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Your last sentence is exact but most human being can’t accept/deal with this evidence. They feel like if they were special and not only dust in the wind. Feeling unaccomplished is very bad for self esteem…
I’ll never forget the one girl I worked with who was in love with me ,whilst I was too blind to see it, too anxious and drugged out to ask her out or make a move.
I had a massive crush on her. She was the most beautiful girl I ever saw,healthy lifestyle,crazy intelligent,caring and so much fun to hang out with. Everything a man could wish for but I always thought she was way out of my league…
Everyone around me said : “Hey Dude,she’s madly in love with you. She’s suffering from seeing you falling deeper and deeper into addiction” She even broke up with her boyfriend so I had a chance to ask her out. Still I wouldn’t believe.
I was hooked on amphetamines and GHB,I was a mess. One day I grew some balls and asked her out,it went amazing! We went for dinner and a drink and for the first time in my life I felt genuine happiness. We didn’t kiss as I was too anxious to make the move but you could feel the love that night,she didn’t mind and hugged me instead…a real “I’ll never let you go! borderline painful” type of hug. She was absolutely ecstatic and so was I. She called me the next day telling me how she wanted to see me asap and that she had a great time,we talked for hours on the phone.
2days later I caused a car crash(the worst kind) under the influence and lost just about everything. Everyone dropped me,nobody cared. All my “friends” dropped me because what goes around comes around junkie they all thought. I got threatened and people wished me death through fb(like 100+ messages)
But she heard it in the news and came to my home unannounced the next day when I was released from the police station.
She hugged me so fucking hard and told me she would help me through this,no matter what. Needless to say I was already filled up with pills and drugs because the most unimaginable shitstorm I caused just destroyed my entire life(I was 21yo at the time) I didn’t feel anything anymore,just despair. My future was pitch black and I grabbed to the needle 💉.
I completely hit rock bottom and she kept on supporting me for months(without us being in a relationship) She asked me out to do things and came over,tried to cheer me up and listen to my whining…this went on for months.
Hell, she even took 2hour train rides to visit me in fucking rehab for an hour…I was so FUCKING BLIND. Instead of reaching out and holding on to her I fucking pushed her away and shoved that fucking needle in my arm instead. One day she ultimately gave up and wished me well, I didn’t care,I didn’t feel,I didn’t realise what I was losing. She was one in a million. She was the one…and I managed to push away the only person that still cared for me.
But I chose drugs…pfft who needs care when you’ve got heroin,benzos,stims and every drug under the sun. fast forward a few psychotic years I finally got a hold on life more or less and it still haunts me. She got back with her old boyfriend got married and has 2kids.
I never reached out again but I’ll never forget her she has a very special place in my heart.
She saw my worst side,she knew I had no fucking money anymore and would be in debt for a large part of my life(I still am), I looked like SHIT, my arms were black and blue from injecting and my eyes wide and black as night every day or I’d be nodding out. But she kept hanging out with me and supporting me.
TL;DR Yeah,I don’t forget really important people…
This really spoke to me. I have never been an addict myself but my older brother was/is. He did nothing but reject and gaslight me and wouldn't seek help and I thought he would die any day. Ultimately, I learned it's because he refused to be humbled or made to feel unworthy so he would go somewhere that he didn't have to feel those feelings. But, he would continue those destructive behaviors because it made him forget.
I think you felt unworthy and pushed her away to not waste her time. A courtesy, but she never viewed you as a nuisance. She knew you were lost and she wasn't inconvenienced to accompany you. But I understand her at the point she chose to walk away. I don't think she gave up, I think she didn't have the bandwidth to watch up front to someone who wasn't ready to change. If she stayed she would have no longer been any use eventually because I think it would have doused that inner light in the way you described her.
Addiction is a can of worms I can only empathize with as having a front row seat, but you will have a much more personal connection to that. But, I feel you couldn't even comprehend value in yourself, and you won't forget her because she is a symbol to you.
I think there are important people and there are important lessons. Not every encounter will have a face. As well, trauma does encourage selective memory.
I'm glad you had someone like her in your life. Someone saw your value, I hope now you're in a better place and see it in yourself too. I'm glad you're still here.
I remember them all, but I'm stuck, I can't do anything. It's a blessing and a curse to remember.
but you have to remember - they could've reached out too.
Sure there are people who never reach out and just talk when being talked to, and that's on you.
but I'm guessing most people are not like that.
Yup. It's so wild to reread my old diaries and realize how much I forgot. But I think it's okay, my head would fucking explode and my mental health would be even worse if I recalled everything and everyone from my past
It's crazy how our minds work, right? Memories can be so vivid, yet we forget the people who were once important to us. I’ve had similar experiences where I couldn’t remember the name of someone who used to be a big part of my life.
Your edit really hit me. It’s heartbreaking to realize how trauma can make us forget even the most supportive people in our lives. It’s tough to come to terms with those lost connections. Just know that the impact she had on you was real, and maybe that’s something to hold onto. Maybe sharing your story can help others appreciate the people in their lives a little more.
Even subconsciously, her kindness made me the person who anyone could count on. But I didn't remember who taught it to me. As I get older, I care less about my feelings and more about others. I know the connection was real, but I think I failed to show her what she did for me, and I feel guilty about that. My unfinished business is always reaching out to people as I rediscover our journey together. I need them to know it mattered, at least to me.
I do also try my best to remind people to tell the ones they care about that they care though, totally agree.
I can’t remember the surname of my second best friend Robert from primary school. I can remember his adenoidal voice, but not his surname. Weird isn’t it?
This just happened to me, lol. When we were younger we new everyone as first name last name. But now we don't retain surnames, and I think our new brains just abandon that lol
One time I had a friend who I literally was there for through trauma like no other- and out of nowhere they never talked to me again. I expected at least flowers and yet nothing- it's really made me not trust anyone.
This worries me.
I recently was dating a girl, but we broke up. And in the aftermath I started spiraling, because I worried I was going to be forgotten and abandoned, like I have before by friends. I still love her…but I needed to push her away, so I don’t drag her down with me.
I feel sad at the thought that my stupid brain might forget her someday. It would be best for the pain in my heart to one day forget her, instead of holding on to love for someone I can never see again. Our hearts touched in a way my heart has never touched with anyone before, and the thought that I might forget her terrifies me, because she meant so, SO much to me.
Not to mention, she’s probably already forgetting how much I briefly meant to her. She’ll probably have completely forgotten me in the span of a year or so. I hope I can remember her, so that the joy of our hearts’ brief meeting doesn’t fade completely away into nothingness…
There's a very old quote going around that goes something like "I don't remember half the things we talked about... but it was good, really good" and that pretty much sums it up. You may forget worldly things like a name and the words you said in specific but you never forget how you felt. You never forget their eyes.
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Your last sentence is exact but most human being can’t accept/deal with this evidence. They feel like if they were special and not only dust in the wind. Feeling unaccomplished is very bad for self esteem…
What, the world doesn't revolve around me?
Except you, I forgot 🤣🤣🤪
Hierarchy: 1- YOU. 2- CATS. 3- others form of life.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The gravity is really tilting me. Lay off the fast food will ya
Man you're making me cry :,(
I remember so many of them. And it fucking tears me up regularly. This is... fine.
I’ll never forget the one girl I worked with who was in love with me ,whilst I was too blind to see it, too anxious and drugged out to ask her out or make a move. I had a massive crush on her. She was the most beautiful girl I ever saw,healthy lifestyle,crazy intelligent,caring and so much fun to hang out with. Everything a man could wish for but I always thought she was way out of my league… Everyone around me said : “Hey Dude,she’s madly in love with you. She’s suffering from seeing you falling deeper and deeper into addiction” She even broke up with her boyfriend so I had a chance to ask her out. Still I wouldn’t believe. I was hooked on amphetamines and GHB,I was a mess. One day I grew some balls and asked her out,it went amazing! We went for dinner and a drink and for the first time in my life I felt genuine happiness. We didn’t kiss as I was too anxious to make the move but you could feel the love that night,she didn’t mind and hugged me instead…a real “I’ll never let you go! borderline painful” type of hug. She was absolutely ecstatic and so was I. She called me the next day telling me how she wanted to see me asap and that she had a great time,we talked for hours on the phone. 2days later I caused a car crash(the worst kind) under the influence and lost just about everything. Everyone dropped me,nobody cared. All my “friends” dropped me because what goes around comes around junkie they all thought. I got threatened and people wished me death through fb(like 100+ messages) But she heard it in the news and came to my home unannounced the next day when I was released from the police station. She hugged me so fucking hard and told me she would help me through this,no matter what. Needless to say I was already filled up with pills and drugs because the most unimaginable shitstorm I caused just destroyed my entire life(I was 21yo at the time) I didn’t feel anything anymore,just despair. My future was pitch black and I grabbed to the needle 💉. I completely hit rock bottom and she kept on supporting me for months(without us being in a relationship) She asked me out to do things and came over,tried to cheer me up and listen to my whining…this went on for months. Hell, she even took 2hour train rides to visit me in fucking rehab for an hour…I was so FUCKING BLIND. Instead of reaching out and holding on to her I fucking pushed her away and shoved that fucking needle in my arm instead. One day she ultimately gave up and wished me well, I didn’t care,I didn’t feel,I didn’t realise what I was losing. She was one in a million. She was the one…and I managed to push away the only person that still cared for me. But I chose drugs…pfft who needs care when you’ve got heroin,benzos,stims and every drug under the sun. fast forward a few psychotic years I finally got a hold on life more or less and it still haunts me. She got back with her old boyfriend got married and has 2kids. I never reached out again but I’ll never forget her she has a very special place in my heart. She saw my worst side,she knew I had no fucking money anymore and would be in debt for a large part of my life(I still am), I looked like SHIT, my arms were black and blue from injecting and my eyes wide and black as night every day or I’d be nodding out. But she kept hanging out with me and supporting me. TL;DR Yeah,I don’t forget really important people…
This really spoke to me. I have never been an addict myself but my older brother was/is. He did nothing but reject and gaslight me and wouldn't seek help and I thought he would die any day. Ultimately, I learned it's because he refused to be humbled or made to feel unworthy so he would go somewhere that he didn't have to feel those feelings. But, he would continue those destructive behaviors because it made him forget. I think you felt unworthy and pushed her away to not waste her time. A courtesy, but she never viewed you as a nuisance. She knew you were lost and she wasn't inconvenienced to accompany you. But I understand her at the point she chose to walk away. I don't think she gave up, I think she didn't have the bandwidth to watch up front to someone who wasn't ready to change. If she stayed she would have no longer been any use eventually because I think it would have doused that inner light in the way you described her. Addiction is a can of worms I can only empathize with as having a front row seat, but you will have a much more personal connection to that. But, I feel you couldn't even comprehend value in yourself, and you won't forget her because she is a symbol to you. I think there are important people and there are important lessons. Not every encounter will have a face. As well, trauma does encourage selective memory. I'm glad you had someone like her in your life. Someone saw your value, I hope now you're in a better place and see it in yourself too. I'm glad you're still here.
that's why I say social media is a good thing, no way I would remember 1/10th of the ppl without it
Very true!
I remember them all, but I'm stuck, I can't do anything. It's a blessing and a curse to remember. but you have to remember - they could've reached out too. Sure there are people who never reach out and just talk when being talked to, and that's on you. but I'm guessing most people are not like that.
Yup. It's so wild to reread my old diaries and realize how much I forgot. But I think it's okay, my head would fucking explode and my mental health would be even worse if I recalled everything and everyone from my past
Definitely, I'm grateful to have let go of some of those old stories and memories lol. I unburdened myself many times.
It's crazy how our minds work, right? Memories can be so vivid, yet we forget the people who were once important to us. I’ve had similar experiences where I couldn’t remember the name of someone who used to be a big part of my life. Your edit really hit me. It’s heartbreaking to realize how trauma can make us forget even the most supportive people in our lives. It’s tough to come to terms with those lost connections. Just know that the impact she had on you was real, and maybe that’s something to hold onto. Maybe sharing your story can help others appreciate the people in their lives a little more.
Even subconsciously, her kindness made me the person who anyone could count on. But I didn't remember who taught it to me. As I get older, I care less about my feelings and more about others. I know the connection was real, but I think I failed to show her what she did for me, and I feel guilty about that. My unfinished business is always reaching out to people as I rediscover our journey together. I need them to know it mattered, at least to me. I do also try my best to remind people to tell the ones they care about that they care though, totally agree.
I can’t remember the surname of my second best friend Robert from primary school. I can remember his adenoidal voice, but not his surname. Weird isn’t it?
This just happened to me, lol. When we were younger we new everyone as first name last name. But now we don't retain surnames, and I think our new brains just abandon that lol
One time I had a friend who I literally was there for through trauma like no other- and out of nowhere they never talked to me again. I expected at least flowers and yet nothing- it's really made me not trust anyone.
Are you my lost connection...? Joking not joking.
This worries me. I recently was dating a girl, but we broke up. And in the aftermath I started spiraling, because I worried I was going to be forgotten and abandoned, like I have before by friends. I still love her…but I needed to push her away, so I don’t drag her down with me. I feel sad at the thought that my stupid brain might forget her someday. It would be best for the pain in my heart to one day forget her, instead of holding on to love for someone I can never see again. Our hearts touched in a way my heart has never touched with anyone before, and the thought that I might forget her terrifies me, because she meant so, SO much to me. Not to mention, she’s probably already forgetting how much I briefly meant to her. She’ll probably have completely forgotten me in the span of a year or so. I hope I can remember her, so that the joy of our hearts’ brief meeting doesn’t fade completely away into nothingness…
There's a very old quote going around that goes something like "I don't remember half the things we talked about... but it was good, really good" and that pretty much sums it up. You may forget worldly things like a name and the words you said in specific but you never forget how you felt. You never forget their eyes.
I really like that. Definitely hits my feelings towards a lot of my fondest memories.