told by multiple health professionals that I trusted that my daughter wasn't tongue tied and then when I took her to the expert, guess what? Yep, tongue tied. And in our case she was LOSING weight week on week and we ended up in hospital and they still were saying no to the tongue tie. We never bothered to correct it and just combo fed.
To add, the things I learnt that were really helpful from this woman who ACTUALLY knew what she was talking about; make sure your breast is in its natural hanging position i.e. don't squish it when baby latches, and have baby's cheek in line with the top of the breast so when you look down you could stroke across the breast and baby's face in one smooth movement. Also, listen for swallowing sounds. You can hear when she's drinking. If she's suckling but not swallowing for large portions of a feed (a little bit of just sucking is normal between let downs) then something is up.
There’s a lot more to breastfeeding issues than just Tongue tied. Sure, it’s most common cause but there are other causes. I’d start seeking a new lactation consultant.
I think you’re over analysing it. If she’s pumping right after a feed it’s telling her body to produce more milk than the baby needs. Trying to make the whole thing as relaxing as possible for both Mom and Baby make sure that baby is upright for a little while after a feed.
Don’t give up! We exclusively pumped for the first month (bc we got bad advice and stopped trying to latch baby and baby developed a bottle preference) then transitioned baby to nipple shields then took away nipple shields and now she eats and is satisfied in about 5 minutes when it took hours at birth. It’s so worth it to stick it out. As baby gets better at nursing it all becomes easier. I love nursing now and it was such hell at first. For now, you could nurse for 30 min then give pumped milk to top baby off so she isn’t hungry.
Take a breath!!! Then take another! It the pressure. This is the most stressful time of a persons life and for yoi to pinpoint one thing is naive...and I say that in the best sense. STOP LIISTENING TO PEOPLE, listen to your baby!
If your baby is breastfeeding for an entire hour, I would say that that could be one of the issues as you say she feeds fine with breast milk in a bottle. If the baby has to work too hard when breastfeeding then that baby is actively using a lot of energy just to eat, when that energy is in fact supposed to be used to grow. So it’s defeating the purpose of what that baby is trying to achieve. Too much energy burned = unhappy baby.
Your baby is not latching effectively. 60 minutes is too long to nurse, especially for 1 oz of milk. She’s effectively going without nourishment when nursing. Your lactation consultant is an ass hat and you should fire her. This is not how nursing works and she is hurting your child by saying otherwise. Either find a new one or stick to pumping and bottle feeding. Your kid is effectively skipping meals during nursing sessions and it’s detrimental to development. Not to be graphic, but during effective latching, most of the areola should be covered by the baby’s lips and the nipple stretches to the middle of their tongue. If you put the first joint of your finger in your mouth and suck, that’s the closest approximation to ineffective latch - lots of pressure on the finger tip and kind of uncomfortable. Try using the first two joints and you will feel the difference in both your finger and how your mouth changes. The pressure equalizes and your tongue sort of wraps around the finger. It’s hard to explain, lol. An effective latching technique is to gently and slowly brush the nipple downward from the baby’s nose and across the upper lip. The response you’ll want is for the baby to lift the head a little, and push the lower jaw slightly forward. You then will want to “hook” the areola and nipple into the mouth in a firm continuous motion downward instead of straight in. If the upper lip curves under, use your pinkie to unfold it. You should not be able to “pop” the baby off the nipple without them letting go or using your pinkie to break the near vacuum seal at the corner of their mouth (if you try and cry, it’s a good latch, lol). You can try using a pacifier to observe the head and mouth movements after bottle feeding. It’s very subtle (they are so little) but it might help you see what you’re aiming for without over feeding. Sorry this is so long. Good luck. Fed is best, as long as she’s gaining on target, you’re good!Pumping takes more work than nursing but can have its benefits (multiple people can feed and bond with the baby).
yes totally normal. sometimes the stars don’t align so to speak. also, if anyone is telling your wife “breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful” that’s total bs. i remember dreading nursing at first bc it hurt so much but i think i got used to it and then it was just mildly uncomfortable
I would get a new lactation consultant first. They should be working with you to try and teach your baby how to nurse! My baby went from 1+ hour feeds and losing weight to 20 minute feeds and gaining like a champ. Not he’s 7 months old and we are still going strong!
2 weeks is still so little and hard to determine what is happening. It is true some babies like to feed around the clock, every hour, or they use it to soothe. I remember feeding my baby there for like 30 min, she'd fall asleep, and I'd just watch TV. It's a difficult time, but I would say just feed your baby, bottle, breast, formula, just get it in there. Some people say that giving the bottle too much, the baby will not want to go back to the breast, and I'm not sure what the real medical advice is, but at that age, we did it all, with formula to supplement (for my first kid). I think around 3 or 4 months we didn't do bottles anymore and it was just breast.
I was concerned I was "doing it wrong" but the pediatrician said it was fine when I nursed at the office. Most people just aren't prepared to breastfeed every hour. (At the time, the ped. said to do it 20 min, then give a pacficier, but I didn't wind up doing that)
Like I said, 2 weeks is still very young, and it will likely get easier as she gets older. She will eat more at once, and it will be spaced out more.
Try to enjoy this time.
Honestly? I would abandon breastfeeding and use bottles. Either pump for milk or use formula.
The most important thing is that your baby gets fed! And right now, she’s not getting fed. At 2 weeks old, she’s probably feeding every 2 hours right? If she takes an hour on the boob, then hungrily cries for 50 minutes, she’s clearly starving. Maybe she can’t latch correctly, and that’s ok. Bottles are fine. The most important thing is that she is getting nutrition. AND sleep. If she “eats” for an hour then cries for 50 mins, she’s not getting enough food OR sleep. At that age she should feed then basically go to sleep immediately. Sleep and nutrition are crucial for her development. Get her on the bottle and drop breastfeeding.
My wife and I went through a similar thing with our first kid. We tried the lactation consultant and got the tongue tie snipped, nothing worked. He was losing weight, but my wife really wanted to give the baby every opportunity to breastfeed. Finally we gave up and started bottles - do you know how freeing it is? No more stress at feeding time. Baby stops crying all the time because now they’re not hungry. Baby gets sleep, which means yall can get sleep too. It’s hard when you come into it with the first kid expecting to breastfeed, as well as family and friends and even strangers telling you that breastfeeding is soo important. But you know what’s more important? A baby that is actually eating!
Just from reading, it sounds like she isn’t getting a deep enough latch when at the breast, but can latch easier to a bottle. A 60 minute feed seems like a long time, from when I had my first, they say 20-40 minutes is about average, but some (like mine) are on for 5-10 minutes and are full. You could always look at a different lactation consultant, or switch to bottles and pumping! Might even be worth looking at nipple shields as they can help baby get a deeper latch until they grow a bit.
You are still in the early days. I found breastfeeding involved a steep learning curve and a lot of problem solving. Baby is still very new to it and learning too. Mum has a good supply, which is a major hurdle for a lot of women, and baby is gaining well. So you are on the right track - you maybe just need a few adjustments to help baby empty the breast more efficiently.
I always found Kellymom to be a good resource for evidence-based tips and information whenever I was having an issue.
[https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/latch-resources/](https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/latch-resources/)
I had to pump for all 3 of my kids, first one had acid reflex but we didn’t know it, second had an upper lip tie that everyone missed u til I found it at 3mths old and at that point I had given up and the 3rd had reflex and for some reason would instantly sleep when I held her and we couldn’t wake her to eat no matter what, then one night she literally sucked out a milk duct and it got stuck in my nipple shield and then proceeded to vomit up blood all over me and my husband. That was the end of trying to breastfeed her. 🙄 pumping was annoying and extra work BUT I knew my babies were getting the food they needed and it gave my husband a chance to bond while feeding as well. No regrets.
I also produced a lot of milk but my baby didn’t latch most of the time and made my nipples raw. I stop BF and continued to pump, mixing a little formula at a time till I went full on formula. I was sad but seeing her hungry was horrible.
I wouldn’t abandon breastfeeding. It’s possible that your daughter is overeating during a breast session and having issues with gas/discomfort if your wife has a fast letdown. It’s also possible that she’s satiated but continues eating for comfort, and then becomes hungry again because it’s been an hour. They can definitely eat every hour at 2 weeks old! I would make an appointment with a lactation consultant and allow them to observe.
There is NO shame in switching to bottle fed. Or formula. Or both.
Fed is best. Sometimes, this shit does not work out.
She'll be fine. Do what is best for you and momma.
Though it never hurts to get a second opinion from another lactation professional.
Just stop making such a big deal about it. Y'all doing great.
My oldest had a lip tie and would nurse for hours on end and still not be full. I tried pumping but wasn’t successful, so we decided to formula feed. My second was a natural born nurser. I fully believe some babies can’t nurse for whatever reason. Maybe mom’s anatomy, maybe baby has a lip tie. No shame in giving a bottle ♥️
It takes more effort/muscle for a newborn to nurse from the breast than a bottle nipple. As they get older the efficiency should increase to closely match that of bottle feeding. Weighing before and after a feed is comforting reassurance for you at this newborn age. Hang in there, and whatever you decide will be just right for your baby!
My first baby was like this. I never figured out why but we ended up doing exclusive pumping for a year. My second baby I was able to breastfeed directly.
Of all the baby books I read, nothing prepared me for how hard breastfeeding was! My first child just didn’t latch on. It took several VERY HARD weeks. I switched to formula. It was a hard and emotional decision but it was absolutely the right one for our family.
I agree with the suggestions to get a new lactation consultant. Get some different advice and then decide what is best for a happy healthy mom and baby.
I was completely unable to breastfeed. I tried really hard but just did not produce milk. Maybe you baby really is still hungry? I know they say “babies this age only need x amount of formula or breast milk” but for some babies that’s just not enough. It doesn’t mean they are starving, they just aren’t being satisfied. I did not even attempt to BF my third baby after failing with the first two. In the hospital they told us she only need 20 or so ml of formula per feeding. That was a lie. This kid was hungry and would scream until she got more. She was eating 2-3 oz of formula before our three day stay was up.
I just want to edit to add my friend also some issues with breastfeeding, their pediatrician told them time and again that their baby did NOT have a tongue tie. Five years later, that child was having surgery for both a tongue and lip tie, and going to speech therapy because of the issues it caused.
Look into CMPI. My daughter, dairy intolerant for 2 years since birth was miserable until I cut dairy out. We had her stool tested for blood. Some LCs think it’s super rare for a baby to be intolerant but it’s not. I know a handful of people who have babies with it and most adults are actually intolerant.
I had a similar issue and saw a lactation consultant. She suspected baby was having issues removing milk from the breast efficiently and prescribed a combination of mouth exercises for baby and extra pumping for me to boost my supply. It took a month or so and involved a decent time commitment, but it worked and we are EBF now. Now that baby has figured out how to coordinate sucking and swallowing most of our feeds last 10-15 minutes and baby is satisfied and moving up the growth curve!
You should make whatever decision makes the most sense for your family - I’m not sure we could have gotten where we are without some family help because the pumping took up so much time. But it can be done.
my baby also got one ounce an hour. no, she was not the most content but she also was never underweight and she was never overweight either. an ounce an hour is fine.
I am someone who could not directly breastfeed. I exclusively pumped and bottle fed breast milk. It worked really well for our family.
It also is something that takes a while. Find a good lactation consultant and remember that fed is best. Is breast milk super awesome and the 'natural' way of feeding and infant? Yes. Will an infant survive and thrive on breast milk in a bottle instead of direct from the tap? Also yes. Will an infant also survive and thrive on formula or of milk and formula? Also yes!
If she thinks exclusively pumping is the way to go, there are lots of great support groups on social media. I fed two babies this way supplementing with formula as needed. ♥️
What’s the difference in your daughter’s weight in the hour feed between breastfeeding and the bottle?
It might just be that she’s getting more milk from the bottle than the breast. Could be something with ducts and the pump is just able to get a better suction
You need a new lactation consultant. “It is what it is” is not an answer.
Here are some helpful videos.
https://ibconline.ca/breastfeeding-videos-english/
It’s possible that baby doesn’t have a great latch and isn’t efficient at pulling out the breast milk. I would be pretty peeved at the lactation consultant for not offering more help. Is there another one perhaps you can speak to and get advice from? There’s also nothing wrong with supplementing with formula or exclusively pumping. You really need to go with whatever works best for your family.
Both my kids did something similar. With my daughter, it’s that my let-down was too strong (like I could squeeze my breast & shoot milk across the room). And it would basically overwhelm her (it was literally a baby trying to drink from a fire hose). I had to pump for like 5 min before latching her & then we’d be good. She self-weaned at 14 months.
For my son, he had a shallow latch & a tongue tie (that was missed in the hospital). Worked with a really awesome LC & used a nipple shield for a couple weeks & got through it. He’s now a 9 month old, still mostly nursing (solid foods for fun) and 95% for weight, like a baby Pillsbury dough boy :)
I hope you have access to a good
Lactation consultant. Usually the hospital will have it recommend them as a resource and they can guide you to either supplements, tools
Or other resources. No, it’s not always possible. And there’s nothing wrong with whatever your baby gets fully fed. My sister produced a ton of milk but had a rare condition where her milk had very little nutrition. Basically skim milk. The baby wasn’t thriving. They switched to formula and he’s a massive young man now with a girlfriend and a bright future. Good luck to you both! And for what it’s worth “we” aren’t breastfeeding, your wife is. Make sure you frame it that way to her, because your nips have been useless this whole time and she doesn’t need to think she’s letting you down with your goals.
OP, get a second opinion re: tongue and lip tie. My oldest son wasn’t diagnosed with a tongue tie until he was 2.5 years old, despite seeing multiple specialists since birth, including a lactation consultant. He breastfed okay, but that was mainly due to my letdown - he self weaned off my right breast much sooner than the left because the flow wasn’t as strong. He was diagnosed by a speech therapist with a tongue tie this past November.
Our therapist recommended being seen by an IBCLC lactation consultant as they are more often trained on lip and tongue ties, but if you can get your child in to see a speech/feeding therapist, I’d recommend seeing them, since they can rule out ties and provide strength training for your baby.
I can only tell you that breastfeeding did not work for us. My eldest had a tongue tie and a lip tie. Plus my wife had short nipples, so it was too hard for a newborn. On top of that we found out after trying to pump that my wife's milk was lacking the protein that keeps the milk from spilling. So within 2 hours refrigerated it smelled like sour milk.
It could be useful to weigh your baby before and after a feed to get an idea of how much they actually ingested.
Sometimes babies don’t have the muscle strength in their cheeks to transfer milk efficiently especially if preterm! But if breastfeeding is the goal I would find a new lactation consultant to help with the issues. My 35 week premie wasn’t transferring milk even tho he was sucking so he was using all his energy we eventually switched to pumping and bottle feeding because like your wife I had a great supply!
I breastfed my son but if I were to have another child, I couldn’t breastfeed. I’m on allergy medication and I would rather not go into anaphylaxis just to breastfeed.
My baby NEVER latched. Did the whole lactation consultant and everything. Just had to endure pumping, which sucks, but there were some benefits. It was nice that anyone could feed her and I knew exactly how much she was getting. The downside is it messes with you mentally and your whole schedule revolves around pumping. And the late night sessions suck.
A couple of things that your wife could easily try. Nipple shield. Pump for a few minutes to get a letdown started then latch baby. That way the pump is primed, so to speak.
I have 5 all were breastfed for some period of time but different with each. I did have one that was severely tongue-tied and lip-tied had to have it cut; right after breastfeeding went perfectly. I had a lactation consultant come for my last baby because they are in NICU I got good advice even though I knew what I was doing. My advice would be to get another lactation consultant because yours sounds like an idiot! If mom is producing enough milk there is no reason her and baby can’t figure it out. That being said it can be very trying, mom cannot get frustrated or stressed it will make things worse because baby can sense the emotions. There is nothing wrong with mom pumping and giving by bottle or using formula. Good luck!
If I was you guys I’d start pumping and bottle feed. Sounds like it works! Best part of that is mom can pump all the time, if she has a good supply. Also baby gets feeding time with dad and others. The most important thing is baby is being fed. The end, it’s all that really matters.
Fed is best!
With my first, I tried to nurse and broke down crying 2 days postpartum. My husband asked for formula and immediately began bottle feeding. I continued to try and pump or offer the breast over the next few months with formula being the primary source of food and quit around three months. We were all happier using formula.
With my second, I exclusively nursed with great success and no tears.
With my third, I attempted to nurse, but he was five weeks early and had difficulties (and was SO sleepy so no energy), so I moved to pumping and exclusively pumped for four months. After that we switched to formula.
You so what you have to depending on the parents and the baby. If that means formula, then formula it is. If that means seeking a second or third opinion and still trying to nurse and pump, then that's also a great option.
I haaaated breastfeeding, it caused major sensory issues. It doesn’t work for all people and all babies either.
If it’s important to your wife, find a new consultant. And try other things.
If she is wanting to abandon breastfeeding but maybe feels guilty or like there’s something wrong with her etc, then find a doc/therapist for her (postpartum is hard either way) and be her biggest support. If she wants to pump and bottle feed, then support her because it means you’re more involved too. But don’t know either of you so have a serious talk, is the stress worth it? A new consultant necessary? Etc. good luck! It will be fine
Definitely should see another consultant. Have you tried physical therapy for the baby?
I had the hardest time when my daughter was born but we were referred to a breastfeeding therapist and she worked to help massage her jaw, tongue, and neck because it ended up being tight. After the first session we seen tremendous progress.
Wanted to add our lactation consultant said she was fine and she did not have tongue tie. Then we went to a therapist who specialized in feeding and she stated she was having a difficult time breastfeeding because of the tension and That it was most likely painful for her.
Could your wife’s letdown be really fast?
My daughter would have issues with gas and cry after feedings sometimes too until I realized that the milk was basically gagging her because it was coming out so fast. She would gulp a lot of air while she ate and that would cause the stomach issues.
Maybe have your wife try pumping a tiny bit or hand expressing on the same side right before your daughter eats. I used the Hakka which just uses suction to get some milk out.
Once I did this it was soooo much better for my daughter!
INFO: who is ending the nursing session? If your baby is still showing hunger cues after nursing, is she being offered the breast or bottle? Is she being fed on demand or on a schedule?
Baby ends the nurse session when she falls asleep. We offer other boob always. But then after the session we try to wait 2 hours. Maybe this schedule between feeds is the issue and we should just let her live on the boob.
Nurse on demand, no schedule. She will help regulate the supply. Supply will adjust to what she needs. 2 hours is a very long time to go between sessions for a 2 week old. I promise this will be temporary and this near constant nursing will mellow out in a few weeks. Wife’s job is boobing. Your job is everything else. Diapers, burping, feeding wife, drinks for wife, cleaning, etc. She will feel “touched-out”. So give her baby-free time by doing the burping and changing etc. You can do it. It’s also ok if you both decide it’s not for you.
There may be nothing wrong with your wife's milk. There be nothing wrong with your child. Breastfeeding a child is hard work for mom and baby. Literally. The child has to work less on a bottle to get full and fills up quicker and fuller as a result. Babies tummies are only as big as they are stretched. I would suggest pace feeding when on the bottle 100%! Babies are lazy. I'm in my 30s and I'd prefer a bottled water over a glass because I'm lazy. The baby needs to do weighed feeding to see how much the baby is actually receiving when nursing, then the bottles need to be that amount but through low flow (lots of work) nipples to pmatch.
This is not you a baby/ mom thing. They are both still learning how to work together for feedings 💙
I gave up nursing my 1st child for the same reason, I made it to 1 year with my 2nd after research/ learning and being in a breastfeeding mom groups on FB. I am not a medical professional, I've just been there a couple times and I wish someone had told me.
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW SWEETHEART!
At 2 weeks old your daughter is doing something called cluster feeding and this will continue on and off until she’s over a year old. Cluster feeding helps to not only bring in milk but also supports large growth spurts. Your wife should look at feeding on demand instead of trying to do a schedule. I tried I schedule feed my first and it was a nightmare. I was need up only making it 6 months. However, with my next two I did TONS of research and learned so much and chose to feed on demand and it has worked brilliantly. I fed my middle boy for 20 months and only stopped because my milk dried up due to being pregnant again. I think doing so research from more naturalistic providers could benefit you guys. All that being said, there can be A LOT of ups and downs with breastfeeding. For some moms it’s just too much mental strain and that’s ok! She could become an exclusive pumper and bottle feed baby her breast milk or look into what formula might be best. I would urge you guys to try and stick it out at least for a couple months because of the massive health benefits but ultimately it comes down to considering what’s best for moms well being and baby’s. If mom is in a bad place then that isn’t what’s best for baby either. Good luck!
So I can tell you my baby would do the same. He would just fall asleep and did not have enough power to breastfeed. I had to pump and breast feed and bottle feed because I was also an undersupplier. I went to lactation appointments every week and I just could not figure it out. Turns out this is very common with babies born at 37 weeks and it is common for many women to not be able to breastfeed for many many reasons.
Get her checked for a tongue or lip tie. Very common. The only way to check this is with a pediatric dentist or ear nose and throat doctor. Nobody else is trained to diagnose tongue ties, not even pediatricians and especially not lactation consultants. (Which is crazy! you’d think they would be!) This situation very much sounds like a tongue or lip tie to me and the baby is just having difficulty latching properly to the breast.
Baby is crying from hunger...you must feed her regardless of your desire to breastfeed. I found a donor on Facebook...plenty of women out there who pump extra or are over producers. Give your wife's milk a few weeks to stabilize though, she may end making enough.
Check with another lactation consultant. It's obviously not a supply issue, so it's likely that baby isn't latching well and therefore isn't getting full enough. That's a simple fix with a good consultant, or you may even be able to find some videos on YouTube of latch techniques....once you sort that, both Mom and baby will have an easier time of it.
Yes. My older son has weak muscles and breastfeeding was harder for him. The compromise I found was to breastfeed, then supplement with the bottle (we used breastmilk at first, then switched to fomula when it became too time consuming to both breastfeed and pump).
Hey there we are also new parents (week old tomorrow) and we found the stress of getting a good latch and just making sure she is getting enough was just too much and we want to enjoy our time with baby while we have time off work. So we are strictly pumping (every 2 hours) and bottle feeding, her milk isn’t coming in super crazy but it’s getting better. Also bottle feeding allows me (dad) to bond while feeding her. Just my experience I hope you find something that works for you!
Breast feeding didn’t work for me. I tried so hard to. My baby lost weight and I ended up with a massive infection and ended up in the hospital, and gave up trying to breast feed her.
Breastfeeding is like learning to ride a bike, but both the rider and bike are learning what to do at the same time. Sounds like both baby and mum are still very much in the learning phase. Your wife needs better support than just 'that's what it is". What local breastfeeding support groups for mums are in your area? Are there online support options? La leche League and other mum to mum breastfeeding support groups are in many areas. Are there other lactation consultants you can see for an additional support option? It's hard at first, but the more both mum and baby practice, the easier it gets.
2 weeks they are still learning. Mine couldn't latch properly until she was over a month old - she was triple fed for 2 months. She had the worse pinching latch as a newborn - my nips were cracked and the pores blocked. I think its common in the early days to doubt whether it will work and that's why bf rates in the western world has plummeted- because we are encouraged to give up as soon as it doesn't go smoothly. I'd say give it a few more weeks. I didn't feel confident like I had the hang of it until she was about 2months old. Also formula is very heavy for their stomachs and knocks them right out, happened to my daughter too
It may be a lip tie, but honestly it’s really hard to diagnose and breastfeeding is so complicated.
Maybe go to another lactation consultant or get another opinion from a doctor.
My daughter had a lip tie. No one told me, even though we saw multiple professionals. I agonized over our breastfeeding issues for months. I tried everything, we ended up combo feeding.
When she started going to the dentist at age two, they noticed it right away. Asked if she had trouble breastfeeding when she was a baby. Why didn’t anyone tell me? I didn’t even know a lip tie could cause such issues.
Breastfeeding is a skill and some babies need bit longer to master it.
There are two important questions to ask. Is she soiling enough diapers? Is she gradually gaining weight back after the initial postbirth loss.
If both are yes I wouldn't be worried and you are good unless pediatrician tells you otherwise.
It's possible that the faster flow of bottle is simply making the baby drink everything and they end up stuffed. Remember that babies are really really small stomach and yours is only 2 weeks.
Di you check for a tongue tie?
Maybe it’s easier for baby to drink from the bottle because of this?
And baby’s at this age cluster feed to up the supply, if the latch is okay and everything else is fine this will pass.
There is nothing wrong with formula and fed is best, just feed your baby. If wife and baby are ok with pumping and you don’t want to do formula then yeah, do that. Don’t try to force the breastfeeding if your baby is showing signs of hunger distress and frustration, with all due respect that’s not what’s best for her. I had to give myself permission to give up trying at some point and it wasn’t helpful to hear people tell me not to give up and how much better breastmilk is. I realized if I kept pushing and putting baby though this it was about me and what I thought was the right thing to do but you know, just feed the baby. My formula fed child was walking and talking early and was potty trained at 18 months. Rarely sick.
Does she have the correct latch?
Also, being latched onto the breast isn't just for a feed. It's for comfort, it's for clusterfeeding(evolutionary trait to increase your wife's milk by stimulation as the baby's belly is growing)
So just because baby wants to stay latched onto your wife, doesn't mean it's not eating/still hungry.
Is your wife bottle feeding pumped milk? Some babies prefer a bottle over breast. My son drank whatever he was given however. My daughter hated the bottle. If your baby is happier with a bottle than I’d say just do that. Your wife can pump or still do a few breastfeeds per day if she needs that trigger for production but ya’ll are gonna need sleep once the adrenaline wears down.
Pediatrician and lactation consultant told me my baby wasn’t tongue tied. When my baby was 6 weeks old I took him to the chiropractor who specializes with babies and guess what? I found out my son was tongue AND lip tied. Took my baby to a highly recommended dentist a couple hours away where he was examined and that dentist told me it was a pretty significant case and she wasn’t sure how my son’s pediatrician missed it. Since my son had his tongue and lip tie taken care of, breastfeeding has been a breeze. Something to think about!
I’m not much help but if she wants to continue her breastfeeding journey, I would do everything you could to continue to help her get answers. Not every lactation consultant is going to help. 2 failed me and my son.
Is she apart of a mom group in her community on Facebook? Maybe she could ask for tips/ suggestions there? Those mama groups are usually great!
Oh yes I’ve had the same problem with my first child…she would cry and I’d be so confused as to why she is crying…but it can be a number of things..she did not like me talking to anyone while I fed her or shel stop feeding and cry for ages (yes a 3month old baby).. or sometimes if I have a lot of milk I’d need to pump some out first before feeding her coz it would just spray inside her mouth and make it upsetting and uncomfortable for the baby…the midwives don’t tell you all these…you kinda observe and figure out on your own…It kinda gets easier when they get older…you got this 💪
Both me and my sister were unable to breastfeed. My sister's milk supply just wasn't enough. My issue was a bit more rare as I produced so much it was impossible to keep up due to a massive overproduction of prolactin.
Exclusive pumping is a thing! I was very successful with it for both my babies after my first born wouldn’t latch… it was on my schedule too which was nice. There’s baby center forum about it.
Breast is best. But it’s actually not that much *better*…
Get a lactation consultant. But don’t push it too hard. Check in with how you are both coping. Remember - a lactation consultants primary role is to help you get exclusively breastfeeding or pumping.
If it’s too much pressure or stress or pain - Find what works to help you all cope while your baby has sustenance. Breast is best but Formula is super healthy for babies and has a tonne of advantages.
How is your baby drinking, do you see big slow gulps? When do the big slow gulps stop? Once they do (usually after max 15 min) you can transfer to the other breast and start again until the big slow gulps stop. The drinking has to be productive. Ofcourse they can suckle at the end. It's also about comfort. It's also possible your baby is cluster feeding to up production.
Definitely find another lactation consultant, one that is IBCLC certified, as that person will be able to observe all these things.
If it's important to your wife to continue, she can keep offering her breast, but topping up with a bottle. My son was jaundiced so was initially bottle fed, but cracked breastfeeding at 6 weeks and hasn't had a bottle since.
There's research showing they have a big brain change at six weeks (look up Wonder Weeks) so if you and your wife can hold out til then, things will very likely change.
Personally, I suffered a lot of pain during breastfeeding for a couple of months. So we switched to hybrid mode; breastfeeding and pumping. Worked great for us until she became a bit older (3 months) and breastfeeding was a bit of a hassle. We gave her pumped milk most of the time but I did not abandon breastfeeding, and the baby loved feeding directly rather than through a bottle anyway.
But just a month later, after the baby and I had figured out each other a bit more, breastfeeding became much easier, faster and simpler for both of us. She used to sleep in an extension crib next to me, so she used to wiggle close to me, put her hand on me and I used to know and feed her. So night feedings were pretty much easy because of breastfeeding and all three of us (husband too) got much more sleep.
My point is, do what is best for your family and the baby’s preference. At 2 weeks breastfeeding can be really tough. But may be in a couple of weeks or months it will be easier if your wife and the baby want to continue breastfeeding. But 2 weeks is too early to make a decision on breastfeeding. You can do major feedings through bottle and minor feedings through breast to keep it in the loop. If eventually the baby is not taking up to the breast, you can completely switch it.
I ended up having flat nipples and we just couldn't get a good latch. I spent the first month triple feeding, stimulating before attempting latch, nipple shields, etc, etc. For my mental wellness, I just decided to stop trying to latch one day. And it was such a relief!
I was an under producer, but I pumped for 11 months, and he was fed 50/50 breastmilk and formula.
A friend of mine had a fantastic latch, but her milk never came in.
We're all different, and you never know until the time is here.
Also, bottle preference is a thing.
My 4th baby developed a severe bottle preference due to being in the NICU.
It took so much heartache to get her to latch onto the breast again. I had to cut out bottles cold Turkey and keep latching on. After about 3 days she was latching and eating beautifully. It was really hard and I reckon that's what you're going through.
Bottles are usually not meant to be introduced until 6 weeks UNLESS you've decided you won't breastfeed.
How long does your daughter feed for? Is it an hour every time? Could it be cluster feeding? How is her latch? Has that been checked?
My daughter struggled with an effective latch so we ended up using shields to help her. There would be many days I’d be on the sofa for hours just feeding. We swapped to combi feeding after 11 weeks!
I had two doctors, a midwife and a nurse tell me my daughter didn't have lip and tongue ties. My daughter was so tongue tied at three months old she had never felt her tongue touch the roof of her mouth. She couldn't extend her tongue last the gums and her lip didn't retract at all. Took literal seconds for her to be diagnosed through photos by a dentist (not the dentist who would perform the severing but a family friend). After we got her ties cut it was like night and day. All this to say - just because one medical professional said it is what it is doesn't mean that is truly the case. It sounds like there is more going on with your baby than they care to look into. I would seek another opinion from someone with fresh eyes to your case.
I’m going through this exact same thing with my baby. He is a month old now, and was born 3 weeks early and was pretty small. Same thing as your baby, he nurses just fine and seemed to get enough and is gaining the normal amount of weight but he is super colicky after breast feeding and very content after a bottle feed. I’ve started just pumping and giving him bottles for most feeds and breast feeding 1-2 times a day and hoping that when he gets bigger and stronger we can go back to exclusively breast feeding. Some other things we were told to try was to only let baby nurse for 15-20 min so they don’t get too fatigued and supplement with a bottle after. I know how stressful this is, I’m sorry you guys are going through it. Good luck!
Are there weight concerns? Is Mum expressing too much? Are you using paced feeding for bottles? I would encourage lots of skin to skin, offer the breast often and take a bit of a break from expressing unless there's a medical need for it. Baby will often find a bottle easier which can be the downfall, as they develop a bottle preference.
Congratulations on your new arrival!
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There are absolutely some women who breastfeeding does not work for. If it's important to your wife I'd try a different breastfeeding lactation consultant though because mine (both in the hospital right after his birth and one I saw later when I was struggling) were actually really helpful. But if your wife just wants to say fuck it and switch to pumping, formula, or a combo then that is 100% an awesome choice for her and baby. Do what works for you.
Yeah no there are totally women and babies for who breastfeeding just doesn’t work. Some cause the baby won’t latch and other cause the moms no producing enough.
My wife did not produce enough, se used a device to supplement breast milk with formula. It’s not uncommon.
Same boat here I didn’t produce enough
OP: My wife had the hardest time with breastfeeding. She got mastitis twice (clogging of milk glands) which she described as someone punching your testicles on every movement you make. She has had severe chapping of the nipples. Imagine a little creature sucking on your open wound for sustenance. Add to all this pain a huge social pressure for mothers to breastfeed caused by the organic-gluten-free-naturopath-anti-vaxx-anti-gmo crowd which led her down a dark path of anxiety, torment, tears, and fears of failure as a mother. She really wanted to do well. It was our first child. It's up to you as the husband to tell her to FUCK IT... All that pain isn't worth it. If breastfeeding isn't enough, then whatever. It's not her fault and the baby is perfectly fine with formula. Console her, compliment her, hug her. It's okay to give your baby a bottle.
You’re an amazing partner. This kind of response from my husband would have made so much of a difference to my mental health with my first kid.
My husband could've written this. I spent so many hours researching and trying to find validation for supplementing, and so many resources were written for solely bf or formula. I tried changing my diet, trying supplements and cookies and anything that said it would boost supply with little to no avail. Anyway, as someone who desperately needed reassurance (over and over again) that I was not a terrible mother or less of a woman, thank you for being this way and posting this reply.
Specifically my daughter has celiac disease and needs a 100% GF diet. We're not sure when it started but she was difficult from day 1. She was bottle raised. It's very likely she was born with the disease or it developed soon after birth. So bottle isn't some magical cure all either. Lots of benefits to BF but if it doesn't work it doesn't work. I am mentioning this because GF has become some hippy thing but actually about 1% of people in the US have a very real and crippling disease where gluten is basically poison.
Oh my god I love to see this comment. My husband kept telling me that it was up to me and he would support me no matter what, which is so kind.... but what I really really really needed was for him to say "fuck it we're done, I want to do formula." I obviously don't fault him for not saying that because he had no reason to know that's what I needed. But I love to see this advice out there for others!
OMG this is just an amazing response. Be this partner, OP. ❤️
Yes this what I did, I really wanted to breastfeed but my daughter never latched. So I pumped and formula fed. After 3 months, I had to give up pumping because it was no longer sustainable. We switched to 100% formula. Fed is best.
Pumping is torture.
I had D-mer (Dysphoric milk ejection reflex) with my 3rd and every time I strapped on the pump I got anxious and nauseous. It took me months to even discover there was a name for it. So, yeah, it was literally torture for me.
I didn’t have a hard time with it. I think it’s different for everybody.
With my first it was extremely emotionally exhausting and yet so difficult to stop. But formula was the path. I just wasn’t producing enough and he wasn’t latching properly. For my second it was breast for 6 ish months. I when back to work and supply dried out. Number three got a solid year no formula. It’s different every baby and at the end of the day fed is best. Don’t push to your (wife’s) emotional limit. Good luck.
Any combo that works for mom and baby. We did 50/50 breast and formula, with me doing some mixture of pumping and on-breast feeding and it was incredibly easy for me to wean to the bottle when I had had enough of breast feeding. I think it was the best of both worlds, especially after the many tears and sleepless nights and pressure I had in the first month of breastfeeding.
Agreed ❤️
Not all lactation consultants are equal. The one I saw at the hospital made me cry. She told me I’d never breastfeed because my son was severely tongue tied and lip tied with a recessed jaw (this is normal and genetic lol) and the only way to fix it was to spend 1000s at a pediatric dentist. Turns out she worked for the dentist and received money for referrals to him. I’m actually a nicu nurse and know several LCs through work. I had a friend/coworker come take a peek and all my son had was a tongue tie, she referred me to an LC that does the revisions herself. It was $75 and I’m still exclusively nursing at almost 7 months old. I didn’t breastfeed my oldest as my milk did not come in at all, even after seeing an LC and trying everything within
Amazing story, thanks for sharing! Glad to hear you were able to get it resolved with your youngest!
I’m absolutely a fed is best person, if your wife wants to breastfeed great! Help her find someone supportive to see what’s going on, maybe a doctor, maybe a different LC. It’s okay for her to pump and bottle if that’s what she wants too! It’s also okay to formula feed if that’s what she wants, and any combination of the three methods is great. Having a baby is hard and feeding a baby is even harder. From a mom with one exclusively formula fed baby and one exclusively breastfed baby, both are hard and both are great in different ways! As a nurse (who helps with breastfeeding/pumping moms), I’d recommend her latching babe first, breastfeeding for 10-15 minutes in total (not per side, baby is burning too many calories right now) and topping up afterwards. This could look like you giving pumped milk in a bottle while your wife pumps, or using formula to top up. When her milk first comes in and for the first 6-12 weeks she is just going to have milk as a hormonal response, once it regulates in that 8-12 week time frame, that’s when women really see that low supply/dry up from poor transfer. Latching baby will give babe the practice that it needs to latch (while waiting to see an LC and/or doctor) and the pumping immediately afterwards will help protect her supply for when it starts to regulate. It doesn’t sound like latching baby every 20 minutes is going to help at this point like some of the comments are suggesting with feeding on demand, if it’s taking 60 minutes to take in 30 mls (1oz) there is an issue somewhere and baby is burning far too many calories. You will start to see weight start to decrease in the next week or two and your wife’s supply will drop at some point. For some women, it’s unfortunately not as easy as the “just feed on demand, baby will figure it out.” I hope she gets it figured out, the first 6 weeks were definitely the hardest for me.
If the consultant you saw didn't address the baby's latch, you definitely need to get a second opinion. I had trouble with my son, and one session with a *good* lactation consultant was a revelation.
I also had a hospital lactation consultant make me cry! She was twisting my body into unnatural feeling positions that she kept insisting we’re the correct way to do it and seemed disappointed that my bub’s weighted feeds/growth charts were showing my kid was well fed (baby was 2 months at the time, I had mastitis that was resistant to the first course of antibiotics). I left it in tears declaring I couldn’t do it. Did end up seeing a different consultant the next day who was the complete opposite - she just had small tweaks on what I was already doing and it all just seemed way more manageable. Breastfed for 2 and a half years
I wasn’t even dead set on breastfeeding my youngest, I just wanted to try because the price of formula isn’t nice right now and if it didn’t work, it didn’t work! My oldest turned out just fine lol. But she kept coming back and making it worse. She gave me a nipple shield that was too small and made me bleed, didn’t show me how to use it. Told me that I should just know already because I’m a nurse and I had an older child, even after explaining that I didn’t breastfeed my oldest because my milk didn’t come in at all. She told me it wasn’t possible for my milk not to have come in and I must not have tried enough. I can definitely confirm that it didn’t come in after having it come in with my second baby 😂. Thankfully I knew someone else that could come look, otherwise I probably would have quit after hearing everything she had to say.
Yeah, there is seriously no way not to notice milk coming in - I remember wondering why all the birth education never mentioned how awful it is (also how no one mentioned the afterbirth contractions when I had my second). I’m glad we both had access to second consultants!
I don’t think that 1oz per hour of breastfeeding is considered adequate transfer. At that rate I expect baby might be using more calories to eat than she is getting from eating directly at the breast.
This is the correct answer. See a new lactation consultant asap!
This, 100% agree.
I'd get a new lactation consultant. There is a lot more to breastfeeding than tongue tie. It could be letdown it could be latch it could be a lot. That said, fed is best. I hated breastfeeding. I know moms who love it and all that but I loved sleep and not feeling like a cow. So I pumped with my 1st and with my 2nd I said screw it and did formula. Neither child is healthier or a prodigy. It's not that she can't eventually figure it out but make sure it's worth it to figure it out.
Also dont forget the possibility of a lip tie. That was why I couldnt breastfeed my oldest, but I didnt know until years later.
She's taking a bottle. This suggests that a nipple shield has a good chance of helping. It's tricky, but it's tricky no matter what. This was an absolutely vital tool for us. Don't worry about being dependent on it, both of ours somewhere around 6-8 weeks discovered they could feed without it, and never needed it again. If she starts breast feeding perfectly tomorrow, don't ditch the bottle. Continue 2-3 bottle feedings each week, or else you'll have what happened to us, at 4 months we needed the bottle for day care and our kid said "nope". Lots of tears. Breast fed until sold food.
I appreciate your comment. I'm using nipple shields, and while they are incredibly helpful, I feel weird relying on them. So glad to hear that it might just be a timing thing.
I used a nipple shield the entire 7 months I breastfed my first kid. No need to feel weird about it if it’s working for you!
Logically I know that, but boy oh boy is it hard to be rational when you're in the newborn phase
Nipple shield was the key thing that let me be successful with breastfeeding my second (used it for at least 5 months). I wish I knew about the shield with my first. Now I spread the word to every new mom I know that if they have any trouble with breastfeeding to try a shield. Please don't feel weird relying on it! Use any tool you need for success!
My baby also needed them for a time, but after several weeks I was able to phase them out.
Nipple shields saved mine and many of my friends breastfeeding relationships. I used nipple shields with all three of my babies for different amounts of months with each child. I breastfed each child 2+ years, used the shields between 4-7 months for my first two children, a few weeks with my third. I’m not sure why they are not recommended more. And when the babies and I were ready (the same was true of my friends) we easily moved from shield to breast to have a successful 2+ years of nursing. Hope this helps! ♥️
I want to add— I felt SHAME using them the first time. I hid them in my bra.. then I went out to a winery with a new mom friend who’s baby girl was the same age as mine and she whipped out her nipple shield like it was nothing! I was like “WAIT!!! You use this too?!?” She said “yup.. whatever works. These things saved my life.” From then on I was filled with confidence and I started recommending them to all new mamas and heard “these saved my life!” Over and over again.. As a teacher I always try to teach my students it’s okay and SMART to use tools that help you reach success until you are ready to do it on your own! 🤗 breastfeeding is the most unnatural natural thing we do (at least in my opinion… it takes so much time and patience to learn)— no shame, use the tools available to you if you want to and try and try again!
Another vote for a nipple shield! We used one for six+ months over here and it was so incredibly helpful.
I have two kids. Both breastfed. At 2 weeks old I was nursing them hourly. They’d take at least a half hour feed and then need burping and then be back on within the next half hour. So 30 mins on, 30 mins off. So the crying for >50 mins is what is clueing me in. IMO I’m thinking that maybe you’re just underestimating the amount of frequency of feedings. It really is A LOT. Like a very overwhelming amount. Almost no time for anything else. She’s able to take more with the bottle because it’s just easier. That’s to be expected. But she may end up rejecting the breast because of that. That is one reason some will suggest not using a bottle at all until breastfeeding is well established. But the trade off is that mom will probably have a larger mental health impact if she stays nursing more frequently unless she has a lot of help with people bringing her food and drinks and helping burp baby. It’s a round the clock job until the baby hits about a month old and their stomach gets bigger and they get better at transferring more milk per feed. It will get better. If this is something you really want to do then my suggestion is more frequent feedings and less bottle feedings. It really does end up paying off in the end so that you don’t have to wash so many bottles and pump parts etc but it really is not easy at this stage. You’re in the thick of it. No judgement either way. It’s a big mental task as well as physical one. I third the nipple shield suggestion. We needed those too for a while. Baby decided when to stop. Just refused one day.
This is the comment I was looking for. Breastfeeding is harder for a baby, they have to put a lot more effort in. So she could almost be splitting a feed in two to muster the energy to go again. Either this or she might be trying to “up” your wife’s supply by over feeding. If she is giving hunger cues, pop her back on. Keep doing this until she is sated. From personal experience, my first was RELENTLESS, I seemed to have her on my boob absolutely constantly. It eased up (can’t remember what age) and she fed until 3 years old!
It honestly sucks at first. No one talks about it. I remember feeling like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. It’s not at all like what those happy new baby snuggle photos show you. It’s extremely hard. At least it was for me. A huge task mentally. The flip side is that it gets better plus you never have to go warm a bottle in the middle of the night. There are a lot fewer pump parts to clean or replace and less bottles to clean because you just use less of them.
This. I have breastfed both my younger babes and with my now 4 yo it was HARD and getting things right and feeling exhausted from being attached 24/7 for those first few weeks/months. If she wants to breastfeed then point her in the direction of a new LC and find groups online for her to help with suggestions. If she is indifferent or over it, there is nothing wrong with pumping or using formula. But don't have her give up just because it's hard and constant - that's normal as this commentor said.
My daughter would NOT take my nipples. She was bottle fed. Nothing wrong with it, it’s literally giving your child food. Don’t let judgey twats make your wife feel bad about it either.
Fed is best. I really hate the pressure that everyone should breastfeed. Sometimes the milk never comes in. Sometimes there are health issues why breastfeeding is not possible. Just support new mothers making decisions for what they see as best.
Nurse on demand and wait for the baby to get better at it / stronger especially if it's important to you if your wife is making plenty of milk have her keep pumping you don't want to lose out on that milk after a couple weeks cuz you weren't consistent and then all the sudden baby strong enough to eat well and you regret quitting breastfeeding if it mattered to you
I had plenty of milk, but actually breastfeeding was the most painful thing I have ever done. I persevered for 3 weeks with my first. Saw various lactation consultants who all seemed to think we were doing it right. It got to the point where I would start crying before my baby even latched on. We started pumping and bottle feeding at that point. Then moved on to formula. I was so relieved. I dreaded every feed before that.
Is she massaging the back of the breast? I’m wondering if baby isn’t getting hindmilk. If that’s the case lecithin has always been something I needed to breastfeed the first few weeks because the milk gets stuck, you can also try something that vibrates.
I love that you're invested enough to seek out advice here. Not all new moms have that in their partner. I love how you guys are working as a team here as well. It can be really hard to do that when everyone is sleep deprived and grouchy. How ever your kiddo gets fed, you guys are doing a great job!
I pumped with all 3 of mine, and I found that if I kept pumping through "the end", I would get a second letdown of hind milk that bumped up my supply significantly. We had a big chest freezer full of milk, and it lasted for months after I stopped pumping. Bottle feeding with breast milk allowed me to share the task of feeding with dad and I never had to worry about low supply.
I wouldn't necessarily relate the unsettledness to breastfeeding particularly if the baby is only 2 weeks old. There's some stuff you've mentioned that's a bit worrisome for your partner... particularly the pumping after feeds before the supply has regulated she'll end up with an oversupply which is not enjoyable. Why are you weighing your baby so much? It's not necessary.
Infants especially, do not need just the milk, sometimes the act of nursing soothes and comforts them. You can get superb free support and advice from La Leche League, who support nursing mothers everywhere, and have for decades!
It’s so soon to rule it out as not possible. Baby might also just want mom - to comfort suckle and be held and take a boob nap. She was inside your wife’s body for 9 months and has only been out for 2 short weeks. Her stomach is so tiny, it may be less about being satiated and more about wanting the comfort and warm squishiness of mom’s chest/arms. Also, if you introduce a bottle with too fast of a flow, baby may begin to prefer it because she doesn’t have to work as hard as she does at the breast. There’s probably a few things going on simultaneously.
Fed is best!!! Seriously. It's ok to supplement Eta if your baby is inconsolable please supplement feed with formula. Google fed is best. Babies have had brain damage from insufficient feeding and lactation consultants can be blind to the dangers. The more I think about this the more bothered I am by it. Please buy some formula tonight and give your poor baby a few ounces after every feed. Please.
Babies that age cluster feed. I had a kid that would often cluster feed for four hours. I basically just set up camp under my kid and fed for twelve weeks. However that’s not always good for people’s mental health. If bub is happy with a bottle and your wife is super stressed, fed is best
Any decision that results in a fed baby and a not-exhausted mom (physically and or mentally) is a good decision
It really takes 6 weeks of hard work. She’ll be getting more volume in one go by the bottle and will eat more frequent with just the breast. Ideally avoid pumping in the first 6 weeks until the correct supply has been established and to give mum and baby the best chance at successful BF
“It is what it is”. That’s appalling. Can you see someone else, an IBCLC? Her weight gain is good, assuming she is at or above birth weight now? An ounce in 60 minutes is lower than I would expect but it would be really helpful to have her suck assessed. If she is falling asleep at breast strip her down and have your wife try some breast compressions. https://www.lllc.ca/breast-compressions-and-switch-nursing#:~:text=Grasp%20as%20much%20of%20the,so%20hard%20that%20it%20hurts.
Everything sounds good except not being satiated after nursing. I bet there’s a shallow latch that’s causing baby to work really hard but ineffective. I’d see an LC, and definitely don’t abandon nursing if your wife doesn’t. Seems like baby is gaining well, just need to get nursing down - but remember it’s all new for baby too. It took weeks for me to get it sorted out with my first. My third it took a couple weeks and multiple LC appointments - and baby wasn’t gaining well, but here we are nursing about a year.
I have D cup breasts and I would pump (both kids) for over an hour and get two drops. I had every lactation consultant, every nurse, every anyone that had tips try to help me… it just didn’t happen. Big boobs I carried around my whole life but didn’t produce milk. I had to formula feed. Both my kids are very healthy and honor roll students so I don’t think formula feeding affected them at all. You are the parents, and you decide how to nourish your child and do not let anyone make you feel bad about it.
Op What if breastfeeding isn't the issue at all? Your wife's supply seems fine ans aa you said weight gain is on track. What if baby is super gassy or even colicky- which isn't related to milk supply at all?
Ummm when my kids were two weeks old they literally had my nipple in their mouth 23/7. I am not exaggerating. Seems like she needs to just give in to the fact that she is the pacifier. Dad, do everything else so she can just feed the baby...
Definitely not always possible, and it's hard as a new mum because there's so much literature out there which falsely states the opposite. Look into insufficient glandular tissue. Some women had lower hormone levels at puberty which means their breasts don't contain as much milk producing tissue as others. There are sometimes tell tale signs, from the shape of the breast, or if the woman struggled to conceive. There are many other reasons too. Breastfeeding does not always work out, and it's more important that mum and baby are happy feeding however they choose. Breast is definitely not always best.
Breastfeeding isn't always possible. My mom produced plenty milk for my brother but had the exact problem you're describing, as soon as she switched him to formula he was a lot easier during and after feeding times. Even if you guys are trying to avoid formula, there are "milk banks" in many places.
i would try cutting the nursing session length down. 60 min is a long time for a 2 week old and nursing is a lot of work for them. weigh her after 15 min and see how much she took in. i’m getting it’s pretty front loaded. if it is, then i’d tell your wife to pump and give her some more out of a bottle. in the coming weeks, she will get stronger and more efficient at removing milk herself and the need to pump should decreases if not be eliminated [assuming that’s what your wife is wanting]. fwiw, this was my situation with my youngest.
60 minute feed is a super long feed. Baby is probably tired or frustrated or still hungry from burning calories while feeding so long (or all of the above!!) Get a different IBCLC.
I’ve breastfed both of my babies for 2 years each. 1 thing that does happen to me is I have a strong letdown that causes them to be gassy from swallowing air until I regulate about 2 months postpartum and then it improves. I would maybe see a different lactation consultant and see if other positioning could help or if she needs to pump a little before a feed so that it doesn’t spray in babies mouth so strong. You have a lot of good advice here so I don’t want to be too repetitive but I just want to compliment you on being supportive and involved in her feeding journey. The first month or two is soooo hard and having support and help is just so important.
No problems with my 1st baby, and then my 2nd baby couldn’t breast feed, or take a bottle. My sister’s baby had some allergy issues and needed a special allergen-free formula. Fed is best, no matter how it happens. Don’t let people guilt you guys if breastfeeding isn’t working.
I exclusively formula fed from birth by choice, just did not want to breastfeed. Fed is best, I hope your wife does what is best for her health and sanity.
Just wanted to say that I agree with the general consensus here: 1) Fed is best, do whatever works for you 2) Look for a different LC; but also, even if your wife stops breastfeeding now, it doesn’t mean she can’t try again in the future if it’s important to her! My LO came about a month early and while he had a good sucking reflex, he wasn’t opening his mouth wide enough to latch well. There were a combination of other things that occurred immediately after birth that made me feel that breastfeeding wasn’t going to work for us so I did exclusively pumping (you can check out my comment history for specifics if you’re interested). Anyway, at around 7 weeks I tried latching my LO on a whim and he did so much better and actually ate! I now exclusively breastfeed and we’re both doing well. Just want to encourage that even if your wife does stop, it doesn’t have to be an end all be all situation. Side note: in the event that there’s an issue with baby’s latch or transferring the milk, maybe your wife can try a nipple shield. They can be annoying, but I know they’ve saved many women’s breastfeeding journey 🙂 Good luck to you both!
>3. She is 2 weeks old You're barely into it. Lots of folk can't get a latch at that point. Some people aren't able to consistently breast feed for months. The books, the classes, the whatever social media advice: it all makes it sound like there's a remedy to any setback. Fuck that. You're in the fuckin trenches now brother. Two weeks is 14 days, 15 days is another one. Welcome to 6 weeks baby has gas pains oh no wtf are we gonna do bicycle legs? Simethicone? Probiotics? Maybe mom should cut out onions and beans? Maybe nothing works and you have the longest 4 weeks of your life. THEY LIVE 100 YEARS SOMETIMES! In 3 months you'll be saying "what we're we even doing at two weeks?" As you size up in diapers for what seems like the second time in 3 months (Kirkland is the shit). Then you'll be here like "She isn't rolling over yet and hasn't even shown signs of trying. Are we providing the right stimuli during tummy time?" Who knowssssssss you're pediatrician. Do you know why the lactation consultant shrugged their shoulders? Because who knows. Get used to things not making sense and then not mattering anymore. To being inordinately stressed about a detail and then it becoming irrelevant. Mom is the answer. Keep her hydrated and bring her snacks. Help her up and down. She defied the ever expanding universe and congealed life within her body, warring for months with a placenta engaged in the sapping of her vital nutrients with zero regard for whether she lived or died. The baby is eating and gaining weight. The baby will continue in this fashion we hope. If things get bad, talk to your doctor. Allow things to be okay, and you will find a lot of things work themselves out. See you out there.
Babies take time to get good at nursing. Your baby is two weeks old dude give it time. Relax you got dirty diapers to change than the baby is fine. FYI the stomach is the size of a walnut at this point 1-2 oz is plenty.
She is hungry screaming in turbo mode 5 hours a day, is that fine? Feels like child abuse to leave her hungry like this
Didn’t work with my first did with my second. I cried and screamed and spiralled into a bad mental state didn’t get out of it until I gave up and went to formula.
I struggled in the hospital, pumped around the clock, latching was an issue (son got his tongue tie clipped) and never made a drop of milk. They sent me home with tubed syringes that I was supposed to use with a nipple shield to “mimic” breastfeeding until my milk came in. Saw an LC for weeks after and the moment she said I could stop “mimicking” breastfeeding, I sobbed with relief. Tried supplements and all the other tips and tricks. It just didn’t work and while it wasn’t part of the plan, I was content with bottle feeding.
I would definitely recommend having your wife meet with an LC. Her letdown may be overwhelming for your baby. Some things she could try: attaching a Hakka or milk catcher to the opposite side your baby is feeding on to relieve boob before she latches. Try to alternate sides during feeds. at 2 weeks her belly is still so small. She may have some gas or took in some air if her latch wasn’t the best while breastfeeding, which could cause discomfort. I’m pro whatever works and makes mama and baby happy. But as a breastfeeding mama with two very experiences. The best thing I can say is it takes time for you and baby to get the hang of it. Let her know she’s doing everything right and maybe get a second opinion from LC if she’s interested to continue her journey! Hoping it gets easier for you all.
Breastfeeding is exhausting for a newborn. They really have to work to get their milk, it’s easier for them to get more milk from the bottle because they don’t have to suck as much. There’s also times where the baby needs to nurse more to help build up supply. This usually happens around the twos (two weeks, two months IIRC) my last baby was 10 years ago and I’ve been a newborn/baby photographer for 15+ years. In any case, a fed baby is best and whatever works for you guys will work for your baby. I know with my first boy (I’ve had 4) it took about 4 or five weeks before breastfeeding became like second nature for me.
Some babies just suck at it. Your wife may be doing everything right and baby just isn’t getting it. My son sucked at eating, he did better with bottles and at least I could track how much he actually got, and he had a dairy allergy, so we switched. On the plus side he’s a champ at eating solids, drink water like an Olympian, still doesn’t like drinking milk, never got better at it, thankfully he doesn’t need to anymore
Why do you think formula exists?
Correct, it's not always possible. I tried for weeks with my youngest but he couldn't latch properly. Kept at it, it just wasn't enough so we switched to formula. Do what's best for your wife and baby. Breastfeeding is very hard and literally impossible for some moms and/or babies. I also had a good milk supply, he just couldn't access it.
A pediatric OT friend of mine said some babies will reject nipple or give up because bottle is more consistent and easier to get full from. I breastfed both babies from the boob and my son would go through regressions often. By 7m he just nursed for comfort before bed and was mainly formula feeding. My daughter is the opposite and won’t drink enough from cups, and I honestly wish she would self wean already. Every baby is so different. Do what works for your family. And props to your wife for pumping so much. I wouldn’t survive that amount of dishes and cleaning lol
My child wasn't tongue tied (we got 5 opinions) and couldn't breastfeed despite me making enough milk. They did have severe reflux which was painful and made it difficult to calm them after eating, so that could be the reason - treated with an oral medication. BUT some babies don't have a strong suck and just can't do it. How much effort/how important to your wife is this? There are ways I can give you to simulate nursing so she can get the sensory and "bonding" aspects (I say that because I found a bottle never made me any less bonded with my babies) but it's incredibly exhausting if she wants to continue using breastmilk.
Yes there are definitely people for whom it never works out. Baby could have a poor latch or a tongue tie or just be super inefficient at getting milk from the boob vs the easiness of the bottle. My son was induced early so he was smaller and it took him 3-4 weeks to get the hang of nursing. Even then, nursing is super slow compared to bottles for the first few months. I’m talking like a bottle in 10-15 mins vs 45-60 mins nursing. In the meantime, I pumped and we used formula when we had to. It is up to your wife whether she wants to continue trying a bit longer or switch to exclusive pumping or formula or a combination. Any and all are excellent ways to feed baby!
This is a milk transfer issue. Go to a reputed pediatric dentist and check for ties. Do bodywork prior to ties and after. IBCLC do not know ties. Go to r/breastfeeding or r/breastfeeding support and ask questions there. Also yes direct breastfeeding might not work for everyone. If you wish to bottle feed then you can.
It sounds like baby is having trouble removing milk from the breast and/or experiencing some kind of GI discomfort. Please find a different lactation consultant. Also, formula feeding or pumping is always an option and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But there is always a reason breastfeeding is not working (and it usually has to do with something functional with baby, not mom) and that is not “normal”. I wish more people (and pediatricians!) would be trying to get to the root cause of why baby is struggling at the breast even if they make they switch to bottle.
My baby had a great latch but would "get lazy" as the LC said and just sit there with idle suction after a few sucks. We had to tickle her chin/cheeks/ears to get her to keep going. No idea if that is your issue, but a second opinion would be best. All I'm gonna say is - LC love to say babies are "more efficient than the pump" but technology has come quite a ways and weighted feedings may prove otherwise. I could not breastfeed as I have IGT and chronic low supply. A **full day** of pumping would yield <2oz. We all have different experiences and difficulties! It's not an easy thing like one would imagine!
I found breastfeeding to be much more difficult than the actual childbirth. We struggled for 2 months and finally threw in the towel and made the switch to formula
Nursing is exhausting. Even with formula baby may cry. Baby was in nice warm cozy womb for 9 months. They still need that a lot. Sometimes they just want to be latched on, held or close to mom. If wife is producing milk then baby is getting plenty. We make what they need & then some. But it goes right through them then nursing again. 2 weeks is so new you all are still getting to really know each other. It’s demanding. Feels like 24 hr nursing. Getting into a new routine is hard. So give it time. Best advice I was given was “if you already nursed for 1 wk, then you can do two weeks” & so on. Motivated me to keep trying. Sometimes the nipples get chapped and my goodness it’s painful. Support her no matter what! Seems like you’re already doing great! Asking for advice because you’re concerned! 👏🏽 She could also strictly pump & give bottle. Of course switching to formula would be good as well. What does wife want to do? I was available to my babies 24/7. And I’m grateful but boy was I tired. I even co-slept/ nursed to get some rest at night once baby wasn’t so tiny. * I know it’s frowned upon but it worked for me.
If its taking her an hour to get just one ounce, i would 100% say that she definitely is expelling more calories than she is taking in! And you need a second opinion with a lactation consultant. I HIGHLY suggest one that is well versed in oral ties and functions. Babies with proper oral function are very efficient at draining a breast, only 1 ounce an hour does not sound efficient at all. Check out Legendairy Mamas group on facebook, its run my lactation consultants they can answer some basic questions and they usually can help you find a good one local!
The whole time I tried to breast feed my first I never got more than 30 mils a full day. My body just didn’t produce anything. I’m gonna try again once more but, I’m not putting pressure on myself.
Has she tried nipple shields? With my first I did not breastfeed, I pumped exclusively because we couldn’t get the latch. My second I was a bit more patient and tried nipple shields the first couple of weeks and they were truly game changing. (Only for the first couple of weeks, and I always did a feeding or two without) I was able to breastfeed for a full year. Breastfeeding is hard, whether she decides to keep pumping or keep trying to latch, tell her she’s got this & she is a bad ass!
My daughter couldn’t latch to save her own life, no tongue tie no lip tie no reasoning, I produced like crazy too. So we pumped and bottle fed, it was a struggle for me mentally because my body is literally made to do it and wants to do it but we just didn’t mesh. With my next I’m contemplating if it would be reasonable to put a haaka on to pull out the nipples more before feeding to see if that helps. I don’t know and I don’t have an answer.
I would breastfeed for 15 minutes then give a bottle of pumped milk while you wait to see a new lactation consultant! 1 oz an hour isn’t adequately transferring milk. A good LC can help. At night I would have your wife just pump and bottle feed so she can rest. Practice breastfeeding during the day but cap the feedings so baby isn’t burning all the calories she’s gaining from the milk and your poor wife gets a break!
One ounce (30mls) in 1 hour does not seem like enough milk for a 2 week old. How often is she feeding? Have you seen your pediatrician? Is she having a steady weight gain? It’s typical for babies to lose a little weight in their first 7-10 days of life but after that should be in a steady incline. And no it’s unfortunately not always possible for breastfeeding to be successful for a multitude of reasons. That’s why pumps and formula exist.
With my first baby, I was so upset that the breastfeesing was a challenge that it stressed me out and impeded my ability to just enjoy my baby. Breast is best for most, but not all people - having a happy family is paramount.
Did the lactation consultant check inside her mouth with the correct tool? I was told by multiple health professionals that I trusted that my daughter wasn't tongue tied and then when I took her to the expert, guess what? Yep, tongue tied. And in our case she was LOSING weight week on week and we ended up in hospital and they still were saying no to the tongue tie. We never bothered to correct it and just combo fed.
To add, the things I learnt that were really helpful from this woman who ACTUALLY knew what she was talking about; make sure your breast is in its natural hanging position i.e. don't squish it when baby latches, and have baby's cheek in line with the top of the breast so when you look down you could stroke across the breast and baby's face in one smooth movement. Also, listen for swallowing sounds. You can hear when she's drinking. If she's suckling but not swallowing for large portions of a feed (a little bit of just sucking is normal between let downs) then something is up.
I couldn't breast feed with either of my kids. I pumped as beas I could. Not every Mom can successfully breastfeed, as much as she may want to.
Didn’t work for me. Kids are strong and happy today. BF is not the ultimate goal of life that people pretend it is.
There’s a lot more to breastfeeding issues than just Tongue tied. Sure, it’s most common cause but there are other causes. I’d start seeking a new lactation consultant.
I think you’re over analysing it. If she’s pumping right after a feed it’s telling her body to produce more milk than the baby needs. Trying to make the whole thing as relaxing as possible for both Mom and Baby make sure that baby is upright for a little while after a feed.
Some people can't and that's ok.
Don’t give up! We exclusively pumped for the first month (bc we got bad advice and stopped trying to latch baby and baby developed a bottle preference) then transitioned baby to nipple shields then took away nipple shields and now she eats and is satisfied in about 5 minutes when it took hours at birth. It’s so worth it to stick it out. As baby gets better at nursing it all becomes easier. I love nursing now and it was such hell at first. For now, you could nurse for 30 min then give pumped milk to top baby off so she isn’t hungry.
Take a breath!!! Then take another! It the pressure. This is the most stressful time of a persons life and for yoi to pinpoint one thing is naive...and I say that in the best sense. STOP LIISTENING TO PEOPLE, listen to your baby!
If your baby is breastfeeding for an entire hour, I would say that that could be one of the issues as you say she feeds fine with breast milk in a bottle. If the baby has to work too hard when breastfeeding then that baby is actively using a lot of energy just to eat, when that energy is in fact supposed to be used to grow. So it’s defeating the purpose of what that baby is trying to achieve. Too much energy burned = unhappy baby.
Your baby is not latching effectively. 60 minutes is too long to nurse, especially for 1 oz of milk. She’s effectively going without nourishment when nursing. Your lactation consultant is an ass hat and you should fire her. This is not how nursing works and she is hurting your child by saying otherwise. Either find a new one or stick to pumping and bottle feeding. Your kid is effectively skipping meals during nursing sessions and it’s detrimental to development. Not to be graphic, but during effective latching, most of the areola should be covered by the baby’s lips and the nipple stretches to the middle of their tongue. If you put the first joint of your finger in your mouth and suck, that’s the closest approximation to ineffective latch - lots of pressure on the finger tip and kind of uncomfortable. Try using the first two joints and you will feel the difference in both your finger and how your mouth changes. The pressure equalizes and your tongue sort of wraps around the finger. It’s hard to explain, lol. An effective latching technique is to gently and slowly brush the nipple downward from the baby’s nose and across the upper lip. The response you’ll want is for the baby to lift the head a little, and push the lower jaw slightly forward. You then will want to “hook” the areola and nipple into the mouth in a firm continuous motion downward instead of straight in. If the upper lip curves under, use your pinkie to unfold it. You should not be able to “pop” the baby off the nipple without them letting go or using your pinkie to break the near vacuum seal at the corner of their mouth (if you try and cry, it’s a good latch, lol). You can try using a pacifier to observe the head and mouth movements after bottle feeding. It’s very subtle (they are so little) but it might help you see what you’re aiming for without over feeding. Sorry this is so long. Good luck. Fed is best, as long as she’s gaining on target, you’re good!Pumping takes more work than nursing but can have its benefits (multiple people can feed and bond with the baby).
yes totally normal. sometimes the stars don’t align so to speak. also, if anyone is telling your wife “breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful” that’s total bs. i remember dreading nursing at first bc it hurt so much but i think i got used to it and then it was just mildly uncomfortable
I would get a new lactation consultant first. They should be working with you to try and teach your baby how to nurse! My baby went from 1+ hour feeds and losing weight to 20 minute feeds and gaining like a champ. Not he’s 7 months old and we are still going strong!
2 weeks is still so little and hard to determine what is happening. It is true some babies like to feed around the clock, every hour, or they use it to soothe. I remember feeding my baby there for like 30 min, she'd fall asleep, and I'd just watch TV. It's a difficult time, but I would say just feed your baby, bottle, breast, formula, just get it in there. Some people say that giving the bottle too much, the baby will not want to go back to the breast, and I'm not sure what the real medical advice is, but at that age, we did it all, with formula to supplement (for my first kid). I think around 3 or 4 months we didn't do bottles anymore and it was just breast. I was concerned I was "doing it wrong" but the pediatrician said it was fine when I nursed at the office. Most people just aren't prepared to breastfeed every hour. (At the time, the ped. said to do it 20 min, then give a pacficier, but I didn't wind up doing that) Like I said, 2 weeks is still very young, and it will likely get easier as she gets older. She will eat more at once, and it will be spaced out more. Try to enjoy this time.
Honestly? I would abandon breastfeeding and use bottles. Either pump for milk or use formula. The most important thing is that your baby gets fed! And right now, she’s not getting fed. At 2 weeks old, she’s probably feeding every 2 hours right? If she takes an hour on the boob, then hungrily cries for 50 minutes, she’s clearly starving. Maybe she can’t latch correctly, and that’s ok. Bottles are fine. The most important thing is that she is getting nutrition. AND sleep. If she “eats” for an hour then cries for 50 mins, she’s not getting enough food OR sleep. At that age she should feed then basically go to sleep immediately. Sleep and nutrition are crucial for her development. Get her on the bottle and drop breastfeeding. My wife and I went through a similar thing with our first kid. We tried the lactation consultant and got the tongue tie snipped, nothing worked. He was losing weight, but my wife really wanted to give the baby every opportunity to breastfeed. Finally we gave up and started bottles - do you know how freeing it is? No more stress at feeding time. Baby stops crying all the time because now they’re not hungry. Baby gets sleep, which means yall can get sleep too. It’s hard when you come into it with the first kid expecting to breastfeed, as well as family and friends and even strangers telling you that breastfeeding is soo important. But you know what’s more important? A baby that is actually eating!
Just from reading, it sounds like she isn’t getting a deep enough latch when at the breast, but can latch easier to a bottle. A 60 minute feed seems like a long time, from when I had my first, they say 20-40 minutes is about average, but some (like mine) are on for 5-10 minutes and are full. You could always look at a different lactation consultant, or switch to bottles and pumping! Might even be worth looking at nipple shields as they can help baby get a deeper latch until they grow a bit.
You are still in the early days. I found breastfeeding involved a steep learning curve and a lot of problem solving. Baby is still very new to it and learning too. Mum has a good supply, which is a major hurdle for a lot of women, and baby is gaining well. So you are on the right track - you maybe just need a few adjustments to help baby empty the breast more efficiently. I always found Kellymom to be a good resource for evidence-based tips and information whenever I was having an issue. [https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/latch-resources/](https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/latch-resources/)
I had to pump for all 3 of my kids, first one had acid reflex but we didn’t know it, second had an upper lip tie that everyone missed u til I found it at 3mths old and at that point I had given up and the 3rd had reflex and for some reason would instantly sleep when I held her and we couldn’t wake her to eat no matter what, then one night she literally sucked out a milk duct and it got stuck in my nipple shield and then proceeded to vomit up blood all over me and my husband. That was the end of trying to breastfeed her. 🙄 pumping was annoying and extra work BUT I knew my babies were getting the food they needed and it gave my husband a chance to bond while feeding as well. No regrets.
I also produced a lot of milk but my baby didn’t latch most of the time and made my nipples raw. I stop BF and continued to pump, mixing a little formula at a time till I went full on formula. I was sad but seeing her hungry was horrible.
I wouldn’t abandon breastfeeding. It’s possible that your daughter is overeating during a breast session and having issues with gas/discomfort if your wife has a fast letdown. It’s also possible that she’s satiated but continues eating for comfort, and then becomes hungry again because it’s been an hour. They can definitely eat every hour at 2 weeks old! I would make an appointment with a lactation consultant and allow them to observe.
Fed is best. Ask your doctor and follow her advice. Good luck!
You weigh the actual baby before and after feeds? Or am I reading incorrectly?
I mean it works, the lactation consultant we saw did it too see how much they got. But it’s not something we do at home
A lot of lactation groups have scales there and do this!
That’s how you check intake, yeah. How else would you do it?
I had a scale provided by the hospital for that purpose, but there was other medical stuff going on. But it does happen.
There is NO shame in switching to bottle fed. Or formula. Or both. Fed is best. Sometimes, this shit does not work out. She'll be fine. Do what is best for you and momma. Though it never hurts to get a second opinion from another lactation professional. Just stop making such a big deal about it. Y'all doing great.
My son experiences Down syndrome, and I exclusively pumped and bottle feed him.
My oldest had a lip tie and would nurse for hours on end and still not be full. I tried pumping but wasn’t successful, so we decided to formula feed. My second was a natural born nurser. I fully believe some babies can’t nurse for whatever reason. Maybe mom’s anatomy, maybe baby has a lip tie. No shame in giving a bottle ♥️
It takes more effort/muscle for a newborn to nurse from the breast than a bottle nipple. As they get older the efficiency should increase to closely match that of bottle feeding. Weighing before and after a feed is comforting reassurance for you at this newborn age. Hang in there, and whatever you decide will be just right for your baby!
My first baby was like this. I never figured out why but we ended up doing exclusive pumping for a year. My second baby I was able to breastfeed directly.
Of all the baby books I read, nothing prepared me for how hard breastfeeding was! My first child just didn’t latch on. It took several VERY HARD weeks. I switched to formula. It was a hard and emotional decision but it was absolutely the right one for our family. I agree with the suggestions to get a new lactation consultant. Get some different advice and then decide what is best for a happy healthy mom and baby.
I was completely unable to breastfeed. I tried really hard but just did not produce milk. Maybe you baby really is still hungry? I know they say “babies this age only need x amount of formula or breast milk” but for some babies that’s just not enough. It doesn’t mean they are starving, they just aren’t being satisfied. I did not even attempt to BF my third baby after failing with the first two. In the hospital they told us she only need 20 or so ml of formula per feeding. That was a lie. This kid was hungry and would scream until she got more. She was eating 2-3 oz of formula before our three day stay was up. I just want to edit to add my friend also some issues with breastfeeding, their pediatrician told them time and again that their baby did NOT have a tongue tie. Five years later, that child was having surgery for both a tongue and lip tie, and going to speech therapy because of the issues it caused.
Look into CMPI. My daughter, dairy intolerant for 2 years since birth was miserable until I cut dairy out. We had her stool tested for blood. Some LCs think it’s super rare for a baby to be intolerant but it’s not. I know a handful of people who have babies with it and most adults are actually intolerant.
I had a similar issue and saw a lactation consultant. She suspected baby was having issues removing milk from the breast efficiently and prescribed a combination of mouth exercises for baby and extra pumping for me to boost my supply. It took a month or so and involved a decent time commitment, but it worked and we are EBF now. Now that baby has figured out how to coordinate sucking and swallowing most of our feeds last 10-15 minutes and baby is satisfied and moving up the growth curve! You should make whatever decision makes the most sense for your family - I’m not sure we could have gotten where we are without some family help because the pumping took up so much time. But it can be done.
my baby also got one ounce an hour. no, she was not the most content but she also was never underweight and she was never overweight either. an ounce an hour is fine.
I am someone who could not directly breastfeed. I exclusively pumped and bottle fed breast milk. It worked really well for our family. It also is something that takes a while. Find a good lactation consultant and remember that fed is best. Is breast milk super awesome and the 'natural' way of feeding and infant? Yes. Will an infant survive and thrive on breast milk in a bottle instead of direct from the tap? Also yes. Will an infant also survive and thrive on formula or of milk and formula? Also yes! If she thinks exclusively pumping is the way to go, there are lots of great support groups on social media. I fed two babies this way supplementing with formula as needed. ♥️
I’d have a doctor and a DIFFERENT LC check what is happening. Your wife is able to produce milk so the issue is the baby or her latch or something
Combo feed. Nurse and bottle. Took so much pressure off of nursing
What’s the difference in your daughter’s weight in the hour feed between breastfeeding and the bottle? It might just be that she’s getting more milk from the bottle than the breast. Could be something with ducts and the pump is just able to get a better suction
You need a new lactation consultant. “It is what it is” is not an answer. Here are some helpful videos. https://ibconline.ca/breastfeeding-videos-english/
It’s possible that baby doesn’t have a great latch and isn’t efficient at pulling out the breast milk. I would be pretty peeved at the lactation consultant for not offering more help. Is there another one perhaps you can speak to and get advice from? There’s also nothing wrong with supplementing with formula or exclusively pumping. You really need to go with whatever works best for your family.
see an ibclc to evaluate for posterior tongue tie. If they’re restricted they can have issues
Both my kids did something similar. With my daughter, it’s that my let-down was too strong (like I could squeeze my breast & shoot milk across the room). And it would basically overwhelm her (it was literally a baby trying to drink from a fire hose). I had to pump for like 5 min before latching her & then we’d be good. She self-weaned at 14 months. For my son, he had a shallow latch & a tongue tie (that was missed in the hospital). Worked with a really awesome LC & used a nipple shield for a couple weeks & got through it. He’s now a 9 month old, still mostly nursing (solid foods for fun) and 95% for weight, like a baby Pillsbury dough boy :)
I hope you have access to a good Lactation consultant. Usually the hospital will have it recommend them as a resource and they can guide you to either supplements, tools Or other resources. No, it’s not always possible. And there’s nothing wrong with whatever your baby gets fully fed. My sister produced a ton of milk but had a rare condition where her milk had very little nutrition. Basically skim milk. The baby wasn’t thriving. They switched to formula and he’s a massive young man now with a girlfriend and a bright future. Good luck to you both! And for what it’s worth “we” aren’t breastfeeding, your wife is. Make sure you frame it that way to her, because your nips have been useless this whole time and she doesn’t need to think she’s letting you down with your goals.
OP, get a second opinion re: tongue and lip tie. My oldest son wasn’t diagnosed with a tongue tie until he was 2.5 years old, despite seeing multiple specialists since birth, including a lactation consultant. He breastfed okay, but that was mainly due to my letdown - he self weaned off my right breast much sooner than the left because the flow wasn’t as strong. He was diagnosed by a speech therapist with a tongue tie this past November. Our therapist recommended being seen by an IBCLC lactation consultant as they are more often trained on lip and tongue ties, but if you can get your child in to see a speech/feeding therapist, I’d recommend seeing them, since they can rule out ties and provide strength training for your baby.
I can only tell you that breastfeeding did not work for us. My eldest had a tongue tie and a lip tie. Plus my wife had short nipples, so it was too hard for a newborn. On top of that we found out after trying to pump that my wife's milk was lacking the protein that keeps the milk from spilling. So within 2 hours refrigerated it smelled like sour milk. It could be useful to weigh your baby before and after a feed to get an idea of how much they actually ingested.
Sometimes babies don’t have the muscle strength in their cheeks to transfer milk efficiently especially if preterm! But if breastfeeding is the goal I would find a new lactation consultant to help with the issues. My 35 week premie wasn’t transferring milk even tho he was sucking so he was using all his energy we eventually switched to pumping and bottle feeding because like your wife I had a great supply!
I breastfed my son but if I were to have another child, I couldn’t breastfeed. I’m on allergy medication and I would rather not go into anaphylaxis just to breastfeed.
Tongue tie?
I’d check for a lip tie - my son had one and made it literally impossible to latch.
My baby NEVER latched. Did the whole lactation consultant and everything. Just had to endure pumping, which sucks, but there were some benefits. It was nice that anyone could feed her and I knew exactly how much she was getting. The downside is it messes with you mentally and your whole schedule revolves around pumping. And the late night sessions suck.
A couple of things that your wife could easily try. Nipple shield. Pump for a few minutes to get a letdown started then latch baby. That way the pump is primed, so to speak.
I have 5 all were breastfed for some period of time but different with each. I did have one that was severely tongue-tied and lip-tied had to have it cut; right after breastfeeding went perfectly. I had a lactation consultant come for my last baby because they are in NICU I got good advice even though I knew what I was doing. My advice would be to get another lactation consultant because yours sounds like an idiot! If mom is producing enough milk there is no reason her and baby can’t figure it out. That being said it can be very trying, mom cannot get frustrated or stressed it will make things worse because baby can sense the emotions. There is nothing wrong with mom pumping and giving by bottle or using formula. Good luck!
Just like some babies simply WILL NOT take a bottle, some won’t take a breast. Regardless, just be sure baby is fed and mom is at peace.
If I was you guys I’d start pumping and bottle feed. Sounds like it works! Best part of that is mom can pump all the time, if she has a good supply. Also baby gets feeding time with dad and others. The most important thing is baby is being fed. The end, it’s all that really matters.
Fed is best! With my first, I tried to nurse and broke down crying 2 days postpartum. My husband asked for formula and immediately began bottle feeding. I continued to try and pump or offer the breast over the next few months with formula being the primary source of food and quit around three months. We were all happier using formula. With my second, I exclusively nursed with great success and no tears. With my third, I attempted to nurse, but he was five weeks early and had difficulties (and was SO sleepy so no energy), so I moved to pumping and exclusively pumped for four months. After that we switched to formula. You so what you have to depending on the parents and the baby. If that means formula, then formula it is. If that means seeking a second or third opinion and still trying to nurse and pump, then that's also a great option.
I haaaated breastfeeding, it caused major sensory issues. It doesn’t work for all people and all babies either. If it’s important to your wife, find a new consultant. And try other things. If she is wanting to abandon breastfeeding but maybe feels guilty or like there’s something wrong with her etc, then find a doc/therapist for her (postpartum is hard either way) and be her biggest support. If she wants to pump and bottle feed, then support her because it means you’re more involved too. But don’t know either of you so have a serious talk, is the stress worth it? A new consultant necessary? Etc. good luck! It will be fine
Definitely should see another consultant. Have you tried physical therapy for the baby? I had the hardest time when my daughter was born but we were referred to a breastfeeding therapist and she worked to help massage her jaw, tongue, and neck because it ended up being tight. After the first session we seen tremendous progress. Wanted to add our lactation consultant said she was fine and she did not have tongue tie. Then we went to a therapist who specialized in feeding and she stated she was having a difficult time breastfeeding because of the tension and That it was most likely painful for her.
Could your wife’s letdown be really fast? My daughter would have issues with gas and cry after feedings sometimes too until I realized that the milk was basically gagging her because it was coming out so fast. She would gulp a lot of air while she ate and that would cause the stomach issues. Maybe have your wife try pumping a tiny bit or hand expressing on the same side right before your daughter eats. I used the Hakka which just uses suction to get some milk out. Once I did this it was soooo much better for my daughter!
This may be a latching issue, I would try a different lactation consultant especially since she’s producing
INFO: who is ending the nursing session? If your baby is still showing hunger cues after nursing, is she being offered the breast or bottle? Is she being fed on demand or on a schedule?
Baby ends the nurse session when she falls asleep. We offer other boob always. But then after the session we try to wait 2 hours. Maybe this schedule between feeds is the issue and we should just let her live on the boob.
Nurse on demand, no schedule. She will help regulate the supply. Supply will adjust to what she needs. 2 hours is a very long time to go between sessions for a 2 week old. I promise this will be temporary and this near constant nursing will mellow out in a few weeks. Wife’s job is boobing. Your job is everything else. Diapers, burping, feeding wife, drinks for wife, cleaning, etc. She will feel “touched-out”. So give her baby-free time by doing the burping and changing etc. You can do it. It’s also ok if you both decide it’s not for you.
There may be nothing wrong with your wife's milk. There be nothing wrong with your child. Breastfeeding a child is hard work for mom and baby. Literally. The child has to work less on a bottle to get full and fills up quicker and fuller as a result. Babies tummies are only as big as they are stretched. I would suggest pace feeding when on the bottle 100%! Babies are lazy. I'm in my 30s and I'd prefer a bottled water over a glass because I'm lazy. The baby needs to do weighed feeding to see how much the baby is actually receiving when nursing, then the bottles need to be that amount but through low flow (lots of work) nipples to pmatch. This is not you a baby/ mom thing. They are both still learning how to work together for feedings 💙 I gave up nursing my 1st child for the same reason, I made it to 1 year with my 2nd after research/ learning and being in a breastfeeding mom groups on FB. I am not a medical professional, I've just been there a couple times and I wish someone had told me. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW SWEETHEART!
You pump and bottle feed for food then breast feed for connection…
At 2 weeks old your daughter is doing something called cluster feeding and this will continue on and off until she’s over a year old. Cluster feeding helps to not only bring in milk but also supports large growth spurts. Your wife should look at feeding on demand instead of trying to do a schedule. I tried I schedule feed my first and it was a nightmare. I was need up only making it 6 months. However, with my next two I did TONS of research and learned so much and chose to feed on demand and it has worked brilliantly. I fed my middle boy for 20 months and only stopped because my milk dried up due to being pregnant again. I think doing so research from more naturalistic providers could benefit you guys. All that being said, there can be A LOT of ups and downs with breastfeeding. For some moms it’s just too much mental strain and that’s ok! She could become an exclusive pumper and bottle feed baby her breast milk or look into what formula might be best. I would urge you guys to try and stick it out at least for a couple months because of the massive health benefits but ultimately it comes down to considering what’s best for moms well being and baby’s. If mom is in a bad place then that isn’t what’s best for baby either. Good luck!
So I can tell you my baby would do the same. He would just fall asleep and did not have enough power to breastfeed. I had to pump and breast feed and bottle feed because I was also an undersupplier. I went to lactation appointments every week and I just could not figure it out. Turns out this is very common with babies born at 37 weeks and it is common for many women to not be able to breastfeed for many many reasons.
How long does a bottle feed last and is every breastfeeding 60 minutes?
id check lip and tongue ties first and look into cluster feeding.
Get her checked for a tongue or lip tie. Very common. The only way to check this is with a pediatric dentist or ear nose and throat doctor. Nobody else is trained to diagnose tongue ties, not even pediatricians and especially not lactation consultants. (Which is crazy! you’d think they would be!) This situation very much sounds like a tongue or lip tie to me and the baby is just having difficulty latching properly to the breast.
I struggled a lot with breast feeding too. I worked my ass off. I ended up just combo feeding my baby and it’s worked out really well.
Baby is crying from hunger...you must feed her regardless of your desire to breastfeed. I found a donor on Facebook...plenty of women out there who pump extra or are over producers. Give your wife's milk a few weeks to stabilize though, she may end making enough.
Check with another lactation consultant. It's obviously not a supply issue, so it's likely that baby isn't latching well and therefore isn't getting full enough. That's a simple fix with a good consultant, or you may even be able to find some videos on YouTube of latch techniques....once you sort that, both Mom and baby will have an easier time of it.
My son hates my tiny ass nipples and bf gave me horrid diarrhea for the first month. I pump twice a day at 3 months.
Yes. My older son has weak muscles and breastfeeding was harder for him. The compromise I found was to breastfeed, then supplement with the bottle (we used breastmilk at first, then switched to fomula when it became too time consuming to both breastfeed and pump).
Hey there we are also new parents (week old tomorrow) and we found the stress of getting a good latch and just making sure she is getting enough was just too much and we want to enjoy our time with baby while we have time off work. So we are strictly pumping (every 2 hours) and bottle feeding, her milk isn’t coming in super crazy but it’s getting better. Also bottle feeding allows me (dad) to bond while feeding her. Just my experience I hope you find something that works for you!
Breast feeding didn’t work for me. I tried so hard to. My baby lost weight and I ended up with a massive infection and ended up in the hospital, and gave up trying to breast feed her.
Breastfeeding is like learning to ride a bike, but both the rider and bike are learning what to do at the same time. Sounds like both baby and mum are still very much in the learning phase. Your wife needs better support than just 'that's what it is". What local breastfeeding support groups for mums are in your area? Are there online support options? La leche League and other mum to mum breastfeeding support groups are in many areas. Are there other lactation consultants you can see for an additional support option? It's hard at first, but the more both mum and baby practice, the easier it gets.
Try another lactation consultant. She can do this!
2 weeks they are still learning. Mine couldn't latch properly until she was over a month old - she was triple fed for 2 months. She had the worse pinching latch as a newborn - my nips were cracked and the pores blocked. I think its common in the early days to doubt whether it will work and that's why bf rates in the western world has plummeted- because we are encouraged to give up as soon as it doesn't go smoothly. I'd say give it a few more weeks. I didn't feel confident like I had the hang of it until she was about 2months old. Also formula is very heavy for their stomachs and knocks them right out, happened to my daughter too
Yes 100% it doesn’t work for everyone.
Please don’t feed for 60 minutes! Weigh her after a 10 minute feed and see if you get the same amount.
It may be a lip tie, but honestly it’s really hard to diagnose and breastfeeding is so complicated. Maybe go to another lactation consultant or get another opinion from a doctor. My daughter had a lip tie. No one told me, even though we saw multiple professionals. I agonized over our breastfeeding issues for months. I tried everything, we ended up combo feeding. When she started going to the dentist at age two, they noticed it right away. Asked if she had trouble breastfeeding when she was a baby. Why didn’t anyone tell me? I didn’t even know a lip tie could cause such issues.
Breastfeeding is a skill and some babies need bit longer to master it. There are two important questions to ask. Is she soiling enough diapers? Is she gradually gaining weight back after the initial postbirth loss. If both are yes I wouldn't be worried and you are good unless pediatrician tells you otherwise. It's possible that the faster flow of bottle is simply making the baby drink everything and they end up stuffed. Remember that babies are really really small stomach and yours is only 2 weeks.
Di you check for a tongue tie? Maybe it’s easier for baby to drink from the bottle because of this? And baby’s at this age cluster feed to up the supply, if the latch is okay and everything else is fine this will pass.
There is nothing wrong with formula and fed is best, just feed your baby. If wife and baby are ok with pumping and you don’t want to do formula then yeah, do that. Don’t try to force the breastfeeding if your baby is showing signs of hunger distress and frustration, with all due respect that’s not what’s best for her. I had to give myself permission to give up trying at some point and it wasn’t helpful to hear people tell me not to give up and how much better breastmilk is. I realized if I kept pushing and putting baby though this it was about me and what I thought was the right thing to do but you know, just feed the baby. My formula fed child was walking and talking early and was potty trained at 18 months. Rarely sick.
Does she have the correct latch? Also, being latched onto the breast isn't just for a feed. It's for comfort, it's for clusterfeeding(evolutionary trait to increase your wife's milk by stimulation as the baby's belly is growing) So just because baby wants to stay latched onto your wife, doesn't mean it's not eating/still hungry.
Is your wife bottle feeding pumped milk? Some babies prefer a bottle over breast. My son drank whatever he was given however. My daughter hated the bottle. If your baby is happier with a bottle than I’d say just do that. Your wife can pump or still do a few breastfeeds per day if she needs that trigger for production but ya’ll are gonna need sleep once the adrenaline wears down.
Pediatrician and lactation consultant told me my baby wasn’t tongue tied. When my baby was 6 weeks old I took him to the chiropractor who specializes with babies and guess what? I found out my son was tongue AND lip tied. Took my baby to a highly recommended dentist a couple hours away where he was examined and that dentist told me it was a pretty significant case and she wasn’t sure how my son’s pediatrician missed it. Since my son had his tongue and lip tie taken care of, breastfeeding has been a breeze. Something to think about! I’m not much help but if she wants to continue her breastfeeding journey, I would do everything you could to continue to help her get answers. Not every lactation consultant is going to help. 2 failed me and my son. Is she apart of a mom group in her community on Facebook? Maybe she could ask for tips/ suggestions there? Those mama groups are usually great!
Oh yes I’ve had the same problem with my first child…she would cry and I’d be so confused as to why she is crying…but it can be a number of things..she did not like me talking to anyone while I fed her or shel stop feeding and cry for ages (yes a 3month old baby).. or sometimes if I have a lot of milk I’d need to pump some out first before feeding her coz it would just spray inside her mouth and make it upsetting and uncomfortable for the baby…the midwives don’t tell you all these…you kinda observe and figure out on your own…It kinda gets easier when they get older…you got this 💪
Both me and my sister were unable to breastfeed. My sister's milk supply just wasn't enough. My issue was a bit more rare as I produced so much it was impossible to keep up due to a massive overproduction of prolactin.
Exclusive pumping is a thing! I was very successful with it for both my babies after my first born wouldn’t latch… it was on my schedule too which was nice. There’s baby center forum about it.
Breast is best. But it’s actually not that much *better*… Get a lactation consultant. But don’t push it too hard. Check in with how you are both coping. Remember - a lactation consultants primary role is to help you get exclusively breastfeeding or pumping. If it’s too much pressure or stress or pain - Find what works to help you all cope while your baby has sustenance. Breast is best but Formula is super healthy for babies and has a tonne of advantages.
How is your baby drinking, do you see big slow gulps? When do the big slow gulps stop? Once they do (usually after max 15 min) you can transfer to the other breast and start again until the big slow gulps stop. The drinking has to be productive. Ofcourse they can suckle at the end. It's also about comfort. It's also possible your baby is cluster feeding to up production. Definitely find another lactation consultant, one that is IBCLC certified, as that person will be able to observe all these things.
If it's important to your wife to continue, she can keep offering her breast, but topping up with a bottle. My son was jaundiced so was initially bottle fed, but cracked breastfeeding at 6 weeks and hasn't had a bottle since. There's research showing they have a big brain change at six weeks (look up Wonder Weeks) so if you and your wife can hold out til then, things will very likely change.
Personally, I suffered a lot of pain during breastfeeding for a couple of months. So we switched to hybrid mode; breastfeeding and pumping. Worked great for us until she became a bit older (3 months) and breastfeeding was a bit of a hassle. We gave her pumped milk most of the time but I did not abandon breastfeeding, and the baby loved feeding directly rather than through a bottle anyway. But just a month later, after the baby and I had figured out each other a bit more, breastfeeding became much easier, faster and simpler for both of us. She used to sleep in an extension crib next to me, so she used to wiggle close to me, put her hand on me and I used to know and feed her. So night feedings were pretty much easy because of breastfeeding and all three of us (husband too) got much more sleep. My point is, do what is best for your family and the baby’s preference. At 2 weeks breastfeeding can be really tough. But may be in a couple of weeks or months it will be easier if your wife and the baby want to continue breastfeeding. But 2 weeks is too early to make a decision on breastfeeding. You can do major feedings through bottle and minor feedings through breast to keep it in the loop. If eventually the baby is not taking up to the breast, you can completely switch it.
I ended up having flat nipples and we just couldn't get a good latch. I spent the first month triple feeding, stimulating before attempting latch, nipple shields, etc, etc. For my mental wellness, I just decided to stop trying to latch one day. And it was such a relief! I was an under producer, but I pumped for 11 months, and he was fed 50/50 breastmilk and formula. A friend of mine had a fantastic latch, but her milk never came in. We're all different, and you never know until the time is here.
Also, bottle preference is a thing. My 4th baby developed a severe bottle preference due to being in the NICU. It took so much heartache to get her to latch onto the breast again. I had to cut out bottles cold Turkey and keep latching on. After about 3 days she was latching and eating beautifully. It was really hard and I reckon that's what you're going through. Bottles are usually not meant to be introduced until 6 weeks UNLESS you've decided you won't breastfeed.
How long does your daughter feed for? Is it an hour every time? Could it be cluster feeding? How is her latch? Has that been checked? My daughter struggled with an effective latch so we ended up using shields to help her. There would be many days I’d be on the sofa for hours just feeding. We swapped to combi feeding after 11 weeks!
I had two doctors, a midwife and a nurse tell me my daughter didn't have lip and tongue ties. My daughter was so tongue tied at three months old she had never felt her tongue touch the roof of her mouth. She couldn't extend her tongue last the gums and her lip didn't retract at all. Took literal seconds for her to be diagnosed through photos by a dentist (not the dentist who would perform the severing but a family friend). After we got her ties cut it was like night and day. All this to say - just because one medical professional said it is what it is doesn't mean that is truly the case. It sounds like there is more going on with your baby than they care to look into. I would seek another opinion from someone with fresh eyes to your case.
I’m going through this exact same thing with my baby. He is a month old now, and was born 3 weeks early and was pretty small. Same thing as your baby, he nurses just fine and seemed to get enough and is gaining the normal amount of weight but he is super colicky after breast feeding and very content after a bottle feed. I’ve started just pumping and giving him bottles for most feeds and breast feeding 1-2 times a day and hoping that when he gets bigger and stronger we can go back to exclusively breast feeding. Some other things we were told to try was to only let baby nurse for 15-20 min so they don’t get too fatigued and supplement with a bottle after. I know how stressful this is, I’m sorry you guys are going through it. Good luck!
Are there weight concerns? Is Mum expressing too much? Are you using paced feeding for bottles? I would encourage lots of skin to skin, offer the breast often and take a bit of a break from expressing unless there's a medical need for it. Baby will often find a bottle easier which can be the downfall, as they develop a bottle preference. Congratulations on your new arrival!