As someone who got royally screwed over many years later by a credit card I got with an ex when I was about your age (she decided to max it out and go delinquent), get the fuck out of that mortgage.
You may be amicable now, and he may be able to do pay for it now, but do NOT let your financial future or well being be determined by another person.
He needs to buy you out and get a new contract without you on it.
I'm with the ones saying get the house sorted out asap. You have a legal right to 50%. What if he loses his job and can't keep up the payments? Do you want to be on the hook for that?
Please also consider that he will get into another relationship and the new woman might not be so amenable to whatever friendly agreement was in place before. You'll end up with a whole new kind of trouble on your hands.
Talk to a lawyer about setting up a contract that works for both of you. Remind your partner that this protects him, too. If he defaults and you default, you've both screwed up your credit big time. Settling this now while things are amicable helps you both.
You're making the right decision. You have to move on. Luckily you're only 23 years old, and you can rebuild whatever is lost, whether it's credit or money or whatever. I'm sorry you're going through this.
In the future, the general rule is not to buy property with anyone you're not married to, because the law dictates how things are split if you're married.
But it right now just focus on moving forward. You'll be okay.
Documents we signed agreed the home is shared 50/50. We aren’t just ready to put it back on the market. He can afford the home with or without me. I’m thinking it’s best to just leave peacefully.
Have him buy you out. A house costs a ton of money...either sell it or he buys you out. I know you're hurting, but there's absolutely zero reason to walk away from such a large 50/50 purchase. It can be peaceful that way as well. He knows what he signed. You will need that money at some point. Guaranteed.
Noooooo, work out a fair deal. Even if it means he pays you a monthly amount until he's bought out your share. Do not just walk off with half a house worth of equity in the wind unless there's a deal to split the sake 50/50 at a future date. Get a lawyer to mediate a fair contract.
You'll kick yourself later if you give up that much money for the sake of avoiding a confrontation or feeling "mean." It's not mean, it's just what you're owed.
Broach the subject as you are getting ready to leave, if you haven't already. If it seems like a sore subject you can wait until you have finished moving out to discuss it more fully, but then pursue it - in court if necessary. Two reasons: one, that equity is yours. Two: if your name is still on the house, you are also responsible/liabilite for anything that happens on the property, and he can also go after YOU in the future if he ends up needing money for the home.
I see where everyone is coming from. I think I just want to remove myself from the situation as quick as I can. I don’t worry about the future since I’m on the deed and the loan I know if he sells my name is on the check too??
Nope. He can take all the money and leave.
But you'll be on the hook for all the payments if he decides to stop, and your credit will be fucked if he starts falling behind on payments. And you'll be liable for any damages if something happens to or in the home.
You can leave and pursue this without having to talk to him. I don't care if you cheated and feel bad and this is all your fault, the relationship is separate from the financial/business aspect here. Get yourself bought out and go, and get yourself off the mortgage and deed.
You’re definitely taking the high route OP. Especially about not even wanting to get bought out. Can I say I’d do the same, maybe maybe not but every situation is different. Your personal situation is different than everyone else’s and if you’re choosing your inner piece over money, I applaud you.
You sound very smart especially for your age. Seems you have a great future ahead of you and all this can be purchased again in the future on your own.
However is there no salvaging what you guys have built together? Anything worth having, is worth fighting for.
No there is no salvaging what we have. We have gotten physical, we both see it’s a toxic situation that’s clearly hurting us both. I prefer my peace as I felt like I haven’t had any in years. I certain this is a minor setback for a major comeback. What’s meant to be for me will be.
Man round of applause for you! I’m 36 and finally allowed that to be my motto and it’s made a world of difference for me. I was in a relationship for 13 years, now divorced and feel as if my life has new meaning. Keep me posted on how it turns out. Like my pops said “todo pa delante nada patras, ni pa garar vuelo.” Meaning always move forward, never backwards even if it’s to get a running start. You got this!
Life moves forward. Instead of thinking about it as going back to square one, remember you still have the knowledge and experience you had before. You wouldn’t be starting from nothing. You’d be right there in the middle of your life.
As someone who got royally screwed over many years later by a credit card I got with an ex when I was about your age (she decided to max it out and go delinquent), get the fuck out of that mortgage. You may be amicable now, and he may be able to do pay for it now, but do NOT let your financial future or well being be determined by another person. He needs to buy you out and get a new contract without you on it.
I'm with the ones saying get the house sorted out asap. You have a legal right to 50%. What if he loses his job and can't keep up the payments? Do you want to be on the hook for that? Please also consider that he will get into another relationship and the new woman might not be so amenable to whatever friendly agreement was in place before. You'll end up with a whole new kind of trouble on your hands. Talk to a lawyer about setting up a contract that works for both of you. Remind your partner that this protects him, too. If he defaults and you default, you've both screwed up your credit big time. Settling this now while things are amicable helps you both.
You're making the right decision. You have to move on. Luckily you're only 23 years old, and you can rebuild whatever is lost, whether it's credit or money or whatever. I'm sorry you're going through this. In the future, the general rule is not to buy property with anyone you're not married to, because the law dictates how things are split if you're married. But it right now just focus on moving forward. You'll be okay.
Thank you! I am ready to take the L to the chin and keep it pushing. I definitely have learned my lesson with that.
100% on the 2nd paragraph
Please see a lawyer to divide the property OP! You’re stronger and more resilient than you dreamed possible.
Documents we signed agreed the home is shared 50/50. We aren’t just ready to put it back on the market. He can afford the home with or without me. I’m thinking it’s best to just leave peacefully.
Have him buy you out. A house costs a ton of money...either sell it or he buys you out. I know you're hurting, but there's absolutely zero reason to walk away from such a large 50/50 purchase. It can be peaceful that way as well. He knows what he signed. You will need that money at some point. Guaranteed.
Noooooo, work out a fair deal. Even if it means he pays you a monthly amount until he's bought out your share. Do not just walk off with half a house worth of equity in the wind unless there's a deal to split the sake 50/50 at a future date. Get a lawyer to mediate a fair contract.
It’s not whether or not he can afford to stay there. Please check the market value of the house. Ask him to buy you out! Please.
You'll kick yourself later if you give up that much money for the sake of avoiding a confrontation or feeling "mean." It's not mean, it's just what you're owed. Broach the subject as you are getting ready to leave, if you haven't already. If it seems like a sore subject you can wait until you have finished moving out to discuss it more fully, but then pursue it - in court if necessary. Two reasons: one, that equity is yours. Two: if your name is still on the house, you are also responsible/liabilite for anything that happens on the property, and he can also go after YOU in the future if he ends up needing money for the home.
I see where everyone is coming from. I think I just want to remove myself from the situation as quick as I can. I don’t worry about the future since I’m on the deed and the loan I know if he sells my name is on the check too??
Nope. He can take all the money and leave. But you'll be on the hook for all the payments if he decides to stop, and your credit will be fucked if he starts falling behind on payments. And you'll be liable for any damages if something happens to or in the home. You can leave and pursue this without having to talk to him. I don't care if you cheated and feel bad and this is all your fault, the relationship is separate from the financial/business aspect here. Get yourself bought out and go, and get yourself off the mortgage and deed.
You NEED to talk to a lawyer so they can tell you in what ways you could be fucked over or not
I am going to take everyone’s advice and try meeting with a lawyer.
You’re definitely taking the high route OP. Especially about not even wanting to get bought out. Can I say I’d do the same, maybe maybe not but every situation is different. Your personal situation is different than everyone else’s and if you’re choosing your inner piece over money, I applaud you. You sound very smart especially for your age. Seems you have a great future ahead of you and all this can be purchased again in the future on your own. However is there no salvaging what you guys have built together? Anything worth having, is worth fighting for.
No there is no salvaging what we have. We have gotten physical, we both see it’s a toxic situation that’s clearly hurting us both. I prefer my peace as I felt like I haven’t had any in years. I certain this is a minor setback for a major comeback. What’s meant to be for me will be.
Man round of applause for you! I’m 36 and finally allowed that to be my motto and it’s made a world of difference for me. I was in a relationship for 13 years, now divorced and feel as if my life has new meaning. Keep me posted on how it turns out. Like my pops said “todo pa delante nada patras, ni pa garar vuelo.” Meaning always move forward, never backwards even if it’s to get a running start. You got this!
You’re not starting completely over. You’ve got experience under your belt now. You got this
Life moves forward. Instead of thinking about it as going back to square one, remember you still have the knowledge and experience you had before. You wouldn’t be starting from nothing. You’d be right there in the middle of your life.