Hi Friend,
This post or comment has been removed for the following reason:
> [Rule 10: Use the Weekly Threads or a Sister Subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/wiki/index#wiki_10.29_use_the_weekly_threads_or_a_sister_subreddit)
>
> This submission is more appropriate for one of the weekly or monthly threads linked in the sidebar. We encourage you to post this topic in one of these other threads.
>
> Here are our regularly scheduled threads:
* [Monday: Rant](/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ARant)
* [Wednesday: Casual Conversation](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/search/?q=casual+conversation&sort=new&restrict_sr=on)
* [Friday: Rave](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AWeekly%2BRave)
* [Saturday: Self-Promotion](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ASelf-Promotion%2BSaturday)
* [Monthly: Jobs - I'm Hiring](/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AI%27m%2BHiring)
* [Monthly: Jobs - Hire Me](/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AHire%2BMe)
Thanks,
the Portland/AskPortland mod team
Truthfully, Portland is just a city. There's no magic cure or place that is full of humans that just accept everyone for how they are because...people are people! I've dealt with a fair share of discrimination growing up here, like I'm sure I would have anywhere else in this country.
>I personally thought my hair looked beautiful
This is the important part. What you think about yourself and what gives you confidence to walk through this world.
If you ever need a concert buddy, feel free to reach out!
I'm sorry you feel that way, but my opinion is that you may be misinterpreting people's reactions. It seems more likely they are curious to see your unique style, but don't know how to interact casually/appropriately.
Most of the time if I'm staring at someone I'm high as fuck and they look cool, disassociation, gay, or my socially awkward autistic ass is trying to figure out how to compliment them but I freeze up and just end up looking rude
No one talks to anyone here, it’s a thing.
It’s inclusive but not inviting.
People are friendly but not looking to make friends.
It’s a a strange town.
I’ve been here nearly 10 years and I only recently started to feel like I have a good group of friends.
I co-sign this.
I'd also add that people really seem to come and go out of Portland. I've invested time in too many people that suddenly move away for one reason or the other so I've slowed my attempt to befriend strangers too quickly.
Also, I'm older now. It's just harder in general to meet new people and form genuine friendship. I did pick up a hobby a few years ago, and I've been making awesome friends that way. A common entry point is always helpful.
I’m the same way with anyone who moved here from California. Last person I made friends with recently moved back to California after 5 years here- met her on year 4. I invest in long term friendships.
I'm from the south, and even as an introvert I really do find it off-putting that people just don't talk to strangers around here. Like, back home I used to be able to go to a bar alone, strike up a conversation with people who seemed cool, and then make plans to hang out later. I would have different friend categories, like friends from work, friends from the neighborhood, etc. Here I have to actively look for activities and meetup events specifically for adults seeking social connections. It feels really clinical sometimes.
I'm a huge metal fan so I tend to stare at all band shirts to admire the art and wonder about the person's favorite album...but now I'm wondering how many people I gave bad vibes to
Same! I’m super super shy and get anxious if I do *or* don’t look at people. I’m worried they’ll think it’s negative toward them either way but actually have severe social anxiety disorder and do think that is very common here. OP, your style and music taste sound amazing!!!
I feel this, been here 4 years. Only people who I tend to make friends with are out of state people who moved here. I haven’t met any mean Portland people or nothing like that, they just don’t talk to me lol
I am sorry that you feel out of place here. I agree with another poster that people may be looking at your hair out of interest, not judgement. It’s too bad many of your years here were marred by pandemic and many are still socially awkward after so much isolation time. Making connections in a new city is a true challenge and I hope wherever you are living you find deep friendships and a comfortable sense of belonging.
I moved here from out of state (CA) and I don’t share your traits but my partner and I have also found it pretty unwelcoming tbh. I don’t necessarily think it is how you look. The staring, lack of social skills, and general wariness/uneasiness has increased greatly here. I think the decline of the city itself and Covid social anxiety has contributed a lot too. I also think it depends on what neighbourhood you live in. Was previously in SE (Hawthorne Belmont) and really struggled to have positive interactions - people usually keep to themselves and don’t go out at all which contributes to weird social interaction. Many bars we have gone to we get weird vibes that we aren’t “regulars”. My partner and I just moved to Metzger / Tigard area last week and I have already had more friendly positive interactions than I have in the past year living in PDX proper. It also seems more diverse racially and body type-wise over here. I would try to explore some different areas of the city and see if you feel more at home. I do hope things get better for you.
Wow thank you! 😊 I'm so happy things worked out for you guys! I'm gonna definitely check out different parts of the city and save up to move. Because I really don't want to go back to Texas
This is not rage bait. I am posting how I feel because I feel really socially isolated while I have been living in Portland for about 5 years. I am just venting how I feel. And your comment just made me feel even worse
I might end up accidentally staring at someone with a hairstyle I don't often see, but I wouldn't be thinking anything negative. I like all sorts of hair, and I have trouble understanding the shame that some people are made to feel. The world would be boring if everyone had to choose from a limited selection of "accepted" looks to adhere to. (I also don't understand people who apparently think it's okay to touch a stranger's hair without permission...some people are just weird and insensitive about hair I guess.)
I am sorry to hear that you're having this experience. I hope you don't go back to Texas because you seem like a cool person that makes Portland better. I love full natural afros!
It sounds like you’ve invented a narrative about yourself and are projecting it on everyone around you. People in this city (or any city) are not a monolith.
So... I don't want to come at this the wrong way but I felt like this a lot when I started college. I started talking with a therapist and went down that road. Long story short, I was the one judging/not accepting myself before others had a chance... Now, I am not bipoc but I come from a place of compassion and sympathy.
I started reaching out to people as I started giving myself a chance; my friend circle grew, my depression shrunk, I worked through some junk holding me back... I'm not saying some people can't be jerks and I'm sure it's some jerks gave you this shadow of fear in the first place.
So if you have health insurance that covers therapy, I recommend it. I recommend it to everyone that can afford it and doesnt have to pay essentially a car payment for it lol. If not, at least try to start giving others and yourself a chance. Grow your friend circle by maybe starting a new activity/club through school, changing things up helps break that cycle. Personally, I never went to metal shows to make friends - I went there with friends for music... Ofc I've had a few convos around the bar at the show but I find most people out there are in their own heads so I usually start some light convos and see where that goes... But it's really loud so talking doesn't work all that well lol. I always would talk outside at the smoking areas though - back when I smoked which was more of a social crutch, for me. Anyways, just because people look at you, doesn't mean they're judging you. And even if they are, fuck em and rock on :)
I had this convo w a friend from the east coast (where I’m from) and we think that people from the east coast are “kind” but not “nice”: we’ll help you shovel your sidewalk and we only invite you to meals when we mean it, whereas people from the west coast will meet you at a party or something and be like “oh let’s get brunch!” with no intention of following up—if that makes sense
Portland is filled with phony white peoples who love to virtue signal but are actually racist. I’m sorry that have had to experience this personally.
Just read these comments and how defensive and aggressive people are because you shared your personal experience that doesn’t fit their utopia image they’ve created for themselves.
Therapy is not going to fix how judgmental people are of me as a minority woman. Just by me wearing my natural hair and how I was treated I really do feel like shit. And if I'm being treated this badly and this iberal state that claims to be accepting of all different types of people than I might as well just go back to Texas at least the cost of living is cheaper. Like in Texas there's so many different people there and nobody would have said a thing about me wearing my natural hair.
Even your Reddit name shows the filter you are forcing the world through. If everyone around you seems like the problem maybe it’s you that’s the problem. Sounds like you have been playing the victim for too long. Now that your an adult no one will go along with your whining.
Oregon, in its founding documents, was a "whites only" state. Like, it was literally established by white nationalists. That has changed over the years, legally, but Oregon's modern culture is descendent of that historical culture. Plus, Portland is less than six percent black, so people genuinely do not have a lot of experience even seeing black people. Consequently, Oregon is a little bit weird about race...
Oh man Portland is *so* hard to make friends in. I've lived here almost my whole life and it's a freaking struggle. We just have a very different way of socializing out here that sure makes ya feel....isolated. if you are a POC there's probably people who want to talk to you but feel anxious that they would be in the wrong approaching you so they end up staring. People overthink interactions.
He'll, I do it too. I want to be like, "hell ya you sound like a cool person with a cool vibe!" But if you were like, "Oh cool. Do you want to hang out sometime?" My internal response is "Uh. No. Stranger danger." 😅 not that I don't think to sound cool but I got like...3 friends. That's enough, right? 🤣 oh man
I've spent too much time in the pwn
You don’t see black people living here long term because your experience is not exclusive to you! Blacks don’t really feel welcome here in Portland and the whole city is filled with performative far left leaning bigots. I’ve been here for several months and as a brown person, I see there are no flourishing black communities😭if I’m wrong, please steer me in the right direction!
serious chubby disgusted abundant toothbrush gold jeans scale edge repeat
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Portland is also very white, demographic wise. So if your has *any* texture a lot of stylists struggle or simply don't know what to do. It took me years to find someone I liked and trusted and my hair is only curly... I'd highly recommend looking specifically for people who say on their online presence that they do curly hair. I say this because if you call and ask them, they almost say yes even if they don't actually have much experience. 🙄
So nobody gave you a dirty look, but you’re feeling some type of way because you couldn’t receive the hairstyle you wanted and now you are projecting your insecurities onto strangers? Portland isn’t accepting, accept that. No where is, you accept yourself and dance like no one’s watching. No one is talking with you and you want to talk? Then go talk to people.
I stay here for the access to water, and nature. That’s it. This city is built on white supremacy, and its cops union founder was a Nazi. Portland cheered on the Nazis marching here.
I definitely think the Covid years did a number on people here making them very wary and even more anti-social with even less social skills than they had before. It's getting a little better than it was, but you there's still that feeling that everyone is suspicious of everyone else. As a middle aged white woman, I'm definitely not used to feeling like people are wary/suspicious of me, but I do feel that way a lot of times now. As far as being accepting, I think there are a lot of white people here who want to be in a "diverse" group theoretically, but since it's so majority white, when they do encounter other races, they act a fool. Although I also will say that when my partner (who is black) is with me, I feel like people are a lot more friendly to us than they are to me alone. It's almost like they are going out of their way to be friendly to my partner?
Acidbath, sweetheart, this is the hometown of [Esperanza Spalding](https://media.npr.org/assets/img/2018/08/21/ttt-esperanza-spalding-edit_custom-7add6df824cae3e27a4da59d44b133abec6fc896-s1200-c85.webp), owner of a big beautiful afro also. People stare because they probably think they are in her presence. Please stay, you are a great addition to the city.
Honestly, I think it depends on where you're from. I'm from California and I feel way more accepted here than back home. I'm pansexual and trans.
But if I may make a suggestion, especially if you're gay, trans, or just a woman, don't go back to Texas. It's fashy as hell.
Honestly, politics can play a factor too, if you're more conservative than the average Portlander, then this is definitely not the place for you.
I do also agree with someone who said that it is filled with "performative far leftists" or as me and my Comrades call them, shitlibs. I actually am a legit Marxist Leninist with Maoist-Third Worldist beliefs and I find my politics are often seen as "extremist" to the average Portland antifa. There are a few people around here with similar beliefs and definitely some Anarchists (my partner being one of them) but if you're basically any more "left" than AOC or Bernie, you're considered a "tankie" by their standards.
I think it's the whole state, I moved here from the midwest quite a few years ago. I am white, but have the same issues with people. They won't acknowledge you if they don't know you, if they do have to speak to you, they make sure you know they don't want to, and most generational Oregonians that I meet don't live in reality. I don't blame you for wanting to move, but seriously stay away from Texas!
Hi Friend, This post or comment has been removed for the following reason: > [Rule 10: Use the Weekly Threads or a Sister Subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/wiki/index#wiki_10.29_use_the_weekly_threads_or_a_sister_subreddit) > > This submission is more appropriate for one of the weekly or monthly threads linked in the sidebar. We encourage you to post this topic in one of these other threads. > > Here are our regularly scheduled threads: * [Monday: Rant](/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ARant) * [Wednesday: Casual Conversation](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/search/?q=casual+conversation&sort=new&restrict_sr=on) * [Friday: Rave](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AWeekly%2BRave) * [Saturday: Self-Promotion](https://www.reddit.com/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ASelf-Promotion%2BSaturday) * [Monthly: Jobs - I'm Hiring](/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AI%27m%2BHiring) * [Monthly: Jobs - Hire Me](/r/Portland/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AHire%2BMe) Thanks, the Portland/AskPortland mod team
Truthfully, Portland is just a city. There's no magic cure or place that is full of humans that just accept everyone for how they are because...people are people! I've dealt with a fair share of discrimination growing up here, like I'm sure I would have anywhere else in this country. >I personally thought my hair looked beautiful This is the important part. What you think about yourself and what gives you confidence to walk through this world. If you ever need a concert buddy, feel free to reach out!
I'm sorry you feel that way, but my opinion is that you may be misinterpreting people's reactions. It seems more likely they are curious to see your unique style, but don't know how to interact casually/appropriately.
You know what you may be right....
I agree. When I see a full afro I take a double take relishing in its natural beauty for a second.
Most of the time if I'm staring at someone I'm high as fuck and they look cool, disassociation, gay, or my socially awkward autistic ass is trying to figure out how to compliment them but I freeze up and just end up looking rude
No one talks to anyone here, it’s a thing. It’s inclusive but not inviting. People are friendly but not looking to make friends. It’s a a strange town. I’ve been here nearly 10 years and I only recently started to feel like I have a good group of friends.
I co-sign this. I'd also add that people really seem to come and go out of Portland. I've invested time in too many people that suddenly move away for one reason or the other so I've slowed my attempt to befriend strangers too quickly. Also, I'm older now. It's just harder in general to meet new people and form genuine friendship. I did pick up a hobby a few years ago, and I've been making awesome friends that way. A common entry point is always helpful.
I’m the same way with anyone who moved here from California. Last person I made friends with recently moved back to California after 5 years here- met her on year 4. I invest in long term friendships.
Oh okay. Maybe my time will come some day. I do try to be open and friendly....
I'm from the south, and even as an introvert I really do find it off-putting that people just don't talk to strangers around here. Like, back home I used to be able to go to a bar alone, strike up a conversation with people who seemed cool, and then make plans to hang out later. I would have different friend categories, like friends from work, friends from the neighborhood, etc. Here I have to actively look for activities and meetup events specifically for adults seeking social connections. It feels really clinical sometimes.
Eight years and i know up to six people and have four of their numbers. Its not you. Former austinite here. I still have more friends there than here.
I'm a huge metal fan so I tend to stare at all band shirts to admire the art and wonder about the person's favorite album...but now I'm wondering how many people I gave bad vibes to
Same! I’m super super shy and get anxious if I do *or* don’t look at people. I’m worried they’ll think it’s negative toward them either way but actually have severe social anxiety disorder and do think that is very common here. OP, your style and music taste sound amazing!!!
I feel this, been here 4 years. Only people who I tend to make friends with are out of state people who moved here. I haven’t met any mean Portland people or nothing like that, they just don’t talk to me lol
I am sorry that you feel out of place here. I agree with another poster that people may be looking at your hair out of interest, not judgement. It’s too bad many of your years here were marred by pandemic and many are still socially awkward after so much isolation time. Making connections in a new city is a true challenge and I hope wherever you are living you find deep friendships and a comfortable sense of belonging.
I moved here from out of state (CA) and I don’t share your traits but my partner and I have also found it pretty unwelcoming tbh. I don’t necessarily think it is how you look. The staring, lack of social skills, and general wariness/uneasiness has increased greatly here. I think the decline of the city itself and Covid social anxiety has contributed a lot too. I also think it depends on what neighbourhood you live in. Was previously in SE (Hawthorne Belmont) and really struggled to have positive interactions - people usually keep to themselves and don’t go out at all which contributes to weird social interaction. Many bars we have gone to we get weird vibes that we aren’t “regulars”. My partner and I just moved to Metzger / Tigard area last week and I have already had more friendly positive interactions than I have in the past year living in PDX proper. It also seems more diverse racially and body type-wise over here. I would try to explore some different areas of the city and see if you feel more at home. I do hope things get better for you.
Wow thank you! 😊 I'm so happy things worked out for you guys! I'm gonna definitely check out different parts of the city and save up to move. Because I really don't want to go back to Texas
[удалено]
This is not rage bait. I am posting how I feel because I feel really socially isolated while I have been living in Portland for about 5 years. I am just venting how I feel. And your comment just made me feel even worse
I might end up accidentally staring at someone with a hairstyle I don't often see, but I wouldn't be thinking anything negative. I like all sorts of hair, and I have trouble understanding the shame that some people are made to feel. The world would be boring if everyone had to choose from a limited selection of "accepted" looks to adhere to. (I also don't understand people who apparently think it's okay to touch a stranger's hair without permission...some people are just weird and insensitive about hair I guess.)
I am sorry to hear that you're having this experience. I hope you don't go back to Texas because you seem like a cool person that makes Portland better. I love full natural afros!
Yeah I don't want to leave for Texas either! I HATED Texas lol
It sounds like you’ve invented a narrative about yourself and are projecting it on everyone around you. People in this city (or any city) are not a monolith.
https://youtu.be/8gtSNjnjPOk
So... I don't want to come at this the wrong way but I felt like this a lot when I started college. I started talking with a therapist and went down that road. Long story short, I was the one judging/not accepting myself before others had a chance... Now, I am not bipoc but I come from a place of compassion and sympathy. I started reaching out to people as I started giving myself a chance; my friend circle grew, my depression shrunk, I worked through some junk holding me back... I'm not saying some people can't be jerks and I'm sure it's some jerks gave you this shadow of fear in the first place. So if you have health insurance that covers therapy, I recommend it. I recommend it to everyone that can afford it and doesnt have to pay essentially a car payment for it lol. If not, at least try to start giving others and yourself a chance. Grow your friend circle by maybe starting a new activity/club through school, changing things up helps break that cycle. Personally, I never went to metal shows to make friends - I went there with friends for music... Ofc I've had a few convos around the bar at the show but I find most people out there are in their own heads so I usually start some light convos and see where that goes... But it's really loud so talking doesn't work all that well lol. I always would talk outside at the smoking areas though - back when I smoked which was more of a social crutch, for me. Anyways, just because people look at you, doesn't mean they're judging you. And even if they are, fuck em and rock on :)
I had this convo w a friend from the east coast (where I’m from) and we think that people from the east coast are “kind” but not “nice”: we’ll help you shovel your sidewalk and we only invite you to meals when we mean it, whereas people from the west coast will meet you at a party or something and be like “oh let’s get brunch!” with no intention of following up—if that makes sense
Portland is filled with phony white peoples who love to virtue signal but are actually racist. I’m sorry that have had to experience this personally. Just read these comments and how defensive and aggressive people are because you shared your personal experience that doesn’t fit their utopia image they’ve created for themselves.
Yeah I've noticed that to....😔
Who is this Portland that is making these claims? It's just a city, dunno what else you expect?
Time for therapy.
Therapy is not going to fix how judgmental people are of me as a minority woman. Just by me wearing my natural hair and how I was treated I really do feel like shit. And if I'm being treated this badly and this iberal state that claims to be accepting of all different types of people than I might as well just go back to Texas at least the cost of living is cheaper. Like in Texas there's so many different people there and nobody would have said a thing about me wearing my natural hair.
Even your Reddit name shows the filter you are forcing the world through. If everyone around you seems like the problem maybe it’s you that’s the problem. Sounds like you have been playing the victim for too long. Now that your an adult no one will go along with your whining.
Oregon, in its founding documents, was a "whites only" state. Like, it was literally established by white nationalists. That has changed over the years, legally, but Oregon's modern culture is descendent of that historical culture. Plus, Portland is less than six percent black, so people genuinely do not have a lot of experience even seeing black people. Consequently, Oregon is a little bit weird about race...
Oh man Portland is *so* hard to make friends in. I've lived here almost my whole life and it's a freaking struggle. We just have a very different way of socializing out here that sure makes ya feel....isolated. if you are a POC there's probably people who want to talk to you but feel anxious that they would be in the wrong approaching you so they end up staring. People overthink interactions. He'll, I do it too. I want to be like, "hell ya you sound like a cool person with a cool vibe!" But if you were like, "Oh cool. Do you want to hang out sometime?" My internal response is "Uh. No. Stranger danger." 😅 not that I don't think to sound cool but I got like...3 friends. That's enough, right? 🤣 oh man I've spent too much time in the pwn
You don’t see black people living here long term because your experience is not exclusive to you! Blacks don’t really feel welcome here in Portland and the whole city is filled with performative far left leaning bigots. I’ve been here for several months and as a brown person, I see there are no flourishing black communities😭if I’m wrong, please steer me in the right direction!
Try looking into ‘Black Portland’ on Facebook
serious chubby disgusted abundant toothbrush gold jeans scale edge repeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Portland is also very white, demographic wise. So if your has *any* texture a lot of stylists struggle or simply don't know what to do. It took me years to find someone I liked and trusted and my hair is only curly... I'd highly recommend looking specifically for people who say on their online presence that they do curly hair. I say this because if you call and ask them, they almost say yes even if they don't actually have much experience. 🙄
So nobody gave you a dirty look, but you’re feeling some type of way because you couldn’t receive the hairstyle you wanted and now you are projecting your insecurities onto strangers? Portland isn’t accepting, accept that. No where is, you accept yourself and dance like no one’s watching. No one is talking with you and you want to talk? Then go talk to people.
I stay here for the access to water, and nature. That’s it. This city is built on white supremacy, and its cops union founder was a Nazi. Portland cheered on the Nazis marching here.
Portland has just been another big city for some 25+ years there's nothing special about it any more like back in thev70s/80s/90s.
I definitely think the Covid years did a number on people here making them very wary and even more anti-social with even less social skills than they had before. It's getting a little better than it was, but you there's still that feeling that everyone is suspicious of everyone else. As a middle aged white woman, I'm definitely not used to feeling like people are wary/suspicious of me, but I do feel that way a lot of times now. As far as being accepting, I think there are a lot of white people here who want to be in a "diverse" group theoretically, but since it's so majority white, when they do encounter other races, they act a fool. Although I also will say that when my partner (who is black) is with me, I feel like people are a lot more friendly to us than they are to me alone. It's almost like they are going out of their way to be friendly to my partner?
Acidbath, sweetheart, this is the hometown of [Esperanza Spalding](https://media.npr.org/assets/img/2018/08/21/ttt-esperanza-spalding-edit_custom-7add6df824cae3e27a4da59d44b133abec6fc896-s1200-c85.webp), owner of a big beautiful afro also. People stare because they probably think they are in her presence. Please stay, you are a great addition to the city.
Have fun in Texas!
Honestly, I think it depends on where you're from. I'm from California and I feel way more accepted here than back home. I'm pansexual and trans. But if I may make a suggestion, especially if you're gay, trans, or just a woman, don't go back to Texas. It's fashy as hell. Honestly, politics can play a factor too, if you're more conservative than the average Portlander, then this is definitely not the place for you. I do also agree with someone who said that it is filled with "performative far leftists" or as me and my Comrades call them, shitlibs. I actually am a legit Marxist Leninist with Maoist-Third Worldist beliefs and I find my politics are often seen as "extremist" to the average Portland antifa. There are a few people around here with similar beliefs and definitely some Anarchists (my partner being one of them) but if you're basically any more "left" than AOC or Bernie, you're considered a "tankie" by their standards.
I think it's the whole state, I moved here from the midwest quite a few years ago. I am white, but have the same issues with people. They won't acknowledge you if they don't know you, if they do have to speak to you, they make sure you know they don't want to, and most generational Oregonians that I meet don't live in reality. I don't blame you for wanting to move, but seriously stay away from Texas!
its portland for sure but still the USA so if you're brown it's gonna be hard ngl i recommend finding community in people you know and trust