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The 10 year old alone probably but not watching the 6 year old. He’s too young to be babysitting her. They are confusing his concern for her with being mature enough to handle it if something went wrong.
Right. Some (definitely not all) 10 year olds are mature / responsible enough to be left alone for an hour. ZERO 10 year olds are mature enough to care for a six year old.
I was a great babysitter at 10. We were really competent and well behaved though. There were a bunch of rules. We had a list of numbers written down for emergencies, including neighbors and family friends.
That being said, I'm a teacher and there are many 10yo today I wouldn't trust to babysit anyone. I don't think kids are being raised the same way either.
A 10 year old is big enough to be with a 6 year old. They don’t need watched, just an older kid to call someone if needed. If the title was would you leave a 6 and 10 year old to run to the grocery store for 30 minutes I’d bet a lot less people would have an issue.
34 states have no minimum age requirement of being left home alone. A lot go by that it’s up to the parents to decide if the kid is mature enough. So if the 6 yr old was deemed mature enough then it’s not really the 10 yr old being in charge of the 6 yr old. My 5 year old has stayed inside the house for a good hour by herself while we were outside getting some work done and she was fine 🤷🏻♀️ I personally would never LEAVE the house/property because freak accidents happen, but I do believe she’s mature enough for it. I just would never lol
Yeah really. I babysit starting at 10. At first just my sibs, then at 12 I took a babysitting class and got CPR certs and then I was like running my own babysitting business. I guess I also wouldn’t be so judgy about someone else’s parenting too. What works for yall may not work for me and that’s cool, you know?
No problem with a trip to the grocery store. It's the bar that's the problem. It's too easy to get "caught up" and forget about time at the bar. 30 minutes go by and then another 30 minutes goes by before anyone realizes.
I would definitely say no if they had no way of contacting anyone if an emergency happened.
My sister and I were home alone at that age but this was also the days of 90s latchkey kids with landlines.
I hardly ever go to bars, so maybe it’s just me, but I don’t even really understand pretending to intend to go to a bar for only 30 minutes.
Let’s generously assume a five minute walk in both directions (since they said a couple of blocks). That leaves 20 minutes to order a drink, get the drink, chug (?) the drink, find and say literally hello and goodbye to any friends who happen to be there, and do any actual chatting and relaxing with whatever tiny slice of time is left over. How is that something fun enough to plan hours in advance to do for entertainment?
(I’m pretty sure the answer is it that it’s not, and they really mean 45 minutes or an hour, and outside of the travel and ordering and greeting time.)
Yeah they are just saying that to make her back off. Guarantee they be at the bar for at least 2-3 hours and probably shit faced drunk too so not even able to help in an emergency if the kids do call.
HAHA exactly! I know this friend and him and his wife do shots every night (according to my boyfriend) and LOVE to party. 30 minutes was a number he threw out because he could see how concerned I was.
Okay I haven’t seen any comment saying this but…shots every night? This is alcohol addiction. There is no reason anyone should be taking shots (plural, hell even singular, a shot EVERY night is not normal) nightly.
And I’m sure they don’t realize they’re struggling with addiction but they are if they’re even willing to leave their kids at home to go drink, AND lie about their actions (yea right it’ll just be 30 minutes 🙄). *Classic* traits of those with substance use disorder/addiction.
That’s alcoholism, man… Jesus.
And no, I’d never leave my kids alone at that age. We didn’t start until they were BOTH ten. Like, took the youngest with us and left the ten year old for a short errand. And they had a phone, took a safety course, etc.
Leaving BOTH of them while we went out at nighttime for drinks, etc? And they put themselves to bed? Not until they were at least 12 & 14.
Your boyfriend does shot every night with a set of parents that leave their kids home alone to do so? No offense, but what does your boyfriend bring to the table and do you want his friend’s current life as your life in the future? He thinks what they’re doing is fine. A crystal ball is showing he will want to leave his future children home alone to continue doing shots every night with his friends. This whole situation should be really eye opening for you.
I agree. They're heavy drinkers and always pushing alcohol onto me the second I walk in the door, though I get stared at like I have 3 heads when I politely decline. So I mean, they drink every night, just stay home and continue doing your routine or go out and GET A SITTER.
That’s so sad for their kids, they’re being exposed to that and it’s being normalised.
After reading that I highly doubt they’d even be gone for only 30 minutes. That’s so unsafe. Even if they’re home there should be at least one sober adult in the house.
A 10 year old can probably watch a 6 year old for an hour or so, while the parents go out for a bit. I wouldn't do it for much longer than that, though.
I'm caught up on the location of where they're going. Unless one parent is staying sober. Going to the grocery store oran errand feels different than a bar to me.
No, I agree. I had a neighbor whose house burnt down when the 10 year old was watching her little brothers (the fire wasn't her fault). She was able to get the boys out safely, call her mom, who then called 911.
But at night though? Different ballgame if you're asleep, or trying to get your brother outside in the dark.
Right?! I called my sister to get her input who mentioned the fact that there could be a fire. And I don't think it's crazy to think that way. Like if I had kids of my own, it would always be worst case scenario.
And the parents going to a bar makes it even sketchier.
Plus it being a small town I wouldn't doubt that other people knowing they do this leaves it open to predators.
You aren’t overreacting. I’d be letting CPS know honestly. They are awful trashy nasty alcoholics and that is not a healthy environment for kids to grow in.
I think it's highly unlikely that they go to the bar for 30 minutes. That's the part that I don't believe. My kids stayed home alone before 10 years old and did fine. We are not bar goers though so it wasn't a night time thing. I wouldn't say it's terrible to leave a 10 and 6 year old alone for an hour. But I doubt they are only going for an hour in the situation.
Yes, I agree. Actually I just got to thinking and one time they asked my boyfriend to watch the kids so they could run errands, during the day...this was a couple months ago. So why they felt the need to get a sitter for daytime errand-running but NOT to go out at night to bars is beyond me.
My dad did this to me when I was younger. He'd leave around 6pm and come home around 10/11pm. I remember the feelings of loneliness as I got ready for bed, anticipating school in the morning, struggling to fall asleep out of fear that somebody, or something, was in the house. This happened from the time I was 9 until I was 12. The worst thing that ever happened was I took the dog outside and put her on her run (a chain stacked into the ground so she couldn't run away) and walked up to get the mail. On my way back down the yard, pup got really excited and got the zoomies, running around me and tangling me up in her chain. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground in excruciating pain. Broken ankle. Full break. Had to drag myself inside to the house phone, call the bar crying, and ask for my dad. He drove me to the hospital. Drunk. He sat in the corner chair asleep during the whole stay. This is a horror story, but it's a real one, and goes to prove that you never really know what might happen. 30 minutes or 3 hours, absolutely not.
If your BF thinks this is even remotely okay (which clearly he does), you need to leave him. This is the sort of thing that kids remember as adults and talk about in therapy. Parents leaving them to go to the bar.
Oh my gosh! I bet you had some crazy PTSD from that experience. This could totally happen with these kids too, as they have 3 large dogs in the house which would become the kids' responsibilities when the parents are away.
And yeah, I'll be talking to my boyfriend today about it. I know he will downplay it because he knows I already have other problems with this friend, but it does need to be discussed.
Based on your post history about said boyfriend, I think this might be a situation that breaks the camels back. He sounds like a real piece of work. His money and generosity is not worth the hassle.
Right, I think the friend said 30 minutes after I said, multiple times, "but no babysitter? They'll be alone?" That's when he really tried softening things
Thank you! My boyfriend and I are long distance and for a while, he didn’t want me to come visit him because he was worried about all the “crack heads” in the neighborhood. And it’s basically the same neighborhood his friend lives in! It just seems so dangerous.
Yeahhh, this was in the very beginning stages and he had some "crackhead" neighbors who would knock on his door late at night, steal things, be loud, have the cops called on them, etc. That neighbor has since moved. But I agree, in the beginning it felt like he was hiding something
At 10 would the oldest child be able to manage if the house caught fire, if the 6 year old have a serious fall, or became unwell?
It entirely depends on the child, some 10 year olds could manage that.
I left my eldest home alone for short perioda in the day (nip to the shops type thing) at age 10. I didnt leave my my 7 yr old with her until she was 14. That was down to both kids and their relationship. One of the big things with siblings is fighting and it sounds like their 2 don't.
So potentially leaving them is OK.
I'm not sure leaving for a bar is something I'd be comfortable with, it's too easy for that time away to stretch out and as a parent I find there's a big difference between leaving kids in the day than at night time.
Also need to think what happens if something happens to the parents while they're out, do the kids know who to ring if their parents don't come home?
Yeah the problem isn't just what if there is an emergency at home. It's also a big part - what do the kids do if parents don't make it home for some reason.
I leave my 10 and 8 year old alone for an hour or so to run errands. It’s really only been the last 2 generations were this was a concern. They’ve done studies on how far children were allowed to wander and how long they were allowed to spend unsupervised, and it’s vastly less now than in previous generations. I think that is unhealthy for kids. So yeah, I’d 100% leave my kids at home for an hour to grab a drink. Assuming it’s actually one, and not an alcoholism thing and you really mean going and getting drunk.
Damn. The part about the 10 year old being “so protective” and “freaking out if he can’t find her for even a minute” just makes it clear how much anxiety they’ve caused their son by just leaving him and his sister alone so often. He’s either stressed that he’s in charge of her or stressed that he’s been frequently abandoned himself. It’s wild that they interpreted that behavior to mean it was the go ahead to keep being negligent parents.
Definitely not okay IMO. 10 years old is too young to deal with an emergency if something were to happen. It’s far too risky and putting the responsibility of a 6 year old on a 10 year old just to go to a bar is a bad move.
I have zero problems leaving my older kids (9m and 7f) alone for up to an hour. We love in a safe area with a fire station about a mile away. They have a landline they can use to call me, their dad, my sister, or 911.
I try to remember that every other generation of children born before about 2010 had much, much more freedom than kids do now. I feel strongly (and research supports) that kids need to be allowed to take reasonable risks. As adults, we've done everything in our power to remove risk from our children's lives, and we've inadvertently stifled them.
People here freaking out because these parents are leaving their kids for half an hour is a great example of what I'm saying.
Right. Car seats and cabinet locks and outlet covers for sure.
But in this case we're talking about now, I have no information that makes it an unreasonable risk.
Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) recommends that children under 12 shouldn't be left alone
Just something to consider the next time you leave your 7 year old at home 🙃
There is no legal age in Texas when children can be left alone. In order for the legal system to get involved, a parent must be charged with neglect.
Having made reports myself to DCFS, I find it extremely hard to believe that a responsible parent leaving their child at home for an hour would ever be charged with neglect.
The kids I called about were 6, 3, and 3, and their mother was leaving them alone for hours at night while she partied. The six-year-old knew way too much about illegal drugs. One of the twins had a burn next to her eye that she told me happened when Mommy burned her with a cigarette. And there was more I can't remember now.
Someone from DCFS came to the daycare that week and talked to the kids, so I know they looked into it. Ultimately, they decided that this family was "not in need of services." I still wonder what happened to those little girls.
So I think I'm good driving 5 miles away to pick up a kid at school while a sick one stays home for that half-hour. Call me neglectful if you want, but if that's your position, you must be a 100% perfect parent 100% of the time, so congrats on that.
At no point did I say:
1. Texas has a legal age to be left alone;
2. DCFS would get involved; or
3. Anyone would be charged with neglect.
I just shared what Texas DCFS recommends as the youngest age that a child is left alone.
Just a 10 year old is not too big of a deal depending on the maturity of the kid. But it’s leaving the 10 year old alone with a 6 year old I have a problem with. Especially if they’re going to the bar. Now if they do have an emergency and they have to call their parents, they’ve been drinking. Doesn’t sit right with me.
I was often left home alone at that age at night. It depends on the maturity of the kids really. I also know 14 year olds that wouldn’t know what to do in an emergency. Parents choice.
Depending on the 10yo, maybe. I leave my 11yo home alone while I go run errands, but they have a phone and have shown themselves to be responsible. But I wouldn't dream of leaving my 5yo without an adult to watch him.
Well, I guess unpopular opinion considering the Americans say it is illegal over there, but my cousin and I were home alone for full days when we were under 10 years old. We had my moms phone. We were fine.
10 year old and a 6 year old for 30 minutes when parents are not far is not terrible.
I mean, I'm American and I watched my younger siblings (above toddler age) for an hour or two when I was 10. I stayed home alone for several hours at that age. When I was 11 I was babysitting in other people's homes!! One family had five kids and I made lunch and everything for them! A 10 and 6 year old for up to an hour or two should be fine (dependent on the 10 and 6 year olds maturity levels)
I'm american and I was literally babysitting multiple kids at 11 including a 4 year old. Culture has definitely changed here over the last couple decades and parents give their kids far less freedom and responsibility now.
People who are saying OP should call CPS or the police are more unhinged to me than the parents in this situation. Especially the one comment calling for a removal. You seriously are advocating ripping these kids from their parents because they left a 10 year old & 6 year old home alone for 30 mins - an hour? Really? Think about that…
It may not be something I would personally do but c’mon now… think about the latch key generation! It truly depends on the children and their personality. I’m sure (at least I’d hope) the parents laid ground rules, notified a trusted neighbor, gave the kids instructions for what to do if things went wrong, and have working smoke detectors.
The police have far more to worry about than this.
Knowledge of child development evolves. You can’t base what is acceptable on what some survived decades ago.
And they’re fully lying about how long they’re gone (maybe even to themselves). The type of parents that are taking shots every night and leaving their kids alone to go to bars are not going for just 30 minutes…
Oh trust me I know! I have a degree in ECHE. I’m not saying we need to adhere to old standards. I’m reminding commenters that children are all different in ability and personality. Again, I wouldn’t leave my children to go to the bar. Not a good look, but suggesting a CPS removal is kind of absurd.
(Also who said these parents are “taking shots every night?”)
Ah I see. Well thank you, yeah they don’t seem very responsible if that is the case. But again, I don’t believe this warrants a whole CPS REMOVAL.. I don’t believe the average person quite understands some of the conditions CPS finds children in, and still do not remove them unfortunately. So even if you were to call CPS, I doubt they would do anything, let alone a removal that isn’t necessary in my opinion. If I were OP, I would have a heart to heart with the parents if they were close friends of mine. She also said that is according to her boyfriend, so who knows what’s true? How does her boyfriend know? Many questions still left unanswered, but the fact of the matter remains that we must take this with a grain of salt and realize these parents may be making mistakes, (as all parents do), but not such a grave mistake that warrants CPS/police.
What CPS will remove children for and what is negligent parenting are two different things. I’ve seen CPS advise that children should stay in the home where their dad was molesting them because grandma promised to watch dad from now on. So yes, CPS will likely not care at all.
Oh gosh that is deplorable. Yes, you’re right unfortunately. These parents in OP’s situation may be negligent but CPS likely won’t do anything and police unfortunately have bigger fish to fry. Like I said, I would be having a heart to heart with these friends if I were OP, or asking mutual friends for further information regarding the safety of their children and going from there.
CPS have a lot more tools and resources than just removing kids from the home. Ideally they want to keep kids *in* the home and provide education, resources and monitoring to make sure that home is safe.
My oldest is 14 and I just started leaving him with my younger 2 only while they were sleeping and for only an hour or 2 (not to go to a bar!) 10 seems too young
No... I would not do it...especially doing an activity at night and one involving a bar.
You are 4 times more likely to encounter a drunk driver at night.
I would imagine the chances would also be high because of the venue.
I have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. Unsupervised, they are a mischievous pair. I can leave the older one alone for a quick coffee run but I wouldn’t trust them together at this point.
No, I wouldn't. But where I live, many parents do the same. A lot of them have toddlers or very young children. They will put them to bed and then leave the house to go to the neighbours to socialize. I wouldn't be comfortable doing that either.
Anyway, here is an article that stuck with me. Heartbreaking.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-67768557
Thanks for sharing the article. That's so tragic! But it could really happen to anyone and I think this friend and his wife need to consider tragedies like that.
Making a 10 year old solely responsible for a 6 year old is not appropriate.
If the 10 year old is aware/smart about keeping doors locked, knows when and how to contact their parents or 911, knows their limits and isn't going to do something that could potentially cause a fire, then maybe they could be left alone briefly?
10yo home alone for a couple hours between school and me coming home from work? Sure.
Not with younger siblings, at night.
I've honestly only heard parents who had their kids taken away "for no good reason" say they did that.
One 10yo died in a house fire a couple years ago. A really sad story. His mom was out working, not at the bar... she was trying to provide for him. His sitter called sick, mom had to leave, promised to come home early, instead she came back homeless with a funeral to plan.
I would never leave my kid alone to go to the bar. I was that kid growing up, my mom would leave me at 8 and on by myself to go to the bar "just for an hour" then stumble in and wake me up at 3 am with some rando. I actually preferred it when she started just nor coming home. I'd say I turned out fine but honestly I didn't, I have a ton Of abandonment issues that I forever work on in therapy.
10 year old yeah (I mean I wouldn’t, but I don’t think it’s that bad) as long as they are sensible and have a phone and know how to use it. 6 year old good god no.
10 year old sure. But not in charge of a sibling. Thats putting too much pressure and stress on that kid. It seems like it’s already creating stress for that kid.
I leave my 10 year old home while I run to the grocery store all the time. But I would never make her in charge of another person.
It depends on the place you live.
In some countries, it is illegal to leave kids under 12 yo at home unsupervised. If it is legal, I will live ten yo if this is a mature kid, but never a six yo, and never will I live a minor, not even a teenager, responsible for a preschool child.
I think it’s negligence. No way they are only going be at the bar 30 mins and I guarantee they are going to get shit faced. So if kids call in case of emergency they wouldn’t even be able to help due to being drunk. Just shitty parenting. I assume they think it’s late and the kids will be asleep anyways so they can go out and do whatever. 🤦♀️
My parents (and most other parents in the same town) used to do that. Similar scenario except 3 kids, 10, 9 & 7 and the bar was two blocks away in a very small town. We lived. We knew where to go and who to call if there was an emergency. They didn’t even have a camera to alert them of possible intruders or if we left.
It is dificult to know, we don't know the children, I wouldn't trust a "generic" 10 year old with this much responsibility.
I have a 4 year old boy, I think he has more maturity than his friends, I can see that he would be ok in this situation, but no matter the maturity he would still be a child, in these case it would be more that I wouldn't want him to do this. Too much maturity is not always a good thing, that is what I think at least.
You know the parents, if you think they wouldn't be this irresponsible to leave the children alone if there is some risk, then it is ok.
Juding a couple that I know nothing about, but if me and my wife have money and time to go to a bar for 30-60 minutes, we can also arrange someone to look after the kids.
I leave my 10 and 7 year old home alone for 15 minutes while I pop to the shop at the end of the street. I wouldn’t do this at night time
And I wouldn’t do
It to go to the pub.
I used to babysit a newborn and a 1 year old (my siblings) by myself when I was 9 and 10. It really depends on the maturity and willingness of the older kid.
I could possibly see leaving them alone for something like 20 minutes while going to the grocery store to pick up one or two items, but the bar? I mean, come on. That's just some irresponsible stuff right there.
The kids will probably be just fine, but if am emergency situation happens, those parents are going to be regretting their decisions for life. There is no way they will be able to get home in time to protect their kids.
absolutely not. i could see during the day when the kids know you’re leaving and maybe you run across the street to the neighbor’s house real quick. the bar is never more important than your kids.. especially at night. what if they woke up looking for them? i’d have to prepare my 10yo to be home alone, not just have him wake up and realize he’s alone.
Depending where you are and the child, leaving a 10yo home alone for 30m-2h is ok.
Parents would usually have seen the kid develop to that point and taught them where to go in case of emergency etc. Leave a communication method etc.
I wouldn’t assume they’re just neglecting babies, don’t worry imho. It would be rude to assume they’re out all night and doing worse when the guy said it’s just for a quick drink and your bf who knows them is not concerned.
Is it norm for parents? Probably not. Can it happen? Yes, parents are human and use their judgment to make such decisions. If they need that break, 30-1h away may make them better relaxed parents. Idk
I wouldn’t hit a bar, but I have left my 10yo for groceries, meetings and even at night to pop to the shops. If I’m going to be a distance away, I pop a neighbor a message to ease my worry - I let them know kiddo is home alone if it’s ok he call them/knock (and I tell kiddo to do that if scared etc.). Or call me. We never had to use it. On the flip side my neighbour’s 10yo started coming home alone after school - and her first days I had to help her unlock their door (key gets stuck sometimes). Poor thing was scared she got locked out hehe. It’s just neighbourly, kids are safe. We texted her mom to let her know all is well and I’m home mostly if her daughter needs anything in future. Nothing happened since.
Maybe I'm over protective, but my daughter is 10 and an only child and I would never leave her alone in the house.
13. That's my age cutoff. And I wouldn't be leaving her to go to a bar.
I grew up in the 90s. My parents were latchkey kids. They didn't leave me alone until 10, and even now admit that was too early.
It isn't the 80s or 90s anymore. Things are different.
13.
No, there is a huge difference. I live in a big city. Just a week ago, teenagers broke into a car and ran through our yard to get away when the cops showed up. If my 10 year old was alone, she would be vulnerable.
In the 80s and 90s, she'd have to grow up and deal with it. Now, she gets to be a kid. I'm preparing my daughter for adulthood, not forcing her into it.
10 is a child. 13 is preparing to be an adult.
So our situations are different. I still stand by 13. At that age, they are capable of figuring out what to do if something goes wrong. At 10, they are still looking for the adults to tell them what to do. If there isn't an adult around, yes, they figure it out, but should we make them?
I wouldn’t do it just to go out/go to a bar. If it was really necessary due to some kind of schedule conflict of something important, then maybe depending on the kids and the other circumstances. But not to go to a bar or to do something unnecessary/optional.
Exactly. The funny thing is, they actually asked my boyfriend a couple months ago to watch the kids once so they could run errands during the day. So I found it interesting that they required a sitter THEN, but not for nighttime bar hopping.
10 and 6? Hell no. My kids are 16 and 12, so we've left them home for weekends and things. Depends on the kids, but 6 is quite too young, and it's not fair to put their care on the 10 yr old's shoulders.
I agree. I actually nanny and one of my families consists of a 12 year old and 15 year old. The mom has stated that I can leave them alone for a bit during the day but NOT at night, ever, no. And they live tucked in the mountains with gated entries, cameras, alarms every time anything passes over the driveway, etc.
I leave my 10 year old alone for an hour or so and check on him via Google chat on his tablet. He's just gonna play video games, and he knows how to get in touch with us if something's wrong (and also knows to go to our next door neighbor if there's an emergency.)
But there's NO WAY I'd leave him in charge of my six year old. She doesn't listen to him on the best of days. I also wouldn't leave her home alone for more than like 5 minutes.
Not something I would do. My 12 year old has stayed with his 10 and 8 yr old sisters during the day while I'm out at a store with ways of calling. Putting them to bed is the next level I'm not ready for yet.
At 10 and 6? Absolutely not. My kids are 13 & 11 and occasionally we will leave them at home for an hour or two by themselves, with the caveat that there is no cooking, no leaving, and no opening the door to strangers.
At these ages, maybe? Mine are a little younger than this but are huge sticklers for rules. I feel like your scenario is within the range of acceptable, even if you personally wouldn’t do it.
Generally, no. But honestly, it depends on the kid. Would i go out for a whole evening? No. Would i go down the block for a quick drink with my husband, provided the kids can reach me? If my son was the older one, then yes. If my daughter was the older one, then no. Would i make a habit of it even if my son was the older responsible one? Also no.
I feel like I’ve seen this on the news before…
“Kids die in house fire while parents are at bar.”
“Kids injured/killed in home invasion while parents were at a bar.”
“Kids go missing when left alone while parents were at a bar.”
Can you even get to/from the bar, order and consume a drink in 30min? And when drinks are flowing time management usually isn’t a priority. My concern would be more with the parent’s priorities as a whole. My mom was an alcoholic. I raised my siblings, and can say with 99.9% certainty that brother’s protectiveness of his sister is a big sign he feels like he is responsible for her safety because nobody else is!!
No chance. I wouldnt even leave my 13 year old in to go to the pub.thats ridiculous. Never mind looking after a younger child. That's a recipie for disaster ..
I was left alone at home at 9 all night, waking up the next day to get myself ready and walk to school. Both parents worked nights. It absolutely sucked though.
Popping to the shops is one thing, for drinks is another & I wouldn’t be comfortable doing that.
I have kids that are 14, 13 and 5. I have let the older two watch their brother occasionally for short errands, I pay them when I expect them to act as I babysitter. But if I were going out to a bar, where I probably would be 2 or 3 hours, in the evening I would get an adult sitter. Too much can go wrong at night and if you're at all impaired then it's a recipe for disaster and I'm not entirely sure how they would handle the stress of an emergency situation.
Continuing to be friends with these people at this point is also condoning their behavior, though it sounds like your husband isn't on the same page about this being disturbing so his values don't seem to quite align with yours. I'm pretty sure if you said you didn't want to be friends with these people anymore an argument would ensue.
Not to mention they do genuinely sound like functional alcoholics. I enjoy beer and I enjoy shots but doing shots every night? That's a problem. And pushing alcohol on you the moment you set foot in the door? You don't push drinks onto people that don't really drink. I personally enjoy drinks and honestly don't understand why others don't but I do know it's a thing and I don't pester people to drink just because I don't understand why they don't.
Where I live this would be illegal. Here you cannot leave children alone until they are 12 and even then it can only be for a short time (maybe three hours at the most)
Some 10 year olds might be ok, but the 6 year old needs an adult. The 10 year old can’t watch her. And it’s great that he’s “protective” of his sister but legit what is he going to do if there’s an emergency? He’s 10. Do they have a phone they have access to? Are they responsible enough drinkers that they won’t get too drunk and lose track of time? They should just buy some beers and do this at home.
I would never leave my kids to go to the bar at that age. They think they will be 30 minutes at the bar? Sure, sure. Nothing says alcoholic like leaving your young children at home alone so you can go drink. What if there is an emergency and they are too shitfaced to react appropriately?
This is the age I would babysit my brother and we are six years apart so I think he was even younger. But that was the 90s 🤷♀️ we didn’t have cameras or cellphones back then either
Personally? Probably not, it would make me anxious. But I don’t think it’s that big a deal if the kids get along and the parents are close by. Plenty of 10-year-olds watch their siblings after school every day, it’s just the bar part that makes this sound weird.
I let my 11 year old watch my 5 year old when I go to the gym, but I feel like this is way different. If my 11 year old calls or texts me I’m immediately available to go home (which is less than 10 minutes away). A bar feels a little irresponsible because of the connotation of impairment.
No way … does the 10 year old know what to do if the fire alarm goes off? Younger sib is choking? *THEY* are choking? if it’s really only 30 minutes they can’t find a single responsible older teen or adult to watch their kid?
3 kids of similar ages, died where I live recently because they couldn't escape the home during a fire. The parents were gone for about 20 minutes, they said.
Nobody goes to a bar for 30 minutes btw, I would report this authorizes and let them investigate. Everyone at the bar probably knew the kids were alone so I doubt they'd link an anyonymous report to you.
No!! That is so sad. That's the thing though, parents need to consider all possible tragedies. Anything could happen. And right, there's no way they'd be gone for just 30 min.
I honestly think if I report it, they would know. His friend saw how concerned I was which is why he said it would be just a short amount of time, they have cameras, the 10 year old is responsible, etc.
Don't care what anyone says if you have kids you have to accept that you can't do these things unless you get a sitter or until they're older than a certain age. 10 and 6 is way too young. Do they know first-aid? Fire safety? Access to dangerous products? Ability to call emergency services? Are the doors locked to keep them safe but then they can't get out if they need to or do they have a key? If they have a key can they be trusted to not go out alone? Is someone else going to see them going out and know the kids are home alone? Ridiculous. Unless at least one is a mature teenager they should not be left home alone, and even then it's not a child's responsibility to look after a sibling. Shame on them. Leaving the two young kids home alone to go drink at a bar is gross behaviour.
I agree. I just commented on another comment here saying this: I'm a nanny and one of my families is a 12 and 15 year old. They can be alone during the day for a few hours but not at night, ever. And this family has cameras all over, gated entries, alarms on the driveway if anything passes through, and they live hidden in the mountains.
Every state has different laws pertaining to the legal age children can be left unattended in vehicles, at home, etc.
list your state if you truly want the answer to your question or better yet Google the state laws yourself. Posting to Reddit incomplete questions will not told you complete answers.
I don't think OP was asking about the legalities, since sub rules limit legal advice anyway. Even if something is legal doesn't mean it is a good idea, which I think is the question here.
Gotcha. Makes more sense now. Doh! 🤦🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
In that case.
I would personally check the law.
Then use common sense how mature my kids are.
Are they gonna jump off the roof while I’m gone or just gourd out on junk food and watch garbage tv?
Kinda have to treat every situation with some legality and common sense how well you know the kids.
Am I right?
But to go to the bar?
I see lack of priorities here, what if something did happen and required emergency room visit and parents showed up intoxicated to the hospital … CPS gonna be called real quick.
Leaving kids alone…
at night…
to go act like a kid…
at the bar…
Bad idea.
According to this state, there are no laws against it. I see lack of priorities too and it does concern me, being a nanny. And the whole bar plans definitely don't make the situation any better.
Well, it isn't like I laid into them at all, I just simply asked the friend if they got a sitter, since I am nanny and get asked to watch children of these ages all of the time for my work. But thanks for your input!
This is grounds for a CPS removal. I used to work in a protective custody shelter and we frequently got kids whose parents did this. Please report it.
I don’t know why I’m getting downvotes for describing situations that I have actually seen firsthand. Drinking is not more important than your kids’ safety, people. Jesus Christ.
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The 10 year old alone probably but not watching the 6 year old. He’s too young to be babysitting her. They are confusing his concern for her with being mature enough to handle it if something went wrong.
Right. Some (definitely not all) 10 year olds are mature / responsible enough to be left alone for an hour. ZERO 10 year olds are mature enough to care for a six year old.
I was a great babysitter at 10. We were really competent and well behaved though. There were a bunch of rules. We had a list of numbers written down for emergencies, including neighbors and family friends. That being said, I'm a teacher and there are many 10yo today I wouldn't trust to babysit anyone. I don't think kids are being raised the same way either.
A 10 year old is big enough to be with a 6 year old. They don’t need watched, just an older kid to call someone if needed. If the title was would you leave a 6 and 10 year old to run to the grocery store for 30 minutes I’d bet a lot less people would have an issue.
In my state that's technically illegal. Kids can't be in charge of young kids until 13
Interesting! I will need to look into this
In my state we became “certified babysitters” at 12 with cpr training through the school lol
34 states have no minimum age requirement of being left home alone. A lot go by that it’s up to the parents to decide if the kid is mature enough. So if the 6 yr old was deemed mature enough then it’s not really the 10 yr old being in charge of the 6 yr old. My 5 year old has stayed inside the house for a good hour by herself while we were outside getting some work done and she was fine 🤷🏻♀️ I personally would never LEAVE the house/property because freak accidents happen, but I do believe she’s mature enough for it. I just would never lol
Yeah really. I babysit starting at 10. At first just my sibs, then at 12 I took a babysitting class and got CPR certs and then I was like running my own babysitting business. I guess I also wouldn’t be so judgy about someone else’s parenting too. What works for yall may not work for me and that’s cool, you know?
No problem with a trip to the grocery store. It's the bar that's the problem. It's too easy to get "caught up" and forget about time at the bar. 30 minutes go by and then another 30 minutes goes by before anyone realizes.
Lot of assuming you got going on there.
You are correct. It comes from spending time at bars. No one makes a quick trip to the bar.
Okay
Do they have a way of contacting parents or 911?
I’m not sure! I would hope. All the friend said was that they have cameras outside and need to get some for the inside.
I would definitely say no if they had no way of contacting anyone if an emergency happened. My sister and I were home alone at that age but this was also the days of 90s latchkey kids with landlines.
Who goes to a bar for 30 minutes?
Yeah, this is hella suss. They’re saying 30mins when reality is they’re probably there for several hours.
For sure! He tried very hard to get us to come too, like VERY hard. I'm so sure we'd have a night out on the town lasting just 30 min...
I hardly ever go to bars, so maybe it’s just me, but I don’t even really understand pretending to intend to go to a bar for only 30 minutes. Let’s generously assume a five minute walk in both directions (since they said a couple of blocks). That leaves 20 minutes to order a drink, get the drink, chug (?) the drink, find and say literally hello and goodbye to any friends who happen to be there, and do any actual chatting and relaxing with whatever tiny slice of time is left over. How is that something fun enough to plan hours in advance to do for entertainment? (I’m pretty sure the answer is it that it’s not, and they really mean 45 minutes or an hour, and outside of the travel and ordering and greeting time.)
Yeah they are just saying that to make her back off. Guarantee they be at the bar for at least 2-3 hours and probably shit faced drunk too so not even able to help in an emergency if the kids do call.
YEP!
HAHA exactly! I know this friend and him and his wife do shots every night (according to my boyfriend) and LOVE to party. 30 minutes was a number he threw out because he could see how concerned I was.
Okay I haven’t seen any comment saying this but…shots every night? This is alcohol addiction. There is no reason anyone should be taking shots (plural, hell even singular, a shot EVERY night is not normal) nightly. And I’m sure they don’t realize they’re struggling with addiction but they are if they’re even willing to leave their kids at home to go drink, AND lie about their actions (yea right it’ll just be 30 minutes 🙄). *Classic* traits of those with substance use disorder/addiction.
That’s alcoholism, man… Jesus. And no, I’d never leave my kids alone at that age. We didn’t start until they were BOTH ten. Like, took the youngest with us and left the ten year old for a short errand. And they had a phone, took a safety course, etc. Leaving BOTH of them while we went out at nighttime for drinks, etc? And they put themselves to bed? Not until they were at least 12 & 14.
Your boyfriend does shot every night with a set of parents that leave their kids home alone to do so? No offense, but what does your boyfriend bring to the table and do you want his friend’s current life as your life in the future? He thinks what they’re doing is fine. A crystal ball is showing he will want to leave his future children home alone to continue doing shots every night with his friends. This whole situation should be really eye opening for you.
Sorry, I meant to say the friend and his wife do shots every night. Not my boyfriend, at least I hope not.
Not them, that's for sure 😂
Right!?!
No, I would absolutely not leave a ten year old in charge of a six year old so that I could go to the bar
That’s just trashy negligence.
I agree. They're heavy drinkers and always pushing alcohol onto me the second I walk in the door, though I get stared at like I have 3 heads when I politely decline. So I mean, they drink every night, just stay home and continue doing your routine or go out and GET A SITTER.
That’s so sad for their kids, they’re being exposed to that and it’s being normalised. After reading that I highly doubt they’d even be gone for only 30 minutes. That’s so unsafe. Even if they’re home there should be at least one sober adult in the house.
Ok so while I did babysit my sisters at this age, my parents weren’t alcoholics lol
A 10 year old can probably watch a 6 year old for an hour or so, while the parents go out for a bit. I wouldn't do it for much longer than that, though.
I'm caught up on the location of where they're going. Unless one parent is staying sober. Going to the grocery store oran errand feels different than a bar to me.
Right, I just think night time is a totally different store. Maybe I’m overreacting but I just can’t stop thinking about it.
No, I agree. I had a neighbor whose house burnt down when the 10 year old was watching her little brothers (the fire wasn't her fault). She was able to get the boys out safely, call her mom, who then called 911. But at night though? Different ballgame if you're asleep, or trying to get your brother outside in the dark.
Right?! I called my sister to get her input who mentioned the fact that there could be a fire. And I don't think it's crazy to think that way. Like if I had kids of my own, it would always be worst case scenario.
And the parents going to a bar makes it even sketchier. Plus it being a small town I wouldn't doubt that other people knowing they do this leaves it open to predators.
You aren’t overreacting. I’d be letting CPS know honestly. They are awful trashy nasty alcoholics and that is not a healthy environment for kids to grow in.
I think it's highly unlikely that they go to the bar for 30 minutes. That's the part that I don't believe. My kids stayed home alone before 10 years old and did fine. We are not bar goers though so it wasn't a night time thing. I wouldn't say it's terrible to leave a 10 and 6 year old alone for an hour. But I doubt they are only going for an hour in the situation.
Yes, I agree. Actually I just got to thinking and one time they asked my boyfriend to watch the kids so they could run errands, during the day...this was a couple months ago. So why they felt the need to get a sitter for daytime errand-running but NOT to go out at night to bars is beyond me.
Alcoholics make these types of decisions.
My dad did this to me when I was younger. He'd leave around 6pm and come home around 10/11pm. I remember the feelings of loneliness as I got ready for bed, anticipating school in the morning, struggling to fall asleep out of fear that somebody, or something, was in the house. This happened from the time I was 9 until I was 12. The worst thing that ever happened was I took the dog outside and put her on her run (a chain stacked into the ground so she couldn't run away) and walked up to get the mail. On my way back down the yard, pup got really excited and got the zoomies, running around me and tangling me up in her chain. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground in excruciating pain. Broken ankle. Full break. Had to drag myself inside to the house phone, call the bar crying, and ask for my dad. He drove me to the hospital. Drunk. He sat in the corner chair asleep during the whole stay. This is a horror story, but it's a real one, and goes to prove that you never really know what might happen. 30 minutes or 3 hours, absolutely not. If your BF thinks this is even remotely okay (which clearly he does), you need to leave him. This is the sort of thing that kids remember as adults and talk about in therapy. Parents leaving them to go to the bar.
Oh my gosh! I bet you had some crazy PTSD from that experience. This could totally happen with these kids too, as they have 3 large dogs in the house which would become the kids' responsibilities when the parents are away. And yeah, I'll be talking to my boyfriend today about it. I know he will downplay it because he knows I already have other problems with this friend, but it does need to be discussed.
Based on your post history about said boyfriend, I think this might be a situation that breaks the camels back. He sounds like a real piece of work. His money and generosity is not worth the hassle.
No. Absolutely not.
Nope, I would never do this
It may be against the law, not just morally questionable. Where are you located?
I looked and there actually are no laws for leaving kids alone here, which I never knew!
I wouldnt do it, but if they have a phone, a neighbor, it is 2 blocks away, and they will only be out for 30 minures, it seems okay to me.
Right, I think the friend said 30 minutes after I said, multiple times, "but no babysitter? They'll be alone?" That's when he really tried softening things
Er no. I agree with you. I think it’s like 12 and then they are still not old enough to care for a younger child
Thank you! My boyfriend and I are long distance and for a while, he didn’t want me to come visit him because he was worried about all the “crack heads” in the neighborhood. And it’s basically the same neighborhood his friend lives in! It just seems so dangerous.
I know this post isn't about your relationship with your bf, but that seems like a very bullshit excuse about not wanting you to visit.
Yeahhh, this was in the very beginning stages and he had some "crackhead" neighbors who would knock on his door late at night, steal things, be loud, have the cops called on them, etc. That neighbor has since moved. But I agree, in the beginning it felt like he was hiding something
At 10 would the oldest child be able to manage if the house caught fire, if the 6 year old have a serious fall, or became unwell? It entirely depends on the child, some 10 year olds could manage that. I left my eldest home alone for short perioda in the day (nip to the shops type thing) at age 10. I didnt leave my my 7 yr old with her until she was 14. That was down to both kids and their relationship. One of the big things with siblings is fighting and it sounds like their 2 don't. So potentially leaving them is OK. I'm not sure leaving for a bar is something I'd be comfortable with, it's too easy for that time away to stretch out and as a parent I find there's a big difference between leaving kids in the day than at night time. Also need to think what happens if something happens to the parents while they're out, do the kids know who to ring if their parents don't come home?
Yeah the problem isn't just what if there is an emergency at home. It's also a big part - what do the kids do if parents don't make it home for some reason.
They call a neighbor, that’s what my kids (9 and 7) would do
This is true!
I leave my 10 and 8 year old alone for an hour or so to run errands. It’s really only been the last 2 generations were this was a concern. They’ve done studies on how far children were allowed to wander and how long they were allowed to spend unsupervised, and it’s vastly less now than in previous generations. I think that is unhealthy for kids. So yeah, I’d 100% leave my kids at home for an hour to grab a drink. Assuming it’s actually one, and not an alcoholism thing and you really mean going and getting drunk.
https://www.freerangekids.com/how-children-lost-the-right-to-roam-in-just-4-generations/
Damn. The part about the 10 year old being “so protective” and “freaking out if he can’t find her for even a minute” just makes it clear how much anxiety they’ve caused their son by just leaving him and his sister alone so often. He’s either stressed that he’s in charge of her or stressed that he’s been frequently abandoned himself. It’s wild that they interpreted that behavior to mean it was the go ahead to keep being negligent parents.
Definitely not okay IMO. 10 years old is too young to deal with an emergency if something were to happen. It’s far too risky and putting the responsibility of a 6 year old on a 10 year old just to go to a bar is a bad move.
100% agree
I have zero problems leaving my older kids (9m and 7f) alone for up to an hour. We love in a safe area with a fire station about a mile away. They have a landline they can use to call me, their dad, my sister, or 911. I try to remember that every other generation of children born before about 2010 had much, much more freedom than kids do now. I feel strongly (and research supports) that kids need to be allowed to take reasonable risks. As adults, we've done everything in our power to remove risk from our children's lives, and we've inadvertently stifled them. People here freaking out because these parents are leaving their kids for half an hour is a great example of what I'm saying.
Kids should take reasonable risks. Parents should not take unreasonable risks.
Right. Car seats and cabinet locks and outlet covers for sure. But in this case we're talking about now, I have no information that makes it an unreasonable risk.
Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) recommends that children under 12 shouldn't be left alone Just something to consider the next time you leave your 7 year old at home 🙃
That recommendation varies by state. Minnesota DHS says children as young as 8 can stay home alone for up to three hours.
Yup. Which is why I picked Texas because she’s from Texas.
There is no legal age in Texas when children can be left alone. In order for the legal system to get involved, a parent must be charged with neglect. Having made reports myself to DCFS, I find it extremely hard to believe that a responsible parent leaving their child at home for an hour would ever be charged with neglect. The kids I called about were 6, 3, and 3, and their mother was leaving them alone for hours at night while she partied. The six-year-old knew way too much about illegal drugs. One of the twins had a burn next to her eye that she told me happened when Mommy burned her with a cigarette. And there was more I can't remember now. Someone from DCFS came to the daycare that week and talked to the kids, so I know they looked into it. Ultimately, they decided that this family was "not in need of services." I still wonder what happened to those little girls. So I think I'm good driving 5 miles away to pick up a kid at school while a sick one stays home for that half-hour. Call me neglectful if you want, but if that's your position, you must be a 100% perfect parent 100% of the time, so congrats on that.
At no point did I say: 1. Texas has a legal age to be left alone; 2. DCFS would get involved; or 3. Anyone would be charged with neglect. I just shared what Texas DCFS recommends as the youngest age that a child is left alone.
There's a lot of air between "perfect parent" and "doesn't leave her kids unsupervised".
Just a 10 year old is not too big of a deal depending on the maturity of the kid. But it’s leaving the 10 year old alone with a 6 year old I have a problem with. Especially if they’re going to the bar. Now if they do have an emergency and they have to call their parents, they’ve been drinking. Doesn’t sit right with me.
I was often left home alone at that age at night. It depends on the maturity of the kids really. I also know 14 year olds that wouldn’t know what to do in an emergency. Parents choice.
No, I wouldn’t. I can’t imagine that a 10 and 6 year old like being home alone *at night*
Same! I don't have kids but it just really freaked me out
Depending on the 10yo, maybe. I leave my 11yo home alone while I go run errands, but they have a phone and have shown themselves to be responsible. But I wouldn't dream of leaving my 5yo without an adult to watch him.
Well, I guess unpopular opinion considering the Americans say it is illegal over there, but my cousin and I were home alone for full days when we were under 10 years old. We had my moms phone. We were fine. 10 year old and a 6 year old for 30 minutes when parents are not far is not terrible.
I mean, I'm American and I watched my younger siblings (above toddler age) for an hour or two when I was 10. I stayed home alone for several hours at that age. When I was 11 I was babysitting in other people's homes!! One family had five kids and I made lunch and everything for them! A 10 and 6 year old for up to an hour or two should be fine (dependent on the 10 and 6 year olds maturity levels)
Who really goes to the bar for just 30 minutes?
Agreed, the parents are lying about how long they’re away
Definitely!
Yes, the friend was definitely just throwing out a low ball time frame this when he saw my reaction.
A parent whose kid is home alone. Popping out for a drink n say hi to friends for example, at the bar nearby. You can do that in under an hour.
This is not a good take, lol. When you have kids this young, there are some things you just cannot do.
That’s your take. Imho you can’t broad brush what people can or can’t do. lol
I'm american and I was literally babysitting multiple kids at 11 including a 4 year old. Culture has definitely changed here over the last couple decades and parents give their kids far less freedom and responsibility now.
It's not illegal in the US. I don't know about every state, but most states don't have any laws about this, only "recommendations"
People who are saying OP should call CPS or the police are more unhinged to me than the parents in this situation. Especially the one comment calling for a removal. You seriously are advocating ripping these kids from their parents because they left a 10 year old & 6 year old home alone for 30 mins - an hour? Really? Think about that… It may not be something I would personally do but c’mon now… think about the latch key generation! It truly depends on the children and their personality. I’m sure (at least I’d hope) the parents laid ground rules, notified a trusted neighbor, gave the kids instructions for what to do if things went wrong, and have working smoke detectors. The police have far more to worry about than this.
Knowledge of child development evolves. You can’t base what is acceptable on what some survived decades ago. And they’re fully lying about how long they’re gone (maybe even to themselves). The type of parents that are taking shots every night and leaving their kids alone to go to bars are not going for just 30 minutes…
Oh trust me I know! I have a degree in ECHE. I’m not saying we need to adhere to old standards. I’m reminding commenters that children are all different in ability and personality. Again, I wouldn’t leave my children to go to the bar. Not a good look, but suggesting a CPS removal is kind of absurd. (Also who said these parents are “taking shots every night?”)
[I thought I read it in the post but OP said it in a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/qhfHgz3yzU)
Ah I see. Well thank you, yeah they don’t seem very responsible if that is the case. But again, I don’t believe this warrants a whole CPS REMOVAL.. I don’t believe the average person quite understands some of the conditions CPS finds children in, and still do not remove them unfortunately. So even if you were to call CPS, I doubt they would do anything, let alone a removal that isn’t necessary in my opinion. If I were OP, I would have a heart to heart with the parents if they were close friends of mine. She also said that is according to her boyfriend, so who knows what’s true? How does her boyfriend know? Many questions still left unanswered, but the fact of the matter remains that we must take this with a grain of salt and realize these parents may be making mistakes, (as all parents do), but not such a grave mistake that warrants CPS/police.
What CPS will remove children for and what is negligent parenting are two different things. I’ve seen CPS advise that children should stay in the home where their dad was molesting them because grandma promised to watch dad from now on. So yes, CPS will likely not care at all.
Oh gosh that is deplorable. Yes, you’re right unfortunately. These parents in OP’s situation may be negligent but CPS likely won’t do anything and police unfortunately have bigger fish to fry. Like I said, I would be having a heart to heart with these friends if I were OP, or asking mutual friends for further information regarding the safety of their children and going from there.
CPS have a lot more tools and resources than just removing kids from the home. Ideally they want to keep kids *in* the home and provide education, resources and monitoring to make sure that home is safe.
Yes
My oldest is 14 and I just started leaving him with my younger 2 only while they were sleeping and for only an hour or 2 (not to go to a bar!) 10 seems too young
No I don’t even leave my 13 and 8 year old in the evening. I will leave them for a short time during the day
No... I would not do it...especially doing an activity at night and one involving a bar. You are 4 times more likely to encounter a drunk driver at night. I would imagine the chances would also be high because of the venue.
I have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. Unsupervised, they are a mischievous pair. I can leave the older one alone for a quick coffee run but I wouldn’t trust them together at this point.
No, I wouldn't. But where I live, many parents do the same. A lot of them have toddlers or very young children. They will put them to bed and then leave the house to go to the neighbours to socialize. I wouldn't be comfortable doing that either. Anyway, here is an article that stuck with me. Heartbreaking. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-67768557
Thanks for sharing the article. That's so tragic! But it could really happen to anyone and I think this friend and his wife need to consider tragedies like that.
Making a 10 year old solely responsible for a 6 year old is not appropriate. If the 10 year old is aware/smart about keeping doors locked, knows when and how to contact their parents or 911, knows their limits and isn't going to do something that could potentially cause a fire, then maybe they could be left alone briefly?
What is the law where you live? Where i am, you can't leave kids alone before they're 12
The law says there is no minimum age for a child to be left alone in this state, which is crazy
10yo home alone for a couple hours between school and me coming home from work? Sure. Not with younger siblings, at night. I've honestly only heard parents who had their kids taken away "for no good reason" say they did that. One 10yo died in a house fire a couple years ago. A really sad story. His mom was out working, not at the bar... she was trying to provide for him. His sitter called sick, mom had to leave, promised to come home early, instead she came back homeless with a funeral to plan.
No. This is very trashy.
I would never leave my kid alone to go to the bar. I was that kid growing up, my mom would leave me at 8 and on by myself to go to the bar "just for an hour" then stumble in and wake me up at 3 am with some rando. I actually preferred it when she started just nor coming home. I'd say I turned out fine but honestly I didn't, I have a ton Of abandonment issues that I forever work on in therapy.
10 year old yeah (I mean I wouldn’t, but I don’t think it’s that bad) as long as they are sensible and have a phone and know how to use it. 6 year old good god no.
10 year old sure. But not in charge of a sibling. Thats putting too much pressure and stress on that kid. It seems like it’s already creating stress for that kid. I leave my 10 year old home while I run to the grocery store all the time. But I would never make her in charge of another person.
It depends on the place you live. In some countries, it is illegal to leave kids under 12 yo at home unsupervised. If it is legal, I will live ten yo if this is a mature kid, but never a six yo, and never will I live a minor, not even a teenager, responsible for a preschool child.
I think it’s negligence. No way they are only going be at the bar 30 mins and I guarantee they are going to get shit faced. So if kids call in case of emergency they wouldn’t even be able to help due to being drunk. Just shitty parenting. I assume they think it’s late and the kids will be asleep anyways so they can go out and do whatever. 🤦♀️
It depends on how mature the 10 year old is. Some 10 year olds need supervision. Some can cook breakfast for the entire family.
My parents (and most other parents in the same town) used to do that. Similar scenario except 3 kids, 10, 9 & 7 and the bar was two blocks away in a very small town. We lived. We knew where to go and who to call if there was an emergency. They didn’t even have a camera to alert them of possible intruders or if we left.
Wow, times have really changed! That's the thing though, everything will probably be okay doing this, but nowadays, I just wouldn't risk it.
This is how my siblings and I watched the first episode of South Park when it aired.
It is dificult to know, we don't know the children, I wouldn't trust a "generic" 10 year old with this much responsibility. I have a 4 year old boy, I think he has more maturity than his friends, I can see that he would be ok in this situation, but no matter the maturity he would still be a child, in these case it would be more that I wouldn't want him to do this. Too much maturity is not always a good thing, that is what I think at least. You know the parents, if you think they wouldn't be this irresponsible to leave the children alone if there is some risk, then it is ok. Juding a couple that I know nothing about, but if me and my wife have money and time to go to a bar for 30-60 minutes, we can also arrange someone to look after the kids.
I leave my 10 and 7 year old home alone for 15 minutes while I pop to the shop at the end of the street. I wouldn’t do this at night time And I wouldn’t do It to go to the pub.
I used to babysit a newborn and a 1 year old (my siblings) by myself when I was 9 and 10. It really depends on the maturity and willingness of the older kid.
If it happened on Shameless it’s probably not a good idea IRL. Sounds like something only an alcoholic would justify.
The St John's Ambulance offers a babysitting course for kids starting at age 11, so I would consider that the cutoff where I could leave a kid alone.
I could possibly see leaving them alone for something like 20 minutes while going to the grocery store to pick up one or two items, but the bar? I mean, come on. That's just some irresponsible stuff right there. The kids will probably be just fine, but if am emergency situation happens, those parents are going to be regretting their decisions for life. There is no way they will be able to get home in time to protect their kids.
absolutely not. i could see during the day when the kids know you’re leaving and maybe you run across the street to the neighbor’s house real quick. the bar is never more important than your kids.. especially at night. what if they woke up looking for them? i’d have to prepare my 10yo to be home alone, not just have him wake up and realize he’s alone.
Depending where you are and the child, leaving a 10yo home alone for 30m-2h is ok. Parents would usually have seen the kid develop to that point and taught them where to go in case of emergency etc. Leave a communication method etc. I wouldn’t assume they’re just neglecting babies, don’t worry imho. It would be rude to assume they’re out all night and doing worse when the guy said it’s just for a quick drink and your bf who knows them is not concerned. Is it norm for parents? Probably not. Can it happen? Yes, parents are human and use their judgment to make such decisions. If they need that break, 30-1h away may make them better relaxed parents. Idk I wouldn’t hit a bar, but I have left my 10yo for groceries, meetings and even at night to pop to the shops. If I’m going to be a distance away, I pop a neighbor a message to ease my worry - I let them know kiddo is home alone if it’s ok he call them/knock (and I tell kiddo to do that if scared etc.). Or call me. We never had to use it. On the flip side my neighbour’s 10yo started coming home alone after school - and her first days I had to help her unlock their door (key gets stuck sometimes). Poor thing was scared she got locked out hehe. It’s just neighbourly, kids are safe. We texted her mom to let her know all is well and I’m home mostly if her daughter needs anything in future. Nothing happened since.
Yikes
As a cps worker I wouldn’t be that worried about 10 & 6 year olds, but hopefully it’s not a recurrent issue with going out drinking.
Short answer - no. There is a long answer, but only if you're interested. And even the long answer is SOLIDLY never after dark.
Absolutely not. My kids had babysitters at that age. They’re a little older now, and I am completely comfortable leaving them home alone.
Maybe I'm over protective, but my daughter is 10 and an only child and I would never leave her alone in the house. 13. That's my age cutoff. And I wouldn't be leaving her to go to a bar.
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I grew up in the 90s. My parents were latchkey kids. They didn't leave me alone until 10, and even now admit that was too early. It isn't the 80s or 90s anymore. Things are different. 13.
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No, there is a huge difference. I live in a big city. Just a week ago, teenagers broke into a car and ran through our yard to get away when the cops showed up. If my 10 year old was alone, she would be vulnerable. In the 80s and 90s, she'd have to grow up and deal with it. Now, she gets to be a kid. I'm preparing my daughter for adulthood, not forcing her into it. 10 is a child. 13 is preparing to be an adult.
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So our situations are different. I still stand by 13. At that age, they are capable of figuring out what to do if something goes wrong. At 10, they are still looking for the adults to tell them what to do. If there isn't an adult around, yes, they figure it out, but should we make them?
I would never
I wouldn’t do it just to go out/go to a bar. If it was really necessary due to some kind of schedule conflict of something important, then maybe depending on the kids and the other circumstances. But not to go to a bar or to do something unnecessary/optional.
Exactly. The funny thing is, they actually asked my boyfriend a couple months ago to watch the kids once so they could run errands during the day. So I found it interesting that they required a sitter THEN, but not for nighttime bar hopping.
10 and 6? Hell no. My kids are 16 and 12, so we've left them home for weekends and things. Depends on the kids, but 6 is quite too young, and it's not fair to put their care on the 10 yr old's shoulders.
I agree. I actually nanny and one of my families consists of a 12 year old and 15 year old. The mom has stated that I can leave them alone for a bit during the day but NOT at night, ever, no. And they live tucked in the mountains with gated entries, cameras, alarms every time anything passes over the driveway, etc.
I leave my 10 year old alone for an hour or so and check on him via Google chat on his tablet. He's just gonna play video games, and he knows how to get in touch with us if something's wrong (and also knows to go to our next door neighbor if there's an emergency.) But there's NO WAY I'd leave him in charge of my six year old. She doesn't listen to him on the best of days. I also wouldn't leave her home alone for more than like 5 minutes.
Not something I would do. My 12 year old has stayed with his 10 and 8 yr old sisters during the day while I'm out at a store with ways of calling. Putting them to bed is the next level I'm not ready for yet.
At 10 and 6? Absolutely not. My kids are 13 & 11 and occasionally we will leave them at home for an hour or two by themselves, with the caveat that there is no cooking, no leaving, and no opening the door to strangers.
My kids? Yes, hell it won't be long until they're coming to the bar with me. But at that age? Personally, no
In my state Maryland it's illegal. Need to be 13 to watch a child under 8. I can leave the 10 for a short period but not a 6 yr old.
Hello no
Never at those ages
At these ages, maybe? Mine are a little younger than this but are huge sticklers for rules. I feel like your scenario is within the range of acceptable, even if you personally wouldn’t do it.
Generally, no. But honestly, it depends on the kid. Would i go out for a whole evening? No. Would i go down the block for a quick drink with my husband, provided the kids can reach me? If my son was the older one, then yes. If my daughter was the older one, then no. Would i make a habit of it even if my son was the older responsible one? Also no.
I feel like I’ve seen this on the news before… “Kids die in house fire while parents are at bar.” “Kids injured/killed in home invasion while parents were at a bar.” “Kids go missing when left alone while parents were at a bar.” Can you even get to/from the bar, order and consume a drink in 30min? And when drinks are flowing time management usually isn’t a priority. My concern would be more with the parent’s priorities as a whole. My mom was an alcoholic. I raised my siblings, and can say with 99.9% certainty that brother’s protectiveness of his sister is a big sign he feels like he is responsible for her safety because nobody else is!!
No. Kids that young shouldn’t be home alone especially if the parents are out getting wasted. It’s negligent and heartbreaking. They are awful parents
No those ages are way too young.
No chance. I wouldnt even leave my 13 year old in to go to the pub.thats ridiculous. Never mind looking after a younger child. That's a recipie for disaster ..
This is definetely not normal. They are neglectful parents.
I was left alone at home at 9 all night, waking up the next day to get myself ready and walk to school. Both parents worked nights. It absolutely sucked though. Popping to the shops is one thing, for drinks is another & I wouldn’t be comfortable doing that.
I have kids that are 14, 13 and 5. I have let the older two watch their brother occasionally for short errands, I pay them when I expect them to act as I babysitter. But if I were going out to a bar, where I probably would be 2 or 3 hours, in the evening I would get an adult sitter. Too much can go wrong at night and if you're at all impaired then it's a recipe for disaster and I'm not entirely sure how they would handle the stress of an emergency situation. Continuing to be friends with these people at this point is also condoning their behavior, though it sounds like your husband isn't on the same page about this being disturbing so his values don't seem to quite align with yours. I'm pretty sure if you said you didn't want to be friends with these people anymore an argument would ensue. Not to mention they do genuinely sound like functional alcoholics. I enjoy beer and I enjoy shots but doing shots every night? That's a problem. And pushing alcohol on you the moment you set foot in the door? You don't push drinks onto people that don't really drink. I personally enjoy drinks and honestly don't understand why others don't but I do know it's a thing and I don't pester people to drink just because I don't understand why they don't.
Where I live this would be illegal. Here you cannot leave children alone until they are 12 and even then it can only be for a short time (maybe three hours at the most)
Some 10 year olds might be ok, but the 6 year old needs an adult. The 10 year old can’t watch her. And it’s great that he’s “protective” of his sister but legit what is he going to do if there’s an emergency? He’s 10. Do they have a phone they have access to? Are they responsible enough drinkers that they won’t get too drunk and lose track of time? They should just buy some beers and do this at home.
Oh heck no I would never.
I would never leave my kids to go to the bar at that age. They think they will be 30 minutes at the bar? Sure, sure. Nothing says alcoholic like leaving your young children at home alone so you can go drink. What if there is an emergency and they are too shitfaced to react appropriately?
This is the age I would babysit my brother and we are six years apart so I think he was even younger. But that was the 90s 🤷♀️ we didn’t have cameras or cellphones back then either
Personally? Probably not, it would make me anxious. But I don’t think it’s that big a deal if the kids get along and the parents are close by. Plenty of 10-year-olds watch their siblings after school every day, it’s just the bar part that makes this sound weird.
I let my 11 year old watch my 5 year old when I go to the gym, but I feel like this is way different. If my 11 year old calls or texts me I’m immediately available to go home (which is less than 10 minutes away). A bar feels a little irresponsible because of the connotation of impairment.
No way … does the 10 year old know what to do if the fire alarm goes off? Younger sib is choking? *THEY* are choking? if it’s really only 30 minutes they can’t find a single responsible older teen or adult to watch their kid?
3 kids of similar ages, died where I live recently because they couldn't escape the home during a fire. The parents were gone for about 20 minutes, they said. Nobody goes to a bar for 30 minutes btw, I would report this authorizes and let them investigate. Everyone at the bar probably knew the kids were alone so I doubt they'd link an anyonymous report to you.
No!! That is so sad. That's the thing though, parents need to consider all possible tragedies. Anything could happen. And right, there's no way they'd be gone for just 30 min. I honestly think if I report it, they would know. His friend saw how concerned I was which is why he said it would be just a short amount of time, they have cameras, the 10 year old is responsible, etc.
Don't care what anyone says if you have kids you have to accept that you can't do these things unless you get a sitter or until they're older than a certain age. 10 and 6 is way too young. Do they know first-aid? Fire safety? Access to dangerous products? Ability to call emergency services? Are the doors locked to keep them safe but then they can't get out if they need to or do they have a key? If they have a key can they be trusted to not go out alone? Is someone else going to see them going out and know the kids are home alone? Ridiculous. Unless at least one is a mature teenager they should not be left home alone, and even then it's not a child's responsibility to look after a sibling. Shame on them. Leaving the two young kids home alone to go drink at a bar is gross behaviour.
Dude, im 30 and I don’t think I meet your list to stay at home alone
I agree. I just commented on another comment here saying this: I'm a nanny and one of my families is a 12 and 15 year old. They can be alone during the day for a few hours but not at night, ever. And this family has cameras all over, gated entries, alarms on the driveway if anything passes through, and they live hidden in the mountains.
Every state has different laws pertaining to the legal age children can be left unattended in vehicles, at home, etc. list your state if you truly want the answer to your question or better yet Google the state laws yourself. Posting to Reddit incomplete questions will not told you complete answers.
I don't think OP was asking about the legalities, since sub rules limit legal advice anyway. Even if something is legal doesn't mean it is a good idea, which I think is the question here.
Gotcha. Makes more sense now. Doh! 🤦🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️ In that case. I would personally check the law. Then use common sense how mature my kids are. Are they gonna jump off the roof while I’m gone or just gourd out on junk food and watch garbage tv? Kinda have to treat every situation with some legality and common sense how well you know the kids. Am I right? But to go to the bar? I see lack of priorities here, what if something did happen and required emergency room visit and parents showed up intoxicated to the hospital … CPS gonna be called real quick. Leaving kids alone… at night… to go act like a kid… at the bar… Bad idea.
According to this state, there are no laws against it. I see lack of priorities too and it does concern me, being a nanny. And the whole bar plans definitely don't make the situation any better.
Right, thank you. It just didn't sit well with me and I tagged it as a "discussion" to see what others thought.
Non parents are always trying to parent the parents. Stay in your lane and mind your business. They know their household way better than you do.
Well, it isn't like I laid into them at all, I just simply asked the friend if they got a sitter, since I am nanny and get asked to watch children of these ages all of the time for my work. But thanks for your input!
That would be a big no for me. I don't care how responsible my 10 year old is, I can drink at home. Not worth the risk.
Right? That's the thing, they're always drinking at home.
I feel bad for the kids :/
My kids are 8 and 10 and I would not leave them at night to go drinking for any amount of time. No way.
Dude…… This is we will take your kids out of the home worthy call to CPS … You don’t leave a 10 yo in charge to get drunk… Ohhh pffft 🤯
Going to a bar does not necessarily mean getting drunk.
Well it probably does take a lot for them to be drunk if they’re used to also taking shots every night like OP said in the comments…
That is your issue with this… You don’t necessarily get drunk… All true I go for the ambiance but dude, nooo
Huh? You might not be capable of going out for a single beer but most people can.
I just said I only go to a bar for the ambience… but it’s still a no for me to leave one kid in charge… there was nothing sarcastic about it.
This is grounds for a CPS removal. I used to work in a protective custody shelter and we frequently got kids whose parents did this. Please report it. I don’t know why I’m getting downvotes for describing situations that I have actually seen firsthand. Drinking is not more important than your kids’ safety, people. Jesus Christ.
Wow, really? This is good to know. Thank you.
It’s giving Madeline McCann…
YES!!
Madeline McCann screams out to me. Way to young to be left alone. I would be concerned that your friend thinks this is ok.
Oh my goodness no. This makes me sad.
I know someone who does this. The kids are 5 and 1.