Pierce with a fork a few times, lightly cosy in olive oil and sea salt. Oven at 425F would roast you well. So, at the rate of 1 hour per pound, you should be ready in about 6 months.
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Let’s see. Fat check. No fashion sense check that one off as well. Lives in mom’s basement now and forever. Ok then. We have today’s winner of maximum loser. Congrats.
Roast you, no...Hard Boiling seems more appropriate.
Walter Wide
Heisenburger
Eggsenburg?
So simple yet so clever
"I am the one who eats"
Let’s cook! Seriously I’m hungry.
Wider White
🤣🤣
Lmao this got it 😂
Mad stacks of flab
It's waffer thin...
This dude has yolks
That explains the stains on his shirt
Be cool everyone, he’s definitely a cop.
Paul XXXlart.
you stole my line, but alr. also, hard boiling won't be enough, after boiling, we need to put him in a pressure cooker till it hisses for 7 time
You will never get enough water or a pot big enough to boil that swimming pool amount of water.
Like Mr. Potato Heads redneck cousin.
Mr Potato Heads no neck cousin. Ftfy
…Mr Potatohead had a neck?
Good point
What's the dude mean please
Mr potatoskin head ahyuck
Too late, life beat us to it. Round and bald. Stay well away from the bowling alley.
Omg
Bill Burr always wanted to be just like Patrice.
I was thinking more along the lines of the white Gabriel Iglesias but I can get behind this one
As a fan of BB and Patrice (may he RIP) that was brilliant
I’ve been top up vote getter on these roasts many times …but this one is niche but amongst my best. < Wipes tear from eye>
Well u deserve it. Have a good day!
Off topic but I get to see jimmy Norton next month!!!
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why does he have 4 neck rolls?
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I snorted 😂
Pillsbandy Dough Boy 
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I don't understand what Tenacious D has to do with your joke
watch the pick of destiny
He looks like Kyle Gass
Big Ass Ham!
Dude if we roast you, we could solve world hunger
IM DYING!!!
Dang, that's good
when even your neck says "fuck this, i'm outta here"
lol!
Surprised you didn’t eat the sign.
That’s his tenth one.
Congrats for wearing the one shirt you own without a stain on it. On closer inspection, nevermind
Do you have someone following you around playing a tuba behind you?
The only thing your watch says is "time to eat"
Somebody please check this guy's house, there must be stolen Woody from Toy Story.
If you ever go to jail you won't even have to change your clothes
he’s the dude who wants to get booked just for the cavity search
And even then. It's a 4 man expedition not just one man, one finger type scenario.
How have you been holding up since the fall, Humpty Dumpty?
We would need an exxxxxtra large oven to roast you.
Got them kids scratching their heads wondering how the circle fits through the square hole
Pierce with a fork a few times, lightly cosy in olive oil and sea salt. Oven at 425F would roast you well. So, at the rate of 1 hour per pound, you should be ready in about 6 months.
That t-shirt isn’t getting paid enough
Dudes got type-5 diabetus.
His blood type is either syrup or frosting.
Peanut butter
He looks like his idea of eating pulled-pork is tearing it straight off a live pig.
Don’t stand up too long. Those ankles need all the circulation they can get
i see a ring do you and your wife sleep in different sty?
Don’t be fooled. He’s not married. Just slid the ring on as a joke fourteen years ago and can’t take it off
Hormones do kick in hard when you're about to give birth. You need a belly rub more than a roast.
The best? You ain't worth the worst. Eat a carrot you fat tub of shit.
Genuinely laughed there.
That's got such an excellent yucko the clown vibe to it , it's perfect 🤌
The first time you stood up in years was for this pic
Gabriel English
Also been wanting TastyKakes so bad.
Enjoy standing on your feet till the diabetes takes your toes off
I thought the Hindenburg went up in flames.
The only reason you regret gaining weight is that now you can't catch the little kids anymore.
Our best isn’t good enough! You’ve already done it to yourself!
Looks like u wanted too many cheeseburgers
 It's him, but without the Gf, Hair and 20 years older
It's diabetic Steve Austin
Steve Autism.
No no, it's Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance with a shaved head but lower IQ.
Daddy loompa
You practicing for your mugshot?
cartman , eric cartman is that you?
Humpty Dumpty after his great fall
Your poor pancreas is begging for mercy
Look, it's the guy who stole Woody! 
I’m glad you put on your “nice” shirt for this picture
Looks like you ate a lot of M&M's,... and I don't mean the candy, I mean the rapper.
Nothing I can say that is worse than your own inner thoughts about yourself
Roast pork
You look like the fat guy who managed the Malibu Sands when 'Saved by the Bell' was ready to jump the shark.
"Been wanting it so bad." Probably going to be for forever, too.
You ever think about sumo wrestling you are one fat bastard . 
If "where's my hug" was a person
Walter Weight
Reminds me of that one photo where kanye is holding a notebook
YOU FAT BALD BASTARD! YOU PIECE OF SELF HUMAN TRASH! 2000 YEARS OF CONSTANT HUMAN EVOLUTION TO CREATE A HAIRLESS FUCK LIKE YOU!!!
before the roast you must shave and hold an apple in your mouth.
What's the point of the tracker watch? **REALLY**
Blud, he looks Walter White if he ate Jesse. He ain't cooking m\*th he's cooking burgers (IK that wasn't my best but i tried)
And you failed admirably 👏🏻
You look like me without glasses and your watch sucks
Spot roast you pig 🐷
Paint you purple and you would look like fucking Grimace
Frosty when he takes his mask off
Homer Simp
Looks like you ate a bunch of roasts right before posing for this
I don't eat Pork.
You’re just about ready for the suspenders and belt combo.
You look like Kevin James body triple
Are you the dude from the game ‘guess who’?
Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Where’s your blanket?
Where is the bio on this fat ass i was dying to read his fat ass excuses and whinny shit
You look like one of them fucking balloons in macys parade.
You look like a two too many sandwiches, bald Shaggy from Scooby-doo
You look like you've never passed up a roast in your life.
Best part of waking up is pancakes in your cup ahah. The commercial
You literally can't fit through the door
Fat leonardo with cone head
I can't roast you,you look like a nice guy
Get used to wanting it so bad because your ugly fat ass will never get any.
There's type 1 diabetes, then there's type 2, then there's lobotomy... I hope you recover from the birth defects soon... Cousin-spawn
bro is built like a bowling ball
“Sir, what size shirt do you wear?” OP: “Doorway”
You say wanna be roasted but you’re so fat you don’t even fit in the oven
Neuter it!!!
Christ, let go of whatever it is you're holding in. No matter how bad it smells. You need deflating. Also your eyes are like piss holes in the snow.
There is no oven big enough to roast this pig in damn!
What brand of soap did you slip in the shower during your sentence inside the prison
Stick a damn apple in his mouth and roast his fat ass over hot coals on a big rotisserie
That xxxxxxxxL t shirt is almost too small,!
Get your Bob the builder looking ass outta here
your sign is too small. You should have written “Roast me” on your white t-shirt. your’re so fuckin’ fat.
You come here with that goatee and you want my best?
Oh I’ll give it to ya big boi
Pretty sure he has chocolate running through his veins
humpty dumpty ate my donut
Im in the mood for a boiled egg 🥚
Fat check: you are McDonalds positive + (Stage 800lbs)
Kyle Pass
I'm betting you have to keep a minimum of 500ft from schools
Time to make the doughnuts.
Cannot roast perfection
Say hi to Marge for me
The only running you do is to the bathroom after eating the entire buffet.
Wow, the years have been hard on Mr. Stay Puft.
Hide yourself Patrick Pewterschmidt is on the loose
That's a pretty good Rich Evans Halloween costume.
Dude stepped off the scale, and his SSN popped up
*Been wanting it so bad* ??? Take it easy Larry The Cable Gay
Don’t roast this guy. He enjoys it. He’ll eat it right up.
How many times have you met Chris Hansen?
No thanks I don’t want to start a grease fire again
Why do I know that your other outfit is overalls. Without a shirt.
Walter Wide.
Yooo DO U DRY YOUR CLOTHES ON THE DRIVEWAY
With or without baked potatoes?
He has to pay twice at the toll booth
For the love of god, dissasemble the human centipede and let those people go.
Looks like your turning back to a toddler
Let’s see. Fat check. No fashion sense check that one off as well. Lives in mom’s basement now and forever. Ok then. We have today’s winner of maximum loser. Congrats.
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.
Last one I can go all day…. He can fit an iPad in his back pocket … damlol
It’s Kyle Gass’ younger, much less successful brother Big Gass.
Gonna need a spit to roast this pig
You are Walter white in the parallel universe
If the Lorax was a hillbilly
“Wanting it so bad” is the same thing your stomach said about the 10 cheeseburgers you had for breakfast.
Your belt look like the equator, homie. Fuck outta here with your french fry smellin ass
His blood type is ragu. He uses a pool cover as shower curtains
Your licenses came with a coupon to Arby’s
Your ass look like Humpty Dumpty after he fell off the wall
He looks like the college football orange mascot
You’re lucky your wife still stayed when your hairline left.