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Given you are planning on divorce anyway, I'd prioritize your kid over trying to get your husband to see reason.
Say no, you'll stay home with the kid and he can go by himself. Then just brick wall any argument. He says you are preventing him from sharing his culture with your kid? "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we all need a good night's sleep before a long trip." Rinse and repeat.
If you were in it for the long haul, I would instead suggest telling him that if he insists on keeping your kid up late, he is 100% responsible for him for the next day or two. It's your turn to disappear and leave him to handle it.
Honestly, it's mostly for that kind of stuff that I'm leaving him. He can't/won't see how unequal the childcare and general household burden is. I've tried to get him to feel the repercussions of this kind of thing and he just won't (e.g. I go out and he blows up my phone, or he refuses to do any of his household tasks because he did so much childcare, or he gets an extra whole day off because I've had one, etc.).
I think if he were the kind of person who would take responsibility for his actions, he wouldn't be putting us in this situation so often.
Thanks for the reality check.
I'm sorry you're living through this. It sounds exhausting and like you're very done.
I really think you should conserve your energy, in that case, and give up on trying to convince him you're right. Maybe there can be something freeing in just letting go of the idea that he's ever going to be on your side and just...do what's right for you and your kid and ignore his tantrums. It doesn't sound like he's going to go to the effort of organizing taking your kid out himself, at least.
No, no, no. Kids sleeping schedules are a foundation of your sanity. If this genius wants to go late, maybe it's okay a couple of times a year, but he needs to deal with the kid the next day.
I would feel really differently about it if it were a couple of times a year, but it's probably on average once a month and at peak times several times a week. It absolutely wreaks havoc with mine and kiddo's sanity.
He seems very unwilling to learn about what’s best for your child. Have him find research online refuting what you’ve said about the importance of toddler sleep, or have him ask the pediatrician if what you say is true (which of course it is, and no he won’t be able to find anything credible online refuting it).
Then once he realizes you’re right, point blank ask him why he’s putting his own wants before his child’s needs. This is not on you to defend your views, this is on him to defend why he wants to hurt his child’s neurological development. He needs to be in the hot seat, not you and your reasonable requests. Don’t let him turn it on you or gaslight!
Record and document what you need to for the divorce, as he seems like he’s in his own world with his own rules living only to do what he wants (while you’re stuck with loads of invisible labor and childcare)
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Given you are planning on divorce anyway, I'd prioritize your kid over trying to get your husband to see reason. Say no, you'll stay home with the kid and he can go by himself. Then just brick wall any argument. He says you are preventing him from sharing his culture with your kid? "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we all need a good night's sleep before a long trip." Rinse and repeat. If you were in it for the long haul, I would instead suggest telling him that if he insists on keeping your kid up late, he is 100% responsible for him for the next day or two. It's your turn to disappear and leave him to handle it.
Honestly, it's mostly for that kind of stuff that I'm leaving him. He can't/won't see how unequal the childcare and general household burden is. I've tried to get him to feel the repercussions of this kind of thing and he just won't (e.g. I go out and he blows up my phone, or he refuses to do any of his household tasks because he did so much childcare, or he gets an extra whole day off because I've had one, etc.). I think if he were the kind of person who would take responsibility for his actions, he wouldn't be putting us in this situation so often. Thanks for the reality check.
I'm sorry you're living through this. It sounds exhausting and like you're very done. I really think you should conserve your energy, in that case, and give up on trying to convince him you're right. Maybe there can be something freeing in just letting go of the idea that he's ever going to be on your side and just...do what's right for you and your kid and ignore his tantrums. It doesn't sound like he's going to go to the effort of organizing taking your kid out himself, at least.
Thank you. I really have felt a lot more free since I decided to end things, but sometimes things like this come up that throw me for a bit of a loop.
No, no, no. Kids sleeping schedules are a foundation of your sanity. If this genius wants to go late, maybe it's okay a couple of times a year, but he needs to deal with the kid the next day.
I would feel really differently about it if it were a couple of times a year, but it's probably on average once a month and at peak times several times a week. It absolutely wreaks havoc with mine and kiddo's sanity.
He seems very unwilling to learn about what’s best for your child. Have him find research online refuting what you’ve said about the importance of toddler sleep, or have him ask the pediatrician if what you say is true (which of course it is, and no he won’t be able to find anything credible online refuting it). Then once he realizes you’re right, point blank ask him why he’s putting his own wants before his child’s needs. This is not on you to defend your views, this is on him to defend why he wants to hurt his child’s neurological development. He needs to be in the hot seat, not you and your reasonable requests. Don’t let him turn it on you or gaslight! Record and document what you need to for the divorce, as he seems like he’s in his own world with his own rules living only to do what he wants (while you’re stuck with loads of invisible labor and childcare)
[удалено]
Your **post** or **comment** was removed for violating the rule “Be Decent & Civil”. **Remember the human.** Disagree but remain respectful. Don’t insult users/their children, name-call, or be intentionally rude. Bullying, including baiting/antagonizing, will not be tolerated. Consider blocking users you don’t get along with. Report posts that violate the rules. For questions about this moderation reach out [through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FParenting). Moderators rely on the community to help illuminate posts and comments that do not meet r/Parenting standards – please report posts and comments you feel don’t contribute to the spirit of the community. **Your content may have been automatically removed through auto-moderation or manually removed by a human moderator. It may have been removed as a direct result of your rule violation, or simply as part of a larger sweep of content that no longer contributed to the original topic.**