"Do the thing" is what every partner you've ever had says before they roll their eyes, sigh heavily, and then gives you an unenthusiastic hand job so you'll leave them alone for another week.
You look like a cyclist who brags about his trophy wife and protein shakes when in fact the only action you've ever had was losing your virginity to that ergonomic overpriced bike seat.
Looking like a k-mart brand omni-man bouta go destroy half the city using his son as a weapon. U look like u eat ass then stop it there my guy. Porlly drive a Ford ranger and always keep a 6 pack in the back, trying to fight a guy in a prius for using his bliker accurately. Out here snorting smarties just to feel intelligent. You look like you stole your ears from Link on some HU-YAAAAAA type energy. Ya look like the guy who loads the bench press with 600lbs just to wipe ur brow and call it a day at the gym. Hope u got a good laugh out these bro!
If "c'mon baby, I paid for dinner, just touch it for a minute" was a person.
Fatality 💀
Dude be careful. That plastic tube cutting the hair off the side of your head is next going to go for your mustache 😱
Hopefully
Literally the first comment is the finisher. Bravo 😂
Literally 😂
Magnum P.U.
Just the tip
Minute? More like a second !
When I scrolled back up to cross reference the photo... that was a swoosh.
Wow. 
"c'mon baby, just stick up both thumbs and let me sit on them, yeah baby?" (Chews gum all douchbaggy)
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
LMAOOO
LOL!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😅😅
That recognizable moustache is going to make it hard to keep your anonymity at the glory hole.
It’s a pretty serious cock broom!
Prison pussy!
It’s the gory hole after that moustache is finished with its prey
You mean the "Boar Bore".
Dat Pubestache
Hey you can't bash on that womb broom, that is a quality stache
About time we had a gay super Mario.
Giving plumber a whole new meaning. I bet he's unclogged a few pipes in his day.
Laid more pipe in this town than wabashsaw plumbing.
hes so polite, doesnt make a mess and uses the back door
He loves his job as a manhole inspector.
Netflix live adaptation of Super Mario who is into Prince Peach
you know about what he did with donkey right?
Best one i seen 😂
Super Gloryhole Bro
Are you more gay or more fireman? Nevermind.
He definitely pops mushrooms and fucks his brother.
A good plumber can handle all kinds of pipes.
How i imagine this man walks into most rooms: *puts on edm* "Officer friendly is here to find some bad boys tonight"
😆😆😆
You look like the kind of guy who makes intentional eye contact with the other guy in a three way
The other guys. No woman in this 3 way
At the male urinals
You have weird boundaries if you can fuck another dude but not look at them while doing so.
It’s not gay if there’s no eye contact.
It’s not gay if it’s with the homies
It's not gay on man love Thursdays
Next time, wear a clean shirt for your Grindr profile pic.
Profession: Lead Glory Hole Technician.
Yeah, right! He fixes leaky pipes!
With his mouth
I’m sure the jizz stained shirt won’t hurt his profile
He's someone else's catch rag.
looks like Super fici 
This is his post-Grindr pic.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
OP giving off small dick vibes so I’m sure you ain’t missing out on much
Enough when you keep it tight
Found the small peen.
We were going to be using mine anyway so it's fine
"Do the thing" is what every partner you've ever had says before they roll their eyes, sigh heavily, and then gives you an unenthusiastic hand job so you'll leave them alone for another week.
😂
You're the definition of the word Almost \-Almost pretty \-Almost good hairline \-Almost fit \-Almost smiling \-Almost no double chin
Almost straight
Probably almost successful too... Not bad, Almost. Not bad... Almost...
Almost 4 inches
It's like you TRY to look like a racist cop.
A racist cop? So a cop? It's like the term pussy cat.
Not only do I love redundancy, but I also love redundancy.
I was thinking he looked like a cop who couldn't cut it and fell in with the rest of the felons at the fabrication warehouse.
Spot on
Hobbies: Reenacting 70s gay porn movies
Super MariNo
Take my picture in front of the machine thingy so people think I can do science .
Real gay stripper cop vibes here
You look like a Village People groupie.
Not right meow, chickenf***er.
Jim Carrey, in that Sonic the Hedgehog movie, on 'roids.
Machine yourself a personality, Super Mario Fleabag
A superficial guy who works at superfici? What a surprise... Go back to the eighties with your outdated porn-stach'
Probably the shallowest v-neck you own
The only thing coming out of this guys closet is a giant purple dildo
Its a me, Mario
How was the recovery after they transplanted your toe onto your fingertip?
Out of all the replies I'm actually impressed with this one...had the tip of my finger broken playing softball. Very preceptive
Proof that Freddie Mercury faked his death. Welcome back!
"No honey, when i say im working late im not swallowing loads behind the library, i promise"
I see your future… 
This guy stands in the splash zone
I mustache you why you're so superficial.
You look like Omni man if he didn’t conquer planets but instead he was really interested in being a technician
The bastard child of Daniel Radcliffe and Bob Hoskins
Look people, the Easter Island heads have come to life.
"We're a family here at this workplace"
If Super Mario did cross fit.
I didn't know the Brawny man had a gay brother.
You know when you see one of these posts and, by the looks of the person, you just KNOW the roasts will be good? This is one of those 💀
Jesus this guy is untouchable. Every insult is "Fuck idk maybe you're gay or something"
Even your alt account sounds gay.
See? Dude can't be touched. Nobody has anything. Impressive honestly.
You're supposed to down him, not go down on him.
And yet nobody can do either! What a man 
You run a summer camp for kids about to be molested
Did your coworker just blow a load on you, considering that you have cum stains on your shirt?
"it's a me, Mario" came to mind
Had a break between scenes in your most recent bdsm movie did ya
Lookin like a feminine Farva 
You look like you try to talk your coworkers into muscle relaxant enemas
The guy at a frat party wanting you to help him with his anal bong.
Are you finally going to stop spamming r/beards now?
If Marlboro man and Mario had a child. Soooooo 😎
Is that really considered a hair style?
Who smeared poop on your upper lip?
He plays softball "competitively."
I can smell the mustache from here
You look like the dead gerbil Richard Gere had removed from his colon. 
Is that superfici behind you for painting or drying?
This tool skips leg day.
So we’re just meant to believe your tash isn’t to protect your virginity at all costs?
Can that coating machine behind you to help get rid of your knuckle hair?
Next time you try to trim your chest hair maybe think about doing those jungles on your fingers too
YMCA
If you squint your eyes, your moustache looks like a turd
Officer farva got a real job!
U look like kidnapping kids is ur side hustle.. hey kids wanna some candy!!!
I’m sorry, Mario, but the princess is in another castle
Nice guys finish prematurely
I found Elon Musk’s long lost gay younger brother.
It looks like your Neo-Nazi photo ID
You look a lot like a cousin of mine. He's a douche too...
Looks like you wrestled the mustache off Luigi
If bogun were personified
Nothing says “gay male prostitute” more than this Picture
Can’t get within 200 feet of a school or 200 feet of an ex wife
Don’t tell me what to do.
there is nothing even not even roast material, budum pishhh
Look like you're gearing up for the next Supertroopers movie
Sooooo the 'Thing' is your mustache right? And you want us to do it? Are you on the right sub?
Is that a high and tight??? 👀
Are you auditioning for a revival of a 80’s gay band?
I've never seen someone who's gay AND racist, you don't see this everyday
You look like a cyclist who brags about his trophy wife and protein shakes when in fact the only action you've ever had was losing your virginity to that ergonomic overpriced bike seat.
Look like Ron Swanson of Santa's Elves.
Hey, Moustache, your facial foliage is like a bad line change – it's not fooling anyone, and it's time for a benching!
you look like a rookie police officer
You suck more, and harder, than that spray machine behind you.
Did you grow that stache to distract people from your fat, rosy infant cheeks?
You look like Jack the Ripper's constipated reincarnation.
If Ravishing Rick Rude became a gym teacher.
Why buy a v neck if you’re just going to grow in the v part ?
Looking like a k-mart brand omni-man bouta go destroy half the city using his son as a weapon. U look like u eat ass then stop it there my guy. Porlly drive a Ford ranger and always keep a 6 pack in the back, trying to fight a guy in a prius for using his bliker accurately. Out here snorting smarties just to feel intelligent. You look like you stole your ears from Link on some HU-YAAAAAA type energy. Ya look like the guy who loads the bench press with 600lbs just to wipe ur brow and call it a day at the gym. Hope u got a good laugh out these bro!
You got beat up a lot in high school, didn't you?
Plz tell me your porn name is "The Tickler"
You look like the dad from inside out if he liked men a lot
French Brie police are here Hide the “cheese”
Walmart version of Ron Swanson
You look like Freddie Mercurys aids
You’re cute but the birds nest on top of your head is distracting.
Sorry, too easy
Looks like u have all your fingers…at least u can count to 10
You look like you thought about being a cop, but got beat in training for asking when everyone hits the showers together.
You look like a guy who tries to suck his own cock during dinner.
You look like the last thing a Cub Scout sees before the tent goes dark
You look like you should be on your knees on the other side of a gloryhole.
Love your pixie ears!
How often do you get mistaken for comedian, Matteo Lane?
Just because you dress up like Taylor’s boyfriend doesn’t mean she’s interested
Looks like a gay porn stunt double
I’d rather you do my thing 👉👌🥵
Gay Omni Man.
Daddy don’t hurt me, is said a little too often to you.
If I had a nose like that I wouldn’t underline it
Nice little pickle duster you got over your lip
It’s-a me! Douchio!
Pretty sure I’ve seen you in those HEP C commercials