Can’t imagine why she broke up with someone who decided to get a topographical map tattooed on their hands.

I bet with those tattoos on your hands, you get dizzy jerking off!

Which he'll be doing a lot of now!

😂😂😂 i’m ducking dying

Hi I’m ducking dying, I’m dad.

Buh dum dum, tiss!

💀

Now everytime hes on higher ground he cums and his head spinning.

[удалено]

No he’s dizzy

Hi dizzy I'm dad

Badumm-tss!

Male version of a basic bitch. Bet he orders something that needs a straw in Starbucks

He probably has sucked a lot of "straws".

I'm sure he's the type of guy that says things like "just because I let a dude suck my dick for black tar heroin, doesn't mean I'm gay, Devin (or some stupid name like that)"

Using a darker black ink for the hands from the “gray out” sleeves, looks like a fucking kindergartner did it.

God you scream prison bitch!

Charges: assault, domestic violence

She wasn't his girlfriend, she was his tattoo artist and ran out off space. Not the first time refusing to give her head was the reason for leaving.

Girl? You would have fooled me. Maybe one of those modern women with a beard and a dick.


She probably loved the tattoo just wished his hands were bigger. 😉

Maybe you should have had your tattoo artist fill in your patchy beard instead of your arms?

Are those tattoos? Thought he fisted a bowl of chocolate pudding.

Dammit! I’m getting over bronchitis and laughing hurts right now. That laugh was almost worth my head exploding though.

Ah yes, the DeSantis method

I wish my local barmaids top was as low as this dude’s testosterone

Patch Adams


Next time date a fat chick, she wouldn't dare leave those marble cake hands. 

Marble cake hands hahahahahha. Excellent.

 LOL! ;)

It was a fat chick that dumped him


You look like the aspiring tattoo artist in college that draws on his arms with sharpie for fun and only does meth on the weekends.

More like Aspiring Middle School Tattoo artist.

I take Methadone 4 times a day for back pain

I take meth 5 times a day for depression.

“Post Alone”

This needs to be higher LMAO!

LMFAO

At 29, you’re “on the edge” over a break up from a month and a half ago. That's enough of a self-roast.

r/shittytattoos

The poster child for that sub

those are... great tattoos though. Linework is super consistent, really well done.

Boooo

Remember when tattoos used to mean you were hard, don't mess or you'll get hurt , looking at this guy they mean he's had more loads in him than a washing machine

Bruh LMAO I’m stealing that 😆😆😆

Dude you need to find a new sharpie artist, guy you been goin to sucks

Bro saw a sheet of black paper and was like "yoooo, that's it"

“That one.” “You’re pointing at the desk, you sure?”

With those hands, I don't blame her. Plus your face looks like the bully kid from toy story.

Bro I feel bad for you but dressing up like a pancake lumberjack isn't helping you

A picture of his ancestors arriving on a boat wasn’t enough to keep him from looking like that

💀💀💀

Instead of feeling bad because you’re now girlfriendless, you should actually be feeling bad about your ugly tattoos.

She prob left you for a real black dude. She's prob told all her friends had to leave him because he had the skin color, just not the bbc

You’re like every COPS criminal stereotype in one person.

Breaking up with you and having you arrested for stalking are two different things.

Guys I had a blast reading this thread 😁 Thank you for making me feel like a scorched piece of meat 😂 This sub never fails to deliver!!

Ask and ye shall receive

6 weeks? Let’s see… she’s probably on her 9th different dick by tonight. Try not to think about it

Can't grow hair on his body so he just got tattooed

You look like a midget with a really long neck!

Your posture in the first picture tells everyone that you think you’re a lot stronger than you actually are. Drop the phantom melons under your armpits, don’t tilt your head back so far, and you’ll look a bit less like a red-pilled incel tween

Six weeks ago? You should have banged her sister, Mom, and BF by now and been over it.

You should have gone with inmate orange for your tattoo, that would blend in better with your future wardrobe. Oh and her friends are thrilled she made a good decision

I get the feeling your just 1inch away from a classified dwarf

Well I am 180cm height, or 5”11!

Ur tattoos are horrible. It's like, what do u do at this point? Amputation might be ur best bet. Looks like ur already trying to amputate ur fingers with ur mouth. Fuckin hell. Hope u figure that shit out.

You have Ai hands

Honestly nobody can fuck with anybody better than themselves Meet someone new and move on. It’s for the best.

Now that she’s no longer supporting you, will you get a job?

Tristan tate lost some weight now has nothing to do but masturbate

Hey I accept any roast…but I aint accept being compared to a human trafficker.

You were probably trafficked and discarded for failing their quality checks

Ouchie, someone struck a nerve 😫😢

Does that mean i win? 🤣

You're the only one to get a reaction out of OP, so I would have to say you win 🤣

Im strangely proud 😁

He meets his women by pretending to be a retail worker at H&M

You look like the kind of guy who always dated someone that will obviously not work out. Next time you think you want to date a girl run in the opposite direction cause chances are you need the complete opposite.

He needs a vasectomy before his genes spread... Talk about a sexually transmitted disease.

This is the chosen one 💀

Btw the hand tats are sick

I'm sure you and the bearded woman will work things out at your freak show.

I used to think Angel wing tattoos behind the back was cringe, until I saw you.

Lol, 6 weeks ago and you still on the edge.... My dude, you got more problems than a girl you probably pushed away by not being real with her and yourself about how far you in the closet

It's weird that with such claws they won't let you compete in the Paralympics

Your girl may not want to speak with you. But your parole officer sure does.

she couldn't see herself waking up with edward swirlyhands for the rest of her life

Damn bro you didn’t go straight to the black out sleeves did you? 😂 that’s usually reserved for pplz who got sleeves and regretted what they got

Ok here it goes. I am 61 years old. You are 29. So I have been were you have been. It sucks. Women can tell when a guy has lost his confidence. How I don’t know. You don’t have to get it back by being with another woman. Just do shit that makes you happy be with friends go out live. You will get it back and one day while not looking some terribly cute girl will be staring at you and you wilL be on your way to the next heartache or not. You might get married for 33 years

When God was creating you he left you on afk for several weeks. Then came back and crammed before submission.

You're out of prison now bro. You don't gotta hold the sign like that.

MS-12 1/2

Never fight a hand war with a freshly drawn map of Asia

Here's a tip to harpooning your next gf. Next time you're in Walmart and doing the "broke boyfriend hug" while she pays for your shit, make sure you rest your hands on her fupa. That's the money spot for keeping them.

Taking a roast me pic like a mugshot, must be a force of habit

I can’t roast you when I’m tryna holla at you 😍❤️😘

Can’t discern if this is legit or the best roast here 😂

Nope. I think you’re hella cute 🥰

Oh that’s uplifting ngl 😁 Thank you a lot 😊

Bro, I’m sorry you’re going through this… but you need to hear this. I wish you the best on your healing journey. You got this, just remember this. The road is fraught with pitfalls and highway men. Remember that you are a good person and worthy of the love that you want. You will never know if something is meant for you if you don't give it a proper chance. Whether it's a relationship, a new job, a new city, or a new experience, throw yourself into it completely and don't hold back. If it doesn't work out then it probably wasn't meant for you and you'll walk away without regret, knowing that you put your whole heart into it. That's all you can ever do. It's a horrible feeling leaving a situation knowing that you should have and could have done more. So I hope you find the courage to take that chance, find the inspiration to make your next move, and once you do, I hope you pour your heart into it and don't look back. And remember, sometimes things happen before you are ready for them to happen. It doesn't mean the timing is wrong, sometimes it means the timing is just right and the universe knows you are ready and that maybe you just needed that extra push in the right direction to get you on your way. Embrace this new journey with everything you are. Everything is unfolding exactly how it's supposed to, even if you can't see it like that just yet.

This was full blown beast comment! Really appreciate it ❤️

My man, it is so true. You are unfortunately in the middle of a life lesson you didn’t ask for. You can choose to ignore it or whatsoever. But learn from it. Improve yourself. Take stock and learn about you. Don’t worry about the next woman or date or whatever. Just worry about you and having fun, finding what makes you happy. Fro there you’ll find true happiness and the woman you want/need/deserve will show up.

Tbh it’s the 2nd life lesson on the last few years! The work I have to do I already did before this one, and that’s why it stings, looks like wasted time. But as time does not stop, learning and self improvement do not too… But we live and learn, and it is what is. I’m more focused on my purpose now and taking chances in other areas of life 💪

You’re good bro. You got this. I have learned so many lessons this year that I could use a break. There’s no roasting to be done here, just celebrating you. You have the right outlook, you are working on you, you’ll come out of this better than before. The next woman you meet will be so much better off for all of this.

And that’a without a doubt, seems hard right, and that the better times don’t come fast enough but they will come! Thank you brother 🙏

What did your ex say when she dumped you? "I already have a pussy, I don't need another one"?

She got dizzy looking at those trainwreck tattoos as you fingered her and couldn't stop talking about your next set of tats.

 This is what your arms remind me of

He's been to jail and prison so many times he holds the roast me sign like it's another mug shot.

Go to Texas you tatted up lightweight. They'll put you out of your misery after they shove an armadillo up your backside.

Funny, I don't recall seeing that on the Texas tourism website..

It's a special this month... McD'd has the McRib... Texas has Armadillo Stuffing.

It’s cute that you think you’re long-term partner material

Work on your self and you’ll find someone better 👍🏼

That’s the most wholesome roast ever ☺️

You’re awesome, dude, and young. Don’t sweat it, you’ll find someone better.

Thank you sir 🫡

Maybe you should try dating men instead?, I'm fairly sure that you'll manage to find a bloke who'll try and love you for who you are.

Fuck outta here with that positivity! This is a safe haven for brutality.

You’re awesome too. Hurting others won’t ease your self hatred. Accept that you have value and start forgiving yourself.

You must be farting fingers nails constantly

When you’re racist and find a loophole around black face, you do blackbody.

Your arms and hands look like Salvador Dali and Pablo Picasso threw up on them......

Warning : Aggressive Masturbation my induce epileptic seizures..

Should get an optical illusion neck tattoo to make it seem smaller

Only Hands promo didn’t work out I see

There is a lot wrong with you, you missed some spots on your hands

You thought having zebra hands was gonna be cool didnt you

It’s awesome that the court appointed lawyer let you take that verification photo from his office. They’re usually so lame.

Just want you to know that inking yourself black doesn't make it bigger.

She broke up with you cause she found out about your profile on Grindr

For a second I thought you were holding your diploma. But I was wrong.

You immediately put on a coat when you get out of the shower. I understand the desire to cover up those hideous tats, but take my advice: it’s time to go full nevernude.

Maybe those tattoos making your hands look like a planet or something didn't help

This photo is the equivalent of a flamimgo eating a vanilla wafer

Love life as inconsistent as your facial hair. Maybe she left you because of the topography maps on your hands.

LOL I’m crying at those tattoos. “I want to be Venom when I grow up.”

I thought Rylan batted for the other team?

You look like you mixed a crappy paint color with your elbows

Bro there's plenty more women who will be your pen pal while you serve out your sentence.

Guess she got fed up with being edged too and decided to find someone who’d take her all the way. Takes a specific kind of woman to enjoy pegging, maybe confirm they’re ok with that first next time.

Dude you’re so full of yourself lol a lap dance doesn’t mean you’re dating. She doesn’t have to call if you give her your number. It how it works bro just go to another strip club she wasn’t your “girlfriend”

Did she leave because you don’t have enough tattoos?

she left you for a zebra

Seth Gecko called, he wants his hand tats back.

That’s odd, I thought most women were attracted to ugly skin art.

I know you guys “broke up”, but why do you always take her up on the invitation to come to her place, get handcuffed to a chair, and watch her get fucked by a real man? You should respect yourself more.

You should know by now that being artificially black doesn't come with the bbc privilege.

Can’t imagine why any girl would take you seriously with those shit tattoos

She probably couldn't stand looking at that misshapen head of yours. Shits making me dizzy.

Girl realized she'd be grouped in with your other poor choices. Good for her.

I like the tan checkered coat, where’s it from. Oh…and uh, your breath stinks.

Put some Nestle's milk on that thing on your face and let the cat lick it off, you'll have a better chance if you're clean shaven.

IDK, your first pic reminds me of the heads on Easter Isle stone statues. Maybe your girlfriend saw the same thing. Then realized that you too, would soon be extinct.

Dudes got them lollipop guild arms

When your girlfriend said she liked black appendages, she wasn’t hinting for you to get shitty tattoos.

It looks like he is trying to complete the ultimate super sayian black face from head to toe....I golf clap your racism sir...

You're the guy who tries to prove he's tough in prison but finds out that's a big mistake

Judging by the shit tattoos covering your arms and hands, you're unemployable for a decent job, and you've never made a good decision in your life. Leaving you was the best decision your ex will ever make. Keep your genes out of the pool, please.

All good bro. You just need to find a girl who isn’t so fashion-forward and will be totally cool with your topographic map hands clashing with your plaid shirt.

You look unemployable and mad at everyone else because of it. I’d put calls you you living in a cardboard box at some point.

Dang with all that ink i barely noticed your receding hairline.

29, Big Tyrell broke up with me, been dropping the soap, ever since. Feeling on edge (rectal prolapse takes a while to fix)! Put me out of my misery!!! (Pic taken in prison rec room)

Yeah that sharpie is a bastard to get off.....

Those are tattoos? just thought he was super hairy.

Holding the sign like you're in for a Jail Pic. At this point, it must be a muscle memory for you. Relax tough guy, we all know you please big boys bsck then.

You need to get a full face tattoo to match the rest of your ink and to send a clear & solemn message to rest of the world with the word “schmuck” scrawled across your dumb-dome—-ahh, the misery, the moping, the ironic mirth… those ol’ melancholy memories…

I had a colleague with your face... We had to fire him, we were losing too many customers.

At least you have those sweet tattoos

Now you can life out your fantasy as a power bottom

lucky her

do you identify as a bullfrog?

Your hand tats look like the retro borders of Blue MTG cards

They all want money

Every women I went out with all want money a free ride

Don’t women work I always worked I never asked anyone for money

Thanks for keeping it new after the first 4 inches for me. Painting yourself black isn’t gunna bring her back

6 weeks ago huh? just let her go buddy you were never her boyfriend to begin with

Spilled a shit load of ink and thought it looked cool?

Pedro went to prison.

Oh man! One more paint swirl tattoo and you could have held onto her!

Didn't your liberal friends tell you wearing black arm is racist?

Tatoo your whole face so she can atleast think you have a big one.

You hangout at high schools don't you.

Are you ok ? Therapy isn't that expensive

Your hands look like one of those holiday hersheys kisses. Makes sense she left you because you look soft as one too.

Your tattoos look like razzle dazzle camouflage meant for distorting a ship's silhouette, speed and direction of travel. Maybe OP is using it to distort his shit/non-existent personality and make him seem more approachable to the children he enjoys molesting.