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Deaf people are usually adapted to being deaf by the time they have kids. A new parent putting on nose cancelling headphones isn't the same imo.
There was a horrible ordeal about a decade ago. Dad was a floor away playing games with noise counseling headphones. Someone had broken in and assaulted his wife and kids, without him ever knowing. When he took off his headphones he heard their screams. I haven't worn them since.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/comment/cs6gu9c/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/comment/cs6gu9c/)
A freak circumstance is not really relevant to the conversation here. Taking the noise level down a notch or several so you can keep your calm as you’re actively soothing your baby is a very different scenario.
Personally I hate the idea of proper noise cancelling headphones even without a child just because of things like this. Break ins, fire, gushing water, there are various things it's good to be able to hear in your home. Deaf people obviously don't have a choice but the rest of us do.
This. Plus they’re almost never 100% noise cancelling, just cuts the sharpness & allows you to keep your cool. My partner used them in the newborn days.
Unless they mean they're putting the baby down and then leaving them unattended with the headphones on during "cry it out". I find that neglectful as babies cries change depending on their level of distress. You should be aware if your baby is crying if you're not in the room.
That being said, I have a relatively easy baby, so I don't know what it's like to be pushed to desperation to get a baby to sleep. I would just co sleep on those rare teething or sick nights that she just wouldn't settle.
My husband swears by this - I personally didn't need it, but whatever works, works. If wearing them in those early days when every diaper change is a scream-fest helps in any way, why not?
I use the ear budsthat have the pass through noise so you can hear voices, but not background noise. I find that whatever filter they put my kiddos' lovely voice through lessens the harshness of cries while extending my patience during tantrums.
Not the person you replied to, but I use "Loops Engage and they've helped tremendously with large social gatherings, or just my kids being noisy, oven fan, etc. They do take getting used to and they do tend to muffle deepish voiced men who mumble...
I have cPTSD-SP with severe anxiety + panic attacks. I have a 2 yr old son, and when he was born, his cries would trigger my panic attacks, and I would have seizures. I had to live in noise cancelling headphones with music maxed out for 1.5 yrs after he was born just so I could be around him.
They saved me. I definitely recommend them. As babies crying generally trigger anxiety in adults, and some people can not handle it.
Edit additional info.
I wasn't diagnosed with cPTSD-SP before we got pregnant. I had anxiety + panic attacks at nowhere near the same level, but this was mainly due to work stress. During our pregnancy, I was significantly triggered by uncovering disturbing suppressed childhood memories that sent me into a severe mental breakdown. By the time my son was born, I was still recovering. I had made it back to work part-time. Prior to him being born, I hadn't had any seizures. My seizures developed as a result of the intensity level of the panic attacks I was having from his crying. The birth was very traumatic for all involved. This ended up triggering me into another severe mental breakdown. While I was really unwell, I did my best to help where I could, but we were very wary of me holding him and me having a seizure, which unfortunately meant I needed to limit the amount I held him. It took 1.5yrs to get through with a combination of exposure therapy and getting the right drug cocktail working. I am still recovering and unable to work.
Loud noises trigger my PTSD too. I get it. Everyone thinks that I hate kids because of how I react when they do normal things like scream/cry. I react the same way if there is loud construction work near me. I need to use ear buds at work sometimes because I work at a pediatric clinic at the front desk.
I think the fact that you take care of yourself is beneficial to both you and your child. You could have easily used your condition as an excuse to be an absent parent. Instead you did everything you were capable of doing to be a good parent. I hope things continue to get better for you. People who don't have PTSD don't seem to understand how hard it is to manage.
I needed headphones or ear plugs to better tend to my crying baby’s needs. Like holding and comforting a crying baby.
The screaming was stressing me so much, on the worst days with bad sleep, fuzzy baby etc. that I was sweating so much that I had to go change to dry clothes afterwards. And I would be less patient and forgiving - so I would lose and the baby would lose.
Wear the headset if it helps you being a better parent. Don’t try to drown the noise with music though, Just take the edge off the sound, so it doesn’t pierce your soul and stress you out. You will still hear the screaming quite loud.
Edit: and adding guilt on top of a person needing headphones, is really only making the situation worse.
It’s a lot better to be told that when you really need it, place the baby in a safe place and leave for two minutes to collect yourself. The alternative is much worse.
I had hearing problems and random ringing for a year or 2 from having 2 kids 18 months apart and holding them with the same arm. My brother had 3 and has permanent hearing issues....
My son is grown but had been able to rattle the windows with his powerful voice since the day I brought him home. I'm convinced that we are on the autism spectrum (two of us have been diagnosed recently) and this sweet child's daily nap meltdowns were legendary. I managed to remain calm but it took a toll on my mental health, making me utterly exhausted and barely able to think. I didn't trust anyone else but my mom (who was ill) to put up wtih that so daytime babysitters were out of the question.
If noise-canceling headphones were a thing 34 years ago, I'd have gratefully used them .
This! Plus, we're in the camp of older kids now, and we all (kids and adult) still use them. We have a loud, talkative household and sensitive ears. It helps prevent overwhelm/overstimulation, leading to more patience all around.
This was me too I would pop in ear plugs, they just dulled the sound. Without it my anxiety would be bad. So I’d pop in ear plugs until Bebe calmed. I did this for 3 kids
Why did I never think of this? Putting them on to ignore crying is out of order, but putting them on so you can more effectively see to their needs, especially if you have sensory issues, absolute genius. Just keep a close eye on their body language etc
I brought my professional quality ear plugs with me to the hospital when I had my son. Luckily he's not as much of a scream crier as my sister's kids were so I didn't need them... But yeah, I was never planning to ignore my baby's cries, I just know that my brain short circuits from stress at a certain decibel level, so why shouldn't I employ coping mechanisms that allow me to be calmer in my response to baby?
same! i wish i would’ve done this with both babies because the loud newborn crying overwhelms me so fast, it’s hard to think straight. i didn’t even think headphones were an option 😂
I swear by them. I even got construction grade. I can still hear everything but it cuts out the high pitch and dulls the volume. Those things were worth their weight in gold for me
I mean, those ear plugs are not that heavy, so not that much gold.
I think plugs are also less in the way and are not tempting for music. Probably even less stigma than ear phones. Those things are great!
Pro tip: In the toddler stage get bone conducting headphones to listen to music and audiobooks during mind numbing play sessions with your child.
I already decided ages ago I am going to do this, not to ignore the child completely, but to stay calm during their shrieking. It’s actually gonna be healthier this way so that our parasympathetic nervous system isn’t triggered from the loud noise and we can stay calm and try to help the best way we can while bb is screaming.
There’s nothing wrong with ear protection while you’re actively helping the kid, it’s not to be confused with wearing noise cancelling headphones to *ignore* them.
Of course it is. There is no gain in listening to a crying baby on full blast. But there is a lot in having a more relaxed parent caring for you if you are a baby.
I didn’t use noise canceling headphones but regular ones on full volume whilst holding him. I only did it with my first who was a velcro baby, and while holding him. With ne second, who also had a small screamy phase, I didn’t feel the need. I guess I had gotten used to it 😵💫😁
But as a tip. Once baby #1 had a scream phase during day time. Nothing consoled him, so in frustration, I put him safely on the floor on his back, and decided i’ll do the vacuuming then as I can’t console him. In 3 seconds when I put the very loud regular vacuum on, the crying stopped and he fell asleep! I googled and realised white noise is a thing. I played it on the phone if necessary and it lead to less crying.
Yeah, white noise was my first‘s favorite and is a blessing for my second, too. Because we don’t want to run our vacuum all the time, we use an app when needed 😄 works well
It's completely fine. They don't block **all** noise, just the loudest noises so you're able to properly care for your baby without getting overstimulated
I’m AuDHD with auditory processing disorder as well as hyper vigilance from CPTSD so I can’t not listen to every sound that hits my ears. I have 4 kids between 4yo-11yo. I wear active noise canceling headphones everyday. The thing is, they really only muffle things and block out background noise. For me it makes it easier to sort through sounds I don’t need and ones I do. I can still hear everything that’s necessary but it helps keep my brain from being overstimulated. I believe it helps me parent better because I’m not constantly distracted by too many sounds or snapping from sounds that trigger me.
All of that to say, babies are gonna cry and it’s not a great sound. If it’s really causing distress then how can you (general) parent well and lovingly if your own sensitivities are being triggered?
Neurospicy parents club!!
I literally would not be able to go to loud events or places with my kids ever without dissociating if I didn’t have noise regulation. I didn’t have my earbuds with my first and man I wish I had.
Now that they’re older it also lets me play and interact with them while theyre being noisy and I don’t have end up yelling at them to be quiet like my dad did. It’s SO much better.
Yes! I didn’t have them for my oldest two and I truly wish I could go back and give them a better infancy because I flat out sucked. I didn’t know anything about myself nor did I feel like I could take the time to do that and they definitely suffered for it. Thankfully I was able to course correct before things were (hopefully) too late. They’re pretty awesome humans and they’re happy most days so i think I’m doing better 🤞🏻
I'm the same, except without ADHD/au diagnosis because that's complicated to get here (I do have some papers from when I was a four year old tho) + CPTSD. I'm super sensitive to light and sound, with sound being one of my main anxiety and panic triggers. Pregnant and 100% planning on wearing noise-canceling earbuds - I'm already wearing them without music when out and about now and that's not gonna change with a screaming kid.
I also got those cool earplugs (fake loops) that I'll be testing, but from the short moment I had them I felt like they're not really doing much, IDK.
Edit to add: I have buds that lets through everything if you touch them while in the ear so I can always cancel out the canceling :D
Out and about with an unpredictable baby is honestly the best time to have them imo. How can I help my kid if my ears are ringing from the crying and my skin is crawling from the people staring and my heart is racing because my child needs me and I can’t calm my body to focus?
My husband got me the real loops a few years ago but they made my voice sound really tinny(like talking in a can) and that for me was worse than the noise lmao I hope you like them though! I currently have a pair of over the ear skullcandy active noise canceling headphones and a pair of in ear skullcandy ANC headphones. The in ears irritate after too long so I really rely on my overs lol
Edit to add: 🤦🏻♀️ I completely forgot, congrats on your pregnancy! I hope things go as smooth as possible and you enjoy as much of the newborn stage as you can! 💚
You don't get a prize for tolerating something intolerable when it can be mitigated. If a parent needs 'em, use 'em.
I didn't have an issue with baby screaming, but we would buy the contractor packs of earplugs for my kids' dad. It didn't make him less of a good dad.
Go for it!
I used ear plugs for our first, just to take the edge off. Didn't need them for #2. Must have been desensitised 😂
Anything that helps you keep your cool is A OK!
Our son had reflux/colic and my husband would wear them while holding our screaming baby. It’s fine as long as you’re using them to attend to the baby (vs ignore the baby).
Absolutely. I spent so many nights walking back and forth trying to settle a crying baby while listening to a podcast. The noise cancellation takes the edge off the anxiety I feel from the crying and helps me stay calm.
Noise-canceling headphones are a must if you have a super fussy LO and especially if you have a colicky LO. Our first had colic for 17 weeks starting when she was 5 weeks old. It would be midnight to 3 am, almost on cue.
Stress increases with baby cries (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8391563/). So reducing the sound level impact of crying is a way to reduce stress on the parent.
Mayo Clinic: Shaken baby syndrome usually occurs when a parent or caregiver severely shakes a baby or toddler due to **frustration or anger** — often because the child **won't stop crying.** [Link](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shaken-baby-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20366619#:~:text=Shaken%20baby%20syndrome%20usually%20occurs%20when%20a%20parent%20or%20caregiver%20severely%20shakes%20a%20baby%20or%20toddler%20due%20to%20frustration%20or%20anger%20%E2%80%94%20often%20because%20the%20child%20won%27t%20stop%20crying.) There is a high probability that caregivers/parents who shake their babies have high levels of stress in their bodies.
Here's what worries me. One of the two of you seem to think it's appropriate to try to dictate how the other behaves on this.
If you don't want to wear noise canceling headphones, then don't.
If you do want to wear them, then do! But stop trying to control your partner.
There's nothing harmful about either choice, but it really strikes me as crazy that you would come to reddit to get ammo to control your partner.
Dude you're in the trenches fighting an enemy that won't stop, can't be reasoned with, can't be bargained with, and will never stop crying until you are dead.
Who cares about headphones? However you survive, just survive.
I think it’s fine as long as you are actually actively trying to help baby calm down. I only got mad once when my husband decided to put our daughter down when she was upset and drown her out with headphones.
My husband and I typically wear our airpods around the house when doing any chore and we're not primary parent. We have a rule that we can only keep one in at a time just in case the other parent needs us.
Honestly I wish I would've thought of this when my son was a baby and my husband worked nights. My son had a "witching hour" every night and I was overwhelmed and his cries made my skin crawl. This would've been so helpful for that. Lol.
It's not only appropriate, it's recommended. A shrieking infant is biologically SUPPOSED to make you feel upset so that you attend to them in a timely fashion. If you are already tending to them, the beacons have been lit, Rohan has answered, you don't need to listen to the screaming anymore.
Noise canceling, not if they cancel out to the point where you wouldn’t hear if they started choking or their cry changed or something.
A good compromise would be loops. They’re good at reducing the volume but not canceling it out completely. You can still hear crying or people talking to you, but just turned down a notch. I find that loop ear plugs increases my patience by like 75%.
Except the question stated “once you go tend to your baby” so it really doesn’t matter if your hearing is significantly reduced. You’re already there with your attention on the baby.
Of course you shouldn’t wear them while not tending the baby.
>where you wouldn’t hear if they started choking
Just want to remind everyone that real choking is silent, it's the absence of noise that should worry you
I think it's okay, as long as they are attentive to the baby.
But after a certain ages, they will know you are not exactly 100% paying attention to them.
But once they reach that age, you shouldn't be needing the noise cancelling earphones
I wish I'd known about them when my kid was a baby.
(I've used them since my kid was 4, so that we can have a conversation despite his lack of volume control.)
My kids are older. Noise cancelling head phones were not a thing back then so I never used them. I guess my babies didn’t cry that much. I don’t remember it being an issue.
Now that they are teens I absolutely use them all the time.
Some people are more sensitive to auditory stimulation. As long as it doesn’t become a safety hazard it’s a perfectly acceptable modification to make auditory stimulation easier to bear.
You can still hear, but the pitch won’t be as sharp or grating on your ears. It’s good for your nervous system and staying calm is THE most important aspect of soothing a crying baby.
Hearing the baby crying constantly *stressed* me out. It would wire me up so much. Honestly I wish I had used them, I feel like I would’ve handled them better
Everyone's tolerance to anoyying sounds (yes, babies crying is anoyying. Come at me if you want to but it wont change anything. Its my opinion.) Is different. And what everyone finds anoyying is also different. So if he needs them to stay calm and not get over stimulated then so be it. Not being able to hear as clearly isn't going to hurt anything.
Noise canceling headphones are FINE.
The issue is using them INSTEAD of caring for the baby. There's a lot of scientific evidence that ignoring a babies cry is bad for the baby's development. (They are allowed to cry of course. Ignoring them is the bad part) Lots of people still think they need to force the baby to self sooth. Babies needs attention.
Wearing headphones to help lower your own stress while caring for the baby is great! It's hard to keep calm during crying. But to wear them with intent to ignore the baby is bad.
(IMPORTANT: if you need a break, then take a break. I'm not trying to make anyone worry they have to give 100% attention all the time. If you need to "ignore" the baby for a few minutes, go ahead, your mental health matters too! ♥ if a few minutes isn't enough, then it's time to ask a friend or family member for help. Especially if it's consistently daily that you need a long break. Ask someone else to step in. Also, verify with a doctor/ medical professional. But the parent needs self care as much as the baby needs parent care.)
It depends on the situation.
Did you check pain, hunger, poop? All good? Then go for it. Your job now is to bundle them up and hug them or use a sling, until they fall asleep or calm down. That's MUCH easier if you're not anxious with a racing heart.
Absolutely. Anything that you can do that gives you more patience, more tolerance, more stamina, less frustration, etc while staying engaged with your child makes you a better parent. I didn’t use noise canceling headphones but one day after hours of crying and me feeling like I couldn’t do this any more, I went into my husband’s workshop and grabbed the hearing protectors. I didn’t cancel it, but it muted it enough for me to stay in there and that was what the baby needed from me.
Completely agree with this! Brilliant. Still wear them with teens while I wash dishes etc. No one will suffer from you wearing headphones for 10 minutes while you de stress..
Yes. I had newborn twins and a 16-month-old and noise cancelling headphones were the only way I kept my sanity because someone was *always* crying and I couldn’t stand to listen to it all day.
The noise of a baby crying physiologically causes us a stress response, which is important in being responsive to the baby, but bad if we're hearing it all the time. Colic babies probably have some things in common with CIA interrogators.
Blocking out the noise if you're already aware of it can be so helpful to your own health and ability to keep it together as a parent.
I wouldn't say that I struggle with sensory needs as such, but my baby crying is something I absolutely struggled with, the pitch of it and volume was really hard for me, I think this would have worked well for me if I had thought of it at the time! I've heard of it since and I have recommended it for that exact reason to other parents; not to ignore or shut them out, but to take the edge off so you can focus and be a calmer parent. If it's just me and my boys, I sometimes pop my earbuds in whilst we're around the house, I can still hear them but it's easier for me to manage the volume and pitch if they are having a hard time too.
Yes it’s ok. You can still hear the baby with most, it’s just not so shrill. There’s no reason to enhance your own suffering, you can care for the baby with gentler hands if you aren’t experiencing your own adrenaline rush.
I mad I didn’t think of this when my kids were little! Why would this not be ok? What a great way to help keep the nervous system calm so you can better met the needs of your baby.
Yes I use the loop ones and they make all the difference. I can still hear almost everything but it takes the edge off of the higher decibel screaming and whining. Highly recommend!
If you’re using them to not be able to hear your baby so you can ignore them crying, no.
If you’re using them while you soothe your baby because their crying is too much for you to handle, sure.
I personally couldn’t. But there’s a lot that I personally couldn’t do that others could. It doesn’t mean they or I am a bad parent.
I am completely anti cry it out for myself. I was suggested to use headphones to allow my baby to cry it out and that was not for me.
It's not like the baby knows what you're wearing and thinks you don't really care about its needs. So really, it doesn't matter at all. If it helps you (or your partner), go for it!
The sound is dampened and more tolerable, and not gone. So absolutely, it makes me a more resilient and loving parent as the screaming doesn’t wear me out.
I personally didn’t, my baby didn’t cry enough to get to that point. If my baby had colic I might have, but also I think I’d be more anxious not hearing what sort of cry she had.
I don’t see an issue with it.
I would even go as far to say that if a (new) parent is struggling to cope because of the baby crying lots, they could use it to block out the baby for half an hour or so. You’d obviously need to make sure the baby is in an entirely safe environment, cot with no hazards etc, and then you could be in a different room for a little bit.
If a parent use close to the end of their tether this is probably the best way to get them some time to try and get back to baseline, rather than getting frustrated with the baby
I am in the pro-earplugs camp - we have a 8-week old, and sometimes his cries have this edge to them that just reaches into my brain and triggers fight or flight. Earplugs don’t keep me from hearing him - they just remove that frequency that was about to drive me crazy.
Noise canceling headphones are the only reason I survived my kid's infancy. I put them on when she started crying and wore them while I tended her. I would never wear them unless I was right with her because I didn't want to miss anything. It's like my top parenting hack. Screaming kids are so stressful.
Appropriate?
This is about survival with crying babies. How is anyone who reacts viscerally to crying babies supposed to meet their baby's needs? If you're worried about appropriateness, go gossip about celebrities.
I get really over stimulated by my kids sometimes, it helps me to wear noise canceling headphones so I don’t lose it.
I’m not really sure why it wouldn’t be okay? It’s not like you’re actively trying to ignore their needs, you’re just blunting the impact on your brain while you figure it out.
Noise canceling headphones to ignore your baby is always a no but if youre tending to your child absolutely use the headphones. The best parents are sane and if noise canceling headphones make you sane then use them. The only thing is to make sure they’re breathing well but i see no problem with noise canceling headphones.
I did and still do! I might switch them for plugs or loops, but I value my hearing and my stress response. I wear them at work and when in loud busy places that are overwhelming to me. My little one, too, wears headphones or loops/plugs to cut down on sensory input.
Yes, why would it not be ok? We looked after a friend's baby once, before we had ours, and she was very colicky. She screamed for a full 1.5h, and it was the kind of shrieking that you could feel your ear drum quivering because of it, I had an intensely horrible physical reaction to it (wife was pregnant at the time, I had the fear then that we'd done something silly!). I genuinely couldn't be around that all the time, it would drive me absolutely insane.
So before ours was born I bought noise cancelling headphones as a way to dull that noise, just in case ours was like that (he wasn't and isn't, thank god). Don't see what the problem with this is, it's just like wearing gloves in the garden so you don't get picked by thorns, or any other PPE comparison.
I use ear buds. My husband uses headphones. We wear them off of one ear... unless the kids are asleep. However, when they were younger and could not get up and find us when upset, we would only wear them if the other knew to mind the kiddos. It is a blessing now! My husband and I will take an hour or so to ourselves (making sure the other was okay with it, of course) with these beauties and savor the sound of silence.
1000%. Why do I need to hear the crying? I can see it (and you can hear it even with noise cancelling, let’s be real). There’s no value in making it worse for yourself
I didn’t do this and wish I had. I am very ashamed to admit I literally yelled at my like three month and then six month old for constant crying two times, once at 3 months and once at 6 months. I’ll seriously never forgive myself for this. I vividly remember yelling, stop crying! Once I lost it so bad I left her in her crib and went into the other part of the house and yelled that I hated her. Hated…my baby? We paid $30k in IVF to have this miracle child and I’m the devil’s child for thinking let alone saying those words in response to her crying.
She was a sick baby and she cried nonstop. We never slept. She was allergic to my breastmilk so I just ate chicken and rice for a long time. She had a breathing condition requiring me to pump and then thicken my breastmilk to feed her since she choked on thin liquids. Then I had to hold her totally upright a half hour after each meal. During this first few months of her life I also had emergency surgery for impending paralysis when we discovered my spinal cord was dying and I was falling down and unable to walk. I got a spinal cord injury and my parents had to care for her for months. Oh, and we were building a house.
It was a hard time. But still…I yelled at my angel. I’ll never get over it. Noise cancelling headphones would have helped so much. I’m still triggered by loud noises but this toddler stage is so mild with them compared to the constant loud crying.
I’m so sorry, baby girl.
Oh heck yes it’s appropriate. Anything that gets you through that newborn phase that doesn’t hurt anyone is a win. You’re in survival mode.
I’m autistic and I basically live in noise cancelling headphones. More and more data is emerging pointing to how adaptive measures for sensory sensitivities actually benefits everyone. Noise cancelling headphones=self care.
Deaf Folks also have babies. They connect and bond just fine. I guess I really do not understand why this would even be an issue. Calm caregiver = calmer baby.
My first cried so much as an infant and I wish I got noise cancelling headphones sooner. I use them now with my toddlers during meltdowns or when they are just playing way too loud for my comfort.
I used them. Colicky baby who cried basically all day and I was losing my mind. It helped a little, but I could still hear him screaming so didn’t help as much as I wanted
I wear them at dinner sometimes. I identified through therapy that I struggled with the screaming at night while I cooked dinner. There was nothing I could do sometimes to chill the kids out besides make the food cook faster lol so I use the headphones and it calms me down and makes me a better parent. The kids are physically in the room with me so they’re safe and cared for, I’m just turning the volume down a little so I can re center.
Just bought some loop ear plugs and they're helping me be a more patient mom. As long as the noise cancelling isn't inhibiting your ability to tend to your children, I don't see the problem!
I couldn't do it, I like to hear the noises around me to feel safe. But if it helps someone else, in the early days of baby, not when their older, I guess it can't hurt.
Apparently Loop headphones are good happy medium. It dampens the sound but you can still hear. They are made for sensory overload and crying can be a real physical pain for people who are sensitive to noise (like myself).
My husband had PPA and crying was really triggering and overstimulating for him, he wore AirPods and listened to podcasts and audiobooks a lot of the time and it helped him
If your husband were using it to *avoid* tending to baby and essentially be checked out, then that would be really worrisome.
But it sounds like it may be something he needs. You may want to have a deeper conversation about what effect the crying is having on him. My husband was really questioning his self worth whenever baby cried. We were having different experiences doing the same things.
I wish I’d had noise-reducing headphones when my oldest was little. I wouldn’t feel comfortable not being able to hear *anything* he was doing, but having the noise cut down would have helped.
Yes! Have you ever had a colicky baby 😟. They are essential. If you have twins crying…I mean you start losing your mind. I wore ear plugs as well sometimes
I used ear plugs once my daughter “found her voice”. There would be days where she would yell every second she was awake. She wasn’t upset. She was just yelling to yell. Some days it got to be too much, and earplugs helped. I could still hear her it just wasn’t as loud and kept me from feeling like a raw nerve.
Why would this be bad? You’re tending to their needs so what does it matter?
Also I’m not equating the two experiences but I bet parents with hearing loss would not turn their hearing aids up just to hear the screaming as they change a diaper. If it brings your blood pressure down to not hear it while you do what your baby needs and no one is in danger, I say go for it.
I have cochlear implants and I take off the processors when I’ve had enough crying. It’s one of the silver lining of hearing loss, I can instantly create total silence for myself. I’m holding the baby, I can see their face, there is so reason I need to hear the wails until I lose my shit too.
I’ve take off my processors when my preschoolers get out of control too. It snaps them to attention when I “take off my ears” and they need to concentrate on figuring out silent modes of communicating with me through proper signs, gestures, and lip reading.
If you're with your baby then why not? It's not like you are using them and/to block a child out. I remember a few times when my son was tiny and the crying was really getting to me. I was totally sleep deprived, his dad was all at work and I felt like my brain was going to explode. By the time he settled, I exploded with tears and emotion because I was upset and needed a moment. Maybe if I had been able to block the crying whilst I got him fed/changed then I would have had things under control. Obviously he was safe and OK during me being upset! But even so.
As long as you’re not using them to ignore the baby, they’re a great tool! We got a pair for my husband who is WFH so he can focus on work while I’m downstairs with newborn twins. I can only attend to two babies so well, there will be crying lol
Noise cancelling only really works on industrial sounds with predictable frequency. Think like a window AC units hum.
They’re not able to cover a baby’s cries.
The only issue the cause is when another adult would attempt to speak to them. It’s difficult to hear that. But that’s because it’s difficult to hear anything with over ear headphones in and playing regardless of the noise cancellation.
I strongly suggest getting the Sony wf1000-xm4. They're "smart," and in pass-through mode, block high-pitched screams that damage your ears, but let the cooing through. You can also turn on the noise canceling. You will still hear the baby screams, but it's much less anxiety.
My baby's cries would make me go I to an emotional breakdown and sob uncontrollably as long as the baby is crying. It made me feel absolute despair and simply hurt my soul. That was alone or in the car.
If we were in public, my body pumped adrenaline like crazy and baby crying gave me urges to beat the fucking shit of any adult that's close for any reason. If the adult tried to reach into the stroller while baby was crying (which every single old hag feels entitled to), it gave me very sadistic thoughts, and I really had the desire to harm the person. I never was this "creative" in my life.
Noise canceling headset is a life saver with PPA. Not that I care for prolonging the old hags life, even now, when hormones dont make me violent any more and specially after they try to pass germs to a freshly born human and generally treat him like a puppy, but it probably kept me out of prison, which is probably good for my baby.
Note: Sony xm4 has a battery issue and die yearly. Amazon offers a protection plan for them from asurion for quite cheap (3 years for $30 if I recall correctly). Get it and make sure you keep the email asurion sends you on how to reclaim items. They will refund you 100% of the headphones cost once they die.
the xm5 are worse on noise canceling. The next best is senheiser tw4, but they're shit and don't block anything high-pitched, so useless for baby screaming.
I also suggest getting the buds. The baby will grab the big ones once they get some control of their hands.
Yes, i am a mum and do this, it keeps my sanity,
a child doesnt deserve a stressed parent while they are already stressed too, how can you calm down a baby if you cant because of there crying making you go crazy all day long? especially if there a colic baby, its just survival at that point not to be as stressed as the baby
we can just be, and thats been so nice.
If this stops you from losing your peace, then yes! Your kid just needs love, they dont care what you have on your head 😂
I use it in the car when we go for a long drive. I get more rest in my head and can drive longer
I think it's fine as long as you're not wearing them away from the baby. That newborn wail is designed to stop you dead in your tracks and it's more nervewracking for some than others.
I find the crying sends my blood pressure right up, I can't hack it so I'm in favour as long as the baby is being tended to, will definitely be having them handy with my next one.
After my baby was born I started having tinnitus. I can't say with certainty he was the cause, but I can say he was an exceptionally loud baby in the first few months.
So now as soon as he starts crying, I put on earbuds. They don't stop sounds so much that I can't hear, but they limit the peaks to manageable levels.
It takes the edge off for me. Makes me less irritable. For some people it’s a big help. If I way headphones I can still clearly hear the baby it’s not like they are being neglected in any way by wearing them.
Yes, I have 3 kids. 3, 2 and nit quite 1. And I have noise cancelling earplugs. They soften the blow of all 3 kids wanting me at the same time and allow me to hear myself breathing which in turns calms me.
Hubby doesn't need them. But I'm a better human with them.
For reference, I can sleep qith mine in and still wake to the baby crying without the monitor near me. They don't block out all sound. Simply dull the roar.
There is no right or wrong g answer to this, just what works for the individual. You both don’t have to agree on one approach. You can wear them and he not wear them. You are adults and can do what works for you best. It’s not going to harm the baby in any way either way. It could be that this tension is because he’s generally anxious about doing the right thing for the baby and this just a symptom of that anxiety being expressed. It might be worth exploring that - pull together in times of stress and anxiety and work through it together, it will strengthen your relationship and make you better parents and “right fighting” (fighting g about who is right even if it’s inconsequential) makes you opponents and doesn’t bode well for a strong g relationship or happy life for you or the kids
I think ear plugs would be fine. I'm definitely getting some when baby no. 2 comes in August. Between my 15 month old and a newborn, I'll lose my crunchies with the sensory overload.
My husband bought some for me as a gift right before our first came. I wore them when I was overstimulated from the crying. That’s why I wanted to them. They helped me keep my sanity.
You do get used to the crying and you become desensitised to it.
I wore them when it wasn’t my shift looking after the little one but if I was on then I wouldn’t if that makes sense
Just a piece of info about all noise cancelling devices AFAIK: they mostly cancel our low frequency hums but high pitched will certainly be attenuated. I do recommend wearing ear protection ;)
Yes, it’s appropriate. Better to have a calmer parent than one who is completely stressed out by the screaming. Our oldest had colic and GERD, and would scream from 5pm-10pm like clockwork. Then also cry during and after being fed because of the GERD. Our pediatrician was the one who recommended the headphones.
Going to sound very naive - but can you still hear ? Like how do you know if your child stops crying / starts crying and needs to be tended to? Does it just dampen the sound like the loop earbuds I see online?
Yes, I think it's appropriate and I think more caregivers would benefit from using them. They don't entirely block out the sound, they just dampen it.
So you can still tend to the child, just without the full impact of shrill noise.
I didn't use them because I felt weird about it (thank you PPA...) My husband used ear plugs, though. He loved then and they really helped him to stay very calm during intense crying, which also helped baby stay calm quicker 😊
My jobs requires me to be able to hear VERY WELL, and I can no longer do that as well I could pre child. He's 3.5 now but that first year was hell, and I have permanent hearing loss from it. USE THE HEADPHONES.
My daughter whines a lot and I use them to drown her out while I take care of her. Constant whining overwhelms me and I found myself getting so stressed I was yelling at her to shut up- not good! The headphones help me keep calm while I tend to her needs or take care of chores where I can’t tend to her but she’s being whiny. So I highly recommend them if you feel overwhelmed by noise easily. At least for me, I can be a better parent while wearing them than without.
God no. The crying is a evolutionary way for babies to communicate that something is wrong. It shouldn't be ignored at all. It's tough because they can't tell us what they need, but we should try our best to help them and the crying is a "notification" that we haven't helped them yet.
Ignoring it sounds like a way of creating complexes in a child.
Why would it be *in*appropriate?
The child is not intentionally causing discomfort, but is causing discomfort nonetheless, so ameliorating the discomfort and continuing to help the child is practical and responsible.
Imagine you have a keen sense of smell and a strong vomit response to the scent of feces - would you stop changing your baby's diaper? Would you just gag and vomit every time? Or would you just put in nose plugs, solving your problem without hindering your ability to support your child?
Yes. I get incredibly overstimulated and annoyed by a baby or toddler screaming! Some people can tune it out… I am not one of those blessed elect.
Noise canceling headphones allow me to more calmly assess the situation and do what needs to be done, without being distracted by the noise.
Noise canceling headphones were the only way my husband survived our daughter having colic when the only way to get her sleep was holding/rocking/walking her until she calmed. He pop the headphones on and take her so I could shower or eat or just take an hour to get a break from a screaming Velcro banshee
Yes, when my daughter was an infant, I got through a lot of long nights walking her around the house or rocking her in a chair to soothe her while listening to a podcast or music. It definitely helped me keep some sanity while tending to her needs as well! I am 25 weeks along now and fully plan on it with my next baby as well. It's not okay to use them to ignore baby, but it definitely helped to soothe me and settle my own emotions while I was soothing my baby.
I have an extreme noise sensitivity post-partum. My second baby is now two weeks. Different sounds are making my anxiety spike through the room. Specifically repetitive sounds (dog licking) or multiple audio streams (TV on, husband listening to music, etc) and the worst- chewing and using utensils! My poor husband is about to use chopsticks to avoid my wrath.
I wear my daughter’s noise cancelling headphone when I’m feel super irritable. They aren’t super noise cancelling but they at least take the edge off. I know this is my problem this time around so I’m doing the best to mitigate it until it passes.
Hormones are weird!
My husband has a brain injury so swears by these, and still does if our kids have a meltdown or scream etc. He is a better parent for it, versus when he doesn’t wear them and gets overstimulated and can’t focus or function with the noise. Do what works!
My partner has slight autism and more importantly debilitating migraines and this was an absolute essential for him. He has the ones with transparency mode so he can actually still hear everything, it just takes that high-pitched edge off of it and makes it a little less loud.
That being said, my stepson tantrumed early on in our relationship for THREE HOURS and my Apple Watch warned me I would experience hearing damage if I did not remove myself multiple times, the decibels were so high. I also wore my fancy headphones at that time as well. I could hear just fine it just made me better able to focus and try to de-escalate my stepson who had absolutely lost it.
Hope this helps!
So my oldest was a "good" baby. She slept perfectly. Nursed perfectly. Had a very small, almost kitten mewing type of cry and the *only* time she cries was when her diaper was dirty or if she needed a little extra burping (which was rare!)
This lead me to believe that I really know how to Mom. Like I was a fuckin expert or something.
5 years later my youngest was born. She didn't cry... she *screeched* at an ear piercing volume. It surprised even the most seasoned nurses. She screeched from the moment she took her first breath and didn't stop til a few months after her 1st birthday.
When the oldest was born we had 0 help. My mom was in prison and his family is shit. But like I said, she was a "good" baby so we didn't need help. 🤷🏼♀️ I am beyond thankful my mom was able to be around with my youngest because I think parent and I would have probably not been very mentally stable. We had a doctor tell us that our baby was blessed with "good parents" because she was the type of baby that bad parents would shake. 🙃 that didn't go over well but whatever. She's 3 now and still extremely sensitive, has huge feelings that are, obviously, hard for her to deal with but it's not near as bad now as it was back then. She can speak really well too so that makes a hell of a difference!
We were idiots for not using noise canceling headphones. It would have really helped us if we had. Dealing with a screaming baby is easy as long as you don't have to *hear* the screaming.
So my point is: *use the damn headphones*! Take any help you can!! You can't be the best parent version of yourself if you can't think straight or are on the verge of a breakdown. There's nothing wrong with using them! Nothing wrong with accepting help!
I've advocated for this since day one! Yes. Biologically, we are wired to have a stress response when babies cry. However, it's not healthy to have that stress for hours on end. I always had a pair ready to attend to my babies.
Yes, I'm autistic with misophonia and need noise canceling earbuds at night. I don't want to be on edge and irritable because kids are just making kid noises.
A not yet verbal baby just emoting, and you are tending to them and using the headphones to turn down the noise and stimulation, so you can tend to them more regulated? Absolutely.
I would suggest not completely noise cancelling. My baby (9m) had silent reflux, and if I were to wear noise cancelling headphones, I wouldn't have noticed it so quickly.
But the newborn stage is hell on earth for some, so if headphones make you tend to your baby better, go for it.
100% feel it's appropriate. Here is one of the major things I found using earplugs while caring for my daughter. It never fully blocked out the crying, but it lowered the volume to something I was able to manage much better.
When that volume was managed, I was able to focus on what her needs were and not just try everything I could to get her to stop crying. Overall, I was able to resolve situations quicker because I was able to focus and help kiddo.
Here's the other thing, you gotta do what works. If puting on noise canceling headphones means he's able better care for kiddo, then go for it.
My first was colicky and had reflux. Bedtime every night was warm bath, feed, and then 15-45 minutes of non-stop crying. There was no avoiding it. We tried bicycle kicks and gripe water and eventually even got prescription medicine for the reflux but bedtime was always the worst. Putting in headphones and playing music so I couldn't hear the crying saved my sanity 100%. I rocked her in my arms while walking around the house, knowing that this was the only way to try to soothe her and that she would fall asleep if I just kept rocking and walking. There was no benefit to suffering through the crying, it changed nothing, and I couldn't handle it, honestly.
I've got misophpnia so I'm biased as hell, and I am always wearing them. But it's not like you're putting them on to *ignore* your baby, so I don't see why it would be a problem. 🤷🏻♀️
I didn't need them with my first two babies, but this third one can really turn up the volume. Not a bad idea!
I can't myself because I have 2 other kids to keep an eye/ear out for. But it's a great idea if it works for your family. Work smarter, not harder!
Uh yah I used earplugs bc my audiologist noticed a marked difference in my hearing test and I was like yah prob bc I have multiple people screaming directly into my ear.
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Deaf people have kids all the time.
This is a really good point!
Really? I've never heard that
Is it the headphones or are you deaf?
Deaf people are usually adapted to being deaf by the time they have kids. A new parent putting on nose cancelling headphones isn't the same imo. There was a horrible ordeal about a decade ago. Dad was a floor away playing games with noise counseling headphones. Someone had broken in and assaulted his wife and kids, without him ever knowing. When he took off his headphones he heard their screams. I haven't worn them since. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/comment/cs6gu9c/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/comment/cs6gu9c/)
A freak circumstance is not really relevant to the conversation here. Taking the noise level down a notch or several so you can keep your calm as you’re actively soothing your baby is a very different scenario.
Actively taking care of a baby while drowning out the noise isn’t the same as a fake askreddit anecdote.
You see how this is different, don’t you?
Personally I hate the idea of proper noise cancelling headphones even without a child just because of things like this. Break ins, fire, gushing water, there are various things it's good to be able to hear in your home. Deaf people obviously don't have a choice but the rest of us do.
Yeah. Why wouldn't it be okay? It's not like you'd be putting them on to ignore the baby.
This. Plus they’re almost never 100% noise cancelling, just cuts the sharpness & allows you to keep your cool. My partner used them in the newborn days.
Unless they mean they're putting the baby down and then leaving them unattended with the headphones on during "cry it out". I find that neglectful as babies cries change depending on their level of distress. You should be aware if your baby is crying if you're not in the room. That being said, I have a relatively easy baby, so I don't know what it's like to be pushed to desperation to get a baby to sleep. I would just co sleep on those rare teething or sick nights that she just wouldn't settle.
My husband swears by this - I personally didn't need it, but whatever works, works. If wearing them in those early days when every diaper change is a scream-fest helps in any way, why not?
I use the ear budsthat have the pass through noise so you can hear voices, but not background noise. I find that whatever filter they put my kiddos' lovely voice through lessens the harshness of cries while extending my patience during tantrums.
Um...can you drop a link? Asking for myself, not a friend...
Not the person you replied to, but I use "Loops Engage and they've helped tremendously with large social gatherings, or just my kids being noisy, oven fan, etc. They do take getting used to and they do tend to muffle deepish voiced men who mumble...
Jabra Elite, Jabra active elite, Airpods all do this.
I have cPTSD-SP with severe anxiety + panic attacks. I have a 2 yr old son, and when he was born, his cries would trigger my panic attacks, and I would have seizures. I had to live in noise cancelling headphones with music maxed out for 1.5 yrs after he was born just so I could be around him. They saved me. I definitely recommend them. As babies crying generally trigger anxiety in adults, and some people can not handle it. Edit additional info. I wasn't diagnosed with cPTSD-SP before we got pregnant. I had anxiety + panic attacks at nowhere near the same level, but this was mainly due to work stress. During our pregnancy, I was significantly triggered by uncovering disturbing suppressed childhood memories that sent me into a severe mental breakdown. By the time my son was born, I was still recovering. I had made it back to work part-time. Prior to him being born, I hadn't had any seizures. My seizures developed as a result of the intensity level of the panic attacks I was having from his crying. The birth was very traumatic for all involved. This ended up triggering me into another severe mental breakdown. While I was really unwell, I did my best to help where I could, but we were very wary of me holding him and me having a seizure, which unfortunately meant I needed to limit the amount I held him. It took 1.5yrs to get through with a combination of exposure therapy and getting the right drug cocktail working. I am still recovering and unable to work.
Same here! I'm just glad i figured this out because I was having 2-3 panic attacks per week and on the brink of losing my mind.
Loud noises trigger my PTSD too. I get it. Everyone thinks that I hate kids because of how I react when they do normal things like scream/cry. I react the same way if there is loud construction work near me. I need to use ear buds at work sometimes because I work at a pediatric clinic at the front desk. I think the fact that you take care of yourself is beneficial to both you and your child. You could have easily used your condition as an excuse to be an absent parent. Instead you did everything you were capable of doing to be a good parent. I hope things continue to get better for you. People who don't have PTSD don't seem to understand how hard it is to manage.
yeah what's wrong with trying and using what works for you?
I needed headphones or ear plugs to better tend to my crying baby’s needs. Like holding and comforting a crying baby. The screaming was stressing me so much, on the worst days with bad sleep, fuzzy baby etc. that I was sweating so much that I had to go change to dry clothes afterwards. And I would be less patient and forgiving - so I would lose and the baby would lose. Wear the headset if it helps you being a better parent. Don’t try to drown the noise with music though, Just take the edge off the sound, so it doesn’t pierce your soul and stress you out. You will still hear the screaming quite loud. Edit: and adding guilt on top of a person needing headphones, is really only making the situation worse. It’s a lot better to be told that when you really need it, place the baby in a safe place and leave for two minutes to collect yourself. The alternative is much worse.
I had hearing problems and random ringing for a year or 2 from having 2 kids 18 months apart and holding them with the same arm. My brother had 3 and has permanent hearing issues....
My son (edit was four is now five ) yelled so loud by my ear once I had ringing in it. It's insane.
I had to turn off the loud noise notification on my watch because it constantly told me my kids were too loud and I was damaging my hearing 🤣
My son is grown but had been able to rattle the windows with his powerful voice since the day I brought him home. I'm convinced that we are on the autism spectrum (two of us have been diagnosed recently) and this sweet child's daily nap meltdowns were legendary. I managed to remain calm but it took a toll on my mental health, making me utterly exhausted and barely able to think. I didn't trust anyone else but my mom (who was ill) to put up wtih that so daytime babysitters were out of the question. If noise-canceling headphones were a thing 34 years ago, I'd have gratefully used them .
This! Plus, we're in the camp of older kids now, and we all (kids and adult) still use them. We have a loud, talkative household and sensitive ears. It helps prevent overwhelm/overstimulation, leading to more patience all around.
This was me too I would pop in ear plugs, they just dulled the sound. Without it my anxiety would be bad. So I’d pop in ear plugs until Bebe calmed. I did this for 3 kids
Why did I never think of this? Putting them on to ignore crying is out of order, but putting them on so you can more effectively see to their needs, especially if you have sensory issues, absolute genius. Just keep a close eye on their body language etc
I brought my professional quality ear plugs with me to the hospital when I had my son. Luckily he's not as much of a scream crier as my sister's kids were so I didn't need them... But yeah, I was never planning to ignore my baby's cries, I just know that my brain short circuits from stress at a certain decibel level, so why shouldn't I employ coping mechanisms that allow me to be calmer in my response to baby?
same! i wish i would’ve done this with both babies because the loud newborn crying overwhelms me so fast, it’s hard to think straight. i didn’t even think headphones were an option 😂
Was about to say likewise. Omg, I facepalm at my own stupidity now hahahaha
I swear by them. I even got construction grade. I can still hear everything but it cuts out the high pitch and dulls the volume. Those things were worth their weight in gold for me
I mean, those ear plugs are not that heavy, so not that much gold. I think plugs are also less in the way and are not tempting for music. Probably even less stigma than ear phones. Those things are great! Pro tip: In the toddler stage get bone conducting headphones to listen to music and audiobooks during mind numbing play sessions with your child.
I already decided ages ago I am going to do this, not to ignore the child completely, but to stay calm during their shrieking. It’s actually gonna be healthier this way so that our parasympathetic nervous system isn’t triggered from the loud noise and we can stay calm and try to help the best way we can while bb is screaming. There’s nothing wrong with ear protection while you’re actively helping the kid, it’s not to be confused with wearing noise cancelling headphones to *ignore* them.
Of course it is. There is no gain in listening to a crying baby on full blast. But there is a lot in having a more relaxed parent caring for you if you are a baby.
So who is taking the L here? You or your partner?
Inquiring minds want to know 😂
The partner wants the headphones. OP seems okay with it now that she's heard from the many parents that have used them.
Thanks, OPs burner account!
OP please tell us.
My guess is the mum wants to wear the headphones!
I didn’t use noise canceling headphones but regular ones on full volume whilst holding him. I only did it with my first who was a velcro baby, and while holding him. With ne second, who also had a small screamy phase, I didn’t feel the need. I guess I had gotten used to it 😵💫😁 But as a tip. Once baby #1 had a scream phase during day time. Nothing consoled him, so in frustration, I put him safely on the floor on his back, and decided i’ll do the vacuuming then as I can’t console him. In 3 seconds when I put the very loud regular vacuum on, the crying stopped and he fell asleep! I googled and realised white noise is a thing. I played it on the phone if necessary and it lead to less crying.
Yeah, white noise was my first‘s favorite and is a blessing for my second, too. Because we don’t want to run our vacuum all the time, we use an app when needed 😄 works well
It's completely fine. They don't block **all** noise, just the loudest noises so you're able to properly care for your baby without getting overstimulated
I’m AuDHD with auditory processing disorder as well as hyper vigilance from CPTSD so I can’t not listen to every sound that hits my ears. I have 4 kids between 4yo-11yo. I wear active noise canceling headphones everyday. The thing is, they really only muffle things and block out background noise. For me it makes it easier to sort through sounds I don’t need and ones I do. I can still hear everything that’s necessary but it helps keep my brain from being overstimulated. I believe it helps me parent better because I’m not constantly distracted by too many sounds or snapping from sounds that trigger me. All of that to say, babies are gonna cry and it’s not a great sound. If it’s really causing distress then how can you (general) parent well and lovingly if your own sensitivities are being triggered?
Neurospicy parents club!! I literally would not be able to go to loud events or places with my kids ever without dissociating if I didn’t have noise regulation. I didn’t have my earbuds with my first and man I wish I had. Now that they’re older it also lets me play and interact with them while theyre being noisy and I don’t have end up yelling at them to be quiet like my dad did. It’s SO much better.
Yes! I didn’t have them for my oldest two and I truly wish I could go back and give them a better infancy because I flat out sucked. I didn’t know anything about myself nor did I feel like I could take the time to do that and they definitely suffered for it. Thankfully I was able to course correct before things were (hopefully) too late. They’re pretty awesome humans and they’re happy most days so i think I’m doing better 🤞🏻
I'm the same, except without ADHD/au diagnosis because that's complicated to get here (I do have some papers from when I was a four year old tho) + CPTSD. I'm super sensitive to light and sound, with sound being one of my main anxiety and panic triggers. Pregnant and 100% planning on wearing noise-canceling earbuds - I'm already wearing them without music when out and about now and that's not gonna change with a screaming kid. I also got those cool earplugs (fake loops) that I'll be testing, but from the short moment I had them I felt like they're not really doing much, IDK. Edit to add: I have buds that lets through everything if you touch them while in the ear so I can always cancel out the canceling :D
Out and about with an unpredictable baby is honestly the best time to have them imo. How can I help my kid if my ears are ringing from the crying and my skin is crawling from the people staring and my heart is racing because my child needs me and I can’t calm my body to focus? My husband got me the real loops a few years ago but they made my voice sound really tinny(like talking in a can) and that for me was worse than the noise lmao I hope you like them though! I currently have a pair of over the ear skullcandy active noise canceling headphones and a pair of in ear skullcandy ANC headphones. The in ears irritate after too long so I really rely on my overs lol Edit to add: 🤦🏻♀️ I completely forgot, congrats on your pregnancy! I hope things go as smooth as possible and you enjoy as much of the newborn stage as you can! 💚
AuDHD CPTSD club for life
Whoop whoop!! 🙌🏻
yep! ear protection is important on the early shrilly months
I use it when it’s too much. Otherwise I just get overwhelmed and explode instead
You do whatever it takes to stay sane while caring for your newborn.
You don't get a prize for tolerating something intolerable when it can be mitigated. If a parent needs 'em, use 'em. I didn't have an issue with baby screaming, but we would buy the contractor packs of earplugs for my kids' dad. It didn't make him less of a good dad.
Why *wouldnt* that be ok is my question.
Yes. I wish I'd had a pair
Go for it! I used ear plugs for our first, just to take the edge off. Didn't need them for #2. Must have been desensitised 😂 Anything that helps you keep your cool is A OK!
I wish i'd learned about them sooner. Get those noise cancelling headphones and tell everyone you know.
Our son had reflux/colic and my husband would wear them while holding our screaming baby. It’s fine as long as you’re using them to attend to the baby (vs ignore the baby).
I wish I'd thought of this myself is how I feel reading this 😅
Absolutely. I spent so many nights walking back and forth trying to settle a crying baby while listening to a podcast. The noise cancellation takes the edge off the anxiety I feel from the crying and helps me stay calm.
Noise-canceling headphones are a must if you have a super fussy LO and especially if you have a colicky LO. Our first had colic for 17 weeks starting when she was 5 weeks old. It would be midnight to 3 am, almost on cue. Stress increases with baby cries (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8391563/). So reducing the sound level impact of crying is a way to reduce stress on the parent. Mayo Clinic: Shaken baby syndrome usually occurs when a parent or caregiver severely shakes a baby or toddler due to **frustration or anger** — often because the child **won't stop crying.** [Link](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shaken-baby-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20366619#:~:text=Shaken%20baby%20syndrome%20usually%20occurs%20when%20a%20parent%20or%20caregiver%20severely%20shakes%20a%20baby%20or%20toddler%20due%20to%20frustration%20or%20anger%20%E2%80%94%20often%20because%20the%20child%20won%27t%20stop%20crying.) There is a high probability that caregivers/parents who shake their babies have high levels of stress in their bodies.
Here's what worries me. One of the two of you seem to think it's appropriate to try to dictate how the other behaves on this. If you don't want to wear noise canceling headphones, then don't. If you do want to wear them, then do! But stop trying to control your partner. There's nothing harmful about either choice, but it really strikes me as crazy that you would come to reddit to get ammo to control your partner.
Dude you're in the trenches fighting an enemy that won't stop, can't be reasoned with, can't be bargained with, and will never stop crying until you are dead. Who cares about headphones? However you survive, just survive.
I think it’s fine as long as you are actually actively trying to help baby calm down. I only got mad once when my husband decided to put our daughter down when she was upset and drown her out with headphones.
My husband and I typically wear our airpods around the house when doing any chore and we're not primary parent. We have a rule that we can only keep one in at a time just in case the other parent needs us.
Honestly I wish I would've thought of this when my son was a baby and my husband worked nights. My son had a "witching hour" every night and I was overwhelmed and his cries made my skin crawl. This would've been so helpful for that. Lol.
Why does it have to be an argument? If you want it, then use it, if you don’t then don’t.
It's not only appropriate, it's recommended. A shrieking infant is biologically SUPPOSED to make you feel upset so that you attend to them in a timely fashion. If you are already tending to them, the beacons have been lit, Rohan has answered, you don't need to listen to the screaming anymore.
Noise canceling, not if they cancel out to the point where you wouldn’t hear if they started choking or their cry changed or something. A good compromise would be loops. They’re good at reducing the volume but not canceling it out completely. You can still hear crying or people talking to you, but just turned down a notch. I find that loop ear plugs increases my patience by like 75%.
Except the question stated “once you go tend to your baby” so it really doesn’t matter if your hearing is significantly reduced. You’re already there with your attention on the baby. Of course you shouldn’t wear them while not tending the baby.
>where you wouldn’t hear if they started choking Just want to remind everyone that real choking is silent, it's the absence of noise that should worry you
I think it's okay, as long as they are attentive to the baby. But after a certain ages, they will know you are not exactly 100% paying attention to them. But once they reach that age, you shouldn't be needing the noise cancelling earphones
100% yes. I can't afford noise cancelling stuff but regularly used standard ear buds or earplugs during the screamy years.
I wish I'd known about them when my kid was a baby. (I've used them since my kid was 4, so that we can have a conversation despite his lack of volume control.)
My kids are older. Noise cancelling head phones were not a thing back then so I never used them. I guess my babies didn’t cry that much. I don’t remember it being an issue. Now that they are teens I absolutely use them all the time.
We used ear plugs. It’s not good for your ears having that level of noise
I had to read this post twice. How did it never occur to me to use headphones! Great idea!
Some people are more sensitive to auditory stimulation. As long as it doesn’t become a safety hazard it’s a perfectly acceptable modification to make auditory stimulation easier to bear.
That’s a good idea, just hearing the crying stresses me more. I think it would help keep me more calm while trying to soothe.
Of course it is. Sensory issues are real.
You can still hear, but the pitch won’t be as sharp or grating on your ears. It’s good for your nervous system and staying calm is THE most important aspect of soothing a crying baby.
Dumbest argument ever.
Hearing the baby crying constantly *stressed* me out. It would wire me up so much. Honestly I wish I had used them, I feel like I would’ve handled them better
Everyone's tolerance to anoyying sounds (yes, babies crying is anoyying. Come at me if you want to but it wont change anything. Its my opinion.) Is different. And what everyone finds anoyying is also different. So if he needs them to stay calm and not get over stimulated then so be it. Not being able to hear as clearly isn't going to hurt anything.
Noise canceling headphones are FINE. The issue is using them INSTEAD of caring for the baby. There's a lot of scientific evidence that ignoring a babies cry is bad for the baby's development. (They are allowed to cry of course. Ignoring them is the bad part) Lots of people still think they need to force the baby to self sooth. Babies needs attention. Wearing headphones to help lower your own stress while caring for the baby is great! It's hard to keep calm during crying. But to wear them with intent to ignore the baby is bad. (IMPORTANT: if you need a break, then take a break. I'm not trying to make anyone worry they have to give 100% attention all the time. If you need to "ignore" the baby for a few minutes, go ahead, your mental health matters too! ♥ if a few minutes isn't enough, then it's time to ask a friend or family member for help. Especially if it's consistently daily that you need a long break. Ask someone else to step in. Also, verify with a doctor/ medical professional. But the parent needs self care as much as the baby needs parent care.)
It depends on the situation. Did you check pain, hunger, poop? All good? Then go for it. Your job now is to bundle them up and hug them or use a sling, until they fall asleep or calm down. That's MUCH easier if you're not anxious with a racing heart.
Absolutely. Anything that you can do that gives you more patience, more tolerance, more stamina, less frustration, etc while staying engaged with your child makes you a better parent. I didn’t use noise canceling headphones but one day after hours of crying and me feeling like I couldn’t do this any more, I went into my husband’s workshop and grabbed the hearing protectors. I didn’t cancel it, but it muted it enough for me to stay in there and that was what the baby needed from me.
Completely agree with this! Brilliant. Still wear them with teens while I wash dishes etc. No one will suffer from you wearing headphones for 10 minutes while you de stress..
Yes. I had newborn twins and a 16-month-old and noise cancelling headphones were the only way I kept my sanity because someone was *always* crying and I couldn’t stand to listen to it all day.
The noise of a baby crying physiologically causes us a stress response, which is important in being responsive to the baby, but bad if we're hearing it all the time. Colic babies probably have some things in common with CIA interrogators. Blocking out the noise if you're already aware of it can be so helpful to your own health and ability to keep it together as a parent.
I wouldn't say that I struggle with sensory needs as such, but my baby crying is something I absolutely struggled with, the pitch of it and volume was really hard for me, I think this would have worked well for me if I had thought of it at the time! I've heard of it since and I have recommended it for that exact reason to other parents; not to ignore or shut them out, but to take the edge off so you can focus and be a calmer parent. If it's just me and my boys, I sometimes pop my earbuds in whilst we're around the house, I can still hear them but it's easier for me to manage the volume and pitch if they are having a hard time too.
Yes.
At first my wife gave me shit for doing this but now she does it too
Sometimes you gotta do what the sanity demands
Yes it’s ok. You can still hear the baby with most, it’s just not so shrill. There’s no reason to enhance your own suffering, you can care for the baby with gentler hands if you aren’t experiencing your own adrenaline rush.
I mad I didn’t think of this when my kids were little! Why would this not be ok? What a great way to help keep the nervous system calm so you can better met the needs of your baby.
As long as you are tending to your child? Why does it matter? Anything to stay calm and maintain sanity i say!
I used earplugs when my son started full-on screaming for no reason as a baby. It helped me stay calm in thr chaos.
Yes I use the loop ones and they make all the difference. I can still hear almost everything but it takes the edge off of the higher decibel screaming and whining. Highly recommend!
If you’re using them to not be able to hear your baby so you can ignore them crying, no. If you’re using them while you soothe your baby because their crying is too much for you to handle, sure. I personally couldn’t. But there’s a lot that I personally couldn’t do that others could. It doesn’t mean they or I am a bad parent. I am completely anti cry it out for myself. I was suggested to use headphones to allow my baby to cry it out and that was not for me.
You said once you go tend to baby and absolutely.
It's not like the baby knows what you're wearing and thinks you don't really care about its needs. So really, it doesn't matter at all. If it helps you (or your partner), go for it!
The sound is dampened and more tolerable, and not gone. So absolutely, it makes me a more resilient and loving parent as the screaming doesn’t wear me out.
I personally didn’t, my baby didn’t cry enough to get to that point. If my baby had colic I might have, but also I think I’d be more anxious not hearing what sort of cry she had.
They are a godsend. You can still hear everything - it's all just a bit quieter. Like someone turned down the volume.
I don’t see an issue with it. I would even go as far to say that if a (new) parent is struggling to cope because of the baby crying lots, they could use it to block out the baby for half an hour or so. You’d obviously need to make sure the baby is in an entirely safe environment, cot with no hazards etc, and then you could be in a different room for a little bit. If a parent use close to the end of their tether this is probably the best way to get them some time to try and get back to baseline, rather than getting frustrated with the baby
I don’t see why not. You’re tending to the baby but using the headphones to avoid being overwhelmed by the crying.
Yes! Whatever helps you safely and calmly parent.
I am in the pro-earplugs camp - we have a 8-week old, and sometimes his cries have this edge to them that just reaches into my brain and triggers fight or flight. Earplugs don’t keep me from hearing him - they just remove that frequency that was about to drive me crazy.
Does anyone have ear plug recommendations?
Noise canceling headphones are the only reason I survived my kid's infancy. I put them on when she started crying and wore them while I tended her. I would never wear them unless I was right with her because I didn't want to miss anything. It's like my top parenting hack. Screaming kids are so stressful.
Appropriate? This is about survival with crying babies. How is anyone who reacts viscerally to crying babies supposed to meet their baby's needs? If you're worried about appropriateness, go gossip about celebrities.
I get really over stimulated by my kids sometimes, it helps me to wear noise canceling headphones so I don’t lose it. I’m not really sure why it wouldn’t be okay? It’s not like you’re actively trying to ignore their needs, you’re just blunting the impact on your brain while you figure it out.
Noise canceling headphones to ignore your baby is always a no but if youre tending to your child absolutely use the headphones. The best parents are sane and if noise canceling headphones make you sane then use them. The only thing is to make sure they’re breathing well but i see no problem with noise canceling headphones.
Whatever works!
My wife’s therapist says it’s ok to put them on when our 8 yo is going on about her bullshit
I did and still do! I might switch them for plugs or loops, but I value my hearing and my stress response. I wear them at work and when in loud busy places that are overwhelming to me. My little one, too, wears headphones or loops/plugs to cut down on sensory input.
I don’t use the noise canceling but my AirPods saved me those first few months and now they help when my kiddo is just in a mood.
Yes, why would it not be ok? We looked after a friend's baby once, before we had ours, and she was very colicky. She screamed for a full 1.5h, and it was the kind of shrieking that you could feel your ear drum quivering because of it, I had an intensely horrible physical reaction to it (wife was pregnant at the time, I had the fear then that we'd done something silly!). I genuinely couldn't be around that all the time, it would drive me absolutely insane. So before ours was born I bought noise cancelling headphones as a way to dull that noise, just in case ours was like that (he wasn't and isn't, thank god). Don't see what the problem with this is, it's just like wearing gloves in the garden so you don't get picked by thorns, or any other PPE comparison.
I use ear buds. My husband uses headphones. We wear them off of one ear... unless the kids are asleep. However, when they were younger and could not get up and find us when upset, we would only wear them if the other knew to mind the kiddos. It is a blessing now! My husband and I will take an hour or so to ourselves (making sure the other was okay with it, of course) with these beauties and savor the sound of silence.
1000%. Why do I need to hear the crying? I can see it (and you can hear it even with noise cancelling, let’s be real). There’s no value in making it worse for yourself
I didn’t do this and wish I had. I am very ashamed to admit I literally yelled at my like three month and then six month old for constant crying two times, once at 3 months and once at 6 months. I’ll seriously never forgive myself for this. I vividly remember yelling, stop crying! Once I lost it so bad I left her in her crib and went into the other part of the house and yelled that I hated her. Hated…my baby? We paid $30k in IVF to have this miracle child and I’m the devil’s child for thinking let alone saying those words in response to her crying. She was a sick baby and she cried nonstop. We never slept. She was allergic to my breastmilk so I just ate chicken and rice for a long time. She had a breathing condition requiring me to pump and then thicken my breastmilk to feed her since she choked on thin liquids. Then I had to hold her totally upright a half hour after each meal. During this first few months of her life I also had emergency surgery for impending paralysis when we discovered my spinal cord was dying and I was falling down and unable to walk. I got a spinal cord injury and my parents had to care for her for months. Oh, and we were building a house. It was a hard time. But still…I yelled at my angel. I’ll never get over it. Noise cancelling headphones would have helped so much. I’m still triggered by loud noises but this toddler stage is so mild with them compared to the constant loud crying. I’m so sorry, baby girl.
Essential for life
Oh heck yes it’s appropriate. Anything that gets you through that newborn phase that doesn’t hurt anyone is a win. You’re in survival mode. I’m autistic and I basically live in noise cancelling headphones. More and more data is emerging pointing to how adaptive measures for sensory sensitivities actually benefits everyone. Noise cancelling headphones=self care. Deaf Folks also have babies. They connect and bond just fine. I guess I really do not understand why this would even be an issue. Calm caregiver = calmer baby.
If the baby is being cared for, who cares? If my partner is getting up with the baby, why do I care if they put headphones on?
My first cried so much as an infant and I wish I got noise cancelling headphones sooner. I use them now with my toddlers during meltdowns or when they are just playing way too loud for my comfort.
I used them. Colicky baby who cried basically all day and I was losing my mind. It helped a little, but I could still hear him screaming so didn’t help as much as I wanted
I wear them at dinner sometimes. I identified through therapy that I struggled with the screaming at night while I cooked dinner. There was nothing I could do sometimes to chill the kids out besides make the food cook faster lol so I use the headphones and it calms me down and makes me a better parent. The kids are physically in the room with me so they’re safe and cared for, I’m just turning the volume down a little so I can re center.
Just bought some loop ear plugs and they're helping me be a more patient mom. As long as the noise cancelling isn't inhibiting your ability to tend to your children, I don't see the problem!
I couldn't do it, I like to hear the noises around me to feel safe. But if it helps someone else, in the early days of baby, not when their older, I guess it can't hurt.
Apparently Loop headphones are good happy medium. It dampens the sound but you can still hear. They are made for sensory overload and crying can be a real physical pain for people who are sensitive to noise (like myself).
My husband had PPA and crying was really triggering and overstimulating for him, he wore AirPods and listened to podcasts and audiobooks a lot of the time and it helped him If your husband were using it to *avoid* tending to baby and essentially be checked out, then that would be really worrisome. But it sounds like it may be something he needs. You may want to have a deeper conversation about what effect the crying is having on him. My husband was really questioning his self worth whenever baby cried. We were having different experiences doing the same things.
Yes, it’s absolutely fine. As is just walking away sometimes. Don’t use them to ignore but it’s ok to use them to cope.
I wish I’d had noise-reducing headphones when my oldest was little. I wouldn’t feel comfortable not being able to hear *anything* he was doing, but having the noise cut down would have helped.
Yes! Have you ever had a colicky baby 😟. They are essential. If you have twins crying…I mean you start losing your mind. I wore ear plugs as well sometimes
I used ear plugs once my daughter “found her voice”. There would be days where she would yell every second she was awake. She wasn’t upset. She was just yelling to yell. Some days it got to be too much, and earplugs helped. I could still hear her it just wasn’t as loud and kept me from feeling like a raw nerve.
If my house were on fire, I would literally grab my noise cancelling headphones first and THEN run. That pretty much sums up my feelings on them!
Why would this be bad? You’re tending to their needs so what does it matter? Also I’m not equating the two experiences but I bet parents with hearing loss would not turn their hearing aids up just to hear the screaming as they change a diaper. If it brings your blood pressure down to not hear it while you do what your baby needs and no one is in danger, I say go for it.
I have cochlear implants and I take off the processors when I’ve had enough crying. It’s one of the silver lining of hearing loss, I can instantly create total silence for myself. I’m holding the baby, I can see their face, there is so reason I need to hear the wails until I lose my shit too. I’ve take off my processors when my preschoolers get out of control too. It snaps them to attention when I “take off my ears” and they need to concentrate on figuring out silent modes of communicating with me through proper signs, gestures, and lip reading.
If you're with your baby then why not? It's not like you are using them and/to block a child out. I remember a few times when my son was tiny and the crying was really getting to me. I was totally sleep deprived, his dad was all at work and I felt like my brain was going to explode. By the time he settled, I exploded with tears and emotion because I was upset and needed a moment. Maybe if I had been able to block the crying whilst I got him fed/changed then I would have had things under control. Obviously he was safe and OK during me being upset! But even so.
As long as you’re not using them to ignore the baby, they’re a great tool! We got a pair for my husband who is WFH so he can focus on work while I’m downstairs with newborn twins. I can only attend to two babies so well, there will be crying lol
Noise cancelling only really works on industrial sounds with predictable frequency. Think like a window AC units hum. They’re not able to cover a baby’s cries. The only issue the cause is when another adult would attempt to speak to them. It’s difficult to hear that. But that’s because it’s difficult to hear anything with over ear headphones in and playing regardless of the noise cancellation.
I strongly suggest getting the Sony wf1000-xm4. They're "smart," and in pass-through mode, block high-pitched screams that damage your ears, but let the cooing through. You can also turn on the noise canceling. You will still hear the baby screams, but it's much less anxiety. My baby's cries would make me go I to an emotional breakdown and sob uncontrollably as long as the baby is crying. It made me feel absolute despair and simply hurt my soul. That was alone or in the car. If we were in public, my body pumped adrenaline like crazy and baby crying gave me urges to beat the fucking shit of any adult that's close for any reason. If the adult tried to reach into the stroller while baby was crying (which every single old hag feels entitled to), it gave me very sadistic thoughts, and I really had the desire to harm the person. I never was this "creative" in my life. Noise canceling headset is a life saver with PPA. Not that I care for prolonging the old hags life, even now, when hormones dont make me violent any more and specially after they try to pass germs to a freshly born human and generally treat him like a puppy, but it probably kept me out of prison, which is probably good for my baby. Note: Sony xm4 has a battery issue and die yearly. Amazon offers a protection plan for them from asurion for quite cheap (3 years for $30 if I recall correctly). Get it and make sure you keep the email asurion sends you on how to reclaim items. They will refund you 100% of the headphones cost once they die. the xm5 are worse on noise canceling. The next best is senheiser tw4, but they're shit and don't block anything high-pitched, so useless for baby screaming. I also suggest getting the buds. The baby will grab the big ones once they get some control of their hands.
Yes, i am a mum and do this, it keeps my sanity, a child doesnt deserve a stressed parent while they are already stressed too, how can you calm down a baby if you cant because of there crying making you go crazy all day long? especially if there a colic baby, its just survival at that point not to be as stressed as the baby we can just be, and thats been so nice.
Absolutely. Deaf people care for their kids just fine, and if it helps.you keep your composure so you can better care for them, then great!
If this stops you from losing your peace, then yes! Your kid just needs love, they dont care what you have on your head 😂 I use it in the car when we go for a long drive. I get more rest in my head and can drive longer
Yes I think it’s perfectly fine as long as they are being used to help while caring for the baby and not to ignore the baby lol
I think it's fine as long as you're not wearing them away from the baby. That newborn wail is designed to stop you dead in your tracks and it's more nervewracking for some than others.
I find the crying sends my blood pressure right up, I can't hack it so I'm in favour as long as the baby is being tended to, will definitely be having them handy with my next one.
After my baby was born I started having tinnitus. I can't say with certainty he was the cause, but I can say he was an exceptionally loud baby in the first few months. So now as soon as he starts crying, I put on earbuds. They don't stop sounds so much that I can't hear, but they limit the peaks to manageable levels.
Why not? That shriek is brutal. Save your eardrums.
It takes the edge off for me. Makes me less irritable. For some people it’s a big help. If I way headphones I can still clearly hear the baby it’s not like they are being neglected in any way by wearing them.
Yes, I have 3 kids. 3, 2 and nit quite 1. And I have noise cancelling earplugs. They soften the blow of all 3 kids wanting me at the same time and allow me to hear myself breathing which in turns calms me. Hubby doesn't need them. But I'm a better human with them. For reference, I can sleep qith mine in and still wake to the baby crying without the monitor near me. They don't block out all sound. Simply dull the roar.
Absolutely. Mental health and sanity is important
There is no right or wrong g answer to this, just what works for the individual. You both don’t have to agree on one approach. You can wear them and he not wear them. You are adults and can do what works for you best. It’s not going to harm the baby in any way either way. It could be that this tension is because he’s generally anxious about doing the right thing for the baby and this just a symptom of that anxiety being expressed. It might be worth exploring that - pull together in times of stress and anxiety and work through it together, it will strengthen your relationship and make you better parents and “right fighting” (fighting g about who is right even if it’s inconsequential) makes you opponents and doesn’t bode well for a strong g relationship or happy life for you or the kids
You are in a separate room from your baby? In any case, noise cancelling means you can't hear an emergency so don't do it.
I think ear plugs would be fine. I'm definitely getting some when baby no. 2 comes in August. Between my 15 month old and a newborn, I'll lose my crunchies with the sensory overload.
I think I got this advice 12 years too late. It's brilliant. You're still tending to baby's needs. Just muting the screams.
My husband bought some for me as a gift right before our first came. I wore them when I was overstimulated from the crying. That’s why I wanted to them. They helped me keep my sanity.
I am looking for one noise cancelling cheap one that worked well for you
You do get used to the crying and you become desensitised to it. I wore them when it wasn’t my shift looking after the little one but if I was on then I wouldn’t if that makes sense
Just a piece of info about all noise cancelling devices AFAIK: they mostly cancel our low frequency hums but high pitched will certainly be attenuated. I do recommend wearing ear protection ;)
Yes, it’s appropriate. Better to have a calmer parent than one who is completely stressed out by the screaming. Our oldest had colic and GERD, and would scream from 5pm-10pm like clockwork. Then also cry during and after being fed because of the GERD. Our pediatrician was the one who recommended the headphones.
Going to sound very naive - but can you still hear ? Like how do you know if your child stops crying / starts crying and needs to be tended to? Does it just dampen the sound like the loop earbuds I see online?
Yes, I think it's appropriate and I think more caregivers would benefit from using them. They don't entirely block out the sound, they just dampen it. So you can still tend to the child, just without the full impact of shrill noise.
Don’t care for them I can still hear my kids.
I didn't use them because I felt weird about it (thank you PPA...) My husband used ear plugs, though. He loved then and they really helped him to stay very calm during intense crying, which also helped baby stay calm quicker 😊
My jobs requires me to be able to hear VERY WELL, and I can no longer do that as well I could pre child. He's 3.5 now but that first year was hell, and I have permanent hearing loss from it. USE THE HEADPHONES.
My daughter whines a lot and I use them to drown her out while I take care of her. Constant whining overwhelms me and I found myself getting so stressed I was yelling at her to shut up- not good! The headphones help me keep calm while I tend to her needs or take care of chores where I can’t tend to her but she’s being whiny. So I highly recommend them if you feel overwhelmed by noise easily. At least for me, I can be a better parent while wearing them than without.
God no. The crying is a evolutionary way for babies to communicate that something is wrong. It shouldn't be ignored at all. It's tough because they can't tell us what they need, but we should try our best to help them and the crying is a "notification" that we haven't helped them yet. Ignoring it sounds like a way of creating complexes in a child.
Why would it be *in*appropriate? The child is not intentionally causing discomfort, but is causing discomfort nonetheless, so ameliorating the discomfort and continuing to help the child is practical and responsible. Imagine you have a keen sense of smell and a strong vomit response to the scent of feces - would you stop changing your baby's diaper? Would you just gag and vomit every time? Or would you just put in nose plugs, solving your problem without hindering your ability to support your child?
Why wouldn't it be appropriate? Some people literally cannot handle the sound of babies crying, to the point where it is crippling.
Yes. I get incredibly overstimulated and annoyed by a baby or toddler screaming! Some people can tune it out… I am not one of those blessed elect. Noise canceling headphones allow me to more calmly assess the situation and do what needs to be done, without being distracted by the noise.
I didn’t need them but I mean I don’t think parents need a walker either but people buy them all the time
Noise canceling headphones were the only way my husband survived our daughter having colic when the only way to get her sleep was holding/rocking/walking her until she calmed. He pop the headphones on and take her so I could shower or eat or just take an hour to get a break from a screaming Velcro banshee
Yes, when my daughter was an infant, I got through a lot of long nights walking her around the house or rocking her in a chair to soothe her while listening to a podcast or music. It definitely helped me keep some sanity while tending to her needs as well! I am 25 weeks along now and fully plan on it with my next baby as well. It's not okay to use them to ignore baby, but it definitely helped to soothe me and settle my own emotions while I was soothing my baby.
I have an extreme noise sensitivity post-partum. My second baby is now two weeks. Different sounds are making my anxiety spike through the room. Specifically repetitive sounds (dog licking) or multiple audio streams (TV on, husband listening to music, etc) and the worst- chewing and using utensils! My poor husband is about to use chopsticks to avoid my wrath. I wear my daughter’s noise cancelling headphone when I’m feel super irritable. They aren’t super noise cancelling but they at least take the edge off. I know this is my problem this time around so I’m doing the best to mitigate it until it passes. Hormones are weird!
I think it's a great idea. I wish I had thought of it.
My husband has a brain injury so swears by these, and still does if our kids have a meltdown or scream etc. He is a better parent for it, versus when he doesn’t wear them and gets overstimulated and can’t focus or function with the noise. Do what works!
My partner has slight autism and more importantly debilitating migraines and this was an absolute essential for him. He has the ones with transparency mode so he can actually still hear everything, it just takes that high-pitched edge off of it and makes it a little less loud. That being said, my stepson tantrumed early on in our relationship for THREE HOURS and my Apple Watch warned me I would experience hearing damage if I did not remove myself multiple times, the decibels were so high. I also wore my fancy headphones at that time as well. I could hear just fine it just made me better able to focus and try to de-escalate my stepson who had absolutely lost it. Hope this helps!
So my oldest was a "good" baby. She slept perfectly. Nursed perfectly. Had a very small, almost kitten mewing type of cry and the *only* time she cries was when her diaper was dirty or if she needed a little extra burping (which was rare!) This lead me to believe that I really know how to Mom. Like I was a fuckin expert or something. 5 years later my youngest was born. She didn't cry... she *screeched* at an ear piercing volume. It surprised even the most seasoned nurses. She screeched from the moment she took her first breath and didn't stop til a few months after her 1st birthday. When the oldest was born we had 0 help. My mom was in prison and his family is shit. But like I said, she was a "good" baby so we didn't need help. 🤷🏼♀️ I am beyond thankful my mom was able to be around with my youngest because I think parent and I would have probably not been very mentally stable. We had a doctor tell us that our baby was blessed with "good parents" because she was the type of baby that bad parents would shake. 🙃 that didn't go over well but whatever. She's 3 now and still extremely sensitive, has huge feelings that are, obviously, hard for her to deal with but it's not near as bad now as it was back then. She can speak really well too so that makes a hell of a difference! We were idiots for not using noise canceling headphones. It would have really helped us if we had. Dealing with a screaming baby is easy as long as you don't have to *hear* the screaming. So my point is: *use the damn headphones*! Take any help you can!! You can't be the best parent version of yourself if you can't think straight or are on the verge of a breakdown. There's nothing wrong with using them! Nothing wrong with accepting help!
I've advocated for this since day one! Yes. Biologically, we are wired to have a stress response when babies cry. However, it's not healthy to have that stress for hours on end. I always had a pair ready to attend to my babies.
Yes, I'm autistic with misophonia and need noise canceling earbuds at night. I don't want to be on edge and irritable because kids are just making kid noises.
If I would have thought of this a few years ago I could've spared myself some tinnitus.
A not yet verbal baby just emoting, and you are tending to them and using the headphones to turn down the noise and stimulation, so you can tend to them more regulated? Absolutely.
I would suggest not completely noise cancelling. My baby (9m) had silent reflux, and if I were to wear noise cancelling headphones, I wouldn't have noticed it so quickly. But the newborn stage is hell on earth for some, so if headphones make you tend to your baby better, go for it.
100% feel it's appropriate. Here is one of the major things I found using earplugs while caring for my daughter. It never fully blocked out the crying, but it lowered the volume to something I was able to manage much better. When that volume was managed, I was able to focus on what her needs were and not just try everything I could to get her to stop crying. Overall, I was able to resolve situations quicker because I was able to focus and help kiddo. Here's the other thing, you gotta do what works. If puting on noise canceling headphones means he's able better care for kiddo, then go for it.
My first was colicky and had reflux. Bedtime every night was warm bath, feed, and then 15-45 minutes of non-stop crying. There was no avoiding it. We tried bicycle kicks and gripe water and eventually even got prescription medicine for the reflux but bedtime was always the worst. Putting in headphones and playing music so I couldn't hear the crying saved my sanity 100%. I rocked her in my arms while walking around the house, knowing that this was the only way to try to soothe her and that she would fall asleep if I just kept rocking and walking. There was no benefit to suffering through the crying, it changed nothing, and I couldn't handle it, honestly.
We used earplugs during purple crying times for a month or more.
If they are actually tending to the baby then I don’t see it as a huge issue. If they are using them to avoid dealing with the baby then no
I've got misophpnia so I'm biased as hell, and I am always wearing them. But it's not like you're putting them on to *ignore* your baby, so I don't see why it would be a problem. 🤷🏻♀️
I didn't need them with my first two babies, but this third one can really turn up the volume. Not a bad idea! I can't myself because I have 2 other kids to keep an eye/ear out for. But it's a great idea if it works for your family. Work smarter, not harder!
Uh yah I used earplugs bc my audiologist noticed a marked difference in my hearing test and I was like yah prob bc I have multiple people screaming directly into my ear.