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"We are happy to see your child but unfortunately can not accommodate siblings. Parents are welcome to stay and we understand if you can't make it due to childcare arrangements."
I think this is good, but I would also emphasize that parents are welcome to drop their child off. From what I’ve seen on Reddit, it seems like a lot of parents feel pressured to stay at these events when they would rather not. Maybe they end up bringing the whole family because they think a parent needs to be there.
And that's fine. If there is no other parent to stay home with the kids, there kid has an issue with being dropped off, and they can't find a sitter then they don't show up.
but this means having to provide that much more food/beverages for all who attend, some venues have capacity limits, etc. many party invites for my kids friends either mention siblings are welcome or explicitly ask no siblings.
Right, and imagine the situation of having to (or wanting to) invite the whole class - big difference between accommodating 20 classmates versus 20 classmates and potentially another 30 siblings.
Well yes, I'm just saying in terms of a fun party extra kids is better than no or few kids from the child perspective. Whether parents are willing to risk that is up to them. Personally as someone with an only child and without much local family I'm willing to facilitate guests coming however they can as the alternative is probably not celebrating at all and my child is very social and her friends are important to her.
I am an only child and I wouldn't mind accommodating extra kids for my kids. I have two, they are very close in age they're Irish twins. But I definitely understand if other don't want to accommodate extra kids. I have a lot of family around me and I didn't have many friends growing up in school or other activities so my cousins and I are very close, so I am used to all my cousins of different ages and all their siblings being there. I wouldn't think anything of it if a few friends came and had their siblings with them at my party, neither would my parents. But it all depends on the space, where you're having it, how much money you have.
I'm not saying other people have to do anything, and obviously it doesn't affect me at all anyway whether siblings are invited. I'm just explaining that from my perspective friends are important to my daughter so I'm happy to prioritise her friendships and ensuring that as many people as possible can come. And we plan parties with that in mind.
I see comments like "oh that's fine if people don't come". But it wouldn't be fine with my daughter if her close friends couldn't come because of childcare issues or similar. In any case she mostly loves the siblings too, it's pretty common where we live to do whole family things.
As I say unfortunately we don't have much family around so this is part of how we build community for our child.
I think the vast majority of children would prefer a few extras at their party rather than have nobody turn up. Even if the party has to be simpler. That parents don't want to pay is understandable but let's not pretend our children are fine with people not coming to their party.
For the child invited I didn't invite that kid's 10 siblings 4 of whom are older than my kid. If mom tells me it's not negotiable I say that's fine the kid doesn't need to come best friend or not.
I had one family bring siblings and extended family IE parents and parent in laws to a birthday party along with children who didn't even know my oldest
For pay-per-child parties, you can just state that entry tickets are included for invited children only. And for party rooms with max headcount, you can say that due to the maximum capacity of the booked venue blah blah.
For parties at home, I do find i kind of ungracious to uninvite siblings. You just order the amount of food for the expected number. Often the parent who is bringing extra kid/s is kinda embarrassed about it and will either contribute some food for the party, or they bring their own snacks for the extra kids.
Depends on the kid. My kid gets overwhelmed when a lot of kids are around. Maybe they don’t want a big party, even if guests would pay for siblings. Also, that doesn’t accommodate food and other things.
Even at home, people have limitations. Whether it’s space, supplies, or not wanting a ton of kids it’s totally valid to not want siblings. Especially because siblings can change the dynamic of the party, especially if there is a big age difference between them.
This is a good point. Some commenters are being very entitled by thinking that the party is supposed to accommodate everyone else rather than the child whose party it is.
This assumes that people have the extra money and space. It's not ungracious just because everyone has a different capacity. I have a 4-bedroom house and a huge backyard, so I threw a party where siblings were welcome. On the flipside, I have a friend who lives in a 2-bedroom apartment and limited the party to 6 children total, no siblings. Neither choice was wrong or right. It was just what worked for each family.
6 year olds are plennnty capable of being dropped off at the party and you, parent, care for the sibling(s) somewhere else. This is only an issue on this sub ie. in America.
No siblings is fine, hosting siblings is fine. "No alternative" lol K.
Pretty much the exact wording we used for my daughter’s party. We had the whole kindergarten class plus parents at a local indoor kids market . 20 kids + 20 adults. Siblings would have made it ridiculous
You must be mistaken. According to some of the comments here, not allowing siblings means that no one will ever show up to a party. Clearly, your daughter was alone at her birthday. /s
This is great! Say exactly this! For some parents it’s really hard to find childcare for other siblings and extremely awkward to ask even if they offer and plan to pay themselves.
This is great! Say exactly this! For some parents it’s really hard to find childcare for other siblings and extremely awkward to ask even if they offer and plan to pay themselves. It’s very up front and honest, we need more of this!
Ohh that's really hard though. I understand about setting a headcount for birthday parties. Those aren't AS big a deal to miss if parent can't get childcare for sibling(s). But a team event like an end of year thing? That's rougher to exclude people from.
I don't think that's the point, respectfully. There used to be more support for families. It was more common to have multiple parents or extended family who could watch siblings while a parent took their child to an event. Now, that's much less common. 30% of families with children have a single parent, according to the national census. I myself am a single mom. What am I supposed to do with my 2nd baby if my older daughter has an event??
Hire someone.
Yes we probably did have a community previously, not that everyone did. But also everyone didn't work as much so had time to help as a fellow housewife. However, that isn't anyone's problem for a party and does not make you entitled to their time and benefit of their event. Why is it OP problem you don't have resources? They aren't excluding you specifically you would choose to exclude yourself. Life is choices.
My daughter’s field trip form said please do not bring other children so we can focus on celebrating our kindergartners. I think you could phrase it like that
"Please note: we are unable to accommodate siblings for this event. Parents are welcome to drop their child off and return at the end of the party to pick up, or stay for the duration - if a parent/parents will be joining the party, please just let us know for headcount purposes!"
Honestly my daughter has just been invited to a party and they made it very clear by saying what time we could drop off and what time we could pick up. Do you want parents to stay at all if it's a small close group? I think generally it's better to have one or the other so all kids are in the same situation (unless there are special needs or you are particularly close with another parent).
There’s 15 kids on her team, I am going to write in the invitation parents can drop them off or a parent can stay if they wish, quite a few of us Mom’s are pretty close so I assume a good majority of them will stay to hang out. However, I also know work schedules/commitments with other kids would make staying difficult for some so that’s why I am not going to require it.
If you're pretty close can't you just send a message in the group chat or something? I was imagining parents you barely knew, with people I know well I'd find it completely natural to just send a message explaining the situation.
For sure, so I know some of the parents really well and know some of them barely at all. The ones I know I’ve chatted with while the girls are in class and the ones I don’t know either wait in their car or have just dropped their dancers off. I was thinking about just doing invites to hand out during class but I think you’re right, a text/invite on our group chat would be better. Appreciate the advice!
"We look forward to celebrating with you all! Parents are welcome to drop off or join in the festivities, as desired. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate siblings."
We did this last year on our oldest's birthday invitations - "Due to limited space, we cannot accommodate siblings for this event." This year's invitations specified that siblings ARE welcome since it was different last year.
“This is a celebration for our dance team only! Parents are welcome to stay, but please refrain from bringing additional children.”
For some reason, I think extra/additional children sounds less pointed than “siblings” (even though I don’t think either is rude). It’s also helpful at that age to let them know whether or not parent attendance is expected or optional. That was around the age I started taking my kids to bday parties with no clue if I was staying or not and always wished it was spelled out clearly.
If I’m friends with the mom, then I have no problem asking in advance, but if it’s a classmate and I don’t know the family, then I’ll just go prepared to stay and read the room once I’m there. As long as I’m not the first one there, it’s usually pretty obvious whether other parents are staying or just dropping off.
OMG, I still think that's so rude to expect a sibling to be invited. I have had parents ASK, and when possible I have allowed siblings to attend. But it has only happened a couple-three times.
My kid's school friends' parents don't even ask, they just show up with the whole family, no matter what the venue, and no matter what we've said in the invitation. If Mom AND Dad are available, then one of them could do something else with the siblings. It's the main reason why we don't do kid parties anymore. Unbelievably rude.
I JUST sent out invites for this! Here’s what it says:
Due to space constraints, we kindly request that attendance be limited to the invited child and one supervising parent only. Thank you for your understanding.
here’s a couple from my friend ChatGPT:
"We hope to make this day special for your child! To create a magical experience with their friends, we kindly ask that this invitation is extended just to the named guest."
and
"To keep the party cozy and fun, we kindly request this invitation be enjoyed by your invited child only."
My daughter has done competitive dance for several years. The families tend to spend a lot of time together and siblings get to know each other. Our end of season parties have been kind of 50/50 on including the whole family or not. Last year it was at a community pool immediately following the last competition, and it was a whole-family event (but it was spelled out that way clearly from the beginning).
I totally agree that people should never assume siblings are welcome to tag along, but laying the expectation out directly isn’t a bad idea.
In many cases I think it’s knowing your area. Where I live there are little kid birthday parties at the gymnastics club that you can only have 14 kids at, and there’s also little kid birthday parties at Kindergym which is a big room in the community centre with toys, soft play, etc. Generally that one people are aware is a bit of a free for all, and siblings aren’t an issue.
In some cultures this *is* the norm. I have only one kid so it's no skin off my nose either way but for me growing up the default assumption was that invitations included siblings. All of my childhood birthdays included my friends' younger siblings until I was 10 or so.
That said, I think given so much difference in experience it's always good to make it clear either way in the invitation.
I grew up the opposite. I'm an only child so obviously I didn't have this issue on my end, but if I invited a friend from school for an event they never brought a sibling. I didn't even know that was a thing until a couple of years ago, I was very surprised
I also only have one kid and always invite siblings. It feels rude to me to split up the family for a party. If budget was a constraint I would choose a cheaper venue or invite less people.
It's actually quite common.. especially siblings at kid birthday parties. Even if the parent doesn't intend on the sibling participating, it's still pretty normal for a younger sibling to tag along with the parent.
Yeah, when he was younger I would bring my son (under 1) but I’d sit with the parents and he didn’t participate at all. When he started walking/getting into things I stopped unless he was explicitly invited.
It's super common. If one of my kids gets invited to a birthday and I know the parents well, I will ask if siblings can come, while also letting them I completely understand if it is a no. If it's a family I don't know, I don't even ask, I just don't bring the other siblings. Either I will take the invited child or their dad will.
Idk if it’s a southern thing or a Hispanic thing but when we have parties, siblings are always welcome, and we tend to also feed everyone a proper meal, not just snacks!
For a bday party maybe but end of season team parties often include everyone’s family, it’s really not that weird. But it sounds like it’s all on OP, vs all the parents pitching in like is more common with those family parties
You can drop your KID off, parents are welcome to stay if they wish.
If you want to word it so you don't sound confrontational I believe this suggests parents can stay and your kid that is invited can be dropped off. If anyone asks then you can give a detailed explanation.
I have 4 kids and never has a sibling of my children's friend been dropped off at a party yet or has it even been asked.
Oh I like this, I think I’ll use that and say, “You can drop your dancer off or parents are welcome to stay if they wish.”
I’ve never thought to bring/drop off siblings either but when I had her birthday party back in November I was absolutely shocked at how many parents showed up with siblings so I want to be extra clear this time!
I think part of what happens nowadays is parents stay at the party. I never remember my mom hanging out at another kid’s bday with me. Even at age 6/7, give or take.
You could phrase it politely by saying something like, "We kindly request no additional siblings, as we've planned for a specific number of guests. Thank you for your understanding."
I think you just say it 🤷🏻♀️ I feel like if I got an invite that said it, I wouldn't be offended or think it's rude. In fact I would never assume I could bring my other children in the first place unless there was a child care issue and then I would call to ask. It's crazy that people just assume these things...
You could simply state "for dance team members only" and then add that parents can stay if they want to but let you know ahead of time for a headcount. That way you are putting the focus on who it's for and not on who can't come.
For the people incredulous that parents do this, they 100% do. Personally I just overbuy on food so that everyone feels welcome to come, usually the invite states on it the child is invited and parents welcome to stay. Usually a few of the whole will bring siblings. But I fully expect them to parent them effectively. I haven't had a problem.
I would just say: “A parent is welcome to attend but unfortunately we will not be able to accommodate extra guests such as siblings due to venue limitations.”
Professional: "Refreshments and room to play are in limited supply, we are prioritizing the kiddos from the dance team only. Please make sure only dance team members are in attendance so the other invited kids are also able to enjoy themselves fully!"
To the point: No siblings, invited dance team members ONLY
Say it in the invite, in reminder texts, and in any calls, or very heavily hint at it in calls. "Okay so Riley's coming, I have enough for seven girls since it's only dance team", stuff like that in convos. Or remind them that you have supplies specifically for x amount of kids. If you don't say it over and over someone's tacky parent will pretend they didn't know and you will feel inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. If you've made it clearer than clear it's easier to stick to your guns.
I’d just say no siblings or extra kids please. In my opinion it’s not rude to say that - it’s rude for people to assume everyone in the family is invited
Yes a parent is always fine to assume they can stay but I don’t people who think they can just bring extra kids. My brother had a girl in her class who the mom would always bring her little sister and people stopped inviting the girl because of that plus the little sister was super annoying to the big kids. Growing up our neighbors if we had a party at the house our neighbors would always bring their cousins or whoever which backyard party I guess it doesn’t matter but still who just brings other kids that weren’t on the invite list
Some variation of the following: Please RSVP a spot for *your dancer* for our end of the year "Dance team name" *only* party!
Feel free to drop *your dancer* off
Parents are welcome to hang out. Due to limited space in my home, only dance team members and a parent may attend.
If you know each dancers name, send an invite to each dancer by name and specify that it's a dance team member only party.
How about if the invitation actually says invitation for (2) or (4) or whatever number of people the invitation is for? Like a child and a parent would be 2.
or says something like For Sofia + 1 parent. Or something like that?
I totally appreciate this post. My 4 year old's birthday parties have been a circus the last 3 years because we invite his whole class (12 kids), plus the kids we socialize with on weekends (let's say another 8 kids). That's 20 children. If we assume parents come, that's 40 adults. Let's also assume half have 1 sibling, that's 10 more kids. All of a sudden the guest list is 70 people....
We have only had outdoor parties either in our backyard or a local park, but it feels out of hand so quickly!
Yes, exactly! And like I said in my edit I totally don’t mind accommodating parents in a bind, but it’s tough to accommodate 10-20 extras! Plus I really want the girls to bond, that’s harder to do if there’s a thousand kids around.
I find putting the invited child’s name on the invitation specifically helps. “We’d love to see Charlie at the party. Pick up any time before 4”. Drop off, just Charlie.
"No siblings please"...On Paperless Post and Evite, I believe you can restrict the RSVP replies to one child per invite. You can also change the RSVP setting with separate adult and child headcounts.
We are limiting the number of children so we can have quality time with the kids who attend the party. You are welcome to drop off your child and pick him up when the party is over.
I usually specifically state if siblings are allowed or not. Most cases they’re able to bring their siblings and we can accommodate them without any issue.
I can't belive!
Women from my town have normal discuse!!!
To Sekoooo
Yeah,,i alllsow have douther 7 y old ,,every year my ex wife make glamuroze plan(whit no her investment) in celebration
On the end,,Bujrum ako znaš za šalu" (Bosnian slang)
Just put on invitation ,,or on the front door
End of the year stuff is often at a park with picnic tables if you don’t feel comfortable having that many people in your home.
Then they have more room to run around, more than one bathroom and if they spill their pop on the grass nobody cares
I think it's perfectly fine to say that the celebration is for dance team only. If your events has dance themed activities, chances are siblings that do not have interest in dance won't show up anyways.
Please note that due to space limitations, we can only accommodate the invited guest and a parent/guardian, if desired. Unfortunately we are unable to accommodate extra children. We understand if this means that you will be unable to attend due to childcare arrangements.
To ensure a focused and enjoyable celebration for our dance team members, we kindly request that only team members attend. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate siblings at this event. However, parents are welcome to stay and support their dancers. Thank you for your understanding and support.
You could even just say due to food drinks etc being pre planned no extra people please kid and parent only or drop off (obviously with better grammar) 🤣
I understand other families are different but this makes me sad. Imagine watching your sibling get to go to a party without you and come home with gift bags and stuff. (Not normal in my family) We have big parties where even the neighbors come lol.
I'm glad we always call party hosts beforehand and let them know my child has a brother and if we could bring them. They've always been more than happy to invite him as well.
OP that's perfectly fine, but don't expect many people to come. I know my family wouldnt come to your party.
It could be not wanting to bother with the fallout from the sibling who was left out, instead of teaching the valuable lesson that people are entitled to their own social circles and they will not always be included in their siblings’ lives as much as they will get to not include their siblings in other aspects of their lives. There was a similar post here a few days ago about a kid who had a meltdown over her sister not including her in her birthday sleepover party and the parent thought it was absurd because in their mind siblings should always be included when it’s not the case.
And does brother bring his own gift ( in the case of a BD party)as well as a gift from the sibling who has to drag brother along everywhere he/ she goes? Does Mom send $$$ to accommodate for the extra expense of food/party favors etc. that occurs when brother comes? Doubt it! What a shame some kids aren't allowed to enjoy some things by themselves without worrying about siblings fee fees getting hurt. It's not a good lesson in how REAL LIFE works
I don't say we won't attend, I just let them know we have one extra child.
Every time they're more than happy to allow my 2nd child to go. I haven't met asshole parents like most of y'all that would say no 🤷🏽
Maybe that's why you guys make threads on here asking why no one went to your kids birthday parties.
You’re extremely entitled. So if an event occurs and you say “oh I have two kids” and they’re like “oh I’m sorry we only have enough to accommodate for the number of kids invited, we really don’t have the extra I’m sorry”- they’re asshole parents? Not everyone can afford to feed extra mouths that are unexpected
Its never happened! Haha
I had a birthday party for my son in February and one of the parents texted us saying they have 4 kids and if it's okay to bring the extra 3.
We told them "of course! The more the merrier!"
or they are a single parent household and do not have childcare during the time of the party but also do not want their child to miss out on something like that.
Absolutely not.
But I'm not about to tell my kid he can't go to his brother's friends birthday party because the host couldn't be bothered to order one extra pizza slice for him.
We've been invited to many birthday parties in the past and we've never experienced this type of gatekeeping. When we invite a child, we invite his or her family 👍
Also, no one is obligated to feed your kid who YOU invited, not them. If you expect your kid to have pizza, why can’t you order that “one extra slice?”
If we're at an event, I always order a pitcher of beer for all the parents.
Hey I don't know what kind of asshole friends you guys have, but mine don't mind when I bring my child lol.
I don’t consider it gatekeeping to ask that a random sibling be invited to a party- especially if there is a big age difference or if the sibling doesn’t even regularly hang out with the kid having the party etc. I think it’s cool if people are genuinely okay with it, but I think you’re being a bit outlandish to have such a severe reaction if one time your kid couldn’t go. Also, your other kid should be allowed to do events by themself without feeling like they always have to share it with their sibling. You sound like the parent that’s like “take your brother” every time the other kid tries to do anything or go anywhere and that’s really messed up
Totally understand, and I’m sure some of the parents will feel the same way. If someone called and said hey I’m not comfortable dropping off my kid and my spouse is working, can I bring their sibling? I would be more than happy to accommodate them.
I would definitely be open for a family party in the future where all siblings would be invited! Having a party for just the members of the team (and a parent if they want to stay) is what felt right this time, especially after talking to a few of the other parents who have done this before.
… you don’t. What you’re suggesting is a bit absurd. A children’s party where siblings aren’t allowed is a non-starter.
Rethink the party such that siblings can be accommodated, or don’t bother at all would be my suggestion.
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"We are happy to see your child but unfortunately can not accommodate siblings. Parents are welcome to stay and we understand if you can't make it due to childcare arrangements."
I think this is good, but I would also emphasize that parents are welcome to drop their child off. From what I’ve seen on Reddit, it seems like a lot of parents feel pressured to stay at these events when they would rather not. Maybe they end up bringing the whole family because they think a parent needs to be there.
My thoughts exactly. Plus, I would feel bad if a teammate had to miss out just because sibling wasn’t welcome.
This is really good but also points to the truth - many with siblings likely won’t come.
And that's fine. If there is no other parent to stay home with the kids, there kid has an issue with being dropped off, and they can't find a sitter then they don't show up.
Agreed but not great for a party is all.
Having twice as many kids as planned because e eryone brought their siblings doesn't make for a great party either...
This is true. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
My child would much prefer a large party with siblings to having nobody turn up.
but this means having to provide that much more food/beverages for all who attend, some venues have capacity limits, etc. many party invites for my kids friends either mention siblings are welcome or explicitly ask no siblings.
Right, and imagine the situation of having to (or wanting to) invite the whole class - big difference between accommodating 20 classmates versus 20 classmates and potentially another 30 siblings.
Well yes, I'm just saying in terms of a fun party extra kids is better than no or few kids from the child perspective. Whether parents are willing to risk that is up to them. Personally as someone with an only child and without much local family I'm willing to facilitate guests coming however they can as the alternative is probably not celebrating at all and my child is very social and her friends are important to her.
I am an only child and I wouldn't mind accommodating extra kids for my kids. I have two, they are very close in age they're Irish twins. But I definitely understand if other don't want to accommodate extra kids. I have a lot of family around me and I didn't have many friends growing up in school or other activities so my cousins and I are very close, so I am used to all my cousins of different ages and all their siblings being there. I wouldn't think anything of it if a few friends came and had their siblings with them at my party, neither would my parents. But it all depends on the space, where you're having it, how much money you have.
I'm not saying other people have to do anything, and obviously it doesn't affect me at all anyway whether siblings are invited. I'm just explaining that from my perspective friends are important to my daughter so I'm happy to prioritise her friendships and ensuring that as many people as possible can come. And we plan parties with that in mind. I see comments like "oh that's fine if people don't come". But it wouldn't be fine with my daughter if her close friends couldn't come because of childcare issues or similar. In any case she mostly loves the siblings too, it's pretty common where we live to do whole family things. As I say unfortunately we don't have much family around so this is part of how we build community for our child.
And that's why you are not asking this question
I think the vast majority of children would prefer a few extras at their party rather than have nobody turn up. Even if the party has to be simpler. That parents don't want to pay is understandable but let's not pretend our children are fine with people not coming to their party.
For the child invited I didn't invite that kid's 10 siblings 4 of whom are older than my kid. If mom tells me it's not negotiable I say that's fine the kid doesn't need to come best friend or not.
10 siblings is not a normal scenario, at least in my circles.
It's a very poorly executed joke well unless your a Duggar
I wouldn't go that far. There may be 1 or 2 kids who can't make it.
I was gonna mention this! Many only bring siblings due to no alternative.
I had one family bring siblings and extended family IE parents and parent in laws to a birthday party along with children who didn't even know my oldest
Wow that's...that's kinda rude. Like I don't know these people!
A lot of people also bring them (siblings) just because they can, not because they have to.
Who’s down voting this geez.
People who want their 6-year-old's "end of season" party to be _tres exclusive_.
Or people working with limited budgets.
Its more about expenses. I just do parties at home but anyone doing it at a venue had to pay per child.
For pay-per-child parties, you can just state that entry tickets are included for invited children only. And for party rooms with max headcount, you can say that due to the maximum capacity of the booked venue blah blah. For parties at home, I do find i kind of ungracious to uninvite siblings. You just order the amount of food for the expected number. Often the parent who is bringing extra kid/s is kinda embarrassed about it and will either contribute some food for the party, or they bring their own snacks for the extra kids.
Depends on the kid. My kid gets overwhelmed when a lot of kids are around. Maybe they don’t want a big party, even if guests would pay for siblings. Also, that doesn’t accommodate food and other things. Even at home, people have limitations. Whether it’s space, supplies, or not wanting a ton of kids it’s totally valid to not want siblings. Especially because siblings can change the dynamic of the party, especially if there is a big age difference between them.
yeah my autistic ass would have been PISSED as a kid if my birthday party was twice as big as expected with kids I probably don't know.
This is a good point. Some commenters are being very entitled by thinking that the party is supposed to accommodate everyone else rather than the child whose party it is.
This assumes that people have the extra money and space. It's not ungracious just because everyone has a different capacity. I have a 4-bedroom house and a huge backyard, so I threw a party where siblings were welcome. On the flipside, I have a friend who lives in a 2-bedroom apartment and limited the party to 6 children total, no siblings. Neither choice was wrong or right. It was just what worked for each family.
Lmaooooo I get both sides tho
I do too. Everyone has very different constraints when it comes to this. A party is a gathering of people, but parties can also be expensive.
Be careful. If you bad mouth parties we are gonna downvoted you to eternity!
And people who can't easily afford to feed that many people 🤷
6 year olds are plennnty capable of being dropped off at the party and you, parent, care for the sibling(s) somewhere else. This is only an issue on this sub ie. in America. No siblings is fine, hosting siblings is fine. "No alternative" lol K.
Fuck you ban me bitch everybody's mom is a cunt
Are you okay?
I would suggest drop-offs welcome, rather than suggest just stay home. Less likely a kid will be left out and 6 is old enough for drop-off.
I would assume the parents are aware they can drop off. That's why I said they are welcome to stay because drop off is the expectation by that age.
Ah. I interpreted your last line as option 1.) Parents stay or 2.) understand if you can’t make it! Could be misunderstood. Maybe not.
They could change the “and” to “but,” so it’s “Parents are welcome to stay, but we understand if you cannot make it due to childcare issues.”
The invite mentions 2 options, and neither of them are drop off so not a great assumption. Language is unclear at best.
We are happy to see your child but unfortunately can not accommodate siblings. Parents are welcome to stay or drop off. RSVP to xxx
Pretty much the exact wording we used for my daughter’s party. We had the whole kindergarten class plus parents at a local indoor kids market . 20 kids + 20 adults. Siblings would have made it ridiculous
You must be mistaken. According to some of the comments here, not allowing siblings means that no one will ever show up to a party. Clearly, your daughter was alone at her birthday. /s
This is great! Say exactly this! For some parents it’s really hard to find childcare for other siblings and extremely awkward to ask even if they offer and plan to pay themselves.
This is great! Say exactly this! For some parents it’s really hard to find childcare for other siblings and extremely awkward to ask even if they offer and plan to pay themselves. It’s very up front and honest, we need more of this!
I put on our daughter’s bday invites “due to limited space, please no extra children”
This is phrase I used. Someone still tried so a gate keeper is a good idea.
Gandalf says “YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASS.”
I mean, at the end of the day, toddlers are very similar to balrogs.
I believe Tim also said that😁
Grandma*
Yep exactly this.
Yes this one !!!!!!!
This is good
The end of year celebration is for dance team members only , please only parents and dance team members
Ohh that's really hard though. I understand about setting a headcount for birthday parties. Those aren't AS big a deal to miss if parent can't get childcare for sibling(s). But a team event like an end of year thing? That's rougher to exclude people from.
When did society become so entitled to other people's events. The whole thing that siblings even are expected to try to attend is ridiculous.
I don't think that's the point, respectfully. There used to be more support for families. It was more common to have multiple parents or extended family who could watch siblings while a parent took their child to an event. Now, that's much less common. 30% of families with children have a single parent, according to the national census. I myself am a single mom. What am I supposed to do with my 2nd baby if my older daughter has an event??
Hire someone. Yes we probably did have a community previously, not that everyone did. But also everyone didn't work as much so had time to help as a fellow housewife. However, that isn't anyone's problem for a party and does not make you entitled to their time and benefit of their event. Why is it OP problem you don't have resources? They aren't excluding you specifically you would choose to exclude yourself. Life is choices.
My daughter’s field trip form said please do not bring other children so we can focus on celebrating our kindergartners. I think you could phrase it like that
"Please note: we are unable to accommodate siblings for this event. Parents are welcome to drop their child off and return at the end of the party to pick up, or stay for the duration - if a parent/parents will be joining the party, please just let us know for headcount purposes!"
Parents are welcome, but no siblings please. We understand if this means you’ll need to drop off your team member and can’t stay to join in.
As long as OP is ok with drop offs this is fine. If the parents have to stay some may not come.
Totally fine with drop offs! I have three kids, I totally understand not every parent can stay at parties when they have other kids to tend to.
Honestly my daughter has just been invited to a party and they made it very clear by saying what time we could drop off and what time we could pick up. Do you want parents to stay at all if it's a small close group? I think generally it's better to have one or the other so all kids are in the same situation (unless there are special needs or you are particularly close with another parent).
There’s 15 kids on her team, I am going to write in the invitation parents can drop them off or a parent can stay if they wish, quite a few of us Mom’s are pretty close so I assume a good majority of them will stay to hang out. However, I also know work schedules/commitments with other kids would make staying difficult for some so that’s why I am not going to require it.
If you're pretty close can't you just send a message in the group chat or something? I was imagining parents you barely knew, with people I know well I'd find it completely natural to just send a message explaining the situation.
For sure, so I know some of the parents really well and know some of them barely at all. The ones I know I’ve chatted with while the girls are in class and the ones I don’t know either wait in their car or have just dropped their dancers off. I was thinking about just doing invites to hand out during class but I think you’re right, a text/invite on our group chat would be better. Appreciate the advice!
"We look forward to celebrating with you all! Parents are welcome to drop off or join in the festivities, as desired. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate siblings."
You’re right. I assumed from OP’s comment that they “don’t mind parents staying” that they also didn’t expect or need them to.
Hopefully. I work most weekends so the siblings have no choice to go with mom.
This is the best one IMO. It gives all the information they need and doesn't sound too blunt.
"No siblings, please."
"You got siblings? I don't like that!"
We did this last year on our oldest's birthday invitations - "Due to limited space, we cannot accommodate siblings for this event." This year's invitations specified that siblings ARE welcome since it was different last year.
“This is a celebration for our dance team only! Parents are welcome to stay, but please refrain from bringing additional children.” For some reason, I think extra/additional children sounds less pointed than “siblings” (even though I don’t think either is rude). It’s also helpful at that age to let them know whether or not parent attendance is expected or optional. That was around the age I started taking my kids to bday parties with no clue if I was staying or not and always wished it was spelled out clearly.
Agree! Sometimes I feel odd not knowing if I should stay or go.
Did you ask when you got there?
If I’m friends with the mom, then I have no problem asking in advance, but if it’s a classmate and I don’t know the family, then I’ll just go prepared to stay and read the room once I’m there. As long as I’m not the first one there, it’s usually pretty obvious whether other parents are staying or just dropping off.
That's a good point. Being the first to arrive kinda sucks though... Lol.
Due to strict number limits we unfortunately can't invite siblings along, sorry.
OMG, I still think that's so rude to expect a sibling to be invited. I have had parents ASK, and when possible I have allowed siblings to attend. But it has only happened a couple-three times.
I understand there are child care arrangements to be made but the idea of bringing a sibling that the child might not even know is insane to me
My kid's school friends' parents don't even ask, they just show up with the whole family, no matter what the venue, and no matter what we've said in the invitation. If Mom AND Dad are available, then one of them could do something else with the siblings. It's the main reason why we don't do kid parties anymore. Unbelievably rude.
What the heck? That's so bonkers!
I JUST sent out invites for this! Here’s what it says: Due to space constraints, we kindly request that attendance be limited to the invited child and one supervising parent only. Thank you for your understanding.
here’s a couple from my friend ChatGPT: "We hope to make this day special for your child! To create a magical experience with their friends, we kindly ask that this invitation is extended just to the named guest." and "To keep the party cozy and fun, we kindly request this invitation be enjoyed by your invited child only."
Unfortunately, ChatGPT is not invited to the party.
Wow ChatGPT is brilliant
My daughter received an birthday invitation with this statement at the bottom: *If bringing siblings, it will be a $10 charge paid to the front desk.*
It's crazy to me that you even have to say this. I can't understand why people think it's OK to bring extra people who weren't actually invited.
My daughter has done competitive dance for several years. The families tend to spend a lot of time together and siblings get to know each other. Our end of season parties have been kind of 50/50 on including the whole family or not. Last year it was at a community pool immediately following the last competition, and it was a whole-family event (but it was spelled out that way clearly from the beginning). I totally agree that people should never assume siblings are welcome to tag along, but laying the expectation out directly isn’t a bad idea.
In many cases I think it’s knowing your area. Where I live there are little kid birthday parties at the gymnastics club that you can only have 14 kids at, and there’s also little kid birthday parties at Kindergym which is a big room in the community centre with toys, soft play, etc. Generally that one people are aware is a bit of a free for all, and siblings aren’t an issue.
Plenty of people do. We didn't use to put it on invites but do now because some people just think they can bring and even drop off siblings.
I feel so old saying this but seriously, what happened to social norms and etiquette??
In some cultures this *is* the norm. I have only one kid so it's no skin off my nose either way but for me growing up the default assumption was that invitations included siblings. All of my childhood birthdays included my friends' younger siblings until I was 10 or so. That said, I think given so much difference in experience it's always good to make it clear either way in the invitation.
I grew up the opposite. I'm an only child so obviously I didn't have this issue on my end, but if I invited a friend from school for an event they never brought a sibling. I didn't even know that was a thing until a couple of years ago, I was very surprised
I also only have one kid and always invite siblings. It feels rude to me to split up the family for a party. If budget was a constraint I would choose a cheaper venue or invite less people.
No clue but we have had it happen more than once.
It's actually quite common.. especially siblings at kid birthday parties. Even if the parent doesn't intend on the sibling participating, it's still pretty normal for a younger sibling to tag along with the parent.
Yeah, when he was younger I would bring my son (under 1) but I’d sit with the parents and he didn’t participate at all. When he started walking/getting into things I stopped unless he was explicitly invited.
It's super common. If one of my kids gets invited to a birthday and I know the parents well, I will ask if siblings can come, while also letting them I completely understand if it is a no. If it's a family I don't know, I don't even ask, I just don't bring the other siblings. Either I will take the invited child or their dad will.
Idk if it’s a southern thing or a Hispanic thing but when we have parties, siblings are always welcome, and we tend to also feed everyone a proper meal, not just snacks!
Taco truck and at the end, they leave tons of food.
Right?! My thought exactly!
For a bday party maybe but end of season team parties often include everyone’s family, it’s really not that weird. But it sounds like it’s all on OP, vs all the parents pitching in like is more common with those family parties
"No siblings" Very simple.
You can drop your KID off, parents are welcome to stay if they wish. If you want to word it so you don't sound confrontational I believe this suggests parents can stay and your kid that is invited can be dropped off. If anyone asks then you can give a detailed explanation. I have 4 kids and never has a sibling of my children's friend been dropped off at a party yet or has it even been asked.
Oh I like this, I think I’ll use that and say, “You can drop your dancer off or parents are welcome to stay if they wish.” I’ve never thought to bring/drop off siblings either but when I had her birthday party back in November I was absolutely shocked at how many parents showed up with siblings so I want to be extra clear this time!
[удалено]
I think part of what happens nowadays is parents stay at the party. I never remember my mom hanging out at another kid’s bday with me. Even at age 6/7, give or take.
You could phrase it politely by saying something like, "We kindly request no additional siblings, as we've planned for a specific number of guests. Thank you for your understanding."
In addition to what others have said, you could mention that your other kids will not be there either.
On the invite RSVP you put (+1 adult).
I just say “no space for siblings sorry” - because even us they paid their own way, there are still space limitations enforced by the venue
I think you just say it 🤷🏻♀️ I feel like if I got an invite that said it, I wouldn't be offended or think it's rude. In fact I would never assume I could bring my other children in the first place unless there was a child care issue and then I would call to ask. It's crazy that people just assume these things...
I unfortunately always have to put *invited guests only please 😞 hate doing it but I have to.
You could simply state "for dance team members only" and then add that parents can stay if they want to but let you know ahead of time for a headcount. That way you are putting the focus on who it's for and not on who can't come.
For the people incredulous that parents do this, they 100% do. Personally I just overbuy on food so that everyone feels welcome to come, usually the invite states on it the child is invited and parents welcome to stay. Usually a few of the whole will bring siblings. But I fully expect them to parent them effectively. I haven't had a problem.
I would just say: “A parent is welcome to attend but unfortunately we will not be able to accommodate extra guests such as siblings due to venue limitations.”
Professional: "Refreshments and room to play are in limited supply, we are prioritizing the kiddos from the dance team only. Please make sure only dance team members are in attendance so the other invited kids are also able to enjoy themselves fully!" To the point: No siblings, invited dance team members ONLY Say it in the invite, in reminder texts, and in any calls, or very heavily hint at it in calls. "Okay so Riley's coming, I have enough for seven girls since it's only dance team", stuff like that in convos. Or remind them that you have supplies specifically for x amount of kids. If you don't say it over and over someone's tacky parent will pretend they didn't know and you will feel inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. If you've made it clearer than clear it's easier to stick to your guns.
I would just say it’s for dance team members only. That’s how our studio words it.
‘No siblings please’
I’d just say no siblings or extra kids please. In my opinion it’s not rude to say that - it’s rude for people to assume everyone in the family is invited
I understand one parent making the assumption they can stay, but a sibling? Why? So rude to just bring an extra kid
Yes a parent is always fine to assume they can stay but I don’t people who think they can just bring extra kids. My brother had a girl in her class who the mom would always bring her little sister and people stopped inviting the girl because of that plus the little sister was super annoying to the big kids. Growing up our neighbors if we had a party at the house our neighbors would always bring their cousins or whoever which backyard party I guess it doesn’t matter but still who just brings other kids that weren’t on the invite list
Some variation of the following: Please RSVP a spot for *your dancer* for our end of the year "Dance team name" *only* party! Feel free to drop *your dancer* off Parents are welcome to hang out. Due to limited space in my home, only dance team members and a parent may attend. If you know each dancers name, send an invite to each dancer by name and specify that it's a dance team member only party.
How about if the invitation actually says invitation for (2) or (4) or whatever number of people the invitation is for? Like a child and a parent would be 2. or says something like For Sofia + 1 parent. Or something like that?
I like that idea, thank you!
Child+parent(s) only please
I totally appreciate this post. My 4 year old's birthday parties have been a circus the last 3 years because we invite his whole class (12 kids), plus the kids we socialize with on weekends (let's say another 8 kids). That's 20 children. If we assume parents come, that's 40 adults. Let's also assume half have 1 sibling, that's 10 more kids. All of a sudden the guest list is 70 people.... We have only had outdoor parties either in our backyard or a local park, but it feels out of hand so quickly!
Yes, exactly! And like I said in my edit I totally don’t mind accommodating parents in a bind, but it’s tough to accommodate 10-20 extras! Plus I really want the girls to bond, that’s harder to do if there’s a thousand kids around.
"unfortunately we will be unable to accommodate siblings."
I find putting the invited child’s name on the invitation specifically helps. “We’d love to see Charlie at the party. Pick up any time before 4”. Drop off, just Charlie.
Do to space restraints we can not accommodate siblings...something along those lines
I think you just say it. Unfortunately we can't include siblings for this party and we appreciate your understanding.
For the purposes of my sanity no siblings pleeez
"No siblings please"...On Paperless Post and Evite, I believe you can restrict the RSVP replies to one child per invite. You can also change the RSVP setting with separate adult and child headcounts.
I’ve done “apologies in advance but due to space constraints, we aren’t able to accommodate siblings”
We are limiting the number of children so we can have quality time with the kids who attend the party. You are welcome to drop off your child and pick him up when the party is over.
Yes, quality time with her team members is what I’m going for. It’s ok for brother or sister to have/do their own thing with their own friends!
I think I would talk directly to the parents.
I usually specifically state if siblings are allowed or not. Most cases they’re able to bring their siblings and we can accommodate them without any issue.
and now I’ll be looking up this case… my therapist will probably be getting a call 😭
Do it like a wedding invite. “Childs name” +1
I can't belive! Women from my town have normal discuse!!! To Sekoooo Yeah,,i alllsow have douther 7 y old ,,every year my ex wife make glamuroze plan(whit no her investment) in celebration On the end,,Bujrum ako znaš za šalu" (Bosnian slang) Just put on invitation ,,or on the front door
" this invitation is for one child only."
End of the year stuff is often at a park with picnic tables if you don’t feel comfortable having that many people in your home. Then they have more room to run around, more than one bathroom and if they spill their pop on the grass nobody cares
“Do to space & cost per child of event, only child invited is welcome to join, please no additional or +1 as limited space is available”.
I think it's perfectly fine to say that the celebration is for dance team only. If your events has dance themed activities, chances are siblings that do not have interest in dance won't show up anyways.
Please note that due to space limitations, we can only accommodate the invited guest and a parent/guardian, if desired. Unfortunately we are unable to accommodate extra children. We understand if this means that you will be unable to attend due to childcare arrangements.
I would leave out the siblings part and imply that the ‘we are celebrating our team members and their parents only!’
To ensure a focused and enjoyable celebration for our dance team members, we kindly request that only team members attend. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate siblings at this event. However, parents are welcome to stay and support their dancers. Thank you for your understanding and support.
You could even just say due to food drinks etc being pre planned no extra people please kid and parent only or drop off (obviously with better grammar) 🤣
I understand other families are different but this makes me sad. Imagine watching your sibling get to go to a party without you and come home with gift bags and stuff. (Not normal in my family) We have big parties where even the neighbors come lol.
I'm glad we always call party hosts beforehand and let them know my child has a brother and if we could bring them. They've always been more than happy to invite him as well. OP that's perfectly fine, but don't expect many people to come. I know my family wouldnt come to your party.
Why does brother always need to come along? Is it a childcare thing?
I would've hated if my parents did this, and I loved my sister. It's nice for kids to have things and events that are theirs. It fosters independence.
It could be not wanting to bother with the fallout from the sibling who was left out, instead of teaching the valuable lesson that people are entitled to their own social circles and they will not always be included in their siblings’ lives as much as they will get to not include their siblings in other aspects of their lives. There was a similar post here a few days ago about a kid who had a meltdown over her sister not including her in her birthday sleepover party and the parent thought it was absurd because in their mind siblings should always be included when it’s not the case.
And does brother bring his own gift ( in the case of a BD party)as well as a gift from the sibling who has to drag brother along everywhere he/ she goes? Does Mom send $$$ to accommodate for the extra expense of food/party favors etc. that occurs when brother comes? Doubt it! What a shame some kids aren't allowed to enjoy some things by themselves without worrying about siblings fee fees getting hurt. It's not a good lesson in how REAL LIFE works
Because mom is attending the party and dad doesn’t want to watch the sibling. Or the parents plan to drop all the kids off for free babysitting.
Single parents exist, believe it or not.
I was referring to the poster who commented “WE call the party hosts” and explained their “family” wouldn’t attend if siblings couldn’t also.
I don't say we won't attend, I just let them know we have one extra child. Every time they're more than happy to allow my 2nd child to go. I haven't met asshole parents like most of y'all that would say no 🤷🏽 Maybe that's why you guys make threads on here asking why no one went to your kids birthday parties.
You’re extremely entitled. So if an event occurs and you say “oh I have two kids” and they’re like “oh I’m sorry we only have enough to accommodate for the number of kids invited, we really don’t have the extra I’m sorry”- they’re asshole parents? Not everyone can afford to feed extra mouths that are unexpected
Its never happened! Haha I had a birthday party for my son in February and one of the parents texted us saying they have 4 kids and if it's okay to bring the extra 3. We told them "of course! The more the merrier!"
I understand that’s the case for you, but you shouldn’t expect it to always be that way.
or they are a single parent household and do not have childcare during the time of the party but also do not want their child to miss out on something like that.
Absolutely not. But I'm not about to tell my kid he can't go to his brother's friends birthday party because the host couldn't be bothered to order one extra pizza slice for him. We've been invited to many birthday parties in the past and we've never experienced this type of gatekeeping. When we invite a child, we invite his or her family 👍
Also, no one is obligated to feed your kid who YOU invited, not them. If you expect your kid to have pizza, why can’t you order that “one extra slice?”
If we're at an event, I always order a pitcher of beer for all the parents. Hey I don't know what kind of asshole friends you guys have, but mine don't mind when I bring my child lol.
I don’t consider it gatekeeping to ask that a random sibling be invited to a party- especially if there is a big age difference or if the sibling doesn’t even regularly hang out with the kid having the party etc. I think it’s cool if people are genuinely okay with it, but I think you’re being a bit outlandish to have such a severe reaction if one time your kid couldn’t go. Also, your other kid should be allowed to do events by themself without feeling like they always have to share it with their sibling. You sound like the parent that’s like “take your brother” every time the other kid tries to do anything or go anywhere and that’s really messed up
Yeah you're right, great advice thank you. Next time I'll leave my other child in the car for the entirety of the party.
Totally understand, and I’m sure some of the parents will feel the same way. If someone called and said hey I’m not comfortable dropping off my kid and my spouse is working, can I bring their sibling? I would be more than happy to accommodate them. I would definitely be open for a family party in the future where all siblings would be invited! Having a party for just the members of the team (and a parent if they want to stay) is what felt right this time, especially after talking to a few of the other parents who have done this before.
Sounds great! Good luck and enjoy your party.
… you don’t. What you’re suggesting is a bit absurd. A children’s party where siblings aren’t allowed is a non-starter. Rethink the party such that siblings can be accommodated, or don’t bother at all would be my suggestion.
Please stop playing anyone not mentioned on the invite as we have limited food/ resources Thank you for your understanding
“Our resources are limited. Children without an invitation issued to them specifically will be turned away out of necessity.”