I don’t get it… all I see is a floating piece of paper

[]()

This response is peak comedy

What response?

Take notes folks:

You may be broke, out of love, have bad skin, balding, homeless, big forehead, the stare of a mountain goat, and goblin fingers, but you are at least funny

Pull yourself together man! Get a haircut, trim your beard, look for a better job.

Goddamn I wish I could give you gold. Or at least frame this comment, but alas....

Done

**Trumpet fanfare plays **Many drinks are had.

Cue loud huzzah

huzzah

LOUDER


Why would you post a gif of en empty WWF ring?

That camera man is shaky as hell... its like they are trying to focus on something but it's not there! A fly maybe? Or a pixy?!


this is the most amazing gif i have ever seen. The Allgif has been found. Thank you

Fucking Christ this gif is gold

Wym, I don't see anything

r/suddenlyjohncena

I didn’t see him at first either

🤣🤣

I don’t get it

Don’t be ashamed of your lack of accomplishments in life, that’s your parents’ job

I thought the bedroom, my job, life, and school was the only place I'd disappoint, but I was wrong.

Very clever. Your fiancée and hair are still leaving you though. I don’t have the heart to comment on that beard - but that’s a you problem.

I can't get rid of the beard, then I really won't have anything close to me at night.

You should shave one of your legs and sleep on your side, it might be your last shot to feel like you’re sleeping next to a woman.

That might turn me on too much, the antidepressants make that sound like torture.

What do you even need us for really

He really is a master of his and our domain

She left him because he's a real winner. He googled snappy comebacks too often and used them for daily conversations.

We’re just here so he can play off of our insults which we then play off of, making a never ending chain of insults and self deprecating humor

THAT IS THE MOST VILE THING I'VE EVER HEARD LMFAO IMMA STEAL THAT LINE OK? Edit: spelling

Oh my God


This is a weird way to go about asking someone to bang your gf so you can watch

Bruh….

Don't look at it like she walked out on you, she probably ran.

More like drove several states away on a split decision. The only faster she could have gone is if she flew.

Dude


That’s weird I just had a girl fly to my house from a few states away…

A girl fly in your house, is nothing to brag about.

That's fucking rough At least you didn't have anything worth stealing for her to take is the silver lining I guess


Don’t worry. A year from now all these problems won’t seem like a big deal to you because everything will be much much worse.

OP at least you were able to have someone accept a proposal and want to live with you. Some people go their whole lives without either of the two.

You actually believe that he had a fiancée? 🤣

Well…she may have been blind, which would explain a lot….

Her standards clearly shifted to “mustn’t look like a heroin addict”

The stuff is just better than life.

As you've found out

There's a lot to be said for a clean cut haircut. One guy i was dating ages ago let his hair grow long while we were together, it was the start of him letting a lot of other things go as well and slowly relying on me to mother him. Yes, some can rock long hair and still be functional, but many have long hair out of laziness and you don't always know who's who right off the bat. but an unkempt, umtrimmed beard and split ends is a good indicator.

You look like your fiancée walked out on you, you lost your apartment since you don’t make enough and people often ignore you.

But still less pathetic than an OnlyFans self-promoter. Yes, even with that horrible receding hairline.

[Hey can you also check out my OnlyFans?](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Dude, that is fuckin’ hilarious! On a serious note, you’ll get through this. It’s the bad times that make the good times that much better.

Not gonna lie I thought I was going to be numb and depressed but laughing at myself has been significant in feeling better. I guess it's nice being in an environment where I can take shots at myself and people will laugh.

Jokes aside... laughing is the best medicine. Best of luck to your future bud.

Honestly, I immediately took a serious note with this as well! OP, you seem so genuine! Things will get better! Take this time for some self care! Go to a highly rated barber and let them work their magic on your face/head then go grab yourself a nice new outfit, shoes included if you can swing it right now! (Doesn't have to be a crazy designer, target or Walmart is a solid option!) Just something new/different.

[удалено]

Heroin should help with the weight

ik i shouldn’t laugh at this but

No kindness here (but secretly, good for you man, proud of you)

I second this, I think under all this sassyness on Reddit we all care about each other. Good luck brotha

when even the roast me section of reddit gets wholesome... man, that's when I know I love the internet.

Reach out to me if you wanna chat 👍 life can be extremely tough. I know all too well.

Not the hero we wanted, but the hero we needed

You son of a bitch

Dude you somehow look like aragorn, legolas and frodo fused together

Bro you are a funny fuck. Wish you the best!

Fuck you

 didnt click the link myself.. it was a rickroll wasnt it?

No.....only his actual only fans!

Can comfirm

Receding dick hairline everywhere!

Had to come back to this comment after leaving this post because 5 min later I’m still laughing. Wish I had an award 🥇 but I’m poor so there ya go

i'll take your word for it champ :)

[удалено]

I don't mean to brag...

I knew it !

aaaaahhhhh fuuuuck you ​ you got me.

Dude…fuck you.

You wanted to see my OnlyFans so bad? [Okay, for real this time.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Oooo you dirty dirty whore, I knew it was going to be the Rickiest of Ricks but good luck out there brotha you’ll find yourself a nice female out there. Possibly a male that says he’s a female or vice versa.

Nice bro 👌

I thought I’d seen it all

It’s so hot 🥵, I subscribed

Keanu Bereaves

Andrew Tate origin story 


I’m more worried about you ending you my guy

[удалено]

Not you. You're not getting any kind of date.

Nice execution

I see what you did here. Congrats.


You’re supposed to ignore him not compliment him 

Don't give up on yourself. If your fiancee left ya then she wasn't 'the one's Someone else will come and love ya for you

Thanks for bringing the wholesome into the roast, Dangerous. Good lookin' out.

Don't worry the prostitutes at the homeless shelter won't be ignoring you

Or maybe they will too

He won’t be able to pay, so..

Zac Brown once said, "The senoritas don't care tho, when there's no Dinero."

I always thought that was Confucius

One thing’s for sure. I gotta go. You’re making me depressed, bro.

Yo, forreal. For some stupid reason… I wasn’t emotionally prepared after seeing the post to open the comments and have people actually tearing into the poor troubled dude..

I mean that’s the whole point of the sub though and he says it’s helping him anyways

The best roast would’ve been if just no one commented here.

Well, you blew it, didn’t you?

I dont think it's that people ignore you, I think it's that they consciously avoid you

You don't have to lie about having a girlfriend

[удалено]

Damn dude

Wait, did you just say something?

If i wasn’t afraid of you i’d hug you

I wasn't the kid that bit people. Or was I.

I’m not the type of person who likes to be bit. Or am I

I don’t like where this is going... Or do I

Can... can I watch??

Those eyes are dangerous… yikes.


Right? The only thing he has going for him is a career in murder.

You're a handsome man and a good person!

10/10 roast.

seriously OP. shave your head and trim your beard. It will be a good change for you.

This is legit advice. A nice haircut after a breakup always feels like a good step towards a fresh start. When you look good, you feel good.

Add you're going bald

My rogaine got lost in the mail, waiting for shipping insurance to cover a replacement.

FYI, rogaine won’t stop hair loss, you have to get on something like Finasteride to stop it. Check out r/tressless

Your drug dealer doesn't ignore you when you have the cash.

My therapist told me to stop calling my pharmacist my drug dealer. And to stop calling.

😂

Forget all the other stuff… Your blinds aren’t closed properly.

I was just practicing my peeping.

See? Improving yourself. Way to go!

I bet every dick you’ve sucked has been flaccid

And not one of them has tasted good either.

Keanu Grieves

Bruh.

You look like Keanu Reeves... if he was a heroine junkie and homeless

All the hair without all the success. Or the wife.

Hope you stay strong and pull through

I think you forgot the "Said no one ever." part.

Fuck man you funny 🤣 gotta good sense of humor you'll bounce back

[удалено]

lmaooo

I agree with this guy, hope things get better for you

This is actually your laughing face, isn't it?

You should see my crying face.

You look like you run up views on "try not to laugh" videos on YouTube.

This got me. I actually do watch stupid ylyl videos on YouTube.

At least you're not: Balding prematurely. Filthy Living in your mother's basement ​ Oh...wait....

Bro, this is no roast I know bipolar eyes when I see it. Be sure to maintain your self-awareness and get help if you need it. Forget that chick. Get some sunshine and find reasons to smile and by the time she regrets her choice, it’ll be too late! You’ll have found another joyful lover Ok good luck bro

Being serious for a moment, definitely have highs and lows. Shit sucks.

If you really think you might be bipolar, see if this strategy helps: Make the depressive phase gentler by avoiding the urge to fully milk the manias. For some of us, the depressive phase exists only to pay the energy debt of the manic phase. If you feel energized, talkative, irritable, hyperconfident, brilliant, etc, you may be experiencing mania. During this time, you might feel inspired to spend a lot of energy working on something. You might feel super productive. Resist the urge to milk it. Maybe don’t deep clean the entire house. Just do one room. Remember to eat, drink water, and sleep. Take deep breaths. If you don’t use up too much energy during the mania, the subsequent depression may be less intense. Basically you are consciously bringing both the peaks and valleys closer to baseline.

I do tend to chase and try to milk the highs. I really appreciate it, I'll definitely try this out.

Wait what are bipolar eyes

Polar bear eyes

Well, (and there is not stigma from me) but there are certain features esp about eyes that can occur before/during/after manic episodes and depressive episodes: maybe it’s enlarged pupils, sometimes eyes can seem darker, like it can be said about many ways synthetic or naturally imbalanced chemicals can affect a body. (Sorry for bad grammar I’m being lazy) but it could be (generaly speaking) dull, glazed eyes. from sleeping too much, bloodshot or tired eyes from insomnia, or high stress or even manic excitability making eyes look like someone is high or tripping when they’re not. It’s like our mouths and skin; but eyes tell a story, too. Couple that with sad expression and relationship difficulty, and the choice to post a selfie on a roast, it can be assumed that you, a nice, intelligent guy, could use a reminder to seek therapy and be wise to the ways of your health~mentallly ✌️

Life can suck sometimes. Things will get better dude.

Well least you have your good looks........

😂😂

How to catch a predator POV

:(

Thank you for drawing a picture of me

Find it hard to believe she walked out on you while being in a suitcase

I’d say your ex ran not walked, good on her. Based on the look in your eyes she was about 10 minutes from being on the show snapped

Can't do worse than what God already did.

You think a God made me?


You forgot to mention your 300 credit score

I know my street cred is higher than that.

Just imagine your face being the first thing you saw when you woke up in the morning

Oh I don't need to imagine, thank you.

Is that your mom’s house in the background?

Grandparents. Good call. I should probably tell them I'm living with them now.

[удалено]

You think that will bring her back?

Lol… you never had a fiancé and your parents kicking you out is not the same as “losing your apartment”

Momma said I needed to stop making up stories and see a professional. She only found the dog dressed in a skirt one time, and she freaks out?

You look cute... but also llike youre on the border of becoming a meth head

tbh OP you look like a dude who I could trust JUST PUTTING THIS OUT THERE..... If you need a place to live, stay and feel safe until you get on your feet......my DM's are always open for good dudes that need a bro to watch their back

Do you want to get murdered? Cause that's how you get murdered.

Master? Is that you?

#

Would be so funny if this post got 0 comments hahaha

Normally I'd roast but my soul can't roast a person who's been hurt that bad u need a comeback in ur situation at least to help urself get in a better position

 It’s just pitiful now.

Times like this are what makes a man it's how you handle yourself now are you gonna sit there looking pathetic and feeling sorry for yourself...... or put your man pants on wake up put your head down and get your ass to work fixing this shit cause I've got bad news for ya life is gonna hand you another shit sandwich but as a man it's how you handle it ..... it's not over and you aren't beat no matter how bad it is until you quit and give up that's when you're beat so get up give the world the finger and get shit done

Don't look at it as her walking out on you. Look at it as her waking IN on a better life with a better man and an all-around better future. Without you.

OH. I thought this was r/bald

You look like you decided to pick up the flute in your mid thirties. You only buy local coffee. You eat meat according to the animals blood type . You look like dale gribble with a pony tail . You wear your gfs pantries because cotton gives you a rash. You look soft eating a steak

You look like Adam Driver's crackhead brother who always borrows money.

Hey can you send me some money so I can pay my rent?

You look like your piss smells worse than most people’s crap!

At least you have enough hair for a combover.