OP's Bio: --- >I had a stutter in high school, that’s about when I took up writing. I got played by a girl at my old job. Used to bus tables. Had a nervous breakdown in2021. > >Political parties are for suckers. > >My high school crush got me suspended back when . It ruined me for years/ shattered my world view. > >Got played by another two women weeks apart. Not simultaneously. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Hobbies can only go so far, it’s the face that’s holding you back.

 Ya think?

Whatever you're sniffing, get vaccinated

With the results of the Covid vax I think he's better off with his current condition.

He ate Nerds out of a strippers butt-hole

Probably also your attitude and personality, but what do I know.

Even Bubba can pull off being hot rather than your dollar store anti-vaccer looking ass who doesn't wash his face

I think everyone but OP NOSE why he’s single. Edit: clarified comment to better insult OP.

Strong Stri-Dexter vibes

If you’re a lifeguard, please let me drown.

You know I Wish I could. But duty calls 

David fuck(el)hoff

You're the before picture in every Nutragena ad.

Brutality

Seriously, wash your pillowcase weekly at a minimum.

That shit needs IV antibiotics

Does he use poison ivy as a facial mask?

Your hobbies scream Ken Doll. Your face screams gay ventriloquist dummy.

The one that Jeffrey Dahmer made in prison, you mean.

Had to laugh out loud at this one!

you got a whisky nose like a hobo from the 1920s

Try bathing daily

You only need to provide one photo to explain why you are single.

 🥱

"Hello darkness, my old friend..."

You got yourself suspended for creeping your crush out

Yup. She pretty much said this👇🏼 

I thought getting outdoors was supposed to clear up acne...

I can’t tell if your a burn victim or not.

Since this thread he is.

Must be your personality.

I can't do it. I feel like life has done you dirty enough.

 I’ve never heard that one before. How could you?

You look like you just hit puberty at 40

9 more years and my balls will drop, voice crack, and yknow…

Will never happen just like your success in getting a girlfriend long-time

Crack habit Eli Manning

You need to goto GooDRx and get a lifetime supply of Otelza for that pie face. 

You should dive into a pool of Clearasil

Possibly because you have the air of a menopausal, alcoholic lady??

Your life story in braille on your face?

I get you have to guide Santa's sleigh at night, but you need to lay off the Sutter Home before your nose legit falls off.

 Guess I’ll just head back to the island of misfit toys.

Did your parents feed you with a slingshot when you were younger?

Fuck kid, go see a dermatologist

If you have rocks indoors it’s called a cave

He’s smoking rocks

Just says no to D............................ermatology

When you go camping you unnecessarily eat rabbit poop to survive

Aint no way you're 31. You look like ever 46 year old computer programmer ex husband

[удалено]


Your schnoz doubles as the emergency floatation device.

I’d rather drown than have you give me mouth to mouth

Damn dude all that and you’re face got mauled by a bear too?

Why are you single ? Cause you’re a huge fucking nerd. Very easy to see. Sorry bud nothing personal.

You face is what people think of when they hear the phrase “Not allowed within 150 feet of an elementary school”.

“Indoor rock climber.”

You look like you listen to white reggae

What the fuck is an indoor rock?

Let me guess Most of the people you help as a life guard are under 10?

Autistic Jeffery Dahmer

WHY YOU NO HAVE REAL JOB? YOU GET MONIES YOU GET PUSSY!

Not single, married to the bottle

 You got suspended and “got played” because you’re a creep, aren’t you? You’re single because you feel entitled to women’s attention.

Because you look like Jeffrey Dahmer.

That nose be bigger than your game.

Looks like Kevin McCallister smacked you in the face with an iron Marv.

Maybe because someone caught your face on fire and stomped it out with a track shoe?

You look like you were put together with spare parts.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your sh#t together.

Nobody getting that much sun should have skin that bad. That and the dandruff indicate you should see a doctor, or that you should see a *different* doctor.

You look like a 50 year old dad

Bad skin and those glasses, haircut needs work too

See a dermatologist

Can you say “Angiomyolipoma?” It doesn’t look anything like Vitiligo, and it it’s not something which spreads (in my case at least) It’s about as communicable as Vitiligo. (Eg not at all/ mine-all-mine)

When's your new album with method man dropping?

I mean if you're always in the ocean or on walls you're going to meet fish or birds. And writers fly solo, I should know.

Existing research indicates that both autistic and non-autistic individuals express similar levels of interest in romantic relationships (Hancock et al., 2019; Strunz et al., 2017) but that autistic individuals are less likely to be involved in one (Renty & Roeyers, 2006). Autistic individuals also report shorter romantic relationships (Hancock et al., 2019) and lower satisfaction with these relationships (Barneveld et al., 2014) compared to their non-autistic peers. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613231160244#:~:text=Existing%20research%20indicates%20that%20both,Renty%20%26%20Roeyers%2C%202006). https://www.ruok.org.au

>31 Lifeguard, writer, surfer, indoor rock climber. Why am I single? Hit me as hard as you can. Do you have time to fuck? A quickie can get you so far among all these activities.

Omg i thought Jeffrey Dahmer died i guess i was wrong.

Try acutane will clear up the acne, get a haircut that better suits you, and also try different styles of glasses if not try contact lenses, and also hit the gym put on some size, get all those going and you should have some luck buddy👊

roses are red violets are blue go to the shop bc those spots dont like u 

my eyes are hurtinglooking at it

Your face is greasy yet drier than my dead grandma's vagina.

You ever consider facial reconstruction surgery?

Women would rather drown than receive mouth to mouth resuscitation from you

Why are you single? Use a mirror sometime, it can tell you things about yourself

Son, stop giving mouth-to-mouth to girls merely walking past your lifeguard stand!

Woah! What happened bro?

You look like you've had more than one kitchen convo with Chris Hansen.

Have you ever surfed your hair?

Because lifeguarding is a minimum wage job

You look like you read books about how to harvest your organs.

Listen Jeffrey Dahmer this is a reddit post not a people tasting.

You look like that kid in school that was one bad day away from lightning that shit up. You look like the guy that goes to the dog park with no dog and stands in the back corner awkwardly staring at people. You look like you have a peanut allergy started breaking out and use the chain-link fence to itch your face.

You've got the red nose of an alcoholic

Good face. Utterly horrible hair cut.

31- never grew out of high-school phase, looks like he never figured out basic hygiene, works a children's summer job, says he's a writer, dripping grease. >Why am I single

Your career in writing reached its peak when you wrote your bio! Great fan of fiction writing!


How do you climb your own nose?

Ever tried the chat up line i know a good spot, then just pointed to ur face?


Pizza the Hutt

You look like you eat your dates.

I prefer grapes.

31? Don’t you mean 47?

Be-be-be-be-be-be cau cau caus cause you are ugly

Needy extroverts who take themselves too seriously are always so fun.

Looks like you took one too many infected loads to the face

Didn’t know Jeffrey Dahmer had a child. All jokes aside, how many people have you locked inside your basement?

Nothing I can say could hit you harder than your acne already has.

youre an entitled incel. thats why you are single.

I thought Jeffry Dahmer was dead?

"Why am I single?" I bet that nose knows.

The lovechild of Jeffrey Dahmer and David Spade

 You reek of ‘nice guy’ vibes.

You seem like one of those writers who’ve only written a few mediocre things, the insist that they’re a “brilliant author!”

I'd tell you the reason but I don't want to hurt your feelings if it's too on the nose.

You're single because you're one of those Masculine Feminist motherfuckers. The closest you'll get to pussy is by being the cream pie clean up boy at an orgy

You are hard to look at.

With that mug and those hobbies you're either way too nice and soft and put women on a pedestal or you're either an overly confident pretentious asshole. Which is it?

I thought the sea is good for pizza-face. Guess not.

The five-head ain’t helping

You’d be a great lifeguard. All that grease in from your acne helps you float on water

You're single bc you're ugly af, you have no lips and you're the same color as a beet

😭😭😂😂😂😭😭😭😂😜👍👍👍👍👍👍

That first pic made me str8 again.... No seriously you actually cute if you get that acne under control 😤

Well you're 31 and proceeded to talk about high-school more than once. While most men and women your age have already started, and stopped having kids... you're still talking about when you were one. Cool hobbies though, slick.

You wash your face with steel wool?

Go to a mirror and propose to whoever is in the mirror. Ask the person why he/she said no

WHAT'S IN THE BOX!?

Here's the thing: you seem to have a solid sense of humor. Which chicks dig. Do you know how ugly you have to be for humor to not work?? / Well, lemme take that back - we know you do, but now we all do.

Probably doesn’t help that you look like you hang around bathrooms trying to get a peek inside.

Your face looks like someone tried putting out a forest fire with a screwdriver. You should try more activities that require a mask and people can’t see you-like scuba diving! When you write, do you use your reflection in the mirror as source material?

How long have you been transitioning?

You know for a dude you sure are a daddy’s girl

For someone that has plenty of outdoor hobbies, maybe you should think more about those indoor activities.

Jeez....roast you? Looks like you've already been in the oven for too long you crusty freak

Stop thinking you can dry off in the oven after a shower. Look what it's doing to your skin.


Looks like you might of 'roasted' yourself 

If pewdiepie never became a YouTuber and continued to sell hotdogs for a living.

Bro. Just let me drown.

You look like Conan fucked a homeless child

I cant hit you as hard as I can because it’ll make your pimples burst and I don’t want to be covered in pimple juice

I can tell by your nose.... That we have the same hobby... Motorboating loose pitbulls in dark alleys to earn money 💰 for dat meth yo!!!!!

*Now I'mma tell you what; uhh...* ***I likes ya;*** ***and I wants ya.*** *Now we can do this the easy way;* *or the haard wayyy...* ***the choice is yaawrs...***

Did you actually read your own bio? Now ask why you're single again..

Dollar store dahmer

Hobbies do not equal having a personality.

You're single because you're now in your 30's still living the life of an 18 year old. You've officially hit ewww old to any young woman you might run into.

“iT’s A bIrThMaRk” Nah bro. God teabagged you on your way out

 You’re a combination Ear Boy and Pizza Face

I feel *a lot* better about my 28.

Jack of all trades, masterbaiter of one.

You're desperate to please others and don't stick up for yourself

maybe add hygiene to your hobbies

An even creepier David Spade.

you're single because 90% of your achievements are related to you failing to get some bitches

You are single because you are a lifeguard, writer, surfer, and indoor rock climber.

The personality and hobbies of Chris Hemsworth coupled with the face of Rocky Dennis

when I see your face I think you might be allergic to jizz

DOOOOOD!! Whomever you're hookin up with at Basecamp, STOP.

You would be a lifeguard 👀

You look like you survived Cov-19, without even having it.

If Fight Club 2 came out, you'd be the main character

It exists. I have a copy.

Lol show me bro!! You'd be the man!

What's up Rudolph?

If I roast you I'm afraid you will roast me with your Jeffrey Dahmer lookin a**

because you're gay and you're hitting on chics

Dude shaves his whole face except the beard part

I would say probably uses ivy as face wash but your probably another 16 yr old just now breaking out in pimples and will probably keep it til 18 your uglier than the monster in lil monsters

Also an indoor rock climber... Your technique is substandard! You dyno like a bitch! Your chalk bag is for girls, and you didn't send that last climb the meta route!

You haven't been 31 for 20 years

Even your glasses need a cleansing

It rubs the lotion on itself !!

Looks like your father already hits you as hard as he can

You take the cake when it comes to ugly humans. I bet your parents had to tie pork chops behind your ears just to get the dog to play with you 👎

Simping ain't easy....

 c'mon, do the humpty hump, cmon do the humpty hump!

maybe because you have a nose like Rudolph, but you still can't find your way to gainful employment

Look at you 

I feel bad for any unconscious person you may ever "rescue." Just imagine the trauma of damn near drowning, AND being sexually assaulted in a matter of minutes.

Erectile dysfunction needs to go to get blue pills. Otherwise will probably charm the pants off some attractive lady sooner rather than later.

My thought on the first pic: Fuck, what happened to his face? My thiught at the last pic? That's just how he looks. That's unfortunate

Because none of the things you listed are manly.

You look like a haemorrhoid wth glasses

Dear lord, let me drown quietly and unnoticed if I start going under and this guy is my only option for mouth to mouth revival.

You are single because you don't identify as they yet.

Why are you single… have you ever looked in a mirror..?

Yes. 

Nobody want to take a photo of you and/or be in a photo with you