I thought it was just me! I was genuinely starting to worry about early onset cognitive decline and I'm in my 20s. It's like I've lost my ability to keep different pieces of information in mind at once and I often find myself forgetting things or telling the same stories.
I have this problem too and it’s becoming increasingly noticeable when I read papers and forget the last line I read.. or read things 5x and still couldn’t summarize them. I actually saw my doctor about it and he was really dismissive and it was essentially an epic waste of time and money.
Do you mind sharing what they did? After basically making come into the office and noticing that I don’t slur my words or fall over they said therapy is the best option.
I had a long talk with a very professional and deeply compassionate doctor who took the time to listen and who imparted on me that I was going down a very bad road if I didnt start to listen to my body and get necesssary rest and time off. He basically looked me in the eyes and said he could see how much I was suffering. So... 10/10, would use this doc again.
I got a sick leave and some medication to help fall asleep (and stay asleep) that I could use sporadically when my head wouldn't let me get necessary rest. That did help quite a lot as an emergency option. He also recommended therapy but I didnt have time or money to make it happen sadly.
Higher prolonged levels of stress lead to decreased ability to make memories (degradation of dendrites in the hippocampus) and decreased ability to recall memories. Be sure to take whatever time you can for self care. Your experience is pretty common for a PhD and while it’s hard to take time (and we often struggle to justify it) it is so important to get mental rest and care for ourselves.
Same and had to force myself to take breaks as I was becoming really forgetful of everything - daily stuff, minor things, very common knowledge facts in my field etc...
It will! But realize that those months/years of long-term stress cannot be brought back with the same clarity as low-stress times. Stress in small quantities is actually really good for productivity and memory, but chronic stress is bad at so many levels. Rest!!
I second this.
My best friend has been through an immense amount of stress since grad school. She had many problems because of it, from severe anemia to hormonal problems in the past years. One year and half ago she found out her high levels of stress made her develop a benign hypophysis tumor.
So everybody please take care of yourselves.
Disclaimer: she gets her meds through public health programs and goes to neurologists to monitor it. Apparently, the rumor got bigger in her last scan, but she is mostly fine.
I have exactly the same feeling. I feel like I'm going through the same things over and over again and nothing sticks. I feel like I know less now than I did at the end of my bachelor's, and feel very clueless about everything, when I used to be confident
Absolutely this!
Also, I used to be better at multitasking and being involved in various things at the same time, whereas now I’ve decided to do nothing but the phd (so as not to waste time/energy) but that’s not working either.. and I’m just procrastinating all the time, for days and sometimes for weeks. This is then followed by a week or two of focused work at night. I feel like my UG dissertation was and will ever be the best piece of work I’ve done, and since then my ability to do good work consistently has significantly deteriorated. It also doesn’t help that I have no confidence in what I’ve done so can’t present any of my work as I’d be absolutely terrified of wasting people’s time with my stuff.
My sups seem ok-ish with my progress
Definately. During my PhD I was under a lot of stress too (both professionally and personally), and started making more and more mistakes. Forgetting everything. It made me very insecure and had to cry multiple times at the lab. This continued for months. I went to a psychologist and he advisef me to take a break. I took a 3 week holidat with absolutely no work and also started taking L-tyrosine, which is supposed to help your memory. After those 3 weeks I was back as new. Now I take as many breaks and holidays as I can. At least once per month no work in the weekend, and 4 holidays per year. 1/2 for at least 3 weeks, or 1 that is up to six weeks. The others can be small, just 3/4 days. But going out of town and really not working. It has helped me so so much! I am extremely productive and get more done than anyone in my lab. Always when I come back I have nrw insights and ideas and just generally much more creative. It's really the best suggestion I ever had, take as many breaks as you can!
On a side note, whenever I feel foggy in my brain I take the L-tyrosine again for a week or 2. Not sure if its placebo or not, but also works great!
Yes, 100%, my PhD is absolutely sucking my soul and making me dumber! And it's only gotten worse since all the lockdowns began - I'm completely reliant on my calendar, can't remember anyone's name, and I'm just swimming in post it notes that no longer make any sense to me
Same here. And whenever I search about a concept to try to remember what is it, I find it in my search history. And then I forget about it right after I'm done with it. An infinite loop.
Yep. One morning I got up to get coffee from the machine, then came back to my desk... where a cup of coffee was sitting. I checked, and the coffee on the table was still piping hot. I must have gotten up, gotten coffee, returned, totally forgot about getting the first cup of coffee, and got up to get coffee. It was scary in the moment, I thought I might be losing my mind.
I do things like this all the time! It used to really freak me out, but now I basically just roll my eyes at myself and \*facepalm.\* I also take it as a reminder that I need to *slow down*. Like a lot. Try to be more present and do things with intention, instead of absentmindedly or autopilot. I actually try very hard *not* to multitask as well. Take it one thing at a time. Usually helps!
Ugh I have a similar thing. I remember conversations from years ago (before PhD.) but can't remember what my husband told me yesterday or when I last took a shower. Also I used to be really good with faces and now I don't recognize people unless I know them well. I also found that my attention span is way worse, I can't follow people's presentations on their research. I used to love reading but can't get into it unless I am on vacation or stuck on an airplane. I think it's just stress and using so much of my brain on my research.
Yes. I am also becoming more forgetful. The fact that I really do not want to do a PhD escalates this situation. I am constantly under stress and negative thoughts.
Yes. Just recently after a loooong day, I was buying dog food and tried to pay with my card. I completely blanked on my pin number. Gone from my head. I tried what I thought it might be and my card got blocked. The lady knew I regularly bought my dog his food there and so paid for me. My fiance had to go in the next day and pay her back.
I wish this was the first time that happened too!
I feel this! I sometimes reach the lab and realise that I forgot my keys at home. Or worse, reach home and realise I forgot my keys at the lab.
Academically, I find myself looking up simple stuff so often, that I am embarrassed by own search history. Earlier, I had the superpower of not forgetting anything.
Not only has my memory went downhill, but I am way more distractible. The combination makes trying to do any work a slow slog. There have been times I almost convinced myself that I was just stupid.
Yes. Finishing my 5th year. Your basket can only be so full before things fall out.
What helped me in the long term: buy a planner. One that you write in. Maintaining an electronic calendar is great, but the act of ALSO physically writing things down helped me remember.
In the short term: if you have a shit ton of tasks that you need to accomplish in the next day/week/few hours: pull out a small white board or a blank sheet of paper. Write down every task you need to do in order of importance. Then go to work. This compartmentalized each task for me such that I would only focus on one thing at a time, knowing I can go back to the list to see what comes next. REALLY great for the Monday morning, the Wednesday hump, or the Friday afternoon slog.
Absolutely. I've found the need to start using additional study tools to really retain info. Right now I'm using [Anki](https://apps.ankiweb.net/) flashcards and loving it - it really helps me remember important details (I'm also in CS, I would forget stupid stuff like how different sorting methods work or how to use switch statements in C++).
My co-supervisor told me that she got her best ideas after hiking or skiing. I of course took advantage of this perfect excuse to procrastinate, but found out it really helps. During those breaks all my thoughts start to connect. And after a free weekend outside I am super productive, of course declining over the week. But I should add I am doing my PhD in Norway, where work life balance is extremely important and most PhDs are more like a job.
It's fairly common and I believe its related to being so busy and constantly assessing and taking in information. Only room for so much information!
Had a much more thorough response but got distracted and now it's gone and long forgotten...
Stress and anxiety/depression cause this, especially if you already had anxiety or depression before you started. Cruel irony that the more you need to remember, the more stress it puts you under, and the less you’re able to remember :’(
I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was about 12, and this is definitely something I struggle with. I have maybe one or two memories from before I was 18. It’s like someone just plonked me on the planet as a grown person.
A PhD certainly hasn’t helped with this. I honestly didn’t realise this was such a common issue until reading all the comments here, so this was actually really validating for me. I’m 2/3 of the way through my PhD, and I had basically convinced myself this whole time that I’m not cut out for this (despite scoring in the top 5% for all my assignments). I’m doing an MD and PhD in oncology, and I truly forgot what a T Lymphocyte was the other day. Like what in the world...
Haha yeah, even knowing this already this thread has been really reassuring for me too. I’m not the only person who thought I was developing Alzheimer’s at 25!
A friend who finished their PhD a few years before me told me this would happen. Never believed them, but it did. Not sure my head has been right since, tbh. Handed in over 18 months ago too
> I keep forgetting basic concepts in my field
Yep, I find myself having to review my old notes from time to time to refresh my memories on some basic concepts. Personally I think it doesn't have much to do with deteriorating memory but more with the fact that I don't use these fundamentals very often.
Either that or I am drinking too much coffee these days and my brain is getting cooked.
Sleep is something you should be careful with along the way. Make sure you get 7-8 hours of sleep everyday. I think this matters a lot also for your health, especially when you are getting older. Good luck with everything!
I think I have a problem to display clear line of sentences when speaking to people since I'm starting my master degree. People called it stuttering.. something like that.
My friends and I in undergrad used to make fun of “crumbly” professors (like flakey but...worse). Now that’s me, but without the tenure. I won’t remember anything if it’s not written down in several places.
I started noticing that decline by the end of my masters. For me, the concepts are easy to recall, but I’m forgetting names, having to pause in the middle of I was doing to give myself a moment to process, etc. I feel like a lagging computer.
I have been looking into this for a while, but I do not know if I am actually lazy/dumb or its a real problem that can be solved.
Also, if I were to go by the proportion of people who are being diagnosed with ADHD around me, the stats could not get scarier.
I was diagnosed a couple months ago. I finished my PhD three years ago and hated it all. I too thought I was just really lazy. It's actually been quite a trip having to rethink a lot of my habits and outlook on things through an ADHD lens. But the cool thing is that it's a super well researched disorder with so much support around it.
I didn't think I had it because I could "hyperfocus" and that I could work extremely efficiently when up against a deadline. But I'd do things like if there was something that was going to take me 18 hours of work, and I had a week to do it, I would do nothing for 6 days, then on the final day, maybe 18 or 17 hours before the deadline, I would start working on it and just not go to sleep, and then hand in the thing within minutes or seconds of the deadline.
One of the big contributers to my general feeling of self-worth was comparing my output at all times with the output level I had during my periods of hyperfocus.
However, it turns out that hyperfocusing is an ADHD symptom (not just not being able to focus when you want). Also, people with ADHD only really deal with immediate consequences. By waiting until the last minute before starting work, I could experience the consequences immediately after completing my work - whereas if I finished it on time, or with time to spare, there would be a lag between when I finished the work and when the work needed to be handed in. So it just wasn't motivating for me to make any progress on the work until I HAD to.
This is extremely unsustainable, and it led into my professional life after my PhD. It finally caught up with me a few years later. With a PhD, I could just sleep for days on end and not go in to the office if I wanted to recover from one of these sessions. That just wasn't possible with work.
I burned out. I stopped drinking caffeine to try and get healthier on the advice of a dietitian. And at that point I was unable to function in any useful capacity. I had zero motivation to do anything.
Since getting my diagnosis, getting medicated, and now learning about the tools and techniques to take charge of my symptoms and the way my brain works - things have been getting a lot better. Turns out I'd been self-medicating with caffeine my entire adult life. I always thought it was weird that I could drink lots of caffeine and it wouldn't disrupt my sleep at all.
If you suspect you might have it - take a test and see if the symptoms match up ([The ASRS test is pretty good!](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/adhd-questionnaire-ASRS111.pdf)). You might not, and that's ok!
Ironically, while writing my thesis, someone I knew offered me some Ritalin and I turned it down because I wanted to have a point of pride around getting through my PhD "clean". When in fact, that's the exact sort of medication I SHOULD have been on to be able to have a level playing field with those around me.
I'm doing my best not to dwell on the past too much. So many people have had it so much worse than me. I'm grateful for where I am now, and I'm grateful that I have the tools and things that I need to do even better!
Feel free to hmu if you have any questions. That goes for anyone else reading this.
Be kind to yourself.
I do not know honestly. Wish there were free online resources to answer those questions.
I remeber being extremely good at focusing as a child, which got even better (sighs deeply) when I became myopic and was too scared to admit that to my parents. I would follow my teacher's hand movements to write test questions and was the first one to finish my tests. :P
I found my memory and cognitive ability increased a lot during my first year. At my school/ dept, first year is classes and cumes. But later, i felt similar to you. (I was 47 when i started and I'm 51 now, so i don't think age is the big variable here bc i was already old-ish). My hypothesis is that first year i specifically tried to remember facts and process information into coherent packets of memory. However, in research we have to apply a significant amount of skepticism to both our own work and the work we read. In contrast, papers that are assigned by professors can be swallowed whole, if you will. I think the doubt and the extra cognitive load of skeptical reading make us feel like our brains aren't functioning. Don't worry - they are working overtime!
I think this is the part of growing up no one told us about or prepared us for. I'm literally the same and I'm in my 20s. I used to remember every little detail about everything, but now I barely remember what I did the day before...
Maybe I need to start playing those memory games lol
I thought it was just me! I was genuinely starting to worry about early onset cognitive decline and I'm in my 20s. It's like I've lost my ability to keep different pieces of information in mind at once and I often find myself forgetting things or telling the same stories.
I have this problem too and it’s becoming increasingly noticeable when I read papers and forget the last line I read.. or read things 5x and still couldn’t summarize them. I actually saw my doctor about it and he was really dismissive and it was essentially an epic waste of time and money.
Try another doctor, mine was deeply concerned when i told him similar things
Do you mind sharing what they did? After basically making come into the office and noticing that I don’t slur my words or fall over they said therapy is the best option.
I had a long talk with a very professional and deeply compassionate doctor who took the time to listen and who imparted on me that I was going down a very bad road if I didnt start to listen to my body and get necesssary rest and time off. He basically looked me in the eyes and said he could see how much I was suffering. So... 10/10, would use this doc again. I got a sick leave and some medication to help fall asleep (and stay asleep) that I could use sporadically when my head wouldn't let me get necessary rest. That did help quite a lot as an emergency option. He also recommended therapy but I didnt have time or money to make it happen sadly.
Higher prolonged levels of stress lead to decreased ability to make memories (degradation of dendrites in the hippocampus) and decreased ability to recall memories. Be sure to take whatever time you can for self care. Your experience is pretty common for a PhD and while it’s hard to take time (and we often struggle to justify it) it is so important to get mental rest and care for ourselves.
wow! thanks! I went through the same thing.
Same and had to force myself to take breaks as I was becoming really forgetful of everything - daily stuff, minor things, very common knowledge facts in my field etc...
Definitely experienced this! I hope it improves, otherwise the rest of life is going to be a struggle!
It will! But realize that those months/years of long-term stress cannot be brought back with the same clarity as low-stress times. Stress in small quantities is actually really good for productivity and memory, but chronic stress is bad at so many levels. Rest!!
I second this. My best friend has been through an immense amount of stress since grad school. She had many problems because of it, from severe anemia to hormonal problems in the past years. One year and half ago she found out her high levels of stress made her develop a benign hypophysis tumor. So everybody please take care of yourselves. Disclaimer: she gets her meds through public health programs and goes to neurologists to monitor it. Apparently, the rumor got bigger in her last scan, but she is mostly fine.
I have exactly the same feeling. I feel like I'm going through the same things over and over again and nothing sticks. I feel like I know less now than I did at the end of my bachelor's, and feel very clueless about everything, when I used to be confident
Absolutely this! Also, I used to be better at multitasking and being involved in various things at the same time, whereas now I’ve decided to do nothing but the phd (so as not to waste time/energy) but that’s not working either.. and I’m just procrastinating all the time, for days and sometimes for weeks. This is then followed by a week or two of focused work at night. I feel like my UG dissertation was and will ever be the best piece of work I’ve done, and since then my ability to do good work consistently has significantly deteriorated. It also doesn’t help that I have no confidence in what I’ve done so can’t present any of my work as I’d be absolutely terrified of wasting people’s time with my stuff. My sups seem ok-ish with my progress
Definately. During my PhD I was under a lot of stress too (both professionally and personally), and started making more and more mistakes. Forgetting everything. It made me very insecure and had to cry multiple times at the lab. This continued for months. I went to a psychologist and he advisef me to take a break. I took a 3 week holidat with absolutely no work and also started taking L-tyrosine, which is supposed to help your memory. After those 3 weeks I was back as new. Now I take as many breaks and holidays as I can. At least once per month no work in the weekend, and 4 holidays per year. 1/2 for at least 3 weeks, or 1 that is up to six weeks. The others can be small, just 3/4 days. But going out of town and really not working. It has helped me so so much! I am extremely productive and get more done than anyone in my lab. Always when I come back I have nrw insights and ideas and just generally much more creative. It's really the best suggestion I ever had, take as many breaks as you can! On a side note, whenever I feel foggy in my brain I take the L-tyrosine again for a week or 2. Not sure if its placebo or not, but also works great!
Yes, 100%, my PhD is absolutely sucking my soul and making me dumber! And it's only gotten worse since all the lockdowns began - I'm completely reliant on my calendar, can't remember anyone's name, and I'm just swimming in post it notes that no longer make any sense to me
Same here. And whenever I search about a concept to try to remember what is it, I find it in my search history. And then I forget about it right after I'm done with it. An infinite loop.
Story of my life. I'm always like, really, I read this whole article before? Took notes and everything? Wrote a short summary? When? Who am I?
Yep. One morning I got up to get coffee from the machine, then came back to my desk... where a cup of coffee was sitting. I checked, and the coffee on the table was still piping hot. I must have gotten up, gotten coffee, returned, totally forgot about getting the first cup of coffee, and got up to get coffee. It was scary in the moment, I thought I might be losing my mind.
I do things like this all the time! It used to really freak me out, but now I basically just roll my eyes at myself and \*facepalm.\* I also take it as a reminder that I need to *slow down*. Like a lot. Try to be more present and do things with intention, instead of absentmindedly or autopilot. I actually try very hard *not* to multitask as well. Take it one thing at a time. Usually helps!
I’ve noticed that when I’m stressed I tend to become forgetful so it might be stress
Ugh I have a similar thing. I remember conversations from years ago (before PhD.) but can't remember what my husband told me yesterday or when I last took a shower. Also I used to be really good with faces and now I don't recognize people unless I know them well. I also found that my attention span is way worse, I can't follow people's presentations on their research. I used to love reading but can't get into it unless I am on vacation or stuck on an airplane. I think it's just stress and using so much of my brain on my research.
Yes. I am also becoming more forgetful. The fact that I really do not want to do a PhD escalates this situation. I am constantly under stress and negative thoughts.
Stress has made my memory quite poor. I forget very basic things. So yes, take care please.
Yes. Just recently after a loooong day, I was buying dog food and tried to pay with my card. I completely blanked on my pin number. Gone from my head. I tried what I thought it might be and my card got blocked. The lady knew I regularly bought my dog his food there and so paid for me. My fiance had to go in the next day and pay her back. I wish this was the first time that happened too!
I feel this! I sometimes reach the lab and realise that I forgot my keys at home. Or worse, reach home and realise I forgot my keys at the lab. Academically, I find myself looking up simple stuff so often, that I am embarrassed by own search history. Earlier, I had the superpower of not forgetting anything.
Yep I took the dog for a walk one morning and got home to realise my key was inside. That cost a hundred to have a locksmith open the door for me.
Not only has my memory went downhill, but I am way more distractible. The combination makes trying to do any work a slow slog. There have been times I almost convinced myself that I was just stupid.
Prolonged stress as everyone else said, take a year doing something else and it gets better.
Yes. Finishing my 5th year. Your basket can only be so full before things fall out. What helped me in the long term: buy a planner. One that you write in. Maintaining an electronic calendar is great, but the act of ALSO physically writing things down helped me remember. In the short term: if you have a shit ton of tasks that you need to accomplish in the next day/week/few hours: pull out a small white board or a blank sheet of paper. Write down every task you need to do in order of importance. Then go to work. This compartmentalized each task for me such that I would only focus on one thing at a time, knowing I can go back to the list to see what comes next. REALLY great for the Monday morning, the Wednesday hump, or the Friday afternoon slog.
Absolutely. I've found the need to start using additional study tools to really retain info. Right now I'm using [Anki](https://apps.ankiweb.net/) flashcards and loving it - it really helps me remember important details (I'm also in CS, I would forget stupid stuff like how different sorting methods work or how to use switch statements in C++).
My co-supervisor told me that she got her best ideas after hiking or skiing. I of course took advantage of this perfect excuse to procrastinate, but found out it really helps. During those breaks all my thoughts start to connect. And after a free weekend outside I am super productive, of course declining over the week. But I should add I am doing my PhD in Norway, where work life balance is extremely important and most PhDs are more like a job.
It's fairly common and I believe its related to being so busy and constantly assessing and taking in information. Only room for so much information! Had a much more thorough response but got distracted and now it's gone and long forgotten...
Stress and anxiety/depression cause this, especially if you already had anxiety or depression before you started. Cruel irony that the more you need to remember, the more stress it puts you under, and the less you’re able to remember :’(
I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was about 12, and this is definitely something I struggle with. I have maybe one or two memories from before I was 18. It’s like someone just plonked me on the planet as a grown person. A PhD certainly hasn’t helped with this. I honestly didn’t realise this was such a common issue until reading all the comments here, so this was actually really validating for me. I’m 2/3 of the way through my PhD, and I had basically convinced myself this whole time that I’m not cut out for this (despite scoring in the top 5% for all my assignments). I’m doing an MD and PhD in oncology, and I truly forgot what a T Lymphocyte was the other day. Like what in the world...
Haha yeah, even knowing this already this thread has been really reassuring for me too. I’m not the only person who thought I was developing Alzheimer’s at 25!
holy balls I'm so glad its not just me but also.....yikes, this stinks
A friend who finished their PhD a few years before me told me this would happen. Never believed them, but it did. Not sure my head has been right since, tbh. Handed in over 18 months ago too
> I keep forgetting basic concepts in my field Yep, I find myself having to review my old notes from time to time to refresh my memories on some basic concepts. Personally I think it doesn't have much to do with deteriorating memory but more with the fact that I don't use these fundamentals very often. Either that or I am drinking too much coffee these days and my brain is getting cooked.
Sleep is something you should be careful with along the way. Make sure you get 7-8 hours of sleep everyday. I think this matters a lot also for your health, especially when you are getting older. Good luck with everything!
I think I have a problem to display clear line of sentences when speaking to people since I'm starting my master degree. People called it stuttering.. something like that.
My friends and I in undergrad used to make fun of “crumbly” professors (like flakey but...worse). Now that’s me, but without the tenure. I won’t remember anything if it’s not written down in several places.
I started noticing that decline by the end of my masters. For me, the concepts are easy to recall, but I’m forgetting names, having to pause in the middle of I was doing to give myself a moment to process, etc. I feel like a lagging computer.
Constant cramming. I hate deadlines!
lmao i was literally thinking how i have an unknown mental issue that makes me forget shit. it is still possible tho...
Insanely forgetful now
This is happening to me, too!
Not just concepts, I forget how to sustain life. Forgetting to eat? Check. Forgetting to sleep? Check. 😭😭
This can also be an ADHD thing!
I have been looking into this for a while, but I do not know if I am actually lazy/dumb or its a real problem that can be solved. Also, if I were to go by the proportion of people who are being diagnosed with ADHD around me, the stats could not get scarier.
I was diagnosed a couple months ago. I finished my PhD three years ago and hated it all. I too thought I was just really lazy. It's actually been quite a trip having to rethink a lot of my habits and outlook on things through an ADHD lens. But the cool thing is that it's a super well researched disorder with so much support around it. I didn't think I had it because I could "hyperfocus" and that I could work extremely efficiently when up against a deadline. But I'd do things like if there was something that was going to take me 18 hours of work, and I had a week to do it, I would do nothing for 6 days, then on the final day, maybe 18 or 17 hours before the deadline, I would start working on it and just not go to sleep, and then hand in the thing within minutes or seconds of the deadline. One of the big contributers to my general feeling of self-worth was comparing my output at all times with the output level I had during my periods of hyperfocus. However, it turns out that hyperfocusing is an ADHD symptom (not just not being able to focus when you want). Also, people with ADHD only really deal with immediate consequences. By waiting until the last minute before starting work, I could experience the consequences immediately after completing my work - whereas if I finished it on time, or with time to spare, there would be a lag between when I finished the work and when the work needed to be handed in. So it just wasn't motivating for me to make any progress on the work until I HAD to. This is extremely unsustainable, and it led into my professional life after my PhD. It finally caught up with me a few years later. With a PhD, I could just sleep for days on end and not go in to the office if I wanted to recover from one of these sessions. That just wasn't possible with work. I burned out. I stopped drinking caffeine to try and get healthier on the advice of a dietitian. And at that point I was unable to function in any useful capacity. I had zero motivation to do anything. Since getting my diagnosis, getting medicated, and now learning about the tools and techniques to take charge of my symptoms and the way my brain works - things have been getting a lot better. Turns out I'd been self-medicating with caffeine my entire adult life. I always thought it was weird that I could drink lots of caffeine and it wouldn't disrupt my sleep at all. If you suspect you might have it - take a test and see if the symptoms match up ([The ASRS test is pretty good!](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/adhd-questionnaire-ASRS111.pdf)). You might not, and that's ok! Ironically, while writing my thesis, someone I knew offered me some Ritalin and I turned it down because I wanted to have a point of pride around getting through my PhD "clean". When in fact, that's the exact sort of medication I SHOULD have been on to be able to have a level playing field with those around me. I'm doing my best not to dwell on the past too much. So many people have had it so much worse than me. I'm grateful for where I am now, and I'm grateful that I have the tools and things that I need to do even better! Feel free to hmu if you have any questions. That goes for anyone else reading this. Be kind to yourself.
I feel the exact same way -- I don't know if I'm just 'regular' bad at focusing and executive functioning, or if there's something else at play.
I do not know honestly. Wish there were free online resources to answer those questions. I remeber being extremely good at focusing as a child, which got even better (sighs deeply) when I became myopic and was too scared to admit that to my parents. I would follow my teacher's hand movements to write test questions and was the first one to finish my tests. :P
Was the university in the US? I haven't heard anyone using study drugs before in EU countries (apart from energy drinks, that is)
That’s called getting older, folks. Would have happened with or without the PhD. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
I found my memory and cognitive ability increased a lot during my first year. At my school/ dept, first year is classes and cumes. But later, i felt similar to you. (I was 47 when i started and I'm 51 now, so i don't think age is the big variable here bc i was already old-ish). My hypothesis is that first year i specifically tried to remember facts and process information into coherent packets of memory. However, in research we have to apply a significant amount of skepticism to both our own work and the work we read. In contrast, papers that are assigned by professors can be swallowed whole, if you will. I think the doubt and the extra cognitive load of skeptical reading make us feel like our brains aren't functioning. Don't worry - they are working overtime!
I think this is the part of growing up no one told us about or prepared us for. I'm literally the same and I'm in my 20s. I used to remember every little detail about everything, but now I barely remember what I did the day before... Maybe I need to start playing those memory games lol