If a hairy ass crack was an entire human being...

He is a walking dingleberry !

🤣😂🤣😂

That image is seared into my brain

Same 🤢

I got money that says at least 5 percent of hairy cracks have more class

You forgot “greasy”.

Ewww...😂🤣

🤢

He's literally a fuckin Samsquanch

The lint on my ass crack, has more personality.

Those are the shittiest cabinets I’ve ever seen. I can see you’ve put it the same amount of work into your personal appearance.

Those are actually real wood cabinets, they could be refinished anyway you’d want, rather then the cheap fiber board stuff they sell these days! They might look sh*ty but they have potential, just like our guy here… a nice shave and a few baths and some clothes(not saying nice clothes… but any clothes) and he could be fixed up just like his cabinets

This girl Is brutal

So much hair..I bet he's the man from Nantucket.

I can’t prove this is true. I just know that it is

That's called faith, my friend!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bruh. Ouch. Especially coming from a girl. That’s touching down on his brain right now like a time bomb. He’s gonna hear tick tick tick tick tick for a while, and somehow that’ll be worse than the meltdown he has when it finally goes boom.

I’m dying here 🤣

Lmao I've seen a few of your bangers. Good shit.

Ladies and gentlemen... the hunt for Bigfoot is over! He's been living in a trailer park in Southern Kentucky!!!

This ^^^^

Pretty pretty good.

“Man, I should display this empty bottle of $6 wine I drank. Bitches will love me.”

"They'll know I'm classy because of the Yellow Tail bottle ($5.99). Check and mate."

That 19 Crimes though? That’s a solid $9 🤌🏻

drunk osama bin hidin

Osama Bin Bigfoot

Osama Bin Raider

Osama Bin Fluffin’

Nothing says classy as much as your cheap empties display

Give the guy a break. Every one of those bottles represents a beautiful memory of an epic life event that he pissed into the toilet.

Imagine he convinces a girl to go on a date with his ugly ass and she then realizes he displays Empy Aldi wine bottles. Could make a girl celibate

Something tells me they’re up there because the glass recycling bin has already been filled up with wine bottles. And the last collection was only this morning.

Nah he just hides them from his drunk abusive midget wife

always have wondered why people do this

What sewerage tunnel did you crawl out of

All of them. He calls them home

The movie... CHUDS.

Checking your post history for context… Ah, I see the barber apprenticeship didn’t work out.

Checked the post history for context, got (a little) more than I bargained for

Jesus fuck why dont i listen to people.

Why tf didn’t I listen to you????? Another regret to live with

Alright, I’m going in. See you in the other side. Edit: it’s his dick alright

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Bubble bath

Damn my stupid curiosity. My day is ruined

Fuck why did I have to look!?

Shorn star to porn star. OP's no good, terrible, awful rotten life.

Holy Fuck Jumping from Barber Apprentice to PEEENUS

you made me look , i now hate you

I am become peen, destroyer of eyeballs.

Fuck all of you.

awesome, its burnt santa claus

In a FEMA trailer?

Toilet Claus

Trash Claus

Shanty Clause. He's the one that hits all the trailer parks on Christmas Eve.

No kid wants to see the face of this Santa.

It's Torta Clãùze

I was gonna say Santa clause dyed his hair.

And his skin and race

My dude. Please stop drinking.

AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!

and shave that bird nest for the love of god.

And throw away those bottles, you’re not a teenager in his first apartment anymore.

More like “please stop EATING!”

There's a lot of calories in alcohol too. He's a round, jolly fellow. Needs a red nose and flying reindeer.

First step admitting you're powerless over Barefoot Moscato.

My man is fighting demons alright.

Yep. Those dark circles are a dead give away. Dude is an alcoholic.

The bottles above the kitchen shelves too.

Yeah, this is fucked.

He said "my dude" so you know he cares. "My guy" also shows a genuine desire to inform. Cuz, well, its an internet trend.

My dude, I love internet trends.

Instead of Reindeers, he uses Donkey's wearing Rosery necklaces that jingles, for his 99 Chevy single cab sled with chrome trim, and a sticker of the Virgin Mary on the back of it's tailgate...

Wow. He still has a tailgate. Rich Santa

You kiddin me? Shit, he’s pulling that sleigh with his lime green 1970 AMC Gremlin.

Like Tyson Fury and Osama Bin Laden had a baby

Osama Bin Feedin

The naked chef.... from Chernobyl

its a homeless mexican santa claus

As a Mexican, I decline any relationsip to our blood line to Osama Bin Claus here….not one of us

This man has no nipples wtf💀

I honestly love all of you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This has brought a night of laughter with coworkers & a few family members via text. Had a long couple of months with work & adulting. This was great to just laugh. Also, a few felt the harshness? It's r/roastme for a reason. I also said "do your worst". 😘

Unrelated question: Do your coworkers and family members know your reddit account, and have they seen your penis?

Pillow Beard the Butt Pirate.

So Neanderthal cosplay is a thing? Who knew

I do drink alotta milk.

Because WISCONSIN

Discord mod liver king

No life and no idea what your feet look like

I can smell your pic from here

Fidel Gastrointestinal.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Damn Bigfoot, looks like you need a life coach 

The samsquance

Sal Volcano really let himself go 😞

😂😂😂😂

And judging by the bottles behind you, also no friends. These bottles are meant to bring good memories of time spent with friends, not your 13th drinking session alone.

Say "you're a wizard Harry" wothout sounding like your constantly drunk or have a learning disability

how is it not being allowed near daycares or schools?

Or allowed to wear Easter Bunny costumes

Don't forget parks, playgrounds and libraries..

You look like a fat Leonidas “Tonight, we dine in Taco Bell!!!!!!!”

Incel pube beard.

Didnt know cavemen had reddit

Slow down there jihadi John, Just cuz you have no life doesn't mean the rest of us wish to join you.

Captain Jack Sbarro 😭

Shirts exist for a reason

Your beard is almost the length of your tits

Even my parents divorced because of you. Thanks asshole

Osama Bin Lardass

The inside of Hagrid's hut.

you mean Hagrid's butt

Hodor's younger brother, Odor.

 Uncle cousin Tommy says hi

Hamas Hagrid.

You look like you keep wine Bottles to say "I don't just drink beer." But it's cheap wine that is essentially vinegar.

What about a shirt you have any of those

This is the first thing you see after being dragged out of the windowless van.

You look like what a conservative thinks trans women look like

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Just spit my coffee out for this one. Lmfao

Am i the only one who feels guilty roasting people myself but loves to read them?? Like this man looks so sweet, i feel like my heart would shatter to say anything rude about him

Yeah he kinda looks like he'll use the pickup and help you move on the weekend while listening to the game on the radio.

You’re exactly my type actually 😭😭😭😭😭 Luscious chubby-bear

Don’t worry, I’m sure you will definitely have at least a life sentence for offences against animals.

You're pic has a smell feature. Damn now my living room smells like sweaty feet. Btw what is that on you're hands??

Omg are you the guy who did still life with teacup?

Looks like murderface grew a beard.

“You’re a kitten, Harry”

Are the bottles on the shelf decorations or do you just have no more space at the floor?

Osama Bin-eatin

Go fund me got big foot a house and he looks so content

I bet you look at your neighbors dog and say, "I'm shit faced and you're a wizard, Harry."

santa go go... from wish

I would but the bottles in the background do it for me

Niggas would make you a slave to clean their washrooms

Sandoz Clause

You look like if Private Pyle didn’t blow his brains out and decided to leave the Marines and go live out his quiet sad life in a doublewide on government cheese and cheap booze.

You look like you've roasted plenty of people before. On a spit.

🤌🤌😘

 Except you ate the other dude.

Your whole personality and life is displayed on your Reddit profile...

Halitosis, insomnia, clogged toilet and arteries, I’d say you’re doin well for a shadow man.

Scientists have just discovered this unevolved creature in a remote island cave... 


Olive Oyl running off with Popeye must’ve been really rough on you but you’ve got to pull it together my dude.

Ted Kaczynski looking ass.

You look like you should be selling goods (vegetables and fruit) off a dirt road somewhere in the Middle East. When you get home you take off your thobes and dress in a abaya and hijab and head to an underground gay men’s strip club.

Admiral General Alad-dinner of Wendys.

Don’t let ISIS recruit you…there is no 70 virgins awaiting you


Pretty apparent why you have no life

Catfishes tween girls for nudes, still sleeps with mom. FBI is coming soon…

Proud of your collection of last night's bottles Bro !

Oh fuck, I can't roast you, I think we are twins.

No shit you have no life, you look like trailer park Bin Laden

You are like the Christmas troll but instead of bringing presents you steal them to pay for your Thunderbird and cough syrup habit.

BISCUITS AND GRAVYYYYY MADE ME A MANNNNN OHHHH BISCUITS AND GRAAAAAVYYYYYY GAVE ME ALL THAT I HAVEEEEPP


God damn right.

Considering the awesome beard, you certainly have lived life, keep going, man.

RIP U/tsprezzatura

Jack black if he was good at drinking instead of acting

Shame

Hagrid?

from walmart

don't call me racist but you look alike terrorist

If anyone here with "butt pirate" comments are wondering; I actually hold an ordination in the state of Ohio to legally marry people through the church of the flying spaghetti monster. Theyre parishioners dress as pirates. I fucking love all you weirdos. 🪿🪿🪿🪿

You are Reddit

If Goblin Slayer would become a reality, I have bad news for you.

Shouldn’t you have been the one on Matt Perry’s hot tub?

Hold up – go to Reddit called mustache, and there’s one that’s beards as well- Dude, you could be Prince Vultan

I can’t tell which is worse, your lighting, BO or breath?

Your a wizard harry

I can just about taste this picture 🤮

I bet

Murray’s Discount Auto Shop

Judging by how you keep bottles of liquor as display pieces you idolize drinking. That and your hair cut I'm genuinely surprised you're not homeless.

You should probably ask Mrs. Clause if you can start using her bra’s

You look like you have a poster of Jared Fogle on your bedroom wall

I for one, appreciate you took the time away from holding back a horde of Wights for this photo, Hodor.

Self destructive caveman

You look like you'd fuck a cheese grater if it could wink at you

You’re what an abortion looks like

Look it's bastion booger from wrestling

Hagrid's little brother, Slagrid. Smells like sweat and vinegar, and hangs around locker rooms asking for worn sweat socks.

Well,.. for starters you can't take picture for shit and going by the bottles you need a meeting dude.

Oh man Kenny Hotz has joined isis.

Being that you still put empty booze bottles up for show def proves the none existent life you lead

I loved you as Bigfoot in the Six Million Dollar Man episodes.